February 12, 2025 • 42 mins
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Navigating the ever-changing landscape of healthcare during a global pandemic is no small feat, and few understand this better than our guest, Jamie, a dedicated nurse who has transitioned from a med-surg unit to the ICU in the midst of chaos. Her journey is a testament to resilience and adaptability, shedding light on the stark contrasts between pre- and post-pandemic nursing. Together, we explore the expectations placed on new graduates who joined the field during these tumultuous times and delve into the personal growth and self-compassion necessary to thrive amidst adversity. Jamie’s insights offer a compelling perspective on finding one’s footing in a rapidly evolving profession.
Balancing the professional and personal aspects of nursing can be a delicate dance, often leading nurses to compartmentalize their lives in order to cope. We dive deep into the nuances of this disconnection, discussing the notion of “faking it till you make it” and the eventual need for authenticity in practice. Jamie shares her strategies for maintaining sanity, embracing self-awareness, and nurturing empathy, even when faced with difficult situations like addiction. This discussion underscores the importance of integrating mindfulness and self-care into nursing, reminding us that personal well-being is as crucial as professional competence.
Maintaining mental health in the wake of secondary trauma is essential, and we explore practical self-care strategies that are both achievable and impactful. Highlighting the concept of incremental progress, we introduce Robert Maurer’s "One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way" as a valuable resource for building positive habits. Additionally, we discuss the powerful themes of patience and balance using oracle and tarot decks, illustrating how self-care and self-awareness can prevent emotional disconnection. This episode serves as a heartfelt reminder for nurses to nurture their whole selves, balancing the demands of their professional roles with personal needs for a sustainable and fulfilling career.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Welcome to the Ritual Nurse, where healing meets
humor, science and a touch ofmagic.
I am so excited, you guys,because I have a guest with me
today who is a fellow nurse, andI'm going to let Jamie
introduce herself and tell you alittle bit about her.
But I could not be more excitedto have her as a guest on the
(00:32):
podcast.
Hi, thank you so much forhaving me.
I was so excited when you hitme up and was like I'm doing
this podcast, and I was like,yes, yes, I want to do this.
Um, so, thank you, it's just asmuch of an opportunity for me.
Um, I'm excited, love it.
So give me, um, a little bit,if you will, just kind, of your,
(00:56):
your background or your, youknow our nursing pedigree.
As we, as we say, just get,yeah, give me a little bit about
your background, okay, um, so Ispent the first two and a half
years of my nursing career on amed surge unit.
From there I've been in icu forand then, back when I was on
(01:20):
the med surge unit, um, um, Idid have, uh, the opportunity to
do some charge shifts, nice,yeah.
Um, I learned a lot, uh, fromdifferent perspectives about
being there and I realized thatbeing a leader is hard.
Yes, yes, yes, girl, yes, um, Ialso came in just for, like
timing sake.
(01:40):
Um, I had three months of beingprecepted and then I was on my
own for three months and thenCOVID hit.
Okay, that's really significant.
You and I were having aconversation earlier that really
involved that.
Talk to me about those earlychallenges.
What did that mean for you?
(02:01):
So the way I like to thinkabout it is I was quote unquote
born into nursing in a time ofinstability, absolutely.
So I was able to, in thosefirst six months, see and
witness what stability lookedlike, but it really hasn't been
the majority of my career.
And so I think that you developdifferently as a nurse.
(02:25):
Coming in right around COVIDlike that, I think you don't
ever learn the stable way,absolutely, absolutely, kind of
like how you were explaining.
Like you know, there was aground at one point.
Yeah, there used to be a ground.
There was structure to this,scaffolding, to this, and all of
it evaporated during thepandemic.
(02:46):
And I think nurses prior to thepandemic and nurses born into
nursing during the pandemic, wehave different experiences of it
, but the end result was thismess of chaos, this mess of
instability that was kind ofdumped on our laps.
(03:09):
Okay, here now, deal with itRight.
And you know, now I'm observing,you know, the system, quote
unquote, try to bring stabilityback Right.
And I recognize it for what itis, but it's weird.
(03:38):
It's like what is that healthy,you know, like necrosis
uncovered, if you will, inpockets of healthcare, in
healthcare itself during thepandemic, that we can't go back
to what was, what existed before.
That makes sense, and so it'skind of like we're going to
establish the new normal andit's not normal like to any of
(04:04):
us, not to you guys, not tonurses before the pandemic, not,
I don't think, even to nursesthat are just hitting nursing
now.
Yeah, it's an interesting time,the chaos, the trauma.
(04:35):
So there's a couple of thingsthat come to mind.
One is that I was so hard onmyself and I had really
unrealistic expectations, andthis is something that, like, I
will talk to new grads about andI'll be like listen, you're
comparing yourself right now toa nurse who's been nursing for
seven years, 10 years, whatever,and it's not a fair comparison.
(04:58):
You are not going to functionthat way.
Period.
It took them seven years to bethat nurse.
Yes, it took me seven years tobe that nurse.
It took me five years to bethis nurse.
Don't expect everything to gogreat, especially in the first
year.
The first year is one of thehardest, especially if you start
off as a new grad in ICU.
Yeah, I did too.
(05:20):
Yeah, that's a double hardthing.
Yeah, it's almost like a fourthyear.
Well, depending on how longyour nursing school program was.
But it's extra nursing school.
Oh yeah, because in addition tolearning how to be an actual
nurse for the first time, you'relearning the specialization of
being in a specialized field forthe first time.
(05:42):
I don't think I breathed theentire first year.
I was a new grad.
Yeah, there were two instancesand that happened in one.
One of them was when I was anew grad and the other one I
went to ICU.
Yeah, and it is.
It's like you and my preceptorswere like listen, coming to the
ICU is like being a new gradall over again.
I told you I was like whatever,you're just blowing smoke, nope
(06:03):
, um.
And then I was like after awhile, I'm like you know what
that's really accurate?
Yeah, I think learning how tohandle the challenges that you
handled as a new nurse reallyinvolves a level of resiliency
that I don't think anybodyteaches us how to develop.
(06:24):
That I don't think anybodyteaches us how to develop Like
handling adversity is one thingwhen the variables are expected
or when at least some part ofthe structure is expected.
Handling adversity when youdon't know what, you don't know,
like, you have no idea whatform or shape the adversity is
going to take, aka our exposureto secondary trauma, the stress
(06:47):
and trauma of of taking all ofthese you know these
responsibilities on.
We don't know what form that'sgoing to take because we've
never experienced it before.
Are there things that, lookingfrom the point of experience
that you have now, that youwould say like navigating that
difficult kind of terrain?
(07:07):
What would you tell yourselfnow in regards to okay, this is
how you withstand this kind ofadversity, whether it be
challenges, trauma codes,exposure to trauma, the stress
and anxiety of havingresponsibility for human life
while you're still learning howto maintain, you know, to stop
(07:28):
the unaliving?
Is there something you wouldtell yourself now that?
Or you would tell yourself then,as the nurse you are now, I
would say one, don't take thingsquite so personally.
Oh, good one.
Oh, my gosh, so people aregoing to die and it's not going
to be your fault.
Oh my gosh, that just slappednew nurse me from around the
(07:54):
corner.
Okay, yes, and I even see older, more veteran season nurses
struggle with this, where it'slike, oh my God, what did I do
wrong?
Nothing, absolutely.
You did absolutely nothingwrong, absolutely.
Um, and that's where to havingyour maintaining those
relationships within the nursingfield, because sometimes it
takes that person on the outsidecoming in and going.
(08:15):
I saw what you did and you dideverything right.
Yes, you know.
Yeah, do you feel like as nurses, I kind of feel like you know
people will say to us like, oh,you're doing such a good job,
like during the pandemic, weheard this the whole time that
you know you guys are heroes,you're doing such a good job,
and it really is going to soundweird, but it really didn't mean
(08:36):
anything.
No, I hear exactly what you'resaying.
You know what I'm saying.
As a matter of fact, the momentthose words, I went through
this period of time where, themoment those words came out of
somebody's mouth, it was thisautomatic, like disconnect, like
you don't see me, you only seethe nurse.
Like you have no idea what I'mactually going through.
Yes, and though those commentsand those statements were all
(09:01):
made with good intent, it justmade me feel that much farther
away from yes, and that thatwhat you, the aspect that you
just discussed right there.
We kind of touched on thisearlier when we were talking
about nurses we're human, butthere's this weird I don't know
(09:23):
if it's both societally drivenand, I think, personally driven
to meet those expectations andstandards, and it's not just
nurses.
I feel like I see a lot ofphysicians with it, I see a lot
of our healthcare colleagueswith it.
There's this weird disconnectbetween our avatar as a nurse
and the expectations placed onit and our existence as a human.
Yep, like.
