March 16, 2025 • 32 mins
Let me know your thoughts on the show and what topic you would like me to discuss next.
What if the strength we've been chasing isn't found in stoicism, but in mastering our emotions?
For too long, men have been taught that emotions are a weakness to overcome. We've pushed feelings down, bottled them up, and paid the price through explosive anger, burnout, and damaged relationships. But what would leadership and life look like if we could transform our emotions into fuel for purpose and connection?
This episode challenges everything you've been taught about masculinity and emotions. We expose the dangerous myths that keep men emotionally stunted and introduce a revolutionary framework for emotional mastery that strengthens rather than diminishes your power as a leader, partner, and father.
Through the compelling transformation story of Mike, a high-performing executive who nearly lost everything that mattered because of his uncontrolled emotions, we witness how small, deliberate practices can dramatically alter both professional success and family harmony. His journey from volatile leader to respected mentor demonstrates that true strength isn't found in emotional suppression, but in emotional direction.
You'll discover the three essential steps to emotional mastery—awareness, reflection, and intentional action—and practical techniques you can implement immediately. Whether you struggle with anger, fear, doubt, or simply want to harness your emotional energy more effectively, this episode provides the blueprint for becoming a man who controls his emotions rather than being controlled by them.
Ready to own your emotional life and lead with authentic power? Take our free Integrity Challenge quiz at members.theawakenedman.net and begin your transformation today. The strongest men don't wait—they decide.
Key moments in this episode:
00:14 The Importance of Emotional Mastery
01:07 Common Myths About Emotions
01:54 Taking Action: Steps to Emotional Mastery
05:49 The Role of Emotional Mastery in Leadership
10:53 Debunking Myths About Masculinity and Emotions
17:45 Practical Techniques for Emotional Mastery
21:58 Mike's Transformation Story
28:15 Conclusion and Call to Action
Thanks for listening to the Revolutionary Man Podcast. For more information about our programs, please use the links below to learn more about us. It could be the step that changes your life.
Want to be a guest on The Revolutionary Man Podcast? Send Alain Dumonceaux a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/revolutionarymanpodcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man podcast.
It's where we challenge men toredefine success and to lead
with integrity and to create alasting impact, not just in
their life, but the lives ofthose that they touch.
And so I'm your host, alanDeMonso, and today we're gonna
dive into one of the mostcritical skills that, as men,
that we can develop, and thatskill is emotional mastery.
(00:21):
For years, we've been told thatemotions are a sign of weakness
, and what we found is that thereal strength is found in being
stoic.
It's in pushing through andignoring the feelings that made
us human.
But let me ask you, how often isignoring your emotions actually
worked?
Have you ever exploded in angerto a loved one?
(00:42):
How about this bottled upstress?
Has it turned into a completeburnout?
Or have you let fear stop youfrom stepping into the man you
were meant to be?
Here's the truth, folks.
Emotional mastery isn't aboutsuppressing how we feel.
It's about harnessing thoseemotions as a tool for
connection, for leadership andfor personal growth.
(01:03):
And in today's episode, we'regoing to break down what
emotional mastery really is, themyths that keep men stuck and
the powerful strategy that youcan use to transform your
emotion into fuel for success,and so if you've ever felt like
your emotions are controllingyou instead of the other way
around, then I think thisepisode's going to be for you.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Let's get started the other way around, and I think
this episode's going to be foryou.
Let's get started.
The average man today issleepwalking through life, many
never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
(01:44):
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Stay strong, my brother, before we go any
further, I just want you to takesome action.
If you've really been seriousabout mastering your emotions, I
want you to hit that likebutton, subscribe to the podcast
and drop a comment telling mewhich emotions challenge you the
most.
Is it anger?
Is it fear, doubt?
Because it's your engagementthat helps spread this message
(02:17):
and it empowers more men to takecontrol of their lives.
So please do take two seconds,hit like and subscribe, and
let's keep this conversationgoing.
Now, in order for us to do that, I'm going to ask you a couple
of questions to help you shapethe mindset of what we're going
to talk about today.
So how often do you let youremotions dictate your actions
(02:38):
instead of using them to fuelyour purpose?
Your purpose, and what wouldlife look like if you could
control every emotion your anger, your fear, maybe even joy into
an intentional and a meaningfulaction?
And if you don't take controlof your emotions, who or what
will do that?
Now, all these questions, andthere's so many more we got to
(03:01):
ask, are meant to challenge us.
That's meant to help us thinkdeeper about how emotions impact
our decisions, ourrelationships and our success,
and so when we do that, we getan opportunity to learn and grow
as a powerful man that we trulyare.
So let's get into ourdiscussion.
Why?
What really are we talkingabout when I say emotional
mastery?
(03:22):
Emotional mastery really is thefoundation of self-control.
It's about not about ignoringor suppressing our emotions.
It's rather it's our ability torecognize, to understand and to
direct them toward a morepositive outcome.
And I really think, even thoughwe started by talking about
being stoic, that's what MarcusAurelius is really getting at is
being able to have our emotionsunder control and understanding
(03:45):
how, in order to how we can,what we can do to truly unleash
them in the most positive andmost proactive way.
Doing this is a skill, and it'snot necessarily going to be an
inborn trait, and so many of usassume that emotional control is
just this innate characteristic.
Hey, some people are born withit.
I'm just not, so I fly off thehandle, but it's either you're
(04:07):
going to have it or you don'thave it, and when you have that
kind of mindset, it's not awonder that we struggle as men.
And so the truth is thatemotional mastery is really a
learned skill, and it requiresus to have continuous refinement
, just like they talk in leanpractices and six Sigma.
It's a method of constantimprovement.
When we take, tackle ouremotions in that fashion, you're
(04:30):
going to find that we can havemuch more control in how our
emotions are expressed.
And so when we turn reactionsinto a response, there's a big
difference, right?
Because between emotionallyreactive men and those who have
mastered this their emotionsit's really about that response
time and what that looks like,and so a reactive man is going
(04:50):
to let his emotions dictate hisactions, and that resonates so
much to me when I think aboutand I just said that because we
react or I would react withouteven thinking, and while
emotionally intelligent menpause, assess and respond with
intention.
I don't know about you, butI've had a few mentors in my
life who were just like that,who were able to pause and
(05:12):
respond in a much different way,and I've also had those around
me that were not that way andwhere they were more of a
reactive type.
So I think there'sopportunities for us to learn in
all aspects of our life and howwe can do better at managing
our emotions.
So let's take an example.
Let's say you're in a reallyintense or intense business
(05:35):
meeting and there's someonethere and they're poking at you.
They're challenging your ideas.
A reactive man that was me fora long time would immediately
start firing back as I got todig my feet in and make sure
that I balance my defense forwhat is being said, but
potentially, what I end up thatcan do is really damaging our
(05:55):
relationships.
And so as we get better atmanaging our emotions and we
pause and we reflect, anemotionally intelligent man will
acknowledge that these emotionsare still happening, but
they're happening internally,and then instead considers how
to respond more strategically.
