May 4, 2025 • 31 mins
Let me know your thoughts on the show and what topic you would like me to discuss next.
We challenge the idea that pain is something to be avoided or suppressed, exploring how it can actually become fuel for purpose, leadership, and legacy in men's lives. Pain isn't a detour from your hero's journey – it's an essential part of it that reveals what truly matters when distractions fall away.
• Pain is an initiation, not a punishment – avoiding it only makes it resurface in more destructive ways
• Strong men aren't those who never feel pain, but those who have the courage to face it without shame
• True resilience comes from integrity, not bravado – even elite athletes and military veterans openly discuss their healing journeys
• Purpose isn't born from comfort but forged through consistency, discipline, and decisions made in darkness
• Healing accelerates through service – don't wait until you're fully healed to start helping others with your story
• Your scars don't disqualify you from leadership – they uniquely qualify you to lead authentically
• Building a brotherhood of truth-tellers is essential – we weren't meant to carry our pain alone
Join our membership site at members.theawakenedman.net and complete our free integrity challenge – a blueprint to align your life, leadership and legacy. You can also download our free pain-to-purpose weekly reflection sheet to help lead yourself through pain with clarity.
Key moments in this episode:
02:07 Understanding and Embracing Pain
02:45 The Hero's Journey: Pain as a Divine Appointment
07:56 The Lies Men Believe About Pain
13:11 Turning Pain into Purpose: A Discipline, Not a Feeling
17:36 Chris's Story: From Collapse to Purpose
20:55 Practical Tips for Transforming Pain into Purpose
27:23 Recommended Resources and Final Thoughts
Thanks for listening to the Revolutionary Man Podcast. If you want more information about our programs, use the links below to check us out. It could be the step that changes your life.
Want to be a guest on The Revolutionary Man Podcast? Send Alain Dumonceaux a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/revolutionarymanpodcast
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⛰The Integrity Challenge
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast.
It's where we challenge men toredefine success, to lead with
integrity and to build a lifethat outlives them.
And I'm your host, alan DeMonso.
And today we're gonna dive intosomething that men face every
day, and yet very few of us areequipped to even talk about it.
And what is that?
It's pain.
It's not just physical pain,but emotional, spiritual and
(00:23):
even silent pain.
It's not just physical pain,but emotional, spiritual and
even silent pain, and the kind,you know, that festers under the
surface, the kind behindsuccess, our titles and our
daily hustle.
But the truth is that pain istruly inevitable, and whether
that pain becomes our prison orour platform, it's all up to us,
isn't it?
And so in this episode, we'regoing to unpack how to take
(00:44):
life's deepest wounds and turnthem into fuel for purpose, and
we're going to dismantle thelies that keep us stuck in shame
and silence and explore howtrue masculine strength is
forged in fire and not fantasy.
So if you've ever wondered whyam I going through this, stay
with me today, brothers, becausethis is an episode that just
(01:04):
might change how you carry yourpain and what you create from it
.
So, if you're serious aboutturning pain into purpose and
not just numbing it or not justsurviving it, but using it as a
fuel to take you to that nextlevel.
Then I want you to hit thatlike button, subscribe and leave
a comment about your biggestchallenge.
It's when men like you speak up.
(01:25):
It makes it safe for other mento rise.
So just take one second now,engage and let's start growing
together.
And with that, let's get onwith today's episode.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
The average man today is sleepwalking through life,
many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
(01:59):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Stay strong, my brother.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Welcome back everyone to our episode, into pain, into
purpose.
To get us started, allow me toask us a couple of questions
just to help set the stage fortoday's conversation.
What pain in your life have youtried to silence instead of
surrendering to, and how hasthat pain shaped your leadership
, your relationships or the wayyou see yourself as a man?
(02:29):
And if you could transform yourpain into purpose, what legacy
would you build with it,starting today?
Okay, so we've exposed thetruth about pain and asked some
questions that most men aregoing to be avoiding.
Now it's going to be time forus to dig deeper into these
truths, the myths that keep usstuck and the strategies to
(02:51):
reclaim our story.
And to do that I want to getstarted with this.
First point is that pain ispart of our hero's journey and
not a detour.
From a young age, most men areconditioned to suppress or avoid
pain't we, we're told to man up, to tough it out, to don't be
weak.
See that pain then gets codedas failure, something to be
(03:13):
ashamed of or to be conqueredthrough grit and silence, and so
, as a result, ends up byhappening as we grow up,
believing that if we're in pain,something must must be wrong
with us, but what if pain isn'ta punishment?
And what if it's truly aninitiation?
Avoiding pain doesn't eliminateit.
All it's going to do is bury it, and what we bury eventually
(03:35):
resurfaces in much moredestructive ways.
It shows up in failed marriages, chronic stress, emotional
isolation or even addiction, andso avoiding pain is only going
to make it louder in the longrun.
So it's like you take a momentnow and think back the time when
you buried your pain instead offacing it.
What did it cost you now?
(03:57):
Let's imagine if you had toolsor the courage to confront it.
What might have changed?
The second thing I want to talkabout is that pain truly reveals
what really matters in ourlives, doesn't it?
And the stillness of oursuffering is when these
distractions are all going tofall away for us, and so when we
(04:18):
stop caring about how manylikes that we get on a post, or
what brand of car that we'redriving, or how impressive our
resume looks, pain can reallyhumble us as men, and it brings
us back to the center, doesn'tit?
And so, suddenly, when weconsider this, we remember what
matters most, and for me, it'sfaith, it's integrity, it's
(04:39):
family, it's my mission.
Maybe some of those resonatewith you as well.
It's my mission.
Maybe some of those resonatewith you as well.
Men who've been through illnessor divorce or financial ruin or
spiritual crisis often say thatit was in their darkest moments
that they gained the clearestvision for who they are and what
they're here to do, and so painstrips away this illusion so
(05:00):
purpose can truly emerge, and Ihave to tell you, it's exactly
what happened to me when Istarted doing men's work this
podcast in order to reallyprocess and work through the
pain that I know that I have inmy life and I'm sure you suffer
through as well and so I wantyou to ask yourself what did my
last painful season reveal aboutmy values, the things that were
(05:22):
important to me, and what did Irediscover when I had nothing
left to pretend or to prove.
When we avoid pain, that's moredangerous than facing it.
We've mentioned that already inthis episode, and so there's a
way that we can outrun our pain.
It's truly one of the mostdestructive and dangerous
(05:43):
beliefs that we can hold as men,and so if we continue to try to
avoid our pain, we're going tocreate fragmentation in our
lives, aren't we?
We're going to split ourselvesinto all these different
versions that we think otherswill then be more accepting of
who we are Tough at work, oryou're going to be distant at
home, or we're going to be numbwith ourselves.