(09:44):
There's this weird separationwhere the emotions, the
struggles, the actual humanityof our existence and our
experience in the context ofthings around us is somehow
completely like, unplugged fromour avatar, our functioning
avatar as a nurse, absolutelyLike, and honestly, part of what
(10:05):
helped me get through thosefirst few years of nursing is
that idea of fake it till youmake it yes, because how often
do we hear that?
Right, and I'll be honest withyou, I don't know how healthy
quote unquote that perspectiveis, but it does give you that
third person removed, objectiveperspective where you can really
(10:28):
self-evaluate without hurtingyourself.
Yes, and you can evaluate thesituation and, okay, I as a
person maybe did not handle thiswell, but I as a nurse would
handle it like this.
Right, and it's just learningto, unfortunately,
compartmentalize.
I have to separate a lot ofthings, like there are a lot of
things that go down in ahospital that I would not be
(10:49):
okay with in real life, like theway that some people talk to me
.
I'm like I would have walkedaway five minutes ago because
you would not be allowed in mylife, because that is a personal
boundary that I have, exactly.
But as a nurse you're expectedto, like I don't know, not have
boundaries, I guess, unless itcomes to treatment, and then you
(11:09):
have to have the boundary toget the patient to take the
treatment Correct and it justgets like kind of convoluted,
absolutely Personal boundariesfor your own self, the human
self, are what's not allowed,but the nurse avatar and our
executive functioning, oh thenyou can have boundaries because
it is for the betterment ofsomeone else.
(11:30):
And I think that now do youthink, as a new nurse, that
compartmentalizing that we dooftentimes as a trauma
protection, just a shield, thatwe quickly learn how to do to
stuff things in boxes and keepmoving.
Do you think as a new nursewere you able to do what you can
now and look in those boxes andobjectively evaluate the
(11:53):
contents?
So I had to go through a periodof not having that coping
mechanism, developing thatcoping mechanism and then go
back and kind of reevaluate thatcoping mechanism.
And so by the time I hit thepoint of reevaluating that
coping mechanism, I did realizethat there were certain things
(12:14):
that I had naturally ingrainedinto my practice.
So, for example, I would lookaround at the other veteran
nurses and I would pickqualities from people, and even
sometimes they were just newernurses too.
But they figured something outthat I had Excellent, and I
would incorporate that into thequote.
Unquote nursing avatar yes, andthen eventually it became more
(12:38):
natural and I realized that partof the reason it wasn't me
faking my way through, it was meseeing something in somebody
else that I admired, or qualitythat I saw in myself that I
wanted to express in my practice.
Right, you were evolving, yes.
So when it did come time toreally look back and be like, do
I need this like third personcompartmentalized avatar thing
(13:00):
going on, right, it wasn't thatbig of a deal to me because I
just integrated.
What Like do I need this likethird person compartmentalized
avatar thing going on?
Right, it wasn't that big of adeal to me because I just
integrated what I wanted tointegrate.
I just was being mindful aboutit.
Yes, that's a really, that's areally advanced ability to do so
.
(13:27):
I think a lot of nurses I knowthat we leave nursing school
without really having any ofthose tools on board in terms of
self-awareness and evaluationand integrating qualities and
traits within ourselvesalongside the compassion of
being human.
As you're integrating thesetraits, it's not going to snap
on like a Lego.
You have to evolve into it.
You're not going to do it rightevery time.
You're not going to emulatethat like a Lego, like you have
to evolve into it.
You're not going to do it rightevery time.
You're not going to emulatethat trait right every time.
That muscle memory isn't thereyet In your journey to get from
(13:49):
not having that skill set to notonly having that skill set now
but actively engaging with it toevolve yourself.
What were some of the self-carepractices that kind of helped,
or the holistic and self-carepractices that kind of maintain
your sanity along that path.
So a couple of things that Idid to help maintain my sanity
(14:10):
in all of this is one I wastaught by a friend, and it was
the idea of he's like okay, youget a puppy, puppy pees on the
carpet, are you going to besuper angry and punish them and
treat them the same way youwould treat your adult dog that
knows better?
Like, no, you wouldn't, right,they're learning Because they're
learning Right.
And so I actually carried thatphilosophy over into a lot of
(14:35):
what I was doing as a nurse,because a lot of the resistances
I was coming up against werethings like addiction, yes, and
so it's for people who are usedto having control in their life
and now they don't.
And it's like okay, listen, youcan't punish people for feeling
the way they feel about thesituation that they're in.
They're struggling, they'rehaving a hard time, right.
(14:56):
So instead of fighting thatresistance, why don't you go
along with it and slowly guidepeople in a different direction?
Okay, that makes total sense.
And those implicit biases arethings that we, as nurses, learn
to kind of do the shadow work,if you will, when we're actively
(15:16):
engaged in mindfulness, whenwe're setting aside intentional
space to craft these rituals forourselves, if you will, because
we're doing it with intention,we're doing it with the
expectation of a result or agrowth, or even not just a
result or growth but anunderstanding, like a light bulb
coming on Right and to justkind of loop it back around to
(15:38):
the question, I know that wasthe long way around.
I would go through that processof basically taking the emotion
out of a situation or seeing itfrom a third person party or
seeing it from a differentperspective when I was in a
place to be able to digest that,and then I could be like, okay,
this is where I went wrong,this is where I went right, this
is how I would handle it nexttime.
(15:58):
And it was all verynonjudgmental because I pulled
the emotion out of it when I wasin a headspace to be able to
reflect.
Excellent, I couldn't have saidit better myself in terms of
the intention that we set whenwe create the space for
ourselves is to be able to be inthe mindset of objectively
(16:21):
looking at the contents of thoseboxes.
And, okay, I'm going toevaluate this without judgment.
That's not going to get in theway of my productive engagement.
With what's there, I can takewhat suits me, I can leave what
doesn't and continue thatevolving process.
And right now we're gettingclose to the 15 minute mark.
(16:41):
So if you have to head back toshift, we both wish you an
absolutely phenomenal shift withthe coolest residents and the
best orders ever.
If you don't have to head backto the floor, then take this
minute to refresh your coffee oryour tea.
The musical interlude is justkind of a key for you to press
pause and know exactly where youare when you come back to the
(17:03):
podcast.
But when we come back, we'regoing to continue talking with
Jamie about some more of theholistic practices that she
utilizes to stay in this mindfulspace and some self-care for
mind, body, spirit.
And, of course, we're going todo our coffee, crystals and
divination segment towards theend, and Jamie actually brought
an amazing deck to take a lookat, so I'm really excited for
(17:26):
that.
So, anyways, enjoy the musicand we will see you shortly.
Thank you guys so much.
If you guys have stuck with usand you're coming back to the
podcast, love it, and we're soexcited to keep talking.
I have a podcast guest here,jamie, and we're going to
(17:48):
continue our discussion that wewere having before the break,
still kind of focusing on theholistic and self-care practices
that really help you deal withthe adversity that we face in
nursing.
So, the secondary trauma thatwe're exposed to, whether it's
emotional, whether it's physical, what are some of the spaces
(18:13):
that you create for yourself tomaintain that balance, if your
mental health balance, your,your, your equilibrium, I've had
to learn how to check in withmy body, because my body will
tell me when I'm not okay beforemy mind will, and so, holy crap
(18:34):
, that was amazing.
So I've had to learn the littlecues Right, and I didn't
realize how many little cues Ihad until I started paying
attention to it, and sosometimes it's little cues, like
you know.
Oh, I feel a little spacey, I'mprobably hungry.
I should probably eat something, so I don't like bite
(18:54):
somebody's head off later.
Right, exactly, hangry, yes,exactly.
So that's been a really bigpart of my balance in the
workplace.
I wanted to ask you have a bookwith you here?
I do, and when we're thinkingabout mind, body and spirit and
nourishing those, that's one ofthe primary ways that we
maintain our resilience andprotect our mental health.
(19:17):
This book, what do you get outof this book?
What is this, your intersectionwith this?
So I brought the book with me.
One Small Step Can Change yourLife the Ties and Way by Robert
Murr.
Okay, and the reason was thatyou know I would get all this
advice of you should do this andyou should do that, but I never
(19:37):
understood how to implement it.
Excellent, and so one smallstep can change your life is
about creating habits in verybite-sized small pieces, like,
if it feels like effort, you'vealready been off too much.
Okay, that's extremelysignificant.
A few podcast episodes I wastalking about how the feeling of
(20:01):
overwhelm, especially right now, for people just even thinking
about listening to self-help orthinking about listening how to
address a problem can actuallybe that's too much dopamine.
I don't have enough dopaminefor that right now.
That's too big.
And so what is the one smallthing you can do to accomplish
(20:22):
self-care, regardless of yourto-do list or any of the other
overhanging anxieties?
Just one small thing that youcan accomplish for self-care
could be eating a snack.
