June 1, 2025 • 37 mins
Let me know your thoughts on the show and what topic you would like me to discuss next.
Feeling stretched too thin? Overwhelmed by endless commitments? You're not alone. In this transformative episode, Robert J Hunt (known as "the accountability guy") reveals how creating "margin" in your life can be the difference between constant burnout and sustainable excellence.
Robert shares his powerful personal journey of facing $90,000 in consumer debt and making the radical decision to sell his home and start over. This vulnerability becomes the foundation for a complete life reset that doubled his business while restoring his marriage, faith, and sense of purpose. The catalyst? Accepting that "nobody cares until you do" – taking full ownership of his circumstances rather than blaming, making excuses, or waiting for rescue.
We explore the accountability mountain that we all must climb, with Robert offering practical wisdom on how to move from victim thinking to proactive ownership in every area of life. You'll discover why excellence isn't about perfectionism but about doing your best within sustainable boundaries, and why creating margin in your time, money, health, and emotions prevents the breakdowns that derail your goals.
Business owners and employees alike will benefit from Robert's insights on the five traits of excellent leaders: continuous learning, decision-making, ownership, team development, and results-driven accountability. Most importantly, you'll learn how to recognize when you're operating without margin and practical steps to reclaim the breathing room necessary for both achievement and fulfillment.
Ready to stop living on the edge of burnout? Visit margindfw.com for a free assessment and tools to help you create the space you need to truly thrive in every aspect of life.
Key moments in this episode:
03:32 Robert's Journey to Accountability
06:22 The Power of Vulnerability
17:31 The Mountain of Accountability
22:00 The Importance of Core Values
25:55 Traits of Successful CEOs
30:22 The Best Advice Ever Received
33:34 Creating Margin in Life
How to reach Robert:
Website: https://refdallas.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RobertJHuntTexas
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/robertjhunt2010/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robertjhunt/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@REFDallas_FtWorth
Book: Nobody Cares...until you do
Thanks for listening to the Revolutionary Man Podcast. For more information about our programs, please use the links below to learn more about us. It could be the step that changes your life.
Want to be a guest on The Revolutionary Man Podcast? Send Alain Dumonceaux a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/revolutionarymanpodcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Imagine living in a life so overloaded with
commitments and expectationsthat you can't even recognize
the person looking in the mirroranymore.
You're juggling work, family,health and finances, and you're
striving for excellence in everyarea, yet something feels off.
What if the problem isn't thatyou're not doing enough, but
(00:20):
instead you're doing too much?
You're not giving yourself anyroom to breathe.
Notice that concept I've calledmargin.
It's a space to recharge andreflect our lives so we can
truly thrive, and it's missingin today's life.
In today's episode, we're gonnaexplore the power of creating
margin in our lives, redefiningour excellence and learning how
(00:40):
to balance achievement with joy,rest and purpose.
Together, we're going touncover the secrets to become
the best version of ourselves,while living with intention and
fulfillment.
So if this is a topic thatresonates with you, why don't
you take a moment now and hitlike, subscribe and even leave a
comment?
When you do this and get anopportunity to share it with
other people, it helps peoplefind this episode and the many
(01:03):
more that we do here at theRevolutionary man.
So thank you so much for doingthat.
Now let's get on with today'sepisode.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
The average man today is sleepwalking through life,
many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Never crossing the finish lineto living a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
(01:35):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Stay strong, my brother, I'm the founder of the
Awakened man movement and yourhost, alan DeMonso.
Have you ever considered thatstriving for excellence in one
area of your life might becreating a negative ripple
effect in another?
What would happen if youfocused?
How often do you pause toassess whether your drive for
(02:01):
success is bringing you joy,rest and connection or simply
pushing you further intooverwhelm?
Excellence isn't aboutsacrificing your well-being or
relationships for success.
It's about finding that balancethat allows us to thrive in
every area of our lives, and byadding margin, you can
rediscover joy, rest, purposeand while still achieving our
(02:24):
goals.
Today, we're going to uncoversome practical strategies and
help you align your values andlive with intention.
To do that, I'm going tointroduce my guest.
Robert J Hunt is theaccountability guy and he's a
co-author of the book NobodyCares Until you Do.
He's a business owner in theDallas-Fort Worth, texas area
and he helps leaders remove thethings that keep them from being
(02:45):
their best.
Robert also is an executivecoach who runs CEO groups for
FDW since 2013, and he bringsthat experience and wisdom to
help people reach their goals.
Robert's also been married for25 years to his beautiful wife,
kathy, and has two adultchildren also living in Texas.
It's nice to see the familiesclose together.
Kathy and has two adultchildren also living in Texas.
(03:06):
It's nice to see the familiesclose together.
He's passionate about faith,purpose, family and his quest to
help people be their best.
Welcome to the show, robert.
How are things, my friend?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Man, things are great .
That's a great introduction,thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I'm so grateful to have you on today's show, robert
.
This is a topic that we haven'treally dived into this idea of
yours of creating margin.
But before we get into that, asyou know, here at the
Revolutionary man podcast wetalk about everyone being on
their hero's journey or theirhero's quest.
So I want you to tell us aboutthat time in your life when you
knew things had to change.
What did you do?
Speaker 3 (03:41):
about that and how that experience shaped you into
the man you are today and thework you're doing.
Yeah, that really came aboutand we write about it in our
book because we wanted toexplain the principles of
accountability by telling ourown story.
In 2019, we found ourselves$90,000 in debt.
That did not include the houseor the cars, and it was choking
us.
And year after year, we keptthinking, well, maybe next year
it'll get better and maybe nextyear the business will take off.
(04:02):
And I'd been owning my ownbusiness since 2012 and doing
executive coaching and runningpeer groups for business owners
here in DFW and it grew and grew, baby steps.
But I lived like I was makingthe money I did when I was an
employee, with a big fatpaycheck and no overhead.
And things change when you ownyour own business.
And so, bit by bit, we got moreand more into debt.
(04:23):
So in 2019, we just we gottogether.
My beautiful wife and I justsaid I'm not living the life I
want and she didn't either.
And we really came down to theissue was us, and although we
wanted to make excuses or blameor say there was nothing we
could do about it, we realizedthat we were the issue, and if
we wanted to change it, we hadto own it and do something about
it.
So we decided to sell our houseand start over.
(04:45):
So we did.
We sold our home and we finallyclosed in March of 2020.
And we moved into this housethat we rent today, five years
ago, and we took all that moneyfrom selling the house and we
paid off all of our debt and westarted over, and the peace that
I had was unbelievable.
I had, bit by bit, gotten intoso much debt and so many
(05:07):
problems that I spent every dayworried and stressful about how
will I survive, how will I makepayments, what happens if I lose
a client?
And I'd gotten used to livinglike that way for so many years.
I didn't know any different,but it was only by changing it
and removing that I felt thecontrast and I really recognized
I had lived as a victim for somany years.
But when I truly owned it, Ifound myself powerful and
(05:30):
focused and creative again andhopeful, and so I use that to be
a catalyst for change in mymarriage, in my faith, in my
friendships, in my business, andeverything was up for grabs and
everything could be changed.
It took effort and work to getall those things to where I want
them, and I'm still working,always to get better and better,
(05:50):
but I own it.
And so that year 2020, mybusiness doubled and then it
doubled again in 21.
And I think it's because I wasbeing obedient to God by not
blaming God for my circumstancesand being angry at him for the
bad choices I made that hewouldn't fix for me.
And then, when I took all thatattitude away, I think God said
(06:10):
okay, good, now I think you'reready to grow, and so we did.
And I think obedience hasblessings attached to it, and so
we did.
And so we're looking at thiswhole process of accountability.
It's what I do for a living.
I run these groups wherebusiness owners come together,
talk about their challenges andbe vulnerable and say these are
issues I have, these areproblems I'm dealing with, and
we help each other.
(06:31):
So real accountability requiresvulnerability and in our own
lives, as we practicevulnerability, we invited people
in to help us be better at whatwe wanted, and that is a whole
process of accountability.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Yeah, I completely agree with you and that's really
about it.
We, you know, I use a term herecompassionate accountability
for guides because I think it'strue that we do need to
understand that being obedientdoesn't mean that we're being
submissive, although it may feellike that at times.
And I think that's the biggestchallenge for a lot of men is
that we struggle with this ideaof I have to be able to do this
(07:07):
on my own.
I have to be able to thrive andstrive all and make this all on
my own and carry the world onour shoulder and be like Atlas.
And what we fail to recognizeis that when we can be, when we
can actually submit ourselves tosomething much greater that
allows us to really allow thatspirit to work through us,
things really change.
(07:27):
And your story is really sayingthat to me.
I was just writing on a ton ofnotes there and what I really
liked about how you said is thatwe just decided to own it.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Yeah, it's the definition of accountability At
the heart of the word.
Accountability simply means youown it.
That's why I always refer to itthat way.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah, I love that, I love that idea of owning it, and
so let's talk a little bitabout that.
Now.
