November 4, 2025 • 32 mins
Have you ever felt time slipping through your fingers no matter how much you try to hold onto it?
Lately, I’ve been feeling time in my bones through motherhood, marriage, caregiving, and watching generations shift around me. If you’ve ever looked at your calendar and thought, “How is this my life right now?” this one is for you.
I’m sharing insights from the American Time Use Study, the reality of the sandwich generation, and what happens to our relationship with time across each decade of a woman’s life. More importantly, I’ll guide you through simple tools to help you reclaim your hours, realign your energy, and spend time where it truly matters.
✔️ See what the data reveals about how we spend time and how to change the story
✔️ Learn how to use a weekly time audit and people pie to track where your energy goes
✔️ Create calm with small shifts like the Sunday reset and the five-minute connection habit
This isn’t about controlling time. It’s about transforming your relationship with it. Time can feel like a thief, or it can become your teacher. When you choose to see it differently, everything changes.
Choose people over perfection.
Choose presence over productivity.
Choose meaning over momentum.
Your time is sacred, and it’s never too late to spend it differently.
Episode Highlights
00:00 – Why time has been speaking so loudly lately
02:00 – What the American Time Use Study reveals about how we spend our days
05:00 – The emotional reality of the sandwich generation
08:00 – How time feels in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond
15:00 – Letting time be a tool, not a thief
18:00 – Practical tools: time audit, people pie, and saying “hell yes” or “no”
23:00 – The Sunday reset and five-minute connection rule
28:00 – Choosing presence over productivity and closing reflections
🎧 LISTEN & SUBSCRIBE: THE RISE2SHINE PODCAST
Apple: https://bit.ly/Rise2ShinePodcastApple
Spotify: https://www.bit.ly/Rise2ShinePodcast
YouTube: https://bit.ly/Rise2ShinePodcastYouTube
🩷 GET YOUR FREE GLOW UP BLUEPRINT
Your step-by-step guide to reigniting your spark → https://rise2shine.co/glowupblueprint
💫 JOIN THE GLOW UP SCHOOL
Exclusive mentoring, identity-level shifts, and a community that gets it → https://glowupschool.co
📚 SHOP MY AMAZON STOREFRONT
Including Rise + the Rise2Shine Journal → https://www.amazon.com/shop/joyful_noelle
💐 FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAMDaily inspiration, behind the scenes, and high-frequency coaching → https://instagram.com/joyful_noelle
#NoelleKustas #Rise2Shine #Rise2ShinePodcast #GlowUpSchool #TimeAwareness #MidlifeWomen #IntentionalLiving #SundayReset #MakeTimeYourAlly
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Rise to Shine podcast with Noel Custis, where
we ignite the spark to discover your favorite self.
It is time to get real, ladies. Hello, Hello and welcome to the
Rise to Shine podcast. I'm your host, Noel Custis.
(00:21):
OK, you know when something justkeeps tapping at your soul?
That's what this episode is going to be about.
It's going to be about time. Because time has been grabbing
me. Not just like whispering or
(00:42):
talking to me. It has been grabbing at my heart
lately. And maybe it's just part of
being in the season where I am smack dab in the middle of the
sandwich generation. I've got my husband, my adult
daughter, my junior and high school son.
And then I have my mom and my stepdad who are in their 70s,
(01:07):
and my grandma, also known as Glam Gram, who is 93 years old.
And you guys, I am feeling it big time.
I am feeling time pass in my bones.
I don't know how else to explainit.
And then so as I'm feeling this and going through this, wouldn't
(01:32):
you know it, I hear Mel Robbins talking about the American time
study on a podcast. And I literally was like, no
way. First of all, her name keeps
coming up in so many of my guestepisodes and I laugh about it
all the time. But I was also just going, yes,
(01:56):
I have been thinking about this for so long.
I have been feeling it. I've been talking about it and
hearing her put data behind it. That is where I felt like it was
game changing. And it reminded me, you know
what? I need to talk about this on the
podcast and I need to talk aboutthis with you because if I'm
(02:16):
feeling it and if Mel Robbins isfeeling it, and I know a lot of
you listen to her, I know you are too.
So today we're digging into how women, and I'm going to say from
the ages of this going to be a big span, you guys from your 20s
(02:36):
until you're 93. And I say that because that's
Glam Graham's age. So I want to talk about how each
woman experiences time and what we do with it, how it feels in
each decade because that I feel like is so cool when it comes to
(03:01):
all of the research that I've been doing and what the data
says about how we actually spendit.
That is going to blow your mind.Spoiler, spoiler alert.
I'm going to say some of it werea little.
It's going to hit you right in the gut, but it's not going to
be this like bad, horrible thing.
(03:22):
So please know that it's going to be a wake you up to your life
way. OK?
That is what I am feeling after doing this research.
So Are you ready to go there with me today, ladies?
I so hope you are. So first, let's talk about the
American Time Study, or officially, the American Time
(03:45):
Use Survey, just in case you have not heard of it.
It looks at how we spend our hours over the course of our
lives. And y'all, this stuff is wild.
It is wild. Here are a few things that
really honestly stopped me in mytracks when I read this.
(04:07):
By the time your kid turns 18, you've already spent about 90%
of the in person time you'll ever spend with them.
I want you to listen to that again.
By the time your kid turns 18, you've already spent about 90%
of the in person time you'll ever spend with them.
(04:32):
That is why those last years at home with us, those I'm headed
to college soon, mom years. This is why they feel so intense
to us, you guys, because they are.
Now, of course, this is a generalization.
So, you know, some of you are going, wait a minute.