It could be sitting still forfive minutes doing breath work.
It could be sketching something, any small thing that you have
the dopamine for, and that'ssuch an amazing reflective
(20:46):
sentence.
If it feels like effort.
You've probably already bittenoff too much.
Yeah, because that's exactlywhat that is.
So what about this book?
Showed you how to do what arelike the small steps?
Like, does it does it show you,does it talk to you about how
to engage with it or how tobreak it down?
(21:08):
Or so I think one of thebiggest lessons I walked away
with this book, and I'll give anexample in the book.
I know that I personally,especially as a night shift
nurse, struggle with overeatingand eating a bunch of carbs and
sugar, and the book isn't like,well, don't just stop, like
don't do that to yourself, right, right.
The book is like, literally, ifyour morning routine is I go, I
(21:31):
get my coffee, I get mychocolate croissant.
Well, take one less bite ofyour chocolate croissant.
That is so powerful becausepeople can do that Exactly,
exactly, right.
And the idea is, once itbecomes, you know, easy, you
don't have to think about it,you just take one less bite and
you're satisfied.
Then move on to two less bites,exactly.
And I have found that, when itcomes to because self-care is a
(21:54):
change, you know, and it'seffort and it takes time and I
really have struggled tointegrate that into my life.
But I found that taking smaller, bite-sized pieces and then
evaluate them and growing themhas been so much more helpful to
me than I'm going to wake upand start a 35-minute meditation
followed by a 60-minute workout.
(22:15):
I am so called out right now.
I am so called out right now.
I don't know if it's my ADHD orwhat it is, but I'm so called
out right now.
I'm so called out right now.
I don't know if it's my ADHD orwhat it is, but I'm so called
out right now.
So, like, let me give you.
Let me give you another example.
I decided um, I know the besttime for me to work out is first
thing in the morning.
Um, the only thing I'vecommitted myself to is wake up,
do 15 minutes period, and it'skind of evolved into 15 minutes
(22:39):
of stretching Checked, cool.
And it's kind of evolved into15 minutes of stretching Sure,
cool, but still You're movingyour body.
I'm checking in with my body.
I'm like where am I tight?
Yes, what needs attention?
Phenomenal.
And then there are some dayswhere it'll naturally grow into
something else, and that's how Iknow it's time.
Or I also use a habit tracker,okay, and I do track the days
that I do and don't do it, and Ican see, wow, I'm really
(23:01):
struggling with my commitmentright now to myself.
Okay, and my commitment tomyself is really important, like
I need to be able to trust myown word, right?
So let's work on the commitmentaspect and not worry so much
about whether I accomplished aquote, unquote goal.
The goal is do it Right.
What is blocking or impeding mycommitment to myself?
(23:23):
Yes, where am I putting myself?
What am I putting myself?
Second to yes, that's amazingand I think.
Do you think we talked beforethe break about how we're?
We exist as humans, but yet weoperate as these nurse avatars.
Do you think that there's somevalidity to the thought that we
suck so badly at self-carebecause there's two versions of
(23:45):
us and the one that's operantand visible to everyone is the
avatar?
Wow, that's a big question,right?
Because it just occurred to me.
I was like it's so difficultfor nurses to do self-care.
We don't drink water, we don'ttake our own advice, and
everybody on the podcast I don'twant to hear it because you
know what I'm saying is true,but really I think it's because
(24:09):
we invest so much in themaintenance and sustenance of
our avatar and we're not, wedon't ever.
You know, there's so muchstigma around talking about our
existence as humans that it'slike a little golem that we
don't, you know, we don't payattention to.
Yeah, but the self-care it'sthe human we have to do the
(24:30):
self-care of, not the avatar,right?
No, that's such a trip.
I had never thought of it thatway before.
Interesting.
Yeah, I think that I think as anurse, you innately have to
learn to emotionally distanceyourself Absolutely and I think
that also plays a partAbsolutely.
We have to disconnect and kindof disassociate from our
(24:53):
humanity, not in a compassionatesense, not in like how we
approach others and treat themwith humanity, but I mean our
own feelings, our, our personalpsyche like me as Reva, you as
Jamie, our actual personalpsyche.
We have to emotionallydisconnect from that to
withstand the levels of stressand anxiety and trauma that
(25:14):
we're exposed to, because thenurse avatar has to keep
functioning and meet those andmeet expectations.
And I think there's also aseparation in your mind too
where you're like it's the nurseavatar taking the trauma, not
the human.
Holy crap, we are like roundfor round slugging it out.
I love this.
That's phenomenal.
(25:35):
I think that's part of ourcompartmentalization, because we
have this fixture in our mind,this avatar image of what we're
supposed to be.
It's in social media, it's instereotypes, it's in every
picture of a nurse in COVID.
It goes back to that whole.
You guys are such heroes and weimmediately disassociate.
Yeah, because the nurse avataris what we're looking at.
(25:58):
There's no mirror reflecting usas humans.
But I don't think that we canget to the self-care part or
even the holistically nurturingour mind, body and spirit part.
The nurse avatar doesn't have amind, body or spirit.
We do Right, right, well, youknow what?
(26:18):
Okay, I don't even know howrelevant this is, but it's
really just off of my mind, butit kind of makes me wonder, like
you know how, when people gothrough enough trauma, they end
up with like a dissociativeidentity disorder, absolutely,
and I kind of wonder if nurseskind of tap into that a wee bit.
Oh, I think we, we absolutelydisassociate as protection
(26:39):
against trauma, which I believeI am not a psychiatrist and I
have not studied did.
But I believe that the nucleusof the schism, the, the
fracturing of the personalityinto those separate ones, is a
traumatic event, that then thatother personality is created to
shield and protect, right so.
(27:01):
So it kind of makes sense whenyou think about it from that
aspect.
It makes a lot of sense.
That's such an interestingconcept.
And how do we teach nurses thento begin reintegrating
themselves to the extent thatthey're capable?
Because to some extent, I don'tthink I don't know personally
that I would be able to fullyintegrate myself and continue to
(27:22):
do what I do with repetition.
I think that requires skillsets that I probably don't have
full mastery over in terms of myresilience.
Navigating, like that's whereyou need a professional
colleague therapist,psychiatrist, psychologist who
that is their wheelhouse, justlike they would need us to
(27:45):
titrate pressers for them.
But as a nurse, like, how wouldyou find a provider with that
wheelhouse?
Like, what are the buzzwords?
What do I need?
Trauma-informed care, yep,trauma-informed care, finding a
therapist or psychologist whospecializes in trauma-informed
care, because the nucleus of ourproblems stems from exposure to
(28:07):
an experience of trauma.
Just being a nurse inherentlyby itself is not traumatic.
It is our job environment andthe constant, repetitive,
consistent exposure to eitheremotional sometimes physical,
but emotional and mental trauma,both secondary, like of other
(28:28):
people, or ours.
Nobody comes to see us at workbecause it's a great day, right?
No one's like hey, so glad tosee you Right.
Exactly so, in one vein oranother there's a problem, and
you know constant exposure tothese problems with the
expectation that you fix it, youhave the responsibility for
fixing it.
Whether that is the megaproblem of stop the unaliving or
(28:50):
it is, you know, emotionaldistress and grief and the
grieving process or anger, lossof identity, loss of control.
Patients are in a situationwhere they have no autonomy or
control over what they're doingin the hospital or themselves
because of the disease process.
But we inadvertently becauseI'm not trying to say that they
(29:13):
do it on purpose weinadvertently catch some of the
brunt of that and so we have toemotionally process and we wade
through that and deal with that.
And when that happens to youevery day, day in, day out,
every time you go to work, yougot to process that Well, and
people too, like the saying youknow a smile is contagious.
(29:33):
Yes, you know well, it's notjust a smile.
No, the energy across the board, the spectrum, is contagious.
Yeah, and you can see it.
You can see it on the floorwhen you have a code that goes
sideways and then suddenlysentences are shorter, people,
(29:54):
you know, are sighing more.
Shoulders are tensed,conversations are yes, I mean,
it's settled in just like mud,you know, and you can feel it,
and it's this unspoken yeah,it's this unspoken thing that
everybody can feel and you wadethrough it and dig through the
muck and keep going.
But I think that we have to findsome way of teaching nurses how
(30:18):
to integrate with that avatarso that we can maintain mind,
body and spirit, and I thinkthat's a super cool lead-in to
us being able to do divinationand our coffee crystals and
divination, because I'm reallyinterested to see what the deck
thinks about the nurse avatar.
(30:41):
Okay, you know what I'm saying.
You know what I'm like,fascinated by this idea.
Right, this is a first.
I've never, ever, heard of itreferred to as a nursing avatar.
So, whatever we just came upwith, right now I'm digging For
this week I don't have aparticular drink.
