July 28, 2025 • 32 mins
In this heartfelt episode of the School Can't Experience Podcast, host Leisa Reichelt is joined by Jane, a School Can’t parent.
Jane shares her journey with her son Johnny, who was diagnosed with ADHD and autism, and the struggles they faced within the school system. Despite a series of setbacks, Jane's advocacy led to finding a supportive educational environment where Johnny is now thriving.
00:00 Welcome to the School Can't Experience Podcast
00:52 Jane's Introduction and Family Background
01:27 Early School Challenges and ADHD Diagnosis
04:35 Struggles with Medication and School Environment
06:55 Transition to Year One and Autism Diagnosis
10:17 Year Two: Escalating Challenges and Seeking Solutions
18:57 Finding the Right School and Transitioning
21:35 Johnny's Progress and Thriving in the New School
27:56 Reflections and Advice for Other Parents
31:44 Closing Remarks and Resources
Recommended Resources
- NeuroWild on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/neurowild_
- NeuroWild on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/p/NeuroWild-100087870753308/
- School Can’t Australia Facebook Community - https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolphobiaschoolrefusalaustralia
- Make a donation to School Can’t Australia - https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au/get-involved
If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the Parent Help Line. - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you
You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on schoolcantpodcast@gmail.com
Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist, or other qualified professional.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Leisa Reichelt (00:05):
Hello and welcome to the School Can't
Experience podcast.
I'm Leisa Reichelt, and thispodcast is brought to you by the
School Can't Australiacommunity.
Caring for a young person who'sstruggling to attend school can
be a stressful and isolatingexperience, but you are not
alone.
Thousands of parents acrossAustralia and many more around
the world face similarchallenges and experiences every
(00:26):
day.
It might be a good idea to havea box of tissues handy today, as
we are joined by a School Can'tmum, we are calling Jane.
Jane has two young boys, one ofwhom is neurodiverse and has
been through a pretty stressfulSchool Can't experience.
Through some very activeadvocacy, Jane was able to
secure a more suitable schoolenvironment for her son, but not
(00:47):
without some pretty difficultexperiences along the way.
I hope you enjoy Jane's story.
Hello Jane and thank you so muchfor joining us for our podcast
today.
Jane (00:55):
Thank you, Leisa, for having me.
Leisa Reichelt (00:57):
We are really interested in hearing the
journey that you've been on withyour School Can't experience,
Jane.
So why don't you get us startedby just telling us a little bit
about yourself, your family,what what context do we need to
understand?.
Jane (01:13):
So we live on the northern beaches.
I've got two beautiful boys, an8-year-old and a 6-year-old.
We live an active life.
and, our eldest has got ADHD,Autism and anxiety.
Leisa Reichelt (01:26):
So if we wanted to start at the beginning of
this story, where do you thinkthe beginning is?
Jane (01:32):
Johnny had struggles at preschool, in staying regulated
for the full day.
I was really lucky.
Preschool had a strongunderstanding of neurodiversity
and they used to take him awayfor his own quiet zones.
He used to go and sit with oneof the educators, in an
afternoon and do puzzles.
(01:52):
Just have a bit of downtimereally, because he wasn't able
to sit during story time, he wasdisruptive.
So that amazing that they hadthat initiative to do that, and
that got us through reallypreschool that they were doing
that proactively.
He would sometimes have a rest,so he'd go into the, the more
junior room and have restbecause that's what he needed to
(02:13):
get through the day it was sooverwhelming for him.
sensory overload, being inpreschool with lots of screaming
children.
And that's where it sort ofstarted.
We went to a pediatrician and wesat down and she had Duplo.
He sat there so quietly makingthe most amazing Duplo creation.
And we walked out.
She thought, I don't think he'sgot ADHD.
(02:34):
If he had ADHD, he couldn't walkin here and, and create that.
He's been quiet.
He's listening to you.
No.
So we don't think he has adiagnosis.
So we walked away and go, oh,okay, well, all right.
He's just a, it's just somethingthat they see at preschool, we
need to try to support himaround that.
And then we went to kindie andfirst parent teacher, I think I
(02:58):
left in tears because he wasreally struggling.
Like he was just verydisruptive.
He wasn't understanding socialcues.
He was coming home verydysregulated and it was, the
whole experience was incrediblyoverwhelming for him and us.
So that's when we went, okay, weneed to get the follow up.
So we got a psychologist to dothe proper testing, and then he
(03:20):
came back with your ADHDhyperactive, um, which wasn't a
surprise to be honest by thetime you go through that
process, all the questionnairesand the reporting.
By the end of it, you kind ofknow that, that that's the way
it's gonna,
Leisa Reichelt (03:32):
Was he having trouble going to school like in
kindy
Jane (03:36):
No, he didn't and I think, it was just him by himself.
His younger brother was atpreschool, so it was just the
two of us.
He got time with me to regulate.
We used to ride his bike toschool.
I used to say to him, this isactually the best part of my
day.
It was actually great.
We live right near the school.
How lucky are we?
He can ride his bike to school,you know?
(03:57):
yeah.
So no, no real issues reallygoing to school.
Was more than happy to go.
Leisa Reichelt (04:02):
But being there was really difficult for him.
Jane (04:05):
Yeah.
And obviously the work, as itgets more demanding as they move
into the years, then I thinkthat's where it starts to, the
wheels start to come offunfortunately, in the school
environment when they cannot sitstill anymore and focus and
become disruptive, and it'sobviously for teachers, they
notice it very quickly and theypick up on it and have those
(04:26):
conversations with parentsproactively now, compared to
previous years.
Leisa Reichelt (04:31):
So it was identified that he was ADHD and
he's in kindie,
Jane (04:35):
We went back to the pediatrician and said, hi, we
have a diagnosis, and straightaway she said Ritalin and I just
in tears, Like really, this is astrong medication?
And she said, well, Ritalin isthe most researched medication.
it's probably one of the safestmedications.
So, okay.
And we walked down and, yeah, wedid trial him on it on a very
(04:55):
small dose and then increasedit.
Quite quickly, his kindieteacher, said that she had
noticed a huge difference.
He was able to focus, he wasable to interact with other
kids, which to me was amazing.
He wasn't sitting outside fromthe group as much.
so there was a, yeah, it wasinstant improvement, which was
great.
as most, people that have puttheir kids on Ritalin will know
(05:17):
the side effects.
he starts losing weight, stopseating, and also the afternoons
were horrible.
And I wasn't given anything tosupport him in the afternoons,
which I went on for too long.
With horrible afternoons ofcomplete meltdowns, destructive
behavior.
My little one was three at thetime.
It was just really horrible.
(05:39):
I wish I was better supportedthere with, how's he gonna be
after school when that Ritalinwears off?
Because that was brutal.
That was kind of kindergartenfor us.
Welcome to schooling.
Leisa Reichelt (05:51):
Were you working through this as well, Jane.
Jane (05:54):
Yes, I was.
I was working.
My company was veryunderstanding and flexible, and
I was very honest about what Iwas going through, which was
great to have that support.
but still it's a huge mentalburden that no one really
understands unless you'veactually been through it.
You don't understand, the strainwhat you, the constant, like
your mind is constantly tryingto just make things better and
(06:17):
what can I do?
What can I do here?
Or you know, you just, yeah, itdoes, consume your mind.
And then there's also, with anydiagnoses, there's a little bit
of embarrassment I suppose, orlike you're not quite sure.
I'm in a place of acceptancenow, which is great.
I'm much more open, but that'staken me a good few years to get
(06:37):
there.
But when he first got thatdiagnosis, I wasn't, shouting at
the roofs telling everybody.
I thought, that's his ownprivate information.
I don't want anyone to judge meor him because he does have
ADHD, I just want him to just belike every other kid.
So at the end of kindy, theschool asked to meet with us
(06:58):
again and they had concernsaround him reading social cues
and not able to focus in theclassroom, being a bit detached
from the rest of the class.
