What's It To You!?! Part One

This episode discusses understanding the differences between valuation and validation in our lives. How and what we value in our lives and what we consider valid in our lives.  Andre and Anitra share examples of how we use this knowledge to make decisions and the importance of your sibling relationship in defining valuation and validation. 

Have you ever wondered what determines your value system?  Or even the relationships that you consider valuable and how we justify and validate those relationships.  The episode explores the impact that value and validation have on each other and how we use that scale to invest in or disconnect in the relationships in our lives.  

Let’s take a deep dive into defining value and validity and the influence of our family experiences based on the choices that come from those definitions. This episode is for you if you question your worth, if others seem to lack value in who you are in their lives, and/or if you often do not feel accepted in your current relationships.  The Savage Siblings share ways to avoid indecisiveness, understand your worth and choose to move forward beyond validation to purpose. 

Memorable Quotes:

• When the gift has more value than the cost, you can go further in life. ~ Andre 
• Sometimes siblings have to reaffirm our value. ~ Anitra
• Can I find value in something greater than what I am? ~ Andre
• I need to assign a value to an experience. ~ Andre
• Role of valuation occurs before you choose the action. ~ Andre
• Value will shine a light on inconsistencies. ~ Anitra
• Bad sources of valuation will make you look at what others view as validation. ~ Andre
• Identify good and bad sources to see if they are fair partnerships and use teachable moments to move forward. ~ Anitra
• Fair partnerships benefit both if you set boundaries and make sure you are valued. ~ Anitra

Keywords:
#MentalHealth, #therapy,  #psychotherapy, #relationships, #psychology, #healing, #counseling, #ministry, #theology, #transformation, #change, #counselor, #therapist, #wholeness, #healthy, #health, #lifestyle, #mental, #emotions, #emotional, #spiritual, #minister, #christianliving, #christian, #wellness, #lifecoach, #forgiveness, #SavageSibling, #Savage, #Sibling,  #Brother, #Sister, #Family, #Parent, #S2Mediaworks, #SavageSiblingsPodcast, #Keyboardconnections, #Techfriends, #Validation, #Valuation, #Hater, #YourWorth,  #Decisiveness,

Call to Action: 

• Post comments! Leave us a review!
• Share the ways your sibling challenged or encouraged your worth and value growing up! Or perhaps you’ve had enough relationship experiences to understand valuation and validation and put those in proper context.
• Any topics you want us to discuss? Let us know! 

Sound Editors: Kyle Davis and Dwayne McClendon
Music: Maxwell Music
Photography: K.Cross Photography

CHAPTERS
00:00:00 - Introduction
00:01:01 - Sibling Check-In
00:08:18 - Sibling Sound-Off Segment
00:32:40 - Sponsorship: S2 Mediaworks
00:33:26 - Savage Segment: Valuation vs Validation
00:58:38 - Closing: Thanks for joining us!

Brutally Honest. Relentlessly Transparent. Unapologetically Authentic.

Episode Transcript

Anitra (00:10):
Hey , hey, beautiful people. How are we doing? I am
Anitra in Lawson, storyteller,producer, educator, sometimes
content creator, sometimes allthe above. He said sometimes ,
sometimes he is Dr. AndreEvans.

Andre (00:27):
Good morning, beautiful people. Good evening, good
beautiful people. A good night.
Wherever, whatever time youmight be listening. Welcome

Anitra (00:33):
. He is the brother that I always wanted .
See, it's a new season. I'mtrying

Andre (00:38):
To , it's a new Season.

Anitra (00:39):
Embrace the newness of that , uh, author, father,
amazing brother, son, all theabove. He has lots of AC
accolades that I can't rememberright now, but we are the
Savage siblings, and this isthe Savage Sibling Podcast,
where we are brutally honest,relentlessly transparent, and
unapologetically authentic. Andas always, thank you for

(00:59):
joining us for another episode,bro. Bro. Yeah . Yeah . What's
been going on?

Andre (01:04):
Hey, what's going on?
What's going on? Great week.
Just want to give a quick shoutout again to all those
listening and always thatencouragement. For those of you
listening on your differentvehicles, whether it's YouTube,
go ahead and like, andsubscribe. Mm-hmm .
, and share itwith somebody. If it's on one
of the podcast catchers,whether it's Apple or Spotify,

(01:25):
or or, or wherever it is youmight be catching, please,
please do us a favor right now.
Uh, not only subscribe andfollow, get those
notifications, but rate, let usknow how we're doing. If you
can make a comment, give a ,leave, a review. That's it. We
want to go ahead and get thispodcast to every set of Savage
siblings that we can. Yes. Yes.

(01:46):
Uh , so with that, again, justthankful as always, for all of
you rocking with us, what'sbeen going on . It's been a
long week for me, . Um,it has, it has, it's been a
long week. And, and the reasonwhy I noticed it's been a long
week is because , uh,oftentimes it's how many times
have I kind of shared my weekwith someone that's reached
out? How's your week going?
How's you going? And one thingI notice , Nikki , mm-hmm.

(02:08):
, is that my, mycircle is getting smaller as I
get older. Yep . No, I'mserious. Yep . It is. It's
getting smaller as I get older.
And I , and I'm finding morepeace with that. Mm-hmm .
. So let me startthere. But I'm trying to figure
out, you know, within the pastcouple of years, like, why did
it have this significant dropoff ? And here's the reason why
it caught my attention. No.
It's the reason why it caughtmy attention. Like, I know I'm

(02:30):
my usual, you know , in thatpart, wonderful,
beautifully bubbly self. And I,and I do, I often am amazed at
how many people still enjoy,you know, who I am. Keep me in
their contact list. I do. I'mvery amazed. But I had a very
significant drop off , uh, thatI'm noticing in the past couple
of years. And it's, it'sbecause, you know, I stopped

(02:54):
using social media and , andhere's how I know this. No, no,
but here's how I know this. Uh,I got a text message from, from
a friend , uh, in the past ,uh, not too long ago. And it,
it was li and it was just oneof these frowning faces and
. Oh no. It was like ,what ? You know, what's good?
What's up with that? And, andthe person said, well, you, you
forgot to wish me happybirthday Uhoh . And I was like,

(03:16):
how's I supposed to know it'syour birthday? Like , right .
Like , and , and unfortunately,you know, I really gotta work
on my tact . I'm typing, how amI supposed to know it's your
birthday ? Yeah . Like, whichshould have been just the
thought .

Anitra (03:29):
That's right.

Andre (03:30):
And the response was is because Facebook tells you. And
I was like, I don't do Facebookanymore. Right. Like , I'm not
on social media, so nothing'sreminding me of anybody's
birthday. And, and then I alsorealized I had to cancel a lot
of the calendars in my phone.
It's too many because some ofthose calendars in my phone had
people's birthdays I ain'ttalked to since high school. So

(03:51):
I'm like, why do I need to knowthis person's birthday? Mm . So
once I canceled the calendars,I stopped going on Facebook and
other , and Instagram, allthese other social medias where
you just kind of, you know,sell everybody this blanket,
happy birthday, whatever. Itcomes up in your notification.
. Like , you know, onceI stopped doing that, I
realized like, yeah, mycircle's small. It's small, my

(04:13):
circle's really, really small,because I can remember maybe
six birthdays a year. Like,that's about it.

Anitra (04:21):
That's it. That's my

Andre (04:22):
Capacity. That's it.
That's it. You're right. That'sit. That's it . Other than
that, which means some of thesepeople were just technology
friends. Right. A hundredpercent . That's it.
You're just a technology friend. And I , I , that's why I
like, you're not really in thecircle. Nope . So, so yeah. I
just, I , and I'm good. I'm sogood with that. I, I really am

(04:44):
, uh, very, very good withthat. So, so yeah. The , you
know, it's, it's something Irealize and , and I find you're
embracing it value in a smallcircle. Yes . I found , found
great . I find great value in asmall circle. I find I also am
not interested in people'sopinions of me. Oh yeah . In a

(05:04):
small circle. Yep . So , sothose things have, have really
come about for me this week.
Mm-hmm . Uh , and , and , andespecially in getting prepared
for this particular episode.
Those, those things have comeabout for me. Nice. Uh , so
yeah, you wanna know howvaluable you are and, and you
want to know what you are inpeople's eyes. Get rid of
social media, delete yourcalendars and

Anitra (05:23):
See .

