Send us a text & leave your email address if you want a reply!
What happens when two relationship experts almost break up—and instead create a breakthrough? Meet Guy Shahar, founder of Tantra Speed Date and mastermind behind the 90-Day Relationship Experiment, and Maya Kova, lead facilitator and conscious relating expert. Both certified through Source Tantra, these two don't just teach relationship skills—they live them. Guy has spent years perfecting conscious dating methods after recognizing the limitations of traditional dating. Maya brings deep expertise in Tantric practices and feminine embodiment. Together, they've helped hundreds break free from toxic dating cycles.Their secret? They practice what they preach, using every tool they teach on themselves first.
The 90-Day Relationship Experiment isn't your typical dating program. Instead of trying to find "the one," you practice conscious dating skills through short experimental relationships with dedicated coaching support.
HERE'S WHAT MAKES IT BRILLIANT:
- 7-day practice relationships with random pairings (no matchmaking drama)
- Dedicated dating coach for personalized feedback
- "Breaking Upwards" process that turns endings into growth celebrations
- Real relationship skills you can't learn from dating apps
LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE CAN BE FOUND ON THE WEBSITE
The Power of Pleasure, A Free Summit July 23-24, 2025. This 2-day live event will feature trailblazers in the field of conscious sexuality. Join us for FREE!
AWAKENING THE GODDESS IN CRETE! Leah & Willow want to take you on an all-woman's tantric pilgrimage to Greece Oct 5-12, 2025! Join us for a trip of lifetime.
LAST 10x LONGER. If you suffer from premature ejaculation, you are not alone, master 5 techniques to cure this stressful & embarrassing issue once and for all. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST20.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Willow (00:00):
What if the first 90 days of your relationship
determines its entire future?
Today's guests have discovered aTantric blueprint that
transforms dating into aconscious journey, and they're
sharing exactly why most couplesmiss their critical connection
window.
I'm Dr.
Willow Brown.
I'm here with my amazing cohost.
(00:21):
Leah Piper with the SexReimagine Podcast, we're so
grateful for your like, shares,subscribes, and attention.
Keep them coming.
Leah (00:30):
In fact, we've been getting a lot of comments and
likes with episode#126 withLaurie Handlers.
I have to say, I so enjoyed thisepisode, and if you're dating
out there, I really recommendyou check it out because she's
got a series of questions thatare brilliant.
That you wanna ask a partnerbefore you get intimate.
(00:51):
So if you haven't listened tothat, go and check out episode 1
26 after you listen to myfriends Maya and Guy.
This couple are awesome.
They're such dear friends andcolleagues of ours.
We love them.
Uh, we both saw their experiencethrough the Source Tantra,
school as they went throughtheir certification process, and
(01:14):
I know that you're gonna fall inlove with them.
So here's the deal.
You know what to do.
Tune in, turn on, and fall inlove with Guy and Maya.
Announcer (01:22):
Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is
shame-free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.
Leah (01:31):
Welcome to the show y'all.
Willow (01:33):
Yeah, we're so stoked you're here with us today.
Welcome, welcome.
Maya (01:38):
Thank you so much for having us.
Willow (01:41):
Such a pleasure.
So Guy has been in this biz fora long time.
He's the founder of Tantra SpeedDate and the 90 day relationship
experiment.
Maya is a lead facilitator andum, we're just so excited to
really dive into what the 90 dayexperiment is all about.
(02:04):
So why don't we start with, withGuy, like, how did this come
about?
How did this idea seed inside ofyou and what was the, you know,
flourishing of it?
Guy (02:15):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, that's a great question.
Well, I mean, it all startedwith Tantra speed date.
Which, which you are allfamiliar with, uh, but is a
dating event that enables peopleto connect, uh, not just with
dialogue, but by d withdifferent exercises that enable
you to gauge chemistry andcompatibility in a much deeper
and more authentic way than sortof rote conversation.
(02:39):
And in Tantra speed date, uh,you'll go on multiple two to
three minute date experienceswith different people, that's a
two to three minute dateexperience.
And people will often come, toTantra speed date, and they'll
have a really great time in thatcontainer and they'll say, uh,
okay, I wanna, I wanna have moreof this.
How do I carry this feeling andthis intention, and this way of
(03:03):
meeting someone in a datingcontext in a really healthy,
positive loving way?
How do I carry that into mysecond date and my third date?
