November 11, 2025 • 33 mins
Feeling the weight of the holidays creeping in?
The pressure to make everything perfect, keep everyone happy, and still find peace within yourself can feel like too much. You’re not alone, and this conversation will help you exhale.
In this first part of my Glow Through the Holidays series, I share how I stopped chasing the perfect holiday and started practicing something far more powerful: gratitude and grace. Through real stories and lessons learned, I’ll show you what happens when you stop trying to control everything and start connecting to what matters most.
This is about letting go of expectations that drain you, finding joy in the imperfections, and learning to give grace to yourself and others. It’s a conversation for anyone who wants to feel grounded, present, and truly alive this season.
✔️ The truth about expectations and how they block peace
✔️ Why gratitude works best when it becomes a daily rhythm
✔️ How to use grace and boundaries to protect your energy
You can hold both gratitude and grief. You can feel joy even in the middle of chaos. You can glow through the holidays with peace that doesn’t depend on perfection.
Stay with me through this series as we move from holiday overwhelm to calm confidence, one episode at a time.
🎧 Listen now and take the first step toward a more peaceful season.
Episode Highlights
00:00 – Welcome & Why Gratitude Hits Different This Year
03:00 – The Pressure of Perfection and Holiday Expectations
07:00 – Expectation vs. Experience: The Moment Everything Changed
11:00 – Gratitude Is a Practice, Not a Moment
15:00 – Grace Is the Glue
18:00 – Grace & Boundaries = Peace
23:00 – Gratitude and Grief Can Coexist
27:00 – Release to Receive: Your Glow Challenge for the Week
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Rise to Shine podcast with Noel Custis where
we ignite the spark to discover your favorite self.
It is time to get real, ladies. Hello, hello and welcome to the
Rise to Shine podcast. I'm your host, Noel Castis, and
(00:21):
I am so glad you're here today. Today we're going to be talking
about something that feels extratender this time of year, and
that is gratitude and grace. Now, before you roll your eyes
and you think, oh great, it's another episode about gratitude,
'cause I know a lot's being talked about with gratitude
(00:44):
these days. I promise you this one's going
to be a little bit different. We're not going to be talking
about that, you know, Pinterest,perfect version of gratitude.
We're not going to be talking about a forced list of
gratitude. OK, This is going to go a little
bit deeper. We are going to really talk
(01:05):
about what it means to let go ofexpectations.
Also to surrender to grace and find peace right where you are.
Because after all, it is the season of being thankful.
We're just reminded of that in this season.
(01:26):
And I have to tell you that truth be told, anyone who knows
me knows that this season is my absolute favorite.
Ever since I was a little girl, I loved the, I just love the
Chris Barrett always talk about that, especially where I live.
(01:48):
So again, I always say I'm a fall and winter girly, but I'm a
fall and winter girly in the desert Southern California
environment, right? So it's a little bit different,
you guys. It's more like probably your
spring, right? Or some, you know, something
similar to that if you live in different parts of the country.
But I just love the warmth of gatherings.
(02:12):
I love all of it. But here is the other truth to
that is that if I'm being honest, the only person who
really got this part of me was my grandma.
Now I'm talking about when I wasgrowing up.
It was kind of like everybody else.
(02:35):
They liked the season OK, they liked it, but they definitely
didn't love it the way that her and I did or do.
And cuz she is still here with us.
So that's what's really interesting because I realize
now that most of the adults in my world were just probably very
(03:00):
stressed out at the time. They didn't know how to slow
down and how to tend to the season and everything that it
brings. Especially my mom was a single
mom and she was doing the best that she could for the majority
of my growing up years. So she always made the holidays
beautiful, but I always felt like there was a little bit of a
(03:21):
heaviness to it and there was a lot of pressure and expectation.
And then of course, for the 1st 20 years of my adult life, I was
married to someone who really struggled with the holidays and
it became this very tricky emotional space for me.
(03:46):
It was heartbreaking because every year I would tell myself,
this one's going to be different.
If I just plan more, if I decorate better, if I have
things, you know, all lined up ahead of time, if I cook the
perfect meal, if I do all these things, then everyone's going to
be happy. But no matter how much I tried,
(04:07):
the same pattern played out. And every time, every time I was
left disappointed, I was left hurt.
And I hate to admit this, but I was resentful because I know now
that I was focusing on the wrongthing.
(04:27):
I was trying to create this piece on the outside without
really understanding it on the inside first.
So I always thought if I made everybody else happy, I would
finally feel the magic of the holidays that I had been chasing
since I was this little girl. But what I didn't realize is
(04:51):
that gratitude isn't something you can force through
perfection. Gratitude actually comes from
surrender, OK, from grace. And I had to learn the hard way
that I couldn't change other people.
(05:11):
I couldn't control their moods. I couldn't control their
reactions or how they showed up,right.
And I'm not talking about just to the holiday events.
I'm talking about just in the season.
Depression is very real during the fall and winter season for
(05:32):
many reasons in regards to the heaviness of it, the weather.
But then also because of the holidays, there becomes another
layer of that financially, you know, the burden, the stress,
loss of, you know, people grief,all of that.
So going back, the only thing I could do was tend to my own
(05:54):
heart. And that took grace.
It took grace for them, and it also took grace for me.
And there were years that I was doing it all.
I was doing the shopping, the wrapping, the cooking, but I was
doing a lot of pretending. And again, on the inside, I was
(06:15):
heartbroken. I remember one year standing in
the kitchen and I always hosted.I shouldn't say always, but many
times I had hosted, especially when we had kids.
