February 23, 2025 • 33 mins
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Can our harshest critic actually be ourselves? This episode of the Revolutionary Man Podcast promises to uncover how the inner critic, a hidden adversary rooted in our childhood and societal conditioning, can derail our confidence and potential. We promise you'll walk away with tools to transform this internal skeptic from a hindrance into a powerful ally. By rethinking success and silencing self-doubt, we encourage embracing the roles of leader and trailblazer with newfound confidence.
We also explore the profound impact of self-awareness in battling this ubiquitous inner voice. Through practices like journaling and reflection, and by following John's transformative journey, you'll learn how small, consistent steps can empower you to conquer self-doubt and convert negative self-talk into a narrative of personal strength and growth. This episode is an invitation to recognize and celebrate your victories, however small, as you silence the critic within and step into a more empowered version of yourself.
Key moments in this episode:
01:39 Understanding the Inner Critic
02:19 Origins and Impact of the Inner Critic
07:10 Debunking Myths About the Inner Critic
12:00 Recognizing Patterns and Self-Sabotage
16:20 Identifying and Challenging the Inner Critic
24:40 John's Transformation Story
28:45 Practical Strategies to Overcome the Inner Critic
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast.
We're here to challenge men, toredefine success, lead with
integrity and create a lastingimpact.
I'm your host, alan DeMonts.
On today we're gonna tackle themore relentless enemy that
every man faces, and that's hisinner critic.
Well, there's that voice inyour head, the one that tells
you that you're not good enough,that you'll fail, that you
(00:20):
don't deserve success.
It's just noise and it'scarefully and craftily narrated
to shape our past failures,societal expectations and our
deepest failures.
But if we leave this unchecked,it sabotages our confidence, it
stunts our growth and it keepsus playing small.
But here's the truth.
We're not meant to live underthe weight of our self-doubt.
(00:43):
We're meant to design anddesigned to lead, to grow and to
firm up who we are as men.
And today I'm going to show youhow to master your inner critic
so it becomes your greatest ally, not your worst enemy.
And so, if you're ready to takeback control and build
unshakable confidence, I thinkthis episode is going to be for
(01:04):
you.
Before we dive in, I need youto take some action.
If this episode resonates withyou, then I want you to hit that
like subscribe and drop acomment telling me the biggest
lie your inner critic has evertold you, and when men like you
engage, it helps us spread thismessage and empowers others, and
(01:25):
even more men, to silence theself-doubt that they're facing
and to step into their greatness.
So let's make this conversationbigger, let's subscribe and
let's keep moving forward, andwith that, let's get on with
today's episode.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
The average man today is sleepwalking through life,
many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
(02:03):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Stay strong, my brother.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Let me ask you a couple of questions.
How often does the voice inyour head criticize you instead
of supporting you?
What would your life look likeif that inner critic with voice
became your greatest allyinstead of your worst enemy?
These are going to be hardquestions, but they need to be
asked.
And now let's unpack the truthabout the inner critic and
(02:34):
master it once and for all.
We've set this stage.
It's a stage that has somepretty high stakes, and we've
asked ourselves some fairlytough questions, haven't we?
And now it's time we're goingto really dig into the
strategies that silence thatinner critic and unlock our
confidence.
The first thing I want todiscuss is what is this inner
(02:55):
critic?
This inner critic is thatinternal voice of self-doubt,
self-judgment that's constantlyquestioning not just our
abilities but our decisions, andsometimes even our
self-judgment this constantquestioning not just our
abilities, but our decisions,and sometimes even our
self-worth.
It often stems from ourchildhood conditioning.
We think about how we've beenraised and the lessons and the
stories we've brought forwardfrom that.
(03:15):
It also comes from our societalexpectations and what we've
started to internalize as beingan expectation for ourselves.
And, of course, it also comesfrom those personal failures and
how we're putting the frameworkaround what those failures are
to mean.
But if you're like most men, wemay start to believe this voice
is a reflection of reality, butthe truth is that it's just a
(03:39):
construct.
It's an accumulation ofnegative experiences that we
have yet to reshape, and theystay stuck in our brain,
replaying this unwindingnever-ending loop and tape.
And it's there to protect us,because our ego perceives that
there's failure about to happen.
And so if we leave this innercritic unchecked, this voice
(04:02):
becomes not just self-sabotaging, but it also is a way of coping
for whenever we get intostressful situations, and so it
convinces us that, hey, you knowwhat, al?
It's time to play small, tohesitate, to avoid taking risks
that could lead us to growth.
So that's why sometimes ourcareers stagnate, our marriages
(04:22):
struggle and our personal livesdon't become totally evolved in
the men that we wish to be.
So why does this even exist?
From an evolutionaryperspective, this inner critic
was developed as a survivalmechanism, as many of the things
that we face today.
It's a warning us against that.
There's a potential risk thatmight endanger us, but we're no
(04:45):
longer afraid of saber-toothedtigers, are we?
That saber-toothed tiger todayis standing up for what you
believe in, and so it's anopportunity for us to learn, to
change and to grow.
And so these are learnedbehaviors.
And with every criticism from anauthority figure, especially
like whether that's a parent ora teacher or maybe even a mentor
, can even come from our peers,it can shape how we talk to
(05:10):
ourselves as adults.
So it's really important thatwe understand how this inner
critic has evolved.
And then there's the idea fromthe ego that this is this
perceived idea of how it'sprotecting us.
What's that inner criticbelieves that if we protect
ourselves, if I protect you, myego, if I protect you from harm
and rejection, then I know thatyou're going to be safe.
(05:32):
And so that comes up and itreally shows up in different
aspects of our life.
Right, it starts to erode ourconfidence, so we repeatedly
start to have these doubts ofnegative self-talk, and so it
diminishes our belief in ourcapabilities.
I'm not sitting here sayingthat inner critic exists in all
aspects of life, but there'sprobably an area in your life
(05:54):
where it's a little stronger ofa voice than in others, and so
what ends up by happening is weget analysis of paralysis and so
we choose not to move forwardbecause this inner critic is
preventing us from taking thoserisks.
It's like pursuing this newcareer or when I get started
doing men's work and doing apodcast, will this be good
(06:14):
enough?
And ultimately, it's abouttaking a risk and leaning into
it, and if we truly leave thisthing unchecked, it will strain
our relationships because itharms who we are.
We become less confident as menand let's face it, gentlemen,
if you're less confident, you'renot very attractive, and that's
(06:35):
part of the challenge that wewill face, especially if we face
lots of rejection in our life.
And so what's the science behindthis inner critic concept and
idea?
Neuroscientists suggest that anegative self-talk is linked to
these neural pathways in ourbrain that reinforce patterns of
fear and self-doubt.
We've been talking about thatfor a little bit now.
(07:00):
These thoughts and patterns aregoing to become, and so, as we
just allow these to happen, ifwe're not doing something
different, something to approachand attack this, then it's
going to really be debilitating.