And, and, and into therelationship because often
they'll, they can have anexperience in the room, but if
you can't create those samecircumstances outside, you're
not gonna have that same levelof connection, uh, and loving
(03:24):
intimacy.
So I thought, well, what ifinstead of a two to three minute
date.
We randomly paired people upinto an entire seven day
relationship, or 14 dayrelationship, or 21 day
relationship.
And then in that process alsotaught them skills.
Uh, so they have more time tolearn skills that we only touch
(03:45):
on in Tantra speed date.
Um, and they can learn theseskills, have an actual partner
to practice them, right?
Like.
Just like a tango dance.
You can't learn the tango unlessyou're leaning your body weight
into another person and they'releaning into you.
And it's, it's, it's, you needtwo people to do it.
so I was like, well, let'screate this environment where
(04:05):
people can learn these skills,do those in a practice,
experimental relationship, andthen support that with tools and
structures, and then also giveeach person a dedicated dating
coach.
To help them through thatprocess so that we can really
strengthen and practice thismuscle of relationship
Willow (04:25):
Uh.
Guy (04:26):
and that's how that was born.
Leah (04:28):
Okay, so I got lots of questions
Willow (04:29):
I know.
Leah (04:30):
Are you biting at the bit too Willow?
Willow (04:32):
Yeah.
Guy (04:33):
Great.
Leah (04:33):
Okay.
So I'm assuming that thisprogram is open to people all
over the country, just in NewYork City, all over the world.
How, how do people date?
Do they have to live in the samecity or are they, is this all
virtual?
Guy (04:48):
So the, so what we do is we teach a process for creating
relationship.
We give you different agreementsand different templates, and
each relationship has sort of athree stages to it.
Um, the first stage is thecreation stage, so you'll
actually meet with your partnerthat who, who you haven't met
before, like you discover whothe person is and you check in
(05:09):
with each other and you share,okay, what are your intentions
for this relationship?
For instance.
Maybe you know that you're apeople pleaser and you wanna
recover from that.
You can say, well, my intentionis I've always been a people
pleaser, and in thisrelationship, what I wanna
practice is not being a peoplepleaser.
And the other person will sharelike what their intention is,
right?
Because remember, we're givingyou lessons and tools throughout
(05:31):
the process.
So by the time you get to theplace where you're ready for
your first relationship.
You've gotten some tools andsupport and understanding of
yourself, you're a little bitclearer on what you want.
You've learned somecommunication skills, so you set
an intention with your partner.
You make other agreements andyou choose different times that
you're gonna meet for dates.
(05:51):
Uh, those dates could bevirtual.
Those dates could be in person,totally up to you.
We actually have a datingactivities list with a lot of
fun things that you can do.
Some are in person, some arevirtual.
So that's for you to decide withyour partner and then at the end
of that seven day or whatever,however the length of the
container is that we're allgoing on together.
Um, you will have a breakup withyour partner, uh, which is our
(06:13):
breaking upwards process, andthat basically takes the
completion of a relationship andchanges it from something
heartbreaking and shattering tosomething that's celebratory.
That's uplifting.
That is a celebrating of theother person for participating
in this experience with you, acodifying of what we learned in
this experience and a sort oflike using it as a leveling up
(06:36):
so that you're ready for what Icall your right next person.
Whoever is the right next personfor you to take the next step in
your relational growth andpractice and relational fitness
so that you can ultimately takeso many steps that you are ready
for and attract your ultimatepartner, and then you even have
the skills to create thatmagical relationship because of
(06:56):
all these practicerelationships.
Leah (06:59):
Breaking upward, is that what you said?
That
Willow (07:02):
gonna highlight that too.
Yeah, breaking upward.
I actually cr I actually createda program once breaking your
heart wide open, because I feellike people get so stuck in
heartbreak and they take thatsort of jaded perspective and
view right into the nextrelationship without really, um,
(07:23):
diving deeper into what theylearned through the heartbreak.
What they, you know, whatthey've discovered about
themselves, what, what works forthem and doesn't work for them
into the next relationship.
And so I think this, thisconcept of breaking upwards.
So now I'm really curious.
Have you had anyone, you know,the, everyone going into this is
like, there's an imminentending.
(07:44):
This is going to end, right?
There is going to be a breakup.
First of all, have you hadanyone who's like, we're not
breaking up, we're stayingtogether.
And second of all, have you hadanyone who's like, I'm really
fucking heartbroken over thisbreakup.
Like I'm really feeling it
Guy (07:59):
yes.
