Act Like You Got Some Sense ~ Part Two

Welcome Back to Part Two of Act Like You Got Some Sense!! How many times have you heard, “Act like you got some sense!” from parents and grandparents that set the social code for your family?  If this is a familiar phrase heard in your family, you will enjoy the shared experience and humor in this episode.  Andre and Anitra examine the “SOP” standard operating procedures that are established in the home and transferred across generations. Come and laugh with us as we reflect on the connection between family social codes integrated with professional and personal lifestyles.  

Memorable Quotes:

• The impact social codes have on family social brands will determine decisions in life. ~ Andre
• You need to know that other people are ok, so you are ok. ~ Malachi
• Not all family codes integrate into personal code. ~ Anitra
• When family coding challenges you to be better, hold on to it.  If it is condemning, fight to let go of it. ~ Anitra
• Always a cheat code in order to get the benefits of the code. ~ Andre
• God created tear ducts and emotions for men and women. ~ Anitra
• When the older sibling broke the family law, the parents developed a code to prevent another infraction. ~ Andre
• Dad, do I have to do this because you screwed up as a child? ~ Khouri
• At the end of every warning label is a grandmother who said, “Act like you have some sense!” ~ Andre
• General code, rule; just be quiet. ~ Andre
• Did you pass down a code of conduct that your children can thrive and survive socially? ~ Andre

Keywords: 

#MentalHealth, #therapy,  #psychotherapy, #relationships, #psychology, #healing, #counseling, #ministry, #theology, #transformation, #change, #counselor, #therapist, #wholeness, #healthy, #health, #lifestyle, #mental, #emotions, #emotional, #spiritual, #minister, #christianliving, #christian, #wellness, #lifecoach, #forgiveness, #SavageSibling, #Savage, #Sibling,  #Brother, #Sister, #Family, #Parent, #S2Mediaworks, #SavageSiblingsPodcast, #Standoperatingprocedure, #socialcode, #professionalcodeofconduct, #Rulesofthegame, #FamilyBrand, #ActLikeYouGotSense, #Wedontdothat, #reflectivespace, #Behaviorpatterns, #Integrateandassimilate, #Selfpreservationandprotection,

Call to Action: 

• Post comments! Leave us a review!
• Share your family social codes or social codes that you think should be canceled altogether. 
• Any topics you want us to discuss?

Sound Editors: Kyle Davis and Dwayne McClendon
Music: Maxwell Music
Photography: K.Cross Photography

0:00      Introduction
02:00  Savage Segment: How Are You Coded?
20:50  Savage Segment: What Social Codes have we passed on to our children?
37:38  Transformational Perspective: There is always a cheat code to the social code…
48:00  The Quick Shot: Social Codes - Keep ‘em or lose ‘em?
1:02:16  The Final Blow: Find the Wisdom in the codes
1:05:16  Closing: Thanks for joining us!

Brutally Honest. Relentlessly Transparent. Unapologetically Authentic.

Episode Transcript

Anitra (00:05):
Hey, hey, beautiful people. How are we doing? I am
Anitra n Lawson storyteller,producer, educator, content
creator. He , he is Dr . AndreEvans. I'm gonna call him a
social code breaker for theEvans family. Yep . Social code
breaker for the Evans family.
Just breaking everything.
, we are the Savagesiblings, and this is the

(00:27):
Savage Siblings podcast, wherewe are brutally honest,
relentlessly transparent, andunapologetically authentic . So
glad you guys are rocking withus for another episode. Listen,
welcome back to part two. Yep .
And this is part two of actLike you got some sense .
Listen, we've all said it tosomeone, or someone has said it
to us, right? Someone has said,act like you got some sense .

(00:50):
And if they didn't say that, doyou know what they said? They
probably said something like,can't take you anywhere. Which,
that's the same thing, right?
Both of these statements speakto the topic for this episode.
And last episode, last step .
We left off discussing socialcodes in our lives. All of 'em
, right? Starting with thefamily brand and the
development of those socialcodes moving into societal

(01:11):
standards, right? The standardoperating procedures that we
gotta deal with in society ,and really how we navigate
that, right? We navigate whatfamily instills in us or maybe
what our families didn'tinstill in us, and how society
impacts that. So this is parttwo of that discussion. So of
course, if you didn't listen topart one, please put a pause
right now. Go and listen topart one so you can get all

(01:34):
caught up. Because we definesocial codes from our
perspective. We talk aboutfamily branding as part of that
definition and how societyimpacts all of that. So we laid
a lot of foundation to somegroundwork. Please go back and
check it out. Now, if you areall caught up. We got a lot
more discussed in this part twoof the episode. So right here,
right now, part two of act LikeYou Got some sense . Y'all

(01:55):
ready? Here's the question. Youready to get Savage? Good.
Let's get savage.

Andre (02:05):
What's so crazy is, is as we're talking about the two
definitions, family, siblings,and we're gonna move on to a
third one real quick. Mm-hmm.
, we're, we'rehitting both sides. Mine seems
to be so externally driven .
Yours seems to be reallyinternally driven . Yep . And ,
and we were raised in the samehousehold, just coded two
different ways. Yeah . But whenyou put 'em both together, it

(02:28):
still has to create this,resolve that. Then when you get
out into society and societysays, what are you made of? And
society says, are you , are youcoded strong? Can or can I
change your coding? Can Ichange your d n a ? So good,
right ? Mm-hmm . , because , because in terms of
social norms, social behavior,code of content by society,

(02:51):
standard culture is the mostsignificant feature in society.
Mm-hmm. . So thequestion becomes , uh, you
know, will , can, are you codedin a way that society cannot
change who you are? Yeah.
Because if it does, then youreally don't have a social
code. Yeah. You really don'thave a family brand. And that's

(03:14):
not, you know, we, we, we gottabe able to maintain, you know,
those things that make us whowe are as a, as a member of our
family mm-hmm. ,um, make us who we are as a
member in terms of culture andheritage. Uh, and, and those
are those some total of justkind of our behavior patterns,
our attitudes, our values.
Mm-hmm . , ourmm-hmm. , um, you
know, and then those things weshare , uh, with others, but at

(03:37):
the same time, we hold fast tohow we've, we've been, you
know, been raised , um mm-hmm .
. And , and thetruth of the matter is, is , is
so much of our human behaviorreally does vary a lot mm-hmm .
under differentsocial conditions. Well, the
only thing that can be standardthen is, is what was coded in
you. How were you raised? What,what, what makes you your

(04:00):
family mm-hmm . .
Um , and , and and how doesthat withstand just kind of
socially , uh, be ? Becausewhat you can't do is let
society de define who you are.
Right. That's good. You have tobe such a strong definition of
your family that society saysyou are what makes our culture.

(04:23):
Like I'd rather society saybecause of who Andre and Nikki
were as representing the Evansfamily. They are part of the
reason why we have culture.
Yeah . Without them, we don'thave culture. We have
assimilation. Yeah. And so,yeah. So, so, you know, so, so
all of these things kind of addup to, to how society should

(04:46):
define, you know, those socialcodes or those social behaviors
, um, from an anthropologicalstandpoint at least. Sure,
sure. Yeah. Yeah. So, so let'sget into this. Uh, wait, I'm
sorry. Did you wanna add tothat?

Anitra (04:57):
I was just gonna say, I feel like, and you kind of
hinted at it, but definitelysociety challenges , uh, that
you know what those socialposes are for you that your
family built. And so whilewe're, we're going to , uh, see
it, experience it, 'cause youhave to go out and live in the
world and you're around. Mm-hmm. All these different people,

(05:18):
the melting pot society , uh,the different economic statuses
and all those different things.
Um, it's like you said, youhave to make sure that you can
stay grounded in your familylegacy and your family brand,
but also take the, take theareas where, where you might
wanna broaden where you mightYeah . That's good . Want to,

(05:38):
to , um, add some bits to youri your identity, your brand.
Yeah . That make you and thefamily better. And I wanna go
back to your, your fashionthing. I don't know if you
remember, we used to call mybrother Mr. Gq , um, because of
how into fashion he was and,you know, he wanted to look a
certain way. And I agree he, hegot that from dad. 'cause mom

(05:58):
and I are not stylish at all.
dad is more stylish. Uh, but Andre took it a step
further. Um, and I was talkingto mom about this and , and in
terms of how society canattempt to put pressures right.
On your family brand and yoursocial codes, and then you
gotta figure out how , how toreact. And she said, I never
forget when I think you gotinto middle school into high