The pain that we don't facejust doesn't go away.
(06:05):
What it does is it creates aprison for us to live in, and so
if you're in one of thosesituations, like many of us are,
if we avoid our emotional pain,we're often going to try to
dominate our external worlds,right, and so if we're chasing
promotions or power orvalidation to compensate that,
(06:27):
we need to look at doing someinternal work, don't we?
But it's going to be thosevictories on the outside that
are really going to be hollowvictories, because they weren't
there to truly come to us from aplace of alignment with who we
are and what we value, and sothey just become escapes from
really doing some deep diveintrospection on who we are.
(06:48):
And so what I'm going to askand challenge you to do today is
are you ready, really strongenough, to face your pain?
Have you been carrying this forway too long, anyways?
And what would happen if wejust stopped running from it and
started working with it?
If we just stopped running fromit and started working with it.
I like Cahil Gabran's books, andone of his quotes that really
(07:10):
stuck with me as I startedgetting into his work was Out of
suffering have emerged thestrongest souls.
The most massive characters areseared with scars, and I think
that's so true when we look atour lives and the things that
we've been through.
And so, if I could, just towrap up this first discussion
point that we started talkingabout is that pain truly is not
(07:30):
a detour for us.
It's divine appointment.
The hero doesn't earn thistitle by avoiding the fire right
.
He earns it by walking throughit, emerging wiser, more
grounded and more aligned withhis purpose.
I know that's how it's felt forme, and I'm sure if you reflect
on your life, you'll find thesame for you, and so every man
that's listening today, yourpain is not the proof that
(07:53):
you're broken.
It is the proof that you'rebecoming.
So.
That leads me into the secondpoint I want to talk about in
pain, into purpose today, andthat the lies that men believe
about pain, and we've alreadystarted to touch on a little bit
about what these lies are, andfor the most of us, the toxic
lies are bedded into ourmasculine identity, aren't they?
(08:15):
It teaches boys early on thatemotions are signs of weakness
and that our pain is somethingto suppress or to power through.
We've mentioned that in thatfirst point.
But by the time that we becomemen, because we have practiced
this and we have embodied in ourlives, many of us are
emotionally numb as men, and sowe're disconnected from our own
hearts and we're unable toexpress grief, fear or longing.
(08:38):
And I can tell you, when myfather passed away, it was so
challenging for me to really bein the room watching him in his
last moments, in his last days,and trying to be present enough
for him and for me to be there,and it was so difficult.
And this is part of the of ourupbringing, and that's not any
slight on my parents.
It's the work that I had yet todo and needed to continue to do
(09:02):
.
And so a man who never stops toprocess his pain becomes a man
who either explodes in rage orcollapses in isolation.
That's that fear and flightresponse, isn't it?
So he wears a mask that saysI'm fine and I know that's
something that you've probablysaid to yourself, because I've
said it many times to myself.
But while outside, or reallyinside, we're saying, hey,
(09:26):
listen, I'm fine, but insidewe're truly drowning.
We think that our strength isgoing to be found in denying our
pain, but it's really havingthe courage to feel it,
especially without any shame.
And so I ask you to considerwhere in your life are you
pretending that you're fine?
Do you have this beingminimized or ignored just so you
(09:46):
can keep up appearances?
What would it look like for youif you faced it honestly?
When we think, consider that's.
The second lie that comes up forus in our pain to purpose
journey is that if I feel pain,then I'm going to be weak, and
this is a belief that confusesvulnerability with failure.
(10:07):
So what it does is, itconvinces us that feeling broken
means being broken.
But that's asking for self-help, then, is also like giving up,
isn't it?
But here's the truth Feelingpain doesn't make us weak.
Hiding it does.
And so strongest men are thosewho never fail.
They're the ones who rise againand again, wiser, stronger and
(10:31):
more grounded.
And so, if you considermilitary veterans or elite
athletes, even CEOs, men who areadmired for their grit and
toughness, these are often thesame men who openly talk about
their therapy, their trauma,their rock-bottom moments, why?
Because they've learned thattrue resilience isn't bravado,
it's living in integrity.
(10:52):
And so, again, I ask you toconsider, the next time pain
shows up in your life, that youwelcome it as part of your
refinement instead of somethingto fear, and let it really
deepen you in your strengthinstead of challenging you for
your worth.
And I like to then move to thelie number three, and that pain
(11:13):
means I'm broken.
We tend to interpret pain as asign that we're defective or
cursed or unworthy man.
That word is something thatpops up way too often in my
language, and if we start tothink if I was doing the right
life, I wouldn't be suffering.
But it's really a bad mindsetto have, because it's a mindset
(11:34):
that creates shame for us,because if we're not living
right, then what are we living?
And so shame can truly keep usstuck.
And the truth is that pain isjust a signal.
It's not a sentence.
We're not being sentenced topain.
It's truly an invitation for usto evolve, not an indictment on
our value.
And so think about in the gymPain is how muscles grow, isn't
(11:57):
it?
Think about a relationship.
Pain is how trust deepens.
Think about faith.
Pain is often how God gets yourattention.
So what if pain isn't a signthat you're broken, but it's a
sign that something much deeperwants to be healed?
And so I ask you to considerfor this point what if your pain
(12:17):
isn't the thing keeping youfrom your purpose, but the very
thing that will unlock it?
Rumi says the wound is theplace where the light enters you
, and so consider the woundsthat you've had in your life,
and how are you allowing thatlight to come in and transcend
who you are?
So, as we summarize and look atthis second point that we've
(12:40):
been talking about so far, isthat the lies we believe about
pain that real men don't feeland feeling is weakness or pain
means that I'm broken they justdon't rob us of healing, they
rob us of connection, depth anda legacy.
And so, as men, when we finallystop running from our pain and
start listening to it, theneverything changes.
(13:00):
Our leadership sharpens, ourrelationships deepen and our
power becomes unstoppablebecause it's forged in the truth
and not from performance.
So let's go to our thirddiscussion point here, on pain
to purpose.
Turning pain into purpose is adiscipline, it's not a feeling,
and you can get a sense.
(13:20):
That's where we're going today,aren't you?
So many of us wait foremotional resolution before
we're going to move forward, butwe think healing has to feel
complete before we can take anyaction.
But that's not howtransformation works, is it?
See?
Closure is a myth.
Purpose is built by makingconsistent moves, even when pain
is still fresh.
(13:41):
Action is what creates healing,not the other way around, and
so some wounds may never feelcompletely closed.
Let's face that A loss of aparent, as I talked about
earlier, a betrayal, a dreamthat died.
