August 3, 2025 • 43 mins
Let me know your thoughts on the show and what topic you would like me to discuss next.
What happens when the doctor becomes the patient? Dr. Michael J. Hession's world turned upside down when a simple cold escalated into life-threatening pneumonia, putting him on a ventilator for 11 days followed by complete paralysis from Guillain-Barré syndrome. His remarkable journey from the edge of death to recovery offers powerful lessons about resilience, purpose, and finding happiness in the face of overwhelming adversity.
The distinguished cardiologist shares his near-death experience where he encountered a luminous figure who told him, "It is not your time, you must go back. There's much to do." This profound spiritual moment, coupled with the brutal realities of rehabilitation – learning to swallow, sit up, and eventually walk again – transformed his understanding of what it means to be both a physician and a human being.
Drawing wisdom from Viktor Frankl, Admiral Stockdale, and his own father's immigrant tenacity, Dr. Hession developed a framework for overcoming seemingly impossible challenges: acknowledge the facts, accept the situation without anger or denial, and adapt by finding a path forward. His story demonstrates how vulnerability and strength can coexist, and how gratitude becomes the foundation for genuine happiness.
For anyone supporting loved ones through critical illness, Dr. Hession offers crucial insights about the power of presence. Even when patients appear unresponsive, they can likely hear and remember conversations – connections that provide an essential lifeline during the disorienting experience of intensive care. Whether you're facing health challenges, career setbacks, or relationship difficulties, his three-step approach provides a roadmap for navigating life's most daunting obstacles.
Ready to transform your own challenges into opportunities for growth? Explore Dr. Hession's book "Physician Heal Thyself" and discover how confronting mortality can lead to a more authentic, purposeful life.
Key moments in this episode:
04:13 Michael's Near-Death Experience
11:28 The Struggle and Recovery
21:14 Finding Purpose and Happiness
29:38 Faith and Resilience
33:36 The Power of Relationships
35:39 Balancing Vulnerability and Strength
40:11 Final Thoughts and Takeaways
How to reach Dr Hession:
Website: https://www.acknowledgeacceptadapt.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61560101224931
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michaeljhession/
Thanks for listening to the Revolutionary Man Podcast. For more information about our programs, please use the links below to learn more about us. It could be the step that changes your life.
Want to be a guest on The Revolutionary Man Podcast? Send Alain Dumonceaux a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/revolutionarymanpodcast
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⛰The Integrity Challenge
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Imagine finding yourself on the brink of life
and death.
It's a moment that challengeseverything you thought you knew
about yourself, your purpose,even your profession.
For many, the idea of mortalityis abstract.
It's something distant and it'sintangible.
But what happens when it comesto your reality?
Facing such a harrowingexperience can either break you
(00:20):
or transform you into someonestronger, more empathetic and
deeply connected with yourlife's purpose.
And so, in today's episode,we're going to explore how
adversity, resilience and thehuman spirit intersect to create
a profound personal andprofessional growth, and,
through the lens of a near-deathexperience, we're going to
uncover what it takes to rebuildnot just your body, but your
(00:41):
mind and your soul.
Now, before we dive into today'stopic, let's take a moment to
talk about something else thatcould change your life as well,
and we all know that it's hardfor us to stay true to ourselves
in a world that's constantlypulling us in lots of different
directions, and so the pressureto provide and to perform and
persevere can leave us feelingdisconnected, like we're
(01:01):
drifting further and furtherfrom the man that we want to be.
And so if you've ever felt stuckor frustrated or unsure of how
to bridge the gap between yourlife you have and the life that
you want.
Let me introduce you tosomething that we call living
with integrity.
This is more than a program.
It's a roadmap oftransformation, so it's going to
give you opportunity to alignyour actions with your values,
(01:23):
rebuild meaningful connectionsand create a legacy that truly
matters.
So if you're ready to takecontrol with purpose, then
become the man your family wantsyou to be in the community, the
future you need you to be.
And I want you to start thechallenge today.
Go to membersthewakenmannet andbegin your journey by taking
(01:43):
the integrity challenge.
And because?
Not because the only thingthat's truly standing between
you and the life that you'recapable of is taking a decision,
making a decision today, takingthat first step.
And so, with that, let's get onwith today's episode.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
The average man today is sleepwalking through life,
many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
(02:21):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Stay strong, my brother.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast.
I'm the founder of the Awakenedman Movement and your host,
alan DeMonsoul.
I have a couple questions I'dlike you to consider.
How might your perspective onlife and purpose shift if you
came face-to-face with your ownmortality, and what lessons
could you learn from navigatingfear, resilience and recovery
(02:52):
after a life-changing event?
The journey from the brink ofdeath to a renowned sense of
purpose is one of profoundtransformation and it's filled
with lessons, like I said, aboutresilience, faith and the power
of our human spirit.
And today we're going toexplore how these experiences
can shape not just one person'slife but the professional life
(03:13):
of many others as well.
So allow me to introduce myguest.
Michael DeHessian is adistinguished physician and
cardiovascular specialist whosecareer is marked by resilience,
empathy and academic excellence,and he graduated of Dartmouth
Medical School and a fellow ofthe American College of Medicine
in cardiology, and he's beenrecognized eight times in Boston
Magazine's top doctor's annualedition.
(03:36):
So currently Michael is servingas a chief medical officer at
Brigham Health, harbor Medical,and Dr Heshen also contributes
to medical education withappointments at Harvard and
Tufts Medical Schools.
And outside of medicine, heenjoys life on Cape Cod with his
wife of 40 years, colleen, thatis awesome and sharing love
with boating, history and worldtravel.
(03:57):
He's also the author of abest-selling book, physician
Health Thyself, a Memoir abouthis near-death experience.
Michael, welcome to the show,my friend.
How are things?
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Zayon, Things are well and things are very well.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Excellent.
Thank you so much for being onthe show, and I'd like to dive
right in and talk about yourhero's journey and truly your
life, your death and rebirthmoment, and how that experience
shaped you into the man you aretoday and the work that you're
doing.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Thank you for the opportunity to discuss that.
So, as you said, I graduatedfrom Dartmouth Medical School.
I did my internship andresidency at Boston Medical
Center and my cardiologytraining at the Brigham and Wins
Hospital.
I started practice in 1985 andmy life was that of going to
work.
We have two sons, and therhythm was the same for decades
(04:55):
until it wasn't In the middle ofDecember of 2013,.
I came down with what initiallywas, I thought, just a common
cold.
It got worse and shortly beforeChristmas I was seeing my
primary care physician anddiagnosed with pneumonia.
My chest x-ray didn't look thatbad, just a single area of
(05:19):
pneumonia.
My white blood cell count wasnormal.
I didn't have a fever.
My blood oxygen level was good,so, by all accounts, I should
have been well with antibioticsin five or six days, except I
wasn't.
My breathing continued to getworse and it fell off a cliff on
December 31, 2013.
(05:42):
I woke up struggling to breathe2013.
I woke up struggling to breathe.
My wife had already been awokenby my labored breathing, and my
wife is a nurse.
We both knew I was in trouble.
We called 911.
I was taken to the emergencyroom of the hospital that I'd
worked with for close to threedecades.
In the emergency room I was insevere respiratory distress.
(06:05):
My chest x -ray had gone fromshowing one area of pneumonia to
both lungs completely encasedwith pneumonia.
I was diagnosed with acuterespiratory distress syndrome,
commonly known now since thepandemic as cytokine storm.
They tried me on a mask, but myoxygen didn't improve, so I was
(06:35):
taken to the intensive careunit and placed on a ventilator.
I remember before I went on theventilator, my wife told me
what was going to happen and didI want that?
I said yes, I want to live.
And for the next 11 days, timeceased to become a dimension.
There was no way to distinguishwhether it was morning, evening
or night.
