Act Like You Got Some Sense ~ Part One

How many times have you heard, “Act like you got some sense!” from parents and grandparents that set the social code for your family?  If this is a familiar phrase heard in your family, you will enjoy the shared experience and humor in this episode.  Andre and Anitra examine the “SOP” standard operating procedures that are established in the home and transferred across generations. Come and laugh with us as we reflect on the connection between family social codes integrated with professional and personal lifestyles.  

Memorable Quotes:

• Families establish SOP, standard operating procedures, to guide their children ~ Anitra
• Social codes become confusing when in conflict with family codes. ~ Andre
• Social codes are your family brand or overarching identifiers assigned to your family. ~ Anitra. 
• You always have options. ~ Dangerfield Grandparents
• Family definition of social codes adapt and evolve over time to protect the brand. ~ Andre
• Social coding with siblings is in the language of sharing, assisting, and supporting. ~ Andre
• If I got it, you got it, is coding as a sibling. ~ Andre
• Mirror holding or reflective space is when siblings watch how the other sibling displays the brand of the family. ~ Anitra
• Be careful not to get swallowed in the shadow of the older sibling because of the family brand. ~ Anitra
• Society says, what are you made of? Can I change your coding? ~ Andre

Keywords:
#MentalHealth, #therapy,  #psychotherapy, #relationships, #psychology, #healing, #counseling, #ministry, #theology, #transformation, #change, #counselor, #therapist, #wholeness, #healthy, #health, #lifestyle, #mental, #emotions, #emotional, #spiritual, #minister, #christianliving, #christian, #wellness, #lifecoach, #forgiveness, #SavageSibling, #Savage, #Sibling,  #Brother, #Sister, #Family, #Parent, #S2Mediaworks, #SavageSiblingsPodcast, #Standoperatingprocedure, #socialcode, #professionalcodeofconduct, #Rulesofthegame, #FamilyBrand, #ActLikeYouGotSense, #Wedontdothat, #reflectivespace, #Behaviorpatterns, #Integrateandassimilate, #Selfpreservationandprotection,

Call to Action: 

• Post comments! Leave us a review!
• Share your family social codes or social codes that you think should be canceled altogether. 
• Any topics you want us to discuss?

Sound Editors: Kyle Davis and Dwayne McClendon
Music: Maxwell Music
Photography: K.Cross Photography

CHAPTERS
0:00  Introduction
1:44 Sibling Check-In
6:33   Sibling Sound-Off Segment
34:20Sponsorship: S2 Mediaworks
35:15Savage Segment: The Unspoken Codes
44:58Savage Segment: Defining Social Codes
58:10Savage Segment: How do we define social codes as siblings

Brutally Honest. Relentlessly Transparen

Episode Transcript

Anitra (00:30):
Hey, hey, beautiful people. How are we doing? I am
Anitra n Lawson storyteller,producer, educator, content
creator. He is Dr. Andre Evans.

Andre (00:41):
What's going on? Good people.

Anitra (00:44):
. We are the Savage siblings, and this is
the Savage Sibling Podcastwhere we are brutally honest,
relentlessly transparent, andunapologetically authentic.
Thank you for tuning in foranother episode. Broo , you got
some shout outs ?

Andre (01:00):
I do, man. I was always want to just shout out to
everyone that continues toreach out to us and just let us
know how much they are enjoyingthe podcast. Uh, we're so
thankful to continue to haveyou all with us each and every
time a new episode drops. Uh ,as always, wanna encourage
everybody, wherever you'relistening to this, this episode

(01:21):
or this podcast, make sure thatyou both , uh, share the link
with, with your favorite Savagesiblings, as well as go ahead
and give us that rating andmake a comment. Do something.
Let's, like I said , all ,every single time, let's get
this podcast out and build theSavage Sibling community as far
and as wide as we our voicesand our connections and our

(01:41):
relationships can reach.

Anitra (01:43):
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I love it. So let me check in
with you. How's your week been?

Andre (01:48):
The week has been good.
Little hectic, but it's beengood a lot going on.
Uh, you know, this is justthat, that moment where I'm on
my way to becoming an emptynester, and I think I mentioned
that mm-hmm . acouple episodes before, but it,
it just keeps getting real eachand every time. Right .
, uh, we recently did a collegevisit and we had , um, in the

(02:11):
college visit, they had a bunchof families there and they were
telling us all about thecollege and all that. And you
know, it's always that momentwhere I know as a presenter,
like the one representing thecollege or the, or the school
or whatever, you know, you gotteenagers in there and then you
got parents from all walks oflife in there where you gotta
say, you know, does anybodyhave any questions?

Anitra (02:32):
Oh God,

Andre (02:33):
I know . Like, it's that moment where you just
kind of get this, this eyesightinto the way that folks' family
life is how they raising theirkids . Right . Right . You
know, it's always that one kidthat's asking a question that
she clearly already gave ananswer to.

Anitra (02:51):
Yep .

Andre (02:51):
Yeah . , or there's that parrot that's
asking, oh my God. To dissectevery single thing that was
said. And what was crazy duringthis, this visit, , is
this lady kept asking thesequestions about different, you
know , uh, schools of , uh,different, you know , um,
degrees and, and , and just allthese different subject
matters. And she finally waslike, ma'am, you're asking a

(03:14):
lot of different questions. Uh,does, does your son know what
he wants to major in? Right.
. And then she said themajor and every parent in there
looked like you ain't asked onequestion about that major,
about that . You didn'task questions about everything
else , except for whatyour son is going to school

(03:34):
for. And this is just like,this is, this is, this is how
you represent your family,right? Yep . This is how you
really show the world who youand your family are. And I felt
sorry for the kids because hehad that look like, I wish
she'd be quiet like, you . I wish I didn't even have
to bring her here.

Anitra (03:52):
Exactly . I wish I could come by myself. I

Andre (03:53):
Wish I could have .

Anitra (03:54):
I told you I was gonna join the military. I told you I
was gonna join

Andre (03:57):
. That was it.
You know? So yeah. Just , it'sjust the insight that people
give to their family, theirfamily dynamics mm-hmm .
, their family,kind of just kind of
representation sometimes justamazes me. Uh , we, you know,
there's just, yeah. There's,there's some generations. I
don't want leading the future nothing. Nothing.

(04:18):
Because if , if this is trash ,trash collection , this is the
legacy of your fry . Nothing.
Don't touch nothing in myworld. Please. Matter of fact,
I want you to go be anastronaut. That's what I want
you by

Anitra (04:28):
Another

Andre (04:30):
Universe, by a whole nother galaxy , you
know, go ask your questions.
That's up. There's right . But anyway , so that,
that's been my week, just busy,busy again, taking more steps
to becoming an empty nester. Myyoungest finally goes away. I
didn't know to college. That'scrazy .

Anitra (04:48):
It's

Andre (04:48):
Crazy crazy .

Anitra (04:49):
I'm like , think about my nieces. I'm like , no. Go
back to when you were two high

Andre (04:53):
Five and it's too , couldn't pronounce w ,
couldn't pronounce purse . Thatwas Corey Really Purse have
three syllables in it and Yeah, absolutely . But anyways ,
ask me , what's , what's goingon with you? What's good?

Anitra (05:12):
Well, it's funny 'cause I guess we're kind of in
similar , similar veins. Um,but mine is always internal
. I find that I'mconstantly dealing with me

Andre (05:20):
like Right .

Anitra (05:21):
It's less of the outside world. It's always a
nira , but it definitely jiveswith what you're speaking to
this week has been about pacingwith grace and , um, you know,
and family is so wonderful orcan be so wonderful, I should
say. I've been blessed thisweek that, you know, Malachi
and mom have , um, they havebeen instruments of God's grace
for me when things aren't justaren't getting done or I'm not

(05:41):
hitting my strides. They justare filling in the gap and, and
I'm just like, Lord, I thankyou that your grace is
sufficient and they've hadgrace with me too. So it's,
it's been encouraging because Ikept hearing, you know, pacing
with grace. Like you got yourpace. Sometimes it's faster,
sometimes it's slower.
Absolutely. Uh , but grace isfilling in the gaps there.
Absolutely. And I imagine had Ibeen with you and my niece at

(06:02):
any of these college universitytours, I would've been like,
Lord, you better gimme somegrace right now. Right .
Because I'd be like, you have apamphlet, ma'am, you have a
pamphlet in your hand, read it.
That's why they gave it to you.
Wasting trees because of you,because of you wasting my time

Andre (06:17):
. I just said , you wasting my me what little
bit of joy I got left.

