December 8, 2025 • 35 mins
Welcome to the School Can't Experience Podcast hosted by Leisa Reichelt. In this episode, Wendy, a high school teacher and foster parent, shares her story of caring for her foster son Jax, who has struggled with school attendance for several years.
Wendy shares the various challenges they have faced with the education system, their experiences with foster care, and their journey towards finding an appropriate learning environment for Jax where he is now truly seen, understood and supported.
The episode also highlights the importance of understanding neurodiversity and advocating for children with special needs.
Content warning: the episode includes a mention of suicide. Please listen with care and reach out for support if you need it.
00:00 Welcome to the School Can't Experience Podcast
00:27 Introducing Wendy and Her Story
01:16 Wendy's Background and Family Dynamics
04:45 Challenges in the Education System
08:55 Navigating the Foster Care System
16:12 Breakthroughs and Progress
23:21 Finding the Right School
29:47 Reflections and Future Hopes
33:52 Closing Remarks and Resources
People & resources mentioned in this episode:
- NSW In-Home Care - https://nswihc.org.au/in-home-care/
- Your Child is Not Broken: Parent Your Neurodivergent Child Without Losing Your Marbles, by Heidi Mavir - https://www.panmacmillan.com.au/9781035030576/
- School Can’t Australia Facebook Community - https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolphobiaschoolrefusalaustralia
- Make a donation to School Can’t Australia - https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au/get-involved
If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the Parent Help Line. - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you
You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on schoolcantpodcast@gmail.com
Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist, or other qualified professional.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Leisa Reichelt (00:05):
Hello and welcome to the School Can't
Experience Podcast.
I'm Leisa Reichelt, and thispodcast is brought to you by the
School Can't Australiacommunity.
Caring for a young person who'sstruggling to attend school can
be a stressful and isolatingexperience, but you are not
alone.
Thousands of parents acrossAustralia and many more around
the world face similarchallenges and experiences every
(00:26):
day.
Today we have Wendy joining usto share her lived experience of
School Can't.
Wendy is a high school teacherand has been a foster parent to
her son Jax for about sevenyears.
In many ways, their experienceis going to sound very familiar
to our School Can't families,but with the added complexity of
involvement with state andagencies as a part of that
(00:46):
foster care relationship.
Quick content warning.
This episode does include abrief reference to suicide, so
please listen with care andreach out for support if you
need it.
I hope you enjoy ourconversation.
Thank you so much, Wendy, forjoining us for our podcast
today.
Really appreciate you beingwilling to come and share your
story.
Wendy (01:03):
My pleasure.
The community's given a lot tous and without it, we wouldn't
have successfully navigatedwhere we've been.
So thank you and thank you toeveryone who is part of the
group as well.
Leisa Reichelt (01:16):
Let us get started by getting to know you
and your family a little bit,Wendy, can you tell us a little
bit about you and, your family?
Wendy (01:25):
Yeah, look, I'm a single parent.
I have foster son who came to mewhen he was little.
When I look back, I can seesigns that probably should have
foreshadowed this more.
But then we had some concernswith a friendship breakdown at
school and some little things.
We'd had some reactive behaviorsand some suspensions, not many,
(01:50):
and then, it all sort of blewup.
Leisa Reichelt (01:52):
And Wendy, you are an educator as well?
Wendy (01:55):
Yes, yes.
I believe in education.
I believe in public education.
However, I understand that it isnot always appropriate.
This has been a great learningcurve for me as well.
And I find neuropsychologyfascinating.
So, I have grown a great deal asan educator.
I have changed a lot in myclassroom, to accommodate, needs
(02:19):
of other children and just sortof a little bit more aware as
well.
Leisa Reichelt (02:24):
What ages do you teach?
Wendy (02:26):
I'm a high school teacher, and my room is in the
noisiest and busiest part of theschool.
Throughout learning about myson, I came to the realization
and got a diagnosis that I amADHD.
So middle aged, with an ADHDdiagnosis.
But you know what, when I couldsee things in my son and others
(02:48):
could not, I now understand why.
Because I guess in some ways weare wired similarly.
And I could see, oh, that'sconcerning him.
And when I try to explain thatwith expert advice, other people
would be like, oh, no, no, no.
That's not the case.
Learning about things likesensitivities and sound and
(03:09):
texture and all the rest of it,you know, it's not just being
fussy, it is about cognitiveoverload as well.
I'm trying very hard to makesure that I make that difference
for kids in my classroom aswell.
I've also learned things likethere are certain types of
questions that we think areeasier for children.
(03:30):
So matching things up, words anddefinitions that is actually
adding to the stress and strainof cognitive overload.
And I've brought that back to myteaching and to the people I
work with as well to say, guys,this is not friendly.
It would be better to have aquestion and an answer because
there are too many steps to thisas well, which is interesting, I
(03:51):
think as well.
Leisa Reichelt (03:52):
How have you learned that?
Have you gone out and doneadditional professional
development or is this your ownpersonal learning that you've
been doing?
Wendy (04:00):
A bit of both.
My son has some specialists thathe works with.
I have talked through with themdifferent scenarios and also I
do a lot of reading.
When things are mentioned to me,I then go out and seek and read
and learn.
So I found some great books.
Firstly I learnt about traumabecause having a child with
(04:21):
trauma, that was very importantfor me.
And then, with the ASDdiagnosis, I've always tried to
learn, so that I am doing bestpractice in my life wherever I
can.
I have found it veryinteresting.
And so it has been through bothmy job but also through my son
is learning about that andjoining communities and web
(04:42):
pages and reading professionalarticles as well.
Leisa Reichelt (04:45):
Well, why don't we go back to the beginning.
Wherever you think the beginningis of Jax School Can't
experience and your exposure toSchool Can't.
You said that, looking back,there were probably some early
indicators.
Wendy (04:58):
yeah.
Leisa Reichelt (04:58):
do you think it all starts?
Wendy (05:00):
Well, he came to me halfway through kindergarten and
the policy is that children goto school as soon as they can
when they're in your care.
Now, hindsight for me says, abest practice would be creating
connections first and thenslowly.
But I know that we, as we allknow, there are bigger forces at
(05:20):
play than us that sometimes youdon't always get to decide.
So when I took him for hisorientation, I think of it now
and I am saddened to think thislittle boy was in the fetal
position in the corner of theoffice waiting room.
Thinking about that now, Iunderstand that school wasn't
(05:41):
safe.
I have learned more recentlythat he was removed from a
family member's care, a secondremoval from his preschool and
that was quite tumultuous.
So I imagine that school isassociated with trauma, even if
he doesn't realize it.
Going back to kindergarten, Inow can see things like that.
(06:04):
However, we did successfullytransition.
He had an amazing kindie teacherwho saw his spark and his joy of
life and all the rest of it.
In year one, we also had a greatteacher.
However, as I said, my son isreactive at times.
He did get suspended in yearone, and that was absolutely
devastating.
(06:25):
Now, as an educator, I,understood that there were
things that have to happen.
However, I think he had twosuspensions, maybe three from
year one to five.
He was absolutely broken by thatsuspension.
We talked it through, we didwhat have you.
He wasn't punished for that.
(06:45):
He reacted to another child andI think he might've hit them.
With my knowledge now I knowthat reactive behavior was, you
know, we call it a meltdown.
The sense that we couldn'texpress ourselves.