I couldn't see that wellwithout my glasses.
(06:57):
I couldn't move.
I was sedated heavily andparalyzed.
To prevent fighting theventilator, which is commonly
done, it was terrifying.
It was beyond terrifying.
I could hear people talking butI couldn't speak back.
I couldn't move and it wasextremely disorienting.
(07:21):
And one of the treatments I hadto undergo was suctioning a
piece of tube in your lungs andsuction out the mucus and debris
from the pneumonia.
It's a very unpleasanttreatment.
I've seen it done to manypatients but having had it done
to me it was probably the worstthing I'd ever experienced.
(07:42):
I don't know if you ever sawthe movie the Mummy with Brendan
Fraser, when Nemo Tepin hailsthe breath out of the grave
robbers, that's what it feltlike, wow.
And I was drenched in sweatafter each treatment.
And after one of thesetreatments I don't remember
waking up.
I felt my body become cold andI felt like I was drifting away,
(08:07):
but I really couldn't see whereI was going.
I became aware of crying in thebackground.
Really more wailing the Gaelicword is keening.
It's the sound that's made byfeeling members more in the
depth of a loved one.
Keening the sound that's madeby feeling members mourning the
(08:28):
death of a loved one.
And it began to hit me thatthey were mourning my death, but
I didn't feel dead.
But I don't know what beingdead felt like.
So all I could see in thedistance were their tear-stained
faces trying to pull me back.
But I kept drifting furtheraway and then I couldn't see
(08:50):
their faces and I couldn't heartheir crying.
After some time I have no ideahow much time I began to see a
white light, and I rememberreading stories of people who
would come back from near deathand experienced a white light
and I kept being drawninexorably towards it.
A force greater than myself oranyone else was pulling me
(09:13):
towards the light and after awhile it took on the shape of a
woman in luminous white robe andshe said something to me that I
will forget.
Michael, it is not your time,you must go back.
There's much to do.
Next thing I remember is mywife speaking into my left ear,
(09:39):
telling me that she was toldgood news by the doctors that I
was getting better.
I didn't really understand whathad happened just yet.
I thought I might have beendreaming or it was a
hallucination, but my wife'swords were very reassuring.
I was not dead, even though Ithink I'm being pretty close.
(10:05):
But the whole 11 days spent on aventilator took every ounce of
effort to endure.
It really tested my sanity.
It's like being locked in acave or drifting in space.
(10:26):
You couldn't talk, you couldn'texpress any emotions, you
couldn't move.
And towards the end, when I wasgetting better, they wanted to
wean me from the ventilator andthey cut back the sedatives and
the opioids to relieve the pain.
(10:46):
Both of those medicinessuppress respiration, so they
really need to be withdrawn inorder to be weaned and I began
to experience unrelenting painfrom that tube down my throat.
It felt like a hose covered inbarbed wire and there were many
times I thought I was going togo insane.
Tube down my throat, it feltlike a hose covered in barbed
wire and many times I thought Iwas going to go insane.
(11:09):
The pain was unrelenting, but Iknew I just had to persevere
and get through it, minute byminute, and eventually, after 11
days, the tube was removed andthe pain was gone.
Shortly thereafter theydetermined that I couldn't move.
(11:32):
I was paralyzed.
At first they weren't surewhether or not it was a side
effect of the paralytic agentsthey give you to keep you from
moving around while you'reintubated, but it didn't wear
off.
Agents they give you to keepyou from moving around while
you're intubated, but it didn'twear off.
And then they came back with adiagnosis that had
Guillain-Barre, which is a knowncomplication of viral
infections Not common butdefinitely well-described and
(11:58):
I'd actually never taken care ofa patient with Guillain-Barre.
I knew what it was like to be inan ICU and take care of
patients on ventilators, butthis was something totally new
for me.
It was terrifying and Icouldn't even really yet wrap my
mind around the fact that I hadbeen on a ventilator for 11
(12:19):
days and now I was paralyzed.
I really had no long idea howlong this would take to get
better from, or even if it wouldget completely better.
They were talking about puttingme in a chronic care facility
because my recovery wasn'tcertain.
But my wife and I insisted ongoing to Spalding Rehabilitation
(12:44):
Hospital in Boston, which isone of the top rehabilitation
hospitals in the country, andthey quickly accepted me.
And when I arrived they broughtme up to spinal cord injury
floor and when I got out of theelevator on the stretcher I saw
(13:04):
that sign.
It was like really terrifying.
It was a different type ofterror than I had experienced
when I was intubated.
I had no idea what was in storefor me.
(13:27):
Other than that I had to beretaught.
How to move I was stilllearning how to breathe,
something I had taken forgranted for years.
But now I had to be taught howto swallow.
I couldn't swallow safely.
How to swallow I couldn'tswallow safely.
(13:47):
Speech therapy spent hourstraining my tongue and the
muscles involved in swallowing.
There are 640 muscles in thebody.
Almost all of mine hadatrophied from the two weeks of
the cell illness and the YenBeret and they had to be rebuilt
.
So my first victory waslearning to swallow solid food.
(14:14):
It took weeks before I couldeven get up in a wheelchair.
I was strong enough to get upin a wheelchair, but with a lot
of help.
They took me down to the gymand they had me try to do some
exercises, just really simplethings, beyond simple.
I couldn't do them.
It took all the energy.
(14:34):
I was drenched in sweat fromthe effort, but they kept
encouraging me to keep trying,that I was getting better.
I couldn't really see it day today, but week to week there was
noticeable, albeit minuscule,progress.
But it built on itself and eachweek I got stronger and
(15:00):
stronger.
It went from being in awheelchair to block-strand
crutches the ones that ForrestGump used, and they're
especially designed for peoplewith neuromuscular injuries To
help walking, as opposed toregular crutches.
You might get a broke your legor broke your ankle.
They were hard to use but Ipersevered and I got better.
(15:25):
They took me to the big gym atSpalding, which was an
impressive facility Two storieshigh, floor-to-ceiling windows
looking out of Boston Harbor.
I looked around and everybodywas in the same situation I was.
They were paralyzed, some fromthe neck down, some from the
waist down, some who, likemyself, were covering the began
(15:48):
beret.
But none of us could move onour own independently.
But little by little theyworked.
My muscles encouraged me tokeep going and it took every
ounce of strength anddetermination I had.
I had to dig down deep.
(16:10):
This was something new for me.
I had no experience like thisin my life to draw from what to
do.
But I remember my father tellingme as a child he immigrated to
the United States when he was 17years old, 1929, the depression
.
And I asked him why.
(16:30):
Why did you come to the UnitedStates in the middle of
depression?
He said in Ireland it was muchworse.
He said if you're willing towork, you could live.
He said if you fall down, youpick yourself up, Even if you
don't know where you're going.
You walk a few steps andeventually you'll know where to
(16:50):
go, but never, ever quit.
I kept telling myself that overand over again, and as I got
stronger, I was able to do moreand one day, after about a month
, maybe five weeks, they allowedme to have a day pass.
(17:12):
My wife took me to lunch at arestaurant that we had gone to
many times on the Boston Harborwaterfront.
It was intoxicating, but when Igot back to the room I was
totally exhausted.
It was, I was done.
(17:34):
I didn't have any strength left.
But I told myself that I mustbe good enough to go home soon.
And I kept thinking that I wasgoing to be home within a week
or so.
And when the week came and Ididn't go home, I became very
despondent and I cried and Ijust didn't see a way forward.
(17:59):
And I remember my father'swords don't quit.
And I remember my father'swords don't quit.
And I had read Viktor Frankl'saccount of being an Auschwitz
and search for meaning andAdmiral Stockdale's account of
being a prisoner in Vietnam.
(18:19):
And both of them said you mustnever lose sight of the fact
that someday you will persevere,that you will survive this.