Andre (05:24):
Then you'll see, you'll see , you'll see who's just
your technology friend andwho's really in your , your
circle. So , but that's it forme. What's been good with you.

Anitra (05:33):
I love it. I've learned years ago to stop social media
don't start at all because ofsimilar issues where people
like you didn't respond or postit. So I totally get that. I
was like, they weren't friendsanyway. Those were like
keyboard connections orsomething, I don't know.
Mm-hmm. . Butyeah. So I like

Andre (05:49):
That keyboard connections. Keyboard
connections , it connect . Yeah. I like that.

Anitra (05:52):
Uh , so for me this week is a bit about embracing
change. Um, and I , let me justsay this. I don't usually like
change cuz I Okay . Am acreature of habit. I like
structure , I likeorder . Right . And so I like
comfort .

Andre (06:06):
Right, right,

Anitra (06:06):
Right. And change you , you know, can often be
uncomfortable. But in my, youknow, my quiet time throughout
this week, God told me, he waslike, I mean , this is kind of
just in Bible study . So when Isay it that way, it just stuff
that I'm reflecting on. But youknow, this notion of how you
handle change really comes downto what you value. And , um,
now I've had to say, okay, wellI value comfort.

Andre (06:30):
Amen. So

Anitra (06:31):
Yeah . I value, yeah .
But then I learned with my walkwith God, God was like, yeah,
but let's talk about what Ivalue. How about we get your ,
your values over herewith mine? Just align them a
little bit. So yeah . When Isay I've been embracing , uh,
change this week, it's beengood , uh, to just yeah . Kind
of shift to things that Ivalue. Um, and it's good to

(06:53):
question that too. You know,periodically say you, you know,
you thought you valued that,but maybe the change that's
happening is because you needto rethink your value system .
So ,

Andre (07:03):
Uh , yeah. You know, that's, that's, that's one of
those things being , uh,theology, the way God has
forced me to be intheology. Right. Is that Yeah.
We'll say this is comfortableand God will be like, yeah, but
I kind of want you to do this,that part and then Right.
. And then you'll lookat what he kind of wants you to
do and be like, that don't seemcomfortable. Yeah. Don't like

(07:24):
that , it don't seemcomfortable at all. It doesn't
fit .

Anitra (07:27):
It doesn't fit , don't fit . Right . What I do . It's
Right . Right .

Andre (07:32):
And so yeah, you get yeah. That , that that change,
embracing change really is ,uh, yeah. Embracing , uh, outta
your comfort zone. Mm-hmm.
. But the , Ithink the great thing though
is, is that the great thingabout change is, is, is
eventually you also becomecomfortable with the new you,
the better you.

Anitra (07:51):
Ooh , that's good . You Oh , that's good . That

Andre (07:52):
Transformed you. That's , that's good. So comfort is,
is fleeting anyways . Mm-hmm.
comfort is is notmeant for eternity. It's meant
for a

Anitra (07:59):
Season. That's

Andre (08:00):
Good. That's good comfort is is this saying, you
know what, I can find peacewherever I gotta be planted.
Yeah. And, and sometimes , um,we gotta do that. So yeah.
That's a good thing.

Anitra (08:08):
That's good . That's a good thing. And , and you know,
more than the listeners know,I'm sure it'll be a later
episode of some of the changeshitting me, but I'm getting
strong and I'm getting throughit, so there you go. So I love
it. So there you go. But let's, um, let's jump into this
sound off segment, no

Andre (08:21):
Doubt. Sound off segment

Anitra (08:25):
Sound . Um, I wanna kick it off a bit just cause I
wanna give you your flowers.
Um, and then I'll pass it backto you as we kind of Okay .
Delve into the, the topic here.
But, so this episode , um, weare titling it. What's it to
you? And you can put a littlestank on that when you read it
out loud . Yeah . You got a , awhole lot of to yo Right.

Andre (08:44):
What's do you ,

Anitra (08:45):
So this really springboards , um, from a book
that my brother is writing thatreally focuses on , uh, young
boys, young men, men learningto properly handle loving
relationships. And from he'swriting it from the perspective
of , uh, of parent. Cuz ideallyyou want those conversations to
happen in youth. And so , um,I've been, I've had the

(09:07):
pleasure of sitting on thesidelines and reading some of
it, sharing thoughts. And sowhen I pitched this , uh,
episode topic to him, it wasbecause it was just to me so
important , uh, to look at whathe described as valuation. And
I don't know, bobo if you useversus validation, but those

(09:28):
two concepts of valuation and

Andre (09:31):
Validation

Anitra (09:32):
And validation, I don't know if necessarily wanna say
versus , but we'll unpack itmore. And so it it reminded me
as I was , uh, uh, reading itthat we have to be mindful of
the differences , uh, betweenYes . How you define valuation
and validation Yes . And theproper understanding of that.
And so I got super hype aboutit and I was like, oh, we gotta
talk about that. So, you know,this is what we're gonna delve

(09:55):
in, delve into today is , uh,is kicking into that. So I'm
gonna let Robo start it off andthen I'll jump in.

Andre (10:02):
Well, you know, so when we were, when you brought up
the topic valuation andvalidation, and I think at
first we were saying valuationversus validation, but by the
time I finished really kind ofstudying the two, I realized
that it's, it's a and thing.
Yes. The problem is too many ofus make it a or Yes. Or a

(10:23):
versus thing. So instead of,and we say, no , I'm just gonna
go with this one. Yeah . Andmost of the times that's,
that's validation. Mm-hmm .
, we don't moveon to valuation, don't see the
importance of, of having both.
When I started , um, thinkingabout , uh, both when I was
writing the book, and even nowwhen we were, when we were
getting ready for thisparticular episode mm-hmm.
, uh, it , ittook me back to , um, the days

(10:47):
of the arcade. Now I don't, Idon't , you know, I'm , I'm
dating myself here cause Idon't even know , do they even
have arcades anymore?

Anitra (10:54):
You gotta seek 'em out,

Andre (10:55):
You gotta , right. I think Mo so what I'm about to
describe, I think mainly youget like at the city fair. Yep
. You might get 'em at anamusement park, but there Santa
Monica

Anitra (11:04):
Beer .

Andre (11:04):
Right. Exactly. But there used to be a day you
could go to your , the mall.
Right. And there would be thisplace called the Arcade Yes .
That had nothing but videogames. Yep . That's it. Just,
just straight up video games.
And, and there'd be , uh, thesegames, which you could get
these prizes or you'd get thesetickets mm-hmm. .
Right. And so that was skeeball. That might be a basketball

(11:25):
game. It might be a , um, aMash Mole Mash Him game. Mm-hmm
. . I love that .
But all these, these differentgames gave you tickets. Mm-hmm
. and , and Idon't know if you remember
Nikki , but on those tickets,those tickets then would say
Redeem at the Counter. Yep .
Right ? Yep . Yep . Okay. And,and, and oftentimes back in the
day, those tickets not onlysaid Redeem at the counter, but

(11:46):
they had the name of the arcadeon this , on the ticket as
well. So I might get a wholebunch of tickets at Aladdin.
That's what it was called Backin day. Aladdin Arcade
. Those tickets were only goodfor redemption at Aladdin.
Right . I couldn't take them toa different arcade and, and
redeem those tickets there.
And, and so, you know, when I'dget those tickets, I wanted to

(12:08):
get as many as I can. Now, anadult might be walking by
someone who just came from adifferent arcade center, might
be walking by, a young kid,might be walking by, and all
they saw was a ticket mm-hmm.
. But thosetickets in my hand, knowing
where I was going to take them,had a redeeming value. Mm-hmm.
, right ? Yep .
That's good. Right? Mm-hmm.