The power that comes fromstopping obsessing over why it
happens, though, and startasking what am I going to do
(14:02):
with it now, really moves usforward in motion, and that's
what becomes the medicine thatwe need to heal our pain.
And so if you're waiting tofeel ready before you're going
to lead, write or speak, or loveor serve again, then you may be
waiting for a long time, maybeeven forever, and so start with
(14:24):
the pain.
Just walk with it a little.
Let it guide you into missioninstead of having it guide you
into misery, and so purposecomes from what you give your
pain away to.
Now, stop to consider this.
Pain becomes the purpose themoment you stop hiding it and
start offering it to others.
So it's our story that becomessomeone else's survival guide,
(14:46):
isn't it?
Those are some of the mostpowerful books and stories and
movies that we watch, watchingsomeone go through pain in their
story.
And so, when we lead with ourscars instead of our image, we
become a beacon, not just a manwho overcame, but a man who
helps others overcome.
And so men who've gone throughaddiction or divorce or failure
(15:08):
or depression often find theirdeepest purpose in mentoring
others through the same firethat they've gone through.
So the wound doesn't have tovanish for the wisdom to emerge.
What's raw today is what willbe a revelation for us tomorrow,
and I think that's somethingfor the wisdom to emerge.
What's raw today is what willbe a revelation for us tomorrow,
and I think that's somethingfor us to truly consider.
And so I'd like to ask you toconsider this here.
(15:30):
Who needs to hear your story,what's behind you on the path,
and who could benefit fromknowing you're not alone and
that someone made it through?
You could be a mentor forsomebody with the pain that
you've gone through and the workand the wisdom that you've
gained, and so you can't stop,you can't shortcut this process
(15:53):
at all.
But you can commit to a path,can't we?
And so there's no hack forhealing here.
I'm not going to lie to you andtell you here's three quick
steps to heal all your pain,because there isn't any shortcut
for growth.
So pain needs time, but it alsoneeds some structure around it,
and so this is where thediscipline part to today's
(16:15):
conversation comes in.
You can't control when healingfeels complete, right, it's just
going to happen.
But what you can control is howoften you show up for it.
And so this is the daily workfrom a purpose Journal anyway,
pray anyway, show up for theworkout, have the conversation,
write the book, serve the people.
These are all pathways on thepath of forging some discipline.
(16:40):
And so think about the man whoturns his pain into consistent
message.
Maybe it's a business, amission, not overnight, but over
time, and he built somethingthat's truly unshakable, not
from hype, but from holyrepetition.
He doesn't just have a purpose,he lives it brick by brick, day
after day, and so I'll ask youwhat daily practice could anchor
(17:03):
your healing journey?
Where do you need to stopwaiting for the right time and
start leading with what youalready have?
As I think about.
Summarizing this point is thatpurpose isn't going to be born
out of comfort.
It's forged through consistency, through discipline, action and
the decisions made in the dark.
So don't wait to feel ready.
(17:25):
Don't wait until it stopshurting.
Decide right now that your painwill not define you.
It will deploy you and set youon the path.
So let me tell a story aboutChris.
He was a 43-year-old businessowner, a husband, a father of
two, and on paper he wassuccessful.
He had a six-figure income.
He had the house with abackyard and a garage full of
(17:47):
hard-earned tools and toys.
But under the surface,something was crumbling for
Chris.
It started with silence, thenshort tempers, missed workouts,
disconnection with his wife,numbness with his kids.
He didn't know what it was thatwas building inside of him and
then one morning, as he stood infront of the bathroom mirror
brushing his teeth, he droppedthe brush, stared himself and
(18:09):
whispered.
I don't know who the hell I amanymore.
That whisper.
That was chris's collapse.
See, chris didn't crash all atonce.
It was a slow death by athousand denials.
Years of avoiding grief from hisdad's death, from burying the
guilt from a business deal thatwent sideways, of staying busy
(18:33):
instead of being present.
The mask he wore was strong,but his soul was starving.
He stopped showing upemotionally.
He began withdrawing from hiswife, not in anger, but in
absence.
His kids noticed his energy wasgone.
He lie awake at night scrollinginstagram, comparing himself to
other men who looked more alive, more free, more whole in the
(18:55):
quiet truth.
He felt useless.
Not because he lacked success,but because he lacked success,
but because he lacked purpose.
And so one Sunday morning, afterskipping church for the third
week in a row, chris finally hitthe wall.
His wife walked into thekitchen, looked him in the eye
and said I don't know how muchlonger I can do this, with you
gone but still here.
(19:16):
That sentence shattered Chris.
It shattered him in the bestway, because Chris didn't know
where to start, but he knew hehad to.
So it was that night that hewrote in a journal for the first
time in 20 years.
One page turned into 10.
He cried For real, not in frontof anyone, but for himself.
(19:36):
And then he called a buddy hetrusted.
He told the truth, the realtruth, the crack in his armor.
To let the light in, he decidedto join a men's group.
He started therapy, picked uphis bible again.
He got very quiet every morningnot for productivity but for
presence, and he stoppedavoiding his pain, started
(19:56):
honoring it.
And we fast forward 18 monthsfrom then.
Chris is still a business owner, he's still a husband, he's
still a dad, but he's adifferent man.
He leads his team withvulnerability, not weakness, but
with authenticity.
His marriage has fire againbecause he's emotionally
available, not physicallypresent.
His kids talk to him now, notbecause he's perfect, but
(20:20):
because he's safe.
And, most of all, he startedmentoring younger men in his
community, talking about pain,fatherhood, faith and purpose,
and the thing that once nearlyended him was now become his
most powerful part of hisleadership.
He didn't need a fresh start.
He needed to finally face thatthought that would destroy him
(20:41):
and let it redefine his mission.
Nietzsche says he who has thewhy to live can bear almost any
how, and I think that is so true.
And so we've talked a lot abouttheory and other things and a
nice story there, but let's getinto some practical tips of how
(21:01):
to turn pain into purpose, andso the first tip I'm going to
give you is to name your painout loud, name it to tame it, as
they say, man, and it'simportant for us to do that,
because most men suffer silently, don't we?
And it's because we've neverput words to what's truly
hurting ourselves.
And so when we can name itclearly and honestly, we strip
away most of its power, and thenwe can take the first step from
(21:25):
confusion and really start togain clarity about what this
pain is, because we can't healwhat we won't confront.
I think it's so true, and solet's not minimize our pain or
convince ourselves that it's notthat bad.
All that's going to do is justkeep your cycle going, and so
I'd like to challenge you todayon this first step.
(21:47):
Name your pain, say it out loud,literally alone in your car,
maybe in a prayer, with ajournal, with a trusted brother.
Call it what it is.
