September 9, 2025 • 34 mins
Ever said yes to something so big it made you want to throw up and cheer at the same time?
That’s exactly what happened when I became a first-time author. In this episode, recorded just two days after my book went live, I pull back the curtain on the fun house ride of a book launch, from the adrenaline highs to the vulnerable lows, and everything in between.
This isn’t a polished success story. It’s the raw, real look at what happens when you give a full-body yes, face down imposter syndrome, and discover the messy middle of becoming her. Whether your dream is to write a book, start a business, or finally say yes to that scary thing on your heart, this conversation is proof that you don’t need to feel “ready” to rise.
✔️ The “fun house” truth of launch day: the mirrors, the whiplash, and why it’s never just a straight path.
✔️ How to handle judgment, envy, and the silence of people you thought would cheer the loudest.
✔️ Why courage counts more than perfection, and the identity shifts that happen between yes and finish line.
On the other side of the rollercoaster is growth, clarity, and the favorite version of you. If this resonates, grab the book, leave a review, and share this episode with a friend who needs the reminder that your courage is enough.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Rise to Shine Podcast with Noel Castis where
we ignite the spark to discover your favorite self.
It is time to get real, ladies. Hello, hello and welcome to the
Rise to Shine podcast. I'm your host and your brand new
(00:23):
author. Holy crap.
I can actually say that now. I am Noel Castis.
And yes, saying that still makesme want to maybe be sick to my
stomach. It's so wild.
Listen, I am not recording this weeks later with everything tied
up with a Pretty Little bow. Nope.
(00:44):
This is literally 2 days after, well, technically not even 48
hours after the book went live. Which means you're getting me in
real time. You're going to get me raw,
unfiltered, still trying to figure out what the heck just
happened. And don't worry, I'm not going
(01:05):
to cry my way through this episode.
No friends today. I've got my big girl panties on
and they are pulled all the way up because let me tell you,
there have been a lot of weird emotions swirling around Shana,
my girl, if you're listening. My emotions gal, I'm definitely
(01:26):
going to need to book an appointment.
OK, so be in touch. I know we have been, but I am
not even kidding about this. Here's the thing ladies.
This isn't just about me and my little book, baby.
This is about what it really looks like when you step into
something bigger than yourself. It is the roller coaster ride
(01:48):
that nobody warns you about. And yeah, there were the tears.
There was a whole lot of ick. I'll explain that later.
There were celebrations and there were the what did I just
do moments and the humility of realizing that when you shine,
people are going to have opinions.
(02:10):
And that is oh so fun. So that's why I wanted to have
this conversation today because whether it's a book, maybe it's
a business or a new dream, or just finally doing the thing
you've been putting off this ride, it is going to be for all
of us. And today I'm going to give you
(02:30):
the T. So this all started with what I
can only describe as a full body.
Yes, that's what I call it. When I know I'm all in with
something, I call it a full body.
Yes. You know those moments when
something just literally drops in your lap and before your
(02:51):
brain even kicks in, your whole being is already shouting do it,
do it. That was me.
OK, Now was I naive? Absolutely.
I thought, oh, this is going to be easy, a collaborative book.
I'll write my little chapter, I'll hand it in, I'll check the
(03:14):
dreambox, and I'm going to move on.
Spoiler alert, it was definitelynot that simple.
But here is the thing. My grandma and my mom, who you
know, I know you hear often about, if you've been around
here, they have always said, Noel, you've got a book in you.
Especially my mom. Now, my grandma has seen me and
(03:36):
you know, she has that reoccurring dream of me speaking
to audiences, big audiences. My mom has always said, you're a
writer, you've got a book in you.
And for years I would just smileand nod.
Sometimes I'd brush it off. Sometimes I'm like, Yep, I do.
But I wasn't even really thinking about it because it
(03:57):
just seemed too big. I mean, God knows that I have a
lot that has happened in my lifethat I could write all all over
the place and I could write so many things.
We'll talk about that, too. But this opportunity landed, and
it felt like the perfect door towalk through.
(04:18):
Even if I had no clue what was waiting on the other side.
There was this trust that just kind of carried me in.
It was a trust that, OK, maybe maybe they were right.
Trust that. Maybe that this was the start of
something I couldn't see yet. And maybe you've had that too,
(04:42):
That thing people keep pointing out about you, the gift that you
have been sitting on, the nudge that you can't ignore.
Sometimes it all takes just you saying yes to the thing that
scares you half to death. Or it's maybe the thing that it
(05:04):
just feels so big that it's beyond your comprehension or it
shows up in a way that you didn't expect.
That, yes, could look really small from the outside, but on
the inside, it's an initiation, you guys.
It's the moment you start becoming her, the woman who
(05:27):
leads, the woman who shares boldly, or who just simply lets
her story be seen. Because I'm going to tell you
the other authors in this book are all in it for different
reasons, but one in particular, I'm going to tell you.
She is the quietest, sweetest, most precious soul, but she has
(05:53):
a story to tell and her story ismeant to be seen.
And man, it took some bravery for her to put it out there.
And I am so gosh darn proud of her.
So proud of her. FYI, her chapters right after
mine. Oh you guys, it's so good.
So let's just talk about the process of actually writing this
(06:16):
chapter. So here's the truth.
When I first sat down to even think about where to begin, holy
moly again, I've had, I've had alot of things happen to me in my
life, right? And I, I've seen a lot of
things, I've experienced a lot of things.
I've got a lot of life to pull from.
And there were 100 different starting points I could have
(06:39):
chosen. But thankfully, during this
process, we were given a framework to work with.
And honestly, it almost felt like someone was just handing me
a life raft because at least I didn't have to stare at this
blank page wondering which chapter of my life was I going
to crack open first. But even with that framework,
(07:02):
even with that structure, it wasa mind game.
It was such a mind game because writing your story isn't just
about the words, it's about the people in it.