(12:29):
. So, so, so eventhen I'd be going by other
games and if I see half aticket spewing out that
somebody forgot I'm yankingthat bad boy too, you'd
probably pull another onebehind it . I saw I'm right. I
saw value in this little thincardboard that said Aladdin on
one side, redeem at the counteron the other side, knowing full
well that if I took thosetickets outside of that arcade,

(12:52):
they had no value. Value.
That's good. They absolutelyhad no value. Right? Mm-hmm.
. And so then I'dhave all these tickets and I'd
collect them, and then I'd takethem to, I remember taking them
to the, the whoever the , theemployee that was behind the
counter mm-hmm. .
And the employee then wouldcount the tickets and say, oh,
these tickets are worth thisamount. Mm-hmm. .

(13:14):
Now I couldn't take thosetickets to anybody. I had to
take 'em to the person behindthe counter. Right. And the
person behind the counter foundvalue in them and said, this
is, this is what it's worth.
Yeah . And then would kind ofpoint behind them and say,
which one of these gifts wouldyou like based on the value of

(13:38):
the tickets? And so I couldredeem the tickets for the
gift. I could redeem thetickets for something that was
gonna bring me joy, redeem thetickets for something that was
going to be bring me happinessor whatever it might be. In a
nutshell that is validation.
Mm-hmm . andvaluation. Mm-hmm.
. That's good ina nutshell. That's so good.
See, the person behind thecounter is validation. The

(14:01):
person behind the counter issaying all the work you just
put in mm-hmm. ,this is what it's worth. Yeah .
All the blood, you know, I camein drenched with sweat
3, 4, 5 hours in that arcade . Right . And , and
watch this, and this is thecrazy thing is that in my mind,
I thought I was, I yes . And Ithought I was bringing a

(14:21):
million dollars. You'reclocking into work . But here's
the crazy thing. There was acost associated with the work I
had to put in to find the valueof these tickets. Right. Right.
I didn't care about the cost.
Right . I may have ended upwalking away with some toy that
was worth a dollar 50, but Iwould've spent $15 easily , you

(14:42):
know, I didn't care about thecost, I cared about the gift, I
didn't care about the cost, Icared about the prize at the
end. That was what wasredeeming. So the person behind
the counter is validating thatfor me, the person behind the
counter is saying, Hey, theywere cheerleading me on. They
knew I spent $15. They finnagimme a $5 gift. Right . But

(15:03):
they didn't, they didn't say tome one time, you know, you
losing money. No . They saying,

Anitra (15:06):
Great job at all . Job

Andre (15:07):
You awesome. See next .
Oh man, you sure you don'twanna go back and get more
tickets? You can get this.
Listen, I mean, I mean that , Imean they made valid the scam.
Yeah . The Ponzi scheme. Right.
the pyramid Marketing.
That is the arcade. They madethat joint valid . I love it.
But when I walked away with thegift, it didn't matter how much

(15:30):
the cost was. Mm . Mm-hmm.
, the gift hadmore value Yeah . Than the
cost. Mm-hmm. .
So the gift was the valuation.
Yeah. Yeah. The person behindthe counters The validation.
Yeah . The gift was thevaluation. That's good. See,
the fact of the matter is it'sreasonable for everyone to

(15:52):
want, you know, their ideas,their choices, their
achievements, their opinionsvalidated. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
But you gotta make sure they'rebeing validated by the right
person.

Anitra (16:03):
Right person.

Andre (16:04):
And when they're validated by the right person,
what you ought to get back interms of how you are better,
how you move better, how youmove higher. Mm-hmm .
, that's thegift. And that's the, the , and
that's got to hold value toyou. That's why it's so, it's
so, man, it is so poignant. Itis so paramount. It is so
tantamount that you got , uh,you got some folk in your

(16:28):
corner, in your circle in yourlife who can validate all
you've been through mm-hmm.
. So you can seethe value of why you had to get
through it and move on tobetter. Uh, cuz the fact of the
matter is not everyone can giveyou true valuation. Nope . Uh ,
to your validation. No . I wantto make sure y'all heard that
not everyone can give you truevalue for the hell you went

(16:51):
through . True . True . Becauseyou just want to be better .
Mm-hmm . mm-hmm .
because you justwant to go higher, you just
wanna go further in life. Um ,not everybody can do that. So ,
so I just wanted to open upwith that so that we kind of
give a foundation as to what wemean when we say validation and
valuation and, and how we cango astray sometimes get it
wrong sometimes in terms of howwe , um, you know, how , how we

(17:13):
seek validation or how weforget to find valuation
mm-hmm. . Um ,so, so I wanna start there. I
wanna let you give your, your ,your foundation or your, your ,
uh, introductory thoughts heremm-hmm . . And
then I want to jump right backin and just kind of push it a
little bit further.

Anitra (17:27):
Absolutely. Well, I'll definitely go ahead and push it
towards the sibling connection,which is what we always focus
on for the sound off segment.
Yeah. Um , and you know, one ofthe things that came to my mind
is, you know, siblings, I meansibling, the sibling experience
can teach you so much. Uh ,when it comes to value and
worth, that is one of the, youknow, clear cut areas. Yes.

(17:50):
Yes. And I wanna speak, speak

Andre (17:51):
To sister siblings are gifted, they're just

Anitra (17:52):
Gifted in that space.
Right. And I wanna speak to itfrom both sides of the coin
because , you know, sometimeswhen it comes to defining your
worth, and this is a shout outto all the younger sisters or
older sisters who had a brotherout there and you know, you
remember those days where youwere getting dressed up and
cute in the mirror and you wereYeah . Putting on your cute
outfit and you were maybe gonnago to the mall or go hang out

(18:14):
or go on a date or something.
And it already takes a lot ofconfidence and I already know
going work an effort to get ittogether. And as soon as you
come outta that bathroom orthat room, you feeling fluffy ,
you feeling fresh and so cleanand leave it to the
insensitivity of your brotherto have a color pope purple

(18:37):
moment where he's like, youshow that's ugly . Oh , ugly .
Or you show

Andre (18:43):
He's ugly. Even

Anitra (18:44):
Worse. Oh, that's what you wearing,

Andre (18:46):
Right.

Anitra (18:47):
And you're like, what's wrong with it? And then he just
kind of everything and walksaway, you know, leaves you
there just laughs at you.
Right. And this is what I meanabout really learning and your
value and your worth . So thenyou gotta go back and have, you
know, yours, your positiveself-talk. You gotta reaffirm
you as smart. You was kind . Cause you gotta push
back against them siblings.

(19:07):
Right. That just come at you. Ionly had a brother, so I can
only speak from an olderbrother standpoint as the
younger sister, but maybe youhad a sister that did that to
you that you're just feelinggood. So yes, your siblings
will absolutely challenge you and encourage you to
reach deep down inside to knowyou're worthy.

Andre (19:24):
You were talking, you were, you didn't understand the
fashionista expert in which I,what you were dealing with.
Remember, I I bought clothesfrom Jeans West, I bought
clothes , jeans , west boughtclothes that would fly. I mean,
when I went to school, peoplewere like, where'd you get
that? Not at all . I wore Jabojeans before they were in

(19:45):
style. Exactly.

Anitra (19:47):
Exactly. Ok ,

Andre (19:48):
. I I was a trend setter . You

Anitra (19:51):
Wear overall before they

Andre (19:52):
Were cool . Oh, listen. And I was doing the
overalls with just one strapbefore crisscross came out.
. Ok , listen, listen ,don't play with me. Don't play
with me.