Last week, when I was talkingabout it, I'm like, oh, next
(31:02):
week I'll resume having apolished presentation and some
kind of cool drink.
I still don't.
I'm still in the.
I'm living everyday, moment tomoment.
And I think, when it comes tocreating intentional space, I
want to encourage people tofocus on making the intentional
(31:23):
space something about itintriguing or beautiful or
interesting or kinestheticallysatisfying.
So picking a drink that is warmor cold or soothing, or the
scent of it, something about it,engages one of the five senses
and allows you to more fullyplug into that five-minute break
(31:47):
.
So, whether it's your favoritecoffee, whether you are an
absolute citrus fan, it doesn'tmatter what it is Pick something
that really draws you in andincorporate that into your drink
of the week and use that toreally plug into your five
minutes of just calm, just fiveminutes of self-focus, because I
(32:07):
think right now people are sooverwhelmed with sensory input
that trying to craft some kindof unique concoction, no, go
simple.
Just go super simple.
Something that you absolutelylove.
You love strawberries.
Make a strawberry flavoredmilkshake.
You love citrus drink a citrustea and add lemon to it and
(32:28):
inhale the scent of the citrus.
So I think that will work.
Both of us drank coffee andwater.
I brought my water right, yes,yes, you did so, did I?
So, as nurses, surprise,surprise, we actually were
hydrating.
I think I'm going to draw thecrystal prescription for this
week and see what the crystalprescription has to say along
(32:52):
the same lane, in terms of thenurse avatar and incorporating
it.
I do think that I have had oneor two suggestions from people
about doing just a like crystalsand divination episode, and
I've been toying with the idea Alot of times.
We incorporate the science andeverything else into it.
(33:13):
But I think it'll beinteresting to see what the
crystal prescription has to sayabout the nurse avatar idea.
How late Patience.
This deck I am still using theCrystal Portal Oracle from
Moonstruck Crystals.
If you haven't seen this,you're going to want to look it
(33:37):
up.
It's on socials.
I posted a picture of it and Itagged the creator.
It's an absolutely stunningdeck.
I posted a picture of it and Itagged the creator.
It's an absolutely stunningdeck and it's super fun because
there's a lot of attitude to it.
So the stone is how light and itrepresents patience, which is
rest, mindfulness and emotionalfreedom.
So this card is your gentlereminder to take a deep breath,
(34:02):
relax and recharge.
You may be feeling stressed andor have been pushing yourself
to the limit lately, so slowdown and find your sense of
patience.
Just like the sands in anhourglass take the time to, or
they take time to, cascade down.
Remember that great things taketime to unfold.
Take a step back for a moment,trust in the process and know
that good things come to thosewho hustle hard and rest hard.
(34:22):
Actual, I think that's amazing,and I think that good things
take time to evolve isparticularly poignant when we're
talking about the nurse avatarand that process of integration.
That makes sense, because wehustle hard.
But what do we not do?
We don't rest hard.
The rest aspect is what'smissing.
(34:45):
So if you have how light howlight is actually a very
beautiful, almost kind of marblelooking stone.
It's usually a bright whitewith veins of thin veins of gray
and black.
It is a soft stone.
So if you're going to carry itaround with you or wear it, just
make sure that it's in a pocketor on like a bracelet.
That's not going to get roughedup too much.
(35:08):
But for this week, carry yourHowlite around with you and
every time you see it, thinkabout that balance.
If you hustle hard and we knowwe all do then you have to rest
just as hard.
So what tarot deck do you havewith you?
Oh gosh.
So I brought the Yuletide tarotdeck with me, okay, and it
(35:29):
looks super cute.
It was, uh, it does.
This is, this is gorgeous, okay, yeah, it is very direct and
right to the point.
Okay, I would not have expectedthat.
Okay, no, you wouldn't.
You're like, oh, it's a cutelittle Christmas.
No, it's not.
This book is absolutelygorgeous.
I love the illustrations.
I like it because it pulls ondifferent Yuletide traditions
(35:54):
throughout cultures, throughoutthe world.
Oh, I love it.
So it's not just one or theother Love it.
The Magic of Midwinter oh, thisis such a beautiful book.
The candy cane striping oh,there's breakfast.
Okay, interest.
Normally, I pull one.
However, because this is yourdeck.
(36:17):
If you want to pull a spread,you're more than welcome to
Three spread, whatever you feelcalled to do.
I don't know how this decklikes to communicate these.
They have kind of long-windedanswers.
They're good answers, got itokay, but I'm thinking maybe we
keep it a little shorter.
Perfect, for time's sake.
Absolutely.
And did you want me to pull onthe nurse avatar, or just pull a
card, or what do you?
What are you feeling like?
(36:37):
I'm curious about this nurse.
Okay, let's.
Okay, then let's do it.
Let's do it, because my deck isnot a beater on the bush.
Okay, let's do it.
Let's do it.
Yeah, what do we need to knowabout our nurse avatar?
I'll let you pick one.
Hmm, I don't know, this one'slike a different color.
That's the king of gifts inreverse.
Yes, king of Gits.
(36:58):
What an interesting image,right?
All right, so the buzzwords arereliable supporting,
enterprising, wild Okay.
In contrast to the other kings,who can all appear somewhat
self-serving, the King of Gitsis significantly more generous.
They are successful individualswho have made their ambition
(37:20):
and ideas and use their talentsto secure a stable and happy
environment for themselves andthose they care for.
They find value and meaning infaithfulness and will reward
those who serve to help betterthemselves.
They are generous with theirtime and their experience.
I'll bet there is an element ofcontrol to this person,
especially when it involvesself-discipline.
(37:42):
Wild Okay, the gift that theyhold is not necessarily one that
will be given to you, but weare looking at a figure who
leads by example.
They will provide, but not ifyou do not learn to provide for
yourself.
Oh my gosh, your deck is wild.
I told you it just described thenurse avatar and then was like
(38:02):
hello, right, you have to giveto yourself.
If you do not take their leador advice, they are more likely
to show their dismay in actionsrather than words.
Interesting, right?
So this is the reversed meaningand I think this comes a lot.
This actually does play a lotin the self-care, but this card,
(38:23):
in reverse, says this is theantithesis of success and
determination.
Weakness and apathy areblighting the king and they are
unable to see their ownabilities clearly.
They have become a victim oftheir own success, which has led
to painfully stagnantsituations.
So think about it the nurseavatar.
(38:44):
The features and qualities thatit described before are
everything that social mediasociety sees as the nurse avatar
, yes, when really it is inreverse.
And another way of looking atapathy is emotional disconnect
Yep, looking at apathy isemotional disconnect, yep, and
the problem of of beingemotionally disconnected is
(39:05):
actually what is impeding ourability to to effectively like
to survive self-care.
So this is like the ideal nurseavatar, I think in the
description, um, but then whenyou flip to the reverse, this is
what happens when your nurseavatar is not healthy.
Correct, the human is nothealthy, the nurse avatar is not
(39:26):
healthy.
Exactly, it's like theunderlying problem that we're
not, yeah, a painfully stagnantsituation.
Yep, you can't evolve, youcan't advance, you get stuck,
absolutely.
Yeah, you get stuck in your ownthoughts, your own emotions.
It's just a clog and thenyou're just miserable and it's
utterly painful.
Whether it's physical, emotional, mental, it comes out Like you
(39:49):
were saying.
You know you, listening to yourbody, the little things tell
you something is wrong, longbefore your brain is engaging.
Yep, because we have thatapathy towards our own needs,
I'm telling you I am going tohave to do this like on camera,
because I've never even seenthis deck before.
You can't plan this stuff, butyou know they're so on the nose
(40:11):
and accurate.
I know people have got to belike nah, this is all scripted.
They had to have picked thembefore.
So I'm going to have to startdoing this on camera because
every week that we've done theoracle and divination, it has
been so targeted.
This is incredible and well,you're not kidding, that was not
.
That does not match the artstyle, yeah, no, no, not match
(40:35):
the art style at all.
Well, I want to thank you guysfor sticking with us and
listening to the podcast.
This.
This is actually episode one oftwo with Jamie.
The next time, the next episodethat we are going to cover,
we're going to delve more intoresilience and support systems
and advice and kind of lookingahead to the future.
So make sure that you subscribeto the podcast.
(40:56):
Tune in for our next episode.
If somebody is listening tothis podcast right now.
What is just one piece of advicethat you would give?
I know I've harped on this alot but honestly I just
struggled with it so much.
Don't compare yourself.
The way you do things is notgoing to be the same way as
someone else does it.
(41:16):
That doesn't make it wrong.
It's those differences and allthose little pieces that come
together as a whole that createthe healing environment.
Absolutely, absolutely Right.
Well, one patient I can givemight be completely different
than another patient and theymight be holistic in different
ways, or you might be the rightperson for that patient and I
may not be, and that's okay.