And I think there's no space forchildren who are emotionally
younger than their peers.
And that's difficult.
(07:06):
And I guess we can talk aboutthat idea of invisible
disabilities.
I still see so muchmisunderstanding from
psychologists.
I read a great book.
I can't remember what it is, itwas a British woman, and it was
amazing, and she swore a lot aswell, which, resonated with me.
it talked about her son, theexposure therapy and the damage
(07:28):
it had on her son.
Now, obviously we went throughthe exposure therapy and all the
rest of it.
What I'm thinking is that peopleare not understanding that
misbehavior is not alwaysmisbehavior.
We look at the action and what'shappened, but we haven't seen
what that lead up is.
Leisa Reichelt (07:47):
Can I ask at the, at the stage that he was
getting these suspensions, hadhe been identified as autistic
yet, or not yet?
Wendy (07:55):
No.
Mental health means a lot to me.
I lost a parent to suicide.
And knowing background andhistory and story, I was going
to do my darndest that any childin my care was going to be
supported with everything.
Now that has been a big fight,but we started with a counselor.
We moved to a psychologist.
(08:16):
Then in my reading I read that apsychologist and a psychiatrist
is often very good for mentalhealth because you need both
parts.
We talk a lot about the windowof tolerance and what have you,
but if a child skill wise cannotaccess this because cognitive
overload or whatever, thenthat's where the psychiatrist
(08:38):
can help with medication toallow a window that we can work
with and create strategies.
So I did that.
I got a lot of pushback becauseI'm not the legal parent.
And I have to get permission foreverything.
But we did it.
Leisa Reichelt (08:55):
In that situation, are you getting
permission from the state?
Wendy (08:57):
Yes.
The state has given privatecompanies the power.
Now I have to seek permissionfor many, many things.
And I'm not called a parent.
I have a great relationship withJax biological family.
We do very well, but, I havebeen repeatedly told that I'm an
(09:20):
employee and I'm not his parent.
And that's hard.
Leisa Reichelt (09:24):
And how long have you been caring for him?
Wendy (09:26):
Over seven years,
Leisa Reichelt (09:28):
Wow.
Wendy (09:29):
Anyway, I have to work within a system and I understand
that.
But I don't know if there isrespect both ways in that
regard.
When I advocate, I think it'sseen as problematic.
I do my best.
We had a lovely speechie whosuggested that Jax may be
neurodivergent.
He likes scary things andapparently that's a very common
(09:50):
autistic trait.
And impulsive, and absolutelywonderful, beautiful.
But, I mentioned that and I wastold no.
No testing, Anyway, when we gotthis lovely psychiatrist on
board who's been amazing, and agreat team there.
Jax was probably always about an80% attendance kid.
(10:12):
Needed rest time, needed mentalhealth times, particularly after
times of change.
So any change is difficult.
Going into and out of holidays.
We would do our best, but, if heneeded time, I would give him
time.
He had developed his firstreally firm friendship in year
four, a new child at school.
(10:33):
I was feeling pretty excited.
We went on holidays together.
The mother was a psychologist.
The child was neurodivergent,very fast, strong friendship.
And then it stopped.
I'd, talked to the mum and said,can we get the boys into figure
this out.
The mum didn't force the issue.
(10:55):
I still don't know what theconcern was as such, and my boy
spiraled from there.
So, unfortunately, I think myboy was a scapegoat a lot at
school.
You know, the child that youknow how to push their buttons.
Jack started running away fromschool.
And that was very difficult.
I would get calls daily at theend of year five.
(11:18):
I ended up cutting school shortthat year by two weeks, thinking
that would work.
Sorry, that was the end of yearfour.
Anyway, fresh start in yearfive, brand new teacher to the
school.
They both had an interest insoccer.
For a second that worked.
I think we made three days andthen we stopped going
(11:40):
altogether.
The teacher had a loud voice,loud voices, male voices is a
trigger.
Jax has had stronger connectionswith females in the past, in
caregivers and what have you.
We tried, but it wasn't working.
It went into crisis mode.
Our caseworker was coming.
(12:02):
At first I tried to get him toschool to the best of my
ability.
It wasn't working.
I threw my hands up.
I'd already used all my longservice and sick leave.
So we had school not feelingsafe.
Home was safe to a point.
We had his caseworker then, therhetoric was that I was too
(12:22):
soft.
Leisa Reichelt (12:24):
Because you weren't forcing him to school?
Wendy (12:26):
Yes, yes, yes.
Now, so we had the caseworkercoming in daily to force him to
school.
He'd run away.
I remember distinctly onemorning at 8:30, calling in sick
to work.
My son has run away.
Luckily my work has been so verygood about that.
And the more the push happened,the worse it became.
(12:49):
And my son went from accessingthe house to being bound to his
bedroom.
If it happened again, there isno way I would allow that.
And I ended up stepping in.
We had a great psychologist atthat time.
We ended up having a plan wherea support person would come, and
try to get him to school andwould do the paperwork and
(13:11):
packages from school and once aday or once a week, he'd have to
bring the work in.
The rhetoric started from then,that my son was addicted to
gaming.
And home was, and I knoweveryone can relate to this was
too comfortable.
So, well, he did have a TV and aPlayStation in his bedroom that
(13:33):
was removed.
Then, there was an applicationmade to turn the internet off
until he had done what he wasasked to do every day.
And it breaks my heart to thinkof this again.
My son then dumped a whole bunchof technology in the pool As I
said, this is a boy in crisis.
When I reported that to ouragency, they laughed.
(13:55):
Nothing was replaced, whatever.
I complied to the best of myability, as did the support
worker.
Until the support worker said, Ican't do this anymore.
This is against my jobdescription.
At first they bought therhetoric that was around me and
my family, and then theyrealized that wasn't the case.
(14:17):
So, fast forward a little bit,we were making some progress,
then because my son could notmeet deadlines.
As we know, a lot of kids can't.
The funding was withdrawn.
We no longer had a supportworker.
I was told that he goes toschool or deal with it.
Leisa Reichelt (14:37):
So the deadlines were you had to produce this
amount of work in this much timetype deadlines?
Wendy (14:43):
With all the restrictive practices.get dressed get the
work done and then deliver it tothe school.
So that, exposure therapy sortof thing.
He found that very difficult.
He ended up starting to wear allblack and hoodie.
For years, that's all we wouldwear.
We did our best with that.
Then, the funding was withdrawn.
He didn't make the deadline,that psychologist was then
(15:06):
sacked.
I was left with a child whowould not leave their room for
anything really.
And I had no care, no nothing.
So I started to employ privatesitters, which I did for a long
time, and got myself into somefinancial difficulty, which I'm
(15:26):
still crawling out of today.
Luckily, my, brother-in-law hadsome time off work and for the
last term of year five, I thinkit was, I would drop my son
there every day and he wouldspend the day there and that was
(15:47):
great.
And, that helped us out an awfullot.
Then going into year six theincessant meetings, we had a
very good school liaisonofficer, a very good public
school, and they were doingtheir darndest and they knew I
was doing my darndest.
Our agency did not believe that,and, they wiped their hands of
it.
Somewhere in this time betweenfive and six, I feel like I've
(16:10):
lost probably three years of ourlife.
Our psychiatrist, pulled in afavor and got an autism
diagnosis for Jax.
Which was great.
So that was, then added to theother diagnosis.