This preserves both hiscredibility and gives respect
(06:16):
for others, opportunity to openup for conversations for us to
have.
So why is emotional mastery andessential for being a
revolutionary man?
Our emotions don't dictate ouroutcomes, whether we're in
business relationship orleadership.
It's our ability to controlemotions directly that affects
the decisions that we're goingto make, and so, without mastery
(06:39):
, we're going to risk actingimpulsively, we're going to say
things we're going to regret andwe're going to fail to seize
opportunities due to a fear andeven doubt, and resilience is
going to have to be built underpressure, isn't it?
And so the most respectedleaders are not those who never
feel stressed or are frustrated,but those who remain in control
(06:59):
, truly under really beingcomposed, I should say when
they're in the line of fire.
The ability to navigate thatfor them brings them clarity, it
brings confidence and it makesit be a much more of an asset,
especially when we're inhigh-stakes situations.
High-stakes situations happeneverywhere, right, it doesn't
(07:20):
have to necessarily be inbusiness.
High-stakes situation happensat home as well, when you know
you need to have thatconversation with your son or
your daughter or your spouse.
So when we have some emotionalcontrol and we have built some
resilience under pressure, wecan respond much more
effectively.
It's our energy is what reallyimpacts others.
That's the first thing that aretruly picking up.
(07:42):
And so, whether we're a fatheror husband or executive business
leader any one of these ouremotions are going to set the
tone for those that are aroundus.
And so, as a leader who reactswith frustration or maybe even
panic at times, that's going tobreed chaos.
And a leader who can reallymanage his emotions and stay
(08:02):
more calm and focused, inspiremore confidence, is going to
give people the trust that theycan come to you with problems
and challenging situations.
You're going to be there forthe best for themselves.
I think of winston churchillduring world war ii and the
world was crumbling all aroundhim.
But it was his emotionaldiscipline that allowed him
(08:23):
truly to project confidence andinspire an entire nation and,
despite all the overwhelmingadversity at the time, he was
able to really immute that fearand he really just simply
refused to let it control hisdecisions.
And I think that's a real keything to consider.
It's not that where there'sgoing to be a lack of fear or
(08:44):
lack of doubt in our lives,we're going to have these
emotions or things that arehappening to us and around us.
It's how we respond to thatemotional mastery and, as we've
been talking about in ourrelationships, is really key and
, I said earlier, it reallyhelps us to build trust, doesn't
it?
Whether that's with colleaguesor friends and even in family,
and that the more that we havecalmness around us and we start
(09:08):
to build some stability andtrust, people will start to come
to us knowing that we're notgoing to lose control.
They're going to feel safe.
And really, as we think is partof one of the things that we
bring to our lives, for thelives of others is how can we
make them feel safe, as safetyis more than just being able to
protect them physically, butit's also about having the
(09:29):
emotional safety that they knowthat they can be protected and
taken care of, and so that justreflects as I've been talking
about already is just how werespond in our relationships.
I know I've had severalchallenging conversations with
my spouse and my child and Ihave two boys and I can tell you
, not every time thoseconversations went over well,
but as I start to get better andcontinue to grow and learn and
(09:53):
master my emotions, and thenthese difficult conversations
really become less challengingand we can move closer to
resolution rather than having itend up in a fight and conflict
and nobody wants to speak toeach other.
I think of two fathers whenboth are coming home from a long
work day and one is stressedand then he just snaps at his
(10:14):
kids that was me in my 20s and30s for sure creating a really
tense household.
And then the other, he'srecognizing his stress.
He recognizes he's got somestress and he's coming home from
the same kind of day, but hetakes a deep breath when he
chooses instead to be presentand have some patience, and
that's the skill that I continueto work on and develop and
(10:37):
encourage you that are listeningto this podcast as well that we
can always do better and how weshow up and so it.
When we start to do that, westart to build a home
environment that strengthens therelationships around us between
father and child and spouse andeven external families.
More people get more and getcloser and closer together, and
(10:59):
I think about what TravisBradbury said.
He said your ability torecognize and understand
emotions in yourself and othersand your ability to use this
awareness to manage yourbehavior and relationships is
going to be critical to yoursuccess, and he talked about
that in emotional intelligence2.0.
It's a fabulous book and Iencourage you to read it.
(11:21):
We've been talking about lots ofdifferent things about
emotional intelligence andemotional mastery.
Let's start to debunk a fewmyths about emotions and how it
ties into masculinity.
One of the first thing thatcomes to mind for me is that
real men don't feel emotions,and we've been tickling around
the edges of this already inthis episode and but it's truly
(11:41):
a cultural lie.
Society has conditioned us tobelieve that men that display
emotions is really a sign ofweakness.
But really from childhood, weare often told as boys that we
need to toughen up or man up orbuckle up rather than process
how we feel and how he isworking through his emotions.
(12:03):
And while it's uncomfortablefor me to see him work through
his when he's angry and he's abit fearful, it's helping him be
able to cope with that whenhe's five and six years old and
develop the skills, versus nothaving him go through that and
having to suppress it and thenhe's dealing with it at 16, 26,
36, 46, and beyond.
(12:25):
The reality is that thestrongest men throughout our
history, whether they werewarriors or world leaders, were
deeply aware of their emotionsand they used them strategically
.
And again, I think of Churchilland I think of Marcus Aurelius
and I think of so many powerfulmen Napoleon all of these men
faced and had to deal with theiremotions.
(12:45):
And so the consequence when wedon't face and deal with it is
we start to suppress is thatbottling up all of our emotions
doesn't eliminate them.
It just simply builds pressureuntil ultimately they're going
to explode in unhealthy ways andthat can show up, whether it
comes out as anger or addictionor even emotional detachment.
(13:07):
And I think we can allrecognize those scenarios
happening, maybe in ourselvesfor our own lives, but the lives
of those that we care fordeeply.
Let's look at a second myth thatI think is really important
that we debunk, and that angeris the only acceptable emotion
for men.
When I think of anger, I thinkof it as really being this
(13:30):
secondary emotion, because whenwe feel powerless or afraid or
frustrated, anger is often theemotion that masks those deeper
feelings when things are goingon.
So think about this the nexttime for yourself when you're
feeling angry.
What is behind the anger?
What is it?
Is there a value that's beingviolated?
(13:50):
Is there something else that'shappening?
Do you feel powerless?
Are you afraid about something?
Because maybe there's somethingbigger going on for you, and so
I really think that's a keypoint for us to consider.
I think the problem with relyingon anger is that, while anger
can be motivating in reallyshort bursts, sure, getting
upset and frustrated may helpyou get hunkered down and really
(14:11):
get going but when it becomesunchecked, then it's going to
lead to where you're going toburn bridges.
We have to make really poordecisions and our emotion,
really that emotion that's goingto be completely exhausting for
us, and so I would considerthat a more effective
alternative to that is trulymastering what this really
(14:32):
involves us to do a root causeanalysis of our anger and again
I'll go back to thinking aboutthe lean process.
And when you do a root causeanalysis in that scenario, it's
about asking why five times?
