April 6, 2025 • 39 mins
Let me know your thoughts on the show and what topic you would like me to discuss next.
What if the very thing most men instinctively resist is actually the key to their greatest strength? Surrender – not as defeat, but as a revolutionary act of courage that transforms everything.
I dive deep into why so many of us white-knuckle our way through life, clinging to control, ego, and outdated beliefs at the expense of our relationships, peace, and authentic power. The world has taught us that surrender equals weakness, but what if that's the greatest lie we've been told?
Through real stories like Mark's – an executive who appeared successful but was inwardly crumbling until he learned to let go – I explore how surrender operates in three critical dimensions: releasing our need for control, surrendering to God or something greater than ourselves, and confronting our ego's dominance over our decisions.
This isn't abstract philosophy. I share practical, actionable strategies you can implement today to experience the freedom of strategic surrender: morning rituals that center you before chaos enters, learning to say "I don't know" more often, taking inventory of what you're gripping too tightly, and choosing to apologize first in conflicts.
The most revolutionary men aren't those who dominate everything in their path. They're the ones who know exactly what to release so they can focus on what truly matters – their integrity, purpose, and deepest connections. Your breakthrough isn't in achieving more; it's in surrendering more.
Choose one thing you're clinging to – an outcome, belief, grudge, or expectation – and release it today. See what happens when you stop forcing life and start flowing with it. Ready to transform? Visit membersawakenedman.net for our free Integrity Challenge and discover how to lead from alignment rather than control.
Key moments in this episode:
03:45 Misunderstanding Surrender
05:13 Surrender in Leadership and Personal Life
10:33 Surrendering to God
18:47 Surrendering the Ego
29:11 Practical Tips for Surrender
Thanks for listening to the Revolutionary Man Podcast. If you want more information about our programs, use the links below to check us out. It could be the step that changes your life.
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man podcast,
the show where we challenge mento redefine success, to lead
with integrity and to create alasting impact.
And I'm your host, alan DeMons.
And today we're going to talkabout a word that most men
instinctively want to resist,and that word is surrender.
Now, I'm not talking aboutgiving up or backing down.
(00:21):
I'm talking about surrenderingto something much greater to God
, to truth, to the fact that ourego is often the biggest
obstacle in our path.
You know, the world tells usthat surrender is weakness, but
if I told you that surrender isactually our greatest tool in
our arsenal, wouldn't that begreat?
And so what men need to learnis to surrender.
(00:44):
We need to learn how tosurrender our pride, surrender
our control and surrenderoutdated beliefs.
When we do that, then we canunlock a power far beyond
anything that we could evercomprehend, and so in this
episode, I'm going to break downwhy surrender is not about
losing.
It's about choosing.
It's about choosing growth overstubbornness.
It's about connection overisolation, about choosing growth
(01:05):
over stubbornness.
It's about connection overisolation, about peace over
internal chaos, and if we'veever felt that control was
vulnerability, with that lettinggo of this weight that we've
been carrying.
I think this episode is going tobe for you.
So stick around.
It's a conversation worth ushaving and it's going to change
everything in our lives if wetruly come to understand what it
(01:25):
is we're talking about today.
So if you've ever wrestled withcontrol, pride or the fear of
being vulnerable, I want you totake action right now.
I'd let you take a moment andhit like and subscribe to this
podcast.
Drop a comment telling mewhat's the hardest thing for you
to surrender.
When you engage in this, it notonly fuels your growth, but it
(01:47):
also helps this message reachmany more men who really need to
hear this.
So just takes a couple ofseconds.
Do us all a favor.
Hit like, subscribe and thenlet's keep this conversation
going.
With that, let's get on withtoday's episode.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
The average man today is sleepwalking through life,
many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
(02:25):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Stay strong, my brother.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Welcome back to the Revolutionary man Podcast.
I have a few questions for youtoday as we get started in this
episode.
What belief or mindset are youstill holding on that's no
longer serving the man you wantto become?
Another question is what wasthe last time, or when was the
last time you chose control overconnection, and what did that
(02:56):
cost you?
My final question for you is ifyou could surrender your ego
today, what kind of freedommight you have on that other
side?
You know these are prettypowerful and challenging
questions, and we've called themout.
We're asking these tough onesnow because we want to go deeper
.
We want to go deeper into ourlives and deeper to truly
(03:17):
understanding what it means tobe a man in today's world.
And so to unpack what surrenderreally means, we need to really
look at it as a gateway togaining strength versus weakness
for us, and how we apply thisin practical terms is going to
make a big difference in ourfaith, in our relationships and
in how we lead ourselves andlead others, and so if you've
(03:37):
ever felt like you're carryingon just too much, then this is
going to be a great opportunityfor you to lighten the load.
So the first thing I want totouch on today in this
conversation is really themisunderstanding of what
surrendering is all about.
See, surrender is one of thosemost misunderstood words in our
vocabulary, isn't it?
(03:57):
And it's often because itbrings up images of waving the
white flag or admitting thatwe're defeated, or even giving
away our own power.
But when we stop to think aboutthis, surrender is not about
losing it all.
It's about letting go ofillusions that are keeping us
trapped in fear, in pride and inego.
(04:18):
And for a revolutionary man,understanding what surrender
truly means is going to be thegateway to peace, to clarity, to
unstoppable strength.
And so surrender has beenwrongly framed as a submission
or this deceit idea.
And so think about it.
In today's society, especiallyfor men, it's equated to
surrender being weakness.
(04:39):
Many of us are conditioned towin at all costs and never to
show pain, to push throughadversity without even asking
for help, and while that mindsetmight serve in some instances,
it does form the background ofthis lone wolf syndrome that I
see so often in doing thismenswear, and it's truly its own
archetype.
(04:59):
But while independence can be avirtue, isolation can also
become a prison.
So the truth is that constantlyclinging to control creates
stress, breakdowns and emotionalnumbness.
So how do we want?
How could we apply this intoday's world?
I just want you to consider that, regardless of what level of
(05:20):
leadership you're, on that,you're a high-level executive
who always needs to have thelast word in a meeting.
Maybe that's not the great wayto go.
Maybe that happens in yourpersonal life as well, but when
it comes if that is happening,it's our refusals to let others
lead, offer other ideas We'llstart to build resentment and
disengagement, not just in ourteams around us, but also within
(05:43):
our families.
And so, over time, we're goingto struggle as leaders.
Our leadership is going tostart to erode.
It's not because we lack skill,but it's because we have an
inability to surrender control.
And so, once we learn to trustothers and release, the need to
dominate, collaborations isgoing to really start to
increase and we're going toexpand our abilities to really
(06:04):
move the needle forward in ourlives.
And so why do we have this?
Why does this have thismisconception about surrender,
and how is it keeping us stucktoday?
When you think that surrenderis like failure, then our fight
battles.
When we start to get intofighting our battles, it's where
(06:25):
we're never going to begin withus ourselves, right?
See, we try to controleverything else around us.
We try to control our spouse,our coworkers, our outcomes, and
really what we're doing iswe're creating a lot of
unnecessary tension.
And so, if you ignore thisfeedback, you're going to
suppress vulnerability, beingvulnerable, and then, before
(06:48):
long, what we're going to findis that there's going to be
walls built so high that notgoing to let anyone in,
including God, and so thisaddiction to control can truly
lead us to burnout, todisconnection, to emotional
chaos, and so I think of it asbeing a father, when we're
refusing to admit that we'reoverwhelmed, trying to balance
(07:08):
business and family life.
Instead of admitting that andtrying to work through it,
instead of communicating this toour spouse and asking for help,
we start to look at work.
We'll maybe work longer hoursthat was definitely me,
especially in my younger yearsit becoming extremely
emotionally distant, and when wedo that, guess what ends up
happening?
Our family starts to beneglected, then our health
(07:31):
starts declining because we'renot taking care of ourselves,
and the moment that we surrenderto the idea that we have to do
it all alone, then we can admitthat we need support.
Then we can begin to rebuildthe very relationships that we
are so afraid of losing.
And so the shift begins when westart to redefine what the
world looks like around us.
(07:53):
Surrender again isn't aboutsubmission, it's about strategic
release.
