S2 Ep. 24 | Bridging the Gap: Real Talk Between Generations of Women with Alexa & Elysee - The Rise2Shine Podcast with Noelle Kustas

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Rise to Shine podcast with Noel Custis, where
we ignite the spark to discover your favorite self.
It is time to get real, ladies. Hello, hello and welcome to the
Rise to Shine podcast. I'm your host, Noel Custis, and

(00:20):
today's episode is incredibly close to my heart because I am
joined by two of the most brilliant, beautiful, powerhouse
women that I know. Oh, I almost started getting all
teary eyed right there. My daughter Alexa Johnston and
her amazing friend Elise Vilma. These two aren't just navigating

(00:43):
their 20s, they're leading in their 20s.
My daughter is currently earningher master's in psychology, and
Elise is on her path to Med school.
And these, I've got to tell you,these are not just career paths.
They are callings for these girls.
I was not expecting to get emotional right off the bat.

(01:03):
This is so weird. I have to take a deep breath.
OK, All right, So this episode is not going to just be about
ambition ladies. I have them on here.
And truth be told, it was over aconversation that we had at
dinner and I was like, Oh my gosh, you guys have to be on the

(01:26):
podcast because it is going to be a conversation about
pressure. It's going to be a conversation
about performance, about what itfeels like to be a woman in your
20s in the world today, with every eye on you and every
expectation that is pressing in.We're going to go there today

(01:46):
and we're going to talk about itall.
And as a woman in midlife and asa mom and watching my daughter's
friends growing up, I just want to really preface it with I'm
not here to fix. I'm not here to critique
anything or preach anything. I really just want to be here to
listen and to reflect and to bridge the gap between

(02:11):
generations so we're not just cheering on the next generation
from a distance. I want them to feel like we see
them, that we hear them, and we're walking with them in truth
and in wisdom and with real connection.
Because let me tell you something, I am not worried
about these women. I am in awe of them and I

(02:34):
believe with all of my heart that the future is not just
female, it is faith filled, it is fire lead and finally being
defined on our terms. So there you have it girls
welcome. I'm so excited you guys are
here. So thank.

(02:54):
You. No, that was so sweet.
What a good intro I know. I just, I, I wasn't expecting to
get emotional. Like it was kind of weird.
I'm, I'm, you know, doing this intro going, Oh my gosh, I'm
getting all teary eyed because. I knew you would.
Yeah, you know me. Well, I was thinking, I'm so
composed. I'm going to be great.

(03:14):
It's going to be fine. But no, it really is special to
have you here. And as you guys know, you know,
I typically will have solo episodes where we talk about
midlife and we talk about just being a woman in general.
But I, I really felt like it could be such a powerful
conversation between all of us because I know when we're all

(03:36):
sitting down together and we start chit chatting and we start
talking, it's like so many greatthings come out that I think,
gosh, this is what women need tohear.
And I really do believe that bridging the gap between our
generations is so important because I hear it and we'll,
we'll get into this. But I hear so many people in my

(03:58):
generation and even the generation above me.
So my parents are concerned, areconcerned about what is
happening in our world today. What who are the kids that are
coming up and what are they going to be like?
And is our world going to still be OK?
All of the questions, right? And I so I thought, who better
to have but you guys that are init, you're in the trenches, you

(04:22):
are these girls in it. So, so you guys ready to get
started? Yeah, let's do it.
All right, all right, so, OK, Sowhat we'll do is I'm just going
to put out a question and we canjust riff on that and you guys
can answer where you want to answer where you feel
comfortable. And it's like I always say, it's

(04:43):
just like, you know, I always tell my ladies that are
listening, it's like either they're driving or they are
cozied up to a cup of coffee, a cup of tea and just hanging out
and listening with us. So just like girlfriends on the
couch. That's what we're all about over
here. So my first question to you guys
would be, what does being a successful woman in your 20s

(05:04):
mean to you right now? What is that?
What does that mean? I can start.
I was. Going to say I was like I know
we have similar answers but you're better at giving those
smack on words like the beautiful words.
Towards it, yeah, I think they are very similar, but I think
we're also in different places of our 20s.

(05:27):
I think for me right now, a lot of my 20s is very like career
driven. I'm just starting out obviously
starting school in September. So a lot of finding success has
to do with like performance in school, connecting, meeting
people. I think if I had to summarize
it, I would just say like exploring or like exploration.

(05:49):
I think both like professionallyand socially because I think in
your 20s, you meet so many people that you like, wouldn't
expect to. And it's kind of beautiful to
like find yourself through thesenew relationships in these new
places you end up and meeting people through school or a job
or just kind of casually. I think it's kind of beautiful

(06:11):
to find yourselves through all of these people you're meeting
and all of these new places you're being in.
So I would just say I think success is just kind of on your
journey to find yourself, not where.
I don't think I'm necessarily there yet, but I'm on my way, I
think, yeah. No, I love that.
I love that. Alexis have.
Anything to add? The two words that keep coming

(06:32):
to mind are especially like in my emerging adulthood, like my
early 20s, like transformative and like becoming if you I I
feel like I've always kind of known I've, I feel like me and
Elisa are very the same. We know who we are.
That's why we definitely are able to weed out the people that
don't fit our needs in that moment.

(06:53):
Not even needs. I think just we're in a time of
our lives where we want to keep growing.
I think knowing ourselves has a helped us become pretty
confident as like young 20s. But I think it's so eye opening
because, yeah, doing my undergraduate, going into my
master's really quick, getting abehavioral intervention, it's

(07:15):
like, I feel like there was a lot of transformative things
happening back-to-back, right? Even now, I still catch myself
have to, you know, remind I don't know my best qualities
about myself, staying confident,being like, Alexa, you're
strong. This is a season.
It might be weird. So I think just like
transformative in a really good way and recognizing the things I

(07:37):
need to weed out, things I need to weed in, and also just like
becoming like my best self. I don't think that's truly the
biggest overlaying sentence. I really like that word and I
really thinking that like success is finding a way to like
lean into transforming into yournext self almost.