Anitra (20:04):
You call that advice .
That was an advisory meeting. I

Andre (20:06):
That was the devil wears Jabot . . That's what I
was , that's what , yeah . I ,I was trying to help you
critique, but I build, I buildby critiquing . So
that's what

Anitra (20:22):
I do. It , it made me tough. So if anybody else
outside says something, I wasalready ready to go. Like
, you start to figureout your authentic style,
right. Like you start to, yougotta let that chip go. So, but
yes, you guys have had thatsibling connection where
certainly our siblings can ooh, they can sometimes make us
wonder why am I here? And thenyou have to fight through it
and you should fight through itand know you are valuable. But

(20:44):
of course the other side ofthat is certainly when you have
a sibling that actually, youknow, re absolutely reaffirms ,
uh, your value Absolutely . Andyour worth. Um, be it that it's
a hard time or be it thatthey're sometimes telling you
stuff that's hard to hear. Um,right . So this is another
situation for, for me , uh, Iremember this is probably my
junior year in high school andI was, you know, had a

(21:06):
boyfriend at the time, and Iguess, bro, bro , you overheard
me talking to him or somethingand after he left, he , you was
like, listen here, if you gonnakeep a man, you gonna have to
man down a little bit and getthat mouth together. Right .
. And I was like, what ?
What , what ? Talking aboutYeah . That mouth, that's , I ,

Andre (21:21):
I know you ,

Anitra (21:22):
Me , you're amazing.

Andre (21:23):
You're

Anitra (21:23):
Sweet. You are a wonderful woman, , but
I'm your brother and I'm justtelling you, you gonna have to
work on that mouth. You gonnakeep a man gonna have to work
on that mouth . And Iwas just like, right .

Andre (21:33):
Yeah . That's

Anitra (21:33):
Just , yeah . And then a few more lumps and bumps in
terms of just, you know, losingsome relationships. And I was
like, yeah , I guess bro ,bro's onto something. I'm gonna
have to get a little sweeter onthe scene .

Andre (21:45):
So sometimes What's that ? You know , get more flies
with sugar, with

Anitra (21:49):
Honey. With honey then with some vinegar .
Right. Like , get it together.
So, so yeah. Sometimes oursiblings absolutely, you know,
have to reaffirm our value. Andthat was what I loved about
that is he wasn't saying, youknow, you're not wifey material
or you're not gonna be a goodgirlfriend, all that, but no ,
that's , that's an area wecould tweak a little bit. And
then the last thing I'll say,and I'll kick it back to you ,

(22:09):
uh, and this is a , again,another shout out to the, the
baby sisters who, you know,your brothers maybe during them
early high school years andcollege years was out in them
streets. And so they wanted toprotect you from their
behavior. And I never forget,my brother said to me, no
judgment . He said,okay . He said, little sis,
he's like, don't date anybodylike your brother . Yeah

(22:32):
. Don't date anybody like me.
Yeah . And here's the thing, Iwasn't even in the space to
really think about the largerimplications of that statement
meant, I was just like, oh,okay. So don't be like, don't
be like those girls got it cuzsomething's wrong with them.
You know , we all know there'sa larger conversation there.
Lemme just, lemme just not

Andre (22:51):
Be like that much

Anitra (22:51):
Larger conversation.
Right . But I knew what youwere trying to say is you are
valuable, you are worthy. Don'tever allow absolutely any , any
young man to treat you in a waythat diminishes that. And so,
absolutely. Uh , let me kick itback to you in terms of that
sibling perspective or anyother thoughts you have on it
in the summer .

Andre (23:07):
No, no. So, so to me that, and that's what I think I
value most of about thisvalidation valuation
conversation is the fact thatgrowing up with a sibling, it's
a different system Yeah. Ofvaluation and validation that
you're going through than thosewho ain't got no siblings .
Right. Because you're , if youain't got a sibling, your only
child, your system is society.

(23:29):
Woo . And parents this viciousand that's a different
validation valuation system.
Yep . Then when you have asibling Yes. That's your
system. What I value most aboutgrowing up with, with Nikki
growing up with the sibling isthe fact that, you know,
there's this awe that I'm inright now when I realized we
went through the same valuesystem mm-hmm.

(23:51):
and yet still found validationin different ways. And, and ,
and , and here's what I mean bythat. You know, you, you went
through life one way. I wentthrough life the other way, but
we still came out with avaluation Right. That said,
this is why we strive forgreater, for more, for better
whatever it may be. Mm-hmm.
, see thatvalidation system, you know,

(24:14):
for those who don't havesiblings could be friends.
Right. It's a circle ofinfluence. Right. But the
difference with , for that,that sibling connection is
, your friends, yourcircle of influence, they find
value in things that maybe youdidn't grow up with. Right.
. So you don't know howto value. Right. You know what
I mean? Mm-hmm. ,like in my, in my adulthood,
I've got people who've been inand outta my life and you know,

(24:37):
they go to parties and theyused to go to parties, stuff
like that. And they would lookat , they'd be like, Hey man,
you going , you want thisHennessy, you want this cognac?
Right. And I'm sitting therelooking in the kitchen like,
no, I want that Kool-aid.
Right. , I want thatKool-Aid tea .

Speaker 3 (24:51):
Right. I

Andre (24:53):
Want that . I want, I want the Kool-Aid red, if you
got it . Like top shelf, topshelf red if you got it.
Because growing up we , thatwasn't part of our, our makeup.
That's good. We found value inKool-Aid. Yes. Whereas other
homes found value in highseafood fruit punch. Man, we

(25:13):
wasn't like that.

Speaker 3 (25:14):
That's pick , that's pick and high cotton .
Right. Come home . We , weain't got that. What

Andre (25:21):
You talking about Kool-Aid? That's what that's
what I know. So, so then we getinto these environments and as
a , because I had a siblingbecause I had you, Nikki , I
can get into an environment andI'll find value in the smallest
thing because that was thesystem that validated us. And

(25:42):
when we looked at each otherand said, Hey, we only got
Kool-Aid, but hey, we gonna beall right. Right. That brought
value. I remember one time Iguess mom took you and I to
another family's house fordinner. Oh yeah . And they had
those, those napkins likethose, those those cloth
napkins. Like you get at a fivestar restaurant. Right, right.

(26:04):
And they had a napkin ring onit. And I guess mom saw me
looking bewildered at thetable. I'm looking for the
Scott napkin, the Scott napkin, or I'm looking for a rag. I
might be looking for that Scottnapkin or a rag. Oh

Speaker 3 (26:19):
Right , right .

Andre (26:21):
And mama's looking at me bewildered and like, I'll tell
you what's wrong. And I'm like,I need to wipe my hands and my
mouth, whatever. I said. Andshe's like, there's your
napkin. And she said, I lookedat this cloth. What is that in
this ring? Looked at it like,it was like, it's like it was a
a a a a high societyhandkerchief. Right .

Speaker 3 (26:40):
Or an

Andre (26:40):
Ascot in a ring. Like , and I wouldn't touch it. I was
like, what is that? I know howto do it . That's that. Wait,
can I, can I wipe my hands onthis? Right . Are you kidding
me? You dirty. It's right . Ican wipe my woo . Do you know
this is 500 thread cotton? Ican wipe my hands on this. Like
really I can do this. I waslike , I'm gonna do it and I'm

(27:02):
do said I right . The mom said,I had this look on my face like
I was taking a risk of my life.
Right . It's gonna happenafterwards. Okay . I'm gonna do
it. I'm gonna do it. You saidI'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do
it. Like announcing to theworld. Listen, my mama said I
could do this . I'm gonna doit. I'm gonna try . So,
but because cuz to again,that's, that's a different

(27:24):
system. Yes. But in thatmoment, it's mom really
validating and saying ,listen, I know we live rough.
Right . I know we ain't had ithad life the way others have .
But listen, go on and try this.
Get your taste. Get your tasteof the other side, that fabric.
Get your little taste of thetwo percenters , , wipe
your mouth with that threadcount. See what that feel like.

