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What happens when you achieve everything society told you would bring happiness - the dream house, thriving career, picture-perfect family - yet find yourself breaking down in tears, feeling emptier than ever? In this raw and revealing episode of Sex Reimagined, transformational coach Cyrus Wild opens up to hosts Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown about his journey from living the American Dream to discovering an unexpected truth: that true fulfillment often requires us to question everything we thought we knew about relationships, desire, and authenticity.
Ever wondered why certain relationships feel effortless, while others leave you feeling drained? The answer could be hidden in your unique love archetype. Take the Archetype Quiz - https://www.cyruswild.com/archetype-quiz-dual
🎯 IN THIS EPISODE:
- Cyrus shares his raw journey from breakdown to breakthrough
- How suppressing our "feral" nature impacts relationships
- The power of holding both masculine and feminine energies in coaching
- A fascinating look at relationship archetypes and how they shape our connections
EPISODE LINKS
- Cyrus’ Website
- Free Gift | The Feral Soul Archetypes Quiz
- Dual Coaching with Leah & Cyrus
- Event | Soul Ties and Love Knots
The Power of Pleasure, A Free Summit July 23-24, 2025. This 2-day live event will feature trailblazers in the field of conscious sexuality. Join us for FREE!
AWAKENING THE GODDESS IN CRETE! Leah & Willow want to take you on an all-woman's tantric pilgrimage to Greece Oct 5-12, 2025! Join us for a trip of lifetime.
LAST 10x LONGER. If you suffer from premature ejaculation, you are not alone, master 5 techniques to cure this stressful & embarrassing issue once and for all. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST20.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Leah (00:05):
If you're new, welcome to the show.
If you're a long time listener,welcome back.
This is Leah Piper and Dr.
Willow Brown, your hosts of theSex Reimagined podcast.
Willow (00:14):
And today we had a really amazing guest who is also
doing a phenomenal collaborationwith the one and only Leah
Piper.
So you're going to love thisinterview.
Very, very cool.
Cyrus Wilde is atransformational coach and
facilitator known for guidingindividuals through deep
personal transformation byhelping them reclaim their
(00:36):
primal power and embracevulnerability.
Leah (00:41):
That's right, you guys, please tune in, turn on and fall
in love with my friend, CyrusWilde.
Announcer (00:47):
Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is
shame free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.
Leah (00:56):
Cyrus Wilde, friend and colleague, welcome to Sex
Reimagined.
Willow (01:01):
are so excited to have Cyrus today and just learn about
his phenomenal coaching, whathe's up to in the world, what
he's sharing with others incollaboration, and how he is
supporting the movement ofsexual awakening.
So Cyrus, tell us a little bitabout yourself and you know, who
(01:24):
you serve, how you love toserve, and how you got into this
work to begin with.
Cyrus (01:30):
hmm.
Beautiful.
Thank you for asking.
yeah, I'm Cyrus Wilde.
how I got into this work, inessence, around 2018, 2019.
Yeah, my life in essence lookedpicture perfect with big
beautiful house, five bedroom,four bath home, business and
bulletproof career, wife andsome babies, and again,
(01:51):
everything on the outside lookedbeautiful.
it was the American dream,right?
but inside, there'd beensomething missing.
Uh, yeah, something missing for,for a long time.
And, I had this impression orassumption that after I,
achieved the next thing or, orgot to the next step, that,
(02:12):
yeah, everything would be all asit should be.
And yeah, come to find out itwasn't.
Willow (02:19):
It was kind of like you were chasing that thing that was
going to make you feel fulfilledinside when all along it was
inside and you had to kind ofstop in order to find it.
Cyrus (02:28):
yeah, so you say it nicely, yeah, in, in.
Leah (02:33):
Oh gosh, yeah.
I'm curious, was there like animplosion?
Or was it just one day you wokeup and said, oh, something's
gotta change?
Cyrus (02:41):
how it looked in real life was, again, after a
phenomenal holiday season, afterNew Year's, I ended up in the
back hallway of this beautifulhouse that it took me a year and
a half to, remodel.
And like, I knew every nail andscrew and piece of insulation
behind the wall, every plate,every picture on the wall was
like, meticulously picked outand put in place by me.
(03:06):
yeah, I ended up in the backhallway of this house, just
uncontrollably bawling my eyesout, because everything looked
as it should, but there was juststill like this big gaping hole,
like where it's like a physicalpain in my chest where my heart
is and, Yeah, I didn't, I didwhat I thought I was supposed
(03:27):
to, and it still hurts quite abit.
Yeah,
Willow (03:32):
so what did you do at that point?
Cyrus (03:34):
after that, uh, yeah, eventually I got up, right,
because I'm here now.
I got, I got off
Willow (03:40):
You blew your nose.
You dried your eyes.
Cyrus (03:43):
yeah.
Yeah, I
Willow (03:45):
did things shift?
It sounded like that was a realpinnacle moment.
How did things shift after thatfor you?
Cyrus (03:50):
yeah, started to look into, To therapy, people have
mentioned therapy to me before,but it was almost like, you
know, how do you find somebody?
How do you, like there was likea whole another level of
vulnerability in just evenstarting to look And anyways, I
started therapy and at thatpoint, nothing in my life made
(04:11):
sense.
Like my relationship didn't makesense.
Career didn't make sense.
Sex didn't make sense.
and so I just started to likeseek in all the ways through
workshops, books, podcasts.
Willow (04:27):
Who was one of the big sort of influential teachers or
guides along that journey ofseeking?
Cyrus (04:34):
Charles Muir for sure, and, and Leah.
one of the things that wasmissing for me was like this,
this connection with, with mywife.
on paper, we were like, It justwas like a no brainer on paper.
However, there was this, thisdepth of connection that was
(04:54):
missing.
And again, I just always thoughtit would come like, you know,
after she finished maybe hersecond masters, or after I got
promoted, or after we moved intothis house, or after the kids,
or after this.
I just was like, okay, it'll,it'll come.
Tantra had kept coming up, and,one of the things that really
grabbed me was, like,connection, and connection
(05:16):
through sex, and, like,relieving a shame, and so I
signed us up for this beginnerweekend,
Willow (05:25):
So you guys went together to your first beginner
weekend.
When was that?
What year?
Do you remember?
Cyrus (05:30):
I have no idea.
I keep saying things were like ayear or two ago when it's like,
that's not, that's not
Leah (05:36):
COVID brain?
Yeah, yeah, I
Willow (05:38):
timelines are all messed up
Leah (05:40):
but I remember you.
I remember you at that weekend.
So, I want to say it was six orseven, eight years ago,
something like that.
that.
Willow (05:49):
Oh, wow.
Okay.
And how, how did it, unfold?
Cause I did my first Beginner'sWeekend with Source Tantra with
Charles and Leah as well with mypartner at the time who I had a
very similar experience withwhere I was like, okay, we got
to like, I need more depth.
I need more connection.
He would try, he would rise upto the occasion and I would
(06:09):
stick around longer.
You know, he would always likerise up right as I was like
about to walk out the door.
And, um, And we did both thebeginner and intermediate
weekend.
I think it was after thebeginner weekend, we started to
have some of the best connectionand deepest intimacy and best
sex that we'd had in our, Ithink it was six years at that
(06:32):
time.
And then after the intermediateweekend, we almost fucking broke
up again.
Leah (06:36):
Oh, is that right?
I didn't, I didn't know the
Willow (06:40):
didn't know that.
Leah (06:40):
of that.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
How was it for you and your wifeat the time?
Cyrus (06:45):
I'll speak for, I'll speak for myself, for me it was
just like, like, like fireworksgoing off and for a big piece of
it it was like i found it.
You know like yeah not to getwoos like it was kind of like
you know like like god's herelike you know like that's that's
what it that's what it was forme
Willow (07:05):
Like you felt like you were finally in the right place
and the right, with the rightcommunity and the right, you
know, like landed.
I have that same feeling.
Cyrus (07:14):
so with the practices of, of connection, and one of the
things that was moving to me aswell was, I remember at one
point like Charles took all themen into a, to a room and, you
know, it was, it was like, Youknow, a father figure taking you
in and like, you know, like thisand this and then, you know,
(07:34):
he's telling you things and thenyou laugh and it's just, yeah,
just every piece just, justmeant so much.
and for me, it was like, Ifound, you know, come to Jesus
moment, you know,
Willow (07:47):
I love how Charles does that in The Beginner's Weekend,
separates the men from the womenand really like shows the men.
It's like what the men never gotfrom their fathers, you know,
never got from theirgrandfathers, their uncles, the
education around how to be witha woman.
He really does that very well.
Cyrus (08:05):
How to be with a woman, for sure.
yeah, it wasn't necessarily thesame experience for the both of
us.
it may have had more impact forme and, I may have Taking it as
a whole, and that didn't happenfor her, so there's a
possibility it created a bitmore separation.
(08:28):
Yeah, and again, not makinganybody wrong at all.
I think for her, it was like,okay, some of this stuff is good
to learn, but she was like, itseems like you believe in it.
I was just like, yeah.
Willow (08:48):
You're like, I do.
oh, now what?
So
Leah (08:53):
So, was that kind of the beginning of the end, Cyrus, or
not quite yet?
Cyrus (08:57):
I think the beginning and the end had started before that,
and it was likely a big reasonfor the implosion in, in me.
So everything and life was,yeah, it was a muggle, A normal,
normal, normal
Willow (09:17):
Muggle to magic person.
Another convert.
Leah (09:22):
You know, it's interesting because, for years, working for
Source Tantra, I started off asan event coordinator.
And so I was handling the backof the room versus the front of
the room.
I would be answering phone callsand people would often ask, is
this going to save my marriage?
I'm going to have to drag mypartner here.
Like, can you talk to my partnerand convince them to come?
And I always have to tellpeople, look, Tantra does not
(09:42):
promise to save relationships,what it will promise is to help
you get closer to your truth.
And to live from your truth isreally how we most desire to
live, because then we'reconnected to our authenticity.
And sometimes people we'lljourney with us through that.
They'll, they'll journey withinthemselves.
(10:04):
And then the relationship movesforward.
Sometimes that doesn't happen.
And we find out that our truthis telling us that we're going
to, we're going to go differentways, but hopefully we'll have a
few more tools to do that moreambiably.
Maybe we can still support thelove.
It's just the love changes.
(10:24):
and it's not a relationship onhow to, it's not a course on how
to do that, but it was one ofthe things I was always very
careful to tell people tomeasure their expectations.
So then what happened next?
How soon before you guys decidedto split ways and change the
configuration of yourrelationship?
Cyrus (10:41):
After thatt weekend, yeah, we continued with other
things like couples counselingand, yeah,
Leah (10:47):
All the things one does to save a marriage.
Cyrus (10:50):
All the things one does when on trips to get like, you
know, just us alone and, uh,etc.
yeah, I think maybe eventuallyby 2020, 2021 it was official,
that we were, that we weresplit.
I stayed in the house for abouta year to give the children, my
children, a chance totransition.
(11:11):
So, there was many bedrooms, soI slept in the back bedroom to
give them time to adjust beforeI moved out to another, another
house that we had.
And then the legal process tooka little bit.
I have phobia of, of like courtsand, and that kind of thing.
So I was kind of the hold up.
(11:31):
We had went through a consciousuncoupling and we had coaches
and
Leah (11:35):
Hmm.
Cyrus (11:36):
We're the only people in the courtroom that didn't have
attorneys and it broke my heartto be in the courtroom and see
people who are married and hadhouses and businesses and
children together and theycouldn't even talk to each other
that the attorneys would talkand like there was this thing
like it like it literally itliterally broke my heart to be
(11:59):
in there and see that and feelthat
Leah (12:02):
Yeah, I bet.
Cyrus (12:04):
the disregard for relationship, you know.
and then just one more thing, solike at the, when we finally did
go to the court process, I, Ihad decided to do a cross
country trip with, a new partnerat the time that flew from, the
Netherlands for us to drivecross country, but we had
(12:24):
finally got the date for thedivorce.
So I drove all the way, I was inWashington state.
I flew back to go to court, toget divorced, for a few hours,
and then I got back on the planeto Washington State, did like a
workshop, and then drove back toMassachusetts.
Willow (12:45):
Wow, that's quite a, that's quite a journey.
Like, in the middle of a tripwith a new person.
Cyrus (12:50):
Yeah.
Willow (12:51):
back to the other side of the country to
Leah (12:53):
I'll be right back.
Got to get a divorce.
Yeah.
Willow (12:58):
with you.
It's a Tantric move, okay?
Trust me.
Leah (13:02):
would Do you recommend the conscious uncoupling, was that
really supportive to thetransition that the two of you
were making?
Curious what the impact of thatwas.
Cyrus (13:11):
It was incredibly supportive, during the process.
And then for me afterwards, I, Istick, I stuck with the coach a
little bit after that.
And I would recommend it becausethe, in my judgment, the divorce
process, the court process islike If you didn't have an idea
of like something to do to theother person while you're pissed
(13:33):
off, they'll give you some ideason some interesting things that
you could do to the otherperson.
So, to have an anchor, torealize this, this is somebody
that you do love.
