What's It To You!?! Part Two

This episode discusses understanding the differences between valuation and validation in our lives. How and what we value in our lives and what we consider valid in our lives.  Andre and Anitra share examples of how we use this knowledge to make decisions and the importance of your sibling relationship in defining valuation and validation. 

Have you ever wondered what determines your value system?  Or even the relationships that you consider valuable and how we justify and validate those relationships.  The episode explores the impact that value and validation have on each other and how we use that scale to invest in or disconnect in the relationships in our lives.  

Let’s take a deep dive into defining value and validity and the influence of our family experiences based on the choices that come from those definitions. This episode is for you if you question your worth, if others seem to lack value in who you are in their lives, and/or if you often do not feel accepted in your current relationships.  The Savage Siblings share ways to avoid indecisiveness, understand your worth and choose to move forward beyond validation to purpose. 

Memorable Quotes:

• Validation shows itself in your response, not the review. ~ Andre
• Validity doesn’t always come with “great job”, but constructive criticism can lead to validation. ~ Andre
• It's innate to want to be seen, heard, and recognized.  We will seek it out. ~ Anitra
• The world is going to try to define you, don’t let that prevent you from moving forward. ~ Anitra
• The world is going to challenge you, but don’t let it stop you.  ~ Andre
• Find value in the character assassination as well as the character affirmation. ~ Andre
• If you aint’ got no hater, you don’t know your value. ~ Andre
• Learn from the imperfections and use them as an opportunity to grow. ~ Anitra
• Value me, my experiences already validated me. ~ Andre
• Value is an individual journey of creation and circumstances for improvement. ~ Anitra

Keywords: 

#MentalHealth, #therapy,  #psychotherapy, #relationships, #psychology, #healing, #counseling, #ministry, #theology, #transformation, #change, #counselor, #therapist, #wholeness, #healthy, #health, #lifestyle, #mental, #emotions, #emotional, #spiritual, #minister, #christianliving, #christian, #wellness, #lifecoach, #forgiveness, #SavageSibling, #Savage, #Sibling,  #Brother, #Sister, #Family, #Parent, #S2Mediaworks, #SavageSiblingsPodcast, #Keyboardconnections, #Techfriends, #Validation, #Valuation, #Hater, #YourWorth,  #Decisiveness,

Call to Action: 

• Post comments! Leave us a review!
• Share the ways your sibling challenged or encouraged your worth and value growing up! Or perhaps you’ve had enough relationship experiences to understand valuation and validation and put those in proper context.
• Any topics you want us to discuss? Let us know! 

Sound Editors: Kyle Davis and Dwayne McClendon
Music: Maxwell Music
Photography: K.Cross Photography

CHAPTERS
00:00:00 - Introduction
00:01:42 - Savage Segment: Fair Partnership
00:08:18 - 
00:32:40 -
00:33:26 -
00:58:41 - Closing: Thanks for joining us!

Brutally Honest. Relentlessly Transparent. Unapologetically Authentic.

Episode Transcript

Andre (00:10):
Hey, hey, what's good, Savage siblings? I finally get
to do the show opening. That'sright. Me, not her. So let's
go, let's get it. I am AndreEvans. Been known as a pastor,
author, professor, a doctor,all of these things that God
has allowed me to be. She isAra n Lawson , the sister I
never asked for. And that'spretty much all I got to say.

(00:33):
There we are the Savagesiblings, and this is the
Savage Siblings Podcast, wherewe are brutally honest,
relentlessly transparent, andunapologetically authentic. Oh,
we're so glad you guys arerocking with us again. Listen,
welcome back to part two ofWhat Is It to you ? What's It

(00:54):
To you ? In our last episode,we were able to leave off
discussing why we seekvaluation and validation, and
are those sources of valuationand validation, good or bad? We
started digging into fairpartnerships and when to take
the risks for yourself. If youwanna learn more about the

(01:14):
testing ground for valuationand validation and how that
encouraged you to take risk onyourself. Then part two is for
you, you are tuned in. So let'sgo now before we jump in to
part two. If you didn't listento part one, I need you to put
a pause on this thing rightnow, and I need you to go and
listen to part one so thatyou're all caught up and not

(01:34):
lost. We have a lot more todiscuss in part two of what's
it to you. So without furtherado, are y'all ready to get
savage? Good . So let's getSavage.

Anitra (01:48):
I'll , I'll throw this story out here. I was working
with , uh, an actor and , um,he wanted to produce some web
content and we, we started theprocess, but it didn't finish.
And I'm gonna tell y'all why itdidn't finish.

Andre (02:00):
I can see where it is going.

Anitra (02:00):
So we're talking about fair partnership right now.
Obviously, we all know asfilmmakers and creative folks,
and you know, budgets can, youknow, there's can be small. We
have small beginnings thatwe're gonna grow to greatness.
So I, I wasn't despising thesmall beginning of the small
budget. We were working onbuilding a team of people. Uh,
and, and some of them weregonna be, you know, volunteers,
some were gonna be students andthings like that. So my bottom

(02:22):
line in terms of the fairpartnership was if you're going
to ask students to come andintern, or if you want interns
right, you must provide meals.
Typically it's meals, copy andcredit. That means they have to
be fed. That means thattypically they get access to a
snippet for their real or, youknow, for their resumes. And
then credit their name issomewhere on the final product.

(02:43):
That's standard practice. Right. You know, most people said,
you know, are understandingwith that. Well, this
particular individual said,okay, well what I'm gonna do is
I'm going to , uh, feed themsome snacks. We'll make sure
that there's plenty , plenty of, um, you know, stuff for them
to drink, et cetera . And I'lljust make sure we have a huge
kind of snack table, huge kindof craft services set up. And I

(03:04):
said, no, no, no. We talkingabout a 12 hour day. We are not
gonna be eating snacks 12 hoursmm-hmm . , we're
gonna have at a minimum what wecall a walking breakfast. Right
? Which means you can get abreakfast burrito while you're
walking and we're gonna have afull hot lunch because they're
working for free. Right. Andso, long story short, that
didn't work. That partnershipended because it wasn't fair.

(03:25):
Yeah. Because yeah , he and histeam were being paid, the core
leadership were being paid, butthe people that had to set up
the tables, make sure the lunchwas served, run the cables that
had to do all the work ofactually making the set move,
he felt like in his exact wordswere , I don't wanna feed them
that way. Right. And you guys,this is an audio podcast, so
you can't see my face. Yeah .
But there was a nice long pausewhere I just kind of looked at

(03:47):
him and so that's the idea,right? It was like , what feed
, but fair partnership . So ifyou're trying to identify good
and bad sources, is it a fairpartnership? Is someone just
self-serving the flip side ofthose of us who are a little
more selfless? Right. A and wedon't fully understand our
worth. If you don't get ahandle of what my brother's

(04:08):
saying about reallyunderstanding your value, and
then you're looking at thesesources, you are unprotected,
period. Absolutely. You are .
Because you don't, and I'mtalking to myself too, this is
something I continue to getstronger in, in terms of, you
know, being a person who'sgenerous, who's giving, but you
have to understand if it's afair partnership, I cannot show
up and offer everything, all ofit. Right. Right, right, right.