I spent a ton of time with my adult kids.
(04:53):
Not all of us get that, though, because our kids move away.
They don't stay in the same town, things like that, right?
So again, we're listening to this from a lens of like the
general population, OK? But I promise you, there are
going to be things you're going to really resonate with.
And here's the thing, it's not just kids.
(05:15):
By the time we're in our 20s, time with our parents, our
siblings, and even close friendsstarts to drop like crazy.
We go from seeing them every dayto maybe a few holidays and some
catch up calls. I heard something recently that
(05:36):
literally made me cry talking about how you and your sibling
are likely to be the best of friends growing up.
OK, my brother and I were definitely that.
You are completely connected. You know so much about each
other to then when you leave home you're only seeing each
(05:58):
other once or twice a year for holidays.
Depending on where they live, ofcourse, but mine happens to live
in another state and has for most of our adult lives, 'cause
he went into the military, I hadmoved to Texas.
He came there for a little bit, then went into the military, and
then from then on, he has prettymuch been in a different state
(06:22):
than we have, right? So here's the kicker.
And this was like, oh, it was just gut wrenching, right?
Because they go on to say, so for instance, I'm in my 50s,
he's in his late 40s. And so if you look at the
average lifespan, they say, OK, so that means so like for me,
(06:44):
that would mean that we will only likely see each other about
30 more times in our lifetime. I was like, excuse me, what?
Because doesn't that hit so muchdifferently when you put it into
that perspective? Like it almost just makes me
(07:06):
sick to my stomach actually, because I don't even want to
wrap my brain around this completely because I feel like,
Oh my gosh. But that is the reality.
And the people we spend most of our time with get this.
(07:28):
Who do you think it is? Co workers.
For 30 to 40 years Co workers take up the biggest chunk of our
waking hours. So if that doesn't make you
think about who you work with and how it feels to spend your
days there, I don't know what else will.
(07:49):
OK now some of us our like now Iam an entrepreneur and I work
mostly from home. But when I was teaching,
absolutely true. The teachers and my coworkers in
life saw me even more than my family did sometimes.
(08:10):
Right now, here's something beautiful.
The time we spend with our partner, if we have one, it
starts rising. So especially as the kids leave
home, that person becomes your ride or die.
It's your everyday presence. So again, that makes me think
(08:33):
about how important it is to nurture that bond and how
important it is to be intentional with it.
So for me, it's a beautiful thing.
I'm remarried, as you guys know.For those of you new around
here, I remarried about 7 years ago and we are actually lucky
(08:55):
enough to both have our own businesses in which we get to
work together a lot because we work from home.
He has a couple of offices, so he pops in there, but really we
spend a lot of time together. Now, are we separated still?
Because I'm in my office, he's in his, Yes, of course.
(09:17):
But there is a presence there. And let me tell you, we nurture
our relationship because during the day it's like a very working
relationship still, but we nurture it.
So again, it's like being intentional about how we nurture
that because when we get to the point where we are empty
nesters, you start to spend moretime together also, and this hit
(09:43):
deep, you guys time with our ownparents.
If they're still here, this starts to shrink fast too.
Gosh, right? But I promise we're not going to
just be all doom and gloom here today.
I just want to give you some data that was collected through
this because I think it's such an important thing to really
(10:04):
think about. But here's the thing, eventually
we spend also more and more timealone.
Again, not in a sad way necessarily, but it's real.
By the time we're in our 80s, alone time is the majority of
(10:27):
our day. So learning to love our own
company, you guys, this is an optional.
It is necessary. This is why we need to love
ourselves and like ourselves, like hanging out with ourselves.
(10:47):
And here's the thing, time is not just ticking away quietly in
the background, it's shaping whowe spend our life with.
So if you're a visual person like me, picture this.
Imagine a pie chart of your lifeand watch how your relationships
change shape over time. The slices shrink and grow and
(11:13):
nearly disappear. And this isn't to make us all
panic. This is to make us pay
attention. This is why I was like, we have
to talk about it here. So let's pull back and look at
how time feels. I think this is really important
as well because facts are going to be helpful, but our emotions
(11:36):
are real too. Emotions are real.
You guys and I, you guys know I am an emotional person.
So let, let me just take you through the decades.
Real talk, real talk. So in your 20s, I'm gonna go
through this kind of quickly, but in your 20s, you feel like
you've got all the time in the world.
You're probably building a career, figuring out your
(11:59):
passions, maybe you're even traveling or living with
roommates. And you're surrounded by people
all the time. Friends, for the most part, are
easy to find, right? Sleep is negotiable.
You don't even sleep half the time.
My gosh, I listen to my 20 something daughter and I'm like,
how do you do life? You might even believe burnout
(12:22):
is part of the hustle, right? But here's what the data doesn't
always say. This is also when friendships
are built for life, when your identity starts to stick.
So if you're in your 20s, don't just look ahead.
Look around these people and these moments.
(12:44):
They matter. And I feel like this generation
gets that. I feel like this generation gets
that. I talked to my daughter.
Well, I hope you listen to our podcast together with one of her
besties. I'm telling you, they're so
knowledgeable and they're so much more aware than we ever
were at their age, in my opinion.
OK, so don't just like hustle through life.
(13:08):
Pay attention to who you're connecting with, who you're
letting into your world because oftentimes these people are
going to stick around. In your 30s, things shift a
little bit again. OK, so let me explain.
Career is more defined, right? Maybe you've started a family
and you're juggling. You've got the diaper bags,
(13:28):
you've got dinners. You have deadlines for work and
friendships. Here's what changes you guys,
and it's hard, but it's true. You blink and it's literally
been six months since you saw your best friend.
