March 18, 2025 • 59 mins
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Are you tired of surface-level self-care that never truly transforms how you feel about your sexual self image? In this episode we sit down with confidence coach and sexual empowerment expert Erica Wiederlight. She shares her remarkable personal transformation from crippling self-hatred to embodied confidence, revealing how pleasure practices became the unexpected healing balm that therapy alone couldn't provide. This conversation goes far beyond "just do a face mask and feel better" advice, diving deep into practical tools for developing true self-respect and creating lasting change in your relationship with yourself and others.
Whether you're struggling with negative self-talk, dating anxiety, or disconnection from physical pleasure, this episode offers actionable techniques to break free from limiting patterns and step into your most radiant, authentic self.
WHAT YOU'LL DISCOVER:
- The crucial difference between surface-level self-care and genuine self-love
- Why self-respect is the missing ingredient in your confidence journey
- Simple daily practices that interrupt negative thought patterns
- How pleasure can heal what traditional therapy sometimes can't touch
- The secret to authentic dating that dating apps won't tell you
EPISODE LINKS
- Erica’s Free Gift | From Perfectionist To Pleasure Expert Ebook - https://www.wethelight.org/
- Erica’s Free 45 min Session | Mojo Makeover Assessment
- Erica’s Website | www.wethelight.org
- Erica’s Podcast | Welcome To The Wiederlife
The Power of Pleasure, A Free Summit July 23-24, 2025. This 2-day live event will feature trailblazers in the field of conscious sexuality. Join us for FREE!
AWAKENING THE GODDESS IN CRETE! Leah & Willow want to take you on an all-woman's tantric pilgrimage to Greece Oct 5-12, 2025! Join us for a trip of lifetime.
LAST 10x LONGER. If you suffer from premature ejaculation, you are not alone, master 5 techniques to cure this stressful & embarrassing issue once and for all. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST20.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Leah (00:05):
Hey there, welcome to the sex reimagined podcast.
If you are a new listener or ifyou are a long time listener,
we're so happy you're here.
My name is Leah Piper.
I am your cohost and your Tantraexpert.
Willow (00:17):
And I'm Dr.
Willa Brown, your Taoist experthere at Sex Reimagined.
And today we are interviewingErica Wiederlight, who is the
confidence coach, expert, andspeaker.
Her work highlights self love,dating, embodiment, pleasure,
burnout, and sexual empowerment.
So it sounds like a real rangethat she covers and she helps
(00:39):
clients go from feeling dustyand crusty to feeling fabulous
and radiant.
So she is the podcast host ofthe top rated show.
Welcome to the Wilder life.
And her work has been featuredin galore and cosmopolitan
magazine.
In addition to her extensivecoaching background, she's also
a public speaker who's spoken athundreds of venues.
(01:01):
So we are so excited to haveErica on the show today.
You are going to love thisepisode.
Leah (01:06):
That's right.
So tune in, turn on and fall inlove with Erica.
Announcer (01:10):
Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is
shame free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.
Leah (01:18):
We have Erica in the studio.
Welcome,
Erica (01:22):
Thank you.
Thanks for having me.
Willow (01:24):
Yeah, we're so thrilled to drop in with you today about
your work with, um, you know,helping people find the more
pleasure in their bodies and intheir lives.
Helping people let go of thethings that are holding them
back and, um, find their way tomore joy.
So, how long have you been doingthis work?
(01:45):
Maybe you could start by tellingus, uh, how you, how you came to
this work.
You know, what was your ownjourney with it?
What's your genesis story?
Erica (01:53):
Yeah.
You know, I always say this ishigh school.
Me would be for, and I don'tknow if this resonates for, for
you both, but high school mewould freak out if I knew what
I'm doing now, just'cause I'mlike, oh no.
But me as a child, like this iswho I was.
It's my authentic self.
And this is, you know, how Iexpressed myself.
So in ways I'm shocked, in waysI'm not shocked.
(02:16):
Um, but for me it kind of was aquintessential dark night of the
soul, um, where I was battlingand, you know, going through my
own personal demons and facing alot of grief and death that this
work really.
Flirted with me and invited mein, you know?
Um, and I was like, okay.
And so I, I always joked I wasresistance, like resistant to
(02:39):
it.
I was like, I'm not gonna makethis into a business.
This is just for me.
This is for me.
And something was always like,that's cute, Erica.
Like, that's fun, but we'repulling you in.
Leah (02:49):
You are getting the call from the universe.
Hey, we need you show up overhere.
Erica (02:54):
Yep.
And I was like, oh, no, no,it's, you know, that's not for
me.
Like, I'm just gonna, this isjust, you know, for me
personally and um, LOL, here weare.
And I wouldn't change it for
Willow (03:05):
I love it.
I love it.
So, so, What first sort ofhooked you in and, and called
you forward, and at what pointdid you finally succumb and
shift to doing it as aprofession?
Leah (03:16):
Yeah, because I know you've worked with Mama Gina and
with Layla Martin, you're,you're a Vita coach, so yeah.
Tell us about like what got youinto the work and then that
eureka moment when you had toanswer the call to do it
professionally.
Erica (03:30):
Ooh.
I love that.
Okay.
Eureka moment was just living ata place where I was like, do I
really wanna live my life likethis?
I really hated my body.
Um, I had a tumultuousrelationship with, with food and
sexuality.
I'm like, do I, is this what Iwant?
So that was my first in kind ofthe traditional life coaching
where I was like, I don't wanna,you know, I, I knew it was
(03:51):
coming, but I was like, I'm justdoing traditional life coaching.
And then I remem this is such aingrained memory in my bed, at
the time I was living in NewYork City and I had this Buddha
beautiful like Buddha picture.
It was on Parchment right overmy bed.
And I remember I looked at itone day.
And I had the word Tantra comein and sexuality and fem.
And I'm like, no, no, no.
(04:12):
Like, I'm like, no.
Like I knew.
I knew it was coming.
I was like, I know, I know.
And I remember being like, Iknow.
Can we not do it now?
You know what I mean?
And so it was my flirt, it wasmy invitation of getting me in.
Um, and how I started thebusiness.
Again, totally resistant.
I'm not doing a business, I'mjust doing a coaching session.
(04:33):
I'm not doing a business, I'mjust having group sessions, but
not calling it that.
And so it was from a place oflike, I must share this with the
people that I love.
I must, you know, help thisperson if they're asking for
help.
So it really came from thedesire to be of service, uh,
especially when I had the toolsand technology to help folks.
Willow (04:52):
I love that.
And, and I'm just so curious,like what, what's shifted for
you as far as your relationshipto your femininity, your
sexuality, your body, yourconfidence?
Like I.
And in, in turning it into aprofessional offering, like
what's, what's been an internalalchem that you've experienced?
Erica (05:12):
Oh my God.
Everything, everything.
I think, you know, for me, I, Ikind of mentioned this before,
like my relationship to my body,I was riddled with anxiety.
Um, and I was blessed, you know,to go to therapist and this and
that, and that was of service,but nothing did the work or
nothing had me hold myself asmuch as the pleasure work.
(05:36):
Um, I never met myself that deepbefore.
Um, and as someone especiallythat has my relationship with
food, with body image, it wasvery hard for me to be embodied.
It was very triggering.
I was like, I don't, that's thelast thing I want to do.
You know, for me, being in mybody was let me be in my body so
I get a goal.
So I look like this.
(05:57):
Um, and so for me, this hasbeen.
I'm always kind of shocked,like, oh, oh my God, I can't
believe I did this in mylifetime.
You know, like, I can't believeit because I was filled with so
much self-hate.
So people that knew me, youknow, they're always like, I
cannot believe the journey thatyou went on of like real
self-love, real confidence, realembodiment, uh, real self-care.
(06:22):
I never knew those.
Like I, I, they werecatchphrases, but I didn't know
what it meant to live like that.
Uh, and for me.
I kind of am like, whoa, likeit's, it's such a blessing how
this has touched and changed mylife
Willow (06:38):
Well, I think that's such an important thing to
highlight, is that those arejust like buzzwords until
they're not right, until youactually know what they are and
how to live them and to actuallyimplement and practice.
So I, I'm imagining, I don'tknow if this is true, but I'm
imagining that's a lot of whatyou teach clients is like how to
turn those buzzwords into actuallifestyle and changes.
(07:01):
What are, what are some of theways that you do that?
Erica (07:04):
I love that.
So many things and you nailedit.
Embodiment, pleasure.
It's funny, I, you know.
Same.
Like I, for a while I waswalking like a, what did they
say?
Like a, a head, a floating head.
And I was like, embodiment,pleasure.
And so that's part of how Iconnect with people is they're
like, I don't think I could dothis.
And I'm one of those peoplethat's like, let me tell you, if
(07:25):
I could do it, you could do it.
You know?
So, and, and I pride myself onthat, that I've seen some things
that I never thought I could gothrough this journey.
Um, so that's why I feel veryblessed when I get to hold
people through their triggers,through their resistances.
And I'm like, I got you.
I know, I know this is reallyscary.
(07:46):
And I get to be with themthrough all of that.
And one of the gifts, as youprobably know, is having this
business, I have to really showup.
this has been one of my deepestspiritual practices is walking
my walk and talk and my talk.
You know what I mean?
Like really embodying this workfor myself, but to hold people
(08:09):
properly or what I wouldconsider properly.
Willow (08:12):
Mm-hmm.
Leah (08:13):
you're saying is really resonating with me.
I too, um, started this journeywith crippling self-loathing
and, um, hated my body.
Absolutely.
Uh, just thought I was a hideoushuman being so deeply painful.
And it was like, I remembergoing to my first Tantra
workshop and I just couldn'tignore how big and loud the
voice had gotten that I wasforced to do something about it.
(08:36):
And, um.
I knew that that self-love thingisn't an intellectual
experience.
It's an emotional, spiritual,physical experience.
Like you have to do it in thebody and you gotta bring all the
heart and soul that you pourinto other people and find a way
to pour it into yourself, andyou can't think your way to it.
There's no, if we could thinkour way to it, man, Oprah
would've saved all our lives.
(08:56):
Now she saved some of our lives,but she couldn't hand us the
self-esteem we knew we shouldhave had.
Um.
And I think also, you know, oneof the things I say about a lot
of Tantra teachers is the reasonwhy we became Tantra teachers is
so that we are held accountableso that we actually do the
practices.
Because like so many students,they'll do some practices, they
get incredible transformationfrom it.
(09:18):
They love that workshop, butthen they don't, they're not
always consistent, you know,they don't always continue.
It's this thing that kind oftouched their life like a.
Like a lightning bug came andkissed them, but you really need
the lightning bolt to keepgoing.
Um, so, uh, so I hear like oneof the ways that you keep going
is to do the work and to stay inthe work and to help other
(09:40):
people really forces you to stayconsistent in it.
Um, do you just work with women?
Is that who your primaryaudience is?
Erica (09:48):
Nope.
Yeah.
Leah (09:50):
like what's different between working with men, women,
or couples?
Erica (09:54):
Oh my God, this is such a good que, you know, so, you
know, in business, right, whenthey always say, who's your
client avatar?
And I never, I get, I really getthe worth of that.
I think that's so beautiful.
I understand like energeticallywhy we do it.
And I always was like, Ugh.
Like I don't, I don't know.
And it's, it's funny because myclientele.
Really Not too, too, not too,people are alike in a sense.
(10:15):
We're alike, right?
'cause we have things come uparound body image or confidence
or sexual pleasure.
But if you put these people out,you know, on a screen, you'd be
like, what?
Like what are, what are, how dothey, you know, intersect?
Um, and I feel very grateful forthat.
And again, the, everyone is helddifferently, right?
(10:35):
Like everyone has differentneeds.
I, so some of my somaticpractices, I have folks that
they live this work, so theycould easily go into a
visualization.
They could easily go into anembodied practice.
I have some people where they'relike, Erica, that's so
triggering I can't.
And it's like, okay, that'scool.
Like we're not gonna go into adeep visualization.
Maybe we just feel, you know,your fingernails to your skin.
(10:57):
Or maybe could we close youreyes for just 30 seconds just to
feel your breath?
So for me, I really tailor towhere everyone is on their
journey.
And I know most coaches do that,but it's very important for me
to really hold them, uh, withwhere they're at and not
pushing, of course, you know,pushing the edge, but in a
really safe, manageablecontainer.
Leah (11:21):
And so, you know, other than, you know, helping people
with let's say self-love andself-worth and maybe, uh, it
sounds like you've, you reallyhelp people with pleasure really
starting to embody pleasure innew, wonderful ways.
I think so many, especiallywomen, have a hard time
accessing their pleasure.
Um, what about other issues?
Like what are your clients, whatare they struggling with?
(11:43):
What do you hear over and overand over again that is up in
their world that they're,they're reaching out to you to
get some relief from?
Erica (11:49):
Totally.
You know, a theme is like justgeneral unsatisfaction.
So I have the things on paper.
Why am I not happy?
You know?
Or I'm moving toward like I'mdoing the goal thing.
Why am I, you know, which isconnected to the pleasure.
I do a lot of work in dating andlove.
Leah (12:06):
Oh,
Erica (12:07):
a big, yeah.
Oh my god, that's so fun.
It's so, so rewarding.
But I really help peopleconsciously date and we know,
you know, beginning with dating,really consciously dating and
holding ourselves.
But a big part of my work iscreating safety around dating.
And that has been so fabulousseeing different folks come in.
You know, like I have, I'mthinking of some people, like I
(12:28):
have some men in their twenties,and their journey is so
different than my client, youknow, women clients in their
seventies.