(07:58):
I love. That I like.
That this leads me to this next question because I think this is
so relevant for women in general, but I also am so
curious, where do you feel the most pressure in this season of
your life? I I feel like I maybe this is

(08:20):
just me always having like very useful point of view to things,
but I feel like I'm constantly struggling with going into my
full adulthood but yet like meeting my mom and I'll always
need my mom. But like, I guess just fighting
that perfect balance and having confidence in myself that like I
am an adult, I am, I am deserving to be in this room

(08:45):
metaphorically, but also struggling with that youth side
of myself. I'm like, I don't want to pay my
rent. I don't want to do this.
I don't yes. I'm like, I'm like fighting of
having the responsibility of an adult and all the things that
come with it and wanting to keepmoving forward because like I
want to grow better in my knowledge of life and just as a

(09:08):
woman. But also I'm like, I don't, I
don't want to. I'm good.
I'll stay back. Well, it makes me it, it makes
me think about, you know, when I, when I'm listening to you,
Alexa and just even the conversations that we've had,
it's this, it's almost like an Elise that you can chime in too
and, and tell me if you agree ordisagree, if this has been your

(09:28):
experience that I feel like, youknow, there's this pressure of
growing up and adulting and now it's time to pay your bills and
figure it out. But yet you want to still
embrace some of that youthfulness because you are
still young and you, you know, and it's like, I feel like
sometimes we get caught. I know for sure when I was in my

(09:51):
20s, I was caught in that same world as well is that, you know,
you want to be an adult, but yetyou're like, but when it comes
to those big responsibilities, Ikind of like still being the
kid. And so you find yourself in this
weird balance. And then there's all for me,
there was the struggle of feeling like I had to grow up so
fast and making decisions that Iwas like, I don't even know if

(10:14):
I'm really ready to make those decisions.
So I don't know if that resonates with you guys, if
that's, you know, something thatyou feel with that.
Yeah, I think the one thing I was going to touch on most,
which Alexa actually mentioned the word, I was just going to
say balance is like the most pressure ever is finding balance
and all of these things, whetherit's like your priorities or

(10:35):
yeah, the balance between like transitioning from out of
college to now post grad. I think I, I put it off a little
cuz I'm like, I think higher education is a really beautiful
way to like deter adulthood for a second cuz you're still in
school, you're still learning. I'm really lucky to have like a
support system that has allowed me to like kind of get my
footing and just focus on school.

(10:58):
So I get to kind of put off adulting for a little bit longer
as much as I can. But I think it is hard because
there isn't especially I feel like, yeah, in parental
relationships like me and my mom, finding the differences in
when you grow up, when you're inyour 20s now versus when you
were in college or high school or like asking for help or not

(11:19):
wanting to like, cross that boundary anymore.
I feel like that's the most pressures, like balancing all of
these new things as you're kind of coming into being your own
adult. Yeah, and I'll definitely let
you in on a little secret. We and midlife are still
struggling with the word balance.
It just changes. Like what you are balancing in

(11:41):
it just changes. So it's so fascinating to me
because, and I say this all the time, I share this with Alexa
all the time that I'm like, in my opinion, you girls are leaps
and bounds in your thought process and in the way that you
instead of instead of freaking out about those anxious feelings

(12:08):
or you know, those worried feelings, you guys, just the
fact that you use the verbiage like I have tools that I use
like I'm like a 20 something. Did I have tools that I maybe
subconsciously I did, maybe I didn't realize they were tools,
but I was able to function in myanxiousness.

(12:28):
I was able to function and all of that.
But like, that's what I mean about like the access to the
knowledge that we have now and to being able to like even like,
know what that means. Like I'm able to tap into
anxiety and be ambitious and I'mlike, what the heck?
Like this is wild to me because I am telling you, most people

(12:53):
were not having those conversations that I can recall
in our 20s. Like we weren't, we were just
like, we were just going throughthe motions.
Like it was just, it was like almost like survival of the
fittest. And, you know, it was just like,
how do I survive today? And so I guess in a way that is
still, you know, having our children, we just didn't know
how to how to articulate that perhaps.

(13:16):
But I find it fascinating because I really do feel like
when I have conversations with your generation and with you
girls, I learned so much, you know?
And I think like, I'm so grateful that you guys, first of
all, have had amazing support systems to where you've been
able to lean in on your people and your village.

(13:39):
But at the same time, you have learned this independence and
this confidence, which I feel like a lot of people my age
might not recognize sometimes. So what do you think?
What do you think is something that people misunderstand about

(13:59):
women that are your age? Oh, I love this question.
I. Was gonna say I was like a
little sick. I love this.
Cat on. I think the first thing that
comes to mind, obviously, I think the biggest gap is social
media and how early we've kind of been exposed to that.

(14:22):
Kind of, I think it's gotten to a point nowadays it's it's
really blowing up. But I think when we were
younger, it really just opened up conversations like, yeah,
learning about Wellness and therapy and yeah, all these
little like almost buzzwords, but not in a bad way, just to
like your tools or coping mechanisms.
You hear about that or you see the little posts on Instagram

(14:42):
since like we were kids, I think.
But I think what goes hand in hand with that is this like
progressive openness that I think our generation has that I
think is sometimes misunderstoodas I, I don't know if the right
word is like almost a provocative nature or being a

(15:02):
little too open online. When I think it really is just
some sort of like radical self acceptance that we've all kind
of been lunged into almost as like from a young age.
I think like you're posting yourself on this app that all
your friends are going to see and you're kind of OK with it.

