Editorial: First-Hand Mental Health Crisis

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This episode contains a discussion about suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or crisis call or text 988 on your phone to reach the suicide hotline or click the lifeline link.

Healwell believes it is important to talk about the hard things. In this short episode,  with an introduction by Cal Cates, Corey Rivera talks about their recent experience with suicidal ideation; what it is, what it isn't, and how to support yourself or someone else who may be experiencing it.

Call or Text 988
988 Lifeline Home Page

International Suicide Hotlines

For more information:
Ologies Podcast: Suicidology
NPR: Reach out and listen: How to help someone at risk of suicide
Toxic Positivity and Mental Health | When Does Optimism Become Toxic?

Suicide Prevention Resource Center
Suicide Prevention Resource for Action
2024 National Strategy for Suicide Prevention

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
This episode contains a discussion about suicide.
If you or someone you know isexperiencing suicidal thoughts
or a crisis, call or text 988 onyour phone to reach the suicide
hotline, or click the Lifelinelink in the show notes.
At HealWell, we thrive oncommunity.
We love to build it, we love tobe a part of it, we love to

(00:23):
facilitate its nourishment andto watch it grow, and we
continue to be relevant becauseof it.
The episode you're about tolisten to is important.
I mean they're all important,but this one is for every single
person, in a way that some ofour more nerdy or wonky episodes
may not be episodes may not be.

(00:48):
It's an invitation to rest, tolisten and to consider deeply
the impact of recent events onour fellow humans and on
ourselves.
Regardless of how you voted, Iinvite you to consider that
there are likely people aroundyou who are experiencing
suicidal ideation and, yes,perhaps you are that person.
Perhaps that suicidal ideationis related to the election
results, perhaps it isn't.

(01:08):
Suicide rarely has a singlecause.
Suicide is not new and it isnot a partisan issue.
It's a human issue, and that'swhat Heal Well cares about
Humans.
Even in times that are not rifewith political upheaval,
suicide is a leading cause ofdeath and affects people of all
ages.
This episode is specificallyabout suicidal ideation how to

(01:33):
be supportive to others and howto care for yourself.
According to the CDC, over49,000 people died by suicide in
2022, the most recent year forwhich there is aggregated data.
That is one death every 11minutes.
Meanwhile, about 13 millionpeople thought seriously about

(01:54):
suicide, about 4 million ofthose made a plan to end their
lives and 1.6 million attemptedsuicide.
That's a lot of people who feel, or have felt, like it might be
better to not be alive.
I hope you'll take sevenminutes to listen, to feel and
to consider how we can allcontribute to community that

(02:17):
fosters safety and connection.
Community is the first line ofdefense.
Someday, it may save your life.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
Welcome to the Rub, a podcast that's usually about
massage therapy.
I'm your host, kori Rivera, andin today's episode we're going
to talk about suicidal ideation.
I wanted to give you an episodeabout massage robots, and I
will.
I wanted to give you an episodeabout massage robots, and I
will.
We recorded it the day afterthe election, so I'm still

(02:54):
trying to figure out if it'slistenable, but it should be
released by the end of the year.
However, instead, today we'regoing to talk about something
more immediate to this moment.
I have been having suicidalthoughts since the election
results were called, and I knowthat I am not alone.
I know because I've spoken toother people, and every time I
do, they express shock,apprehension and then a strange
sense of relief, as thoughsomeone saying it out loud
popped a bubble.
So here is a story about myexperience with suicidal

(03:15):
ideation, which is when someonehas thoughts about death by
suicide.
As I've mentioned on thispodcast before, I have bipolar
disorder.
Daylight savings a ridiculouschoice that messes with my
disorder at the best of timeshappened right before the
election.
It was a double whammy to mynervous system that has become
difficult to recover from.
Suicidal ideation is not a newexperience for me, my family

(03:39):
runs the gauntlet of mentalillness, so attempts and
hospitalizations are something Igrew up with.
While this is sad, it means Idon't have any taboos about
discussing suicide or mentalillness.
You do not need a diagnosedmental illness to have ideation.
You simply need to be a human.
Having thoughts of suicide donot make you weak, stupid or
broken in some way.
I know, because I am none ofthose things, although, to be

(04:04):
fair, sometimes I can't find mypencil because I put it behind
my ear.
So it's not as though I'm aperfect specimen either.
Here are the answers toquestions people have asked me
recently.
Has this happened before?
Yes, I have had suicidalideation in the past,
particularly when I was 19,before I got my diagnosis and I
couldn't figure out why I wassuddenly failing at everything.

