February 14, 2025 • 18 mins
Ever feel like your growth journey has left you stranded on an island of solitude? We all know the sting of watching our social circles shift as we evolve, and it doesn't mean we're looking down on anyone—it's just that our paths have diverged. Join Chad Trease and Lacey Moores as they unpack the "lonely chapter" of personal development, where the discomfort of isolation becomes the fertile ground for transformation. We unravel how embracing these lonely moments is crucial for becoming who we're meant to be.
Navigating the wilderness of personal growth isn't easy, but it can lead to profound self-discovery and authenticity. We reflect on how solitude, and even boredom, can ignite creativity and innovation—particularly in children. It's not about maintaining an inauthentic life to please others but about finding joy and purpose in your own company. This episode is your guide to understanding that these lonely chapters are temporary yet essential, leading you to a more fulfilled and genuine version of yourself. Ready to find power in your solitude? Let's explore this transformative journey together.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back everybody to the Secret Sauce
Podcast.
I'm Chad Treese here with LaceyMoores, and if you have ever
experienced, as you're on apersonal growth journey, if
you're moving out of one stageof who you're at into another, a
little bit of loneliness inthat, as you're starting to
separate from who you were into,who you're becoming, and maybe
(00:20):
people don't support that theway that you thought that they
would if you've experienced that, this episode is for you.
This is the Secret SaucePodcast with Chad Treese and
Lacey Moores, where we want tohelp people build big businesses
and live big lives, and wethink that there's not a magic
bullet for doing that, but thereis a secret sauce.
So a lot of these are going tobe just the ingredients that can
(00:42):
help you make up a secret sauceto build a big business and
live a big life.
Let's get into it.
So this week we're talkingabout something that is a newer
concept for me.
I mean, I've never heard itactually like explained a
certain way.
I've gone through it, but I'venever actually been able to put
(01:02):
a word to it or put a phrase toit.
And I came across this AlexRamosi talks about it, chris
Williamson talks about it, butit's a whole concept of they
call it the lonely chapter, andI wanted to dive into that a
little bit.
Is that something?
Have you ever heard thatterminology before?
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I never heard it until you started talking about
it, and I'm actually superexcited about this because when
you started explaining it, Ithink a lot of people who have
been in a growth mode or workedon um bettering themselves have
felt this at some time, butnever really knew that it was a
thing right, you know, and thatwe could categorize it or even
(01:40):
prepare people for it.
I think that's what's thebeautiful piece of what you're
going to teach today ispreparing people for something
that's going to happen.
So let's talk about what it is.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
They call it the lonely chapter.
I actually would probably makeit plural because I think this
is probably going to happenmultiple times in your life.
If you're on a personal masteryor personal growth, personal
development path, once you startgoing down that path, chances
are you're not going to be likebecome this next version of
yourself and then just quit.
It becomes kind of addictive tocontinue to evolve and see what
more can I do Exactly?
(02:12):
And so I think this willprobably happen multiple times
in your life, and so what I wantto do is lay out what it is and
then also how to potentiallydeal with that, how to overcome
it.
And the whole concept of thelonely chapter is just as you do
begin to grow and become thisnext version of yourself, you're
going to start to feel a littleisolated from the group that
(02:34):
you used to hang with.
You know, the people that wereyour crew at one point in time
will start to feel not so muchyour crew anymore.
You're not going to feel likeyou have as much in common,
because that version of you wasbuilt on different values, right
and um.
So it can start to get prettylonely because you haven't found
those that your new crew yet.
(02:56):
Um, but you know that you're notnecessarily fitting in with
your old crew and they're goingto try to bring you back.
They're going to be like hey,where, where did the old you go?
Like that was who we liked, anduh.
So that's the whole concept ofthe lonely chapter, the lonely
chapters and um.
I just think it's reallyimportant to talk a little bit
about um.
(03:16):
I, I've kind of gone.
I've gone through it.
I'm going through it a littlebit.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, explain that right now, make it real.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Um well, I mean, you know, there's friends that I had
that were in my life.
I think people this kind ofgoes in line with the whole
concept that people come in yourlife for a reason or for a
season yeah, you got it and umit's.