And so the amygdala in ourbrain here is that brain's fear
center, and it activates when weexperience self-doubt, and so
it can be firing and wiring onmany occasions.
(07:22):
And so, because it treats itlike it's a real threat, it
doesn't understand whetherthat's a real or perceived
threat, and so it triggers thestress response and you'll start
to notice that and feel that inyour body, maybe in the pace of
your communication and indifferent aspects.
But we're going to touch onthat in a little bit.
So the next point I want to talkabout is that there are a few
(07:44):
myths around this idea of thisinner critic, and so the one,
the first myth I want to debunkhere is this myth that our inner
critic is always right.
One of the biggest traps thatwe fall into as men is believing
that if we feel something, itmust be true, but emotions
aren't facts.
(08:04):
It's just because our innervoice is telling us that we're
inadequate about somethingdoesn't mean it's a reality.
Remember, it's the ego tryingto protect us, because, in
reality, most successfulindividuals are going to deal
with self-doubt in some way, butwhen they challenge it rather
than acceptance, the differenceis that they succeed, and those
(08:26):
who don't and really internalizethis inner critic, then they
end up by having more self-doubt.
So it's really about therefusal to allow your inner
critic to dictate the actions inyour life, and so reframing
this myth involves usrecognizing that the inner
critic is just a perspective.
It's only one perspective.
(08:46):
It doesn't mean it's the rightperspective and it ultimately is
not the truth.
Instead, if we believe, if weare blindly believing its
messages, we can challenge thosemessages and we can replace
them with evidence-basedthinking.
Let's face it there are alwayslots of opportunities in our
lives where we have had successat some level and in some
(09:08):
measure.
Let's look at myth number twoyou should ignore your negative
thoughts.
I used to believe this for thelongest time.
I just won't consider and I'llignore that negative thought.
But many personal developmentgurus are gonna tell you that,
hey, man, just do that.
And I can remember reading lotsof self-help books over the
last 30 years or so, thinking tojust the power of positive
(09:30):
thinking.
But when we ignore that innercritic, it doesn't go away.
We're stuffing it down, it justmakes it louder.
So this suppression is going tolead to emotional buildup.
That's why, at times, men willstart, will explode, and usually
it shows up as anger or rage indifferent ways.
And when we start to recognizethat, the more that we try to
(09:54):
ignore this inner critic, allwe're doing is we're just
creating a more stressfulenvironment that at some point
it will explode, and so we getnot only just stress, but
anxiety starts to increase, andeven our physical health.
It's how our body will start tostore all of this pressure, and
(10:14):
so if you're struggling withlosing weight, it could be part
of it is how this inner criticis working with you and how your
body is storing it.
So a real powerful strategy isto question our inner critics
message, and the question youask yourself is where is that?
Where is the evidence that thisthought that I'm having right
now is true?
(10:35):
And what would I tell a friendwho had this thought?
So when you ask those twoquestions, you can start to
unpack and unravel what themessage is Inner critic is
starting to send us.
Let's look at myth number three.
Confidence means we're neverfeeling self-doubt.
Now, at first blush, you thinkthat makes sense, but
(10:57):
realistically and as we'vetalked about earlier, all
successful people, no matterwhat level of success, have an
encounter self-doubt in theirlife.
Confident men ever experienceself-doubt, and, in reality,
even the most successful of them, whether it's an athlete, a CEO
, military leaders, deal withtheir inner criticism regularly.
(11:19):
I think about the story ofMichael Jordan and all the
success that he's had, and hehad lots of doubters telling him
in his career where he wasn'tgoing to, he wasn't a great
defensive player, and then so hestarted to put action toward it
wasn't a great defensive player, and then so he started to put
action toward it.
I would suggest that the reasonwhy he became a top defensive
player was there was a bit ofself-doubt.
(11:42):
His drive to succeed in partwas based on somebody telling
him and then him believing thathe wasn't good enough.
So I'm going to go to work toprove it, and it's interesting
to see how this shows up indifferent ways in our lives.
The difference is that we don'tlet these successful people,
they don't allow their actionsto be dictated by that inner
(12:05):
critic.
They recognize that self-doubtis just part of the process we
can extend.
Then, when you accept that,then we can move forward.
And so really truthfully, trueconfidence is not the absence of
doubt, but it's that ability toact despite of having it.
So learning how to harness andreframe our inner critic is
(12:26):
going to be the key to turningself doubt into a powerful
motivator rather than inhibitor.
The next thing I want to talkabout is giving us an
opportunity to recognize thepatterns of our inner critic,
because our inner critic willhave certain patterns and how
they show up in our lives, andone of the ways that it shows up
is through self-sabotage.
(12:46):
It's when we avoid growth,that's when our inner critic
starts to convince us, to saythat we're in our comfort zone,
so we're going to try to avoidthe pain of possible failure, so
it keeps us suppressed.
It's that negative predictionto start to already pre-forecast
the worst case scenario in yourmind.
And while that might be an allright tool to look at what the
(13:09):
worst case scenario is and thendetermine whether you can handle
it or not and I would suggestthat you can handle everything,
even if the worst case scenariowas death, that's for another
episode but then it starts toamplify that fear and so then it
minimizes the potential reward.
So we're focusing, it'sfocusing on that negative aspect
(13:32):
of that potential outcome.
Another way that the innercritic shows up and this is it
shows up for me on manyoccasions is this idea of for
being a perfectionist orperfectionism.
And so what happens if we setunrealistic or I'll set
unrealistic goals?
This, so the inner critic saysyes, we're going to do this.
And in every podcast episode Ineed to put, I put out must hit
(13:53):
the level of Joe Rogan, and if Idon't achieve that means that I
wasn't a success.
Let's face it in every aspectof life there are going to be
those one percenters, and whilethat might be a lofty goal and
to believe that you can be there, setting goals that are more
realistic and attainable andthen growing to the point of
(14:13):
being a Joe Rogan, makes moresense.
And so then there's this fearof being imperfect.
I got to tell you, when Istarted doing podcasting, I
really struggled in my firstyear.
I think I put it about 2224episodes, and that was because I
struggled every week to come upwith a concept or an idea of
what I wanted to talk about.
(14:33):
And yet, as I sat at thecomputer with the keyboard
sitting blank and a Worddocument, struggled every week
to come up with a concept or anidea of what I wanted to talk
about.
And yet, as I sat at thecomputer with the keyboard
sitting blank and a Worddocument with nothing on it, I
found myself with a writer'sblock.
Yet in the car driving around,the ideas would flood and go
through.
There was less pressure.
So this idea of being perfectall the time makes it very
challenging for us to moveforward.
(14:55):
And then the next way the innercritic is going to show up is
through comparison.
Many of us, if not all of us,have compared ourselves to
someone at something at somepoint in time.
And have you ever noticed thatwhen you're comparing, how often
do you compare yourself andyou're a little bit better at
something than somebody else?