And, can I say it didn't make adifference in how people
responded.
However, it made a differencefor me in learning about how he
(16:32):
ticks.
He probably isn't stereotypical.
But definitely there are,particularly sensory issues
there.
Now we all know that COVIDprobably, made this process of
burnout happen quicker becausewe felt what it was like not to
have that conformity every day.
(16:52):
If that makes sense.
You know, and the explosions inthe afternoon and all the rest
of it.
Leisa Reichelt (16:57):
So having that contrast, you mean between the
usual daily demands and thenCOVID, taking a lot of those
demands away helps you to seethe difference between how your
son was in one context versusanother.
Wendy (17:11):
I don't have to mask or conform all day or, feel the
pressures of that.
He still doesn't like crowds.
But he will do crowds for thingsthat he likes, and we are better
in so many ways in that regard,because we can manage it a bit
more.
We understand it now and we worktogether.
When we got the diagnosis afriend was going through a
(17:33):
similar issue, with an olderchild.
She recommended me to the SchoolCan't Facebook page which was
wonderful for me because I wouldscroll the pages nightly.
Through the webpage and people'sstories I learned about in-home
care, which, really did save ourfamily in a lot of ways.
Leisa Reichelt (17:52):
So tell me more about that.
Wendy (17:53):
Yeah, well our agency is still ignorant of that.
Even despite my best, I appliedfor it.
I got the paperwork in and allthe rest of it.
I kept the agency abreast of allof this and we were approved.
Wow.
It was amazing.
The problem was there weren'treally suitable carers.
So we went through the firstworker.
(18:14):
We then got two other workerswho I thought would've been a
good fit.
One of them was training to be asocial worker, but the
connection wasn't there.
Then the agency I worked withwent bust.
So I had to take time off workto look after my son.
(18:35):
I ended up finding a new, notlocal, but a new in-home care
agency, that one of the carersagreed to come with us.
And that was a stop gap.
Wasn't a great fit, but it wasbetter than nothing until one
day they just decided to quit
Leisa Reichelt (18:51):
All these solutions are just so temporary,
aren't they?
Wendy (18:54):
It's just devastating and it's another change, another
hiccup.
We were left for some time and,the agency, they were
advertising and all the rest ofit.
I put ads in the university, Icanvassed everywhere I could.
There was nowhere.
But then one of the lovelypeople at our agency suggested
(19:15):
someone who might be interestedand, by the grace of God or what
have you, this person saidthey'd come and see.
Jax had a first great day, andthis person clicked.
She wouldn't let him get awaywith things, but she was warm.
Great sense of humor, little bitdark if she needed.
(19:36):
Understanding that a child 11,12, 13, He's not a little child.
Luckily this person is stillworking with us today, two years
later.
So, In home care, we then had tofigure out what was going to
happen.
The ultimatum was that for yearseven, I had been advocating, I
(20:02):
had been going to all thesemeetings and the decision was
made, it would be distanceeducation or it'd be the local
high school, which is where Iwork.
That was it.
So distance education it wasgoing to be.
I thought I could supervise hiseducation and our in-home care
worker could be here every day.
(20:23):
That was a breach of law.
I didn't know that.
So distance ed was pulled outfrom underneath us, just like
that.
Leisa Reichelt (20:31):
How is that a breach of law?
Wendy (20:32):
In home care, you can't do Distance Ed.
The person cannot be themanager.
And I didn't know that.
Homeschooling yes, but not that.
And so it got very messy fromthen on.
We really were at the end of ourtether, So, we were making great
strides at home with aconsistent educator who got him
(20:53):
and all the rest of it.
They weren't necessarily alwaysseen for what they were.
I would take photos daily of thesetup that I had, the work that
was left.
I would take photos ofeverything, but at the end of
year six, when Distance Ed waspulled out from underneath us
and I tried to advocate anywhereI could, another risk of harm
(21:16):
was put in for our family that Ihad to answer to the Department
of Communities and Justice formedical and educational neglect.
Leisa Reichelt (21:28):
Oh my God.
Wendy (21:29):
The medical neglect was that Jax didn't have a
psychologist at that time.
That was because the agency hadwithdrawn that psychologist.
The educational neglect, I askedabout homeschooling, if we could
do that for a bit.
No.
So I had to answer to all this,even though those decisions were
(21:50):
not my decisions.
I had floated the idea of analternate private school from
about year four when I noticedthat as other children were
advancing in different ways, myfoster son was still emotionally
immature.
Depression, anxiety, trauma,PTSD, all these things made it
(22:17):
difficult for him.
I was not allowed to apply forthis school.
And so that was that.
Now, because Distance Ed wastaken off the table and I had to
sit down and actually, theagency and DCJ did speak to my
son and said, you go to schoolor you can't live here anymore.
(22:40):
I wish I could have protectedhim from that as well.
I mean, what do you do?
I am so very lucky that didn'thappen.
However, the threats were huge.
There was a suggestion that hewould go live elsewhere
throughout the week, whether hecould be made to go to school
and come to me on the weekend.
Leisa Reichelt (22:59):
It must be stressful for both of you.
Wendy (23:00):
Oh yeah, it, it was, I was losing my mind.
Now they were mental healthconcerns for me, and I, in this
process was then diagnosed as,neurodivergent with ADHD,
peri-menopausal woman.
You know how it goes.
My psychiatrist said, you're notgoing insane.
This is stress.
You're under immense stress.
Leisa Reichelt (23:20):
how did we get out of this?
Because ultimately, this is ahappy story, right?
Wendy (23:24):
The great thing was with no other choice through the
agency and DCJ, we gotpermission to apply for a
school, a private school thatfocuses in on children that are
neurodivergent, anxiety,depression, all of that.
So we did that.
(23:45):
We had an uphill first week, onehour a day, second week, two
hours a day, third week, threehours a day, you get it.
So by week five, it was fulldays.
It was really stressful becausethere were signs of strain and
by now we had anotherpsychologist on board, the
(24:05):
psychiatrist, the in-home care,myself.
We asked.
We're seeing strain.
Can we stop at two hours a day?
No.
Okay.
So we didn't make it every day.
There was then another meetingthat if we have any more
absences, then that's it.
(24:27):
Anyway, all back and forth, wegot through.
We still have absences.
I think we're about 79, 80%attendance.
Probably once a fortnight.
We might need some time, but weare making full days.
Leisa Reichelt (24:42):
What is so different about this school?
Why is he able to attend thisschool in a way that he wasn't
the others?
Wendy (24:47):
It's very small.
There are two classes of maybe15 kids, and they do it by
stage.
His teacher and support teacherare great.
It starts with a movement break.
It then goes into literacy andnumeracy in those peak times in
the morning.
They don't cram into the daywhat traditional schools will.
(25:12):
There is flexibility.
They'll go to the beach, hangout at the beach.
My son doesn't like that though'cause he wants to go swimming
and what have you, and you can'tdo that.
There is that understandingthere.
The classroom has flexiblelearning of where you can be and
how.
And it's also, the pace and theschool is designed for kids who
struggle.
(25:34):
And my son has alwaystraditionally struggled.
Average intelligence, quitebright, great vocab, spelling,
handwriting, nay..
The assessments are done atschool.
He's made a stop motionanimation film at school.
He made a CO2 dragster at schooland he's made some tentative
(25:55):
friendships.
It took a long time for that.
He's gone to two birthdayparties.