You talked about owning it inall parts of your life, and so
how did that look in yourpersonal life, in your marriage
and with your family?
And then how did owning it lookfor business?
Speaker 3 (07:58):
This whole thing came about, and this is really where
Margin comes in.
We, as a quest of a group ofown business owners, wanted to
figure out how to have awork-life balance, and we really
came to the conclusion there isno such thing.
But we didn't want to give upon the quest to have our life in
addition to a successfulbusiness, and part of the
reality is we had to sayeverything is one.
(08:18):
Business in life are one.
They're the same.
I'm living my life while I'm atwork.
It's not like I stopped living.
My wife calls me and I go.
Don't call me at work.
What are you talking about?
I'm still me everywhere I go.
And so, in order for us to beable to pursue the life we
wanted, we first had to get usright and we went to counseling,
and that was awkward becauseover years and years of
(08:40):
stressful financial issues, wehad built up quite issues
between us and things that werehangups, and so we had to have
someone to moderate that.
That required vulnerability.
We didn't know how to do ourfinances, obviously.
So we invited someone who was afinancial guide to come and
look at our finances and look atour checkbook and look at our
credit card statements.
And we became vulnerable to himand said and I paid him $250
(09:03):
every time he came to my houseto tell me how stupid I am about
how I spend my money and Ineeded to be vulnerable to say
what am.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I doing wrong here.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
I'm making all this money, it just goes out the door
.
And he was teaching usprinciples and guides and
techniques and how to write abudget.
It's ridiculous.
I'm a 55-year-old man.
I don't have a written budget.
This is just insanity.
But the world lives like this.
People do the same thing.
I do so.
Everything in our relationships, our health, our faith.
We invited people in becausereal accountability requires
(09:35):
vulnerability.
That's why a lot of businessowners don't want to write down
what they're supposed to do,because if you write it down,
someone's going to go hey, Ithought we were doing this,
don't worry about it, we're justgoing to do this instead.
And it allows them to be lazy.
It allows them to change theirmind constantly and not pursue
excellence in their business.
They're just doing fine,they're making money,
everything's great.
That's not the measurement.
(09:56):
The measurement is that can youscale this and walk away
someday?
That's what excellence lookslike.
And so we were continuing tolook at all these areas in our
personal life and then we rolledit into our business life.
But I'll tell you me, having metogether allowed my business to
run better because my head wasscrewed on.
I was creative.
What used to take me hours todo I could do in minutes, and
(10:17):
this really refers back to theprinciples of margin that we
created.
After that, from a book, we readabout margin and we started
applying it to our lives becausewe wanted to be more productive
.
I wanted to maintain the lifethat I had cleaned up and got
organized and enjoy more of it,which, honestly, I used to avoid
a lot of my life because itsucked.
So I'll just go work, and thatwasn't much better anyway, but
(10:39):
it was more of an escape for meand so, as I was really starting
to enjoy my life, I wanted tomaintain that life and that
personal relationships and time.
So we had to look at ourbusiness and say how are you
going to run this withexcellence and keep everything
going?
And that's where the principlesof margin came in.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
A couple of things you said there.
One was looking for excellence,and I really liked that concept
and that idea is, for me,looking for excellence is the
idea of looking at what'sworking and how can we be better
, whereas other times we look attrying to be perfect.
And when we strive forperfection, then we're looking
for all the things that arewrong in our life, and so I like
that you've pivoted and usedthat piece and the other piece
(11:17):
that I really appreciated.
What you talked about was youinvited people in and all these
different aspects of your lifeabout?
Was you invited people in andall these different aspects of
your life when our work herewith the awakened man and our
group mentorship program, theband of brothers, as we talk
about the six pillars in lifefinancial, emotional, spiritual,
physical, personal and ourrelationships, and so how are we
showing up in all those aspectsof our lives?
(11:38):
And you were strong enough,your wife and yourself are
strong enough to bring people in, to look at these different
aspects of your life and towilling to assess where we're at
.
And so why do you think peoplearen't willing to do that and
not wanting to be accountable?
Do you think is it coming froma fear perspective?
Or are they being just theostrich, just their head in the
(12:00):
sand?
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Yeah, I think it's probably the traits that keep us
as victims, are the ones thatkeep us from being vulnerable,
because we don't want to admitthat we've failed.
We don't want to admit that wehave issues.
So it's pride, it's ego.
I don't think it's fear.
The fear I had was prettysubstantial when I was not
controlling my life, but I felthelpless.
I didn't think there was reallyan option.
(12:23):
So the four things that hold usback from living the life we
really want are blame, excuse,saying that we can't, or waiting
and hoping.
We play a victim in those rolesand when you look at the
opportunity to be accountable,the first thing you do is blame.
I blame the government, I blamemy spouse, I blame my boss, and
you love to pass out blame.
(12:43):
If that the government, I blamemy spouse, I blame my boss, and
you love to pass out blame.
If that doesn't work, you makeexcuses the economy's down, I
don't know how to do good sales,I don't know I don't have the
money like those guys have, andall these excuses and blame just
make us mad and doesn't doanything to change anything.
And then we say we can't.
But what we're really saying isI won't, I can't sell my house
and start over.
Sure, you can.
It would suck, but you can.
(13:05):
I just didn't want to.
And then the last thing is youjust wait and hope.
Maybe next year business willgo better, maybe making minimum
payments on my credit card willcatch me up, and maybe my wife
and I'll work out our issues onour own, even though after five
years of doing this it hasn'tgotten any better.
So the waiting and hoping isjust that last desperate thing
of just.
I don't want to deal with it.
But at some point you say toyourself wait, nobody cares.
(13:27):
Nobody cares if you're fat,broke, unhappy with your
marriage, angry at God,miserable at work Nobody cares,
because they all got their owncrap.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Until you care enough to do something about it.
And the beautiful thing is,once you decide to take
accountability for everything inyour life, you gain the power
to change everything in yourlife.
And that's what we looked at is.
Once we owned it, it was oursand we could do something about
it.
We weren't victims.
We were in charge of ourmarriage and our health and our
(13:57):
finances and everything.
And so what do you do?
I don't know.
We got help, we asked questions, we worked on it, we had baby
steps.
Some things changed quickly,some things took forever, some
things we're still working on,and the fuel that's fueled by
success of you owning it makesyou look at another thing you
can own and another thing youcan own.
It's a ripple effect and itjust constantly empowers you to
(14:20):
pursue excellence in your lifeempowers you to pursue
excellence in your life.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
What I really like I just made a quick note there
what I really liked about whatyou just said there is that this
idea of change, and I wonderhow many of us get stuck in the
idea Things change needs to beimmediate.
20, 30 years ago, when I wasmarried to my high school
sweetheart and that fell apart Ihadn't read a book at that
point since high school.
So I started reading books andone of them was Tony Robbins,
(14:47):
awaken the Giant Within, and healways talked about change being
immediate.
Right, you can make changeimmediate, but I think we
recognize over time that somechange is immediate.
And I also like how you alsotalked about how some took a
little longer and guess what.
We're still working on somethings today.
I think that's really greatperspective to have is that if
we think that the changes aregoing to be immediate and that
we'll see rewards in that, rightat the moment we may not.
(15:10):
That doesn't mean it's notworking.
This means that timing isn'tquite right yet for you, and so
I really like that you've howyou spread that out so that
people understand that noteverything is going to be
immediate and we live in thatkind of a culture now with
TikTok and reels and everythingis just quick coming at us.
But life is a process, yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
And if you're not willing to commit to something,
you're going to bail.
So that's again why you invitesomeone into your journey,
having this guy come and look atour finances.
I remember after a couple ofmonths of doing it, I'm like
we're good and Kathy said we'renot good.
I'm like we're good and Kathy'swe're not good.
That guy, we need to meet withthat guy every month.
Let's keep going.
And you fall off the wagonbecause you're like, oh, I've
got it under control.
And then next thing you knowyou're back to your old habits.
(15:51):
So being vulnerable is astarting point, but letting that
continue to go the second halfof the book, once you move past
the mindset of a victim and yourealize nobody cares until you
do, the second half of the bookwalks you through acknowledge
reality, embrace the suck, finda solution and make it happen.
And that stuff takes time.
(16:11):
We didn't sell our house theweek we decided to do it.
We had to find an agent, we hadto clean it out, so it looked
like it was bigger because itwasn't so full of stuff.
And then we had to go throughthe process and then the season
wasn't good to sell it atChristmas, so we took it off the
market and then we put it backin spring.
So it took us about eightmonths before we sold the house.
In the meantime, we're justlike how are we going to keep up
(16:32):
?
And the embarrassment of the forsale sign outside people saying
, oh, you guys are moving, whereare you going?
We're downsizing Cause I own$90,000 in debt and I need to
change my life.
And they look at you like, ohmy gosh.
And so having to deal with allthat stuff took a long time.
And yet if we didn't invitepeople into our journey, we
probably would have bailed.
(16:53):
We probably just said this istoo hard.
And there were times where itwas too hard.