Anitra (06:22):
Right. It was like, oh.
So no, I , I definitely getthat. But yeah, it's been a
good week. Excited to be hereand just, just reminded that
grace is, his grace issufficient. So , uh, yeah . So
let's jump into this sound offsegment. Sound

Speaker 3 (06:35):
Off segment sound ,

Andre (06:39):
No doubt. Sound off segment . So the name of our
episode is act Like You GotSome Sense . And , and
so what we really kind ofwanted to look at are what are
some of the social codes thatare passed down generation to
generation within families and, and why are those codes so
important as they really doinfluence and impact just kind

(06:59):
of the future of any givenfamily member, but mm-hmm .
, we just reallywanted to look at what are some
of the things that, you know,your grandmother passed down to
your mother passed down to yourfather, your grandfather, that
now for you, when you're in asocial atmosphere, you find
yourself doing and arethey good? Are they good
influence? Are you like, nah ,that , that should have never

(07:21):
been , uh, the case .
But, but for me, when I look atthis, this this first segment
of sound off , here's the crazything for me, or here's a
question for me mm-hmm . Like ,who set the standard, you know
what I mean? Mm-hmm . Like,which family member chose that?
We as a family, we don't like,you know, these people. Like,

(07:41):
we don't , we don'tlike the way that person
behaves. Like who set that?
Because there be some thingsthat I know we do at
you and I particularly Nikki asa Evans dad . Like they came
from grandma. Right . And I'mwondering myself, like, was
that really a good person toset the social code for this
family? Like, because you mean,because like which values or

(08:03):
what moral code are the rightones to pass on to your
grandchildren? Because that'ssome things that I got from,
from my grandmother that I'mthinking to myself, I dunno if
you shoulda exposed me to that.
That's right.

Anitra (08:17):
Right.

Andre (08:18):
When I was little. But because, and , and be and , and
mainly because, you know, timechanged , the worlds evolved ,
right? We not always good ,good do or think , uh, about
the world the same way asgrandma and grandpa the same
way as a sibling or the sameway as a parent. So like who
really decides , thecode of conduct for, for, for
the family. And, and I'm gonnabounce that question to you,

(08:40):
but for me, I felt like for ourfamily, the one , uh, that
decided is the one thatdefinitely doesn't mind going
to jail to protect or to punishrest of the brand. Like, and
that is, that's grandma , grandma gun, totting,
grandma. A hundred percent . Uh, right. Police talking trash

(09:02):
grandma. Oh yeah. But , but aprotector. Not just the
Punisher. Like, so she set thestandard 'cause she's the one
that you look at and be like,oh no, she'll go to prison to
make sure you act right. Ahundred percent . You go to
prison. Hundred percent . And ,and you act Right. Wasn't
always you and I, Nikki ,sometimes it was the neighbor.
Remember that time where theyhad a neighbor , uh, a female

(09:24):
who was living with a guy andher boyfriend was beating her.
Yes. And she came over tograndma's house. Yeah .
. Yep . So yeah . Ooh , tellit, tell it. Social code. The
Evans Dangerfield Evans, weprotect because when he came
knocking on the door mm-hmm .
, you expectedGrandpa , the World War vet

(09:44):
. I hate dancing thedoor and be like, Hey brother,
you know , no grandma andwhat's in her bom , what she
called her rooster, her roosterthat this time , which
was what's her, which was hergun. Matter of fact, I remember
one time , uh, askinggrandma, why you, why you
called the rooster ?
She said , because when thisbad boy started yelling out

(10:06):
this morning time, like, y'allbetter wake up . I was
like , okay , I never .
Okay . Okay. Good morning .
Good morning. So , so , yeah .
Oh , that's funny . She wouldhave her rooster. But this is
also the same lady whose socialcode said that the Evans
Dangerfield family, we don'tback down from social injustice

(10:28):
because this is the same ladywhen they were traveling from
Tennessee to Dayton, got pulledover by the sheriff for no
other reason than being a blackperson in the car. And the
sheriff looked and saidsomething smart grandma reached
in the glove compartment. Andgrandma was like, no, Maxine.
No Maxine. Yeah . And here'sthe thing . Here's the thing.
The fact that grandma andgrandpa lived to tell us that

(10:51):
story mean they put sheriff onnotice, they put that sheriff
on notice. And this isn'tduring a generation where most
of of people of color just tookit and remained quiet about it.
Right ? So grandma kind of setthat social code that no , the
Evans Dangerfield family, wedon't just hate nothing. We

(11:12):
stand up for what's right andwe act right. And we protect
and we provide mm-hmm .
and , and somm-hmm . . So
while on one hand I'm saying,you know, was she the best
, you know, to teachher everything, right?
, on the other hand, I'm sayingYeah, but there are some code .
She said she's absolutely thebest. Mm-hmm. .

(11:35):
Mm-hmm . Because there , 'causenow look at who we are. Right .
You and I specifically, youknow, we do our best to voice
our opinion, use whateverplatform we have for protection
and provision mm-hmm .
mm-hmm .
. And now I lookat who Corin and Corey and
Daniella are, they've been outon the front lines protesting
for justice. Absolutely. Yeah .

(11:56):
They've, they've voiced it .
Corey is, is has a lot ofMaxine Dangerfield in her .
Corey has knocked , yes . Yes .
She does . Knocked, knocked the, punched a few people and been
suspended for sticking up forsomeone . Right . So, I
mean, you know, that's a socialcode that was , that was, that
was passed down. And, and , andit was passed down from our
grandmother who happened to bethe president of the Nice

(12:17):
Ladies club at her church.
Right . . Right . So Imean, like

Anitra (12:22):
Questionable at times.
. Right .

Andre (12:24):
such a dichotomy of complexity in our family.
That, that I think is thereason why we have social
codes. Because social codesdon't always steer you in one
particular direction. Instead,I feel like socially social
codes present a boundary, boththat protects us and keeps us
in right standing, but alsoprotects us and keeps us from

(12:45):
those who are trying to knockus off of Yeah . Of , of right
standing. So, so I feel likeour social code , uh, you know,
they definitely came fromgrandma, but, but I'd , yeah ,
I'd love to hear what youthink. Like , who
absolutely , who set thestandard for our family.
.

Anitra (13:01):
I love it. And when I was kind of processing through
this, you know, sibling soundoff segment, I was thinking the
same thing. Like, well, wheredoes this all kind of originate
from for a family? Who is thatvoice? And it actually made me
think of another story withyou. And then I definitely
wanna add to grandma, 'cause Ido con concur with you that
she, she is that staple. Uh,but it's like those, those
SOPs, the standard operatingprocedures, like Oh yeah .

(13:24):
You're creating these standardsand that comes from, you know,
an authority or an authorityfigure. Absolutely . Or from,
you know, a team of people thatare absolutely trying to, you
know, put parameters,protections in place. But I
remember, bro , bro , you know, now it's been decades by now,
but when, when the airlinesfirst changed their procedures,

(13:44):
because I believe something hadhappened where someone had a
bomb and a shoe or somethingalong those lines, the

Andre (13:49):
Patriot Act and all that came with that .

Anitra (13:51):
There we go. And all of that changed the way you would
get on flights. And it was amajor overhaul. But I , I
remember you telling a story,matter of fact, I think we were
flying together, but maybe youwere the one that pointed it
out. But, you know, you get inthat space where you've already
checked your bags and now it'stime for you to go through
security. And at that time now,everyone had to take their
shoes off and everything wasjust much more rigid, but Right

(14:13):
. You kind of That's right. Wewere there together. You kind
of looked at me. 'cause therewas this kind of loud , uh,
angry seeming , um, ts,ooh , I shouldn't say that.
Like, I'll say airport official

Andre (14:26):
. Okay. Okay.

Anitra (14:27):
Who was way at the other end of all of these lines
where we're all getting ready.
She had a southern accent andshe is yelling, put your shoes
on the belt. Take off yourself. . I mean, and the
whole energy, the whole place,everyone just was like falling
in line . Right, right. Nobody was talking and
everyone was getting theirshoes together. It was like so

(14:50):
solom and quiet. But she wasestablishing the fact that if
you guys don't get here and dowhat's right, because of now
the overhaul that's happening,you know, in this airspace that
I, I need you guys to followdirections. And so there were
no questions. People just werequiet listening, putting their
shoes everywhere, payingattention, eyes, looking every

(15:11):
direction. And she changed, youknow, they changed the code,
they changed the way. Yeah .
They changed the , now you lookat it, now we're much more
relaxed, you know? Yeah . We domuch different. But when that
happened , and the reasonsbehind happening are that those
changes absolutely. Speak toprotections and parameters
needed to be changed. That'swhat I was thinking. That's
really what we do in family aswell. Absolutely. Someone's
creating that ss o p , thatstandard operating procedures.

(15:34):
And I totally concur that itwas our grandma. And I wanna
add to the story that youpresented, because you're
right, she was absolutely aprotector, but her background
really speaks to that, youknow, the fact that grandma's
not Yes. The fact that hergrandfather,

Andre (15:48):
But not just biracial, no product of slave rate
biracial.

Anitra (15:53):
Yeah . A hundred percent hundred ahead , ahead ,
ahead . I'm , go ahead , ahead. Context . No, that's, that's
important because hergrandfather, you know, who you
know, you know , raped her, her, um, grandmother, he also made
sure that the people in thesmall town that they lived in
in Tennessee did not botherRight. That family. Right,
right, right. So even thoughthey weren't allowed to have

(16:14):
all of the same, you know,privileges and the same, you
know, just standards theyshould have as human beings.
There was an unspoken rule andunspoken code in that small
town in Tennessee that said,you know, that family Yeah. You
can judge it. You can saywhatever, but you don't bother
him . Yeah . And so she talkedabout the pride that her
father, you know , um, had inteaching her as the

(16:37):
granddaughter and theprotections that were there,
right. Wrong or indifferent interms of how the family came
about. Um, that , and so that'swhy you see her, she had that
strength. She knew what it'slike to look racism in the face
and Absolutely. And yet herfather and her grandfather
still spoke, or under , youknow, indirectly spoke, you
know, a pride, a protection.