(41:36):
You have not failed at your jobbecause you did not meet that
human, okay.
You have not failed at your job, right, because you did not
meet that human marker, right?
That's absolutely phenomenal,phenomenal advice.
Well, I want you guys to focuson being just as compassionate
towards yourself and findingbalance and center this week.
Remember, if you hustle hard,boy, you better rest hard.
That is the message from thispodcast as we continue to look
(42:00):
at our nurse avatar.
So I want to thank you so much.
This is your ritual nursesigning off and I love your
faces.
This is your ritual nurse, reva.
Thanks for tuning in to theritual nurse podcast.
You can find us wherever youlisten to podcasts, so don't
forget to subscribe and stayconnected For all our social
(42:20):
links, free education classes,blogs and podcast notes with
resources head over to tcthorg.
Until next time, love yourfaces.
Welcome to the Ritual Nurse, where healing meets
humor, science and a touch ofmagic.
I am so excited, you guys,because I have a guest with me
today who is a fellow nurse, andI'm going to let Jamie
introduce herself and tell you alittle bit about her.
But I could not be more excitedto have her as a guest on the
(00:32):
podcast.
Hi, thank you so much forhaving me.
I was so excited when you hitme up and was like I'm doing
this podcast, and I was like,yes, yes, I want to do this.
Um, so, thank you, it's just asmuch of an opportunity for me.
Um, I'm excited, love it.
So give me, um, a little bit,if you will, just kind, of your,
(00:56):
your background or your, youknow our nursing pedigree.
As we, as we say, just get,yeah, give me a little bit about
your background, okay, um, so Ispent the first two and a half
years of my nursing career on amed surge unit.
From there I've been in icu forand then, back when I was on
(01:20):
the med surge unit, um, um, Idid have, uh, the opportunity to
do some charge shifts, nice,yeah.
Um, I learned a lot, uh, fromdifferent perspectives about
being there and I realized thatbeing a leader is hard.
Yes, yes, yes, girl, yes, um, Ialso came in just for, like
timing sake.
(01:40):
Um, I had three months of beingprecepted and then I was on my
own for three months and thenCOVID hit.
Okay, that's really significant.
You and I were having aconversation earlier that really
involved that.
Talk to me about those earlychallenges.
What did that mean for you?
(02:01):
So the way I like to thinkabout it is I was quote unquote
born into nursing in a time ofinstability, absolutely.
So I was able to, in thosefirst six months, see and
witness what stability lookedlike, but it really hasn't been
the majority of my career.
And so I think that you developdifferently as a nurse.
(02:25):
Coming in right around COVIDlike that, I think you don't
ever learn the stable way,absolutely, absolutely, kind of
like how you were explaining.
Like you know, there was aground at one point.
Yeah, there used to be a ground.
There was structure to this,scaffolding, to this, and all of
it evaporated during thepandemic.
(02:46):
And I think nurses prior to thepandemic and nurses born into
nursing during the pandemic, wehave different experiences of it
, but the end result was thismess of chaos, this mess of
instability that was kind ofdumped on our laps.
(03:09):
Okay, here now, deal with itRight.
And you know, now I'm observing,you know, the system, quote
unquote, try to bring stabilityback Right.
And I recognize it for what itis, but it's weird.
(03:38):
It's like what is that healthy,you know, like necrosis
uncovered, if you will, inpockets of healthcare, in
healthcare itself during thepandemic, that we can't go back
to what was, what existed before.
That makes sense, and so it'skind of like we're going to
establish the new normal andit's not normal like to any of
(04:04):
us, not to you guys, not tonurses before the pandemic, not,
I don't think, even to nursesthat are just hitting nursing
now.
Yeah, it's an interesting time,the chaos, the trauma.
(04:35):
So there's a couple of thingsthat come to mind.
One is that I was so hard onmyself and I had really
unrealistic expectations, andthis is something that, like, I
will talk to new grads about andI'll be like listen, you're
comparing yourself right now toa nurse who's been nursing for
seven years, 10 years, whatever,and it's not a fair comparison.
(04:58):
You are not going to functionthat way.
Period.
It took them seven years to bethat nurse.
Yes, it took me seven years tobe that nurse.
It took me five years to bethis nurse.
Don't expect everything to gogreat, especially in the first
year.
The first year is one of thehardest, especially if you start
off as a new grad in ICU.
Yeah, I did too.
(05:20):
Yeah, that's a double hardthing.
Yeah, it's almost like a fourthyear.
Well, depending on how longyour nursing school program was.
But it's extra nursing school.
Oh yeah, because in addition tolearning how to be an actual
nurse for the first time, you'relearning the specialization of
being in a specialized field forthe first time.
(05:42):
I don't think I breathed theentire first year.
I was a new grad.
Yeah, there were two instancesand that happened in one.
One of them was when I was anew grad and the other one I
went to ICU.
Yeah, and it is.
It's like you and my preceptorswere like listen, coming to the
ICU is like being a new gradall over again.
I told you I was like whatever,you're just blowing smoke, nope
(06:03):
, um.
And then I was like after awhile, I'm like you know what
that's really accurate?
Yeah, I think learning how tohandle the challenges that you
handled as a new nurse reallyinvolves a level of resiliency
that I don't think anybodyteaches us how to develop.
(06:24):
That I don't think anybodyteaches us how to develop Like
handling adversity is one thingwhen the variables are expected
or when at least some part ofthe structure is expected.
Handling adversity when youdon't know what, you don't know,
like, you have no idea whatform or shape the adversity is
going to take, aka our exposureto secondary trauma, the stress
(06:47):
and trauma of of taking all ofthese you know these
responsibilities on.
We don't know what form that'sgoing to take because we've
never experienced it before.
Are there things that, lookingfrom the point of experience
that you have now, that youwould say like navigating that
difficult kind of terrain?
(07:07):
What would you tell yourselfnow in regards to okay, this is
how you withstand this kind ofadversity, whether it be
challenges, trauma codes,exposure to trauma, the stress
and anxiety of havingresponsibility for human life
while you're still learning howto maintain, you know, to stop
(07:28):
the unaliving?
Is there something you wouldtell yourself now that?
Or you would tell yourself then,as the nurse you are now, I
would say one, don't take thingsquite so personally.
Oh, good one.
Oh, my gosh, so people aregoing to die and it's not going
to be your fault.
Oh my gosh, that just slappednew nurse me from around the
(07:54):
corner.
Okay, yes, and I even see older, more veteran season nurses
struggle with this, where it'slike, oh my God, what did I do
wrong?
Nothing, absolutely.
You did absolutely nothingwrong, absolutely.
Um, and that's where to havingyour maintaining those
relationships within the nursingfield, because sometimes it
takes that person on the outsidecoming in and going.
(08:15):
I saw what you did and you dideverything right.
Yes, you know.
Yeah, do you feel like as nurses, I kind of feel like you know
people will say to us like, oh,you're doing such a good job,
like during the pandemic, weheard this the whole time that
you know you guys are heroes,you're doing such a good job,
and it really is going to soundweird, but it really didn't mean
(08:36):
anything.
No, I hear exactly what you'resaying.
You know what I'm saying.
As a matter of fact, the momentthose words, I went through
this period of time where, themoment those words came out of
somebody's mouth, it was thisautomatic, like disconnect, like
you don't see me, you only seethe nurse.
Like you have no idea what I'mactually going through.
Yes, and though those commentsand those statements were all
(09:01):
made with good intent, it justmade me feel that much farther
away from yes, and that thatwhat you, the aspect that you
just discussed right there.
We kind of touched on thisearlier when we were talking
about nurses we're human, butthere's this weird I don't know
(09:23):
if it's both societally drivenand, I think, personally driven
to meet those expectations andstandards, and it's not just
nurses.
I feel like I see a lot ofphysicians with it, I see a lot
of our healthcare colleagueswith it.
There's this weird disconnectbetween our avatar as a nurse
and the expectations placed onit and our existence as a human.
Yep, like.
(09:44):
There's this weird separationwhere the emotions, the
struggles, the actual humanityof our existence and our
experience in the context ofthings around us is somehow
completely like, unplugged fromour avatar, our functioning
avatar as a nurse, absolutelyLike, and honestly, part of what
(10:05):
helped me get through thosefirst few years of nursing is
that idea of fake it till youmake it yes, because how often
do we hear that?
Right, and I'll be honest withyou, I don't know how healthy
quote unquote that perspectiveis, but it does give you that
third person removed, objectiveperspective where you can really
(10:28):
self-evaluate without hurtingyourself.
Yes, and you can evaluate thesituation and, okay, I as a
person maybe did not handle thiswell, but I as a nurse would
handle it like this.
Right, and it's just learningto, unfortunately,
compartmentalize.
I have to separate a lot ofthings, like there are a lot of
things that go down in ahospital that I would not be
(10:49):
okay with in real life, like theway that some people talk to me
.