It's just the love has changedand you're transitioning it and
it's not your, it's not somebodyto destroy now.
(13:53):
And this whole container thatyou created is still good to try
to keep that intact as much aspossible.
Willow (14:01):
I think that Conscious Uncoupling work is so, so
valuable when you've got kids,you've got, you know, your, your
finances intertwined with eachother.
And so I'm curious at what kindof relationship and
communication you and your exwife are in these days.
Like, how are you guys doingnow?
Cyrus (14:20):
yeah, so we were really good for at one point.
Now, now it's kind of fractured.
but yeah, it's like, I think.
Yes, yes, yes,
Willow (14:30):
Do you think it could flow again?
Do you think you guys could usesome of these, use some of these
practices to bring them back?
Remember, we're stillconsciously uncoupled.
Cyrus (14:41):
I think with time, yes.
Yeah, it's like, I was with thisperson for almost 20 years.
Whether it's wounds, orconnection, or like whatever it
is, is, is deep, so, if there ispain there, it's like a deep
pain, and like, it needs, time,you know?
Leah (14:59):
Yeah, yeah,
Cyrus (15:00):
Like, I can't force us to be good all the time, you know?
Leah (15:03):
yeah, I'm sure a lot of people right now can really
relate to what you're sharing.
I think, it's such a complexexperience going through a
divorce and figuring out kids.
And you guys are both likeacross the world, you're no
longer in the United States.
So there's all of that that'shappening.
How does your experience oflike, you know, finding this,
(15:24):
this, Whole inside of yourselfthat you know, you need to fill.
Like you've got the call.
There is something that needs tochange and finding yourself in
this position now where you'rereally supporting people going
through their owntransformation.
How does that inform how youhold space?
Cyrus (15:44):
maybe to give it in a little bit of insight of like
what it's like and maybe give alittle bit of insight of like
what my life is actually likeright now.
Yeah, this is kind of the mostI've talked about this stuff in
the divorce.
Like, and I usually didn't callit a divorce.
I call it a uncoupling justbecause I had so much stigma
around the word divorce.
from young, I just, alwaysexpected myself to be married
(16:08):
once, to one person, havechildren with one person, and
just have this nuclear family.
Like, I always, imagined myselfto be married once, one person,
one family, da da da da da.
So when it became clear that,that that relationship was gonna
dissolve, most of my work was onthat, on not feeling like I was
(16:30):
a failure.
and I did Landmark and that waslike my basis for like, Landmark
Worldwide was to try to shift myparadigm.
and I started to learn aboutimpermanence and like, and about
clinging and, so to, to get to apoint where I could, surrender
to, Maybe what life was, wasshowing me at the moment and to
(16:55):
not just, learn to understandimpermanence, reading about it
or like, you know, like audibleor something to like, to like
truly, to like truly live it.
yeah, it was just like, it waslike a cliff jump.
once I, once I jumped off thecliff, it almost started to feel
like anything was possible.
(17:15):
I had started a new company, outof the blue.
I started to travel, all aroundthe world and, shift the idea
that I needed to be fixed in,in, in one place.
I started to explore differentrelationship structures.
Yeah, I don't, like every areaof life, like, nothing was, off
(17:41):
limits in terms of, what couldbe shifted.
So, so now over this last year,I've lived in Sweden.
I've lived in the, I've spentsome time in the UK.
I lived quite a bit in CostaRica, Amsterdam, Brazil.
Leah (17:58):
the nomad now, so you really like took that to heart.
Which, which reminds me ofsomething that I've heard you
talk about that I think isreally interesting.
And that is, your brand is feralsoul.
And, and I really find that wordvery interesting.
Like this wild feral part ofourselves that we often suppress
(18:19):
as we become more domesticated.
Because we're so driven asanimals for security and safety.
And we create these hugestructures, right?
It's like, we just want to getsafe.
We just want to get safe.
We just want to find the personthat we love and then life can
begin.
And then we're, then we'll beokay.
And everything will rise fromthat.
(18:40):
And then those who are probablylistening, who've been in, long
term relationships, you start tofeel like there's gotta be
something more.
And then just this mundane,safe, secure feeling.
You don't want to let it go, butsomething inside of ourselves
somehow gets lost in thatdomestication.
I'm just wondering, and thoseare my words, but what are your
(19:02):
words to describe that?
Cyrus (19:04):
yeah, when I, when I bring up like domestication,
it's necessary, right?
We need, we as humans, we'veevolved with civilization and
tribe and community and, it's apositive thing, and there's the
possibility that we suppress, agood amount of ourselves, to, to
(19:24):
fit into these, ways of, ofliving.
And, for me, a lot of themessaging around relationship
and, to be good, Maybe came fromreligion and I'm not saying
religion is bad, but how Iinterpreted it was, I remember
learning about just even thethought of another person is a
sin, and I wanted to be a goodhusband so like I had this
(19:48):
internal conflict of just eventhe thought of another woman is
a sin and I want to be good andlike uh, and we're both animal
and spirit, right?
So like, we I was almost tryingto kill or suppress or cage my,
my animal, so that I could be,good in this relationship and
(20:10):
how I showed up in the world,and because I was suppressing
in, in one part of myself somuch, my, my My wife started to
no longer be able to feel me.
The people around me couldn'tfeel me.
for me specifically, I startedto gain a lot of weight because,
you know, like I need thepleasure, I need to get it from
(20:32):
somewhere, like, you know.
Leah (20:34):
Wow, that's so relatable, right?
Cyrus (20:36):
And so the feral, the feral soul, is, getting back in
touch with that.
that animal part, that part ofme as, as a man, again, within,
I think consent is, is able totake and ravish a woman and
like, like unapologetically.
And, for me, there was a processof getting back in touch, with
(20:57):
that part of myself.
So say for like a beginner'sweekend where you learn maybe
like eye gaze and, and anattunement, there were other
containers that I put myself inwhere, I was able to get in, In
connection with my predator.
So, to have my predator, and myanimal, in tuned with maybe
(21:19):
we'll say the higher with likemaybe like a Tantra with like
the eye gaze and so like, I'm inpursuit and I'm in pursuit, and
I'm attuned at the, at the sametime.
Willow (21:27):
Yeah, that's hot.
Listen up men out there.
That's hot.
Do that.
So is this what you're teachingmen to do, Cyrus?
Tell us.
Tell us what you are teachingmen these days.
Cyrus (21:44):
yeah, so, uh, another development is, is Feral Fusion,
something that I'm working withon with, Leah, it's a joint
venture, a combination of, bothmasculine and feminine.
So, whether you're a man orwhether you're a woman, there's,
there's access to these, theseparts, right?
(22:04):
There's a male predator, maybethere's a female predator that
somebody needs to get access to,the ability to receive and,
yeah, to give in an attuned way.
So, Both Leah and I are teachingmen and women, how to have this,
this dance and, both open up inways that maybe they never
(22:25):
thought was possible.
Willow (22:26):
It sounds like a perfect sort of union of the, the yin
and the yang within a singlehuman being, no matter what
their gender is, like to, to beable to find that primal,
animalistic, desiristic, thatjust like, I want to ravish you,
that thing.
Women actually love to beravished, if they can drop into
(22:47):
that place inside of themselvesof letting go of control and
surrendering and allowing andtrusting and receiving.
And you know, with, but withbeing attuned with each moment,
being really present with likewhat is going on.
So you're not just ravishingblindly, but you're actually
ravishing with your eyes open,with consciousness, with
(23:08):
intention as well.
Like what is the intentionbehind this ravishing?
Is it just to like awaken yourown animalistic instinct or is
it also to, you know, awakensomething in her?
Is it awakening something inboth of you?
So I'm so curious, I feel likeYou know after the whole me too
(23:29):
thing that happened so many menare afraid to ravish They need
an invitation these days, youknow, it's like they don't want
to just they don't want tooverstep their boundaries.
Leah (23:40):
Don't want to get in trouble.
Willow (23:41):
don't want to get in trouble.
Yeah,
Leah (23:43):
self preservation.
Willow (23:44):
totally
Cyrus (23:46):
Yeah, I'll use, I'll, I'll just use my, continue to
use myself, as an example.
Again, this is a part of me thatI still continue to work on
being comfortable with.
Because it's a part of me thathas carried so much, shame for
like most of my, most of mylife.
Whether You know, like I said,attraction to another woman,
(24:09):
feeling like I'm not goodbecause of that, or, having the
desire to take a woman that I'm,I'm with, eventually I became a
nice guy, right?
So like as a, as a recoveringnice guy in, in, in all of it.
with being in these containers,maybe at first treating a woman,
(24:31):
I try not to take this out ofcontext, like this princess,
this goddess that like was on a,was on a pedestal to.
Yeah, I don't know what we cansay on the, on the podcast,
Willow (24:45):
say it.
Just say it.
Say it.
Say it
Leah (24:48):
tell me to edit it out, so it's all good.
Take risks.
Cyrus (24:53):
yeah, to learn in, to learn in that, you know, like
some women want you to, youknow, tie them up and slap them
and, you know, put a butt pluginside of them and like, you
know, like, It's a revelationfor me and, I think for,
sometimes for both sides, right?
On what we think is, is rightand, and, and good.
(25:15):
yeah.
Leah (25:16):
yeah.
I can say, you know, we had acoaching client recently, and
one of the things that's reallyinteresting is we have people
take a quiz, so they can reallyfind inside of them, start to
already feel into the thingsthat are subconscious,
subconscious motivators that arehelping co create this world
outside that either they want orthey don't want.
And most of the time it'screating conflicts that oppose
(25:39):
each other.
For instance, we had this, thiswonderful, client who scored in
two different categories.
One was he was the groundednurturer and he also had the
defiant spirit and the part ofhim that was a grounded
nurturer.
You know, one of the things hereally craved was to be with
like a sane, healthy, femininepartner.
Someone who was safe andnurturing and loving and really
(26:02):
was like this person who wouldlisten and was kind of a
caretaker, you know, I mean,lots of us want that and then
there was another defiant spiritpart of him that liked kind of
sowing chaos, you know, he likedsort of breaking the rules and
so in so doing that could reallytake that partner and jangle
them, make them anxious aboutwhat's going to happen next.
(26:25):
And so kind of finding that partof him that wanted two opposing
things at the same time.
And how can we create, co createthat in like an interesting and
a healthy way?
Where that, that stimulatesarousal.
And desire and also creates asanctuary at the same time.
Also providing a place for himto pour his love into while also
(26:47):
making things a littledangerous.
And how does one really honorthat part of themselves?
And then how do you, do you notonly honor what's true inside of
yourself, but then try toexplain that to future partners
so that you're co creating it ina conscious way.
That's sort of the material thatwe're really diving into is to
take a look and uncover parts ofourselves.
(27:08):
That want to be understood.
So we're not just operatingfrom, you know, all these
blinding
Willow (27:18):
The shadow.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, I love this.
I mean, I think this is, this isgold because this is so what
everyone struggles with.
That's what you were sittingwith in your marriage, Cyrus, is
like, okay, there's one side ofme that wants this, you know,
perfect life.
And, you know, what side of meis that even questioning that?
(27:40):
Like, where did that side comefrom?
Is that really even yours?
Is it, is it from society?
Is it from your?
Where did that come from?
And then there's these othersides of us that we don't even
know what's, what's there, or wemight know, you know, through
quizzes, like you guys areputting together, like these
different archetypes that, thatseemingly are opposing each
(28:02):
other.
You know, I want, one of the bigthings for me I'll share is
like, I want to be, I want to bein the spotlight.
You know, my North node is in,is in Leo, but my South node is
in Aquarius.
So I want to be in the spotlightand I want to live in a cave,
you know, I want both.
So can I, can I have like, youknow, that sort of like, here,
(28:22):
here's the gifts, here's what Ihave to offer the world.
Here's what, you know, I thinkis important and here's how I
can like, it feels good for meto share my gifts and my
knowledge and wisdom with theworld.
And at the same time I need alot of like solo time and
downtime and alone time and so Ithink that everyone has these,
(28:43):
really opposite, like thisdisparity inside of themselves
that when we can start toreconcile and bring those parts
of ourselves back together andstart to have a conversation.
What were these two archetypesyou called them, Leah?
Leah (28:57):
Grounded nurture and the defiant spirit.
Willow (28:59):
Yeah.
And so if the grounded nurtureand the, and the defiant spirit
are starting to have aconversation with each other,
about how to co exist inside ofthis one particular client that
you guys are working with, thenhe's actually got a fighting
chance of, of, of creating thatco creating something with
(29:21):
somebody else.
Otherwise, he's really notaligned enough inside of himself
to, to manifest or attractsomebody that he could play with
in that.
Leah (29:31):
Yeah.
There's a lot of sabotagingopportunities arise
Willow (29:36):
Totally.
Totally.
It just becomes a big shit showand you're all confused inside.
Leah (29:41):
Yeah, and so the thing that, that Cyrus are having,
we're having fun exploring, andit's, and there's things that
are happening within myself as aresult, and Cyrus can speak to
this too, is, How do we holdthose posts for the masculine
and the feminine?
And what's the voice of thefeminine?