(15:24):
And you like, I think it fostersthis sort of confidence in you.
And not necessarily like, oh, I want to show everything, but
it's like, no, I'm OK with showing you like this part of me
or I'm OK with sharing this. And I think as much as I battle
with social media nowadays, I think kind of growing up with it
almost gives you the opportunityto, like, really lean into

(15:45):
yourself and, like, really be OKwith, like, sharing yourself
with a lot of people or the people around you, your friends,
like, really like posting yourself.
Yeah. I think that's often
misunderstood. Right and putting yourself out
there, it almost makes me think that like for you guys, there is
a sense of identity around this that and I loved.

(16:05):
How did you say that, Elise, yousaid like radical.
What did you say? I think openness.
Yeah, self acceptance, radical self acceptance.
Oh, man, this is like you said that.
And I went oh, wow. Because that's where, you know,
because as parents and as women,you know, in our midlife, like

(16:28):
we get worried for now, of course, for me, it's a little
bit different because my new path in what I'm on and what I'm
doing has required social media to be a part of that.
For most women my age, that is not the case.
And for most women in my age, my, my girls are looking at
social media just to, you know, see what their family's up to or

(16:51):
to get these like beautiful quotes that they can lean into,
but not really using it for themselves to put themselves out
there. They're, you know, I, I have
lots and lots of women that are like, oh, heck no, no way.
So then of course that carries into we worry about you guys and
we get fearful thinking like, oh, you're showing too much.

(17:12):
You shouldn't do this. Or Oh my gosh, you know, so I
love that you said that there's this radical self acceptance
going on. And I feel like I don't know if
we really, I think we see it to a point, but I think that we
also, I, I mean, truth be told, I think that I also hear a lot

(17:32):
of frustration around it too. Like these kids are too much
like, it's almost like they're taking up too much space.
There's too many opinions, there's too many things.
And you know, and then you guys are going on social media about
it and then we're freaking out on our end.
And this is where I'm like, thisis where we need to bridge this
gap because I do think that sucha huge conversation can be had

(17:57):
around this topic. Alexa, you were like going like
this. What are you in agreement with,
or what are? Your I just, when you asked that
question and leading off like what Elise said and what you
were saying, we are the like, like this generation.
I think from like I would say 21year olds.
Maybe I'll start at 2221 even I look back at our 21 files and

(18:17):
I'm like, well, I don't know if I'd give them like a whole world
to put on their shoulders to give out to people.
So maybe 22 to like 29. I would say this generation and
especially women, we are changing everything.
We are the I genuinely feel likewe are the first generation to
check in on generational trauma,check in on societal norms,

(18:41):
expectations, media, having the choice like, and but I also
think we're the hamster to like the project.
Like, yeah, generations thing like they're obnoxious, they're
saying too much. They are why are they on media
posting that? And then we have the younger
generation under us, you know, looking at us like they can

(19:03):
change something in the world, they can do something.
I I just genuinely feel like we are like kind of the
groundbreaking moment to things.I I jotted this down so I didn't
forget, but I was just like, I feel like we're breaking.

(19:25):
I don't know. We're questioning roles, we're
questioning the pay. We're quite like we are the
first time. That's like actually making a
difference in a way, rather thanjust conversation or just women
having conversations with time closed doors.
I genuinely feel like this is like the first, you know, like
we are like we're out, like being outspoken for us.

(19:48):
Right. Because, I mean, I will say, you
know, you go back into the 60s and 70s and like, women started
to rise up and started to definitely question things.
This is when we got to start voting like, you know, women
even, like, you know, getting into the military, being able to
serve their country like that was not a thing before.

(20:10):
And you know, so I mean, it certainly has evolved, right?
Like it certainly has evolved. But my, I'm curious, do you guys
sometimes think that it is too much or do you accept it for
what it is and look just from different lenses?

(20:32):
Or are you even like, you know, because here's where, here's
where the catch is. And this is, and I only say this
because I'm coming from a place of conversation of with other
women, other, you know, humans in my space and in my age group
that they're like these kids, they haven't even lived their
life yet. They don't even know what
they're talking about. Like who do they think they are?

(20:54):
Like that becomes a huge question.
So I'm curious, like when that is put out there to you guys,
how does that make you feel? Where?
Where do you go with that? I think the biggest thing that
I've noticed at least is kind ofwhat Alexa mentioned or I think
you mentioned it about like taking up space.

(21:16):
I think that is like the generational gap.
I think you can tell just like the generations of women above
me, like in my life at least, you know, you're kind of raised
to be quiet, more background ladylike.
It's this kind of whole idea of not taking up too much space.
And I think we're in the place of figuring out how much space

(21:37):
we're going to take up. Like how do we navigate this new
platform, this new ability of being kind of outspoken driven
women? But I think it does get to a
point I, I battle a lot with social media just back and forth
of like what it can be and whereI find value in it.

(21:58):
And I think sometimes it is a little bit, I think it becomes a
little bit much when you're not open to listening to older
perspectives or different perspectives.
I think the struggle is when youthink that you know everything
because it's true. We are young and we haven't had
the experiences that a lot of older women have had just
inherently by age. And so I think it's only a

(22:20):
battle when you're not open to receiving their perspectives and
how they see things or how they were raised to view things.
I think when that dialogue is cut off, then it's a little bit
like, OK, let's take a step back.
It's not like here to run over people, but more just love that
conversation. I love that.
And of course, as a mom, I appreciate that.
I appreciate that sense of because I do think that that I,

(22:44):
I agree so much. It's about listening to each
other, not thinking that you guys don't have brains.
You guys don't have the capability to think in the
capacity to stretch yourselves, but then also in return feeling
like there's like a mutual respect in, hey, we have lived a

(23:05):
little bit of life. We kind of know what we're
talking about. We're certainly not perfect and
we make mistakes and we certainly, you know, don't know
everything. And we do come from such a
different lens because you're right, the way we were raised is
very different than how you wereraised.
Just it happens. You know, the way I was raised
was different than how my mom was raised.