I'm like I would have walkedaway five minutes ago because
you would not be allowed in mylife, because that is a personal
boundary that I have, exactly.
But as a nurse you're expectedto, like I don't know, not have
boundaries, I guess, unless itcomes to treatment, and then you
(11:09):
have to have the boundary toget the patient to take the
treatment Correct and it justgets like kind of convoluted,
absolutely Personal boundariesfor your own self, the human
self, are what's not allowed,but the nurse avatar and our
executive functioning, oh thenyou can have boundaries because
it is for the betterment ofsomeone else.
(11:30):
And I think that now do youthink, as a new nurse, that
compartmentalizing that we dooftentimes as a trauma
protection, just a shield, thatwe quickly learn how to do to
stuff things in boxes and keepmoving.
Do you think as a new nursewere you able to do what you can
now and look in those boxes andobjectively evaluate the
(11:53):
contents?
So I had to go through a periodof not having that coping
mechanism, developing thatcoping mechanism and then go
back and kind of reevaluate thatcoping mechanism.
And so by the time I hit thepoint of reevaluating that
coping mechanism, I did realizethat there were certain things
(12:14):
that I had naturally ingrainedinto my practice.
So, for example, I would lookaround at the other veteran
nurses and I would pickqualities from people, and even
sometimes they were just newernurses too.
But they figured something outthat I had Excellent, and I
would incorporate that into thequote.
Unquote nursing avatar yes, andthen eventually it became more
(12:38):
natural and I realized that partof the reason it wasn't me
faking my way through, it was meseeing something in somebody
else that I admired, or qualitythat I saw in myself that I
wanted to express in my practice.
Right, you were evolving, yes.
So when it did come time toreally look back and be like, do
I need this like third personcompartmentalized avatar thing
(13:00):
going on, right, it wasn't thatbig of a deal to me because I
just integrated.
What Like do I need this likethird person compartmentalized
avatar thing going on?
Right, it wasn't that big of adeal to me because I just
integrated what I wanted tointegrate.
I just was being mindful aboutit.
Yes, that's a really, that's areally advanced ability to do so
.
(13:27):
I think a lot of nurses I knowthat we leave nursing school
without really having any ofthose tools on board in terms of
self-awareness and evaluationand integrating qualities and
traits within ourselvesalongside the compassion of
being human.
As you're integrating thesetraits, it's not going to snap
on like a Lego.
You have to evolve into it.
You're not going to do it rightevery time.
You're not going to emulatethat like a Lego, like you have
to evolve into it.
You're not going to do it rightevery time.
You're not going to emulatethat trait right every time.
That muscle memory isn't thereyet In your journey to get from
(13:49):
not having that skill set to notonly having that skill set now
but actively engaging with it toevolve yourself.
What were some of the self-carepractices that kind of helped,
or the holistic and self-carepractices that kind of maintain
your sanity along that path.
So a couple of things that Idid to help maintain my sanity
(14:10):
in all of this is one I wastaught by a friend, and it was
the idea of he's like okay, youget a puppy, puppy pees on the
carpet, are you going to besuper angry and punish them and
treat them the same way youwould treat your adult dog that
knows better?
Like, no, you wouldn't, right,they're learning Because they're
learning Right.
And so I actually carried thatphilosophy over into a lot of
(14:35):
what I was doing as a nurse,because a lot of the resistances
I was coming up against werethings like addiction, yes, and
so it's for people who are usedto having control in their life
and now they don't.
And it's like okay, listen, youcan't punish people for feeling
the way they feel about thesituation that they're in.
They're struggling, they'rehaving a hard time, right.
(14:56):
So instead of fighting thatresistance, why don't you go
along with it and slowly guidepeople in a different direction?
Okay, that makes total sense.
And those implicit biases arethings that we, as nurses, learn
to kind of do the shadow work,if you will, when we're actively
(15:16):
engaged in mindfulness, whenwe're setting aside intentional
space to craft these rituals forourselves, if you will, because
we're doing it with intention,we're doing it with the
expectation of a result or agrowth, or even not just a
result or growth but anunderstanding, like a light bulb
coming on Right and to justkind of loop it back around to
(15:38):
the question, I know that wasthe long way around.
I would go through that processof basically taking the emotion
out of a situation or seeing itfrom a third person party or
seeing it from a differentperspective when I was in a
place to be able to digest that,and then I could be like, okay,
this is where I went wrong,this is where I went right, this
is how I would handle it nexttime.
(15:58):
And it was all verynonjudgmental because I pulled
the emotion out of it when I wasin a headspace to be able to
reflect.
Excellent, I couldn't have saidit better myself in terms of
the intention that we set whenwe create the space for
ourselves is to be able to be inthe mindset of objectively
(16:21):
looking at the contents of thoseboxes.
And, okay, I'm going toevaluate this without judgment.
That's not going to get in theway of my productive engagement.
With what's there, I can takewhat suits me, I can leave what
doesn't and continue thatevolving process.
And right now we're gettingclose to the 15 minute mark.
(16:41):
So if you have to head back toshift, we both wish you an
absolutely phenomenal shift withthe coolest residents and the
best orders ever.
If you don't have to head backto the floor, then take this
minute to refresh your coffee oryour tea.
The musical interlude is justkind of a key for you to press
pause and know exactly where youare when you come back to the
(17:03):
podcast.
But when we come back, we'regoing to continue talking with
Jamie about some more of theholistic practices that she
utilizes to stay in this mindfulspace and some self-care for
mind, body, spirit.
And, of course, we're going todo our coffee, crystals and
divination segment towards theend, and Jamie actually brought
an amazing deck to take a lookat, so I'm really excited for
(17:26):
that.
So, anyways, enjoy the musicand we will see you shortly.
Thank you guys so much.
If you guys have stuck with usand you're coming back to the
podcast, love it, and we're soexcited to keep talking.
I have a podcast guest here,jamie, and we're going to
(17:48):
continue our discussion that wewere having before the break,
still kind of focusing on theholistic and self-care practices
that really help you deal withthe adversity that we face in
nursing.
So, the secondary trauma thatwe're exposed to, whether it's
emotional, whether it's physical, what are some of the spaces
(18:13):
that you create for yourself tomaintain that balance, if your
mental health balance, your,your, your equilibrium, I've had
to learn how to check in withmy body, because my body will
tell me when I'm not okay beforemy mind will, and so, holy crap
(18:34):
, that was amazing.
So I've had to learn the littlecues Right, and I didn't
realize how many little cues Ihad until I started paying
attention to it, and sosometimes it's little cues, like
you know.
Oh, I feel a little spacey, I'mprobably hungry.
I should probably eat something, so I don't like bite
(18:54):
somebody's head off later.
Right, exactly, hangry, yes,exactly.
So that's been a really bigpart of my balance in the
workplace.
I wanted to ask you have a bookwith you here?
I do, and when we're thinkingabout mind, body and spirit and
nourishing those, that's one ofthe primary ways that we
maintain our resilience andprotect our mental health.
(19:17):
This book, what do you get outof this book?
What is this, your intersectionwith this?
So I brought the book with me.
One Small Step Can Change yourLife the Ties and Way by Robert
Murr.
Okay, and the reason was thatyou know I would get all this
advice of you should do this andyou should do that, but I never
(19:37):
understood how to implement it.
Excellent, and so one smallstep can change your life is
about creating habits in verybite-sized small pieces, like,
if it feels like effort, you'vealready been off too much.
Okay, that's extremelysignificant.
A few podcast episodes I wastalking about how the feeling of
(20:01):
overwhelm, especially right now, for people just even thinking
about listening to self-help orthinking about listening how to
address a problem can actuallybe that's too much dopamine.
I don't have enough dopaminefor that right now.
That's too big.
And so what is the one smallthing you can do to accomplish
(20:22):
self-care, regardless of yourto-do list or any of the other
overhanging anxieties?
Just one small thing that youcan accomplish for self-care
could be eating a snack.
It could be sitting still forfive minutes doing breath work.
It could be sketching something, any small thing that you have
the dopamine for, and that'ssuch an amazing reflective
(20:46):
sentence.
If it feels like effort.
You've probably already bittenoff too much.
Yeah, because that's exactlywhat that is.
So what about this book?
Showed you how to do what arelike the small steps?
Like, does it does it show you,does it talk to you about how
to engage with it or how tobreak it down?
(21:08):
Or so I think one of thebiggest lessons I walked away
with this book, and I'll give anexample in the book.
I know that I personally,especially as a night shift
nurse, struggle with overeatingand eating a bunch of carbs and
sugar, and the book isn't like,well, don't just stop, like
don't do that to yourself, right, right.
The book is like, literally, ifyour morning routine is I go, I
(21:31):
get my coffee, I get mychocolate croissant.
