June 18, 2025 • 43 mins
TXT us your feedback!! <3 your fayce!
The Four Agreements of Nursing —
This week, Riva dives into a deceptively simple book with a surprisingly deep message for nurses everywhere: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
But this isn’t a book club. It’s a reckoning.
Because when nurses are expected to carry entire systems on their backs, absorb everyone’s trauma, and do it all with a charting pen in hand… how the hell do we stay whole?
Turns out, The Four Agreements might be the answer.
In this episode, we explore how each of the Four Agreements translates directly into the real-life mess and magic of nursing:
- What it really means to be impeccable with your practice
- How learning not to take things personally can save your sanity (and maybe your job)
- Why assumptions kill - in life, and at the bedside
- And how giving your sustainable best is a radical act of self-preservation
Riva shares personal stories, hard-won wisdom, and a science-backed breakdown of why these principles aren’t just spiritual fluff they’re neuroprotective, trauma-informed, and resilience-building tools every nurse deserves.
Then, in our Crystals, Coffee & Divination segment, you’ll get a sunkissed reminder of what ritual means and why we do this (along with a heartfelt plea for recipes for Mexican Coffee)(help your girl out!), a spot on pull for the week that's just so good, and a card pull for nurses who are done carrying what was never theirs.
This episode is for every nurse who was trained to sacrifice and is now learning to survive.
Listen in and start healing, one agreement at a time.
Links + Resources:
- New to The Ritual Nurse? Start here: tcth.org
- Grab the free downloads or shop the store: Ritual Nurse shop
- Submit your story or question for an upcoming episode: Hello @ ritualnurse (dot) com
Hashtags to follow this week:
#HealFirstNurseBetter
#TheRitualNursePodcast
Hey! Make sure you subscribe to stay connected. Love a nurse? Who doesn't! Share with all the nurses you know. The more we reach, the more we help. We feel like no one deserves center stage focus more than nurses and our mission is to reach the millions of superstars out there. We'd love to hear your stories, your adventures, your wins, and especially your needs and questions! Email us at hello@ritualnurse (dot) com. Also, you can send us fan mail! Use the link at the beginning of the show notes. Resources, classes, blogs, and podcast info can be found on our home site at TCTH.org. The Ritual Nurse Podcast is part of The Code Team educational platform.
Love your FAYCES!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Welcome to the Ritual Nurse, where healing meets
humor, science and a touch ofmagic.
Hey, family.
Welcome back to the Rit podcast, where we heal, first nurse
better and actually survive thiscareer.
We've all given so much ofourselves to this week.
(00:34):
I want to share somethingpersonal.
I just recently read the fouragreements for the very first
time, I know.
I know I know it's one of thosebooks that people have been
recommending for a long time,for years.
Okay, don't at me, but timingis everything, and reading it
(00:55):
now I'm pretty sure hitdifferently than it would have
at other points in my life.
You know I went through phasesof kind of collecting self-help
books and motivational books toreally kind of make up for the
dopamine and executivefunctioning.
(01:15):
I mean, let's just be real thatI was lacking at the time and
it just ended up making me feelless competent, less confident,
just less Like it wasn'tmotivating and a lot of it is,
because almost all of thosebooks are designed for
(01:36):
neuro-normative people, notneurodivergent people.
But there was something aboutthis that was just simple,
straightforward, wasn'toverwhelming, and it just felt
like the time to dive into it.
And as I went through it Irealized something that, without
(01:56):
knowing it.
These four agreements werepretty much how I had to learn
to nurse, how I had to learn tonurse.
They were how I the boundarylines that I set up, you know
the bounding box that I createdaround myself as I developed as
a professional nurse.
(02:16):
They certainly were not part ofmy nursing school education.
Nobody sat me down in clinicalsand actually taught me how to
build boundaries, how not tocarry things home, how to
protect my own mental health.
Um, I had to learn that thehard way, through experience,
through burnout, through over adecade of exposure to trauma,
(02:50):
over a decade of exposure totrauma, both primary and
secondary exposure andeventually healing.
It's been a really long roadthat actually came from a place
stemmed from a place of tryingto heal other people.
I mean, isn't that how we alldo it?
You know we're super good attaking care of other people.
We know just the right adviceto give.
(03:11):
We don't follow any of itourselves, of course, but you
know it was a long path.
The one agreement, though, like,as I contemplated all of this
and really kind of connected thedots in my head, the one
agreement that hit me thehardest was don't take anything
(03:31):
personally, because as a nurse,that's probably the hardest one
of all.
You know we're taught to caredeeply, to invest, to be
responsible for everyone'soutcome.
Nobody teaches us how toseparate our identity from our
(03:52):
job.
You know you are a nurse, thatis, that is what you are, that
is what you stepped into.
You know it's really kind ofbeen crafted as that identity.
We are so often reminded that.
You know it's not a job, it's aprofession.
It's not a job, it's a calling.
(04:13):
It's not a job, it's a, it's apassion, it's a life mission,
it's a and you know those areall valid aspects of it,
absolutely, absolutely.
This is not just a job, forsure.
But nobody teaches us how tohold space without carrying the
entire emotional weight andpsychosomatics of everything
(04:35):
around us.
You know the weight of theworld.
So today let's talk about howthe four agreements fit in
nursing and maybe, just maybe,how they might save some of us.
Let's go one by one.
If you haven't read the fouragreements of nursing, I highly
recommend it.
(04:55):
It is incredible.
I want to talk about how I seethese agreements, you know,
fitting into nursing and we'llgo from there.
But if you haven't picked up thebook, you can find it
everywhere.
I actually found it atgrassroots, which is this
incredible used bookstore herein Reno.
I found a brand new copy of it.
The author is Don Miguel Ruiz.
(05:17):
He has other books out.
The fifth agreement is one ofthem.
Oh my gosh, I just looked atthe other two books and I don't
remember their names.
But Don Miguel Ruiz, the FourAgreements, a Practical Guide to
Personal Freedom, is the bookthat I'm talking about.
And so the first one, beimpeccable with your practice.
So in the book, the firstagreement is to be impeccable
(05:39):
with your word.
For us, I think it reallytranslates into more than that.
It translates into beingimpeccable with our practice.
And that.
What does that look like?
What am I talking about?
That looks like know your scope, know your limits, and by
limits I don't mean legal scope,I mean know your personal
limits.
So for me, for example,critical care nurse ER, love it.
(06:02):
So for me, for example,critical care nurse ER, love it.
The adult side, however I stayed.
I actively, consciously stayedas far away from PICU, nicu and
most of PEDS, er as possible.
You nurses out there,physicians, healthcare workers,
(06:25):
team members out there that workin PICU, nicu, pdr, you know,
you are my actual heroes, uh,peds, oncology oh my goodness.
Uh, I stayed as far away fromthat as humanly possible.
You better find an adult toyour adult to do that, because
it's not me, I, the adult stuff.
No problem.
Missing an arm, I will find it,we'll reattach it, figure out
(06:47):
something to do with it.
You know no hitch in my stepthere.
When it comes to acute adultemergencies, you know wild
things.
Not a problem, pete.
On the other hand, absolutelynot.
So knowing your limits is notreferring to your medical legal
limits, it's your personallimits.
(07:09):
Um, stay up to date onevidence-based care.
Protect your license anddocument like your career
depends on it, because it does.
Being impeccable doesn't meanbeing perfect.
That's never a part of anyconversation that I will ever
have with you.
It is not real, it doesn'texist, it's not a thing.
(07:30):
It means being impeccable withyour practice means being honest
, accountable, safe.
You know, for example, likewith our documentation, your
documentation is your voice whenyou're not in the room.
So be impeccable with it.
The second one don't take itpersonally.
(07:52):
For us that really kind oflooks like.
Don't take the systempersonally.
Now, this is what I mean bythis.
I don't mean let them get awaywith it.
I don't mean turn the othercheek, anything like that.
This is what I'm talking aboutand this is one.
This is one that took me years,years to learn a lot of
(08:18):
self-awareness, a lot ofemotional intelligence like
developing it, honing it,boundary setting.
Emotional intelligence likedeveloping it, honing it,
boundary setting.
Lots of you know limit settingand what this looks like.