(06:18):
school for young men at thattime, you know, brand name
clothing was a big deal. Likeit was a status situation.
Yeah. And you know, ourfamily's trying to figure
things out economically. Whatthe way mom described it was,
she said it was more importantfor your brother to have one
really nice name , brandoutfit, or pair of shoes. And

(06:40):
he would, he was okay with thatversus me. I liked Variety and
I didn't care anything aboutname brand . So if you said I
could take the same budget, Icould buy you 15 outfits, you
know, from Sears and you wouldMitch and match 'em and dress
'em up and add your accessoriesand you were good, Dre would be
like, no, get me that one.
Puma, that one Adida, that oneNike. Yeah . Yeah . And he was

(07:02):
fly and he was like, it's gonnado what it needs to do. And so
that again, speaks to how yeah. Society's going to try to
pressure ad change , uh, youknow, your social family codes
, uh, but then you have tofigure out how you work through
it. And it , the same thing Ithink about with Malachi is
that, you know, it's less aboutwhat clothes he wears more is

(07:22):
more about the shoes that'sbecome kind of the thing. Sure,
sure . And you know what brandof shoes, and, and that begins
to matter. But Kai is high hardon his shoes. Like, he's like
me that he just, he's hard onthem . . And so the
more pair he has, the longerthat they'll last. And he is
gotta learn how to protect. Andthat's what I've just basically
told him is that you're gonnahave to take care of your
shoes. We're gonna get two goodname brand ones that you like,

(07:43):
and then we're gonna get theseother off-brand on sale ones.
Right. Right . You're gonnahave to make that work. But
that's the idea is it can'tcome and subsume you, you can't
let society say, you gotta havethis, you must do this. Right .
You Right . If that's gonnatake you out of your economic
status, which that then becomesa challenge. 'cause you can't
afford all those shoes. Right .
You can't afford to get all ,you don't need to get credit

(08:04):
cards to do it, to try to, youknow, keep up with the Joneses.
And that's a whole nothercoding issue. Right. And so
it's, it's making sure that thevalue system in the family
brand that's been established,that's healthy and that's good.
You maintain it. But you findsome ways like bro , bro did.
He's like, just gimme one dopeoutfit, you know, once a
quarter I'm good. You know ?
Right . Or however thatapproach is. And the other

(08:26):
thing I wanna say is it, it'sfunny that when you get to a
place, and I didn't know thismom shared this , um, with me
about you , bro, bro .
But there's also a time whereyou are , uh, broadening your
identity, your social codes,and it brings you joy. So
apparently you guys, my brotherstarted picking the , his
destination cities, the citieshe would move to based on the

(08:49):
professional sports team onteams. Yeah. . Yeah .
Which in my mind is like what , right ?

Andre (08:56):
Yeah.

Anitra (08:57):
But he had gotten to a place where he could do that
and it brought him joy and itcertainly wasn't our brand.
Listen, my dad don't wanna moveever. Like, he's so happy being
exactly where he is. And my momwill stay wherever she is
forever. Yes. That's not me. Idon't , I like to travel, but
home is home. But my brother,apparently Charlotte is , was a

(09:17):
good spot, you know? Yeah.
Great sports atmosphere.
, I understand he almosthad like a full meltdown when
the Chargers left. San Diegocame to la Yes , I did. Yes.
Like we had to have inter

Andre (09:28):
No , almost wasn't. No, almost.

Anitra (09:30):
Okay. It just happened.
No low key . It just did. Andso, but that's something that
again, is definitely a social,you know, code specific to
sports that is now part of hisidentity. He didn't get it from
the family, but it's the placewhere he can honor it when he
can. And it brings him joy. AndI definitely think you try ,
try not to, you should allowthose spaces where you can.

Andre (09:51):
So, so, so let's, let's take that example. It sounds
like it's about sports, butreally what it's about is the
impact that codes have on thefamily, the social codes have
on family . Yeah . I lovesports. Yes. But the reason why
it's picking these cities withthese great sports is because
of the atmosphere of the city.
Sure. It meant it would bevibrant. It meant it would be

(10:11):
be family oriented. It meant itwould have a lot of activity in
it. I love Wichita 'cause I'm acountry cowboy mm-hmm .
, but therewasn't a lot of vibrant
activity. Why 'cause hundredpercent it couldn't attract
some of these things that makea vibrant city. That's good.
Yeah . So , so, so when Ilooked for activities to do in

(10:32):
Wichita, I often had to lookoutside of Wichita. Yep .
Right? Yep . So no city . I'mchoosing Charlotte. I chose San
Diego because of the vibrancy.
If you've got two sports teams,it wasn't even it . I love the
sports, but what it was reallyabout is you got a city that
has a lot going on. Mm-hmm .
And that's directed to who Iam. So in my social coding,

(10:55):
because remember dad was alwayslike, no, let's go see the
Grand Canyon. Let's go toDisneyland. Yes . Let's go to
Vegas. So he put in me, get outand enjoy life. Yeah . So since
my coding in terms of who wewere social economically, said,

(11:16):
well, we're not millionaires.
Therefore I need to pick a citywhere I don't have to go far.
It's already here.

Anitra (11:23):
That's good.

Andre (11:24):
That's good. Right. So, so that's what I'm, that's what
I was looking at. I was lookingat, well , what's this going to
cost me to live here because Ilike this type of lifestyle. Mm
. Mm-hmm. mm-hmm. , what's it
gonna cost me to , to, to, tolive here because I like this
type of behavior. Yeah . Right.
And so, so that speaks to kindof what you said a little bit

(11:44):
earlier is, is once you knowyour social codes, once you
know your, your, your familylegacy, your family brand, once
it's, it's in your, your d n a,you know, set up a life where
you can live within that. NowI'm not talking about finances,
I'm just talking about life.
Life. Yeah . Like , who areyou, you're , so the , the way

(12:04):
your parents put in you, youknow, if you're, if you are a
thrill seeker, seek out a lifewhere you don't have to go
outside of your coding mm-hmm .
in order tofulfill your three , your
thrill seeking . Because, bebecause if you, if you break
the code, if you, if you'rebreaking the, the, the code,

(12:25):
the social code, the code ofconduct, then you're, then
you're , you're stepping oneoutside of who you naturally
are. You , you're steppingoutside of, you know, what's
been kind of ingrained in you.
You're stepping out and you're,and you're putting yourself in
a position where you may exposethat, you know what you, y'all
were never , you were not this,like, this isn't how you were

(12:45):
raised. This isn't mm-hmm .
, this isn't whatyou do. You're, you may be
exposing the fact that youcan't handle life in certain
areas. I, I remember. And , andI will see if I can make , you
know , I , I remember a time wewere at King's Island and , um
mm-hmm. . So, sothe social coding in my life at
that point is, is this is howwe behave. This is how we carry

(13:08):
ourselves. This is, you know,this is the way we think. This
is the way we, you know, wehandle life. And when we do
things the way that we are , weare to do Andre Good things
come to you. You get to do Yeah. Good things. So we're in
King's Island. That's the blackman's Disney world. 'cause it's
a great place. And so we're inKing's Island and, and I had a

(13:29):
moment where I broke the socialcode. I acted in a way that I
wasn't raised to act mm-hmm .
. And so we werein this long, you were too
young, I'm sure to rememberthis. We were in this long
table with family members andpeople all around watching and

(13:50):
seeing us enjoy and, and , and, and behave according to the
way that we were raised tobehave. Acting like we have
some sense. And I had a momentwhere I broke the code of logic
and sense and sensibility . Oh no . . And
mom slapped me. Oh God. the whole table stopped what it

(14:17):
was doing and looked at me. Therides in the parks stopped and
looked at me. The grease thatwas frying the corn dog stopped
and looked at me. Right . Theanimatronics and Spur Island
stopped and looked at me . And it was in that

(14:39):
moment I realized, you know ,there's a real pain in breaking
the code , the social code .
Now I'm telling y'all a , youknow, a surface level story,
but there's a truth to what I'msaying. There's a truth to what
I'm saying. Yep . The reasonwhy, you know, you're , you're
the , the impact that socialcodes have on you Yeah . Is to

(15:00):
make sure you stay within thisability to live life at its
best and not step outside ofwho you are. Yeah . Not step
outside of who you are. 'causeit hurts when you step outside
of who you are . Yes , it does. And and I'm gonna say
something. Not everybody that'sgoing to hear this was meant to
be a millionaire. Stop steppingoutside of your social economic

(15:23):
code . Wow. Find joy where youare . Not everybody who's
hearing this is supposed tolive in a big mansion on a high
heel . Mm-hmm . ,stop stepping outside of what
makes a home. That's good .
This is how's your parentsraised you, your siblings added
to your coding in order for youto be able to take what life
gives you and make the best outof it. I'm not saying you can't

(15:45):
get better, but I'm saying Yeah. Yeah . When you step outside
of your code of conduct, youstart to expose what you,
what's not in your d n a ,what's not a part of who you
are. And , and that's, that'sthe impact of what social codes
have on you at generation togenerations family. But that's
also that those moments whereyour mom teaching everybody

(16:06):
else , your dad listen,teaching everybody else
, there's certain codes thatshould never be broken. Ever,
ever be broken. Otherwise, youlike me going get slapped by
this world and everybody be

Anitra (16:22):
Around that you

Andre (16:23):
Gonna stop everything around. You gonna stop and look
at you before exposing what'snot in your d n A , what's not
in your family, your socialcode. D n a , uh, so, so ,
yeah. No, listen, listen dick ,listen code social codes
definitely have an impact onyou. And , and , and, and you
just, just stay within them .
Just, just stay within them .

