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December 31, 2024 20 mins

What does it take to overcome the darkest moments and transform your life, even when it feels like everything is falling apart?

Amidst the whirlwind of balancing three jobs, grappling with the weight of suicidal thoughts, and navigating the financial challenges of living in pricey Florida, I found a silver lining. Discover how the unwavering support of my mother and the crucial decision to seek mental health therapy steered me back on track towards securing my first apartment. This episode is an intimate glimpse into a transformative journey that highlights the importance of perseverance, even in the darkest times. Experience the emotional highs and lows of achieving a significant milestone and the profound realization that growth often stems from enduring great adversity.

Join me as I unpack the emotional rollercoaster of finding a stable living situation and the relief of overcoming the hurdles of income requirements. Through candid reflections, I share the critical role faith, family, and therapy played in fostering both financial independence and emotional stability. From the overwhelming fear of living alone to the ultimate pride in my accomplishments, this episode is a testament to the power of determination, prayer, and setting achievable goals. Whether you're seeking motivation or a reminder of the strength within, this episode offers a heartfelt perspective on changing one's situation and embracing a new chapter of life.

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Until the next stop dear passengers – Safe Travels!
-FMRP

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Frances Marie Rivera Pach (00:07):
Hello , my dear passengers, and
welcome aboard the Self-GrowthTrain, a podcast that combines
personal stories, opinions andresearch in order to better
guide you through yourself-growth journey.
My name is Frances Marie RiveraPacheco and I am your tour
guide.
First, I just want to say thankyou for tuning back in for
another episode of the podcast.

(00:29):
My dear passengers, I know Ihave been on hiatus for a couple
of months, but there's a reasonfor this and actually there's
hints around you.
If you look around mybackground, does anything look
different?
Yes, my room looks different,because, guess what, my dear
passengers?

(00:49):
I have my first apartment everand this is my new room.
This is where I will berecording my new podcast
episodes.
But this is the reason why Ihave been not doing the podcast
for so long, because, in orderfor me to get this apartment, I
had to get three jobs and I hadto focus, and I had to sacrifice
a lot of my time and a lot ofmy resources and just a lot of

(01:13):
my passion, which is thispodcast, in order to make this
dream come true.
And let me tell you as much asI have missed the podcast, it
was so, so worth it and I am soproud and so happy and so
blessed and so grateful for theopportunities that have come my
way due to this pause in thepodcast.

(01:34):
So today's episode is going tobe different because it is
highly improvised.
Okay, I realized that today isthe last day of the year and
it's also a Tuesday and I waslike, okay, well, God is sending
me a sign that I should do alast video of the year, right?
So this video is going to befocused on the idea that you are

(01:55):
supposed to be where you're atright now and that you shouldn't
give up.
Okay?
So, as you guys know, the lastepisode that I posted was about
my struggles with suicideideation.
Okay, if you haven't seen thatvideo, I highly recommend that
you see it, because one of thebiggest feedbacks that I've
gotten is that it was very raw,it was very honest, but also it
made people feel not alone inthat a lot of people have felt

(02:19):
moments in their lives wherethey just want to give up and
sometimes, when they want togive up, the only rational and I
say this with you knowparentheses rational idea is
like well, if I want to give upthen I shouldn't be here, right?
And that's not true.
I think that for a lot of us,there are going to be a lot of
struggles, there is going to bea lot of pain, there is going to

(02:41):
be a lot of suffering, but thatdoesn't necessarily mean that
we should give up.
That just means that we arebeing formed into something else
.
And I know that's kind of hardto see in the moment, especially
if right now, you're goingthrough that pain, you're going
through that suffering, you'regoing through that struggle.
It's going to kind of be hardto imagine.

(03:02):
Oh, there's a purpose to all ofthis, right?
And I think that's why I want todo this episode, because
getting this apartment was, yes,it was definitely a milestone
in my life because, again, likesix months ago, all I could see
myself was dying like, and notnecessarily wanting to die, but

(03:26):
also not wanting to live right.
So six months ago I was readyto give up on everything, like
everything and anything.
It didn't matter who was aroundme, who wasn't around me, I was
just living in my pain, in mysuffering, in my everyday

(03:46):
struggle, and I didn't see a wayout right, and if it hadn't
been for my mom making thedecision of telling me,
literally, either you go to thehospital or I'm making you go to
the hospital, I don't knowwhere I would be today, okay, so
that is very, very importantfor me to always mention,
because I think that growingfrom the pain can be very scary,

(04:10):
but what's even scarier isdrowning in that pain, right?
So today's episode I just wantto use it as a reminder that
everything that is happening toyou, right this second, as bad
as it is, you are going to getthrough it.
You are going to get through it, and part of that is you making

(04:33):
the decision to get through it.
Part of that is you making thedecision for yourself to say
this is enough, I don't need anymore of this, I want this to
change.
So I'm going to change it, andfor me, that meant finding a
goal that would take time, butthat would be achievable, right?