And I knew that no matter where I decided to start, I had to
approach this with respect. I had to approach it with
(07:23):
respect for my kids, respect formy husband, respect for my
former in laws who I am still extremely close to, and even
respect for my ex-husband who for the record, I have 0
communication with. That's not always easy.
(07:50):
And anyway, that's a whole otherstory.
That's a whole other story. You can read my chapter and
you'll get part of that story asto why, or you'll you'll get the
majority of that. But dear Lord, once I started
writing, here came all the feels.
(08:11):
Because how do you tell a story in just a few pages?
How do you make it land in a waythat makes sense while also
knowing there's a whole world ofdetails that you're going to
have to leave out? Because I only had a certain
amount of words that I could write.
Being that it was a collaborative book, we had
(08:33):
guidelines, so that part was another mind game.
That part nearly took me down sothankfully we did have a retreat
in the middle of this process and that gave me some clarity.
But there were still moments I was in a full on tailspin and
(08:54):
one non negotiable for me beforeI went any further was getting
my kids permission. Not only did I want to have
respect, I wanted to have their permission.
I needed them to be old enough to have a voice and whether or
not parts of our story got told.Because at the end of the day,
it's not just my story, it's their story too.
(09:18):
And their yes mattered more thananything else to me.
So once I got that permission and we moved forward, I moved
forward. I reached my final word count
and I hit submit. I literally put the whole thing
away for months. I did my edits, I closed the
(09:42):
file, and I refused to keep looking at it because otherwise
I would have second guessed myself right into the ground.
This whole process is a wannabe perfectionist's nightmare, and
that's why I am. I often say that I have a
wannabe perfectionist. It's like my brain wanted to
(10:04):
pick at every single sentence until it bled.
So no, I decided, I'm going to shut it down and I'm going to
walk away. The only other time I even
peeked at it was back in March when I pulled it out to write a
keynote based on the chapter. And let me tell you, the keynote
(10:25):
ended up being way juicier than the book version.
But that's how I survived it, byrefusing to keep tinkering and
by trusting that what I had written was enough.
So now we get to the good part. Let's just be real.
(10:46):
This is where it got really crazy, and I would say
completely unexpected. The weeks leading up to the
launch day, Oh my gosh, I was kind of a nervous wreck.
I remember feeling, you know, some stress.
There was some excitement. There was this expectation.
(11:07):
There were even a few tears. There were the deer in the
headlights moment of what did I just sign up for and what am I
doing? It was like one day I was
unstoppable and then the next day I was literally Googling how
do I fake my own disappearance so nobody notices this book ever
(11:27):
came out or never came out. I mean, honestly, I was like, Oh
my gosh, this is crazy. Like, how can I, how can I like,
not tell people about it? Now I was wanting to backpedal,
but let me back up for a second too, because this book was
actually supposed to be launchedin April, but for all kinds of
(11:51):
reasons it got postponed. And that completely threw me for
a loop then. Because you see, I had already
knew that August and September we're going to be insane,
personally and professionally. I already had things on the
docket that, you know, kids going back to school.
I had I, I am in a nonprofit organization that I am a chair
(12:15):
of a huge retreat that we put onfor over 500 kids.
And that happens the beginning of October.
So you can just imagine what August and September look like.
And even then, I had no idea just how much more was going to
end up on my plate because ladies, let's just throw a whole
(12:40):
new project on and a second launch that I never saw coming
all happening at the same exact time.
Like, what in the holy heck was going on?
Can I just throw up again? That's just where I was at all
the time. Like, Oh my gosh.
So naive little me was like, it's fine, you've got this.
(13:02):
You're just going to be super full.
You just got to be prepared. Just get your social media
ready, schedule a few posts, maybe pop some champagne and
boom, your launch is going to bedone.
Oh, how hilarious that is, because launching a book is no
joke. Whether it's a collaborative
book or your own book, it's no joke.
(13:23):
It's not just about a few cute posts and a Canva graphic and
you know you just telling a few friends and family about it.
It is a full time job of asking,sharing, promoting, posting,
refreshing, praying, crying, laughing, and then doing it all
again the next day. Like legit I'm in day 2 and this
(13:47):
is this is what happens in it all.
And what made it even crazier was the mind game in my head.
One minute I was like OK Noel, just chill out, it's just one
chapter, don't make such a big deal about it.
Who do you think you are, calling yourself an author when
it's only a chapter? Hello imposter syndrome totally
(14:10):
hitting me like a ton of bricks.Then the next minute it hit me
like a freight train. Holy moly.
Buckle up because this wasn't just about me.
There were six other authors counting on me, depending on me
to show up for them, and I'll bedarned if I was going to drop
the ball for them. And then that realization
(14:31):
flipped the switch that this wasbigger than me and it was time
to rise to it. So OK, so now we're in launch
day. All right, so we're here.
Let me explain this the only wayI can because it did not feel
like a normal day. From the moment I open my eyes.
(14:54):
It felt like stepping into a funhouse at the County Fair at
first. OK, so I want you to imagine
you're at the you're at the County Fair and I want you to
imagine the funhouse. At first you're like all hyped,
the lights are flashing, the music's pumping because I always
have that music, right? And you're like, yes, this is my
(15:15):
moment. And then bam, you walk smack
into a mirror you didn't see coming.
You know, like in there, those of you that can't see me, I've
got I've got my hands going all over the place because it's
like, you know, those mirrors that are everywhere.
And you're like boom, bouncing back and forth.
You're bumping into the walls. You're laughing one minute,
you're like about ready to cry the next because you hit your
(15:35):
head so hard and you're just trying to figure out which way
is up while still smiling like, yeah, everything's fine.
I've got this. Spoiler alert, Yesterday I did
not have it. Every time I thought, OK, this
is the flow. I can breathe now.