And it's really about divingdeeper.
And the other way to look atthat is what would have to be
true in order for this anger orthis to be, for you to feel this
(14:56):
way.
And as you start to unpeel thator peel that onion and dive
deeper and deeper, I thinkyou'll recognize that you'll get
down to some really core stuffthat's powerful.
And then when you get to thatpoint, truly that's where
transformation is going tohappen for you.
And consider that instead ofsnapping at an employee for them
doing a mistake, that reallyemotional, intelligent leaders
(15:21):
needs to identify what's reallygoing on right.
We're going to look at thatfrom a business perspective,
this analysis so what's reallygoing on for you at that moment
and in this scenario, and maybeturn that moment more into a
learning opportunity foryourself and for that employee.
Same thing can happen,especially at home, with
parenting and in ourrelationships.
(15:41):
When we do that and we comefrom this other perspective of
trying to identify what the realissue is, what really helps us
retain the respect that all ofus are looking for as men, that
it also improves performance ofthe individuals we're speaking
to, whatever kind of performancethat you're looking at, even as
simple as making sure thatthey're cleaning their room.
(16:02):
We touched on this myth earlierand it's really about emotions
make us weak and really emotionsare a source of strength.
It's vulnerability is not trulygoing to be a liability for us.
It's going to be an asset,because the man who understands
and manages his emotions is farmore powerful than the one who
chooses to stuff them down.
And stuff them down, as we'vediscussed already, there will
(16:25):
come a time will where that willbackfire on you, and so can you
really be okay enough to bevulnerable and raise that level
of masculinity that you, so youcan start to share the things
that are important for you,things that you're feeling about
a certain situation.
What is it you need to get outof it?
You know that helps setboundaries, and I'm sure you can
start to share the things thatare important for you, things
that you're feeling about acertain situation.
What is it you need to get outof it?
That helps set boundaries, andI'm sure we'll get in that topic
(16:47):
on a future episode.
And so a real courage is goingto involve us facing our
emotions head on, and this isnot really the story of this
entire episode.
Facing things head on Becauseit's going to take more than
strength and you're just sittingthere saying I things head on.
And because it's going to takemore than strength and you've
just sitting there saying I am,I'm feeling uncertain, but I'm
going to act anyways.
Is okay to say that we don'thave to have all of our shit
(17:09):
together and most likely weprobably won't in some scenarios
but are we okay with takingaction anyways?
So when we pretend that wedon't have these feelings, they
don't exist, that's when westart to get ourselves in an
opportunity to get into trouble.
And so think about it again.
We'll go back to you're runninga corporation or a business,
(17:30):
and but when we can acknowledgethat there's uncertainty in the
decision that's beginning to bemade or in a direction that are
going, it helps us move forwardmuch more strategically.
And when we do that, we'regoing to see that you're going
to get a lot more respect, notjust for yourself but for those
that are around you, becauseyou're displaying a leadership
skill that says that you'rewilling to take all things into
(17:52):
consideration.
So it's an important skill forus to develop.
And so I think of Brene Brown'sDaring Greatly book and I really
like that book, especially forus and she says vulnerability is
the birth, birthplace ofinnovation, creativity and
change, and I couldn't agreemore than that.
So let's really step into whatit means to have emotional
(18:17):
mastery.
And so the first step that weneed to do and I've been again
touching on this in a roundaboutway, but now I'll just be much
more direct and step that weneed to do and I've been again
touching on this in a roundaboutway, but now I'll just be much
more direct and that is we needto have awareness when we
recognize that we have someemotional triggers.
The first step is knowing whenand why our emotions are rising,
and I have a colleague thatparticipates in our men's work
(18:38):
and he's fond of saying that hewould, his father would tell him
that he wasn't, that he was, hedidn't put the buttons on him,
but he just knew how to pushthem.
And so I think it's importantfor us to recognize and we'll be
aware of what are thosetriggers that's happening for us
, and so think about that, whenthat can happen in any situation
(18:58):
.
Wherever you're becomingirritated or you're getting
intense, maybe you're startingto hyperventilate a little bit
these are moments thatpotentially could signal that
you need to do a little bit ofroot cause analysis and, rather
than simply reacting and gettinga sense of what is it it
doesn't need to be a half anhour, two day exercise here
(19:19):
could be as simple as just a fewshort minutes just to quickly
understand what's going on foryourself.
And so, throughout the day, youknow, ask yourself what am I
feeling right now and why.
And doing that regardless ofwhether there's an emotional
trigger happening.
Just getting in the habit ofasking that question what am I
feeling right now?
(19:40):
Getting in the habit of askingthat question what am I feeling
right now and why helps us tobuild this habit of having
emotional awareness.
It's going to be an incrediblypowerful skill for us.
Step two, after awareness, isgoing to be reflection.
So after we question ouremotional, after we have an
emotional reaction, we're goingto question it, and so, instead
of accepting our emotions atface value, ask ourselves this
(20:01):
question is this emotionjustified and is it helping or
is it hurting me?
And so we become aware thatwe're having an emotional
trigger that's being activated.
The activation has occurred andnow we're starting to analyze
the reaction.
And so was that emotionalemotion justified and how is it
(20:22):
helping or hurting me?
Really powerful stuffstrengthen.
That key part of reflectionwe've talked a lot about here at
the awakened man and therevolutionary man podcast is
really keeping a journal of ouremotional reactions, just
journaling and writing somethings down, and doesn't need to
be a novel on each and everyday, but just a couple of short
(20:45):
things.
That maybe that's the thing youneed to work on right now is
working on your emotionalmastery.
So that's what you'll'lljournal on for a week or two
weeks to get a sense of where itis that you're at.
And so when we do that, you'regoing to notice that there are
patterns will start to emerge,and it's going to give you an
idea and some insight and howpotentially you can move forward
.
And so we've got awareness,we're reflecting.
(21:09):
What's the third step inmastering our emotions?
The next thing is we need totake intentional action, don't
we?
And so how?
And what I mean by that isreally choosing our response.
And so the difference betweenthose of us that struggle with
our emotion, those that masterthem.
It's going to be our ability tomake conscious choices about
how we're going to react.
(21:31):
That is a skill that's learned,and in order to learn, it means
you need to practice this,which means you're probably
going to make mistakes and it'sgoing to be messy, and that's
just the way life is.
In it, gentlemen, that you startto practice and learn and
develop these skills, that helpsus become much more emotionally
intelligent, and a real simplehabit for us to do is, before
(21:51):
responding to anything that's anemotional trigger or it's an
emotionally charged situation,is to take, just take five deep
breaths, just slowly.
Just take five deep breaths,and this pause is going to help
activate the rational part ofour brain.
It's actually going to activatethe parasympathetic system, and
it gives us the opportunity toslow down just enough in order
(22:15):
for us to respond in a much morehealthy and powerful way.
I think about Eckhart Tolle andthe power of now, and he says
rather than being your thoughtsand emotion, be the awareness
behind them, the observer of ourlives.
What a great quote.