You know the patient who'sscreaming at you, the doctor who
(08:40):
condescends, the family thatdoesn't trust you.
The broken staffing matrix thatyou know leaves you totally
drowning and you feel like youcan barely keep up.
Nevermind, do it.
Well, it isn't about you, it'snot.
That isn't your point offailure, is what I'm saying?
It's about them.
It's about the healthcaresystem that should hire more
(09:01):
nurses so that they have a safestaffing matrix.
It's about the family systemthat should hire more nurses so
that they have a safe staffingmatrix.
It's about the familyexperiencing and the patient,
you know, experiencing thatvisceral panic, that terrifying
emotion, that inherentvulnerability that they're
unprepared for.
They are experiencing theiremergency.
(09:27):
You are helping them navigateit.
You are not their emergency.
You are helping them navigateit.
You are not their emergency andyou are not the problem.
You are not the issue.
It is about them, it's abouttheir fear, it's about their
grief.
It's about their grief.
It's about their own trauma.
It, you know it's.
It's about a system that wasbroken long before we ever
(09:49):
locked, walked into the buildingand, yes, we're doing
everything that we can to fix itbecause it's not sustainable
and we're not going to, we'renot going to stay in it.
You know it has to change,whether they like it or not, but
it's not about us, because ofus.
(10:09):
I used to take everything homewith me Every mistake, every
missed IV stick, every angryfamily member.
I wore it like it was areflection of my worth.
This job will eat you alive ifyou don't learn how to say I
hold space for you, but I willnot carry what is not mine.
(10:29):
Now, okay, if you make amistake that harms a patient, it
is very natural to think thatthat guilt, that emotion, that
you know those feelings, allthat you know that's going to go
home with you.
If you cause harm to someone,you know that that's something
(10:52):
that you might not.
You know you'll obviously neverforget it, but you know that's
going to impact you deeplyBecause we just you know that
goes against everything in ourgrain.
You know to harm a patient, butwhat I mean is being tired and
burned out and feeling likenever mind, not being able to
(11:17):
give your all.
You're not even meeting thehalfway mark.
You're checking boxes, you'rekeeping patients safe and alive
till 745.
And none of it is the care thatyou want to be delivering.
I mean situations like those.
I mean the guilt over do I pickup that overtime shift?
(11:40):
They're short staffed.
It's my team and you knowreally feeling that guilt, as if
the weight of that, for somereason, is on you.
It's not, it is absolutely not,as the it is the healthcare
system's job to staff theirunits appropriately, not yours,
um, but that's what I'm talkingabout and that's the boundary
(12:01):
work that we were never taught.
You know, we, granted, Igraduated a long time ago, but I
still hear it in nursing.
For those of you that don'tknow, I am forever the nursing
student.
I'm still in school.
Hi, hello, it is me.
I am still in school.
I am finishing my FNP and mydoctorate simultaneously and
(12:24):
there's still echoes andwhispers of that altruism my
personal nursing instructors.
Do not tell us that I havephenomenal nursing instructors,
but I'm also a.
I am also a nursing instructor,I teach BSN students and in
academia.
(12:45):
That is a battle cry, that is aslogan, that is a moniker that
refuses to die, it just refusesto be put down.
This notion of this altruistic,self-emptying, self-depleting
asset that is the nurse, that issomehow, you know, more than
(13:08):
human and able to, you know, doinhuman feats of compassion and
empathy and caring and nurturingand giving you know without
exhaustion, somehow, um, andwithout caregiver fatigue,
without burnout somehow, andwithout caregiver fatigue,
without burnout, without normalhuman responses to trauma.
So that is something that youknow.
(13:33):
Those whispers are still aroundthere.
So we were not taught theseboundaries when we were in
nursing school, nor were we asnew grads, and we certainly
weren't taught how to fashionany of these boundaries or hold
the space for ourselves as wemoved through the healthcare
system.
And if this is something thatyou're struggling with, just
know that.
You know I see you.
There's so many nurses outthere who are doing this work,
(13:55):
who are further along in thiswork than I am, who are just
beginning in this work, and wesee you, we see each other, you
know, because we felt thesethings too, we survived these
things too.
We are going through thesethings too.
Another one, the next one, likethe third one, is don't make
assumptions.
This one, really, you know thisis clinical safety 101.
(14:17):
Assumptions kill.
Never assume that someone elseverified the order.
Never assume that the med wasdouble checked.
Never assume that vague handoffgave you the full picture.
Sbar exists for a reasonClarify, validate, ask.
There is not a dumb question.
The nurse that stops askingquestions is going to kill
somebody.
The nurse that is not willingto acknowledge she doesn't know,
(14:42):
or he doesn't know or theydon't know what they don't know,
is going to kill somebody.
Even if you feel dumb,especially if you're new,
especially if you are seasoned,okay, that tunnel vision and
those blinders are far moredangerous than the gaps in
(15:02):
clinical knowledge that a newgraduate has or a beginning
professional has.
Ask the questions, clarify,validate, get another pair of
eyes on it.
A nurse who asks is a nurse whoprotects.
We're human, like we don't knowwhat we don't know, and certain
skill sets and certain layersof knowledge if you don't flex
(15:26):
them and use them continuously.
You got to brush the dust off.
You got to go look up thepolicy.
You got to go ask the clinicaleducator where the heck the
cheat sheet is for XYZ, whateverthe heck it is, or look up the
evidence-based practice.
Maybe stuff has changed in thepast 10 years.
(15:46):
Science and medicine changefast.
Always be looking for thatanswer, the updated resources,
the person who can answer yourquestions, the nursing buddy
that can give you another pairof eyes and help you see, you
know, uncover any clinicalbiases that you might have.
(16:08):
The last one is always do yoursustainable best.
So in the book it says alwaysdo your best in nursing.
We have to adjust that.
I mean really in life, I thinkwe have to adjust that also, but
in nursing cause that's whatwe're talking about right now
Always do your sustainable best,because our best on a fully
staffed, smooth day is, quitefrankly, not the same as our
(16:32):
best on a one to WTF ratio,short staffed, nightmare.
It just isn't because ithumanly can't be.
It just isn't because ithumanly can't be and we need to
really match our expectationsand our demands to reality
(16:54):
within the scope of our practice.
Um, and sustainable best meansprotecting yourself from
perfectionism.
It doesn't exist, it isn't real.
Giving what you can give inthat moment, giving what you can
give that day, and knowing whenenough is enough and sometimes
(17:17):
surviving when that's all that'spossible.
Perfectionism fuels burnout.
Perfectionism fuels burnout.
Perfectionism is such a monsterand it is purely utterly made
up.
Sustainability, however, fuelsresilience.
(17:39):
And I'm going to say this I'mgoing to hold your hands, all
your hands, with so much lovewhen I say this, and I'm going
to hold your hands, all yourhands, with so much love when I
say this and I'm going to say it.
I'm going to pause and I'mgoing to say it again.
Do not turn off the podcastwhen I do this.
Hang in there with me.
But your worth is not measuredby how much you sacrifice.
(18:01):
I must say again your worth isnot measured by how much you
sacrifice.
Do your sustainable best,whatever that might be, in that
shift, in that moment, in thathour, that day.
(18:29):
Let's take our usual pause.
I want you to breathe, I wantyou to hydrate.
I want you to roll yourshoulders, your feet, ankles,
neck.
Stop rolling your eyeballs.
I swear you know how they usedto tell us us your face is going
to get stuck like that.
You know when you like.
(18:49):
I don't know if you grew up,when I grew up, but you'd get
told by adults you know thatyour face was going to get stuck
like that.
If that was true, my orbitalsockets would be permanently
like evulsed or something,because my eyeballs the amount
of times that I'm rolling myeyeballs in my cranium, I am
(19:12):
looking at the back of my skulland my eyes would have gotten
stuck like that if that was true.
But I want you to rolleverything, loosen up, breathe
in, breathe out, hydrate.
If you're listening at work, Isee you.
You are not alone.
This is your time to hit pauseand if you are going to hang out
with us, do all the things andjump back in.
(19:36):
We're going to hit up somescience after the break and, of
course, our coffee crystals anddivination.