But it's so fabulous to holdthem and what they need on that
journey, that love journey, asyou know, is so potent and
fabulous and fun.
Willow (12:42):
What are, what are some of the things that you ha that
you give them, like eitherpractices or um, exercises or
things that you help them within order to feel more safe
within that dating sphere?
Erica (12:57):
Yeah, it's so, yeah, it's so interesting.
Usually people come to me andthey're like, I watch these
YouTubes.
It's like the stereotype, whichis great.
Like there's a place, butthere's, you know, the people
are like, if you wanna get theperson, do A, B, and C.
And so honestly, before we evenget into calling in the person,
a lot of our work is uncoveringand unlearning what they should
(13:19):
be doing.
Willow (13:19):
I.
Erica (13:20):
So a lot of my male clients were undoing, well, I, I
watched a YouTube or I read abook, you know that I should be
doing this.
And we kind of.
comb through that we un orunlearn those patterns.
Like what's your truth?
So first and foremost, before wejump into creation and
manifesting and all that juice,it's really about like, hold on,
let's uncover clear the cobwebsof the stories and start neutral
(13:45):
in a way.
'Cause you know the deal, wecome to dating, we come to love
with so many fricking stories.
Leah (13:52):
yeah, what are some of like whatever those thing that
turns into a block.
Erica (13:56):
Yes.
A lot of people are nervousbeing seen
Leah (14:00):
Mm-hmm.
Erica (14:01):
and seeing, so I see that a lot, right?
Like I'm nervous really seeingwho's in front of me'cause I
just want it to work.
Like I want love so bad, I justwant it to work.
And then I'm also nervous beingseen, you know, like really
being seen and really beingauthentically myself.
That's like a
Leah (14:20):
I'll be rejected if they really see who I really am.
Erica (14:23):
totally.
I'll be rejected.
I'll be abandoned.
I'm never good enough like itcomes with so much.
The love stuff comes with somuch worthiness and deserving.
That's why for me, when I takepeople on that dating, you know,
journey or that love journey,they're like, I know like so
much of our work is pepperedwith the self-love because I'm
like, listen, you're gonna go,like you may be rejected or
(14:44):
someone may ghost you, and howdo we hold ourselves through
that?
So for me, the self-love pieceis just like so imperative.
Like it's a, it's sandwichedwith our work with the dating
journey.
Leah (14:57):
So tell us a little bit of your philosophy on how to
actualize self-love.
What are the steps that peopleneed to make in order to have
that transformation and toreally feel that and truly
believe it and own it?
Erica (15:11):
I love that.
I think for me, for a long time,I.
I was, and this is okay, but Iwas confusing self-care with
self-love.
Leah (15:18):
Uhhuh?
Erica (15:19):
So I was like, I did a face mask.
Why don't I love myself?
You know what I mean?
And like, and I was like, I'mdoing
Willow (15:26):
I gave myself a yoga class or a massage.
Yeah.
Erica (15:29):
right.
I was like, wait, like I don'tget it.
Like I'm doing.
I don't, and I joke about it,but it's like there's
frustration there.
Like, I was like, I'm doing thethings that Pinterest said to
do.
Why am I not loving myself?
And so.
I had to, I had to come to learnthat for me, self-care was a
branch of self, uh, self-carewas a branch of self-love, so is
(15:51):
self-respect.
And I never realized that.
I thought I was kind of doingthe opposite, like, lemme just
check it off and then I'm gonnalove myself.
You know, like I'm gonna do thething.
And then, so
Willow (16:01):
then you should love yourself.
Erica (16:02):
yeah, and I should love myself and I should think I'm
the, you know, best thing ever.
But for me, it really was ajourney of knowing myself.
Being with myself, it was aless, and this is not to shy
anyone away, but it was a lessglamorous version.
Again, I thought I did the sheetmask and I, life would be fab.
You know what I mean?
So for me, it's been a very deepjourney within myself, holding
(16:24):
myself all the different partsof myself.
Willow (16:28):
I like.
I like that word that you useself-respect.
You know, I think that that's areally crucial and important
part of the self-love journeybecause so often we, um, give up
our own needs and desires.
We don't even know what our ownneeds and desires are, first of
all.
And then even if we do, we'llgive them up in order to, um.
(16:50):
You know, keep the peace or notrock the boat or, you know, the
women do this a lot, men do itas well.
Um, but I think that in doingthat, we, we lose a, a level of
respect for ourselves or wedon't have it to begin with.
So curating and cultivating thatsense of self-respect is, um,
you know.
Is about knowing what yourdesire is, what your wants, what
(17:13):
your, you know, what you wannacreate in your life, and, and
respecting your time, yourenergy levels, your, um, you
know who you're, who you'rewasting time and energy with.
Stop doing that and start tobring in that energy more and
more so that you can actuallystart to manifest and co-create
with the greater universe thelife that you want to see come
(17:36):
to fruition.
Erica (17:37):
Yeah, I love, I think for me, self-respect was a thing
that got me.
I was doing it, I was doing it.
It came a far, a far away.
But the self-respect, ugh, likethat really was sobering for me.
'cause I was like, oh, I'm, andthis is okay, but like, I'm
doing things that are not reallyrespectful of myself.
Like, like you said, like the,the, for me, my good girl
(17:58):
conditioning, I don't wanna rockthe boat.
I have no boundaries.
You know, like all of thosethings checked for me.
Uh, but when I brought inself-respect, I was like, oh
man.
Like I can't really hide fromthis.
It's very, you know, it waslike, Ooh.
Willow (18:13):
yeah.
Leah (18:14):
Yeah.
Erica (18:14):
Yeah.
Willow (18:16):
Yeah.
And so with, with clients whenthey're coming in and let's say
they're, they're kind of whereyou were when, when you started
this work of just like, whatdoes it even mean to love myself
and what does it even mean torespect myself?
Like what, what are some of the,um, like, uh, like what's the
journey?
What's this 1, 2, 3?
What are the steps?
(18:37):
What are the practices or thetools that can really help them
to, um, come to that?
Leah (18:44):
Yeah,
Erica (18:45):
I, yeah, I love that.
So I really work regularly withclients in sessions also offline
with those tools, with thetechnology to really start to
live
Leah (18:57):
What some of the tools
Erica (18:58):
Yeah, please.
I
Leah (18:59):
love to know more than nuts and bolts.
Erica (19:00):
Yes, yes.
Okay, good.
I was like, I think we're goingthere.
So let's do it.
So I could go on a list, but letme give some, some few.
Let's give some basics.
Is first and foremost, I alwayswant my clients to know, like
what we talked about before,like what are you thinking about
yourself?
So that's like the mindsetpiece, right?
So for me, I.
Self-talk is really important.
So I have clients really beaware of, oh, okay, I didn't
(19:22):
realize this.
I'm really talking bad aboutmyself, and I didn't know like,
great.
So first and foremost, we getcomfortable with like, what are
you saying about yourself?
How are you speaking aboutyourself?
How are you speaking about yourdesires?
And then over time we learn howto flip those things.
So.
I'll give you an example.
I, and actually told a clientthis this morning is she's like,
I just got a new ring.
I'm like, great, I want you toput on that ring or that
(19:42):
bracelet, and this is a tool Ilike to do, and you could modify
it.
And every day you put on that,that piece of jewelry, you know,
and you're living your life.
And when you start to havereally crusty, crunchy thoughts,
like, I'm the worst, oh my God,look how I look on the zoom.
You gently take it off and youreplace it to the other hand, or
you know, whatever you wanna do.
Like it's a, it's a physicaland, and stop the thought and
(20:03):
say.
I'm beautiful.
I'm doing the best I can.
So it's a physical stop, right?
Instead of,'cause sometimeseveryone's like, what's your
thought mindset?
Which I love, but sometimes it'shard.
And so that is a physical like,oh, I was being cruel to myself.
Willow (20:18):
like a little mini ritual in this, in the middle of
the day.
Yeah.
Leah (20:21):
okay, that was that thought, but I'm gonna choose
this one.
Willow (20:25):
And what I love about it is, um, you know, I used to give
people similar but not quite asloving, which was just like, put
a rubber band around your, yourwrist and every time that you
like, start talking to yourselflike you wi you, your best
friend would never talk toyourself like that.
You snap your rubber band.
But I love this little like,shift the jewelry.
(20:45):
That's
Leah (20:46):
Yeah, I love that too.
I would like put on a swipe oflips because I'm noticing I
could use a little more color,darling.
Oh my God.
Look at me now.
Unstoppable.
Erica (20:59):
I love it.
It's true.
And speaking of, actually, youactually brought up something
great is like we see each other,we see each other, we see
ourselves so much more thangenerations past, right?
Like we're on conversations likethis, we're on zooms, we pass
the mirror.
We're on social media like wesee ourselves.
Leah (21:15):
like crazy.
Erica (21:17):
And so my invite is, I always tell people every time,
talk about initiation ritual.
Every time you see that cameraor that, that visual, that the
visual of yourself, can you giveyourself three compliments?
'cause you know, the firstimpulse, I mean, I'm on here
right now.
I'm like, oh, my hair ba, like,it's easy to go toward the
what's wrong, what needs fixing.
(21:38):
And so my
Leah (21:39):
hardwired for it.
Erica (21:41):
We're hired.
Yes.
And so it's like, how can wemake rightness part of our
vocabulary for ourselves?
And so people are like, oh myGod.
I'm like, if you can't thinklike go granular, like, Ooh, I
love my left eyebrow.
Or you know, if that's too, istoo triggering.
I love that I showed up for thistoday.
It's just another ritual,especially for our Richie, you
know, ritual folks.
Like it's a ritual, it's aninitiation to get us back into
(22:04):
self-love.
It changes those neural pathwaysthat,
Leah (22:08):
practice and that repetitive practice can start to
change the conditioning becauselike, you know, there's so much
conditioning that has supportedus thinking and talking to
ourselves in such a way that inorder for us to make real
lasting changes, we have topractice repetition over and
over and over and over and overagain.
(22:28):
A different way of talking toourselves.
Otherwise it doesn't change.
So you have to change yourconditions to change your
conditioning, and when you'vehad three to four to five
decades of a conditionedresponse to what you see in the
mirror, every time you look inthe mirror or on camera, if you
want any hope in transformation,that repetitious shift of doing
(22:51):
a course correct is like the keyto success, right?
Erica (22:54):
totally.
And it's, it's funny too, I hada client today and she was like,
I knew you were gonna ask methis.
So I came and I did it.
I'm like, thank you.
And she, so we did celebrationsand it set a lot of these tools.
Are so basic and I talk topeople like I know I, even
myself when I first got intothis work, I'm like, I know all
this.
I know all this.
That's great that we know thisfrom a brain perspective, right?
Leah (23:15):
two different
Willow (23:15):
Yeah.
Erica (23:16):
So different.
And it's so funny, I, I have aconversation a lot with a friend
and she's like, I know thisstuff I went to school for for
psychology.
I'm like, that's amazing.
What a privilege.
Do you practice it?
She's like, shut up.
You know?
So it's like we really want likepracticing.
Yeah.
Like even celebration.
It sounds Oh, Erica, that's sosilly.
That's so basic.
Practicing daily celebrations.
(23:38):
What is it really like topractice daily celebrations?
Like really going through daylike, yes, I showed up for that
thing.
Yes, I did that hard thing.
Yes, I moved my body, whatever,whatever.
But like living this work isthe, is the embodiment.
Willow (23:51):
Yeah.
And I think, you know, it's likewe have to bring a, a level of
compassion too,'cause so that,you know, old phrase, like we're
our own worst critics is, is sovery true.
Like nobody in the world iswalking around thinking the bad
things about you that you arethinking and it's such a waste
of Qi.
It's like, what if we take thatprecious life?
(24:14):
Worse energy and we upliftourselves and think about like,
well, what would my dear friendbe saying to me right now about
the way I'm showing up, or theway I look, or the way I'm
walking my talk or not?
You know, what would, what wouldsomebody outside of me who
really loves me and cares aboutme and honors me, what would
that voice be saying?
I think bringing that forward aswell is a really helpful way for
(24:37):
us to practice a different, um,patterning in our minds, right?
We've got these synapses in ourbrains.
They run through our hearts,they run through our guts, and
they sure shit run through ourgenitals as well.
And so, you know, when we startto, um, create new neuro
pathways and new neuro networknetworks between these different
brains in the body, then we, um,that's when transformation
(25:01):
starts to change.
And, you know, I could just, Icould just see your people,
Erica, the one, the ones whohave known you for a long time
and just being like, wow, youwere that person and now you're
this person.
And like the, the radicaltransformation that you went
through by utilizing thesepractices and really putting
(25:21):
them into motion in your life.
Erica (25:23):
Yeah.
Leah (25:24):
Yeah.
For those of you who aren'twatching this on YouTube, maybe
you're listening to it and ifyou could watch it, you would
see just how radiant Erica is.
Like you can tell that there'sthis, this embodied person who's
done the work and it shines outof her skin.
It shines out of her eyes and itshines from her smile.
And I think that more than anytransformation that people want,
(25:44):
like that's, that's how you knowyou've, someone's done their
work because it's, it's reallyabout a radiance that starts to
come from the inside that is sovisible.
And, and what's so interestingis people don't always know how
to articulate, like, what is itabout that person?
But what you notice is thatyou're attracted to them.
You notice that you want to,they've got this confidence and
(26:07):
you kind of want that to rub offon you.
You know, it's like you justwish you could rub shoulders
with the person who just seemslike they have their fucking
shit together.