I would say I suggest that'sprobably less the norm and it's
(15:18):
more about the things thatyou're not doing.
Sure, there are maybe littleaspects that show up where you
think that you're a little bitbetter than somebody else or
another situation.
And then, having said that,when you start to look at the
T-square and then the pros andthe cons versus it, you start to
find more negative things forit, and so this can be a
difficult for us, right?
So we start to focus on thedeficiencies rather than where
(15:41):
we're excelling, and so ourinner critic likes to do that.
It likes to look at all theways we're not showing up the
way we need to Social mediainfluence as well.
Social media is a necessaryevil in today's world,
especially if you're in business, but sitting there and
measuring yourself versus on thenumber of pressure, on what the
role does and instead learningto master your craft will be far
(16:06):
more productive.
And then the last way thiscomparison shows up is this idea
(16:27):
of zero-sum thinking.
It convinces us that someoneelse's success is diminishing
who we are.
That's totally not true.
If anything, someone else'ssuccess, in whatever endeavor
you're doing, should becelebrated, because it proves
that there is a path forward.
Now the decision is what doesyour path look like Now?
(16:52):
The next piece I want to talkabout is how to identify when
our inner critic is truly inaction, and so we're going to
talk about a bit ofself-awareness here and some
practices that we can do.
So one of the things that wecan do is just pause and reflect
for a moment.
The moment you start hearingthis inner critic challenging
(17:13):
who you are or what it is thatyou're doing.
Just notice the self-talk andask whose voice is this and
where is it coming from.
I think you're going to findthat when you ask who's this
voice and where it's coming from, that the voice is going to
start to sound like somebodythat potentially you know alive
(17:35):
or not, and the interestingpiece about that is that when
you start to recognize it, thenyou can start to do some other
things around how this voice isshowing up.
Changing the tone, changing thepace, changing the tempo.
These are different ways tochange how this inner critic is
showing up on it, but first youhave to recognize who's this
(17:58):
voice and where is it comingfrom.
The next part is an opportunityis about doing this work is to
journal.
I'm the first one to say thatjournaling is one of the things
that I struggle with and I'm notas consistent as I should be,
but I find that when I take amoment whether that's typing it
in a Word document or actuallyhandwriting a note onto this I
(18:19):
find that a lot of the weightand the pressure that is coming
from this inner critic starts todisappear, starts to dissipate.
It allows me to get into astate or a position where I can
gain clarity.
Then I can take a step forward.
There's lots of commonnarratives too that I didn't get
a chance to talk to Sean, thatI want to right now and this
that the inner critic will haveand one of the things that it
(18:41):
will say is that you're notgoing to be good enough, and I
struggled with this for thelongest time, and being not good
enough is really stems fromsome childhood experiences and
our societal pressures and I'llsuggest those are things that
we've internalized and I used tothink for years that if you
couldn't be first then there'sno use doing it.
And how limiting is that in ourlives to walk around and think
(19:05):
that if I can't be first then wewon't be doing anything?
I think it was.
Jack Welch talked about thatback in the 90s with General
Electric, about wanting to befirst and the top and the best.
And from a business perspectiveI can understand that.
From an individual perspective,I think it's really
short-sighted for us to thinkthis way.
What if you could be the bestthat you could be, and then that
(19:27):
allows you to propel youforward.
The other thing that thenarrative that an inner critic
could have is I'll fail, so whybother?
And so let's face it anytimeyou're going to start something,
you're probably going to fail,or what the perception of
failure is.
Again, thinking about thepodcast episodes and doing that,
if I measured my success basedon how close I am to the number
(19:49):
of downloads that Joel Rogan has, then I would suggest I'm
probably a failure.
However, having close to 200episodes out and produced also
suggests that I have somesuccess in my life, and so it's
really about understanding andputting some framework around.
What does failure look like andwhat does success look like?
(20:12):
The other narrative is I don'tdeserve the success, and that
ties a lot with that first onethat I mentioned, which is about
not being good enough, and thatagain comes from how we feel
about our self, our self-worth,and it starts to show what the
feelings of what may bepotential the imposter syndrome.
And the imposter syndrome, ifyou think about it, is really
(20:34):
this spectrum where on one end,you're totally I'm not good
enough and I'm a failure, andthe other end of that spectrum
is that you're totallyself-actualized, you know
exactly who you are and you'revery comfortable in your own
skin, and somewhere in therewe're going to ebb and flow in
our terms of how we feel aboutourselves, and so understanding
(20:55):
how the inner critic will, thelanguage it uses with us, is a
good indication of where you'resitting.
On this spectrum of theimposter syndrome, there's also
going to be physical cues.
I mentioned that earlier.
There'll be some things thatare happening in our body, and
so we're going to notice whenthe imposter syndrome or the
inner critic is showing up.
(21:15):
We can notice that maybe ourshoulders start to slump.
Our body language isn't strongand powerful with our shoulders
back, but instead we're slumpedand we're hunched over.
We start to avoid eye contactEye contact is a very powerful
thing and then might even feeltightness in our chest.
These are all just physicalresponses, and when you start to
understand what's happening inyour body, when the inner critic
(21:37):
shows up, we can start todevelop some ways to change and
overcome that, and our energylevels will also potentially
shift and change, and so apersistent self-criticism can
really drain who we are, canleave us feeling fatigued and
completely unmotivated, which iswhy we don't take that next
step.
(21:58):
I talked a little bit earlier inthe languaging that there will
be some tone to it.
So not only is who is thatvoice and where did it come from
, but what's the tone of thelanguage?
Is it judgmental?
Is it using absolute languagelike always and never?
These are indications that thisis the inner critic talking.
It's your ego, that ego mindthat's trying to protect you,
(22:21):
because it feels that if I don'tprotect you, then it no longer
survives.
So that's a pretty heavy,pretty deep comment stuff we're
going to touch on in otherepisodes.
Do stick around and listen tothem, and that's going to be
again.
And we talked about this unfairlanguage stuff we're going to
touch on in other episodes.
Do stick around and listen tothem, and that's going to be
again.
And we talked about this unfairlanguage, right?
So you're going to hear yourinner critic possibly saying
(22:41):
things like he's much better atthis than I'll ever be, and that
might be the truth, but whatmeasurement are you using to
have that as being a definitiveway to measure your success and
how you are showing up?
So there's lots of languagearound that, and it's got some
cynical predictions, right.
(23:01):
Again, we talked about why eventry how this will end Listen,
maybe it won't end well,depending on your definition,
and on the other end, it's anopportunity for growth.
It's an opportunity to learn alittle bit more about yourself
and who you are as an individual.
One of the books that I reallyappreciated learning from and
(23:22):
reading was by Byron Katie, andshe introduced the world to this
framework that she calls thework, and what it does is.
It helps individuals challengetheir inner critic by
questioning negative thoughts,and so I'm going to talk a
little bit about that in thisepisode and how she or her
method has encouragedself-compassion, so it can
provide you with more clarityand make it a powerful tool for
(23:45):
all of us that struggle withself-criticism.
