Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hello, my dear
passengers, and welcome aboard
the Self-Growth Train, a podcastthat combines personal stories,
opinions and research in orderto better guide you through your
self-growth journey.
My name is Frances MariettiBarapacheco and I am your tour
guide.
First, I want to say thank youfor tuning in to another chapter
, episode, whatever you want tocall it.
(00:29):
I know, okay, my dearpassengers, I know that I suck
at being consistent and I knowthat I haven't posted since
January, and I'm sorry, okay,like I don't do this stuff on
purpose, life be lifing and Isuck at being disciplined and
consistent, so I'm still workingon it.
Please bear with me.
(00:50):
But, yeah, I thought todaymaybe it's time to release a new
episode, because you haven'treleased an episode since
January.
So here we go again.
I feel like I don't even knowhow to do this anymore.
Well, my dear passengers, it'stime to buckle up those
seatbelts as we head into thefirst stop of the day.
That is the topic of the day,and today's topic is friendships
(01:15):
.
Friendship is defined by theMerriam-Webster dictionary as
the state of being a friend and,my dear passenger, I know what
you're thinking.
We're really discussingfriendships on a self-growth
podcast.
But let me tell you, regardlessof where you're at in your
self-growth journey friendshipsfriendships are going to propel
(01:39):
you forward or hinder you andhold you back.
So, yes, my dear passengers,today's topic is friendships.
So buckle up, because it'sgonna be a lot.
For today's episode, I will beusing three resources.
Two of these resources arearticles that I found online,
(01:59):
and the last but not least is myown personal stories.
The first resource that I'mgoing to use is an article by
the American PsychologicalAssociation titled the Science
of why Friendships Keep UsHealthy.
But first things first.
I want to make sure that we'reall on the same page.
How do you define a friend, orwhat constitutes being a friend?
(02:23):
How is it different from beingan acquaintance?
Well, let me tell you, the maindifference between being an
acquaintance and being a friendis the level of loyalty, trust
and mutual benefits that aregiven in a very affectionate
(02:44):
manner.
I say affectionate becausefriendship involves high fives,
hugs, maybe even kisses.
You don't do that withacquaintances, or if you do,
then you do acquaintances alittle bit different than I do,
but kudos to you Anyway.
(03:05):
Anyhow, as we know, especiallyif you live in America and with
American cultural points of view, there's a high emphasis on
romantic love.
However, however, scientistshave recently has recently taken
a kind of exploratory approachto platonic relationships,
(03:30):
because it seems that they havethe power to affect us
positively or negatively,depending on how healthy that
relationship is within itself,which means that when you are in
a healthy friendship, you knowwhat I'm talking about.
You know what those healthyfriendships look like.
When you are with someone thatallows you to be your authentic,
(03:54):
100%, raw self, you are in thepresence of someone that is at
peace with you.
So, therefore, your stresslevels are down because you
don't have to act like you'reanybody else.
They accept you for who you areand also, you're not isolated
because you don't want to putyourself away from this person
that understands you and wantsto spend time with you.
(04:17):
And, last but not least, youhave a higher satisfaction of
life.
I mean, here's someone thatenjoys spending time with you
and creating things with you.
Why would you not be happy?
And I want to make a quickpause.
When I was going through this, Ifeel it in me.
(04:39):
There are some of you out therethat don't have that friend,
that don't have that person thatcomes to mind, and I'm going to
be honest, like it might bethat you have someone that has
been with you for many, manyyears and you're just like well,
(05:00):
they're my friend, they've beenwith me through thick and thin
and I'm just going to keep thembecause they were there when I
needed them.
But are they celebrating you,are they pushing you forward now
?
Because if they're not, they'renot adding anything to your
well-being, they're not addinganything to your potential and
they're definitely not adding toyour greatness and they're
(05:25):
definitely not adding to yourgreatness.
So I know I'm speaking tosomebody out there who, when I
was talking about that friendand I had my own friend in my
head, thinking about that personthat is there for me and that
just cheers me on and allows meto be myself 100,000% right, and
(05:46):
I just I felt it.