Um, and so like, I kind of wannasteer this now towards sex and
pleasure because I know you're,you're a sex coach.
And so I.
Tell me, tell us a little bitabout how you're helping people
who are, feel like they'refailing at the sex game and is,
(26:30):
maybe that's not even how theywould describe it.
Like what are people coming toyou when they're really
struggling with pleasure and sexor like the opposite sex?
'cause I think probably, I'msure there's a segue in a lot of
the dating coaching that you'redoing that also has to do with
the fact that they're horny.
I mean, like where does sex comeinto the conversation?
Erica (26:50):
Totally.
I love this.
And I also really quick wannathrow it back'cause it connects
to, this is during myself-loathing journey.
Pleasure was that, like I said,I went to therapy, I did things
that was fabulous.
But pleasure is the thing thatwas the healing balm for me
Leah (27:05):
Ding.
Willow (27:05):
Yeah.
Erica (27:06):
because I was like, I don't really care what I look
like, you know, or I, or, andthe Tantra as well.
Like I, I just saw it was TikTokbefore this and the person was,
I'm going on a tangent, but itmakes sense.
He's like, I, a green flag forme is someone that like takes up
space and cackles.
He's like,'cause you know thatthey're alive.
He's like, they're not worriedabout, you know, being
(27:27):
presentational.
Yes.
He's like.
I want them to c He's like,that.
is a
Willow (27:31):
their bliss.
Yeah.
Erica (27:32):
Yes.
He's like, that's a green flagfor me.
Like, he's like, take up spacelady.
He is like, I wanna hear youcackling like a seal.
And I'm like, yes.
I was like, that is it.
And.
For me, I was so obsessed.
I have an acting background aswell, so I'm very hyper aware of
how am I being perceived, right?
Like an, you know, my movementpractice, how does this look?
How like that's, that's a thing.
(27:53):
And for me, pleasure was like,who the freak cares.
Like, it was so liberating thatit was like, this is about me
feeling good.
This is about me feelingnourished, not what do I look
like.
And so I wanted to pay tho usback.
How healing that was.
I was like, how am I ever gonnaget over this?
You know, lack ofself-confidence and it was the
pleasure work.
(28:14):
Um, and that's why I'm obsessedwith talking about it'cause I'm
like, it changed my life and howI perceive myself.
Leah (28:21):
that you made that correlation because when you're
in the throes of pleasure, whenyou're just like you are in high
levels of arousal, you lose allself-consciousness.
Erica (28:32):
Yes,
Leah (28:33):
you to stop worrying about like what your body looks like
when you are like, and, and itjust feel and you're just going
for it and your body is like,ah.
It's like you can't think aboutyour stomach, you can't think
about your thighs.
You're not thinking about your,how many chins you have.
Like that inner voice that islike, how do I look?
(28:53):
How do I look?
How do I look?
Dissolves.
In the moment of orgasticexperience.
And then when you're even doingthat consciously with someone
else who's being looped intoyour orgastic experience and
you're watching like the joy andthe bliss that they're
experiencing because you'reexperiencing like all that shit
(29:14):
dissolves now It can return.
Real fast, in a nanosecond.
But I think sometimes we don'teven let ourselves reach those
peaks because we're sodistracted by a sense of
self-consciousness.
And it doesn't even have to beabout your appearance.
It could be about yourperformance, right?
Like it could be about like,what's your cock doing or not
(29:34):
doing.
It could be about, you know, Idon't feel anything and I feel
numb and I should be like havingmultiple orgasms.
Like whatever the judgment isthat has you feeling.
Self-conscious, it does getblown to smithereens at the peak
of an orgasm.
Can you say more about that?
Erica (29:52):
I can, and you know what's funny?
I, I wanna, I promise I'm comingback, I promise.
But it's funny because I, in myembodiment, when I teach, I
teach erotic movement and um Ialways say in the beginning of
my classes, I've been every sizeI've looked, every way.
I've had every care color.
I've been to size probably 24,26, and a size zero, and the
(30:12):
work of Radiance is magnetic.
And I have loved myself through,I've been cruel to myself at
every size, but I've known howto love myself through every
size and it fricking shows, youknow, like you said, and I thank
you for paying that compliment.
People always say, I love yourenergy.
I'm like, thank you.
I'm being seen.
Um, so I wanted to, I wanted tothrow that out because I think
(30:34):
we have so much conditioning,like, yeah, yeah, I'll do the
radiance, but I'll also looklike this.
You know what I mean?
Like, and, and uh, it was so
Leah (30:40):
Or I'll do the radiance once I look this.
Erica (30:43):
Yes.
Once I get the this, then I'lldo the radiance.
And so for me it was so healingto be, oh, I'm, I'm work.
I don't feel my best, but likeI'm feeling my best.
And people are like, holy, holymama.
So thank you for bringing thatup.
Back to the sexuality, I bringup the pleasure because for me,
whew.
Sex could be so loaded.
So I always bring in with myclients, how are we living
(31:05):
pleasure daily?
How are we?
I,
Leah (31:08):
of the bedroom.
Erica (31:09):
yes.
'cause you know the deal, likeif there's in every moment,
right?
Because if there's no pleasure,and if it's, if it's desert city
and then I'm like, go have anorgasm, they're like, excuse
you.
You know what I mean?
So we have
Leah (31:22):
I even have one of those?
Erica (31:24):
right, like, what are you talking about?
Right?
Like also like that's so jarringto my body and my nervous
system.
What are you talking about lady?
You know, so for me, a reallybig LOL, wink wink lube.
But for the sexual empowermentwork is really living the
pleasure every day.
Um, I know I went on a tangent,but I do wanna highlight that
because so often we're like,let's get to the sex, let's get
(31:45):
to the sex.
And I'm like, it's a, it's howwe, it's also how we live.
Leah (31:51):
Yeah.
It's the difference betweenTantric sex and a Tantric
Erica (31:55):
Yes.
Ooh, that's so
Leah (31:58):
life is like living a turned on life, whether you're
in or out of the bedroom.
It's being lit up by life.
Willow (32:04):
Yeah.
And there's, And there's, um,you know, in Chinese medicine,
we're always looking to put,like, focus on what is working.
You know, focus on the, thehealth that is there and augment
and amplify that health, andthat's gonna push out the dark,
the turd, the sticky, the disdisease, all of that.
And so it's the same thing whenwe're bringing pleasure in to
(32:27):
fill ourselves up with thatlevel, that frequency, that
vibration.
And I wanna caveat for, for thepain, because we don't know what
pleasure is if we don't knowwhat pain is.
And so we're talking about allthe time, pleasure all the time.
But there's, I think there'salso, there's, there can be deep
shadow.
If you're overriding your pain,it's going to have a deeper,
(32:50):
bigger grip on you if you're,um, pleasure bypassing, you
know?
And so we want to actually.
Not only feel the painful sidesof life as well and be present
to them and, and acknowledgethem and give them space to be,
but to see if we can't find somepleasure in that pain.
(33:12):
Why are we even here as humanbeings?
Like what is our purpose?
And it's like we're, we've comeinto this dualistic reality from
unity consciousness intoduality, right?
And we've come here to reallyfeel, to really.
There's things in that unityplace where we've all come from,
(33:32):
from source where we don't, wedon't get to experience the
deep, deep pleasure and theecstatic bliss, and we also
don't get to experience thegnarly, intense pain and grief
and sorrow and rage and sadness.
And so I think that, you know,if we can really experience, uh,
all of it as an opportunity tojust be in life, to be in love
(33:57):
with life, then there's that,there's that way of experiencing
pleasure all the time.
Leah (34:04):
Well, I, I think what you're saying is super
interesting because what alsocomes to mind when I hear you
say that Willow, is when weavoid feeling the pain.
When we avoid feeling the griefand the sorrow and the rage and
the upset, then it's like thosewet blankets you talk about.
Everything gets really damp andheavy.
And that's where like we becomedepressed, we become pressed in,
(34:25):
and we become, we become numbedout.
So when you don't feel the icks,right, it's like you can't feel
the yums.
Because you don't get to numbone part of your system and it
not numb the other part of yoursystem.
So there's this part of likehaving to embrace all of it.
And can you, can you yum youryucks on some level?
(34:46):
You know, can you, can yourealize that your yucks
actually, there's a payoff,there's something in your
subconscious that is keeps ondriving you to become broke over
and over and over again so thatyou can have the story of, whoa,
of God, I'm always broke.
Or you know, like, go deeper.
Go into like, ooh, like what isthat and, and what is it that
(35:08):
I'm afraid to see?
And can I be willing to getcurious and unveil some of this
subconscious, unconscious stuffand bring it up into
consciousness?
And sometimes that means makingfun of the shit.
You know, last night I was tyingup my husband'cause I'm
practicing ropes.
Erica (35:23):
Love it.
Leah (35:24):
And um, and you know, like we would break character.
I'm trying to be all likedominant and he's trying to
like, follow my instructions andlower his eyes and look at the
ground, look at my feet.
Um, and I'm tying it up and, andwe just had the biggest crack up
because I was starting to like,kind of make fun of him because
he was, he was lamenting theother day a frustration at work.
(35:46):
And so then we started to makefun of like this frustration
that almost has him wanting toquit his job.
Like he's so fed up with thisthing.
And then we just got to likemake fun of it.
Like, oh, wham, wham, you can'tdo this thing.
And we had such a joyous momentof bringing levity to this thing
that's been really botheringhim, and it kind of took him
(36:07):
being tied up.
Not being able to maneuver thatallowed him to just sort of
like, relax into this levity.
And I don't know why I'm takingthis on this tangent, um, other
than to say, you know, sometimeswe just have to take a look at
our whole life and lighten it upand not be afraid of it.
Not make it, not make the hardthings so hard, but to like face
(36:30):
them head on.
So, I mean, with all thattangent going on all over the
place, Erica, I'm sort ofwondering what's your take
Erica (36:37):
yeah, no, I love that.
I love, and it's funny, it'slike, I think that's what, I
have two things.
That's what attracted me to thepleasure work.
Sure.
It's like it could be pleasuresand I always say pleasures and
um, um, boas and Shay's loungeand you know, it could be
someone feeding me grapes.
But also for me, the pleasurewas a pathway to my aliveness.
Sometimes my aliveness is beingin the throes of grief.
(37:01):
And even though that sucks, Iwanna be alive to my grief.
Like I want to, I wanna be like,I lived out loud and I was there
through every tear, everyheartbreak.
I don't wanna call that in, butRight.
But like, I want, I wanna bealive.
Leah (37:16):
I wanna be present to it.
Erica (37:18):
Yes.
Like I want, and you know what'sfunny?
Is this work?
Yes, it's given me pleasure andda da and da da da.
But for, you know a lot of griefthat I've, and heaviness.
I'm so proud of how I showed upand how I'm showing up.
I'm dealing with a lot of heavypersonal things and I attribute
it to this work because I couldsit in, yeah, I could sit in the
(37:40):
face of death and be like, okay,we got you.
Like I I.
Yep.
And I could, I could hold this.
I could be with this, and I'mglad you brought that up too,
with the, with the caveat, withpleasure.
I always tell my clients,they're like, I know, it's like
my favorite famous line.
I'm like don't use these toolsas a weapon against yourself.
Right.
(38:00):
So it's like a, it's a very fineline of like, don't gaslight
yourself with pleasure.
You know, like, don't, don't,and we have to, and people are
like, oh yeah, I was kind oflike avoiding going to places
'cause I was doing pleasure.
And it's, that's a fine line oflike Holding, you know, being
with it.
Leah (38:18):
Yeah.
I mean, my experience is like,if you really want the big
pleasure, if you want thatcosmic pleasure, you actually
have to feel all the otherthings.
You know, like you don't, you,it's kind of the reward of going
through the tunnel.
Like it's kind of the reward ofshowing up with vulnerability if
you want the cosmic pleasure,Tantrika's talk about you gotta
actually go into the vulnerable,scary places, because that's
(38:39):
what ushers you to that.
It's like you can't have onewithout the other.
And it's almost like you gottakind of pay the piper.
And guess what?
It doesn't feel as bad as you'reimagining.
It actually feels amazing to letgo.
It feels amazing that cry is so,is as good as an orgasm.
You know, there are moreimportant places to go than
coming.
There are really incredibleplaces to visit.
Erica (39:01):
Yeah.
No, but I'm glad you brought upthat, that point.
I think that's super importantabout, about the darkness and
about all of the things.
That's, that's a huge part ofthis work.
Willow (39:11):
Yeah, I think that, um, you know, the, the pleasures
become quite a, a buzzword aswell these days, and it's, and
so many clients come and they'relike, well, I, you know, I don't
even know what my pleasure is.
Like, I, I'm so used to like, Ihave a lot of male clients.
I'm so used to giving like that.
That's where I find my pleasureis in the other person getting
(39:32):
off and the other person'sarousal and their pleasure.
I don't even know what it feelslike to lose myself in a sexual
experience.
You know?
I don't even know what it feelslike to, um, to, I don't know
what turns me on.
I don't know what my arousal is.
And I think that, you know, wehave to start to use the, the
pleasure pathways in the body,like actual meridian system in
(39:56):
the body and these pathways ofpleasure that open through our,
our glands and our Chakras andthese channels and our physical
body in order to start toexperience, um, the medicine of
pleasure, like the, the healingthat it brings and the, um, the
vitality that it builds in yourlife, the longevity that it
(40:18):
brings to you as a, as a humanbeing.
So what are, what are some ofthe like, um.