And I was surrounded by all thisnoise and all the things going
on and realizing that even though I was doing everything to
(06:37):
make it perfect, I wasn't even getting to be present that day.
And as a mom, the pressure grew even more because I didn't want
to miss out on any of the moments.
I wanted to create all the magicfor my kids.
But looking back now, I can see that what really mattered wasn't
(06:58):
just how much I did. It was how I felt while I was
doing it. And then that's where Grace
started to enter the story. And that's when, after my
husband and I had split up, the kids were still fairly little.
My daughter was in middle schooland my son was in, gosh,
(07:19):
kindergarten even before that. Goodness, I'm really going back.
He was like preschool. And I started to realize that
grace really began to teach me that peace doesn't come from the
control. It comes from the gratitude in
the morning right away and throughout the moments
(07:42):
throughout the day. And it came from me releasing
the expectations and realizing that the magic isn't in the
perfection. It was in the presence.
Because let me tell you, everything changed when it was
just the three of us. Everything changed.
So my lens changed. So after years of chasing that
(08:07):
perfect holiday feeling, I finally realized something.
Gratitude and grace are not things you feel when life gets
easy. There are things you practice
when life feels heavy. And that shift for me changed
all of it. So today, what I want to do is I
(08:30):
want to share some truths. I want to share some takeaways
that helped me move kind of fromthis chaos to calm.
And I hope that it will do the same for you.
You might find different parts of this resonating with you.
So first of all, number one is always about expectation versus
(08:53):
experience. OK, this is huge when we live in
expectation. My husband has taught me this so
much in life right now. Every day when we live in
expectation, we rob ourselves ofexperience.
And this is what I mean. For so many years I went into
the holidays thinking this year we'll finally feel the way I
(09:14):
want it to. I expected all this peace to
happen. I expected this joy to happen.
I expected everyone to be on their best behavior, and when
they weren't, I lost it. But when you release that
expectation and lean into just the experience, something starts
(09:34):
to shift a little bit. You start noticing the laughter
inside of the messiness. You see the beauty in the
imperfection, and you get to start to breathe a little bit
more. Because when we're expecting,
what we're actually doing is we're controlling.
But when we are experiencing something, we're actually
(09:57):
connecting to it. And that's what happened when I
became a single mom. I was like, Oh my gosh,
everything is changing. It felt so sad and it felt so
heavy, but yet at the same time,I released the expectation and
all of a sudden I began to experience and I began to
(10:20):
connect more. So this season, try saying to
yourself, I'm here for the experience, not the expectation.
And I'm going to get into that alittle bit more because
sometimes that's not always easy.
So we're going to dive into thata little bit more a little later
on in the episode. Because here's the thing, the
moment that you allow things to unfold without controlling every
(10:44):
single detail, the gratitude actually starts to naturally
find its way because it can't. This is my opinion.
I don't feel like it can coexistwith control only when we
surrender to it. Because if we're trying to
(11:05):
control it, it's going to make it really, really challenging.
And we're not in the moment. OK, so speaking, Speaking of not
a moment, gratitude is a practice.
This is number 2. Gratitude is a practice.
It's not a moment. This is where it's a little
(11:25):
different. And this one is really big
because it's not something gratitude isn't something that
just happens once in a while. It's a muscle you built.
There's so many muscles we have to build, you guys, right?
I used to think that gratitude was just writing down a few
things in November, like, oh, this is November, it's gratitude
(11:47):
month, or saying a little prayeron Thanksgiving maybe every once
in a while, just going, gosh, I'm just so grateful for this.
Which those are all great things, but the truth is it has
to become a daily rhythm if we really want it to transform us.
And I'm all about the transformation.
(12:07):
And this is what I teach in the glow Up community and in our
Rise to Shine community. It's habit stacking.
It's where you attach a new little habit to something you
already do everyday. I was taught by some of the
greats and I can recommend so many great books for you.
(12:28):
You want to know? Reach out, because I'm telling
you, these are what's cool aboutthe habit stacking.
So if you're drinking your morning coffee, take the first
sip and say out loud one thing you're grateful for.
Or say it in your head. Just make it a practice.
That's what habit stacking is. It's micro habits.
If you have a skin care routine at night as you wash your face,
(12:49):
think of one thing that went right today.
These are habit stacking. If you drive to work or you drop
your kids off, use that drive tolist three small wins in your
head. These are the things that start
to transform you when you start to create these habits.
(13:11):
Journals aren't even technicallyrequired here for a practice in
gratitude. They can be and I love them, but
it doesn't have to be perfect. It's you just have to be really
present in it. Because here's the key, the
consistency is what makes gratitude powerful because you
(13:33):
don't want to wait until you feel grateful to say, Oh my
gosh, I'm so grateful. You practice it until it becomes
who you are. And here's the best part.
Gratitude starts to rewire your brain over time.
What it does is it starts to train your mind to look for
(13:54):
what's good even when things arenot perfect.
And that is what I love. That is what the transformation
is, you guys. That's when changes in your life
start to happen from the inside out.
You're not waiting to say thank you for something that you're
grateful for. It is a practice that you are
(14:16):
becoming and it becomes who you are.
And let me tell you you guys, ifI could say one thing, one
thing, if I were to take that time and I could tell you one
thing, one piece of advice, it would be to start a gratitude
(14:37):
practice. Because that has been the most
life changing for me. Truly, truly, OK #3 grace is the
glue. And this one might be one of the
most important because grace is where, or I should say, grace is
what holds it all together. Goodness, right?