But if you dwell on the past orthe horror of the present,
you'll drown.
You won't be able to moveforward.
(18:41):
And so I took the wisdom ofthose men and the wisdom of my
father.
I kept trying to get better, towork hard.
One of the physical therapistsloved ballroom dancing and she
did it professionally after workon the weekends.
So one day she took my wife andI to the big gym and put on a
(19:03):
little boom box, played music.
Your lesson for today is you'regoing to dance with your wife.
It seems so silly now, but Ihave to say that just resonated
with me very deep and visceral.
It was something I could havenever dreamed of myself as a way
(19:26):
to motivate me to do dig down,do more work harder.
But it did.
It just showed me the future,that I was on the right path,
and it helped me greatly.
I made it home, but I was farfrom ready to resume work.
(19:47):
I still using crutches to getaround.
I couldn't drive, I reallycouldn't walk safely.
It was still winter outside andthe streets were covered with
snow and icy and slippery.
So I used some of the oldexercise equipment I'd bought
from my kids when they were inschool.
I did what I could do and triedto keep as regimented a
(20:12):
schedule as I had at Spalding,and it was hard because I really
couldn't do very much.
It was humbling, much it washumbling.
So I decided to just keep it arecord of even if I only could
(20:35):
go on the exercise bike oneminute more, do one push-up more
.
That was my goal.
And week by week I got stronger.
Spring came, I was able to walkoutside with crutches and my
wife's help steadying me, andthen I just kept getting better
and I began to see a future.
(20:56):
It wasn't, I was not going tobe able to go back to what my
life was before that, but Icould see that there was a point
in the distant not too distantfuture that I would be able to
get back to work.
Getting back to work, I knew,would give me meaning and
(21:17):
purpose again, and it did.
And getting home to my wife wasmy first goal.
Getting back to work was mynext goal, and it took me about
a year and a half, but I did it.
A lot of rehabilitation, a lotof setbacks, a bunch of
(21:39):
hospitalizations, surgery,emergency surgery but I overcame
all those.
And then one day I said am Iever going to feel happy again?
And I thought long and hardabout that what is it that makes
(22:05):
you happy?
And I did what I have done mywhole life I just read and read
until I found some thoughts andideas of people who have written
about happiness.
And it was really simple.
I couldn't be happy if I wasconstantly looking to the past.
(22:29):
And what was the past could notbe reclaimed.
My present life was stilllimited, but I knew from the
trajectory that I was on that Iwould continue to be a physician
, to take care of patients, tohelp them, and that it was up to
(22:54):
me to choose happiness.
And it was then that I realizedthat happiness is a choice and
happiness is a choice.
And the trap that many peoplefall into when they're unhappy
is they constantly look to whatthey don't have anymore or maybe
what they never had.
You have to be grateful forwhat you were.
(23:16):
So I started keeping agratitude journal.
Every day I would write downfive things that I was grateful
for and how my life would beworse off if I didn't have those
things in my life, that simpleact of being grateful and every
(23:39):
day thanking people who helpedme.
The acts of gratitude, thebenefits, don't come to those
you thank.
They come to you forrecognizing people as equals and
(24:00):
human beings who are tryingtheir best to.
And once I reoriented mythinking, I found that I was
happy and my life had meaningand purpose again.
And I found the happiness that Ithought I lost, but hadn't it
was there all the time I justdidn't realize it and I think in
(24:22):
my book I talk a lot about myexperiences, my reading, and I
use my story to normalize whatit's like to have a critical
medical illness, to come back,to rebuild your life, even
though it's not the life youknew before, but to rebuild
(24:45):
what's possible and to findmeaning, purpose and happiness
that is such a powerful story,michael.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Thank you so much for sharing it and giving us an
opportunity.
You've dropped so many piecesof wisdom there that I'm sure
our listeners are going to pickup on, but I just wanted to
touch on a couple of thingsthere.
You talked about really abouthaving those incremental moments
of change and how you werelooking at while it didn't seem
(25:17):
like you were having muchprogression, but it was a step
forward, and so what I reallyappreciated in your story you
talked about even if it was onemore minute or it was one more
of something else, it didn'tneed to be the whole goal.
And the other thing you talkedabout is how when I was thinking
as you're telling your storyabout Stockdale and Frankel and
(25:39):
it's so true and how we may notencounter in life a
life-threatening situation wehave those things in life that
give us a similar feeling,whether that's going through a
divorce or loss of a job, evenretiring.
I think even more of that asyou get a little older.
If there isn't something to goto look forward to, and you
(26:02):
talked about first was gettinghome to be with your wife, and
it was that one piece, thatsense of purpose, and the next
one getting back to living yourcareer, and I just think that
there's so many great messagesin that for all of us men to
understand that we're going tohave these moments, we're going
to be challenged in life and howwe decide to show up isn't
(26:23):
necessarily going to be thisgreat epiphany.
It may take a battle.
It is the hero's journey.
Your story is the hero'sjourney of facing these demons
and finding the mentors, and youhad three of them there, with
Frankl and Stockdale and yourfather.
And I just want to know, as aphysician and coming more and
(26:43):
I'm going to make ageneralization here as a
physician and coming more andI'm going to make a
generalization here but having amore of an analytical and
scientific mindset, thenexperiencing more of the
metaphysical aspect of it, whatkind of patient did that make
you be as you were going throughthis transition?
Speaker 3 (27:01):
That's a great question.
Somebody was visiting me duringmy illness and they asked me
two questions.
Did all that I had gone throughmake me angry?
And I said no.
I realized in my own lifeexperience that anger is a
(27:23):
useless emotion.
It doesn't do anything positive.
The second question surprisedme.
I didn't know how to answer it.
Did it make you a better person?
And I thought about that andthought about that and I have to
say it did, and it gave me alife lesson that was invaluable
(27:46):
and I don't think I could havelearned any other way.
I learned to be a betterhusband, a better father, a
better physician.
The therapist at Spalding hadsuggested that I try mindfulness
(28:11):
, meditation and dealing withall that I was going through the
pain, the rehabilitation waspainful, and to just focus on
the breathing and the presentand put the other thoughts to
the side.
And I found that ability to bemore present.
(28:35):
Whether it was my wife, mychildren, my friends or my
patients, I was totally present.
I didn't allow distractions totake me from the moment.
I didn't allow distractions totake me from the moment, and I
also learned empathy.
I knew what it was like to be apatient.
(28:57):
So in talking to my patients,when I listened to them, I
experienced it through adifferent lens, having been
there myself on the other sideof the bed.
So it did make me a betterperson and it was a lesson that
I don't think I could havegotten in any other way.
I don't.
I'm not angry, I'm notresentful.
It was a powerful life lessonand it led me to write this book
(29:20):
and to be on your podcast today.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Excuse me, sorry about that.
Yes, for sure.
That is definitely a journeyfor it to go through to get.
That gets us to this point.
You talked a little bit aboutfaith in there and in the white
light aspect and seeing thiswoman in a white robe.
How was faith for you prior tothis incident and it is today?
How is that involved in yourlife and what kind of impact
(29:46):
does it have for you?
Speaker 3 (29:49):
so both my parents went to church every sunday.
They were very religious, so Iwas brought up with that as a
background.
It, as with most people intheir 20s and 30s, my life got
busy doing other things and itwasn't as as something that I
had at the front of my thoughtprocess every day, but it was
(30:12):
there deep inside and it hadbecome a part of my formation
and I didn't realize I had ituntil I needed it and when I was
on the ventilator needed it.
And when I was on theventilator I prayed every prayer
I could think of.
I promised God anything if Iwould live.
(30:32):
There's an old saying there areno atheists in foxholes.
I would add to that there areno atheists in ICUs either.