It's like saying I'm choosingto let go of what no longer
serves me.
I'm going to let go of my pride, my fear, my need to be right,
so I can make room for clarity,for growth and maybe even a
little divine guidance orinspiration.
(08:13):
Wouldn't that be great?
So when we start to redefinesurrender, it helps us shift
from being this ego-driven trollto being more God-aligned.
We have a different type ofleadership, and surrender then
becomes less about weakness.
It's about wisdom, withstrength that's attached to it.
And so just think about howyou're going to buy this in your
(08:36):
life.
As entrepreneurs facing business, we need to be prepared to
pivot, and if we spent yearsbuilding a company and our
identity is going to be tied tothat, and then the company just
isn't working any longer, thenwe're going to need to force to
either do one of two thingscontinue down this path, or we
may need to surrender the truththat it's time for myself to
(08:58):
evolve so the company can evolve.
And when we can do that, thenwe can let go of our ego and we
can embrace that change is okay.
Then we can create space forinnovation.
We can create space for growth.
Now let's think about that inour family life.
Same thing happens in ourfamily life.
If we choose to look at and behonest with ourselves about how
(09:19):
well we are showing up asfathers and as husbands and as
brothers, then we can start tolook at how we can evolve and
change.
And when we do that, thenthings in our life work out much
better.
And so surrender is trulymisunderstood, I think, and
because we've seen it throughthis lens of defeat.
But when we think about it inreality, it isn't.
(09:41):
It's a deliberate, courageousact, isn't it, gentlemen, of us
letting go.
And when we do that, if we'regoing to be that man who's going
to decide to cling, to control,then we're going to stay stuck
in our cycles.
We're going to stay stuck inthe areas of our life that we're
looking to evolve in.
But the man who chooses toredefine surrender as a strength
, now he can take this andbecome what more, what, who he's
(10:06):
truly trying to evolve into, sowe can let go of the things
that no longer service, we canget back on mission, and when we
just do that, we can step intoour power and then we can really
truly be self-made andGod-given.
So that's really the heart ofwhere true leadership resides,
and I like this quote surrenderis the intersection where the
(10:28):
divine takes over what the eaglecannot handle.
So let's talk about whatsurrender means in terms of
faith.
When we say to surrender to God, this isn't a retreat either.
It's truly a return to power,and for many of us as men,
especially those who carry theweight of being a provider and a
leader and a protector, faithcan become a backup plan rather
(10:50):
than the foundation.
But when we choose to surrenderto God, it isn't about a
passive dependence.
It's the ultimate act of trust.
It's a power in gettingsomething greater than us to
guide us and we let go of tryingto take control of every
outcome.
Then we can begin to live andlead from a place of spiritual
(11:12):
strength rather than fromemotional strain, and this is a
really hard lesson for me tolearn, and I continue to evolve
and grow in this particularaspect, for sure.
And so, when you think about it,as men and people in general,
we crave certainty, so we wantto map out the plan, we want to
execute it flawlessly andprotect those that we love along
(11:34):
the way.
But in real life it doesn'tplay out like that, and not in
our timelines anyways.
So plans are going to fallapart and people are going to
disappoint us and guess what.
The goals in life are going tofall apart, and people are going
to disappoint us and guess what.
The goals in life are going toshift as well.
(11:54):
That's where when we choose tosurrender comes in.
Then we can look at makingchanges to our lives, but it's
really about making adeclaration that we are not god,
and that's okay.
Surrendering to God means thatwe're stopping to try to
shoulder the world alone andinvite a divine wisdom that
exists in us to guide us through, to allowing God to act through
us and, as us, think about thelast time that you've navigated
(12:19):
a crisis and maybe it was forfinancial or relationship wise,
or maybe even with your health.
And if we keep trying to fix iton our own, then things can
send us to struggle, can't it?
And so we're praying, but likemore, like a checklist.
We're not truly doing it as adeep spiritual connection.
And so then, one day when wefinally end up by being broken
(12:43):
and man, I got to tell you.
This happened to me so manyyears ago when my first marriage
failed and I'm just out ofanswers, truly on my knees and
wanting to get direction andguidance.
I needed to surrender, andfinally it really became a
statement of God I don't havethis and I need you.
That's a powerful statement.
If you can get there when thatship alone is performing, it's
(13:07):
so much different than justperforming a prayer.
It's really the beginning of anew path, and this doesn't mean
that my problems disappear orthat your problems are going to
disappear, but it does mean thatyou're no longer going to walk
that path alone.
And so, when we think about howsurrender can also build trust
(13:28):
and spiritual clarity, toconsider that surrender doesn't
mean silence, it means stillness.
We're so busy trying to figurethings out that we never get an
opportunity to stop, to justtake a moment.
And so when we surrender to God, we're really reacting to
everything and start byresponding from this place of a
(13:51):
deeper sense of trust.
Isn't it Because we're slowingdown now?
And so we stop trying to forcean outcome and instead we begin
to follow a greater vision, onethat's not going to be driven by
fear and ego.
Instead, it's because we'vechosen to surrender.
Surrender redefines.
It helps us to really becomemuch more discerning in the next
(14:16):
steps that we're going to takein our lives.
If we're quiet enough, stillenough, we may even start to
hear God's voice over our ownloud chatter.
And so maybe it's like whetherto leave a job or pursue a dream
or forgive someone who's hurtyou.
But if our mind braces makingthe pros and cons list and
(14:38):
you're seeking advice, juststarting to spin your reels, but
if we take a moment now andpray in silence and we just feel
a peace settle over us, then wecan start to align with our
values, we can start to bringspiritual clarity into our
decision-making, then we canmake steps and move forward.
That follows more one of peaceand contentment.
(15:00):
We're going to find the answersthat we're looking for by
slowing down rather thanspeeding up, and so how can
faith then also strengthen ourrelationships?
So I think it makes sense whenwe consider that when a man
surrenders his pride, seeksGod's guidance, his heart's
(15:21):
going to soften, isn't it?
I know mine does, and hebecomes.
When we become less reactive,we'll become more present, we're
less guarded and we're far morecompassionate.
Relationships that change ourmarriage, our parenting
relationships change, ourfriendships change, our work
relationships change.
Everything changes becausewe're surrendering something
(15:47):
much greater.
And think about it this way Asurrendered man is a centered
man.
He's going to listen more, he'sgoing to defend less, he's
going to lead with peaks insteadof with pressure, and so many
of us are husbands and fathers,and so think about this a time
(16:07):
when you're constantly clashingwith a son maybe their teenage
son, maybe they're in theirtwenties, but you're constantly
clashing with a son, maybe theirteenage son, maybe they're in
their twenties, but you'rehaving clashes with your son.
It's a typical piece that wewill go through in our lives.
Every conversation in that withyour son turns into a power
struggle.
But what if, instead of tryingto control his own behavior, we
(16:29):
said we start to prayspecifically for the tools that
we need to help get us through,tools like patience and wisdom
and understanding, and, insteadof forcing rules, we can start
to build trust?
It's not going to be perfectand it's not going to all change
all at once, but over time,that relationship is going to
(16:50):
start to shift.
It's not because the son hadchanged first, it's because we,
as fathers, surrendered to theneed to be right and have
embraced the call to be present.
That's a really big piece forus to look to do.
It's something I continue towork on with my children, and I
(17:10):
find myself going back andalways reminding myself to slow
down.
And what is this?
What are the skills that I wantto bring into this conversation
?
Sometimes it works out reallygreat, and other times I need
more practice, and that's okay.
That's what it is about beingmen today, isn't it?
It's about getting in the gameand getting off the bench,
getting on the ice,stickhandling our way through
(17:33):
some of the most difficultchallenges.
And so, when I think about thesecond point, it's about
surrendering to God.
It's not just a one-time event.
Truly, it's about a dailydiscipline.
It's waking up each morning andsaying I trust you more than I
trust my plan.
Faith doesn't removeresponsibility for us, right, we
(17:53):
still have to takeresponsibility and take action,
but it does redefine it, doesn'tit?
And so it teaches us to leadmore, for lead not from pressure
, but from purpose, and all thework we do here is about how to
lead with more purpose.