Is it grief, is it betrayal, isit guilt, shame, loneliness?
Call it what it is, and that'sgoing to be your first brick on
the wall to rebuild your life.
Number two, and I ask you toestablish a morning grounding
(22:09):
ritual.
Pain will disorient our mindsand it weakens our focus, and so
if we can anchor our day withintentional habits, then we're
going to reclaim some of thatinner ground, won't we?
But it isn't just aboutproductivity.
This is going to be aboutpresence.
It's going to be about buildingyour power, and so don't think,
don't make the mistake ofthinking up that, waking up and
(22:31):
diving into an email or news orreading social media or whatever
your habits were in the past,you're going to lose.
You're going to immediatelygoing to lose the war, for your
mind, if you do that, and so,instead, the work for you to do
on this part is to just create a20-minute morning routine, a
little ritual for you.
Maybe it's five minutes ofsilence, five minutes of
(22:52):
journaling, five minutes ofprayer or scripture, something
that a good book, anything thatreally helps ground you in five
minutes of movement, sostretching, push-ups, maybe it's
a cold shower, something thatphysically gets you engaged in
for the start the day, and thenrepeat this every day, because
pain hates discipline, and sogive it.
(23:13):
So start to give that pain someof what it truly deserves,
which is some discipline.
Step three convert your paininto a pattern of contribution.
We've already talked a littlebit about that so far.
So this part here is about ourpain.
Our purpose is going to be bornout of the wounds that have
become to us.
(23:33):
Thou can be used as weapons forsomeone else to heal, and so we
consider that, instead of thepain being a weapon for us, we
can now turn that story aroundand use it to help heal others.
And so when we stop asking thequestion why me?
And start asking how can I helpwith what I've learned, then
that energy truly shifts frombeing a victim to creating a
(23:56):
legacy, and so don't wait untilyou're fully healed to do this,
to serve, to be part of thecommunity.
The truth is that healing willaccelerate in service, not at
service, and so send a messageto a man that you know is
struggling right now.
Share one insight with him, orencouragement from your own pain
.
Start a conversation, not aperformance.
(24:19):
If you do that, both of youwill walk away being much
stronger, I guarantee you.
Then I'd like you to alsoconsider tracking your pain
triggers on a weekly basis.
Pain doesn't always scream outloud to us.
It may if we've denied it longenough, but sometimes it just
whispers through our reactionsto things.
(24:40):
So tracking our emotionalflashpoints gives us some
insight and some leverage so youcan stop repeating
self-sabotaging patterns.
So consider this as a piece todo on any given day in the week.
A common mistake is, when we tryto do something like this, we
may start blaming other peoplefor our emotional spikes instead
(25:01):
of recognizing that they areunresolved wounds from being
triggered ourselves.
And so consider that every timethere's an emotional trigger,
it's something that you have todeal with, and so create a
journal that looks somethinglike this these are some
questions for you to help reallytrack your pain.
(25:22):
And so, what moments triggeredanger, anxiety or shame in the
week?
What was really underneath thatemotion?
When you consider it, what didI learn about myself?
And consider that, when you dothese three things, that this
isn't about therapy.
It's truly about gaining sometactical awareness about what's
(25:43):
happening for yourself.
And so take a moment at the endof every day and ask yourself
those three questions and startto get a sense of if there's
triggers or patterns that arehappening.
And the last piece to give youis build a brotherhood of truth
tellers, and so one of thethings that's important in our
work here with our band ofbrothers is to have a group of
(26:05):
men who are your pallbearers inlife.
See, we weren't meant to carryour pain alone.
So brotherhood isn't going tomake us weak, it's going to make
us unstoppable, so we can helppoint other men's blind spots,
just as they'll point out yours.
They're going to challenge ourstories.
They're going to remind us thatwe're not crazy or alone.
But most men and many men, Ifind are truly trying to get
(26:29):
after this alone, because theyhave too much pride that
isolation is really the breedingground for shame and for
failure, and so I'd like you tocommit to a weekly or biweekly
connection with at least one ortwo solid men in your community.
This isn't about beers andbullshit all right, this is
about real talk.
(26:49):
It's wins, losses, pain,progress.
And just start small.
I want you to go deep.
So no more barroom talk, nomore locker room talk.
You need to get down and dirtywith this one.
And so when we can turn ourpain into purpose it's not going
to happen in one massive move,right, it's going to take time.
It's about daily commitment tolead, to feel and to rise with
(27:13):
truth, and so, hopefully, thesetools will help you build a
battlefield kit that you can useto help you move forward
through your pain.
So we've talked a lot aboutpain and a purpose, and I wanted
to also leave you with a fewdifferent resources that have
helped me in my journey, andhopefully they'll do the same
for you.
I'm a big reader, and I hadn'tread a book up until I was 30
(27:37):
years old, and then, when mylife started to truly shatter
and change, then I startedgetting into books, and so one
of the ones that was so profoundwas Man's Search for Meaning by
Viktor Frankl, and it's soimportant about that book.
He was a Holocaust survivor anda psychiatrist, and his book
truly is the gold standard forunderstanding how suffering can
be transformed into meaning, andI like his powerful insight of
(27:59):
for those who have a why to livecan bear almost anyhow.
It's truly the heartbeat ofwhat we're trying to talk about
in today's episode, and so painwithout purpose is going to lead
to despair, and pain withpurpose is going to lead to
legacy, and so check out thatbook.
Another great book that Ienjoyed reading and really
(28:20):
helped shift my mindset onthings is Obstacle is the Way by
Ryan Holiday, and it's a reallymodern classic on Stoic
philosophy and how we canimplement that in today's modern
life, and it's going to helpreframe how you consider
hardships and obstacles as trulya fuel for growth and mastery,
and so I think it's exactly whatwe need.
(28:41):
Based on today's episode andkey topic, and because you may
want to consider that the verything that's blocking your path
today is the pain that you needto go through.
So it's no longer the detourit's going to be your teacher.
I'm also going to provide youwith a free downloadable tool
the pain into purpose weeklyreflection sheet.
It's going to provide you witha free downloadable tool the
Pain Into Purpose weeklyreflection sheet.
It's going to cover some of thepoints that we talked about
(29:01):
today, and it's an opportunityfor you to implement that in
your daily life.
What I want you to remember, outof everything that we talked
about here today, is that paindoesn't mean that you're broken.
It means that you're beingforged, and so the fire there
isn't here to destroy you.
It's here to reveal who wetruly are, beneath the noise and
the pressure and theperformance, and so stop hiding
(29:22):
the wound and start buildingwith it.
The scars don't disqualify you.
They qualify you to lead, toserve and to rise, and so your
pain has a purpose, but only ifyou're going to decide to use it
.