Well, take one less bite ofyour chocolate croissant.
That is so powerful becausepeople can do that Exactly,
exactly, right.
And the idea is, once itbecomes, you know, easy, you
don't have to think about it,you just take one less bite and
you're satisfied.
Then move on to two less bites,exactly.
And I have found that, when itcomes to because self-care is a
(21:54):
change, you know, and it'seffort and it takes time and I
really have struggled tointegrate that into my life.
But I found that taking smaller, bite-sized pieces and then
evaluate them and growing themhas been so much more helpful to
me than I'm going to wake upand start a 35-minute meditation
followed by a 60-minute workout.
(22:15):
I am so called out right now.
I am so called out right now.
I don't know if it's my ADHD orwhat it is, but I'm so called
out right now.
I'm so called out right now.
I don't know if it's my ADHD orwhat it is, but I'm so called
out right now.
So, like, let me give you.
Let me give you another example.
I decided um, I know the besttime for me to work out is first
thing in the morning.
Um, the only thing I'vecommitted myself to is wake up,
do 15 minutes period, and it'skind of evolved into 15 minutes
(22:39):
of stretching Checked, cool.
And it's kind of evolved into15 minutes of stretching Sure,
cool, but still You're movingyour body.
I'm checking in with my body.
I'm like where am I tight?
Yes, what needs attention?
Phenomenal.
And then there are some dayswhere it'll naturally grow into
something else, and that's how Iknow it's time.
Or I also use a habit tracker,okay, and I do track the days
that I do and don't do it, and Ican see, wow, I'm really
(23:01):
struggling with my commitmentright now to myself.
Okay, and my commitment tomyself is really important, like
I need to be able to trust myown word, right?
So let's work on the commitmentaspect and not worry so much
about whether I accomplished aquote, unquote goal.
The goal is do it Right.
What is blocking or impeding mycommitment to myself?
(23:23):
Yes, where am I putting myself?
What am I putting myself?
Second to yes, that's amazingand I think.
Do you think we talked beforethe break about how we're?
We exist as humans, but yet weoperate as these nurse avatars.
Do you think that there's somevalidity to the thought that we
suck so badly at self-carebecause there's two versions of
(23:45):
us and the one that's operantand visible to everyone is the
avatar?
Wow, that's a big question,right?
Because it just occurred to me.
I was like it's so difficultfor nurses to do self-care.
We don't drink water, we don'ttake our own advice, and
everybody on the podcast I don'twant to hear it because you
know what I'm saying is true,but really I think it's because
(24:09):
we invest so much in themaintenance and sustenance of
our avatar and we're not, wedon't ever.
You know, there's so muchstigma around talking about our
existence as humans that it'slike a little golem that we
don't, you know, we don't payattention to.
Yeah, but the self-care it'sthe human we have to do the
(24:30):
self-care of, not the avatar,right?
No, that's such a trip.
I had never thought of it thatway before.
Interesting.
Yeah, I think that I think as anurse, you innately have to
learn to emotionally distanceyourself Absolutely and I think
that also plays a partAbsolutely.
We have to disconnect and kindof disassociate from our
(24:53):
humanity, not in a compassionatesense, not in like how we
approach others and treat themwith humanity, but I mean our
own feelings, our, our personalpsyche like me as Reva, you as
Jamie, our actual personalpsyche.
We have to emotionallydisconnect from that to
withstand the levels of stressand anxiety and trauma that
(25:14):
we're exposed to, because thenurse avatar has to keep
functioning and meet those andmeet expectations.
And I think there's also aseparation in your mind too
where you're like it's the nurseavatar taking the trauma, not
the human.
Holy crap, we are like roundfor round slugging it out.
I love this.
That's phenomenal.
(25:35):
I think that's part of ourcompartmentalization, because we
have this fixture in our mind,this avatar image of what we're
supposed to be.
It's in social media, it's instereotypes, it's in every
picture of a nurse in COVID.
It goes back to that whole.
You guys are such heroes and weimmediately disassociate.
Yeah, because the nurse avataris what we're looking at.
(25:58):
There's no mirror reflecting usas humans.
But I don't think that we canget to the self-care part or
even the holistically nurturingour mind, body and spirit part.
The nurse avatar doesn't have amind, body or spirit.
We do Right, right, well, youknow what?
(26:18):
Okay, I don't even know howrelevant this is, but it's
really just off of my mind, butit kind of makes me wonder, like
you know how, when people gothrough enough trauma, they end
up with like a dissociativeidentity disorder, absolutely,
and I kind of wonder if nurseskind of tap into that a wee bit.
Oh, I think we, we absolutelydisassociate as protection
(26:39):
against trauma, which I believeI am not a psychiatrist and I
have not studied did.
But I believe that the nucleusof the schism, the, the
fracturing of the personalityinto those separate ones, is a
traumatic event, that then thatother personality is created to
shield and protect, right so.
(27:01):
So it kind of makes sense whenyou think about it from that
aspect.
It makes a lot of sense.
That's such an interestingconcept.
And how do we teach nurses thento begin reintegrating
themselves to the extent thatthey're capable?
Because to some extent, I don'tthink I don't know personally
that I would be able to fullyintegrate myself and continue to
(27:22):
do what I do with repetition.
I think that requires skillsets that I probably don't have
full mastery over in terms of myresilience.
Navigating, like that's whereyou need a professional
colleague therapist,psychiatrist, psychologist who
that is their wheelhouse, justlike they would need us to
(27:45):
titrate pressers for them.
But as a nurse, like, how wouldyou find a provider with that
wheelhouse?
Like, what are the buzzwords?
What do I need?
Trauma-informed care, yep,trauma-informed care, finding a
therapist or psychologist whospecializes in trauma-informed
care, because the nucleus of ourproblems stems from exposure to
(28:07):
an experience of trauma.
Just being a nurse inherentlyby itself is not traumatic.
It is our job environment andthe constant, repetitive,
consistent exposure to eitheremotional sometimes physical,
but emotional and mental trauma,both secondary, like of other
(28:28):
people, or ours.
Nobody comes to see us at workbecause it's a great day, right?
No one's like hey, so glad tosee you Right.
Exactly so, in one vein oranother there's a problem, and
you know constant exposure tothese problems with the
expectation that you fix it, youhave the responsibility for
fixing it.
Whether that is the megaproblem of stop the unaliving or
(28:50):
it is, you know, emotionaldistress and grief and the
grieving process or anger, lossof identity, loss of control.
Patients are in a situationwhere they have no autonomy or
control over what they're doingin the hospital or themselves
because of the disease process.
But we inadvertently becauseI'm not trying to say that they
(29:13):
do it on purpose weinadvertently catch some of the
brunt of that and so we have toemotionally process and we wade
through that and deal with that.
And when that happens to youevery day, day in, day out,
every time you go to work, yougot to process that Well, and
people too, like the saying youknow a smile is contagious.
(29:33):
Yes, you know well, it's notjust a smile.
No, the energy across the board, the spectrum, is contagious.
Yeah, and you can see it.
You can see it on the floorwhen you have a code that goes
sideways and then suddenlysentences are shorter, people,
(29:54):
you know, are sighing more.
Shoulders are tensed,conversations are yes, I mean,
it's settled in just like mud,you know, and you can feel it,
and it's this unspoken yeah,it's this unspoken thing that
everybody can feel and you wadethrough it and dig through the
muck and keep going.
But I think that we have to findsome way of teaching nurses how
(30:18):
to integrate with that avatarso that we can maintain mind,
body and spirit, and I thinkthat's a super cool lead-in to
us being able to do divinationand our coffee crystals and
divination, because I'm reallyinterested to see what the deck
thinks about the nurse avatar.
(30:41):
Okay, you know what I'm saying.
You know what I'm like,fascinated by this idea.
Right, this is a first.
I've never, ever, heard of itreferred to as a nursing avatar.
So, whatever we just came upwith, right now I'm digging For
this week I don't have aparticular drink.
Last week, when I was talkingabout it, I'm like, oh, next
(31:02):
week I'll resume having apolished presentation and some
kind of cool drink.
I still don't.
I'm still in the.
I'm living everyday, moment tomoment.
And I think, when it comes tocreating intentional space, I
want to encourage people tofocus on making the intentional
(31:23):
space something about itintriguing or beautiful or
interesting or kinestheticallysatisfying.
So picking a drink that is warmor cold or soothing, or the
scent of it, something about it,engages one of the five senses
and allows you to more fullyplug into that five-minute break
(31:47):
.
So, whether it's your favoritecoffee, whether you are an
absolute citrus fan, it doesn'tmatter what it is Pick something
that really draws you in andincorporate that into your drink
of the week and use that toreally plug into your five
minutes of just calm, just fiveminutes of self-focus, because I
(32:07):
think right now people are sooverwhelmed with sensory input
that trying to craft some kindof unique concoction, no, go
simple.