(15:03):
Grace says. You can be grateful and tired at
the same exact time. You can love your family and
still need space from them. That is OK.
That is, that is grace. You can want peace and still
lose your patience sometimes. Grace.
(15:26):
Here's the beauty of grace. It gives you permission to be
human and to let others be humantoo.
I think that's my favorite part.Grace is one of my I always say
grace and joy are such favorite words, and the meaning behind it
means so much to me. But here's where I was like,
(15:49):
I've got to get really real in this episode because for a lot
of people, this season is reallyhard.
And pretending that it's not doesn't help anyone.
So you could be in a position where you're surrounded by
people who don't love the holidays or who you're walking
through something that makes joyfeel really complicated.
(16:14):
Maybe you're in a relationship where this time of year brings a
lot of tension. It could be for me, and so I can
totally relate. It could be around money.
It could be about emotions, expectations.
A lot of grief is held in this season, so let's be real.
(16:35):
Let's not sugarcoat it and pretend like, oh, if I just have
a little gratitude and I have some grace, everything's going
to be great. Oh no.
Things were so flipping heavy for me for 20 years, So heavy no
matter how much I tried to change it.
(16:56):
But what I didn't know how to dowas to change me in that I was
just trying to be the people person, right?
Or the people pleaser. So the thing about grace is it
allows you to meet others where they are without losing yourself
in the process. Because you can hold compassion
(17:18):
for someone else's pain and still protect your own peace and
want you to hear that you can have empathy, but you can still
have boundaries. You're allowed to have those.
You're allowed to have peace. And here's the thing, because
(17:41):
this is something to hold onto, grace without boundaries.
So let me just say this too. Grace without boundaries
becomes, hear me out, self abandonment.
And boundaries without grace canalso become walls.
(18:04):
My counselor shared that with meyears ago.
Grace without boundaries becomesself abandonment and boundaries
without grace can become walls. Do you fall into that at all?
Because here's the sweet spot. The space where you will truly
(18:26):
just shine is somewhere kind of in the middle.
And that's when you say things like, I love you.
And I understand that this mightbe hard for you, but I'm still
showing up in gratitude. Oh, I didn't know how to do
that. Man, if if things started to go
(18:50):
down, it would be a blowout fight or it would be passiveness
or passive aggressiveness. Like even thinking about it
takes me back. But what it is, is it's giving
others permission to be where they are while still staying
grounded in who you are. So it doesn't mean that you let
(19:14):
them walk all over you or your peace, right?
It means that you show up with love and clarity.
You listen, but you don't have to absorb all of that.
You don't have to shrink down tonothing.
That's what I'm saying. So yes, grace is for them
(19:35):
because we never know what someone else is carrying.
Grace is also for you. But I also know that healing
takes some time. And then all of the boundaries
that keep you, you know, I wouldsay the boundaries keep you
(19:57):
anchored. They keep you anchored in being
able to still love someone through it and not be resentful.
Because remember I said I used to get really resentful?
They ruined the holidays for me.They ruined my favorite season.
And it wasn't until I. I looked back and went, no, I
(20:19):
kind of allowed that. I didn't know how to react.
I didn't know how to truly have grace.
I would have grace for like maybe a moment.
I also did not have a gratitude practice.
I waited to be thankful for things.
So the combination of gratitude and grace and grounded
(20:42):
boundaries, that's where you want to live.
And it's not going to be a perfect picture.
It's not going to be about everybody being happy at the
same time, but it's really aboutyou being rooted in peace no
matter what's happening around you.
(21:03):
So if we bring this in even closer, because, you know, we're
talking about some, and I don't know, the word that keeps coming
up for me today is tender. We're talking about some tender
things. And I guess maybe it's just
because I still have such a tender heart around this because
I lived it for so long. I also know that when we start
(21:29):
talking about gratitude for someof you, your first thought might
be, yeah, but you don't know what I'm carrying.
You don't know what I'm carryingbecause I used to think that.
So let's get really honest righthere because I never want to
paint this season through rose rose colored glasses.
(21:50):
I don't. So maybe you are genuinely
excited for this season. Maybe you're excited for the
holidays. You love the lights, you love
the music, the cozy nights, but a part of you is still feeling
really anxious or overwhelmed, thinking about everything that
(22:11):
comes with it. I was even thinking, maybe
you're on the other side of that.
Maybe you're dreading it. Maybe this season brings up a
lot of old wounds and it brings up the grief or the loss or
memories of people that you missdeeply.
(22:32):
Because let's again, let's be real, this, this season can be
complicated. You want to love it, but there
is this pressure, there is this pace, there are financial
strains that can come with it. There is grief that can come
with it. And all of that can also feel at
the same time really heavy. So I'm just going to say that
(22:58):
wherever you are in this season,I see you.
And there's no right way to feelthis time of year.
And that's the thing that I loveabout gratitude.
It doesn't ask you to pretend everything's fine.
It just invites you to find small glimmers of good within
(23:24):
what's real, what is your reality?
And it's finding those small things, yes, there's big things
to be thankful for too. But I'm, I'm talking about like
when you're doing a gratitude practice, you're even looking at
the smallest little things. So if you are looking forward to
this season, beautiful, soak it all in.
(23:48):
But if you're quietly dreading it, that's OK too.
