Boundaries 101: How to Set, Communicate & Uphold Limits

My Dear Passenger,

Have you ever wondered why setting personal boundaries is crucial for self-respect and well-being?

Today I guide you through the empowering journey of establishing and maintaining personal boundaries. Donning my symbolic crown, we embark on an exploration of what boundaries are and the different kinds—physical, intellectual, emotional, sexual, material, and time boundaries. Through personal anecdotes and psychological insights, I offer practical questions to identify when boundaries are needed and how to communicate them effectively using "I statements." This episode equips you with essential tools to enhance your self-care as we step into the last quarter of the year with confidence and respect.

Maintaining personal boundaries can be a challenging, yet rewarding endeavor. In this episode, I highlight the importance of consistent practice and commitment, acknowledging that the path to self-growth can often feel daunting. However, you’re not alone on this journey. As your dedicated tour guide, I'm here to support you with well-researched advice and heartfelt encouragement. Plus, I invite you to join our community on social media and our brand-new website for additional resources and support. Together, let's create a more respectful and fulfilling year ahead, one boundary at a time.

Resources used today:
Setting Boundaries
Setting Boundaries Journal

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Until the next stop dear passengers – Safe Travels!
-FMRP

Episode Transcript

Frances Marie Rivera Pach (00:07):
Hello , my dear passengers, and
welcome aboard the Self-GrowthTrain, a podcast that combines
personal stories, opinions andresearch in order to better
guide you through yourself-growth journey.
My name is Frances Marie TieraPacheco and I am your tour guide
.
First, I want to say thank youfor tuning back into the podcast
, and I also wanted to explainwhy I have been wearing a crown

(00:31):
on my head.
If you were a previouspassenger for over the last
three years and you saw one ofthe episodes that I did earlier
this year, you probably rememberthat I talked about how I
wanted to start seeing myselfand representing myself as a
princess.
Not because I wanted to thinkthat I was all that.
I just wanted to make sure thatI claimed the respect and the

(00:57):
honor and the discipline that Iknew that I deserve, right.
So, because of this, that iswhy I wear a crown on the
podcast.
Also, it's better than a trainconductor hat, because that
wouldn't look good on me.
So, yeah, if you ever wonderwhy I'm wearing a crown now, you
know it's because it's my wayof representing that I am a
princess at heart and that Ideserve to be treated as such.

(01:21):
Well, my dear passenger, thetime has come for us to buckle
up our seat belts as we go intoour first stop.
That is the topic of the day.
Today's topic is boundaries.
Boundaries are defined by theMerriam-Webster dictionary as
something that indicates a limit.
And I don't know about you, mydear passenger, but I have
struggled over the last 29 yearswith setting and upholding

(01:44):
boundaries.
Sometimes I can communicatethem, but definitely setting
them and upholding them.
That is where I struggled themost, and I figured right that
we are almost to the end of theyear and with the end of the
year comes New Year's and withthat comes new resolutions.

(02:05):
I figured it was time to talkabout boundaries now.
That way, when the new yearcomes, we're more prepared.
For today's episodes theresources that I will be using
are handouts that were actuallyhanded to me by my psychologists
over the last couple of years.
These handouts come fromTheHeartAdvocate.
com and also TherapistAid.
com.
But how do we know when aboundary needs to be set?

(02:26):
Well, my dear passenger,whether it be a job that you are
feeling kind of iffy about, arelationship that you're
struggling with, or maybe someother type of situation, the way
to know you need a boundary iswhen you're starting to feel
uncomfortable.
Now here's the catch.
Sometimes a boundary will notbe enough to withhold or

(02:47):
maintain that relationship, thatjob or that situation.
Okay, so it's very important torealize when a boundary needs
to be needed and when a boundaryis not going to work at all.
I'll give you an example.
Back in the day, in 2021, I usedto work at this place that
quite simply did not matchanything about me.

(03:08):
The core values did not match,the way that they did things did
not match, and also the waythat they made me feel did not
match with what I was expectingfor my job.
Sure, I could have set aboundary, but at that point, the
main factors or the mainelements of the job were really
completely opposite for me.
So setting a boundary in aplace that already didn't

(03:29):
respect me was not really goingto do anything.
So at that point, I decidedthere's no need to set a
boundary, I just need to leave.
However, there are times whenyou can set a boundary and it
will work.
But what type of boundaryshould you set?
Well, there are physicalboundaries, intellectual
boundaries, emotional boundaries, sexual boundaries, material

(03:49):
boundaries and time boundaries.
Let's dissect each one of them.
Physical boundaries refer topersonal space and physical
touch.
Now, you see, for me, I'mPuerto Rican and in my culture
it is totally acceptable for usto kiss on the cheek when we
first meet each other and evenhug each other.
But I have learned that in theUnited States this is not the