(16:57):
Yeah . A space that says youhave a right to be here. Yeah .
And it , so it definitely mademe think about, yes, there was
that, that very verbal vocalstandard from our grandmother
about how she was going toraise her kids. And she raised
her mom and she, and continuedto instill in us a pride in
self mm-hmm . .
Um , the understanding that wehave a right. Uh, to be here to

(17:18):
maximize it. Where there areshort shortcomings and faces
that have been robbed. You digdeeper and find a way. But then
as I was thinking aboutgrandma, 'cause it's funny, we
landed in the same place, youknow, in terms of the story. I
then thought, thought about ourdad. And I was like, here's the
thing, when you talk aboutfamily social codes, those that
grandma instilled passed downto her , her daughter, our mom

(17:39):
passed down to us. Our fatheralso, you know, had these
social codes. Sure . But hisapproach was the unspoken. Yeah
, yeah . Modeling. Yeah. Sowhereas grandma was much more
verbal, our mom was much moreverbal. There are so many
things that my dad, our dad'sdemeanor, ,

Andre (17:57):
It was enough,

Anitra (17:59):
It was enough to set a code. Mm-hmm . Mm-hmm.
. And I startedthinking, I'm like, we are
naturally in terms of some ofthat, that that family code
structure for us, we're anatural private family.

Andre (18:08):
Absolutely. We are.

Anitra (18:09):
That 100% came from our dad. Yes, it did. And I don't
think he ever talked to me oryou about being private. I
don't think he ever said thewords of don't put your
business out there. Mm-hmm .
, we just watchedhis behavior. That was it . His
demeanor. Even even our momwho's a little less private,
still understood, keep it amongfamily . She ain't private at
all . Family and friends' .
Well, she keeps it among familyand friends. She don't take it

(18:31):
out to strangers. At least thathasn't been my experience.
.

Andre (18:35):
Yeah . No , but but not taking it out to, to strangers
doesn't make her private.
'cause we don't be wantingfamily and friends to know
everything. Right . Tell it tomom. They know everything.
.

Anitra (18:46):
This is true. But I still think there's a space
where she knew some of it youcan share others you can't. And
dad always see , lemme tell

Andre (18:53):
You . So

Anitra (18:54):
Think he was the one for me. No, you don't think

Andre (18:55):
So. That's , no , see that's the sibling connection
because she was the only child.
She didn't know how to keep hermouth closed and keep quiet and
keep secret. I

Anitra (19:03):
Didn't say she was quiet at all. . I said
she talked about it in terms offamily and friends. Exactly .
Right .

Andre (19:09):
The business

Anitra (19:10):
In those circles.

Andre (19:10):
Lemme , lemme redefine because she was an only child.
She didn't know how to keep mybusiness. Your business, her
business within our nucleardynamic. No . Yeah .

Anitra (19:21):
No , no , no , no . She gonna take it to family of
friends . For sure . She's

Andre (19:23):
Gonna take it that hundred

Anitra (19:24):
Percent . That's

Andre (19:25):
Hundred percent . That's why. Yeah . See, that's why,
that's why there's no SavageSolo podcast. That's why
, that's why becauseain't gonna talk . Listen.
Exactly. Y'all only childrendon't know how to be quiet. Nah
, that's right . Yeah. Goahead. I'm sorry . I digress.
No , I

Anitra (19:41):
Think , God digress.
It's No, I think it's a goodpoint. And I think, I think
it's interesting that dad'sdemeanor and his dynamic to me
was more prevalent for you andI Yes , it was . 'cause we're
much more private, less talkingthan , than , you know, mom is,
and it also speaks to thefamily she came out of too.
Mm-hmm . . But I, when I was thinking about
grandma and I was thinkingabout our, our dad, I was like,
they both created these reallypowerful social codes for us.

(20:04):
But they're , they're modelingtheir demonstration was
different. Yeah . But stillvery effective. And I , and I
think that's an important thingas we continue to dig into it.
And this episode is thatsometimes the codes are modeled
and demonstrated more thantalked about .

Andre (20:18):
And , and the thing about that is, is with each
generation, the codes becomebroader and broader. Very. Yeah
. 'cause see , mom , mom didn'thave, mom could become grandma
even though she, she didn't

Anitra (20:31):
Well , she knows. She knows. Okay .

Andre (20:33):
She could , right. Uh , she became more grandpa mm-hmm
. . But then youand I come around and we say,
wait a second, we've now got to, uh, figure out the coding of
the Dangerfield family and thecoding mm-hmm .
of the Evans family and decidemm-hmm . , what
is our coding going to be sogood. And , and ki and that ,
and that's such a , uh, as , asgener more and more generations

(20:57):
kind of come along. So nowCorin and Corey gotta figure
out the coding of the Evans,but also the coding of the
Humphreys. Right. Yeah . That'sgood . And so Malachi has to
figure out the coding of theEvans, but also the coding of
the Lawsons. Yeah . Hundredpercent . So there's a broader
culture scale, I should saybecause , uh, so far what we've
been talking about in terms ofsocial codes is how the world

(21:19):
responds to our codes. Butanother part of social codes is
how we respond to our codingprocess. Yes . Yes. How we
process it. That's good. Right. And so you look , you know,
so, so the world will, willlook at, well , well I think of
it this way. So, you know, mostof social , a lot of social
code is about culture andcommunity mm-hmm .

(21:41):
. Yep . Yep .
Mm-hmm . . And itkind of dictates what's
happening. Mm-hmm.
. And so now I'min Evans, but then I also am
putting in my quoing , I'm aProtestant Christian. And
here's why , here's why I saythat. Because then social codes
can start to become confusing.
. Yeah . Because do Irespond like Jesus or do I

(22:03):
spawn like Maxine Dangerfield.
Yep . . And here's whateven gets a little bit more
confusing . That's our, that'sour grandma. Maxine Dangerfield
. Here's what gets alittle bit more confusing when
it comes to the coding process.
If I say, okay, I'm gonnarespond like Jesus. Okay. Does
that mean I turn the cheek thistime? Or do I turn over tables
and start whipping folk?
that part , you know ,in the temples . Yeah . 'cause

(22:25):
he did the same thing. So , so, so , so there's two sides to
that social code or the codingprocess. Mm-hmm .
. Yeah . There's , there's whatyou observe from those who you
kind of see every day and theyset the standard of the
branding for the family. Butthen there's you, like, now
what do I do with it? What do Ido with everything I'm , how

(22:47):
I'm being coded? You know, do Ido the exact same thing as
grandma? No. 'cause you know,today that might not work.
Right . Today. Hundred percent. Today, some of the things she
did ain't gonna fly .
And so Yep . Evolution. But ,but there are definitely some
things that I do say no, theway she stuck up and for people

(23:07):
and protected the, the , thelegacy of her family. You
wasn't finna mess with herfamily. Nope. You just wasn't
going to do it. Not happening.
Nope . Well, that, that's,that, that definitely is
encoded in my , uh, family. D na You're not gonna mess with my
girls . You're just not goingdo it. Mm-hmm. .
Um , it's not gonna happen. I,I can't tell you the number of

(23:27):
times that I know printed Coreyhave looked at me and like, you
know, if dad moved anotherinch, he was gonna prison . I
was protect , I , you know what? Social codes will sometimes
supersede professional code .

Anitra (23:46):
Ooh , that's good.
That's good. Yeah.

Andre (23:47):
Because there was a day one time where Cory was driving
to school. I was in thepassenger seat and this guy
came to the stop sign afterCory did. So Cory now is doing
the right thing, pausing andnow making a left turn. And the
guy decided to go anyhow. Yeah. Even though he came after and

Anitra (24:09):
California stopped.

Andre (24:10):
Listen, he had the nerve to roll down his window and
start acting like he was gonnaspeak to Cory till he saw me.
Thank Lord . And my social codesupersede my professional code
as I told him he was numberone. And I don't mind telling
him to his face . And ,and Corey , and this is, this
is , this is the thing aboutcoding . Corey didn't even

(24:32):
blink because Corey's like,that's not Pastor Andre there.
That's my dad . Yeah. She

Anitra (24:37):
Understands.

Andre (24:37):
That's my dad's a difference . Difference .
That's a , that's a dis Yeah .
It's a , it's a And that's howintricate and complex our
social codes are. Mm-hmm.
. Uh , and, and,and , and that's why they're
also so very important for usboth as parents and as a
society, to make sure if we'regoing to set the brand for our
family, make sure that, thatyour children are very clear on

(24:58):
, on what the family socialcodes are. Yeah. Very clear on
what they are. Uh, 'causethere's, there's , uh, uh, you
know, as we kind of move inthis, this sound off second ,
there's, there's some, there'ssome life lessons summed up in
some of these parentalstatements in social codes.
There's a a hundred percent ,there's a , there's a , your
grandma's the one that I firstheard say when we get in this

(25:20):
grocery store, you don't wantnothing. You don't need
nothing. Don't ask for nothing.
Right. And then, so that's thecode. Then she gave the
understanding of the code.
'cause if you do, I'll beat youin I 13. You gonna get ,

Anitra (25:35):
And she did not play.
Shed get with those little pingpong paddles or whatever.