So when they did groupactivities, he wasn't really
able to participate, and whenthey did wider activities, he
wasn't able to participate.
They encouraged us to go andseek an autism diagnosis.
(07:21):
So, we went and did that quitequickly because if he was
autistic, they wanted to get thefunding from the Department of
Education so that they couldsupport him rolling into year
one.
'cause without that funding,they wouldn't be able to get an
SLSA to give him that one-on-onesupport that he needed to learn
to read and write.
So, we got the autism diagnosis,somewhat devastating to be
(07:45):
honest, because I just didn'tknow what it meant.
I didn't really know a lot aboutautism, the whole thing was so
confusing in terms of where doeshe sit, what's his future like?
How does it look?
It was just a lot, yeah, I thinkI took week off work, just to
kind of just sit with it and,um, yeah, it was, it was a lot.
(08:05):
It was a lot.
At least the school couldsupport him because they only
know what they know.
So going to year one, he had agreat SLSA who was able to help
him with his reading and writingand he built a connection with
her.
She was fantastic.
He used to talk about herfondly.
He had a really good year.
he had good friends.
He was still riding his bike toschool.
(08:26):
There was no, I don't wanna goto school.
He generally liked school.
The school was making someadjustments for him, so he
didn't like doing dance.
He found that particularlysensory.
So there were adjustments thatwere made there that he could,
go along, have a go, Johnny.
But if it's too much, you can goand sit in another classroom or
at the back.
They were starting to understandhis profile of being autistic
(08:47):
and how that impacted him atschool.
I had flexibility around if hewas at the athletics carnival, I
could pick him up and take himhome or things like that.
So that was great that I startedto kind of, I was, I was given
that flexibility to support himwhere needed.
And they were the same in theschool environment as much as
they could.
Leisa Reichelt (09:04):
It does sound as though the school is doing
everything right
Jane (09:08):
Absolutely.
They were great.
They really were.
They really were.
And I think the connections wasthe big thing.
The teacher was very experiencedand she had realistic
expectations of him and hislearning capacity, which I think
is a huge thing
Leisa Reichelt (09:23):
Hmm.
Jane (09:24):
He probably wasn't treated like everybody else, but he
still felt like everybody else,
Leisa Reichelt (09:28):
Yeah.
Jane (09:28):
He was building his confidence up with the SLSA and
she had experience ofneurodiversity and children who
were dyslexic.
So she's come from a place ofdeep understanding as well,
which I think was really luckyto have someone like that.
Leisa Reichelt (09:41):
And just being able to personalize what his
experience was like there towhat he needed.
Jane (09:47):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
I felt very supported in yearone and I felt like he was kind
of, know, we knew the diagnoses.
And he was being medicated andhe was supported as best he
could.
then we had some outsidetherapies to help as well, like
occupational therapy.
So I think we were doingeverything at that stage to help
and support him.
(10:07):
as he's growing and developing.
Leisa Reichelt (10:09):
I feel like there is a dramatic plot twist
coming soon
Jane (10:13):
Yes, there is
Leisa Reichelt (10:16):
What happens next?
Jane (10:18):
The end of year one.
I was, so excited because mylittlest was starting
kindergarten and Johnny wasgonna be in year three.
And I was like, no morechildcare fees one school drop
off, one pickup.
This is gonna be awesome.
Leisa Reichelt (10:32):
Mm-hmm.
Jane (10:33):
and it did not go that way at all.
He did not cope with the newteacher, the new class.
That fear of being at schoolhappened instantly and he pretty
much, from day one, he didn'twanna be dropped off and he
screamed they took him into aclassroom and I could hear him
(10:54):
scream Even my little kindie boycould hear his brother screaming
from the classroom next door,which is horrible.
Leisa Reichelt (11:01):
That's awful.
Jane (11:02):
He was distraught to go to school and it happened very fast
We didn't know what to do.
The school didn't know what todo.
I think he settled in the firstcouple of weeks.
I think he, he managed to sortof settle after he had this sort
of, emotional response to megoing, obviously this, you know,
a separation anxiety.
He kind of did calm down and Ithink they managed to keep him
(11:23):
in school, for the day.
But then it just, it just, itended up him running after me,
out the school gates, himscreaming, them trying to hold
him back.
It was quite traumatic.
My husband tried to drop himoff.
Same thing happened.
He just looked like a ghost aswell.
(11:45):
Like he was just, his littleface was like fear and terror.
When I think about it now, Ithink, oh, you poor little
thing.
We didn't know what to say tohim.
We were just standing therelooking at him like he's, he's a
weirdo, to be honest.
That's what I think about it Nowwe are looking at him like,
you're a weirdo.
The teachers didn't really knowwhat to say.
We sort of stood there with himwaiting for him to kind of go
(12:08):
off with the teacher.
We were like, come on Johnny,come on.
You go for the teacher.
Come on mate.
And then the teachers wouldthrow in things like, you know,
your mummy will get in troubleif you don't go to school It's
just like horrible I think nowthat those things were said to
him like, just horrible.
Leisa Reichelt (12:23):
it is such a common story though, right?
So many kids are hearing this.
Jane (12:27):
It's not fair to put that on the shoulders of a little
kid.
I think hindsight's a beautifulthing, but we should not have
responded in that way.
And I think in some instanceswhen he ran off, the teachers
were like, you know, mummy'sgotta go to work.
I'm busy.
Teachers even said, I'm busy.
You've gotta go to school.
And nothing was working.
so, we ended up meeting with theschool and then agreed that we
(12:50):
could try and drop him at theoffice.
Which wasn't really that greateither.
'cause I think about it now'cause there's lots of people in
the office.
Leisa Reichelt (12:57):
Mm.
Jane (12:58):
Probably the worst place to drop him off.
But
Leisa Reichelt (13:00):
Mm.
Jane (13:00):
was what they thought would be good.
And then the teacher, the SLSA,would come and meet him, and
take him through.
That was somewhat fraudulentbecause we had changes in SLSAs
on different days.
And that was the change in thatwas not great.
He really was adamant he did notwanna go to the classroom.
(13:21):
So they used to just sort oftake him up into their learning
support room, or they would walkaround the veggie patch with
him.
Or, they took away all of thedemands, I suppose.
and just tried to get him in toschool.
but yeah, he sometimes would runoff to find me I even had to sit
at the office, so I had to sitat the office while he was at
(13:42):
school we got to a point wherehe would go for an hour and I
would sit in the office for thefull hour.
And he, he, he wouldn't reallyengage much work but we didn't
really know at this stage.
I just thought at least he'sgoing for an hour every day.
It made it somewhat easier forme because at least for his
brother, they were both gettingdressed and going to school.
(14:04):
How do I explain to his brotherwho's just started kindergarten,
that your brother's not going toschool?
Leisa Reichelt (14:08):
Yeah.
Jane (14:09):
in some ways its easier that I had, at least he went,
even if it was for an hour andcame home.
Leisa Reichelt (14:17):
Yeah, and I think there's often, that kind
of framing of it as the exposuretherapy as well, isn't it?
Like if you stop coming, it'llbe harder to come back as long
as you keep coming, you'll seeit's easy and fine, and then
you'll be able to do more.
It's like, no.
Jane (14:31):
And I did have that advice at one point, like at least just
get to go for an hour every day.
But I think it
Leisa Reichelt (14:36):
Yeah.
Jane (14:37):
too much in the end.
Leisa Reichelt (14:38):
I had the same with my son.
They'd say, get him in wheneveryou can, And I was like, I'd
take him in at lunch for chessclub, or they had a therapy dog
there once a week and he'd go inand see the therapy dog and then
come home.
And I'm just like, what is thisdoing for us?
Jane (14:52):
I know It was somewhat pointless in the end, probably.
I think it, gave him a level ofdistrust in the education
system.