We have a life group from ourchurch where our friends prayed
for us and cared about us andencouraged us.
I have a couple of buddies whowalked with me daily, sometimes
to keep me off the ledge, and mywife is a rock, she's just a
star and she's like whereveryou're going, I'm going with you
.
And to believe in me the guywho screwed it up and got us to
(17:15):
where we were, to believe that Ican make it better.
It was a second chance in lifejust to have her say that, but
it took time, and I think that'swhy, again, vulnerability
required for accountability.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Yeah, I completely agree with that.
I'm glad we're diving into yourbook.
I like that.
I love the title and I alsolove that you use the concept or
the idea of a mountain, thatit's accountability pieces, like
hiking up a mountain.
And so tell us a little bitmore about what this whole
mountain looks like for us andyou've already given us a little
idea of what the structure ofthe book is but explain a little
(17:48):
bit more about this mountain ofaccountability.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
We changed it to a mountain.
When I first heard about theprinciples of accountability,
they were in a ladder.
Someone had created this visualof a ladder where you are
blaming, make excuses, sayingyou can't wait and hoping, and
then there's a gap and then itgoes to acknowledge reality and
embrace the suck and you keepgoing up the ladder.
But I thought it's not a ladder.
You don't climb out of thisinto accountability.
It is a long bust your back andclimb up a mountain and
(18:15):
sometimes I need to stop andmake camp for a while and
sometimes I think this is thewrong approach.
I'm going to come back down themountain, I'm going to go
another, and you do have thesemoments where you might fall
back down the mountain a littlebit and go back into blame or
excuses and you need to have aSherpa there is going to go hey,
we're not going that way, comeon back.
This is where we're at.
Nobody can hold anyoneaccountable.
(18:36):
Nobody did it for me, but therewere lots of people who did it
with me and so, if you will,again vulnerability.
So this hike up the mountainwas a long journey and we've had
many mountains we've had toclimb.
We had the mountain of ourmarriage and the mountain of our
health and our finances and ourfaith.
I got a lot of twistedperspectives about my
relationship with God over yearsof blaming him for stuff, and
(18:58):
it wasn't until I reallyrealized, wait, that was all me.
That was all me.
I made all those choices.
God wasn't like buy a car, thiswas all on me.
And so I had to rebuild myrespect for God and my
appreciation for him and so thatmy friendships, my relationship
with my kids, my whole business, all parts of my business where
I was very handy at blaming andmaking excuses in my business,
(19:21):
I had to pull all that stuff outand then, by writing it down
for the finances, to ourmarriage, to our life, to our
business and the parts of ourbusiness, writing it all down
and showing it to someone goinghey, here's my deal.
And they're like here, you dowhat?
No, that's not how that is done.
You allow people to come in andclean out your unconscious bias
(19:41):
.
That to you, sounds like such agreat idea.
Until you put it in writing andshow someone, they go.
You're out of your mind.
You can't do that and sometimespeople give you bad advice.
You have to have multiplepeople, because some people live
in fear themselves.
And when you say I'm going tosell my house to start over,
what are you crazy?
No one does that.
Don't do that.
Get another loan, refinance,merge your, merge your loans
(20:06):
into the.
No, that's.
That is a spiral down further.
So you have to choose thepeople that you invite into your
journey.
But it is a mountain, it is aprocess and it does take time
but it works.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
yeah, absolutely, you're absolutely right as well
that each part of our thesedifferent pillars that we've
been talking about marriage,business, our personal life,
health, any, everything are allmountains for us to climb in.
And and I wanted to talk to youand we're going to get dive
into now about faith and becauseit sounds like the research
I've been doing faith has alwaysbeen powerful and part of your
life, which is outstanding, butit was your relationship to it
(20:37):
that has changed.
Is that correct?
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Yeah, I gave my heart to Jesus in 95, 94, but I have
had a constant journey ofgetting out of the way.
God has a plan for my life.
He loves me, he's a good father, but I constantly screw it up
with my own pride and ego andfear and selfishness.
So it's just a journey ofletting go.
(21:00):
It's like I've been married for26 years.
I still say stupid stuff to mywife, I'm still rude to her
sometimes and I'll be probablyscrewing something up till the
day I die.
As long as we're on this brokenplanet with my broken body, I'm
just going to be less than ideal.
But excellence is doing thebest of your ability while you
(21:20):
pursue the life you want, and sothe best of my ability is that
I can be quiet and listen more,because if I talk I end up
saying something stupid.
So I just became someone whowas more about questions and
listening.
I like to talk a lot and then Italk and I say something dumb.
So I just had to retrain myselfto be someone who asked more
questions and took time andlistened and celebrated the joy
(21:41):
of understanding people morethan the joy of being heard.
So I'm creating myself alongthe way and I'm creating these
relationships, so learning aboutGod and putting it in the right
perspective in light of all thechoices I made and who he is.
It's just a constant growingjourney.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, for sure, for sure it is, and you know what
you really.
What I also am picking up fromyou is is you're really starting
to touch on looking at andreevaluating your core values,
and so I think for many of us,we may not do that work in
really understanding how ourvalues are either helping us and
propelling us forward orholding us back.
(22:18):
And so how, in your work, howare you using core values to
pursue excellence and are theyhelping you with leading men and
network?
Speaker 3 (22:26):
I don't know how people would do without it.
You wouldn't run a bit Well,okay, a lot of people run a
business without core values.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't say thatI find it incredible because
without core values, everydecision is equally as valuable.
Yes, without purpose and avision of where you're going the
Alice in Wonderland thing withthe cat hey, do I go this way or
that way?
Where do you go?
I don't know.
Where do you want to go?
(22:46):
I don't know.
Then either choice is fine.
And so in my life, if I know whoI am and I know whose I am, I
belong to the heavenly fatherand he's got a purpose in my
life and I'm married to the mostbeautiful, wonderful friend and
I have these kids and theseneighbors.
I have all these things in mylife.
What am I supposed to do withthat?
It's not just about your job.
That's a thing, that's a toolin my toolbox for my life.
(23:10):
But if I don't know what I'mabout and where I'm going and
why I exist, and then how to doit, everything you could decide
to do is equally as importantand valuable.
So in my core values, for me asa human, it starts with love.
Jesus says, they'll know you byyour love and the most
important thing is to love theLord, your God, with all your
(23:30):
heart and soul and mind andstrength.
So my core values are show love, serve beyond expectations,
pursue excellence, be real andhave fun.
Those are my personal corevalues, which, since I have my
own business, they are now mybusiness core values.
And then when I deal withclients and I run my business, I
do it that way.
So if a customer cancels at thelast minute, the serve beyond
(23:53):
expectation means you don'tcharge them for that meeting.
You go okay, let's reschedule.
How are you doing?
Are you okay?
What's going on that you wouldcancel?
You care for them and youcreate a business that is
serving them beyond what theywould expect.
That is how you make choices,living out your core values.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Beautiful point.
I'm glad to see, happy to hear,that those core values are
similar in both yourprofessional life and our
personal life and they can behow they show up.
It will look differentlypotentially in those two aspects
of life, but they resonate withwho you are, so you're not
trying to be two differentpeople.
And I think people strugglewith that when businesses start
(24:29):
to talk about core values, anddoes it really align with who
they are?
And so I really appreciate thatyou've made that connection
between personal and business.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Yeah, I can't be two people.
I know a lot of people who do.
They got to amp up to be a jerkat work, and so then at work
they're in this constant stressof I'm not who I am, so I'm
being someone else, and thatcauses an internal stress to
them.
They're not as good at beingthat person as they are being
themselves, so there's they'renot performing as well, and then
they go home because they'vehad a whole day at work being
someone they're not.
(25:00):
When they get home, they'reexhausted and burned out or God
forbid, they take that personhome with them and they'd be
that way at home, which does notwork.
I've had my wife tell me manytimes I do not work for you.
I'm coming in saying what'sgoing on with this?
And so we have to learn to beone person everywhere.
Why would you want to besomeone else?
A lot of people think the onlyway to get things done is to
yell at someone or to be a hardass.
(25:21):
That is not what is required.
What's required is goodcommunication.
What's required is a vision.
What's required is hiringpeople who care All these things
.
You don't need to scream atpeople to get things done.
You don't need to be a tyrant,and if you've learned to be that
way, you can unlearn it.
But to be one person everywhereall the time builds peace and
continuity in your life.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Yeah, I completely agree.
So obviously, in your work, youwork with a lot of CEOs, and so
there must be somecommonalities that you're
finding with them to both endsof the spectrum those that are
struggling to put margin intheir lives and those that have
the margin in their lives.
So what would you say are,let's say, top five traits of
CEOs their lives.
So what would you?
Speaker 3 (26:00):
say are, let's say, top five traits of CEOs,
regardless of the ability tohave margin in their lives,
which is a separate issue,there's five things that I've
seen great CEOs do.
They're always learning,because the world is constantly
changing, and that doesn't meanyou read a book.
That means you constantly learneverything, because what's the
new law about cybersecurity?
What's the new law about youraccounting and finances?