If you have to head back to thefloor or off to do something
else, then you always know youcan come back and return for the
(20:00):
second half and we will see youthen.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Some people never learn, but they're not gonna,
not gonna watch me burn, cause,baby, I got you, you, you, you.
Here's to new beginnings and abetter life, here's to dancing
underneath the disco lights.
They can try, but they cannever take me down.
(20:25):
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, take medown, cause I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid to love, notafraid to love.
I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid to love, notafraid to love.
They always bring all thelonely.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
But with you here, nothing can scare me.
All right, welcome back.
I hope you're hydrated and didall the things.
Let's bring in some science.
Let's pull the science in,because the ritual nurse is
always where the woo meets thedata.
There's some woo stuff.
(21:20):
I'm not going to lie.
I like it.
If you don't, that's okay,that's totally okay.
But I'm also a science girl.
I am definitely a type C.
You know there's like a type A,type B.
I am a type C and that alsoapplies to I'm an amvert and I
am also a woo science girl.
(21:40):
How about we say that?
So cognitive load theory talksabout how every assumption,
every extra emotion you carryburns brain power.
When you stop taking thingspersonally and you clarify
assumptions, you reducecognitive strain because you are
reducing cognitive load.
So think about your desktop.
Well, not even your desktop.
Let's just.
(22:00):
Let's just go straight for thedevice in your hand.
If you open up your browser, howmany tabs you got open, right,
I have seen.
We're not going to.
We're not going to say who,we're not going to talk about
who.
I have seen tab numbers inexcess of 50, 60, 80.
(22:21):
Again, we are not going to talkabout who.
That is the equivalent ofcognitive load.
Really.
Each one of cognitive load,really, each one of those tabs.
The thing that you're carryingaround, that is mid-process,
that is not a closed loop ofthought.
That is one of the lanes ofyour multi-lane freeway is still
(22:42):
active there with thatcognitive load.
And the more tabs we close, themore things we put to rest.
Something that's so amazing forthis is the list.
If you don't know what it is,it's in earlier episodes, it's
on the website.
I have a bunch of freedownloads for you guys of the
list.
It's an incredible cognitivetool that I made and released
(23:04):
for my incredible listeners andit unloads all of that nonsense
and in doing so you reduce yourcognitive strain.
Emotional labor is another thing.
So research shows that thechronic burden of emotional
labor and nursing contributesdirectly to compassion fatigue
(23:24):
and burnout.
Both the ANA and the NationalAcademy of Medicine, you know
and it's funny because both ofthose are tell us that Emotional
labor contributing tocompassion fatigue and caregiver
fatigue and burnout.
We know, we know that.
(23:55):
And the emotional labor thatwe're doing is also accompanied
by being in contextual, being inenvironments, being in context
where it is already high stress,where it is exposure directly
to trauma, high emotional loadrequiring really deep emotional
(24:19):
labor, sometimes really deepemotional labor.
Sometimes that just furtheraccelerates that compassion,
fatigue and burnout.
Boundary work in the brainBoundary setting helps regulate
our amygdala.
That's our fight or flightcenter and what we're trying to
do is reduce that sympatheticnervous system activation Less
(24:40):
cortisol, lower anxiety,improved mental health, lower
stress levels.
And these four agreements innursing, if you will, or as
translated into nursing, ruizwrote very to the point and very
succinctly and it's just soapropos.
(25:00):
And when you look at it throughthe lens of nursing, it's
really incredible what apowerful tool those four
agreements are through theperceptive filter of our context
.
You know, and these, theseideas, these theories, these
(25:21):
agreements impact all of themCognitive load, emotional labor,
it helps.
The four agreements are doingboundary work that impacts the
brain.
And another thing isperfectionism and the burnout
situation.
A 2023 meta-analysis in thejournal of nursing management
showed a significant correlationbetween high levels of
(25:43):
perfectionism and nurse burnout.
I love how research sometimestells us things that are duh
like.
We all know this.
But and I'm not making, I'm notmaking light of the research,
the research is vastly important.
Why?
Yes, okay, so we knew that thethings are duh.
We know perfectionism causesburnout.
We know it.
(26:04):
But in looking at the researchand the mechanisms by which it
does, the context that createsthe perfectionism or the culture
of perfectionism, that's how weactually acknowledge it, that's
how we actually put voice to it, that's how we actually
recognize it.
So I'm not making light of theresearch.
It's incredibly important andvery powerful.
(26:25):
Sustainable practice reducesthat risk.
You know, when you embody theseagreements, even imperfectly,
hello, what did?
What?
Have we said?
This entire podcast.
Perfectionism isn't real, okay.
So when you embody theseagreements, however imperfectly,
you're not just helping yourpatients, you're protecting your
(26:46):
brain, your nervous system andyour longevity in the field.
You're protecting your brain,your nervous system and your
longevity in the field.
You're literally regulatingyour own neurochemistry by not
taking things personally, by notmaking assumptions, by setting
a standard of being impeccablein your practice and always
looking for our sustainable best.
So the science behind it isrock solid and I'm just going to
(27:12):
leave that there.
Some I know friends of mineright now are flipping off the
their, their phone, aka me.
But rock solid, absolutely rocksolid.
So we're going to do coffee,crystals and divination and I
really I don't know about youguys, but in the summer, I
(27:35):
usually switch to iced coffeedrinks and experiment with all
the flavors and all the otherstuff.
This part of the segment.
It's not about uncovering thelatest trend or making up some
drink or something.
This part of the segment wherewe're talking about our coffee
or our tea of the week.
The whole idea is creatingspace, holding space, making a
(28:02):
ritual of carving space out ofyour day for you to do the work
of self-care.
Any one of the dozens by now,out of all the episodes we have
out so far, of the methods ofself-care, of regulation, of
trauma-informed care designed tohelp you heal you can listen to
(28:26):
the podcast and take notes.
And you can listen to thepodcast and take notes and
hopefully a lot of you you knowhave copies of the list by your
bedside or in your locker or,you know, next to your nursing
brain.
They're all oh my gosh, I can'tbelieve.
I just had to pause to thinkabout that.
They're all work appropriate.
They're all safe for work.
Yes, they're all safe for work.
(28:47):
I can't believe I had to thinkabout that.
I created some with mermaids onthem and suddenly I had to
pause and think to myself dothey all have tops on.
Oh, my goodness, yeah, they areall safe for work.
So the point is, when we'retalking about our coffee or our
tea of the week, it's to giveyou ideas of that sweet treat or
(29:12):
that hydration or that moment,because the more we repeat it,
the more we talk about it, themore we synonymously like,
identify those things together.
You think about it when you goto make your drink.
You think about it when yourefill your water bottle and
take a minute to hydrate or makeyour flavored water, or brew
(29:32):
that incredible aromatic tea orhave that yummy frozen
concoction, whatever it is.
You think about the correlationbetween that and crafting,
creating that ritual space.
Ritual is habit.
That's what it means.
So making a ritual, making ahabit Now, a habit is
(29:53):
commonplace, is analytical, iscut and dried.
Ritual is different.
Ritual is it's richer, no punintended.
It's crafted, it's focused,it's nuanced and that's why I
keep calling it a ritual.
That's why I'm the ritual nurse.
(30:13):
See what I did there.
Ritual is so important.
It ties together all of theconcepts and ideas that we want
to incorporate while we'reholding that space for ourselves
.
So with your coffee drink ofthe week, with your tea of the
week, make a thing out of it.
Give yourself permission,actually name it, create it,
(30:36):
craft it, make it a thing.
That is your ritual.
You are holding space foryourself when you are taking
five minutes to drink that stillhot coffee drink to get the
first really good pulls off ofthat iced blended concoction
that you have before it getswatered down to inhale the aroma
(30:58):
of that incredible tea or chaior matcha, whatever it is, your
flavored water.
Get the first really goodcrispy sips of that carbonated
flavored water, whatever it isthat you're creating, and
breathe and and do your boxbreathing, do your head to toe
relaxation, the IV push, likewhichever of the skill sets or
(31:24):
tools that resonates the mostwith you Filling out your list,
taking that time to dive in andfill out your list and feel that
cognitive relief as you lowerthat cognitive load.