I don't know, just like some ofthe opportunities that you share
with clients, like, let's saythey are in a deep grief portal,
let's say they, you know, therelationship they really wanted
didn't work out or the, the homethat they thought they were
(40:38):
gonna get didn't come through.
Or, you know, those big, biglosses that seem so astronomical
and they really throw you into astate of of shock, A state of
being triggered, a state of, I'mnot safe in the world, and they
go into their protectivepattern.
So if somebody's in thatpattern, they're in that
triggered state, like how do youhelp them get out of it?
Erica (41:00):
Honestly, I'm glad you brought that up because that's a
huge part of it.
Like we might not be presencingpleasure at that moment, or we
might, but like our vibe throughthose sessions, through that
time.
Is holding them through thegrief, holding them through, you
know, through the darkness,through the processing.
So I actually have to, I wannathrow this out.
I, I met someone recently andpeople say this a lot, but she
(41:21):
was like, can I ask yousomething that might trigger
you?
I was like, sure.
Like, what's up?
And she was like, why is yourname we the light.
She's like,'cause I thinkyou're, I think you're kind of
selling yourself short.
She's like, I interact with yourwork and you're so much more
than the light.
She's like, and I think that's adisservice.
Like, you're going to the worldpresenting, we the light.
She's like, but you're acauldron.
She's like, you hold peoplethrough their pleasure, their
(41:42):
darkness.
And I, I share that because, um,first of all, I'm like, I know
it's a, it's an, you know, it'sa joke to my name with
Wiederlight, we light, but Ibring that back because that is
part of the work is liketeaching people how to hold
themselves through all of thedifferent emotions, all the
different seasons, all thedifferent cycles.
(42:02):
And I think for coaching, a lotof times people join the journey
'cause it's sexy.
You know what I mean?
It's like what am I gonna get atthe end of this?
Like, and I know for me, Like,yeah, like
Leah (42:14):
izing.
It's like, Ooh, look how cool Iam.
Erica (42:16):
Yes.
Like, what am I, and I've donethat before too.
Like, I'm gonna be transparentIn the past, like I would've
signed up for program.
I'm like, Ooh, this is be sohot.
And so when we hit the block,the, the thing, not the blocks
when we hit life and they'relike, oh man.
It's like, yeah, let's learn thetools and technology to hold
ourselves not through just like,ooh, we're in our radiance and
(42:36):
were sexy.
'cause that's fun and fab.
But it's all the things.
Um, so I am glad that you.
I brought that up.
'cause I think that's reallyimportant and people don't
expect it.
'cause I think, oh, I'm gonnawork with a pleasure coach.
I'm gonna work with a sex coach.
It's gonna be so hot.
I'm like, it'll but hot in adifferent way.
Leah (42:53):
with more.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Erica (42:54):
Totally.
Totally.
So that's for me, emotionalprocessing through different,
different avenues is a big partof my work and making sure my
clients have those.
Places to process and have thespace to process.
So it's not always rainbows,butterflies, and pleasure.
Willow (43:14):
Can you give us like some more specifics around, how
you would help them in, in thoseplace?
Like what would you wanna impartto them?
Erica (43:24):
Yeah, so many different things, right?
So there's different tools.
Like sometimes I do moretraditional talk therapy with
clients, right?
Like we're just emotionally,we're just verbally starting to
process.
What's going on.
Sometimes people are like, allright, I'm scared, but I'm
ready.
And then we do embodiment work.
So maybe we work through rage intheir body.
Maybe we work through grief intheir body.
But again, right, likeeveryone's at a different place.
(43:46):
Some people are like, don't makeme, don't make me get my body.
I'm like, okay.
Like maybe we for a fewsessions.
It just feels safe to processout loud or to journal, or
here's some prompts, uh, or I'mgonna create a ritual for you.
Um, and other people are like,no, let's go.
Let put me in my body.
Let's, let's, you know, throwsome pillows, scream, I need to,
(44:08):
you know, do some breath workaround this.
Willow (44:11):
Mm.
Erica (44:11):
the great news is that you use, yeah, so breath work,
movement, maybe journaling, talktherapy, it's kind of like
where.
You know, feeling where theperson's at and what medicine
they might need and giving themall the tools, right?
Because God willing, they're notwith me for, I would love them
for, but like I want them to golive their life and have their
tools.
So make sure that they havetheir toolbox so they can go and
(44:34):
live it, you know?
Willow (44:36):
what is like one sort of like pearl of wisdom that you
would give to, to sort ofeveryone in the world who's on
this path to self-love, toself-respect to, um, finding
their way to a deeperrelationship with their physical
pleasure and also, um, you know,expanding their levels of
(44:58):
consciousness through that.
Erica (45:00):
Um, so I think first and foremost, I would, my little
pearl would be, this is so worthit, you're so worthy and
deserving of it.
Um, I've seen it time and timeand time again, the ripples of
how your life will change, howyour community, how friends,
family, how people interact withyou.
It's such a worthwhile cause.
(45:20):
Um, and I always say it's notselfish, it's can be selfless.
Um, and for me, I feel likepleasure.
I'll speak for myself when I'min pleasure again with the
nuances when I'm in myaliveness.
My pleasure.
I'm in one of the highest formsof integrity because I don't,
I'm not like, I don't needanyone.
I don't need, I'm not graspinglike, ugh.
(45:41):
Like I know how I'm wellresourced.
I walk through the
Willow (45:43):
not trying to get anything
Erica (45:45):
to get anything.
Yeah.
I'm not like trying to getapproval.
I'm not like being sneaky andthat's okay.
It's human nature, but like, I'mnot trying to be like
manipulative or sneaky.
I am well resourced, I'm welltaken care of, and I think that
is a gift to my community.
And so I, I say that to share,right?
Like that it's a gift when we dothis work.
Leah (46:04):
I like that you used the word integrity because it's
really about being in alignment,like, I'm gonna pursue this
because it's actually, it linesup with who I wanna be in the
world.
It lines up with how I wannalive my life.
It lines up with pursuing,pursuing, you know, the things I
know are gonna make my lifebeautiful and worth living.
(46:25):
And, and beating myself up andtreating me, treating myself
like I'm a piece of shit is notin alignment with that.
And so it's like getting anintegrity with how I perceive
myself is as important as havingintegrity at my job is as
important as having integrity inmy relationship.
So if you believe in value,integrity, you gotta change how
you hold yourself and, and howyou are gonna be the best
(46:48):
version of yourself for theworld.
Um, I really like that you usethat language.
Tell us a little bit about yourfree gift.
I know you've got an ebook.
Erica (46:57):
Yes.
Okay, so you're gonna love this.
'cause we actually talked a lotabout this today.
So it's called fromperfectionist to pleasure
expert, which I was, as I talkedabout before, like anxiety, like
blah, like ripping everythingapart.
I was so in my head.
So we talked about my journey,um, and how I became a pleasure
expert and for me how that, howI had in the book there, it's a
very short ebook, but it's greattools, techniques, um, how I
(47:20):
learned how to be in myradiance, how I learned how to
take up space.
Um, and again, there's somestories, but mostly tools, which
is great.
We get right to the core thatyou can start practicing right
away.
Um, quick read, lots of tools.
It's fab.
And I always say to people, takeit, read it, ask questions.
I'm, I'm not one of thosecoaches that's like.
Far away from my work.
(47:41):
Like, I'm like, let's talk aboutit.
You know, or like, I have aquestion or I have pushback.
What do you think about this?
Like, I'm like, like, let's talkabout it.
That's what I'm here for.
Like, let's, let's, you know,hold us through what comes up
for you.
Leah (47:53):
And, uh, if people wanted to work with you, what's their
first step in, uh, pursuingthat?
Erica (47:58):
Love that.
Um, so I actually have a ton offree resources on my website,
which is we, the, it's on mylittle thing here too.
www.wethelight.org, www dot wethe light.org and it's called
which you're gonna love MojoMakeover assessment.
And so what it is, isessentially like, yes, it's a
discovery call.
And what we do in that first 45minutes or so is it's for real,
a free, no strings attachedsession.
(48:21):
We work through, maybe we talkabout sexual empowerment, love
dating, radiance, all thethings.
And it's just a session and wefeel into it.
And then the last few minutes wereserve to feel into is this a
match?
And if it's not, God bless, youknow what I mean?
Or if you're like, Erica, I likethis, but I kind of wanna work
with someone like this.
Any recs?
Absolutely.
So this is just a space where wecan dive in, have that free
(48:44):
session.
If we're fit to work together,great.
If we're not, great.
But I always say to people, takeme up on the offer, take me,
because that it might not bethere forever.
Leah (48:52):
Cool.
Well, thank you so much forbeing on the show.
It was such a pleasure.
We appreciate all that you gaveour audience today, and please
make sure you tune in becausethe show's not over.
Oh, no, it's not.
We got the dish coming up withmyself and Dr.
Willow.
So everybody stay tuned andlove, love, love, love.
Willow (49:10):
Thank you so much, Erica.
It's such a pleasure having youon the show.
Erica (49:13):
Thank you.
This is amazing.
Announcer (49:15):
Now our favorite part, the dish.
Willow (49:19):
All right everyone, we are here to dish it out on our
interview with EricaWiederlight.
And, uh, it was so fun justgetting to know her and her
journey through, um, you know,how, how far she's come.
You can really see it, you canreally feel it, and um, just.
You know, from that place oflike self-loathing to that place
(49:40):
of, of radical self-love.
And I really loved that piecethat she brought in around
self-respect.
I think that's a really integralpart of a self-love journey.
Um, and that distinction thatshe made, you know, it's like,
oh, I, I gave myself a facemask.
Why don't I love myself?
I thought that was so cute.
Leah (50:00):
Totally and so relatable.
Like, yeah, why do I, do I doall these like, um, you know.
Willow (50:06):
for myself.
Leah (50:08):
Like these wellness practices of like making sure
that I take time for myself and
Willow (50:13):
I meditated.
I did breath work.
I went to yoga.
Why don't I love myself?
Leah (50:18):
Like why isn't this translating into transformation
and um, I.
Yeah, because it's gotta go somuch deeper than that and you
really gotta change yourthoughts and change your
conditioning and using thingslike self-respect and having
integrity, I think are reallyintegral parts of making those
shifts.
You just have to be careful thatyou're not using that language
(50:39):
to then shame yourself.
Like when you do somethingself-indulgent that maybe.
You feel, you, you are worriedabout'cause you think you're be
damaging yourself.
I know.
As, as an overeater and havingeating disorder issues, it was
like every time I fucked up itwas, I used that as, um,
material to like do the selfbashing again, when really what
(51:00):
I needed to do was make room forthe fact that binge eating has
been a successful way of gettingout of really painful states.
So.
You know, it has a service.
I have to look at actually thebinge eating differently.
It's not the enemy.
It's actually been doing itsjob, and sometimes I'm gonna
still use it to do that job, butcan I do it in full awakeness?
(51:24):
Can I do it without the shame?
And when I, when I practice thatI don't, I don't binge the way I
used to.
It's not as excessive, it's notas dangerous, it's not as crazy.
It's not as panicky.
Like the whole landscape of thatrelationship has evolved because
I think the power.
Willow (51:41):
in it.
Leah (51:42):
Right.
When you treat it with respectand you see it for what it is
not the enemy, and when yourespect yourself through the
process, it changes everything.
I really, I really loved the useof that and I loved how she was
like, and then find an object
Willow (51:57):
was great.
Leah (51:58):
in it.
And so catch yourself.
Here's a pattern.
Interrupt, change.
Take it off one wrist, put it onanother.
I mean, I thought that wasgenius.
Change the rings, put them onanother finger.
I'm gonna really utilize that
Willow (52:09):
Uhhuh.
That was a good
Leah (52:11):
I loved that great tool.
Willow (52:14):
Yeah.
Leah (52:15):
yeah, and then the dating piece.
The dating piece is, iscomplicated I think for so many
of us.
Um, I've definitely worked withpeople in the dating space and
kind of navigating, like feelingall the disappointment that
comes from dating and wonderinglike what's wrong with them and
then picking themselves apart.
And really, you gotta go deeperthan that.
So if she doesn't have a onesize fits all protocol on how to
(52:37):
pull in the beloved, it is.
Yeah.
First gotta undo some things,some conditioned ways that you
see yourself before you canstart doing the manifestation.
Willow (52:45):
Yeah, unlearning is a big part of the journey.
Uh, I think, and it, it's notjust, I think so often we
identify, well, what's wrongwith me and why, why do I need
to unlearn these things aboutmyself?
It's like, well, it's also justwe're swimming in a society and
a culture that that's what'singrained in us.
So, you know, we're, we'rehaving to kind of, you know, get
(53:08):
out of the water and dryourselves off so that we can
have a different viewpoint,different perspective
Leah (53:14):
Yeah.
And you know, I think what else?
It's like you gotta becoachable.
And I think sometimes theproblem is like this work will
not work for you if all you wantis do steps A through Z and
you'll be different on the otherside.
Like you actually have to go alittle bit layer deeper than
that.
You actually have to beinfluenceable.
(53:35):
It's not about like what thecoach can do for you, it's how
much can you do for you by usingthe coach's influence to take
yourself as deep.
As you can go,
Willow (53:44):
you have to make it your own.
You have to take what you'relearning with, with any coach
along this path, and you have tomake it your own.
You have to integrate it intoyour own life, and you have to
become what, what you're, thetransformation that you, that
you wanna see.
And I, I loved what
Leah (54:02):
take responsibility for your resistance.
Willow (54:04):
Yeah, for
Leah (54:05):
not the coach's fault that you have resistance.