(26:22):
There's a new HR law every week, and so if you're not at least
aware of what's going on in allthe peripheral things that are
all around your company not justhow to make a widget you have
to know everything.
That's what a CEO's job is.
You don't do everything, butyou need to know.
So when your employees say wedon't have to do that, yeah, you
do.
That's called the law.
So you got to know enough.
So you're always learning.
(26:43):
The second thing is they makedecisions.
If you're a leader, you makedecisions.
They're not always the rightone, they're not always perfect,
but you make them, and notmaking a decision is making a
decision, and so you have to beintentional about the decisions
you make.
And then the third thing is youown that.
That's where accountabilitycomes in.
You own your decisions.
You don't blame your team, youdon't make excuses or say you
(27:05):
can't fix anything or just waitand hope.
You own them and that's theleadership role that you've
taken on when you have youremployees and then, in order to
be proactively in an accountingmindset, accountable mindset,
you have to proactively dothings to get the result you
want.
You pour into your team.
That's number four.
You pour into your team Becausefor you to be responsible and
(27:25):
say someone screwed up, I'lltake the blame.
That's being responsible.
Accountable is saying peoplescrew up.
So how do I avoid that?
I train them, I talk to them, Ireinforce behavior, I teach
core values and we model it andwe measure against it.
That is proactively beingaccountable.
And so you pour into your team.
And the last one is you driveresults.
You don't do the work, but youmake sure the work gets done and
(27:49):
you are driving it.
By the way, you mentor andcoach and create a culture where
everyone is accountable so wecan get things done, so we can
scale, because someday you'regoing to die or want to walk
away from that company and ifyou haven't created a team
that's ready to robustly step upand run with excellence, it all
falls apart and everybody losestheir job.
And why would you work so hardto have a company that just
(28:10):
falls apart the moment you leave?
So those are the things I'veseen really good CEOs do well.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
That's a great list and I'm going to expand on that
list a little bit.
I'm going to and suggest thatthose of you that are listening
to this episode that you don'tneed to be a CEO to have these
five in place.
When I was a young guy coming upin the culinary world,
unbeknownst to me untillistening to you do your five, I
was practicing in some way,shape or form these things,
(28:38):
learning how to do my job,learning how my boss's job works
, the want, the job I wanted,and I had this mentality that
you should always be working forthe job that you want.
If you're not the CEO, then thejob that you have, because what
that push does you for you isit just pushes you to strive for
excellence, to train, to teach,because if you are the single
(28:59):
reason that the business issurviving, that's a scary place
to be in because somethinghappens to you.
Then you're not just affectingyourself but your family and
other families around you, andso it doesn't matter, you don't
need to be a CEO.
My point is on this topic isthat, whatever level of business
that you're in implementing,these five here that Robert just
dropped are profoundly going tochange the way you show up in
(29:23):
life and at work, so I reallyappreciate that.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
Yeah, and that's the same thing at your home.
If I'm a dad, I got two adultkids.
I'm never done learning.
I'm reading a book calledLiving with Adult Children and
my son's 22 and he doesn't needme to tell him anything anymore.
My daughter's 33.
She's now interested a littlebit about what things I might
know.
But you go through this wholecycle where you're the smartest
guy in the house and now thatyou're the dumbest guy in the
house and then maybe it comesback around that they're
(29:47):
interested in some of the thingsyou know.
But you have to learn how towork with your kids, how to work
with your spouse.
I have a friend whose wife justgot got dementia or is
diagnosed with dementia.
He's going to have to relearnhow to love her.
Yeah, he's going to have torelearn how to care for his wife
.
He's been with all these years.
So you're always learning.
(30:07):
You're always making decisions.
You own it.
You're going to be accountableto that.
If you're a parent, you havethe same kind of
responsibilities as the CEO.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
Right on, right on.
I was going to ask you whatbooks on your nightstand, but we
already know that, so I'm gladto see that you're still
learning and growing.
So that's outstanding.
Yeah, always Obviously, you'rein a role where you're providing
lots of advice, mentorship forfolks, and I'm sure in your
career and as you've been goingalong, you've talked about
people that have come into yourlife where you were vulnerable
to help you.
But really it was the questionI want to ask is what had been
(30:35):
the best piece of advice thatyou've been given?
How is it still serving youtoday?
Speaker 3 (30:43):
That whole thing about advices are like buds.
I really I tend to not actuallygive advice.
I'm an executive coach and Ireally don't give advice and I
really don't tell people what todo.
I ask them what they want to doand I help them get started on
that, because people know whatto do already.
They're just not doing it, andso we help people get clarity,
(31:03):
get free and get going.
That's what a coach should do.
The best advice that I ever gotwas don't be lazy.
I think that in my own life Iwas very lazy.
As a kid.
I had a TV in my room, eventhough I made.
I had jobs Every kid in Americahad a job, as grown up in my
days, in mowing a yard, paperroute, whatever it was, but it
(31:24):
all went to candy and just crap,and then I would just be lazy.
I didn't try hard.
I barely graduated college,barely graduated high school,
but doing the very least I hadto do was my level, and yet,
compared to my friends, I lookedlike I had it all together
because they were really idiots,and so everyone would say
you're so grown up.
(31:44):
I got married at 20 and Ididn't have to.
I wanted to get married at 20.
And I just seemed like I had itall together.
But I knew in my heart I waslazy, and so someone who could
discern that in me early on toldme that don't be lazy.
When you do your job, lookaround and say, how could this
be done?
And whether or not anyone eversees you do it or not, it's for
(32:04):
you.
It's the pride you have that Iget to be here for eight hours.
Why don't I just be great?
Why would I just be there andjust be there?
Why don't I just be great atwhat I do?
Just for my own satisfaction?
And so that really did inspireme.
It took a long time to get overthe lazy habits.
Having kids helped because Ihad to own that.
I did go through a divorcemyself when my daughter was two
(32:28):
years old and my world fellapart and I hated it.
But all those things are partsof my story that God used to
create the man that I am today.
I'm never bitter about anything.
You go to the gym and you pushweights and it hurts and you're
tearing your muscles Like why amI doing this?
Oh, I want to be stronger.
It's just making us strongerfor more, because at the end of
your life.
It gets really hard.
(32:48):
Your health falls apart, yourun out of the capacity to earn
money like you used to when youwere young.
You just don't have the sameenergy you did.
It gets real hard.
So God is so kind to gear us upfor the strength, for the
strong times to get in as somekind of a rhythm so we can
handle the harder years.
So I'm just practicing thatdiscipline of not being lazy to
(33:09):
this day.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
What a great way to practice that discipline of not
being lazy.
Because, it is true, right,there are.
There's opportunities for us tolearn and grow, and as long as
we continue to look for thoseand take advantage of it, then
we do turn into much stronger,more resilient men.
Robert, of everything we'vetalked about today, maybe there
was something we didn't get achance to touch on.
(33:31):
What would be the one takeawayyou'd want our listeners to have
?
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Well, we didn't talk about margin exactly.
And margin is just thisprinciple that there's a certain
amount of limit in life andthere's a certain load that you
carry and the difference betweenthem is margin.
So you should look at your lifein at least the four categories
of time money, health andemotion and you should be.
And if you go to margindfwcom,you can see a video, you can
(33:54):
take an assessment.
It's free.
But I really want people tounderstand when you get an
overload, you're not productiveand people just think I'll just
work harder.
Yeah, but you're not workingwell.
And a machine if you had amanufacturing machine and it was
doing well, you wouldn't crankit up to 60 more decibels to
crank out more because you'regoing to make mistakes, it's
going to break down, you'regoing to have problems, but we
do it to our bodies all the time.
(34:15):
And so in our time, our money,our health and our emotions,
you've got to create room forthe unexpected.
So here's my limit.
I stop here.
I create a world that liveslike this.
So when all of a sudden aproblem occurs and I need to put
a little more time into theoffice, and then someone needs
my time, and then a thinghappens.
I still have some room to gobefore I overload.
When I overload, I make mistakes, I'm mean to people.
I don't like my own life.
(34:36):
When I overload, I makemistakes, I'm mean to people, I
don't like my own life.
And so by creating room in mymoney, in my health, I protect
the emotion.
At the end of the day.
I can't measure how much myemotion margin is.
I know when I don't have any,because I yell at the guy who
cuts me off on the freeway likeI'm going to ram my car into him
.
Where did that come from?
(34:56):
It's because you're livingwithout any margin in your
emotion.
So go and learn about how tocreate room for your life, to
have some space in your time,money and health, and fight to
protect your emotions so thatyou can live a life that you can
enjoy.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
What a great way to utilize our emotions, and we've
talked in other episodes and inour work about how men can help
manage their emotions and what agreat way to use it as a
barometer of have we createdenough margin in our life today,
for us today, and then theseother three areas.
What a profound way to shapethat together.
I want to say, robert, thankyou so much for being on the
(35:33):
show today and help us reallytraverse our own accountability
mountain in all aspects of ourlife so that we can create as
much margin so we can livefulfilling lives.