Anitra (16:46):
You guys could clearly see Dre, they dealt with Dre
much more harshly because heneeded that . I , I
remember dad correcting me and, and really teaching me , um,
he taught me not to be carelesswith people's time. And I'm
bringing this up here in termsof social coach . As I was the
one that was late to thepodcast recording today. I will
acknowledge Right . that part right now . I was

(17:08):
late. You said

Andre (17:09):
Today that's , but I

Anitra (17:10):
Didn't forget today. No , no . Like, yeah . Okay. Hush
. Anyway , I'm still working onit . I'm still working. I'm
growing , so, okay . Butthe first time that I heard,
you know, someone say to me andhelp me, you know, really put
time in a different , uh,reference that it's not yours.
Like when other people areexpecting you, you are now
taking their time, a preciouscommodity that they can't get

(17:32):
back. And they even trustedthat time to you. We were
supposed to go to dinner, wedid go but a dinner with , uh,
an aunt and an uncle in , inWichita and his dad and me. We
were already in college when Iwas in high school. And I mean,
I don't remember what time, Idon't remember what time I was
supposed to be there, but theytold me, let's say it's three
30 in the afternoon that, youknow, that's when we're going
to leave the house to go tomeet them. So I had left that

(17:54):
day and they said, be back, youknow, we'll say by three 30
now, Dre, I pull up to ourplace at like 3 28, maybe 3 29.
Okay . Now in my mind I'm ontime and I walk in the house
like, y'all ready? Like I'mhere and dad is frustrated and
I'm going, you said be here atthree 30 mm-hmm .

(18:15):
. Now this is before cellphones . Um , right. I think I
may have had a pager, but I ,my parents never would've used
it. Right. Uh, and so by thetime I got there, they had
already told my aunt and uncleto push dinner back by like an
hour. Oh boy. And I had said,but why you told me to be here
at three 30, it's 3 29, I'm ontime. And dad said to me, it's

(18:42):
inconsiderate for you to showup on time for people that are
waiting for you. You show upearly. Yes, Lord. And that's
considered on time. Yes Lord.
And it's the first time I hadever heard that. And I just
remember thinking, because ifthey don't know Right? Mm-hmm.
, and I'll waituntil the , I'm still late. I'm

(19:03):
still parking the car. Stillwalking in. Yeah . Do whatever.
Yeah. And it was just such agood lesson and I do honor it.
Although, like I said, Dre'sRight. I've , I've fallen short
these last couplepodcast rounds. Yeah . But it
helped to instill in me , uh,you know, being earliest to be
on time. And I'm gonna tell you, as far as I know our dad, I
don't know him to be late now.

(19:23):
Maybe that's the militarybackground. Mm-hmm . Mm-hmm .
. Yeah . I don't, I don't know him be like ,
can't think of one time ever.
Mm-hmm . And for him to be ontime is already late. To be
early. Absolutely . Is to be ontime. Yes. And that was the
first time. And like you said,they definitely code to me
different . They definitelycode more to the internal side
of me, the emotions and theconsideration. But that is
exactly what he said. He said,you're being careless with our

(19:44):
time. How would you feel ifsomeone was careless with
yours? And he knows, I don't ,I don't like that. Don't be.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well thinkabout that. 'cause you need to
work on it. And so when we talkabout, you know, the codes that
families teach, that they donot need to be broken anywhere.
He understood that. You know,if you wanna disrespect
yourself and be late toeverything you got going on by
yourself, go ahead . That'syour business ahead . That's

(20:06):
your business. But don't you dothat to everybody else. Don't
do it beyond fear . And if youdo it as some , with something
as simple as a dinner with yourfamily, you will do it at work.
You will do it for interviews,you will do it for deadlines
and jobs. You will continue toperpetuate that behavior. And
he really helped me kind ofhone in on it. And so that,
that, again, you , you don'twant it to be broken anywhere.

(20:26):
And that is the things thatfamily codes definitely speak
to that then should be put outinto society as well. That you,
you know, you wanna maintain.
Don't do that. Don't be theperson that, oh , Aras always
late . Oh, Aras always this.
And, you know, I , it'ssomething I, I truly am doing
my best to honor. And I'm goodwith work and film sets and
all. That's never an issue. ButI need to do better with
podcasting with my brother .

Andre (20:49):
Well , so, so then what , uh, social codes have, have
we passed on to our children?

Anitra (20:57):
So the big one for me, and it also came from our
mother , um, and I , let me saythis too , before I dig into
this example, I like to assignthis notion of challenge and or
condemn. Okay. As part of thedevelopment of, you know,

(21:18):
wanting to get the familylegacy. But because there are
social codes that eitherchallenge us to be better or
that's sometimes unknowinglycondemn us and create like a
sabotaging space in who we areauthentically. Yeah. I think
this is where we start to tryto define what are we passing
on? What was passed on? What

Andre (21:35):
Should we keep ? Yes ,

Anitra (21:36):
Absolutely. And what should we absolutely not keep?
And so , um, let me start withjust our , our, our dad. I feel
like for him, he was kind ofthe epitome of do do as I say,
not as I do.

Andre (21:49):
Absolutely. He was

Anitra (21:50):
A hundred percent like , and so this is where his
mindset was, I am challengingyou to be better. There's a
legacy that I'm establishing,but I want you to be better
than me. So dad may say, watchyour mouth, don't curse. But we
know our dad cursed like sailor, like

Andre (22:05):
Sailor boy

Anitra (22:06):
. I don't believe he ever cursed at work.
I don't believe he ever cursedat don't public spaces. I don't
believe that either . Believewe don't really know. But at
home he would let it fly. No,I've seen it . But he would
also say, watch

Andre (22:16):
Around . And he , he would never curse in public
spaces. Never. But yes. Athome. Yeah . Yes.

Anitra (22:21):
He let it fly. Now our mom, I, I think I can count on
one hand the time that she's,the times that she's cursed.
And I think good chunk of thoseless than five kind of things
were probably her repeating something that someone
said. Right . You know, it justnever was in her d n a . She
just didn't really like it. Andso what's interesting is I

(22:42):
became a really interestingblend of the, the two of them
eventually. But I was firstmore like my dad. I used to
curse like a sailor get introuble for it, . And
dad would say, stop cursing.
And it challenged me. 'causeI'd be like, you curse now. I
never say that. I don't , Iwanna live, but I felt like
that you curse. Why are youtelling me? Right . And it
would be the do as I say, andnot as I do. Same thing with

(23:04):
television. Like you guys, wewere raised, we didn't have any
sort of rules about seeing anysort of content on television.
No . I never remember my dadsaying, there was no parental
control . Close your eyes orwalk away or come back in five
minutes or fast forward throughthis scene. He would simply
say, what you see on televisionstays on television, not Dave ,

Andre (23:24):
Don't you repeat what you say ,

Anitra (23:25):
Don't you repeat ,

Andre (23:26):
Repeat what you hear.