They were trying to just.
send out different SLSAs to seeif that would work, send his
teacher out to see if that wouldwork.
Leisa Reichelt (15:07):
Hmm.
Jane (15:07):
oh, you don't have to wear your school uniform.
We did try lots of differentthings, but it just didn't, it
didn't
Leisa Reichelt (15:13):
Yeah.
Jane (15:14):
and there was one day that, They had, he'd run off a
learning support teacher and Icould hear him screaming.
And I ran in and I sort ofgrabbed him out and I said, this
is not working.
This is not working for mychild.
I'm taking you home.
I got in the car with him and hewas like, I'm sorry, mummy.
said, don't
Leisa Reichelt (15:29):
Hmm.
Jane (15:30):
Don't be sorry at all.
this is not the rightenvironment for you.
mummy's doing her best to findthe right environment for you,
but this is not the rightenvironment So do not apologize.
There is a school out there foryou.
I just haven't found it yet.
I hadn't found it yet.
I was doing lots of research,but I just hadn't found it yet.
I didn't want him to feel badabout himself because he
(15:52):
couldn't do it.
Leisa Reichelt (15:53):
It's wonderful that you were able to say that
to him in that moment.
Jane (15:56):
Yeah.
I think, I was just a bit numbthroughout the whole I was
stressed because I was trying towork I did say to him sometimes,
and I feel guilty about it now,but I've gotta go to work, and
my mum and dad, his grandparentshelped out a lot and picked him
up and dropped him off so that Icould continue working.
I only worked three days a week,but, that was the hardest
stress, trying to balance thesupport I needed to give him,
(16:19):
and then trying to maintain ajob.
Just something had to giveeventually.
And I ended up quitting my job'cause it was just too much.
I couldn't mentally turn up tomy job.
I was at my job on calls withpsychologists, with the school.
I was doing school tours,
Leisa Reichelt (16:38):
Hmm.
Jane (16:38):
in my days off and things.
So I was really busy and it wasjust too much and I needed to be
so in tune with myself to beable to support him.
So, giving up work was the onlyoption.
Leisa Reichelt (16:53):
What was that like for you?
Were you a career orientatedperson?
Were you like, well, I've got mykids to school now, I can
probably focus a bit more onwork.
Jane (17:01):
Yeah.
I was realistic when he got adiagnosis, I had become
realistic that I couldn't workfull time.
There was a grieving processthere because I was ambitious.
I worked in marketing andadvertising, And going from a
full-time job to a part-timejob, the types of jobs you go
for are a lot lower.
They really are lessresponsibility.
So it felt like a bit of ademotion, but I felt like that
(17:23):
was the only option to supportmy son was to be working
part-time so I could look aftermy own mental health because he
does have extra needs.
Working part-time was the onlyoption.
but yeah, giving up my job washeartbreaking.
Leisa Reichelt (17:35):
You talked about looking after your mental
health.
Did you have some strategies forthat?
What were you doing to help lookafter yourself?
Jane (17:42):
I don't know if I had much time to be honest.
Leisa Reichelt (17:44):
Hmm.
Jane (17:45):
I think I became a bit introverted throughout this
whole thing as I was navigatinghow to help my child.
I was, was preoccupied in how tohelp my child, and I was
mentally exhausted by that and Ididn't really have a lot of time
for, yeah.
I was going through somethingreally intense and deep at that
time and that was preoccupyingmy mind.
(18:05):
My husband and I kind of, yeah,just, I think we isolated
ourself quite a bit when we wentthrough this.
I think we were, embarrassed,disheartened.
And we didn't really know whatto say to other families.
Cause it's really hard thing tohave a chitchat about at the
school pick up, and picking upmy, my youngest child and my
(18:26):
oldest is with me because he'sgone to school for an hour.
Luckily people, didn't reallysay anything in front of him but
I kept a distance because itwasn't no one else's business.
We were still navigating things.
And at that point we did nothave a solution for where my son
was gonna go to school.
That was really hard.
So he was still enrolled at thisschool.
Even though he was going for anhour, had no options.
Leisa Reichelt (18:46):
So Jane, you are at home by yourself, trying to
work out what the options mightlook like.
What did you go through?
what was the next step?
Jane (18:57):
I did lots of tours in really small schools, so I knew,
well, I felt that a smallenvironment would be a place
that he would thrive.
So I looked at some really, likea small public school up the
road, and thought that was apromising option.
however, once they found out hehad run off in the school
grounds, they wouldn't accepthim.
Which was very dishearteningthey used the word abscond,
(19:18):
which broke my heart.
and so that was just absolutelydevastating'cause that would've
been a really great option forus.
We looked into a support class,in the public system, but
they're in high demand.
So we were told to wait and seewhen a place comes up and if a
place comes up it might not bein your area and the
(19:40):
recommendation is to take it.
So we missed out, at the end ofterm three of year two for a
spot, but we got one in termfour.
It was an out of areaenrollment.
So, we went and had a look atthe school and instantly I felt
that this would be a greatsolution for my son.
(20:01):
There were other kids, just likemy son at the school, they were
experienced in inclusiveeducation.
The class was gonna be a maximumof six kids.
So he would get the attentionthat he needed.
Even though it was 45 minutesaway, we took the spot and told
him about it.
(20:21):
I said, I found you a school.
I had a brochure with pictures.
And, you know, and he got reallyexcited about that.
and slowly, we went, had tours.
We took him along to the schoolto meet the teacher and some of
the kids, and it was done reallynicely and they managed it
really well.
The, the transition into thatschool.
(20:43):
They did, you know, I did socialstories for him as well this is
how you're gonna go to school,and they provide transport for
him, so this is what transport'sgonna look like.
Just really making sure weplanned this transition really
well, because I don't think wedid that previously at his old
school.
(21:03):
The school was great.
They did a one pager on meetyour teacher and this is what
your teacher likes to eat.
These are her hobbies.
it was great'cause we really hada great sense of who his teacher
would be before he's even mether, you know, and it, they just
had an understanding of theimportance of connection
Leisa Reichelt (21:20):
Yeah.
Jane (21:21):
it made me feel so humbled that there was somewhere he
could go, that he would feelsafe.
Because they've made the effortto make him feel safe.
Leisa Reichelt (21:30):
Let's talk about Johnny's experience at the
school and how that's gone forhim.
Jane (21:35):
He's been there for two terms at his new school and he's
thriving.
He has had a 94% attendancerate.
He's happy to go to school.
He's participating in, anythingand everything He's been
accepted into PSSA sport, whichis great.
(21:56):
He's really, really confidentnow, The classroom is catered to
him.
They all have their own desksand they're a lot of space.
All their learning is very muchfocussed around their passions.
So all these kids have reallystrong passions and interests,
and that is encouraged There isa lot of flexibility and choice
(22:18):
with him going to school.
He now has a mainstream class,that he's sort of assigned to,
and has a buddy in thatmainstream class.
And if he's feeling overwhelmedthat day, he doesn't feel like
going into the mainstream class,but he'd like to see his buddy
or his friend, then his friendcan come down and see him.
That just makes me so happy thatthey're not pushing him, know,
(22:42):
to go into that mainstreamclass.
If he's not up for it and it'stoo much for him, he can still
have the connections with thekids in a different way.
So,
Leisa Reichelt (22:51):
Yeah.
Jane (22:52):
yeah, they just have much more of an understanding of, the
importance of, transitions forthese kids.
an understanding of change aswell.
These are all things that I'munderstanding on a really deep
level now through thisexperience is the importance of,
going through the plan anddealing with change.
(23:12):
There's things that we cancontrol and there's things that
we can't control, which issomething that he's learning
about now.
We can't control everythingevery day, but we'll do our best
to accommodate you as much aspossible.
So that's where we're at
Leisa Reichelt (23:26):
It must be incredible to see the difference
in him between how he was at thebeginning of year two and how he
is now.