We haven't done that in years.
I think we've been to very fewbirthday parties.
And he's also now playing withhis friends online with
Minecraft and what have you.
So the school has been amazingin that regard.
I have tried to, if there's aconcern let them know, And just
(26:20):
to keep them in the loop, whichhas been great.
And they've then fed back to me,how he's presented during these
times too.
They have been so understanding,that he can't come today and
they're okay.
Fair enough.
Now, I went to his end of year,and I feel a bit removed'cause
we still have in home care forthe mornings.
(26:40):
And the afternoons, so that wayI can finish up at work.
And I also do private tutoringto supplement paying for a
private education.
So we have in-home care so thatcan get him to an afternoon
appointment.
And it also makes sure that myson is not left by himself
because that's detrimental tohis mental health.
Leisa Reichelt (27:01):
Yeah.
Wendy (27:01):
The school, has been amazing in allowing him to grow.
They were surprised by how,although he's limited in some
skills and writing is difficultand spelling is difficult, that
his knowledge and his readingand everything was good.
And as they're going to learnand as he's opened up, they've
(27:23):
realized that spelling reallydoes hold him back and worries
him.
So if someone scribes for him,or, helps out in that way, then
they get more.
So that's been amazing Theybreak up their day so that in
the afternoons they are doingless taxing, less cognitive
load, more fun things.
(27:45):
The school day is not as long bya little bit.
It's a little bit shorter.
And, actually part of the schooluniform is a black hoodie.
How amazing is that?
Leisa Reichelt (27:55):
Perfect.
Wendy (27:56):
And he would wear a hoodie every day no matter what
the weather.
But now he doesn't need it somuch.
Leisa Reichelt (28:00):
Yeah.
Wendy (28:02):
So that's been an absolute game changer, having
all the team on board.
We have a psychologist who theydo some written work and that
comes home and I get to look atit and my heart just skips a
beat.
One of them was, you know, howto be a good human, and he wrote
down what things he needs to door, what worries him.
I found out that if I'm not homewhen I've said I'll be home,
(28:26):
that causes him great anxiety.
We're learning more about thingslike that as well.
The end of school presentation Iwent to, he didn't want me to
go.
He was very nervous because youhave to get up on stage, but not
everyone did get up on stage.
Some people couldn't do it thatday, and that was okay.
My son did get up and he got aclass award as every child in
(28:48):
the class did.
And I was exceptionally proud.
Leisa Reichelt (28:50):
Yay.
Wendy (28:51):
You know, he didn't smile.
He looked like he was on hisdeath march, but that fine, it
was just lovely.
Leisa Reichelt (28:57):
a typical teenage boy, isn't it?
Wendy (28:59):
Well that's what I think.
They gave three class awards.
My son got a class award, and Iwas like, oh my God, I wasn't
even ready.
I've got my camera out and whathave you.
And it was for growth andimprovement.
And then out of the school fromyear six to year 12, not a big
school, as I said, but they gavefour awards out.
I didn't know this, the staffhad to vote.
(29:20):
That's how they do it.
So two were year 12 students.
My son in year seven got anaward, sorry, I'm all goose
bumpy, for perseverance andgrowth.
And I am tickled pink becausethese people see my son.
They know he's a really good boyand he has a really tough
(29:40):
exterior, but that isprotection.
It has just been brilliant.
Leisa Reichelt (29:46):
So wonderful.
Wendy (29:47):
It is.
It is a total success story, inthat regard, and I do want
people to know that is hope andthere is alternatives.
The amount of independentschools that are popping up are
amazing.
And maybe one doesn't fit, butone does.
Also talking to people who havestarted to homeschool or
(30:07):
unschool and people who haveautonomy over their children.
My son needed a three year breakfrom the world.
He needed to repair.
And all the well-meaning advicewe received wasn't great.
Leisa Reichelt (30:23):
It sounds like a lot of it did more harm than
good, honestly.
Wendy (30:25):
Yeah.
People and your nearest anddearest who you love are going
to say, no, it's not right.
However, I think you need tolisten to what your child is
telling you, even if they're nottelling you with words.
Avoid the shame spiral, avoidthe, you know, the amount of
plans we have canceled.
I've lost friends, I've lostwhat have you.
(30:45):
But what have we gained?
We are celebrating so much atthe moment.
We've gone out for dinners.
At restaurants and loved it.
We've gone to see Back To TheFuture the musical, we've been
to the movies, we've done this,we've done that.
We've had people to the home andgone out and socialized in ways
(31:05):
when he's comfortable.
That is not every day though.
And that's okay.
Leisa Reichelt (31:10):
it sounds like a huge change from when he was
locked in his room in his blackhoodie.
Wendy (31:15):
Yeah.
It's fantastic.
A year ago, I would never havesaid we were here, but we are
here.
I know there are parents whowould laugh at that now.
I would've laughed.
I would've hated me now.
Good for you.
With things happening.
I don't care about the awards.
Please don't, please don't thinkthat that is something that
really got me impressed.
(31:36):
The thing that I cared about isthat he's seen, and that he's
acknowledged and that hisstruggle has not been
discounted.
I hope that for everybody inthat experience.
In my mind, I keep saying thereare children who never went to
school, who grew up in wartime,and they were okay.
And I know that, when he was notokay, he was watching financial
(31:59):
advisor videos and he would comeand show this is what we should
do.
It was an American, it wasn'tgoing to help us.
But he was learning, he wasfinding new skills, but we just
didn't know that and we couldn'trecognize it.
And formal institutions couldn'tsee that.
We all need to keep looking andalso to keep being vocal
(32:22):
because, I know that educationsystem as a whole needs to
change.
I've invested in my ownclassroom to put shades over the
fluorescent lighting because Iwould have a battle every day.
I want the lights on, I want thelights off, I've got them now
and we have the lights on andit's fine.
Different things like that.
(32:42):
hopefully people will see thatif we can give a little.
All children can feel empoweredand strong enough to do what
they need to do.
Will they be in a mainstreamschool?
I don't know.
And that's okay.
I'm just fortunate enough that Ican work enough to afford the
(33:03):
school we're going to.
And I would like that for everychild.
And I think that's where we willbe going soon.
When we understand divergence,we need to have places that
support in greater ways too.
It might not be in my workinglifetime But I'm seeing small
changes, that I think there willbe more.
Leisa Reichelt (33:26):
and you are a part of that change too.
Wendy, thank you so much forwhat you're doing in that
context as well.
And thank you for being willingto come and share your story
with us today.
It's devastating to hear whatyou guys have had to go through,
but it's wonderful that you'rein a situation of transformation
and hope right now.
Wendy (33:44):
Yeah.
Leisa Reichelt (33:44):
I'm really pleased to hear it.
Wendy (33:45):
Thank you.
And please know that, although Imay be a little bit time poor,
whatever I can do to help thecommunity, I will always do.
Leisa Reichelt (33:52):
How wonderful is it to hear that Jax has found
somewhere that sees andunderstands him and that he's
made so much progress back towellbeing.
And what a wonderful job hasWendy done in advocating for and
supporting him.
I hope you found this storyinspiring.
Wendy did send through the nameof that book that flicked the
light bulb for her, and it'scalled Your Child Is Not Broken,
Parent Your Neurodivergent ChildWithout Losing Your Marbles by
(34:15):
Heidi Mavir.