That's what this is about.
And for me, this week I hadMexican coffee at a place called
(31:44):
Dream I think it's Dream Tacoshere in Reno Nevada, and the guy
made it for me.
I was like, hey, do you havecoffee?
And it was kind of like 1130,1130, 11, 1130.
And he kind of stopped and hesaid, yeah, yeah, I'm going to
make you a Mexican coffee andbring it.
When I tell you the aromacinnamon, the sugar cane, no
(32:08):
cream in it, not even necessary,no bitterness, the strength of
the aroma, the smell I don'tknow about you, but I love the
smell of coffee, the just actual, like brewed hot coffee.
The smell of this was soincredible.
I had to sit there, you know,with both hands around the mug,
(32:30):
sipping it, just actuallysavoring it, in the middle of
this restaurant, and it reallybrought me back to myself in
that moment.
It just does.
It does because I have made theact of savoring that drink,
that beverage, that sweet treat,whatever it is.
I have made that synonymouswith ritual, with holding space,
(32:51):
even if it's five minutes, andyour body remembers that.
So give it a try, see if youcan find Mexican coffee at a
restaurant or something, or ifyou know how to make it.
Oh my gosh, if you know how tomake it, hit me up on socials
and let your girl know what yourrecipe is, because I do not
know how to make it and I wantto try a recipe from somebody
(33:12):
who knows how to make it reallygood, like a tried and true
recipe kind of thing.
All right, let's do our crystalprescription for the week.
Let's see what we've got.
I'm going to move my keyboardhere so I can actually shuffle
these decks in real time whileI'm talking to you guys.
You know, originally when Istarted this podcast I thought
like, oh, how fun, I have somany different decks, we'll just
(33:34):
cycle through them and lies,absolute lies.
I still use the Crystal PortalOracle from Moonstruck oh, and
that jumped out immediately FromMoonstruck Crystals.
Oh, so beautiful.
These are the decks for thispodcast.
I use both the tarot deck andthe crystal oracle.
(33:56):
They have mini versions which Ireally want to get.
I have the silver versions,like the silver hologram kind of
edged versions.
The foiling is silver, alongwith the colors.
Oh, how funny.
Oh, I love this image.
It is a beautiful open windowwith a sun.
There's a beautiful black catsitting on it, a sunstone spire
(34:17):
and, of course, the sun itselfis colored like sunstone.
So that is the stone, thecrystal of the week, and let's
see what it has to tell us aboutthese agreements for the week.
So sunstone is independence,empowerment, vitality and
(34:37):
inspiration.
Soak up the sun's rays justlike our feline friends do.
I am such a cat in that regard.
It's no surprise here thatSunstone is linked to the
radiant energy of the sun.
Tap into your inner felineinstincts.
Cats, known for theirindependent nature, thrive
without constant attention andreassurance.
(34:59):
Therefore, sunstone helps youto feel more confident,
self-reliant and in control ofyour own life.
Hmm, a lot like the fouragreements that we just
discussed Wild, this card meowsencouragement to find joy in
solitude, empowering you tounleash your true originality.
(35:20):
That's incredible.
Again, totally irrelevantSunstone it is.
I have beautiful sunstones fromplush Oregon when my kids were
younger and I could throw themboth in one vehicle along a
bunch of camping gear andwhatnot.
I would take them first bymyself as a single mom and then
(35:41):
later, when I remarried with myincredible husband, uh, to plush
Oregon and we would go rockhounding for sunstones.
It was kind of like a yearlysummer tradition for us.
We would stop at really cooldiners along the way and find
just really cool local places.
We found an incredible hotSprings up in Oregon by chance
(36:03):
driving back and forth, andother hot springs in Northern
California.
Just incredible stuff.
But I have a bag of I've neverfound any of the big like really
huge, like nugget typesunstones and I'm always jealous
of those that have, but I dohave quite a number of gorgeous
little specimens of sunstones,do have quite a number of
gorgeous little specimens ofsunstones.
(36:23):
I guess, when you think about it, even the trip that I took to
get them really representsindependence as a single mom,
packing up my two kids andheading out, you know, on a road
trip hours and hours away andcamping and rock hounding, you
know, for days at a time.
Let's do our tarot for the week, let's see what our divination
is, what message, and again, Iwant you guys to take what works
(36:47):
for you and leave the rest.
If divination, tarot, crystals,that kind of stuff is not for
you, no problem.
It isn't for everybody, that isokay.
This space is completely openand welcoming to you, regardless
of whether or not you findcrystals and or divination and
(37:09):
or coffee, even weirdo, to berelevant to you.
The message.
I think you can still use themessage you know to to spark
journaling, to spark thought to,to spark idea.
It doesn't have to come, itdoesn't have to be inherently
linked to the woo-woo type ofthings.
You can, you can take it as youwill and, like I said, you know
(37:33):
, take what works for you andleave the rest.
But let's see what ourdivination is for the week.
These tarot cards.
They're all the same size.
These are really big cards formy hands.
I have big hands for a chickand well, you just want to come
out here.
Oh, amazing, it's almostexactly the same color.
(37:57):
This is wild.
I've never seen this cardbefore.
It is the six of cups and it istangerine quartz.
So let's find our cups.
There is wild.
I've never seen this cardbefore.
It is the six of cups and it istangerine quartz.
So let's find our cups.
There we go.
Oh, this is amazing.
This is so amazing.
I love this for this week.
So the six of cups indicatesinnocence, childhood memories,
pleasure Tangerine quartz is ourinner child and creativity and
(38:21):
joy.
The energy of the six of cupsis all about revisiting one's
roots and happy memories,reminiscing over the good times
and getting in touch with yourinner child will help you to
connect more with your authenticself.
Authenticity is really thecornerstone of being able to do
the four agreements.
There are agreements withyourself.
(38:42):
There are agreements withyourself.
There are promises to yourself.
You have to be authentic inorder to live them, to walk them
, to nurse by them.
So this is perfect.
So tangerine, quartz andsunstone and the six of cups
just absolutely beautiful,beautiful cards and incredible
(39:03):
beautiful messages.
If this spoke to you, which Ireally, really hope it did, I
just want you to know that youwere never meant to carry the
weight of every shift, everypatient, every trauma on your
back.
I want you to release what isnot yours, hold your sacred
boundary and allow yourself toreturn to center.
(39:26):
And if this episode spoke toyou, I'm going to ask you to
take a small action.
I want you to take a smallaction for me.
I want you to DM me which ofthe four agreements is hardest
for you right now.
It could be on TikTok, it couldbe on Instagram.
The text message thing.
This is like my favorite thingand I actually have gotten
people that have used it and itthrilled me to the core.
(39:46):
If you look at the show noteson Spotify or Apple podcast.
If you look at the show notesfor the episode, the very first
line looks like a link and it is.
And if you tap it, of coursewhile you're on your phone maybe
even iPads do, I think.
But if you tap it, so of coursewhile you're on your phone
maybe even iPads do, I think butif you tap it, it pops open a
text message.
I don't get your number, I don'tget your info, your secret is
(40:10):
safe with me, but you candirectly text me and you can
directly text me.
It goes right to me and you canput your name if you want, or
be completely anonymous, itdoesn't matter.
I don't get your number andit's not signing up for anything
.
It's not an SMS service.
There's no return to sender, iswhat I'm trying to say.
(40:36):
You click on that link and yousend me information, whether
it's a story you want to share,whether it's, you know.
I would love to know which ofthe four agreements, which of
which of the four agreements ishardest for you but don't take
it personally was hardest for me, and in some ways it still is
and the sustainable best one.
That is my second hardest onethat I struggle with, sometimes
still.
So I would love for you to tellme your story, tell me your
(40:59):
side and share this episode withanother nurse.
We are building community hereand there are millions of us.
I can only build as fast asevery one of you hits, share and
passes me along.
So I'm, you know, I'm askingyou guys to to share the episode
(41:23):
and share your story with me,share your struggles with me.
Um, like I said, it can beanonymous.
If you want to be identified oryou know, uh, give your name or
heck, if you want to be a gueston the podcast, if you have a
story, if you have somethingyou're really passionate about,
(41:47):
message me.