Anitra (23:27):
That you behave that way. And that again, was
branding, coding. Yeah. And sofor me, it created a , and I
wanna say this way a challengebecause we know that it's much
easier to, to to behaveaccording to what you've seen,
modeled what you've seendemonstrated. Absolutely . Just
easier to do that. But dad, youknow, our parents weren't

(23:48):
playing that. It didn't matterif they were doing it. If they
told us the better version ofyou is doing what I say and not
what I do. Mm-hmm .
, then that's thelegacy, then that's the brand.
And that can becomechallenging. And so I had to
learn to overcome cursing, youknow, all those things. And so
what I noticed with mysituation is my mom is prone to
, uh, apologize a lot, evenwhen there's no need for an

(24:09):
apology. Yeah. And I never paidattention to it. Oh my God .
Until I got called out on setand network work and around
friends, they'd be like, whyare you apologizing? Like you
didn't do anything. And I waslike, do I do that a lot? And
they were like, yeah. Oh my God. Well here's a full-blooded
piece about coding, bro, bro.
When I started working ontrying to stop doing that.
Right. Uh, I , it was, it was achallenge for me. And, and one

(24:33):
of , uh, I think it was in amentoring session, but one ,
someone said to me, and it justhelped me, he said, ask your
son why? You know, does mommyapologize? You notice she does
that a lot. Number one. Numbertwo, if so, why does he think I
do it? And that's gonna break.
'cause our kids Right. Arebeing coded the way we are
coded. Yes , yes . Right ,wrong or indifferent. Yes . Yes

(24:53):
. So I came to Malachi , Isaid, Hey, have you noticed,
does mommy apologize a lot? Hewas like, oh, all the time.
Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
. And I noticed he doesit too, right? Yeah. And I was
like, I do. And he , but I knewit had to be true. 'cause now a
lot of people have been saying,and I had noticed it in arm and
I didn't like it. 'cause like ,it would be something like, I ,
I would wake up and, and , um,turn on the light by accident.

(25:15):
So, and , and I'm the one thatturned on the light, Dre. And
then she was like, oh, I'msorry. And I'm like, where are
you? Sorry I turned on thelight. , you should be
getting on me . Right. Becauseshe's, you know, and so when I
asked k Kai Malachi, what, whatdid he said, because you need
to know that the other personis okay in order for you to be
okay. Now this is a , he , atthat time, he was 10. It's a 10
year old boy. Wow. And mindyou, the mentor session I had,

(25:37):
they said, your kids know youreally well. Yes , yes . So
they're always going to giveyou some authentic truth. And
he said, so then I understood,oh, so I'm putting other
people's wellbeing before mine.
Now, in some cases, empathy isgood. In other cases, when you
need to make changes, you needto be aware. And so once that
hit me, then I started workingon it. So now this over

(25:58):
apologizing changes to thankyou for your patience. Right.
. Right , right . Thankyou for your patience, Andre,
for my tardiness mm-hmm .
rather than, youknow, I'm so sorry I'm late
again. Right. . And itdoesn't give us a coverup or a
pass , but it's changing theway that we talk. And that's
just one of many examples.
Yeah, yeah , yeah . But Istarted to see how I got it
from mom and I passed it to Kai. And so in , in our house

(26:21):
here, we have basically anapology jar. And so the option
is if you are apologizing for,you know, for just incorrect
reasons, 'cause we all have ,have struggled with it, you
gotta put some money in thatjar. Oh, wow . Where you gotta
write something nice aboutyourself because we, we all do
it more than we do it . We needto. And , and again, family
coding is also about proximityand time that you spend. Yeah .

(26:43):
So again, this challenge notionis sometimes you're challenging
to be better. You , there's abrand you're trying to
establish, but the proximitypushes against that. Right . I
wanna stop eating this, buteverybody bringing it in the
house, you know , I wannachange. And so you have to put
some parameters in there. Andthe last thing I'll say, and I
broad , I'm gonna kick it backto you , is when it comes to,
you know, the family codes ,uh, not all those family codes

(27:06):
are going to, I'll I'll sayintegrate into your personal
identity. Mm-hmm. . Absolutely. And so that's
okay. You wanna honor whatmakes sense and what is good,
and then it's okay to, tochange that. This is like
classic the the people thatwere raised in church. And as
soon as they get out of theirparents' home, they're like,
this doesn't integrate me , meand I , I wanna say church .

(27:28):
Well, I'm wanna say a couple ofthings . Church. 'cause church
is different from spiritual.
Yes, it is . Yes . And , and ,um, faith-based things that are
one-on-one with God. Our one ofour family members, I don't
wanna be too specific here. Uh,when he first moved to La
and he was raised inchurch and his latter years, he
never wanted to be in church.
Mm-hmm . . But sowhen he first moved to la, one
of his first like side hustlegigs was, and you know, this

(27:50):
church is so trifling, but theywould pay certain people to
basically air quotes , uh, um,raise the spirit. So he was
paid to basically God pretendto get happy. Right. Oh my God
. And that would lead intopraise. And when he was telling
me the story, I, first of all,I just, I was laughing. I
couldn't believe it. My God .
Second of all, shame on thatchurch. God , I know God is not
pleased. Absolutely. But whathappened was he would do this

(28:12):
job and they had it all workedout where he and this other guy
would get to hooping andhollering and he'd fall and
that guy catch him. And, and hesaid, and I said, well, it's a
, that's a pretty good gig. Youknow, right ? I said ,
what happened ? So clearly youdon't care. So, so what
happened? And well, I guess oneday the guy didn't catch him
and he went down and hit hishead . And he said, I
didn't go there anymore . Isaid, that was God getting you

(28:34):
right . Because he was about tostrike that church down .
. So, but the idea isthat was part of the coding as
he grew up not really likingchurch, then he saw this kind
of facade in that. And sosometimes certain things just
won't integrate into who youare. And I think that's where,
if, if it's going to be a spacewhere it is, is really is
sabotaging who you are. Itreally is creating something in

(28:56):
your character that is notgood. And yes, family legacies,
you know, can do that. Familycoding , they definitely can,
can bring bring on things thatare condemning for your
identity, then yeah, you gottadefinitely get some space and
change it. But I think thoseare examples of things that we
can pass on. And I think if itchallenges you to be better
mm-hmm . andstrive for the best version of
yourself, then fight withinyourself to make it better.

(29:19):
Fight to, to grab hold of it,to develop it, keep pushing.
And don't get upset if youdon't get it. You know, right
away. If it takes time, if it'scondemning and it's sabotaging
to your authentic self, thenfight to let go of it. Fight to
let go of it. Yeah . So what ,what are your thoughts there,
bro? No,

Andre (29:35):
I, I was saying wow.
When you were talking about,you know, the apologizing,
'cause I do that. Um , and Ididn't realize I got that from
mom. I do that all the time. Iam , well , you know, dad and
grandma never Apol . Neverlisten. Neither one of them
ever apologized . listen. And , and , and , but ,
but what's what's funny is, isI'm looking at Daniela, Corrine

(29:58):
and Corey . They don'tapologize for nothing like
at all. Like, I'm , I'mso, I'm so, so they , uh, so,
so that part of mom, whichmm-hmm . is part
of me, did not integrate inthem. 'cause they don't
apologize for nothing. But, butthe part of dad that's gone

(30:18):
through me, that, that hasintegrated in Corinne and Corey
, I know not so much Daniella .
Mm-hmm . is dadad's quiet, reserved, you
know, demeanor. Whether it's in, in person , uh, in private or
in public. Mm-hmm .
, um, Corinne andCorey . Yeah. When we all get
in public, we, we don't talk tonobody. Mm-hmm .

(30:39):
. We don't say nothing toanybody. We're not social
beings at all. Sure. Sure. And, and, and , um, I noticed that
they do that. And I never saidto them, you know, Hey, don't
be telling our business. Theyjust, I know they've watched me
hundred percent . And they knowthat I find real joy in being

(30:59):
the mysterious person in theroom. 'cause I feel like the
more you talking too much inpublic, exposes too much of who
you are privately. So Yeah .
Just , you know, don't talk.
Don't , don't , don't, don'tlet 'em know your next move.
Right. Right . Like , don't ,don't tell nobody anything.
. Right. So, so, sothat evidently does integrate

(31:20):
well for Corin and Cory . Yeah. Yeah. Because that's who they
are now. They have a very smallcircle, always have had a very
small circle. And when they'rein public, they don't , when
they're in private, they just,you know, they still just ain't
getting talk talk much. Soyeah, there is definitely some
validity to , you know, this ishow, this is what I saw mom and

(31:40):
dad do. So I started doing it,but then there's some things I
don't carry on with me. Andthen there's some things that I
do because I see, you know,what benefits it for me
personally, I think it doesbenefit me to stay quiet and
not let people know. Yeah . Mybusiness. Sure . For me
personally and professionally,it's good to stay quiet and

(32:04):
not, you know, not, you know,because the people I, I, you
know, professionally who I'mconnected with, I'm in mental
health and I'm in, you know,church. And these are two sets
of people that you don't wantto know your personal business.
Like, listen, listen. Can usewisdom. , listen.
Listen . So listen, listen.

(32:24):
Because there was a time, yo Soyeah, I'm in mental health and
I'm in theology pastoring. SoI'm in shepherding. Mm-hmm .
. There was atime where I shared a little
bit about myself. And as aresult of sharing that about
myself, I ended up with astalker. Now ask me, Ooh ,
which one did that come from?