So, so here's what, here's thething.
Um, we really work hard toreframe this whole idea of a
breakup and, uh, I'm gonna seeif I can explain this
succinctly.
So, your seven day relationshipis gonna start and it's gonna
end.
You're gonna have a setintention for that seven day
container.
It's gonna end whether you wantit to or not.
(08:19):
The integrity is, we're startinghere, we're ending here.
However, that doesn't preventyou when it ends and you're
ready for your next relationshipto create another seven day
relationship container with thesame person, perhaps changing
your intention because you mostlikely have a lot, a lot of
people learn what I said Iwanted and needed isn't actually
(08:40):
what I wanted and needed.
And so it's a constant refiningof what you want, and it is this
idea of.
No longer thinking about arelationship as a, once we start
the relationship, it goes onforever.
Otherwise, it's a failure.
And instead thinking about arelationship, like a seven day
lease.
We're gonna be in relationshipfor this seven days.
(09:01):
At the end of the seven days,we're gonna close this container
and together decide do we wannacontinue for another seven days?
Do we wanna continue for anotherseven days beyond that when we
get to that point,'cause wedon't know that now until we get
to that point.
Do we wanna have a 30 daycontainer?
Do people graduate the programand say, Hey, I'm in a six month
container with my partner, or weare in our third six month
(09:23):
container.
But this idea of realizing therelationship is not a one and
done or a set and forget, butit's something that needs
constant amendments, constantrenewing and constantly rebuying
into the relationship.
And I believe that if we startto look at relationship as this
more temporary compartmentalizedthing, instead of a till death
(09:46):
do us part thing, that's gonnamake things more healthier for
us.
That's gonna enable us tounderstand and leave a
relationship, uh, at the righttime.
If it's not healthy for us,'cause to leave, it would simply
be not renewing it.
Is easier than saying, Hey, thisthing that's supposed to go on
for forever, I wanna give, put astop to it.
Right?
It's easier to just not renewand say, this isn't working.
(10:08):
So this, this way of thinking ofrelationship in these short
little bites, um, helps usbecause, uh, because in reality,
like your relationship.
Only really exists now anyway,uh, because we only can ever
live in the, now.
We can't live seven days.
I don't know if I'm gonna wannarenew in seven days.
(10:29):
I might think I do, but I won'tknow until we get to that now.
Um, and so I think it reallykind of takes relationship from
a place of our imaginings andour living in the future and
brings it into how it really isin life.
Because in life, everyrelationship is permanent.
I mean, every, everyrelationship is temporary, like
(10:49):
life is temporary.
And it could end at any minute.
I could have plans for the nextthousand years of my life, but
they could end tomorrow.
They could end in 20, who knows.
So taking this idea of like,okay, how can we just commit to
this short period see what welearn is, is one of the keys to,
um.
(11:09):
You know, really go getting to aplace where you can iterate and
evolve and, and study and amendyour relationship agreements and
make sure that it's constantlysupporting you in your area of
growth, and as your needs changeover time.
Leah (11:23):
I think the thing that's unique and interesting about it
too is because you have thistimeframe, when the end draws
near and it's time toreevaluate, it gives everyone a
chance to reflect.
And it, it gives you a chance tomake adjustments for the next
round, um, which is reallythoughtful.
It's really bringing a level ofconsciousness that I think a lot
(11:44):
of people who are just datingdon't think to consider.
Um, we're just kind of goingthrough the motions, we're
having our reactions, and we're.
We're oftentimes veryunconscious in how we're
responding and reacting andbehaving.
Maya, I have a question for you,which is, how do people find
their partner?
Are you like drawing names outof a hat and say, okay, Jim and
(12:06):
Jerry, Sarah and Martha herehave at it, and also, is it same
sex availability too, or justheterosexual relationship?
Maya (12:15):
Um, so people coming into a program with a very strong
desire for heterosexualrelationships, they, there is an
opportunity to have a leadershipbrotherhood and sisterhood in a
program, and you have it kind oflike as your supportive element.
However, uh, what makes thisprogram so unique and excited is
that we don't do anymatchmaking.
(12:37):
We don't pair anybody.
We don't sit and feel like, oh,like those two people need to be
together,'cause what do we know?
And, uh, I truly believe thatthe program has its own
intelligence in it.
And we've seen mind blowingexperiences.
So the selection process israndom.
(12:58):
And we actually inviting peoplefor the seven day relationships,
trust the card.