(15:55):
I would literally hit another curve so it was like this.
Adrenaline would start to spike with messages and screenshots of
friends searching the book, thencrash when nothing was updating
on the site. We're like refresh, refresh
refresh and nothing is updating.It was these highs and lows and
(16:17):
there were more highs and lows. Like, legit an emotional
whiplash in a fun house maze. And to top it all off, I want
you to picture the end of Grease.
Because when I think of a funhouse, I think of the movie
Grease. You know, John Travolta and
Olivia Newton John spinning all cute at the end of the funhouse,
(16:37):
right? Their hair is all perfect, by
the way. I totally wanted to be here,
totally singing their hearts out.
Yeah, for me, I hopped in that funhouse whirly thing at the end
and I got whipped around, fell on my butt and got spit out of
the side landing face first on the ground.
I was like, I wasn't hopping on,still hopping off, still
(17:00):
singing. I was literally exhausted.
I was not singing, I was not dancing.
I was just laying there like what the actual heck just
happened? My son even said, mom, I've
never seen you like this, like you, you have literally what was
the word he used? He said something about like I
had was just rotting in my bed cuz normally I am not like that.
(17:24):
He's like, what is going on mom?You're just like rotting in your
bed. And here's what most people
don't realize about launch day. It's not just about the
emotions, it's the systems. If you want that shiny little #1
bestseller tag on Amazon, there is strategy involved with this.
(17:45):
The algorithm doesn't just hand it to you.
You have to create the momentum.People have to be searching for
the book. You have to have reviews coming
in high vibe energy online, so it gets pushed out to new
audiences. Basically, it's like throwing a
party where you have to keep everyone dancing for 24 hours
(18:05):
straight. And for me, that's exhausting.
That's what my husband does. My husband's a DJ.
He's a musician on the side. Like he loves to do that.
That is not how I typically roll.
And then there were the behind the scenes curveballs.
OK, so I'm just going to say this.
Two authors received really heavy, heartbreaking news. 1
(18:31):
received it the week of and thenone on launch day itself.
My friend Elizabeth and I, who is one of the authors, we had
planned to meet at the coffee shop to get hyped to go live on
Instagram. We were going to celebrate and
we did, but I'm going to tell you we were there for like 3
hours and it turned into a full on counseling session in between
(18:54):
hitting post because real life was happening all around us and
we could not ignore it. Oh Oh yeah, and then did I
mention I got a flat tire on theway home from the coffee shop?
And one of the authors got a flat tire that day too.
Yep, because apparently the universe and God was like, let's
(19:14):
just add one more thing to see if she cracks.
I'm not saying God doesn't do that to punish us.
So I please, I'm going to, I'm going to like retract that.
But in the moment it felt like that and it was exhausting.
(19:36):
It was exhausting. And I'm going to say my husband
handled the flat tire with totalpatience and love.
My family was listening to all of my rants that night.
But by the time evening rolled around, I was, I'm just going to
admit it, like it's embarrassing, but it is true.
(19:56):
I was so pissy. Here I was having what I felt
like the most massive life changing day.
And for my family, it was. It was just another day.
It was just another Thursday. My communication was completely
off. I'm going to just say that my
husband asked what should we do for dinner and I literally just
snapped back. I don't know.
(20:18):
I haven't even thought about it.And then the next thing I know
I'm grocery shopping. I'm cooking dinner.
I'm totally irritated but I am too drained to say anything out
loud. So I did the really icky passive
thing and I pouted. No celebration, just a regular
(20:38):
old night in their house. And to top it off, and I I even
took pictures because I was like, I want to remember this
moment. We even ended the evening by
going through kitchen drawers because my husband has been
going crazy over the mountain ofwater bottles and coffee mugs
that we've collected. So while my brain was still
spinning from launch chaos, my night ended in a mug and Tumblr
(21:01):
intervention. It was honestly comical.
It did get me to laugh. And my son and I and my husband,
we were all laughing. So yeah, launch day was
basically a fun House of emotions.
It was a fun House of systems. There was chaos, there was
curveballs. And I do feel like it kind of
chewed me up and spit me out. But here's the thing.
(21:23):
Even lying there on the ground at the end of the day, lying in
my bed, I should say I was tired.
The energy was gone. But I could still say I didn't.
It wasn't pretty, but it was mine forever.
(21:47):
Like that day will forever be etched in my mind.
And that is the reason why I am recording this podcast because I
was like, I've got to do it whenI am like in my fields.
I have to do it when I'm in my fields because it's going to
land so much better. But I do want to just share a
(22:08):
few things that I just feel like, you know, it's so I feel
like it could be so relatable for all of you listening.
And that's the hard parts, the stuff that doesn't make it into
the pretty posts, right? So this is like the icky part.
(22:30):
This is the vulnerability hangover that how do I say it?
It's like that gnawing little voice that says, who do you
think you are? Because those words just love to
come up. It's those old stories we tell
ourselves. And it's like the humility of
putting yourself out there wide open for people to see and to
(22:52):
judge and to pick apart. Because the truth is, is that
these words are forever out there.
This book is out there. There's no taking it back.
And sometimes when you're shining or when you're having a
moment, not everyone is going toclap for you.
(23:13):
Some people are going to cheer you like crazy, and others are
going to sit back. They're going to maybe fold
their arms, roll their eyes. Some are going to quietly
question you. Others might flat out judge you.
And it stings. I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
It's like, oh, it stings becauseyou've poured your heart into
something and the last thing youwant to feel is dismissed or
(23:38):
like people don't understand you.
And I'll be real with you. I struggle with this too, not
just being judged, but catching myself judging others when they
take up too much space. So for example, like I'll see
someone standing in their power.I'll see them like posting, you
(23:59):
know, just super boldly. Or maybe they're just speaking
about something that they're really passionate about.
And sometimes my first thought isn't, you go, girl.