It's not to downplay the valuethat those people had in your
lives, but it it's very rarethat you're going to be with the
(03:47):
exact same friend group or yourcrew you know for from when
you're high school, college age,to death.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Right.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Right, like it does change.
There's people that doexperience that.
I think it's super rare and I'ma little jealous of it, but I
think also, like, okay, did theymaybe not grow enough to to
evolve to a point where maybethey didn't feel as comfortable
around that person as they did?
And it took a long time for meto come to terms with the fact
that I'm.
I wasn't like, I didn't feel ascomfortable with the same crew
(04:21):
anymore, the same group ofpeople, and I was like, uh, do
they think that I think that I'mbetter than them, which was
never the case, right?
Um, it wasn't.
It wasn't about that, it justlike my goals were different.
And they say that you're, youknow, the combination of the
five people that you hang aroundmost.
So I knew that was no longerserving myself to continue to
hang with that group If myvalues were, my North Star was
(04:44):
kind of pointed in a differentdirection than theirs.
Yeah, it's natural, right?
Well?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
when you just said do they think I'm better than them
, or what you know?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Do they think that I think that I'm better than them?
Right, right or the world.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Let's just say the world thinks, you know, says
that, or sometimes what I'llcall it, is your little voice.
You know the little voice thatis inside of you that lies and
tells you all the things thatare not truth, but that will
just continue.
And that's the lies, right?
That just because you don'thang out with them anymore, or
like you made the example of,you know, maybe you used to go
(05:21):
to the bar all the time and nowyou know you're on this
self-mastery and you want to getbetter and you don't want to be
hanging out at the bar all thetime.
It doesn't make you better thanthat person because you're not
at the bar at all anymore, butyou're removing that obstacle to
make yourself better.
But the lies, those are thelittle man voice that's telling
you you think you're better, youthink that you're better than
(05:43):
them, and I think that's animportant piece to recognize
that.
You know, I had somebody comein my life a long time ago who
said, literally just stop andsay is that a truth or is it a
lie?
Yeah, and I'm trying to teachmy kids at a very young age to
be able to decipher.
If something, if they saysomething, where is that coming
from?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Is that a?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
truth or is it a lie?
Yeah, and right there and it's,it's a hundred percent lie.
Um, you wanting to betteryourself, chad?
It doesn't make you better thanthem.
It doesn't make you as a person.
But those are the lies thatyou're going to hear, and
sometimes people speak themright, Like very clearly.
And that is what makes youlonely?
And is what?
What creates this lonelychapter?
Speaker 1 (06:23):
well, it was going to be my next point, so I'm glad
you mentioned it.
But, yes, there's gonna be apiece of it that's in your mind,
but there is going to be apiece of it that is very much
real, sure, and, um, it is, themost isolating thing is that, um
, you will get pushback fromthose people and they're like in
that bar example, you knowthey're like hey, you know, why
aren't you coming to the baranymore?
(06:44):
why you don't think you thinkyou're too good for you know the
boys or or whatever, and theydon't understand the journey
that you're on, like once I, asan entrepreneur it's.
It's kind of lonely to be anentrepreneur anyway.
So I think that this issomething that, whether it's
your quest for personal masteryor growth or whatever, is one
thing, but you're also anentrepreneur and you're trying
to build something.
(07:05):
So, you're trying to build thisversion of yourself, but you're
also trying to build this bigbusiness, right.
And as you're doing that, ifyou've got people in your group
that don't understand that, ifthey're working a nine to five,
there's nothing wrong with thatfive, there's nothing wrong with
that.
But if they're not buildingsomething, if they're not a
builder, then they're not goingto understand how obsessive you
(07:25):
have to be to build somethingsuper meaningful and worthwhile
and you are going to obsess overthat.
And so I think that in and ofitself, and then there's value
in surrounding yourself withother entrepreneurs as well, but
you're going to get pushbackfrom them.
They're going to try to pullyou back.
You can try to lift them upwith you, but if that's not
(07:46):
their goal, if they're nottrying to build a big business,
it's you're going to clash rightA little bit right.
So it does become really lonelyas you're doing that, and it's
okay, like it kind of sucksbeing lonely, but you also have
to tune out the noise of uh.
I was talking to a new, a newfriend the other day, uh, on
this kind of topic.
It kind of came up.
It's kind of a roundabout wayof talking about this topic.