So let me tell you a littlestory about a gentleman by the
name of Mike, and Mike was akind man.
(22:35):
People admired him from adistance and he was a mid-level
executive in his late 30s and hehad built a reputation as a
sharp decision maker.
He was a relentless worker andsomeone who always got results.
But beneath that surface, mikewas a ticking time bomb.
His colleagues respected hiswork but feared his temper.
The single setback in a meetingcould send him into a spiral of
(22:58):
frustration and his teamlearned to avoid him, especially
when tensions were high.
And at home things weren't muchdifferent for Mike.
His wife had grown accustomedto his short fuse and his kids
knew when they needed to stayclear of dad.
And then one evening after aparticularly rough day, mike
snapped when his sonaccidentally locked over a glass
of juice at the dinner table.
(23:19):
Mike's sharp tone and piercingglare silenced the room.
He just everybody quiet and hisson's eyes started to well up
with tears.
And he could just see hiswife's disappointment.
It was evident in her silenceand in her facial expression.
And it was that night that, asmike laid in bed, replaying the
moment, is that when therealization truly stuck for him
(23:43):
that he was becoming the man hehad sworn he would never be man.
I can totally relate to thatand his emotions controlling him
.
And if he didn't take charge,he would lose much more than
just his temperature He'd losethe people who mattered the most
to him.
And so the next morning, whenMike got up with this heaviness,
he just couldn't shake.
(24:03):
He spent years climbing thiscorporate ladder, and he because
he believed that his strengthmeant never showing weakness and
never letting emotions get inthe way.
But he was.
He's truly that strong.
Was he truly leading withintegrity?
A friend at work also noticedhis tension and handed him a
book on emotional intelligence,and mike he just dismissed it,
(24:25):
not really wanting to look at it.
And these books were given tomen like him.
They were to help him.
But later that night, curiositygot the best of and as he
started to flip through thepages, one quote stopped him
dead in his tracks, and I justlove this quote.
This is between stimulus andresponse.
There's a space, and in thatspace lies the power to choose
(24:46):
our response.
It was for years that Mike lethis emotion dictate his
reactions, leaving his anger andfrustration were just part of
who he was.
But what if he had a choice?
What if he could reclaim thatspace and decide on how to
respond instead of beingcontrolled by his impulses.
And so the idea was bothterrifying yet liberating,
(25:10):
wouldn't you say, and determinedto change.
I know, mike, he'd started juststarted to do things in the
small steps, and that's howeverything always starts, isn't
it?
Just small steps.
And so he began tracking momentswhen his emotions started to
get the better of him and hecould see that patterns were
emerging.
His worst outbursts weren'trandom.
They were triggered by stressat work or lack of sleep, and
(25:34):
there was this underlying fearof failure for mike.
And when he recognized thatthese triggers was his first
step that he could finally startto regain control.
And so mike knew that awarenessjust wasn't enough, and so he
needed to take some action.
And so he decided, in a simplemindfulness practice routine,
(25:55):
for five minutes of deepbreathing in the morning and a
quick self-check before hismeetings, and a conscious pause
before responding in difficultsituations.
When he started feeling thesefrustrations bubbling up inside
of him, he would ask himself isthis reaction going to help or
is it going to hurt thesituation?
And instead of lashing out, hebegan addressing problems with a
(26:18):
clear head.
Now, it took a while for histeam to really buy into the.
This was a new man.
This is a new person, so theywere still a little hesitant to
share ideas, but as they startedto engage more openly, there's
no longer any fear for his wrathto come about.
When the same thing wasstarting to happen for Mike at
home, he made a conscious effortto be present.
(26:39):
He started apologizing when hewas overreacting.
He explained his emotions tohis kids instead of expecting
them to just deal with it.
He realized that strengthwasn't about burying his
emotions but instead ofchanneling them into something
much more productive.
And so the transformation likethis.
Like anytime, it's going to beslow, but the results were truly
(27:01):
undeniable, for Mike and hisson began confiding in him more
and more, and his wife noticedhis newfound patience, and for
the first time in a long time,he'd tell you that Mike started
to feel that he was getting incontrol not just of his emotions
but of his life.
Like I tell you, six monthslater, mike not often looked
(27:21):
completely different than theman that he was before.
His reputation at work hadshifted.
He went from this volatile,high-performing executive to a
composed strategic leader, andhis colleagues now would come
and seek his advice, and theyadmired his ability to remain
calm under pressure, and hisboss even commented on the
noticeable change, calling him aleader others wanted to follow
(27:45):
and not avoid.
When at home, I think thebiggest transformation for him
was in his obviously in hisrelationship, his son no longer
hesitated before speaking withhim, and his wife mentioned how
much lighter the house felt.
And Mike had always wanted tobe this strong father and
husband.
But now he understood that truestrength wasn't about dominance
(28:05):
, it was about presence, it wasabout patience and it was about
emotional discipline.
And so it's a long journey forMike for sure.
And it wasn't about eliminatingany emotions, as a matter of
fact, it was truly about howMike wanted to master all of
them, and so he learned thatthis emotional mastery isn't a
one-time achievement.
(28:26):
It's going to be a dailycommitment to self-awareness, to
reflection and intentionalaction, and it was transforming
his relationships.
With his emotions, he not onlyimproved his career and his
personal life, but also ensuredhe was building a legacy of
integrity, leadership andemotional resilience for his
children to follow.
(28:47):
And so let's start wrapping upand summarizing our conversation
today.
So, before we're going to doanything, what are we going to
do?
We're going to pause.
It's important because that'swhere dangerous decision-making
can occur.
So we want to really take amoment to drive out those
unfiltered emotions and just bepresent, pause and reflect.
(29:09):
Pause and reflect and want topractice again.
Go back to practicing someemotional journey, journaling,
really getting an understandingof what are the patterns that
are happening in our lives andhow can we really take advantage
of what's happening, be moreproactive in it and developing
some sort of routine to help you.
You know, mike's story talkedabout doing a mindfulness
(29:30):
routine, which is reallypowerful for mike and maybe
there's something else for you,and it is what is continuing to
journal.
But I think it's reallyimportant for us to recognize
that there are so many differentways for us to master emotions
and we just touched on a few ofthem today, and so one of the
things I want to make sure Ileave with you today is there's
some several key books, and acouple of them I mentioned
(29:51):
already today in this call, inthis conversation.
That was emotional intelligence2.0 by Travis Bradbury, the
power of now by Eckhart Tolleand emotional agility by Susan
Davidson.
It's a powerful book onadapting to emotions rather than
controlling us, and emotionalmastery isn't going to be about
suppressing how we feel.
It's going to be aboutharnessing our emotions to fuel
(30:14):
ourselves, for clarity andleadership and to build
resilience, because every greatman in history has had emotions.
Trust me, what set them apartwas their ability to channel
them towards something muchgreater.
And today you have thatopportunity to do the same, and
so I'm going to challenge youone last time on this call, and
it's simple.
It's that I want you toidentify one of the techniques
(30:36):
that we discussed today andimplement it immediately.