You can hold both gratitude and grief at the same time.
And then if you're somewhere in the middle learning to navigate
all of it, welcome. Welcome.
You're in the right place. We're going to be talking about
this on the podcast, on my Instagram page.
We're going to be talking about this a ton because I really,
(24:11):
really want to pour into women because I have lived this.
I've lived in all different types of seasons and I don't
want to force joy, OK? That's not what this season is
about. It's about creating a real space
for some honesty and and just whatever that looks like for
(24:36):
you. And that's why this next part
matters so much. Because gratitude and grace
can't just be concepts we talkedabout once a year.
They have to become practices that we live every day.
So as we close out today's conversation, I want to help you
take this from idea to action. We talked about it, but here's
(24:59):
what I want you to try this weekrelease to receive.
Because before you can fill yourheart and if you want to get
your piece of paper or take notes, this is the time before
you can fill your heart, you have to make room.
(25:21):
And what I'd love for you to do is write down the RE
expectations. Remember that word expectations
that you're ready to release this month or this season?
It might be. I release the need for
everything to be perfect. I release responsibility for
(25:41):
everyone else's happiness. How many of us as moms are
trying to make everybody else happy?
You release that responsibility this year.
I release my guilt for taking care of myself.
I have to take care of myself during the season I do.
I recognize that that is a must now for me.
I never did that before because I was taking care of everyone
(26:04):
else. And when you let go of what's
draining you, you actually createspace for what can sustain
you. You cannot embrace the joy of
this season, of this, you know, holiday.
(26:25):
If there's a holiday, if there'ssomething going on, you can't
embrace joy while you're still trying to grip all of that
control. So you've got to start with some
type of release. I always say make space empty so
you can make space for more to come in, right?
If we're at our full capacity, nothing else is going to be able
(26:46):
to get in there. Also, stack gratitude into your
day. Just like we were talking about
habit stacking, once you've created a little space, it's
time to fill it. But do it intentionally.
And the easiest way to make gratitude a daily rhythm is
through the habit stacking. So attach it to something you
(27:07):
already do. Just like I mentioned earlier,
when you're pouring your coffee in the morning, say one thing in
your mind or out loud that you're grateful for just as
you're pouring your coffee. It's so it's it's that easy.
When you brush your teeth, thinkof one thing that went right
today. When you're going to bed at
(27:28):
night, whisper just a thank you for one thing you want to carry
with you into tomorrow. That is such a beautiful way to
go to bed. That is part of my habit
stacking. When I close my eyes at night, I
just start saying all the thingsI was thankful for for the day
and I'm already thankful for what is to come tomorrow.
(27:51):
That's it. It can just be 3 simple moments
throughout the day, but every single day, don't miss a day.
And again, it doesn't have to beperfect.
And here's what's going to happen is that those small
moments start to become that muscle memory and before you
know it, gratitude starts showing up automatically, even
(28:12):
when things are flipping hard. That's what I love about when we
build these muscles is that evenwhen things are hard, we're
still going, Oh my gosh, I'm still grateful.
I'm still thankful. And then of course, another one
is grace and boundaries in action.
So take grace from theory to practice.
(28:34):
Before you walk into that familygathering or a conversation or
even a normal work day, pause and ask yourself, what energy am
I bringing? What energy am I bringing?
What am I willing to give and what am I not willing to lose
today? Because grace means that you're
showing up with love. Boundaries means you're showing
(28:57):
up with clarity. And you need both actually to
stay anchored in your peace. Just keep telling yourself that.
So if you find yourself around people who are struggling or who
don't share your excitement for this season, remember this.
I can hold space for their feelings without carrying them.
(29:22):
You can love someone and still protect your own energy.
I say this all the time, I did not know how to do it.
You can be kind, but you can still have your limits.
That's all that emotional maturity that starts to happen,
and that's what Grace really looks like.
So as you move through this week, I want you to remember
something. Gratitude isn't about pretending
(29:43):
that life is easy. It's about finding the beauty.
It's about finding the lesson oreven the breath of peace within
what's real. So start small, start consistent
and stay consistent. And then let the grace do all of
the heavy lifting because it will.
(30:03):
And I just want to say, if no one's told you lately, you're
doing amazing. Even if this season feels messy,
even if you're still figuring itout, even if you're showing up
with, you know, this really hopeful heart, but you're like,
I don't know. I don't know if I can trust
this. You're still showing up.
(30:23):
Have grace with yourself. Take these practices and make
them yours. And then just start to release
what no longer serves you. Remember, you're going to
release three things this season, stack your gratitude
into the everyday moments and then just lead with the grace
for yourself and for others. So you guys, I am excited to be
(30:53):
here for you, with you through this season.
I am, you know, I always have all of the fun things.
I mean, I got to I got to say that I put together some
different things on the Amazon storefront.
They're all the cozy, soulful things that help me stay
(31:14):
grounded this time of year. And you can start to peek
through those if you need some of that support.
And of course, you know, just know that you're not alone.
Please be in my world community and support means everything.
So you know, you're not walking alone.
We're in the globe school. You can find me on Instagram.
(31:36):
I, I've got lots of things goingon through this season and this
is where we want to feel lit up and just know that throughout
the next few weeks, I've got some really special things
coming for you. I have some big announcements
and I have a few brand new offers to help you step into
(32:01):
your next chapter with confidence and joy and purpose.
And let's just say, if you've been waiting for a sign to join
me, Black Friday might just be it.