(04:09):
way to go.
Usually, anything from ahandshake or a high five or even
a fist bump is acceptable, buthugs and kisses Not really,
unless you guys have known eachother for a long, long time.
Intellectual boundaries refersto thoughts and ideas.
You probably heard it saidbefore that at the table we
don't discuss politics and wedon't discuss religion.
We can only discuss the weatherand maybe perhaps what happened

(04:33):
during the day.
This is because we want to makesure that the conversation
doesn't turn sour bydisrespecting other people's
ideas and ideologies.
Emotional boundaries refer to aperson's feelings.
It is when a person decideswhether they want to share or
not share and when to share howthey are feeling with somebody
else.
Sexual boundaries refer to theintellectual, emotional and

(04:54):
physical aspects of sexuality.
It is when you share with yoursexual partner the things that
you enjoy in and outside of thebedroom.
Material boundaries refer tomoney and possessions.
It's when you determine whenyou are allowing yourself to
share money or share yourpossessions with others and for
how long they can hold them.
Last but not least is timeboundaries, which is when a

(05:14):
person decides how they want tospend their time and on what
they want to spend their time on.
Now that you know the differenttypes of boundaries and what
they mean, it is time todetermine which type of boundary
you need.
But hey, you might stillstruggle to understand why you
need a boundary or where exactlyyou need a boundary.
So, in order to help you, Ihave four questions.
Question number one what feelsdisrespectful, violating or

(05:39):
concerning?
Question number two what am Iallowing or settling for?
Question number three theboundary.
What do I need to do or say toprotect myself?
And question number four whatwill I do if my boundary is
violated or disrespected?
Once you determine what type ofboundary you need and what

(06:03):
exactly you want to say, it'stime to practice saying it.
You might want to ask a friendor a family member to work with
you and help you through thatprocess.
I will suggest using Istatements.
Now, you might not know what Istatements are, so I'm going to
go ahead and teach you them.
I statements are used tocommunicate boundaries.
I'm going to create an exampleright now of supposedly somebody

(06:26):
standing me up for a date,right?
So this is how an I statementwill look like.
I feel upset because you hadtold me we were going on a date
and you never called to cancel.
I need you to let me know aheadof time if our date is going to
be canceled.
If you invite me on a dateagain and do not cancel before

(06:48):
you stand me up, I will not goout with you ever again.
That's a little extreme maybe,but I think that it's a good
boundary of saying like if youstood me up once and you stood
me up a second time, that's it,you don't get a third strike.
Now comes, in my opinion, themost difficult part, which is

(07:09):
upholding those boundaries.
I know you want to call them.
I know you want to give themanother chance.
I know that in your heart ofhearts, you're saying oh my gosh
, what's going to happen if Iput this boundary?
What if I don't get a betteropportunity?
What if this is the best that Icould ever get?
What if nobody ever treats methe same?

(07:32):
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah.
All of this is totally normal,and I know that you're going to
feel it.
Why?
Because I have gone through itmyself.
But the reality is that whenyou communicate your boundaries
and you uphold them, you arerespecting yourself.
And not only are you lettingpeople know exactly how to treat
you and what things you'reallowing them to do.
It's going to determine howthat relationship is going to be

(07:55):
.
And that relationship, again,it can be something regarding a
job, it can be somethingregarding a partner, it can be a
friendship, it can be a familymember, it can be like so many
different things.
But the reality is,communicating your boundaries is
going to help you become abetter person and a better
advocate for yourself.
Well, my dear passengers, thetime has come for the last stop

(08:16):
of the day Recap time.
Today's episode discussedboundaries, which is simply
something that indicates a limit.
Now we know that the first stepto setting a boundary is
analyzing the situation andunderstanding what is going on.
We want to know what is makingus feel uncomfortable, violated
or even disrespected, and alsowhat type of boundary we need to

(08:37):
set in order to make sure thatwe do not feel this way.
Once we determine the boundary,we're able to use I statements
to communicate them properly.
And hey, if we struggle withcommunicating with I statements,
all we need to do is practicewith our loved ones.
That way, we gain moreexperience along the way.
Last but not least, our job isto uphold our boundaries.

(08:58):
I know it's hard and I knowthat it can seem useless and
sometimes impossible, but thereality is that the more you
practice upholding and the moreyou stick to it, the easier it
becomes.
Remember, self-growth is anendless journey towards
self-improvement.
However, you don't ever have todo it alone.
As your tour guide, my goal isto guide you with the best
intentions and the best researchavailable.

(09:19):
Make sure to follow me onInstagram, Tiktok and Facebook
at the Self-Growth Train Podcast, and to also follow the new
website,theselfgrowthtrainpodcast.
com.
As always, all the resourcesused today have been added to
the episode's description.
Well, until the next stop, dearpassengers, safe travels.
Bye!