So if men are interested ingetting ahold of you
participating in your work,what's the best way for them to
do that?
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Yeah, our book is found at nobodycaresbookcom.
Of course, it's available onAmazon and Barnes and Nobles and
Target and all that stuff, butwe like you to buy it from us so
we can make more money.
My work, what I do for a living, is refdallascom, and on there
you can find assessments andtools you can use to help you
figure out what's going on inyour life and what you want to
(36:10):
do about it.
I like to give these thingsaway because I created them for
my clients and they found valuein them, and so I want the world
to know about these things.
So just go check out thosewebsites.
You can take the satisfactionassessment, help you declare
where your life is focused andwhat you want to do about it,
and I'm on LinkedIn and allother kinds of stuff If you want
to reach out.
I'd love to talk to people.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Outstanding.
I'll make sure that all of thatinformation's in there and the
direct link to your book, sopeople can get a you, robert.
Once again, thank you so muchfor being on the show.
I really enjoyed ourconversation.
Thanks, alan.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, To become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe Awakened man at
theawakendmannet and startforging a new destiny today.
Imagine living in a life so overloaded with
commitments and expectationsthat you can't even recognize
the person looking in the mirroranymore.
You're juggling work, family,health and finances, and you're
striving for excellence in everyarea, yet something feels off.
What if the problem isn't thatyou're not doing enough, but
(00:20):
instead you're doing too much?
You're not giving yourself anyroom to breathe.
Notice that concept I've calledmargin.
It's a space to recharge andreflect our lives so we can
truly thrive, and it's missingin today's life.
In today's episode, we're gonnaexplore the power of creating
margin in our lives, redefiningour excellence and learning how
(00:40):
to balance achievement with joy,rest and purpose.
Together, we're going touncover the secrets to become
the best version of ourselves,while living with intention and
fulfillment.
So if this is a topic thatresonates with you, why don't
you take a moment now and hitlike, subscribe and even leave a
comment?
When you do this and get anopportunity to share it with
other people, it helps peoplefind this episode and the many
(01:03):
more that we do here at theRevolutionary man.
So thank you so much for doingthat.
Now let's get on with today'sepisode.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
The average man today is sleepwalking through life,
many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Never crossing the finish lineto living a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
(01:35):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Stay strong, my brother, I'm the founder of the
Awakened man movement and yourhost, alan DeMonso.
Have you ever considered thatstriving for excellence in one
area of your life might becreating a negative ripple
effect in another?
What would happen if youfocused?
How often do you pause toassess whether your drive for
(02:01):
success is bringing you joy,rest and connection or simply
pushing you further intooverwhelm?
Excellence isn't aboutsacrificing your well-being or
relationships for success.
It's about finding that balancethat allows us to thrive in
every area of our lives, and byadding margin, you can
rediscover joy, rest, purposeand while still achieving our
(02:24):
goals.
Today, we're going to uncoversome practical strategies and
help you align your values andlive with intention.
To do that, I'm going tointroduce my guest.
Robert J Hunt is theaccountability guy and he's a
co-author of the book NobodyCares Until you Do.
He's a business owner in theDallas-Fort Worth, texas area
and he helps leaders remove thethings that keep them from being
(02:45):
their best.
Robert also is an executivecoach who runs CEO groups for
FDW since 2013, and he bringsthat experience and wisdom to
help people reach their goals.
Robert's also been married for25 years to his beautiful wife,
kathy, and has two adultchildren also living in Texas.
It's nice to see the familiesclose together.
Kathy and has two adultchildren also living in Texas.
(03:06):
It's nice to see the familiesclose together.
He's passionate about faith,purpose, family and his quest to
help people be their best.
Welcome to the show, robert.
How are things, my friend?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Man, things are great .
That's a great introduction,thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I'm so grateful to have you on today's show, robert
.
This is a topic that we haven'treally dived into this idea of
yours of creating margin.
But before we get into that, asyou know, here at the
Revolutionary man podcast wetalk about everyone being on
their hero's journey or theirhero's quest.
So I want you to tell us aboutthat time in your life when you
knew things had to change.
What did you do?
Speaker 3 (03:41):
about that and how that experience shaped you into
the man you are today and thework you're doing.
Yeah, that really came aboutand we write about it in our
book because we wanted toexplain the principles of
accountability by telling ourown story.
In 2019, we found ourselves$90,000 in debt.
That did not include the houseor the cars, and it was choking
us.
And year after year, we keptthinking, well, maybe next year
it'll get better and maybe nextyear the business will take off.
(04:02):
And I'd been owning my ownbusiness since 2012 and doing
executive coaching and runningpeer groups for business owners
here in DFW and it grew and grew, baby steps.
But I lived like I was makingthe money I did when I was an
employee, with a big fatpaycheck and no overhead.
And things change when you ownyour own business.
And so, bit by bit, we got moreand more into debt.
(04:23):
So in 2019, we just we gottogether.
My beautiful wife and I justsaid I'm not living the life I
want and she didn't either.
And we really came down to theissue was us, and although we
wanted to make excuses or blameor say there was nothing we
could do about it, we realizedthat we were the issue, and if
we wanted to change it, we hadto own it and do something about
it.
So we decided to sell our houseand start over.
(04:45):
So we did.
We sold our home and we finallyclosed in March of 2020.
And we moved into this housethat we rent today, five years
ago, and we took all that moneyfrom selling the house and we
paid off all of our debt and westarted over, and the peace that
I had was unbelievable.
I had, bit by bit, gotten intoso much debt and so many
(05:07):
problems that I spent every dayworried and stressful about how
will I survive, how will I makepayments, what happens if I lose
a client?
And I'd gotten used to livinglike that way for so many years.
I didn't know any different,but it was only by changing it
and removing that I felt thecontrast and I really recognized
I had lived as a victim for somany years.
But when I truly owned it, Ifound myself powerful and
(05:30):
focused and creative again andhopeful, and so I use that to be
a catalyst for change in mymarriage, in my faith, in my
friendships, in my business, andeverything was up for grabs and
everything could be changed.
It took effort and work to getall those things to where I want
them, and I'm still working,always to get better and better,
(05:50):
but I own it.
And so that year 2020, mybusiness doubled and then it
doubled again in 21.
And I think it's because I wasbeing obedient to God by not
blaming God for my circumstancesand being angry at him for the
bad choices I made that hewouldn't fix for me.
And then, when I took all thatattitude away, I think God said
(06:10):
okay, good, now I think you'reready to grow, and so we did.
And I think obedience hasblessings attached to it, and so
we did.
And so we're looking at thiswhole process of accountability.
It's what I do for a living.
I run these groups wherebusiness owners come together,
talk about their challenges andbe vulnerable and say these are
issues I have, these areproblems I'm dealing with, and
we help each other.
(06:31):
So real accountability requiresvulnerability and in our own
lives, as we practicevulnerability, we invited people
in to help us be better at whatwe wanted, and that is a whole
process of accountability.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Yeah, I completely agree with you and that's really
about it.
We, you know, I use a term herecompassionate accountability
for guides because I think it'strue that we do need to
understand that being obedientdoesn't mean that we're being
submissive, although it may feellike that at times.
And I think that's the biggestchallenge for a lot of men is
that we struggle with this ideaof I have to be able to do this
(07:07):
on my own.
I have to be able to thrive andstrive all and make this all on
my own and carry the world onour shoulder and be like Atlas.
And what we fail to recognizeis that when we can be, when we
can actually submit ourselves tosomething much greater that
allows us to really allow thatspirit to work through us,
things really change.
(07:27):
And your story is really sayingthat to me.
I was just writing on a ton ofnotes there and what I really
liked about how you said is thatwe just decided to own it.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Yeah, it's the definition of accountability At
the heart of the word.
Accountability simply means youown it.
That's why I always refer to itthat way.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah, I love that, I love that idea of owning it, and
so let's talk a little bitabout that.
Now.
You talked about owning it inall parts of your life, and so
how did that look in yourpersonal life, in your marriage
and with your family?
And then how did owning it lookfor business?
Speaker 3 (07:58):
This whole thing came about, and this is really where
Margin comes in.
We, as a quest of a group ofown business owners, wanted to
figure out how to have awork-life balance, and we really
came to the conclusion there isno such thing.
But we didn't want to give upon the quest to have our life in
addition to a successfulbusiness, and part of the
reality is we had to sayeverything is one.
(08:18):
Business in life are one.
They're the same.
I'm living my life while I'm atwork.
It's not like I stopped living.
My wife calls me and I go.
Don't call me at work.
What are you talking about?
I'm still me everywhere I go.
And so, in order for us to beable to pursue the life we
wanted, we first had to get usright and we went to counseling,
and that was awkward becauseover years and years of
(08:40):
stressful financial issues, wehad built up quite issues
between us and things that werehangups, and so we had to have
someone to moderate that.
That required vulnerability.
We didn't know how to do ourfinances, obviously.
So we invited someone who was afinancial guide to come and
look at our finances and look atour checkbook and look at our
credit card statements.