(08:08):
But, um, she was telling me, uhand I'm not going to say who it
is cause I didn't getpermission in advance, but
she'll probably know it when shehears this if she listens to it
but she was telling me that asshe became more and more
successful and would post hersuccesses you know, celebrate
her wins and stuff on socialmedia, that the people that she
thought were her tribe weren'tcelebrating that they weren't.
(08:31):
They were kind of like eventrying to tear it down a little
bit behind her back and she wasreally caught off guard by that.
She was really caught off guardby that.
And that's the really kind oflonely and isolating pieces when
you find out that the peoplethat you thought were you know
your champions and your, your,your people, that they're
they're.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
They're not supporting it.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
They want you to be this old version of yourself and
they don't like this version.
And, uh, like I had gonethrough that and I and I just
reminded her like that, like Ihad gone through that and I and
I just reminded her, like that'snot a reflection of you, that's
a reflection of them.
They're in, they're a littleintimidated, typically, by your
(09:12):
success because she was willingto do the work to do that and
that what they see in her is theversion of them that they
weren't willing to become, theyweren't willing to put in the
work, they weren't willing toobsess over the things to get
that level of success.
So it's not a, it's not anattack on her.
It's literally it's a personalthing for them.
Yep Insecurity it's hugeinsecurity that manifests itself
that way and that pushes youinto that lonely chapter real
(09:33):
fast, because now you're like,well, I don't want to be around
them anymore.
Right, but you haven't figuredout who you want to be around
yet, or you haven't learnedenough to be around the people
that you want to be around.
I find that a lot too, and it'smaybe a little bit of my
imposter syndrome sometimes, butI'm like man.
I want to be.
There's times when I'm aroundTodd and Robin and stuff, and
I'm like man.
What am I doing in this room?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
You know Um been super accepting and everything
they like lift me up.
But I mean, there's times whereyou're like I don't belong here
, but I know I don't belongthere either, where I used to be
.
So you're in this in-between,like limbo or purgatory stage
that you're trying to figure outwho your people are.
Yep, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
And sometimes that stage.
Let me ask you this like do youfeel like that stage can be
different, for different thingscan last different timeframes,
sometimes it can be longer new,your new core group.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Uh, it's going to last as long as it takes.
Uh, because you can't force the, otherwise it's fake.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
You're developing this like fake new core group of
people I think it's such a bigpiece to for the listeners to
hear.
Um, I remember when I came tothis company um that were for
now the owner said listen, thisis going to be awful.
Listen, this is going to beawful For 90 days it's going to
be awful.
And then, after 90 days, it'sgoing to get better.
(11:03):
And so, even though it wasawful and it was getting
everything going and gettingeverything back to what we were
used to, it was awful.
But because I knew about thatstage, because I knew about what
was going to come, it made itso much easier to go through
because every time I had anissue, I could tell myself oh
(11:24):
yeah, I'm not there yet, I'm not90 days.
So when you talk about this, Ijust see how helpful this lonely
chapter like can be to somebodywhen they're going through it.
Ah, chad said something aboutthis.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Just knowing that it's going to happen, this is
going to happen.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
And I'll come out of it.
It's just a stage or a season.
It's not forever, but this ispart of what happens.
As you're finding yourself andyou're growing and you're
figuring out, you know who youwant to be around and who's
going to help you and encourageyou and not pull you down.
I just think it's a great piece.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Yeah, I think that hit hit it right on the head
with where, like justacknowledging, that was the
reason that I wanted to do thispodcast and have this topic
because I didn't know, like whenI first was going through it.
I'm like really trying tofigure out what's going on.
Who, who is this?
Okay, like, is this growth?
Okay, do should I go back tothat?
What was comfortable?
Speaker 2 (12:19):
that group right exactly, um.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
And then man, is this pain worth it?
You know, is the isolation andloneliness of this worth it of
what's going to come out on theother side?
Uh, and I would say itdefinitely is like you just got
to know that, that it is goingto happen.
It is natural.
If it doesn't happen, you'reprobably not growing enough and
yeah, when you're going throughthat growth it can feel a little
scary because you're separatingfrom people you used to be
(12:44):
around and who you used to be.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Right the thoughts you used to have.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
It's just a season, though it's just a season.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Yeah, and, and, knowing that what comes out on
the other side is 100% worth itand like if we don't grow as
humans, like the humanexperience.