Whether it's pausing beforereacting, practicing mindfulness
or reframing negative emotions,I just want you to take that
first step towards mastering,and so you're serious about
becoming the man who controlshis emotions, rather than being
controlled by them.
I want you to take some actionright now.
(30:56):
So one of the things I'm goingto also offer for you today is
go to our membership page.
It's memberstheawakenedmannet,and we have a free quiz for you
there.
It's called the IntegrityChallenge.
It's your roadmap to emotionalmastery and personal leadership,
and this free quiz is going tohelp you align your actions with
your values so you can leadwith confidence and clarity.
(31:18):
Purpose is let's face it,gentlemen, the strongest men
don't wait.
They decide to take thechallenge today.
Let's begin with yourtransformation, and so thank you
so much for listening to therevolutionary man podcast and
spending time with me here today, and I just really appreciate
you being here, and let's maketoday the day that you take
charge of your emotionalawareness and begin leading
(31:39):
yourself and others withintention.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Aho Aho.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, to become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe Awakened man at
theawakendmannet and startforging a new destiny today.
Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man podcast.
It's where we challenge men toredefine success and to lead
with integrity and to create alasting impact, not just in
their life, but the lives ofthose that they touch.
And so I'm your host, alanDeMonso, and today we're gonna
dive into one of the mostcritical skills that, as men,
that we can develop, and thatskill is emotional mastery.
(00:21):
For years, we've been told thatemotions are a sign of weakness
, and what we found is that thereal strength is found in being
stoic.
It's in pushing through andignoring the feelings that made
us human.
But let me ask you, how often isignoring your emotions actually
worked?
Have you ever exploded in angerto a loved one?
(00:42):
How about this bottled upstress?
Has it turned into a completeburnout?
Or have you let fear stop youfrom stepping into the man you
were meant to be?
Here's the truth, folks.
Emotional mastery isn't aboutsuppressing how we feel.
It's about harnessing thoseemotions as a tool for
connection, for leadership andfor personal growth.
(01:03):
And in today's episode, we'regoing to break down what
emotional mastery really is, themyths that keep men stuck and
the powerful strategy that youcan use to transform your
emotion into fuel for success,and so if you've ever felt like
your emotions are controllingyou instead of the other way
around, then I think thisepisode's going to be for you.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Let's get started the other way around, and I think
this episode's going to be foryou.
Let's get started.
The average man today issleepwalking through life, many
never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
(01:44):
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Stay strong, my brother, before we go any
further, I just want you to takesome action.
If you've really been seriousabout mastering your emotions, I
want you to hit that likebutton, subscribe to the podcast
and drop a comment telling mewhich emotions challenge you the
most.
Is it anger?
Is it fear, doubt?
Because it's your engagementthat helps spread this message
(02:17):
and it empowers more men to takecontrol of their lives.
So please do take two seconds,hit like and subscribe, and
let's keep this conversationgoing.
Now, in order for us to do that, I'm going to ask you a couple
of questions to help you shapethe mindset of what we're going
to talk about today.
So how often do you let youremotions dictate your actions
(02:38):
instead of using them to fuelyour purpose?
Your purpose, and what wouldlife look like if you could
control every emotion your anger, your fear, maybe even joy into
an intentional and a meaningfulaction?
And if you don't take controlof your emotions, who or what
will do that?
Now, all these questions, andthere's so many more we got to
(03:01):
ask, are meant to challenge us.
That's meant to help us thinkdeeper about how emotions impact
our decisions, ourrelationships and our success,
and so when we do that, we getan opportunity to learn and grow
as a powerful man that we trulyare.
So let's get into ourdiscussion.
Why?
What really are we talkingabout when I say emotional
mastery?
(03:22):
Emotional mastery really is thefoundation of self-control.
It's about not about ignoringor suppressing our emotions.
It's rather it's our ability torecognize, to understand and to
direct them toward a morepositive outcome.
And I really think, even thoughwe started by talking about
being stoic, that's what MarcusAurelius is really getting at is
being able to have our emotionsunder control and understanding
(03:45):
how, in order to how we can,what we can do to truly unleash
them in the most positive andmost proactive way.
Doing this is a skill, and it'snot necessarily going to be an
inborn trait, and so many of usassume that emotional control is
just this innate characteristic.
Hey, some people are born withit.
I'm just not, so I fly off thehandle, but it's either you're
(04:07):
going to have it or you don'thave it, and when you have that
kind of mindset, it's not awonder that we struggle as men.
And so the truth is thatemotional mastery is really a
learned skill, and it requiresus to have continuous refinement
, just like they talk in leanpractices and six Sigma.
It's a method of constantimprovement.
When we take, tackle ouremotions in that fashion, you're
(04:30):
going to find that we can havemuch more control in how our
emotions are expressed.
And so when we turn reactionsinto a response, there's a big
difference, right?
Because between emotionallyreactive men and those who have
mastered this their emotionsit's really about that response
time and what that looks like,and so a reactive man is going
(04:50):
to let his emotions dictate hisactions, and that resonates so
much to me when I think aboutand I just said that because we
react or I would react withouteven thinking, and while
emotionally intelligent menpause, assess and respond with
intention.
I don't know about you, butI've had a few mentors in my
life who were just like that,who were able to pause and
(05:12):
respond in a much different way,and I've also had those around
me that were not that way andwhere they were more of a
reactive type.
So I think there'sopportunities for us to learn in
all aspects of our life and howwe can do better at managing
our emotions.
So let's take an example.
Let's say you're in a reallyintense or intense business
(05:35):
meeting and there's someonethere and they're poking at you.
They're challenging your ideas.
A reactive man that was me fora long time would immediately
start firing back as I got todig my feet in and make sure
that I balance my defense forwhat is being said, but
potentially, what I end up thatcan do is really damaging our
(05:55):
relationships.
And so as we get better atmanaging our emotions and we
pause and we reflect, anemotionally intelligent man will
acknowledge that these emotionsare still happening, but
they're happening internally,and then instead considers how
to respond more strategically.
This preserves both hiscredibility and gives respect
(06:16):
for others, opportunity to openup for conversations for us to
have.
So why is emotional mastery andessential for being a
revolutionary man?
Our emotions don't dictate ouroutcomes, whether we're in
business relationship orleadership.
It's our ability to controlemotions directly that affects
the decisions that we're goingto make, and so, without mastery
(06:39):
, we're going to risk actingimpulsively, we're going to say
things we're going to regret andwe're going to fail to seize
opportunities due to a fear andeven doubt, and resilience is
going to have to be built underpressure, isn't it?
And so the most respectedleaders are not those who never
feel stressed or are frustrated,but those who remain in control
(06:59):
, truly under really beingcomposed, I should say when
they're in the line of fire.
The ability to navigate thatfor them brings them clarity, it
brings confidence and it makesit be a much more of an asset,
especially when we're inhigh-stakes situations.
High-stakes situations happeneverywhere, right, it doesn't
(07:20):
have to necessarily be inbusiness.
High-stakes situation happensat home as well, when you know
you need to have thatconversation with your son or
your daughter or your spouse.