Yeah, primal will to live isvery strong and my faith, I
think, helped me and in the bookI talk about.
(30:54):
When I was in rehabilitationhospital, one of my closest
friends and his wife came tovisit me.
They brought some books to readand a bag, and in the bag was a
candle.
And they said this is a candlefrom Notre Dame, from the Grotto
replica Grotto of Our Lady ofLourdes and it was at that
(31:20):
moment that I realized that itwasn't a hallucination.
It wasn't a dream that reallythe students at Notre Dame were
asked to say the rosary for me.
That wasn't a hallucination.
It wasn't a dream that reallythe students in Notre Dame were
asked to say the rosary for me,to pray, for me to pray that I
would recover.
And when they told me that,when I was in the ICU and my
(31:41):
wife called, everybody told themthat I was sick.
They called their two daughterswho were students in Notre Dame
and they had all the studentsin Notre Dame pray for me at the
grotto to Our Lady of Lords thereplica.
And I realized I never went toLords but I'd been to Notre Dame
and been to that grotto onseveral occasions.
(32:03):
Took my son to when I waslooking at prospective colleges.
I spent a weekend there andthat's what it was.
It was the replica to Our Ladyof Lords.
What I saw was Our Lady ofLords.
The prayers of those studentsand my family and my friends
were heard.
I cannot give you a scientificexplanation of how that happened
(32:25):
.
It can only be understood infaith and I think if you have
faith it'll resonate.
If you don't, it won't.
But my faith is stronger thanever before and it's very
powerful.
I realize not all prayers areanswered but those prayers were
(32:53):
answered?
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Yeah, absolutely, and it's so interesting to speak
with you about this.
It's one of the few topics thatwe touch on on the show, and
the reason why I was excited totalk to you about this is that,
for many of the men that I workwith anyways, faith, especially,
isn't something thatnecessarily is in their lives,
and the other part of it is thatwe tend to struggle with trying
(33:16):
to work ourselves out ofsituations that we're into.
And your story has so manylessons for us to learn, and one
of the ones that I'd like totalk a little bit on now is the.
You know the relationships ofthe loved ones.
You've talked about your wifeand you know your children.
How is that through this wholejourney?
How did that contribute to yourrecovery?
(33:38):
And if you're speaking tosomebody, or speaking to me
right now, and I was in adifficult position what advice
would you give me, supportingsomeone who's going through that
type of journey?
Speaker 3 (33:50):
I would say have your loved ones visit you in the ICU
and to talk to you.
Even if you're unresponsive asI was, they probably can hear
you.
They're sedated but they haveawareness and they'll remember
those conversations.
It'll give them strength.
It'll help them to stay sane.
(34:15):
And staying sane with aprolonged intensive care unit
admission is not easy.
There's a medical term calledICU psychosis.
That when people are in theintensive care for a long time
on ventilators, the sensorydeprivation, not knowing whether
it's day or night or not,having people visit you is.
(34:39):
You're unmoored, you havenothing to hold on to.
You don't know whether it's dayor night, what day of the week
it is, what hour of the day itis.
Having someone you love talk toyou, to hold your hand is
powerful.
It gives you the strength to goon.
But going on doesn't seempossible on doesn't seem
(35:12):
possible.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
That is so interesting because I always
wondered that and having when myfather was at the end of his
life and after breaking his hipand then getting pneumonia and
being in the hospital wonderingcould he hear us, and so now I
know that he did.
He did, and it's really powerful.
So I appreciate you letting usknow that's really key for us to
recognize that, while we mayfeel helpless, the opportunity
(35:33):
to be there, to be of support,is profoundly powerful for the
person who is in need of it, andso this really experience also
put you in a position where youhad to become vulnerable and
live with being vulnerable,especially through the recovery
aspect of it, because youweren't the same person that you
were before that.
So talk to us a little bitabout how balancing
(35:55):
vulnerability and strengthduring this transition time now
with rebuilding your life, whatthat was like as well, and what
lessons did you learn from thatexperience?
Speaker 3 (36:04):
experience it was a very hard experience, as I said
it is.
It took about 11 plus days tocome off the ventilator and to
breathe.
My breathing was still labored.
(36:25):
I was on a full mask that wentfrom my forehead into my chin.
My voice was very hoarse andthe tube rubbing against my
vocal cords so I really couldn'tbe heard.
With the mask on I couldn't usemy hands.
When I went to rehabilitation Iwas able to come off the mask.
(36:47):
It was on oxygen through thenose, but I still couldn't use
my hands or even swallow.
Everything had to be done forme.
I couldn't even scratch my nose.
I couldn't wiggle my fingers.
I couldn't change myself.
I couldn't wash myself.
I couldn't go to the toiletmyself.
Very basic things, basic skillsof life you learn as a child.
(37:13):
I was a full-grown adult.
I couldn't do any of it.
It was extremely humbling andextremely disorienting.
It took a long time to gainthose skills back.
As I said, my first victory waslearning how to swallow, but I
still had to be spoon-fed.
(37:33):
I couldn't lift up a fork or aspoon.
I couldn't wash myself.
After a week or so they got meup in a lift and stripped me in
a wheelchair into the showerjust showered me off.
I couldn't wash myself, Icouldn't dry myself.
It was embarrassing, but it wasreally beyond that.
(38:00):
I just realized I knew I neededhelp and I had to accept the
help.
Resisting it was futile andfoolish.
So I was grateful for the helpand I got past the embarrassment
and the sense of loss and justfocused on what I had control of
(38:24):
, which wasn't much.
I had control of my mind, mythoughts, and I forced myself to
think positively, not to dwellon the past, not to dwell on the
current situation, but thefuture.
As Admiral Stockdale said andViktor Frankl said, those who
(38:47):
could look to the future, thoseare the ones that survived
Auschwitz, those are the onesthat survived being prisoners of
war in Vietnam during Vietnam.
And I just channeled thosethoughts and the days went by
(39:09):
slowly and I had to just forcemyself to think positively and
it worked.
I just fell back on the lessonsmy father taught me yeah during
the depression never quit ifyou, if you fall, get up.
The people who don't make it arethose who quit, never quit.
(39:31):
And I just kept telling myselfthat over and over again.
Even though I didn't see a wayforward or see a path, I knew
that if I somehow found thestrength to each hour, each day,
to move forward, that I wouldsomeday overcome what's
(39:52):
happening to me.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
Absolutely.
It's just one step at a time,it's one foot in front of the
other, it's one moment, onemoment after moment, and that's
how we start to rebuild ourlives, from the point when we
feel there might be a point ofno return.
And so I just want to say thankyou, michael, for being on the
show today, and I don't know ifwe had an opportunity to touch
on everything, but if there wasone thing you would want our
(40:16):
listeners to take away fromtoday's conversation, what would
that be?
Speaker 3 (40:32):
When I went back to seeing patients, I realized that
the simplest advice I couldgive to whatever the patient had
whether it was heart failure,they needed a bypass, whatever
it was acknowledge the facts asthey are.
If you can't acknowledge thefacts, you can't move forward.
Accept the facts as they are.
(40:52):
Anger and denial don't help you.
And the third is adapt.
Find a way to move forward.
I made that my website,wwwacknowledgeadaptcom, and I
think you know if your readersare interested in the book.
It's not a long book.
(41:13):
I purposely made it briefenough that it's not a huge read
but it's Physician Heal,thyself Nearly Dead, and the
Journey Back to Health byMichael Hesham.
It's a powerful book.
It has a lot of the lessons Italked about.
I footnoted it heavily.
If people want to do additionalreading, they can do that to
(41:33):
read Stockdale, to read Frankel,to read Hillebrand, to read
some of the authors that gave meinspiration in my recovery.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
Outstanding.
I just want to say once againyou so much.