Time starts to feel tight and you start using phrases like I
(13:50):
just don't have time. But here's the thing you do, we
do. It's just being spent
differently now. This is what the invitation is
in your 30s. It's here to have us carve out
those intentional moments. Not doesn't have to be perfect
(14:11):
ones, you guys, but I'm going totell you your 30s, they're going
to be loud. They're going to be full, full
of so much beauty. I am watching some of the people
in my life right now that are intheir 30s living this right now.
One of my dear friends is actually expecting.
(14:34):
She's 36 years old and I'm watching this in real time.
How things have shifted for her.I've known her for several
years, probably since her late 20s, and I've watched this
evolve for her. So it does happen.
And then in your 40s. Hello.
This is where we get into the sandwich generation for a lot of
(14:56):
us. You're guiding your kids while
you're caring for your parents. You're feeling stretched.
You're more tired than you want to admit.
OK. And sometimes it feels like
everyone needs a piece of you. This is also the time when you
realize time is a currency. And this is when I believe in
(15:19):
our 40s, you want to spend it better.
You want to spend your time better.
And this is when we start sayingno with a really full heart,
when we realize we can't be everything to everyone.
And this is when you're going tostart getting more selective
again. And this is where we are going
(15:40):
to get more honest. And even though our days are
jammed packed, we start craving this slower.
I want to say it's more like a slower, deeper moments, right?
And then in your 50s, things begin to settle a little bit.
(16:01):
Maybe your kids are grown. So like mine, I have our 23 year
old and our 16 year old. So even our roles as parents
start to change because they've just become naturally more
independent, especially when they get their driver's license.
You're not actually driving themto every single event anymore.
(16:21):
So you're not spending all this time.
And then you also, what you start to do is you start to
reimagine what is next. And then there's the grief of
what has passed. And then there's all this
excitement too. Time becomes like this mirror.
(16:45):
I'm finding this at 51. You look back and you look
forward and you start thinking, what do I really want to do with
the rest of my life? And if you haven't already, this
is the time to get bold. This is this is the time that
you start the thing. Maybe that is healing, maybe
(17:07):
that's forgiving, Maybe that's, I don't know, just reclaiming
your space. I guess that would be a good way
to to say it. You take up space differently.
And this is where, and I want you to hear this, this is where
you let time be a tool, not a thief, OK.
(17:35):
And man, I am, Oh, I feel this. Like I said, I feel this in my
bones. And I do really believe that
This is why in my 40s, as time started to slow down a little
bit and I was, you know, re evaluating some things, I, I
knew this was coming. I guess my heart of hearts knew
it was coming. And This is why it was easier
(17:56):
for me to be more bold. And it continues to be easier to
be more bold in making decisions.
And then in your 60s, there's often a shift to legacy.
Now I feel like that's already happening.
In my 50s, I feel like I'm already feeling this, but in
(18:18):
doing the research, it says thatin our 60s, we start to shift to
this legacy place and we start to ask how am I spending my time
now that it feels more like mineagain?
So if you're retired or semi retired, you may finally be
holding the steering wheel of your time and you might not have
done that before. And that can feel freezing.
(18:39):
I'm sorry, freezing. That can feel freeing, but it
can also feel confusing, and I would imagine it probably could
feel both. But this is where they say
relationships start to deepen. Friendships are super tight at
this point. Priorities super sharp, like you
know what you know what you knowand you know what you want.
(19:03):
And here's the thing, you have so much wisdom because you've
seen some of life and now you want to pour into people and you
want to pour into your passions that matter the most.
And then in your 70s and 80s, that pace slows down.
(19:23):
But there's still a richness andthey say that it still grows.
I can see this with my mom. And this is when your time
becomes sacred, when simple routines really hold beauty,
when your presence just being alive and available becomes a
gift. My mom came over here crying
(19:44):
over the summer and she said shejust couldn't shake it.
She said, I'm just so grateful to be alive and I want to live
longer and I want to take care of myself better.
And I am telling you, I hear more and more women in their 70s
because I even have them as my clients talking about that,
(20:07):
right? And my grandma.
Has even said the same thing. What they remember most isn't
the big stuff. It is the ordinary moments.
It's the kitchen talks, it's thecar rides, it's the laughter,
it's the quiet. These are the things that they
(20:30):
are remembering when my grandma talks about her life and we
giggle and we laugh and we just share in all of that.
She's talking about moments thatweren't these like grandiose
moments. They were the little beautiful
moments in the in between and they were the conversations and
(20:50):
the car rides, literally the carrides.
She has the funniest story, Oh my gosh, of when they all went
on vacation. Like, oh, I think I've recorded
it. I try to keep recording.
Somebody gave me that advice that to record as much as you
can when your grandparents are talking, like as you get older,
to keep those stories alive. And so sometimes I'll just go,
(21:12):
Grandma, I'm going to record youtalking about this because it's
so fun. And she doesn't mind.
She's thrilled to do it. OK.
So those are the decades. OK.
This is kind of what happens in a nutshell.
So what I want to do, because you guys know me, let's talk
about the tools. Because knowing is one thing.
(21:32):
And I'm sure there's been some key points in there that you're
like, oh, I mean, if you're anything like me riding on the
emotions, there's definitely those moments right where you're
just like, gosh, this feels terrible.
But we can start doing somethingwith that time.
And here are some just really tangible ways to realign how you
(21:56):
spend time. So one way is just a weekly time
audit. Just track your time for three
days, you know, just just track it.
Write down what you do like every 30 minutes.
Just be intentional about it. And it's just to notice.