Sometimes I catch myself and I'mlike, but here's what I've
learned with that. When I look deeper, it's not
(24:21):
really about her. It's about me.
It's me thinking, huh, yeah, I wish I was doing that.
I wish I had the guts to show uplike that.
So sometimes it comes from my own like insecurities and stuff,
and that's a hard truth to admit, but it is totally real.
(24:47):
And then on the flip side, when it's me putting myself out
there, I find myself wishing people could just see my heart,
wishing that they knew the love behind what I'm doing instead of
assuming or criticizing or misunderstanding me.
That's the messy middle that we all live in, wanting to be seen
(25:09):
clearly and learning to also check ourselves when envy or
judgement creeps in. And what I've learned and what
I'm, you know, just, I feel likeI'm continuing to learn.
This is making peace with judgement, both mine and others,
because it's a part of stepping into our next chapters.
(25:34):
Their opinion doesn't define you, your courage does.
And if you're waiting until everybody understands you or
everybody's clapping for you or agrees with you before you move,
you're going to be waiting forever because it's never going
to be perfect. And here is where it all kind of
(25:57):
blends together. Because let's be honest, it's
hard to be a woman sometimes. We hate Tooting our own horns.
We typically downplay our wins. We worry about being too much or
making someone else uncomfortable.
And the truth is, sometimes the hardest part isn't the strangers
(26:17):
online, it's actually realizing that the people you thought
would be your biggest cheerleaders aren't.
There's like no sign of them, nomessage, no shares.
And that that can sting deeper than anything.
(26:41):
But here's the good part of thisI've had to remind myself.
Sometimes it's not personal, youguys.
Sometimes people are just drowning in their own lives,
their own chaos, and they literally don't have the
capacity to show up, even if they love you.
(27:06):
And I'm going to own that too, because I've been guilty of this
too. I've had women I adore doing
amazing things or going through big things, and I didn't show up
for them. The wish, the way that I wish I
could have simply because life was just happening.
(27:32):
So it's like this. It's like this disappointment,
but then on the other side of it, it's this grace.
So it's a combination of it, butthere is a beautiful twist to
it. The people who come out of
nowhere blew me away. The ones that I hadn't heard of
(27:56):
from Year or hadn't heard from for years, These were people I
didn't even know were watching. I didn't even know we're paying
attention. Suddenly all they're there.
They show up to support you, to celebrate you, to cheer you on.
And that feels surreal. And then, of course, I just have
(28:21):
to share this last kind of layerto all of this that I was
recognizing as I was reflecting last night and this morning.
I had to really have some quiet time to just breathe is
understanding that we all change, we all grow up, we
mature, we evolve. But even with all of that, not
(28:44):
everyone trusts that or even realizes it.
The woman I am now is not the woman I was years ago.
I'm not perfect, far from it, but I'm no longer trying to fit
in or please everyone. I'm learning to be comfortable
in my own skin and to stand in my power.
(29:06):
I'm learning, Oh I'm learning how to stand in my power and
take up space. And for me, at this stage of
life, it's also about being ableto lay my head down on the
pillow at night, knowing I did the best that I could.
Today I LED with integrity and whatever happens tomorrow, at
(29:29):
least I know nothing's coming back to bite me that I had
control over. That's what this whole journey
has shown me. Women supporting women is the
business that I'm in and it is complicated, it is messy, it is
imperfect, and also also it is breathtakingly beautiful when we
(29:58):
get it right. And the more we practice
cheering, forgiving, standing tall and who we are.
And another biggie that I had tolearn is the receiving part,
(30:22):
learning how to receive and say thank you.
The more we do this and the morewe practice this, the more we
all get to rise together for real.
So wherever you are in your journey, maybe you're dreaming
(30:45):
of writing your own book one day, or maybe you're just
standing at the edge of something that's like new or
maybe really scary. I hope this episode reminds you
that you don't have to have it all together.
You don't have to wait until you're ready.
You just have to say yes. You just have to step in, let
yourself be seen and keep ridingthe roller coaster even when it
(31:10):
feels like you're going to throwup.
Because on the other side of that is the growth and the
clarity and a deeper version of you that you haven't even met
yet. And listen, I know beyond a
shadow of a doubt that I have another book in me one day, like
(31:32):
my own book. But let me be clear, there is no
way, and I'm walking through this process again anytime soon.
You guys, I'm taking a little break.
And this is like when I had my kids.
Alexa, Oh man, she was a tough pregnancy.
I was so sick and she was such acolicky little thing.
(31:54):
And I knew that I did not have the capacity to just jump right
back in and do it all over again.
I'm kind of feeling the same thing right now.
This launch was like my colicky little newborn.
Beautiful, Worth it, but so exhausting.
So yes, there is going to be another book that's going to
(32:14):
come out eventually, but Mama needs to take a breather first.
And the good news? When I do it again, I'll be
walking into it with the lessonsand the growth and the
resilience that this round gave me.
So here's to say yes. Here's to the messy middles, to
the fun house rides, to the cheers and even all of those
(32:38):
little side eyes. And most of all, to every single
one of us who dares to rise anyway.
And hey, today we see if we actually make it to bestseller.
The book already snagged the number one new release, but does
(32:59):
it really matter? Do the titles actually matter?
OK, wait, I'm going to get on a tangent.
So that's an episode for anotherday.
What matters right now is this. I'm a freaking author and I am
going to own it. You guys, I love you and
(33:19):
appreciate you so much. I appreciate you showing up
here. Whether it's your first time or
you come week after week, I so appreciate you.
You feel like family to me, so if you would like go out and
grab that book, the link is right here in the show notes,
and if you feel called to it, we'd love for you to write a
(33:40):
review. I promise you're going to enjoy
the read. The other authors who I now get
to call my friends are pretty extraordinary and their stories
are going to blow you away. So pick it up if you feel called
and keep rising. Keep shining and know that
today, your best day is right here waiting for you.