So don't waste the thing thathurts you.
Transform it.
That's what we do here.
That's what makes us therevolutionary men, and so if
(29:45):
you're ready to stop carryingpain like a secret and start
living it like a mission, then Ihave another option for you,
some action, a step for you totake.
Go to our membership site,memberstheawakenedmannet and
complete our free integritychallenge.
It'sa blueprint to align yourlife, your leadership and your
legacy.
(30:05):
And while you're here, you canalso download that free pain to
purpose weekly reflection sheet.
It's a great tool to help usstart leading ourselves through
pain and clarity.
See, the world needs more menlike us to rise from the fire,
not just heal, but be on amission, and so I want you to
decide to be that man today.
I'd like to see you next timeon the Revolutionary man Podcast
(30:28):
and until then, lead with fire,live with purpose and never
settle for less than what youwere created to be.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, to become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe Awakened man at
theawakendmannet and startforging a new destiny today.
Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast.
It's where we challenge men toredefine success, to lead with
integrity and to build a lifethat outlives them.
And I'm your host, alan DeMonso.
And today we're gonna dive intosomething that men face every
day, and yet very few of us areequipped to even talk about it.
And what is that?
It's pain.
It's not just physical pain,but emotional, spiritual and
(00:23):
even silent pain.
It's not just physical pain,but emotional, spiritual and
even silent pain, and the kind,you know, that festers under the
surface, the kind behindsuccess, our titles and our
daily hustle.
But the truth is that pain istruly inevitable, and whether
that pain becomes our prison orour platform, it's all up to us,
isn't it?
And so in this episode, we'regoing to unpack how to take
(00:44):
life's deepest wounds and turnthem into fuel for purpose, and
we're going to dismantle thelies that keep us stuck in shame
and silence and explore howtrue masculine strength is
forged in fire and not fantasy.
So if you've ever wondered whyam I going through this, stay
with me today, brothers, becausethis is an episode that just
(01:04):
might change how you carry yourpain and what you create from it
.
So, if you're serious aboutturning pain into purpose and
not just numbing it or not justsurviving it, but using it as a
fuel to take you to that nextlevel.
Then I want you to hit thatlike button, subscribe and leave
a comment about your biggestchallenge.
It's when men like you speak up.
(01:25):
It makes it safe for other mento rise.
So just take one second now,engage and let's start growing
together.
And with that, let's get onwith today's episode.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
The average man today is sleepwalking through life,
many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
(01:59):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Stay strong, my brother.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Welcome back everyone to our episode, into pain, into
purpose.
To get us started, allow me toask us a couple of questions
just to help set the stage fortoday's conversation.
What pain in your life have youtried to silence instead of
surrendering to, and how hasthat pain shaped your leadership
, your relationships or the wayyou see yourself as a man?
(02:29):
And if you could transform yourpain into purpose, what legacy
would you build with it,starting today?
Okay, so we've exposed thetruth about pain and asked some
questions that most men aregoing to be avoiding.
Now it's going to be time forus to dig deeper into these
truths, the myths that keep usstuck and the strategies to
(02:51):
reclaim our story.
And to do that I want to getstarted with this.
First point is that pain ispart of our hero's journey and
not a detour.
From a young age, most men areconditioned to suppress or avoid
pain't we, we're told to man up, to tough it out, to don't be
weak.
See that pain then gets codedas failure, something to be
(03:13):
ashamed of or to be conqueredthrough grit and silence, and so
, as a result, ends up byhappening as we grow up,
believing that if we're in pain,something must must be wrong
with us, but what if pain isn'ta punishment?
And what if it's truly aninitiation?
Avoiding pain doesn't eliminateit.
All it's going to do is bury it, and what we bury eventually
(03:35):
resurfaces in much moredestructive ways.
It shows up in failed marriages, chronic stress, emotional
isolation or even addiction, andso avoiding pain is only going
to make it louder in the longrun.
So it's like you take a momentnow and think back the time when
you buried your pain instead offacing it.
What did it cost you now?
(03:57):
Let's imagine if you had toolsor the courage to confront it.
What might have changed?
The second thing I want to talkabout is that pain truly reveals
what really matters in ourlives, doesn't it?
And the stillness of oursuffering is when these
distractions are all going tofall away for us, and so when we
(04:18):
stop caring about how manylikes that we get on a post, or
what brand of car that we'redriving, or how impressive our
resume looks, pain can reallyhumble us as men, and it brings
us back to the center, doesn'tit?
And so, suddenly, when weconsider this, we remember what
matters most, and for me, it'sfaith, it's integrity, it's
(04:39):
family, it's my mission.
Maybe some of those resonatewith you as well.
It's my mission.
Maybe some of those resonatewith you as well.
Men who've been through illnessor divorce or financial ruin or
spiritual crisis often say thatit was in their darkest moments
that they gained the clearestvision for who they are and what
they're here to do, and so painstrips away this illusion so
(05:00):
purpose can truly emerge, and Ihave to tell you, it's exactly
what happened to me when Istarted doing men's work this
podcast in order to reallyprocess and work through the
pain that I know that I have inmy life and I'm sure you suffer
through as well and so I wantyou to ask yourself what did my
last painful season reveal aboutmy values, the things that were
(05:22):
important to me, and what did Irediscover when I had nothing
left to pretend or to prove.
When we avoid pain, that's moredangerous than facing it.
We've mentioned that already inthis episode, and so there's a
way that we can outrun our pain.
It's truly one of the mostdestructive and dangerous
(05:43):
beliefs that we can hold as men,and so if we continue to try to
avoid our pain, we're going tocreate fragmentation in our
lives, aren't we?
We're going to split ourselvesinto all these different
versions that we think otherswill then be more accepting of
who we are Tough at work, oryou're going to be distant at
home, or we're going to be numbwith ourselves.
The pain that we don't facejust doesn't go away.
(06:05):
What it does is it creates aprison for us to live in, and so
if you're in one of thosesituations, like many of us are,
if we avoid our emotional pain,we're often going to try to
dominate our external worlds,right, and so if we're chasing
promotions or power orvalidation to compensate that,
(06:27):
we need to look at doing someinternal work, don't we?
But it's going to be thosevictories on the outside that
are really going to be hollowvictories, because they weren't
there to truly come to us from aplace of alignment with who we
are and what we value, and sothey just become escapes from
really doing some deep diveintrospection on who we are.
(06:48):
And so what I'm going to askand challenge you to do today is
are you ready, really strongenough, to face your pain?
Have you been carrying this forway too long, anyways?
And what would happen if wejust stopped running from it and
started working with it?
If we just stopped running fromit and started working with it.