And so one quote from her bookthat I like is when you argue
with reality, you lose, but only100% of the time.
And so Byron asked fourpowerful questions.
When the self-critic comes up,the first question she asks is
this true and yes or no?
(24:06):
And if no, then she asked youto move to question three.
And question three is how doyou react?
What happens when you believethat thought?
So, those two real powerfulquestions.
But let's go back and say isthis true, yes or no?
And if you say yes, then thesecond question she asks us to,
(24:28):
or challenges us to ask, is canyou absolutely know that it is
true, yes or no?
Either way, you're ultimatelygoing to get to the third
question how do you react?
What happens when you believethat thought?
And finally, the last questionshe asks is who or what would
(24:50):
you be without the thought?
This simple yet powerfulfour-question framework really
helps us to unpack what theinner critic is saying and doing
.
It gives us that opportunity totruly debunk many of the things
(25:10):
that is holding us into alimiting belief about who we are
, and so I want to share a storyabout John, about getting into
shape.
It's a very similar story towhat I struggle with and what I
work at the most here in mypersonal journey.
So John is in his early 30s,early 40s, I should say.
He's a husband and he's afather of two.
He's juggling a demandingcareer and family life, and
(25:30):
every morning, as he's tied,he's ready to tie his tie.
In front of the mirror, hecouldn't help but notice the man
staring back at him.
Boy, does that ever soundfamiliar?
The man who looked tired out ofshape and far from the comfort
confident athlete that he usedto be.
He'd think about getting backinto shape, but every time he'd
(25:51):
consider going to the gym orchanging his diet, that inner
critic voice would step in.
John, you're too busy, it's toolate for you.
Buddy, you'll never stick withit.
These words felt like aconcrete wall stopping him from
before he could even get started.
It was finally one day that thebreaking point came, and John
(26:12):
was at the park with his kidsand I can remember this a few
years ago trying to play tag,and after a few minutes he was
wind winded, struggling to catchhis breath and feeling the
sting of embarrassment.
His youngest son, laughinginnocently, said come on, dad,
you're too slow.
That night john sat that alonein his kitchen and that inner
(26:36):
critic started to go intooverdrive.
You'll never be the dad theydeserve.
Look Look at yourself.
But for the first time Johnpushed back.
He asked himself what if Icould prove this voice wrong?
What if I could change, not forperfection, but to feel better
(26:57):
and be there for my kids?
You know, it's a small spark ofdefiance, but it was enough to
get him thinking differently.
So John decided start small.
Instead of signing up for anintense gym membership, he began
walking 10 minutes everymorning before going to work.
The inner clinic was relentless, so, as he always is.
(27:18):
What's the point?
This won't make a difference.
You know what?
John ignored him and the nextweek he had another five minutes
to a walks.
By the third week he wasjogging short intervals.
Then came the small changes tomeals.
Let's face it weight challengesdeals with two things nutrition
and exercise.
(27:39):
And so he started to swapsugary snacks For me, it's salty
stuff, we know snacks for fruit, adding more vegetables into
dinner, changing the compositionof his plate, and every small
win started to give John just alittle boost confidence, and
little by little he started tochange.
Not only did he see it in hisbody, but, even more importantly
(28:02):
, in his mindset, because thisinner critic didn't disappear,
but it got a little quieter andin its place a new voice emerged
, one of encouragement and pride.
So John felt stronger, not justphysically but emotionally, and
he started to see himself as acapable transformation.
Six months later, john wasn'trunning 5Ks, he was running
(28:26):
after his kids at the park andgoing without getting tired, and
so his energy levels were upand his confidence restored, and
even relationships with hiswife had felt even stronger.
I'll suggest the confidencethat John was now showing
sparked all of that change.
And so John's transformationwasn't just about the weight
that he lost or the miles thathe could run now.
(28:48):
It was about proving himselfthat he could be.
He could silence this innercritic.
Each step forward, each smallwin was another brick in the
foundation of the man he wantedto be.
So what's the key to John'ssuccess?
He said he didn't wait for hisinner critic to stop.
He acted in spite of it, andwhen doing so he discovered the
(29:10):
truth that confidence isn'tabout self-doubt, it's about
moving forward in spite of it.
And so let's talk about theframework and some of the things
that John did in this story.
One of the first things he didis that he reframed his negative
thoughts, and so one of theways that you could do that and
John could do that was writingdown his inner critics, most
(29:30):
common phrases, and then justutilize the work framework we
just talked about A framework wejust talked about and ask him
is it true and what's theevidence?
And replace those with morepowerful statements.
Start to practiceself-confidence or
self-compassion, and so when wetreat ourselves as we would
treat a friend, and then when wemake a mistake, we're speaking
(29:52):
much more kindly to ourself.
Instead of focusing on what wedid wrong or didn't accomplish,
we focus on what we can learn.
In that moment.
Maybe we start to notice thatvoice and talking a lot about
the actual voice and people whooften listen to this their inner
critic without realizing and itcomes as though at first maybe
(30:13):
some background noise.
So if we just accept much ofits commentary as reality, then
we're going to struggle.
But when you think about who orwhat that voice sounds like,
then we can recognize the voicemay start to sound familiar,
might even be somebody from thepast, as we talked about earlier
.
So now we can challenge thisvoice and reframe the negative
into a more empowering Istatements connecting the voice
(30:34):
to our actions.
And when the voice happens, howis it impacting our decisions?
We can start to recognize thatvoice showing up, we can start
to make different decisions andfinally, we start to alter our
behavior by taking conscious,proactive action.
And the last thing I suggested,john and for many of us, we
just start to limit ourcomparisons, we focus on our
(30:56):
journey.
It's the journey that we're onthat's the most important, not
the comparison, and we celebrateour progress versus measuring
against what someone else mighthave done, and so that's a lot
of information here to give.
I've given you here on thisinner critic, and so if you're
looking for more informationover the ways where you can find
it on this, I suggest going toByron Katie's book.
(31:18):
Her book is called Loving whatIs Four Questions that Can
Change your Life.
Self-compassion by Kristen Neffanother great book for you to
look into and Daring Greatly byBrene Brown.
Each of these are going tooffer you with powerful insights
to mastering self-doubt,building self-confidence.
So what's the key takeaway foryou to have today is that just
(31:40):
to recognize that our innerthought isn't meant to destroy
us.
It's meant to be mastered.
And so the difference betweenthose who succeed and those who
stay stuck isn't the absence ofself-doubt, but the decision to
act despite of it.
And so your challenge today isto pay attention to that inner
critic.
The next time doubt creeps in,stop, challenge it, reframe the
(32:01):
thought and choose confidenceover fear.
And so, men, the strongestwarriors are not those without
fear, but those who fightdespite it.
And if you're ready to silenceself-doubt and take control of
your mindset, take action now.