(04:31):
And gifted people understand.
They'll say, well, what are youwilling to bring? But if you're
saying you'll do it all, youcan pay me less, or I can do it
for free, or I'm happy to justgive and give and give, you are
now unprotected. And here's thething, unprotected, when you
agreed to do that in apartnership, you cannot later
get upset. Right . When youdidn't protect your sanity,

(04:51):
when you didn't protect yourhealth, when you didn't protect
your time, your money mm-hmm .
because youagreed to go ahead and not set
boundaries. And what areboundaries for protection?
Okay. Yeah. And so when itcomes to fair partnership, it
really, it , it , it benefitsthe whole dynamic. If both
parties understand, we wantthis to be fair, we want to

(05:13):
make sure it's not one-sided.
And this goes to one-sidedfriendships, one-sided
businesses, one-sidedrelationships, one-sided
familial relationships. Andthat doesn't mean love is lost,
but it, you can say, okay, youguys always call on me for
Thanksgiving to cookeverything, and I don't enjoy
it. It's taking too much of mytime and my resource, so I'm
gonna do one every three years.

(05:34):
Right? Right. That's how youcreate the fair partnership and
the rest of that. Maybe we gointo home , uh, what's the ,
what's the food place? Youknow, one of the Ryan's or
something, maybe we go into oneof the spots where you can, you
know, get all, you can eatbuffet, but if you don't put
those boundaries in place, ifyou don't approach it from the
standpoint of fair partnership,it's, you know, you , you're
gonna find that you're gonnaget abused. And so that bad

(05:54):
source of valuation will , youknow, will take him . Last
thing I wanna say in terms of,you know, there's a difference
between value and appreciation.
And I often had to learn thisthe hard way too. Value, you
put some money with it, you puta resource with it.
Appreciation is a , is a thankyou. Right? It's, this was
really good. Right? I'm gonnatell one more story to really
unpack this. So I have a , awonderful friend who's a

(06:17):
professional director, editor,filmmaker , and I asked him to
come in to talk to one of myclasses , um, uh, that I was
teaching. And so he's talkingabout, you know, just being a
guest artist. And so thequestion always comes up,
should I work for free, right ?
Mm-hmm . And a lot of timesmm-hmm . When you're dealing
with college students, highschool students, the kind of
blanket assumption is, oh,you're a student. You know, you

(06:40):
gotta work for free. You'relearning, right? You , we are ,
we're blessing you to come andlearn for free right on our
dime. Right? And that's kind ofthe idea. And I said , our
dime, but on our dime , you getto come and be with us and
learn for free. And so he toldmy students, he said, I never
have nor will I ever work forfree. And it was shocking. We
were like, whoa, okay. And youknow, everybody who's kind of

(07:01):
more old school would be like,why did you invite him in to
talk to the students? Right?
They should be willing to workfor free. How much is he
getting paid to talk ? Right.
Exactly. And said , but this iswhat he said. He said, he said,
I wanna teach this lesson andthis goes to value and
appreciation. Now, he didn'tsay, I don't have times where I
waive my fee or waive myservice or do something in time

(07:22):
. Ooh , that's good. That'sgood. He does that plenty of
times. And yes, he was speakingfor free of my class. Right.
What he said was, I don't say Iwork for free. And there's two
key things, and I'm gonna passit back to you. Robo . This is
the first thing he said, and itwas like a microphone drop for
us, is he said, if you go toapply at McDonald's, shout out
to mcm , Mickey D's . He said,no experience, no training, no

(07:45):
background. If they hire you,they pay you what for your
time. Yes, they do. You don'thave any experience, you don't
have any training. You don'tknow how to do whatever they're
about to ask you to do. Right.
And meaning a person can comein and have that. Now some have
experience, some have training.
So you get to what negotiatewhat you are valued at. But the
another person that comes inthat has none of that blank, no

(08:10):
resume, can still get hired andwill still what be paid for
their time, still be paid. Andso his bottom line was, when
you say, I'm willing to workfor free, then people will
appreciate you. But when yousay the 20% that I know is more
than the 0% that, you know, andthat's a true statement. And

(08:30):
for those of us who are artistsor, you know, creators or
technical, right? It's like ifyou edit, if you have 20% of
skill, that's more than aperson that's trying to hire
you, why? Cuz they can't do itor they don't wanna do it.
Right? Right. That has value.
And so that was his point, was,you know, value says, I'm
willing to put a resource, somemoney to it, some finance to it

(08:51):
appreciation says, Hey, Ireally appreciate, I'm grateful
that you're willing to do itmm-hmm. . Mm-hmm
. And I think you have bothexperiences in it, but when it
comes to those good and badsources, the folks that value
you and understand your worthwill know the difference
between value and appreciation.

Andre (09:06):
That's so good. That's good. That's good. Okay. So
that's valuation. And boy, I'm,I'm gonna have to go back and
listen to this whole episodeagain . Right .

Anitra (09:15):
Of us.

Andre (09:15):
I get all , all of that . I got , I gotta take notes.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
Listen , , listen. Ooh wee .

Andre (09:22):
I gotta take notes. So, so that's valuation. And I
think we're saying that mostpeople struggle to move on to
valuation. They struggle notjust to understand their worth,
but they also struggle then tomake sure that their worth is ,
uh, is is, I don't wanna saypaid, but their worth is being
received, right? Yeah. So, so ,uh, that's the struggle. Most

(09:45):
people stay stuck invalidation. Yeah. All right .
So now let's look at that sidereal quick. Mm-hmm .
. So we're, we're, we're looking at both
defining validation. Why isthat the only thing we seek
directly or indirectly? And howdo we identify good and bad
sources? Mm-hmm . of , of validation, you know,
you know, as a core just kindof who we are as Yes .
Psychological beings. Yes. Allof us have this need Yep . To

(10:09):
possess , uh, it's a , it , it, uh, to possess some type of
relatedness to somebody mm-hmm. to something
mm-hmm . to agroup of people, that's just a
fundamental need. Yeah.
Validation says, I want to knowthat I am relatable. Mm-hmm .
, I want to knowthat I have this relatedness
that allows me to know thateverything that I'm doing,
everything that I'm goingthrough, everything that I'm

(10:29):
experiencing was worth it. Was,was, was that, that I came out
okay. That I'm doing okay.
There's this need to have thiskind of close, mutually
supportive, mutually caringconnection with one or group or
others. Mm-hmm. .
Mm-hmm . , as amatter of fact, I had to look
this up. Uh, there's a studyand the kind , the results of

(10:51):
that study kind of show thatthere are are more people that
have , uh, been, I don't know,teased, rejected, looked down
upon by their peers, right ?
Mm-hmm . mm-hmm.
when they didsomething poorly that then they
were able to look at just whatthey did and who they are in
terms of self-esteem and say,okay, I can do better. Right?

(11:16):
Yeah . So, so, so whatvalidation really ought to move
you to do is to want moreThat's and to be better. That's
great , right ? Mm-hmm.
. So, so, so I'mnot saying that when someone
teases you, because we aretalking about siblings, right ?
, and much of thevalidation I got from Nikki ,
it wasn't like an attaboy, itwasn't a pat on the back. Oh no

(11:37):
. It wasn't a cheerleading.
Nope. No. And the crazy thingis, is Nikki was part of the
drill team. So she knew how tocheerlead, she knew how to
support me. That's right .
Right . She knew how toencourage me, but that's not
what I got. You get most of thevalidation was, oh , that's all
you got. Oh , that waswhatever. You know ? But, but,

(11:58):
but the reason why I can'tlabel that as good or bad is
validation. A lot of validationshows itself in your response.
Ooh , there we go. Not theirreview. There we go. Ooh , I I
make sure y'all heard that.
Mm-hmm . validation is about your
response. Mm-hmm .
not their review.
Oof . Because people willalways review what you did.