Jane (23:33):
I think people nearly fall over, when I say he's at school
and he's thriving.
I'm the proudest mum ever thatthis has worked out for us.
I feel incredibly lucky thatthis has worked out and Johnny
is just thriving.
He's happy, he's got friends.
He's learning.
we're really lucky that this hasbeen the right fit for him
they've been able to supporthim.
Leisa Reichelt (23:55):
I'm not sure how much luck's involved because I
think you did quite a lot ofwork, in making this place
become available for him?
Jane (24:03):
I had to advocate and write to local MPs because, he
wouldn't get into the localschool'cause he absconded.
I was like.
That's just not fair.
where's he gonna go to school?
So I think if I hadn't haveadvocated through Department of
Education and the local MP, Idon't think this spot would've
come available in this supportclass.
We could still be waiting, to behonest.
We could still be waiting for aspot.
the longer we're out, he's justgonna be completely displaced He
(24:27):
actually wanted to go back toschool, I think that when we
didn't have another school forhim to go to,'cause I did say to
him that your school is notright for you.
once we found a school I wasgenuinely excited about it.
I was able to take him on thatjourney about how awesome is
this?
This school's gonna be cateredfor you.
You've only got six kids in yourclass your classroom's massive
(24:48):
and you've got a sensory room.
They actually pick you up anddrop you off to school like
that.
That in itself, as much as thetravel distance is a bit of a
pain.
is huge for him.
I think The other day I wasgoing to school for a parent
teacher and I said, Do you likea lift?
No, mummy, I'll just go in thecar'cause that's what I'm used
to.
Leisa Reichelt (25:08):
Bless.
Yeah.
But that makes total sense,doesn't it?
Jane (25:11):
Makes total sense
Leisa Reichelt (25:11):
I understand that.
Jane (25:12):
He's teaching me all the time.
He really likes routine.
Leisa Reichelt (25:17):
Well, it sounds like he's really learning to
advocate for himself which isfantastic.
Jane (25:20):
And he has to remind me sometimes that,
Leisa Reichelt (25:22):
yeah.
Yeah.
I do wanna linger on youradvocacy work because it is a
really important message.
The system won't be proactive onyour behalf in a lot of cases
You had to make a lot of noiseand kick up a stink.
That's something that we need tomake sure that parents feel
comfortable.
(25:43):
I don't know if we ever feelcomfortable, but they feel as
though kicking up a stink is thething to do.
It's not the wrong thing to do.
I, I had been so socialized intojust trying to fit into the
system and that doesn't do ourkids any good.
Jane (25:57):
No, it doesn't.
You need to speak up, and callpeople out.
Leisa Reichelt (26:01):
In some instances it feels as though the
support classes have this kindof sense that they are designed
to support people back intomainstream rather than offer
them the ongoing support thatthey need for as long as they
need it it which couldpotentially be the whole way
through.
Jane (26:16):
Yeah.
It's interesting that you saythat because, we haven't had
conversations with Johnny'sschool about that yet.
I think it's because he's comefrom such a place of trauma that
the expectations for him,particularly for term one when
he started in the support classwas like the goals were to be
happy, relaxed, attend school,you know, attend school for a
(26:37):
full day.
We had really realistic goalsfor him.
And learning, to be honest,wasn't really one of them,
particularly in term one.
This is a child who's barelybeen to school for the whole of
year two.
So the fact that he goes toschool gets a uniform on, is
amazing.
Like we were celebrating thatand I didn't really care about
(26:59):
the learning to be honest,because I was just so happy that
he was happy and he was going toschool and he was meeting new
kids and he was playing soccerat lunch and he even went to
school camp.
He went an overnight camp.
Like the fact that he felt thatsafe in doing that is just
astounding.
(27:20):
We haven't had any conversationsat the moment about him
transitioning back intomainstream at all because he's
still, it's still steppingstones and the school has said
to me, we will do things slowly.
Please trust, trust us.
We don't wanna rush this, whichis lovely to hear.
And I do trust them.
Leisa Reichelt (27:39):
That's a lovely feeling, isn't it, to be able to
trust the people who are lookingafter your kids.
Jane (27:43):
Absolutely.
His nervous system state is thepriority at the moment.
and as I said, the learning willcome.
when he is in a state of calmand he's relaxed, it will come.
So,
Leisa Reichelt (27:56):
Jane, I might transition our closing questions
if that's ok.
If you could go back in time andtell yourself something about
this journey, when do you thinkyou would go back to and what
would you say?
Jane (28:07):
Um, Keep going.
This is a huge learningexperience for your family
You'll be okay.
Like you just need to keep goingand do everything in your power
to try and find a better wayout.
There will be a way it might notlook like what you think it will
(28:27):
look like.
But there will, there will be away and, and through this whole
experience, there's a wholepiece of like acceptance of
this, of this beautiful childand who they are and that things
are gonna be done differently.
And that's okay.
Leisa Reichelt (28:41):
That's lovely.
If you were going to saysomething to everyone who is
listening who is on their ownSchool Can't journey at the
moment, what would you like themto hear and know.
Jane (28:52):
I feel for you.
Seek out connection as much aspossible with families that are
going through a similarexperience or have neurodiverse
children because I have foundamazing support now that I have
a son in a support class.
I have a friend now who has achild very similar to mine.
(29:14):
We've both had to give up workand having that friendship of
someone who truly understandswhat you're going through means
the world.
It makes you feel like you'renot alone because I know that
you can feel incredibly alonewhen you're going through
something like this, but Ipromise you, you'll appreciate
(29:35):
things so much more.
You'll find deep connectionswith people that you never
thought you could because ofwhat you're going through.
And you'll grow because of whatyou're going through a lot.
You won't realize how, um, howmuch you, you grow through this
experience and how much youvalue life and the simple things
because of what you're goingthrough'cause it is incredibly
traumatic.
Leisa Reichelt (29:58):
Yes.
Yeah.
You might not be hitting KPIs atwork, but you're growing in a
completely different andprobably more meaningful way in
a lot of respects.
Jane (30:05):
Absolutely.
This makes you really step backand look at what you need to
value in life and what'simportant.
Leisa Reichelt (30:13):
Hundred percent.
Alright, last one.
looking for a resource you'vecome across in your journey that
you've really, really foundsuper helpful.
What would you recommend.
Jane (30:25):
I love Em from NeuroWild.
She is a autistic, ADHD mum withneurodivergent children.
She's an artist and she has themost beautiful visuals that
explain neurodiversity, how youmight be feeling, sensory
pieces, regulation.
(30:45):
They're just beautiful and theysometimes help me just to check
in with how my child might befeeling.
The battery might be runningdown and she has these beautiful
visuals of their battery kind ofexhausted at the end of the day.
They're just a great educationpiece as well for parents that
aren't too heavy.
'Cause this, this land can bevery heavy and having something
(31:06):
that's a bit more lightheartedcan be really refreshing.
Leisa Reichelt (31:10):
Yeah, her work is beautiful.
On Instagram and Facebook, Ithink is where I see it mostly.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Well, Jane, thank you so muchfor taking us on this journey.
I know you've you've shared alot with us and it's obviously
been a really emotional time inyour life as well, and I'm sure
lots of other people are aregoing through or have gone
(31:31):
through really similarexperiences and I appreciate you
really being willing to sharewith us today.
Jane (31:38):
Thank you, Leisa.
I really appreciate it.
It's lovely to sit down and lookback at the experience.
Leisa Reichelt (31:44):
Well, many thanks to Jane for sharing her
story, and here's hoping thatJohnny continues to go from
strength to strength at school.
I've put some links to Jane'sresource recommendation, which
was Em from Neuro Wild in theepisode notes, if you wanna go
and check out Em's beautifulillustrations, I've also got
links to School Can't Australia,where you'll find loads of
helpful School Can't resources,information about the parent
(32:06):
peer support community, And alsoa link to donate so you can show
your support.