And so when we do that, it'sgoing to strengthen not only our
relationship with God, but it'sgoing to strengthen our
(18:16):
relationship in all of ouraspects of our life.
So a man who surrenders to Goddoesn't really lose control.
What he gains is alignment, andI love this quote as well the
moment of surrender is not whenlife is over, but it's when it
begins.
That's Marianne Williamson.
(18:37):
It's true in so many ways,isn't it?
So let's look at a third pointhere.
Let's talk about surrendering,and surrendering the ego man.
This is one that I'm constantlyworking on.
I'm sure, if you're listening tothis episode, you've struggled
with this from time to time aswell.
For most of us, ego is ourdefault operating system, isn't
(18:57):
it?
It's the internal voice thatsays I got this, even when we
know we don't, and it tells usto go figure it out on our own
and never to show weakness andto defend our worth at all costs
, because the ego is reallyprotective.
It's trying to save us and keepus safe, but it's also very
(19:19):
much limiting us, andsurrendering the ego doesn't
strip us of our strength.
It just strips all theillusions that we have about
life and how we can live a moreauthentic and grounded self room
.
Stop to think about that.
Ego is going to be the loudestliar in that room.
(19:40):
Ego is going to whisper thingslike this Don't ask for help
Makes you look weak.
Don't say you're sorry, you'regoing to lose power.
You already know enough.
No need to listen.
These are lies.
These lies are subtle, but theyalso drive isolation,
(20:01):
resistance and stagnation.
The ego is always going to befueled by fear the fear of being
seen, the fear of being wrong,the fear of not being enough.
I'm going to tell you this isone guy that I struggle with and
we go to battle on a regularbasis, and while the ego may
pretend to protect us, it'sactually keeping us disconnected
(20:22):
from real growth and realintimacy.
So think about it.
You've probably had theexperience that you're
consistently being defensive.
Maybe certain feedback iscoming to you, whether that
comes from work or it's fromyour spouse at home.
The knee-jerk reaction is tojustify, to deflect and to
(20:42):
criticize.
But when we surrender our ego,we're going to start to listen.
We're going to listen, maybewith some curiosity.
We're going to listen insteadof judgment and we're going to
begin to ask what is the truthwithin this feedback?
Maybe how can I grow from this?
Just that little ship alonereally helped us transform our
(21:05):
leadership and our relationships.
And so how can the ego, or howdoes it, truly block our growth?
Ego thrives on identity andimage, doesn't it?
It will cling to outdatedbeliefs, it's going to stay with
unhealed pain, and it has theseself-protective patterns that
are just going to help you keepyou feeling safe.
(21:27):
But safe isn't the same asstrong, is it?
See, a man who refuses tosurrender his ego stays stuck in
performance mode doing more,proving more, but feeling less
fulfilled.
The ego makes us feel reactiveinstead of reflective, combative
instead of collaborative.
(21:48):
And so when we think about whenego starts to show up, or think
about my life, right when mycareer and career start to
change, even though I might bemiserable because my identity is
so tied to, maybe, a job titlethat I'll be afraid of what
people are going to think if Iwalk away from that title or I
(22:09):
walk away from something else,or if I fail trying at something
new.
But when we can surrender ourego, then we can let go of this
needing to impress people ormaintain some idea or some image
.
If we do that, then we're goingto find out that it's not
really again of a loss, but weget more connected to our
(22:35):
purpose.
And so there's freedom in usletting go.
There's a distinct power in ourability to say I was wrong or I
didn't have it all figured out.
Man, that took me a long timeto figure that out as well.
But humility isn't a sign ofweakness either.
It's truly a sign of emotionalmaturity.
(22:57):
See, when you let go of ego,instead of needing to try to be
right all the time or alwaysneeding to be in charge or
wanting to appear strong, we'reactually becoming more grounded
and more respected when wecommit, when we're wrong, when
we can admit there's things thatwe can change about ourselves
and when we can admit there'sthings that we can change about
ourselves.
And so surrendering the egoopens the door to real
connection to God, with othersand especially with ourself.
(23:19):
And so always being mindful ofwhen the ego is shoring up, and
think about opportunities wheremaybe you've always kept your
emotions all bottled up and soyou become emotionally distanced
from your wife, maybe from yourkids, and you get this really
deep inner sense ofdiscontentment.
(23:39):
But then, if you start to push,you stop pushing your own
feelings down, you startbecoming more honest with
yourself.
Then you can say that maybeyou're feeling scared in this
moment or you feel like you'refailing or you're not.
That little bit of surrender andvulnerability helps us become
(23:59):
much more connected to thepeople that we care about the
most, and it's really abreakthrough moment.
It can be a breakthrough momentfor your marriage, for modeling
strength to your kids.
So when I think about how loudand boisterous our ego can be,
the truth is it can be quieteneddown.
Then, when we finally choose toquiet the noise of the ego and
(24:22):
we begin to hear the voice oftruth, voice of wisdom, voice of
God, surrendering the ego isn'tjust an identity crisis and
identity clarifier.
Think about that.
We drop the idea of the ego.
We can get much more clear andtruly who we are deep inside,
(24:43):
and I like this quote fromConfucius as well.
He says who conquers themselvesis the mightiest of warriors,
and isn't that so true?
So I want to talk about a littlestory about a gentleman.
His name is Mark and on theoutside he looked like he had it
all together.
He's 45, he's married, fatherof two, executive VP of a
(25:04):
fast-scaling company, and hispeers really admired his drive.
His friends envied his incomeand he mastered the art of
keeping things moving.
At least that's what it lookedlike from the outside.
But inside Mark was quietlycrumbling.
His marriage had become distant, his spiritual life was
non-existent and he carried alow-grade anger with him that
(25:27):
flared up during the smallest ofthings.
Maybe it was his son forgettinghomework or a colleague missing
a deadline Traffic jam on theway home.
The problem really wasn't hisjob, it wasn't his family, and
it wasn't even the pressure.
It was his grip.
Mark was always holding on sotightly to everything His image,
(25:48):
his ego, his need to controlthat he couldn't see how much it
was costing them.
Then came the wake up call.
It was one afternoon.
Mark walked into a leadershipmeeting and for the first time
in years he couldn't fake it.
He'd blanked out during astrategy session his team notice
, his boss notice.
And afterwards, in the quiet ofhis office, mark felt something
(26:11):
crack, not just mentally butemotionally, and he just wasn't
tired anymore.
He had been completely drainedand empty.
It was that night.
His wife asked him are youtruly okay?
And for the first time hedidn't deflect, he just shook,
shook his head.
I don't know who I am anymore.
(26:33):
And it was the first time hewas truly honest when these
words came out of his mouth, andhe realized in that moment that
his needs to control everythinghis success, his home lives,
even his relationship with godhad become a prison and and what
he feared most surrender mightactually be his only way out.
(26:56):
In Oso, mark was wise, though hestarted.
Small Mornings used to beginwith emails, performance metrics
and pressure.
Now he started waking up 30minutes earlier to sit in
silence.
He opened an old devotional.
He prayed he of courseawkwardly at first it had been a
long time since he had donethat but with the kind of
(27:17):
rawness he hadn't allowed inyears.
He asked God for guidance, notfor guarantees.
He journaled, not to trackprogress but to process pain,
and slowly something began toshift for him.
He stopped trying to fix hismarriage and started listening.
He stopped showing up to workas a guy with all the answers
(27:39):
and started asking betterquestions.
He released his need to impress, started focusing on being more
aligned with himself andespecially with God, with his
values and, of course,ultimately, with his truth.
Surrender had become an anchorfor Mark.
Now it was no longer a weaknessand if we fast forward six
(27:59):
months from there, his wifenoticed a softness in his tone
and a strength in his presence,his son started opening up to
him again at work.
He was really respected, notjust for his results, but more
so for his humility and hisemotional intelligence.
He had traded pressure forpeace, control for clarity and
ego for connection and, the mostimportant part, he had lived
(28:24):
his life the way he wanted to,on his own terms.
It didn't fall apart.
Even when he surrendered.
It started to come together.
Own terms.
It didn't fall apart.
Even when he surrendered, itstarted to come together.