You are the one who hasresistance.
Own it, and it might be you needa little bit of time.
Might be you need a little bitof space to unravel that
resistance, but it's yours,
Willow (54:16):
Yeah, resistance is one of those things that, you know,
it's like on the other side ofsur, it's the opposite of
surrender, is that resistanceand when we actually meet that
resistance face to face, if wekeep looking at it and we keep
meeting it and we keep goingthrough it, then on the other
side is surrender.
So, um, thought it was a greatepisode, great interview.
(54:39):
So grateful to have Erica in theworld doing the work, walking
her talk, and showing up for herclients.
So
Leah (54:45):
Yeah.
Willow (54:46):
much.
Loved y'all.
Leah (54:47):
Much love to y'all.
Have a beautiful night, morningor evening.
Love, love, love.
Announcer (54:54):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
positive psychology facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional Medicinedoctor and Taoist Techology
teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget your comments,likes subscribes, and
suggestions matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.
Hey there, welcome to the sex reimagined podcast.
If you are a new listener or ifyou are a long time listener,
we're so happy you're here.
My name is Leah Piper.
I am your cohost and your Tantraexpert.
Willow (00:17):
And I'm Dr.
Willa Brown, your Taoist experthere at Sex Reimagined.
And today we are interviewingErica Wiederlight, who is the
confidence coach, expert, andspeaker.
Her work highlights self love,dating, embodiment, pleasure,
burnout, and sexual empowerment.
So it sounds like a real rangethat she covers and she helps
(00:39):
clients go from feeling dustyand crusty to feeling fabulous
and radiant.
So she is the podcast host ofthe top rated show.
Welcome to the Wilder life.
And her work has been featuredin galore and cosmopolitan
magazine.
In addition to her extensivecoaching background, she's also
a public speaker who's spoken athundreds of venues.
(01:01):
So we are so excited to haveErica on the show today.
You are going to love thisepisode.
Leah (01:06):
That's right.
So tune in, turn on and fall inlove with Erica.
Announcer (01:10):
Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is
shame free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.
Leah (01:18):
We have Erica in the studio.
Welcome,
Erica (01:22):
Thank you.
Thanks for having me.
Willow (01:24):
Yeah, we're so thrilled to drop in with you today about
your work with, um, you know,helping people find the more
pleasure in their bodies and intheir lives.
Helping people let go of thethings that are holding them
back and, um, find their way tomore joy.
So, how long have you been doingthis work?
(01:45):
Maybe you could start by tellingus, uh, how you, how you came to
this work.
You know, what was your ownjourney with it?
What's your genesis story?
Erica (01:53):
Yeah.
You know, I always say this ishigh school.
Me would be for, and I don'tknow if this resonates for, for
you both, but high school mewould freak out if I knew what
I'm doing now, just'cause I'mlike, oh no.
But me as a child, like this iswho I was.
It's my authentic self.
And this is, you know, how Iexpressed myself.
So in ways I'm shocked, in waysI'm not shocked.
(02:16):
Um, but for me it kind of was aquintessential dark night of the
soul, um, where I was battlingand, you know, going through my
own personal demons and facing alot of grief and death that this
work really.
Flirted with me and invited mein, you know?
Um, and I was like, okay.
And so I, I always joked I wasresistance, like resistant to
(02:39):
it.
I was like, I'm not gonna makethis into a business.
This is just for me.
This is for me.
And something was always like,that's cute, Erica.
Like, that's fun, but we'repulling you in.
Leah (02:49):
You are getting the call from the universe.
Hey, we need you show up overhere.
Erica (02:54):
Yep.
And I was like, oh, no, no,it's, you know, that's not for
me.
Like, I'm just gonna, this isjust, you know, for me
personally and um, LOL, here weare.
And I wouldn't change it for
Willow (03:05):
I love it.
I love it.
So, so, What first sort ofhooked you in and, and called
you forward, and at what pointdid you finally succumb and
shift to doing it as aprofession?
Leah (03:16):
Yeah, because I know you've worked with Mama Gina and
with Layla Martin, you're,you're a Vita coach, so yeah.
Tell us about like what got youinto the work and then that
eureka moment when you had toanswer the call to do it
professionally.
Erica (03:30):
Ooh.
I love that.
Okay.
Eureka moment was just living ata place where I was like, do I
really wanna live my life likethis?
I really hated my body.
Um, I had a tumultuousrelationship with, with food and
sexuality.
I'm like, do I, is this what Iwant?
So that was my first in kind ofthe traditional life coaching
where I was like, I don't wanna,you know, I, I knew it was
(03:51):
coming, but I was like, I'm justdoing traditional life coaching.
And then I remem this is such aingrained memory in my bed, at
the time I was living in NewYork City and I had this Buddha
beautiful like Buddha picture.
It was on Parchment right overmy bed.
And I remember I looked at itone day.
And I had the word Tantra comein and sexuality and fem.
And I'm like, no, no, no.
(04:12):
Like, I'm like, no.
Like I knew.
I knew it was coming.
I was like, I know, I know.
And I remember being like, Iknow.
Can we not do it now?
You know what I mean?
And so it was my flirt, it wasmy invitation of getting me in.
Um, and how I started thebusiness.
Again, totally resistant.
I'm not doing a business, I'mjust doing a coaching session.
(04:33):
I'm not doing a business, I'mjust having group sessions, but
not calling it that.
And so it was from a place oflike, I must share this with the
people that I love.
I must, you know, help thisperson if they're asking for
help.
So it really came from thedesire to be of service, uh,
especially when I had the toolsand technology to help folks.
Willow (04:52):
I love that.
And, and I'm just so curious,like what, what's shifted for
you as far as your relationshipto your femininity, your
sexuality, your body, yourconfidence?
Like I.
And in, in turning it into aprofessional offering, like
what's, what's been an internalalchem that you've experienced?
Erica (05:12):
Oh my God.
Everything, everything.
I think, you know, for me, I, Ikind of mentioned this before,
like my relationship to my body,I was riddled with anxiety.
Um, and I was blessed, you know,to go to therapist and this and
that, and that was of service,but nothing did the work or
nothing had me hold myself asmuch as the pleasure work.
(05:36):
Um, I never met myself that deepbefore.
Um, and as someone especiallythat has my relationship with
food, with body image, it wasvery hard for me to be embodied.
It was very triggering.
I was like, I don't, that's thelast thing I want to do.
You know, for me, being in mybody was let me be in my body so
I get a goal.
So I look like this.
(05:57):
Um, and so for me, this hasbeen.
I'm always kind of shocked,like, oh, oh my God, I can't
believe I did this in mylifetime.
You know, like, I can't believeit because I was filled with so
much self-hate.
So people that knew me, youknow, they're always like, I
cannot believe the journey thatyou went on of like real
self-love, real confidence, realembodiment, uh, real self-care.
(06:22):
I never knew those.
Like I, I, they werecatchphrases, but I didn't know
what it meant to live like that.
Uh, and for me.
I kind of am like, whoa, likeit's, it's such a blessing how
this has touched and changed mylife
Willow (06:38):
Well, I think that's such an important thing to
highlight, is that those arejust like buzzwords until
they're not right, until youactually know what they are and
how to live them and to actuallyimplement and practice.
So I, I'm imagining, I don'tknow if this is true, but I'm
imagining that's a lot of whatyou teach clients is like how to
turn those buzzwords into actuallifestyle and changes.
(07:01):
What are, what are some of theways that you do that?
Erica (07:04):
I love that.
So many things and you nailedit.
Embodiment, pleasure.
It's funny, I, you know.
Same.
Like I, for a while I waswalking like a, what did they
say?
Like a, a head, a floating head.
And I was like, embodiment,pleasure.
And so that's part of how Iconnect with people is they're
like, I don't think I could dothis.
And I'm one of those peoplethat's like, let me tell you, if
(07:25):
I could do it, you could do it.
You know?
So, and, and I pride myself onthat, that I've seen some things
that I never thought I could gothrough this journey.
Um, so that's why I feel veryblessed when I get to hold
people through their triggers,through their resistances.
And I'm like, I got you.
I know, I know this is reallyscary.
(07:46):
And I get to be with themthrough all of that.
And one of the gifts, as youprobably know, is having this
business, I have to really showup.
this has been one of my deepestspiritual practices is walking
my walk and talk and my talk.
You know what I mean?
Like really embodying this workfor myself, but to hold people
(08:09):
properly or what I wouldconsider properly.
Willow (08:12):
Mm-hmm.
Leah (08:13):
you're saying is really resonating with me.
I too, um, started this journeywith crippling self-loathing
and, um, hated my body.
Absolutely.
Uh, just thought I was a hideoushuman being so deeply painful.
And it was like, I remembergoing to my first Tantra
workshop and I just couldn'tignore how big and loud the
voice had gotten that I wasforced to do something about it.
(08:36):
And, um.
I knew that that self-love thingisn't an intellectual
experience.
It's an emotional, spiritual,physical experience.
Like you have to do it in thebody and you gotta bring all the
heart and soul that you pourinto other people and find a way
to pour it into yourself, andyou can't think your way to it.
There's no, if we could thinkour way to it, man, Oprah
would've saved all our lives.
(08:56):
Now she saved some of our lives,but she couldn't hand us the
self-esteem we knew we shouldhave had.
Um.
And I think also, you know, oneof the things I say about a lot
of Tantra teachers is the reasonwhy we became Tantra teachers is
so that we are held accountableso that we actually do the
practices.
Because like so many students,they'll do some practices, they
get incredible transformationfrom it.
(09:18):
They love that workshop, butthen they don't, they're not
always consistent, you know,they don't always continue.
It's this thing that kind oftouched their life like a.
Like a lightning bug came andkissed them, but you really need
the lightning bolt to keepgoing.
Um, so, uh, so I hear like oneof the ways that you keep going
is to do the work and to stay inthe work and to help other
(09:40):
people really forces you to stayconsistent in it.
Um, do you just work with women?
Is that who your primaryaudience is?
Erica (09:48):
Nope.
Yeah.
Leah (09:50):
like what's different between working with men, women,
or couples?
Erica (09:54):
Oh my God, this is such a good que, you know, so, you
know, in business, right, whenthey always say, who's your
client avatar?
And I never, I get, I really getthe worth of that.
I think that's so beautiful.
I understand like energeticallywhy we do it.
And I always was like, Ugh.
Like I don't, I don't know.
And it's, it's funny because myclientele.
Really Not too, too, not too,people are alike in a sense.
(10:15):
We're alike, right?
'cause we have things come uparound body image or confidence
or sexual pleasure.
But if you put these people out,you know, on a screen, you'd be
like, what?
Like what are, what are, how dothey, you know, intersect?
Um, and I feel very grateful forthat.
And again, the, everyone is helddifferently, right?
(10:35):
Like everyone has differentneeds.
I, so some of my somaticpractices, I have folks that
they live this work, so theycould easily go into a
visualization.
They could easily go into anembodied practice.
I have some people where they'relike, Erica, that's so
triggering I can't.
And it's like, okay, that'scool.
Like we're not gonna go into adeep visualization.
Maybe we just feel, you know,your fingernails to your skin.
(10:57):
Or maybe could we close youreyes for just 30 seconds just to
feel your breath?
So for me, I really tailor towhere everyone is on their
journey.
And I know most coaches do that,but it's very important for me
to really hold them, uh, withwhere they're at and not
pushing, of course, you know,pushing the edge, but in a
really safe, manageablecontainer.
Leah (11:21):
And so, you know, other than, you know, helping people
with let's say self-love andself-worth and maybe, uh, it
sounds like you've, you reallyhelp people with pleasure really
starting to embody pleasure innew, wonderful ways.
I think so many, especiallywomen, have a hard time
accessing their pleasure.
Um, what about other issues?
Like what are your clients, whatare they struggling with?
(11:43):
What do you hear over and overand over again that is up in
their world that they're,they're reaching out to you to
get some relief from?
Erica (11:49):
Totally.
You know, a theme is like justgeneral unsatisfaction.
So I have the things on paper.
Why am I not happy?
You know?
Or I'm moving toward like I'mdoing the goal thing.
Why am I, you know, which isconnected to the pleasure.
I do a lot of work in dating andlove.
Leah (12:06):
Oh,
Erica (12:07):
a big, yeah.
Oh my god, that's so fun.
It's so, so rewarding.
But I really help peopleconsciously date and we know,
you know, beginning with dating,really consciously dating and
holding ourselves.
But a big part of my work iscreating safety around dating.
And that has been so fabulousseeing different folks come in.
You know, like I have, I'mthinking of some people, like I
(12:28):
have some men in their twenties,and their journey is so
different than my client, youknow, women clients in their
seventies.
But it's so fabulous to holdthem and what they need on that
journey, that love journey, asyou know, is so potent and
fabulous and fun.
Willow (12:42):
What are, what are some of the things that you ha that
you give them, like eitherpractices or um, exercises or
things that you help them within order to feel more safe
within that dating sphere?
Erica (12:57):
Yeah, it's so, yeah, it's so interesting.
Usually people come to me andthey're like, I watch these
YouTubes.
It's like the stereotype, whichis great.
Like there's a place, butthere's, you know, the people
are like, if you wanna get theperson, do A, B, and C.
And so honestly, before we evenget into calling in the person,
a lot of our work is uncoveringand unlearning what they should
(13:19):
be doing.
Willow (13:19):
I.
Erica (13:20):
So a lot of my male clients were undoing, well, I, I
watched a YouTube or I read abook, you know that I should be
doing this.
And we kind of.
comb through that we un orunlearn those patterns.