I felt that there's people outthere that don't have that, or
that they have people thatsometimes are there for them.
And I'm telling you, you need afriend, you need at least one
person, one person that you feelsafe and secure around.
Because I will make anotherpause right here Self-love,
(06:10):
self-acceptance, self-esteem isvery, very important.
Do not get me wrong.
It is good and it is essentialfor you to have love for
yourself, to spend time withyourself to keep up with
yourself, absolutely.
But you also need people.
We weren't sent here to bealone.
You got to find your drive, andI hope that this episode
(06:35):
inspires you to look within andjust say who are these people
that I call my friends?
Are they really there for me?
And if they're not, what am Iwilling to do for myself?
Like, what am I willing to doto take care of myself and make
(06:58):
sure that I'm taking care of myfuture self, that I'm looking
out for that future version ofmyself that has those friends
that support her, love her andpush her to be the things that
she wants to be?
But you might still bestruggling to define what a good
friend is, right?
(07:18):
No worries.
Our second resource is anarticle by BetterHelp titled
what is the Definition of a GoodFriend, and, as always, I put
all of these resources in thedescription, but I'm going to
summarize it because I thinkthis is such an important lesson
for all of us.
(07:38):
So, friendship researcher LydiaDenworth.
She found that a goodfriendship is characterized by
three core traits.
All right, I'm going to readthem out loud and then we're
going to dissect them.
Okay, the first one isstability over time.
Second one is positivity in therelationship.
(07:58):
And number three is mutualcooperation and support.
That means that in order for afriendship to be a friendship,
it has to be stable over time,it has got to be positive
environment and also there hasto be mutual cooperation and
support.
If it's missing one of thepillars, it's not a friendship,
baby.
(08:19):
Okay, I'm sorry that you'refinding out this way, but this
is how you needed to find out,so that way you can get
beautiful friends that are yourreal, true friends, right?
And then I also want to touchon the signs of a healthy
friendship.
Okay, so they mention fivethings that shows you that you
(08:40):
are in a healthy friendship.
The first one is emotionalsupport.
Do they support you emotionallywhen you need them and do you
support them emotionally whenthey need it?
That's a very importantquestion.
The second one is good listening.
Oh my gosh, I know I can talkbecause, let me tell you, I know
I can talk.
I got a gift.
(09:01):
But I also know how to listen,and in a friendship, it is very
important to know when is yourtime to listen and when is your
time to listen, and in afriendship, it is very important
to know when is your time tolisten and when is your time to
talk.
So just make sure that there'sgood listening happening in your
friendships, okay, the thirdone is enjoyment.
Like, do you enjoy spendingtime with your friends?
Because if you're not enjoyingspending time with your friends
(09:21):
girl, that's the basics thatmeans that something is wrong.
And, yeah, you should, youshould review this friendship if
you're not enjoying it.
The other one is empathy, and Ithink this one is such an
important one.
They're all important, but Ithink empathy is the most
important one, and that isbecause they understand and
(09:44):
validate your emotions.
My dear passenger, when you'regoing through a self-growth
journey, again, regardless ofwhere you're at, there's a lot
of emotions, there's a lot ofemotions that come up.
There's emotions ofunworthiness, there's emotions
(10:04):
of sadness, there's emotions ofhurt, there's emotions of
unworthiness, there's emotionsof sadness, there's emotions of
hurt, there's emotions of dangeror of not feeling safe, like
being afraid of change, and allof that right.
So you need to have people inyour life that allow you to
express your emotions and alsothat they understand what you're
(10:26):
going through, like they mightnot know 100% exactly what
you're going through, butthey're willing to be there for
you, and that's why empathy issuch a big one.
And then, last but not least, isforgiveness.
Wow, oh my gosh, like I am soblessed that one of my jobs is
working with kids, because I getto see friendships being formed
(10:52):
and maintained in the mostinnocent, consistent, funny ways
.
And forgiveness is so easilygiven when it's children to
children, and I just think thatkids know that we're just
playing, we're just playingaround, you know, and sometimes
(11:14):
as adults we take things way tooseriously.
And I think that forgiveness issuch an important aspect of
your friendship.