(27:46):
Baby . I love it. So ,but, but, but here's the thing.
Here's the thing. God , listen,listen. I never, I , I
purchased my first napkin setwith the rings on it recently.
Right . recently. Right. . I walked down the
aisle and I said, I'm going doit. I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna

(28:06):
do it , I'm gonna do it . And I know people were
looking at me like, what is hedoing? And I'm at them, watch
this . And I'm looking at themsaying, what's it to you?
? What's it to you?
What's it to you? don'tworry about how I find value.
Cause cause what I've beenthrough Right . Validates why

(28:27):
I'm saying I'm going do this,I'm gonna do this. Absolutely.
Oh God . Is that, it's thatsystem. And , and you know, we
are laughing because the systemwe were brought up Yes . In as
siblings we find , uh, humor.
Yeah . We find lessons. Yeah .
We find abundance. We findblessings in that story to

(28:48):
other , other siblings or evenother , um, only children. They
may hear this and be like, Idon't get it . I don't get it.
You had a different systemYeah. That validated different
things. Yeah . And taught youvalue of different things. And,
and, and so that kind of bringsme to , uh, this this kind of
this this the other side. Andthis is why I say you , you,
you gotta be not just carefulas to who you allow validate

(29:12):
mm-hmm . . Butyou gotta be careful as to
where you get your value.
Because different things arevaluable to different people
and you ought not play downsomebody else's valuation
system. That's good. That'sgood. Yeah. And you ought to
always bring a positivevalidation cuz you just don't
know where people come from.
That part. I was as a , as Iwas thinking about this, it
reminded me of that song that ,uh, uh, Jay-Z and Kanye do. And

(29:36):
I , I think I'm gonna get itwrong, but I think it's called
No Church in the Wild. Yeah. NoChurch and the Hook. Yeah. And
the hook is , uh, somethinglike , uh, what's a king to a
God? Yeah. What's a God to a ,uh, to a nonbeliever
nonbeliever who doesn't believein anything. Mm-hmm .
, I love thatstatement. I love it because my
validation, what I, and myvaluation might mean the world

(29:59):
to me, but what is it tosomeone else? Right. What's it
to someone else? Right. Right.
And so if I'm too busy tryingto say, Hey, I am a king
, but I'm talking toGod mm-hmm . and
God's like, but I'm a God.
Right. That's right . I'm theonly ,

Anitra (30:15):
Right . So,

Andre (30:16):
So, so it's like, why up here boasting my, my chest,
trying to make someone elsevalidate what, you know,
whatever it is I find valuable.
And, and , and , and then atthe same time, why do I get
stuck putting value insomething that might keep me
stuck rather than allowing meto continue to push through and

(30:37):
find higher things or betterthings or further things more
valid. And then finding valuein something greater than where
I am. Mm-hmm . .
So there's, there's this , it'snot just the circle of
influence. It's not just thesibling connection mm-hmm.
, but it's alsothe stagnation. Mm-hmm.
, you lose valuein things when you remain
stagnant.

Anitra (30:57):
That's good. That's good. Yeah.

Andre (30:58):
And we, we always gotta push through that. But yeah.
When , whenever we accomplishsomething, man, it's, it's,
it's , it's who , uh, the , thequestion becomes, you know, who
are the first people you lookto and tell? Do they add value
to what you just accomplished?
Mm mm-hmm. , I maysay something to the folks in
my circle mm-hmm .
, but I'llprobably look for value from

(31:19):
mom and dad and from you Nikki. So I might say it to my
circle and they might validate,but that's not where I get my
validation from. I'm gonna lookto the system that raised me.
That's good. Because they knewmy starting point . So Yeah. I
. Yeah. Yeah. Uh ,that's, that's and it all adds
up to , uh, worth. Yeah. Youknow, and , and , and where did

(31:40):
you learn your worth from? Um,who understands your worth? Um,
things like that. So I kick itback to you before we do , uh,
if you want to add to thatbefore we go to the sponsor,
shout out .

Anitra (31:51):
No, that's good. I'm co-signing everything you said
and I , I'll just say this onething and then I'll do our
sponsorship. Shout out thatit's so funny that napkin story
is so key for us. Um , I stilldo the, you know, the , the
throwaway disposable napkins,but on the holidays I don't
play around . Right,right, right.

Andre (32:08):
You got the old place masks

Anitra (32:09):
Family . The family be like, well, why do we have to
use those? You gonna use thosenapkins I bought that are
coordinated high thread count.
You gonna use what you gonnado. So it's

Andre (32:19):
Just funny . I'm gonna take my new napkin set and I'm
gonna , I'm gonna , I'm gonnatake 'em to the dry cleaners.
Right? That's where they getclean . I'm take 'em dry, I'm
gonna do this. And , and ifthey look at it and be like, we
don't know how to charge, Ibetter forget out, out

Anitra (32:33):
Fold .

Andre (32:34):
You better beat out .
I'm telling you , I want thesebad boys dry cleaned, extra
starch.

Anitra (32:38):
It's a whole system for us. But yes. But speaking of
systems that raised us, andsystems that add value, we hope
that our sponsor, S two MediaWorks , which is a media
production company my brotherand I co-founded, is adding
value to you. Uh, the goal ofthat company is to create
content to educate, empower,inspire, and encourage positive

(32:59):
influence. And we do thatthrough original narratives.
Our mission S two Media Worksis to provide transformational
education resources for healthyand productive living. And
creative storytelling is at theroot of that. So we are
dedicated to creatinglife-changing and life-giving
content and all that we do. Andthis podcast, the Savage
Siblings podcast is a productof our company. So as always,

(33:22):
we're so glad you are here withus for another episode. All
right , bro, bro. Yeah . Yeah.
You ready to get savage?

Andre (33:33):
Absolutely. Let's do it.
Let's do it. Alright . So, soagain, the , the title of our
particular episode here isWhat's It To You? And so what
we want to do is really justkind of walk away from this
episode, understanding thatdon't just stop at validation.
Mm-hmm . alsomove on to valuation. And , and
, and so I think it probablyshould start with, you know ,

(33:55):
how are we defining thesethings separately? Yeah . How
are we defining validation and,and valuation mm-hmm.
. And so startingwith valuation, cuz I think
that one's a little bit harderto understand Sure. Than
validation. Agree . Yeah . Sostarting with valuation.
Valuation, really when I thinkabout it , uh, ways that I've
kind of studied it, ways I'vegrown to understand it ,

(34:18):
valuation really kind of refersto this process, right? Where
you're , you've been throughsome stuff and now you're
looking to people close to you,a sibling friend, whatever, and
saying, did I come out allright ? Mm-hmm . That, that was
that. Okay. And, and , and thereason why I'm asking that
question is because I need toassign a value to the

(34:39):
experience mm-hmm.
based on how I'mnow being represented in the
environment I'm in. Mm-hmm . Solemme say that a little bit
different. Mm-hmm.
, I can gothrough something, I could look
at people and say, Hey, am Iokay? Mm-hmm. ,
they could say You're okay. Butthen when I look at how I'm

(35:02):
represented in the environment,I can say, y'all lying to me .
I ain't, okay. I'm out herebusted. I'm out here hurting.
Y'all just placated me. Wellyou just assigned evaluation in
that moment mm-hmm .
to theexperience. But then I could go
through something and I couldsay, woo , I barely made it

(35:22):
through. And I could be like,am I okay? And everybody be
like, no man, you did great.
Mm-hmm. . Andthen I look at where I am being
represented in life and thatstage and that season and
realize, oh, I'm at the topwith whatever it is. Mm-hmm .
, then I say tomyself, okay, what I just did,

(35:44):
what I just thought, what Ijust felt, the idea I just had
mm-hmm. theactions I just took. They have
high value. Yeah. Yeah. And,and , and , and , and the
reason why I say it's aboutpositioning where you are in
life. It's not just saying, didyou win? It's, did you win? And
you understood and you walkedaway with wisdom so you could

(36:07):
win like that again, right?
Mm-hmm. . Sothat's why it's all about not
just what happened, but whereare you positioned when you're
done, because that's how you'regoing to assign value to the
actions it took. You're notassigning value to the gold
medal, you're signing value tohow you ran the race. Mm .
That's good. Yeah. Mm-hmm .