You had such a powerful storythat you shared with us today
and it's truly a story thatoffers us hope and inspiration
for those of us who arestruggling with our own
challenges in life and men areinterested in getting hold of
you we've already talked about.
They can find you atacknowledge accept adaptcom.
Are you offering any programsor anything else that they might
(42:05):
be interested in speaking withyou about?
Speaker 3 (42:09):
They can email me and reach out to me and I'll get
back to them.
I post my podcasts on mywebsite and I write a blog and
try to put in messages of hopeof how you overcome what seems
to be impossible, whether it'sillness, death, divorce, losing
(42:35):
your job.
As my father said, never quitIf you knock down, pick yourself
up and move forward, and Ithink those words of wisdom got
me through the impossible andthey work.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
Amen, brother, Amen.
I'm going to make sure thatinformation is in today's show
notes as well as wherever elseyou are on social media.
So, folks, you have anopportunity to get a hold of you
and also a link for your bookPhysician Heal Thyself.
It's an outstanding read.
It'll give us opportunity toreally learn and grow as men.
So once again, Michael, thankyou so much for being on the
show.
We appreciate it having you on.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
Thank you very much, alan Nice, to be a guest on your
show.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, to become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe Awakened man at
theawakendmannet and startforging a new destiny today.
Imagine finding yourself on the brink of life
and death.
It's a moment that challengeseverything you thought you knew
about yourself, your purpose,even your profession.
For many, the idea of mortalityis abstract.
It's something distant and it'sintangible.
But what happens when it comesto your reality?
Facing such a harrowingexperience can either break you
(00:20):
or transform you into someonestronger, more empathetic and
deeply connected with yourlife's purpose.
And so, in today's episode,we're going to explore how
adversity, resilience and thehuman spirit intersect to create
a profound personal andprofessional growth, and,
through the lens of a near-deathexperience, we're going to
uncover what it takes to rebuildnot just your body, but your
(00:41):
mind and your soul.
Now, before we dive into today'stopic, let's take a moment to
talk about something else thatcould change your life as well,
and we all know that it's hardfor us to stay true to ourselves
in a world that's constantlypulling us in lots of different
directions, and so the pressureto provide and to perform and
persevere can leave us feelingdisconnected, like we're
(01:01):
drifting further and furtherfrom the man that we want to be.
And so if you've ever felt stuckor frustrated or unsure of how
to bridge the gap between yourlife you have and the life that
you want.
Let me introduce you tosomething that we call living
with integrity.
This is more than a program.
It's a roadmap oftransformation, so it's going to
give you opportunity to alignyour actions with your values,
(01:23):
rebuild meaningful connectionsand create a legacy that truly
matters.
So if you're ready to takecontrol with purpose, then
become the man your family wantsyou to be in the community, the
future you need you to be.
And I want you to start thechallenge today.
Go to membersthewakenmannet andbegin your journey by taking
(01:43):
the integrity challenge.
And because?
Not because the only thingthat's truly standing between
you and the life that you'recapable of is taking a decision,
making a decision today, takingthat first step.
And so, with that, let's get onwith today's episode.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
The average man today is sleepwalking through life,
many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
(02:21):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Stay strong, my brother.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast.
I'm the founder of the Awakenedman Movement and your host,
alan DeMonsoul.
I have a couple questions I'dlike you to consider.
How might your perspective onlife and purpose shift if you
came face-to-face with your ownmortality, and what lessons
could you learn from navigatingfear, resilience and recovery
(02:52):
after a life-changing event?
The journey from the brink ofdeath to a renowned sense of
purpose is one of profoundtransformation and it's filled
with lessons, like I said, aboutresilience, faith and the power
of our human spirit.
And today we're going toexplore how these experiences
can shape not just one person'slife but the professional life
(03:13):
of many others as well.
So allow me to introduce myguest.
Michael DeHessian is adistinguished physician and
cardiovascular specialist whosecareer is marked by resilience,
empathy and academic excellence,and he graduated of Dartmouth
Medical School and a fellow ofthe American College of Medicine
in cardiology, and he's beenrecognized eight times in Boston
Magazine's top doctor's annualedition.
(03:36):
So currently Michael is servingas a chief medical officer at
Brigham Health, harbor Medical,and Dr Heshen also contributes
to medical education withappointments at Harvard and
Tufts Medical Schools.
And outside of medicine, heenjoys life on Cape Cod with his
wife of 40 years, colleen, thatis awesome and sharing love
with boating, history and worldtravel.
(03:57):
He's also the author of abest-selling book, physician
Health Thyself, a Memoir abouthis near-death experience.
Michael, welcome to the show,my friend.
How are things?
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Zayon, Things are well and things are very well.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Excellent.
Thank you so much for being onthe show, and I'd like to dive
right in and talk about yourhero's journey and truly your
life, your death and rebirthmoment, and how that experience
shaped you into the man you aretoday and the work that you're
doing.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Thank you for the opportunity to discuss that.
So, as you said, I graduatedfrom Dartmouth Medical School.
I did my internship andresidency at Boston Medical
Center and my cardiologytraining at the Brigham and Wins
Hospital.
I started practice in 1985 andmy life was that of going to
work.
We have two sons, and therhythm was the same for decades
(04:55):
until it wasn't In the middle ofDecember of 2013,.
I came down with what initiallywas, I thought, just a common
cold.
It got worse and shortly beforeChristmas I was seeing my
primary care physician anddiagnosed with pneumonia.
My chest x-ray didn't look thatbad, just a single area of
(05:19):
pneumonia.
My white blood cell count wasnormal.
I didn't have a fever.
My blood oxygen level was good,so, by all accounts, I should
have been well with antibioticsin five or six days, except I
wasn't.
My breathing continued to getworse and it fell off a cliff on
December 31, 2013.
(05:42):
I woke up struggling to breathe2013.
I woke up struggling to breathe.
My wife had already been awokenby my labored breathing, and my
wife is a nurse.
We both knew I was in trouble.
We called 911.
I was taken to the emergencyroom of the hospital that I'd
worked with for close to threedecades.
In the emergency room I was insevere respiratory distress.
(06:05):
My chest x -ray had gone fromshowing one area of pneumonia to
both lungs completely encasedwith pneumonia.
I was diagnosed with acuterespiratory distress syndrome,
commonly known now since thepandemic as cytokine storm.
They tried me on a mask, but myoxygen didn't improve, so I was
(06:35):
taken to the intensive careunit and placed on a ventilator.
I remember before I went on theventilator, my wife told me
what was going to happen and didI want that?
I said yes, I want to live.
And for the next 11 days, timeceased to become a dimension.
There was no way to distinguishwhether it was morning, evening
or night.
I couldn't see that wellwithout my glasses.
(06:57):
I couldn't move.
I was sedated heavily andparalyzed.
To prevent fighting theventilator, which is commonly
done, it was terrifying.
It was beyond terrifying.
I could hear people talking butI couldn't speak back.
I couldn't move and it wasextremely disorienting.
(07:21):
And one of the treatments I hadto undergo was suctioning a
piece of tube in your lungs andsuction out the mucus and debris
from the pneumonia.
It's a very unpleasanttreatment.
I've seen it done to manypatients but having had it done
to me it was probably the worstthing I'd ever experienced.
(07:42):
I don't know if you ever sawthe movie the Mummy with Brendan
Fraser, when Nemo Tepin hailsthe breath out of the grave
robbers, that's what it feltlike, wow.
And I was drenched in sweatafter each treatment.
And after one of thesetreatments I don't remember
waking up.
I felt my body become cold andI felt like I was drifting away,
(08:07):
but I really couldn't see whereI was going.
I became aware of crying in thebackground.
Really more wailing the Gaelicword is keening.
It's the sound that's made byfeeling members more in the
depth of a loved one.
Keening the sound that's madeby feeling members mourning the
(08:28):
death of a loved one.