(23:26):
It just happens when we are in adifferent generation.
But I I love that idea of this like mutual understanding and
being able to step into the lensof somebody else and going, hey,
I want to listen to where you'recoming from because maybe I
could learn something from that and maybe that how can help me.

(23:47):
And you know, and I mean, how many times have you guys been in
your lives where you're like, yeah, my mom was right about
that at the time. You're like forget you mom,
you're so annoying, like you don't get it, but then all of a
sudden you're like, wow, it might not look exactly the same,
but it definitely is something that you're like there was she

(24:09):
was on to something, You know, because I do that about with my
mom and even my grandma. I definitely do.
So Alexa, what are your thoughts, babe?
I also think there's been like maybe not so much on like the
other perspective of things, butI also think just, I mean, think
about our daily conversations with you grandma, but honestly,

(24:31):
any woman like Alicia, even likeyour mom, Jamie, like all these
people we've had so many conversations with that I feel
like we're kind of like a breakthrough generation of
giving older women and other people like a new perspective.
It may be hard to like understand or they're like,
wait, what? What's going on right now?

(24:51):
But it's I feel like it's kind of nice that we're stepping up
to kind of change some ideas andsome things.
And I don't know, maybe this is just like me knowing a lot about
generational trauma, but you canfeel it like you can feel the
way on your family. And I don't know about you, but
like I've had so many conversations with mom, like I'm

(25:13):
ready to break all that. Like I'm like I stepping into
like an emerging adult and just like someone is very passionate
about just like breaking those patterns that aren't good and
like everyone just been kind of like waiting off like it's fine.
And I'm like, guys, this is weird.
This is not OK. Like I think it's like we're

(25:34):
also the generation to like kindof break that build up of
thinking that certain roles or how people act or I just
honestly anything. I feel like we're just the
perfect generation to kind of speak maybe a different opinion
on it and nothing like, oh, I don't agree with that.
But hey, have you ever thought about maybe that's not the best

(25:57):
way to go about it Or I don't know.
I was just thinking of like the other perspective events of like
just the conversations that I'vehad with like all the older
women in my life and mentors. We kind of like go back and
forth. Like they give me wisdom.
I give them wisdom, meet in the middle, question it, go back
home, come back, have a conversation the next day to be

(26:18):
like, wait, actually I think there's just like a better,
bigger conversation happening. I think curiosity is always
where we're going to land in a really great place when we get
curious and when we ask questions and when we are
actually willing to listen. Because I think that might be an

(26:39):
issue of not really wanting to listen.
You just want our egos get in the way, right?
Like our egos get in the way andwe're like, Nope, we're set in
our ways. This is how it should be.
Or, or even if we're like, oh, they might be right.
I don't want to admit that. Like I want to like stay in my
lane and be who I am. And so I think egos definitely

(26:59):
play a part of it. But I always say like, curiosity
is where I feel like I gain so much wisdom when I start to get
curious and I start to ask you guys questions because I'm
already going, Oh my gosh, theremight need to be a Part 2 to
this. Because I'm thinking there are
so many directions. And maybe maybe we just develop

(27:20):
a series where the three of us come on and we even invite some
other young gals and we talk about these things because not
only is it going to help me and my generation, but I also think
it might enlighten your generation.
And because I do feel like we'remore, we're more the same than
we are different. And I think that we all, and I

(27:42):
always say this, I feel like in life in general, most people
come from a place of love and we're all wanting to get to what
success is to us. And it's just really like
figuring out who we are. Like I believe that that is our
purpose in life is to, we're using this space to figure out

(28:05):
who we are, what we are, and just living it each day and
figuring that out. But I mean, I can go on and on
about that. But I'm curious for you guys,
you know, what do you wish olderwomen or moms or mentors knew
about how to support you in whatyou're going through?

(28:26):
Like what would you wish for that?
I think it's kind of similar to what we were kind of just
touching on. I think it's easy for those
older, wiser, more experienced than you to kind of want to
almost preach their lessons and stick with them.

(28:51):
And I think I find a lot of the time when maybe something
doesn't necessarily apply well to my life or my, my, my
mentality or where I'm at, it's hard to kind of go back and
forth with the advice they want you to follow.
And I think it's just that dialogue of like, well, this is
what I think especially kind of how Alexa touched on like we

(29:13):
have, I think also being in likepsychology and neuroscience
fields kind of had a have a lot more like education on these
psychological things that are happening that I don't think
we're really talked about much prior.
And so I think to me, there's a gap there.
So I think this idea of like supporting you mentally in a

(29:35):
Wellness aspect requires a little bit more dialogue than
just. This is how I feel about it.
This is my advice to you and sticking it there.
Yeah, such a good point. Yeah, you said it so good.
At least say like I think I meaneven just like doing my
undergrad and my master's with psychology, I would say even

(29:57):
back in early 2000 tens or even like early 2000s mental health,
it's not a thing Like it was just stepping into it.
I mean the DSM 5 like didn't even really come alive till
later on in the years. What is that?
Can you? Tell it's like basically a
psychology Bible, like all the disorders, everything like at
least he knows it's my Bible. And but just even that that's

(30:21):
such a good point. Like later generations didn't
get the chance to even recognizemental health or like, because I
feel like feel like everyone 30 and above are in the state
constantly of like doing being better moving forward, but
you're only really capable of doing that unless like you're in

(30:42):
your best self. Like you're putting your health
mentally and physically first. Like you're not just like a tank
running on no fuel. And I kind of feel like that's
how everyone's been living theirlives so many years because I.
It is so fascinating, right? Because like I, OK, so here's
even something that I like I, I go back and forth with because

(31:04):
you know, how many times do we hear, and I, I'm assuming you
guys hear this too, that people will say like, we didn't have
all these problems when we were that age.
Like we were, it's like there was some of these labels like,
Oh my gosh, this person is this and this person is that.
Because like you guys, there's alot of labels with you guys like
in your generation, like everybody has labels.