What does she have to offer thatmay be different than the voice
(30:05):
of the masculine as we holdspace for people, as they're
exploring their ownintermasculine and feminine and
how different that feels.
I mean, after each call, Cyrusand I kind of, we, we, we
download for a few minutes andgo, okay, how was that for you?
Where are we heading next?
What worked?
What didn't work?
Willow (30:25):
So where are you guys with, uh, with holding those
sort of polar posts, you know,the masculine feminine within
the client?
The yin and the yang.
Leah (30:35):
Well, for me, it's more just bringing up tenderness
within myself.
So it's me having a reflectionof myself, experiencing myself
in a new and in revealing ways.
I'd have to ask the actualclient what it's like for them,
but I can just tell you thatwhat's interesting for me as a
(30:56):
practitioner is noticing myselfin these experiences, noticing
what I liked, what worked, maybewhat arose that's still tender
and alive in my system that isbeing called to sort of look at
in, in a new way.
What about for you, Cyrus?
Cyrus (31:14):
Yeah, uh, how I've experienced it is sometimes, as
we show up, like a transmissionwill come through.
I remember one client wassharing something, and it was a
male client, and a transmissioncame through Leah, and it was
almost like, she was speakingfor this like archetypical
(31:39):
feminine energy and because itwas all three of us on the call,
we got to pause with that and,yeah, just kind of like take it
separate and, and, and look atit and, and feel it.
And because, For this specificdynamic where I was a man and
was we were able to like talkabout it in real time He was
(32:05):
able to digest it in the waythat He had a lot more empathy
for the woman in his life Thathe was having a thing with in
that particular conversationThat's one way that it shows up
(32:27):
Also, what has happened,sometimes with, with male
clients is, there almostnaturally be this nurturing
energy that comes from Leah onthe call, that the person may
need.
And then I will come in withkind of
Leah (32:44):
Big Daddy shows up!
Cyrus (32:47):
a bit more penetrative energy, Okay, now that you're
nurtured like it's time to moveforward now.
So, yeah where there's thepossibility that, you know, and
if you probably had usindividually, we both have
masculine, feminine, et cetera,but, where there's the
possibility that maybe somebodycould get stuck in that nurture,
(33:07):
like the whole Jungian thingwhere, you know, or Freudian
thing where you're attached tomummy, you don't want to let
that energy go.
and then, There's the masculineto
Leah (33:18):
Pierce,
Cyrus (33:19):
penetrate and, yeah, move the person forward, or if you
just had all masculine, maybe,again, men can nurture, but
this, I'm just making a pointwhere, Yeah, maybe it might be
too penetrative and too movingforward and not enough
acknowledgement of a certainthing so with us both we were
(33:42):
usually able to feel each otherenough to to titrate and give
the person the right amount ofenergy at any given time based
off of what they brought up
Leah (33:54):
Yeah, one of the things I've really enjoyed watching,
working with our female clients,is Cyrus will be reflecting what
they said back to them so theycan hear themselves in what they
shared.
And he often uses a word thatthey said, but I'm kind of
cringe.
And then that's the exact thingthat that woman picks up on.
(34:16):
And she, and what's so brilliantabout these women is they go,
God damn it.
I don't really like that yousaid that, but you know what?
I need to look at that.
And then they, they take thatand like, that's one of their
biggest takeaways from the call.
It's like this word that, that Iwould have been reluctant to
accentuate.
Willow (34:33):
Can you give us an example of this
Leah (34:34):
Um, Oh, it's right on the tip of my tongue.
Dominate.
So this one female client, shewas noticing that she kind of
likes to dom her partners in thebedroom, but she noticed that
she was unconscious of how muchshe was dominating the whole
relationship and how that waspreventing her from really
having the relationships thatshe wanted.
(34:55):
And there was some way thatCyrus highlighted that.
in what in she shared, it waslike, she wanted to just keep
that word in the bedroom.
But he brought it out in such away that she had to acknowledge,
Ah shit, I
Willow (35:09):
dominate in all ways.
Leah (35:12):
yeah, that's not serving me.
And so you know, you know, likeby the end of the call and what
they share by the end of thecall and what they got, that
they're taking that and they'regoing to chew on that for a
while.
They're going to use thatinformation that got reflected,
that came from inside of them,wasn't coming from Cyrus.
He was just sharing what heheard.
And they're going to marinate inthat.
(35:32):
They're going to really take alook and be reflective about
what does this mean to me?
And, and how, where do I need tobecome more conscious?
And what do I want to changemoving ahead?
And then that ends upaccelerating the next session.
Willow (35:43):
Now, you guys mentioned two archetypes.
Are there more?
Leah (35:49):
Most certainly.
Willow (35:50):
Well, we would love to hear about all these different
archetypes and where theyoriginated from and what they
all mean.
Cyrus (35:56):
there's 12 archetypes.
Uh, we're not going to share allof them here.
You're going to have to take thetest.
there's 12 archetypes.
They're, indirectly connected tothe 12 Jungian archetypes, the
building of these archetypes,it's informed by, how you find
safety in, in connection.
(36:18):
so like Leah was mentioning.
previous client in a dynamicsometimes we find ourselves
victim to our relationship, butwithin these categories, as we
have awareness and we'reconscious of it, we can, we can
choose it.
So, maybe some of us have sometroublesome ways that we find
(36:39):
safety in relationship, but wedon't make anything good or bad,
but with the archetype test wehave this information.
So how do you find safety inconnection?
Another one is how do you turnup and down the passion in your
relationship or connection?
Yeah with the passion maybethere's too much passion and
(37:00):
it's like not functional becauseyou guys have this push and pull
and you fight and, but thenyou're together.
And so, so maybe the passion istoo high and you need to bring
it down.
Or maybe there's no passion atall and you need to turn it up.
So, we get that information.
So safety, passion, a separateone is arousal.
Like what, what are some of thekeys to your arousal and, and,
(37:23):
and how to tap into it.
And, and there is a distinctionbetween the passion and, and,
and the arousal.
and then the fourth one is, Inessence, I can't think of
another way to describe it, likehow you feel, how you can feel
love, like how you can, actuallyreceive it and, and, and, and
give it.
(37:44):
yeah, so with those,
Leah (37:46):
so that when you can understand, how does it land in
me?
How does it, how does it landwhen I'm trying to give it?
Is that working?
and, and through all of that,what gets developed is
communication.
Is when you start to knowyourself, then you have the
ability to teach others howloving you works.
You know, like, because youstart to discover what opens
(38:07):
your body, what closes yourbody?
and so in all these realmsbetween feeling safe and being
able to communicate and feelingarousal and then also feeling
alive, you know, having passionto live a really turned on life
is something we all cravebecause we may not know the
words for it, but like Cyrussaid at the beginning of this
conversation, most of us know Atsome point in our life that
(38:32):
something's missing and thehunger for it and the
acknowledgement of it, it'salmost like a call from the
universe that you can't notanswer.
It gets too loud.
And so, you know, finding placesthat people can come and
discover those answers that yes,there is something more and it,
(38:53):
and it's an inside job.
And when you learn to tap intothat, then you can cultivate it
and then you can co create itout in the world.
Willow (39:00):
Yes.
And so when, when you're helpingpeople identify these maybe more
unconscious places inside ofthem, and then I'm curious, like
on these calls, are you doing alittle bit of role playing?
Are you just sharing with themwhat that sort of, you know,
shadow side of them is and howit's showing up in their life?
And then are you giving them anykind of like take home work?
(39:25):
where they are, you know, Idon't know, journaling or, or
communicating differentlythrough that, through that
particular archetype that theywere not aware of before.
Cyrus (39:35):
so it's, first we start off with, with awareness.
First we start off with where aperson is, is at, where you're
at in life, like what do youhave, what do you have going on.
Typically, that needs to beshared first, and an
understanding of that.
And then based on what somebody,what somebody wants or desires,
(39:59):
there's kind of an unravelingof, these areas that we, spoke
about.
there's not necessarily roleplaying.
That's there's a depth ofawareness that we achieve,
especially with the foundationof the Archetype Quiz.
and for the beginning, a goodamount of the call is this,
(40:23):
Awareness, and I say this in away that like when Leah
mentioned, the one of the womanclients that we had says she
likes to dominate in thebedroom.
And I think something along whatI said is like, okay, so you
like to dominate men.
in fact, how much work itactually takes to truly be aware
(40:46):
of, to have a Decent amount ofself awareness to, to do
anything I think is underrated.
and maybe some of the homeworkthings and good, but it might be
just kind of like I give yousomething.
So you feel like, yeah, part ofthe coaching handbook.
But, 95 percent of it is, theawareness and we are a mirror to
(41:11):
help you, get there and thenthere'll be tools to help you
choose for, for yourself.
so it's not typical.
Leah (41:19):
I would say that we're really coming from the place of
everyone has all that they needand all that they need they
have.
It's helping them resource thatinside of themselves because the
truth is, is most people aremore likely to take their own
advice than they're gonna takeour advice.
We, they might love our advicetoo, our advice may be golden,
(41:39):
but that doesn't mean they'regoing to take steps and make it
actionable.
But when it comes from deepinside of you, there is this
inflection point that drivessomebody's actions because it
comes from within and that's waymore powerful.
So sometimes it's hard not tohave an agenda.
You see someone and you seetheir light and you also see
their shadow and you think, oh,you just drive them over here.
(42:01):
You got to be careful of that.
That's, that's one sometimes Istruggle with.
And there are sometimes peopledon't have a resource.
They're, they're missing a toolor a technique.
And so then it's our job toprovide them with a tool or
technique that they can theninternalize and use if it's
right for them.
and so you offer that and theycan explore it and
Willow (42:23):
So it sounds like what you guys are really doing is
helping, is like, Sort ofproviding these ahas through
reflection, throughconversation, through, you know,
helping them to see placesinside of themselves that are
ruling their lives, that they'remaking choices in the present
current time of their life, outof these, unconscious patterns
(42:46):
and things that have been, youknow, causing them pain at the
same time.
Cyrus (42:55):
For sure.
the transformation that takesplace within our work based on
where the person is at and We'renot trying to change anybody, or
we don't have this ideal waythat you, you should be.
We're taking you, possibly oflike what your makeup is at, at
the moment.
and one example that I'll giveis, Say you take a stereotype
(43:17):
that some people view asnegative, right?
A stereotype of a woman that isa gold digger, is perceived as a
gold digger, and she likes toreceive gifts from men, and
there's the possibility Shecould be a little anxious and
(43:38):
she needs lots of reassuranceand somehow in their dynamic
they end up in arguments wheremaybe there's some charged
energy from, from, from the man,but in the way it comes across
now it's, it's maybe it's not,it's not healthy.
(43:58):
but maybe the same stereotypicalwoman goes through our program,
and we normalize the fact thatone of the ways that she
receives love is, is byreceiving nice things and she
has a standard and that's, andthat's okay to have this
standard and, and to receivethese things and, where she
(44:19):
gains this awareness, thisembodied awareness where, she's
able to ask for, for this, like,this is how this is how I need
to be loved so that she has, shecan discern, who are the right
people, to allow, in her life tolove her in this way and, you
know, there's this attachmentthing that's out there and like,
(44:42):
maybe, she could be categorizedas anxious and again, there's
nothing bad, in our, our realm.
So, in our realm, that justmeans she needs lots of
reassurance.
And as she has a betterunderstanding of that, and it's,
she doesn't feel as though it's,it's bad, and she's able to ask
(45:03):
for it.
Now she's with a man that givesher, quality gifts in a way that
she can appreciate and know thatshe's appreciated.
this man, can show her attentionin a way, whether it's text
messages or whatever it is,right, in a way that she, feels
safe with this person and, andprobably surprised now it's,
(45:25):
she's in a secure attachment,right?
But anyways, and then maybe inthe past, she needed to get
these gifts in an unconsciousway or, she needed to be a
certain way to find out if thisman truly loved her and maybe it
was like, can be described asacting out and these arguments
took place but, she's in herpower now and she knows one of
(45:49):
the ways to turn up the passionin the bedroom is, if he grabs
her and calls her a gold diggingbitch but like, you know, but
it's like, it's conscious, it'swithin their container and it's
juicy and, and he loves it andshe loves it and, Yeah, we took
this negative, so callednegative stereotype, and now
(46:12):
there's like this thriving,juicy relationship that, yeah,
that works.
Leah (46:19):
it's like you take something that maybe was judged
as shallow, and then you seejust how deep it is, how much
safety is interwoven in it, howmuch arousal is connected to it,
how much it like it's a turn onand then there's a turn off.
And how do you leverage that?
And so they all start to worktogether and you see this thing
that you thought was shallowthat actually is very deep and
(46:42):
and is sort of like a key toopening one's essence if, if
you're willing to courageouslylook at it.
Cyrus (46:49):
Yeah, almost an unbreakable bond, where maybe
before it was relationship afterrelationship.
Willow (46:56):
think it's really, you know, a testament to getting
really honest with yourself,getting really like true to
yourself and your needs and yourdesires within relationship.
Because we all grow up withlike, well, this is what
relationships should look like.