And it began to hit me thatthey were mourning my death, but
I didn't feel dead.
But I don't know what beingdead felt like.
So all I could see in thedistance were their tear-stained
faces trying to pull me back.
But I kept drifting furtheraway and then I couldn't see
(08:50):
their faces and I couldn't heartheir crying.
After some time I have no ideahow much time I began to see a
white light, and I rememberreading stories of people who
would come back from near deathand experienced a white light
and I kept being drawninexorably towards it.
A force greater than myself oranyone else was pulling me
(09:13):
towards the light and after awhile it took on the shape of a
woman in luminous white robe andshe said something to me that I
will forget.
Michael, it is not your time,you must go back.
There's much to do.
Next thing I remember is mywife speaking into my left ear,
(09:39):
telling me that she was toldgood news by the doctors that I
was getting better.
I didn't really understand whathad happened just yet.
I thought I might have beendreaming or it was a
hallucination, but my wife'swords were very reassuring.
I was not dead, even though Ithink I'm being pretty close.
(10:05):
But the whole 11 days spent on aventilator took every ounce of
effort to endure.
It really tested my sanity.
It's like being locked in acave or drifting in space.
(10:26):
You couldn't talk, you couldn'texpress any emotions, you
couldn't move.
And towards the end, when I wasgetting better, they wanted to
wean me from the ventilator andthey cut back the sedatives and
the opioids to relieve the pain.
(10:46):
Both of those medicinessuppress respiration, so they
really need to be withdrawn inorder to be weaned and I began
to experience unrelenting painfrom that tube down my throat.
It felt like a hose covered inbarbed wire and there were many
times I thought I was going togo insane.
Tube down my throat, it feltlike a hose covered in barbed
wire and many times I thought Iwas going to go insane.
(11:09):
The pain was unrelenting, but Iknew I just had to persevere
and get through it, minute byminute, and eventually, after 11
days, the tube was removed andthe pain was gone.
Shortly thereafter theydetermined that I couldn't move.
(11:32):
I was paralyzed.
At first they weren't surewhether or not it was a side
effect of the paralytic agentsthey give you to keep you from
moving around while you'reintubated, but it didn't wear
off.
Agents they give you to keepyou from moving around while
you're intubated, but it didn'twear off.
And then they came back with adiagnosis that had
Guillain-Barre, which is a knowncomplication of viral
infections Not common butdefinitely well-described and
(11:58):
I'd actually never taken care ofa patient with Guillain-Barre.
I knew what it was like to be inan ICU and take care of
patients on ventilators, butthis was something totally new
for me.
It was terrifying and Icouldn't even really yet wrap my
mind around the fact that I hadbeen on a ventilator for 11
(12:19):
days and now I was paralyzed.
I really had no long idea howlong this would take to get
better from, or even if it wouldget completely better.
They were talking about puttingme in a chronic care facility
because my recovery wasn'tcertain.
But my wife and I insisted ongoing to Spalding Rehabilitation
(12:44):
Hospital in Boston, which isone of the top rehabilitation
hospitals in the country, andthey quickly accepted me.
And when I arrived they broughtme up to spinal cord injury
floor and when I got out of theelevator on the stretcher I saw
(13:04):
that sign.
It was like really terrifying.
It was a different type ofterror than I had experienced
when I was intubated.
I had no idea what was in storefor me.
(13:27):
Other than that I had to beretaught.
How to move I was stilllearning how to breathe,
something I had taken forgranted for years.
But now I had to be taught howto swallow.
I couldn't swallow safely.
How to swallow I couldn'tswallow safely.
(13:47):
Speech therapy spent hourstraining my tongue and the
muscles involved in swallowing.
There are 640 muscles in thebody.
Almost all of mine hadatrophied from the two weeks of
the cell illness and the YenBeret and they had to be rebuilt
.
So my first victory waslearning to swallow solid food.
(14:14):
It took weeks before I couldeven get up in a wheelchair.
I was strong enough to get upin a wheelchair, but with a lot
of help.
They took me down to the gymand they had me try to do some
exercises, just really simplethings, beyond simple.
I couldn't do them.
It took all the energy.
(14:34):
I was drenched in sweat fromthe effort, but they kept
encouraging me to keep trying,that I was getting better.
I couldn't really see it day today, but week to week there was
noticeable, albeit minuscule,progress.
But it built on itself and eachweek I got stronger and
(15:00):
stronger.
It went from being in awheelchair to block-strand
crutches the ones that ForrestGump used, and they're
especially designed for peoplewith neuromuscular injuries To
help walking, as opposed toregular crutches.
You might get a broke your legor broke your ankle.
They were hard to use but Ipersevered and I got better.
(15:25):
They took me to the big gym atSpalding, which was an
impressive facility Two storieshigh, floor-to-ceiling windows
looking out of Boston Harbor.
I looked around and everybodywas in the same situation I was.
They were paralyzed, some fromthe neck down, some from the
waist down, some who, likemyself, were covering the began
(15:48):
beret.
But none of us could move onour own independently.
But little by little theyworked.
My muscles encouraged me tokeep going and it took every
ounce of strength anddetermination I had.
I had to dig down deep.
(16:10):
This was something new for me.
I had no experience like thisin my life to draw from what to
do.
But I remember my father tellingme as a child he immigrated to
the United States when he was 17years old, 1929, the depression
.
And I asked him why.
(16:30):
Why did you come to the UnitedStates in the middle of
depression?
He said in Ireland it was muchworse.
He said if you're willing towork, you could live.
He said if you fall down, youpick yourself up, Even if you
don't know where you're going.
You walk a few steps andeventually you'll know where to
(16:50):
go, but never, ever quit.
I kept telling myself that overand over again, and as I got
stronger, I was able to do moreand one day, after about a month
, maybe five weeks, they allowedme to have a day pass.
(17:12):
My wife took me to lunch at arestaurant that we had gone to
many times on the Boston Harborwaterfront.
It was intoxicating, but when Igot back to the room I was
totally exhausted.
It was, I was done.
(17:34):
I didn't have any strength left.
But I told myself that I mustbe good enough to go home soon.
And I kept thinking that I wasgoing to be home within a week
or so.
And when the week came and Ididn't go home, I became very
despondent and I cried and Ijust didn't see a way forward.
(17:59):
And I remember my father'swords don't quit.
And I remember my father'swords don't quit.
And I had read Viktor Frankl'saccount of being an Auschwitz
and search for meaning andAdmiral Stockdale's account of
being a prisoner in Vietnam.
(18:19):
And both of them said you mustnever lose sight of the fact
that someday you will persevere,that you will survive this.
But if you dwell on the past orthe horror of the present,
you'll drown.
You won't be able to moveforward.
(18:41):
And so I took the wisdom ofthose men and the wisdom of my
father.
I kept trying to get better, towork hard.
One of the physical therapistsloved ballroom dancing and she
did it professionally after workon the weekends.
So one day she took my wife andI to the big gym and put on a
(19:03):
little boom box, played music.
Your lesson for today is you'regoing to dance with your wife.
It seems so silly now, but Ihave to say that just resonated
with me very deep and visceral.
It was something I could havenever dreamed of myself as a way
(19:26):
to motivate me to do dig down,do more work harder.
But it did.
It just showed me the future,that I was on the right path,
and it helped me greatly.
I made it home, but I was farfrom ready to resume work.
(19:47):
I still using crutches to getaround.
I couldn't drive, I reallycouldn't walk safely.
It was still winter outside andthe streets were covered with
snow and icy and slippery.
So I used some of the oldexercise equipment I'd bought
from my kids when they were inschool.
I did what I could do and triedto keep as regimented a
(20:12):
schedule as I had at Spalding,and it was hard because I really
couldn't do very much.
It was humbling, much it washumbling.