Like what's your truth?
So first and foremost, before wejump into creation and
manifesting and all that juice,it's really about like, hold on,
let's uncover clear the cobwebsof the stories and start neutral
(13:45):
in a way.
'Cause you know the deal, wecome to dating, we come to love
with so many fricking stories.
Leah (13:52):
yeah, what are some of like whatever those thing that
turns into a block.
Erica (13:56):
Yes.
A lot of people are nervousbeing seen
Leah (14:00):
Mm-hmm.
Erica (14:01):
and seeing, so I see that a lot, right?
Like I'm nervous really seeingwho's in front of me'cause I
just want it to work.
Like I want love so bad, I justwant it to work.
And then I'm also nervous beingseen, you know, like really
being seen and really beingauthentically myself.
That's like a
Leah (14:20):
I'll be rejected if they really see who I really am.
Erica (14:23):
totally.
I'll be rejected.
I'll be abandoned.
I'm never good enough like itcomes with so much.
The love stuff comes with somuch worthiness and deserving.
That's why for me, when I takepeople on that dating, you know,
journey or that love journey,they're like, I know like so
much of our work is pepperedwith the self-love because I'm
like, listen, you're gonna go,like you may be rejected or
(14:44):
someone may ghost you, and howdo we hold ourselves through
that?
So for me, the self-love pieceis just like so imperative.
Like it's a, it's sandwichedwith our work with the dating
journey.
Leah (14:57):
So tell us a little bit of your philosophy on how to
actualize self-love.
What are the steps that peopleneed to make in order to have
that transformation and toreally feel that and truly
believe it and own it?
Erica (15:11):
I love that.
I think for me, for a long time,I.
I was, and this is okay, but Iwas confusing self-care with
self-love.
Leah (15:18):
Uhhuh?
Erica (15:19):
So I was like, I did a face mask.
Why don't I love myself?
You know what I mean?
And like, and I was like, I'mdoing
Willow (15:26):
I gave myself a yoga class or a massage.
Yeah.
Erica (15:29):
right.
I was like, wait, like I don'tget it.
Like I'm doing.
I don't, and I joke about it,but it's like there's
frustration there.
Like, I was like, I'm doing thethings that Pinterest said to
do.
Why am I not loving myself?
And so.
I had to, I had to come to learnthat for me, self-care was a
branch of self, uh, self-carewas a branch of self-love, so is
(15:51):
self-respect.
And I never realized that.
I thought I was kind of doingthe opposite, like, lemme just
check it off and then I'm gonnalove myself.
You know, like I'm gonna do thething.
And then, so
Willow (16:01):
then you should love yourself.
Erica (16:02):
yeah, and I should love myself and I should think I'm
the, you know, best thing ever.
But for me, it really was ajourney of knowing myself.
Being with myself, it was aless, and this is not to shy
anyone away, but it was a lessglamorous version.
Again, I thought I did the sheetmask and I, life would be fab.
You know what I mean?
So for me, it's been a very deepjourney within myself, holding
(16:24):
myself all the different partsof myself.
Willow (16:28):
I like.
I like that word that you useself-respect.
You know, I think that that's areally crucial and important
part of the self-love journeybecause so often we, um, give up
our own needs and desires.
We don't even know what our ownneeds and desires are, first of
all.
And then even if we do, we'llgive them up in order to, um.
(16:50):
You know, keep the peace or notrock the boat or, you know, the
women do this a lot, men do itas well.
Um, but I think that in doingthat, we, we lose a, a level of
respect for ourselves or wedon't have it to begin with.
So curating and cultivating thatsense of self-respect is, um,
you know.
Is about knowing what yourdesire is, what your wants, what
(17:13):
your, you know, what you wannacreate in your life, and, and
respecting your time, yourenergy levels, your, um, you
know who you're, who you'rewasting time and energy with.
Stop doing that and start tobring in that energy more and
more so that you can actuallystart to manifest and co-create
with the greater universe thelife that you want to see come
(17:36):
to fruition.
Erica (17:37):
Yeah, I love, I think for me, self-respect was a thing
that got me.
I was doing it, I was doing it.
It came a far, a far away.
But the self-respect, ugh, likethat really was sobering for me.
'cause I was like, oh, I'm, andthis is okay, but like, I'm
doing things that are not reallyrespectful of myself.
Like, like you said, like the,the, for me, my good girl
(17:58):
conditioning, I don't wanna rockthe boat.
I have no boundaries.
You know, like all of thosethings checked for me.
Uh, but when I brought inself-respect, I was like, oh
man.
Like I can't really hide fromthis.
It's very, you know, it waslike, Ooh.
Willow (18:13):
yeah.
Leah (18:14):
Yeah.
Erica (18:14):
Yeah.
Willow (18:16):
Yeah.
And so with, with clients whenthey're coming in and let's say
they're, they're kind of whereyou were when, when you started
this work of just like, whatdoes it even mean to love myself
and what does it even mean torespect myself?
Like what, what are some of the,um, like, uh, like what's the
journey?
What's this 1, 2, 3?
What are the steps?
(18:37):
What are the practices or thetools that can really help them
to, um, come to that?
Leah (18:44):
Yeah,
Erica (18:45):
I, yeah, I love that.
So I really work regularly withclients in sessions also offline
with those tools, with thetechnology to really start to
live
Leah (18:57):
What some of the tools
Erica (18:58):
Yeah, please.
I
Leah (18:59):
love to know more than nuts and bolts.
Erica (19:00):
Yes, yes.
Okay, good.
I was like, I think we're goingthere.
So let's do it.
So I could go on a list, but letme give some, some few.
Let's give some basics.
Is first and foremost, I alwayswant my clients to know, like
what we talked about before,like what are you thinking about
yourself?
So that's like the mindsetpiece, right?
So for me, I.
Self-talk is really important.
So I have clients really beaware of, oh, okay, I didn't
(19:22):
realize this.
I'm really talking bad aboutmyself, and I didn't know like,
great.
So first and foremost, we getcomfortable with like, what are
you saying about yourself?
How are you speaking aboutyourself?
How are you speaking about yourdesires?
And then over time we learn howto flip those things.
So.
I'll give you an example.
I, and actually told a clientthis this morning is she's like,
I just got a new ring.
I'm like, great, I want you toput on that ring or that
(19:42):
bracelet, and this is a tool Ilike to do, and you could modify
it.
And every day you put on that,that piece of jewelry, you know,
and you're living your life.
And when you start to havereally crusty, crunchy thoughts,
like, I'm the worst, oh my God,look how I look on the zoom.
You gently take it off and youreplace it to the other hand, or
you know, whatever you wanna do.
Like it's a, it's a physicaland, and stop the thought and
(20:03):
say.
I'm beautiful.
I'm doing the best I can.
So it's a physical stop, right?
Instead of,'cause sometimeseveryone's like, what's your
thought mindset?
Which I love, but sometimes it'shard.
And so that is a physical like,oh, I was being cruel to myself.
Willow (20:18):
like a little mini ritual in this, in the middle of
the day.
Yeah.
Leah (20:21):
okay, that was that thought, but I'm gonna choose
this one.
Willow (20:25):
And what I love about it is, um, you know, I used to give
people similar but not quite asloving, which was just like, put
a rubber band around your, yourwrist and every time that you
like, start talking to yourselflike you wi you, your best
friend would never talk toyourself like that.
You snap your rubber band.
But I love this little like,shift the jewelry.
(20:45):
That's
Leah (20:46):
Yeah, I love that too.
I would like put on a swipe oflips because I'm noticing I
could use a little more color,darling.
Oh my God.
Look at me now.
Unstoppable.
Erica (20:59):
I love it.
It's true.
And speaking of, actually, youactually brought up something
great is like we see each other,we see each other, we see
ourselves so much more thangenerations past, right?
Like we're on conversations likethis, we're on zooms, we pass
the mirror.
We're on social media like wesee ourselves.
Leah (21:15):
like crazy.
Erica (21:17):
And so my invite is, I always tell people every time,
talk about initiation ritual.
Every time you see that cameraor that, that visual, that the
visual of yourself, can you giveyourself three compliments?
'cause you know, the firstimpulse, I mean, I'm on here
right now.
I'm like, oh, my hair ba, like,it's easy to go toward the
what's wrong, what needs fixing.
(21:38):
And so my
Leah (21:39):
hardwired for it.
Erica (21:41):
We're hired.
Yes.
And so it's like, how can wemake rightness part of our
vocabulary for ourselves?
And so people are like, oh myGod.
I'm like, if you can't thinklike go granular, like, Ooh, I
love my left eyebrow.
Or you know, if that's too, istoo triggering.
I love that I showed up for thistoday.
It's just another ritual,especially for our Richie, you
know, ritual folks.
Like it's a ritual, it's aninitiation to get us back into
(22:04):
self-love.
It changes those neural pathwaysthat,
Leah (22:08):
practice and that repetitive practice can start to
change the conditioning becauselike, you know, there's so much
conditioning that has supportedus thinking and talking to
ourselves in such a way that inorder for us to make real
lasting changes, we have topractice repetition over and
over and over and over and overagain.
(22:28):
A different way of talking toourselves.
Otherwise it doesn't change.
So you have to change yourconditions to change your
conditioning, and when you'vehad three to four to five
decades of a conditionedresponse to what you see in the
mirror, every time you look inthe mirror or on camera, if you
want any hope in transformation,that repetitious shift of doing
(22:51):
a course correct is like the keyto success, right?
Erica (22:54):
totally.
And it's, it's funny too, I hada client today and she was like,
I knew you were gonna ask methis.
So I came and I did it.
I'm like, thank you.
And she, so we did celebrationsand it set a lot of these tools.
Are so basic and I talk topeople like I know I, even
myself when I first got intothis work, I'm like, I know all
this.
I know all this.
That's great that we know thisfrom a brain perspective, right?
Leah (23:15):
two different
Willow (23:15):
Yeah.
Erica (23:16):
So different.
And it's so funny, I, I have aconversation a lot with a friend
and she's like, I know thisstuff I went to school for for
psychology.
I'm like, that's amazing.
What a privilege.
Do you practice it?
She's like, shut up.
You know?
So it's like we really want likepracticing.
Yeah.
Like even celebration.
It sounds Oh, Erica, that's sosilly.
That's so basic.
Practicing daily celebrations.
(23:38):
What is it really like topractice daily celebrations?
Like really going through daylike, yes, I showed up for that
thing.
Yes, I did that hard thing.
Yes, I moved my body, whatever,whatever.
But like living this work isthe, is the embodiment.
Willow (23:51):
Yeah.
And I think, you know, it's likewe have to bring a, a level of
compassion too,'cause so that,you know, old phrase, like we're
our own worst critics is, is sovery true.
Like nobody in the world iswalking around thinking the bad
things about you that you arethinking and it's such a waste
of Qi.
It's like, what if we take thatprecious life?
(24:14):
Worse energy and we upliftourselves and think about like,
well, what would my dear friendbe saying to me right now about
the way I'm showing up, or theway I look, or the way I'm
walking my talk or not?
You know, what would, what wouldsomebody outside of me who
really loves me and cares aboutme and honors me, what would
that voice be saying?
I think bringing that forward aswell is a really helpful way for
(24:37):
us to practice a different, um,patterning in our minds, right?
We've got these synapses in ourbrains.
They run through our hearts,they run through our guts, and
they sure shit run through ourgenitals as well.
And so, you know, when we startto, um, create new neuro
pathways and new neuro networknetworks between these different
brains in the body, then we, um,that's when transformation
(25:01):
starts to change.
And, you know, I could just, Icould just see your people,
Erica, the one, the ones whohave known you for a long time
and just being like, wow, youwere that person and now you're
this person.
And like the, the radicaltransformation that you went
through by utilizing thesepractices and really putting
(25:21):
them into motion in your life.
Erica (25:23):
Yeah.
Leah (25:24):
Yeah.
For those of you who aren'twatching this on YouTube, maybe
you're listening to it and ifyou could watch it, you would
see just how radiant Erica is.
Like you can tell that there'sthis, this embodied person who's
done the work and it shines outof her skin.
It shines out of her eyes and itshines from her smile.
And I think that more than anytransformation that people want,
(25:44):
like that's, that's how you knowyou've, someone's done their
work because it's, it's reallyabout a radiance that starts to
come from the inside that is sovisible.
And, and what's so interestingis people don't always know how
to articulate, like, what is itabout that person?
But what you notice is thatyou're attracted to them.
You notice that you want to,they've got this confidence and
(26:07):
you kind of want that to rub offon you.
You know, it's like you justwish you could rub shoulders
with the person who just seemslike they have their fucking
shit together.
Um, and so like, I kind of wannasteer this now towards sex and
pleasure because I know you're,you're a sex coach.
And so I.
Tell me, tell us a little bitabout how you're helping people
who are, feel like they'refailing at the sex game and is,
(26:30):
maybe that's not even how theywould describe it.
Like what are people coming toyou when they're really
struggling with pleasure and sexor like the opposite sex?
'cause I think probably, I'msure there's a segue in a lot of
the dating coaching that you'redoing that also has to do with
the fact that they're horny.
I mean, like where does sex comeinto the conversation?
Erica (26:50):
Totally.
I love this.
And I also really quick wannathrow it back'cause it connects
to, this is during myself-loathing journey.
Pleasure was that, like I said,I went to therapy, I did things
that was fabulous.
But pleasure is the thing thatwas the healing balm for me
Leah (27:05):
Ding.
Willow (27:05):
Yeah.
Erica (27:06):
because I was like, I don't really care what I look
like, you know, or I, or, andthe Tantra as well.