I want to highlight othernurses, I want to highlight
other perspectives.
Absolutely, message me Like Icannot wait to interact with you
guys.
But this you know building thiscommunity and and sharing these
experiences together, this ishow we heal first and nurse
(42:07):
better.
So, don't forget, you can grabfree downloads.
Um course is still live.
Uh, the authentic nurse courseis still live.
Of course, on the website italways will be Um and the other,
the other forms of the list, um, all of that, uh, ritual nurse
stuff is over at tcthorg.
Everything is there to supportyour healing.
(42:30):
Um, I love your faces, protectyour peace and I'll see you next
episode.
This is your ritual nurse Reva.
Thanks for tuning in to theRitual Nurse Podcast.
You can find us wherever youlisten to podcasts, so don't
forget to subscribe and stayconnected For all our social
(42:51):
links free education classes,blogs and podcast notes with
resources.
Head over to tcthorg.
Until next time, love yourfaces.
Welcome to the Ritual Nurse, where healing meets
humor, science and a touch ofmagic.
Hey, family.
Welcome back to the Rit podcast, where we heal, first nurse
better and actually survive thiscareer.
We've all given so much ofourselves to this week.
(00:34):
I want to share somethingpersonal.
I just recently read the fouragreements for the very first
time, I know.
I know I know it's one of thosebooks that people have been
recommending for a long time,for years.
Okay, don't at me, but timingis everything, and reading it
(00:55):
now I'm pretty sure hitdifferently than it would have
at other points in my life.
You know I went through phasesof kind of collecting self-help
books and motivational books toreally kind of make up for the
dopamine and executivefunctioning.
(01:15):
I mean, let's just be real thatI was lacking at the time and
it just ended up making me feelless competent, less confident,
just less Like it wasn'tmotivating and a lot of it is,
because almost all of thosebooks are designed for
(01:36):
neuro-normative people, notneurodivergent people.
But there was something aboutthis that was just simple,
straightforward, wasn'toverwhelming, and it just felt
like the time to dive into it.
And as I went through it Irealized something that, without
(01:56):
knowing it.
These four agreements werepretty much how I had to learn
to nurse, how I had to learn tonurse.
They were how I the boundarylines that I set up, you know
the bounding box that I createdaround myself as I developed as
a professional nurse.
(02:16):
They certainly were not part ofmy nursing school education.
Nobody sat me down in clinicalsand actually taught me how to
build boundaries, how not tocarry things home, how to
protect my own mental health.
Um, I had to learn that thehard way, through experience,
through burnout, through over adecade of exposure to trauma,
(02:50):
over a decade of exposure totrauma, both primary and
secondary exposure andeventually healing.
It's been a really long roadthat actually came from a place
stemmed from a place of tryingto heal other people.
I mean, isn't that how we alldo it?
You know we're super good attaking care of other people.
We know just the right adviceto give.
(03:11):
We don't follow any of itourselves, of course, but you
know it was a long path.
The one agreement, though, like,as I contemplated all of this
and really kind of connected thedots in my head, the one
agreement that hit me thehardest was don't take anything
(03:31):
personally, because as a nurse,that's probably the hardest one
of all.
You know we're taught to caredeeply, to invest, to be
responsible for everyone'soutcome.
Nobody teaches us how toseparate our identity from our
(03:52):
job.
You know you are a nurse, thatis, that is what you are, that
is what you stepped into.
You know it's really kind ofbeen crafted as that identity.
We are so often reminded that.
You know it's not a job, it's aprofession.
It's not a job, it's a calling.
(04:13):
It's not a job, it's a, it's apassion, it's a life mission,
it's a and you know those areall valid aspects of it,
absolutely, absolutely.
This is not just a job, forsure.
But nobody teaches us how tohold space without carrying the
entire emotional weight andpsychosomatics of everything
(04:35):
around us.
You know the weight of theworld.
So today let's talk about howthe four agreements fit in
nursing and maybe, just maybe,how they might save some of us.
Let's go one by one.
If you haven't read the fouragreements of nursing, I highly
recommend it.
(04:55):
It is incredible.
I want to talk about how I seethese agreements, you know,
fitting into nursing and we'llgo from there.
But if you haven't picked up thebook, you can find it
everywhere.
I actually found it atgrassroots, which is this
incredible used bookstore herein Reno.
I found a brand new copy of it.
The author is Don Miguel Ruiz.
(05:17):
He has other books out.
The fifth agreement is one ofthem.
Oh my gosh, I just looked atthe other two books and I don't
remember their names.
But Don Miguel Ruiz, the FourAgreements, a Practical Guide to
Personal Freedom, is the bookthat I'm talking about.
And so the first one, beimpeccable with your practice.
So in the book, the firstagreement is to be impeccable
(05:39):
with your word.
For us, I think it reallytranslates into more than that.
It translates into beingimpeccable with our practice.
And that.
What does that look like?
What am I talking about?
That looks like know your scope, know your limits, and by
limits I don't mean legal scope,I mean know your personal
limits.
So for me, for example,critical care nurse ER, love it.
(06:02):
So for me, for example,critical care nurse ER, love it.
The adult side, however I stayed.
I actively, consciously stayedas far away from PICU, nicu and
most of PEDS, er as possible.
You nurses out there,physicians, healthcare workers,
(06:25):
team members out there that workin PICU, nicu, pdr, you know,
you are my actual heroes, uh,peds, oncology oh my goodness.
Uh, I stayed as far away fromthat as humanly possible.
You better find an adult toyour adult to do that, because
it's not me, I, the adult stuff.
No problem.
Missing an arm, I will find it,we'll reattach it, figure out
(06:47):
something to do with it.
You know no hitch in my stepthere.
When it comes to acute adultemergencies, you know wild
things.
Not a problem, pete.
On the other hand, absolutelynot.
So knowing your limits is notreferring to your medical legal
limits, it's your personallimits.
(07:09):
Um, stay up to date onevidence-based care.
Protect your license anddocument like your career
depends on it, because it does.
Being impeccable doesn't meanbeing perfect.
That's never a part of anyconversation that I will ever
have with you.
It is not real, it doesn'texist, it's not a thing.
(07:30):
It means being impeccable withyour practice means being honest
, accountable, safe.
You know, for example, likewith our documentation, your
documentation is your voice whenyou're not in the room.
So be impeccable with it.
The second one don't take itpersonally.
(07:52):
For us that really kind oflooks like.
Don't take the systempersonally.
Now, this is what I mean bythis.
I don't mean let them get awaywith it.
I don't mean turn the othercheek, anything like that.
This is what I'm talking aboutand this is one.
This is one that took me years,years to learn a lot of
(08:18):
self-awareness, a lot ofemotional intelligence like
developing it, honing it,boundary setting.
Emotional intelligence likedeveloping it, honing it,
boundary setting.
Lots of you know limit settingand what this looks like.
You know the patient who'sscreaming at you, the doctor who
(08:40):
condescends, the family thatdoesn't trust you.
The broken staffing matrix thatyou know leaves you totally
drowning and you feel like youcan barely keep up.
Nevermind, do it.
Well, it isn't about you, it'snot.
That isn't your point offailure, is what I'm saying?
It's about them.
It's about the healthcaresystem that should hire more
(09:01):
nurses so that they have a safestaffing matrix.
It's about the family systemthat should hire more nurses so
that they have a safe staffingmatrix.
It's about the familyexperiencing and the patient,
you know, experiencing thatvisceral panic, that terrifying
emotion, that inherentvulnerability that they're
unprepared for.
They are experiencing theiremergency.
(09:27):
You are helping them navigateit.
You are not their emergency.
You are helping them navigateit.
You are not their emergency andyou are not the problem.
You are not the issue.
It is about them, it's abouttheir fear, it's about their
grief.
It's about their grief.
It's about their own trauma.
It, you know it's.
It's about a system that wasbroken long before we ever
(09:49):
locked, walked into the buildingand, yes, we're doing
everything that we can to fix itbecause it's not sustainable
and we're not going to, we'renot going to stay in it.
You know it has to change,whether they like it or not, but
it's not about us, because ofus.
(10:09):
I used to take everything homewith me Every mistake, every
missed IV stick, every angryfamily member.