So I decided to just keep it arecord of even if I only could
(20:35):
go on the exercise bike oneminute more, do one push-up more
.
That was my goal.
And week by week I got stronger.
Spring came, I was able to walkoutside with crutches and my
wife's help steadying me, andthen I just kept getting better
and I began to see a future.
(20:56):
It wasn't, I was not going tobe able to go back to what my
life was before that, but Icould see that there was a point
in the distant not too distantfuture that I would be able to
get back to work.
Getting back to work, I knew,would give me meaning and
(21:17):
purpose again, and it did.
And getting home to my wife wasmy first goal.
Getting back to work was mynext goal, and it took me about
a year and a half, but I did it.
A lot of rehabilitation, a lotof setbacks, a bunch of
(21:39):
hospitalizations, surgery,emergency surgery but I overcame
all those.
And then one day I said am Iever going to feel happy again?
And I thought long and hardabout that what is it that makes
(22:05):
you happy?
And I did what I have done mywhole life I just read and read
until I found some thoughts andideas of people who have written
about happiness.
And it was really simple.
I couldn't be happy if I wasconstantly looking to the past.
(22:29):
And what was the past could notbe reclaimed.
My present life was stilllimited, but I knew from the
trajectory that I was on that Iwould continue to be a physician
, to take care of patients, tohelp them, and that it was up to
(22:54):
me to choose happiness.
And it was then that I realizedthat happiness is a choice and
happiness is a choice.
And the trap that many peoplefall into when they're unhappy
is they constantly look to whatthey don't have anymore or maybe
what they never had.
You have to be grateful forwhat you were.
(23:16):
So I started keeping agratitude journal.
Every day I would write downfive things that I was grateful
for and how my life would beworse off if I didn't have those
things in my life, that simpleact of being grateful and every
(23:39):
day thanking people who helpedme.
The acts of gratitude, thebenefits, don't come to those
you thank.
They come to you forrecognizing people as equals and
(24:00):
human beings who are tryingtheir best to.
And once I reoriented mythinking, I found that I was
happy and my life had meaningand purpose again.
And I found the happiness that Ithought I lost, but hadn't it
was there all the time I justdidn't realize it and I think in
(24:22):
my book I talk a lot about myexperiences, my reading, and I
use my story to normalize whatit's like to have a critical
medical illness, to come back,to rebuild your life, even
though it's not the life youknew before, but to rebuild
(24:45):
what's possible and to findmeaning, purpose and happiness
that is such a powerful story,michael.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Thank you so much for sharing it and giving us an
opportunity.
You've dropped so many piecesof wisdom there that I'm sure
our listeners are going to pickup on, but I just wanted to
touch on a couple of thingsthere.
You talked about really abouthaving those incremental moments
of change and how you werelooking at while it didn't seem
(25:17):
like you were having muchprogression, but it was a step
forward, and so what I reallyappreciated in your story you
talked about even if it was onemore minute or it was one more
of something else, it didn'tneed to be the whole goal.
And the other thing you talkedabout is how when I was thinking
as you're telling your storyabout Stockdale and Frankel and
(25:39):
it's so true and how we may notencounter in life a
life-threatening situation wehave those things in life that
give us a similar feeling,whether that's going through a
divorce or loss of a job, evenretiring.
I think even more of that asyou get a little older.
If there isn't something to goto look forward to, and you
(26:02):
talked about first was gettinghome to be with your wife, and
it was that one piece, thatsense of purpose, and the next
one getting back to living yourcareer, and I just think that
there's so many great messagesin that for all of us men to
understand that we're going tohave these moments, we're going
to be challenged in life and howwe decide to show up isn't
(26:23):
necessarily going to be thisgreat epiphany.
It may take a battle.
It is the hero's journey.
Your story is the hero'sjourney of facing these demons
and finding the mentors, and youhad three of them there, with
Frankl and Stockdale and yourfather.
And I just want to know, as aphysician and coming more and
(26:43):
I'm going to make ageneralization here as a
physician and coming more andI'm going to make a
generalization here but having amore of an analytical and
scientific mindset, thenexperiencing more of the
metaphysical aspect of it, whatkind of patient did that make
you be as you were going throughthis transition?
Speaker 3 (27:01):
That's a great question.
Somebody was visiting me duringmy illness and they asked me
two questions.
Did all that I had gone throughmake me angry?
And I said no.
I realized in my own lifeexperience that anger is a
(27:23):
useless emotion.
It doesn't do anything positive.
The second question surprisedme.
I didn't know how to answer it.
Did it make you a better person?
And I thought about that andthought about that and I have to
say it did, and it gave me alife lesson that was invaluable
(27:46):
and I don't think I could havelearned any other way.
I learned to be a betterhusband, a better father, a
better physician.
The therapist at Spalding hadsuggested that I try mindfulness
(28:11):
, meditation and dealing withall that I was going through the
pain, the rehabilitation waspainful, and to just focus on
the breathing and the presentand put the other thoughts to
the side.
And I found that ability to bemore present.
(28:35):
Whether it was my wife, mychildren, my friends or my
patients, I was totally present.
I didn't allow distractions totake me from the moment.
I didn't allow distractions totake me from the moment, and I
also learned empathy.
I knew what it was like to be apatient.
(28:57):
So in talking to my patients,when I listened to them, I
experienced it through adifferent lens, having been
there myself on the other sideof the bed.
So it did make me a betterperson and it was a lesson that
I don't think I could havegotten in any other way.
I don't.
I'm not angry, I'm notresentful.
It was a powerful life lessonand it led me to write this book
(29:20):
and to be on your podcast today.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Excuse me, sorry about that.
Yes, for sure.
That is definitely a journeyfor it to go through to get.
That gets us to this point.
You talked a little bit aboutfaith in there and in the white
light aspect and seeing thiswoman in a white robe.
How was faith for you prior tothis incident and it is today?
How is that involved in yourlife and what kind of impact
(29:46):
does it have for you?
Speaker 3 (29:49):
so both my parents went to church every sunday.
They were very religious, so Iwas brought up with that as a
background.
It, as with most people intheir 20s and 30s, my life got
busy doing other things and itwasn't as as something that I
had at the front of my thoughtprocess every day, but it was
(30:12):
there deep inside and it hadbecome a part of my formation
and I didn't realize I had ituntil I needed it and when I was
on the ventilator needed it.
And when I was on theventilator I prayed every prayer
I could think of.
I promised God anything if Iwould live.
(30:32):
There's an old saying there areno atheists in foxholes.
I would add to that there areno atheists in ICUs either.
Yeah, primal will to live isvery strong and my faith, I
think, helped me and in the bookI talk about.
(30:54):
When I was in rehabilitationhospital, one of my closest
friends and his wife came tovisit me.
They brought some books to readand a bag, and in the bag was a
candle.
And they said this is a candlefrom Notre Dame, from the Grotto
replica Grotto of Our Lady ofLourdes and it was at that
(31:20):
moment that I realized that itwasn't a hallucination.
It wasn't a dream that reallythe students at Notre Dame were
asked to say the rosary for me.
That wasn't a hallucination.
It wasn't a dream that reallythe students in Notre Dame were
asked to say the rosary for me,to pray, for me to pray that I
would recover.
And when they told me that,when I was in the ICU and my
(31:41):
wife called, everybody told themthat I was sick.
They called their two daughterswho were students in Notre Dame
and they had all the studentsin Notre Dame pray for me at the
grotto to Our Lady of Lords thereplica.
And I realized I never went toLords but I'd been to Notre Dame
and been to that grotto onseveral occasions.
(32:03):
Took my son to when I waslooking at prospective colleges.
I spent a weekend there andthat's what it was.
It was the replica to Our Ladyof Lords.
What I saw was Our Lady ofLords.