(31:26):
And I'm like, I don't know how to feel about that, but it is
weird to us. Like I'm, I'm just using the
word weird. Like it's to us that we, you
know, go. Did that really exist or was it
just not talked about? Because let's face it, I even go
back into our family history andon one side of your family,
Alexa, like we found out that women were put in institutions

(31:51):
and were not like because they were quote UN quote crazy or
they were off or whatever. The thing is, they were
basically medicated and put in an institution when now you have
to wonder like were they going through postpartum depression?
Like were they going through menopause and they were just
flipping out because their hormones were wacky.

(32:12):
Like, I am so fascinated by it because I go, huh.
And then some people will say like Grandma Gigi will say,
well, it was just simpler times.And I'm like, but was it you
guys were like massive war? Like, you know, there were.
You guys had lobotomy going likeit's.
Like a lot of going on. Yeah.

(32:33):
I mean, yes, it looked adorable.And you guys were all sitting at
the malt shops and watch Leave It to Beaver.
And I love that because I'm likeit, you know?
I mean, we joke that you're, youknow, that your stepdad is like,
we were like, he was born in thewrong era, Dad in the 50s
sitting at the malt shop becausehe just has more of an innocence
about him and more, even though he recognizes like worldly

(32:56):
issues and he's very, very intelligent in all of that.
He enjoys the simplicities of life.
And I feel like we even try to create that in our life just for
our own sanity, for our own mental health.
And so question is, what does thriving look like for you guys?

(33:19):
Like in your 20s? What does it look like for you
specifically, like emotionally and mentally?
What does that look like for youguys to feel like you're
thriving? And it doesn't even have to be
you personally, but like what? What have you heard in
conversations of like women at your age that feel like, man,

(33:40):
I'm, I'm like, I'm killing it right now.
What does that look like for you?
I feel when I'm I'm thriving themost when I feel secure in these
aspects. So whether it's like my
emotional well-being or my spiritual being, I think it's
when I find ways to make myself feel like I'm secure and where

(34:01):
I'm at. So whether that's journaling or
taking a walk outside, just little routines that help me
really ground myself. And when I feel safe in those
routines or like I'm able to really set aside time for myself
and like to Foster and nurture these parts of my life, I think
that's when I feel like I'm thriving the most or when I'm
able to thrive in other aspects of my life.

(34:24):
Yeah. How about you?
I really like how you said that because I feel like how I get to
that secureness is like not justgoing through the motions.
I feel like that's when I'm at my like healthiest in a way is
when I'm not like creating everyday, not even the same, but
just genuinely not putting like thought into what I'm doing like

(34:47):
just mindless activities. And I'm and not, and this is,
I'm saying this in like the mostdeepest way.
Like I, I feel like you've been going through the motion.
Sometimes when I'm sitting with family, I'm doing homework.
Like I'm not sitting there appreciative for the little
things. Like how cool is it that I'm
able to do my master's on this laptop right now?
How blessed I am to go to dinnertonight.
Like I think just putting more gratitude and the things I do,

(35:10):
that's when I recognize when I'mat mentally my best is when I'm
putting more like loving thoughtand like presents to things.
So like when I'm just like waking up, Yeah.
And just being like another day like.
So you're like, so really for both of you, it's like living in
this present moment of, you know, being in the present,

(35:33):
being intentional and also beingable to really think about your
gratitude and how and almost like even Elise, say when you
said, when you said like journaling and taking a walk, I
mean, that's almost like the practice of gratitude because we
talk about that a lot. There's one thing to feel
grateful, but there's another thing when you're intentional

(35:55):
about practicing it. And I love like this.
Oh, this just gets me all in my fields because I'm like, Oh my
gosh, This is why these girls are so amazing because you're
recognizing how the practice of gratitude literally can change
your life in your thought process of this is where I

(36:16):
thrive. This is, it's not about the
doing the the thing. It's not about like, Oh, I'm
thriving when I'm getting all myhomework done.
I'm thriving when I'm, you know,sick, quote UN quote,
successful. It's when I'm noticing the
small, like beautiful things about life that is thriving.
And holy cow, like these are thethings that I just go.

(36:41):
You guys have so much wisdom. And man, in my opinion, ladies,
those of you out there listeninglike This is why we need to be
having conversations with the 20somethings, not Pooh poohing
them, not thinking. And this is where I said I
wasn't going to lecture. I'm not lecturing you guys.
I'm my listeners going ladies like it.

(37:02):
If you're not having those conversations, if you're not
listening to the younger generation, we're missing the
boat. We are missing the boat.
And it is so, so important. And I feel like the more that we
show up for you guys, the more you guys actually show up for
us. And that's where I think we are

(37:23):
going to get to a place where wecan bridge that gap.
I mean, that's my hope anyways. I let I live in a glass half
full. All the time.
Or or well, I shouldn't say all the time because realistically,
there are times that I, you know, have to remind myself to
be in a place of the glass half full instead of half empty.
But it's a journey. I mean, life is a journey and we

(37:44):
all have so much that we can learn from each other.
And it doesn't mean, and you guys tell me if you agree with
this or not, like when we're having conversations with each
other, it doesn't mean we have to always agree with each other.
How many times, Alexa, have you and I had a conversation And you
have a very different perspective?