If you have found this podcasthelpful please do take a moment
to share, subscribe, maybe evengive us a rating or review.
This really does help us get thepodcast in front of more people
who have School Can't kids, andwho have not yet found our
community and all theinformation we can share.
(32:26):
If you would like to share yourown lived experience with the
community, please drop me anemail to
schoolcantpodcast@gmail.com.
It's a very relaxed process andanyone can do it, and I would
love to hear from you.
If you are a parent or carer inAustralia and you're feeling
distressed, please remember youcan always call the Parent
Helpline in your state.
(32:47):
A link with the number to callis in the episode notes.
Thank you again for listening,and we will talk again soon.
Take care.
Hello and welcome to the School Can't
Experience podcast.
I'm Leisa Reichelt, and thispodcast is brought to you by the
School Can't Australiacommunity.
Caring for a young person who'sstruggling to attend school can
be a stressful and isolatingexperience, but you are not
alone.
Thousands of parents acrossAustralia and many more around
the world face similarchallenges and experiences every
(00:26):
day.
It might be a good idea to havea box of tissues handy today, as
we are joined by a School Can'tmum, we are calling Jane.
Jane has two young boys, one ofwhom is neurodiverse and has
been through a pretty stressfulSchool Can't experience.
Through some very activeadvocacy, Jane was able to
secure a more suitable schoolenvironment for her son, but not
(00:47):
without some pretty difficultexperiences along the way.
I hope you enjoy Jane's story.
Hello Jane and thank you so muchfor joining us for our podcast
today.
Jane (00:55):
Thank you, Leisa, for having me.
Leisa Reichelt (00:57):
We are really interested in hearing the
journey that you've been on withyour School Can't experience,
Jane.
So why don't you get us startedby just telling us a little bit
about yourself, your family,what what context do we need to
understand?.
Jane (01:13):
So we live on the northern beaches.
I've got two beautiful boys, an8-year-old and a 6-year-old.
We live an active life.
and, our eldest has got ADHD,Autism and anxiety.
Leisa Reichelt (01:26):
So if we wanted to start at the beginning of
this story, where do you thinkthe beginning is?
Jane (01:32):
Johnny had struggles at preschool, in staying regulated
for the full day.
I was really lucky.
Preschool had a strongunderstanding of neurodiversity
and they used to take him awayfor his own quiet zones.
He used to go and sit with oneof the educators, in an
afternoon and do puzzles.
(01:52):
Just have a bit of downtimereally, because he wasn't able
to sit during story time, he wasdisruptive.
So that amazing that they hadthat initiative to do that, and
that got us through reallypreschool that they were doing
that proactively.
He would sometimes have a rest,so he'd go into the, the more
junior room and have restbecause that's what he needed to
(02:13):
get through the day it was sooverwhelming for him.
sensory overload, being inpreschool with lots of screaming
children.
And that's where it sort ofstarted.
We went to a pediatrician and wesat down and she had Duplo.
He sat there so quietly makingthe most amazing Duplo creation.
And we walked out.
She thought, I don't think he'sgot ADHD.
(02:34):
If he had ADHD, he couldn't walkin here and, and create that.
He's been quiet.
He's listening to you.
No.
So we don't think he has adiagnosis.
So we walked away and go, oh,okay, well, all right.
He's just a, it's just somethingthat they see at preschool, we
need to try to support himaround that.
And then we went to kindie andfirst parent teacher, I think I
(02:58):
left in tears because he wasreally struggling.
Like he was just verydisruptive.
He wasn't understanding socialcues.
He was coming home verydysregulated and it was, the
whole experience was incrediblyoverwhelming for him and us.
So that's when we went, okay, weneed to get the follow up.
So we got a psychologist to dothe proper testing, and then he
(03:20):
came back with your ADHDhyperactive, um, which wasn't a
surprise to be honest by thetime you go through that
process, all the questionnairesand the reporting.
By the end of it, you kind ofknow that, that that's the way
it's gonna,
Leisa Reichelt (03:32):
Was he having trouble going to school like in
kindy
Jane (03:36):
No, he didn't and I think, it was just him by himself.
His younger brother was atpreschool, so it was just the
two of us.
He got time with me to regulate.
We used to ride his bike toschool.
I used to say to him, this isactually the best part of my
day.
It was actually great.
We live right near the school.
How lucky are we?
He can ride his bike to school,you know?
(03:57):
yeah.
So no, no real issues reallygoing to school.
Was more than happy to go.
Leisa Reichelt (04:02):
But being there was really difficult for him.
Jane (04:05):
Yeah.
And obviously the work, as itgets more demanding as they move
into the years, then I thinkthat's where it starts to, the
wheels start to come offunfortunately, in the school
environment when they cannot sitstill anymore and focus and
become disruptive, and it'sobviously for teachers, they
notice it very quickly and theypick up on it and have those
(04:26):
conversations with parentsproactively now, compared to
previous years.
Leisa Reichelt (04:31):
So it was identified that he was ADHD and
he's in kindie,
Jane (04:35):
We went back to the pediatrician and said, hi, we
have a diagnosis, and straightaway she said Ritalin and I just
in tears, Like really, this is astrong medication?
And she said, well, Ritalin isthe most researched medication.
it's probably one of the safestmedications.
So, okay.
And we walked down and, yeah, wedid trial him on it on a very
(04:55):
small dose and then increasedit.
Quite quickly, his kindieteacher, said that she had
noticed a huge difference.
He was able to focus, he wasable to interact with other
kids, which to me was amazing.
He wasn't sitting outside fromthe group as much.
so there was a, yeah, it wasinstant improvement, which was
great.
as most, people that have puttheir kids on Ritalin will know
(05:17):
the side effects.
he starts losing weight, stopseating, and also the afternoons
were horrible.
And I wasn't given anything tosupport him in the afternoons,
which I went on for too long.
With horrible afternoons ofcomplete meltdowns, destructive
behavior.
My little one was three at thetime.
It was just really horrible.
(05:39):
I wish I was better supportedthere with, how's he gonna be
after school when that Ritalinwears off?
Because that was brutal.
That was kind of kindergartenfor us.
Welcome to schooling.
Leisa Reichelt (05:51):
Were you working through this as well, Jane.
Jane (05:54):
Yes, I was.
I was working.
My company was veryunderstanding and flexible, and
I was very honest about what Iwas going through, which was
great to have that support.
but still it's a huge mentalburden that no one really
understands unless you'veactually been through it.
You don't understand, the strainwhat you, the constant, like
your mind is constantly tryingto just make things better and
(06:17):
what can I do?
What can I do here?
Or you know, you just, yeah, itdoes, consume your mind.
And then there's also, with anydiagnoses, there's a little bit
of embarrassment I suppose, orlike you're not quite sure.
I'm in a place of acceptancenow, which is great.
I'm much more open, but that'staken me a good few years to get
(06:37):
there.
But when he first got thatdiagnosis, I wasn't, shouting at
the roofs telling everybody.
I thought, that's his ownprivate information.
I don't want anyone to judge meor him because he does have
ADHD, I just want him to just belike every other kid.
So at the end of kindy, theschool asked to meet with us
(06:58):
again and they had concernsaround him reading social cues
and not able to focus in theclassroom, being a bit detached
from the rest of the class.
So when they did groupactivities, he wasn't really
able to participate, and whenthey did wider activities, he
wasn't able to participate.
They encouraged us to go andseek an autism diagnosis.
(07:21):
So, we went and did that quitequickly because if he was
autistic, they wanted to get thefunding from the Department of
Education so that they couldsupport him rolling into year
one.
'cause without that funding,they wouldn't be able to get an
SLSA to give him that one-on-onesupport that he needed to learn
to read and write.
So, we got the autism diagnosis,somewhat devastating to be
(07:45):
honest, because I just didn'tknow what it meant.