So keep your eyes open, stay connected, and make sure you're
subscribed so you don't miss what's next.
We're going to have some great episodes because when we pair
(32:21):
gratitude with grace, we stop trying to perfect, to perfect
our lives and we start really living our lives.
So you guys, thank you so much for joining me today.
Keep rising, keep shining, and remember your best day is right
here waiting for you. And I cannot wait to have you
join me again next week. Bye friend, thanks for joining
(32:42):
me here today. Your presence means the world to
me. If you enjoyed what you heard,
please consider leaving a ratingand review and don't forget to
follow or subscribe so you nevermiss an episode.
Head to the show notes and let'sconnect.
Rise to Shine Co is ready to support you in coaching,
collaboration, light tips, or even a coffee chat.
(33:03):
Until next time, keep shining myfriends.
Welcome to the Rise to Shine podcast with Noel Custis where
we ignite the spark to discover your favorite self.
It is time to get real, ladies. Hello, hello and welcome to the
Rise to Shine podcast. I'm your host, Noel Castis, and
(00:21):
I am so glad you're here today. Today we're going to be talking
about something that feels extratender this time of year, and
that is gratitude and grace. Now, before you roll your eyes
and you think, oh great, it's another episode about gratitude,
'cause I know a lot's being talked about with gratitude
(00:44):
these days. I promise you this one's going
to be a little bit different. We're not going to be talking
about that, you know, Pinterest,perfect version of gratitude.
We're not going to be talking about a forced list of
gratitude. OK, This is going to go a little
bit deeper. We are going to really talk
(01:05):
about what it means to let go ofexpectations.
Also to surrender to grace and find peace right where you are.
Because after all, it is the season of being thankful.
We're just reminded of that in this season.
(01:26):
And I have to tell you that truth be told, anyone who knows
me knows that this season is my absolute favorite.
Ever since I was a little girl, I loved the, I just love the
Chris Barrett always talk about that, especially where I live.
(01:48):
So again, I always say I'm a fall and winter girly, but I'm a
fall and winter girly in the desert Southern California
environment, right? So it's a little bit different,
you guys. It's more like probably your
spring, right? Or some, you know, something
similar to that if you live in different parts of the country.
But I just love the warmth of gatherings.
(02:12):
I love all of it. But here is the other truth to
that is that if I'm being honest, the only person who
really got this part of me was my grandma.
Now I'm talking about when I wasgrowing up.
It was kind of like everybody else.
(02:35):
They liked the season OK, they liked it, but they definitely
didn't love it the way that her and I did or do.
And cuz she is still here with us.
So that's what's really interesting because I realize
now that most of the adults in my world were just probably very
(03:00):
stressed out at the time. They didn't know how to slow
down and how to tend to the season and everything that it
brings. Especially my mom was a single
mom and she was doing the best that she could for the majority
of my growing up years. So she always made the holidays
beautiful, but I always felt like there was a little bit of a
(03:21):
heaviness to it and there was a lot of pressure and expectation.
And then of course, for the 1st 20 years of my adult life, I was
married to someone who really struggled with the holidays and
it became this very tricky emotional space for me.
(03:46):
It was heartbreaking because every year I would tell myself,
this one's going to be different.
If I just plan more, if I decorate better, if I have
things, you know, all lined up ahead of time, if I cook the
perfect meal, if I do all these things, then everyone's going to
be happy. But no matter how much I tried,
(04:07):
the same pattern played out. And every time, every time I was
left disappointed, I was left hurt.
And I hate to admit this, but I was resentful because I know now
that I was focusing on the wrongthing.
(04:27):
I was trying to create this piece on the outside without
really understanding it on the inside first.
So I always thought if I made everybody else happy, I would
finally feel the magic of the holidays that I had been chasing
since I was this little girl. But what I didn't realize is
(04:51):
that gratitude isn't something you can force through
perfection. Gratitude actually comes from
surrender, OK, from grace. And I had to learn the hard way
that I couldn't change other people.
(05:11):
I couldn't control their moods. I couldn't control their
reactions or how they showed up,right.
And I'm not talking about just to the holiday events.
I'm talking about just in the season.
Depression is very real during the fall and winter season for
(05:32):
many reasons in regards to the heaviness of it, the weather.
But then also because of the holidays, there becomes another
layer of that financially, you know, the burden, the stress,
loss of, you know, people grief,all of that.
So going back, the only thing I could do was tend to my own
(05:54):
heart. And that took grace.
It took grace for them, and it also took grace for me.
And there were years that I was doing it all.
I was doing the shopping, the wrapping, the cooking, but I was
doing a lot of pretending. And again, on the inside, I was
(06:15):
heartbroken. I remember one year standing in
the kitchen and I always hosted.I shouldn't say always, but many
times I had hosted, especially when we had kids.
And I was surrounded by all thisnoise and all the things going
on and realizing that even though I was doing everything to
(06:37):
make it perfect, I wasn't even getting to be present that day.
And as a mom, the pressure grew even more because I didn't want
to miss out on any of the moments.
I wanted to create all the magicfor my kids.
But looking back now, I can see that what really mattered wasn't
(06:58):
just how much I did. It was how I felt while I was
doing it. And then that's where Grace
started to enter the story. And that's when, after my
husband and I had split up, the kids were still fairly little.
My daughter was in middle schooland my son was in, gosh,
(07:19):
kindergarten even before that. Goodness, I'm really going back.