(38:06):
And I learn from it and I respect it and I take it into
process, but I don't always comeout on the other side of green.
Like I could go, I don't agree and like right, I mean don't.
Even even when you say something's bomb, I'm like.
Yeah. OK.
But nothing like I'm not disagreeing.

(38:28):
I'm like actually like using it for my benefit to like maybe
strengthen my side of things or maybe.
Even like, you know what I mean?Like you say that you do.
It's, it's OK to disagree, you know, I mean, even say, Oh no,
I'm not disagreeing. No, honey, you can yeah,
disagree with me and that's OK. I always say if you disagree
with me, just tell me why. Like give me not only your

(38:51):
opinion, but back it up with something, you know, do your
research. Like it's OK to have that
opinion, but just really like think about it, research it
really, you know, don't just, I mean, it's just like with
voting, I mean this, this, this is a constant conversation.
At what age do we say people areready to vote?

(39:13):
I mean, we've often talked abouteven like you guys would know
this better because you guys arethe brain experts.
But like your development, your full development of your brain,
Tell, tell one of you chime in and tell the audience, because I
say this and I'm like, I want itto come from my brain.
Experts here. Between 2527 like latest 27 is
like that's your cut off point like your brain.

(39:35):
Is at 18. At 18, your brain has not fully
developed yet, no. Not even I think you always.
Hear like at 25 the frontal lobedevelops.
That's like the like buzz statement.
But I think like you really haveto think the frontal lobe is
responsible for like higher functioning, like executive
functioning, decision making, impulse control.
So like all of those things are still being worked on.

(39:57):
You're not all there yet. Right, right.
And I think that that is something to you know, consider
and not that you don't have great because Alexa, you are how
old you can tell her 2323 and Elise say 2323 both.
So like not even fully fully developed at this point however.

(40:20):
You guys have also used your brain to its capacity and like
you have learned how to be a critical thinker.
You have, you know, had conversation.
So it's not to devalue someone that's under 25.
It's just that there are still thought processes that may well

(40:41):
and will not may but will changefor you guys because it's all
still developing. And not to mention your life
experience, your, I mean, because Alexa, that's something
with you. Like you've been in a
relationship with the same person since you were 16.
You've been with your boyfriend for seven years and most people

(41:01):
at your age are still single, still trying to figure it out.
I know at least say you're dating and you're kind of going
through that. And again, you know, priorities
are different for each. And even that brings new
perspectives to a table because I'm even as a mom, I can't even
tell you how many times I get the oh, we're so sad that your

(41:22):
daughter found her guy in high school.
Like that's, that's like too early.
Those young romances never work out.
And I'm like, you know, like we don't know.
And but we don't know with someone who gets married at 35.
Like, so it's a matter of like, and I've watched you and your
boyfriend change and evolve. You guys are not the same

(41:43):
people, obviously, that you wereat 16.
And so we've watched this evolution happen and, and you
know, we're just along for the ride and we're like, hey, as
long as you are happy and you'rein a healthy relationship,
that's what matters. And so it's interesting.
It's very interesting as you're going, going through it and, you
know, having the different, the different perspectives for sure.

(42:06):
And that would lead me to say, like, what role does faith or
inner grounding play in your life right now?
Is there is there a space for that for you guys?
So do you lean in on that? I think it like drives me for
everything. I feel like, I mean, me and
Elise, they talk about this all the time, like always making

(42:27):
sure that like like just checking in on ourselves.
Like I every time I think I personally always text Alicia
almost every single day. And half the time I'm like,
let's hang out, let's study. Oh really?
It's because I just want to knowshe's there and we're going
through the same things. But like whenever we talk, the
things that drive us is like family, making sure that we're

(42:49):
OK, we're balanced. How are we feeling?
And like, I mean, I think as I've gotten older, what's weird
is I've not been showing up at church as often as I did younger
or did my like, well, I think itwas easier because I went to
private schools just already there.

(43:10):
Conveniently. I think the more as as an adult
I have the choice to show up or not, I feel like I lean on God
more, recognizing that faith really does like drive me and it
gives me hope and it kind of gives me a sense of peace that
like, if it's not in my hands, it's in the hands of someone

(43:31):
that I have trust in. And obviously, and I me and
always say, I always say like, if someone goes S you're like,
God, are you playing a prank on me right now?
Is this a learning lesson? What's going on?
Like it kind of almost eases it up knowing that there's always a
purpose to something. There's always a lesson to
something. We're never here to just be
like, you know, a ball getting fit with a bat over and over

(43:54):
again. I always say like, faith keeps
me sane because I think like when I was especially going
through like application processes and just so much
uncertainty. Like I stay so sane in the idea
that I have faith that everything will work out in a
way that is beneficial to me in my life.

(44:15):
Like, even if it's not exactly what I want or exactly what I've
imagined for myself, I know thatI have trust and some sort of
higher power that everything is going to be OK.
And there I can find a reason and all these things that are
going to happen to me. So I think without, honestly,
without that rooting principle, I'd go crazy.

(44:36):
I'd lose my mind. Right.
Yeah, seriously, I wouldn't evenknow what to do.
I because like, I think just like when it comes to anxiety,
all the like, just the misfortunes when it comes to
life emotions, like whatever, that's like the only thing that
keeps my head above water because there's only so many
water. Yeah.
Yeah, it keeps me from feeling lost for sure.