Men get cards, women get cards,and magic happens.
We've seen people healing theirbreakups as a result of this
random pairing.
We've seen people fall in love.
Leah (13:17):
People hearing their healing, their breakups with
other people or healing witheach other.
Maya (13:23):
We had this incredible couple who, it was their first
seven day relationships.
They got on camera, they lookedat each other and in five
minutes they triggered eachother till the point where they
like, we cannot be in the samebreakout room.
And for both of them, they reachout to the coaches privately.
(13:43):
They triggered their unprocessedpast breakups.
They reminded to each other oftheir ex's and it's like you
cannot plan it like they weremedicine for each other.
And then as a result, they wereable to like face this emotions
process and then move forward.
Um, so that's what I'm talkingabout, that the program has its
(14:05):
own intelligence field that um,gives you exactly what you need.
And it might not be uni unicornand you know, pink bows all the
time.
It can be confronting somethingdeeply uncomfortable within
yourself.
Willow (14:22):
So the pairings are happening through tarot cards as
we've done in source Tantra, orwhen you say cards, let's
clarify what that
Leah (14:32):
talking about a,
Guy (14:32):
The men, we take the men into a men's room.
They choose cards.
The women go into a women's roomand choose cards, and then our
system matches the differentcards together.
Willow (14:41):
Playing cards or tarot cards.
Guy (14:42):
of
Leah (14:42):
kind of cards?
Willow (14:43):
I'm curious.
Guy (14:45):
They change different, they change every time you, you have
to be in the program to go thecards that we use, because
they're very
Willow (14:51):
Okay, you.
Leah (14:51):
Okay.
Okay.
It's mystery.
It's a
Willow (14:54):
play.
Guy (14:55):
But what I can tell you is that people end up with exactly
the right person.
They need to learn the lesson,they need to learn so they can
break patterns and startattracting different people.
And that's the key.
Like if you wanna meet somebodyout there, you're gonna keep
attracting people that are gonnavibe with where you're at.
So unless you do your work andyou change what your vibe is.
You're just gonna keep gettingthe same people.
(15:16):
And most people don't want thepeople that they've been dating
or they say, I'm attracted tothis, these people, but they're
never attracted to me.
Or the people that are attractedto me, I'm not attracted to
them.
It's like, well, you gotta dosome, some looking in and, and
some work with yourself and, uh,work on all those patterns,
break'em apart, and then, uh,truly find a sense of freedom in
(15:36):
what you wanna create foryourself in a relationship.
Willow (15:38):
It sounds like fun.
I wanna do it
Guy (15:40):
Oh, it's super fun.
It's super fun.
It's super fun.
Leah (15:44):
Right.
You've got coaches, which Ithink is really helpful for a
lot of people who, like yousaid, I call it the disease to
please have a hard time beinghonest about what's not working
for them.
So they have a tendency to putlike all this blame on
themselves in order to avoid aconfrontation to go, it's not
you, it's me.
therefore it feels like there'sa level of transparency that's
(16:04):
being really encouraged.
So that people are brave withhow they're communicating, and
then I imagine they're alsogetting coaching on how to
communicate well.
Willow (16:13):
let's say I enter into the 90 day relationship
experiment, and I am basicallygonna be paired with somebody
for seven days, is that correct?
And then I'm gonna be pairedwith somebody else potentially,
or potentially the same personfor another seven
Guy (16:29):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah,
Willow (16:30):
And then, so is that sort of the interval, like every
seven days you're, you'reentering into a new container?
Guy (16:37):
So the way it works is the 90 days are split into three
sections of 30 days.
The first 30 days is our gettingto know you phase.
You are gonna learn lessonsabout what generates attraction,
what creates chemistry, whatmakes a good match.
You're gonna be exploring whatdo I want in a partner?
What's important to me?
What kind of life do I wannahave?
You.
(16:57):
You're gonna be learning toolsand you're also gonna have 12
experimental dates with yourcohort mates.
So you start to get to, like, ifyou're, so if you're joining the
program, you'd get to have 12experimental dates with 12 men,
uh, on the call.
So you can start to get to knowwho are these men in my cohort?
Right.
Um, that's also a reallywonderful way for us to continue
(17:17):
to build the intimacy and thedepth, uh, and the freedom of
the container as everybody isstarting to get to know each
other.
So it's the getting to know you
Leah (17:24):
ask you a question about that?
Okay.