(36:27):
, that'svaluation. I, I , um, grew up
hunting. Uh, dad taught me howto hunt at such a young age. I
believe we were in Alabama thefirst time and we were pheasant
hunting. Mm-hmm. .
And I remember he put that 12,12 gauge shotgun to my
shoulder. He saw the pheasant'snest, he knew a pheasant was in
there. And he helped me aim.

(36:47):
And then he kind of stood back,but he put a hand on my back
and he said, now pull thetrigger and hit the nest. I
pulled the trigger, I hit thenest, and I, and I went back
into dad's hand. Mm . Cause Iwas small and the kickback from
that rifle was hard. Yep . Yep. And we got the pheasant. And

(37:10):
when we got home, we broughtthe pheasant, I believe it was
to Uncle Roy. And , uh, uncleRoy said, you know, you you got
that Andre. I was like, yeah, I, I , I shot it. Dad helped me,
but I shot it . And ,um, I remember then I, I I , I
, dad told me, I went to go sitdown and dad came back a little

(37:33):
bit later cuz Uncle Roy waspulling out the feathers. He
said, you don't wanna watch himclean the, the , the pheasant?
And I said, yeah, I'm gonnawatch. Dad saw me wincing. And
dad was like, you good? Well ,he didn't say you good. He's
like, you. Okay? And I showedhim my shoulder, which had a
bruise on it mm-hmm.
. And he said, Iwant you to go look at the

(37:53):
bird. And so I got up and Iwent to look at the bird. And
in that moment, the pain wentaway and it went away because I
was hungry. Now I need to makesure everybody understands this
, what I just said, the valueof hunting for prey is

(38:13):
different when you're hungry.
Mm-hmm . Versus when you'renot. Got you . If I wasn't
hungry, I'd have focused moreon the pain and I'd signed
value to the pain. Mm-hmm . Andsaid, is hunting really worth
it? But because I was hungry, Iassigned value to the meal we
were about to eat, and the painwent away. Valuation will have

(38:39):
its greatest efficacy when it'sattached, when you are hungry.
Mm-hmm . When you'repassionate, that's good. When
you are striving, when you'sdetermined it's, you're gonna
stru to find valuation. Whenyou're pla when you're just
placating a moment when you'rejust doing a cursory or surface
level thing, that is the reasonwhy some people don't move on

(39:00):
to valuation. Because thevalidation was so surface
level, it meant nothing. Itcame from a voice that doesn't
matter. It came from asituation where you really
didn't need to be validated.
You just wanted to be talkedto. You wanted to be coddled.
Valuation comes when you'rehungry. Our dreams in life have

(39:20):
a different value. When wewatch this uncomfortable in
mediocrity and striving to get,to make that dream a reality,
you add value to what you do.
Mm-hmm. valuationis an important step. It ha
it's a very important step inthe process of getting to
whoever it is or whatever ,whatever it is. Uh, that's your
purpose to do. In fact, one ofthe roles of valuation is

(39:42):
absolutely to produce kind oflike this , um, subjective
mm-hmm . Connection ofcurrency, right? Mm-hmm .
, I'm willing togo through what it's going to
take because when I get towhere my purpose has designed
me, my, my my dreams are takingme when I get to there and I
start to compare where I am nowwith where I'm gonna go, the

(40:04):
desirability for the valuation,the desirability to get there
that's good is greater. And Igotta get to one li one level
of life rather than the one I'min. So in other words,
valuation occurs before youchoose the action you're gonna
take. Mm . Wow . Because it'sbased on how you got through.
Yeah . So, so where, and we'lltalk about validating.

(40:24):
Validating looks back,valuation looks forward. Wow .
But we gotta have both. I

Anitra (40:28):
Love it. Ooh , that's good. That's good.

Andre (40:31):
I'm , I'm gonna stop there. Let you jump in . Yeah.

Anitra (40:32):
This is , this is good.
And you laid beautifulfoundation. I think when I was
kind of just unpacking how wedefined valuation or value ,
um, I , for me, I, there was alittle sting because I kept
thinking, I can see whysometimes we don't, while we do
just jump right to validation.
Uh, because when you start toanalyze value, I think almost

(40:54):
98, 90 9% of the time when Idefine value for my life, or I
look at other people's life,it's almost always the truth of
the value is gonna line up withthings like Amen. Yeah . Where
I put my time, where I put mymoney mm-hmm .
where I put my resources Yeah .
Where I put my focus, where Iput my energy, where I put my

(41:16):
effort. And so value almost issynonymous with this notion of
proof. Right. Proof of what'simportant to me. Proof of what
is , uh, critical to, to what Isay that I value. And the
reason why this can get stickyfor us is because it really
will shine a light oninconsistencies. It

Andre (41:33):
Absolutely will.

Anitra (41:34):
On a two-way street.
Either it's who I say and orwhat I say I value does not
line up with where I put mytime, my money. Right. My
resources, my focus, my energy,my effort. Right. Right. Right.
I say I value health andfitness, but I put a lot of
time to eat Right . Foods .

(41:55):
Right . That are good for me.
, I say I value properrest. Right. And I stay up to
two o'clock watching HBO max.
Right. Right . You have to getup at six. Right. And so this
whole process, when you startreally unpacking, that really
challenges us. And I think it'sa good way. I don't think it's
meant to be condemning. I thinkwhen you start thinking about,
well, what is important to Araand what does valuation mean

(42:18):
for me, it will make you startto think about how you use your
treasure, your time, yourfocus, your energy, your
effort.

Andre (42:26):
Absolutely. How you will use it , how

Anitra (42:28):
Base, how I love it, how you use it , future base .
But a lot of times, I think thereason why we don't often even
seek value the way you'resaying it has to be the first
step is because as, as you'vealready kind of hinted at, it's
a journey, it's a process kindof, of discovering it .
Absolutely. But yes, we live insuch a materialistic society

(42:49):
that it's easy to define value, and I should say incorrectly
define value in extrinsic orRight . Uh , external ways.
Right. So it's like, I wantthis car, so now that's become
a value. I want this house, Iwant this level of wealth, I
want this particular status.
And so then before you know it,what we're trying to define is

(43:10):
value really is kind of aaccumulation of things. Right?
Right . It's, it's stuff, it'sattainments or accomplishments
or , or milestones. Right. Andso the, the issue is when even
thinking we've heard thissaying before, this kind of ,
um, you know, reference thatwe're not human doings. We're
human beings. Right,

Andre (43:27):
Right. Right. I've heard that.

Anitra (43:29):
I love it. Yeah. One of the challenges in , when you're
really thinking about valuationis so often we're defining it
based on doing, we're notdefining, as you've already
described, in terms ofexperiences, in terms of what
lessons are you learning? Ilove it . And so now the
evaluation is much more on whatcan I do to get that car? What

(43:49):
can I do Yeah . To get thatwealth? What can I do ?