(12:20):
Yeah. But your response is whatallows you to know whether or
not you are valid in what youdid, right? Mm-hmm.
. And so yeah,there definitely is this
portion where you gotta be ableto identify good and bad
sources of audacious. So good,right. Interaction with peers,
good interaction with family,good interaction with teachers,
good interaction with others.

(12:41):
Mm-hmm . thatkind of shape your world.
Here's why, you know, it'sgood. Are you shaping yourself?
Because you honestly feel thatwhat you did, you came out on
top, you came out better thanwhen you went in. Yes . Yes.
Right? Because the flip side ofthat, if you hear the critics

(13:03):
or hear the , the encouragementand you see it as invalid.
Mm-hmm . Or you haveinvalidation, then what you
hang onto is rejection. Youhang onto the dismissal, you
hang onto mm-hmm .
the thoughts thatare, that are working against
you. You hang onto the feelingsthat are keeping you down. You
hang onto the emotions thatkeep you going in the wrong

(13:25):
direction. And the behaviorsmm-hmm . that
become habits and, and , and ,and . Mm-hmm . ,
uh, destroying pathologies, whoyou are the pathologies. Right?
That's right . That's good.
Right. So, so validity and ,and I want to heal somebody
right here. Validity doesn'talways come with a great job. A
plus, A plus a plus. Teachsometimes criticism, it's still

(13:49):
valid. Ooh , there we go .
Yikes. It's still valid. Yep .
Validation comes with what doyou do with what you just heard
based on what you justexperienced. Right. Someone can
come to me and say , Andre, Iknow you can do better. Cuz
that wasn't great. Yeah. That'svalid. Validation says, all

(14:10):
right , let me go back, do itagain, and I'm going to do it
better. Yeah. Mm-hmm .
validation.
Mm-hmm. mm-hmm.
. Right? I can'tlook at the person that, that
gave me constructive criticismand said , oh, you a bad
resource. No, no, no. The badresource is what did you do
with what they said they sawyou do? Right. What did you do

(14:32):
with it? Mm-hmm . , what are you moving forward
to , to do with it? So, sothat's for me is just kind of
this really quick understanding, uh, of validation. Let me,
let me stop here and let youjump in.

Anitra (14:42):
Absolutely. And I, I co-sign everything you said
when I was unpacking validationand validity. Um , I absolutely
said the same thing. It's, it'sinnate in the human d n a to
want to be seen, heard andrecognized that that's kind of
like, just fundamental thingsfor us, is that we, we desire
to be seen, heard, andrecognized. And we want, you

(15:02):
know, a level of recognition,affirmation. And so it's, it's
o it's like it's part of us, sowe're gonna seek it out, which
is why there can be this kindof sometimes conflict between
Right . Valuation andvalidation. Uh , one because
validation, you know, you , youfeel it, you get that sense,
right ? When someone recognizesyou, it's a usually a good
feeling, right? You walk awaysaying, yeah, I feel better.

(15:24):
And we're constantly fighting ,uh, the internal turmoil of,
you know, justifying ourselvesand believing in who we are and
overcoming negative. Right .
You know, self-talk. Sorecognition is, is really
important. And I think it's an, it's an important part of our
journey in general, but we haveto just be so careful because
what happens is you can nowtrade Yes. What you value Yeah

(15:45):
. Or your worth in pursuit ofvalidation. And I think that's
what bro , bro was hinting at,is I can absolutely, absolutely
want , um, and desire andpursue that six figure , seven
figure job. Uh, but I cantrade, you know, my mental and
emotional wellbeing for it timewith my family. You absolutely
can. And I think it's, it'stricky obviously in, in a , in

(16:08):
a capitalist society becausethat definitely is what you see
in front of you is getting tothe grind of that. And so I
think at the core, theoverarching goal is to find the
harmony , uh, betweenvaluation. Yeah . That's good .
And validity, not balance , uh,right . Cause harmony, as
Andreas, as you just said, wasthere are times where you don't
have to grind and ain't gettingno validation, everything

(16:29):
coming Right . Gettingcrickets. Right . Or everything
is negative. Right . And youcan think of any major artist
or filmmaker story , likepeople who were content
creators. They will all tellyou, man, the grind was rough.
Like nobody was listening.
Right . Nobody came to thetheaters. None of the tickets
sold. Nobody watched , nobodycares . Right. Right . And I
had to just keep at it becauseI valued what was in me as an

(16:52):
artist. I valued my writing.
You know, Stephen King , one ofhis earlier , uh, book drafts,
he threw it in the trash and itwas his wife that got it out.
Right. And so there's part Wow. Yeah. There's part of this
journey Wow . That says there'sgonna be some seasons where
nobody is validating whatyou're doing, what you believe,
what you're pushing for. Andthat's why you have to have the
harmony and understand I'mdoing this for the value and I

(17:16):
believe that that's it . Theproper validation's gonna come.
That's in the proper timing.
I'm training , uh, my son, mybaby boy to open my car door.
Um, and here's the thing forhim, he's kind of like, yeah,
cool. I got it. And I don'treally talk to him. I talk to
him about chivalry and, youknow , being a gentleman and
things like that mm-hmm.
. But Iunderstand whether he gets it

(17:37):
now, as long as I keeptraining, there is going to be
a moment where his future wife,where his daughters, where
other absolutely women in thecommunity society are gonna be
like, you are such, andactually, you know what ? Thank
you Holy Spirit. I've actuallyheard them say that already.
Um, you know , in his swimmingclasses, he'll stop and let the
young girls go first. Andthat's something I continue to
push in . And it's, and here'sthe reason why I bring it up in

(17:58):
this context, is the grind is,is for me to keep that . Cuz
I'm, you know, fairlyindependent. I'm so used to
just moving stuff. So I have toactually stop to make sure he
can do it Right. But Iunderstand that the value is
one for me to teach my son theimportance of chivalry and
being a gentleman. But it'salso a reminder for a

Andre (18:17):
Unmarried woman

Anitra (18:18):
Idea . You're preaching to be able to say, don't forget
this. So when God brings youyour husband, you haven't
gotten so independent that youforget what it's like for
someone to open your door. Andso it, it's a part of the
grind, it's a part of theunderstanding that whether the
validation comes right now Ivalue this. My , our
grandfather, he valuedentrepreneurship and I wanna
really point this out. While hekept full-time jobs working in

(18:40):
factories with benefits. Yes.
In the union, he also valuedentrepreneurship. Yes . He ,
where he did , yes , he didSeit work on the side and he
taught all his brothers cuz hewas the oldest right . Now. Do
you think they wanted to do it?
He told us they didn't wanna doit, but eventually they
understood the value of it. Andthe validation came when people
started calling their , theircompany to come and do the se

(19:01):
cement to come and build theirpool to come and lay out their,
their , uh, back deck andthings like that. And then they
taught all of their boys andall of their cousins. And so no
one wanted to do it whengrandpa was forcing them to
learn , make semen andstir it up. And , and grandpa
was very , uh, particular, hedidn't play. Like that's why he
Right . The value he put in hiswork and in his name. He said,

(19:23):
we're not gonna cut corners.
We're not gonna get cheapmaterials. And that was part of
the reason. Ask me how . Oh ,how you know , I'm go tell it .
Go tell it.