(04:55):
So, for context, my mom and Ihad been living together since
2021, but she had already toldme that next year she wasn't
going to renew the lease.
So in my head, I was like okay,so I need to figure out who can
I talk to so we can get anapartment together, right?
Because, like, apartments aresuper expensive, like I don't

(05:15):
know about you guys, where youguys live or how much the
apartments are where you guyslive, but let me tell you,
Florida is expensive and itdoesn't matter where you're at,
it is expensive.
So I started thinking about itand I was like, well, there's my
friend Lily, maybe I could movein with her.
Maybe, both of us we had talkedabout it before about moving in
with each other.
Then I was like, well, if not,I can also move in with one of

(05:38):
my friends who needs a roommate.
If not, I can just try to findsomething on my own.
But that's kind of crazy,because everything is expensive.
Like, how am I going to findsomething on my own?
Also, I don't have a job, sohow am I even going to do any of
this?
And that, my dear passenger, waswhen I sat down and I said,
okay, if I need to find a place,whether it be on my own or with

(06:00):
people or moving in withsomebody else, I need a job.
So what did I do?
I went out and I sought a joband I got a job, but this job
wouldn't start until a monthlater.
So right now we are in July.
Right, we're in July.
And I'm like, well, in themeantime, my father is like, do

(06:20):
you want to come to Puerto Rico?
And I'm like, heck, yeah,because I mean Who doesn't want
to come to Puerto Rico?
Okay, like, first of all, it'smy country, I love it.
Second of all, beaches I lovethe beach.
Third of all, my family.
Of course I want to go toPuerto Rico.
But also like I don't havemoney.
And he was like don't worryabout it, I'm going to pay for

(06:42):
you to come.
You're going to come for a week.
We're going to figure it out,don't worry about it, just trust
me.
And I was like I'm 29 years oldand I am depending on my father
and my mother and this doesn'tfeel good and I feel like I'm
such a failure.
I feel like I'm not even anadult and the whole time, both
of my parents are like shh,don't worry about it.

(07:04):
This is the moment for us tostep in and help you.
Because that's the thing, mydear passenger.
I struggle with asking for help.
I struggle with accepting help,but what my parents did, and I
am so grateful for both of them.
What they did was they kind oftook the choice away from me.

(07:24):
They were like let me be honest, you're not at a point where
you can say no to our help.
Let me humble you down to theground and make it clear that in
order for you to move forward,you need me.
This is a moment for you todepend on me, not forever, but
for a second, for a space intime where I can help you start

(07:48):
to build yourself back up sothat way in the future, you can
take care of yourself.
And that was a very empoweringchoice that they made for me,
because I didn't see it at thetime, but I see it now, at the
end.
I didn't see it at the time thattheir help was necessary.
I didn't see that the rest wasnecessary.
I didn't see that the pause inmy life was necessary.

(08:11):
But now that I'm in the end,all of that had to happen the
way it did.
I had to depend on my fatherand my mother, I had to depend
on my whole family and I neededto work on my mental health
Without my health, whether it bephysical, mental, emotional,

(08:32):
psychological, physiological,whatever.
You need health in order tomove forward, and so that became
my other focus.
My focus was I need to get anapartment, so I need to get a
job, but in order to get thisjob, I need to have health, and
so that's what I focused on.
I focused on starting to go totherapy every single week.

(08:54):
I focused on taking my meds theway that I was supposed to, not
missing or skipping any of themor telling myself I don't need
them because I feel better.
And it's like no, no, no, no,you do need them.
They're helping you - take themeds.
And yeah, I finally started thefirst job and things were going
great.
Things were going fantastic.

(09:16):
And I'm like feeling great andI'm talking to my friend Lily
and I'm like, hey, let's move intogether.
And then she's like, actually,I'm moving to Chicago and I'm
like I'm so happy for you, butalso I'm like, oh, my God, what
am I going to do?
And then in that moment, I waslike wait, I'm going to have to

(09:41):
find a place on my own.
I'm going to have to find aplace of my own, okay, okay, I
got this.
Let me go back to the apartmentcomplex that I had gone to and
they're like hey, we see, youhave a job and you're making
some money, but, um, the realityis you need to make three times
the rent.
Three times the rent?

(10:07):
! With a salaried job that onlypays me this amount of money.
What am I going to do?
What am I going to do?
So I start praying and I'm likeGod, God, what do I got to do?
What do I got to do?
And God tells me get a secondjob.
And I'm like, okay, that'sdoable, I'll get a second job.
So I get a second job.
Things are going well and I'mlike, oh my gosh, I'm feeling

(10:32):
good, health wise.
I'm feeling good, job wise,because both of my jobs I love.
I'm feeling good.
Let me go back to thatapartment complex.
I go back to the apartmentcomplex and they are like hey,
you know, you're making a littlebit more money.
I gotta tell you, still notenough.
What do I do now, god?
What do I do?
And I go back to praying.
I'm like God, help me, help me.

(10:56):
And he tells me get a third job.
I'm like, you gotta be kiddingme, bro Three jobs! You want me
to get three jobs?
Okay, I'm tired, but I'm gonnaget three jobs.
I get the three jobs.
I'm loving each and every one ofmy jobs, and I still do to this
day.
I love each and every one of myjobs.