If we're not growing, peoplesay, if you're not growing.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
You're dying.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Like, yeah, but that's like that hustle and
grind culture too, right, butit's just like man.
It gives you a whole lot moreenergy and focus and like love
for yourself, of like as you'reevolving and becoming this
different version of yourself,it is natural like man.
How boring would it be to bethe same person your entire life
and never, never grow, never bearound different people, never
(13:25):
go?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
see different places, learn new things, yeah, um
figure out what you're capableof so just knowing that growth
is is a change is is a totalnormal thing and not pushing
against that I love that changeas you start to change.
I love it.
I think it's great.
It's a great piece of adviceand I think it's great for
people just to know it's.
It's not going to last forever,but it's something that you're
(13:47):
going to go through and it'snormal.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
And I would.
Yeah, I mean, I think now thatI'm, now that I know more about
it, I would like kind of leaveit at this and then, uh, we can
close this thing out.
But I kind of enjoy it now,like now that I know what it is.
Um, I mean, I don't enjoyloneliness, but the whole
concept of being at peace, likebeing by myself, and not feeling
(14:10):
like I need to appease anybodyelse.
I don't need to be a version ofmyself that maybe doesn't feel
right to me.
You know, so I'm, I'm.
I would prefer to be in thatlonely space versus pretending
to be something that I'm notanymore.
It's an inauthentic to who I amRight.
So like I find myself beingmuch more willing to like stay
(14:31):
home and work on my business,work on building this big
business and this big life,living a big life than I do
going and being that version ofmyself that I used to be.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Let me tell you something really quick.
Let me tell you this real quickI went to a class for kids in
screen sanity and what iPads andphones and everything do to
kids, but one piece of it.
So this is where you're at, Ithink, when you say that there's
one piece of it that says, like, like, our kids don't know how
to be bored, they don't.
And how good boredom is for us.
(15:03):
Okay, Boredom sometimes wouldsay is lonely, right, or so kind
of the same thing.
But she explained that whenkids have boredom it's when
their brains get into hypercreative mode.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Mm-hmm create.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Like all the creativity comes out in a place
of boredom and I thought aboutthis as I'm sitting there,
because my oldest is 13.
And when he has, when he'sgrounded or when he doesn't have
access to the games or the youknow, any of the screens, he'll
resort quickly to building Legos.
And he is unbelievablyimpressive with building Legos
(15:44):
and the things that he creates,or he will go to still.
He still plays with toys, andI'm not meaning like playing
with toys, but like he'll set upfortresses, you know, in the
whole basement.
Just have all.
Like it's so creative totallyand and what I and I get to see
who he is in that boredom piece,like I get to see his brain and
(16:05):
all this stuff.
So when you said you'restarting to enjoy that
loneliness, like it just allclicked, like it's because of
the boredom.
It's because that's when yourcreativity actually starts
spurring.
So what a great piece of adviceto leave with people, that when
you're lonely or when you're inthat place, this could be
(16:25):
really good.
Yeah, lean into it.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Like you said, that you get to see that side of him,
but like the huge, powerfulpiece of it, uh, as he gets to
see, he gets to spend time withthat version of himself, like
that's not just like distracted,and always like appeasing other
people.
He's doing this thing.
That is making him grow andexpressing himself a different
way, and there's such huge valuein that that we don't tap into.
(16:48):
I'm tapping into it in my 40s.
I didn't tap into it when I wasyoung, so helping kids tap into
that a whole lot younger ispretty darn valuable, it's good.
So I wrote something to closethis out because I knew I just
couldn't as eloquently on thefly say it.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
So I apologize.
No read it, who cares?
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Growth is a journey that often comes with a cost,
and sometimes that cost isoutgrowing the people or places
that once felt like home.
It's not easy to lose oldconnections, and it's natural to
feel pulled between your desireto evolve and the comfort of
what's familiar.
But remember staying small tokeep others comfortable doesn't
(17:29):
serve you or them.
True friends will cheer you on,even if your growth makes them
reflect on their own lives, andfor those who don't, it's okay
to let them go with gratitudefor the role that they played in
your story.