Andre (25:39):
She did not play. No, no. It didn't have to be that
Whatever was in aisle 13.
. Right . . It, it could've been pot ball .
Ball I'd have came out crying.
. It could've been . I'd have came out
crying. You have , I would'vewalked to , I would've listened
. I would have a twitch to thisvery day. Every time I see a
Q-tip . Right . Like ,oh , , I remember, I

(26:01):
remember breaking out mycigarettes. I remember when I
was five, I still did still do . So Lord. But,
but the thing about it is, isis it's in that coding process
that I know that I learned twothings that were developed in
me. The first thing isobservation. Yep . What does it

(26:21):
mean not to want something thatI clearly want. Right ?
. But , but , but watch this.
Oh God . It means I'm not aspoiled bratt .

Anitra (26:33):
Yeah, that's good.

Andre (26:34):
It means that even as an adult, I want some things , but
that doesn't mean I'm gonna get'em .

Anitra (26:40):
Yeah , yeah ,

Andre (26:41):
Yeah , yeah . And so sometimes I have to learn that
even though I may want it, Imight not get it. But can I
find joy in what I have? Andhere's why I say that's a
family social code. Mm-hmm.
grandma, I knowbecause of her instilling those
type of things in me. Mm-hmm .
I know she was ensuring that Iwouldn't be some entitled jerk

(27:02):
of a man. Yeah.

Anitra (27:03):
Yeah. So good cry

Andre (27:04):
Baby. When I don't get what I want. Right? Mm-hmm.
, that's what,that's the ation . But then not
only the observation, butthere's a mindset that she was
coding in me. And that mindsetwas, is okay, you can't have
it. But you know what? Go get ajob. That part . Buy it for
yourself. Yep .

Anitra (27:24):
Mm-hmm.

Andre (27:24):
, go get a job. Buy it for yourself. I
can't have this Twix. Okay,grandma, when I get 14 and I
get this job, I'm gonna buy ahell out of a Twix. I ain't
gonna buy it with you. 'causeyou know, you'd done already
said, don't ask for nothing , but when I get this
money, yeah. I'm gonna be ableto get what, what I , what I
want. And, and , and then whenyou add the two together, I

(27:46):
feel like social codes, that'sjust kind of that branding of
who you are as a family saysmm-hmm. , you
know, you can, but should youall the time.

Anitra (27:56):
But should you, that's so good.

Andre (27:57):
Yeah . And so I like , I like some of the things that
that that those kind of justwarnings, those statements.
Mm-hmm . thoselife lessons summed up in a
social code, taught me, youknow, what's acceptable in your
behavior, what's acceptable inyour thoughts, what's
acceptable in your feelings.
Because those things that areacceptable, those are the
things that make you better .
And you had to learn thatthrough social codes, the

Anitra (28:20):
Family social codes. I

Andre (28:21):
Love it . Yeah, absolutely.

Anitra (28:23):
I love it. I'll just add one quick thing and then
we'll jump into thesponsorship. But yeah, grandma
definitely taught me, you know,to this day, I don't really
like Las Vegas or gambling. Imight go for the lights
and shows. Right. Uh , but sheused to always year after year,
allow me to, to bet , uh, youknow, when we as a family would

(28:44):
go bowling , um, she would, ohyeah . Oh actually I don't even
like bowling. And they guard meall around like, I don't like
bowling. Right. And it , youknow, I kept thinking like,
okay. 'cause and part of it toois this , like you said is a
humbling experience. 'cause youknow, yes , we knew grandpa ,
grandpa was, he was just topshelf amazing bowl . Like
you're not, no one's gonna everbeat him. Like that's just ,
you understood it. Right . Thebest you could do is try to

(29:07):
track behind him. And Mom was agood bowler. Dad was a good
bowler. You were good. Yes . Iwas the one that wasn't good.
'cause I was learning and meand my foolish self thinking,
okay, well I can take ongrandma 'cause she's older. She
, you know, she had some kneesissues going on. And, and I ,
she would say, yeah, Nikki ,you could probably beat me
. And , and again, Ididn't know what she was doing

(29:28):
until after it was too late.
And so she said, I bet you adollar. And I'd be like, okay.
And I just knew, and I wouldlose every single , every

Andre (29:35):
Single

Anitra (29:35):
Time. Single time. Yep . Like, I never, I think we
just, I just, well the lessonwas like , I stopped gambling
, like I learned tostop gambling before I ever got
better at bowling tobeat . Right ,

Andre (29:47):
Right , right. Well, because she would take , would
would your dollar and would notgive it back . She would

Anitra (29:50):
Percent take it. She would a hundred . She was not
gonna gimme that sweet talklike, oh you just a kid. Mm-hmm
. . And that'sexactly what she said. After a
couple of times of gettingbeat, she said, well, why do
you keep betting? Right.
. Right. And then I hadto think about that and I
pretty sure shortly after thatI stopped

Andre (30:05):
And like , Nope . Here's the beauty of that thing,
that, that coding I doand I've always done to
Daniella, Corin and co . I havenever let them beat me in
anything. Yep . Have they beatme over time and it forced them
to get better, to get better atwhatever it was that we were
doing. Hundred percent . Soabsolutely. That, that coding

(30:26):
process, it's like I , andhere's the thing. So good .
Here's the thing about that.
It's, it's, it's not e thecoding process isn't a
discussion. Like, I'm not finnatalk with you and be like, do
you like this lesson? It's awarning. It's an absolute
warning. And here's why I saythat. , the reason the
the per , there's the personthat doesn't have at least a

(30:47):
fundamental understandingmm-hmm . Of socially how to
behave mm-hmm . socially how to carry yourself.
Mm-hmm . , you ,you , you're putting, you and
others, your family Yep . At adisadvantage. Yep . Because at
best, you're , you can beexposing yourself and your
family to embarrassment andhurt. 'cause you don't know how

(31:07):
to act in a certain situation.
Right. Right . You don't havematurity in a certain
situation. Yep . You, and atworst you end up limiting the
reach of your family becauseyou don't know how to , that's
good's good . You ain't ,that's good . You ain't, you
don't act like you got somesense. Yeah . And it's that,
that lack of understanding ofhow you should behave socially.
It's that lack of understandingof, of your , that the , the

(31:29):
family code of conduct thatabsolutely. Will hold you back
in so many areas because mm-hmm. , when it
becomes clear to society, youdon't know how to act. When it
becomes clear, start treatingthat you have a man. Yeah . Man
,

Anitra (31:43):
They'll start treating you the way they want to ,

Andre (31:45):
Man. And that sets in on an internal process too .
Mm-hmm. , becauseyou will start to believe how
the world is treating you. Holdyou back in your, your
professional career, hold youback emotionally, hold you
back, mentally hold you back inyour social life. 'cause then
you'll start hanging withpeople that don't challenge
you. People that are alwaysokay with your mediocrity. Like

(32:06):
, you know , yourrelationships. So even be , I
thank God for gram forgrandma and mom and dad. I
thank God for , for the , the ,the family code of conduct and
social behavior dynamics thatthey put in me. Because they
have gotten me through somemoments where I had to ask
myself some questions. Mm-hmm .

(32:28):
Should I do this? Yeah . Isthis the right thing to do ?
Should I let this person becomeassociated with me ? Yeah .
Should I invest in thisrelationship ? And as, and as
trivial, they may have seenthese codes, these, these,
these, these, this codingprocess when I was younger. Why
mom always doing this? Why dadalways doing this man ?

Anitra (32:50):
Right . Why they always say this? Yeah.

Andre (32:52):
Man, let me tell you .
Yep . Yep . Man, let me tellyou , why, you know,
why dad, you know, dad would,I've heard dad say me a few
times, Andre, there actually issuch a thing as a stupid
question. , man, lemmetell you. Lemme tell you, lemme
tell you something, lemme tellyou something. When we was at

(33:12):
that college visit, that kidkept asking stupid questions. I
looked at Corey and I said, youare not to be friends with him
at this college. like ,nah , you're not to be

Anitra (33:22):
Avoid him. And it's really not his fault, don't
have pity . It's his parents'fault,

Andre (33:25):
But still's . Right .
It's his parents' fault.
Somebody should have told himthat. You know what this is,
somebody should have told himthat. You know what, there are
such a thing as dumb questions.
Mm-hmm . And , and don't begoing out outside my house
asking dumb questions, . So no, you like, they like
that. What's that show? Theylike those parents that let

(33:46):
those kids go on the firstround of American Idol knowing
they can't sing. Right? No .
Like you finn to be on thebloopers episode. It's at the

Anitra (33:53):
End of the season's part , the entertainment. Oh

Andre (33:56):
Man. We're

Anitra (33:57):
Laughing at

Andre (33:57):
You . That's the thing .
We're laughing at you. That's ,that's why I'm saying at the
basic, at the fundamental, ifyou don't understand how to
build a , a brand, your, yourfamily name through social
conduct and social codes, youare exposing yourself to be
nothing more than entertainmentfor the world. Mm-hmm . And I