I'd like you to visit ourmembership page,
memberstheawakenedmannet, and Ihave a free integrity challenge
(32:23):
for you to take.
It's a roadmap, helping youbecome a more confident version
of yourself.
Again, just go tomemberstheawakenedmannet.
I see the strongest men don'twait.
They decide, they lead withconfidence.
So they get started right now.
Thank you for joining me ontoday's episode of the
Revolutionary man Podcast.
Remember, confidence startswith mastering our inner voice.
(32:44):
Take control of it.
I'm going to see you next time,aho.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, to become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe Awakened man at
theawakendmannet and startforging a new destiny today.
Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast.
We're here to challenge men, toredefine success, lead with
integrity and create a lastingimpact.
I'm your host, alan DeMonts.
On today we're gonna tackle themore relentless enemy that
every man faces, and that's hisinner critic.
Well, there's that voice inyour head, the one that tells
you that you're not good enough,that you'll fail, that you
(00:20):
don't deserve success.
It's just noise and it'scarefully and craftily narrated
to shape our past failures,societal expectations and our
deepest failures.
But if we leave this unchecked,it sabotages our confidence, it
stunts our growth and it keepsus playing small.
But here's the truth.
We're not meant to live underthe weight of our self-doubt.
(00:43):
We're meant to design anddesigned to lead, to grow and to
firm up who we are as men.
And today I'm going to show youhow to master your inner critic
so it becomes your greatest ally, not your worst enemy.
And so, if you're ready to takeback control and build
unshakable confidence, I thinkthis episode is going to be for
(01:04):
you.
Before we dive in, I need youto take some action.
If this episode resonates withyou, then I want you to hit that
like subscribe and drop acomment telling me the biggest
lie your inner critic has evertold you, and when men like you
engage, it helps us spread thismessage and empowers others, and
(01:25):
even more men, to silence theself-doubt that they're facing
and to step into their greatness.
So let's make this conversationbigger, let's subscribe and
let's keep moving forward, andwith that, let's get on with
today's episode.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
The average man today is sleepwalking through life,
many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
(02:03):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Stay strong, my brother.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Let me ask you a couple of questions.
How often does the voice inyour head criticize you instead
of supporting you?
What would your life look likeif that inner critic with voice
became your greatest allyinstead of your worst enemy?
These are going to be hardquestions, but they need to be
asked.
And now let's unpack the truthabout the inner critic and
(02:34):
master it once and for all.
We've set this stage.
It's a stage that has somepretty high stakes, and we've
asked ourselves some fairlytough questions, haven't we?
And now it's time we're goingto really dig into the
strategies that silence thatinner critic and unlock our
confidence.
The first thing I want todiscuss is what is this inner
(02:55):
critic?
This inner critic is thatinternal voice of self-doubt,
self-judgment that's constantlyquestioning not just our
abilities but our decisions, andsometimes even our
self-judgment this constantquestioning not just our
abilities, but our decisions,and sometimes even our
self-worth.
It often stems from ourchildhood conditioning.
We think about how we've beenraised and the lessons and the
stories we've brought forwardfrom that.
(03:15):
It also comes from our societalexpectations and what we've
started to internalize as beingan expectation for ourselves.
And, of course, it also comesfrom those personal failures and
how we're putting the frameworkaround what those failures are
to mean.
But if you're like most men, wemay start to believe this voice
is a reflection of reality, butthe truth is that it's just a
(03:39):
construct.
It's an accumulation ofnegative experiences that we
have yet to reshape, and theystay stuck in our brain,
replaying this unwindingnever-ending loop and tape.
And it's there to protect us,because our ego perceives that
there's failure about to happen.
And so if we leave this innercritic unchecked, this voice
(04:02):
becomes not just self-sabotaging, but it also is a way of coping
for whenever we get intostressful situations, and so it
convinces us that, hey, you knowwhat, al?
It's time to play small, tohesitate, to avoid taking risks
that could lead us to growth.
So that's why sometimes ourcareers stagnate, our marriages
(04:22):
struggle and our personal livesdon't become totally evolved in
the men that we wish to be.
So why does this even exist?
From an evolutionaryperspective, this inner critic
was developed as a survivalmechanism, as many of the things
that we face today.
It's a warning us against that.
There's a potential risk thatmight endanger us, but we're no
(04:45):
longer afraid of saber-toothedtigers, are we?
That saber-toothed tiger todayis standing up for what you
believe in, and so it's anopportunity for us to learn, to
change and to grow.
And so these are learnedbehaviors.
And with every criticism from anauthority figure, especially
like whether that's a parent ora teacher or maybe even a mentor
, can even come from our peers,it can shape how we talk to
(05:10):
ourselves as adults.
So it's really important thatwe understand how this inner
critic has evolved.
And then there's the idea fromthe ego that this is this
perceived idea of how it'sprotecting us.
What's that inner criticbelieves that if we protect
ourselves, if I protect you, myego, if I protect you from harm
and rejection, then I know thatyou're going to be safe.
(05:32):
And so that comes up and itreally shows up in different
aspects of our life.
Right, it starts to erode ourconfidence, so we repeatedly
start to have these doubts ofnegative self-talk, and so it
diminishes our belief in ourcapabilities.
I'm not sitting here sayingthat inner critic exists in all
aspects of life, but there'sprobably an area in your life
(05:54):
where it's a little stronger ofa voice than in others, and so
what ends up by happening is weget analysis of paralysis and so
we choose not to move forwardbecause this inner critic is
preventing us from taking thoserisks.
It's like pursuing this newcareer or when I get started
doing men's work and doing apodcast, will this be good
(06:14):
enough?
And ultimately, it's abouttaking a risk and leaning into
it, and if we truly leave thisthing unchecked, it will strain
our relationships because itharms who we are.
We become less confident as menand let's face it, gentlemen,
if you're less confident, you'renot very attractive, and that's
(06:35):
part of the challenge that wewill face, especially if we face
lots of rejection in our life.
And so what's the science behindthis inner critic concept and
idea?
Neuroscientists suggest that anegative self-talk is linked to
these neural pathways in ourbrain that reinforce patterns of
fear and self-doubt.
We've been talking about thatfor a little bit now.
(07:00):
These thoughts and patterns aregoing to become, and so, as we
just allow these to happen, ifwe're not doing something
different, something to approachand attack this, then it's
going to really be debilitating.
And so the amygdala in ourbrain here is that brain's fear
center, and it activates when weexperience self-doubt, and so
it can be firing and wiring onmany occasions.
(07:22):
And so, because it treats itlike it's a real threat, it
doesn't understand whetherthat's a real or perceived
threat, and so it triggers thestress response and you'll start
to notice that and feel that inyour body, maybe in the pace of
your communication and indifferent aspects.
But we're going to touch onthat in a little bit.
So the next point I want to talkabout is that there are a few
(07:44):
myths around this idea of thisinner critic, and so the one,
the first myth I want to debunkhere is this myth that our inner
critic is always right.