Just go super simple.
Something that you absolutelylove.
You love strawberries.
Make a strawberry flavoredmilkshake.
You love citrus drink a citrustea and add lemon to it and
(32:28):
inhale the scent of the citrus.
So I think that will work.
Both of us drank coffee andwater.
I brought my water right, yes,yes, you did so, did I?
So, as nurses, surprise,surprise, we actually were
hydrating.
I think I'm going to draw thecrystal prescription for this
week and see what the crystalprescription has to say along
(32:52):
the same lane, in terms of thenurse avatar and incorporating
it.
I do think that I have had oneor two suggestions from people
about doing just a like crystalsand divination episode, and
I've been toying with the idea Alot of times.
We incorporate the science andeverything else into it.
(33:13):
But I think it'll beinteresting to see what the
crystal prescription has to sayabout the nurse avatar idea.
How late Patience.
This deck I am still using theCrystal Portal Oracle from
Moonstruck Crystals.
If you haven't seen this,you're going to want to look it
(33:37):
up.
It's on socials.
I posted a picture of it and Itagged the creator.
It's an absolutely stunningdeck.
I posted a picture of it and Itagged the creator.
It's an absolutely stunningdeck and it's super fun because
there's a lot of attitude to it.
So the stone is how light and itrepresents patience, which is
rest, mindfulness and emotionalfreedom.
So this card is your gentlereminder to take a deep breath,
(34:02):
relax and recharge.
You may be feeling stressed andor have been pushing yourself
to the limit lately, so slowdown and find your sense of
patience.
Just like the sands in anhourglass take the time to, or
they take time to, cascade down.
Remember that great things taketime to unfold.
Take a step back for a moment,trust in the process and know
that good things come to thosewho hustle hard and rest hard.
(34:22):
Actual, I think that's amazing,and I think that good things
take time to evolve isparticularly poignant when we're
talking about the nurse avatarand that process of integration.
That makes sense, because wehustle hard.
But what do we not do?
We don't rest hard.
The rest aspect is what'smissing.
(34:45):
So if you have how light howlight is actually a very
beautiful, almost kind of marblelooking stone.
It's usually a bright whitewith veins of thin veins of gray
and black.
It is a soft stone.
So if you're going to carry itaround with you or wear it, just
make sure that it's in a pocketor on like a bracelet.
That's not going to get roughedup too much.
(35:08):
But for this week, carry yourHowlite around with you and
every time you see it, thinkabout that balance.
If you hustle hard and we knowwe all do then you have to rest
just as hard.
So what tarot deck do you havewith you?
Oh gosh.
So I brought the Yuletide tarotdeck with me, okay, and it
(35:29):
looks super cute.
It was, uh, it does.
This is, this is gorgeous, okay, yeah, it is very direct and
right to the point.
Okay, I would not have expectedthat.
Okay, no, you wouldn't.
You're like, oh, it's a cutelittle Christmas.
No, it's not.
This book is absolutelygorgeous.
I love the illustrations.
I like it because it pulls ondifferent Yuletide traditions
(35:54):
throughout cultures, throughoutthe world.
Oh, I love it.
So it's not just one or theother Love it.
The Magic of Midwinter oh, thisis such a beautiful book.
The candy cane striping oh,there's breakfast.
Okay, interest.
Normally, I pull one.
However, because this is yourdeck.
(36:17):
If you want to pull a spread,you're more than welcome to
Three spread, whatever you feelcalled to do.
I don't know how this decklikes to communicate these.
They have kind of long-windedanswers.
They're good answers, got itokay, but I'm thinking maybe we
keep it a little shorter.
Perfect, for time's sake.
Absolutely.
And did you want me to pull onthe nurse avatar, or just pull a
card, or what do you?
What are you feeling like?
(36:37):
I'm curious about this nurse.
Okay, let's.
Okay, then let's do it.
Let's do it, because my deck isnot a beater on the bush.
Okay, let's do it.
Let's do it.
Yeah, what do we need to knowabout our nurse avatar?
I'll let you pick one.
Hmm, I don't know, this one'slike a different color.
That's the king of gifts inreverse.
Yes, king of Gits.
(36:58):
What an interesting image,right?
All right, so the buzzwords arereliable supporting,
enterprising, wild Okay.
In contrast to the other kings,who can all appear somewhat
self-serving, the King of Gitsis significantly more generous.
They are successful individualswho have made their ambition
(37:20):
and ideas and use their talentsto secure a stable and happy
environment for themselves andthose they care for.
They find value and meaning infaithfulness and will reward
those who serve to help betterthemselves.
They are generous with theirtime and their experience.
I'll bet there is an element ofcontrol to this person,
especially when it involvesself-discipline.
(37:42):
Wild Okay, the gift that theyhold is not necessarily one that
will be given to you, but weare looking at a figure who
leads by example.
They will provide, but not ifyou do not learn to provide for
yourself.
Oh my gosh, your deck is wild.
I told you it just described thenurse avatar and then was like
(38:02):
hello, right, you have to giveto yourself.
If you do not take their leador advice, they are more likely
to show their dismay in actionsrather than words.
Interesting, right?
So this is the reversed meaningand I think this comes a lot.
This actually does play a lotin the self-care, but this card,
(38:23):
in reverse, says this is theantithesis of success and
determination.
Weakness and apathy areblighting the king and they are
unable to see their ownabilities clearly.
They have become a victim oftheir own success, which has led
to painfully stagnantsituations.
So think about it the nurseavatar.
(38:44):
The features and qualities thatit described before are
everything that social mediasociety sees as the nurse avatar
, yes, when really it is inreverse.
And another way of looking atapathy is emotional disconnect
Yep, looking at apathy isemotional disconnect, yep, and
the problem of of beingemotionally disconnected is
(39:05):
actually what is impeding ourability to to effectively like
to survive self-care.
So this is like the ideal nurseavatar, I think in the
description, um, but then whenyou flip to the reverse, this is
what happens when your nurseavatar is not healthy.
Correct, the human is nothealthy, the nurse avatar is not
(39:26):
healthy.
Exactly, it's like theunderlying problem that we're
not, yeah, a painfully stagnantsituation.
Yep, you can't evolve, youcan't advance, you get stuck,
absolutely.
Yeah, you get stuck in your ownthoughts, your own emotions.
It's just a clog and thenyou're just miserable and it's
utterly painful.
Whether it's physical, emotional, mental, it comes out Like you
(39:49):
were saying.
You know you, listening to yourbody, the little things tell
you something is wrong, longbefore your brain is engaging.
Yep, because we have thatapathy towards our own needs,
I'm telling you I am going tohave to do this like on camera,
because I've never even seenthis deck before.
You can't plan this stuff, butyou know they're so on the nose
(40:11):
and accurate.
I know people have got to belike nah, this is all scripted.
They had to have picked thembefore.
So I'm going to have to startdoing this on camera because
every week that we've done theoracle and divination, it has
been so targeted.
This is incredible and well,you're not kidding, that was not
.
That does not match the artstyle, yeah, no, no, not match
(40:35):
the art style at all.
Well, I want to thank you guysfor sticking with us and
listening to the podcast.
This.
This is actually episode one oftwo with Jamie.
The next time, the next episodethat we are going to cover,
we're going to delve more intoresilience and support systems
and advice and kind of lookingahead to the future.
So make sure that you subscribeto the podcast.
(40:56):
Tune in for our next episode.
If somebody is listening tothis podcast right now.
What is just one piece of advicethat you would give?
I know I've harped on this alot but honestly I just
struggled with it so much.
Don't compare yourself.
The way you do things is notgoing to be the same way as
someone else does it.
(41:16):
That doesn't make it wrong.
It's those differences and allthose little pieces that come
together as a whole that createthe healing environment.
Absolutely, absolutely Right.
Well, one patient I can givemight be completely different
than another patient and theymight be holistic in different
ways, or you might be the rightperson for that patient and I
may not be, and that's okay.
(41:36):
You have not failed at your jobbecause you did not meet that
human, okay.
You have not failed at your job, right, because you did not
meet that human marker, right?
That's absolutely phenomenal,phenomenal advice.
Well, I want you guys to focuson being just as compassionate
towards yourself and findingbalance and center this week.
Remember, if you hustle hard,boy, you better rest hard.
That is the message from thispodcast as we continue to look
(42:00):
at our nurse avatar.
So I want to thank you so much.
This is your ritual nursesigning off and I love your
faces.
This is your ritual nurse, reva.
Thanks for tuning in to theritual nurse podcast.
You can find us wherever youlisten to podcasts, so don't
forget to subscribe and stayconnected For all our social
(42:20):
links, free education classes,blogs and podcast notes with
resources head over to tcthorg.
Until next time, love yourfaces.
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