(34:17):
ain't Finn I ain't trying to dothat. I ain't

Anitra (34:20):
Trying to do I know That's right . . All
right , well let's jump intoour , our sponsorship and then
we're gonna dig deeper intothis because you can see we're
already hype and I'm excited.
So shout out to our sponsor. Stwo MediaWorks is a media
production company co-foundedby my brother and I, and we're
dedicating that company tocreating content that educates,
that empowers, inspires, andencourages us all to, you know,

(34:43):
live a , a healthy, positivelife. Our mission is to provide
transformational educationresources through the content
that all encourage healthy andproductive living. And so this
particular podcast, the SavageSibling Podcast, is a product
of SKU MediaWorks and we have a, a lineup that we are
producing and getting preparedto drop. We're super excited

(35:04):
about that. So thank you forjoining us here for this
podcast and we can't wait toshare so much more content with
you guys in the future. Sothanks for rocking with us.
Absolutely. Alright bro. Bro,you ready to get savage? Let's

Andre (35:18):
Do it. Let's do it . So again, the name of this episode
is act like You Got some Sense,and, you know, the first thing
I think we want to do is justkind of really give our own
best guess definition mm-hmm .
of what socialcodes are, right? Mm-hmm .
. 'cause the ,and I , and I think it's
important that if you'relistening to this, that you,
you learn to define what asocial code is, what is your

(35:40):
social code of conduct as afamily. It's important because
social codes exist whether youlike it or not. Wherever people
are going to interact with eachother. Yep . They're going to
exist and you're gonna seetheir existence because there's
gonna be act interactionbetween different groups ,
different cultures, differentcommunities, and those, those

(36:00):
social contexts or content ,uh, texts are there, excuse me,
and content mm-hmm.
mm-hmm .
, they're therebecause they kind of establish
a , uh, unspoken rule of howyou govern yourself
behaviorally. Yeah . Here'swhat I'm saying by that. I, I,
I remember , um, this would'vebeen high school. Uh, I, I ,

(36:21):
yeah, I got , um, voted mysophomore or junior year as
best dressed , um, classclassmate, but it was for the
class I was in, I don't know ifit was sophomore or junior
year. At any rate, what I sawcome out of that, and I'm gonna

(36:46):
label it as social code ofconduct that I, you know, put
on myself. Number one wasinstilled by dad, who was very
stylish by mom, who was like,don't walk out my house, look
in any old kind of way. Mm-hmm. , um, was this,
this , uh, moment during , um,an interview for , uh, that,

(37:08):
that community event calledUnity event called Matillion.
Matillion. Gotcha . Okay .
Matillion. Yep . Mm-hmm.
. And you know,they, back in the day they
interviewed who would be in it.
Right. Wow. Okay. So , so Icame , yeah. So I came in with
the code of conduct that got me, uh, nominated as best dressed

(37:29):
, I wanna say. Then it had tobe my junior year best dressed
, you know, junior. Mm-hmm.
, another guycame in with his pants sagging
gold chains and talkingdifferent than me, let's just
say it that way . Mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
different thanme. Sure. Only one of us got in

(37:51):
this prestigious activity andevent. Sure. Mm-hmm.
, it didn't mean Iwas better than him, it didn't
mean I was smarter than him,but I had a conduct that was
more connected to what thebattalion wanted to represent
mm-hmm . thanhim. And that's what we're kind

(38:11):
of looking at. I don't think acode of conduct defines who you
are, but it does shape how youpresent who you are socially.
Yeah . And culturally. Yeah .
And , and , and I think whenyou understand a code of
conduct, when you, when youunderstand those family
branding, those social codes,when you understand them, they

(38:34):
open doors or they close doorsdepending on mm-hmm .
how you presentyourself. So I'm not saying
social codes define who you are, but they do define how you
present yourself to the worldand therefore open or close
opportunities for yourenrichment. That's kind of how
I would start this kind offoundation of what, how we're
defining social codes. Whensomeone looked at me and they

(38:57):
knew my mom and my dad, theywould say, oh yeah, he's a
Evans

Anitra (39:00):
Mm-hmm. mm-hmm .

Andre (39:01):
. Mm-hmm .
And opportunities would come.

Anitra (39:03):
That's good.

Andre (39:04):
Yeah. So that, that's where I would start. What about
you? So

Anitra (39:07):
I think for me , um, I kept kind of going back to this
kind of blanket title of rulesof the game. And you already
spoke to it. Yeah . It'sdefinitely rules of specific to
our behavior, you know, how wepresent ourselves, how we
communicate. And I keptthinking, you know, what I like
about this idea of social codeskind of being compared to rules
of the game is one, you have toknow which game you're playing.

(39:29):
And so absolutely social codesevolve based on environments,
based on Oh yeah. Familystructure. And so, you know, if
I'm playing spades, you know,and how you present yourself,
how you communicate, we knowthere's no talking across the
table that'll get you beat upor kicked out of the house
permanently. Right. Or stabbed . Whereas basketball,
you better talk, you bettertell your , you know , your

(39:50):
your teammate. Right .

Andre (39:51):
You got , there's an intimidation

Anitra (39:52):
Factor. Absolutely.
Tell the , your opponentcertain things. Tell your
teammate where they need tolook that the ball's coming,
you know, so whatever the gameis, the environment is, you're
going to have to learn therules and then the rules in
terms of what your team or whatyou need to do versus the rules
of who's leading that space.
And so that's what I kept kindof unpacking as I was defining

(40:14):
the social codes, is what arethe rules of the game, which
makes me first have to say,what game am I playing? And
then Right . How do I fit intothat? And then how does that
also connect to my authenticintra self and how I
communicate, how I make my waytowards winning? And that's
really the thing too withsocial codes. We all want to
win, win at the, the way yourfamily wants you to behave, win

(40:34):
in your professionalenvironment, win in the goals
that you have for your life.
And so understanding the socialcode, whether they're designed
by your family evolved andadjusted and adapted by you or
what society's trying to put onyou, at the end of the day, the
game is trying to win at thelife that you wanna have and
that's why they're there andthat you need them. And so I

(40:55):
think those are the parametersI had. No,

Andre (40:57):
Absolutely. And let's unpack, you know, let's put
those two together and unpackreally what you were just
saying. So how I present myselfshows the world, how I'm gonna
play the game. The gameAbsolutely. Is to embed or to
enrich. It's, it's , it's ,that's good . So these social
codes end up being this, thisbasis for understanding my
personal evolution through theenvironment. Yeah . That I,

(41:19):
that I kind of, I went throughand, and yeah . So now my
social codes, how do Iunderstand the game I'm
playing? How do I present myability to play? What they end
up doing is qualifying ormodifying or altering mm-hmm .
My ability to see victory inwhat it is that I wanna That's
good . See what it is I want ,I want to do. And, and, and so

(41:40):
Yeah. Absolutely. I, I, yeahwholeheartedly say that we do ,
uh, have to use , uh, kind ofthe training ground, which is
at home, whether it's withparents or with sibling, and
then go out and use what wewere trained to do to the best
of our ability to win atwhatever it is we're trying to
win at. Um, and that's, that'sjust self-fulfillment and

(42:01):
wellbeing and self-betterment.
Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . Yeah. If you,
if you don't play the gameright. If you don't present
yourself Right. You can't bemad when you don't win and you
don't win. Be mad when youdon't even get it . When you
actually get kicked out of thegame and you can't even play.
Sure . Because you didn't evenstart with the very basis of
what's acceptable. Mm-hmm .
when it comes tothe game you're playing and

(42:21):
your , you and your ability topresent the skills you have ,
uh, in terms of bringing to thetable. I, I , um, and use that
loss,

Anitra (42:27):
Use that loss to help

Andre (42:29):
You . Oh , absolutely .
Reevaluate . Oh , absolutely .
Yeah . Absolutely. So glad.
That's the thing. So , uh, and,and , and another beautiful
thing about that socialbehavior is not only do you use
the loss in order to improveand be better, but social codes
will also, if you're looking atother people, they can make you

(42:49):
better. You can look at howthey're , uh, winning or
losing, how they're making itin this particular environment
and setting what, what is intheir coding to make it happen.
And you, you have the sameinfluence and impact on, on
others , um, uh, as well. Uh ,that's good . When you , when
you show social coats , Iremember one time we were in

(43:10):
the trolley, and this is whenCorin and Corey were really
young. Mm-hmm . ,and it had to be Corey , uh,
that was probably acting up abit. It had to be Cory . 'cause
Corin Oh man is very docile. Soit had to be Corey .
But I remember , um, for me,you know, I'm watching how mom
and dad dealt with me. I'mwatching how grandma and

(43:32):
grandpa dealt with me. I pulledCorey to me, and I, I whispered
my threats in her ear.

Anitra (43:40):
Right.

Andre (43:41):
Right.

Anitra (43:43):
I , I witnessed what I'm saying . You guys , I've
witnessed him do this .

Andre (43:46):
So I, I I pull her close and I whisper my threats in her
ear. That means what I don't dois yell at her across the room.
I don't yell. Explicative ofsocial coding says, act like
you got some sense. I'm winningat parenting 'cause I'm not
embarrassing my child.