Keep climbing, keep dreamingand surround yourself with
people who celebrate yourheights instead of wishing you
stayed grounded as you rise.
(17:51):
You might feel lonely at times,but the view from the top is
worth it, and new, like-mindedconnections will always meet you
along the way.
Let's leave it there.
Leave it there.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
That's so good.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
I hope this impacted you guys.
I hope it struck a chord.
If you have any questions aboutit I love talking about this
stuff Reach out and we'll seeyou next time.
Welcome back everybody to the Secret Sauce
Podcast.
I'm Chad Treese here with LaceyMoores, and if you have ever
experienced, as you're on apersonal growth journey, if
you're moving out of one stageof who you're at into another, a
little bit of loneliness inthat, as you're starting to
separate from who you were into,who you're becoming, and maybe
(00:20):
people don't support that theway that you thought that they
would if you've experienced that, this episode is for you.
This is the Secret SaucePodcast with Chad Treese and
Lacey Moores, where we want tohelp people build big businesses
and live big lives, and wethink that there's not a magic
bullet for doing that, but thereis a secret sauce.
So a lot of these are going tobe just the ingredients that can
(00:42):
help you make up a secret sauceto build a big business and
live a big life.
Let's get into it.
So this week we're talkingabout something that is a newer
concept for me.
I mean, I've never heard itactually like explained a
certain way.
I've gone through it, but I'venever actually been able to put
(01:02):
a word to it or put a phrase toit.
And I came across this AlexRamosi talks about it, chris
Williamson talks about it, butit's a whole concept of they
call it the lonely chapter, andI wanted to dive into that a
little bit.
Is that something?
Have you ever heard thatterminology before?
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I never heard it until you started talking about
it, and I'm actually superexcited about this because when
you started explaining it, Ithink a lot of people who have
been in a growth mode or workedon um bettering themselves have
felt this at some time, butnever really knew that it was a
thing right, you know, and thatwe could categorize it or even
(01:40):
prepare people for it.
I think that's what's thebeautiful piece of what you're
going to teach today ispreparing people for something
that's going to happen.
So let's talk about what it is.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
They call it the lonely chapter.
I actually would probably makeit plural because I think this
is probably going to happenmultiple times in your life.
If you're on a personal masteryor personal growth, personal
development path, once you startgoing down that path, chances
are you're not going to be likebecome this next version of
yourself and then just quit.
It becomes kind of addictive tocontinue to evolve and see what
more can I do Exactly?
(02:12):
And so I think this willprobably happen multiple times
in your life, and so what I wantto do is lay out what it is and
then also how to potentiallydeal with that, how to overcome
it.
And the whole concept of thelonely chapter is just as you do
begin to grow and become thisnext version of yourself, you're
going to start to feel a littleisolated from the group that
(02:34):
you used to hang with.
You know, the people that wereyour crew at one point in time
will start to feel not so muchyour crew anymore.
You're not going to feel likeyou have as much in common,
because that version of you wasbuilt on different values, right
and um.
So it can start to get prettylonely because you haven't found
those that your new crew yet.
(02:56):
Um, but you know that you're notnecessarily fitting in with
your old crew and they're goingto try to bring you back.
They're going to be like hey,where, where did the old you go?
Like that was who we liked, anduh.
So that's the whole concept ofthe lonely chapter, the lonely
chapters and um.
I just think it's reallyimportant to talk a little bit
about um.
(03:16):
I, I've kind of gone.
I've gone through it.
I'm going through it a littlebit.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, explain that right now, make it real.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Um well, I mean, you know, there's friends that I had
that were in my life.
I think people this kind ofgoes in line with the whole
concept that people come in yourlife for a reason or for a
season yeah, you got it and umit's.
It's not to downplay the valuethat those people had in your
lives, but it it's very rarethat you're going to be with the
(03:47):
exact same friend group or yourcrew you know for from when
you're high school, college age,to death.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Right.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Right, like it does change.
There's people that doexperience that.
I think it's super rare and I'ma little jealous of it, but I
think also, like, okay, did theymaybe not grow enough to to
evolve to a point where maybethey didn't feel as comfortable
around that person as they did?
And it took a long time for meto come to terms with the fact
that I'm.