Like I, I just saw it was TikTokbefore this and the person was,
I'm going on a tangent, but itmakes sense.
He's like, I, a green flag forme is someone that like takes up
space and cackles.
He's like,'cause you know thatthey're alive.
He's like, they're not worriedabout, you know, being
(27:27):
presentational.
Yes.
He's like.
I want them to c He's like,that.
is a
Willow (27:31):
their bliss.
Yeah.
Erica (27:32):
Yes.
He's like, that's a green flagfor me.
Like, he's like, take up spacelady.
He is like, I wanna hear youcackling like a seal.
And I'm like, yes.
I was like, that is it.
And.
For me, I was so obsessed.
I have an acting background aswell, so I'm very hyper aware of
how am I being perceived, right?
Like an, you know, my movementpractice, how does this look?
How like that's, that's a thing.
(27:53):
And for me, pleasure was like,who the freak cares.
Like, it was so liberating thatit was like, this is about me
feeling good.
This is about me feelingnourished, not what do I look
like.
And so I wanted to pay tho usback.
How healing that was.
I was like, how am I ever gonnaget over this?
You know, lack ofself-confidence and it was the
pleasure work.
(28:14):
Um, and that's why I'm obsessedwith talking about it'cause I'm
like, it changed my life and howI perceive myself.
Leah (28:21):
that you made that correlation because when you're
in the throes of pleasure, whenyou're just like you are in high
levels of arousal, you lose allself-consciousness.
Erica (28:32):
Yes,
Leah (28:33):
you to stop worrying about like what your body looks like
when you are like, and, and itjust feel and you're just going
for it and your body is like,ah.
It's like you can't think aboutyour stomach, you can't think
about your thighs.
You're not thinking about your,how many chins you have.
Like that inner voice that islike, how do I look?
(28:53):
How do I look?
How do I look?
Dissolves.
In the moment of orgasticexperience.
And then when you're even doingthat consciously with someone
else who's being looped intoyour orgastic experience and
you're watching like the joy andthe bliss that they're
experiencing because you'reexperiencing like all that shit
(29:14):
dissolves now It can return.
Real fast, in a nanosecond.
But I think sometimes we don'teven let ourselves reach those
peaks because we're sodistracted by a sense of
self-consciousness.
And it doesn't even have to beabout your appearance.
It could be about yourperformance, right?
Like it could be about like,what's your cock doing or not
(29:34):
doing.
It could be about, you know, Idon't feel anything and I feel
numb and I should be like havingmultiple orgasms.
Like whatever the judgment isthat has you feeling.
Self-conscious, it does getblown to smithereens at the peak
of an orgasm.
Can you say more about that?
Erica (29:52):
I can, and you know what's funny?
I, I wanna, I promise I'm comingback, I promise.
But it's funny because I, in myembodiment, when I teach, I
teach erotic movement and um Ialways say in the beginning of
my classes, I've been every sizeI've looked, every way.
I've had every care color.
I've been to size probably 24,26, and a size zero, and the
(30:12):
work of Radiance is magnetic.
And I have loved myself through,I've been cruel to myself at
every size, but I've known howto love myself through every
size and it fricking shows, youknow, like you said, and I thank
you for paying that compliment.
People always say, I love yourenergy.
I'm like, thank you.
I'm being seen.
Um, so I wanted to, I wanted tothrow that out because I think
(30:34):
we have so much conditioning,like, yeah, yeah, I'll do the
radiance, but I'll also looklike this.
You know what I mean?
Like, and, and uh, it was so
Leah (30:40):
Or I'll do the radiance once I look this.
Erica (30:43):
Yes.
Once I get the this, then I'lldo the radiance.
And so for me it was so healingto be, oh, I'm, I'm work.
I don't feel my best, but likeI'm feeling my best.
And people are like, holy, holymama.
So thank you for bringing thatup.
Back to the sexuality, I bringup the pleasure because for me,
whew.
Sex could be so loaded.
So I always bring in with myclients, how are we living
(31:05):
pleasure daily?
How are we?
I,
Leah (31:08):
of the bedroom.
Erica (31:09):
yes.
'cause you know the deal, likeif there's in every moment,
right?
Because if there's no pleasure,and if it's, if it's desert city
and then I'm like, go have anorgasm, they're like, excuse
you.
You know what I mean?
So we have
Leah (31:22):
I even have one of those?
Erica (31:24):
right, like, what are you talking about?
Right?
Like also like that's so jarringto my body and my nervous
system.
What are you talking about lady?
You know, so for me, a reallybig LOL, wink wink lube.
But for the sexual empowermentwork is really living the
pleasure every day.
Um, I know I went on a tangent,but I do wanna highlight that
because so often we're like,let's get to the sex, let's get
(31:45):
to the sex.
And I'm like, it's a, it's howwe, it's also how we live.
Leah (31:51):
Yeah.
It's the difference betweenTantric sex and a Tantric
Erica (31:55):
Yes.
Ooh, that's so
Leah (31:58):
life is like living a turned on life, whether you're
in or out of the bedroom.
It's being lit up by life.
Willow (32:04):
Yeah.
And there's, And there's, um,you know, in Chinese medicine,
we're always looking to put,like, focus on what is working.
You know, focus on the, thehealth that is there and augment
and amplify that health, andthat's gonna push out the dark,
the turd, the sticky, the disdisease, all of that.
And so it's the same thing whenwe're bringing pleasure in to
(32:27):
fill ourselves up with thatlevel, that frequency, that
vibration.
And I wanna caveat for, for thepain, because we don't know what
pleasure is if we don't knowwhat pain is.
And so we're talking about allthe time, pleasure all the time.
But there's, I think there'salso, there's, there can be deep
shadow.
If you're overriding your pain,it's going to have a deeper,
(32:50):
bigger grip on you if you're,um, pleasure bypassing, you
know?
And so we want to actually.
Not only feel the painful sidesof life as well and be present
to them and, and acknowledgethem and give them space to be,
but to see if we can't find somepleasure in that pain.
(33:12):
Why are we even here as humanbeings?
Like what is our purpose?
And it's like we're, we've comeinto this dualistic reality from
unity consciousness intoduality, right?
And we've come here to reallyfeel, to really.
There's things in that unityplace where we've all come from,
(33:32):
from source where we don't, wedon't get to experience the
deep, deep pleasure and theecstatic bliss, and we also
don't get to experience thegnarly, intense pain and grief
and sorrow and rage and sadness.
And so I think that, you know,if we can really experience, uh,
all of it as an opportunity tojust be in life, to be in love
(33:57):
with life, then there's that,there's that way of experiencing
pleasure all the time.
Leah (34:04):
Well, I, I think what you're saying is super
interesting because what alsocomes to mind when I hear you
say that Willow, is when weavoid feeling the pain.
When we avoid feeling the griefand the sorrow and the rage and
the upset, then it's like thosewet blankets you talk about.
Everything gets really damp andheavy.
And that's where like we becomedepressed, we become pressed in,
(34:25):
and we become, we become numbedout.
So when you don't feel the icks,right, it's like you can't feel
the yums.
Because you don't get to numbone part of your system and it
not numb the other part of yoursystem.
So there's this part of likehaving to embrace all of it.
And can you, can you yum youryucks on some level?
(34:46):
You know, can you, can yourealize that your yucks
actually, there's a payoff,there's something in your
subconscious that is keeps ondriving you to become broke over
and over and over again so thatyou can have the story of, whoa,
of God, I'm always broke.
Or you know, like, go deeper.
Go into like, ooh, like what isthat and, and what is it that
(35:08):
I'm afraid to see?
And can I be willing to getcurious and unveil some of this
subconscious, unconscious stuffand bring it up into
consciousness?
And sometimes that means makingfun of the shit.
You know, last night I was tyingup my husband'cause I'm
practicing ropes.
Erica (35:23):
Love it.
Leah (35:24):
And um, and you know, like we would break character.
I'm trying to be all likedominant and he's trying to
like, follow my instructions andlower his eyes and look at the
ground, look at my feet.
Um, and I'm tying it up and, andwe just had the biggest crack up
because I was starting to like,kind of make fun of him because
he was, he was lamenting theother day a frustration at work.
(35:46):
And so then we started to makefun of like this frustration
that almost has him wanting toquit his job.
Like he's so fed up with thisthing.
And then we just got to likemake fun of it.
Like, oh, wham, wham, you can'tdo this thing.
And we had such a joyous momentof bringing levity to this thing
that's been really botheringhim, and it kind of took him
(36:07):
being tied up.
Not being able to maneuver thatallowed him to just sort of
like, relax into this levity.
And I don't know why I'm takingthis on this tangent, um, other
than to say, you know, sometimeswe just have to take a look at
our whole life and lighten it upand not be afraid of it.
Not make it, not make the hardthings so hard, but to like face
(36:30):
them head on.
So, I mean, with all thattangent going on all over the
place, Erica, I'm sort ofwondering what's your take
Erica (36:37):
yeah, no, I love that.
I love, and it's funny, it'slike, I think that's what, I
have two things.
That's what attracted me to thepleasure work.
Sure.
It's like it could be pleasuresand I always say pleasures and
um, um, boas and Shay's loungeand you know, it could be
someone feeding me grapes.
But also for me, the pleasurewas a pathway to my aliveness.
Sometimes my aliveness is beingin the throes of grief.
(37:01):
And even though that sucks, Iwanna be alive to my grief.
Like I want to, I wanna be like,I lived out loud and I was there
through every tear, everyheartbreak.
I don't wanna call that in, butRight.
But like, I want, I wanna bealive.
Leah (37:16):
I wanna be present to it.
Erica (37:18):
Yes.
Like I want, and you know what'sfunny?
Is this work?
Yes, it's given me pleasure andda da and da da da.
But for, you know a lot of griefthat I've, and heaviness.
I'm so proud of how I showed upand how I'm showing up.
I'm dealing with a lot of heavypersonal things and I attribute
it to this work because I couldsit in, yeah, I could sit in the
(37:40):
face of death and be like, okay,we got you.
Like I I.
Yep.
And I could, I could hold this.
I could be with this, and I'mglad you brought that up too,
with the, with the caveat, withpleasure.
I always tell my clients,they're like, I know, it's like
my favorite famous line.
I'm like don't use these toolsas a weapon against yourself.
Right.
(38:00):
So it's like a, it's a very fineline of like, don't gaslight
yourself with pleasure.
You know, like, don't, don't,and we have to, and people are
like, oh yeah, I was kind oflike avoiding going to places
'cause I was doing pleasure.
And it's, that's a fine line oflike Holding, you know, being
with it.
Leah (38:18):
Yeah.
I mean, my experience is like,if you really want the big
pleasure, if you want thatcosmic pleasure, you actually
have to feel all the otherthings.
You know, like you don't, you,it's kind of the reward of going
through the tunnel.
Like it's kind of the reward ofshowing up with vulnerability if
you want the cosmic pleasure,Tantrika's talk about you gotta
actually go into the vulnerable,scary places, because that's
(38:39):
what ushers you to that.
It's like you can't have onewithout the other.
And it's almost like you gottakind of pay the piper.
And guess what?
It doesn't feel as bad as you'reimagining.
It actually feels amazing to letgo.
It feels amazing that cry is so,is as good as an orgasm.
You know, there are moreimportant places to go than
coming.
There are really incredibleplaces to visit.
Erica (39:01):
Yeah.
No, but I'm glad you brought upthat, that point.
I think that's super importantabout, about the darkness and
about all of the things.
That's, that's a huge part ofthis work.
Willow (39:11):
Yeah, I think that, um, you know, the, the pleasures
become quite a, a buzzword aswell these days, and it's, and
so many clients come and they'relike, well, I, you know, I don't
even know what my pleasure is.
Like, I, I'm so used to like, Ihave a lot of male clients.
I'm so used to giving like that.
That's where I find my pleasureis in the other person getting
(39:32):
off and the other person'sarousal and their pleasure.
I don't even know what it feelslike to lose myself in a sexual
experience.
You know?
I don't even know what it feelslike to, um, to, I don't know
what turns me on.
I don't know what my arousal is.
And I think that, you know, wehave to start to use the, the
pleasure pathways in the body,like actual meridian system in
(39:56):
the body and these pathways ofpleasure that open through our,
our glands and our Chakras andthese channels and our physical
body in order to start toexperience, um, the medicine of
pleasure, like the, the healingthat it brings and the, um, the
vitality that it builds in yourlife, the longevity that it
(40:18):
brings to you as a, as a humanbeing.
So what are, what are some ofthe like, um.
I don't know, just like some ofthe opportunities that you share
with clients, like, let's saythey are in a deep grief portal,
let's say they, you know, therelationship they really wanted
didn't work out or the, the homethat they thought they were
(40:38):
gonna get didn't come through.
Or, you know, those big, biglosses that seem so astronomical
and they really throw you into astate of of shock, A state of
being triggered, a state of, I'mnot safe in the world, and they
go into their protectivepattern.
So if somebody's in thatpattern, they're in that
triggered state, like how do youhelp them get out of it?
Erica (41:00):
Honestly, I'm glad you brought that up because that's a
huge part of it.
Like we might not be presencingpleasure at that moment, or we
might, but like our vibe throughthose sessions, through that
time.
Is holding them through thegrief, holding them through, you
know, through the darkness,through the processing.
So I actually have to, I wannathrow this out.
I, I met someone recently andpeople say this a lot, but she
(41:21):
was like, can I ask yousomething that might trigger
you?
I was like, sure.
Like, what's up?