I didn't really know a lot aboutautism, the whole thing was so
confusing in terms of where doeshe sit, what's his future like?
How does it look?
It was just a lot, yeah, I thinkI took week off work, just to
kind of just sit with it and,um, yeah, it was, it was a lot.
(08:05):
It was a lot.
At least the school couldsupport him because they only
know what they know.
So going to year one, he had agreat SLSA who was able to help
him with his reading and writingand he built a connection with
her.
She was fantastic.
He used to talk about herfondly.
He had a really good year.
he had good friends.
He was still riding his bike toschool.
(08:26):
There was no, I don't wanna goto school.
He generally liked school.
The school was making someadjustments for him, so he
didn't like doing dance.
He found that particularlysensory.
So there were adjustments thatwere made there that he could,
go along, have a go, Johnny.
But if it's too much, you can goand sit in another classroom or
at the back.
They were starting to understandhis profile of being autistic
(08:47):
and how that impacted him atschool.
I had flexibility around if hewas at the athletics carnival, I
could pick him up and take himhome or things like that.
So that was great that I startedto kind of, I was, I was given
that flexibility to support himwhere needed.
And they were the same in theschool environment as much as
they could.
Leisa Reichelt (09:04):
It does sound as though the school is doing
everything right
Jane (09:08):
Absolutely.
They were great.
They really were.
They really were.
And I think the connections wasthe big thing.
The teacher was very experiencedand she had realistic
expectations of him and hislearning capacity, which I think
is a huge thing
Leisa Reichelt (09:23):
Hmm.
Jane (09:24):
He probably wasn't treated like everybody else, but he
still felt like everybody else,
Leisa Reichelt (09:28):
Yeah.
Jane (09:28):
He was building his confidence up with the SLSA and
she had experience ofneurodiversity and children who
were dyslexic.
So she's come from a place ofdeep understanding as well,
which I think was really luckyto have someone like that.
Leisa Reichelt (09:41):
And just being able to personalize what his
experience was like there towhat he needed.
Jane (09:47):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
I felt very supported in yearone and I felt like he was kind
of, know, we knew the diagnoses.
And he was being medicated andhe was supported as best he
could.
then we had some outsidetherapies to help as well, like
occupational therapy.
So I think we were doingeverything at that stage to help
and support him.
(10:07):
as he's growing and developing.
Leisa Reichelt (10:09):
I feel like there is a dramatic plot twist
coming soon
Jane (10:13):
Yes, there is
Leisa Reichelt (10:16):
What happens next?
Jane (10:18):
The end of year one.
I was, so excited because mylittlest was starting
kindergarten and Johnny wasgonna be in year three.
And I was like, no morechildcare fees one school drop
off, one pickup.
This is gonna be awesome.
Leisa Reichelt (10:32):
Mm-hmm.
Jane (10:33):
and it did not go that way at all.
He did not cope with the newteacher, the new class.
That fear of being at schoolhappened instantly and he pretty
much, from day one, he didn'twanna be dropped off and he
screamed they took him into aclassroom and I could hear him
(10:54):
scream Even my little kindie boycould hear his brother screaming
from the classroom next door,which is horrible.
Leisa Reichelt (11:01):
That's awful.
Jane (11:02):
He was distraught to go to school and it happened very fast
We didn't know what to do.
The school didn't know what todo.
I think he settled in the firstcouple of weeks.
I think he, he managed to sortof settle after he had this sort
of, emotional response to megoing, obviously this, you know,
a separation anxiety.
He kind of did calm down and Ithink they managed to keep him
(11:23):
in school, for the day.
But then it just, it just, itended up him running after me,
out the school gates, himscreaming, them trying to hold
him back.
It was quite traumatic.
My husband tried to drop himoff.
Same thing happened.
He just looked like a ghost aswell.
(11:45):
Like he was just, his littleface was like fear and terror.
When I think about it now, Ithink, oh, you poor little
thing.
We didn't know what to say tohim.
We were just standing therelooking at him like he's, he's a
weirdo, to be honest.
That's what I think about it Nowwe are looking at him like,
you're a weirdo.
The teachers didn't really knowwhat to say.
We sort of stood there with himwaiting for him to kind of go
(12:08):
off with the teacher.
We were like, come on Johnny,come on.
You go for the teacher.
Come on mate.
And then the teachers wouldthrow in things like, you know,
your mummy will get in troubleif you don't go to school It's
just like horrible I think nowthat those things were said to
him like, just horrible.
Leisa Reichelt (12:23):
it is such a common story though, right?
So many kids are hearing this.
Jane (12:27):
It's not fair to put that on the shoulders of a little
kid.
I think hindsight's a beautifulthing, but we should not have
responded in that way.
And I think in some instanceswhen he ran off, the teachers
were like, you know, mummy'sgotta go to work.
I'm busy.
Teachers even said, I'm busy.
You've gotta go to school.
And nothing was working.
so, we ended up meeting with theschool and then agreed that we
(12:50):
could try and drop him at theoffice.
Which wasn't really that greateither.
'cause I think about it now'cause there's lots of people in
the office.
Leisa Reichelt (12:57):
Mm.
Jane (12:58):
Probably the worst place to drop him off.
But
Leisa Reichelt (13:00):
Mm.
Jane (13:00):
was what they thought would be good.
And then the teacher, the SLSA,would come and meet him, and
take him through.
That was somewhat fraudulentbecause we had changes in SLSAs
on different days.
And that was the change in thatwas not great.
He really was adamant he did notwanna go to the classroom.
(13:21):
So they used to just sort oftake him up into their learning
support room, or they would walkaround the veggie patch with
him.
Or, they took away all of thedemands, I suppose.
and just tried to get him in toschool.
but yeah, he sometimes would runoff to find me I even had to sit
at the office, so I had to sitat the office while he was at
(13:42):
school we got to a point wherehe would go for an hour and I
would sit in the office for thefull hour.
And he, he, he wouldn't reallyengage much work but we didn't
really know at this stage.
I just thought at least he'sgoing for an hour every day.
It made it somewhat easier forme because at least for his
brother, they were both gettingdressed and going to school.
(14:04):
How do I explain to his brotherwho's just started kindergarten,
that your brother's not going toschool?
Leisa Reichelt (14:08):
Yeah.
Jane (14:09):
in some ways its easier that I had, at least he went,
even if it was for an hour andcame home.
Leisa Reichelt (14:17):
Yeah, and I think there's often, that kind
of framing of it as the exposuretherapy as well, isn't it?
Like if you stop coming, it'llbe harder to come back as long
as you keep coming, you'll seeit's easy and fine, and then
you'll be able to do more.
It's like, no.
Jane (14:31):
And I did have that advice at one point, like at least just
get to go for an hour every day.
But I think it
Leisa Reichelt (14:36):
Yeah.
Jane (14:37):
too much in the end.
Leisa Reichelt (14:38):
I had the same with my son.
They'd say, get him in wheneveryou can, And I was like, I'd
take him in at lunch for chessclub, or they had a therapy dog
there once a week and he'd go inand see the therapy dog and then
come home.
And I'm just like, what is thisdoing for us?
Jane (14:52):
I know It was somewhat pointless in the end, probably.
I think it, gave him a level ofdistrust in the education
system.
They were trying to just.
send out different SLSAs to seeif that would work, send his
teacher out to see if that wouldwork.
Leisa Reichelt (15:07):
Hmm.
Jane (15:07):
oh, you don't have to wear your school uniform.
We did try lots of differentthings, but it just didn't, it
didn't
Leisa Reichelt (15:13):
Yeah.
Jane (15:14):
and there was one day that, They had, he'd run off a
learning support teacher and Icould hear him screaming.
And I ran in and I sort ofgrabbed him out and I said, this
is not working.
This is not working for mychild.
I'm taking you home.
I got in the car with him and hewas like, I'm sorry, mummy.
said, don't
Leisa Reichelt (15:29):
Hmm.