And you should bend and morphand change yourself a million
different ways so that you canfit into this space.
Cyrus (47:17):
uh,
Willow (47:17):
And how well is that working?
Like, what's the divorce ratethese days?
You know, I don't know, but, andthere's no shame in it.
There's, you know, it's just,we're all starting to configure
different styles ofrelationship, even.
You know, like, I've recentlybeen exploring more non
monogamous paths and, you know,some people will kind of start
(47:40):
having conversation with me andthey'll be like, Oh, so you're
polyamorous.
And I've always had like such anaversion to polyamory, like hell
no, I don't have energy or time.
I've got too much, you know, toomuch of my sole purpose to focus
on.
And I like, cause I know thatpolyamory does require a lot of
time and energy and parametersand a lot of conversation and
(48:01):
boundaries and skill and all ofthat.
And so I've always sort of beenreally not, you know, not
wanting to take on that labeland still have like this sort of
knee jerk like initial reaction,no, I'm not that, you know.
however, at I just want therelationship that's going to
work, you know, just, I don'tcare.
(48:21):
I don't, you can call itwhatever the hell you want to
call it.
I just want the one that's goingto work for me.
And so in creating that, youknow, everyone has to be really
honest with themselves.
So, you know, I mean, maybe Iwill take on this gold digging
bitch because it sounds prettyhot.
Leah (48:40):
Ha ha ha
Willow (48:40):
Maybe I'll try that archetype on, you know.
Kink that shit
Leah (48:44):
out,
Willow (48:44):
Yeah, you know, I think there's a, can be really fun to
learn about ourselves.
It can be really fun to try ondifferent archetypes, different
masks, different, you know, isthis something that I might
enjoy?
It never even occurred to mebefore, but it's possibly
something that could be reallyempowering for an individual
(49:05):
when they try on something that,just wasn't even in their
consciousness at all before.
And I think it also expands andopens up what, what you can co
create with others, you know,whether that's in a monogamous
or non monogamous situation.
Leah (49:23):
yeah.
So what's next for you, Cyrus?
We've got the coaching work.
Is there anything else that youwant to share before we wrap up?
Anything we haven't asked you?
Cyrus (49:33):
for sure.
If, if you're in the Nosaraarea, even if you're not, jump
on the plane.
we have,
Leah (49:40):
is in Costa Rica?
Cyrus (49:41):
Nosaras in Costa Rica.
Sorry, not everybody knows,right?
how do you not know?
A three night, Shabari templeimmersion, called Soul Ties.
I brought an ama an amazingfacilitator named Katie Bird.
She's gonna take us through, athree night temple where, each
night we we deepen, in intodevotion.
(50:04):
And the rope is the means of ofof devotion.
where we're all We will all gainthis shared, this shared
language.
Yeah, so in regards to devotion,in regards to polarity, dominant
submission, but not in overtways, like you'll, it'll, you'll
(50:27):
get it into your body withoutYeah, saying this is what this
is.
This is, it's like, this sweetnurturing, this depth, this,
yeah.
Leah (50:36):
for people who don't know what shibari is, what would you
say?
Would you define it?
Cyrus (50:41):
It's where you tie somebody up.
Leah (50:44):
It's a
Cyrus (50:45):
With consent
Willow (50:45):
Japanese art form of, of tying.
Yeah.
It's super hot and super sexy.
Leah (50:52):
yeah, and really just
Willow (50:53):
feels good.
Yeah.
Leah (50:55):
yeah.
by the time this airs, you'll beable to get on the VIP list in
order to take the Feral Fusionquiz, which will help you define
some of your archetypes, sowe'll make sure that that's in
the show notes.
so for those of you who arecurious about the quiz, you'll
have access to it.
Willow (51:12):
I cannot wait to take this quiz.
So exciting y'all.
Leah (51:16):
Yeah,
Willow (51:17):
Thanks for putting it together and for leading the
path in helping people discoverthese unconscious shadow sides
of themselves so that they canreally co create the
relationships that are going towork for them.
Leah (51:31):
yeah, and check out www.CyrusWild.Com and check out
his Instagram.
What's your Instagram?
Cyrus (51:38):
@CyrusWild_.
Leah (51:40):
Great.
Check him out on Instagram andhe'll be on our YouTube
channels.
Thank you so much Cyrus.
So excited for everything you'recreating in the world.
Cyrus (51:48):
Beautiful.
Thank you for having me.
Announcer (51:50):
Now, our favorite part, the dish.
Willow (51:54):
Dishing it up on Cyrus.
it's so fun that you guys aredoing this collaboration
together.
And, and I'm curious, like howthat came about.
Did you guys, just startchatting at one of the Source
Tantra events about it, or wasit more of off, you know, on
your own about it?
How
Leah (52:10):
No, he, uh, would reach out to me every couple of years.
And I think he had a couple ofdiscovery calls, you know, and
it was always just sort ofwaiting for the most ripe time.
Um, and then he did my Love ProMentorship program.
And as he was cultivating feralfusion and working on retreats
(52:34):
and deep dives for men.
And then we started to take alook at what that would look
like for women.
And, and then this other segmentof launching his coaching
business.
And then we just started tocollaborate and try some things
on, it was really fun to start,you know, we did a couple
experimental coaching calls withsome of the people he was
encountering at all thesedifferent workshops and, and
(52:55):
then he developed this quiz andit was like, well, this is so
fun and this is so interestingand look how that came alive and
look how that got revealed.
And then I always wanted to havesort of some kind of program,
uh, with a male counterpart sothat we could play with the
dynamics of the masculinefeminine wisdom and not only
(53:18):
sort of modeling how to be inright relationship as two
facilitators, but then alsoseeing what wisdom could be
illuminated by having access toboth, you know, You know, those
two polarities
Willow (53:34):
Mm
Leah (53:34):
taking someone on a journey.
And so that's kind of what gavebirth to the whole idea.
Willow (53:38):
I love it.
Leah (53:39):
we were both ready at the right time.
Willow (53:41):
Yeah, finally the timing aligned.
I love that.
Great.
Well, it sounds like he's beenon quite a soul seeking journey
and has discovered a lot abouthimself in a short amount of
time.
And so I'm sure teaming up withyou, who has been on this path
for a very long time, it feelsreally, you know, aligned and,
(54:03):
and, supportive to, to both ofyou.
You know, you, you been on itfor so long, you're always kind
of like, what's the next fresh,like fun thing that I can play
with, you know?
And, and for him, you know, I, Iimagine there's sort of like,
Oh, well, Leah is seasoned, youknow?
So that, that brings some, somereal credibility and also just
(54:24):
some sense of, you know,groundedness to it.
Leah (54:28):
Yeah.
One of the things I really amattracted to about Cyrus, which
feels like a good fit, is whenyou're working with someone who
kind of has this alpha maleenergy, He's sort of the strong
silent type too.
So there's a way with, and heused the word, penetrative
energy.
He has this penetrativepiercing, yet quiet, still, it's
(54:49):
like all the things you thinkabout when you think about
masculine essence, you know,the, the tall mountain, the
stable tree, the, the ship thatcan weather the storm, all those
things come really naturally tohim.
And what that does to me is ithelps me settle.
It lets me settle and rest in myfeminine, in a way that I don't,
(55:10):
I'm not always given opportunityto because I have to hold both,
you know,
Willow (55:14):
Right.
Yeah.
I could
Leah (55:15):
and in my work in particular.
And I love the opportunity ofleading, facilitating, teaching
and coaching from my feminineversus my masculine.
So when someone's automaticallyholding that, it shifts a part
of what's available to me.
And it can be challenging,right?
Especially when you're sort ofused to your style.
Willow (55:34):
You're like, I'm gonna, I'm going to dominate this shit.
Leah (55:37):
but I'm noticing that I really like, it's a great
opportunity to sit back and Youknow, so, and I've had other
colleagues in the past, TJBartel in particular, who, that
was another really lovelydynamic when we would co
facilitate, you know, the SourceTantra teacher trainings and,
and we would work privately withcouples.
(55:58):
It was another thing I couldreally lean into and I haven't
had access to that in quite sometime.
I'm always kind of looking likewho's the next Shiva post, if
you will, that I can play thatdynamic with even in my
collaborations with a lot ofwomen, I tend to hold the
masculine post.
I tend to be the one that'sresourcing the form and bringing
things in to form.
(56:19):
And then usually my femalecounterpart is resourcing the
mystery, as we sort of say, andpulling the mystery in.
So it's nice to be able to haveto have a chance to play with
that polarity.
And I don't know if anyonelistening out there even knows
what the hell I'm talking
Willow (56:34):
Uh, well, I
Leah (56:35):
talking shop right
Willow (56:36):
yeah, and I know exactly what you're talking about.
And I'm so curious, like how,how our dynamic will shift as
you dive deeper into thisdynamic with Cyrus.
Because of, you know, getting toexperience more of that
feminine, energy and essenceflowing through you, as you're,
(56:57):
as you're coaching as, As you'reworking with him, because we
also do, um, co co coaching forsome of our clientele.
And, um, you know, and we do itdifferently.
Also, we don't do it all on thesame call together.
It's more like a tag team.
And so it'll just be reallyinteresting to, you know, just,
this is, this is one of thebeautiful things, people, about
(57:19):
non monogamy, you know, I'mlike, I'm not sitting over here
going like, oh, she's doingsomething else with someone
else.
Like, I fucking celebrate it,you know, I'm so, I'm so happy
and I'm so grateful for whateverit will open up within you,
Leah, that will then shift and,and, open up within us.
Leah (57:36):
Yeah, yeah.
And I think it's also gives me achance to gain a little bit of
perspective in my relationshipwith Matt, you know, um,
Willow (57:45):
Yeah, right.
Leah (57:46):
as all these relationships do, right?
Like, uh, just the other day wewere coaching another woman and
she was talking about beingvisible, being understood, and
like, how important someoneasking questions is so that she
feels like you're there with me,you're just not overriding my
(58:08):
feelings or my thoughts or theway I look at things, which has
been sort of a dynamic.
And one of the things shereached in her deep desire to be
understood was realizing thatshe's gotten feedback many
times, which is You're hard tounderstand.
Willow (58:24):
Okay.
Yeah, I gotta
Leah (58:26):
it's like, here's this thing you really want.
And, and the, whatever, there'sa lack of clarity that's
happening in the transmission ofthis desire of being able to
speak clearly and what she wasable to illuminate for herself,
which I got to take home with mewas, I need questions.
I need someone to be curious.
I need someone to help drawforth this understanding.
(58:48):
To want to understand me enoughthat you're willing to ask
questions.
And, and one of, we've talkedabout this on the show before,
but one of Matt's wounds isfeeling invisible.
Willow (58:57):
Uh huh.
Leah (58:58):
and he's very good about asking me questions.
It's not like he's asking mequestions so that I'll ask him
questions.
And I, and I realized that I amnot as generous.
With that of asking, what do youthink about this?
And what do you think about thebook that you're reading?
What is that bringing up foryou?
And when you had thatconversation with so and so,
what meaning did you make out ofthat?
And you know, what's importantto you this?
Willow (59:19):
Well, it's very interesting, Leah, that you're
not as generous in this withMatt, because you are the
question queen in my world,like, in my experience of you.
Like, always digging deeper andalso, like, wanting to know the
timeline and reallyunderstanding I don't know, I
don't understand, like, Oh,well, when did this happen?
And then when did that happenand how did this flow and how
(59:41):
did that flow?
And I think that, you know, whenwe get into longterm
relationships, it can be reallyeasy to like, you know, the, the
thing that we're so good at to,to not bring it quite as, as
much into a relationship.
So I love that, you know, you'rethat this, that this
relationship with Cyrus is alsoawakening that and inspiring
(01:00:01):
that even more in your marriage.
Leah (01:00:04):
And which I, you know, Matt would be so pissed if he
heard this, maybe some of thewhole Tune in.
Sometimes he, he listens to someof the episodes, but not all of
them, but, um, I know thatthat's also beef he has, like,
well, you're so, you do this foreverybody else.
Like, if I'm the most importantperson, why aren't you doing it
with me?
And it's so interesting, right?
Like, these are the mostimportant person in your life
(01:00:24):
you can take for granted so mucheasier.
Like, all those questions pouredout of me in the first five
Willow (01:00:29):
years of the relationship.
in the beginning.
Leah (01:00:31):
And now I'm like, I'm so talked out.
I've been talking all day long.
I don't fucking want to know.
Like I just want to unplug, reada book and not talk, not be out.
And so remembering that, uh, Ineed to, I need to curate and
make precious a certain amountof my energy so that I can turn
(01:00:53):
that towards because he's themost important person who I want
to Be and feel like I am thatsafe place that he, that if
anyone sees him, I do.
And I want him to feel that inhis bones.
And there's also a place that hehas to feed that in himself.
So it's, it's this constantdance.
But I have to say that I'mreally grateful when what he
(01:01:16):
complains about, I'm able to geta reflection from somebody else
that helps me understand himbetter.
Because sometimes when you're soclose to someone, you, there's a
block to being able tounderstand how they feel, the
way they feel when you're justhearing a complaint.
And then I hear that complaintand I take that as criticism.