I like Cahil Gabran's books, andone of his quotes that really
(07:10):
stuck with me as I startedgetting into his work was Out of
suffering have emerged thestrongest souls.
The most massive characters areseared with scars, and I think
that's so true when we look atour lives and the things that
we've been through.
And so, if I could, just towrap up this first discussion
point that we started talkingabout is that pain truly is not
(07:30):
a detour for us.
It's divine appointment.
The hero doesn't earn thistitle by avoiding the fire right
.
He earns it by walking throughit, emerging wiser, more
grounded and more aligned withhis purpose.
I know that's how it's felt forme, and I'm sure if you reflect
on your life, you'll find thesame for you, and so every man
that's listening today, yourpain is not the proof that
(07:53):
you're broken.
It is the proof that you'rebecoming.
So.
That leads me into the secondpoint I want to talk about in
pain, into purpose today, andthat the lies that men believe
about pain, and we've alreadystarted to touch on a little bit
about what these lies are, andfor the most of us, the toxic
lies are bedded into ourmasculine identity, aren't they?
(08:15):
It teaches boys early on thatemotions are signs of weakness
and that our pain is somethingto suppress or to power through.
We've mentioned that in thatfirst point.
But by the time that we becomemen, because we have practiced
this and we have embodied in ourlives, many of us are
emotionally numb as men, and sowe're disconnected from our own
hearts and we're unable toexpress grief, fear or longing.
(08:38):
And I can tell you, when myfather passed away, it was so
challenging for me to really bein the room watching him in his
last moments, in his last days,and trying to be present enough
for him and for me to be there,and it was so difficult.
And this is part of the of ourupbringing, and that's not any
slight on my parents.
It's the work that I had yet todo and needed to continue to do
(09:02):
.
And so a man who never stops toprocess his pain becomes a man
who either explodes in rage orcollapses in isolation.
That's that fear and flightresponse, isn't it?
So he wears a mask that saysI'm fine and I know that's
something that you've probablysaid to yourself, because I've
said it many times to myself.
But while outside, or reallyinside, we're saying, hey,
(09:26):
listen, I'm fine, but insidewe're truly drowning.
We think that our strength isgoing to be found in denying our
pain, but it's really havingthe courage to feel it,
especially without any shame.
And so I ask you to considerwhere in your life are you
pretending that you're fine?
Do you have this beingminimized or ignored just so you
(09:46):
can keep up appearances?
What would it look like for youif you faced it honestly?
When we think, consider that's.
The second lie that comes up forus in our pain to purpose
journey is that if I feel pain,then I'm going to be weak, and
this is a belief that confusesvulnerability with failure.
(10:07):
So what it does is, itconvinces us that feeling broken
means being broken.
But that's asking for self-help, then, is also like giving up,
isn't it?
But here's the truth Feelingpain doesn't make us weak.
Hiding it does.
And so strongest men are thosewho never fail.
They're the ones who rise againand again, wiser, stronger and
(10:31):
more grounded.
And so, if you considermilitary veterans or elite
athletes, even CEOs, men who areadmired for their grit and
toughness, these are often thesame men who openly talk about
their therapy, their trauma,their rock-bottom moments, why?
Because they've learned thattrue resilience isn't bravado,
it's living in integrity.
(10:52):
And so, again, I ask you toconsider, the next time pain
shows up in your life, that youwelcome it as part of your
refinement instead of somethingto fear, and let it really
deepen you in your strengthinstead of challenging you for
your worth.
And I like to then move to thelie number three, and that pain
(11:13):
means I'm broken.
We tend to interpret pain as asign that we're defective or
cursed or unworthy man.
That word is something thatpops up way too often in my
language, and if we start tothink if I was doing the right
life, I wouldn't be suffering.
But it's really a bad mindsetto have, because it's a mindset
(11:34):
that creates shame for us,because if we're not living
right, then what are we living?
And so shame can truly keep usstuck.
And the truth is that pain isjust a signal.
It's not a sentence.
We're not being sentenced topain.
It's truly an invitation for usto evolve, not an indictment on
our value.
And so think about in the gymPain is how muscles grow, isn't
(11:57):
it?
Think about a relationship.
Pain is how trust deepens.
Think about faith.
Pain is often how God gets yourattention.
So what if pain isn't a signthat you're broken, but it's a
sign that something much deeperwants to be healed?
And so I ask you to considerfor this point what if your pain
(12:17):
isn't the thing keeping youfrom your purpose, but the very
thing that will unlock it?
Rumi says the wound is theplace where the light enters you
, and so consider the woundsthat you've had in your life,
and how are you allowing thatlight to come in and transcend
who you are?
So, as we summarize and look atthis second point that we've
(12:40):
been talking about so far, isthat the lies we believe about
pain that real men don't feeland feeling is weakness or pain
means that I'm broken they justdon't rob us of healing, they
rob us of connection, depth anda legacy.
And so, as men, when we finallystop running from our pain and
start listening to it, theneverything changes.
(13:00):
Our leadership sharpens, ourrelationships deepen and our
power becomes unstoppablebecause it's forged in the truth
and not from performance.
So let's go to our thirddiscussion point here, on pain
to purpose.
Turning pain into purpose is adiscipline, it's not a feeling,
and you can get a sense.
(13:20):
That's where we're going today,aren't you?
So many of us wait foremotional resolution before
we're going to move forward, butwe think healing has to feel
complete before we can take anyaction.
But that's not howtransformation works, is it?
See?
Closure is a myth.
Purpose is built by makingconsistent moves, even when pain
is still fresh.
(13:41):
Action is what creates healing,not the other way around, and
so some wounds may never feelcompletely closed.
Let's face that A loss of aparent, as I talked about
earlier, a betrayal, a dreamthat died.
The power that comes fromstopping obsessing over why it
happens, though, and startasking what am I going to do
(14:02):
with it now, really moves usforward in motion, and that's
what becomes the medicine thatwe need to heal our pain.
And so if you're waiting tofeel ready before you're going
to lead, write or speak, or loveor serve again, then you may be
waiting for a long time, maybeeven forever, and so start with
(14:24):
the pain.
Just walk with it a little.
Let it guide you into missioninstead of having it guide you
into misery, and so purposecomes from what you give your
pain away to.
Now, stop to consider this.
Pain becomes the purpose themoment you stop hiding it and
start offering it to others.
So it's our story that becomessomeone else's survival guide,
(14:46):
isn't it?
Those are some of the mostpowerful books and stories and
movies that we watch, watchingsomeone go through pain in their
story.
And so, when we lead with ourscars instead of our image, we
become a beacon, not just a manwho overcame, but a man who
helps others overcome.