Andre (19:31):
Listen, the summers in Dayton, Ohio were spent
learning how to slack andlearning how to lay down cement
and learning how to roof andlearning how to do electric .
I'm nine years old, certifiedgrow 30 year old. Don't know
what I know. .

Anitra (19:47):
He's still waiting for validation. He's still waiting
, waiting for validation.

Andre (19:50):
. But, but wait, but wait. No, there's something
you said , wait, wait, let melisten. I , I I don't go for it
. Go ,

Anitra (19:55):
Go ,

Andre (19:56):
Go . You're going , but no, you said something. I wanna
make sure we hear this.
Validation comes with anaudience. Valuation starts when
the audience is gone. Y'alldidn't hear what I just said.
Good . Y'all didn't hear what ?
And you had you said it though.
I love it because most peopledon't move on to valuation.
Why? Because they're stilllooking for the audience to say
you're doing a good job. Novaluation comes when the

(20:19):
audience is gone and you stayconsistent with where you want
to go to the next level. Myyou'll grind when nobody's
watching valuation. You don'tneed validation till the grind
is over. Then you can look forthe audience and say , did I do
all right? Because the

Anitra (20:35):
Value . Right . Because of the value .

Andre (20:36):
Because of the value.
Like , woo boy, look at here.
Gotta

Anitra (20:39):
Go.

Andre (20:40):
Boy. Look . And you also started just kind of, you know,
we have testing grounds mm-hmm.
mm-hmm .
where we can testthe valuation validation. You,
you know, you , you've startedthat conversation and really,
you know, one of the questionsthat I want, want you want
everyone to kind of askthemselves is , is well who are
you bringing your validationand valuation to? Yeah. Yeah .
Who are you bringing it to? Cuzyou talked about content

(21:02):
creator, and that's part oflife . I'm not a content
creator, I just , you know, Iknow what I , but there are
times where I am preaching asermon or teaching a lesson
mm-hmm . and itis quiet as all get out. Yep .
. And I'm wondering tomyself, yes . How's it going?
Did I study the wrong word ?
Right . Did I do the , am I, amI, am I being seen as a false

(21:25):
prophet mm-hmm. mm-hmm. , is that
a stone being thrown at me?
Yeah. Like, I'm, I'm wonderingbecause you , but but in
actuality, valuation says no,they're thinking about it.
They're letting it sink in.
Yeah. Why? Because you broughtthe value , you brought the
valuation to the right crowd.
So good, right? Mm-hmm.

(21:45):
. So yes, Ipreach, I teach, but I don't
preach and teach everywhere.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. , Ihope someone heard what I just
said. Yeah. Right. No, I don'tpreach and teach everywhere
Wherewhere signed . Yeah, yeah,yeah. Exactly. I'm not Finn to
lay out a whole sermon onInstagram and then look and see
did I get enough likes lookingfor validation in areas where

(22:08):
my value isn't really of anyvalue. Yeah . And so we, you
know, when you , when you'retesting your grounds of
valuation, vation number one,test it in the, test it in the
right space. Yep . And then tounderstand that the value was
there before the test evenstarted. So don't worry about
what you see, worry about theimpact that it has. Worry about

(22:31):
where it takes people. Yeah .
And so we gotta be, you know,we we're testing these areas,
we've gotta be real careful, wegotta be real careful mm-hmm .
because you, youknow, I believe there's some
folk that tested what theyfound valuable in a place where
people don't find value with it. That's why I go , that's why
I mentioned the song No Churchin the Wild earlier. Yeah. Yeah
. Like why am I taking a sermonto people who are non-believers

(22:54):
? Why am I, you know, I mightbe trying to sway them. Mm-hmm
. Sure. I mightbe trying to introduce them
mm-hmm . mm-hmm .
, but I don'tfind validity in them. Mm-hmm.
, right ? Mm-hmm.
. Mm-hmm .
. I'm not sayingto them, hey, did what I say
about God is Right. I'matheist, , why do I
care? Mm-hmm . mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm
. . And then allof a sudden now I'm inval I'm
signing in invalidity. Mm-hmm .

(23:16):
or Invaluationmm-hmm . , no ,
no, no, no. I'm going in theright space mm-hmm .
, I'm setting,I'm going , making sure I'm
going in the right fertileground. Yeah . I'm going where
God said, Hey, watch this.
There's a difference betweennon-believers and unbelievers .
That's good. That's good. Okay. Yep . There's a difference
between those who will, who canvalue mm-hmm. or

(23:38):
those who, who will end value.
Yeah . There's a differencebetween those who will bring
validity mm-hmm. and those who will cause you to
feel invalid. Mm-hmm.
, there's adifference. Go where God is
taking you to go, go whereyou're supposed to go with
these things. Mm-hmm .
when you'retaking, when you're , uh,
testing , uh, the ground ofvaluation and, and validity.
And then you, you know, you,you gotta make sure you're

(24:00):
taking risks on yourself.
Because another reason why wedon't balance the two, cuz
we're not gonna take a risk. Iheard something I didn't like
mm-hmm. . Soinstead of improving and trying
again or trying something new,I'll just stay. I'm not gonna
do it at all. Mm-hmm.
scared . So youdon't bring that balance.
You're too scared . Right. So,so I'm gonna , I'm gonna let

(24:20):
you jump in here as far astesting ground or taking risks
. Absolutely. Uh, and , andtesting your valuation or your
validation.

Anitra (24:28):
Yeah. I think the, the key questions that came up for
me when I was thinking about,you know, testing the ground is
I always ask the question isthe the source growth minded?
You know? Yeah. Um , that'sgood. So it's, you know, the
best recognition affirmation,it should push you to further
development. It shouldn't stop.
Right? There should be growth.
You guys have seen those shirtsor those, you know, billboards

(24:50):
that say grow or die and itseems kind of aggressive when
you read it , but the truth is,you know, we are living being,
if we're not growing, what arewe doing? Right. And so you
have to push forward. Mycurrent trainer, who I
absolutely love , um, he's,he's amazing. He's not only
working with me in terms offitness and proper technique,
but after about a good twomonths or so of just

(25:11):
consistently, you know , megoing and learning techniques
and learning to breathe, bro ,bro , he started talking to me
about stress. And I rememberwhen we sat down, I said, well,
aren't we gonna talk aboutdiet? He said, no. Yeah. We're
gonna talk about diet, we gonnatalk about proper rest, we
gonna talk , we'll keep talkingabout different techniques. He
said, but the next thing isstress. And I kept thinking to
him what he said, because ifyou don't get a handle on

(25:34):
stress and start to think aboutthe level of stress in your
life , that's , that's it. Itimpacts the way you exercise.
It impacts the way you eat. Itimpacts the way you sleep or
don't get sleep. And so he cameinto that and said, yeah, you
just completed two months.
You're doing great . You'velost weight, you're looking
stronger. Now we're ready totalk about stress. Cuz first
you had to show me yourcommitment and dedication. Now

(25:56):
we're gonna work out the restof the program here. I'm
thinking just gimme my flowersand my accolades and let's move
to some weights . Right . Right. You know ? Right . Let's move
to some, let me get up on thebars. Lemme start slinging that
CrossFit, you know, rope orsomething. Right ? Right . And
he's like, nah , let's talkabout your stress levels. And
I'm like, I don't wanna cry. Ididn't come in and cry