(01:01:37):
And then there's a block toactually hearing what are they
really saying?
What do they really need?
But when you can hear it fromsomebody else, it's like, Oh,
that's what I've been missing inmy desire to understand this
beloved of mine.
Willow (01:01:51):
Yeah.
Exactly.
So powerful.
Love it.
That's why, many colors in therainbow make a prettier rainbow,
y'all.
Leah (01:01:59):
Yeah.
So, uh, yeah.
Tell us what you think in thecomments.
Thanks so much for being alistener.
We love you.
And please share the episodewith someone who you know could
benefit from it.
Willow (01:02:09):
Cheers.
Announcer (01:02:10):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
Positive Psychology Facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional MedicineDoctor and Taoist Sexology
Teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget, your comments,likes, subscribes and
suggestions matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.
If you're new, welcome to the show.
If you're a long time listener,welcome back.
This is Leah Piper and Dr.
Willow Brown, your hosts of theSex Reimagined podcast.
Willow (00:14):
And today we had a really amazing guest who is also
doing a phenomenal collaborationwith the one and only Leah
Piper.
So you're going to love thisinterview.
Very, very cool.
Cyrus Wilde is atransformational coach and
facilitator known for guidingindividuals through deep
personal transformation byhelping them reclaim their
(00:36):
primal power and embracevulnerability.
Leah (00:41):
That's right, you guys, please tune in, turn on and fall
in love with my friend, CyrusWilde.
Announcer (00:47):
Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is
shame free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.
Leah (00:56):
Cyrus Wilde, friend and colleague, welcome to Sex
Reimagined.
Willow (01:01):
are so excited to have Cyrus today and just learn about
his phenomenal coaching, whathe's up to in the world, what
he's sharing with others incollaboration, and how he is
supporting the movement ofsexual awakening.
So Cyrus, tell us a little bitabout yourself and you know, who
(01:24):
you serve, how you love toserve, and how you got into this
work to begin with.
Cyrus (01:30):
hmm.
Beautiful.
Thank you for asking.
yeah, I'm Cyrus Wilde.
how I got into this work, inessence, around 2018, 2019.
Yeah, my life in essence lookedpicture perfect with big
beautiful house, five bedroom,four bath home, business and
bulletproof career, wife andsome babies, and again,
(01:51):
everything on the outside lookedbeautiful.
it was the American dream,right?
but inside, there'd beensomething missing.
Uh, yeah, something missing for,for a long time.
And, I had this impression orassumption that after I,
achieved the next thing or, orgot to the next step, that,
(02:12):
yeah, everything would be all asit should be.
And yeah, come to find out itwasn't.
Willow (02:19):
It was kind of like you were chasing that thing that was
going to make you feel fulfilledinside when all along it was
inside and you had to kind ofstop in order to find it.
Cyrus (02:28):
yeah, so you say it nicely, yeah, in, in.
Leah (02:33):
Oh gosh, yeah.
I'm curious, was there like animplosion?
Or was it just one day you wokeup and said, oh, something's
gotta change?
Cyrus (02:41):
how it looked in real life was, again, after a
phenomenal holiday season, afterNew Year's, I ended up in the
back hallway of this beautifulhouse that it took me a year and
a half to, remodel.
And like, I knew every nail andscrew and piece of insulation
behind the wall, every plate,every picture on the wall was
like, meticulously picked outand put in place by me.
(03:06):
yeah, I ended up in the backhallway of this house, just
uncontrollably bawling my eyesout, because everything looked
as it should, but there was juststill like this big gaping hole,
like where it's like a physicalpain in my chest where my heart
is and, Yeah, I didn't, I didwhat I thought I was supposed
(03:27):
to, and it still hurts quite abit.
Yeah,
Willow (03:32):
so what did you do at that point?
Cyrus (03:34):
after that, uh, yeah, eventually I got up, right,
because I'm here now.
I got, I got off
Willow (03:40):
You blew your nose.
You dried your eyes.
Cyrus (03:43):
yeah.
Yeah, I
Willow (03:45):
did things shift?
It sounded like that was a realpinnacle moment.
How did things shift after thatfor you?
Cyrus (03:50):
yeah, started to look into, To therapy, people have
mentioned therapy to me before,but it was almost like, you
know, how do you find somebody?
How do you, like there was likea whole another level of
vulnerability in just evenstarting to look And anyways, I
started therapy and at thatpoint, nothing in my life made
(04:11):
sense.
Like my relationship didn't makesense.
Career didn't make sense.
Sex didn't make sense.
and so I just started to likeseek in all the ways through
workshops, books, podcasts.
Willow (04:27):
Who was one of the big sort of influential teachers or
guides along that journey ofseeking?
Cyrus (04:34):
Charles Muir for sure, and, and Leah.
one of the things that wasmissing for me was like this,
this connection with, with mywife.
on paper, we were like, It justwas like a no brainer on paper.
However, there was this, thisdepth of connection that was
(04:54):
missing.
And again, I just always thoughtit would come like, you know,
after she finished maybe hersecond masters, or after I got
promoted, or after we moved intothis house, or after the kids,
or after this.
I just was like, okay, it'll,it'll come.
Tantra had kept coming up, and,one of the things that really
grabbed me was, like,connection, and connection
(05:16):
through sex, and, like,relieving a shame, and so I
signed us up for this beginnerweekend,
Willow (05:25):
So you guys went together to your first beginner
weekend.
When was that?
What year?
Do you remember?
Cyrus (05:30):
I have no idea.
I keep saying things were like ayear or two ago when it's like,
that's not, that's not
Leah (05:36):
COVID brain?
Yeah, yeah, I
Willow (05:38):
timelines are all messed up
Leah (05:40):
but I remember you.
I remember you at that weekend.
So, I want to say it was six orseven, eight years ago,
something like that.
that.
Willow (05:49):
Oh, wow.
Okay.
And how, how did it, unfold?
Cause I did my first Beginner'sWeekend with Source Tantra with
Charles and Leah as well with mypartner at the time who I had a
very similar experience withwhere I was like, okay, we got
to like, I need more depth.
I need more connection.
He would try, he would rise upto the occasion and I would
(06:09):
stick around longer.
You know, he would always likerise up right as I was like
about to walk out the door.
And, um, And we did both thebeginner and intermediate
weekend.
I think it was after thebeginner weekend, we started to
have some of the best connectionand deepest intimacy and best
sex that we'd had in our, Ithink it was six years at that
(06:32):
time.
And then after the intermediateweekend, we almost fucking broke
up again.
Leah (06:36):
Oh, is that right?
I didn't, I didn't know the
Willow (06:40):
didn't know that.
Leah (06:40):
of that.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
How was it for you and your wifeat the time?
Cyrus (06:45):
I'll speak for, I'll speak for myself, for me it was
just like, like, like fireworksgoing off and for a big piece of
it it was like i found it.
You know like yeah not to getwoos like it was kind of like
you know like like god's herelike you know like that's that's
what it that's what it was forme
Willow (07:05):
Like you felt like you were finally in the right place
and the right, with the rightcommunity and the right, you
know, like landed.
I have that same feeling.
Cyrus (07:14):
so with the practices of, of connection, and one of the
things that was moving to me aswell was, I remember at one
point like Charles took all themen into a, to a room and, you
know, it was, it was like, Youknow, a father figure taking you
in and like, you know, like thisand this and then, you know,
(07:34):
he's telling you things and thenyou laugh and it's just, yeah,
just every piece just, justmeant so much.
and for me, it was like, Ifound, you know, come to Jesus
moment, you know,
Willow (07:47):
I love how Charles does that in The Beginner's Weekend,
separates the men from the womenand really like shows the men.
It's like what the men never gotfrom their fathers, you know,
never got from theirgrandfathers, their uncles, the
education around how to be witha woman.
He really does that very well.
Cyrus (08:05):
How to be with a woman, for sure.
yeah, it wasn't necessarily thesame experience for the both of
us.
it may have had more impact forme and, I may have Taking it as
a whole, and that didn't happenfor her, so there's a
possibility it created a bitmore separation.
(08:28):
Yeah, and again, not makinganybody wrong at all.
I think for her, it was like,okay, some of this stuff is good
to learn, but she was like, itseems like you believe in it.
I was just like, yeah.
Willow (08:48):
You're like, I do.
oh, now what?
So
Leah (08:53):
So, was that kind of the beginning of the end, Cyrus, or
not quite yet?
Cyrus (08:57):
I think the beginning and the end had started before that,
and it was likely a big reasonfor the implosion in, in me.
So everything and life was,yeah, it was a muggle, A normal,
normal, normal
Willow (09:17):
Muggle to magic person.
Another convert.
Leah (09:22):
You know, it's interesting because, for years, working for
Source Tantra, I started off asan event coordinator.
And so I was handling the backof the room versus the front of
the room.
I would be answering phone callsand people would often ask, is
this going to save my marriage?
I'm going to have to drag mypartner here.
Like, can you talk to my partnerand convince them to come?
And I always have to tellpeople, look, Tantra does not
(09:42):
promise to save relationships,what it will promise is to help
you get closer to your truth.
And to live from your truth isreally how we most desire to
live, because then we'reconnected to our authenticity.
And sometimes people we'lljourney with us through that.
They'll, they'll journey withinthemselves.
(10:04):
And then the relationship movesforward.
Sometimes that doesn't happen.
And we find out that our truthis telling us that we're going
to, we're going to go differentways, but hopefully we'll have a
few more tools to do that moreambiably.
Maybe we can still support thelove.
It's just the love changes.
(10:24):
and it's not a relationship onhow to, it's not a course on how
to do that, but it was one ofthe things I was always very
careful to tell people tomeasure their expectations.
So then what happened next?
How soon before you guys decidedto split ways and change the
configuration of yourrelationship?
Cyrus (10:41):
After thatt weekend, yeah, we continued with other
things like couples counselingand, yeah,
Leah (10:47):
All the things one does to save a marriage.
Cyrus (10:50):
All the things one does when on trips to get like, you
know, just us alone and, uh,etc.
yeah, I think maybe eventuallyby 2020, 2021 it was official,
that we were, that we weresplit.
I stayed in the house for abouta year to give the children, my
children, a chance totransition.
(11:11):
So, there was many bedrooms, soI slept in the back bedroom to
give them time to adjust beforeI moved out to another, another
house that we had.
And then the legal process tooka little bit.
I have phobia of, of like courtsand, and that kind of thing.
So I was kind of the hold up.
(11:31):
We had went through a consciousuncoupling and we had coaches
and
Leah (11:35):
Hmm.
Cyrus (11:36):
We're the only people in the courtroom that didn't have
attorneys and it broke my heartto be in the courtroom and see
people who are married and hadhouses and businesses and
children together and theycouldn't even talk to each other
that the attorneys would talkand like there was this thing
like it like it literally itliterally broke my heart to be
(11:59):
in there and see that and feelthat
Leah (12:02):
Yeah, I bet.
Cyrus (12:04):
the disregard for relationship, you know.
and then just one more thing, solike at the, when we finally did
go to the court process, I, Ihad decided to do a cross
country trip with, a new partnerat the time that flew from, the
Netherlands for us to drivecross country, but we had
(12:24):
finally got the date for thedivorce.
So I drove all the way, I was inWashington state.
I flew back to go to court, toget divorced, for a few hours,
and then I got back on the planeto Washington State, did like a
workshop, and then drove back toMassachusetts.
Willow (12:45):
Wow, that's quite a, that's quite a journey.
Like, in the middle of a tripwith a new person.
Cyrus (12:50):
Yeah.
Willow (12:51):
back to the other side of the country to
Leah (12:53):
I'll be right back.
Got to get a divorce.
Yeah.
Willow (12:58):
with you.
It's a Tantric move, okay?
Trust me.
Leah (13:02):
would Do you recommend the conscious uncoupling, was that
really supportive to thetransition that the two of you
were making?
Curious what the impact of thatwas.
Cyrus (13:11):
It was incredibly supportive, during the process.
And then for me afterwards, I, Istick, I stuck with the coach a
little bit after that.
And I would recommend it becausethe, in my judgment, the divorce
process, the court process islike If you didn't have an idea
of like something to do to theother person while you're pissed
(13:33):
off, they'll give you some ideason some interesting things that
you could do to the otherperson.
So, to have an anchor, torealize this, this is somebody
that you do love.
It's just the love has changedand you're transitioning it and
it's not your, it's not somebodyto destroy now.
(13:53):
And this whole container thatyou created is still good to try
to keep that intact as much aspossible.
Willow (14:01):
I think that Conscious Uncoupling work is so, so
valuable when you've got kids,you've got, you know, your, your
finances intertwined with eachother.
And so I'm curious at what kindof relationship and
communication you and your exwife are in these days.
Like, how are you guys doingnow?
Cyrus (14:20):
yeah, so we were really good for at one point.
Now, now it's kind of fractured.
but yeah, it's like, I think.
Yes, yes, yes,
Willow (14:30):
Do you think it could flow again?
Do you think you guys could usesome of these, use some of these
practices to bring them back?
Remember, we're stillconsciously uncoupled.
Cyrus (14:41):
I think with time, yes.