And so men who've gone throughaddiction or divorce or failure
(15:08):
or depression often find theirdeepest purpose in mentoring
others through the same firethat they've gone through.
So the wound doesn't have tovanish for the wisdom to emerge.
What's raw today is what willbe a revelation for us tomorrow,
and I think that's somethingfor the wisdom to emerge.
What's raw today is what willbe a revelation for us tomorrow,
and I think that's somethingfor us to truly consider.
And so I'd like to ask you toconsider this here.
(15:30):
Who needs to hear your story,what's behind you on the path,
and who could benefit fromknowing you're not alone and
that someone made it through?
You could be a mentor forsomebody with the pain that
you've gone through and the workand the wisdom that you've
gained, and so you can't stop,you can't shortcut this process
(15:53):
at all.
But you can commit to a path,can't we?
And so there's no hack forhealing here.
I'm not going to lie to you andtell you here's three quick
steps to heal all your pain,because there isn't any shortcut
for growth.
So pain needs time, but it alsoneeds some structure around it,
and so this is where thediscipline part to today's
(16:15):
conversation comes in.
You can't control when healingfeels complete, right, it's just
going to happen.
But what you can control is howoften you show up for it.
And so this is the daily workfrom a purpose Journal anyway,
pray anyway, show up for theworkout, have the conversation,
write the book, serve the people.
These are all pathways on thepath of forging some discipline.
(16:40):
And so think about the man whoturns his pain into consistent
message.
Maybe it's a business, amission, not overnight, but over
time, and he built somethingthat's truly unshakable, not
from hype, but from holyrepetition.
He doesn't just have a purpose,he lives it brick by brick, day
after day, and so I'll ask youwhat daily practice could anchor
(17:03):
your healing journey?
Where do you need to stopwaiting for the right time and
start leading with what youalready have?
As I think about.
Summarizing this point is thatpurpose isn't going to be born
out of comfort.
It's forged through consistency, through discipline, action and
the decisions made in the dark.
So don't wait to feel ready.
(17:25):
Don't wait until it stopshurting.
Decide right now that your painwill not define you.
It will deploy you and set youon the path.
So let me tell a story aboutChris.
He was a 43-year-old businessowner, a husband, a father of
two, and on paper he wassuccessful.
He had a six-figure income.
He had the house with abackyard and a garage full of
(17:47):
hard-earned tools and toys.
But under the surface,something was crumbling for
Chris.
It started with silence, thenshort tempers, missed workouts,
disconnection with his wife,numbness with his kids.
He didn't know what it was thatwas building inside of him and
then one morning, as he stood infront of the bathroom mirror
brushing his teeth, he droppedthe brush, stared himself and
(18:09):
whispered.
I don't know who the hell I amanymore.
That whisper.
That was chris's collapse.
See, chris didn't crash all atonce.
It was a slow death by athousand denials.
Years of avoiding grief from hisdad's death, from burying the
guilt from a business deal thatwent sideways, of staying busy
(18:33):
instead of being present.
The mask he wore was strong,but his soul was starving.
He stopped showing upemotionally.
He began withdrawing from hiswife, not in anger, but in
absence.
His kids noticed his energy wasgone.
He lie awake at night scrollinginstagram, comparing himself to
other men who looked more alive, more free, more whole in the
(18:55):
quiet truth.
He felt useless.
Not because he lacked success,but because he lacked success,
but because he lacked purpose.
And so one Sunday morning, afterskipping church for the third
week in a row, chris finally hitthe wall.
His wife walked into thekitchen, looked him in the eye
and said I don't know how muchlonger I can do this, with you
gone but still here.
(19:16):
That sentence shattered Chris.
It shattered him in the bestway, because Chris didn't know
where to start, but he knew hehad to.
So it was that night that hewrote in a journal for the first
time in 20 years.
One page turned into 10.
He cried For real, not in frontof anyone, but for himself.
(19:36):
And then he called a buddy hetrusted.
He told the truth, the realtruth, the crack in his armor.
To let the light in, he decidedto join a men's group.
He started therapy, picked uphis bible again.
He got very quiet every morningnot for productivity but for
presence, and he stoppedavoiding his pain, started
(19:56):
honoring it.
And we fast forward 18 monthsfrom then.
Chris is still a business owner, he's still a husband, he's
still a dad, but he's adifferent man.
He leads his team withvulnerability, not weakness, but
with authenticity.
His marriage has fire againbecause he's emotionally
available, not physicallypresent.
His kids talk to him now, notbecause he's perfect, but
(20:20):
because he's safe.
And, most of all, he startedmentoring younger men in his
community, talking about pain,fatherhood, faith and purpose,
and the thing that once nearlyended him was now become his
most powerful part of hisleadership.
He didn't need a fresh start.
He needed to finally face thatthought that would destroy him
(20:41):
and let it redefine his mission.
Nietzsche says he who has thewhy to live can bear almost any
how, and I think that is so true.
And so we've talked a lot abouttheory and other things and a
nice story there, but let's getinto some practical tips of how
(21:01):
to turn pain into purpose, andso the first tip I'm going to
give you is to name your painout loud, name it to tame it, as
they say, man, and it'simportant for us to do that,
because most men suffer silently, don't we?
And it's because we've neverput words to what's truly
hurting ourselves.
And so when we can name itclearly and honestly, we strip
away most of its power, and thenwe can take the first step from
(21:25):
confusion and really start togain clarity about what this
pain is, because we can't healwhat we won't confront.
I think it's so true, and solet's not minimize our pain or
convince ourselves that it's notthat bad.
All that's going to do is justkeep your cycle going, and so
I'd like to challenge you todayon this first step.
(21:47):
Name your pain, say it out loud,literally alone in your car,
maybe in a prayer, with ajournal, with a trusted brother.
Call it what it is.
Is it grief, is it betrayal, isit guilt, shame, loneliness?
Call it what it is, and that'sgoing to be your first brick on
the wall to rebuild your life.
Number two, and I ask you toestablish a morning grounding
(22:09):
ritual.
Pain will disorient our mindsand it weakens our focus, and so
if we can anchor our day withintentional habits, then we're
going to reclaim some of thatinner ground, won't we?
But it isn't just aboutproductivity.
This is going to be aboutpresence.
It's going to be about buildingyour power, and so don't think,
don't make the mistake ofthinking up that, waking up and
(22:31):
diving into an email or news orreading social media or whatever
your habits were in the past,you're going to lose.
You're going to immediatelygoing to lose the war, for your
mind, if you do that, and so,instead, the work for you to do
on this part is to just create a20-minute morning routine, a
little ritual for you.