I've put a link to it in theepisode notes if that sounds
like something you would like tocheck out.
If you found our podcasthelpful, I would be so grateful
if you could take a moment tosubscribe or maybe give us a
rating or a review.
It really does make a hugedifference in helping us get the
podcast in front of more peoplewho have School Can't kids, and
have not yet found our SchoolCan't community and all the
(34:37):
information that we share.
If you have some feedback forus, or perhaps you've been
inspired to share your own livedexperience story, which would be
amazing, please drop me an emailto schoolcantpodcast@gmail.com.
I would love to hear from you.
If you are a parent or carer inAustralia and you are feeling
distressed, remember you canalways call the Parent Help Line
in your state or call Lifelineon 13 11 14.
(35:00):
Thank you again for listening.
We will talk again soon.
Take care.
Hello and welcome to the School Can't
Experience Podcast.
I'm Leisa Reichelt, and thispodcast is brought to you by the
School Can't Australiacommunity.
Caring for a young person who'sstruggling to attend school can
be a stressful and isolatingexperience, but you are not
alone.
Thousands of parents acrossAustralia and many more around
the world face similarchallenges and experiences every
(00:26):
day.
Today we have Wendy joining usto share her lived experience of
School Can't.
Wendy is a high school teacherand has been a foster parent to
her son Jax for about sevenyears.
In many ways, their experienceis going to sound very familiar
to our School Can't families,but with the added complexity of
involvement with state andagencies as a part of that
(00:46):
foster care relationship.
Quick content warning.
This episode does include abrief reference to suicide, so
please listen with care andreach out for support if you
need it.
I hope you enjoy ourconversation.
Thank you so much, Wendy, forjoining us for our podcast
today.
Really appreciate you beingwilling to come and share your
story.
Wendy (01:03):
My pleasure.
The community's given a lot tous and without it, we wouldn't
have successfully navigatedwhere we've been.
So thank you and thank you toeveryone who is part of the
group as well.
Leisa Reichelt (01:16):
Let us get started by getting to know you
and your family a little bit,Wendy, can you tell us a little
bit about you and, your family?
Wendy (01:25):
Yeah, look, I'm a single parent.
I have foster son who came to mewhen he was little.
When I look back, I can seesigns that probably should have
foreshadowed this more.
But then we had some concernswith a friendship breakdown at
school and some little things.
We'd had some reactive behaviorsand some suspensions, not many,
(01:50):
and then, it all sort of blewup.
Leisa Reichelt (01:52):
And Wendy, you are an educator as well?
Wendy (01:55):
Yes, yes.
I believe in education.
I believe in public education.
However, I understand that it isnot always appropriate.
This has been a great learningcurve for me as well.
And I find neuropsychologyfascinating.
So, I have grown a great deal asan educator.
I have changed a lot in myclassroom, to accommodate, needs
(02:19):
of other children and just sortof a little bit more aware as
well.
Leisa Reichelt (02:24):
What ages do you teach?
Wendy (02:26):
I'm a high school teacher, and my room is in the
noisiest and busiest part of theschool.
Throughout learning about myson, I came to the realization
and got a diagnosis that I amADHD.
So middle aged, with an ADHDdiagnosis.
But you know what, when I couldsee things in my son and others
(02:48):
could not, I now understand why.
Because I guess in some ways weare wired similarly.
And I could see, oh, that'sconcerning him.
And when I try to explain thatwith expert advice, other people
would be like, oh, no, no, no.
That's not the case.
Learning about things likesensitivities and sound and
(03:09):
texture and all the rest of it,you know, it's not just being
fussy, it is about cognitiveoverload as well.
I'm trying very hard to makesure that I make that difference
for kids in my classroom aswell.
I've also learned things likethere are certain types of
questions that we think areeasier for children.
(03:30):
So matching things up, words anddefinitions that is actually
adding to the stress and strainof cognitive overload.
And I've brought that back to myteaching and to the people I
work with as well to say, guys,this is not friendly.
It would be better to have aquestion and an answer because
there are too many steps to thisas well, which is interesting, I
(03:51):
think as well.
Leisa Reichelt (03:52):
How have you learned that?
Have you gone out and doneadditional professional
development or is this your ownpersonal learning that you've
been doing?
Wendy (04:00):
A bit of both.
My son has some specialists thathe works with.
I have talked through with themdifferent scenarios and also I
do a lot of reading.
When things are mentioned to me,I then go out and seek and read
and learn.
So I found some great books.
Firstly I learnt about traumabecause having a child with
(04:21):
trauma, that was very importantfor me.
And then, with the ASDdiagnosis, I've always tried to
learn, so that I am doing bestpractice in my life wherever I
can.
I have found it veryinteresting.
And so it has been through bothmy job but also through my son
is learning about that andjoining communities and web
(04:42):
pages and reading professionalarticles as well.
Leisa Reichelt (04:45):
Well, why don't we go back to the beginning.
Wherever you think the beginningis of Jax School Can't
experience and your exposure toSchool Can't.
You said that, looking back,there were probably some early
indicators.
Wendy (04:58):
yeah.
Leisa Reichelt (04:58):
do you think it all starts?
Wendy (05:00):
Well, he came to me halfway through kindergarten and
the policy is that children goto school as soon as they can
when they're in your care.
Now, hindsight for me says, abest practice would be creating
connections first and thenslowly.
But I know that we, as we allknow, there are bigger forces at
(05:20):
play than us that sometimes youdon't always get to decide.
So when I took him for hisorientation, I think of it now
and I am saddened to think thislittle boy was in the fetal
position in the corner of theoffice waiting room.
Thinking about that now, Iunderstand that school wasn't
(05:41):
safe.
I have learned more recentlythat he was removed from a
family member's care, a secondremoval from his preschool and
that was quite tumultuous.
So I imagine that school isassociated with trauma, even if
he doesn't realize it.
Going back to kindergarten, Inow can see things like that.
(06:04):
However, we did successfullytransition.
He had an amazing kindie teacherwho saw his spark and his joy of
life and all the rest of it.
In year one, we also had a greatteacher.
However, as I said, my son isreactive at times.
He did get suspended in yearone, and that was absolutely
devastating.
(06:25):
Now, as an educator, I,understood that there were
things that have to happen.
However, I think he had twosuspensions, maybe three from
year one to five.
He was absolutely broken by thatsuspension.
We talked it through, we didwhat have you.
He wasn't punished for that.
(06:45):
He reacted to another child andI think he might've hit them.
With my knowledge now I knowthat reactive behavior was, you
know, we call it a meltdown.
The sense that we couldn'texpress ourselves.
And I think there's no space forchildren who are emotionally
younger than their peers.
And that's difficult.
(07:06):
And I guess we can talk aboutthat idea of invisible
disabilities.
I still see so muchmisunderstanding from
psychologists.
I read a great book.
I can't remember what it is, itwas a British woman, and it was
amazing, and she swore a lot aswell, which, resonated with me.
it talked about her son, theexposure therapy and the damage
(07:28):
it had on her son.
Now, obviously we went throughthe exposure therapy and all the
rest of it.
What I'm thinking is that peopleare not understanding that
misbehavior is not alwaysmisbehavior.
We look at the action and what'shappened, but we haven't seen
what that lead up is.
Leisa Reichelt (07:47):
Can I ask at the, at the stage that he was
getting these suspensions, hadhe been identified as autistic
yet, or not yet?