(32:45):
The mental health or thepastoring? Which, you know what
I'm saying, . Listen.
Listen. Some of y'all , was itthe church? It was the church.
. Oh , that's sodevastating. I thought it
would've been the mental health . Like it's a , it's a
, it's a shame when I gotta bemore quiet with church folk
than a bipolar patient. than a schizo affected patient.

(33:08):
Oh , no , no . So I even, theyhave boundaries. They're like,
that's right . Right . Even aparanoid schizophrenic. Like,
well I ain't finn to do that.
First of all, I don't know ifit's re talking or his voice in
my head. So I ain't nothing . So lemme start there,
you know, pause , you know ,you know, so, so quiet works

(33:28):
for me, right? Mm-hmm . Mm-hmm. , talkative. My
mom's a very social person.
I've never gone anywhere withmom where she wasn't talking to
at least five or six peoplethat she does not know. And for
her that she gonna know nobodyelse works well , that works
well. She's never been, youknow, we, no stalker ends up at
her door. But , but me,but me. I say one thing, my

(33:52):
last name and my first name.
Next thing you know, I gotsomebody at my door. You know
what Uhuh, I got people mailingme stuff. Certified mail to
make sure I got , I'll tell youtoo , that's when I got to the
point where I was like, no, youknow what works for me, dad
works for me. I is golden .
Keep my mouth closed. Keep mymouth closed. I mean, I'm

(34:14):
telling you, listen, and I knowthis is Todd . I know I passed
that on Corin walks around,leaves the house with her
Bluetooth beats on, ain'tlistening to anything. Why? So
there were people talk to her.
, she, she just , shejust keeps going. I know

(34:37):
. I know she ain'tlistening to nothing. I know.
She's not listening to nothing.
. I know she's notlistening to nothing. .
And , you know , I don't wantto talk. There have been
listen, and I just, I justsmile when she come out. She
put the beats on. I just smile.
I just smile because I know sShelly . 'cause her she'll tell
you in the hot minute when,when it is just you. Yeah. My
phone really don't work. Uh, Idon't like to use anything on

(34:58):
my data playing . Only we onwifi , we out in the boondock.
She got on her beats folkstrying to talk to her. She's
ignoring them . So like, yeah.
Yeah. If I just keep nodding myhead, they'll just stop
and Corey will do the samething. Corey wears her little
air pods and listen, listen,that I have passed on to them.
The Evans family , uh, socialcode , keep your mouth

(35:22):
closed. Don't tell people yourbusiness . Uh , and ,
and , and it , and that hasworked. But then there are
other things that, that won'twork , uh, for them. They
don't. I , I , I , grandmapassed along to me, you know,
very smart mouth and , and justjudgmental conversation about
people. Right. So, you know,where I could see somebody be

(35:42):
like, Hey , up the Lord , , . Like see my
, like , why would you come outyour house looking like that
? You know , you know.
But they don't do that. Theydon't do it at all. Like, they
don't do it in front of me.
They don't do it by themselves.
They don't do that. That's good. They, that they let you know.
But there's this, you know,we're in , I don't know, a part
of it's is we're at differenttimes. 'cause back in the

(36:02):
eighties mm-hmm. , he was a he, but today, yeah
. No , it's different . I mighthave to be like, wait, are you,
she , they like , and I'm notmaking fun of it. It's , it's
just what it is right now. Yep. And , and , and , but , and
so for Corin and Cory , theydon't come out and assume
anybody is anything. Anything.
Right. Right . And this is theworld. They've, they've grown

(36:24):
up. Yeah . So, so that codingstopped, went from, grandma
stopped with me because Corinand Corey , they , they don't
make the assumptions. Theydon't make the judgment calls.
And so that's so good. So youare , you are so right. Some
things integrate, some thingsdon't integrate mm-hmm .
. And , um, but,but the beauty, beauty of that
is, is just like you said, thethings that don't integrate

(36:47):
those then would've been thethings that tear down our brand
deeply that tear down the Evansbrand. So they had to stop. And
then those things we keptgoing. That's because they
improve or they protect theEvans brand. And so that social
coding, this is who the Evansare always gonna be socially,
this is how they're gonna bebehave socially. This is gonna

(37:09):
be their, their their frame ofmind socially. So yeah. They ,
yeah. Yeah, yeah . I , I echoeverything that, that you said.
Some integrate, some don't, butall of them, what you choose to
do , uh, from what you learnfrom your parents, your
grandparents, your siblings,you know, choose those things
that improve your brand andprove Yeah . Who you are. Prove

(37:30):
your legacy and stop doingthose things that are Yeah .
That tear that tear down. Thattear it down. Absolutely. Tear
it down. Absolutely. Are weready to jump into the
transformational perspective orfew other things you wanted to
point out? No , let's, let'sjump right into it . Let's jump
right . The transformationalperspective that is, is , is,
you know , uh, there's always acheat code, right? .

(37:52):
. And , and , and thereason why we said it this way
is because it doesn't, itdoesn't matter what kind of
coding your family , uh, yourparents may have instilled.
There's always gonna be eitherone sibling or that sibling may
be you. If you just tell thetruth, , there's always
gonna be something you do thatcheats the code in order to try
to continue to get the , youknow, the benefits that come

(38:12):
with following the , the familycode. Because codes have to
always involve , uh, evolve,excuse me. Mm-hmm .
, they gottaalways evolve. Right? What,
what worked from my dad at myage doesn't work for me. Yeah,
that's good. But then, but then , the cheat code isn't
always the right thing to do.

(38:34):
So sometimes the , the cheatcode, sometimes you're breaking
a code in order to try to makean accomplishment, but you're
not doing it the right way.
It's not the moral way. Mm-hmm. , it's not the
upstanding way. But I feel likeas of the two of us, I'm the
one that always tried the cheatcode. 'cause there were Yes ,
definitely some things that youlearned not to do because of my

(38:55):
punishment. You learned or ,and there's some things that
you didn't get to do because ofmy punishment . So, so
here I am trying to cheat thecode and you're the benefactor
of the lesson of trying tocheat the code, trying to
mm-hmm . getaround me trying to get around
some type of punishment oranything. And then , and so
yeah. So, so there's, whilethere is always someone trying

(39:18):
to cheat the code , uh, yeah.
There's, there's, there's,yeah, there's, there's lessons
to be learned andthings that, that uh, that uh ,
yeah. That ooh Jesus, that helpevolve you as well. If you're
the one that that's learningthe lesson or you're the one
that's watching the lessonbeing learned indirectly. But,
but here's the question. Mm-hmm. , is it all

(39:40):
necessary, right? Right . Aresocial codes necessary? Is it
necessary as a parent toinstill a code of conduct that
represents your family intoyour children? Is it necessary
or as a child, is it necessaryto learn it and keep it going?
That, that's my question. I'mgonna kick that to you.

Anitra (39:59):
Yeah, absolutely. It's, and it's so true. 'cause I, I
think about it differently. Andyou already talked about the
importance of evolving. 'causelife evolves, we evolve ,
things changed . So growing upwhen mom would say to me, you
know, nothing is happeningafter 11:00 PM or nothing's
open after 11:00 PM but aliquor store and a pair of
legs. And I'd be like, oh mygosh, why are you so extra, da

(40:22):
, da da . And then pretty soonyou'd be out enough after 11:00
PM and you , you realize, man,nothing positive, productive is
happening, you know, afterthis. And, and so, you know,
she's trying to establish, youknow, the quality of life that
speaks to who I am as a ladythat speaks to protection.
Right. Right . And that remindsme that, you know, the ,

(40:42):
there's a quality and astandard that you are trying
to, you don't even realizeyou're going to , um, vacate.
That you're going to sacrificebecause you just want to be out
here doing, you know, whateveryou wanna be doing. 'cause
you're ignorant of, and it'slike you said , uh, that's the
cheat code, right ? I want thefreedom to simply just go and
do what I wanna do. And my momis establishing a standard

(41:04):
standard that says, protectyourself. Protect yourself from
the way that people will try totreat you. Or because of That's
Anitra . Yeah . She alwayskicking it late. Yeah . She
always out late, but we canassume that she wants to do X,
y, and Z. Mm-hmm .
mm-hmm.
. And so it's,it's important that we don't
try to get the loophole, butjust respect the wisdom of
either the elders, your oldersiblings, the people in your