The prayers of those studentsand my family and my friends
were heard.
I cannot give you a scientificexplanation of how that happened
(32:25):
.
It can only be understood infaith and I think if you have
faith it'll resonate.
If you don't, it won't.
But my faith is stronger thanever before and it's very
powerful.
I realize not all prayers areanswered but those prayers were
(32:53):
answered?
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Yeah, absolutely, and it's so interesting to speak
with you about this.
It's one of the few topics thatwe touch on on the show, and
the reason why I was excited totalk to you about this is that,
for many of the men that I workwith anyways, faith, especially,
isn't something thatnecessarily is in their lives,
and the other part of it is thatwe tend to struggle with trying
(33:16):
to work ourselves out ofsituations that we're into.
And your story has so manylessons for us to learn, and one
of the ones that I'd like totalk a little bit on now is the.
You know the relationships ofthe loved ones.
You've talked about your wifeand you know your children.
How is that through this wholejourney?
How did that contribute to yourrecovery?
(33:38):
And if you're speaking tosomebody, or speaking to me
right now, and I was in adifficult position what advice
would you give me, supportingsomeone who's going through that
type of journey?
Speaker 3 (33:50):
I would say have your loved ones visit you in the ICU
and to talk to you.
Even if you're unresponsive asI was, they probably can hear
you.
They're sedated but they haveawareness and they'll remember
those conversations.
It'll give them strength.
It'll help them to stay sane.
(34:15):
And staying sane with aprolonged intensive care unit
admission is not easy.
There's a medical term calledICU psychosis.
That when people are in theintensive care for a long time
on ventilators, the sensorydeprivation, not knowing whether
it's day or night or not,having people visit you is.
(34:39):
You're unmoored, you havenothing to hold on to.
You don't know whether it's dayor night, what day of the week
it is, what hour of the day itis.
Having someone you love talk toyou, to hold your hand is
powerful.
It gives you the strength to goon.
But going on doesn't seempossible on doesn't seem
(35:12):
possible.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
That is so interesting because I always
wondered that and having when myfather was at the end of his
life and after breaking his hipand then getting pneumonia and
being in the hospital wonderingcould he hear us, and so now I
know that he did.
He did, and it's really powerful.
So I appreciate you letting usknow that's really key for us to
recognize that, while we mayfeel helpless, the opportunity
(35:33):
to be there, to be of support,is profoundly powerful for the
person who is in need of it, andso this really experience also
put you in a position where youhad to become vulnerable and
live with being vulnerable,especially through the recovery
aspect of it, because youweren't the same person that you
were before that.
So talk to us a little bitabout how balancing
(35:55):
vulnerability and strengthduring this transition time now
with rebuilding your life, whatthat was like as well, and what
lessons did you learn from thatexperience?
Speaker 3 (36:04):
experience it was a very hard experience, as I said
it is.
It took about 11 plus days tocome off the ventilator and to
breathe.
My breathing was still labored.
(36:25):
I was on a full mask that wentfrom my forehead into my chin.
My voice was very hoarse andthe tube rubbing against my
vocal cords so I really couldn'tbe heard.
With the mask on I couldn't usemy hands.
When I went to rehabilitation Iwas able to come off the mask.
(36:47):
It was on oxygen through thenose, but I still couldn't use
my hands or even swallow.
Everything had to be done forme.
I couldn't even scratch my nose.
I couldn't wiggle my fingers.
I couldn't change myself.
I couldn't wash myself.
I couldn't go to the toiletmyself.
Very basic things, basic skillsof life you learn as a child.
(37:13):
I was a full-grown adult.
I couldn't do any of it.
It was extremely humbling andextremely disorienting.
It took a long time to gainthose skills back.
As I said, my first victory waslearning how to swallow, but I
still had to be spoon-fed.
(37:33):
I couldn't lift up a fork or aspoon.
I couldn't wash myself.
After a week or so they got meup in a lift and stripped me in
a wheelchair into the showerjust showered me off.
I couldn't wash myself, Icouldn't dry myself.
It was embarrassing, but it wasreally beyond that.
(38:00):
I just realized I knew I neededhelp and I had to accept the
help.
Resisting it was futile andfoolish.
So I was grateful for the helpand I got past the embarrassment
and the sense of loss and justfocused on what I had control of
(38:24):
, which wasn't much.
I had control of my mind, mythoughts, and I forced myself to
think positively, not to dwellon the past, not to dwell on the
current situation, but thefuture.
As Admiral Stockdale said andViktor Frankl said, those who
(38:47):
could look to the future, thoseare the ones that survived
Auschwitz, those are the onesthat survived being prisoners of
war in Vietnam during Vietnam.
And I just channeled thosethoughts and the days went by
(39:09):
slowly and I had to just forcemyself to think positively and
it worked.
I just fell back on the lessonsmy father taught me yeah during
the depression never quit ifyou, if you fall, get up.
The people who don't make it arethose who quit, never quit.
(39:31):
And I just kept telling myselfthat over and over again.
Even though I didn't see a wayforward or see a path, I knew
that if I somehow found thestrength to each hour, each day,
to move forward, that I wouldsomeday overcome what's
(39:52):
happening to me.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
Absolutely.
It's just one step at a time,it's one foot in front of the
other, it's one moment, onemoment after moment, and that's
how we start to rebuild ourlives, from the point when we
feel there might be a point ofno return.
And so I just want to say thankyou, michael, for being on the
show today, and I don't know ifwe had an opportunity to touch
on everything, but if there wasone thing you would want our
(40:16):
listeners to take away fromtoday's conversation, what would
that be?
Speaker 3 (40:32):
When I went back to seeing patients, I realized that
the simplest advice I couldgive to whatever the patient had
whether it was heart failure,they needed a bypass, whatever
it was acknowledge the facts asthey are.
If you can't acknowledge thefacts, you can't move forward.
Accept the facts as they are.
(40:52):
Anger and denial don't help you.
And the third is adapt.
Find a way to move forward.
I made that my website,wwwacknowledgeadaptcom, and I
think you know if your readersare interested in the book.
It's not a long book.
(41:13):
I purposely made it briefenough that it's not a huge read
but it's Physician Heal,thyself Nearly Dead, and the
Journey Back to Health byMichael Hesham.
It's a powerful book.
It has a lot of the lessons Italked about.
I footnoted it heavily.
If people want to do additionalreading, they can do that to
(41:33):
read Stockdale, to read Frankel,to read Hillebrand, to read
some of the authors that gave meinspiration in my recovery.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
Outstanding.
I just want to say once againyou so much.
You had such a powerful storythat you shared with us today
and it's truly a story thatoffers us hope and inspiration
for those of us who arestruggling with our own
challenges in life and men areinterested in getting hold of
you we've already talked about.
They can find you atacknowledge accept adaptcom.
Are you offering any programsor anything else that they might
(42:05):
be interested in speaking withyou about?
Speaker 3 (42:09):
They can email me and reach out to me and I'll get
back to them.
I post my podcasts on mywebsite and I write a blog and
try to put in messages of hopeof how you overcome what seems
to be impossible, whether it'sillness, death, divorce, losing
(42:35):
your job.
As my father said, never quitIf you knock down, pick yourself
up and move forward, and Ithink those words of wisdom got
me through the impossible andthey work.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
Amen, brother, Amen.
I'm going to make sure thatinformation is in today's show
notes as well as wherever elseyou are on social media.
So, folks, you have anopportunity to get a hold of you
and also a link for your bookPhysician Heal Thyself.
It's an outstanding read.
It'll give us opportunity toreally learn and grow as men.
So once again, Michael, thankyou so much for being on the
show.
We appreciate it having you on.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
Thank you very much, alan Nice, to be a guest on your
show.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, to become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe Awakened man at
theawakendmannet and startforging a new destiny today.
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