Wendy (07:55):
No.
Mental health means a lot to me.
I lost a parent to suicide.
And knowing background andhistory and story, I was going
to do my darndest that any childin my care was going to be
supported with everything.
Now that has been a big fight,but we started with a counselor.
We moved to a psychologist.
(08:16):
Then in my reading I read that apsychologist and a psychiatrist
is often very good for mentalhealth because you need both
parts.
We talk a lot about the windowof tolerance and what have you,
but if a child skill wise cannotaccess this because cognitive
overload or whatever, thenthat's where the psychiatrist
(08:38):
can help with medication toallow a window that we can work
with and create strategies.
So I did that.
I got a lot of pushback becauseI'm not the legal parent.
And I have to get permission foreverything.
But we did it.
Leisa Reichelt (08:55):
In that situation, are you getting
permission from the state?
Wendy (08:57):
Yes.
The state has given privatecompanies the power.
Now I have to seek permissionfor many, many things.
And I'm not called a parent.
I have a great relationship withJax biological family.
We do very well, but, I havebeen repeatedly told that I'm an
(09:20):
employee and I'm not his parent.
And that's hard.
Leisa Reichelt (09:24):
And how long have you been caring for him?
Wendy (09:26):
Over seven years,
Leisa Reichelt (09:28):
Wow.
Wendy (09:29):
Anyway, I have to work within a system and I understand
that.
But I don't know if there isrespect both ways in that
regard.
When I advocate, I think it'sseen as problematic.
I do my best.
We had a lovely speechie whosuggested that Jax may be
neurodivergent.
He likes scary things andapparently that's a very common
(09:50):
autistic trait.
And impulsive, and absolutelywonderful, beautiful.
But, I mentioned that and I wastold no.
No testing, Anyway, when we gotthis lovely psychiatrist on
board who's been amazing, and agreat team there.
Jax was probably always about an80% attendance kid.
(10:12):
Needed rest time, needed mentalhealth times, particularly after
times of change.
So any change is difficult.
Going into and out of holidays.
We would do our best, but, if heneeded time, I would give him
time.
He had developed his firstreally firm friendship in year
four, a new child at school.
(10:33):
I was feeling pretty excited.
We went on holidays together.
The mother was a psychologist.
The child was neurodivergent,very fast, strong friendship.
And then it stopped.
I'd, talked to the mum and said,can we get the boys into figure
this out.
The mum didn't force the issue.
(10:55):
I still don't know what theconcern was as such, and my boy
spiraled from there.
So, unfortunately, I think myboy was a scapegoat a lot at
school.
You know, the child that youknow how to push their buttons.
Jack started running away fromschool.
And that was very difficult.
I would get calls daily at theend of year five.
(11:18):
I ended up cutting school shortthat year by two weeks, thinking
that would work.
Sorry, that was the end of yearfour.
Anyway, fresh start in yearfive, brand new teacher to the
school.
They both had an interest insoccer.
For a second that worked.
I think we made three days andthen we stopped going
(11:40):
altogether.
The teacher had a loud voice,loud voices, male voices is a
trigger.
Jax has had stronger connectionswith females in the past, in
caregivers and what have you.
We tried, but it wasn't working.
It went into crisis mode.
Our caseworker was coming.
(12:02):
At first I tried to get him toschool to the best of my
ability.
It wasn't working.
I threw my hands up.
I'd already used all my longservice and sick leave.
So we had school not feelingsafe.
Home was safe to a point.
We had his caseworker then, therhetoric was that I was too
(12:22):
soft.
Leisa Reichelt (12:24):
Because you weren't forcing him to school?
Wendy (12:26):
Yes, yes, yes.
Now, so we had the caseworkercoming in daily to force him to
school.
He'd run away.
I remember distinctly onemorning at 8:30, calling in sick
to work.
My son has run away.
Luckily my work has been so verygood about that.
And the more the push happened,the worse it became.
(12:49):
And my son went from accessingthe house to being bound to his
bedroom.
If it happened again, there isno way I would allow that.
And I ended up stepping in.
We had a great psychologist atthat time.
We ended up having a plan wherea support person would come, and
try to get him to school andwould do the paperwork and
(13:11):
packages from school and once aday or once a week, he'd have to
bring the work in.
The rhetoric started from then,that my son was addicted to
gaming.
And home was, and I knoweveryone can relate to this was
too comfortable.
So, well, he did have a TV and aPlayStation in his bedroom that
(13:33):
was removed.
Then, there was an applicationmade to turn the internet off
until he had done what he wasasked to do every day.
And it breaks my heart to thinkof this again.
My son then dumped a whole bunchof technology in the pool As I
said, this is a boy in crisis.
When I reported that to ouragency, they laughed.
(13:55):
Nothing was replaced, whatever.
I complied to the best of myability, as did the support
worker.
Until the support worker said, Ican't do this anymore.
This is against my jobdescription.
At first they bought therhetoric that was around me and
my family, and then theyrealized that wasn't the case.
(14:17):
So, fast forward a little bit,we were making some progress,
then because my son could notmeet deadlines.
As we know, a lot of kids can't.
The funding was withdrawn.
We no longer had a supportworker.
I was told that he goes toschool or deal with it.
Leisa Reichelt (14:37):
So the deadlines were you had to produce this
amount of work in this much timetype deadlines?
Wendy (14:43):
With all the restrictive practices.get dressed get the
work done and then deliver it tothe school.
So that, exposure therapy sortof thing.
He found that very difficult.
He ended up starting to wear allblack and hoodie.
For years, that's all we wouldwear.
We did our best with that.
Then, the funding was withdrawn.
He didn't make the deadline,that psychologist was then
(15:06):
sacked.
I was left with a child whowould not leave their room for
anything really.
And I had no care, no nothing.
So I started to employ privatesitters, which I did for a long
time, and got myself into somefinancial difficulty, which I'm
(15:26):
still crawling out of today.
Luckily, my, brother-in-law hadsome time off work and for the
last term of year five, I thinkit was, I would drop my son
there every day and he wouldspend the day there and that was
(15:47):
great.
And, that helped us out an awfullot.
Then going into year six theincessant meetings, we had a
very good school liaisonofficer, a very good public
school, and they were doingtheir darndest and they knew I
was doing my darndest.
Our agency did not believe that,and, they wiped their hands of
it.
Somewhere in this time betweenfive and six, I feel like I've
(16:10):
lost probably three years of ourlife.
Our psychiatrist, pulled in afavor and got an autism
diagnosis for Jax.
Which was great.
So that was, then added to theother diagnosis.
And, can I say it didn't make adifference in how people
responded.
However, it made a differencefor me in learning about how he
(16:32):
ticks.
He probably isn't stereotypical.
But definitely there are,particularly sensory issues
there.
Now we all know that COVIDprobably, made this process of
burnout happen quicker becausewe felt what it was like not to
have that conformity every day.
(16:52):
If that makes sense.
You know, and the explosions inthe afternoon and all the rest
of it.
Leisa Reichelt (16:57):
So having that contrast, you mean between the
usual daily demands and thenCOVID, taking a lot of those
demands away helps you to seethe difference between how your
son was in one context versusanother.
Wendy (17:11):
I don't have to mask or conform all day or, feel the
pressures of that.
He still doesn't like crowds.
But he will do crowds for thingsthat he likes, and we are better
in so many ways in that regard,because we can manage it a bit
more.