I wasn't like, I didn't feel ascomfortable with the same crew
(04:21):
anymore, the same group ofpeople, and I was like, uh, do
they think that I think that I'mbetter than them, which was
never the case, right?
Um, it wasn't.
It wasn't about that, it justlike my goals were different.
And they say that you're, youknow, the combination of the
five people that you hang aroundmost.
So I knew that was no longerserving myself to continue to
hang with that group If myvalues were, my North Star was
(04:44):
kind of pointed in a differentdirection than theirs.
Yeah, it's natural, right?
Well?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
when you just said do they think I'm better than them
, or what you know?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Do they think that I think that I'm better than them?
Right, right or the world.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Let's just say the world thinks, you know, says
that, or sometimes what I'llcall it, is your little voice.
You know the little voice thatis inside of you that lies and
tells you all the things thatare not truth, but that will
just continue.
And that's the lies, right?
That just because you don'thang out with them anymore, or
like you made the example of,you know, maybe you used to go
(05:21):
to the bar all the time and nowyou know you're on this
self-mastery and you want to getbetter and you don't want to be
hanging out at the bar all thetime.
It doesn't make you better thanthat person because you're not
at the bar at all anymore, butyou're removing that obstacle to
make yourself better.
But the lies, those are thelittle man voice that's telling
you you think you're better, youthink that you're better than
(05:43):
them, and I think that's animportant piece to recognize
that.
You know, I had somebody comein my life a long time ago who
said, literally just stop andsay is that a truth or is it a
lie?
Yeah, and I'm trying to teachmy kids at a very young age to
be able to decipher.
If something, if they saysomething, where is that coming
from?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Is that a?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
truth or is it a lie?
Yeah, and right there and it's,it's a hundred percent lie.
Um, you wanting to betteryourself, chad?
It doesn't make you better thanthem.
It doesn't make you as a person.
But those are the lies thatyou're going to hear, and
sometimes people speak themright, Like very clearly.
And that is what makes youlonely?
And is what?
What creates this lonelychapter?
Speaker 1 (06:23):
well, it was going to be my next point, so I'm glad
you mentioned it.
But, yes, there's gonna be apiece of it that's in your mind,
but there is going to be apiece of it that is very much
real, sure, and, um, it is, themost isolating thing is that, um
, you will get pushback fromthose people and they're like in
that bar example, you knowthey're like hey, you know, why
aren't you coming to the baranymore?
(06:44):
why you don't think you thinkyou're too good for you know the
boys or or whatever, and theydon't understand the journey
that you're on, like once I, asan entrepreneur it's.
It's kind of lonely to be anentrepreneur anyway.
So I think that this issomething that, whether it's
your quest for personal masteryor growth or whatever, is one
thing, but you're also anentrepreneur and you're trying
to build something.
(07:05):
So, you're trying to build thisversion of yourself, but you're
also trying to build this bigbusiness, right.
And as you're doing that, ifyou've got people in your group
that don't understand that, ifthey're working a nine to five,
there's nothing wrong with thatfive, there's nothing wrong with
that.
But if they're not buildingsomething, if they're not a
builder, then they're not goingto understand how obsessive you
(07:25):
have to be to build somethingsuper meaningful and worthwhile
and you are going to obsess overthat.
And so I think that in and ofitself, and then there's value
in surrounding yourself withother entrepreneurs as well, but
you're going to get pushbackfrom them.
They're going to try to pullyou back.
You can try to lift them upwith you, but if that's not
(07:46):
their goal, if they're nottrying to build a big business,
it's you're going to clash rightA little bit right.
So it does become really lonelyas you're doing that, and it's
okay, like it kind of sucksbeing lonely, but you also have
to tune out the noise of uh.
I was talking to a new, a newfriend the other day, uh, on
this kind of topic.
It kind of came up.
It's kind of a roundabout wayof talking about this topic.
(08:08):
But, um, she was telling me, uhand I'm not going to say who it
is cause I didn't getpermission in advance, but
she'll probably know it when shehears this if she listens to it
but she was telling me that asshe became more and more
successful and would post hersuccesses you know, celebrate
her wins and stuff on socialmedia, that the people that she
thought were her tribe weren'tcelebrating that they weren't.
(08:31):
They were kind of like eventrying to tear it down a little
bit behind her back and she wasreally caught off guard by that.