Actually, he realized thatafter all these years he thought
that he had to carry all thisweight, that God was simply
waiting for him to let it all go.
The moment he did is wheneverything changed for Mark.
(28:46):
Now, mark's breakthrough didn'tcome from achieving more.
It came from surrendering more.
He stopped trying to prove hewas enough and started living
like a man who already was.
His transformation wasn'tdramatic and it sure wasn't loud
, right, it was scared, it wassteady.
It was deeply rooted in lettinggo of whatever didn't serve him
(29:07):
and returning to what thethings that had served him,
things like his faith, hisfamily and his foundation.
That's a great story, but I wantto leave you with a few
practical tips today on howyou'll surrender things into
your life.
So surrender, remember, isn't aone-time decision.
(29:27):
It's going to be a dailydiscipline for us.
It's not just about layingsomething down, it's about
picking up a new mindset.
So hopefully these practiceswill help you embody surrender
in real time, so it becomes moreof a lifestyle rather than just
a concept.
So each of these tips belowthat I'm going to give you here,
they're all about actionable,repeatable, transformable ways
(29:49):
for you to impart, start to usesurrender in your life.
So start your day with a dailysubmission.
So why is that important?
See, the first thing you do inthe morning sets the tone for
the rest of our day, doesn't it?
And so most of us launch into atask without even aligning
ourselves spiritually oremotionally with it, and so
(30:09):
starting our day by surrenderingto God, your purpose or your
higher values, centers you intruth, before the world can
throw chaos into it.
So just a word of caution Mostof us are rather going to check
our phones or email before wecheck in with our souls, and so
this is the type of reactivemindset instead of one that's
(30:31):
being grounded, and so what I'masking you to do is don't
surrender to the world firstbefore your feet hit the floor.
If you have the habit of havingyour phone by your bedside, I
recommend maybe putting that inanother location.
Set your alarm, maybe 10minutes earlier for yourself
before you touch that phone.
Like I said, sit in silence,prayer, ask God what do you want
(30:55):
from me today?
And then, what do I need torelease so I can walk in?
Maybe it's opportunitiesinstead of grabbing the phone,
as well as the journal, a phraseor insight that might come to
you.
Then you can proceed with yourday, proceed from that, from a
more grounded place, and socreating this morning ritual
surrendering makes a lot ofsense, right, the short prayer,
(31:18):
maybe a little breath work ormeditation, helps us get
ourselves aligned for the day'saction.
So here's another thing toconsider.
So try to say I don't know moreoften.
And so why would I want you todo that?
The ego thrives on needing tobe right or having the answer,
(31:38):
but real leadership isn't aboutknowing everything.
It's about asking betterquestions and listening for
deeper truths, and so admittingyou don't know opens space for
wisdom and connection and trust.
Saying I don't know alsoprovides an opportunity for your
answer to evolve and to grow,and so sometimes we may come
into that point where we feellike we need to have fake
(32:00):
confidence and we're unsure, andso this can really lead to poor
decision making, and so it'sokay to say that you don't know
something.
I mean, allowing somebody elseto provide some input will help
you expand who you are.
Practical tip number three is totake inventory of the things
that you're clinging to.
Why is that important?
(32:20):
We've talked about this entireepisode about us having to
surrender.
Maybe we're not aware of thethings that we're holding on to,
and so for many of us, man,we're gripping so tightly onto
something, so much control overit, that we don't really
understand what it is that we'reholding on to.
So control can be over anoutcome.
Maybe it's an unresolved guiltthat we don't really understand
what it is that we're holding onto.
So control can be over anoutcome.
Maybe it's an unresolved guiltthat we have, maybe it's a worn
(32:42):
out identity, a false belief.
Identifying these pressurepoints is going to be your first
step into being able to releasethem, and many times we tend to
confuse control withresponsibility.
Anytime you catch yourselfsaying apply responsibility to
do that, maybe the questionisn't truly your responsibility
and maybe catch yourself sayingI have a responsibility to do
that.
The big question is is it trulyyour responsibility?
And maybe some of it is, maybenot as much as you're thinking
(33:05):
that it needs to.
So when we cling to that typeof control, this idea of
responsibility, then we'rereally truly going down the path
of potentially burningourselves out, building
resentment, and we're reallybeing spiritually disconnected.
And so, at the end of the day,as you do this task, write down
(33:26):
three things that made you feeltense, made you feel anxious or
maybe even frustrated.
And the question I'd like youto ask yourself is am I trying
to control something here?
Can I release it, even just alittle?
Maybe you can't let it all go?
How about just a little?
Just building this practice isgoing to help you be more
(33:47):
self-aware.
It's going to break thisillusion of control that you may
have in yourself.
The next practical tip is tryapologizing first.
Why is that going to beimportant?
It's important because nothingtests our ego like conflict
right?
So when we choose to apologize,even if it's only for our own
(34:08):
tone or maybe our timing,anything that's on our part that
we actually have control over.
If we can model humility,emotional, emotional maturity
and strength, then we're goingto surrender our need to win,
and that will be what will allowus to repair what truly matters
is happening in front of us.
And so if we wait for the otherperson to apologize first, then
(34:31):
we're just justifying our ownbehavior, aren't we?
And so this is going to leavewounds that are going to stay
open.
And so think about arelationship where there's
tension in your life and thenreach out and say I've been
reflecting and I want to own mypart.
I could have handled that a lotbetter.
And you're not really excusingthe other person here, right?
(34:51):
You're just coming in andyou're owning your part, and if
you can do that, I think you'regoing to find that the
relationships that were oncestruggling will start to find a
new foundation to be built upon.
And the next piece is to releasean outcome or release the
outcome.
So when we do that, we can,instead of controlling the
(35:12):
results right, and so obsessingover how things should turn out
leads us to feeling stress anddisappointment, distraction, and
we're really not presentalready.
And so surrendering thatoutcome doesn't mean that we
stop caring.
It just means that we trust ourrole to show up, and trying to
(35:36):
force how people start to behavedoes not only just create
unnecessary pressure for themand for yourself, but it also
bifurcates creativity and flow,and I learned that with some
colleagues at work.
In how they show up, the lesscontrol and pressure I put on
them, the better that theyrespond.
And so all of these areopportunities for you to
(35:58):
practice surrendering in someway, shape or form in your life.
If you can start to implementsome of these, I think you're
going to find that there's areal opportunity for you to gain
peace and more freedom in yourlife.
Each of these practices offer areal rounded way to integrate
surrender into everyday life.
They're not really abstract,but I don't think so.
They're applicable.
(36:19):
You can look for thoseopportunities they can define.
You can make use of them.
The man who builds surrender inhis abilities and his habits
becomes less reactive.
You're going to be moregrounded.
You're definitely going to bemuch more powerful because you
no longer live in fear or pride.
Instead, we're going to leadfrom wisdom and with strength.
(36:41):
There's a lot of thisinformation.
This is the stuff I didn't comeup with.
I've read lots of things.
Here are three great resourcesthat I think you might want to
consider taking up.
The one was called Letting Go,and it's by David R Hawkins,
outstanding book Wild at Heart,by John Eldredge, one of the
favorite books of mine of alltime, and the ruthless
elimination of hurry by johnmark cormer.
(37:04):
Three outstanding books, and so,if you take nothing else from
today's episode, I just want youto remember this that surrender
is not the enemy of yourstrength, it's the gateway to it
.
The world may teach you tofight harder, to grip tighter
and to never back down, but aman who never learns to let go
is a man who has always stuck.
True strength doesn't come fromcontrol.
(37:26):
It comes from alignment, fromtrusting God's timing, from
releasing ego and from openingour heart to growth.
And so, when we surrender,we're not giving up.
We give the weight that we haveon our shoulders that we're
never meant to carry.
We give that on to somethingmuch greater than us, and so
it's in that space that we canbecome the men we were created
(37:49):
to be present, powerful and free.
And so here's your challenge.
As we end today's episode, Iwant you to choose one thing
that you're clinging to rightnow, whether that be an outcome,
belief, a grudge, anexpectation and I want you to
surrender it, not tomorrow.
You need to do it today.
Release it.
(38:09):
See what happens when you stopforcing life and start flowing
with it.