Yeah, it's like, I was with thisperson for almost 20 years.
Whether it's wounds, orconnection, or like whatever it
is, is, is deep, so, if there ispain there, it's like a deep
pain, and like, it needs, time,you know?
Leah (14:59):
Yeah, yeah,
Cyrus (15:00):
Like, I can't force us to be good all the time, you know?
Leah (15:03):
yeah, I'm sure a lot of people right now can really
relate to what you're sharing.
I think, it's such a complexexperience going through a
divorce and figuring out kids.
And you guys are both likeacross the world, you're no
longer in the United States.
So there's all of that that'shappening.
How does your experience oflike, you know, finding this,
(15:24):
this, Whole inside of yourselfthat you know, you need to fill.
Like you've got the call.
There is something that needs tochange and finding yourself in
this position now where you'rereally supporting people going
through their owntransformation.
How does that inform how youhold space?
Cyrus (15:44):
maybe to give it in a little bit of insight of like
what it's like and maybe give alittle bit of insight of like
what my life is actually likeright now.
Yeah, this is kind of the mostI've talked about this stuff in
the divorce.
Like, and I usually didn't callit a divorce.
I call it a uncoupling justbecause I had so much stigma
around the word divorce.
from young, I just, alwaysexpected myself to be married
(16:08):
once, to one person, havechildren with one person, and
just have this nuclear family.
Like, I always, imagined myselfto be married once, one person,
one family, da da da da da.
So when it became clear that,that that relationship was gonna
dissolve, most of my work was onthat, on not feeling like I was
(16:30):
a failure.
and I did Landmark and that waslike my basis for like, Landmark
Worldwide was to try to shift myparadigm.
and I started to learn aboutimpermanence and like, and about
clinging and, so to, to get to apoint where I could, surrender
to, Maybe what life was, wasshowing me at the moment and to
(16:55):
not just, learn to understandimpermanence, reading about it
or like, you know, like audibleor something to like, to like
truly, to like truly live it.
yeah, it was just like, it waslike a cliff jump.
once I, once I jumped off thecliff, it almost started to feel
like anything was possible.
(17:15):
I had started a new company, outof the blue.
I started to travel, all aroundthe world and, shift the idea
that I needed to be fixed in,in, in one place.
I started to explore differentrelationship structures.
Yeah, I don't, like every areaof life, like, nothing was, off
(17:41):
limits in terms of, what couldbe shifted.
So, so now over this last year,I've lived in Sweden.
I've lived in the, I've spentsome time in the UK.
I lived quite a bit in CostaRica, Amsterdam, Brazil.
Leah (17:58):
the nomad now, so you really like took that to heart.
Which, which reminds me ofsomething that I've heard you
talk about that I think isreally interesting.
And that is, your brand is feralsoul.
And, and I really find that wordvery interesting.
Like this wild feral part ofourselves that we often suppress
(18:19):
as we become more domesticated.
Because we're so driven asanimals for security and safety.
And we create these hugestructures, right?
It's like, we just want to getsafe.
We just want to get safe.
We just want to find the personthat we love and then life can
begin.
And then we're, then we'll beokay.
And everything will rise fromthat.
(18:40):
And then those who are probablylistening, who've been in, long
term relationships, you start tofeel like there's gotta be
something more.
And then just this mundane,safe, secure feeling.
You don't want to let it go, butsomething inside of ourselves
somehow gets lost in thatdomestication.
I'm just wondering, and thoseare my words, but what are your
(19:02):
words to describe that?
Cyrus (19:04):
yeah, when I, when I bring up like domestication,
it's necessary, right?
We need, we as humans, we'veevolved with civilization and
tribe and community and, it's apositive thing, and there's the
possibility that we suppress, agood amount of ourselves, to, to
(19:24):
fit into these, ways of, ofliving.
And, for me, a lot of themessaging around relationship
and, to be good, Maybe came fromreligion and I'm not saying
religion is bad, but how Iinterpreted it was, I remember
learning about just even thethought of another person is a
sin, and I wanted to be a goodhusband so like I had this
(19:48):
internal conflict of just eventhe thought of another woman is
a sin and I want to be good andlike uh, and we're both animal
and spirit, right?
So like, we I was almost tryingto kill or suppress or cage my,
my animal, so that I could be,good in this relationship and
(20:10):
how I showed up in the world,and because I was suppressing
in, in one part of myself somuch, my, my My wife started to
no longer be able to feel me.
The people around me couldn'tfeel me.
for me specifically, I startedto gain a lot of weight because,
you know, like I need thepleasure, I need to get it from
(20:32):
somewhere, like, you know.
Leah (20:34):
Wow, that's so relatable, right?
Cyrus (20:36):
And so the feral, the feral soul, is, getting back in
touch with that.
that animal part, that part ofme as, as a man, again, within,
I think consent is, is able totake and ravish a woman and
like, like unapologetically.
And, for me, there was a processof getting back in touch, with
(20:57):
that part of myself.
So say for like a beginner'sweekend where you learn maybe
like eye gaze and, and anattunement, there were other
containers that I put myself inwhere, I was able to get in, In
connection with my predator.
So, to have my predator, and myanimal, in tuned with maybe
(21:19):
we'll say the higher with likemaybe like a Tantra with like
the eye gaze and so like, I'm inpursuit and I'm in pursuit, and
I'm attuned at the, at the sametime.
Willow (21:27):
Yeah, that's hot.
Listen up men out there.
That's hot.
Do that.
So is this what you're teachingmen to do, Cyrus?
Tell us.
Tell us what you are teachingmen these days.
Cyrus (21:44):
yeah, so, uh, another development is, is Feral Fusion,
something that I'm working withon with, Leah, it's a joint
venture, a combination of, bothmasculine and feminine.
So, whether you're a man orwhether you're a woman, there's,
there's access to these, theseparts, right?
(22:04):
There's a male predator, maybethere's a female predator that
somebody needs to get access to,the ability to receive and,
yeah, to give in an attuned way.
So, Both Leah and I are teachingmen and women, how to have this,
this dance and, both open up inways that maybe they never
(22:25):
thought was possible.
Willow (22:26):
It sounds like a perfect sort of union of the, the yin
and the yang within a singlehuman being, no matter what
their gender is, like to, to beable to find that primal,
animalistic, desiristic, thatjust like, I want to ravish you,
that thing.
Women actually love to beravished, if they can drop into
(22:47):
that place inside of themselvesof letting go of control and
surrendering and allowing andtrusting and receiving.
And you know, with, but withbeing attuned with each moment,
being really present with likewhat is going on.
So you're not just ravishingblindly, but you're actually
ravishing with your eyes open,with consciousness, with
(23:08):
intention as well.
Like what is the intentionbehind this ravishing?
Is it just to like awaken yourown animalistic instinct or is
it also to, you know, awakensomething in her?
Is it awakening something inboth of you?
So I'm so curious, I feel likeYou know after the whole me too
(23:29):
thing that happened so many menare afraid to ravish They need
an invitation these days, youknow, it's like they don't want
to just they don't want tooverstep their boundaries.
Leah (23:40):
Don't want to get in trouble.
Willow (23:41):
don't want to get in trouble.
Yeah,
Leah (23:43):
self preservation.
Willow (23:44):
totally
Cyrus (23:46):
Yeah, I'll use, I'll, I'll just use my, continue to
use myself, as an example.
Again, this is a part of me thatI still continue to work on
being comfortable with.
Because it's a part of me thathas carried so much, shame for
like most of my, most of mylife.
Whether You know, like I said,attraction to another woman,
(24:09):
feeling like I'm not goodbecause of that, or, having the
desire to take a woman that I'm,I'm with, eventually I became a
nice guy, right?
So like as a, as a recoveringnice guy in, in, in all of it.
with being in these containers,maybe at first treating a woman,
(24:31):
I try not to take this out ofcontext, like this princess,
this goddess that like was on a,was on a pedestal to.
Yeah, I don't know what we cansay on the, on the podcast,
Willow (24:45):
say it.
Just say it.
Say it.
Say it
Leah (24:48):
tell me to edit it out, so it's all good.
Take risks.
Cyrus (24:53):
yeah, to learn in, to learn in that, you know, like
some women want you to, youknow, tie them up and slap them
and, you know, put a butt pluginside of them and like, you
know, like, It's a revelationfor me and, I think for,
sometimes for both sides, right?
On what we think is, is rightand, and, and good.
(25:15):
yeah.
Leah (25:16):
yeah.
I can say, you know, we had acoaching client recently, and
one of the things that's reallyinteresting is we have people
take a quiz, so they can reallyfind inside of them, start to
already feel into the thingsthat are subconscious,
subconscious motivators that arehelping co create this world
outside that either they want orthey don't want.
And most of the time it'screating conflicts that oppose
(25:39):
each other.
For instance, we had this, thiswonderful, client who scored in
two different categories.
One was he was the groundednurturer and he also had the
defiant spirit and the part ofhim that was a grounded
nurturer.
You know, one of the things hereally craved was to be with
like a sane, healthy, femininepartner.
Someone who was safe andnurturing and loving and really
(26:02):
was like this person who wouldlisten and was kind of a
caretaker, you know, I mean,lots of us want that and then
there was another defiant spiritpart of him that liked kind of
sowing chaos, you know, he likedsort of breaking the rules and
so in so doing that could reallytake that partner and jangle
them, make them anxious aboutwhat's going to happen next.
(26:25):
And so kind of finding that partof him that wanted two opposing
things at the same time.
And how can we create, co createthat in like an interesting and
a healthy way?
Where that, that stimulatesarousal.
And desire and also creates asanctuary at the same time.
Also providing a place for himto pour his love into while also
(26:47):
making things a littledangerous.
And how does one really honorthat part of themselves?
And then how do you, do you notonly honor what's true inside of
yourself, but then try toexplain that to future partners
so that you're co creating it ina conscious way.
That's sort of the material thatwe're really diving into is to
take a look and uncover parts ofourselves.
(27:08):
That want to be understood.
So we're not just operatingfrom, you know, all these
blinding
Willow (27:18):
The shadow.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, I love this.
I mean, I think this is, this isgold because this is so what
everyone struggles with.
That's what you were sittingwith in your marriage, Cyrus, is
like, okay, there's one side ofme that wants this, you know,
perfect life.
And, you know, what side of meis that even questioning that?
(27:40):
Like, where did that side comefrom?
Is that really even yours?
Is it, is it from society?
Is it from your?
Where did that come from?
And then there's these othersides of us that we don't even
know what's, what's there, or wemight know, you know, through
quizzes, like you guys areputting together, like these
different archetypes that, thatseemingly are opposing each
(28:02):
other.
You know, I want, one of the bigthings for me I'll share is
like, I want to be, I want to bein the spotlight.
You know, my North node is in,is in Leo, but my South node is
in Aquarius.
So I want to be in the spotlightand I want to live in a cave,
you know, I want both.
So can I, can I have like, youknow, that sort of like, here,
(28:22):
here's the gifts, here's what Ihave to offer the world.
Here's what, you know, I thinkis important and here's how I
can like, it feels good for meto share my gifts and my
knowledge and wisdom with theworld.
And at the same time I need alot of like solo time and
downtime and alone time and so Ithink that everyone has these,
(28:43):
really opposite, like thisdisparity inside of themselves
that when we can start toreconcile and bring those parts
of ourselves back together andstart to have a conversation.
What were these two archetypesyou called them, Leah?
Leah (28:57):
Grounded nurture and the defiant spirit.
Willow (28:59):
Yeah.
And so if the grounded nurtureand the, and the defiant spirit
are starting to have aconversation with each other,
about how to co exist inside ofthis one particular client that
you guys are working with, thenhe's actually got a fighting
chance of, of, of creating thatco creating something with
(29:21):
somebody else.
Otherwise, he's really notaligned enough inside of himself
to, to manifest or attractsomebody that he could play with
in that.
Leah (29:31):
Yeah.
There's a lot of sabotagingopportunities arise
Willow (29:36):
Totally.
Totally.
It just becomes a big shit showand you're all confused inside.
Leah (29:41):
Yeah, and so the thing that, that Cyrus are having,
we're having fun exploring, andit's, and there's things that
are happening within myself as aresult, and Cyrus can speak to
this too, is, How do we holdthose posts for the masculine
and the feminine?
And what's the voice of thefeminine?
What does she have to offer thatmay be different than the voice
(30:05):
of the masculine as we holdspace for people, as they're
exploring their ownintermasculine and feminine and
how different that feels.
I mean, after each call, Cyrusand I kind of, we, we, we
download for a few minutes andgo, okay, how was that for you?
Where are we heading next?
What worked?
What didn't work?
Willow (30:25):
So where are you guys with, uh, with holding those
sort of polar posts, you know,the masculine feminine within
the client?
The yin and the yang.
Leah (30:35):
Well, for me, it's more just bringing up tenderness
within myself.
So it's me having a reflectionof myself, experiencing myself
in a new and in revealing ways.
I'd have to ask the actualclient what it's like for them,
but I can just tell you thatwhat's interesting for me as a
(30:56):
practitioner is noticing myselfin these experiences, noticing
what I liked, what worked, maybewhat arose that's still tender
and alive in my system that isbeing called to sort of look at
in, in a new way.