So on these dates, is this onZoom, like you're doing breakout
rooms or did they
Guy (17:34):
These are short, like three.
No, these are short.
Three, four minute experiences.
You meet you.
So we
Willow (17:40):
is like Tantra speed date
Guy (17:41):
let me like a Tantra speed.
They a little bit deeper becausewe'll teach an exercise or a
tool.
We'll demo that tool, and thenyou end up in a random breakout
room with a man and you're gonnado that practice.
Then you're gonna come back.
Tell us what you've learned.
Then we're gonna teach youanother tool.
We're gonna demo that tool.
You're gonna go in a breakoutroom, have a date with a
(18:01):
different man, practice thattool.
Like, oh, you know what?
This exercise was reallyinteresting.
I really, I really like how thisman held space for me and how
that made me feel as a woman, sothat we can start to generate
polarity and live in thatpolarity and understand what
that is.
Right?
And polarity is a source ofattraction.
So, um, so the first 30 days arethese dates coupled with lessons
(18:23):
on attraction, on desire, ongetting clear on what you want,
practicing communication skills,um, and a variety of different,
uh, different lesson plans thatwe teach.
Second 30 days.
Leah (18:34):
what one of the tools are?
Like, could you teach ouraudience a tool that kind of
comes from these 12 differentdates?
Guy (18:41):
Can we teach Well, I mean, so one of them is a, is a
holding space tool.
We teach them, like how do youhold space for your partner to
express, which is different thanyou trying to hear what their
problem is and fix it.
Like how do you just givesomebody some time?
Willow (18:56):
Why are you giggling Maya?
Maya (18:59):
Oh, because we conditioned to fix, right?
We, we, we not, um, trained inactive listening and holding
space exercise.
It's first and foremost activelistening.
Uh, can I listen with my wholebody and not with my brain?
Because most time when we wantemote, we actually wouldn't want
fixing.
(19:20):
We want somebody to meet us orwitness our pain because the
moment that witnessed itsuddenly, oh, I'm regulated.
Like my nervous system regulateditself.
But that right, like the personon the other side who witnessed
you and the quality of theirattention will impact how you
feel.
(19:40):
And that's a beautiful exercisein the practicing.
Attention and practicing beinggrounded and practicing putting
your attention on the otherperson.
Guy (19:50):
Mm-hmm.
Leah (19:51):
Yeah, I can.
What I sense is one of theresults of that kind of
connecting communication, deeplistening, is you feel closer to
someone by the end of it'causethey're not trying to fix your
problem.
Both people feel like theirhearts are more open to each
other versus being analytical.
It's like, I get you.
And when someone gets you fromhere like heart to heart, it's a
(20:13):
very different experience whenthey're getting, they're trying
to get you from another place inthe body, let's say the head.
It feels like something getsdropped or missed.
I love that.
That's a great tool to,
Guy (20:25):
So, so that's a great tool.
And then later on we will referto that tool when they're having
their relationships like, well,yeah, have you tried holding
space?
Leah (20:33):
Hmm.
Guy (20:34):
and and we'll do, generally we'll do that.
Usually it's the, usually it'sthe men that need to learn the
holding space as they do more ofthe holding space, depending on
the dynamic, it tends to bemostly men.
So then we have brotherhood andsisterhood gatherings where
myself and the male facilitatorsgo into the room with the men
and the, uh, Maya and the femalefacilitators go into a room with
(20:55):
the women and we coach eachother.
So, so, so that's, that'susually where we'll say, well
have, have you tried holdingspace for your partner?
Have you tried this?
Or, or that's a place where,where we can say to somebody,
well, you know, I hear yousaying that you're having this
experience with the women.
Let me tell you what the womenare saying about you.
Right?
Like, where, where can you getsuch valuable feedback in the
(21:17):
dating world?
so that we can understand ourimpact, not just for another
person, but for a group.
Willow (21:23):
I love, I love the community of it all.
You know, like, let's, let'sbecome better at relating, not
just within a, a di dyad, youknow, like let's become better
at relating in a, in a communityforum.
It's really brilliant.
Um, Okay, so here's my questionis how do you have people track
(21:45):
this?
We recently did an interviewwith a, um, a business woman who
was like, I am using analyticsto get people to do 60 dates to
find the love of their life.
And she had like spreadsheetsand she had all stuff.
You know, I'm curious like how,how are you having an individual
go through the holding spacepractice or a different practice
(22:07):
or whatever, and sort of trackwhat it, what that particular
modality or methodology orpractice is and does for them?