So if this episode spoke to youand if you're ready to really
stop white knuckling life andstart leading from your grounded
purpose, then I'm going toinvite you to take another step
with us.
Go to membersbewakendmannet andtake our integrity challenge.
(38:30):
It's a free experience designedto help you examine your life,
align your actions with yourvalues and become the kind of
man who doesn't just talk aboutgrowth, but he lives it.
You're going to identify whereyou've been drifting, where your
values and behaviors don'talign.
You're going to walk away withclarity, conviction and
direction.
Because here's the truth thestrongest men don't control
(38:53):
everything.
They control what matters mosttheir integrity.
Don't wait for the perfect time, guys.
Don't wait.
Feel ready, start, take thischallenge, lead with integrity,
live with surrender, and I'llsee you on the other side.
Live well, my friends.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Thank you for listening to the revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, to become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe awakened man at the
awakenedmannet and start forginga new destiny today.
Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man podcast,
the show where we challenge mento redefine success, to lead
with integrity and to create alasting impact.
And I'm your host, alan DeMons.
And today we're going to talkabout a word that most men
instinctively want to resist,and that word is surrender.
Now, I'm not talking aboutgiving up or backing down.
(00:21):
I'm talking about surrenderingto something much greater to God
, to truth, to the fact that ourego is often the biggest
obstacle in our path.
You know, the world tells usthat surrender is weakness, but
if I told you that surrender isactually our greatest tool in
our arsenal, wouldn't that begreat?
And so what men need to learnis to surrender.
(00:44):
We need to learn how tosurrender our pride, surrender
our control and surrenderoutdated beliefs.
When we do that, then we canunlock a power far beyond
anything that we could evercomprehend, and so in this
episode, I'm going to break downwhy surrender is not about
losing.
It's about choosing.
It's about choosing growth overstubbornness.
It's about connection overisolation, about choosing growth
(01:05):
over stubbornness.
It's about connection overisolation, about peace over
internal chaos, and if we'veever felt that control was
vulnerability, with that lettinggo of this weight that we've
been carrying.
I think this episode is going tobe for you.
So stick around.
It's a conversation worth ushaving and it's going to change
everything in our lives if wetruly come to understand what it
(01:25):
is we're talking about today.
So if you've ever wrestled withcontrol, pride or the fear of
being vulnerable, I want you totake action right now.
I'd let you take a moment andhit like and subscribe to this
podcast.
Drop a comment telling mewhat's the hardest thing for you
to surrender.
When you engage in this, it notonly fuels your growth, but it
(01:47):
also helps this message reachmany more men who really need to
hear this.
So just takes a couple ofseconds.
Do us all a favor.
Hit like, subscribe and thenlet's keep this conversation
going.
With that, let's get on withtoday's episode.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
The average man today is sleepwalking through life,
many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
(02:25):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Stay strong, my brother.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Welcome back to the Revolutionary man Podcast.
I have a few questions for youtoday as we get started in this
episode.
What belief or mindset are youstill holding on that's no
longer serving the man you wantto become?
Another question is what wasthe last time, or when was the
last time you chose control overconnection, and what did that
(02:56):
cost you?
My final question for you is ifyou could surrender your ego
today, what kind of freedommight you have on that other
side?
You know these are prettypowerful and challenging
questions, and we've called themout.
We're asking these tough onesnow because we want to go deeper
.
We want to go deeper into ourlives and deeper to truly
(03:17):
understanding what it means tobe a man in today's world.
And so to unpack what surrenderreally means, we need to really
look at it as a gateway togaining strength versus weakness
for us, and how we apply thisin practical terms is going to
make a big difference in ourfaith, in our relationships and
in how we lead ourselves andlead others, and so if you've
(03:37):
ever felt like you're carryingon just too much, then this is
going to be a great opportunityfor you to lighten the load.
So the first thing I want totouch on today in this
conversation is really themisunderstanding of what
surrendering is all about.
See, surrender is one of thosemost misunderstood words in our
vocabulary, isn't it?
(03:57):
And it's often because itbrings up images of waving the
white flag or admitting thatwe're defeated, or even giving
away our own power.
But when we stop to think aboutthis, surrender is not about
losing it all.
It's about letting go ofillusions that are keeping us
trapped in fear, in pride and inego.
(04:18):
And for a revolutionary man,understanding what surrender
truly means is going to be thegateway to peace, to clarity, to
unstoppable strength.
And so surrender has beenwrongly framed as a submission
or this deceit idea.
And so think about it.
In today's society, especiallyfor men, it's equated to
surrender being weakness.
(04:39):
Many of us are conditioned towin at all costs and never to
show pain, to push throughadversity without even asking
for help, and while that mindsetmight serve in some instances,
it does form the background ofthis lone wolf syndrome that I
see so often in doing thismenswear, and it's truly its own
archetype.
(04:59):
But while independence can be avirtue, isolation can also
become a prison.
So the truth is that constantlyclinging to control creates
stress, breakdowns and emotionalnumbness.
So how do we want?
How could we apply this intoday's world?
I just want you to consider that, regardless of what level of
(05:20):
leadership you're, on that,you're a high-level executive
who always needs to have thelast word in a meeting.
Maybe that's not the great wayto go.
Maybe that happens in yourpersonal life as well, but when
it comes if that is happening,it's our refusals to let others
lead, offer other ideas We'llstart to build resentment and
disengagement, not just in ourteams around us, but also within
(05:43):
our families.
And so, over time, we're goingto struggle as leaders.
Our leadership is going tostart to erode.
It's not because we lack skill,but it's because we have an
inability to surrender control.
And so, once we learn to trustothers and release, the need to
dominate, collaborations isgoing to really start to
increase and we're going toexpand our abilities to really
(06:04):
move the needle forward in ourlives.
And so why do we have this?
Why does this have thismisconception about surrender,
and how is it keeping us stucktoday?
When you think that surrenderis like failure, then our fight
battles.
When we start to get intofighting our battles, it's where
(06:25):
we're never going to begin withus ourselves, right?
See, we try to controleverything else around us.
We try to control our spouse,our coworkers, our outcomes, and
really what we're doing iswe're creating a lot of
unnecessary tension.
And so, if you ignore thisfeedback, you're going to
suppress vulnerability, beingvulnerable, and then, before
(06:48):
long, what we're going to findis that there's going to be
walls built so high that notgoing to let anyone in,
including God, and so thisaddiction to control can truly
lead us to burnout, todisconnection, to emotional
chaos, and so I think of it asbeing a father, when we're
refusing to admit that we'reoverwhelmed, trying to balance
(07:08):
business and family life.
Instead of admitting that andtrying to work through it,
instead of communicating this toour spouse and asking for help,
we start to look at work.
We'll maybe work longer hoursthat was definitely me,
especially in my younger yearsit becoming extremely
emotionally distant, and when wedo that, guess what ends up
happening?
Our family starts to beneglected, then our health
(07:31):
starts declining because we'renot taking care of ourselves,
and the moment that we surrenderto the idea that we have to do
it all alone, then we can admitthat we need support.
Then we can begin to rebuildthe very relationships that we
are so afraid of losing.
And so the shift begins when westart to redefine what the
world looks like around us.
(07:53):
Surrender again isn't aboutsubmission, it's about strategic
release.
It's like saying I'm choosingto let go of what no longer
serves me.
I'm going to let go of my pride, my fear, my need to be right,
so I can make room for clarity,for growth and maybe even a
little divine guidance orinspiration.
(08:13):
Wouldn't that be great?
So when we start to redefinesurrender, it helps us shift
from being this ego-driven trollto being more God-aligned.
We have a different type ofleadership, and surrender then
becomes less about weakness.
It's about wisdom, withstrength that's attached to it.
And so just think about howyou're going to buy this in your
(08:36):
life.
As entrepreneurs facing business, we need to be prepared to
pivot, and if we spent yearsbuilding a company and our
identity is going to be tied tothat, and then the company just
isn't working any longer, thenwe're going to need to force to
either do one of two thingscontinue down this path, or we
may need to surrender the truththat it's time for myself to
(08:58):
evolve so the company can evolve.
And when we can do that, thenwe can let go of our ego and we
can embrace that change is okay.