He was like preschool. And I started to realize that
grace really began to teach me that peace doesn't come from the
control. It comes from the gratitude in
the morning right away and throughout the moments
(07:42):
throughout the day. And it came from me releasing
the expectations and realizing that the magic isn't in the
perfection. It was in the presence.
Because let me tell you, everything changed when it was
just the three of us. Everything changed.
So my lens changed. So after years of chasing that
(08:07):
perfect holiday feeling, I finally realized something.
Gratitude and grace are not things you feel when life gets
easy. There are things you practice
when life feels heavy. And that shift for me changed
all of it. So today, what I want to do is I
(08:30):
want to share some truths. I want to share some takeaways
that helped me move kind of fromthis chaos to calm.
And I hope that it will do the same for you.
You might find different parts of this resonating with you.
So first of all, number one is always about expectation versus
(08:53):
experience. OK, this is huge when we live in
expectation. My husband has taught me this so
much in life right now. Every day when we live in
expectation, we rob ourselves ofexperience.
And this is what I mean. For so many years I went into
the holidays thinking this year we'll finally feel the way I
(09:14):
want it to. I expected all this peace to
happen. I expected this joy to happen.
I expected everyone to be on their best behavior, and when
they weren't, I lost it. But when you release that
expectation and lean into just the experience, something starts
(09:34):
to shift a little bit. You start noticing the laughter
inside of the messiness. You see the beauty in the
imperfection, and you get to start to breathe a little bit
more. Because when we're expecting,
what we're actually doing is we're controlling.
But when we are experiencing something, we're actually
(09:57):
connecting to it. And that's what happened when I
became a single mom. I was like, Oh my gosh,
everything is changing. It felt so sad and it felt so
heavy, but yet at the same time,I released the expectation and
all of a sudden I began to experience and I began to
(10:20):
connect more. So this season, try saying to
yourself, I'm here for the experience, not the expectation.
And I'm going to get into that alittle bit more because
sometimes that's not always easy.
So we're going to dive into thata little bit more a little later
on in the episode. Because here's the thing, the
moment that you allow things to unfold without controlling every
(10:44):
single detail, the gratitude actually starts to naturally
find its way because it can't. This is my opinion.
I don't feel like it can coexistwith control only when we
surrender to it. Because if we're trying to
(11:05):
control it, it's going to make it really, really challenging.
And we're not in the moment. OK, so speaking, Speaking of not
a moment, gratitude is a practice.
This is number 2. Gratitude is a practice.
It's not a moment. This is where it's a little
(11:25):
different. And this one is really big
because it's not something gratitude isn't something that
just happens once in a while. It's a muscle you built.
There's so many muscles we have to build, you guys, right?
I used to think that gratitude was just writing down a few
things in November, like, oh, this is November, it's gratitude
(11:47):
month, or saying a little prayeron Thanksgiving maybe every once
in a while, just going, gosh, I'm just so grateful for this.
Which those are all great things, but the truth is it has
to become a daily rhythm if we really want it to transform us.
And I'm all about the transformation.
(12:07):
And this is what I teach in the glow Up community and in our
Rise to Shine community. It's habit stacking.
It's where you attach a new little habit to something you
already do everyday. I was taught by some of the
greats and I can recommend so many great books for you.
(12:28):
You want to know? Reach out, because I'm telling
you, these are what's cool aboutthe habit stacking.
So if you're drinking your morning coffee, take the first
sip and say out loud one thing you're grateful for.
Or say it in your head. Just make it a practice.
That's what habit stacking is. It's micro habits.
If you have a skin care routine at night as you wash your face,
(12:49):
think of one thing that went right today.
These are habit stacking. If you drive to work or you drop
your kids off, use that drive tolist three small wins in your
head. These are the things that start
to transform you when you start to create these habits.
(13:11):
Journals aren't even technicallyrequired here for a practice in
gratitude. They can be and I love them, but
it doesn't have to be perfect. It's you just have to be really
present in it. Because here's the key, the
consistency is what makes gratitude powerful because you
(13:33):
don't want to wait until you feel grateful to say, Oh my
gosh, I'm so grateful. You practice it until it becomes
who you are. And here's the best part.
Gratitude starts to rewire your brain over time.
What it does is it starts to train your mind to look for
(13:54):
what's good even when things arenot perfect.
And that is what I love. That is what the transformation
is, you guys. That's when changes in your life
start to happen from the inside out.
You're not waiting to say thank you for something that you're
grateful for. It is a practice that you are
(14:16):
becoming and it becomes who you are.
And let me tell you you guys, ifI could say one thing, one
thing, if I were to take that time and I could tell you one
thing, one piece of advice, it would be to start a gratitude
(14:37):
practice. Because that has been the most
life changing for me. Truly, truly, OK #3 grace is the
glue. And this one might be one of the
most important because grace is where, or I should say, grace is
what holds it all together. Goodness, right?
(15:03):
Grace says. You can be grateful and tired at
the same exact time. You can love your family and
still need space from them. That is OK.
That is, that is grace. You can want peace and still
lose your patience sometimes. Grace.
(15:26):
Here's the beauty of grace. It gives you permission to be
human and to let others be humantoo.
I think that's my favorite part.Grace is one of my I always say
grace and joy are such favorite words, and the meaning behind it
means so much to me. But here's where I was like,
(15:49):
I've got to get really real in this episode because for a lot
of people, this season is reallyhard.
And pretending that it's not doesn't help anyone.