Anitra (44:05):
That's so good.

Andre (44:06):
You see what I'm saying?
Yep . Mm-hmm . .
So , so , so playing the game,you know, ha ha is , is not
just a one way . I'm not,social codes aren't one way .
That's why they're the wordsocial in there. They're not
one way. So part of socialcodes is, is presenting
yourself in a way that yourealize that the way you're
carrying yourself and the thingyou're doing to see yourself

(44:28):
better isn't just you. Right .
It's your family name. That's ,it's everything in the
environment. It's the folks whoyou're playing the game , the
game against. 'cause the factof the matter is, is if your
social code shows me that youget hotheaded real fast, guess
what I'm going to use to beatyou? Your hot headedness, your
I'm gonna kick you off yourgame. Yep . Right? So, so

(44:49):
social codes are, acts are sobroad. Um, the brand you carry
at your is your family lastname. It's so, so broad now. So
let's, let's get in some ofthese definitions. Okay . How
do you feel like social codesare defined by family? So

Anitra (45:05):
I was, I'm packing this and I'm thinking about our
family, right? And I was like,okay , let me first look at,
you know, what, what really is,and I think you coined this
term earlier in , in ourearlier producing session, that
really, it's your family brand.
So, so it's your family'screating a brand that's gonna
represent the legacy ofgenerations to come. Ideally.
And that can be, and we'll talkabout this more good and bad,

(45:27):
positive and negative. It can ,you know , brand is brand, you
know. Um , and so I , I wantedto first just look at, okay,
well what for me was the Evansbrand, right ? And I think as I
was unpacking that, and I didthink about the Dangerfield
brand and I'll share both ofthose, but it came down to what
is the overarching I , youknow, identity the identifiers

(45:48):
mm-hmm . Mm-hmm . that are going to be , uh, what
people assign to me, to mybrother, to my parents and, and
those that also now kind oftrickle down or continue down
into my son and the generationsto come was how I was thinking
about this, this brandingprocess . Process . And so when
I thought about our family, theEvans brand, I kind of , uh,

(46:09):
pared it down to this notion ofone of our overarching or
umbrella , uh, you know, Iidentifiers as Evans' maximize
your potential and maximize theopportunities. Yeah. And I felt
like I was trying to, becauseyou kind of have to, I don't
wanna say mush together whatboth of your parents or your
siblings, what everyone'sdoing, but you do start to see

(46:30):
the identity through that, evenif they're modeled differently.
Even if they're demonstrateddifferently, even if the
backgrounds, 'cause obviouslyour parents grew up
differently, right? Uh ,they're still going to be these
overarching or umbrella , uh,you know, identity , um,
specific, you know, isms thatwe do as an Evans or we don't

(46:52):
do as an Evans. Right . And sowhen I thought about maximizing
your potential andopportunities, I was thinking
about mom and dad and with dad,dad's bottom line with anything
that we approached in life waswhether you get educated or
not, whatever you do, you give2000% period.

Andre (47:11):
You absolutely do.

Anitra (47:12):
Absolutely . He didn't play about that. Like , and I ,
not at all . We watched ourdad, you know, he who was an
engineer, retired, always had,you know, multiple degrees
military man . It did notmatter what he did. He did it
2000%. Because if he haddecided the answer was yes,
right, then he's gonna stick tothat, then the whole whole
answer was yes. The , the wholeanswer was yes. And even when,

(47:33):
you know, I would talk aboutcollege, university, you know,
going into , um, acting, hisbottom line would be whatever
you're gonna do, do 2000%. Sowhen I was undecided about if I
was just gonna move to New Yorkand start acting or if I was
gonna go to school, he neversaid You should do this or
that. What he would do isreiterate, maximize your

(47:53):
opportunity. So when I went andI was going to get a tattoo, it
was my first and only tattoo.
'cause it hurt when Iwas 17 years old. I remember
dad sitting in his recliner andDre knows what that looks like
before I was about to leave.
And he says he going to get atattoo, huh? And I was like,
yeah, you know, high schoolsenior doing my thing. And he's

(48:14):
like, and , and you still wannado acting? And I was like,
yeah. He was like, so what doesthat mean for your body? 'cause
then that's your tool for anactor. You gotta have your
body, you know, I was thattattoo go work for your
acting career. Right. And Iremember just kind of looking
at him and then saying, thankyou Father , and kind
of walking away. Right? Right.
Because he would always dropstuff on me, right ? Yes . And
there was no discussion. Nope .

(48:35):
It was like, this is thelegacy. I don't care what you
do, if you gonna act , act, I'mjust saying if you gonna do it,
do it 2000%. I don't know ifgoing and tattooing your body
up is gonna work right . Foryou to be the versatile actress
that you need to be. And that'show he was. If you get a
degree, great. But if you'regonna be a student, be the best
student. Be the best. If you'regoing to go and be an

(48:57):
entrepreneur, be the best atit. His bottom line in terms
of, you know , Evan's brandingwas listen and learn. Right .
Listen and learn. Listen andlearn. Yeah . Listen to the
people who are the specialistsAnd learn. And learn. Yeah.
Whereas mom, she was definitelypro-education. Education was a
must because of, you know, herbackground because of our

(49:17):
grandmother who wasn't allowedto have that. So that was
instilled in her. Right. Andher thing was always, again,
maximize your potential andyour opportunities. So when I
was like, okay, I'm gonna go tocollege, I'm gonna be a theater
major, I'm gonna do the arts ,she was like, great, you should
probably also double major. Youshould probably also look at
journalism. You should maybelook at broadcast, you should
look at some otheropportunities. And back in that

(49:38):
time, they always called it abackup plan, which now we PPO
on that idea. Yes we do. But itwasn't that she was trying to
purely say, give up on yourdreams. What she's saying is,
maximize your potential. Mm-hmm. , if you're
going to be in college, takeall the classes you can take
that will maximize what you cando. You gotta figure out how
you're going to make moneywhile you're acting. If acting

(49:59):
isn't fully, you know, takingcare of the bills , uh, you
gotta figure out the workforcerelated , you know, things
you're gonna have to do tosurvive while you're
performing. And so her strategywas engage and learn where dad
was, listen and learn. Mom wasvery much engage and learn. Uh,
jump in there and yeah, you'regonna bump your head. Stuff may
not work out. You might decidethat that wasn't the right way

(50:19):
to go, but as long as you'reengaging with everything that's
available to you, you will findyour way, you know, through
this. And then you'remaximizing the potential. She
didn't want me to be tunnelvision. She didn't want me to
only pick, pick one, one, youknow, pathway, and then find
out five, 10 years later I wishI had done all these other
things. And so they had theirdifferent approaches. But it ,

(50:41):
you know, it it just, it camedown to everything.
Relationships, finances. Mm-hmm. , personal
engagement. Mm-hmm .
. Yeah . It allcame back to what can you
maximize in this? Whatpotential is there that you
might be overlooking you needto dig into? And what
opportunities are there thatyou can take advantage of? And
I understood that was thebrand. So I didn't feel stifled
in terms of my creativity. Ididn't feel stifled in terms of

(51:03):
choices. I didn't feel forcedas a woman to get married or to
not marry. Right. It wouldalways come back to, are you
maximizing your potential? Areyou maximizing your
opportunities? And that's abeautiful space and I love that
brand that we got from theEvans family. And I think it's
why we, you know, continue tobe successful and thrive
because they always, you know,push forward to maximize that.

(51:24):
And I wanna say one otherthing, I'll kick it back to
you. When I was thinking aboutthe Dangerfield brand, which is
our, our, you know, our mom's ,um, grandparent, our
grandparents' brother , uh,their thing was always this
notion of you always haveoptions. Mm-hmm . That was the
brand mm-hmm . Of theDangerfield. And so whether it
related to, you know, avoidingdebt so that it continued to
give you options. Right.

(51:45):
Whether it related to payingforward your resources and
skills, which grandpa alwayshad, always entrepreneurs. And
he would always wanna trainsomeone else and share
something else. They neverwanted us to be limited. And so
that their bottom line wasdon't ever feel like you don't
have options. You do, you haveoptions in how you're gonna use
your resources. Yeah. You haveoptions in how you want to grow

(52:06):
and educate yourself. You haveoptions . Listen, when both of
us unfortunately , um, haddivorces both of our
grandparents never want us tofeel like it's the end of the
world. Never. You have options.
Right? Your kids have options.
You have options. And thatagain, was the legacy. Even
them fighting through, youknow, the difficulty of the,
the time period and thegeneration they were raised in.

(52:26):
Absolutely . They still cameout of it believing there are
always options. I don't careabout my skin color, I don't
care about, you know, what's inmy bank account. I don't care
about what society says. Thelegacy of the Dangerfield
household is. We always haveoptions. Yeah. And so those are
the two things that hit me. Andas I'm thinking about the
family brand specifically forus, and I think then it evolves
as you continue. But let me,let me pass it to you . What

(52:48):
are your thoughts? So ,

Andre (52:49):
Well, so what's interesting is, is those were
the, the parts of the brandsthat they pushed on you. Okay .
And I don't know if it wasbecause you and I are are
different or mm-hmm.
and , and or momand dad. Were trying to figure
out how to even develop afamily legacy with me first.