(11:17):
I'm having the time of my life.
I am spending money in thecorrect way, I am saving money,
I am doing things the way thatI'm supposed to and I'm feeling
very excited because, guess what, I'm making the most money that
I've ever made in my life.
And hey, now is the time to getmy own apartment right.
So let me go back.
Let me go back to thatapartment that I really, really

(11:40):
wanted.
And she looks at it and shesays, hmm, you're making more
money than the last time, but Igot to tell you still not enough
.
And in that moment, my dearpassengers, I was like God, I
don't care what you say, I'm notgetting a fourth job, there is
no way.

(12:03):
And God just said leave it, letthat place go.
That's not it.
That's not the place for you,and I wanted to fight with God
because I was like no, God, thisplace is so pretty, though.
Look, it got a pool, it has agym, it has really, really nice
apartment complexes for peoplethat are just one bedroom, one
apartment.
Just wait, be patient.

(12:27):
So here I am, still doing threejobs, still saving my money, not
really having anywhere to goother than back to my mom's oh
and, by the way, my job is anhour away from my mom.
Every one of my jobs, every oneof my jobs, every single one of
my jobs, is an hour away frommy mom's.
So I was driving two hoursevery day, minimum, and I was

(12:52):
tired, I'm telling you, by thetime I got home, all I wanted
was my bed, all I wanted was torest, and I was like God, this
can't be the life, this can't bethe life.
He was like just stay in there,just keep doing what you're
supposed to be doing.
I was like all right, butwhatever, I'm going to do what

(13:15):
you want me to do then, and so Ikept going.
And then one day, I was serving,which is one of the jobs that I
have, and I get this table ofPuerto Rican people and my boss.
She saw me interacting withthem and she was like, oh, are
they your friends?
And I'm like, no, I just metthem tonight and I'm talking to
one of them and again, likewe're really vibing, we're
really getting along with eachother, and she was like we
should hang out sometime.
And I'm like, oh, I wish Icould.
And she said well, what thingsdo you like to do?
I'm like, well, I used to liketo go out, I used to like to do

(13:37):
all of this stuff, but, likerecently, I don't do anything
because while having three jobsI really don't have any time for
myself.
And she goes hold, hold up, yougot how many jobs?
And I was like I got three jobs.
And she's like are you good?
And I'm like, yeah, I'm good.
I'm just I'm trying to find anapartment in this area and it's
kind of hard because they expectyou to make three times the
rent and my jobs are not enoughfor that.

(13:59):
She goes, hmm, have you triedmy apartment complex?
And I'm like what are youtalking about?
She's like, yeah, there's anapartment complex and they have
what I think is called income.
I forgot what it's called, butit's like income regulated, I
guess, is what it's called and Iwas like, no, I have no idea
what you're talking about.

(14:20):
And she's like go try myapartments, you'll see.
Go try my apartments.
And I'm like, okay, I'll go tryyour apartments.
I come in the lady's looking ateverything that I have brought
her.
I brought her all my paychecksand everything.
And I was like, okay, I need tomake three times the rent.
I don't know how much rent ishere, but I need to make three
times the rent.
Three times the rent.
She looks I brought her andshe looks at me.

(14:41):
She goes I think you're makingmore money than what you're
supposed to.
And I'm like how is thatpossible?
I have three jobs and you needme to make three times the rent.
And she's like no, not here.
Here, we need you to make twotimes the rent.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
And she's like, yeah, let'sjust fill out that application
and see what happens.

(15:01):
And when I tell you, my dearpassengers, I filled out the
application today and not even aweek later, I got the call
saying that I had gotten theapartment.
Not even a week later I got thecall saying congratulations,
you've gotten the apartment, mydear passenger.

(15:27):
That day will forever beingrained in my brain because
that day was like a full ofemotions.
I was sad, I was happy.
I was sad because I wasgrieving all of the time that I
had thought I had wasted, all ofthe time that I had focused and
I had worked on myself that Ithought I had wasted.

(15:48):
I was crying because I washappy.
I mean, look at all this timethat I spent working towards it
and now I achieved it right.
I was also crying because I wasscared.
This is the first time that I'mgoing to be living alone.
Like, what if I fail?
What if I don't make enoughmoney?
What if I suddenly, afterlearning how to save money and

(16:09):
how to do better with money,forget and become like super
irresponsible?
And I was like, okay, well,that's not real fear, that's
just like your mind playinggames with you.
I was feeling all the emotions,but the emotion that I felt the
most was pride.
I was so proud of myself.
I was so proud of myself forhow far I had come in just a

(16:32):
short amount of time I'm talkingabout six months of a mentality
switch but, technically, fourmonths of working, four months
of working my ass off to pay offfor that goal that I had given
myself.

(16:52):
Like, how powerful is it thatit can take you less than a year
to make life changes in yourlife?
Each one of the jobs that I hadprepared me with money,
prepared me with patience,prepared me with dedication and

(17:13):
prepared me with motivation toget to the point that I am today
.
Each one of my jobs allowed meto save up the money that I
would need in order to move intomy
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