And we became vulnerable to himand said and I paid him $250
(09:03):
every time he came to my houseto tell me how stupid I am about
how I spend my money and Ineeded to be vulnerable to say
what am.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I doing wrong here.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
I'm making all this money, it just goes out the door
.
And he was teaching usprinciples and guides and
techniques and how to write abudget.
It's ridiculous.
I'm a 55-year-old man.
I don't have a written budget.
This is just insanity.
But the world lives like this.
People do the same thing.
I do so.
Everything in our relationships, our health, our faith.
We invited people in becausereal accountability requires
(09:35):
vulnerability.
That's why a lot of businessowners don't want to write down
what they're supposed to do,because if you write it down,
someone's going to go hey, Ithought we were doing this,
don't worry about it, we're justgoing to do this instead.
And it allows them to be lazy.
It allows them to change theirmind constantly and not pursue
excellence in their business.
They're just doing fine,they're making money,
everything's great.
That's not the measurement.
(09:56):
The measurement is that can youscale this and walk away
someday?
That's what excellence lookslike.
And so we were continuing tolook at all these areas in our
personal life and then we rolledit into our business life.
But I'll tell you me, having metogether allowed my business to
run better because my head wasscrewed on.
I was creative.
What used to take me hours todo I could do in minutes, and
(10:17):
this really refers back to theprinciples of margin that we
created.
After that, from a book, we readabout margin and we started
applying it to our lives becausewe wanted to be more productive
.
I wanted to maintain the lifethat I had cleaned up and got
organized and enjoy more of it,which, honestly, I used to avoid
a lot of my life because itsucked.
So I'll just go work, and thatwasn't much better anyway, but
(10:39):
it was more of an escape for meand so, as I was really starting
to enjoy my life, I wanted tomaintain that life and that
personal relationships and time.
So we had to look at ourbusiness and say how are you
going to run this withexcellence and keep everything
going?
And that's where the principlesof margin came in.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
A couple of things you said there.
One was looking for excellence,and I really liked that concept
and that idea is, for me,looking for excellence is the
idea of looking at what'sworking and how can we be better
, whereas other times we look attrying to be perfect.
And when we strive forperfection, then we're looking
for all the things that arewrong in our life, and so I like
that you've pivoted and usedthat piece and the other piece
(11:17):
that I really appreciated.
What you talked about was youinvited people in and all these
different aspects of your lifeabout?
Was you invited people in andall these different aspects of
your life when our work herewith the awakened man and our
group mentorship program, theband of brothers, as we talk
about the six pillars in lifefinancial, emotional, spiritual,
physical, personal and ourrelationships, and so how are we
showing up in all those aspectsof our lives?
(11:38):
And you were strong enough,your wife and yourself are
strong enough to bring people in, to look at these different
aspects of your life and towilling to assess where we're at
.
And so why do you think peoplearen't willing to do that and
not wanting to be accountable?
Do you think is it coming froma fear perspective?
Or are they being just theostrich, just their head in the
(12:00):
sand?
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Yeah, I think it's probably the traits that keep us
as victims, are the ones thatkeep us from being vulnerable,
because we don't want to admitthat we've failed.
We don't want to admit that wehave issues.
So it's pride, it's ego.
I don't think it's fear.
The fear I had was prettysubstantial when I was not
controlling my life, but I felthelpless.
I didn't think there was reallyan option.
(12:23):
So the four things that hold usback from living the life we
really want are blame, excuse,saying that we can't, or waiting
and hoping.
We play a victim in those rolesand when you look at the
opportunity to be accountable,the first thing you do is blame.
I blame the government, I blamemy spouse, I blame my boss, and
you love to pass out blame.
(12:43):
If that the government, I blamemy spouse, I blame my boss, and
you love to pass out blame.
If that doesn't work, you makeexcuses the economy's down, I
don't know how to do good sales,I don't know I don't have the
money like those guys have, andall these excuses and blame just
make us mad and doesn't doanything to change anything.
And then we say we can't.
But what we're really saying isI won't, I can't sell my house
and start over.
Sure, you can.
It would suck, but you can.
(13:05):
I just didn't want to.
And then the last thing is youjust wait and hope.
Maybe next year business willgo better, maybe making minimum
payments on my credit card willcatch me up, and maybe my wife
and I'll work out our issues onour own, even though after five
years of doing this it hasn'tgotten any better.
So the waiting and hoping isjust that last desperate thing
of just.
I don't want to deal with it.
But at some point you say toyourself wait, nobody cares.
(13:27):
Nobody cares if you're fat,broke, unhappy with your
marriage, angry at God,miserable at work Nobody cares,
because they all got their owncrap.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Until you care enough to do something about it.
And the beautiful thing is,once you decide to take
accountability for everything inyour life, you gain the power
to change everything in yourlife.
And that's what we looked at is.
Once we owned it, it was oursand we could do something about
it.
We weren't victims.
We were in charge of ourmarriage and our health and our
(13:57):
finances and everything.
And so what do you do?
I don't know.
We got help, we asked questions, we worked on it, we had baby
steps.
Some things changed quickly,some things took forever, some
things we're still working on,and the fuel that's fueled by
success of you owning it makesyou look at another thing you
can own and another thing youcan own.
It's a ripple effect and itjust constantly empowers you to
(14:20):
pursue excellence in your lifeempowers you to pursue
excellence in your life.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
What I really like I just made a quick note there
what I really liked about whatyou just said there is that this
idea of change, and I wonderhow many of us get stuck in the
idea Things change needs to beimmediate.
20, 30 years ago, when I wasmarried to my high school
sweetheart and that fell apart Ihadn't read a book at that
point since high school.
So I started reading books andone of them was Tony Robbins,
(14:47):
awaken the Giant Within, and healways talked about change being
immediate.
Right, you can make changeimmediate, but I think we
recognize over time that somechange is immediate.
And I also like how you alsotalked about how some took a
little longer and guess what.
We're still working on somethings today.
I think that's really greatperspective to have is that if
we think that the changes aregoing to be immediate and that
we'll see rewards in that, rightat the moment we may not.
(15:10):
That doesn't mean it's notworking.
This means that timing isn'tquite right yet for you, and so
I really like that you've howyou spread that out so that
people understand that noteverything is going to be
immediate and we live in thatkind of a culture now with
TikTok and reels and everythingis just quick coming at us.
But life is a process, yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
And if you're not willing to commit to something,
you're going to bail.
So that's again why you invitesomeone into your journey,
having this guy come and look atour finances.
I remember after a couple ofmonths of doing it, I'm like
we're good and Kathy said we'renot good.
I'm like we're good and Kathy'swe're not good.
That guy, we need to meet withthat guy every month.
Let's keep going.
And you fall off the wagonbecause you're like, oh, I've
got it under control.
And then next thing you knowyou're back to your old habits.
(15:51):
So being vulnerable is astarting point, but letting that
continue to go the second halfof the book, once you move past
the mindset of a victim and yourealize nobody cares until you
do, the second half of the bookwalks you through acknowledge
reality, embrace the suck, finda solution and make it happen.
And that stuff takes time.
(16:11):
We didn't sell our house theweek we decided to do it.
We had to find an agent, we hadto clean it out, so it looked
like it was bigger because itwasn't so full of stuff.
And then we had to go throughthe process and then the season
wasn't good to sell it atChristmas, so we took it off the
market and then we put it backin spring.
So it took us about eightmonths before we sold the house.
In the meantime, we're justlike how are we going to keep up
(16:32):
?
And the embarrassment of the forsale sign outside people saying
, oh, you guys are moving, whereare you going?
We're downsizing Cause I own$90,000 in debt and I need to
change my life.
And they look at you like, ohmy gosh.
And so having to deal with allthat stuff took a long time.
And yet if we didn't invitepeople into our journey, we
probably would have bailed.
(16:53):
We probably just said this istoo hard.
And there were times where itwas too hard.
We have a life group from ourchurch where our friends prayed
for us and cared about us andencouraged us.
I have a couple of buddies whowalked with me daily, sometimes
to keep me off the ledge, and mywife is a rock, she's just a
star and she's like whereveryou're going, I'm going with you
.
And to believe in me the guywho screwed it up and got us to
(17:15):
where we were, to believe that Ican make it better.
It was a second chance in lifejust to have her say that, but
it took time, and I think that'swhy, again, vulnerability
required for accountability.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Yeah, I completely agree with that.
I'm glad we're diving into yourbook.
I like that.
I love the title and I alsolove that you use the concept or
the idea of a mountain, thatit's accountability pieces, like
hiking up a mountain.
And so tell us a little bitmore about what this whole
mountain looks like for us andyou've already given us a little
idea of what the structure ofthe book is but explain a little
(17:48):
bit more about this mountain ofaccountability.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
We changed it to a mountain.
When I first heard about theprinciples of accountability,
they were in a ladder.
Someone had created this visualof a ladder where you are
blaming, make excuses, sayingyou can't wait and hoping, and
then there's a gap and then itgoes to acknowledge reality and
embrace the suck and you keepgoing up the ladder.