We understand it now and we worktogether.
When we got the diagnosis afriend was going through a
(17:33):
similar issue, with an olderchild.
She recommended me to the SchoolCan't Facebook page which was
wonderful for me because I wouldscroll the pages nightly.
Through the webpage and people'sstories I learned about in-home
care, which, really did save ourfamily in a lot of ways.
Leisa Reichelt (17:52):
So tell me more about that.
Wendy (17:53):
Yeah, well our agency is still ignorant of that.
Even despite my best, I appliedfor it.
I got the paperwork in and allthe rest of it.
I kept the agency abreast of allof this and we were approved.
Wow.
It was amazing.
The problem was there weren'treally suitable carers.
So we went through the firstworker.
(18:14):
We then got two other workerswho I thought would've been a
good fit.
One of them was training to be asocial worker, but the
connection wasn't there.
Then the agency I worked withwent bust.
So I had to take time off workto look after my son.
(18:35):
I ended up finding a new, notlocal, but a new in-home care
agency, that one of the carersagreed to come with us.
And that was a stop gap.
Wasn't a great fit, but it wasbetter than nothing until one
day they just decided to quit
Leisa Reichelt (18:51):
All these solutions are just so temporary,
aren't they?
Wendy (18:54):
It's just devastating and it's another change, another
hiccup.
We were left for some time and,the agency, they were
advertising and all the rest ofit.
I put ads in the university, Icanvassed everywhere I could.
There was nowhere.
But then one of the lovelypeople at our agency suggested
(19:15):
someone who might be interestedand, by the grace of God or what
have you, this person saidthey'd come and see.
Jax had a first great day, andthis person clicked.
She wouldn't let him get awaywith things, but she was warm.
Great sense of humor, little bitdark if she needed.
(19:36):
Understanding that a child 11,12, 13, He's not a little child.
Luckily this person is stillworking with us today, two years
later.
So, In home care, we then had tofigure out what was going to
happen.
The ultimatum was that for yearseven, I had been advocating, I
(20:02):
had been going to all thesemeetings and the decision was
made, it would be distanceeducation or it'd be the local
high school, which is where Iwork.
That was it.
So distance education it wasgoing to be.
I thought I could supervise hiseducation and our in-home care
worker could be here every day.
(20:23):
That was a breach of law.
I didn't know that.
So distance ed was pulled outfrom underneath us, just like
that.
Leisa Reichelt (20:31):
How is that a breach of law?
Wendy (20:32):
In home care, you can't do Distance Ed.
The person cannot be themanager.
And I didn't know that.
Homeschooling yes, but not that.
And so it got very messy fromthen on.
We really were at the end of ourtether, So, we were making great
strides at home with aconsistent educator who got him
(20:53):
and all the rest of it.
They weren't necessarily alwaysseen for what they were.
I would take photos daily of thesetup that I had, the work that
was left.
I would take photos ofeverything, but at the end of
year six, when Distance Ed waspulled out from underneath us
and I tried to advocate anywhereI could, another risk of harm
(21:16):
was put in for our family that Ihad to answer to the Department
of Communities and Justice formedical and educational neglect.
Leisa Reichelt (21:28):
Oh my God.
Wendy (21:29):
The medical neglect was that Jax didn't have a
psychologist at that time.
That was because the agency hadwithdrawn that psychologist.
The educational neglect, I askedabout homeschooling, if we could
do that for a bit.
No.
So I had to answer to all this,even though those decisions were
(21:50):
not my decisions.
I had floated the idea of analternate private school from
about year four when I noticedthat as other children were
advancing in different ways, myfoster son was still emotionally
immature.
Depression, anxiety, trauma,PTSD, all these things made it
(22:17):
difficult for him.
I was not allowed to apply forthis school.
And so that was that.
Now, because Distance Ed wastaken off the table and I had to
sit down and actually, theagency and DCJ did speak to my
son and said, you go to schoolor you can't live here anymore.
(22:40):
I wish I could have protectedhim from that as well.
I mean, what do you do?
I am so very lucky that didn'thappen.
However, the threats were huge.
There was a suggestion that hewould go live elsewhere
throughout the week, whether hecould be made to go to school
and come to me on the weekend.
Leisa Reichelt (22:59):
It must be stressful for both of you.
Wendy (23:00):
Oh yeah, it, it was, I was losing my mind.
Now they were mental healthconcerns for me, and I, in this
process was then diagnosed as,neurodivergent with ADHD,
peri-menopausal woman.
You know how it goes.
My psychiatrist said, you're notgoing insane.
This is stress.
You're under immense stress.
Leisa Reichelt (23:20):
how did we get out of this?
Because ultimately, this is ahappy story, right?
Wendy (23:24):
The great thing was with no other choice through the
agency and DCJ, we gotpermission to apply for a
school, a private school thatfocuses in on children that are
neurodivergent, anxiety,depression, all of that.
So we did that.
(23:45):
We had an uphill first week, onehour a day, second week, two
hours a day, third week, threehours a day, you get it.
So by week five, it was fulldays.
It was really stressful becausethere were signs of strain and
by now we had anotherpsychologist on board, the
(24:05):
psychiatrist, the in-home care,myself.
We asked.
We're seeing strain.
Can we stop at two hours a day?
No.
Okay.
So we didn't make it every day.
There was then another meetingthat if we have any more
absences, then that's it.
(24:27):
Anyway, all back and forth, wegot through.
We still have absences.
I think we're about 79, 80%attendance.
Probably once a fortnight.
We might need some time, but weare making full days.
Leisa Reichelt (24:42):
What is so different about this school?
Why is he able to attend thisschool in a way that he wasn't
the others?
Wendy (24:47):
It's very small.
There are two classes of maybe15 kids, and they do it by
stage.
His teacher and support teacherare great.
It starts with a movement break.
It then goes into literacy andnumeracy in those peak times in
the morning.
They don't cram into the daywhat traditional schools will.
(25:12):
There is flexibility.
They'll go to the beach, hangout at the beach.
My son doesn't like that though'cause he wants to go swimming
and what have you, and you can'tdo that.
There is that understandingthere.
The classroom has flexiblelearning of where you can be and
how.
And it's also, the pace and theschool is designed for kids who
struggle.
(25:34):
And my son has alwaystraditionally struggled.
Average intelligence, quitebright, great vocab, spelling,
handwriting, nay..
The assessments are done atschool.
He's made a stop motionanimation film at school.
He made a CO2 dragster at schooland he's made some tentative
(25:55):
friendships.
It took a long time for that.
He's gone to two birthdayparties.
We haven't done that in years.
I think we've been to very fewbirthday parties.
And he's also now playing withhis friends online with
Minecraft and what have you.
So the school has been amazingin that regard.
I have tried to, if there's aconcern let them know, And just
(26:20):
to keep them in the loop, whichhas been great.
And they've then fed back to me,how he's presented during these
times too.
They have been so understanding,that he can't come today and
they're okay.
Fair enough.
Now, I went to his end of year,and I feel a bit removed'cause
we still have in home care forthe mornings.
(26:40):
And the afternoons, so that wayI can finish up at work.
And I also do private tutoringto supplement paying for a
private education.
So we have in-home care so thatcan get him to an afternoon
appointment.
And it also makes sure that myson is not left by himself
because that's detrimental tohis mental health.