(41:24):
life when they are trying togive you this code. There's
wisdom there. 'cause they'vebeen through it. Right . They
know what's happening after11:00 PM Right . That's why
they're saying it. Right. Right. Whether they experienced it
or they witnessed someone else , you know mm-hmm .
mm-hmm .
going throughsome hardships. They're trying
to say it. I think anotherexample I'll just throw in here
is , uh, I think we define itas like toxic masculinity, you

(41:46):
know, in today's terms. Butthis notion that boys, men
shouldn't cry, can't cry, keepall , like, bottle all that in
the negative stigma around thisnotion of, oh , you gotta be
tough. You know, you gotta be,you know, you can't cry, can't
show emotion. That's a anothersituation where that's a a , an
old school social code thatthank goodness we're starting

(42:07):
to break down and tear down andsaying that no, that that was
the cheat code of old , becausethat was the only way that
sometimes, you know, maybe asingle parent understood. Or
that was the code that a mangot from his father, his uncles
absolutely. His cousins. And hepassed it on to his son. Mm-hmm
. And then you're seeing thedetriment that it had, the ,
the impact that it hadmentally, emotionally, even

(42:28):
professionally, when you arekeeping all that stuff bottled
up. Absolutely. And so we'repushing against that cheat code
because that really is what itcomes down to when a young boy,
a young man is crying and, andthey're, they're trying to
figure out why they can't allowthese emotions to flow. The
cheat code is you're a man, youdon't do that. Yeah . Be tough.

Andre (42:46):
Right . You don't

Anitra (42:47):
Do it. Right . But the reality is, Jesus wep , the
reality is God gave us, come on, tear ducks. Come on, God ,
come on . Created tear duckscome ,

Andre (42:55):
He created emotion.

Anitra (42:57):
he created emotion. Right? Yeah . So there
is, he's giving this to usbecause he intends for us to
use them in and he's willing toshow us and teach us how to
understand that. Yes . Yeah .
And so that's just both sidesof it. You know, that the cheat
code, whether it's me trying tohustle something that I want
and I just don't wannaacknowledge that there's wisdom
and protection in place. Right.

(43:17):
Or if it's really ignoranceRight. That's created a cheat
code that then we need tochallenge and, and Correct. I
think when it comes to that,you know, transformational
perspective is that, you know,it's a protection as , as bro
bro said, it's selfpreservation is a balance that
we need to kind of look for infamiliar social codes and, and
really the mind , the mindsetis just being open-minded to

(43:39):
always considering how youemploy the codes. Mm-hmm .
. Right . What isthis really gonna do? I am glad
that my mom made me mindful ofbeing out late after hours. Uh
, not that she felt like I wasgoing to do something
inappropriate, but she wantedme to understand there's a
standard that based on, youknow, what happens at this

(44:00):
time's, just gonna go againstwho you are and who your
character is and what you wantin the long term . So I think
that speaks to that bottomline. Go ahead.

Andre (44:06):
Absolutely. And no, and that really is the bottom line.
Because , 'cause because thinkabout this, many of the codes,
social codes, the socialconducts, the family legacy,
the family branding that youreceived , it's because Andre
broke a law. Right . So we haveto establish a code. Right,
right, right . I tell peopleall the time in therapy, I tell
people as a pastor all the timethat the reason why God has

(44:28):
laws , the reason why societyhas laws , 'cause somebody did
something that endangered. Yep. Everybody. And so because of
that, we now gotta develop apolicy, a code. We gotta
develop a statute, we gottadevelop a law. Well, because of
what Andre did, now mom and dadgotta develop a code
that said, listen, you can't beout at late 'cause ain't

(44:50):
nothing but legs and liquorstore open. Well dad, how you
know? Well, because Andre'sabout to be a father at 16.
That's how I know that part Tthat's how I know that's right
. . So that's why youcan't be out. Right . That's
why you can't go nowhere.
That's why you gotta be in it .
You gotta be in as soon as thesun touches the top of the, you
know, setting and touch the topof their apartment , call us a

Anitra (45:13):
Magic hour .
Right.

Andre (45:15):
So that's why blame Andree for my , our social
code. Listen , we just passedhim down. Listen,

Anitra (45:23):
I such a good point. I just have to throw this a good

Andre (45:27):
Watch this there . Okay , wait . Watch line , watch
this. I'm gonna let you haveit. Just say, watch this. Corey
said the other day, dad, do Ihave to do this? 'cause you
screwed up as a child. And Ihad to say, yep , . Yep
.

Anitra (45:40):
That's all

Andre (45:40):
She say . Yep . So yes , the bottom line is absolutely
protection and selfpreservation. . And
it's me protecting you child.
It's me self , you know ,preserving your life , child,
your life. Yeah . She lookingat me like, but you did it. You
did . Who did it ? And I'mlike, I know. And you don't

(46:03):
wanna know what it did to me,so Oh no , I'm sorry. I'm
sorry. Go to bed. There wasjust remember one time they
were, they were young and theywere young and we , we
you , no , you can't playoutside. I remember one time
Corey had to go to bed and shelooked at , at Tina was like,

(46:24):
but the sun is still out.
That's

Anitra (46:27):
Right . , the sun is still shining.

Andre (46:30):
I don't care. I don't care if you knew what I did
when the sun went down. Youunderstand why you gotta go to
bed while it's still out.

Anitra (46:41):


Andre (46:42):
Self-preservation, poor and protection. I'm telling
you. Self-preservation. Oh god. And protection. Absolutely. I
love

Anitra (46:49):
It. You , you just, you just made me think, and this is
gonna be really short andwe'll, we'll move on into the ,
the quick shot, but you justmade me think about all of
those warning labels. Take sometime to read the warnings on
appliances. Yeah . Take sometime to read. Yeah . Because
you , when you start to read'em , you're saying to
yourself, what? But I guaranteeyou, every single one that has

(47:10):
been written and vetted by thelegal teams, when you read the
warning label on a , uh, on aniron and it says, do not iron
your shirt while wearing it,that's because someone did it.
Right . That's because when yougo to the old school McDonald's
and it , it says, cautioncoffee is hot, do not place it,

(47:30):
you know, by your , your bodyparts your leg. Right. Right .
That's because someone tried tosoothe them. Right. For the
temperature in the coffee thatthey put between their legs.
, listen,

Andre (47:41):
At the end of every warning is a grandmother or a
mother that's saying to aknucklehead, well , you act
like you got some sense.

Anitra (47:49):
Act like you got some sense .

Andre (47:51):
Guarantee it.

Anitra (47:54):
Oh God. That is so good. That is so good. All
right , well, so let's jumpinto our quick shot 'cause we
gotta wrap out this episode,but those warnings are, are
something else. Um , Broo , yougot a quick shot?

Andre (48:05):
I do. I do. I was, again, you know, me too . I
love, I I love being onTwitter. That's probably the
only social media I like beingon, but I saw a tweet
concerning , just socode of conduct, social
conduct, and, and it was from aparent, and the parent said he
was , and the parent says to mykid, he says, the way I'm
teaching you to behave, I wantyou to treat it like underwear.

(48:27):
It's always good to have, youdon't need to show it off, but
just act like you got 'em on

Anitra (48:32):
. Yeah. Oh , that is so awesome. Yeah .

Andre (48:37):
And I really, I had to think about that for I second ,
you know what those, that'ssocial codes right there.

Anitra (48:41):
That's so perfect.

Andre (48:42):
That's social codes. I act like listen ,

Anitra (48:45):
Even , even if you're not wearing them , act like
you're wearing

Andre (48:47):
Them . , I need to act . I need to al there ,
social conduct of behavior.
Great to have. I don't need toshow it off. Like I'm pumping a
pie . Good. And I need to actlike I got some sense at all
times. Yes.

Anitra (49:01):
I love it. I love it.
All right . So I just have afew examples of , um, family
social codes as well as kind oftraditional societal , uh,
social codes. Okay . But Ithink they all start , should
start at home, typically. Okay. But then , and obviously when
they don't, then this is wherethese issues , you know, become
an issue. So I'm gonna give yousome examples of like these

(49:23):
kind of family social codes orsocial codes. And you could
say, keep it, you know, I thinkthis is something you would
keep, that you should, weshould maintain or lose it. No
, that one can go away. Okay.

Andre (49:31):
All right .

Anitra (49:32):
All right . All right .
So here we go. First one, whathappens in the family stays in
the family.

Andre (49:37):
Oh, go keep that.
Absolutely keep that. Becauseright now the , you know , keep
that , but severalreasons. Number one, the
society we live in that's tooaccepting of too many family
dynamics. And , and , and whatI mean, . So ,
so here's what I mean. Like, I, I, sometimes I'm out with
Brent and Corey and I see awhole family acting a fool. And

(50:00):
I , my whole face is like, whydo we allow this as society?
Like why ? Why do wegive these people a license to
drive? Why do they have aright, I'm , I'm sounding, I'm
sounding like the right, why dothey have a right to vote? Why
do they

Anitra (50:15):
Oh no .