So when we have some emotionalcontrol and we have built some
resilience under pressure, wecan respond much more
effectively.
It's our energy is what reallyimpacts others.
That's the first thing that aretruly picking up.
(07:42):
And so, whether we're a fatheror husband or executive business
leader any one of these ouremotions are going to set the
tone for those that are aroundus.
And so, as a leader who reactswith frustration or maybe even
panic at times, that's going tobreed chaos.
And a leader who can reallymanage his emotions and stay
(08:02):
more calm and focused, inspiremore confidence, is going to
give people the trust that theycan come to you with problems
and challenging situations.
You're going to be there forthe best for themselves.
I think of winston churchillduring world war ii and the
world was crumbling all aroundhim.
But it was his emotionaldiscipline that allowed him
(08:23):
truly to project confidence andinspire an entire nation and,
despite all the overwhelmingadversity at the time, he was
able to really immute that fearand he really just simply
refused to let it control hisdecisions.
And I think that's a real keything to consider.
It's not that where there'sgoing to be a lack of fear or
(08:44):
lack of doubt in our lives,we're going to have these
emotions or things that arehappening to us and around us.
It's how we respond to thatemotional mastery and, as we've
been talking about in ourrelationships, is really key and
, I said earlier, it reallyhelps us to build trust, doesn't
it?
Whether that's with colleaguesor friends and even in family,
and that the more that we havecalmness around us and we start
(09:08):
to build some stability andtrust, people will start to come
to us knowing that we're notgoing to lose control.
They're going to feel safe.
And really, as we think is partof one of the things that we
bring to our lives, for thelives of others is how can we
make them feel safe, as safetyis more than just being able to
protect them physically, butit's also about having the
(09:29):
emotional safety that they knowthat they can be protected and
taken care of, and so that justreflects as I've been talking
about already is just how werespond in our relationships.
I know I've had severalchallenging conversations with
my spouse and my child and Ihave two boys and I can tell you
, not every time thoseconversations went over well,
but as I start to get better andcontinue to grow and learn and
(09:53):
master my emotions, and thenthese difficult conversations
really become less challengingand we can move closer to
resolution rather than having itend up in a fight and conflict
and nobody wants to speak toeach other.
I think of two fathers whenboth are coming home from a long
work day and one is stressedand then he just snaps at his
(10:14):
kids that was me in my 20s and30s for sure creating a really
tense household.
And then the other, he'srecognizing his stress.
He recognizes he's got somestress and he's coming home from
the same kind of day, but hetakes a deep breath when he
chooses instead to be presentand have some patience, and
that's the skill that I continueto work on and develop and
(10:37):
encourage you that are listeningto this podcast as well that we
can always do better and how weshow up and so it.
When we start to do that, westart to build a home
environment that strengthens therelationships around us between
father and child and spouse andeven external families.
More people get more and getcloser and closer together, and
(10:59):
I think about what TravisBradbury said.
He said your ability torecognize and understand
emotions in yourself and othersand your ability to use this
awareness to manage yourbehavior and relationships is
going to be critical to yoursuccess, and he talked about
that in emotional intelligence2.0.
It's a fabulous book and Iencourage you to read it.
(11:21):
We've been talking about lots ofdifferent things about
emotional intelligence andemotional mastery.
Let's start to debunk a fewmyths about emotions and how it
ties into masculinity.
One of the first thing thatcomes to mind for me is that
real men don't feel emotions,and we've been tickling around
the edges of this already inthis episode and but it's truly
(11:41):
a cultural lie.
Society has conditioned us tobelieve that men that display
emotions is really a sign ofweakness.
But really from childhood, weare often told as boys that we
need to toughen up or man up orbuckle up rather than process
how we feel and how he isworking through his emotions.
(12:03):
And while it's uncomfortablefor me to see him work through
his when he's angry and he's abit fearful, it's helping him be
able to cope with that whenhe's five and six years old and
develop the skills, versus nothaving him go through that and
having to suppress it and thenhe's dealing with it at 16, 26,
36, 46, and beyond.
(12:25):
The reality is that thestrongest men throughout our
history, whether they werewarriors or world leaders, were
deeply aware of their emotionsand they used them strategically
.
And again, I think of Churchilland I think of Marcus Aurelius
and I think of so many powerfulmen Napoleon all of these men
faced and had to deal with theiremotions.
(12:45):
And so the consequence when wedon't face and deal with it is
we start to suppress is thatbottling up all of our emotions
doesn't eliminate them.
It just simply builds pressureuntil ultimately they're going
to explode in unhealthy ways andthat can show up, whether it
comes out as anger or addictionor even emotional detachment.
(13:07):
And I think we can allrecognize those scenarios
happening, maybe in ourselvesfor our own lives, but the lives
of those that we care fordeeply.
Let's look at a second myth thatI think is really important
that we debunk, and that angeris the only acceptable emotion
for men.
When I think of anger, I thinkof it as really being this
(13:30):
secondary emotion, because whenwe feel powerless or afraid or
frustrated, anger is often theemotion that masks those deeper
feelings when things are goingon.
So think about this the nexttime for yourself when you're
feeling angry.
What is behind the anger?
What is it?
Is there a value that's beingviolated?
(13:50):
Is there something else that'shappening?
Do you feel powerless?
Are you afraid about something?
Because maybe there's somethingbigger going on for you, and so
I really think that's a keypoint for us to consider.
I think the problem with relyingon anger is that, while anger
can be motivating in reallyshort bursts, sure, getting
upset and frustrated may helpyou get hunkered down and really
(14:11):
get going but when it becomesunchecked, then it's going to
lead to where you're going toburn bridges.
We have to make really poordecisions and our emotion,
really that emotion that's goingto be completely exhausting for
us, and so I would considerthat a more effective
alternative to that is trulymastering what this really
(14:32):
involves us to do a root causeanalysis of our anger and again
I'll go back to thinking aboutthe lean process.
And when you do a root causeanalysis in that scenario, it's
about asking why five times?
And it's really about divingdeeper.
And the other way to look atthat is what would have to be
true in order for this anger orthis to be, for you to feel this
(14:56):
way.
And as you start to unpeel thator peel that onion and dive
deeper and deeper, I thinkyou'll recognize that you'll get
down to some really core stuffthat's powerful.
And then when you get to thatpoint, truly that's where
transformation is going tohappen for you.
And consider that instead ofsnapping at an employee for them
doing a mistake, that reallyemotional, intelligent leaders
(15:21):
needs to identify what's reallygoing on right.
We're going to look at thatfrom a business perspective,
this analysis so what's reallygoing on for you at that moment
and in this scenario, and maybeturn that moment more into a
learning opportunity foryourself and for that employee.
Same thing can happen,especially at home, with
parenting and in ourrelationships.
(15:41):
When we do that and we comefrom this other perspective of
trying to identify what the realissue is, what really helps us
retain the respect that all ofus are looking for as men, that
it also improves performance ofthe individuals we're speaking
to, whatever kind of performancethat you're looking at, even as
simple as making sure thatthey're cleaning their room.