Andre (26:13):
. Right, right, right. I

Anitra (26:15):
Love it . But he understand it's a total body.
It is . It's a total mind. Itit's a total , uh, you know,
your emotional capacity, you'rea total being. And so yeah . If
it's a source and if it's aground that's not
growth-minded, then you need toconsider making an adjustment.
Right. That's a , you wanna goto a absolutely a growth-minded
testing ground. Cuz that's theway you're gonna really

(26:36):
determine is this someonesomething that is for you and
that is proper valuation thatleads to proper validation. He,
he wasn't interested in sayinggood job on your squats in
nature . He was saying, nowlet's look at some other parts
of who you are. Right . Anotherkey thing for me is, you know,
it should maintain yourcharacter or, and or your
worth. Uh, and absolutely. Soif this ground is going to take

(26:57):
you outta character, and that'swhat's tricky about validation
is that it can feel good. Cuzwe've already established it's
innate in the human d n a towanna be seen, heard and
recognized. But if we're notcareful, we'll let that
recognition feel kind of toogood, right? Mm-hmm .
. And then beforeyou know it, you don't even
realize that validation isslowly chipping away, chipping

(27:18):
away at your character and yourworth . It is one of my good
friends, this was years ago,but I still remember it because
it helped me really transform,you know, my behavior. We were
hanging out one day, we hadn'tseen each other for a couple
months and we're hanging outand I guess I must have been
just kind of let some cursewords go. And she finally
stopped and she said, who youbeen hanging around ?
Right. And this is what I loveabout for like proper testing

(27:41):
ground. Yeah . She didn't getinto the cursing with me and
she didn't judge me, like makeme feel bad . Like, girl, y'all
party mouth . She just said,you've been somewhere, you've
been doing some things that aretaking you outta character and
that's cool if that's how youwanna be. But I know Anitra,
that's not your character. Soshe just inquired like, what
you been doing? Right . And itwas such a wake up call. I was

(28:03):
like, you're right. And then Ithought about who I've been
hanging around, didn't need tohang around and make some Yeah
. All that adjustments, right?
But it's like, don't ever,whatever it is, don't ever let
that validation change yourcharacter main , it should
maintain and improve yourcharacter. It's also, and this
is more of a funny example,it's also like, you know, when
you change up your style, we'vebeen talking about fashion
earlier and I'm guilty of this,you know, you change up your

(28:25):
style. Maybe you try a newdress or a new shoe. Mm-hmm .
New cologne. Mm-hmm .
let you get onegood compliment. Now everything
in your wardrobe Right?
The change now you splashing on20 more splashes that cologne
and killing everybody walkingthrough the hallway. It's like,
come on now. That's taking yououtta character. You know, you

(28:46):
don't need to spend all thatmoney. You got one little cute
outfit. Keep it going. Findyour way. Right. Keep it going,
keep it going. Trying to beextreme. Right. So that's the
other thing. It should maintainyour character. And then the
last bit is, you know, if itencourages unhealthy
comparisons, that's not a goodspace to work in. You know, if
you , uh, , if you'rehanging posters of Idriss Elba

(29:09):
and Jonathan Majors without hisshirt in the room and , and air
quotes inspiring your husbandto keep working out, that's not
a good comparison. .
Okay . You ain't helping boo.
That ain't helping your man.
Listen, listen , listen. And no, same thing for the men, same
thing for the bed . Don't behanging up no pictures of
whoever your favorite, youknow, Alicia Keys or whatever,

(29:30):
Tracy , like, don't be doingit. Right. That's not co just
trying to admire God's goodwork on this earth that no ain
admire . No . And you ain'treally helping them by , in
curling . Look at how theylook. No, that's not working.
Right. So if there's unhealthycomparisons that this, you
know, testing ground is doing,it's kind of keeping you
addicted in essence that youkeep looking back on what's the
next thing I need to do? What'sthe next thing I need? Then

(29:50):
that's not a good space youneed to get, get away from
that. And then lastly, does itencourage fear or does it steal
your joy? And that's anythingfear of, you know , missing
out. Mm-hmm . mm-hmm. . Because
you cannot miss out on andwhat's not ordained for you. So
you never need to let fear comeinto that fear that you're not
doing enough, that you're doingtoo little, that you are over
this, you know, anything thatencourages that is kind of

(30:10):
motivated or led by fear inorder for you to get that
validation. That's not a goodspace to work in. Right. And
you wanna get out of that. Orif it just steals your joy. And
I , I remember I was gonna runa marathon years ago and now
when I think about, think aboutit, I only wanted to run the
marathon cuz I wanted to beable to say I ran a marathon.
There was no other reason forme , no other reason to do it.

(30:33):
Yeah . And so when I startedgetting involved in the groups
that trained for it, bro, bro ,when I tell you I would be
afraid if I missed it cuz oh ,we gotta do mile 11 this week
and I can't miss it cuz I gottamake mile 11. And I was going
to lord r e i buying a little,little fanny packs with the goo
and the shoes and trying topractice how I was gonna drink
the water in two seconds andkeep going. And, and after a

(30:55):
while I said, the devil is alie . I said, this done turned
into a job and I'm stressed. Iwas like, I don't need to do
this. I do not need to do thismarathon. Mm-hmm .
, I had to let itgo. So if it puts you into a
space where it encourages fear,steals your joy, that's a good
indicator that this is not the, you know, what you need to be
doing. And tho those testinggrounds help you absolutely

(31:15):
determine do I need this typeof validation? And is it rooted
in proper valuation? If it'snot, then it's, it's good to
make a change.

Andre (31:23):
Yeah. I , I've, I asked , there's really just great
points for me. There's just onequestion I would ask to test
these grounds and that, and,and, and in that question I set
, I'd have to set the scenariothat if I lost everything
mm-hmm . , so Ilost my possessions, I lost my
relationships, my friendships,my status, my job, my career,

(31:43):
my accomplishments, myachievements. If I lost
everything, everything been ,has been taken away from me.
And all I had was myself. Iwould say ask myself two
things. How do I feel?

Anitra (31:57):
That's good. That's good.

Andre (31:58):
Because my feeling may tell me what I, what I feel
like I'm missing. Oof .

Anitra (32:04):
That's

Andre (32:04):
Good. And if I feel like I'm miss something, what am I
going to do to fulfill? Or whatam I gonna do to fill the void
of what I'm missing? And thenthe second question I'd ask
myself is, is well what do Ihave of value? And if all I've
got is my mind mm-hmm .
, all I've got isa dream. Mm-hmm. ,
then I'm going to say, now howdo I balance what I feel and

(32:28):
how do I balance what I value,having everything taken away
from me? Cuz that's where I amat my core. And that's where
I'm willing to take a risk onmyself. When it comes to
valuation and validation.
That's where I'm willing totake a risk on myself. If I've
got nothing, I can't take arisk on something that's
temporal. Mm-hmm.

(32:48):
, I can't take arisk because I got the money.
Well then what if you don'thave the money ? Right. I can't
take a risk because I have thedegree. Well, what , what
happens when that degree meansnothing? Can't take the risk
because I've got a material.
What happens when that materialYeah . Dissipates, fades away.
Yep . Becomes irrelevant andaccessible. Are you still valid

(33:09):
then? Are you still valid? Areyou still valuable then? Right.
So what do I have when I'm downto absolutely nothing? And all
I've got is myself, noconnections, nothing. What do I
have? Well Andre, you are stillvery innovative. That's the
value. Mm-hmm. ,what do I feel? I feel

(33:31):
determined. All right , Andre.
That's what's valid. Let's go,let's go. And so tho that's
kind of what I look at when Isay, what am I gonna take the
risk on? You got nothing, Andre, what you gonna take ? Well,
I'm gonna take the risk onpreaching the word of God.
That's right. Okay. Your namedon't mean anything. I don't
care. Didn't need to meananything. Right. You ain't got
no megachurch. I don't care. Ididn't need to have a

(33:51):
megachurch. You didn't comefrom a family of preachers. Mm
. I don't care. Mm-hmm .
, I didn't needto come from that. All I needed
God to do is show me what, howhe created me and show me why
it's valid in the way that I'vebeen created. And that's how

(34:12):
then I take the risk on myself.