Andre (50:16):
Because it's like, I can't, no . And so, so for me,
it's, yeah, absolutely. I'msaying to myself as a family,
you all should have kept thatin your home. Like, don't bring
that out for us to see .

Anitra (50:28):
Don't bring that to the mall .

Andre (50:29):
We , we all have been lessened by a few brain cells
because you brought that out, . No, no. What happens
in family ? Keep that at home.
Keep it in effect. Keep that athome. Absolutely love . Keep
your dirty laundry at home.
Keep your stuff going onbetween your , your marriage at
home. Keep stuff happening inyour kids at home,

Anitra (50:46):
Full on conversations in the elevator, full on
discussions. You , why are I tothis? Why , why am

Andre (50:51):
I involved in this? I feel like Corin , where are my
beats ? ,

Anitra (50:56):
My , my ears have been right .

Andre (50:59):
I cannot unhear this.

Anitra (51:03):
All right , here's another one. Speaking quietly
in public places.

Andre (51:08):
Oh, please, yes, . Yes, yes.

Anitra (51:13):
We don't see that at all. Like, everybody talks loud
on the phone. Way too loud eachother. Way too loud. Well , we
were raised that way. We wereraised. Keep your voice down.
Right ? And even to the pointwhere grandma used to get on
mom, because she never, shealways is loud. Grandpa was
always loud. And she'd be like,please stop being so loud.
Like, right . Oh , that's ahome training. Oh my

Andre (51:33):
Gosh. Why you so loud?
Like, first of all, and it goesright back to the first one.
Why did you assume? I want tohear your conversation.

Anitra (51:42):
I don't wanna hear it.

Andre (51:44):
I don't like I practice minding my own
business. I need your businessto mind its own business.

Anitra (51:50):
Minding own business, mind. So come on ,
teach your business, .
Okay, here's another one. Chewwith your mouth closed.

Andre (52:00):
Oh gosh.

Anitra (52:03):
At all times. I'm not talking about public. I'm
talking about is it a familycode or practice that you
should chew with your mouthclosed. Uh , keep it or lose
it.

Andre (52:11):
I, I, I, that's such a culturally based thing. I , we
were raised to keep your mouthclosed. Mm-hmm. ,
um, oh , that one's, yeah . I'mgonna say keep it just simply
because again, it's, I I don'twanna see what you're chewing.
I don't want to hear whatyou're chewing . I
don't

Anitra (52:30):
Wanna hear it. Just , it's not an ASMR video.

Andre (52:33):
No . Right , right.
, I don't need, I don'tneed my senses. , I
stimulated. You can eat,

Anitra (52:38):
You can eat quietly. It is possible to eat quietly.
It's absolutely possible. Andwe got in trouble. You don't
remember all the time youyelling at me like , Nicki ,
stop smacking. And , and here'sthe thing. I had to learn to
stop smacking

Andre (52:48):
. I was , this was me helping you with self
preservation. Right? Because Ihad to learn the hard way to
stop chewing with my mouthopen. Stop smacking

Anitra (52:59):
Your plate. Stack your plate, right ?

Andre (53:01):
I , you know, I , I, at , at the beginning of my life
of eating , and momsaid, stop smacking. I always
wondered why it was calledsmacking until she smacked me .
And then I was like, oh yeah .
Oh , this is one of thosedidactic terms. , you

(53:21):
learn as you're doing it . Youlearn as

Anitra (53:23):
You

Andre (53:24):
Learn doing it. . Oh, . Oh ,

Anitra (53:28):
Oh God . This

Andre (53:30):
One . But , but see, the reason why I'm so hesitant,
'cause then when me and thegirls went to Beijing, well ,
what do they do then ?

Anitra (53:36):
Ah , they smack, they they smack and slurp like this
. That slurp the noodles .

Andre (53:40):
Yeah . So , so , so how do you tell a culture, stop
doing that. Leave that at home.

Anitra (53:45):
Was it bothersome? Like when you did it bother you
guys?

Andre (53:47):
The only reason why it bothered us, because the way we
were raised.

Anitra (53:51):
That's such a good point then. So that might

Andre (53:53):
Be a lose . But I wasn't raised that way. It would not
have bothered me at

Anitra (53:57):
All . There you go . So that might be a lose it or case
by case . That's a ,

Andre (54:00):
That's a case by case .
Let me look at your familyfirst and I'll tell you whether
or not you should keep it orlose it.

Anitra (54:07):
Well, here's the thing.
If everybody collectively isdoing it, then why would it
bother ? Like, that's just howwe eat.

Andre (54:12):
And that's why I say culturally, everybody

Anitra (54:14):
Is eating quietly. But you maybe ,

Andre (54:17):
Right? You are the one in the , they gonna be looking
like, what ? You don't enjoythe food? And I'd be like, no.
I was just raised by goodpeople. . I raised by
, right ? I was raisedby good people. You , unc, you
unc, unc,

Anitra (54:33):
Take yourself . Alright , uh, okay, here's another one.
Uh , making sure the house isclean before welcoming house
guests . And this may be with aside note, , the
difference between family roomand living room, right?
,

Andre (54:47):
No , sorry . I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna say this.
Growing up, I would say keepit, but as an adult, I say lose
. And the reason why , listen,listen. If you come in my house
and my house is a mess, my hopeis that you say, oh , I ain't
never coming over there again.
Then it worked .

Anitra (55:06):
, because you want them to leave . That's so
awful.

Andre (55:09):
Then it worked .

Anitra (55:10):
Okay . That's condemning, right ?

Andre (55:12):
,

Anitra (55:12):
You work on that .
Condemning

Andre (55:13):
Who though? Because to me , who's that condemning your

Anitra (55:16):
Family and your friends who went to see you? I ain .
Listen , and probably your ,your nose is probably a little
bit , you know , gottenmessy. Cutting gross. That's

Andre (55:25):
, that's championing the moment. If I
know I don't want you to comevisit, then I've gotta set up
stop . Look ,

Anitra (55:31):
Your house is clean and you just mess it up. Just
because they come over.

Andre (55:34):
As soon as someone says, Hey, I'm on my way. I'm, I'm
passing it up. I'm puttingstuff everywhere. Oh my . Like
, when they walk in and belike, there's no place to sit.
You right. You should go . You should go. You
probably should turn around.

Anitra (55:49):
Oh , okay. All right .
We gotta round it . Let's dojust a few more. Um, respecting
other people's personal space.

Andre (55:56):
Oh, keep it. Yeah, keep it, man. Just keep it. Um,
. Just

Anitra (56:01):
Keep it as all I'm saying . . Just ,

Andre (56:03):
Well , because there's so , there's so many layers to
that. You know, not, I don'thave a a in my circle. I don't
have a lot of people that liketheir personal space violated.
Sure. You know? Um, so no, keepthat because you don't know
what the other per keep it fromme personally. Keep it because

(56:23):
Yeah. I just, I don't, yeah, Idon't want you in

Anitra (56:26):
My space. I don't , I don't wanna be that close to
you. .

Andre (56:28):
Yeah. I don't wanna be that . Yeah, I don't. Yeah. I
don't even know what you ate. Idon't wanna smell you.

Anitra (56:32):
Look, it's making him cringey now. He skin crawling
out . Like , feel like youright here.

Andre (56:39):
Yeah . Come on . Keep your space, man. . Oh ,
three

Anitra (56:43):
Feet. Three feet, right ?

Andre (56:44):
No , right . I , six feet. What's that ? Six feet.
. What's that ? What'sthat statement? That one
statement that was on , uh,social media. Like the devil
came up and said, I'm here to,I'm going mess up your world.
And he said, I looked back thedevil. I said, six feet back,
devil . Six feet back.

Anitra (57:01):
. I love it .
.

Andre (57:03):
Six feet back.

Anitra (57:04):
Six feet. . I love it. All right . Let's do
maybe, maybe one or two more.
Um, this is an interesting one.
Uh, children should be seen andnot heard.

Andre (57:13):
Lose it. Yeah. Lose .
Absolutely lose it. Um, I, Ihave never been a fan of that
thought process number one,because I have found that a lot
of children are moreintellectually sound than
adults. Hundred percent . I'dlike to reverse it. Adults
should be seen and not heard .

Anitra (57:28):
not heard. Oh, no . . That sounds like
boss baby .