(44:57):
Yeah. Because there's only so much
like you know your loved ones orfamily members can.
Do. Well, we're really.
Like humans, humans are not perfect.
And humans, like you said, we have, you know, there are gifts
in having relationships and gifts in having community and a
village. But you know, that's where I was

(45:18):
curious with where you stand with your faith.
And do you find that other womenyour age lean into that as well,
whether it be, and I mean, you know, it could be, thank God, it
could be faith in, you know, whatever like, or do you feel
like women your age mostly put faith in other people?

(45:40):
I think there's a big, I know there's a big part of social
media that's like Christian based women.
I think that's like a big push. And then I think there's,
there's no middle ground. Like I think for the people who
just kind of want to focus on faith for themselves and not, I
know like people find faith in different ways.

(46:01):
I don't think there's a big pushfor finding personal faith or I
think that kind of gets lost. I think in translation there's
no like middle ground. Yeah, I don't know.
I think it's hard at this age. I think there's like so many
different opinions and everything is so loud.
That's kind of hard to find yourplace sometimes within like a

(46:21):
the big group. It's noisy.
It's noisy even for even for me.And I remember honestly, at your
age, I was, I grew up in the church and I remember at your
age living at the beach and I was in college and I, there were
so many different things that I was exposed to that were so

(46:42):
different, such a different way of thinking.
And I explored that a little bit, like I explored that.
And it took me, I think, I thinkI was probably in my late 20s.
Yeah, for sure, late 20s, early 30s, when I finally was able to
go, oh, this is where I stand inthis.

(47:03):
This is where my faith lies. And this is what feels right for
me and just in my whole inner being.
Because even when I was exploring things, there were
certain things that I was like this, there's just something
that doesn't feel right about that for me, you know, And I
kind, I had to explore that. And I think about now even like

(47:25):
my brain development and all of the things.
And then really what it came down to was getting married and
having kids. Like it started to even change
my perspective even more, like going through a pregnancy and
what I experienced through that,you know, I I saw things so
differently and I saw miracles so differently.

(47:48):
And so, yeah, so I think it's fascinating.
And I do think that it can be a very noisy world.
And that was before we had social media.
So I can't even imagine. And I always say social media
for me. And you girls can definitely
agree or disagree. There are so many beautiful

(48:08):
aspects to social media that I love.
And then there are the ugly sides of it.
And I have had to learn in my own life and my own trying to
keep my sanity. And all of the things I have to
play with the algorithm and I have to make sure that I'm being
very cautious of what I like, what I respond to because I

(48:33):
recognize for me when because I try to be very well-rounded, I
want to hear all of the sides. I want to hear different
opinions, but I also have to be careful of not putting myself
out there too much to get this feedback that is all like super
negative. And just like in my face

(48:54):
constantly because that's when Ifeel like that's when my mental
health starts to suffer because I'm just being inundated with
things that I'm like, I don't have the capacity to hold space
for all of that. I just don't.
And I have to make intentional decisions on what I allow in
social media. Do you guys feel that you have
to do that as well? I feel like like even just at

(49:20):
the beginning, earlier questionsthat you asked, like how we're
the first like generation of really like get overly consumed
with media, all that. In a way, I think it's a
blessing as we were such like hamsters to this whole situation
that like, I think it's taught us to know our boundaries.
Like me and Elise said, constantly delete social media,

(49:43):
like all the time. I know it does.
Crack me up because you guys arelike I deleted Instagram and you
delete it just for like a week. Is that just have some grounding
space for you guys? But I also think me and you are
not normal to do that. I feel like we're kind of the
odd man out to you. Interesting.
I like going back to the question before, like I feel

(50:05):
like maybe this is just me, but I feel like, you know, you say
sometimes are like the people with the cane walking through
the mountain and people are like, please.
Because old souls like do you feel like it's?
Yes, and that's not even to to our own horns.
Like genuinely, I feel like thatbecause what we see and what
we've talked about, everyone's just like on a quest to fill up

(50:25):
what other like what other people are saying fills them up.
Like, I feel like we've taken that time to step back and be
like, no, what are we thinking? What do we want?
How do we feel? Like I don't think we're really
the ones to go on social media and let everything just soak
into like, our morals and yeah, if that makes sense.
OK. I think the reason I delete it

(50:47):
so often is because I like can feel the shift happening.
Like I'll be on Instagram or I'll be scrolling and I can feel
something switching my brain andI'm like, oh, what's happening?
I'm sucked in. Like I can tell my mindset
changes or I see things and it makes me spiral or I see
something and I believe it to betrue and I'm and I catch myself

(51:09):
and I'm like, hold on. OK, we got to step away.
It's time to It's time to deletethe app again because I can't
keep doing. So fascinate me so that maybe
that's like a piece of advice for us, like maybe that's what
we need to do as women, you know, because I've never done
that. Like I say, oh, I'm not going to
look at my phone for a couple days, but you know what?
I always catch myself in the scroll.

(51:30):
So maybe it is just a matter of like, now, quick question, this
is like totally off the cuff, but like when you delete the app
and you put the app back on, do you still, are you able to still
have your same followers, your same people?
Like is everything still the same or do you start from
scratch? Again, I don't know.
I honestly when I redownload it I don't even I almost forget

(51:51):
that I redownloaded it. Is it OK just?
Jump right? It's like right back where you
you. Just jump right back where you
still OK? I just like putting a block
between me and the app. Like I like making it harder for
me to get on to. It yeah, yeah, I know.
I think I love this. I I'm learning something from
you guys because I do get well when Alexa, I'm like, oh, I
haven't seen you on at all. Because I mean, let's face it,

(52:12):
as moms, we're not going to lie,we get half of our info about
what's going on in your lives through social media.
We're like, oh, she's alive. We saw her post.
I mean, I think Alexa, you even mentioned that because you don't
post that often. Yeah, like on my main or.
Or you do it on your close friends like they're.
Just like literally you too and and other.