Jane (15:30):
Don't be sorry at all.
this is not the rightenvironment for you.
mummy's doing her best to findthe right environment for you,
but this is not the rightenvironment So do not apologize.
There is a school out there foryou.
I just haven't found it yet.
I hadn't found it yet.
I was doing lots of research,but I just hadn't found it yet.
I didn't want him to feel badabout himself because he
(15:52):
couldn't do it.
Leisa Reichelt (15:53):
It's wonderful that you were able to say that
to him in that moment.
Jane (15:56):
Yeah.
I think, I was just a bit numbthroughout the whole I was
stressed because I was trying towork I did say to him sometimes,
and I feel guilty about it now,but I've gotta go to work, and
my mum and dad, his grandparentshelped out a lot and picked him
up and dropped him off so that Icould continue working.
I only worked three days a week,but, that was the hardest
stress, trying to balance thesupport I needed to give him,
(16:19):
and then trying to maintain ajob.
Just something had to giveeventually.
And I ended up quitting my job'cause it was just too much.
I couldn't mentally turn up tomy job.
I was at my job on calls withpsychologists, with the school.
I was doing school tours,
Leisa Reichelt (16:38):
Hmm.
Jane (16:38):
in my days off and things.
So I was really busy and it wasjust too much and I needed to be
so in tune with myself to beable to support him.
So, giving up work was the onlyoption.
Leisa Reichelt (16:53):
What was that like for you?
Were you a career orientatedperson?
Were you like, well, I've got mykids to school now, I can
probably focus a bit more onwork.
Jane (17:01):
Yeah.
I was realistic when he got adiagnosis, I had become
realistic that I couldn't workfull time.
There was a grieving processthere because I was ambitious.
I worked in marketing andadvertising, And going from a
full-time job to a part-timejob, the types of jobs you go
for are a lot lower.
They really are lessresponsibility.
So it felt like a bit of ademotion, but I felt like that
(17:23):
was the only option to supportmy son was to be working
part-time so I could look aftermy own mental health because he
does have extra needs.
Working part-time was the onlyoption.
but yeah, giving up my job washeartbreaking.
Leisa Reichelt (17:35):
You talked about looking after your mental
health.
Did you have some strategies forthat?
What were you doing to help lookafter yourself?
Jane (17:42):
I don't know if I had much time to be honest.
Leisa Reichelt (17:44):
Hmm.
Jane (17:45):
I think I became a bit introverted throughout this
whole thing as I was navigatinghow to help my child.
I was, was preoccupied in how tohelp my child, and I was
mentally exhausted by that and Ididn't really have a lot of time
for, yeah.
I was going through somethingreally intense and deep at that
time and that was preoccupyingmy mind.
(18:05):
My husband and I kind of, yeah,just, I think we isolated
ourself quite a bit when we wentthrough this.
I think we were, embarrassed,disheartened.
And we didn't really know whatto say to other families.
Cause it's really hard thing tohave a chitchat about at the
school pick up, and picking upmy, my youngest child and my
(18:26):
oldest is with me because he'sgone to school for an hour.
Luckily people, didn't reallysay anything in front of him but
I kept a distance because itwasn't no one else's business.
We were still navigating things.
And at that point we did nothave a solution for where my son
was gonna go to school.
That was really hard.
So he was still enrolled at thisschool.
Even though he was going for anhour, had no options.
Leisa Reichelt (18:46):
So Jane, you are at home by yourself, trying to
work out what the options mightlook like.
What did you go through?
what was the next step?
Jane (18:57):
I did lots of tours in really small schools, so I knew,
well, I felt that a smallenvironment would be a place
that he would thrive.
So I looked at some really, likea small public school up the
road, and thought that was apromising option.
however, once they found out hehad run off in the school
grounds, they wouldn't accepthim.
Which was very dishearteningthey used the word abscond,
(19:18):
which broke my heart.
and so that was just absolutelydevastating'cause that would've
been a really great option forus.
We looked into a support class,in the public system, but
they're in high demand.
So we were told to wait and seewhen a place comes up and if a
place comes up it might not bein your area and the
(19:40):
recommendation is to take it.
So we missed out, at the end ofterm three of year two for a
spot, but we got one in termfour.
It was an out of areaenrollment.
So, we went and had a look atthe school and instantly I felt
that this would be a greatsolution for my son.
(20:01):
There were other kids, just likemy son at the school, they were
experienced in inclusiveeducation.
The class was gonna be a maximumof six kids.
So he would get the attentionthat he needed.
Even though it was 45 minutesaway, we took the spot and told
him about it.
(20:21):
I said, I found you a school.
I had a brochure with pictures.
And, you know, and he got reallyexcited about that.
and slowly, we went, had tours.
We took him along to the schoolto meet the teacher and some of
the kids, and it was done reallynicely and they managed it
really well.
The, the transition into thatschool.
(20:43):
They did, you know, I did socialstories for him as well this is
how you're gonna go to school,and they provide transport for
him, so this is what transport'sgonna look like.
Just really making sure weplanned this transition really
well, because I don't think wedid that previously at his old
school.
(21:03):
The school was great.
They did a one pager on meetyour teacher and this is what
your teacher likes to eat.
These are her hobbies.
it was great'cause we really hada great sense of who his teacher
would be before he's even mether, you know, and it, they just
had an understanding of theimportance of connection
Leisa Reichelt (21:20):
Yeah.
Jane (21:21):
it made me feel so humbled that there was somewhere he
could go, that he would feelsafe.
Because they've made the effortto make him feel safe.
Leisa Reichelt (21:30):
Let's talk about Johnny's experience at the
school and how that's gone forhim.
Jane (21:35):
He's been there for two terms at his new school and he's
thriving.
He has had a 94% attendancerate.
He's happy to go to school.
He's participating in, anythingand everything He's been
accepted into PSSA sport, whichis great.
(21:56):
He's really, really confidentnow, The classroom is catered to
him.
They all have their own desksand they're a lot of space.
All their learning is very muchfocussed around their passions.
So all these kids have reallystrong passions and interests,
and that is encouraged There isa lot of flexibility and choice
(22:18):
with him going to school.
He now has a mainstream class,that he's sort of assigned to,
and has a buddy in thatmainstream class.
And if he's feeling overwhelmedthat day, he doesn't feel like
going into the mainstream class,but he'd like to see his buddy
or his friend, then his friendcan come down and see him.
That just makes me so happy thatthey're not pushing him, know,
(22:42):
to go into that mainstreamclass.
If he's not up for it and it'stoo much for him, he can still
have the connections with thekids in a different way.
So,
Leisa Reichelt (22:51):
Yeah.
Jane (22:52):
yeah, they just have much more of an understanding of, the
importance of, transitions forthese kids.
an understanding of change aswell.
These are all things that I'munderstanding on a really deep
level now through thisexperience is the importance of,
going through the plan anddealing with change.
(23:12):
There's things that we cancontrol and there's things that
we can't control, which issomething that he's learning
about now.
We can't control everythingevery day, but we'll do our best
to accommodate you as much aspossible.
So that's where we're at
Leisa Reichelt (23:26):
It must be incredible to see the difference
in him between how he was at thebeginning of year two and how he
is now.
Jane (23:33):
I think people nearly fall over, when I say he's at school
and he's thriving.
I'm the proudest mum ever thatthis has worked out for us.
I feel incredibly lucky thatthis has worked out and Johnny
is just thriving.
He's happy, he's got friends.
He's learning.
we're really lucky that this hasbeen the right fit for him
they've been able to supporthim.
Leisa Reichelt (23:55):
I'm not sure how much luck's involved because I
think you did quite a lot ofwork, in making this place
become available for him?
Jane (24:03):
I had to advocate and write to local MPs because, he
wouldn't get into the localschool'cause he absconded.
I was like.
That's just not fair.
where's he gonna go to school?