Andre (43:52):
I I love that you're saying that. Oh my God, I love
that. Because here's the thingmm-hmm . , um,
the , the issue to tag on withyou. Yeah . Yeah. The reason
why many of us don't move on tovaluation, just stay stuck at
validation. Mm-hmm.
, because theaction that it takes to move on
to valuation is you making adecision. Yeah . Based on the
information you've gotten fromvalidation. Yep . And yes,

(44:14):
that's why I say it's futurebased . That's why you alluded
to the fact is what are yougonna do with what you know?
Yeah . What are you gonna dowith what you learn ? Mm-hmm.
, because yougotta make a decision. Another
reason why people don't move onto valuation , because , uh,
evaluation rather, is becausethey're indecisive people. Mm .
And they stay stuck atestimating value instead of
working, being valuable. Yougotta do that again. Wait , you

(44:37):
gotta do that one again. Thereason why people don't move on
to valuation is cuz they staystuck in indecisions because
they're stay , they, all theywanna do is keep estimating
value instead of beingvaluable. Valuable. Oof . God,
listen, stop trying to recountall that you've been through
to, to see if it's morevaluable today than it was

(45:00):
yesterday. Mm-hmm.
, it's valuablewhen you use it . Make a
decision, it's valuable whenyou take a risk on it , make a
decision, you get stuck becauseyou keep seeking for more
convincing evidence on value.
And now all of a sudden, themoment the idea, it's moved
past you, somebody else isdoing it. The blessing now
belongs to someone else. Make adecision. Step out on the

(45:24):
information that you see. Vaself listen, self
evaluated abilities and ourperformance that part.
Yes . And one or moreactivities. That's how you move
on to valuation. Yeah . Yeah.
Let's , I mean , make adecision. You gotta , you gotta
go. And I love , I love that ,um, there was something , you

(45:44):
guy , you were talking aboutsomething . What do you, you ,
you , you know, you , you kindof coined or pinned the
question, how will you usemm-hmm . , what
you know mm-hmm. , I , um, I'm gonna , I'm gonna
give a quick shout out to, to ,to Sharonda. Well , I call her
Char , so y'all will hear thatname. Mm-hmm. ,
she's, she's everything. Right.
Right . Now, there are timesnow where she's my nutritionist
and my nurse . I loveit. She made me take, she made

(46:04):
me take one of these biometests. You know what a biome
test is? Please unpack that forus. . Okay. So a biome
test is where you gotta send ina stool sample. Yes. And people
look at what you've beeneating. Oh God. So that they
can tell you what's causing youinflammation. Yeah . What's
helping your heart. So theycome , the results come back

(46:27):
and say, you need to, you needto stay away from these foods.
Mm-hmm. , you canenjoy these foods. These are
your super foods . Yeah. Yeah.
And so, you know, as a brotherthat loved certain foods, when
I saw my test results mm-hmm .
There were some things theysaid, I need to stay away from
that. I was like, Ooh , thatchange , Ooh , . Ooh .

(46:48):
Like, for real. And thenthere's some stuff that they
said are my superfood. I waslike, I don't even know what
that is. Right. . Like, where does that like Exactly
. Then season , where do I go?
Is that English? Is thatEnglish? Did you, did I pick up
my results from Ikea? Right .
Because I don't understand thisstuff right here. But, but,

(47:09):
but, but, but you know, the ,the , the truth of the matter
is, is too many of us won'tmove on to valuation because
watch this. The change, thestuff, the information that,
that's that, that we need tochange. We got it from our
. We got ,we got it from our stool

(47:30):
sample. Yeah . Y'all didn'thear what I just said. Oh ,
that's good . You hear what Ijust said? Yes . See folk that
stay stuck in validation arestill asking people to keep
evaluating their stool sample.
Ooh . But those of us thatwanna move on to evaluation and
say, wait a second , I got theinformation from the stool. You
gonna keep eating that? Yougonna keep ingesting that? Or
are you gonna watch this moveon to your super foods ? But I

(47:52):
ain't never heard of thatbefore. Mm-hmm .
valuation says it's valuable.
Take a chance. Yeah . But Idon't even know where you get
that valuation. Says it'svaluable. Find it. Mm-hmm.
and take achance. Mm-hmm .
, that's how we identify goodand bad sources of valuation.
That's good. Look at who'sgiving you the information.
Look at, look at who's, youknow, what it is that you're,

(48:13):
that you're, that you're tryingto find value in. I So, so, you
know, when we look at theresources of valuation , we
look at the sources. Mm-hmm .
of valuation. Uh,when I think of the good, the
good, right ? Mm-hmm.
. Mm-hmm.
. I got , I gotta, I gotta say this . I, I was
not unlike my sister. I was nota good student. . I

(48:33):
was, I was facts. Listen, I'm ,I'm gonna say something right
now that nobody I thought, I ,listen, I don't listen.
, when I walked across thestage for a graduation from
Wichita Southeast, shout out toboth Wichita and the Buffalo.
When I walked across the stage,they told us in the rehearsal

(48:54):
that when you walk across thestage, we gonna get you gonna
shake the principal's hand andyou gonna get an envelope.
Right ? And in that envelope,in the window of that envelope,
when you look at it, it'seither gonna be your high
school diploma or it's gonna bea sentence that says, see you
in summer school, . Allright . Now lemme tell you

(49:15):
something. I shook, I shook theprincipal's head, I grabbed the
envelope. Now I'm on stage. AndI promise you as the Lord, as
my, my Lord and savior JesusChrist as my witness on the
cross. I started praying. Right? Lord, I don't know what this
going to do. I don't knowwhat's gonna say. And then that
dog gone , cousin Denise, I , Ican't wait for her to hear

(49:37):
this, but dog gone . Denisegonna walk away from the
family, get to the closest areashe can, talking about, let me
take a picture of your diplomawhile you on stage. .
Now I don't know what it'sgonna say. I dunno what it's
gonna say. And I'm like , ifshe don't go sit at her nosy
behind down somewhere , , I ain't even got on stage

(50:00):
yet. And , and look, can I ,can it make matters worse? The
class that I know I should havefailed, which was English. The
teacher was the first teachersitting in the chair as you
walk off stage . So I'm tryingto get an indicator from him as
to whether or not I'm going , gonna summer school. So

(50:22):
I still haven't turned over theenvelope. I'm ignoring Denise .
Right ? . I'm lookingat the teacher and I'm saying ,
he's ignoring you. My Lord issavior Jesus Christ on the
cross. Help me out. ,listen , I promise you, Lord,
if you just let see what I needto see , I'll be better . I'll
never , ever , ever thank God,thank my Lord and savior Jesus

(50:45):
Christ on the cross for mercythat it was a high school
diploma. I looked at it, thebiggest smile came on my face.
That's like , I let Denise takethe picture. Right . ,
I walked down the , I walkeddown the stairs, I said to the
I English teacher, thank you.
And like I meant it . You wereserious. He died for my sins.
Thank you. I thank you. And Isaid it. I enunciated cuz he is

(51:07):
an English teacher. You'reright. I was grammatically
correct cuz he was an Englishteacher. I had the great
sentence structure cuz he wasan English teacher. Oh , how I
thank you. So I think if , ifyou know , but watch this,
listen. Validation would'vesaid, Hey don't go to college.
School ain't your thing. Youbarely made it outta high
school. Mind my teach, teach,teach. But valuation said Nah ,

(51:31):
I wasn't good at the subjectsat high school, but college
lets me choose what I am goodat. And move on to that. What
is your source for valuation?
The good source is the onewhere you get to operate in the
way you are gifted and the wayyou have been favored. Yeah .
The way you have been anointedto operate in the fact of the

(51:54):
matter is, I graduated fromhigh school , uh, and I barely
made it, but when I graduated ,let me say it differently. When
I graduated from seminary, cuzI got to operate and choose
Yeah. In the areas where Ifound valuable. When I
graduated from seminary, Igraduated , uh, what's the
highest one? Magnum laude orsumma cu laude . It's , uh,
whatever it summa cu It'ssumma. I graduated summa laude