Then we can create space forinnovation.
We can create space for growth.
Now let's think about that inour family life.
Same thing happens in ourfamily life.
If we choose to look at and behonest with ourselves about how
(09:19):
well we are showing up asfathers and as husbands and as
brothers, then we can start tolook at how we can evolve and
change.
And when we do that, thenthings in our life work out much
better.
And so surrender is trulymisunderstood, I think, and
because we've seen it throughthis lens of defeat.
But when we think about it inreality, it isn't.
(09:41):
It's a deliberate, courageousact, isn't it, gentlemen, of us
letting go.
And when we do that, if we'regoing to be that man who's going
to decide to cling, to control,then we're going to stay stuck
in our cycles.
We're going to stay stuck inthe areas of our life that we're
looking to evolve in.
But the man who chooses toredefine surrender as a strength
, now he can take this andbecome what more, what, who he's
(10:06):
truly trying to evolve into, sowe can let go of the things
that no longer service, we canget back on mission, and when we
just do that, we can step intoour power and then we can really
truly be self-made andGod-given.
So that's really the heart ofwhere true leadership resides,
and I like this quote surrenderis the intersection where the
(10:28):
divine takes over what the eaglecannot handle.
So let's talk about whatsurrender means in terms of
faith.
When we say to surrender to God, this isn't a retreat either.
It's truly a return to power,and for many of us as men,
especially those who carry theweight of being a provider and a
leader and a protector, faithcan become a backup plan rather
(10:50):
than the foundation.
But when we choose to surrenderto God, it isn't about a
passive dependence.
It's the ultimate act of trust.
It's a power in gettingsomething greater than us to
guide us and we let go of tryingto take control of every
outcome.
Then we can begin to live andlead from a place of spiritual
(11:12):
strength rather than fromemotional strain, and this is a
really hard lesson for me tolearn, and I continue to evolve
and grow in this particularaspect, for sure.
And so, when you think about it,as men and people in general,
we crave certainty, so we wantto map out the plan, we want to
execute it flawlessly andprotect those that we love along
(11:34):
the way.
But in real life it doesn'tplay out like that, and not in
our timelines anyways.
So plans are going to fallapart and people are going to
disappoint us and guess what.
The goals in life are going tofall apart, and people are going
to disappoint us and guess what.
The goals in life are going toshift as well.
(11:54):
That's where when we choose tosurrender comes in.
Then we can look at makingchanges to our lives, but it's
really about making adeclaration that we are not god,
and that's okay.
Surrendering to God means thatwe're stopping to try to
shoulder the world alone andinvite a divine wisdom that
exists in us to guide us through, to allowing God to act through
us and, as us, think about thelast time that you've navigated
(12:19):
a crisis and maybe it was forfinancial or relationship wise,
or maybe even with your health.
And if we keep trying to fix iton our own, then things can
send us to struggle, can't it?
And so we're praying, but likemore, like a checklist.
We're not truly doing it as adeep spiritual connection.
And so then, one day when wefinally end up by being broken
(12:43):
and man, I got to tell you.
This happened to me so manyyears ago when my first marriage
failed and I'm just out ofanswers, truly on my knees and
wanting to get direction andguidance.
I needed to surrender, andfinally it really became a
statement of God I don't havethis and I need you.
That's a powerful statement.
If you can get there when thatship alone is performing, it's
(13:07):
so much different than justperforming a prayer.
It's really the beginning of anew path, and this doesn't mean
that my problems disappear orthat your problems are going to
disappear, but it does mean thatyou're no longer going to walk
that path alone.
And so, when we think about howsurrender can also build trust
(13:28):
and spiritual clarity, toconsider that surrender doesn't
mean silence, it means stillness.
We're so busy trying to figurethings out that we never get an
opportunity to stop, to justtake a moment.
And so when we surrender to God, we're really reacting to
everything and start byresponding from this place of a
(13:51):
deeper sense of trust.
Isn't it Because we're slowingdown now?
And so we stop trying to forcean outcome and instead we begin
to follow a greater vision, onethat's not going to be driven by
fear and ego.
Instead, it's because we'vechosen to surrender.
Surrender redefines.
It helps us to really becomemuch more discerning in the next
(14:16):
steps that we're going to takein our lives.
If we're quiet enough, stillenough, we may even start to
hear God's voice over our ownloud chatter.
And so maybe it's like whetherto leave a job or pursue a dream
or forgive someone who's hurtyou.
But if our mind braces makingthe pros and cons list and
(14:38):
you're seeking advice, juststarting to spin your reels, but
if we take a moment now andpray in silence and we just feel
a peace settle over us, then wecan start to align with our
values, we can start to bringspiritual clarity into our
decision-making, then we canmake steps and move forward.
That follows more one of peaceand contentment.
(15:00):
We're going to find the answersthat we're looking for by
slowing down rather thanspeeding up, and so how can
faith then also strengthen ourrelationships?
So I think it makes sense whenwe consider that when a man
surrenders his pride, seeksGod's guidance, his heart's
(15:21):
going to soften, isn't it?
I know mine does, and hebecomes.
When we become less reactive,we'll become more present, we're
less guarded and we're far morecompassionate.
Relationships that change ourmarriage, our parenting
relationships change, ourfriendships change, our work
relationships change.
Everything changes becausewe're surrendering something
(15:47):
much greater.
And think about it this way Asurrendered man is a centered
man.
He's going to listen more, he'sgoing to defend less, he's
going to lead with peaks insteadof with pressure, and so many
of us are husbands and fathers,and so think about this a time
(16:07):
when you're constantly clashingwith a son maybe their teenage
son, maybe they're in theirtwenties, but you're constantly
clashing with a son, maybe theirteenage son, maybe they're in
their twenties, but you'rehaving clashes with your son.
It's a typical piece that wewill go through in our lives.
Every conversation in that withyour son turns into a power
struggle.
But what if, instead of tryingto control his own behavior, we
(16:29):
said we start to prayspecifically for the tools that
we need to help get us through,tools like patience and wisdom
and understanding, and, insteadof forcing rules, we can start
to build trust?
It's not going to be perfectand it's not going to all change
all at once, but over time,that relationship is going to
(16:50):
start to shift.
It's not because the son hadchanged first, it's because we,
as fathers, surrendered to theneed to be right and have
embraced the call to be present.
That's a really big piece forus to look to do.
It's something I continue towork on with my children, and I
(17:10):
find myself going back andalways reminding myself to slow
down.
And what is this?
What are the skills that I wantto bring into this conversation
?
Sometimes it works out reallygreat, and other times I need
more practice, and that's okay.
That's what it is about beingmen today, isn't it?
It's about getting in the gameand getting off the bench,
getting on the ice,stickhandling our way through
(17:33):
some of the most difficultchallenges.
And so, when I think about thesecond point, it's about
surrendering to God.
It's not just a one-time event.
Truly, it's about a dailydiscipline.
It's waking up each morning andsaying I trust you more than I
trust my plan.
Faith doesn't removeresponsibility for us, right, we
(17:53):
still have to takeresponsibility and take action,
but it does redefine it, doesn'tit?
And so it teaches us to leadmore, for lead not from pressure
, but from purpose, and all thework we do here is about how to
lead with more purpose.
And so when we do that, it'sgoing to strengthen not only our
relationship with God, but it'sgoing to strengthen our
(18:16):
relationship in all of ouraspects of our life.
So a man who surrenders to Goddoesn't really lose control.
What he gains is alignment, andI love this quote as well the
moment of surrender is not whenlife is over, but it's when it
begins.
That's Marianne Williamson.
(18:37):
It's true in so many ways,isn't it?
So let's look at a third pointhere.
Let's talk about surrendering,and surrendering the ego man.
This is one that I'm constantlyworking on.
I'm sure, if you're listening tothis episode, you've struggled
with this from time to time aswell.
For most of us, ego is ourdefault operating system, isn't
(18:57):
it?
It's the internal voice thatsays I got this, even when we
know we don't, and it tells usto go figure it out on our own
and never to show weakness andto defend our worth at all costs
, because the ego is reallyprotective.