It's just to, you know, again, it's not to don't even, you
(22:17):
know, don't fib on this thing. Like just be real with yourself.
Start getting honest with yourself.
And oh, sometimes that's hard, right?
But you are going to see how quickly where your energy goes
and what fills you up or drains you.
I've been talking a lot about that.
I just had a workshop about this, What fills you and what
drains you. And then I call it the people
(22:42):
pie. OK, so just think about this.
Draw a circle and then I want you to divide it.
And you can be at any age, any generation.
Divide it based on how much timeyou spend with key groups.
So like it could be a section offamily, it could be your
coworkers, your friends, and I even want you to include alone
(23:04):
time. And then draw a second pie and
that is your realistic one. I want that to be like the
slices are as big as the time you spend with groups.
But then I want you to draw a second pie with how you want it
to look and what needs to shift in order to close the gap in
(23:29):
order to maybe make that a little bit more even or feel
like you're more in harmony. OK, now there's another one that
I put in here and this is borrowed from Greg Mccowan.
I hope I'm pronouncing that right.
And also I believe Mel Robbins uses this as well, but they call
(23:54):
it the hell yes or no rule. OK, if it's not a heck yes, it's
a no because time is way too precious to fill with half
hearted commitments. OK.
And I know just by looking at human design, I come from a very
sacral place. And so it's that gut, right?
(24:17):
And so it definitely is. It has to be a heck yes,
otherwise it's a no. And then here's another one, the
five minute phone call. OK, I want you to just think of
5 minutes, 5 minutes. Call your grandma, call your
(24:39):
mom, voice note, a friend. If you're like, I do not have 45
minutes to spend on the phone. Leave a voice note, send a
thinking of you text because it all counts.
Because here's the thing, tiny moments also build your legacy.
People will remember you for doing those special little
(25:01):
things. It all it, it literally all
matters. I really do believe that Another
one is the Sunday reset. Now, this is one of my
favorites, and this is truly something I put into practice
every Sunday. I want you to look ahead and
plug in what matters. If this is something that
resonates with you, and I don't mean just your meetings, OK?
(25:26):
I don't mean like plug in your calendar.
Yes, that's important. Do that.
But I also want you to plug in what brings you joy.
Plug in one thing that brings connection.
Plug in your rest and make it super visible.
Remember, we're visual. I'm promising my husband, I
(25:52):
don't think he listens to all these podcasts.
I I'm promising him that I am going to put in more rest and
more moving my body. I have to put it in otherwise
I'm telling you, you guys, I, I let it go by the wayside.
I love to work. I'm realizing this about myself.
(26:13):
I love when I get in a creative flow.
And so if I'm in a creative flow, you are not stopping me to
go to the gym. Like he works completely
opposite of me. He has a schedule and a routine
and it rarely changes. Like almost to the point where
it drives me crazy because I'm like, hello, do you really need
(26:35):
to go to the gym right now? Like there's so many other
things going on. But no, it's 2:00.
It's time for the gym after my nap.
My nap is from 1:30 to 2:00 because the market closes at
1:30 and he's been working since6:30.
So you guys, it's so different. Me, I'm like, oh, it's 10:00 at
(26:55):
night. I'm going to record a podcast
because I feel inspired. So I have to schedule some
things in though. I have to do that because then
if I do that, my brain is already looking ahead and I'm
going, oh, OK, at 10:00 today. So I know that if I plan
anything and I'm in flow like that needs to kind of come to a
(27:16):
halt because I have something else on the calendar.
I have an appointment, right? Another one is say the thing,
don't wait for the perfect moment.
If you need to say something to somebody, tell them, whether it
be that you want to say that youlove them.
Maybe you need to apologize to somebody.
(27:38):
Maybe it's been on your heart toinvite them to something.
You guys, I'm telling you, the clock does not wait.
Your words matter right now. This has been so evident to me
in the last week alone. I did not realize how I needed
some confirmation. I wasn't asking for that.
(27:58):
Maybe I was a little bit. I was like, in my mind, I would
just be like, OK, God, I'm trying to figure this out and I
just need to know. I would say things like that,
right? And I'm not even kidding you.
There were several people, clients, friends, family that
were randomly leaving me, whether it was voice notes,
(28:19):
calling and leaving a message for me, just calling me in
general that were saying things that were literally giving me so
much confirmation. I could not believe it.
But I was like, Oh my gosh, you have no idea the timing.
I kept saying that to people andthose of you that listen, you
know who you are because I was like, I cannot believe it.
(28:40):
So wild. But again, it was a reminder of
when something's on your heart, say it because you never know
how much that other person mightneed it and then in turn, how
much you need it. OK, so let me just say this
before we close. Time isn't your enemy.
(29:01):
Just, you know, I try to think of it as like a canvas.
I get to be the artist of my time no matter what, no matter
what's happened, I can't go backand I can't always like I, I'm
(29:24):
not going to be able to rewrite the rest of what's happening.
I have to just start right now today.
So I hope that this is kind of just a gentle reminder to you
that choose people over perfection.
We don't have to be perfect. Choose presence over
productivity, choose depth over being busy, and choose meaning
(29:52):
over momentum. Because even when the clock
feels loud, you still get to be the artist in charge of the
rhythm. You get to choose.
So I hope you do. I hope this has resonated with
(30:15):
you. I just feel like people are
talking about it right now. People are feeling it.
It just it it really, again, it's one of those things, like I
said, when it's on your heart, speak it because someone needs
to hear it. It's put on your heart for a
reason. So I just want to say thank you
(30:35):
so much for spending time with me today.