I wore it like it was areflection of my worth.
This job will eat you alive ifyou don't learn how to say I
hold space for you, but I willnot carry what is not mine.
(10:29):
Now, okay, if you make amistake that harms a patient, it
is very natural to think thatthat guilt, that emotion, that
you know those feelings, allthat you know that's going to go
home with you.
If you cause harm to someone,you know that that's something
(10:52):
that you might not.
You know you'll obviously neverforget it, but you know that's
going to impact you deeplyBecause we just you know that
goes against everything in ourgrain.
You know to harm a patient, butwhat I mean is being tired and
burned out and feeling likenever mind, not being able to
(11:17):
give your all.
You're not even meeting thehalfway mark.
You're checking boxes, you'rekeeping patients safe and alive
till 745.
And none of it is the care thatyou want to be delivering.
I mean situations like those.
I mean the guilt over do I pickup that overtime shift?
(11:40):
They're short staffed.
It's my team and you knowreally feeling that guilt, as if
the weight of that, for somereason, is on you.
It's not, it is absolutely not,as the it is the healthcare
system's job to staff theirunits appropriately, not yours,
um, but that's what I'm talkingabout and that's the boundary
(12:01):
work that we were never taught.
You know, we, granted, Igraduated a long time ago, but I
still hear it in nursing.
For those of you that don'tknow, I am forever the nursing
student.
I'm still in school.
Hi, hello, it is me.
I am still in school.
I am finishing my FNP and mydoctorate simultaneously and
(12:24):
there's still echoes andwhispers of that altruism my
personal nursing instructors.
Do not tell us that I havephenomenal nursing instructors,
but I'm also a.
I am also a nursing instructor,I teach BSN students and in
academia.
(12:45):
That is a battle cry, that is aslogan, that is a moniker that
refuses to die, it just refusesto be put down.
This notion of this altruistic,self-emptying, self-depleting
asset that is the nurse, that issomehow, you know, more than
(13:08):
human and able to, you know, doinhuman feats of compassion and
empathy and caring and nurturingand giving you know without
exhaustion, somehow, um, andwithout caregiver fatigue,
without burnout somehow, andwithout caregiver fatigue,
without burnout, without normalhuman responses to trauma.
So that is something that youknow.
(13:33):
Those whispers are still aroundthere.
So we were not taught theseboundaries when we were in
nursing school, nor were we asnew grads, and we certainly
weren't taught how to fashionany of these boundaries or hold
the space for ourselves as wemoved through the healthcare
system.
And if this is something thatyou're struggling with, just
know that.
You know I see you.
There's so many nurses outthere who are doing this work,
(13:55):
who are further along in thiswork than I am, who are just
beginning in this work, and wesee you, we see each other, you
know, because we felt thesethings too, we survived these
things too.
We are going through thesethings too.
Another one, the next one, likethe third one, is don't make
assumptions.
This one, really, you know thisis clinical safety 101.
(14:17):
Assumptions kill.
Never assume that someone elseverified the order.
Never assume that the med wasdouble checked.
Never assume that vague handoffgave you the full picture.
Sbar exists for a reasonClarify, validate, ask.
There is not a dumb question.
The nurse that stops askingquestions is going to kill
somebody.
The nurse that is not willingto acknowledge she doesn't know,
(14:42):
or he doesn't know or theydon't know what they don't know,
is going to kill somebody.
Even if you feel dumb,especially if you're new,
especially if you are seasoned,okay, that tunnel vision and
those blinders are far moredangerous than the gaps in
(15:02):
clinical knowledge that a newgraduate has or a beginning
professional has.
Ask the questions, clarify,validate, get another pair of
eyes on it.
A nurse who asks is a nurse whoprotects.
We're human, like we don't knowwhat we don't know, and certain
skill sets and certain layersof knowledge if you don't flex
(15:26):
them and use them continuously.
You got to brush the dust off.
You got to go look up thepolicy.
You got to go ask the clinicaleducator where the heck the
cheat sheet is for XYZ, whateverthe heck it is, or look up the
evidence-based practice.
Maybe stuff has changed in thepast 10 years.
(15:46):
Science and medicine changefast.
Always be looking for thatanswer, the updated resources,
the person who can answer yourquestions, the nursing buddy
that can give you another pairof eyes and help you see, you
know, uncover any clinicalbiases that you might have.
(16:08):
The last one is always do yoursustainable best.
So in the book it says alwaysdo your best in nursing.
We have to adjust that.
I mean really in life, I thinkwe have to adjust that also, but
in nursing cause that's whatwe're talking about right now
Always do your sustainable best,because our best on a fully
staffed, smooth day is, quitefrankly, not the same as our
(16:32):
best on a one to WTF ratio,short staffed, nightmare.
It just isn't because ithumanly can't be.
It just isn't because ithumanly can't be and we need to
really match our expectationsand our demands to reality
(16:54):
within the scope of our practice.
Um, and sustainable best meansprotecting yourself from
perfectionism.
It doesn't exist, it isn't real.
Giving what you can give inthat moment, giving what you can
give that day, and knowing whenenough is enough and sometimes
(17:17):
surviving when that's all that'spossible.
Perfectionism fuels burnout.
Perfectionism fuels burnout.
Perfectionism is such a monsterand it is purely utterly made
up.
Sustainability, however, fuelsresilience.
(17:39):
And I'm going to say this I'mgoing to hold your hands, all
your hands, with so much lovewhen I say this, and I'm going
to hold your hands, all yourhands, with so much love when I
say this and I'm going to say it.
I'm going to pause and I'mgoing to say it again.
Do not turn off the podcastwhen I do this.
Hang in there with me.
But your worth is not measuredby how much you sacrifice.
(18:01):
I must say again your worth isnot measured by how much you
sacrifice.
Do your sustainable best,whatever that might be, in that
shift, in that moment, in thathour, that day.
(18:29):
Let's take our usual pause.
I want you to breathe, I wantyou to hydrate.
I want you to roll yourshoulders, your feet, ankles,
neck.
Stop rolling your eyeballs.
I swear you know how they usedto tell us us your face is going
to get stuck like that.
You know when you like.
(18:49):
I don't know if you grew up,when I grew up, but you'd get
told by adults you know thatyour face was going to get stuck
like that.
If that was true, my orbitalsockets would be permanently
like evulsed or something,because my eyeballs the amount
of times that I'm rolling myeyeballs in my cranium, I am
(19:12):
looking at the back of my skulland my eyes would have gotten
stuck like that if that was true.
But I want you to rolleverything, loosen up, breathe
in, breathe out, hydrate.
If you're listening at work, Isee you.
You are not alone.
This is your time to hit pauseand if you are going to hang out
with us, do all the things andjump back in.
(19:36):
We're going to hit up somescience after the break and, of
course, our coffee crystals anddivination.
If you have to head back to thefloor or off to do something
else, then you always know youcan come back and return for the
(20:00):
second half and we will see youthen.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Some people never learn, but they're not gonna,
not gonna watch me burn, cause,baby, I got you, you, you, you.
Here's to new beginnings and abetter life, here's to dancing
underneath the disco lights.
They can try, but they cannever take me down.
(20:25):
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, take medown, cause I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid to love, notafraid to love.
I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid to love, notafraid to love.
They always bring all thelonely.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
But with you here, nothing can scare me.
All right, welcome back.
I hope you're hydrated and didall the things.
Let's bring in some science.
Let's pull the science in,because the ritual nurse is
always where the woo meets thedata.
There's some woo stuff.
(21:20):
I'm not going to lie.
I like it.
If you don't, that's okay,that's totally okay.
But I'm also a science girl.
I am definitely a type C.
You know there's like a type A,type B.
I am a type C and that alsoapplies to I'm an amvert and I
am also a woo science girl.
(21:40):
How about we say that?
So cognitive load theory talksabout how every assumption,
every extra emotion you carryburns brain power.
When you stop taking thingspersonally and you clarify
assumptions, you reducecognitive strain because you are
reducing cognitive load.
So think about your desktop.
Well, not even your desktop.
Let's just.
(22:00):
Let's just go straight for thedevice in your hand.
If you open up your browser, howmany tabs you got open, right,
I have seen.