(16:02):
We touched on this myth earlierand it's really about emotions
make us weak and really emotionsare a source of strength.
It's vulnerability is not trulygoing to be a liability for us.
It's going to be an asset,because the man who understands
and manages his emotions is farmore powerful than the one who
chooses to stuff them down.
And stuff them down, as we'vediscussed already, there will
(16:25):
come a time will where that willbackfire on you, and so can you
really be okay enough to bevulnerable and raise that level
of masculinity that you, so youcan start to share the things
that are important for you,things that you're feeling about
a certain situation.
What is it you need to get outof it?
You know that helps setboundaries, and I'm sure you can
start to share the things thatare important for you, things
that you're feeling about acertain situation.
What is it you need to get outof it?
That helps set boundaries, andI'm sure we'll get in that topic
(16:47):
on a future episode.
And so a real courage is goingto involve us facing our
emotions head on, and this isnot really the story of this
entire episode.
Facing things head on Becauseit's going to take more than
strength and you're just sittingthere saying I things head on.
And because it's going to takemore than strength and you've
just sitting there saying I am,I'm feeling uncertain, but I'm
going to act anyways.
Is okay to say that we don'thave to have all of our shit
(17:09):
together and most likely weprobably won't in some scenarios
but are we okay with takingaction anyways?
So when we pretend that wedon't have these feelings, they
don't exist, that's when westart to get ourselves in an
opportunity to get into trouble.
And so think about it again.
We'll go back to you're runninga corporation or a business,
(17:30):
and but when we can acknowledgethat there's uncertainty in the
decision that's beginning to bemade or in a direction that are
going, it helps us move forwardmuch more strategically.
And when we do that, we'regoing to see that you're going
to get a lot more respect, notjust for yourself but for those
that are around you, becauseyou're displaying a leadership
skill that says that you'rewilling to take all things into
(17:52):
consideration.
So it's an important skill forus to develop.
And so I think of Brene Brown'sDaring Greatly book and I really
like that book, especially forus and she says vulnerability is
the birth, birthplace ofinnovation, creativity and
change, and I couldn't agreemore than that.
So let's really step into whatit means to have emotional
(18:17):
mastery.
And so the first step that weneed to do and I've been again
touching on this in a roundaboutway, but now I'll just be much
more direct and step that weneed to do and I've been again
touching on this in a roundaboutway, but now I'll just be much
more direct and that is we needto have awareness when we
recognize that we have someemotional triggers.
The first step is knowing whenand why our emotions are rising,
and I have a colleague thatparticipates in our men's work
(18:38):
and he's fond of saying that hewould, his father would tell him
that he wasn't, that he was, hedidn't put the buttons on him,
but he just knew how to pushthem.
And so I think it's importantfor us to recognize and we'll be
aware of what are thosetriggers that's happening for us
, and so think about that, whenthat can happen in any situation
(18:58):
.
Wherever you're becomingirritated or you're getting
intense, maybe you're startingto hyperventilate a little bit
these are moments thatpotentially could signal that
you need to do a little bit ofroot cause analysis and, rather
than simply reacting and gettinga sense of what is it it
doesn't need to be a half anhour, two day exercise here
(19:19):
could be as simple as just a fewshort minutes just to quickly
understand what's going on foryourself.
And so, throughout the day, youknow, ask yourself what am I
feeling right now and why.
And doing that regardless ofwhether there's an emotional
trigger happening.
Just getting in the habit ofasking that question what am I
feeling right now?
(19:40):
Getting in the habit of askingthat question what am I feeling
right now and why helps us tobuild this habit of having
emotional awareness.
It's going to be an incrediblypowerful skill for us.
Step two, after awareness, isgoing to be reflection.
So after we question ouremotional, after we have an
emotional reaction, we're goingto question it, and so, instead
of accepting our emotions atface value, ask ourselves this
(20:01):
question is this emotionjustified and is it helping or
is it hurting me?
And so we become aware thatwe're having an emotional
trigger that's being activated.
The activation has occurred andnow we're starting to analyze
the reaction.
And so was that emotionalemotion justified and how is it
(20:22):
helping or hurting me?
Really powerful stuffstrengthen.
That key part of reflectionwe've talked a lot about here at
the awakened man and therevolutionary man podcast is
really keeping a journal of ouremotional reactions, just
journaling and writing somethings down, and doesn't need to
be a novel on each and everyday, but just a couple of short
(20:45):
things.
That maybe that's the thing youneed to work on right now is
working on your emotionalmastery.
So that's what you'll'lljournal on for a week or two
weeks to get a sense of where itis that you're at.
And so when we do that, you'regoing to notice that there are
patterns will start to emerge,and it's going to give you an
idea and some insight and howpotentially you can move forward
.
And so we've got awareness,we're reflecting.
(21:09):
What's the third step inmastering our emotions?
The next thing is we need totake intentional action, don't
we?
And so how?
And what I mean by that isreally choosing our response.
And so the difference betweenthose of us that struggle with
our emotion, those that masterthem.
It's going to be our ability tomake conscious choices about
how we're going to react.
(21:31):
That is a skill that's learned,and in order to learn, it means
you need to practice this,which means you're probably
going to make mistakes and it'sgoing to be messy, and that's
just the way life is.
In it, gentlemen, that you startto practice and learn and
develop these skills, that helpsus become much more emotionally
intelligent, and a real simplehabit for us to do is, before
(21:51):
responding to anything that's anemotional trigger or it's an
emotionally charged situation,is to take, just take five deep
breaths, just slowly.
Just take five deep breaths,and this pause is going to help
activate the rational part ofour brain.
It's actually going to activatethe parasympathetic system, and
it gives us the opportunity toslow down just enough in order
(22:15):
for us to respond in a much morehealthy and powerful way.
I think about Eckhart Tolle andthe power of now, and he says
rather than being your thoughtsand emotion, be the awareness
behind them, the observer of ourlives.
What a great quote.
So let me tell you a littlestory about a gentleman by the
name of Mike, and Mike was akind man.
(22:35):
People admired him from adistance and he was a mid-level
executive in his late 30s and hehad built a reputation as a
sharp decision maker.
He was a relentless worker andsomeone who always got results.
But beneath that surface, mikewas a ticking time bomb.
His colleagues respected hiswork but feared his temper.
The single setback in a meetingcould send him into a spiral of
(22:58):
frustration and his teamlearned to avoid him, especially
when tensions were high.
And at home things weren't muchdifferent for Mike.
His wife had grown accustomedto his short fuse and his kids
knew when they needed to stayclear of dad.
And then one evening after aparticularly rough day, mike
snapped when his sonaccidentally locked over a glass
of juice at the dinner table.
(23:19):
Mike's sharp tone and piercingglare silenced the room.
He just everybody quiet and hisson's eyes started to well up
with tears.
And he could just see hiswife's disappointment.
It was evident in her silenceand in her facial expression.
And it was that night that, asmike laid in bed, replaying the
moment, is that when therealization truly stuck for him
(23:43):
that he was becoming the man hehad sworn he would never be man.