Anytime you guys pop onto this podcast, it means so, so much to
me. You truly, truly are such a
breath of fresh air for me. I look forward to pressing play
every single time. It's one of my most favorite
things I get to do, and I do nottake it lightly because I know
(31:00):
how valuable your time is. So I do hope that this made you
just kind of pause and breathe and maybe it will even shift
something small within you. That is my hope.
And if you want to get into my world even more, I would love
for you to follow me on Instagram at Joyful under score.
(31:22):
Noel. Everything's in the show notes.
I am offering workshops virtually and live in person.
There is going to be some thingscoming up.
There's just so many things thatare unfolding.
So be in my world on Instagram, if you're there, you'll be
(31:43):
following it. Get on our e-mail list, go to
our website and Rise to shine.coand check out what we have for
you because truly, truly, this is our time.
So thank you guys keep rising, keep shining and know the best
day is right here waiting for you.
(32:05):
We'll see you next week. Thanks for joining me here
today. Your presence means the world to
me. If you enjoyed what you heard,
please consider leaving a ratingand review and don't forget to
follow or subscribe so you nevermiss an episode.
Head to the show notes and let'sconnect.
Rise to Shine Co is ready to support you in coaching,
collaboration, light tips, or even a coffee chat.
(32:27):
Until next time, keep shining myfriends.
Welcome to the Rise to Shine podcast with Noel Custis, where
we ignite the spark to discover your favorite self.
It is time to get real, ladies. Hello, Hello and welcome to the
Rise to Shine podcast. I'm your host, Noel Custis.
(00:21):
OK, you know when something justkeeps tapping at your soul?
That's what this episode is going to be about.
It's going to be about time. Because time has been grabbing
me. Not just like whispering or
(00:42):
talking to me. It has been grabbing at my heart
lately. And maybe it's just part of
being in the season where I am smack dab in the middle of the
sandwich generation. I've got my husband, my adult
daughter, my junior and high school son.
And then I have my mom and my stepdad who are in their 70s,
(01:07):
and my grandma, also known as Glam Gram, who is 93 years old.
And you guys, I am feeling it big time.
I am feeling time pass in my bones.
I don't know how else to explainit.
And then so as I'm feeling this and going through this, wouldn't
(01:32):
you know it, I hear Mel Robbins talking about the American time
study on a podcast. And I literally was like, no
way. First of all, her name keeps
coming up in so many of my guestepisodes and I laugh about it
all the time. But I was also just going, yes,
(01:56):
I have been thinking about this for so long.
I have been feeling it. I've been talking about it and
hearing her put data behind it. That is where I felt like it was
game changing. And it reminded me, you know
what? I need to talk about this on the
podcast and I need to talk aboutthis with you because if I'm
(02:16):
feeling it and if Mel Robbins isfeeling it, and I know a lot of
you listen to her, I know you are too.
So today we're digging into how women, and I'm going to say from
the ages of this going to be a big span, you guys from your 20s
(02:36):
until you're 93. And I say that because that's
Glam Graham's age. So I want to talk about how each
woman experiences time and what we do with it, how it feels in
each decade because that I feel like is so cool when it comes to
(03:01):
all of the research that I've been doing and what the data
says about how we actually spendit.
That is going to blow your mind.Spoiler, spoiler alert.
I'm going to say some of it werea little.
It's going to hit you right in the gut, but it's not going to
be this like bad, horrible thing.
(03:22):
So please know that it's going to be a wake you up to your life
way. OK?
That is what I am feeling after doing this research.
So Are you ready to go there with me today, ladies?
I so hope you are. So first, let's talk about the
American Time Study, or officially, the American Time
(03:45):
Use Survey, just in case you have not heard of it.
It looks at how we spend our hours over the course of our
lives. And y'all, this stuff is wild.
It is wild. Here are a few things that
really honestly stopped me in mytracks when I read this.
(04:07):
By the time your kid turns 18, you've already spent about 90%
of the in person time you'll ever spend with them.
I want you to listen to that again.
By the time your kid turns 18, you've already spent about 90%
of the in person time you'll ever spend with them.
(04:32):
That is why those last years at home with us, those I'm headed
to college soon, mom years. This is why they feel so intense
to us, you guys, because they are.
Now, of course, this is a generalization.
So, you know, some of you are going, wait a minute.
I spent a ton of time with my adult kids.
(04:53):
Not all of us get that, though, because our kids move away.
They don't stay in the same town, things like that, right?
So again, we're listening to this from a lens of like the
general population, OK? But I promise you, there are
going to be things you're going to really resonate with.
And here's the thing, it's not just kids.
(05:15):
By the time we're in our 20s, time with our parents, our
siblings, and even close friendsstarts to drop like crazy.
We go from seeing them every dayto maybe a few holidays and some
catch up calls. I heard something recently that
(05:36):
literally made me cry talking about how you and your sibling
are likely to be the best of friends growing up.
OK, my brother and I were definitely that.
You are completely connected. You know so much about each
other to then when you leave home you're only seeing each
(05:58):
other once or twice a year for holidays.
Depending on where they live, ofcourse, but mine happens to live
in another state and has for most of our adult lives, 'cause
he went into the military, I hadmoved to Texas.
He came there for a little bit, then went into the military, and
then from then on, he has prettymuch been in a different state
(06:22):
than we have, right? So here's the kicker.
And this was like, oh, it was just gut wrenching, right?
Because they go on to say, so for instance, I'm in my 50s,
he's in his late 40s. And so if you look at the
average lifespan, they say, OK, so that means so like for me,
(06:44):
that would mean that we will only likely see each other about
30 more times in our lifetime. I was like, excuse me, what?