(53:11):
Sure . Because

Anitra (53:11):
So early,

Andre (53:12):
What I got pushed on me was, is this is how we as a
family succeed, act, behave.
Mm-hmm . . Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm .
. What I gotpushed on me was, is looking at
some other kid act up. We don'tdo that. Andre . That's
what got pushed on me. You , weain't Finn do that. Don't be
behave like that . For

Anitra (53:32):
The record , I was well-behaved. I was well
behaved Except and except

Andre (53:35):
For a small extent . And so here's the thing. Here's the
thing. I think that's, I thinkthat's the complexity of social
codes. Sure .

Anitra (53:41):
Yeah.

Andre (53:42):
I am different. I have to be coded different. There
you go. So they never, you go ,they never had to talk to me
about options. I always knewwhat I wanted to do. Yeah .
'cause I, I lived life in myhead. So by the time it came
out my mouth, I had alreadyknown everything been years I
wanted to do. Right , right .
Yeah . Exactly.

Anitra (54:03):
I've been thinking about this as I'm two , I'm
still ,

Andre (54:05):
I've been thinking about this . Right. Since I
could formulate a thought. So ,right. Absolutely. So they
didn't have , so that's not a ,those weren't things they
talked needed to talk to meabout. What they had to talk to
me about is we don't do that.
Like, right . Listen Andre, wedon't show up at the house in
the back of a police car. Like,we don't do that Andre. We

(54:30):
don't get caught forshoplifting. We don't do that.
Andre. Oh yeah . So much ofmine was like , mine was like
the external side. Like yourswas, let's look at the inside
of you and say this is whatmakes you an Evans . Mine was,
yeah , let's look at how theworld sees us. Yes . This is
not what Evans is supposed todo on . Clearly

Anitra (54:51):
You already making some choices.

Andre (54:53):
You're messing up .
You're really like , you notfinna redefine what we know to
be true.

Anitra (54:59):
Wait, wait, wait . Dre , that's why they had to change
their strategy with me. Likestart internal. Because clearly
they , we gotta start deeper.
We gotta go deeper into ourchild

Andre (55:10):
. No , no . See you bring out a great point.
That's, this is what I'msaying. So all of us are co
we're were coded different. Andyou changed your strategy as a
family because times changedwith me. Mom gave up, mom was
like, you ain't gotta have nocurfew, you just gonna do what
the hell you want to do. Andthen dad came back from his,

(55:31):
his contract and Honeywell. AndI remember I came home one day
at like two in the morning anddad was sitting in his recliner
and dad was like, I don't knowwhat the hell's going on with
this social code, but it'sabout change . Right . Here's

Anitra (55:44):
Over , we

Andre (55:45):
Don't do that . So he said , Andre , what you doing
coming in at two ? I said, well, mom said I don't have no
curfew. Dad said she did. Huh.
And that's all he said,

Anitra (55:58):
.

Andre (55:59):
That's all he said. Ask me what time. I came in the
next day,

Anitra (56:03):
8 57 .

Andre (56:04):
8 59 and 57 seconds . I don't know if my curfew was
nine o'clock, but that's whatit was before Mom said I don't
have to have a curfew. God . SoI went back to the code of the
last coding of dad. But youknow, because no, we don't do
that. But , but look at, watchthis, watch how the strategy
changes. Mm-hmm. now I say to Corin and Cory ,

(56:29):
I've never had to say, lemmeback up. I've never had to say
Ka Tina never had to say toCorinne and Cory that you have
a curfew. Mm . All we said was,is you gotta get the best
grades you could get. That'sthe strategy you got from
mom's. You gotta play aninstrument, you gotta play a
sport. Mm-hmm . You gotta learna second language. So we
expanded the strategies thatmom and dad used with you.

(56:51):
Mm-hmm . By the time you do allthat, you too tired to be
coming in at 2:00 AM

Anitra (56:56):
Anything triple .

Andre (56:58):
Right . . That's why like Rin and Corey , I'd be
like, come on girls, let's goparty. COR will tell you in a
minute I'll be asleep by nineo'clock. Dad ,

Anitra (57:07):
Corey tell I'm

Andre (57:07):
Going to be tired . I'll be in bed by 10 o'clock. Dad ,
come on, let's go party. Let'sgo . I mean , I'm trying to get
them to go to the club. I'mtrying to get 'em to go to the
club. No , we good . No , wegood . Too tired. I'm trying to
get him to go out on the date.
Nah , we good. .

Anitra (57:24):
I'm too tired. It's so, I love it .

Andre (57:26):
It's so, so it's so true. The family definition of
this mm-hmm . ofsocial coding is never
standard. It changes Right . Itadapts. New strategies have to
come . But the bottom line is,is these strategies come in
order to protect the brand.
Protect, yeah .

Anitra (57:44):
Right .

Andre (57:44):
That's , if you look at the McDonald's logo, it's not
the same today as it was in thesixties.

Anitra (57:48):
Right? Right.

Andre (57:50):
Yep . Mm-hmm .
, it had toevolve. Mm-hmm .
, if you listen to their, totheir motto, not the same. It
add to evolve because you gottaprotect the brand, which means
you gotta evolve, yourstrategies have to change. So
that's what we do as, as afamily. And , but then let's,
let's go a bit deeper. How dowe define social codes? As, as

(58:12):
siblings? Mm-hmm.

Anitra (58:13):
. Mm-hmm.
. And let me justadd one thing for, it's so
funny 'cause I never knew thatabout the curfew with you. Oh
yeah . And I know when I didhave my high school run where I
was acting up and wasn't, youknow, following directions and
following the , the brand andstarted staying out late mom
strategy for me, at first, shewould take my car keys, put me
on punishment mm-hmm .
. And I wouldjust wait until I got off and

(58:35):
go right back to the samefoolish behavior. Gimme my
punishment. I don't care. Youknow, I'd go through all that
rebellious age . But where shegot me to change, it's
interesting, very similar, butit was her and not dad. She ,
um, she was waiting up onemorning and again, I came in
probably about one or two likeyou mm-hmm. and
uh, and she and I could seethat her eyes were really

(58:55):
tired. Yeah . And I could seeshe was exhausted and she just
simply said to me, she said, Iwould never hurt you the way
that you're hurting me. Ooh .
And she said, you can keep yourgeese . And then she never
tried to punch me and it brokeme down. Which goes back to ,
like you said, coding . Sheunderstood clearly there's a
perspective that Nikki doesn'tget about the brand of our
family and that something elsewe don't do is we don't hurt

(59:16):
each other like this. That'sit. That's it. Like we consider
each other and it like neveragain. I, like you ask me what
time I came

Andre (59:22):
In. Right . 8 59

Anitra (59:24):
. Right , right . And she never gave me a
curfew. Never . But I realizedmm-hmm . Because I realized I ,
that was hurting her in adeeper way. And you know, you
don't get it until you get it

Andre (59:33):
. So, so that, that really helped shape what
social codes the family brandis. It's not a set . Mm-hmm .
a set of laws orpolicies mm-hmm .
, it's really a set, it's aboundary on the relationship.
It's a setting, it's arelationship setting. You don't
hurt. That's good . You don't,you don't disrespect us. Yeah .

(59:56):
You don't, you don't put us ina position where we have to be
ashamed. Yeah. Yeah . Feelguilty. Those aren't rules,
those aren't policies. Mm-hmm.
, those are d n athings. Those are you where ,
where I'm quoing your D n a ,which makes you mm-hmm .
and Evans . And,and and, and that kind of helps
with also that that foundationwas taken further when we

(01:00:18):
started defining social codesas, as siblings . Yeah .
Because when I , because I want, 'cause think about this for a
second. As a only child forfour years, I have this
limitless attention mm-hmm .
income resourcesmm-hmm . from mom
and dad. Mm-hmm . , as soon as Nikki comes along,

(01:00:41):
it's cut in half. Yep . Changes. Yeah . Attention's cut in
half mm-hmm . Income's cut inhalf, resources cut in half.
Yep . But mom and dad didn'tget , uh, they didn't double
those things. Their incomedidn't double. The resources
didn't double. Their timedidn't double. Mm-hmm . So now

(01:01:02):
what you end up doing in socialcoding with a sibling is
learning how to code in the, inthe language of sharing shared
space. Yeah . Mm-hmm . It'sshared space code in the
language of affection, empathy,sympathy. Mm-hmm .
mm-hmm .
code in thelanguage of assistance and
helping. The reason why I cancall on you today, Nikki , hey,

(01:01:24):
I need help financially, I needhelp. Mm-hmm . Whatever. Mm-hmm
. is because weboth had to learn how to have
the resources. That's good .
When it came to both of usbeing in the home. That's a
social code. Yeah . That's good. So now , so now we get to the
point where we're saying youcan, we can say growing up ,
uh, and , and I see this inCorin and Corey as well. They

(01:01:46):
might say Dad has it, but if weboth ask for it, dad has
nothing. Yeah . Yeah . So canwe go without it and find
something better? Uh , just asenriching. Just as fulfilling.
Yeah . So I , you know, so thatsibling social code says, no ,
let's experience life and actlike we're not in lax mm-hmm .