(52:18):
valuation. Yeah , that's right. When I graduated from high
school, I graduated. Oh, thankyou la Right?
validation. , uh, whatis your good, so the good
source, the good source of yourvaluation is the one where you
identify the way I'm created,the way I'm made, that's where
I'm going to come out and I'mgonna be great. The bad source

(52:42):
is when you're looking back andyou're looking at the list of
things that do not help youdetermine your self worth . The
bad source is the one thatsays, I'm gonna choose this.
Why? Because everybody said Iwasn't gonna mount to anything
anyway. I'm gonna do this. Why?
Because everybody's telling meI can't do the other one. Right
. I'm, I'm gonna think this.
Why? Because everybody elsethinks this way about me. Yeah

(53:04):
. I'm , I'm , I'm , I can't doit. Why? Because my bank
account's reminding me. Thathas very little, my job titles
reminding me that I ain't gotmy , I'm not that attractive.
Social media following, don'thave nothing to do with me.
These are the bad sources ofvaluation. Yeah . These are
just opinions. Yeah. These arejust momentary mo these are

(53:26):
just momentary , uh, uh,hurdles Yeah . That you got
across . Yeah . And see asadults what we do, we can look
back at times where others mayhave shown you that you had no
value and you bought into thatand sign that . Why am

Anitra (53:40):
I ,

Andre (53:41):
And, and that's the bad source of valuation. Cuz cuz we
get caught up in the wrongthings. You see bad sources of
valuation also have you gettingcaught up in chasing money.
Right. Chasing status. Right .
Chasing popularity. Right . Andespecially when those things
are highly valued by those ofyou, those who are connected
around you. Yeah . Those insociety, you know, people in

(54:04):
general who they've got thosethings, you know, bad sources
of valuation will have youlooking at what other people
say is valuable and saying, Imust need that in my life. That
must determine my worth. Butthat is not a good source of
valuation. So I'm, I'm , I'mgonna pause there for a second.
Let you jump in. That's ,

Anitra (54:23):
That's just so good.
And I , I think the only thething I wanna add is when you
are going through this processof identifying good and bad
sources of valuation ,understand that, you know, use
them as teachable momentsbecause it's not very, you
know, it's not as cut and dry.
It's a journey to, you know, asyou're discovering your own
value and, and it and thingsare changing as you change. Um,

(54:44):
the first time that I did likea community audition, because
when I was younger I focused alot on acting. And so, you
know, this is back in Wichita,Kansas, and I , you know, I was
taking a drama class, I think Iwas probably third or fourth
grade prior to that. A lot ofmy performances were church
based where you don't audition,you know, they just picked the
baby that talked the loudestand you gonna be the lead. You

(55:04):
know? And so I was moving into,

Andre (55:08):
And that would be you .

Anitra (55:09):
That would be me. Cuz I was always the loudest and
talking the most . Soas I moved into thinking about,
you know, going in performanceoutside of like that church
space, then I go to somecommunity theater classes and
like my first kind of formalaudition in that space, again,
raw talent. I , you know, Ididn't have any training
mm-hmm. go intothis space mm-hmm .
and I do this auyou know, whatever audition

(55:29):
that I did, read the lines, Ikind of did my thing and I was
cast in a supporting role andit was great. This is community
theater. So for those who knowthat yes, you make your own
costumes, like you bringeverything in, you paint the
sets, you remember your life ,right ? It's all you ,
everybody's doing everything.
And so, you know, we get, andthe show opens and I'm
performing and , um, as asupporting role, you know, I'm

(55:50):
not on the stage the wholetime, but, you know, hitting a
couple scenes and apparentlyjust killed it to where the
audience is taken by myperformance. And everybody is
like , wow, Anitra , she did agreat job. And after the show
was over, everyone just came upand you knows. And I was like,
wow, this is pretty cool. Sothe director who's also the
lady that, you know, teachesthe class and she's directing
the show and guides us, shepulls me to the size and she

(56:12):
said, Anitra, she said, if Ihad known that you were that
talented, I never would'veunder cast you. Woo . And this
is the connection to what we'resaying about identifying good
and bad sources. Now yes, it is. For some of us in performance
spaces, we're looking at her asa director. Well, 80% of your
job is castes. So why youdidn't know , right ?

(56:33):
Right . How you didn't see me ,why you didn't see how you
didn't see me that giftedness.
But what she taught me, andthis is why I want you to
again, continue to use thisprocess of identifying good and
bad sources as a teachablemoment, was every time you show
up to an audition, if you don'tbring your A game , then you're
likely to be under cast . Thenyou're likely for them to miss

(56:53):
something different. And so it, it changed the way I
approach, you know , how I showup to interviews, how I show up
to set, that's good , that'sgood how I show up up to, to,
you know, auditions, whateverthe case may be. And so that's
good . Everything bro , brosaid in terms of, you know,
identifying these good and badsources. Just know there's a
learning curve to it, right?
There's a absolutely, you'regoing to have to, you're gonna
hit a couple bad ones and belike, oh , that didn't work

(57:15):
right . They didn't treat meright. They didn't do right by
me. Right. And I'm gonna goahead and shout out churches
here, and I , and I mean thisin the spirit of transparency
and growth and love, butsometimes the church space can
be a place where God will useit to teach us , uh, some of us
that come into that with thismindset of, oh, I'm gonna be of
service and just use me. And,and God says, well, you know, I

(57:36):
didn't make you to use you. Imade you to partner with you.
And so some of y'all that aregoing into churches saying, God
just used me. And then a monthlater, two months later, a year
later, you know, your , yourlips are chapped . You little
frustrated, right ? Right .
Your value that you incorrectlyassigned to God was use me. But

(57:57):
then you allowed people to dothat. Air quotes, my goodness
with the label of God, use me .
God partners, my goodness. Hedoesn't need to use anything.
He doesn't use he partners. Andso when we're talking about
identifying good and badsources, so one thing I'll add
to what my brother already laidout is fair partnership. Yes .
Is it a good or bad source? Isthere fair partnership? Yes.

(58:18):
That's , are you bringing moreto the table? And so for some
of us who are self-serving, wegonna struggle to answer that
question . That's a questionyou should, you should ask in
interviews . You should askwhen you're hiring someone, you
should ask in a relationship,romantic relationship, business
partnership, what is the fairpartnership? What are we all
bringing to the table? And ifI'm self-serving, I'm gonna

(58:39):
struggle.

Andre (58:41):
What's good? Savage Siblings, I hope you're
enjoying this episode entitled,what's It to You? Listen, as
you can tell, my sister and Ihad a blast with this episode,
and as you can see, we justkept talking. So what we're
gonna do is make this episode atwo-part experience. So here's
what I need you to do. Be sureto catch part two of what's it
to you. At our next drop date,we're gonna continue this

(59:03):
conversation of understanding,valuation and validation. And
then we're gonna dig deep intosome strategies to identify
good and bad sources of both .
You don't wanna miss thetransformational perspective ,
the quick shot , which isalways hilarious, and of course
the final blow. So as always,we wanna thank you so much for
joining us. For part one,please help us build the Savage

(59:25):
Siblings community. We need youto like, share, comment, leave
a review, subscribe and sendthis to your favorite Savage
Sibling set. Share yourthoughts on how you feel valued
in life and where you seekvalidation in life , whatever
it might be. We want to hearfrom you. A huge shout out to
our amazing team of people whomake all of this possible.

(59:47):
Dwayne McClendon and KyleDavis, our sound editor, huge
shout out to Ronnie Maxwell ofMaxwell Music, our music
producer. And a shout out toour boy Keith Cross of K Cross
photography for all of theamazing photos, all the amazing
media photos and picks that yousee. And of course, we always
wanna shout out our parents fortheir d n A and all of the

(01:00:08):
funny life lessons they allowedus to have so that we can share
them with you. And of course,how could we ever forget you,
our listeners? So glad you'rehere. We can't wait to see you
next time. Hear from you allthe time. And remember, don't
go through life alone.