Because doesn't that hit so muchdifferently when you put it into
that perspective? Like it almost just makes me
(07:06):
sick to my stomach actually, because I don't even want to
wrap my brain around this completely because I feel like,
Oh my gosh. But that is the reality.
And the people we spend most of our time with get this.
(07:28):
Who do you think it is? Co workers.
For 30 to 40 years Co workers take up the biggest chunk of our
waking hours. So if that doesn't make you
think about who you work with and how it feels to spend your
days there, I don't know what else will.
(07:49):
OK now some of us our like now Iam an entrepreneur and I work
mostly from home. But when I was teaching,
absolutely true. The teachers and my coworkers in
life saw me even more than my family did sometimes.
(08:10):
Right now, here's something beautiful.
The time we spend with our partner, if we have one, it
starts rising. So especially as the kids leave
home, that person becomes your ride or die.
It's your everyday presence. So again, that makes me think
(08:33):
about how important it is to nurture that bond and how
important it is to be intentional with it.
So for me, it's a beautiful thing.
I'm remarried, as you guys know.For those of you new around
here, I remarried about 7 years ago and we are actually lucky
(08:55):
enough to both have our own businesses in which we get to
work together a lot because we work from home.
He has a couple of offices, so he pops in there, but really we
spend a lot of time together. Now, are we separated still?
Because I'm in my office, he's in his, Yes, of course.
(09:17):
But there is a presence there. And let me tell you, we nurture
our relationship because during the day it's like a very working
relationship still, but we nurture it.
So again, it's like being intentional about how we nurture
that because when we get to the point where we are empty
nesters, you start to spend moretime together also, and this hit
(09:43):
deep, you guys time with our ownparents.
If they're still here, this starts to shrink fast too.
Gosh, right? But I promise we're not going to
just be all doom and gloom here today.
I just want to give you some data that was collected through
this because I think it's such an important thing to really
(10:04):
think about. But here's the thing, eventually
we spend also more and more timealone.
Again, not in a sad way necessarily, but it's real.
By the time we're in our 80s, alone time is the majority of
(10:27):
our day. So learning to love our own
company, you guys, this is an optional.
It is necessary. This is why we need to love
ourselves and like ourselves, like hanging out with ourselves.
(10:47):
And here's the thing, time is not just ticking away quietly in
the background, it's shaping whowe spend our life with.
So if you're a visual person like me, picture this.
Imagine a pie chart of your lifeand watch how your relationships
change shape over time. The slices shrink and grow and
(11:13):
nearly disappear. And this isn't to make us all
panic. This is to make us pay
attention. This is why I was like, we have
to talk about it here. So let's pull back and look at
how time feels. I think this is really important
as well because facts are going to be helpful, but our emotions
(11:36):
are real too. Emotions are real.
You guys and I, you guys know I am an emotional person.
So let, let me just take you through the decades.
Real talk, real talk. So in your 20s, I'm gonna go
through this kind of quickly, but in your 20s, you feel like
you've got all the time in the world.
You're probably building a career, figuring out your
(11:59):
passions, maybe you're even traveling or living with
roommates. And you're surrounded by people
all the time. Friends, for the most part, are
easy to find, right? Sleep is negotiable.
You don't even sleep half the time.
My gosh, I listen to my 20 something daughter and I'm like,
how do you do life? You might even believe burnout
(12:22):
is part of the hustle, right? But here's what the data doesn't
always say. This is also when friendships
are built for life, when your identity starts to stick.
So if you're in your 20s, don't just look ahead.
Look around these people and these moments.
(12:44):
They matter. And I feel like this generation
gets that. I feel like this generation gets
that. I talked to my daughter.
Well, I hope you listen to our podcast together with one of her
besties. I'm telling you, they're so
knowledgeable and they're so much more aware than we ever
were at their age, in my opinion.
OK, so don't just like hustle through life.
(13:08):
Pay attention to who you're connecting with, who you're
letting into your world because oftentimes these people are
going to stick around. In your 30s, things shift a
little bit again. OK, so let me explain.
Career is more defined, right? Maybe you've started a family
and you're juggling. You've got the diaper bags,
(13:28):
you've got dinners. You have deadlines for work and
friendships. Here's what changes you guys,
and it's hard, but it's true. You blink and it's literally
been six months since you saw your best friend.
Time starts to feel tight and you start using phrases like I
(13:50):
just don't have time. But here's the thing you do, we
do. It's just being spent
differently now. This is what the invitation is
in your 30s. It's here to have us carve out
those intentional moments. Not doesn't have to be perfect
(14:11):
ones, you guys, but I'm going totell you your 30s, they're going
to be loud. They're going to be full, full
of so much beauty. I am watching some of the people
in my life right now that are intheir 30s living this right now.
One of my dear friends is actually expecting.
(14:34):
She's 36 years old and I'm watching this in real time.
How things have shifted for her.I've known her for several
years, probably since her late 20s, and I've watched this
evolve for her. So it does happen.
And then in your 40s. Hello.
This is where we get into the sandwich generation for a lot of
(14:56):
us. You're guiding your kids while
you're caring for your parents. You're feeling stretched.
You're more tired than you want to admit.
OK. And sometimes it feels like
everyone needs a piece of you. This is also the time when you
realize time is a currency. And this is when I believe in
(15:19):
our 40s, you want to spend it better.
You want to spend your time better.
And this is when we start sayingno with a really full heart,
when we realize we can't be everything to everyone.
And this is when you're going tostart getting more selective
again. And this is where we are going
(15:40):
to get more honest. And even though our days are
jammed packed, we start craving this slower.