So you could be in a position where you're surrounded by
people who don't love the holidays or who you're walking
through something that makes joyfeel really complicated.
(16:14):
Maybe you're in a relationship where this time of year brings a
lot of tension. It could be for me, and so I can
totally relate. It could be around money.
It could be about emotions, expectations.
A lot of grief is held in this season, so let's be real.
(16:35):
Let's not sugarcoat it and pretend like, oh, if I just have
a little gratitude and I have some grace, everything's going
to be great. Oh no.
Things were so flipping heavy for me for 20 years, So heavy no
matter how much I tried to change it.
(16:56):
But what I didn't know how to dowas to change me in that I was
just trying to be the people person, right?
Or the people pleaser. So the thing about grace is it
allows you to meet others where they are without losing yourself
in the process. Because you can hold compassion
(17:18):
for someone else's pain and still protect your own peace and
want you to hear that you can have empathy, but you can still
have boundaries. You're allowed to have those.
You're allowed to have peace. And here's the thing, because
(17:41):
this is something to hold onto, grace without boundaries.
So let me just say this too. Grace without boundaries
becomes, hear me out, self abandonment.
And boundaries without grace canalso become walls.
(18:04):
My counselor shared that with meyears ago.
Grace without boundaries becomesself abandonment and boundaries
without grace can become walls. Do you fall into that at all?
Because here's the sweet spot. The space where you will truly
(18:26):
just shine is somewhere kind of in the middle.
And that's when you say things like, I love you.
And I understand that this mightbe hard for you, but I'm still
showing up in gratitude. Oh, I didn't know how to do
that. Man, if if things started to go
(18:50):
down, it would be a blowout fight or it would be passiveness
or passive aggressiveness. Like even thinking about it
takes me back. But what it is, is it's giving
others permission to be where they are while still staying
grounded in who you are. So it doesn't mean that you let
(19:14):
them walk all over you or your peace, right?
It means that you show up with love and clarity.
You listen, but you don't have to absorb all of that.
You don't have to shrink down tonothing.
That's what I'm saying. So yes, grace is for them
(19:35):
because we never know what someone else is carrying.
Grace is also for you. But I also know that healing
takes some time. And then all of the boundaries
that keep you, you know, I wouldsay the boundaries keep you
(19:57):
anchored. They keep you anchored in being
able to still love someone through it and not be resentful.
Because remember I said I used to get really resentful?
They ruined the holidays for me.They ruined my favorite season.
And it wasn't until I. I looked back and went, no, I
(20:19):
kind of allowed that. I didn't know how to react.
I didn't know how to truly have grace.
I would have grace for like maybe a moment.
I also did not have a gratitude practice.
I waited to be thankful for things.
So the combination of gratitude and grace and grounded
(20:42):
boundaries, that's where you want to live.
And it's not going to be a perfect picture.
It's not going to be about everybody being happy at the
same time, but it's really aboutyou being rooted in peace no
matter what's happening around you.
(21:03):
So if we bring this in even closer, because, you know, we're
talking about some, and I don't know, the word that keeps coming
up for me today is tender. We're talking about some tender
things. And I guess maybe it's just
because I still have such a tender heart around this because
I lived it for so long. I also know that when we start
(21:29):
talking about gratitude for someof you, your first thought might
be, yeah, but you don't know what I'm carrying.
You don't know what I'm carryingbecause I used to think that.
So let's get really honest righthere because I never want to
paint this season through rose rose colored glasses.
(21:50):
I don't. So maybe you are genuinely
excited for this season. Maybe you're excited for the
holidays. You love the lights, you love
the music, the cozy nights, but a part of you is still feeling
really anxious or overwhelmed, thinking about everything that
(22:11):
comes with it. I was even thinking, maybe
you're on the other side of that.
Maybe you're dreading it. Maybe this season brings up a
lot of old wounds and it brings up the grief or the loss or
memories of people that you missdeeply.
(22:32):
Because let's again, let's be real, this, this season can be
complicated. You want to love it, but there
is this pressure, there is this pace, there are financial
strains that can come with it. There is grief that can come
with it. And all of that can also feel at
the same time really heavy. So I'm just going to say that
(22:58):
wherever you are in this season,I see you.
And there's no right way to feelthis time of year.
And that's the thing that I loveabout gratitude.
It doesn't ask you to pretend everything's fine.
It just invites you to find small glimmers of good within
(23:24):
what's real, what is your reality?
And it's finding those small things, yes, there's big things
to be thankful for too. But I'm, I'm talking about like
when you're doing a gratitude practice, you're even looking at
the smallest little things. So if you are looking forward to
this season, beautiful, soak it all in.
(23:48):
But if you're quietly dreading it, that's OK too.
You can hold both gratitude and grief at the same time.
And then if you're somewhere in the middle learning to navigate
all of it, welcome. Welcome.
You're in the right place. We're going to be talking about
this on the podcast, on my Instagram page.
We're going to be talking about this a ton because I really,
(24:11):
really want to pour into women because I have lived this.
I've lived in all different types of seasons and I don't
want to force joy, OK? That's not what this season is
about. It's about creating a real space
for some honesty and and just whatever that looks like for
(24:36):
you. And that's why this next part
matters so much. Because gratitude and grace
can't just be concepts we talkedabout once a year.
They have to become practices that we live every day.
So as we close out today's conversation, I want to help you
take this from idea to action. We talked about it, but here's
(24:59):
what I want you to try this weekrelease to receive.