I can totally relate to thatand his emotions controlling him
.
And if he didn't take charge,he would lose much more than
just his temperature He'd losethe people who mattered the most
to him.
And so the next morning, whenMike got up with this heaviness,
he just couldn't shake.
(24:03):
He spent years climbing thiscorporate ladder, and he because
he believed that his strengthmeant never showing weakness and
never letting emotions get inthe way.
But he was.
He's truly that strong.
Was he truly leading withintegrity?
A friend at work also noticedhis tension and handed him a
book on emotional intelligence,and mike he just dismissed it,
(24:25):
not really wanting to look at it.
And these books were given tomen like him.
They were to help him.
But later that night, curiositygot the best of and as he
started to flip through thepages, one quote stopped him
dead in his tracks, and I justlove this quote.
This is between stimulus andresponse.
There's a space, and in thatspace lies the power to choose
(24:46):
our response.
It was for years that Mike lethis emotion dictate his
reactions, leaving his anger andfrustration were just part of
who he was.
But what if he had a choice?
What if he could reclaim thatspace and decide on how to
respond instead of beingcontrolled by his impulses.
And so the idea was bothterrifying yet liberating,
(25:10):
wouldn't you say, and determinedto change.
I know, mike, he'd started juststarted to do things in the
small steps, and that's howeverything always starts, isn't
it?
Just small steps.
And so he began tracking momentswhen his emotions started to
get the better of him and hecould see that patterns were
emerging.
His worst outbursts weren'trandom.
They were triggered by stressat work or lack of sleep, and
(25:34):
there was this underlying fearof failure for mike.
And when he recognized thatthese triggers was his first
step that he could finally startto regain control.
And so mike knew that awarenessjust wasn't enough, and so he
needed to take some action.
And so he decided, in a simplemindfulness practice routine,
(25:55):
for five minutes of deepbreathing in the morning and a
quick self-check before hismeetings, and a conscious pause
before responding in difficultsituations.
When he started feeling thesefrustrations bubbling up inside
of him, he would ask himself isthis reaction going to help or
is it going to hurt thesituation?
And instead of lashing out, hebegan addressing problems with a
(26:18):
clear head.
Now, it took a while for histeam to really buy into the.
This was a new man.
This is a new person, so theywere still a little hesitant to
share ideas, but as they startedto engage more openly, there's
no longer any fear for his wrathto come about.
When the same thing wasstarting to happen for Mike at
home, he made a conscious effortto be present.
(26:39):
He started apologizing when hewas overreacting.
He explained his emotions tohis kids instead of expecting
them to just deal with it.
He realized that strengthwasn't about burying his
emotions but instead ofchanneling them into something
much more productive.
And so the transformation likethis.
Like anytime, it's going to beslow, but the results were truly
(27:01):
undeniable, for Mike and hisson began confiding in him more
and more, and his wife noticedhis newfound patience, and for
the first time in a long time,he'd tell you that Mike started
to feel that he was getting incontrol not just of his emotions
but of his life.
Like I tell you, six monthslater, mike not often looked
(27:21):
completely different than theman that he was before.
His reputation at work hadshifted.
He went from this volatile,high-performing executive to a
composed strategic leader, andhis colleagues now would come
and seek his advice, and theyadmired his ability to remain
calm under pressure, and hisboss even commented on the
noticeable change, calling him aleader others wanted to follow
(27:45):
and not avoid.
When at home, I think thebiggest transformation for him
was in his obviously in hisrelationship, his son no longer
hesitated before speaking withhim, and his wife mentioned how
much lighter the house felt.
And Mike had always wanted tobe this strong father and
husband.
But now he understood that truestrength wasn't about dominance
(28:05):
, it was about presence, it wasabout patience and it was about
emotional discipline.
And so it's a long journey forMike for sure.
And it wasn't about eliminatingany emotions, as a matter of
fact, it was truly about howMike wanted to master all of
them, and so he learned thatthis emotional mastery isn't a
one-time achievement.
(28:26):
It's going to be a dailycommitment to self-awareness, to
reflection and intentionalaction, and it was transforming
his relationships.
With his emotions, he not onlyimproved his career and his
personal life, but also ensuredhe was building a legacy of
integrity, leadership andemotional resilience for his
children to follow.
(28:47):
And so let's start wrapping upand summarizing our conversation
today.
So, before we're going to doanything, what are we going to
do?
We're going to pause.
It's important because that'swhere dangerous decision-making
can occur.
So we want to really take amoment to drive out those
unfiltered emotions and just bepresent, pause and reflect.
(29:09):
Pause and reflect and want topractice again.
Go back to practicing someemotional journey, journaling,
really getting an understandingof what are the patterns that
are happening in our lives andhow can we really take advantage
of what's happening, be moreproactive in it and developing
some sort of routine to help you.
You know, mike's story talkedabout doing a mindfulness
(29:30):
routine, which is reallypowerful for mike and maybe
there's something else for you,and it is what is continuing to
journal.
But I think it's reallyimportant for us to recognize
that there are so many differentways for us to master emotions
and we just touched on a few ofthem today, and so one of the
things I want to make sure Ileave with you today is there's
some several key books, and acouple of them I mentioned
(29:51):
already today in this call, inthis conversation.
That was emotional intelligence2.0 by Travis Bradbury, the
power of now by Eckhart Tolleand emotional agility by Susan
Davidson.
It's a powerful book onadapting to emotions rather than
controlling us, and emotionalmastery isn't going to be about
suppressing how we feel.
It's going to be aboutharnessing our emotions to fuel
(30:14):
ourselves, for clarity andleadership and to build
resilience, because every greatman in history has had emotions.
Trust me, what set them apartwas their ability to channel
them towards something muchgreater.
And today you have thatopportunity to do the same, and
so I'm going to challenge youone last time on this call, and
it's simple.
It's that I want you toidentify one of the techniques
(30:36):
that we discussed today andimplement it immediately.
Whether it's pausing beforereacting, practicing mindfulness
or reframing negative emotions,I just want you to take that
first step towards mastering,and so you're serious about
becoming the man who controlshis emotions, rather than being
controlled by them.
I want you to take some actionright now.
(30:56):
So one of the things I'm goingto also offer for you today is
go to our membership page.
It's memberstheawakenedmannet,and we have a free quiz for you
there.
It's called the IntegrityChallenge.
It's your roadmap to emotionalmastery and personal leadership,
and this free quiz is going tohelp you align your actions with
your values so you can leadwith confidence and clarity.
(31:18):
Purpose is let's face it,gentlemen, the strongest men
don't wait.
They decide to take thechallenge today.
Let's begin with yourtransformation, and so thank you
so much for listening to therevolutionary man podcast and
spending time with me here today, and I just really appreciate
you being here, and let's maketoday the day that you take
charge of your emotionalawareness and begin leading
(31:39):
yourself and others withintention.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Aho Aho.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, to become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe Awakened man at
theawakendmannet and startforging a new destiny today.
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