(52:35):
People, right, right. And so people question like, are
you guys still? Together or are.
You, yes, and that even. Surprised to.
Go out of their way to be like, hey, you haven't posted them in
a while you OK? Like that's also not normal.
Like none of this is normal. It's not normal to spend 5 plus

(52:55):
hours on your phone today. It's not normal to look at 1000
plus posts. So I think I almost checked
myself. Like when it starts feeling like
that's reality, then I'm like no, this is not OK.
That's here. The thing, Alexa, I know you're
saying that's not normal, but that is so normal for so many
people. And that's like crazy because
like, I think that's when I go back to like what?
When I know I'm thriving or not my healthiest is when I'm being

(53:18):
most human. It's not human to spend this
much time on a phone. It's not human to have this much
excess and absorb this much information.
This is like if you went to, if you know, you went to an
amphitheater with 1000 plus people and you're telling them
you know, or you're getting all this information, like that's so
overwhelming. It's that like over saturation

(53:39):
of dopamines? Yeah.
Dopamine hits that are just constant.
Not a normal human experience. Yes, it's not well.
I'm glad that you guys recognizethat.
I think that's going to be enlightening for my generation
to hear that coming from you guys that you guys are
recognizing that. Hey, listen, we don't think this
is normal either. Like it's a lot to process.

(54:01):
And so, you know, I know we can be on here forever.
There's definitely now my brain is spinning because I'm like we
need to have a series or we needmight need.
To talk. On like, yeah.
We need to have. A party for sure, but if you
could describe your 20th in one word right now, what would it be
and why? If you could describe it in one

(54:22):
word. I still think I'm going to stick
with the word transformative. OK.
I almost stole Alex's word. No, Steal it.
Can you steal? It from me, I think I mean it's
mine is so it's like literally synonymous.
But I think I would say like variable or like ever changing.
Yeah. It's like every single almost
month something's different. Something's different, Yeah.

(54:44):
I love that you're acknowledgingthat though, and understanding
that that this doesn't have to be you're permanent, but living
right here right now is what we have.
We don't have the like past is gone.
We can't change it. The future, we don't know.
So the more that we can stay in the present moment and just have
the understanding that it's going to change, that it is
going to evolve. It's going to, you know, it's

(55:07):
going to be transformative. I think if we stay in that space
and just get curious, it really it it does make a difference.
So I definitely love that. What's your biggest hope for
yourself and for the women coming up behind you?
Just a big. Question, think that's always
mine. Just staying true to yourself

(55:27):
and especially like women, you have women younger than us.
I think just not letting everything else influence who
you are. I say like I would.
I would add on to that just likegiving ourself more recognition
and recognizing who we are and each other and just giving like
just like the most like, you know, respectful, just I don't

(55:54):
know, like viewpoint to it, likeno judgement, just listening.
I mentioned, I heard you guys both mention becoming your best
self. And one of the things that I
really talk about with women in general is sometimes I feel like
even saying being our best self puts a little bit of pressure on
us because best always reminds me of like we have to attain to

(56:18):
something higher. And I'm like, what would it feel
like to be the favorite version of yourself where you actually
wake up every day and you reallylove yourself And you really
feel like this is this is me andthis is this is who I feel at my
favorite self. And kind of kind of ties back to
what you guys were saying about thriving.

(56:38):
And your favorite self is when you recognize the little things
when you're in gratitude. I just have to say I, you guys
are my faves and I love you guysboth so much.
And I know that you guys have your whole group of friends.
I know we could have each one ofthem on here, and it would be
such beautiful conversation. So I look forward to more, and I

(57:04):
would love to do this again because I just think that
there's so much value in it. Yeah, so much value.
And you guys are teaching us things as well.
I just want to say to you girls,thank you so much, not just for
what you're doing, but who for who you're being.
I honestly celebrate you and I see you and I believe in you

(57:24):
more than words can even express.
And just sitting here with you and seeing you face to face
doing this is so fun. And I'm so grateful that you
said yes to this. And then I also want to say to
every woman that is listening, Ihope that this episode really
reminded you that our power doesn't come from performance.

(57:45):
It comes from permission. It comes from perspective.
It comes from presence. Whether you're in your 20s, your
40s maybe, or even in your 60s, your story is actually still
unfolding. We are not done yet, ladies.
We just need to help each other rise, like in this lifetime.
I truly believe that. So I'd love for you to share

(58:06):
this episode with a woman who needs to hear that she's not
behind, she's just becoming. And if you're ready to deepen
that journey, we are just getting started around here.
There is so much to offer. Please check out the show notes
because there are so many different ways that we can work
together. There are so many ways that you
can tap in to discovering yourself and just creating the

(58:28):
life that you love. And as always, keep rising, keep
shining, and know the best day is right here waiting for you.
Thanks for joining me here today.
Your presence means the world tome.
If you enjoyed what you heard, please consider leaving a rating
and review. And don't forget to follow or
subscribe so you never miss an episode.
Head to the show notes and let'sconnect.

(58:49):
Rise to Shine Co is ready to support you in coaching,
collaboration, light tips, or even a coffee chat.
Until next time, keep shining myfriends.

All Episodes

S2 Ep. 24 | Bridging the Gap: Real Talk Between Generations of Women with Alexa & Elysee

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist

Crime Junkie

Stuff You Should Know

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}S2 Ep. 24 | Bridging the Gap: Real Talk Between Generations of Women with Alexa & Elysee