(34:01):
All right, you guys, see you next week.
Thanks for joining me here today.
Your presence means the world tome.
If you enjoyed what you heard, please consider leaving a rating
and review and don't forget to follow or subscribe so you never
miss an episode. Head to the show notes and let's
connect. Rise to Shine Co is ready to
support you in coaching, collaboration, light tips, or
(34:25):
even a coffee chat. Until next time, keep shining my
friends.
Welcome to the Rise to Shine Podcast with Noel Castis where
we ignite the spark to discover your favorite self.
It is time to get real, ladies. Hello, hello and welcome to the
Rise to Shine podcast. I'm your host and your brand new
(00:23):
author. Holy crap.
I can actually say that now. I am Noel Castis.
And yes, saying that still makesme want to maybe be sick to my
stomach. It's so wild.
Listen, I am not recording this weeks later with everything tied
up with a Pretty Little bow. Nope.
(00:44):
This is literally 2 days after, well, technically not even 48
hours after the book went live. Which means you're getting me in
real time. You're going to get me raw,
unfiltered, still trying to figure out what the heck just
happened. And don't worry, I'm not going
(01:05):
to cry my way through this episode.
No friends today. I've got my big girl panties on
and they are pulled all the way up because let me tell you,
there have been a lot of weird emotions swirling around Shana,
my girl, if you're listening. My emotions gal, I'm definitely
(01:26):
going to need to book an appointment.
OK, so be in touch. I know we have been, but I am
not even kidding about this. Here's the thing ladies.
This isn't just about me and my little book, baby.
This is about what it really looks like when you step into
something bigger than yourself. It is the roller coaster ride
(01:48):
that nobody warns you about. And yeah, there were the tears.
There was a whole lot of ick. I'll explain that later.
There were celebrations and there were the what did I just
do moments and the humility of realizing that when you shine,
people are going to have opinions.
(02:10):
And that is oh so fun. So that's why I wanted to have
this conversation today because whether it's a book, maybe it's
a business or a new dream, or just finally doing the thing
you've been putting off this ride, it is going to be for all
of us. And today I'm going to give you
(02:30):
the T. So this all started with what I
can only describe as a full body.
Yes, that's what I call it. When I know I'm all in with
something, I call it a full body.
Yes. You know those moments when
something just literally drops in your lap and before your
(02:51):
brain even kicks in, your whole being is already shouting do it,
do it. That was me.
OK, Now was I naive? Absolutely.
I thought, oh, this is going to be easy, a collaborative book.
I'll write my little chapter, I'll hand it in, I'll check the
(03:14):
dreambox, and I'm going to move on.
Spoiler alert, it was definitelynot that simple.
But here is the thing. My grandma and my mom, who you
know, I know you hear often about, if you've been around
here, they have always said, Noel, you've got a book in you.
Especially my mom. Now, my grandma has seen me and
(03:36):
you know, she has that reoccurring dream of me speaking
to audiences, big audiences. My mom has always said, you're a
writer, you've got a book in you.
And for years I would just smileand nod.
Sometimes I'd brush it off. Sometimes I'm like, Yep, I do.
But I wasn't even really thinking about it because it
(03:57):
just seemed too big. I mean, God knows that I have a
lot that has happened in my lifethat I could write all all over
the place and I could write so many things.
We'll talk about that, too. But this opportunity landed, and
it felt like the perfect door towalk through.
(04:18):
Even if I had no clue what was waiting on the other side.
There was this trust that just kind of carried me in.
It was a trust that, OK, maybe maybe they were right.
Trust that. Maybe that this was the start of
something I couldn't see yet. And maybe you've had that too,
(04:42):
That thing people keep pointing out about you, the gift that you
have been sitting on, the nudge that you can't ignore.
Sometimes it all takes just you saying yes to the thing that
scares you half to death. Or it's maybe the thing that it
(05:04):
just feels so big that it's beyond your comprehension or it
shows up in a way that you didn't expect.
That, yes, could look really small from the outside, but on
the inside, it's an initiation, you guys.
It's the moment you start becoming her, the woman who
(05:27):
leads, the woman who shares boldly, or who just simply lets
her story be seen. Because I'm going to tell you
the other authors in this book are all in it for different
reasons, but one in particular, I'm going to tell you.
She is the quietest, sweetest, most precious soul, but she has
(05:53):
a story to tell and her story ismeant to be seen.
And man, it took some bravery for her to put it out there.
And I am so gosh darn proud of her.
So proud of her. FYI, her chapters right after
mine. Oh you guys, it's so good.
So let's just talk about the process of actually writing this
(06:16):
chapter. So here's the truth.
When I first sat down to even think about where to begin, holy
moly again, I've had, I've had alot of things happen to me in my
life, right? And I, I've seen a lot of
things, I've experienced a lot of things.
I've got a lot of life to pull from.
And there were 100 different starting points I could have
(06:39):
chosen. But thankfully, during this
process, we were given a framework to work with.
And honestly, it almost felt like someone was just handing me
a life raft because at least I didn't have to stare at this
blank page wondering which chapter of my life was I going
to crack open first. But even with that framework,
(07:02):
even with that structure, it wasa mind game.
It was such a mind game because writing your story isn't just
about the words, it's about the people in it.
And I knew that no matter where I decided to start, I had to
approach this with respect. I had to approach it with
(07:23):
respect for my kids, respect formy husband, respect for my
former in laws who I am still extremely close to, and even
respect for my ex-husband who for the record, I have 0
communication with. That's not always easy.
(07:50):
And anyway, that's a whole otherstory.
That's a whole other story. You can read my chapter and
you'll get part of that story asto why, or you'll you'll get the
majority of that. But dear Lord, once I started
writing, here came all the feels.