One of the biggest traps thatwe fall into as men is believing
that if we feel something, itmust be true, but emotions
aren't facts.
(08:04):
It's just because our innervoice is telling us that we're
inadequate about somethingdoesn't mean it's a reality.
Remember, it's the ego tryingto protect us, because, in
reality, most successfulindividuals are going to deal
with self-doubt in some way, butwhen they challenge it rather
than acceptance, the differenceis that they succeed, and those
(08:26):
who don't and really internalizethis inner critic, then they
end up by having more self-doubt.
So it's really about therefusal to allow your inner
critic to dictate the actions inyour life, and so reframing
this myth involves usrecognizing that the inner
critic is just a perspective.
It's only one perspective.
(08:46):
It doesn't mean it's the rightperspective and it ultimately is
not the truth.
Instead, if we believe, if weare blindly believing its
messages, we can challenge thosemessages and we can replace
them with evidence-basedthinking.
Let's face it there are alwayslots of opportunities in our
lives where we have had successat some level and in some
(09:08):
measure.
Let's look at myth number twoyou should ignore your negative
thoughts.
I used to believe this for thelongest time.
I just won't consider and I'llignore that negative thought.
But many personal developmentgurus are gonna tell you that,
hey, man, just do that.
And I can remember reading lotsof self-help books over the
last 30 years or so, thinking tojust the power of positive
(09:30):
thinking.
But when we ignore that innercritic, it doesn't go away.
We're stuffing it down, it justmakes it louder.
So this suppression is going tolead to emotional buildup.
That's why, at times, men willstart, will explode, and usually
it shows up as anger or rage indifferent ways.
And when we start to recognizethat, the more that we try to
(09:54):
ignore this inner critic, allwe're doing is we're just
creating a more stressfulenvironment that at some point
it will explode, and so we getnot only just stress, but
anxiety starts to increase, andeven our physical health.
It's how our body will start tostore all of this pressure, and
(10:14):
so if you're struggling withlosing weight, it could be part
of it is how this inner criticis working with you and how your
body is storing it.
So a real powerful strategy isto question our inner critics
message, and the question youask yourself is where is that?
Where is the evidence that thisthought that I'm having right
now is true?
(10:35):
And what would I tell a friendwho had this thought?
So when you ask those twoquestions, you can start to
unpack and unravel what themessage is Inner critic is
starting to send us.
Let's look at myth number three.
Confidence means we're neverfeeling self-doubt.
Now, at first blush, you thinkthat makes sense, but
(10:57):
realistically and as we'vetalked about earlier, all
successful people, no matterwhat level of success, have an
encounter self-doubt in theirlife.
Confident men ever experienceself-doubt, and, in reality,
even the most successful of them, whether it's an athlete, a CEO
, military leaders, deal withtheir inner criticism regularly.
(11:19):
I think about the story ofMichael Jordan and all the
success that he's had, and hehad lots of doubters telling him
in his career where he wasn'tgoing to, he wasn't a great
defensive player, and then so hestarted to put action toward it
wasn't a great defensive player, and then so he started to put
action toward it.
I would suggest that the reasonwhy he became a top defensive
player was there was a bit ofself-doubt.
(11:42):
His drive to succeed in partwas based on somebody telling
him and then him believing thathe wasn't good enough.
So I'm going to go to work toprove it, and it's interesting
to see how this shows up indifferent ways in our lives.
The difference is that we don'tlet these successful people,
they don't allow their actionsto be dictated by that inner
(12:05):
critic.
They recognize that self-doubtis just part of the process we
can extend.
Then, when you accept that,then we can move forward.
And so really truthfully, trueconfidence is not the absence of
doubt, but it's that ability toact despite of having it.
So learning how to harness andreframe our inner critic is
(12:26):
going to be the key to turningself doubt into a powerful
motivator rather than inhibitor.
The next thing I want to talkabout is giving us an
opportunity to recognize thepatterns of our inner critic,
because our inner critic willhave certain patterns and how
they show up in our lives, andone of the ways that it shows up
is through self-sabotage.
(12:46):
It's when we avoid growth,that's when our inner critic
starts to convince us, to saythat we're in our comfort zone,
so we're going to try to avoidthe pain of possible failure, so
it keeps us suppressed.
It's that negative predictionto start to already pre-forecast
the worst case scenario in yourmind.
And while that might be an allright tool to look at what the
(13:09):
worst case scenario is and thendetermine whether you can handle
it or not and I would suggestthat you can handle everything,
even if the worst case scenariowas death, that's for another
episode but then it starts toamplify that fear and so then it
minimizes the potential reward.
So we're focusing, it'sfocusing on that negative aspect
(13:32):
of that potential outcome.
Another way that the innercritic shows up and this is it
shows up for me on manyoccasions is this idea of for
being a perfectionist orperfectionism.
And so what happens if we setunrealistic or I'll set
unrealistic goals?
This, so the inner critic saysyes, we're going to do this.
And in every podcast episode Ineed to put, I put out must hit
(13:53):
the level of Joe Rogan, and if Idon't achieve that means that I
wasn't a success.
Let's face it in every aspectof life there are going to be
those one percenters, and whilethat might be a lofty goal and
to believe that you can be there, setting goals that are more
realistic and attainable andthen growing to the point of
(14:13):
being a Joe Rogan, makes moresense.
And so then there's this fearof being imperfect.
I got to tell you, when Istarted doing podcasting, I
really struggled in my firstyear.
I think I put it about 2224episodes, and that was because I
struggled every week to come upwith a concept or an idea of
what I wanted to talk about.
(14:33):
And yet, as I sat at thecomputer with the keyboard
sitting blank and a Worddocument, struggled every week
to come up with a concept or anidea of what I wanted to talk
about.
And yet, as I sat at thecomputer with the keyboard
sitting blank and a Worddocument with nothing on it, I
found myself with a writer'sblock.
Yet in the car driving around,the ideas would flood and go
through.
There was less pressure.
So this idea of being perfectall the time makes it very
challenging for us to moveforward.
(14:55):
And then the next way the innercritic is going to show up is
through comparison.
Many of us, if not all of us,have compared ourselves to
someone at something at somepoint in time.
And have you ever noticed thatwhen you're comparing, how often
do you compare yourself andyou're a little bit better at
something than somebody else?
I would say I suggest that'sprobably less the norm and it's
(15:18):
more about the things thatyou're not doing.
Sure, there are maybe littleaspects that show up where you
think that you're a little bitbetter than somebody else or
another situation.
And then, having said that,when you start to look at the
T-square and then the pros andthe cons versus it, you start to
find more negative things forit, and so this can be a
difficult for us, right?
So we start to focus on thedeficiencies rather than where
(15:41):
we're excelling, and so ourinner critic likes to do that.
It likes to look at all theways we're not showing up the
way we need to Social mediainfluence as well.