What about for you, Cyrus?
Cyrus (31:14):
Yeah, uh, how I've experienced it is sometimes, as
we show up, like a transmissionwill come through.
I remember one client wassharing something, and it was a
male client, and a transmissioncame through Leah, and it was
almost like, she was speakingfor this like archetypical
(31:39):
feminine energy and because itwas all three of us on the call,
we got to pause with that and,yeah, just kind of like take it
separate and, and, and look atit and, and feel it.
And because, For this specificdynamic where I was a man and
was we were able to like talkabout it in real time He was
(32:05):
able to digest it in the waythat He had a lot more empathy
for the woman in his life Thathe was having a thing with in
that particular conversationThat's one way that it shows up
(32:27):
Also, what has happened,sometimes with, with male
clients is, there almostnaturally be this nurturing
energy that comes from Leah onthe call, that the person may
need.
And then I will come in withkind of
Leah (32:44):
Big Daddy shows up!
Cyrus (32:47):
a bit more penetrative energy, Okay, now that you're
nurtured like it's time to moveforward now.
So, yeah where there's thepossibility that, you know, and
if you probably had usindividually, we both have
masculine, feminine, et cetera,but, where there's the
possibility that maybe somebodycould get stuck in that nurture,
(33:07):
like the whole Jungian thingwhere, you know, or Freudian
thing where you're attached tomummy, you don't want to let
that energy go.
and then, There's the masculineto
Leah (33:18):
Pierce,
Cyrus (33:19):
penetrate and, yeah, move the person forward, or if you
just had all masculine, maybe,again, men can nurture, but
this, I'm just making a pointwhere, Yeah, maybe it might be
too penetrative and too movingforward and not enough
acknowledgement of a certainthing so with us both we were
(33:42):
usually able to feel each otherenough to to titrate and give
the person the right amount ofenergy at any given time based
off of what they brought up
Leah (33:54):
Yeah, one of the things I've really enjoyed watching,
working with our female clients,is Cyrus will be reflecting what
they said back to them so theycan hear themselves in what they
shared.
And he often uses a word thatthey said, but I'm kind of
cringe.
And then that's the exact thingthat that woman picks up on.
(34:16):
And she, and what's so brilliantabout these women is they go,
God damn it.
I don't really like that yousaid that, but you know what?
I need to look at that.
And then they, they take thatand like, that's one of their
biggest takeaways from the call.
It's like this word that, that Iwould have been reluctant to
accentuate.
Willow (34:33):
Can you give us an example of this
Leah (34:34):
Um, Oh, it's right on the tip of my tongue.
Dominate.
So this one female client, shewas noticing that she kind of
likes to dom her partners in thebedroom, but she noticed that
she was unconscious of how muchshe was dominating the whole
relationship and how that waspreventing her from really
having the relationships thatshe wanted.
(34:55):
And there was some way thatCyrus highlighted that.
in what in she shared, it waslike, she wanted to just keep
that word in the bedroom.
But he brought it out in such away that she had to acknowledge,
Ah shit, I
Willow (35:09):
dominate in all ways.
Leah (35:12):
yeah, that's not serving me.
And so you know, you know, likeby the end of the call and what
they share by the end of thecall and what they got, that
they're taking that and they'regoing to chew on that for a
while.
They're going to use thatinformation that got reflected,
that came from inside of them,wasn't coming from Cyrus.
He was just sharing what heheard.
And they're going to marinate inthat.
(35:32):
They're going to really take alook and be reflective about
what does this mean to me?
And, and how, where do I need tobecome more conscious?
And what do I want to changemoving ahead?
And then that ends upaccelerating the next session.
Willow (35:43):
Now, you guys mentioned two archetypes.
Are there more?
Leah (35:49):
Most certainly.
Willow (35:50):
Well, we would love to hear about all these different
archetypes and where theyoriginated from and what they
all mean.
Cyrus (35:56):
there's 12 archetypes.
Uh, we're not going to share allof them here.
You're going to have to take thetest.
there's 12 archetypes.
They're, indirectly connected tothe 12 Jungian archetypes, the
building of these archetypes,it's informed by, how you find
safety in, in connection.
(36:18):
so like Leah was mentioning.
previous client in a dynamicsometimes we find ourselves
victim to our relationship, butwithin these categories, as we
have awareness and we'reconscious of it, we can, we can
choose it.
So, maybe some of us have sometroublesome ways that we find
(36:39):
safety in relationship, but wedon't make anything good or bad,
but with the archetype test wehave this information.
So how do you find safety inconnection?
Another one is how do you turnup and down the passion in your
relationship or connection?
Yeah with the passion maybethere's too much passion and
(37:00):
it's like not functional becauseyou guys have this push and pull
and you fight and, but thenyou're together.
And so, so maybe the passion istoo high and you need to bring
it down.
Or maybe there's no passion atall and you need to turn it up.
So, we get that information.
So safety, passion, a separateone is arousal.
Like what, what are some of thekeys to your arousal and, and,
(37:23):
and how to tap into it.
And, and there is a distinctionbetween the passion and, and,
and the arousal.
and then the fourth one is, Inessence, I can't think of
another way to describe it, likehow you feel, how you can feel
love, like how you can, actuallyreceive it and, and, and, and
give it.
(37:44):
yeah, so with those,
Leah (37:46):
so that when you can understand, how does it land in
me?
How does it, how does it landwhen I'm trying to give it?
Is that working?
and, and through all of that,what gets developed is
communication.
Is when you start to knowyourself, then you have the
ability to teach others howloving you works.
You know, like, because youstart to discover what opens
(38:07):
your body, what closes yourbody?
and so in all these realmsbetween feeling safe and being
able to communicate and feelingarousal and then also feeling
alive, you know, having passionto live a really turned on life
is something we all cravebecause we may not know the
words for it, but like Cyrussaid at the beginning of this
conversation, most of us know Atsome point in our life that
(38:32):
something's missing and thehunger for it and the
acknowledgement of it, it'salmost like a call from the
universe that you can't notanswer.
It gets too loud.
And so, you know, finding placesthat people can come and
discover those answers that yes,there is something more and it,
(38:53):
and it's an inside job.
And when you learn to tap intothat, then you can cultivate it
and then you can co create itout in the world.
Willow (39:00):
Yes.
And so when, when you're helpingpeople identify these maybe more
unconscious places inside ofthem, and then I'm curious, like
on these calls, are you doing alittle bit of role playing?
Are you just sharing with themwhat that sort of, you know,
shadow side of them is and howit's showing up in their life?
And then are you giving them anykind of like take home work?
(39:25):
where they are, you know, Idon't know, journaling or, or
communicating differentlythrough that, through that
particular archetype that theywere not aware of before.
Cyrus (39:35):
so it's, first we start off with, with awareness.
First we start off with where aperson is, is at, where you're
at in life, like what do youhave, what do you have going on.
Typically, that needs to beshared first, and an
understanding of that.
And then based on what somebody,what somebody wants or desires,
(39:59):
there's kind of an unravelingof, these areas that we, spoke
about.
there's not necessarily roleplaying.
That's there's a depth ofawareness that we achieve,
especially with the foundationof the Archetype Quiz.
and for the beginning, a goodamount of the call is this,
(40:23):
Awareness, and I say this in away that like when Leah
mentioned, the one of the womanclients that we had says she
likes to dominate in thebedroom.
And I think something along whatI said is like, okay, so you
like to dominate men.
in fact, how much work itactually takes to truly be aware
(40:46):
of, to have a Decent amount ofself awareness to, to do
anything I think is underrated.
and maybe some of the homeworkthings and good, but it might be
just kind of like I give yousomething.
So you feel like, yeah, part ofthe coaching handbook.
But, 95 percent of it is, theawareness and we are a mirror to
(41:11):
help you, get there and thenthere'll be tools to help you
choose for, for yourself.
so it's not typical.
Leah (41:19):
I would say that we're really coming from the place of
everyone has all that they needand all that they need they
have.
It's helping them resource thatinside of themselves because the
truth is, is most people aremore likely to take their own
advice than they're gonna takeour advice.
We, they might love our advicetoo, our advice may be golden,
(41:39):
but that doesn't mean they'regoing to take steps and make it
actionable.
But when it comes from deepinside of you, there is this
inflection point that drivessomebody's actions because it
comes from within and that's waymore powerful.
So sometimes it's hard not tohave an agenda.
You see someone and you seetheir light and you also see
their shadow and you think, oh,you just drive them over here.
(42:01):
You got to be careful of that.
That's, that's one sometimes Istruggle with.
And there are sometimes peopledon't have a resource.
They're, they're missing a toolor a technique.
And so then it's our job toprovide them with a tool or
technique that they can theninternalize and use if it's
right for them.
and so you offer that and theycan explore it and
Willow (42:23):
So it sounds like what you guys are really doing is
helping, is like, Sort ofproviding these ahas through
reflection, throughconversation, through, you know,
helping them to see placesinside of themselves that are
ruling their lives, that they'remaking choices in the present
current time of their life, outof these, unconscious patterns
(42:46):
and things that have been, youknow, causing them pain at the
same time.
Cyrus (42:55):
For sure.
the transformation that takesplace within our work based on
where the person is at and We'renot trying to change anybody, or
we don't have this ideal waythat you, you should be.
We're taking you, possibly oflike what your makeup is at, at
the moment.
and one example that I'll giveis, Say you take a stereotype
(43:17):
that some people view asnegative, right?
A stereotype of a woman that isa gold digger, is perceived as a
gold digger, and she likes toreceive gifts from men, and
there's the possibility Shecould be a little anxious and
(43:38):
she needs lots of reassuranceand somehow in their dynamic
they end up in arguments wheremaybe there's some charged
energy from, from, from the man,but in the way it comes across
now it's, it's maybe it's not,it's not healthy.
(43:58):
but maybe the same stereotypicalwoman goes through our program,
and we normalize the fact thatone of the ways that she
receives love is, is byreceiving nice things and she
has a standard and that's, andthat's okay to have this
standard and, and to receivethese things and, where she
(44:19):
gains this awareness, thisembodied awareness where, she's
able to ask for, for this, like,this is how this is how I need
to be loved so that she has, shecan discern, who are the right
people, to allow, in her life tolove her in this way and, you
know, there's this attachmentthing that's out there and like,
(44:42):
maybe, she could be categorizedas anxious and again, there's
nothing bad, in our, our realm.
So, in our realm, that justmeans she needs lots of
reassurance.
And as she has a betterunderstanding of that, and it's,
she doesn't feel as though it's,it's bad, and she's able to ask
(45:03):
for it.
Now she's with a man that givesher, quality gifts in a way that
she can appreciate and know thatshe's appreciated.
this man, can show her attentionin a way, whether it's text
messages or whatever it is,right, in a way that she, feels
safe with this person and, andprobably surprised now it's,
(45:25):
she's in a secure attachment,right?
But anyways, and then maybe inthe past, she needed to get
these gifts in an unconsciousway or, she needed to be a
certain way to find out if thisman truly loved her and maybe it
was like, can be described asacting out and these arguments
took place but, she's in herpower now and she knows one of
(45:49):
the ways to turn up the passionin the bedroom is, if he grabs
her and calls her a gold diggingbitch but like, you know, but
it's like, it's conscious, it'swithin their container and it's
juicy and, and he loves it andshe loves it and, Yeah, we took
this negative, so callednegative stereotype, and now
(46:12):
there's like this thriving,juicy relationship that, yeah,
that works.
Leah (46:19):
it's like you take something that maybe was judged
as shallow, and then you seejust how deep it is, how much
safety is interwoven in it, howmuch arousal is connected to it,
how much it like it's a turn onand then there's a turn off.
And how do you leverage that?
And so they all start to worktogether and you see this thing
that you thought was shallowthat actually is very deep and
(46:42):
and is sort of like a key toopening one's essence if, if
you're willing to courageouslylook at it.
Cyrus (46:49):
Yeah, almost an unbreakable bond, where maybe
before it was relationship afterrelationship.
Willow (46:56):
think it's really, you know, a testament to getting
really honest with yourself,getting really like true to
yourself and your needs and yourdesires within relationship.
Because we all grow up withlike, well, this is what
relationships should look like.
And you should bend and morphand change yourself a million
different ways so that you canfit into this space.
Cyrus (47:17):
uh,
Willow (47:17):
And how well is that working?
Like, what's the divorce ratethese days?
You know, I don't know, but, andthere's no shame in it.
There's, you know, it's just,we're all starting to configure
different styles ofrelationship, even.
You know, like, I've recentlybeen exploring more non
monogamous paths and, you know,some people will kind of start
(47:40):
having conversation with me andthey'll be like, Oh, so you're
polyamorous.
And I've always had like such anaversion to polyamory, like hell
no, I don't have energy or time.
I've got too much, you know, toomuch of my sole purpose to focus
on.
And I like, cause I know thatpolyamory does require a lot of
time and energy and parametersand a lot of conversation and
(48:01):
boundaries and skill and all ofthat.