(08:11):
Because how do you tell a story in just a few pages?
How do you make it land in a waythat makes sense while also
knowing there's a whole world ofdetails that you're going to
have to leave out? Because I only had a certain
amount of words that I could write.
Being that it was a collaborative book, we had
(08:33):
guidelines, so that part was another mind game.
That part nearly took me down sothankfully we did have a retreat
in the middle of this process and that gave me some clarity.
But there were still moments I was in a full on tailspin and
(08:54):
one non negotiable for me beforeI went any further was getting
my kids permission. Not only did I want to have
respect, I wanted to have their permission.
I needed them to be old enough to have a voice and whether or
not parts of our story got told.Because at the end of the day,
it's not just my story, it's their story too.
(09:18):
And their yes mattered more thananything else to me.
So once I got that permission and we moved forward, I moved
forward. I reached my final word count
and I hit submit. I literally put the whole thing
away for months. I did my edits, I closed the
(09:42):
file, and I refused to keep looking at it because otherwise
I would have second guessed myself right into the ground.
This whole process is a wannabe perfectionist's nightmare, and
that's why I am. I often say that I have a
wannabe perfectionist. It's like my brain wanted to
(10:04):
pick at every single sentence until it bled.
So no, I decided, I'm going to shut it down and I'm going to
walk away. The only other time I even
peeked at it was back in March when I pulled it out to write a
keynote based on the chapter. And let me tell you, the keynote
(10:25):
ended up being way juicier than the book version.
But that's how I survived it, byrefusing to keep tinkering and
by trusting that what I had written was enough.
So now we get to the good part. Let's just be real.
(10:46):
This is where it got really crazy, and I would say
completely unexpected. The weeks leading up to the
launch day, Oh my gosh, I was kind of a nervous wreck.
I remember feeling, you know, some stress.
There was some excitement. There was this expectation.
(11:07):
There were even a few tears. There were the deer in the
headlights moment of what did I just sign up for and what am I
doing? It was like one day I was
unstoppable and then the next day I was literally Googling how
do I fake my own disappearance so nobody notices this book ever
(11:27):
came out or never came out. I mean, honestly, I was like, Oh
my gosh, this is crazy. Like, how can I, how can I like,
not tell people about it? Now I was wanting to backpedal,
but let me back up for a second too, because this book was
actually supposed to be launchedin April, but for all kinds of
(11:51):
reasons it got postponed. And that completely threw me for
a loop then. Because you see, I had already
knew that August and September we're going to be insane,
personally and professionally. I already had things on the
docket that, you know, kids going back to school.
I had I, I am in a nonprofit organization that I am a chair
(12:15):
of a huge retreat that we put onfor over 500 kids.
And that happens the beginning of October.
So you can just imagine what August and September look like.
And even then, I had no idea just how much more was going to
end up on my plate because ladies, let's just throw a whole
(12:40):
new project on and a second launch that I never saw coming
all happening at the same exact time.
Like, what in the holy heck was going on?
Can I just throw up again? That's just where I was at all
the time. Like, Oh my gosh.
So naive little me was like, it's fine, you've got this.
(13:02):
You're just going to be super full.
You just got to be prepared. Just get your social media
ready, schedule a few posts, maybe pop some champagne and
boom, your launch is going to bedone.
Oh, how hilarious that is, because launching a book is no
joke. Whether it's a collaborative
book or your own book, it's no joke.
(13:23):
It's not just about a few cute posts and a Canva graphic and
you know you just telling a few friends and family about it.
It is a full time job of asking,sharing, promoting, posting,
refreshing, praying, crying, laughing, and then doing it all
again the next day. Like legit I'm in day 2 and this
(13:47):
is this is what happens in it all.
And what made it even crazier was the mind game in my head.
One minute I was like OK Noel, just chill out, it's just one
chapter, don't make such a big deal about it.
Who do you think you are, calling yourself an author when
it's only a chapter? Hello imposter syndrome totally
(14:10):
hitting me like a ton of bricks.Then the next minute it hit me
like a freight train. Holy moly.
Buckle up because this wasn't just about me.
There were six other authors counting on me, depending on me
to show up for them, and I'll bedarned if I was going to drop
the ball for them. And then that realization
(14:31):
flipped the switch that this wasbigger than me and it was time
to rise to it. So OK, so now we're in launch
day. All right, so we're here.
Let me explain this the only wayI can because it did not feel
like a normal day. From the moment I open my eyes.
(14:54):
It felt like stepping into a funhouse at the County Fair at
first. OK, so I want you to imagine
you're at the you're at the County Fair and I want you to
imagine the funhouse. At first you're like all hyped,
the lights are flashing, the music's pumping because I always
have that music, right? And you're like, yes, this is my
(15:15):
moment. And then bam, you walk smack
into a mirror you didn't see coming.
You know, like in there, those of you that can't see me, I've
got I've got my hands going all over the place because it's
like, you know, those mirrors that are everywhere.
And you're like boom, bouncing back and forth.
You're bumping into the walls. You're laughing one minute,
you're like about ready to cry the next because you hit your
(15:35):
head so hard and you're just trying to figure out which way
is up while still smiling like, yeah, everything's fine.
I've got this. Spoiler alert, Yesterday I did
not have it. Every time I thought, OK, this
is the flow. I can breathe now.
(15:55):
I would literally hit another curve so it was like this.
Adrenaline would start to spike with messages and screenshots of
friends searching the book, thencrash when nothing was updating
on the site. We're like refresh, refresh
refresh and nothing is updating.It was these highs and lows and
(16:17):
there were more highs and lows. Like, legit an emotional
whiplash in a fun house maze. And to top it all off, I want
you to picture the end of Grease.
Because when I think of a funhouse, I think of the movie
Grease. You know, John Travolta and
Olivia Newton John spinning all cute at the end of the funhouse,
(16:37):
right? Their hair is all perfect, by
the way. I totally wanted to be here,
totally singing their hearts out.