Andre (57:35):
That , that sounds like joy. I I love to hear kids. I
love to hear kids. Listen.

Anitra (57:40):
That's biblical. You was like,

Andre (57:42):
Hmm . Bring I mouths of babes. I love it . I love it.
Like , but you as an adult,when you shut up, you go sit
down and you shut up. You shutup. Take a

Anitra (57:51):
Nap. Go think about it.
. Yeah . I love it. Um,I like this one refraining from
eating smelly foods in publicor around other people.

Andre (58:02):
So I'm gonna say keep it, but it ain't even about the
other people. I personally justdon't like smelly foods.
. I , yeah . I can't.
Mm-hmm . Don't

Anitra (58:13):
Be bringing your stinky stuff about like eat that.
Grandpa used to get in so muchtrouble with grandma. She ,
'cause he used to eat like theraw onions and the raw green
onion. No , see , I'm okay withthat . He would

Andre (58:23):
Kill him . I'm okay with that. No. She used to be like ,
your Kitts in your house. Leaveyour , leave your , I can't. I
don't even like smell a tuna.
The tuna in your house. Salmonpatties. Not salmon, but salmon
patties. Leave that in yourhouse. I don't wanna smell none
. Listen you on that. Thatbrand new keto diet from grease

(58:44):
leave that in your house. YouNo . Leave that in your house.
I don't wanna smell that. No.
Oh , you don't wanna be a turnmy stomach? 'cause you trying
to eat some special diet. No .
Leave that in your house.
. This , this , if thisis a public space, you need to
have smells that the public areokay to smell it .

Anitra (59:03):
To smell. Period. So don't eat it beforehand. Right
. Don't bring in it past , uh,don't be chewing on some garlic
and they walk . I love it . Allright . Last one. And this
one's interesting 'cause I , ittalk speaks to that kind of
evolution. But , um, ladiesfirst

Andre (59:17):
No , no. Keep that. Uh , and , and there's actually a, a
, a method, a way you do that.
Mm-hmm . , uh,keep that number one, because
we protect our women when weunderstand the priority of our
women. So when I say ladiesfirst, I'm talking, it's a
priority. So for instance, if,if we're going out of a door

(59:39):
into a dark hallway, shedoesn't go first, but she's
still priority. I open thedoor. That's , I go into the
dark hallway, then she comesin. Mm-hmm . Was I less
chivalrous ? No, because wedon't know what's in that dark
hallway. Good. So it's thepriority. Now if I step out of
a door that's glass, I can seewhat's out and there's no harm

(01:00:00):
or danger, what I'm doing isI'm opening the door for her.
That's good. So, so to me it'sa mindset of priority. I think
when we protect our women, weactually protect so many things
in relationships. We protectlove, we protect peace. We
protect just we, yeah. We justprotect so many things to o'
keep that one ladies first. Thepriority ladies should be the

(01:00:23):
priority. Yeah. Keep that forsure.

Anitra (01:00:25):
I love it. I'm gonna throw this one in here just
because it , it gets under myskin when people don't do this.
Waiting in line politely.

Andre (01:00:35):
Uh , yeah. Keep it. Uh, 'cause yeah, people get on my
nerves that complain whenthey're in line or try to cheat
and cut the line , uh, all ofthat. It's just like

Anitra (01:00:46):
Aggravating you . My thing is , if you don't have to
get it, then leave, leave. Goget it somewhere else. Order
online or come back later . Oreven

Andre (01:00:51):
If you do have to get it, if you see the line leave,
go get it online . Go someplaceelse with it . Maybe shorter ,
but don't get in line. And Ihave to listen to your , and
then be right behind me,tapping me on my shoulder and
complaining. I

Anitra (01:01:03):
Less than three feet less than three feet.
Listen . Sigh and huffing andpuffing.

Andre (01:01:09):
Do I look like I'm a suggestion box? Shut up. Shut

Anitra (01:01:13):
Up. Or asking the question. Well , they don't
have any other checkers.
Clearly they don't. 'causethey're not here.

Andre (01:01:18):
Am I , am , am I hr? Do I know? No. Leave me alone.
Like , oh , go someplace else.
See , you know what? I'm gonnalet cor Corin is teaching me a
social code right now. I'mgonna wear these beats
everywhere

Anitra (01:01:33):
I go. I'm telling you.
So they just don't have to talkto you. But yeah , you're one
of those people that getsimpatient and you are waiting
in line. Be polite. Just suck .
Suck it up and wait till youget out. Then get upset. Don't
while you're in theline. Hush your mouth.
Absolutely . I love it.

Andre (01:01:48):
I think this is a general rule. People should be
quiet.

Anitra (01:01:51):
. See you said that just

Andre (01:01:53):
As a general rule, it's totally, I feel like everything
I answered was just be quiet . I think just be
quiet. The golden isn't thatit? Silence is golden. Just be

Anitra (01:02:03):
Quiet. Silence is golden. Just be quiet. Ease one
mouth . Listen twice as much.
Have you think you a quota yourlistening quota . It should

Andre (01:02:10):
Be Don't talk like, just be quiet . Just be
quiet.

Anitra (01:02:15):
Oh , I love it. Alright , so pro bro . What do you have
for the final

Andre (01:02:18):
Blow? So, so for the final blow, you know, we, we've
really been talking about justno , we've labeled it social
codes. But what we're reallykind of been talking about is
what are those things weinstill in our children? What
are those things that we'reinstilled in you that when you
stick to these things, lifejust becomes better for your ,

(01:02:41):
your , your , you see a moreappropriate and acceptable
behavior mindset, management offeelings, the activities that
you do that just kind of createa , a better life. And it's so
important to pass those thingsdown. And so while we are ,
we're kind of coming from asibling connection or
perspective, it also goes intomore of a parental pass down

(01:03:04):
from generation to generation.
And , and you know what , what, what a family brand often
does is it leaves something forour children that becomes a
question comes what familybrand are we leaving for our
children? We don't instillacceptable social codes or
codes of conduct or behaviors.
Then we leave actually nothingfor them because their

(01:03:26):
behaviors won't be able tohandle society's efforts to
take what they do have from you. Uh , and and here's where I
get that from. In , um, thebook of Proverbs, Solomon
writes in 13 chapter , hewrites, A good man leaves an
inheritance for his children'schildren. Mm-hmm .
. But thesinner's wealth is laid up for
the righteous. And , and , andhere's what that, because this

(01:03:49):
is a book of wisdom. So here'swhat that means . What you pass
down to your children, whateverthey hold onto , whatever , uh,
integrates within , it's eithergoing to make a better life for
them or it's going to causethem to lose great in life . So
when Solomon Wright atinheritance and then sinners

(01:04:12):
laid , well laid up, what he'sreally talking about is did you
teach your children and yourchildren? Did you pass down
generation to generation? Acode of conduct that's
something that they can inheritand build and find value in? Or
did you let them just kind ofrun amuck , mentally,
emotionally, behaviorally, andnow everything is taken from

(01:04:35):
them because you didn't put agood code within them so that
they can make it so that theycould thrive and survive in
this, in society, thrive andsurvive socially at the end of
every single day. What I have,what Nikki has , what you have,
what your siblings have, whatyour parents have is a code of
conduct that helps you make itfrom day to day better than if

(01:04:58):
you didn't have any boundaries,didn't have any coup , didn't
have any morals. That code ofconduct is definitely what
allow you just , again , tomake it with joy , make it with
cheese , make it better todaythan we did on yesterday. So
that's my my , I love it .

Anitra (01:05:16):
Fantastic. All right .
And we'll come into the end ofthe episode. As always, we
thank you so much for joiningus yet again, please help us
build the Savage Siblingcommunity. Like , share,
comment, leave a review,subscribe, send this episode to
your favorite savage sibling.
Help us grow it together. Maybethere's family social codes

(01:05:37):
that you learned growing upthat you want to share. Maybe
there's a few of those socialcodes that you couldn't wait to
let go of, to change thechallenge to alter. Please
share with us. We wanna hearfrom you. A huge shout out to
our amazing team, the folksthat work with us to make it
all possible. Dwayne McClendonand Kyle Davis are sound
editors. Ronnie Maxwell ofMaxwell Music, our music

(01:06:01):
producer, Keith Cross of Cakecross Photography, helping us
with these amazing photos.
Shout out to my niece , Dan ,for all the web design
marketing content. You are abeast. We love you Absolutely .
To our parents for the d n aand all the funny soul life
lessons. And of course to you,the listeners, we are so glad
you're here with us. Well,until next time, remember,

(01:06:23):
don't go through life alone.
See you soon .