Social media is a necessaryevil in today's world,
especially if you're in business, but sitting there and
measuring yourself versus on thenumber of pressure, on what the
role does and instead learningto master your craft will be far
(16:06):
more productive.
And then the last way thiscomparison shows up is this idea
(16:27):
of zero-sum thinking.
It convinces us that someoneelse's success is diminishing
who we are.
That's totally not true.
If anything, someone else'ssuccess, in whatever endeavor
you're doing, should becelebrated, because it proves
that there is a path forward.
Now the decision is what doesyour path look like Now?
(16:52):
The next piece I want to talkabout is how to identify when
our inner critic is truly inaction, and so we're going to
talk about a bit ofself-awareness here and some
practices that we can do.
So one of the things that wecan do is just pause and reflect
for a moment.
The moment you start hearingthis inner critic challenging
(17:13):
who you are or what it is thatyou're doing.
Just notice the self-talk andask whose voice is this and
where is it coming from.
I think you're going to findthat when you ask who's this
voice and where it's coming from, that the voice is going to
start to sound like somebodythat potentially you know alive
(17:35):
or not, and the interestingpiece about that is that when
you start to recognize it, thenyou can start to do some other
things around how this voice isshowing up.
Changing the tone, changing thepace, changing the tempo.
These are different ways tochange how this inner critic is
showing up on it, but first youhave to recognize who's this
(17:58):
voice and where is it comingfrom.
The next part is an opportunityis about doing this work is to
journal.
I'm the first one to say thatjournaling is one of the things
that I struggle with and I'm notas consistent as I should be,
but I find that when I take amoment whether that's typing it
in a Word document or actuallyhandwriting a note onto this I
(18:19):
find that a lot of the weightand the pressure that is coming
from this inner critic starts todisappear, starts to dissipate.
It allows me to get into astate or a position where I can
gain clarity.
Then I can take a step forward.
There's lots of commonnarratives too that I didn't get
a chance to talk to Sean, thatI want to right now and this
that the inner critic will haveand one of the things that it
(18:41):
will say is that you're notgoing to be good enough, and I
struggled with this for thelongest time, and being not good
enough is really stems fromsome childhood experiences and
our societal pressures and I'llsuggest those are things that
we've internalized and I used tothink for years that if you
couldn't be first then there'sno use doing it.
And how limiting is that in ourlives to walk around and think
(19:05):
that if I can't be first then wewon't be doing anything?
I think it was.
Jack Welch talked about thatback in the 90s with General
Electric, about wanting to befirst and the top and the best.
And from a business perspectiveI can understand that.
From an individual perspective,I think it's really
short-sighted for us to thinkthis way.
What if you could be the bestthat you could be, and then that
(19:27):
allows you to propel youforward.
The other thing that thenarrative that an inner critic
could have is I'll fail, so whybother?
And so let's face it anytimeyou're going to start something,
you're probably going to fail,or what the perception of
failure is.
Again, thinking about thepodcast episodes and doing that,
if I measured my success basedon how close I am to the number
(19:49):
of downloads that Joel Rogan has, then I would suggest I'm
probably a failure.
However, having close to 200episodes out and produced also
suggests that I have somesuccess in my life, and so it's
really about understanding andputting some framework around.
What does failure look like andwhat does success look like?
(20:12):
The other narrative is I don'tdeserve the success, and that
ties a lot with that first onethat I mentioned, which is about
not being good enough, and thatagain comes from how we feel
about our self, our self-worth,and it starts to show what the
feelings of what may bepotential the imposter syndrome.
And the imposter syndrome, ifyou think about it, is really
(20:34):
this spectrum where on one end,you're totally I'm not good
enough and I'm a failure, andthe other end of that spectrum
is that you're totallyself-actualized, you know
exactly who you are and you'revery comfortable in your own
skin, and somewhere in therewe're going to ebb and flow in
our terms of how we feel aboutourselves, and so understanding
(20:55):
how the inner critic will, thelanguage it uses with us, is a
good indication of where you'resitting.
On this spectrum of theimposter syndrome, there's also
going to be physical cues.
I mentioned that earlier.
There'll be some things thatare happening in our body, and
so we're going to notice whenthe imposter syndrome or the
inner critic is showing up.
(21:15):
We can notice that maybe ourshoulders start to slump.
Our body language isn't strongand powerful with our shoulders
back, but instead we're slumpedand we're hunched over.
We start to avoid eye contactEye contact is a very powerful
thing and then might even feeltightness in our chest.
These are all just physicalresponses, and when you start to
understand what's happening inyour body, when the inner critic
(21:37):
shows up, we can start todevelop some ways to change and
overcome that, and our energylevels will also potentially
shift and change, and so apersistent self-criticism can
really drain who we are, canleave us feeling fatigued and
completely unmotivated, which iswhy we don't take that next
step.
(21:58):
I talked a little bit earlier inthe languaging that there will
be some tone to it.
So not only is who is thatvoice and where did it come from
, but what's the tone of thelanguage?
Is it judgmental?
Is it using absolute languagelike always and never?
These are indications that thisis the inner critic talking.
It's your ego, that ego mindthat's trying to protect you,
(22:21):
because it feels that if I don'tprotect you, then it no longer
survives.
So that's a pretty heavy,pretty deep comment stuff we're
going to touch on in otherepisodes.
Do stick around and listen tothem, and that's going to be
again.
And we talked about this unfairlanguage stuff we're going to
touch on in other episodes.
Do stick around and listen tothem, and that's going to be
again.
And we talked about this unfairlanguage, right?
So you're going to hear yourinner critic possibly saying
(22:41):
things like he's much better atthis than I'll ever be, and that
might be the truth, but whatmeasurement are you using to
have that as being a definitiveway to measure your success and
how you are showing up?
So there's lots of languagearound that, and it's got some
cynical predictions, right.
(23:01):
Again, we talked about why eventry how this will end Listen,
maybe it won't end well,depending on your definition,
and on the other end, it's anopportunity for growth.
It's an opportunity to learn alittle bit more about yourself
and who you are as an individual.
One of the books that I reallyappreciated learning from and
(23:22):
reading was by Byron Katie, andshe introduced the world to this
framework that she calls thework, and what it does is.
It helps individuals challengetheir inner critic by
questioning negative thoughts,and so I'm going to talk a
little bit about that in thisepisode and how she or her
method has encouragedself-compassion, so it can
provide you with more clarityand make it a powerful tool for
(23:45):
all of us that struggle withself-criticism.
And so one quote from her bookthat I like is when you argue
with reality, you lose, but only100% of the time.
And so Byron asked fourpowerful questions.
When the self-critic comes up,the first question she asks is
this true and yes or no?
(24:06):
And if no, then she asked youto move to question three.
And question three is how doyou react?
What happens when you believethat thought?
So, those two real powerfulquestions.
But let's go back and say isthis true, yes or no?
And if you say yes, then thesecond question she asks us to,
(24:28):
or challenges us to ask, is canyou absolutely know that it is
true, yes or no?