So I think if I hadn't haveadvocated through Department of
Education and the local MP, Idon't think this spot would've
come available in this supportclass.
We could still be waiting, to behonest.
We could still be waiting for aspot.
the longer we're out, he's justgonna be completely displaced He
(24:27):
actually wanted to go back toschool, I think that when we
didn't have another school forhim to go to,'cause I did say to
him that your school is notright for you.
once we found a school I wasgenuinely excited about it.
I was able to take him on thatjourney about how awesome is
this?
This school's gonna be cateredfor you.
You've only got six kids in yourclass your classroom's massive
(24:48):
and you've got a sensory room.
They actually pick you up anddrop you off to school like
that.
That in itself, as much as thetravel distance is a bit of a
pain.
is huge for him.
I think The other day I wasgoing to school for a parent
teacher and I said, Do you likea lift?
No, mummy, I'll just go in thecar'cause that's what I'm used
to.
Leisa Reichelt (25:08):
Bless.
Yeah.
But that makes total sense,doesn't it?
Jane (25:11):
Makes total sense
Leisa Reichelt (25:11):
I understand that.
Jane (25:12):
He's teaching me all the time.
He really likes routine.
Leisa Reichelt (25:17):
Well, it sounds like he's really learning to
advocate for himself which isfantastic.
Jane (25:20):
And he has to remind me sometimes that,
Leisa Reichelt (25:22):
yeah.
Yeah.
I do wanna linger on youradvocacy work because it is a
really important message.
The system won't be proactive onyour behalf in a lot of cases
You had to make a lot of noiseand kick up a stink.
That's something that we need tomake sure that parents feel
comfortable.
(25:43):
I don't know if we ever feelcomfortable, but they feel as
though kicking up a stink is thething to do.
It's not the wrong thing to do.
I, I had been so socialized intojust trying to fit into the
system and that doesn't do ourkids any good.
Jane (25:57):
No, it doesn't.
You need to speak up, and callpeople out.
Leisa Reichelt (26:01):
In some instances it feels as though the
support classes have this kindof sense that they are designed
to support people back intomainstream rather than offer
them the ongoing support thatthey need for as long as they
need it it which couldpotentially be the whole way
through.
Jane (26:16):
Yeah.
It's interesting that you saythat because, we haven't had
conversations with Johnny'sschool about that yet.
I think it's because he's comefrom such a place of trauma that
the expectations for him,particularly for term one when
he started in the support classwas like the goals were to be
happy, relaxed, attend school,you know, attend school for a
(26:37):
full day.
We had really realistic goalsfor him.
And learning, to be honest,wasn't really one of them,
particularly in term one.
This is a child who's barelybeen to school for the whole of
year two.
So the fact that he goes toschool gets a uniform on, is
amazing.
Like we were celebrating thatand I didn't really care about
(26:59):
the learning to be honest,because I was just so happy that
he was happy and he was going toschool and he was meeting new
kids and he was playing soccerat lunch and he even went to
school camp.
He went an overnight camp.
Like the fact that he felt thatsafe in doing that is just
astounding.
(27:20):
We haven't had any conversationsat the moment about him
transitioning back intomainstream at all because he's
still, it's still steppingstones and the school has said
to me, we will do things slowly.
Please trust, trust us.
We don't wanna rush this, whichis lovely to hear.
And I do trust them.
Leisa Reichelt (27:39):
That's a lovely feeling, isn't it, to be able to
trust the people who are lookingafter your kids.
Jane (27:43):
Absolutely.
His nervous system state is thepriority at the moment.
and as I said, the learning willcome.
when he is in a state of calmand he's relaxed, it will come.
So,
Leisa Reichelt (27:56):
Jane, I might transition our closing questions
if that's ok.
If you could go back in time andtell yourself something about
this journey, when do you thinkyou would go back to and what
would you say?
Jane (28:07):
Um, Keep going.
This is a huge learningexperience for your family
You'll be okay.
Like you just need to keep goingand do everything in your power
to try and find a better wayout.
There will be a way it might notlook like what you think it will
(28:27):
look like.
But there will, there will be away and, and through this whole
experience, there's a wholepiece of like acceptance of
this, of this beautiful childand who they are and that things
are gonna be done differently.
And that's okay.
Leisa Reichelt (28:41):
That's lovely.
If you were going to saysomething to everyone who is
listening who is on their ownSchool Can't journey at the
moment, what would you like themto hear and know.
Jane (28:52):
I feel for you.
Seek out connection as much aspossible with families that are
going through a similarexperience or have neurodiverse
children because I have foundamazing support now that I have
a son in a support class.
I have a friend now who has achild very similar to mine.
(29:14):
We've both had to give up workand having that friendship of
someone who truly understandswhat you're going through means
the world.
It makes you feel like you'renot alone because I know that
you can feel incredibly alonewhen you're going through
something like this, but Ipromise you, you'll appreciate
(29:35):
things so much more.
You'll find deep connectionswith people that you never
thought you could because ofwhat you're going through.
And you'll grow because of whatyou're going through a lot.
You won't realize how, um, howmuch you, you grow through this
experience and how much youvalue life and the simple things
because of what you're goingthrough'cause it is incredibly
traumatic.
Leisa Reichelt (29:58):
Yes.
Yeah.
You might not be hitting KPIs atwork, but you're growing in a
completely different andprobably more meaningful way in
a lot of respects.
Jane (30:05):
Absolutely.
This makes you really step backand look at what you need to
value in life and what'simportant.
Leisa Reichelt (30:13):
Hundred percent.
Alright, last one.
looking for a resource you'vecome across in your journey that
you've really, really foundsuper helpful.
What would you recommend.
Jane (30:25):
I love Em from NeuroWild.
She is a autistic, ADHD mum withneurodivergent children.
She's an artist and she has themost beautiful visuals that
explain neurodiversity, how youmight be feeling, sensory
pieces, regulation.
(30:45):
They're just beautiful and theysometimes help me just to check
in with how my child might befeeling.
The battery might be runningdown and she has these beautiful
visuals of their battery kind ofexhausted at the end of the day.
They're just a great educationpiece as well for parents that
aren't too heavy.
'Cause this, this land can bevery heavy and having something
(31:06):
that's a bit more lightheartedcan be really refreshing.
Leisa Reichelt (31:10):
Yeah, her work is beautiful.
On Instagram and Facebook, Ithink is where I see it mostly.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Well, Jane, thank you so muchfor taking us on this journey.
I know you've you've shared alot with us and it's obviously
been a really emotional time inyour life as well, and I'm sure
lots of other people are aregoing through or have gone
(31:31):
through really similarexperiences and I appreciate you
really being willing to sharewith us today.
Jane (31:38):
Thank you, Leisa.
I really appreciate it.
It's lovely to sit down and lookback at the experience.
Leisa Reichelt (31:44):
Well, many thanks to Jane for sharing her
story, and here's hoping thatJohnny continues to go from
strength to strength at school.
I've put some links to Jane'sresource recommendation, which
was Em from Neuro Wild in theepisode notes, if you wanna go
and check out Em's beautifulillustrations, I've also got
links to School Can't Australia,where you'll find loads of
helpful School Can't resources,information about the parent
(32:06):
peer support community, And alsoa link to donate so you can show
your support.
If you have found this podcasthelpful please do take a moment
to share, subscribe, maybe evengive us a rating or review.
This really does help us get thepodcast in front of more people
who have School Can't kids, andwho have not yet found our
community and all theinformation we can share.
(32:26):
If you would like to share yourown lived experience with the
community, please drop me anemail to
schoolcantpodcast@gmail.com.
It's a very relaxed process andanyone can do it, and I would
love to hear from you.
If you are a parent or carer inAustralia and you're feeling
distressed, please remember youcan always call the Parent
Helpline in your state.
(32:47):
A link with the number to callis in the episode notes.
Thank you again for listening,and we will talk again soon.
Take care.
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