But I thought it's not a ladder.
You don't climb out of thisinto accountability.
It is a long bust your back andclimb up a mountain and
(18:15):
sometimes I need to stop andmake camp for a while and
sometimes I think this is thewrong approach.
I'm going to come back down themountain, I'm going to go
another, and you do have thesemoments where you might fall
back down the mountain a littlebit and go back into blame or
excuses and you need to have aSherpa there is going to go hey,
we're not going that way, comeon back.
This is where we're at.
Nobody can hold anyoneaccountable.
(18:36):
Nobody did it for me, but therewere lots of people who did it
with me and so, if you will,again vulnerability.
So this hike up the mountainwas a long journey and we've had
many mountains we've had toclimb.
We had the mountain of ourmarriage and the mountain of our
health and our finances and ourfaith.
I got a lot of twistedperspectives about my
relationship with God over yearsof blaming him for stuff, and
(18:58):
it wasn't until I reallyrealized, wait, that was all me.
That was all me.
I made all those choices.
God wasn't like buy a car, thiswas all on me.
And so I had to rebuild myrespect for God and my
appreciation for him and so thatmy friendships, my relationship
with my kids, my whole business, all parts of my business where
I was very handy at blaming andmaking excuses in my business,
(19:21):
I had to pull all that stuff outand then, by writing it down
for the finances, to ourmarriage, to our life, to our
business and the parts of ourbusiness, writing it all down
and showing it to someone goinghey, here's my deal.
And they're like here, you dowhat?
No, that's not how that is done.
You allow people to come in andclean out your unconscious bias
(19:41):
.
That to you, sounds like such agreat idea.
Until you put it in writing andshow someone, they go.
You're out of your mind.
You can't do that and sometimespeople give you bad advice.
You have to have multiplepeople, because some people live
in fear themselves.
And when you say I'm going tosell my house to start over,
what are you crazy?
No one does that.
Don't do that.
Get another loan, refinance,merge your, merge your loans
(20:06):
into the.
No, that's.
That is a spiral down further.
So you have to choose thepeople that you invite into your
journey.
But it is a mountain, it is aprocess and it does take time
but it works.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
yeah, absolutely, you're absolutely right as well
that each part of our thesedifferent pillars that we've
been talking about marriage,business, our personal life,
health, any, everything are allmountains for us to climb in.
And and I wanted to talk to youand we're going to get dive
into now about faith and becauseit sounds like the research
I've been doing faith has alwaysbeen powerful and part of your
life, which is outstanding, butit was your relationship to it
(20:37):
that has changed.
Is that correct?
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Yeah, I gave my heart to Jesus in 95, 94, but I have
had a constant journey ofgetting out of the way.
God has a plan for my life.
He loves me, he's a good father, but I constantly screw it up
with my own pride and ego andfear and selfishness.
So it's just a journey ofletting go.
(21:00):
It's like I've been married for26 years.
I still say stupid stuff to mywife, I'm still rude to her
sometimes and I'll be probablyscrewing something up till the
day I die.
As long as we're on this brokenplanet with my broken body, I'm
just going to be less than ideal.
But excellence is doing thebest of your ability while you
(21:20):
pursue the life you want, and sothe best of my ability is that
I can be quiet and listen more,because if I talk I end up
saying something stupid.
So I just became someone whowas more about questions and
listening.
I like to talk a lot and then Italk and I say something dumb.
So I just had to retrain myselfto be someone who asked more
questions and took time andlistened and celebrated the joy
(21:41):
of understanding people morethan the joy of being heard.
So I'm creating myself alongthe way and I'm creating these
relationships, so learning aboutGod and putting it in the right
perspective in light of all thechoices I made and who he is.
It's just a constant growingjourney.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, for sure, for sure it is, and you know what
you really.
What I also am picking up fromyou is is you're really starting
to touch on looking at andreevaluating your core values,
and so I think for many of us,we may not do that work in
really understanding how ourvalues are either helping us and
propelling us forward orholding us back.
(22:18):
And so how, in your work, howare you using core values to
pursue excellence and are theyhelping you with leading men and
network?
Speaker 3 (22:26):
I don't know how people would do without it.
You wouldn't run a bit Well,okay, a lot of people run a
business without core values.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't say thatI find it incredible because
without core values, everydecision is equally as valuable.
Yes, without purpose and avision of where you're going the
Alice in Wonderland thing withthe cat hey, do I go this way or
that way?
Where do you go?
I don't know.
Where do you want to go?
(22:46):
I don't know.
Then either choice is fine.
And so in my life, if I know whoI am and I know whose I am, I
belong to the heavenly fatherand he's got a purpose in my
life and I'm married to the mostbeautiful, wonderful friend and
I have these kids and theseneighbors.
I have all these things in mylife.
What am I supposed to do withthat?
It's not just about your job.
That's a thing, that's a toolin my toolbox for my life.
(23:10):
But if I don't know what I'mabout and where I'm going and
why I exist, and then how to doit, everything you could decide
to do is equally as importantand valuable.
So in my core values, for me asa human, it starts with love.
Jesus says, they'll know you byyour love and the most
important thing is to love theLord, your God, with all your
(23:30):
heart and soul and mind andstrength.
So my core values are show love, serve beyond expectations,
pursue excellence, be real andhave fun.
Those are my personal corevalues, which, since I have my
own business, they are now mybusiness core values.
And then when I deal withclients and I run my business, I
do it that way.
So if a customer cancels at thelast minute, the serve beyond
(23:53):
expectation means you don'tcharge them for that meeting.
You go okay, let's reschedule.
How are you doing?
Are you okay?
What's going on that you wouldcancel?
You care for them and youcreate a business that is
serving them beyond what theywould expect.
That is how you make choices,living out your core values.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Beautiful point.
I'm glad to see, happy to hear,that those core values are
similar in both yourprofessional life and our
personal life and they can behow they show up.
It will look differentlypotentially in those two aspects
of life, but they resonate withwho you are, so you're not
trying to be two differentpeople.
And I think people strugglewith that when businesses start
(24:29):
to talk about core values, anddoes it really align with who
they are?
And so I really appreciate thatyou've made that connection
between personal and business.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Yeah, I can't be two people.
I know a lot of people who do.
They got to amp up to be a jerkat work, and so then at work
they're in this constant stressof I'm not who I am, so I'm
being someone else, and thatcauses an internal stress to
them.
They're not as good at beingthat person as they are being
themselves, so there's they'renot performing as well, and then
they go home because they'vehad a whole day at work being
someone they're not.
(25:00):
When they get home, they'reexhausted and burned out or God
forbid, they take that personhome with them and they'd be
that way at home, which does notwork.
I've had my wife tell me manytimes I do not work for you.
I'm coming in saying what'sgoing on with this?
And so we have to learn to beone person everywhere.
Why would you want to besomeone else?
A lot of people think the onlyway to get things done is to
yell at someone or to be a hardass.
(25:21):
That is not what is required.
What's required is goodcommunication.
What's required is a vision.
What's required is hiringpeople who care All these things
.
You don't need to scream atpeople to get things done.
You don't need to be a tyrant,and if you've learned to be that
way, you can unlearn it.
But to be one person everywhereall the time builds peace and
continuity in your life.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Yeah, I completely agree.
So obviously, in your work, youwork with a lot of CEOs, and so
there must be somecommonalities that you're
finding with them to both endsof the spectrum those that are
struggling to put margin intheir lives and those that have
the margin in their lives.
So what would you say are,let's say, top five traits of
CEOs their lives.
So what would you?
Speaker 3 (26:00):
say are, let's say, top five traits of CEOs,
regardless of the ability tohave margin in their lives,
which is a separate issue,there's five things that I've
seen great CEOs do.
They're always learning,because the world is constantly
changing, and that doesn't meanyou read a book.
That means you constantly learneverything, because what's the
new law about cybersecurity?
What's the new law about youraccounting and finances?
(26:22):
There's a new HR law every week, and so if you're not at least
aware of what's going on in allthe peripheral things that are
all around your company not justhow to make a widget you have
to know everything.
That's what a CEO's job is.
You don't do everything, butyou need to know.
So when your employees say wedon't have to do that, yeah, you
do.
That's called the law.
So you got to know enough.
So you're always learning.
(26:43):
The second thing is they makedecisions.
If you're a leader, you makedecisions.
They're not always the rightone, they're not always perfect,
but you make them, and notmaking a decision is making a
decision, and so you have to beintentional about the decisions
you make.
And then the third thing is youown that.
That's where accountabilitycomes in.
You own your decisions.
You don't blame your team, youdon't make excuses or say you
(27:05):
can't fix anything or just waitand hope.
You own them and that's theleadership role that you've
taken on when you have youremployees and then, in order to
be proactively in an accountingmindset, accountable mindset,
you have to proactively dothings to get the result you
want.
You pour into your team.
That's number four.
You pour into your team Becausefor you to be responsible and
(27:25):
say someone screwed up, I'lltake the blame.