I want to say it's more like a slower, deeper moments, right?
And then in your 50s, things begin to settle a little bit.
(16:01):
Maybe your kids are grown. So like mine, I have our 23 year
old and our 16 year old. So even our roles as parents
start to change because they've just become naturally more
independent, especially when they get their driver's license.
You're not actually driving themto every single event anymore.
(16:21):
So you're not spending all this time.
And then you also, what you start to do is you start to
reimagine what is next. And then there's the grief of
what has passed. And then there's all this
excitement too. Time becomes like this mirror.
(16:45):
I'm finding this at 51. You look back and you look
forward and you start thinking, what do I really want to do with
the rest of my life? And if you haven't already, this
is the time to get bold. This is this is the time that
you start the thing. Maybe that is healing, maybe
(17:07):
that's forgiving, Maybe that's, I don't know, just reclaiming
your space. I guess that would be a good way
to to say it. You take up space differently.
And this is where, and I want you to hear this, this is where
you let time be a tool, not a thief, OK.
(17:35):
And man, I am, Oh, I feel this. Like I said, I feel this in my
bones. And I do really believe that
This is why in my 40s, as time started to slow down a little
bit and I was, you know, re evaluating some things, I, I
knew this was coming. I guess my heart of hearts knew
it was coming. And This is why it was easier
(17:56):
for me to be more bold. And it continues to be easier to
be more bold in making decisions.
And then in your 60s, there's often a shift to legacy.
Now I feel like that's already happening.
In my 50s, I feel like I'm already feeling this, but in
(18:18):
doing the research, it says thatin our 60s, we start to shift to
this legacy place and we start to ask how am I spending my time
now that it feels more like mineagain?
So if you're retired or semi retired, you may finally be
holding the steering wheel of your time and you might not have
done that before. And that can feel freezing.
(18:39):
I'm sorry, freezing. That can feel freeing, but it
can also feel confusing, and I would imagine it probably could
feel both. But this is where they say
relationships start to deepen. Friendships are super tight at
this point. Priorities super sharp, like you
know what you know what you knowand you know what you want.
(19:03):
And here's the thing, you have so much wisdom because you've
seen some of life and now you want to pour into people and you
want to pour into your passions that matter the most.
And then in your 70s and 80s, that pace slows down.
(19:23):
But there's still a richness andthey say that it still grows.
I can see this with my mom. And this is when your time
becomes sacred, when simple routines really hold beauty,
when your presence just being alive and available becomes a
gift. My mom came over here crying
(19:44):
over the summer and she said shejust couldn't shake it.
She said, I'm just so grateful to be alive and I want to live
longer and I want to take care of myself better.
And I am telling you, I hear more and more women in their 70s
because I even have them as my clients talking about that,
(20:07):
right? And my grandma.
Has even said the same thing. What they remember most isn't
the big stuff. It is the ordinary moments.
It's the kitchen talks, it's thecar rides, it's the laughter,
it's the quiet. These are the things that they
(20:30):
are remembering when my grandma talks about her life and we
giggle and we laugh and we just share in all of that.
She's talking about moments thatweren't these like grandiose
moments. They were the little beautiful
moments in the in between and they were the conversations and
(20:50):
the car rides, literally the carrides.
She has the funniest story, Oh my gosh, of when they all went
on vacation. Like, oh, I think I've recorded
it. I try to keep recording.
Somebody gave me that advice that to record as much as you
can when your grandparents are talking, like as you get older,
to keep those stories alive. And so sometimes I'll just go,
(21:12):
Grandma, I'm going to record youtalking about this because it's
so fun. And she doesn't mind.
She's thrilled to do it. OK.
So those are the decades. OK.
This is kind of what happens in a nutshell.
So what I want to do, because you guys know me, let's talk
about the tools. Because knowing is one thing.
(21:32):
And I'm sure there's been some key points in there that you're
like, oh, I mean, if you're anything like me riding on the
emotions, there's definitely those moments right where you're
just like, gosh, this feels terrible.
But we can start doing somethingwith that time.
And here are some just really tangible ways to realign how you
(21:56):
spend time. So one way is just a weekly time
audit. Just track your time for three
days, you know, just just track it.
Write down what you do like every 30 minutes.
Just be intentional about it. And it's just to notice.
It's just to, you know, again, it's not to don't even, you
(22:17):
know, don't fib on this thing. Like just be real with yourself.
Start getting honest with yourself.
And oh, sometimes that's hard, right?
But you are going to see how quickly where your energy goes
and what fills you up or drains you.
I've been talking a lot about that.
I just had a workshop about this, What fills you and what
drains you. And then I call it the people
(22:42):
pie. OK, so just think about this.
Draw a circle and then I want you to divide it.
And you can be at any age, any generation.
Divide it based on how much timeyou spend with key groups.
So like it could be a section offamily, it could be your
coworkers, your friends, and I even want you to include alone
(23:04):
time. And then draw a second pie and
that is your realistic one. I want that to be like the
slices are as big as the time you spend with groups.
But then I want you to draw a second pie with how you want it
to look and what needs to shift in order to close the gap in
(23:29):
order to maybe make that a little bit more even or feel
like you're more in harmony. OK, now there's another one that
I put in here and this is borrowed from Greg Mccowan.
I hope I'm pronouncing that right.
And also I believe Mel Robbins uses this as well, but they call
(23:54):
it the hell yes or no rule. OK, if it's not a heck yes, it's
a no because time is way too precious to fill with half
hearted commitments. OK.
And I know just by looking at human design, I come from a very
sacral place. And so it's that gut, right?