Yeah, for me, I hopped in that funhouse whirly thing at the end
and I got whipped around, fell on my butt and got spit out of
the side landing face first on the ground.
I was like, I wasn't hopping on,still hopping off, still
(17:00):
singing. I was literally exhausted.
I was not singing, I was not dancing.
I was just laying there like what the actual heck just
happened? My son even said, mom, I've
never seen you like this, like you, you have literally what was
the word he used? He said something about like I
had was just rotting in my bed cuz normally I am not like that.
(17:24):
He's like, what is going on mom?You're just like rotting in your
bed. And here's what most people
don't realize about launch day. It's not just about the
emotions, it's the systems. If you want that shiny little #1
bestseller tag on Amazon, there is strategy involved with this.
(17:45):
The algorithm doesn't just hand it to you.
You have to create the momentum.People have to be searching for
the book. You have to have reviews coming
in high vibe energy online, so it gets pushed out to new
audiences. Basically, it's like throwing a
party where you have to keep everyone dancing for 24 hours
(18:05):
straight. And for me, that's exhausting.
That's what my husband does. My husband's a DJ.
He's a musician on the side. Like he loves to do that.
That is not how I typically roll.
And then there were the behind the scenes curveballs.
OK, so I'm just going to say this.
Two authors received really heavy, heartbreaking news. 1
(18:31):
received it the week of and thenone on launch day itself.
My friend Elizabeth and I, who is one of the authors, we had
planned to meet at the coffee shop to get hyped to go live on
Instagram. We were going to celebrate and
we did, but I'm going to tell you we were there for like 3
hours and it turned into a full on counseling session in between
(18:54):
hitting post because real life was happening all around us and
we could not ignore it. Oh Oh yeah, and then did I
mention I got a flat tire on theway home from the coffee shop?
And one of the authors got a flat tire that day too.
Yep, because apparently the universe and God was like, let's
(19:14):
just add one more thing to see if she cracks.
I'm not saying God doesn't do that to punish us.
So I please, I'm going to, I'm going to like retract that.
But in the moment it felt like that and it was exhausting.
(19:36):
It was exhausting. And I'm going to say my husband
handled the flat tire with totalpatience and love.
My family was listening to all of my rants that night.
But by the time evening rolled around, I was, I'm just going to
admit it, like it's embarrassing, but it is true.
(19:56):
I was so pissy. Here I was having what I felt
like the most massive life changing day.
And for my family, it was. It was just another day.
It was just another Thursday. My communication was completely
off. I'm going to just say that my
husband asked what should we do for dinner and I literally just
snapped back. I don't know.
(20:18):
I haven't even thought about it.And then the next thing I know
I'm grocery shopping. I'm cooking dinner.
I'm totally irritated but I am too drained to say anything out
loud. So I did the really icky passive
thing and I pouted. No celebration, just a regular
(20:38):
old night in their house. And to top it off, and I I even
took pictures because I was like, I want to remember this
moment. We even ended the evening by
going through kitchen drawers because my husband has been
going crazy over the mountain ofwater bottles and coffee mugs
that we've collected. So while my brain was still
spinning from launch chaos, my night ended in a mug and Tumblr
(21:01):
intervention. It was honestly comical.
It did get me to laugh. And my son and I and my husband,
we were all laughing. So yeah, launch day was
basically a fun House of emotions.
It was a fun House of systems. There was chaos, there was
curveballs. And I do feel like it kind of
chewed me up and spit me out. But here's the thing.
(21:23):
Even lying there on the ground at the end of the day, lying in
my bed, I should say I was tired.
The energy was gone. But I could still say I didn't.
It wasn't pretty, but it was mine forever.
(21:47):
Like that day will forever be etched in my mind.
And that is the reason why I am recording this podcast because I
was like, I've got to do it whenI am like in my fields.
I have to do it when I'm in my fields because it's going to
land so much better. But I do want to just share a
(22:08):
few things that I just feel like, you know, it's so I feel
like it could be so relatable for all of you listening.
And that's the hard parts, the stuff that doesn't make it into
the pretty posts, right? So this is like the icky part.
(22:30):
This is the vulnerability hangover that how do I say it?
It's like that gnawing little voice that says, who do you
think you are? Because those words just love to
come up. It's those old stories we tell
ourselves. And it's like the humility of
putting yourself out there wide open for people to see and to
(22:52):
judge and to pick apart. Because the truth is, is that
these words are forever out there.
This book is out there. There's no taking it back.
And sometimes when you're shining or when you're having a
moment, not everyone is going toclap for you.
(23:13):
Some people are going to cheer you like crazy, and others are
going to sit back. They're going to maybe fold
their arms, roll their eyes. Some are going to quietly
question you. Others might flat out judge you.
And it stings. I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
It's like, oh, it stings becauseyou've poured your heart into
something and the last thing youwant to feel is dismissed or
(23:38):
like people don't understand you.
And I'll be real with you. I struggle with this too, not
just being judged, but catching myself judging others when they
take up too much space. So for example, like I'll see
someone standing in their power.I'll see them like posting, you
(23:59):
know, just super boldly. Or maybe they're just speaking
about something that they're really passionate about.
And sometimes my first thought isn't, you go, girl.
Sometimes I catch myself and I'mlike, but here's what I've
learned with that. When I look deeper, it's not
(24:21):
really about her. It's about me.
It's me thinking, huh, yeah, I wish I was doing that.
I wish I had the guts to show uplike that.
So sometimes it comes from my own like insecurities and stuff,
and that's a hard truth to admit, but it is totally real.
(24:47):
And then on the flip side, when it's me putting myself out
there, I find myself wishing people could just see my heart,
wishing that they knew the love behind what I'm doing instead of
assuming or criticizing or misunderstanding me.