(04:25):
What does it feel like?
Since all ideation happensinside of our heads, it can be
difficult to compare.
For me, it comes down to tworepeating sentences.
The first is it would be betterif it was just over, and the
second is no way out.
While ideation is not funny.
I would like you to know that.
The no way out.

(04:45):
While ideation is not funny.
I would like you to know thatthe no way out always sounds
like Matthew Broderick from theProducers, which is a weird
choice that my brain has made.
You should notice that neitherof those sentences mean I want
to die.
I don't want to die, I justsometimes don't want to live.
You could call that splittinghairs, but they really are
different things.
Both phrases are what areconsidered intrusive thoughts.

(05:06):
Because our thoughts come fromour brains, we are predisposed
to assume that they are thetruth, but they are often random
.
Intrusive thoughts areuninvited and unwanted.
They are not intuition.
They do not hold the secrets tothe universe.
They don't even hold thesecrets to you.
Another question I hear is whatcan I do for you?
Believe me.

(05:28):
Believe anyone who tells youthey are considering suicide,
even if it is only a vaguethought in their mind.
Take them seriously.
There will be all the time inthe world to figure out if they
weren't telling the truth orthey were trying to manipulate
you, which they probably weren't.
They weren't telling the truthor they were trying to
manipulate you, which theyprobably weren't.
This time I had to reach out toseveral people before someone

(05:48):
realized I was serious, probablybecause I tend to deliver
distressing information verycalmly, because my sympathetic
system leans hard into thefreeze response.
Do not ever try to brightsidesomeone out of their feelings.
Phrases like you'll feel betterlater or just go take a walk,
or you don't mean that oreverything has a reason indicate
that you are not a safe personto talk to and can make the

(06:10):
person struggling with ideationstop communicating.
The other thing that you can dofor me is not panic.
The last thing I need is tohave to manage your emotions
when I can barely manage my own.
Stay calm.
Ask questions, questions likedo you have a plan?
If the answer is yes, thinkabout how you can help stop the
plan.
The decision to take a suicidalaction can happen in less than

(06:33):
10 minutes, so puttingroadblocks in front of a plan is
imperative.
Pain is awful, but the emotionsare not what hurts someone.
Action is what will hurt them.
Preventing the action is thenumber one priority.
Here are the steps I took thisweek.
I work from home, so I asked myhusband to take my medications.
To work with him.
I instituted check-ins everyhour with my family, my husband

(06:57):
and anyone from the Hewellcommunity who felt they needed
one.
The check-ins were not reallyfor them, they were for me.
When my phone timer dinged oncean hour, I could tell myself
that I'd made it and I would beable to make it to the next
timer.
When the feelings became toooverwhelming, I drove 45 minutes
to my brother's house and saton his couch while some
ignorable comfort TV playeduntil it was time for my husband

(07:17):
to leave work and I could gohome.
I take all my medications asprescribed and I do not hesitate
to take my anxiety rescuemedication.
I sleep under a weightedblanket every night.
I contacted my psychiatrist andspoke to them about adjusting
my dosages.
I made tiramisu or somethingresembling it.

(07:37):
If you are feeling suicidal,tell someone.
If they don't believe you, tellsomeone else.
If the feelings getoverwhelming, don't be alone.
Go sit in a library or agrocery store or a lively park.
Distraction can be helpful, butsometimes nothing is
distracting enough.
Grounding exercises can behelpful, but sometimes they
don't work.
Keep trying.
If you're having a hard timeeating, try to drink water.

(08:01):
Broth and sports drinks can beuseful in between options.
Remember you have one goal andit is not to take the action.
As of this recording, it hasbeen a week.
The feeling isn't gone, but italso isn't as constant.
Sometimes I have completelynormal feelings, like being

(08:22):
annoyed that I can't find thepencil I was just holding, or
enjoying pictures of hedgehogs,but sometimes one of those
intrusive thoughts comes backlike a wave slapping my face.
It's a little bit better everyday.
I think talking about suicide isimportant because we aren't
very good at talking about thehard things, but this is a hard
thing that is easy for me todiscuss.
So here we are.
I hope you can take theinformation from my experience

(08:44):
and use it to help you and thepeople around you.
I don't know what the solutionto any of this mess is, but
among the post-election noise,there is one message that has
stood out to me Build community,and build it right now.
Make bonds, find compatriots,join groups, find causes.
You do not have to makesomething from scratch.

(09:04):
In fact, don't instead followthe lead of people who are
already doing the work?
You do not have to do thisalone.
Please do not try to do thisalone.
You are loved, you areimportant.
You are not alone.
Thank you for listening.