(24:17):
And so it definitely is. It has to be a heck yes,
otherwise it's a no. And then here's another one, the
five minute phone call. OK, I want you to just think of
5 minutes, 5 minutes. Call your grandma, call your
(24:39):
mom, voice note, a friend. If you're like, I do not have 45
minutes to spend on the phone. Leave a voice note, send a
thinking of you text because it all counts.
Because here's the thing, tiny moments also build your legacy.
People will remember you for doing those special little
(25:01):
things. It all it, it literally all
matters. I really do believe that Another
one is the Sunday reset. Now, this is one of my
favorites, and this is truly something I put into practice
every Sunday. I want you to look ahead and
plug in what matters. If this is something that
resonates with you, and I don't mean just your meetings, OK?
(25:26):
I don't mean like plug in your calendar.
Yes, that's important. Do that.
But I also want you to plug in what brings you joy.
Plug in one thing that brings connection.
Plug in your rest and make it super visible.
Remember, we're visual. I'm promising my husband, I
(25:52):
don't think he listens to all these podcasts.
I I'm promising him that I am going to put in more rest and
more moving my body. I have to put it in otherwise
I'm telling you, you guys, I, I let it go by the wayside.
I love to work. I'm realizing this about myself.
(26:13):
I love when I get in a creative flow.
And so if I'm in a creative flow, you are not stopping me to
go to the gym. Like he works completely
opposite of me. He has a schedule and a routine
and it rarely changes. Like almost to the point where
it drives me crazy because I'm like, hello, do you really need
(26:35):
to go to the gym right now? Like there's so many other
things going on. But no, it's 2:00.
It's time for the gym after my nap.
My nap is from 1:30 to 2:00 because the market closes at
1:30 and he's been working since6:30.
So you guys, it's so different. Me, I'm like, oh, it's 10:00 at
(26:55):
night. I'm going to record a podcast
because I feel inspired. So I have to schedule some
things in though. I have to do that because then
if I do that, my brain is already looking ahead and I'm
going, oh, OK, at 10:00 today. So I know that if I plan
anything and I'm in flow like that needs to kind of come to a
(27:16):
halt because I have something else on the calendar.
I have an appointment, right? Another one is say the thing,
don't wait for the perfect moment.
If you need to say something to somebody, tell them, whether it
be that you want to say that youlove them.
Maybe you need to apologize to somebody.
(27:38):
Maybe it's been on your heart toinvite them to something.
You guys, I'm telling you, the clock does not wait.
Your words matter right now. This has been so evident to me
in the last week alone. I did not realize how I needed
some confirmation. I wasn't asking for that.
(27:58):
Maybe I was a little bit. I was like, in my mind, I would
just be like, OK, God, I'm trying to figure this out and I
just need to know. I would say things like that,
right? And I'm not even kidding you.
There were several people, clients, friends, family that
were randomly leaving me, whether it was voice notes,
(28:19):
calling and leaving a message for me, just calling me in
general that were saying things that were literally giving me so
much confirmation. I could not believe it.
But I was like, Oh my gosh, you have no idea the timing.
I kept saying that to people andthose of you that listen, you
know who you are because I was like, I cannot believe it.
(28:40):
So wild. But again, it was a reminder of
when something's on your heart, say it because you never know
how much that other person mightneed it and then in turn, how
much you need it. OK, so let me just say this
before we close. Time isn't your enemy.
(29:01):
Just, you know, I try to think of it as like a canvas.
I get to be the artist of my time no matter what, no matter
what's happened, I can't go backand I can't always like I, I'm
(29:24):
not going to be able to rewrite the rest of what's happening.
I have to just start right now today.
So I hope that this is kind of just a gentle reminder to you
that choose people over perfection.
We don't have to be perfect. Choose presence over
productivity, choose depth over being busy, and choose meaning
(29:52):
over momentum. Because even when the clock
feels loud, you still get to be the artist in charge of the
rhythm. You get to choose.
So I hope you do. I hope this has resonated with
(30:15):
you. I just feel like people are
talking about it right now. People are feeling it.
It just it it really, again, it's one of those things, like I
said, when it's on your heart, speak it because someone needs
to hear it. It's put on your heart for a
reason. So I just want to say thank you
(30:35):
so much for spending time with me today.
Anytime you guys pop onto this podcast, it means so, so much to
me. You truly, truly are such a
breath of fresh air for me. I look forward to pressing play
every single time. It's one of my most favorite
things I get to do, and I do nottake it lightly because I know
(31:00):
how valuable your time is. So I do hope that this made you
just kind of pause and breathe and maybe it will even shift
something small within you. That is my hope.
And if you want to get into my world even more, I would love
for you to follow me on Instagram at Joyful under score.
(31:22):
Noel. Everything's in the show notes.
I am offering workshops virtually and live in person.
There is going to be some thingscoming up.
There's just so many things thatare unfolding.
So be in my world on Instagram, if you're there, you'll be
(31:43):
following it. Get on our e-mail list, go to
our website and Rise to shine.coand check out what we have for
you because truly, truly, this is our time.
So thank you guys keep rising, keep shining and know the best
day is right here waiting for you.
(32:05):
We'll see you next week. Thanks for joining me here
today. Your presence means the world to
me. If you enjoyed what you heard,
please consider leaving a ratingand review and don't forget to
follow or subscribe so you nevermiss an episode.
Head to the show notes and let'sconnect.
Rise to Shine Co is ready to support you in coaching,
collaboration, light tips, or even a coffee chat.
(32:27):
Until next time, keep shining myfriends.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com