Doing the Work: From Survival to Self-Love

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Ranae’s story is one of pain, resilience, and the hard work of healing. At just eleven years old she experienced a horrible traumatic event that shaped how she viewed herself, her worth, and her relationships with others. Told to “put it aside” for appearances, she spent years trying to please everyone else while quietly carrying the weight of shame.

Her journey eventually led to Federal Prison, where the shock of turning herself in and confronting fear for the first time became, paradoxically, the beginning of her healing. In this conversation, Ranae shares what she discovered about identity, responsibility, and growth: that loving yourself is not a luxury, but a necessity. That we are not defined by the worst decision we’ve ever made. And that guilt can guide us to accountability, but shame only keeps us stuck.

We explore the danger of labeling yourself as a “bad person,” how hopelessness prevents change, and why “how could you?” is the wrong question. The better question is: “What led to that?” Together, we unpack how unmet human needs drive destructive choices, the role of coping strategies (both helpful and harmful), and why true healing begins with sitting with yourself, developing awareness, and reaching out for support.

Ranae offers a candid look at self-care, boundaries, and the difference between avoidance and authentic growth. Most of all, she reminds us: you are not all bad, you are worth the work, and empathy is not the same as tolerance, it is the bridge to accountability, contribution, and change.

For more resources, visit www.connectingtocope.com
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