(01:02:09):
mm-hmm.
. And thenthat's, that's, that's the
thing. So now then I can say,well, Nikki , the, the brand of
the Evans family as siblingsis, is if I got it, you got it.
Yeah. Mm-hmm . If you got it, Igot it. And I'm never going to
ask Nikki for something that'sgoing to break her. She's never
gonna ask me for somethingthat's gonna break me. Yeah .

(01:02:30):
Those are codings we learned assiblings that were built off
the foundation. We got from our, uh, from our parents defining
code of conduct mm-hmm .
and , and socialbehavior, things like that. So
that's, that's what I saw whenI, when I look at, well then
how does that work as siblings?
How do we code each other? Um,as siblings? I'm , uh, did you

(01:02:50):
see anything different you wantto add to that? I

Anitra (01:02:52):
Think no, I definitely , uh, co-sign everything you
said I had. I don't think it'sa different perspective. I
think just, just different. Um,but it's the same but
different. Let me unpack that.
So for, for me, I feel likethere was a kind of, and we've
talked about this before, but amirror holding or a reflective
mm-hmm . space incoding between siblings where

(01:03:13):
part of how you learn yourfamily brand, not, you know,
your parents speak it down andthen now you look at it being
in your D N a , but you're alsowatching your siblings to see
how they're processing it.
Right . And then it's bouncingback to you for you to
process it and so forth. And sothis is kind of how I broke it
down for , you know, being ayounger sibling to you, I just

(01:03:34):
always remember you were moreof the mantra of don't
embarrass me, theEastern mom or dad were Yes .
Matter of fact, like I remembergoing to, you know, the mall
with dad on the days that, thatI was with him and like may
maybe mom was working orwhatever and he, you know, he
had to figure out how to combmy hair. And I know I probably
looked a hot mess and you know,kind of had some pigtails or

(01:03:55):
whatever. But he didn't care.
He was like, I'm with my babygirl. We going to do what we
gotta do. And mom, very muchthe same way. Now, my brother
,

Andre (01:04:03):
Uh, voted his most fashionable , best dressed

Anitra (01:04:06):
His junior year . I'm about to get to it. I am ,
that's a all up in my noteswith you . But so, you know,
that that kind of notion ofdon't embarrass me, which it
does go not just to yoursiblings, but to the larger
brand of the Evans familybecause we're all part of it.
So, you know, for for Dre it'slike if, you know, whatever
you're doing is going toembarrass me, stop. Right. If

(01:04:27):
what you're wearing is going toembarrass me, change no
. Right ? Yeah . You being hereis an embarrassment. Leave,
leave . And I remember,you know, there'd be ,
everybody would go to our, youknow, our local mall. Like that
was one of the outings inWichita, Kansas and the Midwest
is the weekends you hit up themall and Dre would be like town

(01:04:49):
east if town east , right.
Like, if you gonna be therewith your friends, don't say hi
to me. . Right. . And I would be like, why
? You know, it'd belike, because that's what
you're wearing and that's howyou behave. And that's an
embarrassment. Right. And sopretty soon you start to just,
you know, reflect on it andyou, and you do pay attention

(01:05:09):
to how do you carry yourself.
And I'm making light of it, butit does make you think, how do
I look? What should I say? Whatis is the standard of how I
behave. Mm-hmm . Not onlybecause obviously my parents do
care, but I have a sibling thatif he sees it, and for those of
you who have siblings, she seesit, they see it, they're gonna
say something, it's gonna be aproblem. Right . Somewhere

(01:05:31):
along the lines. And that'swhat I mean by that mirror
holding and that reflectivespace. Oh yeah. Is that okay? I
don't get to just purely kindof do whatever I, I'm learning
how to become the Anitra Evansin this larger, you know,
family brand. Right . I'll givea an example. Uh, you know, I'm
taking my son to a Laker gameand I , you know, again, this

(01:05:54):
goes back to Anitra. I don'treally care purely about the
sports etiquette. I know theteam I like. I know. And that's
the team we're gonna go see inthe Memphis Grizzlies. So we
were trying to, my son and Iwere trying to kind of discern,
you know, what is that sportsetiquette? And here's the thing
about branding and familycoding. So we end up talking to

(01:06:14):
Uncle Andre about it. 'cause heis a sports fanatic and he
knows all those sportsetiquette things. And because
my son is also becoming asports fanatic, I care enough
about him to try to make surehe's set on the right path.
It's up to your mama wearwhatever the doggone you feel
like wearing becauseyou do that. But we are going
to a game. Laker fans are veryuh oh yeah. Formidable

(01:06:40):
. Yes. They're, they are veryassertive. They're right
mm-hmm. . And soI'm not a Laker fan, I'm a
Memphis Grizzlies fan,specifically John Morant . So
we call Uncle Andre and we'relike , okay, what's the sports
etiquette? And so he breaks itdown for us. Well yeah. If your
team's not playing, you don'tneed to be wearing your team's
jersey. You either need towear, you know, one of the
teams that are playing or justwear something nice that you

(01:07:00):
like to wear . Right .
Like keep it simple. Right.
Right . Don't go in there witha golden State Warriors jersey
if the Golden State Warriorsare not playing. Don't do that.
Once you get to a certain age,certain , once you get to a
certain age Yeah. Respect forthe game. And so that's the
idea. I still knew too that wecould call him and ask him,
because now the embarrassmentis no longer, oh don't

(01:07:21):
embarrass Uncle Andre. AlthoughI'm sure if he saw some
pictures on Facebook orTwitter, Instagram and I was
wearing one jersey and hisnephew's wearing another, he
probably would've called beenlike, Hey , what's happening
here ? Whatcha y'all doing whenwe gonna change this? Right.
But you start to think about,is this going to embarrass my
son? Is this going to embarrassus? Is it our lack of
information? So let's go getthe information. And so that's

(01:07:43):
the , that's the thing I thinksiblings do is they definitely
will hold the mirror up so thatyou can get a sense of where
you are as you're developing,you know, the family brand and
kind of help you have somechecks and balances. One other
thing I wanna say that Ipersonally didn't experience,
and I think this is specific ,uh, to to gender when it comes
to siblings, where this can gettricky in terms of how we look

(01:08:06):
to our siblings to help usfigure out that brand is I do
think that you have to becareful not to get swallowed in
the shadow of your sibling. Ohyeah. Yeah . And I see that
happen a lot in the samegender. Because if you're a
younger brother with an olderbrother and the family brand
has already, you know, beenpassed down and you're learning
it, you , your parents evensay, do what your brother does

(01:08:28):
or take make , they tell theolder sibling, look out for
your younger brother. That'swhat they want you to then, you
know, walk in their stead. Andso that can be tricky. I , I
imagine, 'cause I don't, Ididn't walk in that journey
that you start to just basic ,basically mimic Right. You
start to mimic what'shappening. And I feel like you
start to see that change assiblings of the same gender or
those who've been swallowed upby the older sibling or the

(01:08:50):
other sibling as they getolder, then they break out and
you're like, where is thiscoming from? Well, it's been
there all along. Sure . But thefamily brand made it hard for
me. Sure , sure. To , to figureout that piece. And I just
wanna put a note out that I'vewatched, I've got really good
friends from Wichita and I'vewatched that happen where so
much of the brand was followwhat your brother does, your si
your sister does. And then asthey get older, you see them

(01:09:12):
start to really maintain thequality of the brand, but still
also allow their own identityand authenticity to uh , to
blossom too . What's up SavageSiblings? Are you guys enjoying
this discussion about socialcodes and the isms that our
families instill in us while weare kids? I hope so. As you

(01:09:32):
know, Dre and I like to dig indeep and I'm still sitting here
pondering some of the thingsour parents instilled in us and
y'all , I'm talking about thegood and the bad, right?
Listen, we truly enjoyed thistopic and this discussion. So
we start to dig into moredetails about social codes and
how they're defined by society.
Our familial social codes,those that you can show in

(01:09:52):
public versus those you got tokeep private. And we talk about
fighting against the socialisms that you really don't want
to use, that don't build aproper family legacy of the
family brand. We get into allthat and then some. So I want
you guys to please join us nexttime for part two of Act Like
You Got some sense You don'twanna miss out on the

(01:10:12):
transformational perspectivesegment, the Quick Shot, which
is always hilarious. And Dre'sfinal Blow is always a
blessing. So I just wanna stopand say thank you. Thank you so
much for joining us for partone and for the podcast in
general. Please help us buildthis Savage siblings community.
I need you guys to like, toshare, to comment, leave a
review, subscribe, send thispodcast to your favorite Savage

(01:10:36):
sibling and share yourthoughts, right? Like maybe you
have your own example of actlike you got some sense, right?
Those moments in your life. Wewanna hear about those. Okay.
Huge shout out to the amazingteam of people who make this
possible. Dwayne McClendon,Kyle Davis, shout out to you.
Mighty gents. Those are oursound editors. Ronnie Maxwell
of Maxwell Music, he's ourmusic producer. Keith Cross of

(01:10:59):
K Cross Photography does allthe amazing photos. And last
but certainly not least, ourparents Yep . For their d n A.
All the funny life lessons. Andagain, you, the listeners, we
wouldn't be here without you.
So until next time, pleaseremember, don't go through life
alone. Take care.