And again, if you're not havingthat in your friendship, I feel
for you, I manifest and prayfor better friends in your life,
(11:34):
because you need somebody thatis going to be able to give you
at least those five things.
And again, this is emotionalsupport, good listening,
enjoyment, empathy andforgiveness.
If a person cannot give youthose five things, they're not
your friend.
My dear passenger, this is themoment where I get to share my
(11:56):
personal experience with friends.
I'm going to be very honest.
Like I have the worstabandonment issues when I love
you.
I love you fully and I love youunconditionally, and I love you
(12:20):
so intensely that it can bemisconstrued.
It can also be misunderstood,it can also be taken advantage
of, and over the last couple ofyears, I've had the, in a way,
(12:54):
blessing of having people walkout of my life or forcing people
to walk out of my life orcutting them off of my life.
And it's so interesting becauseand I can only speak for myself
okay I am such a loving person.
I am such a loving person thatmy love for them doesn't end
(13:21):
just because their presence isno longer a part of my daily
life.
My love for them grows everyday, even during the distance,
but it grows in theunderstanding that that person
is not meant to be walkingalongside me and like again,
(13:43):
it's very interesting when youallow yourself to do better for
yourself, because at first ithurts a lot and then you get
scared and then you say, well,am I taking the right option?
Am I being dramatic?
Am I being self-sabotaging?
(14:03):
You second-guess everythingBecause it feels different and
it feels very scary.
(14:23):
But then comes a point where youget in front of a mirror and
you look at yourself and youlook at how much you've been
suffering because you're holdingon to these imaginary reins
that are holding the people thatyou love and you feel like
things are going out of control.
So you just want to hold on tothese imaginary reins.
You don't want to miss thesepeople.
You don't want to lose them.
They've been there before.
(14:44):
The thought of losing them,even if they're not 100% perfect
, is terrifying.
But then you do let go of theimaginary ropes.
And then you had to do all thislove and attention from people
(15:35):
that have been waiting patientlyto become friends to you
because they saw the worth inyou and they wanted a seat at
your table, but it was full.
It was full of people thatdidn't necessarily have the best
interest for you, but you did.
And then, once you takeinventory of who is in your
(15:57):
corner but who is actually inyour corner, watching for you,
praying for you, supporting youYou're unstoppable.
It hurts, but then you startseeing yourself going up, up, up
, up, up, up, up, up, up up, andthen it becomes worth it.
(16:25):
So, my dear passenger, I amspeaking to you friend to friend
.
You deserve a support systemthat wants the best for you.
So take inventory of who's inyour life and be honest.
Who is not there for you?
(16:46):
You can be there for them andyou can be there in the distance
, but they don't need to beright beside you.
They don't need to drain yourenergy, they don't need to drain
your motivation.
They also don't need to haveaccess to all the things that
you're doing because they don'thave the best interests.
(17:08):
Well, my dear passengers, thetime has come for the last stop
of the day, that is, recap time.
Today's episode discussfriendships, which we now know
mean the state of being friends.
We now know that friendshipscan help us with our mental and
physical well-being, and that'sbecause friendships allow us to
(17:31):
lower our stress levels, alsowatch out with our heart disease
and, last but not least, helpus report higher levels of
satisfaction with life.
That friendships have threecore traits.
That is, stability over time,positivity in their relationship
and mutual cooperation andsupport.
(17:54):
Last but not least, there'sfive signs of a healthy
friendship.
That means that if anybody inthe friendship is doing this,
it's a good sign that it is ahealthy friendship.
And that is emotional support,good listening, enjoyment,
empathy and forgiveness.
Remember, self-growth is anendless journey towards
(18:16):
self-improvement.
However, you don't ever have todo it alone.
As your tour guide, my goal isto guide you with the best
intentions and the best researchavailable.
Make sure to follow me onInstagram, tiktok and Facebook
at the Self-Girl Train Podcast,and to look at my new website,
theselfgirltrainpodcastcom.
As always, all of the resourcesused today have been added to
(18:39):
the episode's descriptions.
Well, until the next time, dearpassengers, safe travels.
Bye.