Leisa Reichelt (27:01):
Yeah.
Wendy (27:01):
The school, has been amazing in allowing him to grow.
They were surprised by how,although he's limited in some
skills and writing is difficultand spelling is difficult, that
his knowledge and his readingand everything was good.
And as they're going to learnand as he's opened up, they've
(27:23):
realized that spelling reallydoes hold him back and worries
him.
So if someone scribes for him,or, helps out in that way, then
they get more.
So that's been amazing Theybreak up their day so that in
the afternoons they are doingless taxing, less cognitive
load, more fun things.
(27:45):
The school day is not as long bya little bit.
It's a little bit shorter.
And, actually part of the schooluniform is a black hoodie.
How amazing is that?
Leisa Reichelt (27:55):
Perfect.
Wendy (27:56):
And he would wear a hoodie every day no matter what
the weather.
But now he doesn't need it somuch.
Leisa Reichelt (28:00):
Yeah.
Wendy (28:02):
So that's been an absolute game changer, having
all the team on board.
We have a psychologist who theydo some written work and that
comes home and I get to look atit and my heart just skips a
beat.
One of them was, you know, howto be a good human, and he wrote
down what things he needs to door, what worries him.
I found out that if I'm not homewhen I've said I'll be home,
(28:26):
that causes him great anxiety.
We're learning more about thingslike that as well.
The end of school presentation Iwent to, he didn't want me to
go.
He was very nervous because youhave to get up on stage, but not
everyone did get up on stage.
Some people couldn't do it thatday, and that was okay.
My son did get up and he got aclass award as every child in
(28:48):
the class did.
And I was exceptionally proud.
Leisa Reichelt (28:50):
Yay.
Wendy (28:51):
You know, he didn't smile.
He looked like he was on hisdeath march, but that fine, it
was just lovely.
Leisa Reichelt (28:57):
a typical teenage boy, isn't it?
Wendy (28:59):
Well that's what I think.
They gave three class awards.
My son got a class award, and Iwas like, oh my God, I wasn't
even ready.
I've got my camera out and whathave you.
And it was for growth andimprovement.
And then out of the school fromyear six to year 12, not a big
school, as I said, but they gavefour awards out.
I didn't know this, the staffhad to vote.
(29:20):
That's how they do it.
So two were year 12 students.
My son in year seven got anaward, sorry, I'm all goose
bumpy, for perseverance andgrowth.
And I am tickled pink becausethese people see my son.
They know he's a really good boyand he has a really tough
(29:40):
exterior, but that isprotection.
It has just been brilliant.
Leisa Reichelt (29:46):
So wonderful.
Wendy (29:47):
It is.
It is a total success story, inthat regard, and I do want
people to know that is hope andthere is alternatives.
The amount of independentschools that are popping up are
amazing.
And maybe one doesn't fit, butone does.
Also talking to people who havestarted to homeschool or
(30:07):
unschool and people who haveautonomy over their children.
My son needed a three year breakfrom the world.
He needed to repair.
And all the well-meaning advicewe received wasn't great.
Leisa Reichelt (30:23):
It sounds like a lot of it did more harm than
good, honestly.
Wendy (30:25):
Yeah.
People and your nearest anddearest who you love are going
to say, no, it's not right.
However, I think you need tolisten to what your child is
telling you, even if they're nottelling you with words.
Avoid the shame spiral, avoidthe, you know, the amount of
plans we have canceled.
I've lost friends, I've lostwhat have you.
(30:45):
But what have we gained?
We are celebrating so much atthe moment.
We've gone out for dinners.
At restaurants and loved it.
We've gone to see Back To TheFuture the musical, we've been
to the movies, we've done this,we've done that.
We've had people to the home andgone out and socialized in ways
(31:05):
when he's comfortable.
That is not every day though.
And that's okay.
Leisa Reichelt (31:10):
it sounds like a huge change from when he was
locked in his room in his blackhoodie.
Wendy (31:15):
Yeah.
It's fantastic.
A year ago, I would never havesaid we were here, but we are
here.
I know there are parents whowould laugh at that now.
I would've laughed.
I would've hated me now.
Good for you.
With things happening.
I don't care about the awards.
Please don't, please don't thinkthat that is something that
really got me impressed.
(31:36):
The thing that I cared about isthat he's seen, and that he's
acknowledged and that hisstruggle has not been
discounted.
I hope that for everybody inthat experience.
In my mind, I keep saying thereare children who never went to
school, who grew up in wartime,and they were okay.
And I know that, when he was notokay, he was watching financial
(31:59):
advisor videos and he would comeand show this is what we should
do.
It was an American, it wasn'tgoing to help us.
But he was learning, he wasfinding new skills, but we just
didn't know that and we couldn'trecognize it.
And formal institutions couldn'tsee that.
We all need to keep looking andalso to keep being vocal
(32:22):
because, I know that educationsystem as a whole needs to
change.
I've invested in my ownclassroom to put shades over the
fluorescent lighting because Iwould have a battle every day.
I want the lights on, I want thelights off, I've got them now
and we have the lights on andit's fine.
Different things like that.
(32:42):
hopefully people will see thatif we can give a little.
All children can feel empoweredand strong enough to do what
they need to do.
Will they be in a mainstreamschool?
I don't know.
And that's okay.
I'm just fortunate enough that Ican work enough to afford the
(33:03):
school we're going to.
And I would like that for everychild.
And I think that's where we willbe going soon.
When we understand divergence,we need to have places that
support in greater ways too.
It might not be in my workinglifetime But I'm seeing small
changes, that I think there willbe more.
Leisa Reichelt (33:26):
and you are a part of that change too.
Wendy, thank you so much forwhat you're doing in that
context as well.
And thank you for being willingto come and share your story
with us today.
It's devastating to hear whatyou guys have had to go through,
but it's wonderful that you'rein a situation of transformation
and hope right now.
Wendy (33:44):
Yeah.
Leisa Reichelt (33:44):
I'm really pleased to hear it.
Wendy (33:45):
Thank you.
And please know that, although Imay be a little bit time poor,
whatever I can do to help thecommunity, I will always do.
Leisa Reichelt (33:52):
How wonderful is it to hear that Jax has found
somewhere that sees andunderstands him and that he's
made so much progress back towellbeing.
And what a wonderful job hasWendy done in advocating for and
supporting him.
I hope you found this storyinspiring.
Wendy did send through the nameof that book that flicked the
light bulb for her, and it'scalled Your Child Is Not Broken,
Parent Your Neurodivergent ChildWithout Losing Your Marbles by
(34:15):
Heidi Mavir.
I've put a link to it in theepisode notes if that sounds
like something you would like tocheck out.
If you found our podcasthelpful, I would be so grateful
if you could take a moment tosubscribe or maybe give us a
rating or a review.
It really does make a hugedifference in helping us get the
podcast in front of more peoplewho have School Can't kids, and
have not yet found our SchoolCan't community and all the
(34:37):
information that we share.
If you have some feedback forus, or perhaps you've been
inspired to share your own livedexperience story, which would be
amazing, please drop me an emailto schoolcantpodcast@gmail.com.
I would love to hear from you.
If you are a parent or carer inAustralia and you are feeling
distressed, remember you canalways call the Parent Help Line
in your state or call Lifelineon 13 11 14.
(35:00):
Thank you again for listening.
We will talk again soon.
Take care.
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