We're not going to.
We're not going to say who,we're not going to talk about
who.
I have seen tab numbers inexcess of 50, 60, 80.
(22:21):
Again, we are not going to talkabout who.
That is the equivalent ofcognitive load.
Really.
Each one of cognitive load,really, each one of those tabs.
The thing that you're carryingaround, that is mid-process,
that is not a closed loop ofthought.
That is one of the lanes ofyour multi-lane freeway is still
(22:42):
active there with thatcognitive load.
And the more tabs we close, themore things we put to rest.
Something that's so amazing forthis is the list.
If you don't know what it is,it's in earlier episodes, it's
on the website.
I have a bunch of freedownloads for you guys of the
list.
It's an incredible cognitivetool that I made and released
(23:04):
for my incredible listeners andit unloads all of that nonsense
and in doing so you reduce yourcognitive strain.
Emotional labor is another thing.
So research shows that thechronic burden of emotional
labor and nursing contributesdirectly to compassion fatigue
(23:24):
and burnout.
Both the ANA and the NationalAcademy of Medicine, you know
and it's funny because both ofthose are tell us that Emotional
labor contributing tocompassion fatigue and caregiver
fatigue and burnout.
We know, we know that.
(23:55):
And the emotional labor thatwe're doing is also accompanied
by being in contextual, being inenvironments, being in context
where it is already high stress,where it is exposure directly
to trauma, high emotional loadrequiring really deep emotional
(24:19):
labor, sometimes really deepemotional labor.
Sometimes that just furtheraccelerates that compassion,
fatigue and burnout.
Boundary work in the brainBoundary setting helps regulate
our amygdala.
That's our fight or flightcenter and what we're trying to
do is reduce that sympatheticnervous system activation Less
(24:40):
cortisol, lower anxiety,improved mental health, lower
stress levels.
And these four agreements innursing, if you will, or as
translated into nursing, ruizwrote very to the point and very
succinctly and it's just soapropos.
(25:00):
And when you look at it throughthe lens of nursing, it's
really incredible what apowerful tool those four
agreements are through theperceptive filter of our context
.
You know, and these, theseideas, these theories, these
(25:21):
agreements impact all of themCognitive load, emotional labor,
it helps.
The four agreements are doingboundary work that impacts the
brain.
And another thing isperfectionism and the burnout
situation.
A 2023 meta-analysis in thejournal of nursing management
showed a significant correlationbetween high levels of
(25:43):
perfectionism and nurse burnout.
I love how research sometimestells us things that are duh
like.
We all know this.
But and I'm not making, I'm notmaking light of the research,
the research is vastly important.
Why?
Yes, okay, so we knew that thethings are duh.
We know perfectionism causesburnout.
We know it.
(26:04):
But in looking at the researchand the mechanisms by which it
does, the context that createsthe perfectionism or the culture
of perfectionism, that's how weactually acknowledge it, that's
how we actually put voice to it, that's how we actually
recognize it.
So I'm not making light of theresearch.
It's incredibly important andvery powerful.
(26:25):
Sustainable practice reducesthat risk.
You know, when you embody theseagreements, even imperfectly,
hello, what did?
What?
Have we said?
This entire podcast.
Perfectionism isn't real, okay.
So when you embody theseagreements, however imperfectly,
you're not just helping yourpatients, you're protecting your
(26:46):
brain, your nervous system andyour longevity in the field.
You're protecting your brain,your nervous system and your
longevity in the field.
You're literally regulatingyour own neurochemistry by not
taking things personally, by notmaking assumptions, by setting
a standard of being impeccablein your practice and always
looking for our sustainable best.
So the science behind it isrock solid and I'm just going to
(27:12):
leave that there.
Some I know friends of mineright now are flipping off the
their, their phone, aka me.
But rock solid, absolutely rocksolid.
So we're going to do coffee,crystals and divination and I
really I don't know about youguys, but in the summer, I
(27:35):
usually switch to iced coffeedrinks and experiment with all
the flavors and all the otherstuff.
This part of the segment.
It's not about uncovering thelatest trend or making up some
drink or something.
This part of the segment wherewe're talking about our coffee
or our tea of the week.
The whole idea is creatingspace, holding space, making a
(28:02):
ritual of carving space out ofyour day for you to do the work
of self-care.
Any one of the dozens by now,out of all the episodes we have
out so far, of the methods ofself-care, of regulation, of
trauma-informed care designed tohelp you heal you can listen to
(28:26):
the podcast and take notes.
And you can listen to thepodcast and take notes and
hopefully a lot of you you knowhave copies of the list by your
bedside or in your locker or,you know, next to your nursing
brain.
They're all oh my gosh, I can'tbelieve.
I just had to pause to thinkabout that.
They're all work appropriate.
They're all safe for work.
Yes, they're all safe for work.
(28:47):
I can't believe I had to thinkabout that.
I created some with mermaids onthem and suddenly I had to
pause and think to myself dothey all have tops on.
Oh, my goodness, yeah, they areall safe for work.
So the point is, when we'retalking about our coffee or our
tea of the week, it's to giveyou ideas of that sweet treat or
(29:12):
that hydration or that moment,because the more we repeat it,
the more we talk about it, themore we synonymously like,
identify those things together.
You think about it when you goto make your drink.
You think about it when yourefill your water bottle and
take a minute to hydrate or makeyour flavored water, or brew
(29:32):
that incredible aromatic tea orhave that yummy frozen
concoction, whatever it is.
You think about the correlationbetween that and crafting,
creating that ritual space.
Ritual is habit.
That's what it means.
So making a ritual, making ahabit Now, a habit is
(29:53):
commonplace, is analytical, iscut and dried.
Ritual is different.
Ritual is it's richer, no punintended.
It's crafted, it's focused,it's nuanced and that's why I
keep calling it a ritual.
That's why I'm the ritual nurse.
(30:13):
See what I did there.
Ritual is so important.
It ties together all of theconcepts and ideas that we want
to incorporate while we'reholding that space for ourselves
.
So with your coffee drink ofthe week, with your tea of the
week, make a thing out of it.
Give yourself permission,actually name it, create it,
(30:36):
craft it, make it a thing.
That is your ritual.
You are holding space foryourself when you are taking
five minutes to drink that stillhot coffee drink to get the
first really good pulls off ofthat iced blended concoction
that you have before it getswatered down to inhale the aroma
(30:58):
of that incredible tea or chaior matcha, whatever it is, your
flavored water.
Get the first really goodcrispy sips of that carbonated
flavored water, whatever it isthat you're creating, and
breathe and and do your boxbreathing, do your head to toe
relaxation, the IV push, likewhichever of the skill sets or
(31:24):
tools that resonates the mostwith you Filling out your list,
taking that time to dive in andfill out your list and feel that
cognitive relief as you lowerthat cognitive load.
That's what this is about.
And for me, this week I hadMexican coffee at a place called
(31:44):
Dream I think it's Dream Tacoshere in Reno Nevada, and the guy
made it for me.
I was like, hey, do you havecoffee?
And it was kind of like 1130,1130, 11, 1130.
And he kind of stopped and hesaid, yeah, yeah, I'm going to
make you a Mexican coffee andbring it.
When I tell you the aromacinnamon, the sugar cane, no
(32:08):
cream in it, not even necessary,no bitterness, the strength of
the aroma, the smell I don'tknow about you, but I love the
smell of coffee, the just actual, like brewed hot coffee.
The smell of this was soincredible.
I had to sit there, you know,with both hands around the mug,
(32:30):
sipping it, just actuallysavoring it, in the middle of
this restaurant, and it reallybrought me back to myself in
that moment.
It just does.
It does because I have made theact of savoring that drink,
that beverage, that sweet treat,whatever it is.
I have made that synonymouswith ritual, with holding space,
(32:51):
even if it's five minutes, andyour body remembers that.
So give it a try, see if youcan find Mexican coffee at a
restaurant or something, or ifyou know how to make it.
Oh my gosh, if you know how tomake it, hit me up on socials
and let your girl know what yourrecipe is, because I do not
know how to make it and I wantto try a recipe from somebody
(33:12):
who knows how to make it reallygood, like a tried and true
recipe kind of thing.