It's trying to save us and keepus safe, but it's also very
(19:19):
much limiting us, andsurrendering the ego doesn't
strip us of our strength.
It just strips all theillusions that we have about
life and how we can live a moreauthentic and grounded self room
.
Stop to think about that.
Ego is going to be the loudestliar in that room.
(19:40):
Ego is going to whisper thingslike this Don't ask for help
Makes you look weak.
Don't say you're sorry, you'regoing to lose power.
You already know enough.
No need to listen.
These are lies.
These lies are subtle, but theyalso drive isolation,
(20:01):
resistance and stagnation.
The ego is always going to befueled by fear the fear of being
seen, the fear of being wrong,the fear of not being enough.
I'm going to tell you this isone guy that I struggle with and
we go to battle on a regularbasis, and while the ego may
pretend to protect us, it'sactually keeping us disconnected
(20:22):
from real growth and realintimacy.
So think about it.
You've probably had theexperience that you're
consistently being defensive.
Maybe certain feedback iscoming to you, whether that
comes from work or it's fromyour spouse at home.
The knee-jerk reaction is tojustify, to deflect and to
(20:42):
criticize.
But when we surrender our ego,we're going to start to listen.
We're going to listen, maybewith some curiosity.
We're going to listen insteadof judgment and we're going to
begin to ask what is the truthwithin this feedback?
Maybe how can I grow from this?
Just that little ship alonereally helped us transform our
(21:05):
leadership and our relationships.
And so how can the ego, or howdoes it, truly block our growth?
Ego thrives on identity andimage, doesn't it?
It will cling to outdatedbeliefs, it's going to stay with
unhealed pain, and it has theseself-protective patterns that
are just going to help you keepyou feeling safe.
(21:27):
But safe isn't the same asstrong, is it?
See, a man who refuses tosurrender his ego stays stuck in
performance mode doing more,proving more, but feeling less
fulfilled.
The ego makes us feel reactiveinstead of reflective, combative
instead of collaborative.
(21:48):
And so when we think about whenego starts to show up, or think
about my life, right when mycareer and career start to
change, even though I might bemiserable because my identity is
so tied to, maybe, a job titlethat I'll be afraid of what
people are going to think if Iwalk away from that title or I
(22:09):
walk away from something else,or if I fail trying at something
new.
But when we can surrender ourego, then we can let go of this
needing to impress people ormaintain some idea or some image
.
If we do that, then we're goingto find out that it's not
really again of a loss, but weget more connected to our
(22:35):
purpose.
And so there's freedom in usletting go.
There's a distinct power in ourability to say I was wrong or I
didn't have it all figured out.
Man, that took me a long timeto figure that out as well.
But humility isn't a sign ofweakness either.
It's truly a sign of emotionalmaturity.
(22:57):
See, when you let go of ego,instead of needing to try to be
right all the time or alwaysneeding to be in charge or
wanting to appear strong, we'reactually becoming more grounded
and more respected when wecommit, when we're wrong, when
we can admit there's things thatwe can change about ourselves
and when we can admit there'sthings that we can change about
ourselves.
And so surrendering the egoopens the door to real
connection to God, with othersand especially with ourself.
(23:19):
And so always being mindful ofwhen the ego is shoring up, and
think about opportunities wheremaybe you've always kept your
emotions all bottled up and soyou become emotionally distanced
from your wife, maybe from yourkids, and you get this really
deep inner sense ofdiscontentment.
(23:39):
But then, if you start to push,you stop pushing your own
feelings down, you startbecoming more honest with
yourself.
Then you can say that maybeyou're feeling scared in this
moment or you feel like you'refailing or you're not.
That little bit of surrender andvulnerability helps us become
(23:59):
much more connected to thepeople that we care about the
most, and it's really abreakthrough moment.
It can be a breakthrough momentfor your marriage, for modeling
strength to your kids.
So when I think about how loudand boisterous our ego can be,
the truth is it can be quieteneddown.
Then, when we finally choose toquiet the noise of the ego and
(24:22):
we begin to hear the voice oftruth, voice of wisdom, voice of
God, surrendering the ego isn'tjust an identity crisis and
identity clarifier.
Think about that.
We drop the idea of the ego.
We can get much more clear andtruly who we are deep inside,
(24:43):
and I like this quote fromConfucius as well.
He says who conquers themselvesis the mightiest of warriors,
and isn't that so true?
So I want to talk about a littlestory about a gentleman.
His name is Mark and on theoutside he looked like he had it
all together.
He's 45, he's married, fatherof two, executive VP of a
(25:04):
fast-scaling company, and hispeers really admired his drive.
His friends envied his incomeand he mastered the art of
keeping things moving.
At least that's what it lookedlike from the outside.
But inside Mark was quietlycrumbling.
His marriage had become distant, his spiritual life was
non-existent and he carried alow-grade anger with him that
(25:27):
flared up during the smallest ofthings.
Maybe it was his son forgettinghomework or a colleague missing
a deadline Traffic jam on theway home.
The problem really wasn't hisjob, it wasn't his family, and
it wasn't even the pressure.
It was his grip.
Mark was always holding on sotightly to everything His image,
(25:48):
his ego, his need to controlthat he couldn't see how much it
was costing them.
Then came the wake up call.
It was one afternoon.
Mark walked into a leadershipmeeting and for the first time
in years he couldn't fake it.
He'd blanked out during astrategy session his team notice
, his boss notice.
And afterwards, in the quiet ofhis office, mark felt something
(26:11):
crack, not just mentally butemotionally, and he just wasn't
tired anymore.
He had been completely drainedand empty.
It was that night.
His wife asked him are youtruly okay?
And for the first time hedidn't deflect, he just shook,
shook his head.
I don't know who I am anymore.
(26:33):
And it was the first time hewas truly honest when these
words came out of his mouth, andhe realized in that moment that
his needs to control everythinghis success, his home lives,
even his relationship with godhad become a prison and and what
he feared most surrender mightactually be his only way out.
(26:56):
In Oso, mark was wise, though hestarted.
Small Mornings used to beginwith emails, performance metrics
and pressure.
Now he started waking up 30minutes earlier to sit in
silence.
He opened an old devotional.
He prayed he of courseawkwardly at first it had been a
long time since he had donethat but with the kind of
(27:17):
rawness he hadn't allowed inyears.
He asked God for guidance, notfor guarantees.
He journaled, not to trackprogress but to process pain,
and slowly something began toshift for him.
He stopped trying to fix hismarriage and started listening.
He stopped showing up to workas a guy with all the answers
(27:39):
and started asking betterquestions.
He released his need to impress, started focusing on being more
aligned with himself andespecially with God, with his
values and, of course,ultimately, with his truth.
Surrender had become an anchorfor Mark.
Now it was no longer a weaknessand if we fast forward six
(27:59):
months from there, his wifenoticed a softness in his tone
and a strength in his presence,his son started opening up to
him again at work.
He was really respected, notjust for his results, but more
so for his humility and hisemotional intelligence.
He had traded pressure forpeace, control for clarity and
ego for connection and, the mostimportant part, he had lived
(28:24):
his life the way he wanted to,on his own terms.
It didn't fall apart.
Even when he surrendered.
It started to come together.
Own terms.
It didn't fall apart.
Even when he surrendered, itstarted to come together.
Actually, he realized thatafter all these years he thought
that he had to carry all thisweight, that God was simply
waiting for him to let it all go.
The moment he did is wheneverything changed for Mark.
(28:46):
Now, mark's breakthrough didn'tcome from achieving more.
It came from surrendering more.
He stopped trying to prove hewas enough and started living
like a man who already was.
His transformation wasn'tdramatic and it sure wasn't loud
, right, it was scared, it wassteady.
It was deeply rooted in lettinggo of whatever didn't serve him
(29:07):
and returning to what thethings that had served him,
things like his faith, hisfamily and his foundation.
That's a great story, but I wantto leave you with a few
practical tips today on howyou'll surrender things into
your life.
So surrender, remember, isn't aone-time decision.
(29:27):
It's going to be a dailydiscipline for us.
It's not just about layingsomething down, it's about
picking up a new mindset.
So hopefully these practiceswill help you embody surrender
in real time, so it becomes moreof a lifestyle rather than just
a concept.