Maybe it's five minutes ofsilence, five minutes of
(22:52):
journaling, five minutes ofprayer or scripture, something
that a good book, anything thatreally helps ground you in five
minutes of movement, sostretching, push-ups, maybe it's
a cold shower, something thatphysically gets you engaged in
for the start the day, and thenrepeat this every day, because
pain hates discipline, and sogive it.
(23:13):
So start to give that pain someof what it truly deserves,
which is some discipline.
Step three convert your paininto a pattern of contribution.
We've already talked a littlebit about that so far.
So this part here is about ourpain.
Our purpose is going to be bornout of the wounds that have
become to us.
(23:33):
Thou can be used as weapons forsomeone else to heal, and so we
consider that, instead of thepain being a weapon for us, we
can now turn that story aroundand use it to help heal others.
And so when we stop asking thequestion why me?
And start asking how can I helpwith what I've learned, then
that energy truly shifts frombeing a victim to creating a
(23:56):
legacy, and so don't wait untilyou're fully healed to do this,
to serve, to be part of thecommunity.
The truth is that healing willaccelerate in service, not at
service, and so send a messageto a man that you know is
struggling right now.
Share one insight with him, orencouragement from your own pain
.
Start a conversation, not aperformance.
(24:19):
If you do that, both of youwill walk away being much
stronger, I guarantee you.
Then I'd like you to alsoconsider tracking your pain
triggers on a weekly basis.
Pain doesn't always scream outloud to us.
It may if we've denied it longenough, but sometimes it just
whispers through our reactionsto things.
(24:40):
So tracking our emotionalflashpoints gives us some
insight and some leverage so youcan stop repeating
self-sabotaging patterns.
So consider this as a piece todo on any given day in the week.
A common mistake is, when we tryto do something like this, we
may start blaming other peoplefor our emotional spikes instead
(25:01):
of recognizing that they areunresolved wounds from being
triggered ourselves.
And so consider that every timethere's an emotional trigger,
it's something that you have todeal with, and so create a
journal that looks somethinglike this these are some
questions for you to help reallytrack your pain.
(25:22):
And so, what moments triggeredanger, anxiety or shame in the
week?
What was really underneath thatemotion?
When you consider it, what didI learn about myself?
And consider that, when you dothese three things, that this
isn't about therapy.
It's truly about gaining sometactical awareness about what's
(25:43):
happening for yourself.
And so take a moment at the endof every day and ask yourself
those three questions and startto get a sense of if there's
triggers or patterns that arehappening.
And the last piece to give youis build a brotherhood of truth
tellers, and so one of thethings that's important in our
work here with our band ofbrothers is to have a group of
(26:05):
men who are your pallbearers inlife.
See, we weren't meant to carryour pain alone.
So brotherhood isn't going tomake us weak, it's going to make
us unstoppable, so we can helppoint other men's blind spots,
just as they'll point out yours.
They're going to challenge ourstories.
They're going to remind us thatwe're not crazy or alone.
But most men and many men, Ifind are truly trying to get
(26:29):
after this alone, because theyhave too much pride that
isolation is really the breedingground for shame and for
failure, and so I'd like you tocommit to a weekly or biweekly
connection with at least one ortwo solid men in your community.
This isn't about beers andbullshit all right, this is
about real talk.
(26:49):
It's wins, losses, pain,progress.
And just start small.
I want you to go deep.
So no more barroom talk, nomore locker room talk.
You need to get down and dirtywith this one.
And so when we can turn ourpain into purpose it's not going
to happen in one massive move,right, it's going to take time.
It's about daily commitment tolead, to feel and to rise with
(27:13):
truth, and so, hopefully, thesetools will help you build a
battlefield kit that you can useto help you move forward
through your pain.
So we've talked a lot aboutpain and a purpose, and I wanted
to also leave you with a fewdifferent resources that have
helped me in my journey, andhopefully they'll do the same
for you.
I'm a big reader, and I hadn'tread a book up until I was 30
(27:37):
years old, and then, when mylife started to truly shatter
and change, then I startedgetting into books, and so one
of the ones that was so profoundwas Man's Search for Meaning by
Viktor Frankl, and it's soimportant about that book.
He was a Holocaust survivor anda psychiatrist, and his book
truly is the gold standard forunderstanding how suffering can
be transformed into meaning, andI like his powerful insight of
(27:59):
for those who have a why to livecan bear almost anyhow.
It's truly the heartbeat ofwhat we're trying to talk about
in today's episode, and so painwithout purpose is going to lead
to despair, and pain withpurpose is going to lead to
legacy, and so check out thatbook.
Another great book that Ienjoyed reading and really
(28:20):
helped shift my mindset onthings is Obstacle is the Way by
Ryan Holiday, and it's a reallymodern classic on Stoic
philosophy and how we canimplement that in today's modern
life, and it's going to helpreframe how you consider
hardships and obstacles as trulya fuel for growth and mastery,
and so I think it's exactly whatwe need.
(28:41):
Based on today's episode andkey topic, and because you may
want to consider that the verything that's blocking your path
today is the pain that you needto go through.
So it's no longer the detourit's going to be your teacher.
I'm also going to provide youwith a free downloadable tool
the pain into purpose weeklyreflection sheet.
It's going to provide you witha free downloadable tool the
Pain Into Purpose weeklyreflection sheet.
It's going to cover some of thepoints that we talked about
(29:01):
today, and it's an opportunityfor you to implement that in
your daily life.
What I want you to remember, outof everything that we talked
about here today, is that paindoesn't mean that you're broken.
It means that you're beingforged, and so the fire there
isn't here to destroy you.
It's here to reveal who wetruly are, beneath the noise and
the pressure and theperformance, and so stop hiding
(29:22):
the wound and start buildingwith it.
The scars don't disqualify you.
They qualify you to lead, toserve and to rise, and so your
pain has a purpose, but only ifyou're going to decide to use it
.
So don't waste the thing thathurts you.
Transform it.
That's what we do here.
That's what makes us therevolutionary men, and so if
(29:45):
you're ready to stop carryingpain like a secret and start
living it like a mission, then Ihave another option for you,
some action, a step for you totake.
Go to our membership site,memberstheawakenedmannet and
complete our free integritychallenge.
It'sa blueprint to align yourlife, your leadership and your
legacy.
(30:05):
And while you're here, you canalso download that free pain to
purpose weekly reflection sheet.
It's a great tool to help usstart leading ourselves through
pain and clarity.
See, the world needs more menlike us to rise from the fire,
not just heal, but be on amission, and so I want you to
decide to be that man today.
I'd like to see you next timeon the Revolutionary man Podcast
(30:28):
and until then, lead with fire,live with purpose and never
settle for less than what youwere created to be.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, to become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe Awakened man at
theawakendmannet and startforging a new destiny today.
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