All right, let's do our crystalprescription for the week.
Let's see what we've got.
I'm going to move my keyboardhere so I can actually shuffle
these decks in real time whileI'm talking to you guys.
You know, originally when Istarted this podcast I thought
like, oh, how fun, I have somany different decks, we'll just
(33:34):
cycle through them and lies,absolute lies.
I still use the Crystal PortalOracle from Moonstruck oh, and
that jumped out immediately FromMoonstruck Crystals.
Oh, so beautiful.
These are the decks for thispodcast.
I use both the tarot deck andthe crystal oracle.
(33:56):
They have mini versions which Ireally want to get.
I have the silver versions,like the silver hologram kind of
edged versions.
The foiling is silver, alongwith the colors.
Oh, how funny.
Oh, I love this image.
It is a beautiful open windowwith a sun.
There's a beautiful black catsitting on it, a sunstone spire
(34:17):
and, of course, the sun itselfis colored like sunstone.
So that is the stone, thecrystal of the week, and let's
see what it has to tell us aboutthese agreements for the week.
So sunstone is independence,empowerment, vitality and
(34:37):
inspiration.
Soak up the sun's rays justlike our feline friends do.
I am such a cat in that regard.
It's no surprise here thatSunstone is linked to the
radiant energy of the sun.
Tap into your inner felineinstincts.
Cats, known for theirindependent nature, thrive
without constant attention andreassurance.
(34:59):
Therefore, sunstone helps youto feel more confident,
self-reliant and in control ofyour own life.
Hmm, a lot like the fouragreements that we just
discussed Wild, this card meowsencouragement to find joy in
solitude, empowering you tounleash your true originality.
(35:20):
That's incredible.
Again, totally irrelevantSunstone it is.
I have beautiful sunstones fromplush Oregon when my kids were
younger and I could throw themboth in one vehicle along a
bunch of camping gear andwhatnot.
I would take them first bymyself as a single mom and then
(35:41):
later, when I remarried with myincredible husband, uh, to plush
Oregon and we would go rockhounding for sunstones.
It was kind of like a yearlysummer tradition for us.
We would stop at really cooldiners along the way and find
just really cool local places.
We found an incredible hotSprings up in Oregon by chance
(36:03):
driving back and forth, andother hot springs in Northern
California.
Just incredible stuff.
But I have a bag of I've neverfound any of the big like really
huge, like nugget typesunstones and I'm always jealous
of those that have, but I dohave quite a number of gorgeous
little specimens of sunstones,do have quite a number of
gorgeous little specimens ofsunstones.
(36:23):
I guess, when you think about it, even the trip that I took to
get them really representsindependence as a single mom,
packing up my two kids andheading out, you know, on a road
trip hours and hours away andcamping and rock hounding, you
know, for days at a time.
Let's do our tarot for the week, let's see what our divination
is, what message, and again, Iwant you guys to take what works
(36:47):
for you and leave the rest.
If divination, tarot, crystals,that kind of stuff is not for
you, no problem.
It isn't for everybody, that isokay.
This space is completely openand welcoming to you, regardless
of whether or not you findcrystals and or divination and
(37:09):
or coffee, even weirdo, to berelevant to you.
The message.
I think you can still use themessage you know to to spark
journaling, to spark thought to,to spark idea.
It doesn't have to come, itdoesn't have to be inherently
linked to the woo-woo type ofthings.
You can, you can take it as youwill and, like I said, you know
(37:33):
, take what works for you andleave the rest.
But let's see what ourdivination is for the week.
These tarot cards.
They're all the same size.
These are really big cards formy hands.
I have big hands for a chickand well, you just want to come
out here.
Oh, amazing, it's almostexactly the same color.
(37:57):
This is wild.
I've never seen this cardbefore.
It is the six of cups and it istangerine quartz.
So let's find our cups.
There is wild.
I've never seen this cardbefore.
It is the six of cups and it istangerine quartz.
So let's find our cups.
There we go.
Oh, this is amazing.
This is so amazing.
I love this for this week.
So the six of cups indicatesinnocence, childhood memories,
pleasure Tangerine quartz is ourinner child and creativity and
(38:21):
joy.
The energy of the six of cupsis all about revisiting one's
roots and happy memories,reminiscing over the good times
and getting in touch with yourinner child will help you to
connect more with your authenticself.
Authenticity is really thecornerstone of being able to do
the four agreements.
There are agreements withyourself.
(38:42):
There are agreements withyourself.
There are promises to yourself.
You have to be authentic inorder to live them, to walk them
, to nurse by them.
So this is perfect.
So tangerine, quartz andsunstone and the six of cups
just absolutely beautiful,beautiful cards and incredible
(39:03):
beautiful messages.
If this spoke to you, which Ireally, really hope it did, I
just want you to know that youwere never meant to carry the
weight of every shift, everypatient, every trauma on your
back.
I want you to release what isnot yours, hold your sacred
boundary and allow yourself toreturn to center.
(39:26):
And if this episode spoke toyou, I'm going to ask you to
take a small action.
I want you to take a smallaction for me.
I want you to DM me which ofthe four agreements is hardest
for you right now.
It could be on TikTok, it couldbe on Instagram.
The text message thing.
This is like my favorite thingand I actually have gotten
people that have used it and itthrilled me to the core.
(39:46):
If you look at the show noteson Spotify or Apple podcast.
If you look at the show notesfor the episode, the very first
line looks like a link and it is.
And if you tap it, of coursewhile you're on your phone maybe
even iPads do, I think.
But if you tap it, so of coursewhile you're on your phone
maybe even iPads do, I think butif you tap it, it pops open a
text message.
I don't get your number, I don'tget your info, your secret is
(40:10):
safe with me, but you candirectly text me and you can
directly text me.
It goes right to me and you canput your name if you want, or
be completely anonymous, itdoesn't matter.
I don't get your number andit's not signing up for anything
.
It's not an SMS service.
There's no return to sender, iswhat I'm trying to say.
(40:36):
You click on that link and yousend me information, whether
it's a story you want to share,whether it's, you know.
I would love to know which ofthe four agreements, which of
which of the four agreements ishardest for you but don't take
it personally was hardest for me, and in some ways it still is
and the sustainable best one.
That is my second hardest onethat I struggle with, sometimes
still.
So I would love for you to tellme your story, tell me your
(40:59):
side and share this episode withanother nurse.
We are building community hereand there are millions of us.
I can only build as fast asevery one of you hits, share and
passes me along.
So I'm, you know, I'm askingyou guys to to share the episode
(41:23):
and share your story with me,share your struggles with me.
Um, like I said, it can beanonymous.
If you want to be identified oryou know, uh, give your name or
heck, if you want to be a gueston the podcast, if you have a
story, if you have somethingyou're really passionate about,
(41:47):
message me.
I want to highlight othernurses, I want to highlight
other perspectives.
Absolutely, message me Like Icannot wait to interact with you
guys.
But this you know building thiscommunity and and sharing these
experiences together, this ishow we heal first and nurse
(42:07):
better.
So, don't forget, you can grabfree downloads.
Um course is still live.
Uh, the authentic nurse courseis still live.
Of course, on the website italways will be Um and the other,
the other forms of the list, um, all of that, uh, ritual nurse
stuff is over at tcthorg.
Everything is there to supportyour healing.
(42:30):
Um, I love your faces, protectyour peace and I'll see you next
episode.
This is your ritual nurse Reva.
Thanks for tuning in to theRitual Nurse Podcast.
You can find us wherever youlisten to podcasts, so don't
forget to subscribe and stayconnected For all our social
(42:51):
links free education classes,blogs and podcast notes with
resources.
Head over to tcthorg.
Until next time, love yourfaces.
Popular Podcasts
Cold Case Files: Miami
Joyce Sapp, 76; Bryan Herrera, 16; and Laurance Webb, 32—three Miami residents whose lives were stolen in brutal, unsolved homicides. Cold Case Files: Miami follows award‑winning radio host and City of Miami Police reserve officer Enrique Santos as he partners with the department’s Cold Case Homicide Unit, determined family members, and the advocates who spend their lives fighting for justice for the victims who can no longer fight for themselves.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.