So each of these tips belowthat I'm going to give you here,
they're all about actionable,repeatable, transformable ways
(29:49):
for you to impart, start to usesurrender in your life.
So start your day with a dailysubmission.
So why is that important?
See, the first thing you do inthe morning sets the tone for
the rest of our day, doesn't it?
And so most of us launch into atask without even aligning
ourselves spiritually oremotionally with it, and so
(30:09):
starting our day by surrenderingto God, your purpose or your
higher values, centers you intruth, before the world can
throw chaos into it.
So just a word of caution Mostof us are rather going to check
our phones or email before wecheck in with our souls, and so
this is the type of reactivemindset instead of one that's
(30:31):
being grounded, and so what I'masking you to do is don't
surrender to the world firstbefore your feet hit the floor.
If you have the habit of havingyour phone by your bedside, I
recommend maybe putting that inanother location.
Set your alarm, maybe 10minutes earlier for yourself
before you touch that phone.
Like I said, sit in silence,prayer, ask God what do you want
(30:55):
from me today?
And then, what do I need torelease so I can walk in?
Maybe it's opportunitiesinstead of grabbing the phone,
as well as the journal, a phraseor insight that might come to
you.
Then you can proceed with yourday, proceed from that, from a
more grounded place, and socreating this morning ritual
surrendering makes a lot ofsense, right, the short prayer,
(31:18):
maybe a little breath work ormeditation, helps us get
ourselves aligned for the day'saction.
So here's another thing toconsider.
So try to say I don't know moreoften.
And so why would I want you todo that?
The ego thrives on needing tobe right or having the answer,
(31:38):
but real leadership isn't aboutknowing everything.
It's about asking betterquestions and listening for
deeper truths, and so admittingyou don't know opens space for
wisdom and connection and trust.
Saying I don't know alsoprovides an opportunity for your
answer to evolve and to grow,and so sometimes we may come
into that point where we feellike we need to have fake
(32:00):
confidence and we're unsure, andso this can really lead to poor
decision making, and so it'sokay to say that you don't know
something.
I mean, allowing somebody elseto provide some input will help
you expand who you are.
Practical tip number three is totake inventory of the things
that you're clinging to.
Why is that important?
(32:20):
We've talked about this entireepisode about us having to
surrender.
Maybe we're not aware of thethings that we're holding on to,
and so for many of us, man,we're gripping so tightly onto
something, so much control overit, that we don't really
understand what it is that we'reholding on to.
So control can be over anoutcome.
Maybe it's an unresolved guiltthat we don't really understand
what it is that we're holding onto.
So control can be over anoutcome.
Maybe it's an unresolved guiltthat we have, maybe it's a worn
(32:42):
out identity, a false belief.
Identifying these pressurepoints is going to be your first
step into being able to releasethem, and many times we tend to
confuse control withresponsibility.
Anytime you catch yourselfsaying apply responsibility to
do that, maybe the questionisn't truly your responsibility
and maybe catch yourself sayingI have a responsibility to do
that.
The big question is is it trulyyour responsibility?
And maybe some of it is, maybenot as much as you're thinking
(33:05):
that it needs to.
So when we cling to that typeof control, this idea of
responsibility, then we'rereally truly going down the path
of potentially burningourselves out, building
resentment, and we're reallybeing spiritually disconnected.
And so, at the end of the day,as you do this task, write down
(33:26):
three things that made you feeltense, made you feel anxious or
maybe even frustrated.
And the question I'd like youto ask yourself is am I trying
to control something here?
Can I release it, even just alittle?
Maybe you can't let it all go?
How about just a little?
Just building this practice isgoing to help you be more
(33:47):
self-aware.
It's going to break thisillusion of control that you may
have in yourself.
The next practical tip is tryapologizing first.
Why is that going to beimportant?
It's important because nothingtests our ego like conflict
right?
So when we choose to apologize,even if it's only for our own
(34:08):
tone or maybe our timing,anything that's on our part that
we actually have control over.
If we can model humility,emotional, emotional maturity
and strength, then we're goingto surrender our need to win,
and that will be what will allowus to repair what truly matters
is happening in front of us.
And so if we wait for the otherperson to apologize first, then
(34:31):
we're just justifying our ownbehavior, aren't we?
And so this is going to leavewounds that are going to stay
open.
And so think about arelationship where there's
tension in your life and thenreach out and say I've been
reflecting and I want to own mypart.
I could have handled that a lotbetter.
And you're not really excusingthe other person here, right?
(34:51):
You're just coming in andyou're owning your part, and if
you can do that, I think you'regoing to find that the
relationships that were oncestruggling will start to find a
new foundation to be built upon.
And the next piece is to releasean outcome or release the
outcome.
So when we do that, we can,instead of controlling the
(35:12):
results right, and so obsessingover how things should turn out
leads us to feeling stress anddisappointment, distraction, and
we're really not presentalready.
And so surrendering thatoutcome doesn't mean that we
stop caring.
It just means that we trust ourrole to show up, and trying to
(35:36):
force how people start to behavedoes not only just create
unnecessary pressure for themand for yourself, but it also
bifurcates creativity and flow,and I learned that with some
colleagues at work.
In how they show up, the lesscontrol and pressure I put on
them, the better that theyrespond.
And so all of these areopportunities for you to
(35:58):
practice surrendering in someway, shape or form in your life.
If you can start to implementsome of these, I think you're
going to find that there's areal opportunity for you to gain
peace and more freedom in yourlife.
Each of these practices offer areal rounded way to integrate
surrender into everyday life.
They're not really abstract,but I don't think so.
They're applicable.
(36:19):
You can look for thoseopportunities they can define.
You can make use of them.
The man who builds surrender inhis abilities and his habits
becomes less reactive.
You're going to be moregrounded.
You're definitely going to bemuch more powerful because you
no longer live in fear or pride.
Instead, we're going to leadfrom wisdom and with strength.
(36:41):
There's a lot of thisinformation.
This is the stuff I didn't comeup with.
I've read lots of things.
Here are three great resourcesthat I think you might want to
consider taking up.
The one was called Letting Go,and it's by David R Hawkins,
outstanding book Wild at Heart,by John Eldredge, one of the
favorite books of mine of alltime, and the ruthless
elimination of hurry by johnmark cormer.
(37:04):
Three outstanding books, and so,if you take nothing else from
today's episode, I just want youto remember this that surrender
is not the enemy of yourstrength, it's the gateway to it
.
The world may teach you tofight harder, to grip tighter
and to never back down, but aman who never learns to let go
is a man who has always stuck.
True strength doesn't come fromcontrol.
(37:26):
It comes from alignment, fromtrusting God's timing, from
releasing ego and from openingour heart to growth.
And so, when we surrender,we're not giving up.
We give the weight that we haveon our shoulders that we're
never meant to carry.
We give that on to somethingmuch greater than us, and so
it's in that space that we canbecome the men we were created
(37:49):
to be present, powerful and free.
And so here's your challenge.
As we end today's episode, Iwant you to choose one thing
that you're clinging to rightnow, whether that be an outcome,
belief, a grudge, anexpectation and I want you to
surrender it, not tomorrow.
You need to do it today.
Release it.
(38:09):
See what happens when you stopforcing life and start flowing
with it.
So if this episode spoke to youand if you're ready to really
stop white knuckling life andstart leading from your grounded
purpose, then I'm going toinvite you to take another step
with us.
Go to membersbewakendmannet andtake our integrity challenge.
(38:30):
It's a free experience designedto help you examine your life,
align your actions with yourvalues and become the kind of
man who doesn't just talk aboutgrowth, but he lives it.
You're going to identify whereyou've been drifting, where your
values and behaviors don'talign.
You're going to walk away withclarity, conviction and
direction.
Because here's the truth thestrongest men don't control
(38:53):
everything.
They control what matters mosttheir integrity.
Don't wait for the perfect time, guys.
Don't wait.
Feel ready, start, take thischallenge, lead with integrity,
live with surrender, and I'llsee you on the other side.
Live well, my friends.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Thank you for listening to the revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, to become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe awakened man at the
awakenedmannet and start forginga new destiny today.
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