And she was like, why is yourname we the light.
She's like,'cause I thinkyou're, I think you're kind of
selling yourself short.
She's like, I interact with yourwork and you're so much more
than the light.
She's like, and I think that's adisservice.
Like, you're going to the worldpresenting, we the light.
She's like, but you're acauldron.
She's like, you hold peoplethrough their pleasure, their
(41:42):
darkness.
And I, I share that because, um,first of all, I'm like, I know
it's a, it's an, you know, it'sa joke to my name with
Wiederlight, we light, but Ibring that back because that is
part of the work is liketeaching people how to hold
themselves through all of thedifferent emotions, all the
different seasons, all thedifferent cycles.
(42:02):
And I think for coaching, a lotof times people join the journey
'cause it's sexy.
You know what I mean?
It's like what am I gonna get atthe end of this?
Like, and I know for me, Like,yeah, like
Leah (42:14):
izing.
It's like, Ooh, look how cool Iam.
Erica (42:16):
Yes.
Like, what am I, and I've donethat before too.
Like, I'm gonna be transparentIn the past, like I would've
signed up for program.
I'm like, Ooh, this is be sohot.
And so when we hit the block,the, the thing, not the blocks
when we hit life and they'relike, oh man.
It's like, yeah, let's learn thetools and technology to hold
ourselves not through just like,ooh, we're in our radiance and
(42:36):
were sexy.
'cause that's fun and fab.
But it's all the things.
Um, so I am glad that you.
I brought that up.
'cause I think that's reallyimportant and people don't
expect it.
'cause I think, oh, I'm gonnawork with a pleasure coach.
I'm gonna work with a sex coach.
It's gonna be so hot.
I'm like, it'll but hot in adifferent way.
Leah (42:53):
with more.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Erica (42:54):
Totally.
Totally.
So that's for me, emotionalprocessing through different,
different avenues is a big partof my work and making sure my
clients have those.
Places to process and have thespace to process.
So it's not always rainbows,butterflies, and pleasure.
Willow (43:14):
Can you give us like some more specifics around, how
you would help them in, in thoseplace?
Like what would you wanna impartto them?
Erica (43:24):
Yeah, so many different things, right?
So there's different tools.
Like sometimes I do moretraditional talk therapy with
clients, right?
Like we're just emotionally,we're just verbally starting to
process.
What's going on.
Sometimes people are like, allright, I'm scared, but I'm
ready.
And then we do embodiment work.
So maybe we work through rage intheir body.
Maybe we work through grief intheir body.
But again, right, likeeveryone's at a different place.
(43:46):
Some people are like, don't makeme, don't make me get my body.
I'm like, okay.
Like maybe we for a fewsessions.
It just feels safe to processout loud or to journal, or
here's some prompts, uh, or I'mgonna create a ritual for you.
Um, and other people are like,no, let's go.
Let put me in my body.
Let's, let's, you know, throwsome pillows, scream, I need to,
(44:08):
you know, do some breath workaround this.
Willow (44:11):
Mm.
Erica (44:11):
the great news is that you use, yeah, so breath work,
movement, maybe journaling, talktherapy, it's kind of like
where.
You know, feeling where theperson's at and what medicine
they might need and giving themall the tools, right?
Because God willing, they're notwith me for, I would love them
for, but like I want them to golive their life and have their
tools.
So make sure that they havetheir toolbox so they can go and
(44:34):
live it, you know?
Willow (44:36):
what is like one sort of like pearl of wisdom that you
would give to, to sort ofeveryone in the world who's on
this path to self-love, toself-respect to, um, finding
their way to a deeperrelationship with their physical
pleasure and also, um, you know,expanding their levels of
(44:58):
consciousness through that.
Erica (45:00):
Um, so I think first and foremost, I would, my little
pearl would be, this is so worthit, you're so worthy and
deserving of it.
Um, I've seen it time and timeand time again, the ripples of
how your life will change, howyour community, how friends,
family, how people interact withyou.
It's such a worthwhile cause.
(45:20):
Um, and I always say it's notselfish, it's can be selfless.
Um, and for me, I feel likepleasure.
I'll speak for myself when I'min pleasure again with the
nuances when I'm in myaliveness.
My pleasure.
I'm in one of the highest formsof integrity because I don't,
I'm not like, I don't needanyone.
I don't need, I'm not graspinglike, ugh.
(45:41):
Like I know how I'm wellresourced.
I walk through the
Willow (45:43):
not trying to get anything
Erica (45:45):
to get anything.
Yeah.
I'm not like trying to getapproval.
I'm not like being sneaky andthat's okay.
It's human nature, but like, I'mnot trying to be like
manipulative or sneaky.
I am well resourced, I'm welltaken care of, and I think that
is a gift to my community.
And so I, I say that to share,right?
Like that it's a gift when we dothis work.
Leah (46:04):
I like that you used the word integrity because it's
really about being in alignment,like, I'm gonna pursue this
because it's actually, it linesup with who I wanna be in the
world.
It lines up with how I wannalive my life.
It lines up with pursuing,pursuing, you know, the things I
know are gonna make my lifebeautiful and worth living.
(46:25):
And, and beating myself up andtreating me, treating myself
like I'm a piece of shit is notin alignment with that.
And so it's like getting anintegrity with how I perceive
myself is as important as havingintegrity at my job is as
important as having integrity inmy relationship.
So if you believe in value,integrity, you gotta change how
you hold yourself and, and howyou are gonna be the best
(46:48):
version of yourself for theworld.
Um, I really like that you usethat language.
Tell us a little bit about yourfree gift.
I know you've got an ebook.
Erica (46:57):
Yes.
Okay, so you're gonna love this.
'cause we actually talked a lotabout this today.
So it's called fromperfectionist to pleasure
expert, which I was, as I talkedabout before, like anxiety, like
blah, like ripping everythingapart.
I was so in my head.
So we talked about my journey,um, and how I became a pleasure
expert and for me how that, howI had in the book there, it's a
very short ebook, but it's greattools, techniques, um, how I
(47:20):
learned how to be in myradiance, how I learned how to
take up space.
Um, and again, there's somestories, but mostly tools, which
is great.
We get right to the core thatyou can start practicing right
away.
Um, quick read, lots of tools.
It's fab.
And I always say to people, takeit, read it, ask questions.
I'm, I'm not one of thosecoaches that's like.
Far away from my work.
(47:41):
Like, I'm like, let's talk aboutit.
You know, or like, I have aquestion or I have pushback.
What do you think about this?
Like, I'm like, like, let's talkabout it.
That's what I'm here for.
Like, let's, let's, you know,hold us through what comes up
for you.
Leah (47:53):
And, uh, if people wanted to work with you, what's their
first step in, uh, pursuingthat?
Erica (47:58):
Love that.
Um, so I actually have a ton offree resources on my website,
which is we, the, it's on mylittle thing here too.
www.wethelight.org, www dot wethe light.org and it's called
which you're gonna love MojoMakeover assessment.
And so what it is, isessentially like, yes, it's a
discovery call.
And what we do in that first 45minutes or so is it's for real,
a free, no strings attachedsession.
(48:21):
We work through, maybe we talkabout sexual empowerment, love
dating, radiance, all thethings.
And it's just a session and wefeel into it.
And then the last few minutes wereserve to feel into is this a
match?
And if it's not, God bless, youknow what I mean?
Or if you're like, Erica, I likethis, but I kind of wanna work
with someone like this.
Any recs?
Absolutely.
So this is just a space where wecan dive in, have that free
(48:44):
session.
If we're fit to work together,great.
If we're not, great.
But I always say to people, takeme up on the offer, take me,
because that it might not bethere forever.
Leah (48:52):
Cool.
Well, thank you so much forbeing on the show.
It was such a pleasure.
We appreciate all that you gaveour audience today, and please
make sure you tune in becausethe show's not over.
Oh, no, it's not.
We got the dish coming up withmyself and Dr.
Willow.
So everybody stay tuned andlove, love, love, love.
Willow (49:10):
Thank you so much, Erica.
It's such a pleasure having youon the show.
Erica (49:13):
Thank you.
This is amazing.
Announcer (49:15):
Now our favorite part, the dish.
Willow (49:19):
All right everyone, we are here to dish it out on our
interview with EricaWiederlight.
And, uh, it was so fun justgetting to know her and her
journey through, um, you know,how, how far she's come.
You can really see it, you canreally feel it, and um, just.
You know, from that place oflike self-loathing to that place
(49:40):
of, of radical self-love.
And I really loved that piecethat she brought in around
self-respect.
I think that's a really integralpart of a self-love journey.
Um, and that distinction thatshe made, you know, it's like,
oh, I, I gave myself a facemask.
Why don't I love myself?
I thought that was so cute.
Leah (50:00):
Totally and so relatable.
Like, yeah, why do I, do I doall these like, um, you know.
Willow (50:06):
for myself.
Leah (50:08):
Like these wellness practices of like making sure
that I take time for myself and
Willow (50:13):
I meditated.
I did breath work.
I went to yoga.
Why don't I love myself?
Leah (50:18):
Like why isn't this translating into transformation
and um, I.
Yeah, because it's gotta go somuch deeper than that and you
really gotta change yourthoughts and change your
conditioning and using thingslike self-respect and having
integrity, I think are reallyintegral parts of making those
shifts.
You just have to be careful thatyou're not using that language
(50:39):
to then shame yourself.
Like when you do somethingself-indulgent that maybe.
You feel, you, you are worriedabout'cause you think you're be
damaging yourself.
I know.
As, as an overeater and havingeating disorder issues, it was
like every time I fucked up itwas, I used that as, um,
material to like do the selfbashing again, when really what
(51:00):
I needed to do was make room forthe fact that binge eating has
been a successful way of gettingout of really painful states.
So.
You know, it has a service.
I have to look at actually thebinge eating differently.
It's not the enemy.
It's actually been doing itsjob, and sometimes I'm gonna
still use it to do that job, butcan I do it in full awakeness?
(51:24):
Can I do it without the shame?
And when I, when I practice thatI don't, I don't binge the way I
used to.
It's not as excessive, it's notas dangerous, it's not as crazy.
It's not as panicky.
Like the whole landscape of thatrelationship has evolved because
I think the power.
Willow (51:41):
in it.
Leah (51:42):
Right.
When you treat it with respectand you see it for what it is
not the enemy, and when yourespect yourself through the
process, it changes everything.
I really, I really loved the useof that and I loved how she was
like, and then find an object
Willow (51:57):
was great.
Leah (51:58):
in it.
And so catch yourself.
Here's a pattern.
Interrupt, change.
Take it off one wrist, put it onanother.
I mean, I thought that wasgenius.
Change the rings, put them onanother finger.
I'm gonna really utilize that
Willow (52:09):
Uhhuh.
That was a good
Leah (52:11):
I loved that great tool.
Willow (52:14):
Yeah.
Leah (52:15):
yeah, and then the dating piece.
The dating piece is, iscomplicated I think for so many
of us.
Um, I've definitely worked withpeople in the dating space and
kind of navigating, like feelingall the disappointment that
comes from dating and wonderinglike what's wrong with them and
then picking themselves apart.
And really, you gotta go deeperthan that.
So if she doesn't have a onesize fits all protocol on how to
(52:37):
pull in the beloved, it is.
Yeah.
First gotta undo some things,some conditioned ways that you
see yourself before you canstart doing the manifestation.
Willow (52:45):
Yeah, unlearning is a big part of the journey.
Uh, I think, and it, it's notjust, I think so often we
identify, well, what's wrongwith me and why, why do I need
to unlearn these things aboutmyself?
It's like, well, it's also justwe're swimming in a society and
a culture that that's what'singrained in us.
So, you know, we're, we'rehaving to kind of, you know, get
(53:08):
out of the water and dryourselves off so that we can
have a different viewpoint,different perspective
Leah (53:14):
Yeah.
And you know, I think what else?
It's like you gotta becoachable.
And I think sometimes theproblem is like this work will
not work for you if all you wantis do steps A through Z and
you'll be different on the otherside.
Like you actually have to go alittle bit layer deeper than
that.
You actually have to beinfluenceable.
(53:35):
It's not about like what thecoach can do for you, it's how
much can you do for you by usingthe coach's influence to take
yourself as deep.
As you can go,
Willow (53:44):
you have to make it your own.
You have to take what you'relearning with, with any coach
along this path, and you have tomake it your own.
You have to integrate it intoyour own life, and you have to
become what, what you're, thetransformation that you, that
you wanna see.
And I, I loved what
Leah (54:02):
take responsibility for your resistance.
Willow (54:04):
Yeah, for
Leah (54:05):
not the coach's fault that you have resistance.
You are the one who hasresistance.
Own it, and it might be you needa little bit of time.
Might be you need a little bitof space to unravel that
resistance, but it's yours,
Willow (54:16):
Yeah, resistance is one of those things that, you know,
it's like on the other side ofsur, it's the opposite of
surrender, is that resistanceand when we actually meet that
resistance face to face, if wekeep looking at it and we keep
meeting it and we keep goingthrough it, then on the other
side is surrender.
So, um, thought it was a greatepisode, great interview.
(54:39):
So grateful to have Erica in theworld doing the work, walking
her talk, and showing up for herclients.
So
Leah (54:45):
Yeah.
Willow (54:46):
much.
Loved y'all.
Leah (54:47):
Much love to y'all.
Have a beautiful night, morningor evening.
Love, love, love.
Announcer (54:54):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
positive psychology facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional Medicinedoctor and Taoist Techology
teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget your comments,likes subscribes, and
suggestions matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.
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