That's the messy middle that we all live in, wanting to be seen
(25:09):
clearly and learning to also check ourselves when envy or
judgement creeps in. And what I've learned and what
I'm, you know, just, I feel likeI'm continuing to learn.
This is making peace with judgement, both mine and others,
because it's a part of stepping into our next chapters.
(25:34):
Their opinion doesn't define you, your courage does.
And if you're waiting until everybody understands you or
everybody's clapping for you or agrees with you before you move,
you're going to be waiting forever because it's never going
to be perfect. And here is where it all kind of
(25:57):
blends together. Because let's be honest, it's
hard to be a woman sometimes. We hate Tooting our own horns.
We typically downplay our wins. We worry about being too much or
making someone else uncomfortable.
And the truth is, sometimes the hardest part isn't the strangers
(26:17):
online, it's actually realizing that the people you thought
would be your biggest cheerleaders aren't.
There's like no sign of them, nomessage, no shares.
And that that can sting deeper than anything.
(26:41):
But here's the good part of thisI've had to remind myself.
Sometimes it's not personal, youguys.
Sometimes people are just drowning in their own lives,
their own chaos, and they literally don't have the
capacity to show up, even if they love you.
(27:06):
And I'm going to own that too, because I've been guilty of this
too. I've had women I adore doing
amazing things or going through big things, and I didn't show up
for them. The wish, the way that I wish I
could have simply because life was just happening.
(27:32):
So it's like this. It's like this disappointment,
but then on the other side of it, it's this grace.
So it's a combination of it, butthere is a beautiful twist to
it. The people who come out of
nowhere blew me away. The ones that I hadn't heard of
(27:56):
from Year or hadn't heard from for years, These were people I
didn't even know were watching. I didn't even know we're paying
attention. Suddenly all they're there.
They show up to support you, to celebrate you, to cheer you on.
And that feels surreal. And then, of course, I just have
(28:21):
to share this last kind of layerto all of this that I was
recognizing as I was reflecting last night and this morning.
I had to really have some quiet time to just breathe is
understanding that we all change, we all grow up, we
mature, we evolve. But even with all of that, not
(28:44):
everyone trusts that or even realizes it.
The woman I am now is not the woman I was years ago.
I'm not perfect, far from it, but I'm no longer trying to fit
in or please everyone. I'm learning to be comfortable
in my own skin and to stand in my power.
(29:06):
I'm learning, Oh I'm learning how to stand in my power and
take up space. And for me, at this stage of
life, it's also about being ableto lay my head down on the
pillow at night, knowing I did the best that I could.
Today I LED with integrity and whatever happens tomorrow, at
(29:29):
least I know nothing's coming back to bite me that I had
control over. That's what this whole journey
has shown me. Women supporting women is the
business that I'm in and it is complicated, it is messy, it is
imperfect, and also also it is breathtakingly beautiful when we
(29:58):
get it right. And the more we practice
cheering, forgiving, standing tall and who we are.
And another biggie that I had tolearn is the receiving part,
(30:22):
learning how to receive and say thank you.
The more we do this and the morewe practice this, the more we
all get to rise together for real.
So wherever you are in your journey, maybe you're dreaming
(30:45):
of writing your own book one day, or maybe you're just
standing at the edge of something that's like new or
maybe really scary. I hope this episode reminds you
that you don't have to have it all together.
You don't have to wait until you're ready.
You just have to say yes. You just have to step in, let
yourself be seen and keep ridingthe roller coaster even when it
(31:10):
feels like you're going to throwup.
Because on the other side of that is the growth and the
clarity and a deeper version of you that you haven't even met
yet. And listen, I know beyond a
shadow of a doubt that I have another book in me one day, like
(31:32):
my own book. But let me be clear, there is no
way, and I'm walking through this process again anytime soon.
You guys, I'm taking a little break.
And this is like when I had my kids.
Alexa, Oh man, she was a tough pregnancy.
I was so sick and she was such acolicky little thing.
(31:54):
And I knew that I did not have the capacity to just jump right
back in and do it all over again.
I'm kind of feeling the same thing right now.
This launch was like my colicky little newborn.
Beautiful, Worth it, but so exhausting.
So yes, there is going to be another book that's going to
(32:14):
come out eventually, but Mama needs to take a breather first.
And the good news? When I do it again, I'll be
walking into it with the lessonsand the growth and the
resilience that this round gave me.
So here's to say yes. Here's to the messy middles, to
the fun house rides, to the cheers and even all of those
(32:38):
little side eyes. And most of all, to every single
one of us who dares to rise anyway.
And hey, today we see if we actually make it to bestseller.
The book already snagged the number one new release, but does
(32:59):
it really matter? Do the titles actually matter?
OK, wait, I'm going to get on a tangent.
So that's an episode for anotherday.
What matters right now is this. I'm a freaking author and I am
going to own it. You guys, I love you and
(33:19):
appreciate you so much. I appreciate you showing up
here. Whether it's your first time or
you come week after week, I so appreciate you.
You feel like family to me, so if you would like go out and
grab that book, the link is right here in the show notes,
and if you feel called to it, we'd love for you to write a
(33:40):
review. I promise you're going to enjoy
the read. The other authors who I now get
to call my friends are pretty extraordinary and their stories
are going to blow you away. So pick it up if you feel called
and keep rising. Keep shining and know that
today, your best day is right here waiting for you.
(34:01):
All right, you guys, see you next week.
Thanks for joining me here today.
Your presence means the world tome.
If you enjoyed what you heard, please consider leaving a rating
and review and don't forget to follow or subscribe so you never
miss an episode. Head to the show notes and let's
connect. Rise to Shine Co is ready to
support you in coaching, collaboration, light tips, or
(34:25):
even a coffee chat. Until next time, keep shining my
friends.
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