Either way, you're ultimatelygoing to get to the third
question how do you react?
What happens when you believethat thought?
And finally, the last questionshe asks is who or what would
(24:50):
you be without the thought?
This simple yet powerfulfour-question framework really
helps us to unpack what theinner critic is saying and doing
.
It gives us that opportunity totruly debunk many of the things
(25:10):
that is holding us into alimiting belief about who we are
, and so I want to share a storyabout John, about getting into
shape.
It's a very similar story towhat I struggle with and what I
work at the most here in mypersonal journey.
So John is in his early 30s,early 40s, I should say.
He's a husband and he's afather of two.
He's juggling a demandingcareer and family life, and
(25:30):
every morning, as he's tied,he's ready to tie his tie.
In front of the mirror, hecouldn't help but notice the man
staring back at him.
Boy, does that ever soundfamiliar?
The man who looked tired out ofshape and far from the comfort
confident athlete that he usedto be.
He'd think about getting backinto shape, but every time he'd
(25:51):
consider going to the gym orchanging his diet, that inner
critic voice would step in.
John, you're too busy, it's toolate for you.
Buddy, you'll never stick withit.
These words felt like aconcrete wall stopping him from
before he could even get started.
It was finally one day that thebreaking point came, and John
(26:12):
was at the park with his kidsand I can remember this a few
years ago trying to play tag,and after a few minutes he was
wind winded, struggling to catchhis breath and feeling the
sting of embarrassment.
His youngest son, laughinginnocently, said come on, dad,
you're too slow.
That night john sat that alonein his kitchen and that inner
(26:36):
critic started to go intooverdrive.
You'll never be the dad theydeserve.
Look Look at yourself.
But for the first time Johnpushed back.
He asked himself what if Icould prove this voice wrong?
What if I could change, not forperfection, but to feel better
(26:57):
and be there for my kids?
You know, it's a small spark ofdefiance, but it was enough to
get him thinking differently.
So John decided start small.
Instead of signing up for anintense gym membership, he began
walking 10 minutes everymorning before going to work.
The inner clinic was relentless, so, as he always is.
(27:18):
What's the point?
This won't make a difference.
You know what?
John ignored him and the nextweek he had another five minutes
to a walks.
By the third week he wasjogging short intervals.
Then came the small changes tomeals.
Let's face it weight challengesdeals with two things nutrition
and exercise.
(27:39):
And so he started to swapsugary snacks For me, it's salty
stuff, we know snacks for fruit, adding more vegetables into
dinner, changing the compositionof his plate, and every small
win started to give John just alittle boost confidence, and
little by little he started tochange.
Not only did he see it in hisbody, but, even more importantly
(28:02):
, in his mindset, because thisinner critic didn't disappear,
but it got a little quieter andin its place a new voice emerged
, one of encouragement and pride.
So John felt stronger, not justphysically but emotionally, and
he started to see himself as acapable transformation.
Six months later, john wasn'trunning 5Ks, he was running
(28:26):
after his kids at the park andgoing without getting tired, and
so his energy levels were upand his confidence restored, and
even relationships with hiswife had felt even stronger.
I'll suggest the confidencethat John was now showing
sparked all of that change.
And so John's transformationwasn't just about the weight
that he lost or the miles thathe could run now.
(28:48):
It was about proving himselfthat he could be.
He could silence this innercritic.
Each step forward, each smallwin was another brick in the
foundation of the man he wantedto be.
So what's the key to John'ssuccess?
He said he didn't wait for hisinner critic to stop.
He acted in spite of it, andwhen doing so he discovered the
(29:10):
truth that confidence isn'tabout self-doubt, it's about
moving forward in spite of it.
And so let's talk about theframework and some of the things
that John did in this story.
One of the first things he didis that he reframed his negative
thoughts, and so one of theways that you could do that and
John could do that was writingdown his inner critics, most
(29:30):
common phrases, and then justutilize the work framework we
just talked about A framework wejust talked about and ask him
is it true and what's theevidence?
And replace those with morepowerful statements.
Start to practiceself-confidence or
self-compassion, and so when wetreat ourselves as we would
treat a friend, and then when wemake a mistake, we're speaking
(29:52):
much more kindly to ourself.
Instead of focusing on what wedid wrong or didn't accomplish,
we focus on what we can learn.
In that moment.
Maybe we start to notice thatvoice and talking a lot about
the actual voice and people whooften listen to this their inner
critic without realizing and itcomes as though at first maybe
(30:13):
some background noise.
So if we just accept much ofits commentary as reality, then
we're going to struggle.
But when you think about who orwhat that voice sounds like,
then we can recognize the voicemay start to sound familiar,
might even be somebody from thepast, as we talked about earlier
.
So now we can challenge thisvoice and reframe the negative
into a more empowering Istatements connecting the voice
(30:34):
to our actions.
And when the voice happens, howis it impacting our decisions?
We can start to recognize thatvoice showing up, we can start
to make different decisions andfinally, we start to alter our
behavior by taking conscious,proactive action.
And the last thing I suggested,john and for many of us, we
just start to limit ourcomparisons, we focus on our
(30:56):
journey.
It's the journey that we're onthat's the most important, not
the comparison, and we celebrateour progress versus measuring
against what someone else mighthave done, and so that's a lot
of information here to give.
I've given you here on thisinner critic, and so if you're
looking for more informationover the ways where you can find
it on this, I suggest going toByron Katie's book.
(31:18):
Her book is called Loving whatIs Four Questions that Can
Change your Life.
Self-compassion by Kristen Neffanother great book for you to
look into and Daring Greatly byBrene Brown.
Each of these are going tooffer you with powerful insights
to mastering self-doubt,building self-confidence.
So what's the key takeaway foryou to have today is that just
(31:40):
to recognize that our innerthought isn't meant to destroy
us.
It's meant to be mastered.
And so the difference betweenthose who succeed and those who
stay stuck isn't the absence ofself-doubt, but the decision to
act despite of it.
And so your challenge today isto pay attention to that inner
critic.
The next time doubt creeps in,stop, challenge it, reframe the
(32:01):
thought and choose confidenceover fear.
And so, men, the strongestwarriors are not those without
fear, but those who fightdespite it.
And if you're ready to silenceself-doubt and take control of
your mindset, take action now.
I'd like you to visit ourmembership page,
memberstheawakenedmannet, and Ihave a free integrity challenge
(32:23):
for you to take.
It's a roadmap, helping youbecome a more confident version
of yourself.
Again, just go tomemberstheawakenedmannet.
I see the strongest men don'twait.
They decide, they lead withconfidence.
So they get started right now.
Thank you for joining me ontoday's episode of the
Revolutionary man Podcast.
Remember, confidence startswith mastering our inner voice.
(32:44):
Take control of it.
I'm going to see you next time,aho.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, to become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe Awakened man at
theawakendmannet and startforging a new destiny today.
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