She was really caught off guardby that.
And that's the really kind oflonely and isolating pieces when
you find out that the peoplethat you thought were you know
your champions and your, your,your people, that they're
they're.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
They're not supporting it.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
They want you to be this old version of yourself and
they don't like this version.
And, uh, like I had gonethrough that and I and I just
reminded her like that, like Ihad gone through that and I and
I just reminded her, like that'snot a reflection of you, that's
a reflection of them.
They're in, they're a littleintimidated, typically, by your
(09:12):
success because she was willingto do the work to do that and
that what they see in her is theversion of them that they
weren't willing to become, theyweren't willing to put in the
work, they weren't willing toobsess over the things to get
that level of success.
So it's not a, it's not anattack on her.
It's literally it's a personalthing for them.
Yep Insecurity it's hugeinsecurity that manifests itself
that way and that pushes youinto that lonely chapter real
(09:33):
fast, because now you're like,well, I don't want to be around
them anymore.
Right, but you haven't figuredout who you want to be around
yet, or you haven't learnedenough to be around the people
that you want to be around.
I find that a lot too, and it'smaybe a little bit of my
imposter syndrome sometimes, butI'm like man.
I want to be.
There's times when I'm aroundTodd and Robin and stuff, and
I'm like man.
What am I doing in this room?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
You know Um been super accepting and everything
they like lift me up.
But I mean, there's times whereyou're like I don't belong here
, but I know I don't belongthere either, where I used to be
.
So you're in this in-between,like limbo or purgatory stage
that you're trying to figure outwho your people are.
Yep, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
And sometimes that stage.
Let me ask you this like do youfeel like that stage can be
different, for different thingscan last different timeframes,
sometimes it can be longer new,your new core group.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Uh, it's going to last as long as it takes.
Uh, because you can't force the, otherwise it's fake.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
You're developing this like fake new core group of
people I think it's such a bigpiece to for the listeners to
hear.
Um, I remember when I came tothis company um that were for
now the owner said listen, thisis going to be awful.
Listen, this is going to beawful For 90 days it's going to
be awful.
And then, after 90 days, it'sgoing to get better.
(11:03):
And so, even though it wasawful and it was getting
everything going and gettingeverything back to what we were
used to, it was awful.
But because I knew about thatstage, because I knew about what
was going to come, it made itso much easier to go through
because every time I had anissue, I could tell myself oh
(11:24):
yeah, I'm not there yet, I'm not90 days.
So when you talk about this, Ijust see how helpful this lonely
chapter like can be to somebodywhen they're going through it.
Ah, chad said something aboutthis.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Just knowing that it's going to happen, this is
going to happen.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
And I'll come out of it.
It's just a stage or a season.
It's not forever, but this ispart of what happens.
As you're finding yourself andyou're growing and you're
figuring out, you know who youwant to be around and who's
going to help you and encourageyou and not pull you down.
I just think it's a great piece.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Yeah, I think that hit hit it right on the head
with where, like justacknowledging, that was the
reason that I wanted to do thispodcast and have this topic
because I didn't know, like whenI first was going through it.
I'm like really trying tofigure out what's going on.
Who, who is this?
Okay, like, is this growth?
Okay, do should I go back tothat?
What was comfortable?
Speaker 2 (12:19):
that group right exactly, um.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
And then man, is this pain worth it?
You know, is the isolation andloneliness of this worth it of
what's going to come out on theother side?
Uh, and I would say itdefinitely is like you just got
to know that, that it is goingto happen.
It is natural.
If it doesn't happen, you'reprobably not growing enough and
yeah, when you're going throughthat growth it can feel a little
scary because you're separatingfrom people you used to be
(12:44):
around and who you used to be.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Right the thoughts you used to have.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
It's just a season, though it's just a season.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Yeah, and, and, knowing that what comes out on
the other side is 100% worth itand like if we don't grow as
humans, like the humanexperience.
If we're not growing, peoplesay, if you're not growing.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
You're dying.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Like, yeah, but that's like that hustle and
grind culture too, right, butit's just like man.
It gives you a whole lot moreenergy and focus and like love
for yourself, of like as you'reevolving and becoming this
different version of yourself,it is natural like man.