Anitra (34:15):
Yeah. I love it. I love it. Do you want to go ahead and
jump into the transformationalperspective?

Andre (34:19):
Absolutely.

Anitra (34:20):
Absolutely. Let's do that. So the world, you know,
when you think about this,we're talking about validation
and, and valuation. The worldis always going to define us.
Right? Like that's the bo themindset of the counterpoint
here is that we are going to beviewed and defined by the
environment that we live in.
Mm-hmm . ,whether we want to or not. So

(34:41):
this kind of counter thought towhat we're suggesting, simply
says, why bother trying tofigure out, you know , what my
value is, why not be a littlebit more fluid with life and
let life happen? Because Ican't have any control to say
over the way people outside ofme view me. They're gonna
define it anyway. And when youthink about people of color,
unfortunately that's, there'sbeen a lot of truth to that,

(35:03):
right? When you're a person ofcolor, people try to put
stereotypes, generalizations,statistical information. I'm
using air quotes with that lastone , um, on you because of how
you look, because of how youtalk, because of where you come
from. And so mm-hmm .
, there is alwaysthis space in society that we
live in that says, the world isgonna define you. So don't
bother trying to figure outthese details. Go ahead

(35:26):
.

Andre (35:26):
Yeah, no. So, so the first part of that, of the
counterpoint is very true. Theworld is always going to try to
tell you what you're worth.
Mm-hmm . And the truth of thatis, is you actually need the
world to give your feedback.
That's good. But don't letfeedback stop your faith. No .
That good . Let's good . Don'tlet feedback stop , stop you
moving forward. Yeah .
Validation is absolutelyinterdependent. Mm-hmm . And

(35:49):
relies on feedback. It alsorelies on encouragement.
Mm-hmm. , it alsorelies on the ability of others
to see what you've gone throughand see what you're able to do.
The issue here with us, andthis is the second part, why
bother, why if you get to thepoint where you say, well why
bother? It's like you'reholding the scale mm-hmm .
, but you'remissing the counterweight of

(36:10):
somebody else's perspective inyour purpose. That's it .
Right. That's good. So now I'mputting everything on my side
of the scale and I can'tbalance valuation and
validation cuz I'm puttingeverything on validation. Yeah.
Instead of being able to say,oh, you said I can't do that,
but I do this really well .

(36:31):
Mm-hmm . , so youknow what mm-hmm .
, let me balancethe two. Let me put some, put
something on what I do reallywell on the value side of the
scale and let's see if I canbalance it all out. That's so
good. So you gotta , you , theworld is going to give you
feedback, but that better notstop your faith in moving
forward. That's good. Let itshape it, let it guide it a
little bit. Let it challengeyou. Mm-hmm . ,

(36:52):
but don't let it stop you . Andthat, that , that's , that's
the issue with the, with thesecond part of, of the kind of
that why should I even do it?
No , no , you should do it. Youshould go harder. Right, right
. You go, you should gofurther. It's information. You
know , I I lemme tell yousomething, I I love telling
people, you know, what you werewriting what you thought about

(37:14):
me, and this is why I say that.
Mm-hmm. , youwere writing what you thought
is a past tense statement. Whatyou think about me now? You
were writing what you thoughtabout me. Yeah. But what you
think about me now, you wereright . Criticizing mm-hmm .
what you thinkabout my accomplishment now.
Now. Yeah. Yeah. You are rightin what you felt. Yeah. But ,

(37:36):
but what's the emotion you'reexperiencing now? Mm-hmm.
, because I havethe ability to take validation
in all of its forms and findvalue in the criticism, find
value in the critique, findvalue in whatever in the, in
the , uh, the , I find valueboth in the character
assassination Yeah . As well asthe character affirmation.

(37:59):
That's so good. I find valuebecause I'm going to turn it
into something of value thatmoves me further into whatever
it is I , I feel like I'msupposed to be doing. Mm-hmm.
, uh, I'm calledto do to . But again, too many,
too many people are onlyputting everything on the
validation side of the scale.
Too many people are makingsacrifices mm-hmm.

(38:20):
of what'svaluable because they're
hanging onto the wrongvalidation. Yeah . And the
problem that arises when you dothat mm-hmm . ,
is that it's not possible foryou to see value when you have
failed. See value when you'vebeen knocked down. See value
when you've been heard . Inother words, if all I do is I
put the opinions, the approval,the recognition of someone else

(38:44):
over what I have put on myvision board, what I put in my,
you know, in my future mm-hmm.
, now all of asudden I need an external
source to balance me out. See ,see ? Yep . Yep . I ain't never
going to need to, I will neverput myself in a position where
I gotta rely on you Right . Toshow me my worth. Right. That
ain't fitting to happen. AndI'm gonna tell you why that

(39:04):
ain't fitting to happen. Cuz Ihad a sister that
wanted to take my worth , takemy value, and I had to fight
through that. Yeah . I had todiscover my worth because
mm-hmm . I've got this, thissister in my native land top
out . I ain't Finn to give youthis space . , I'm not

(39:24):
Finn to give you that joy. Iain't Finn to make you feel
good about what you do , . So listen, listen,
listen. If you ain't got nohaters, then you really don't
know how valuable you are. Youare. So I think I , I thank God
for the hater that was bornfour years after I was born.

(39:45):
The hater that was born fouryears after hours

Anitra (39:49):
Fired ,

Andre (39:50):
Four years, two months, and four days. No, no, no.
Excuse me. Uh , uh, 11 days, 12days. There we go. .
There we go . And if I knew thehour in which my hat was born,
I could tell you hours and Ican tell you hours. Well , let
me google map the distance.
Hold on a second. I you go , goon and go on and talk about the

(40:13):
, I know that was the bottomline. The bottom line is, is is
this walking through life,you're , you're gonna discover
your worth. Yeah . Andsometimes the world you live in
will absolutely reveal mm-hmm.
what you need todiscover Yes . In , in your, in
your worth. And that could bethrough relationships. Mm-hmm .
, that could bethrough trial and error. The

(40:33):
risks you take. My thing isthis, never stop discovering
your value.