And so I've always sort of beenreally not, you know, not
wanting to take on that labeland still have like this sort of
knee jerk like initial reaction,no, I'm not that, you know.
however, at I just want therelationship that's going to
work, you know, just, I don'tcare.
(48:21):
I don't, you can call itwhatever the hell you want to
call it.
I just want the one that's goingto work for me.
And so in creating that, youknow, everyone has to be really
honest with themselves.
So, you know, I mean, maybe Iwill take on this gold digging
bitch because it sounds prettyhot.
Leah (48:40):
Ha ha ha
Willow (48:40):
Maybe I'll try that archetype on, you know.
Kink that shit
Leah (48:44):
out,
Willow (48:44):
Yeah, you know, I think there's a, can be really fun to
learn about ourselves.
It can be really fun to try ondifferent archetypes, different
masks, different, you know, isthis something that I might
enjoy?
It never even occurred to mebefore, but it's possibly
something that could be reallyempowering for an individual
(49:05):
when they try on something that,just wasn't even in their
consciousness at all before.
And I think it also expands andopens up what, what you can co
create with others, you know,whether that's in a monogamous
or non monogamous situation.
Leah (49:23):
yeah.
So what's next for you, Cyrus?
We've got the coaching work.
Is there anything else that youwant to share before we wrap up?
Anything we haven't asked you?
Cyrus (49:33):
for sure.
If, if you're in the Nosaraarea, even if you're not, jump
on the plane.
we have,
Leah (49:40):
is in Costa Rica?
Cyrus (49:41):
Nosaras in Costa Rica.
Sorry, not everybody knows,right?
how do you not know?
A three night, Shabari templeimmersion, called Soul Ties.
I brought an ama an amazingfacilitator named Katie Bird.
She's gonna take us through, athree night temple where, each
night we we deepen, in intodevotion.
(50:04):
And the rope is the means of ofof devotion.
where we're all We will all gainthis shared, this shared
language.
Yeah, so in regards to devotion,in regards to polarity, dominant
submission, but not in overtways, like you'll, it'll, you'll
(50:27):
get it into your body withoutYeah, saying this is what this
is.
This is, it's like, this sweetnurturing, this depth, this,
yeah.
Leah (50:36):
for people who don't know what shibari is, what would you
say?
Would you define it?
Cyrus (50:41):
It's where you tie somebody up.
Leah (50:44):
It's a
Cyrus (50:45):
With consent
Willow (50:45):
Japanese art form of, of tying.
Yeah.
It's super hot and super sexy.
Leah (50:52):
yeah, and really just
Willow (50:53):
feels good.
Yeah.
Leah (50:55):
yeah.
by the time this airs, you'll beable to get on the VIP list in
order to take the Feral Fusionquiz, which will help you define
some of your archetypes, sowe'll make sure that that's in
the show notes.
so for those of you who arecurious about the quiz, you'll
have access to it.
Willow (51:12):
I cannot wait to take this quiz.
So exciting y'all.
Leah (51:16):
Yeah,
Willow (51:17):
Thanks for putting it together and for leading the
path in helping people discoverthese unconscious shadow sides
of themselves so that they canreally co create the
relationships that are going towork for them.
Leah (51:31):
yeah, and check out www.CyrusWild.Com and check out
his Instagram.
What's your Instagram?
Cyrus (51:38):
@CyrusWild_.
Leah (51:40):
Great.
Check him out on Instagram andhe'll be on our YouTube
channels.
Thank you so much Cyrus.
So excited for everything you'recreating in the world.
Cyrus (51:48):
Beautiful.
Thank you for having me.
Announcer (51:50):
Now, our favorite part, the dish.
Willow (51:54):
Dishing it up on Cyrus.
it's so fun that you guys aredoing this collaboration
together.
And, and I'm curious, like howthat came about.
Did you guys, just startchatting at one of the Source
Tantra events about it, or wasit more of off, you know, on
your own about it?
How
Leah (52:10):
No, he, uh, would reach out to me every couple of years.
And I think he had a couple ofdiscovery calls, you know, and
it was always just sort ofwaiting for the most ripe time.
Um, and then he did my Love ProMentorship program.
And as he was cultivating feralfusion and working on retreats
(52:34):
and deep dives for men.
And then we started to take alook at what that would look
like for women.
And, and then this other segmentof launching his coaching
business.
And then we just started tocollaborate and try some things
on, it was really fun to start,you know, we did a couple
experimental coaching calls withsome of the people he was
encountering at all thesedifferent workshops and, and
(52:55):
then he developed this quiz andit was like, well, this is so
fun and this is so interestingand look how that came alive and
look how that got revealed.
And then I always wanted to havesort of some kind of program,
uh, with a male counterpart sothat we could play with the
dynamics of the masculinefeminine wisdom and not only
(53:18):
sort of modeling how to be inright relationship as two
facilitators, but then alsoseeing what wisdom could be
illuminated by having access toboth, you know, You know, those
two polarities
Willow (53:34):
Mm
Leah (53:34):
taking someone on a journey.
And so that's kind of what gavebirth to the whole idea.
Willow (53:38):
I love it.
Leah (53:39):
we were both ready at the right time.
Willow (53:41):
Yeah, finally the timing aligned.
I love that.
Great.
Well, it sounds like he's beenon quite a soul seeking journey
and has discovered a lot abouthimself in a short amount of
time.
And so I'm sure teaming up withyou, who has been on this path
for a very long time, it feelsreally, you know, aligned and,
(54:03):
and, supportive to, to both ofyou.
You know, you, you been on itfor so long, you're always kind
of like, what's the next fresh,like fun thing that I can play
with, you know?
And, and for him, you know, I, Iimagine there's sort of like,
Oh, well, Leah is seasoned, youknow?
So that, that brings some, somereal credibility and also just
(54:24):
some sense of, you know,groundedness to it.
Leah (54:28):
Yeah.
One of the things I really amattracted to about Cyrus, which
feels like a good fit, is whenyou're working with someone who
kind of has this alpha maleenergy, He's sort of the strong
silent type too.
So there's a way with, and heused the word, penetrative
energy.
He has this penetrativepiercing, yet quiet, still, it's
(54:49):
like all the things you thinkabout when you think about
masculine essence, you know,the, the tall mountain, the
stable tree, the, the ship thatcan weather the storm, all those
things come really naturally tohim.
And what that does to me is ithelps me settle.
It lets me settle and rest in myfeminine, in a way that I don't,
(55:10):
I'm not always given opportunityto because I have to hold both,
you know,
Willow (55:14):
Right.
Yeah.
I could
Leah (55:15):
and in my work in particular.
And I love the opportunity ofleading, facilitating, teaching
and coaching from my feminineversus my masculine.
So when someone's automaticallyholding that, it shifts a part
of what's available to me.
And it can be challenging,right?
Especially when you're sort ofused to your style.
Willow (55:34):
You're like, I'm gonna, I'm going to dominate this shit.
Leah (55:37):
but I'm noticing that I really like, it's a great
opportunity to sit back and Youknow, so, and I've had other
colleagues in the past, TJBartel in particular, who, that
was another really lovelydynamic when we would co
facilitate, you know, the SourceTantra teacher trainings and,
and we would work privately withcouples.
(55:58):
It was another thing I couldreally lean into and I haven't
had access to that in quite sometime.
I'm always kind of looking likewho's the next Shiva post, if
you will, that I can play thatdynamic with even in my
collaborations with a lot ofwomen, I tend to hold the
masculine post.
I tend to be the one that'sresourcing the form and bringing
things in to form.
(56:19):
And then usually my femalecounterpart is resourcing the
mystery, as we sort of say, andpulling the mystery in.
So it's nice to be able to haveto have a chance to play with
that polarity.
And I don't know if anyonelistening out there even knows
what the hell I'm talking
Willow (56:34):
Uh, well, I
Leah (56:35):
talking shop right
Willow (56:36):
yeah, and I know exactly what you're talking about.
And I'm so curious, like how,how our dynamic will shift as
you dive deeper into thisdynamic with Cyrus.
Because of, you know, getting toexperience more of that
feminine, energy and essenceflowing through you, as you're,
(56:57):
as you're coaching as, As you'reworking with him, because we
also do, um, co co coaching forsome of our clientele.
And, um, you know, and we do itdifferently.
Also, we don't do it all on thesame call together.
It's more like a tag team.
And so it'll just be reallyinteresting to, you know, just,
this is, this is one of thebeautiful things, people, about
(57:19):
non monogamy, you know, I'mlike, I'm not sitting over here
going like, oh, she's doingsomething else with someone
else.
Like, I fucking celebrate it,you know, I'm so, I'm so happy
and I'm so grateful for whateverit will open up within you,
Leah, that will then shift and,and, open up within us.
Leah (57:36):
Yeah, yeah.
And I think it's also gives me achance to gain a little bit of
perspective in my relationshipwith Matt, you know, um,
Willow (57:45):
Yeah, right.
Leah (57:46):
as all these relationships do, right?
Like, uh, just the other day wewere coaching another woman and
she was talking about beingvisible, being understood, and
like, how important someoneasking questions is so that she
feels like you're there with me,you're just not overriding my
(58:08):
feelings or my thoughts or theway I look at things, which has
been sort of a dynamic.
And one of the things shereached in her deep desire to be
understood was realizing thatshe's gotten feedback many
times, which is You're hard tounderstand.
Willow (58:24):
Okay.
Yeah, I gotta
Leah (58:26):
it's like, here's this thing you really want.
And, and the, whatever, there'sa lack of clarity that's
happening in the transmission ofthis desire of being able to
speak clearly and what she wasable to illuminate for herself,
which I got to take home with mewas, I need questions.
I need someone to be curious.
I need someone to help drawforth this understanding.
(58:48):
To want to understand me enoughthat you're willing to ask
questions.
And, and one of, we've talkedabout this on the show before,
but one of Matt's wounds isfeeling invisible.
Willow (58:57):
Uh huh.
Leah (58:58):
and he's very good about asking me questions.
It's not like he's asking mequestions so that I'll ask him
questions.
And I, and I realized that I amnot as generous.
With that of asking, what do youthink about this?
And what do you think about thebook that you're reading?
What is that bringing up foryou?
And when you had thatconversation with so and so,
what meaning did you make out ofthat?
And you know, what's importantto you this?
Willow (59:19):
Well, it's very interesting, Leah, that you're
not as generous in this withMatt, because you are the
question queen in my world,like, in my experience of you.
Like, always digging deeper andalso, like, wanting to know the
timeline and reallyunderstanding I don't know, I
don't understand, like, Oh,well, when did this happen?
And then when did that happenand how did this flow and how
(59:41):
did that flow?
And I think that, you know, whenwe get into longterm
relationships, it can be reallyeasy to like, you know, the, the
thing that we're so good at to,to not bring it quite as, as
much into a relationship.
So I love that, you know, you'rethat this, that this
relationship with Cyrus is alsoawakening that and inspiring
(01:00:01):
that even more in your marriage.
Leah (01:00:04):
And which I, you know, Matt would be so pissed if he
heard this, maybe some of thewhole Tune in.
Sometimes he, he listens to someof the episodes, but not all of
them, but, um, I know thatthat's also beef he has, like,
well, you're so, you do this foreverybody else.
Like, if I'm the most importantperson, why aren't you doing it
with me?
And it's so interesting, right?
Like, these are the mostimportant person in your life
(01:00:24):
you can take for granted so mucheasier.
Like, all those questions pouredout of me in the first five
Willow (01:00:29):
years of the relationship.
in the beginning.
Leah (01:00:31):
And now I'm like, I'm so talked out.
I've been talking all day long.
I don't fucking want to know.
Like I just want to unplug, reada book and not talk, not be out.
And so remembering that, uh, Ineed to, I need to curate and
make precious a certain amountof my energy so that I can turn
(01:00:53):
that towards because he's themost important person who I want
to Be and feel like I am thatsafe place that he, that if
anyone sees him, I do.
And I want him to feel that inhis bones.
And there's also a place that hehas to feed that in himself.
So it's, it's this constantdance.
But I have to say that I'mreally grateful when what he
(01:01:16):
complains about, I'm able to geta reflection from somebody else
that helps me understand himbetter.
Because sometimes when you're soclose to someone, you, there's a
block to being able tounderstand how they feel, the
way they feel when you're justhearing a complaint.
And then I hear that complaintand I take that as criticism.
(01:01:37):
And then there's a block toactually hearing what are they
really saying?
What do they really need?
But when you can hear it fromsomebody else, it's like, Oh,
that's what I've been missing inmy desire to understand this
beloved of mine.
Willow (01:01:51):
Yeah.
Exactly.
So powerful.
Love it.
That's why, many colors in therainbow make a prettier rainbow,
y'all.
Leah (01:01:59):
Yeah.
So, uh, yeah.
Tell us what you think in thecomments.
Thanks so much for being alistener.
We love you.
And please share the episodewith someone who you know could
benefit from it.
Willow (01:02:09):
Cheers.
Announcer (01:02:10):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
Positive Psychology Facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional MedicineDoctor and Taoist Sexology
Teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget, your comments,likes, subscribes and
suggestions matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.
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