Because before you can fill yourheart and if you want to get
your piece of paper or take notes, this is the time before
you can fill your heart, you have to make room.
(25:21):
And what I'd love for you to do is write down the RE
expectations. Remember that word expectations
that you're ready to release this month or this season?
It might be. I release the need for
everything to be perfect. I release responsibility for
(25:41):
everyone else's happiness. How many of us as moms are
trying to make everybody else happy?
You release that responsibility this year.
I release my guilt for taking care of myself.
I have to take care of myself during the season I do.
I recognize that that is a must now for me.
I never did that before because I was taking care of everyone
(26:04):
else. And when you let go of what's
draining you, you actually createspace for what can sustain
you. You cannot embrace the joy of
this season, of this, you know, holiday.
(26:25):
If there's a holiday, if there'ssomething going on, you can't
embrace joy while you're still trying to grip all of that
control. So you've got to start with some
type of release. I always say make space empty so
you can make space for more to come in, right?
If we're at our full capacity, nothing else is going to be able
(26:46):
to get in there. Also, stack gratitude into your
day. Just like we were talking about
habit stacking, once you've created a little space, it's
time to fill it. But do it intentionally.
And the easiest way to make gratitude a daily rhythm is
through the habit stacking. So attach it to something you
(27:07):
already do. Just like I mentioned earlier,
when you're pouring your coffee in the morning, say one thing in
your mind or out loud that you're grateful for just as
you're pouring your coffee. It's so it's it's that easy.
When you brush your teeth, thinkof one thing that went right
today. When you're going to bed at
(27:28):
night, whisper just a thank you for one thing you want to carry
with you into tomorrow. That is such a beautiful way to
go to bed. That is part of my habit
stacking. When I close my eyes at night, I
just start saying all the thingsI was thankful for for the day
and I'm already thankful for what is to come tomorrow.
(27:51):
That's it. It can just be 3 simple moments
throughout the day, but every single day, don't miss a day.
And again, it doesn't have to beperfect.
And here's what's going to happen is that those small
moments start to become that muscle memory and before you
know it, gratitude starts showing up automatically, even
(28:12):
when things are flipping hard. That's what I love about when we
build these muscles is that evenwhen things are hard, we're
still going, Oh my gosh, I'm still grateful.
I'm still thankful. And then of course, another one
is grace and boundaries in action.
So take grace from theory to practice.
(28:34):
Before you walk into that familygathering or a conversation or
even a normal work day, pause and ask yourself, what energy am
I bringing? What energy am I bringing?
What am I willing to give and what am I not willing to lose
today? Because grace means that you're
showing up with love. Boundaries means you're showing
(28:57):
up with clarity. And you need both actually to
stay anchored in your peace. Just keep telling yourself that.
So if you find yourself around people who are struggling or who
don't share your excitement for this season, remember this.
I can hold space for their feelings without carrying them.
(29:22):
You can love someone and still protect your own energy.
I say this all the time, I did not know how to do it.
You can be kind, but you can still have your limits.
That's all that emotional maturity that starts to happen,
and that's what Grace really looks like.
So as you move through this week, I want you to remember
something. Gratitude isn't about pretending
(29:43):
that life is easy. It's about finding the beauty.
It's about finding the lesson oreven the breath of peace within
what's real. So start small, start consistent
and stay consistent. And then let the grace do all of
the heavy lifting because it will.
(30:03):
And I just want to say, if no one's told you lately, you're
doing amazing. Even if this season feels messy,
even if you're still figuring itout, even if you're showing up
with, you know, this really hopeful heart, but you're like,
I don't know. I don't know if I can trust
this. You're still showing up.
(30:23):
Have grace with yourself. Take these practices and make
them yours. And then just start to release
what no longer serves you. Remember, you're going to
release three things this season, stack your gratitude
into the everyday moments and then just lead with the grace
for yourself and for others. So you guys, I am excited to be
(30:53):
here for you, with you through this season.
I am, you know, I always have all of the fun things.
I mean, I got to I got to say that I put together some
different things on the Amazon storefront.
They're all the cozy, soulful things that help me stay
(31:14):
grounded this time of year. And you can start to peek
through those if you need some of that support.
And of course, you know, just know that you're not alone.
Please be in my world community and support means everything.
So you know, you're not walking alone.
We're in the globe school. You can find me on Instagram.
(31:36):
I, I've got lots of things goingon through this season and this
is where we want to feel lit up and just know that throughout
the next few weeks, I've got some really special things
coming for you. I have some big announcements
and I have a few brand new offers to help you step into
(32:01):
your next chapter with confidence and joy and purpose.
And let's just say, if you've been waiting for a sign to join
me, Black Friday might just be it.
So keep your eyes open, stay connected, and make sure you're
subscribed so you don't miss what's next.
We're going to have some great episodes because when we pair
(32:21):
gratitude with grace, we stop trying to perfect, to perfect
our lives and we start really living our lives.
So you guys, thank you so much for joining me today.
Keep rising, keep shining, and remember your best day is right
here waiting for you. And I cannot wait to have you
join me again next week. Bye friend, thanks for joining
(32:42):
me here today. Your presence means the world to
me. If you enjoyed what you heard,
please consider leaving a ratingand review and don't forget to
follow or subscribe so you nevermiss an episode.
Head to the show notes and let'sconnect.
Rise to Shine Co is ready to support you in coaching,
collaboration, light tips, or even a coffee chat.
(33:03):
Until next time, keep shining myfriends.
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