Anitra (40:39):
Yes. I love it. I love it. Never ,

Andre (40:41):
Never stop discovering your

Anitra (40:42):
Value. I I just wanna add a parenting strategy. And I
, and this is something thatspeaks to, you know, the core
of this, of, of thecounterpoint in terms of the
world presenting their feedbackand then, you know, our job to
keep discovering our worth. Uh, what I noticed , and, and I
think I , yeah, I learned thisactually from a few other
parents who were back at fm uwith me, but I definitely, I

(41:03):
implemented and how I raisedMalachi. But I noticed that,
you know, when people talk toKai and they , they always
point out the the good thingsand they would say, oh,
Malachi, you know, you're superhelpful. You're so handsome. Uh
, you're super kind. Like thethings that they see that are
great. They , I'd hear peoplesaying that. And I decided to
then start speaking to theparts that I knew he was

(41:23):
working on because I wanted toagree with them and where they
were celebrating his positivetraits. But I also wanted to
speak life into the things thathe's working on, on. So I'd be
like, yeah, Malachi, you're sopatient, , you know?
Right . Malachi, you're such a,a great, cuz he , he's like, I
hate reading. I was like,you're such a great reader.
Right. And that would be astrategy as a parent. So he

(41:46):
can't continue to say, I'm notthis based on what the world
has presented, or I'm not this,or I'm only this, you know, I'm
only because that becomes aproblem too. If so many people
tell you you're handsome. If somany people tell you you're
cute. Right. Then I can startto go in your head too. So it ,
it's the same strategy that Iuse in terms of parenting that
we have to use within, youknow, within ourselves at times

(42:07):
to to, yeah . If everyone istelling you you're great at
these things, you, it's a thankyou and you continue to work at
those, but the areas where theymay tell you you're not so
great or the areas wherethey're not even speaking to,
but you know, it's part of thevalue that you have and part of
the work that you have, yougotta speak to it and say, yes
son, you are patient. Uh, yesson, you're, you're going to be
an amazing, you know , uh,reader and writer. You keep

(42:29):
speaking to that so that itcontinues to grow and that is
part of the discovery of yourworth. Cuz if you don't speak
to it and you don't, you know,apply the value that says this
will get better, this willimprove. Right . Uh, this
doesn't have to stay here.
Doesn't mean it's , it's gonnabe my best thing, but it
doesn't mean I'm giving spacefor it to improve. Absolutely .

(42:51):
I'm giving space for it to bethe fullness of my authentic
self imperfections and all.
Then I think that really is thebottom line is that you learn
the value of you being yourauthentic self imperfections
and all. And the only timelythat that counterpart I think
really becomes a major issue iswhen we're after perfectionism.

(43:11):
Cuz like my bro , bro said,right , the world is going to
give you feedback, but if thatfeedback forces you into a
space of perfectionism, thenit's all bad because none of us
have , it's all bad and itcreates, you know , uh,
behaviors that we're just notinterested in.

Andre (43:26):
Absolutely. Love it.
Love it.

Anitra (43:28):
All right, well let's get into this quick shot.

Andre (43:31):
Okay. So I was , um, man , uh, you know, with what we're
talking about, I knew it wasgoing, I knew I was gonna find
something I thought really ,um, was poignant as far as
kinda wrapping this, this allup. And there's a tweet that I
was reading , um, and, and it ,uh, what it said was is I no

(43:51):
longer apologize for being me.
This means I won't apologizefor my silliness, I won't
apologize for my emotions, Iwon't apologize for my
feelings, I won't apologize formy self-care needs. I won't
apologize for my energy. Iwon't apologize for my choices
and I won't apologize for myquiet time. You're either with

(44:13):
me or you're not. What I needyou to do if you want to be in
my life is value me. Myexperiences already validated
me.

Anitra (44:23):
Ooh .

Andre (44:24):
Yep . Yeah.

Anitra (44:25):
That is good. Yeah . I

Andre (44:26):
Love it. Absolutely.
Beautiful. Absolutely.

Anitra (44:29):
I love it. So I think for me, I always went on a
little sillier end. Uh, cuz Ilove that , uh, kind of proverb
or mantra, whatever it is . Itsays, you know, one man's
, trash is anotherman's treasure. Right? Right.
. Because I do thinkwhen it comes to value , uh, if
nothing else that we've triedto really indi really kind of

(44:50):
push for us all to understandthat it is gonna be an
individual journey for you. Itis. Yeah. You know, what's
valuable for you, how youvalidate yourself, those
experiences really should beunique. And so when you think
about one man's trash, youknow, being another man's
treasure, oh

Andre (45:02):
Lord, I can see this one .

Anitra (45:03):
It could be an interesting space. Well, I
don't know . So this is allspecific to things that we, you
know, that we create and designthat make our life easier. Cuz
again, that's the other thingtoo, is what we value are the
things that make our life, Iguess better, I should say not
easier. Okay. So there are acouple of creations that some
different people have made someitems. And I want you to

(45:24):
determine if you think it's,you can either say trash or
treasure, oh lord,

Andre (45:28):
. Or you could

Anitra (45:29):
Say use , you could say useful or

Andre (45:31):
Useless. Or

Anitra (45:31):
Useless. Okay . , because for someone they
clearly made these things andput them out there for the
world to , uh, partake in . Geez . Let's give it
a try . . All right .

Andre (45:42):
Okay.

Anitra (45:43):
Here's the first one .
A shower curtain with pocketsfor your cell phone or tablet.

Andre (45:51):
Useless if it , the pockets on the inside, cuz you
know, unless those pockets canhold rice. If you iPhone use as
, as soon as that joke couldget one drop on it, you need a
bag of rice. But then by thetime you finish the shower, you
just done went all steamedvegetables in your shower and
you still got a broken iPhone.
Useless. Absolutely useless

Anitra (46:12):
Completely. And if the pockets are on the outside,
what's

Andre (46:15):
The point ? Still useless. Still useless. I dunno
who came up with this, but I'mreally mad at the person who
validated by purchasing this .
It's this treasure uselesspocket shower curtain.

Anitra (46:25):
Yes, it is ,

Andre (46:26):
It is selling. True . Oh my god, my god . It's their
treasure . It's likeAmazon's top 10 purchase. You
know what? Oh , so useless.

Anitra (46:34):
Yeah . And you guys can actually find these, just so
you know, you can literallyGoogle these. This is
hilarious. All right , here'sanother one. Okay, so they call
it a metal antis safety chunk.
Now let me just tell you whatthis is. This is a little metal
piece that is designed to fitwhere your seatbelt will click
to prevent your car frombeeping . Due to the

(46:57):
fact that the seatbelt is notbeing used , you can buy it. I
just wanna know, use useful ,useless treasure. Trash.

Andre (47:07):
Oh lord Jesus .
So I'm, I'm, I'm split in thisone. I'm gonna tell you why,
right?

Anitra (47:12):
This was a good one.
Yeah . ,

Andre (47:14):
It's useless for the driver's side , but it's useful
for the passenger sidedepending on who is in your
passenger seat. Listen, listen,listen, listen. Not all , not
all accidents are accidentswith this metal antis safety
tool. what I'm saying,it depends on who's in my

(47:34):
passenger seat. I might wantthem to like, no , no , you
ain't gotta put on yourseatbelt. What about the be ?
Oh, here you go. Click no .
Alright , . Alright .
Andre, you driving a little toofast ? I think you'll hit that
pole. I think you gonna hit thepole on my side, Andre. Oh my
God. Yeah. So I'm split on thisone. That's where I'm going.

Anitra (47:53):
I was split too. I was split because I said, well, it
can be useful if in fact your,your car is , is, you know,
broken. Like if the , it can'ttell that no one's in in this
seat and it's broken. You mayhave to pay more to get the
seat fixed and get that, youknow, sensor corrected and it's
cheaper to get the little metalblock. I said, but then it's
useless. Just connect yourseatbelt . Like don't pay no

(48:16):
extra money. Just put yourseatbelt in there . Ain't
nobody gotta be there . Butyour seatbelt , you didn't pay
money . See ,

Andre (48:21):
That's why you too busy looking for validity from the
guy driving next to you talkingabout why does he have a
seatbelt over his grocery bag?
Right ? Because I'm tired ofthe beeping. Cause I'm tired of
the beeping. Don't judge me. Iwant, I want my avocado.