How boring would it be to bethe same person your entire life
and never, never grow, never bearound different people, never
(13:25):
go?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
see different places, learn new things, yeah, um
figure out what you're capableof so just knowing that growth
is is a change is is a totalnormal thing and not pushing
against that I love that changeas you start to change.
I love it.
I think it's great.
It's a great piece of adviceand I think it's great for
people just to know it's.
It's not going to last forever,but it's something that you're
(13:47):
going to go through and it'snormal.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
And I would.
Yeah, I mean, I think now thatI'm, now that I know more about
it, I would like kind of leaveit at this and then, uh, we can
close this thing out.
But I kind of enjoy it now,like now that I know what it is.
Um, I mean, I don't enjoyloneliness, but the whole
concept of being at peace, likebeing by myself, and not feeling
(14:10):
like I need to appease anybodyelse.
I don't need to be a version ofmyself that maybe doesn't feel
right to me.
You know, so I'm, I'm.
I would prefer to be in thatlonely space versus pretending
to be something that I'm notanymore.
It's an inauthentic to who I amRight.
So like I find myself beingmuch more willing to like stay
(14:31):
home and work on my business,work on building this big
business and this big life,living a big life than I do
going and being that version ofmyself that I used to be.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Let me tell you something really quick.
Let me tell you this real quickI went to a class for kids in
screen sanity and what iPads andphones and everything do to
kids, but one piece of it.
So this is where you're at, Ithink, when you say that there's
one piece of it that says, like, like, our kids don't know how
to be bored, they don't.
And how good boredom is for us.
(15:03):
Okay, Boredom sometimes wouldsay is lonely, right, or so kind
of the same thing.
But she explained that whenkids have boredom it's when
their brains get into hypercreative mode.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Mm-hmm create.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Like all the creativity comes out in a place
of boredom and I thought aboutthis as I'm sitting there,
because my oldest is 13.
And when he has, when he'sgrounded or when he doesn't have
access to the games or the youknow, any of the screens, he'll
resort quickly to building Legos.
And he is unbelievablyimpressive with building Legos
(15:44):
and the things that he creates,or he will go to still.
He still plays with toys, andI'm not meaning like playing
with toys, but like he'll set upfortresses, you know, in the
whole basement.
Just have all.
Like it's so creative totallyand and what I and I get to see
who he is in that boredom piece,like I get to see his brain and
(16:05):
all this stuff.
So when you said you'restarting to enjoy that
loneliness, like it just allclicked, like it's because of
the boredom.
It's because that's when yourcreativity actually starts
spurring.
So what a great piece of adviceto leave with people, that when
you're lonely or when you're inthat place, this could be
(16:25):
really good.
Yeah, lean into it.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Like you said, that you get to see that side of him,
but like the huge, powerfulpiece of it, uh, as he gets to
see, he gets to spend time withthat version of himself, like
that's not just like distracted,and always like appeasing other
people.
He's doing this thing.
That is making him grow andexpressing himself a different
way, and there's such huge valuein that that we don't tap into.
(16:48):
I'm tapping into it in my 40s.
I didn't tap into it when I wasyoung, so helping kids tap into
that a whole lot younger ispretty darn valuable, it's good.
So I wrote something to closethis out because I knew I just
couldn't as eloquently on thefly say it.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
So I apologize.
No read it, who cares?
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Growth is a journey that often comes with a cost,
and sometimes that cost isoutgrowing the people or places
that once felt like home.
It's not easy to lose oldconnections, and it's natural to
feel pulled between your desireto evolve and the comfort of
what's familiar.
But remember staying small tokeep others comfortable doesn't
(17:29):
serve you or them.
True friends will cheer you on,even if your growth makes them
reflect on their own lives, andfor those who don't, it's okay
to let them go with gratitudefor the role that they played in
your story.
Keep climbing, keep dreamingand surround yourself with
people who celebrate yourheights instead of wishing you
stayed grounded as you rise.
(17:51):
You might feel lonely at times,but the view from the top is
worth it, and new, like-mindedconnections will always meet you
along the way.
Let's leave it there.
Leave it there.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
That's so good.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
I hope this impacted you guys.
I hope it struck a chord.
If you have any questions aboutit I love talking about this
stuff Reach out and we'll seeyou next time.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.