That's being responsible.
Accountable is saying peoplescrew up.
So how do I avoid that?
I train them, I talk to them, Ireinforce behavior, I teach
core values and we model it andwe measure against it.
That is proactively beingaccountable.
And so you pour into your team.
And the last one is you driveresults.
You don't do the work, but youmake sure the work gets done and
(27:49):
you are driving it.
By the way, you mentor andcoach and create a culture where
everyone is accountable so wecan get things done, so we can
scale, because someday you'regoing to die or want to walk
away from that company and ifyou haven't created a team
that's ready to robustly step upand run with excellence, it all
falls apart and everybody losestheir job.
And why would you work so hardto have a company that just
(28:10):
falls apart the moment you leave?
So those are the things I'veseen really good CEOs do well.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
That's a great list and I'm going to expand on that
list a little bit.
I'm going to and suggest thatthose of you that are listening
to this episode that you don'tneed to be a CEO to have these
five in place.
When I was a young guy coming upin the culinary world,
unbeknownst to me untillistening to you do your five, I
was practicing in some way,shape or form these things,
(28:38):
learning how to do my job,learning how my boss's job works
, the want, the job I wanted,and I had this mentality that
you should always be working forthe job that you want.
If you're not the CEO, then thejob that you have, because what
that push does you for you isit just pushes you to strive for
excellence, to train, to teach,because if you are the single
(28:59):
reason that the business issurviving, that's a scary place
to be in because somethinghappens to you.
Then you're not just affectingyourself but your family and
other families around you, andso it doesn't matter, you don't
need to be a CEO.
My point is on this topic isthat, whatever level of business
that you're in implementing,these five here that Robert just
dropped are profoundly going tochange the way you show up in
(29:23):
life and at work, so I reallyappreciate that.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
Yeah, and that's the same thing at your home.
If I'm a dad, I got two adultkids.
I'm never done learning.
I'm reading a book calledLiving with Adult Children and
my son's 22 and he doesn't needme to tell him anything anymore.
My daughter's 33.
She's now interested a littlebit about what things I might
know.
But you go through this wholecycle where you're the smartest
guy in the house and now thatyou're the dumbest guy in the
house and then maybe it comesback around that they're
(29:47):
interested in some of the thingsyou know.
But you have to learn how towork with your kids, how to work
with your spouse.
I have a friend whose wife justgot got dementia or is
diagnosed with dementia.
He's going to have to relearnhow to love her.
Yeah, he's going to have torelearn how to care for his wife
.
He's been with all these years.
So you're always learning.
(30:07):
You're always making decisions.
You own it.
You're going to be accountableto that.
If you're a parent, you havethe same kind of
responsibilities as the CEO.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
Right on, right on.
I was going to ask you whatbooks on your nightstand, but we
already know that, so I'm gladto see that you're still
learning and growing.
So that's outstanding.
Yeah, always Obviously, you'rein a role where you're providing
lots of advice, mentorship forfolks, and I'm sure in your
career and as you've been goingalong, you've talked about
people that have come into yourlife where you were vulnerable
to help you.
But really it was the questionI want to ask is what had been
(30:35):
the best piece of advice thatyou've been given?
How is it still serving youtoday?
Speaker 3 (30:43):
That whole thing about advices are like buds.
I really I tend to not actuallygive advice.
I'm an executive coach and Ireally don't give advice and I
really don't tell people what todo.
I ask them what they want to doand I help them get started on
that, because people know whatto do already.
They're just not doing it, andso we help people get clarity,
(31:03):
get free and get going.
That's what a coach should do.
The best advice that I ever gotwas don't be lazy.
I think that in my own life Iwas very lazy.
As a kid.
I had a TV in my room, eventhough I made.
I had jobs Every kid in Americahad a job, as grown up in my
days, in mowing a yard, paperroute, whatever it was, but it
(31:24):
all went to candy and just crap,and then I would just be lazy.
I didn't try hard.
I barely graduated college,barely graduated high school,
but doing the very least I hadto do was my level, and yet,
compared to my friends, I lookedlike I had it all together
because they were really idiots,and so everyone would say
you're so grown up.
(31:44):
I got married at 20 and Ididn't have to.
I wanted to get married at 20.
And I just seemed like I had itall together.
But I knew in my heart I waslazy, and so someone who could
discern that in me early on toldme that don't be lazy.
When you do your job, lookaround and say, how could this
be done?
And whether or not anyone eversees you do it or not, it's for
(32:04):
you.
It's the pride you have that Iget to be here for eight hours.
Why don't I just be great?
Why would I just be there andjust be there?
Why don't I just be great atwhat I do?
Just for my own satisfaction?
And so that really did inspireme.
It took a long time to get overthe lazy habits.
Having kids helped because Ihad to own that.
I did go through a divorcemyself when my daughter was two
(32:28):
years old and my world fellapart and I hated it.
But all those things are partsof my story that God used to
create the man that I am today.
I'm never bitter about anything.
You go to the gym and you pushweights and it hurts and you're
tearing your muscles Like why amI doing this?
Oh, I want to be stronger.
It's just making us strongerfor more, because at the end of
your life.
It gets really hard.
(32:48):
Your health falls apart, yourun out of the capacity to earn
money like you used to when youwere young.
You just don't have the sameenergy you did.
It gets real hard.
So God is so kind to gear us upfor the strength, for the
strong times to get in as somekind of a rhythm so we can
handle the harder years.
So I'm just practicing thatdiscipline of not being lazy to
(33:09):
this day.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
What a great way to practice that discipline of not
being lazy.
Because, it is true, right,there are.
There's opportunities for us tolearn and grow, and as long as
we continue to look for thoseand take advantage of it, then
we do turn into much stronger,more resilient men.
Robert, of everything we'vetalked about today, maybe there
was something we didn't get achance to touch on.
(33:31):
What would be the one takeawayyou'd want our listeners to have
?
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Well, we didn't talk about margin exactly.
And margin is just thisprinciple that there's a certain
amount of limit in life andthere's a certain load that you
carry and the difference betweenthem is margin.
So you should look at your lifein at least the four categories
of time money, health andemotion and you should be.
And if you go to margindfwcom,you can see a video, you can
(33:54):
take an assessment.
It's free.
But I really want people tounderstand when you get an
overload, you're not productiveand people just think I'll just
work harder.
Yeah, but you're not workingwell.
And a machine if you had amanufacturing machine and it was
doing well, you wouldn't crankit up to 60 more decibels to
crank out more because you'regoing to make mistakes, it's
going to break down, you'regoing to have problems, but we
do it to our bodies all the time.
(34:15):
And so in our time, our money,our health and our emotions,
you've got to create room forthe unexpected.
So here's my limit.
I stop here.
I create a world that liveslike this.
So when all of a sudden aproblem occurs and I need to put
a little more time into theoffice, and then someone needs
my time, and then a thinghappens.
I still have some room to gobefore I overload.
When I overload, I make mistakes, I'm mean to people.
I don't like my own life.
(34:36):
When I overload, I makemistakes, I'm mean to people, I
don't like my own life.
And so by creating room in mymoney, in my health, I protect
the emotion.
At the end of the day.
I can't measure how much myemotion margin is.
I know when I don't have any,because I yell at the guy who
cuts me off on the freeway likeI'm going to ram my car into him
.
Where did that come from?
(34:56):
It's because you're livingwithout any margin in your
emotion.
So go and learn about how tocreate room for your life, to
have some space in your time,money and health, and fight to
protect your emotions so thatyou can live a life that you can
enjoy.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
What a great way to utilize our emotions, and we've
talked in other episodes and inour work about how men can help
manage their emotions and what agreat way to use it as a
barometer of have we createdenough margin in our life today,
for us today, and then theseother three areas.
What a profound way to shapethat together.
I want to say, robert, thankyou so much for being on the
(35:33):
show today and help us reallytraverse our own accountability
mountain in all aspects of ourlife so that we can create as
much margin so we can livefulfilling lives.
So if men are interested ingetting ahold of you
participating in your work,what's the best way for them to
do that?
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Yeah, our book is found at nobodycaresbookcom.
Of course, it's available onAmazon and Barnes and Nobles and
Target and all that stuff, butwe like you to buy it from us so
we can make more money.
My work, what I do for a living, is refdallascom, and on there
you can find assessments andtools you can use to help you
figure out what's going on inyour life and what you want to
(36:10):
do about it.
I like to give these thingsaway because I created them for
my clients and they found valuein them, and so I want the world
to know about these things.
So just go check out thosewebsites.
You can take the satisfactionassessment, help you declare
where your life is focused andwhat you want to do about it,
and I'm on LinkedIn and allother kinds of stuff If you want
to reach out.
I'd love to talk to people.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Outstanding.
I'll make sure that all of thatinformation's in there and the
direct link to your book, sopeople can get a you, robert.
Once again, thank you so muchfor being on the show.
I really enjoyed ourconversation.
Thanks, alan.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, To become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe Awakened man at
theawakendmannet and startforging a new destiny today.
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