Anitra (48:34):
Tur safety . You're not sanity . You're not sanity . My
sanity's at stake here. Uh , Ilove it. All right , here's
another one. Uh, for those wholove the smell of outdoors, so

Andre (48:44):
I no useless, that

Anitra (48:46):
Smells like dirt.
.

Andre (48:51):
Lemme tell you something. I grew up with a
mama that when I came in said ,go take a shower. You smell
like outside , go takea shower. Smell like outdoors,

Anitra (48:59):
Like puppy dogs .

Andre (49:00):
So , so I'm gonna tell you now, it has been embedded
and etched in my psyche and inmy emotional stability that
anything that smells likeoutdoors needs a shower. No.
Useless.

Anitra (49:12):
I just want you to know you guys can actually buy
everything I'm talking about.
All right , let's do maybe twomore. Oh, this one here. Uh,
uh, useless, useful. Trash,treasure, diet, water.

Andre (49:24):
Lord Jesus. Useless.
Useless. You

Anitra (49:28):
Could buy it.

Andre (49:30):
Useless. Oh my God.

Anitra (49:31):
Because regular water is so high calorie, Andre.
Gosh,

Andre (49:34):
No. That mean if you getting water out the faucet
and you live in Miami or, orFlint, Michigan,

Anitra (49:39):
Go right That part.
Yeah . Any water , diet, sugar,sugar added, just

Andre (49:46):
Get any water . So , so you mean that water's only
useful in Flint, but for therest of the lower Florida eight
states, you know, useless,useless man. You can go to the
store, buy some of that Krogerbrand, . No ,

Anitra (49:59):
It tell you it's so cheap. Right? Get a whole case
of $2 .

Andre (50:02):
Okay ,

Anitra (50:03):
Let's do , um, let's see Let's do this one here. Um,
reading glasses, but they'redesigned so you can read
horizontally. So that means youcan lay down, put the glasses
on. The book can be flat onyour legs, and the glasses come
up vertically and reflect. Soyou don't have to lift your
head or lift the book to read.

Andre (50:25):
Ain't that a periscope

Anitra (50:27):
Sound like it doesn't, it it . It's like those
reflective things. It's

Andre (50:31):
Like a periscope.

Anitra (50:32):
This is my point. This is my point. If I wanna lay
down and go to just go tosleep, right ? You trying to
read . See , that's why youtrying to list .

Andre (50:40):
Cause if I'm in that position, right , reading is
the last thing I'm trying todo. I'm , I can name a couple
of things that I could do thatI ain't gonna no before
reading, if that's what I'mdoing. If I gotta do that ,
absolutely useless. Absolutelyuseless. What kinda contraption
does that look like on my faceanyway ?

Anitra (50:58):
I just say , you guys gotta go Google what I'm
saying. All of this stuff youcan purchase know right now.
You can purchase it and it isone man's treasure. Okay?
Respect.

Andre (51:08):
Oh my

Anitra (51:08):
Gosh. Here's the last one. And I just, and then we'll
end with this and , and moveon. A book about the most epic
YouTube video clips evercreated

Andre (51:21):
A book . Okay, now a book . Now, now I'm probably
going to , you know, get some,some , some, yeah . Clap back
on this. But I actually wouldfind that useful. Okay? And the
re and the reason why isbecause I spend my time
scrolling throughrecommendations on YouTube. Ah
, I cannot stand, like, I don'tunderstand why you're

(51:43):
recommending me to see somebodyin Tim Buck two digging a hole
in order to find goldfish inorder to put in their tank that
they made themselves in theAmazon and brought back through
customs. Like I , why do Iwanna

Anitra (51:58):
See, see this ? I love that video. , right?
Right .

Andre (52:00):
So give me a book so I can stop scrolling through
recommended things. Myalgorithm is so jacked up on
YouTube. Give me the book, okay. Okay . Gimme the book. So
then

Anitra (52:11):
You can book , you can just highlight on your foot .
That's , and then go right andtype it in , right to it .

Andre (52:15):
Go right to it .

Anitra (52:16):
I feel that , I feel that as a visual person, I was
like, useless. But I , I , youactually gave it some
justification. I love that. Allright, so what we got for the
final blow?

Andre (52:26):
So, so for this one, I think, you know, to be honest
with you, Nick, I feel like theentire episode mm-hmm .
, what we've beentrying to encourage everyone to
see is that your, your validityis something that you already
have in you. It's just what didyou do with what you have? And

(52:46):
your valuation ought to tellpeople where you're going with
what you have. And it remindsme of then this one true fact .
Well , God lets us know in theBible, as he says, I shaped you
before the foundations of theearth. In other words, I made
you valid before you failed. Imade you valid before you got

(53:07):
hurt. I made you valid beforeyou got disappointed. And the
fact that he said, I did thisbefore, the foundations of the
earth though , and , and yourshaping means you've got a
purpose and a future. So thatmeans your value isn't always
with where you are. It's whereyou're going. Because where you
are might not be your stoppingpoint. Where you are is, is is

(53:31):
where God wants to take you. Sotherefore you gotta be
committed on your grind. Yougotta be committed for purpose.
You gotta be committed to bebetter, to go further, to go
higher and not just get stuckwith where you are. Because
when he shaped you before thefoundations of the earth, he
said, listen, I'm not stickingyou in one place of the earth

(53:53):
for you to stay there already,put everything you need in you.
So you don't need to see or youdon't need to hold all of your
validation, people's opinions.
You can learn from it. But Ineed you to grow because I did
this for you before. Everythingthat might try to stop you.
Everything that might be adiscouragement or a hurdle. So
never stay stagnant where youare. You've got more value in

(54:16):
you than where you are. Anddon't let the opinions of
others cause you to feel thatthat's all that you're valid
for. No, yeah , you're , youare valid for where you're
going before the opinionstarted and where you are.
Can't keep you back from whereyou're what you value most in
your future. Stay to yourgrind. Keep getting better,

(54:38):
keep improving, keep goingfurther, keep going in the
direction in which you areanointed, you're favored ,
you're great to go.

Anitra (54:47):
I love it. That's a beautiful final blow. So as
always, we've come to the endof the episode. We are so glad
you guys joined us for this up. Please help us build the
savage siblings community life. Yeah . Shared comment, review
rate, subscribe,

Andre (55:03):
Subscribe, rate , all of that .

Anitra (55:04):
Send this to your favorite Savage sibling so we
can build that community.
Perhaps you have a trash ortreasure experience or moment
that you wanna share or youhave a perspective on valuation
and validation. We'd love tohear it . Share your thoughts
with us. And of course, we haveto shout out an amazing team of
people who make this allpossible. Uh, Dwayne McClendon
and Kyle Davis, our soundeditors. Thank you so much for

(55:26):
all that you guys do. RoddyMaxwell of Maxwell Music, our
music producer, sir Keith Crossof Kross Photography. Thank you
as always for the amazingphotos and our parents. Thank
you for your DNA and all thefunny life lessons to you,

Andre (55:40):
The listeners fors.
Thank

Anitra (55:41):
You. Come on back and make sure you check us out for
the next episode. We're alwaysso glad you're here. And
remember, don't go through lifealone. We'll see you next time.

Andre (55:52):
All right , y'all , please .