Is there a workbook?
Are you using spreadsheets?
I know you have an analyticalmind guy, so I know
Guy (22:21):
Through, thanks.
Willow (22:22):
here.
Guy (22:22):
Yes, we do.
We love data.
I mean, first of all, they willshare with us in the room and
you can actually feel the impactwhen somebody says what they
experience holding space forsomeone or what the person
experienced having space heldfor them.
So there is group sharing.
Yes, we do also have surveys.
We have surveys for therelationships.
We have surveys for the course,and we have a lot of data on how
(22:46):
people have benefited from thecourse, the different ways that
they have grown and changed, andthe tools that were most
impactful for them.
And, you know, different peopleare gonna need.
Different tools are gonna needto strengthen different areas.
Maya (22:58):
And, And, we also have a mini coaching groups where a
coach, uh, kind of supports aperson throughout the whole
experience.
So we, as a coaches, we actuallysee how people evolve and grow
and who is coachable and who isnot.
And very often we see thatpeople who are.
Um, more, um, fixed mindset typeof people.
(23:21):
They usually feel extremelyuncomfortable in a program cause
you're getting that mirror,right?
That it's not that you cannotbend one person, you cannot bend
the whole container, the wholeprogram.
And it's either they have abreakthrough or they like, it
doesn't work for me, you know?
Leah (23:39):
Yeah.
That leads me to a question Iwanted to ask actually, Maya is,
um, I've met a number of yourstudents.
We share a number of studentsand many of them repeat the
program, like they get so muchout of it.
They have such a good experiencethat they do it again and again
and again.
And so how many people kind ofgo back and then like, how many
(24:02):
people drop out because they arenot coachable, like you said.
Guy (24:07):
Mm-hmm.
Well, I mean, the, we had morepeople drop out in the beginning
when we first started theprogram because we were learning
how to run it.
Um, now we're at nine seasons,so actually the drop off rate is
surprisingly low.
Yeah.
Um, for, for a course like this.
Um, so I think part of that isjust us learning how to hold
space for people in this kind ofcontainer.
(24:29):
And, uh, the people that aredrawn to this thing tend to be
more open-minded.
Like, if you wanna grow, this isthe course for you.
Leah (24:36):
Right.
That's like the prerequisite.
Guy (24:38):
we, we, You
Willow (24:39):
You have to be evolved.
Guy (24:41):
you have, well, yeah.
Or, or, or you're out there andyou're like, you know what?
These dating apps are notworking for me.
What am I doing wrong?
And it's like, great step intothis container, because like
Maya said, like we have thebird's eye view because.
You, you, you will meet withyour coach.
You get a dedicated datingcoach.
You meet with them once a weekand they support you when you're
in a relationship, when you'renot in a relationship throughout
(25:04):
the whole program.
So that coach and, and us, wealso coach as a team.
So we meet to talk about thestudents and, and be like, okay,
what is, what is this personlearning?
What do they need?
How can we best support?
Like we put a tremendous amountof attention on care in each
person.
And so when you are in theprogram, um, so let's say you
(25:25):
were in the program and you arehaving a relationship with
someone.
We know you, we know yourpatterns, we know them, we know
their patterns.
We have the bird's eye view.
So we can say, okay, how can wecoach this person so they can
start to become more aware ofthis pattern that they have and,
and, and what is the best wayfor us to, to do that so they
can realize this?
(25:46):
And then take a few steps togrow.
Willow (25:48):
And you're teaching them about their patterns as, as you
go along so that they have a, amore objective perspective on
themselves and when they gettriggered and, and what safety
strategies they go into as well.
Guy (26:02):
Yeah, they're discovering that through the tools because
you know, you're, you're inrelationship.
Things are gonna happen in anyrelationship that are gonna
trigger you.
And just because these arepractice, experimental
relationship doesn't mean.
That, uh, things aren't gonnatrigger you.
I mean, that's why we call themexperimental.
Like we wear lab coats.
When we, when we're inrelationship weeks to remind
(26:24):
ourselves that things might blowup in our face, people might get
triggered.
A lot of the relationshipsactually work out great, but,
um, sometimes you need to puttwo com chemicals together and
have a volatile explosion inorder to actually see something,
in order to have an event to infront of you to say, okay, look
at this thing that happened andhow I reacted.
(26:44):
How can we improve this for nexttime?
So for that reason, we like totell people that the, the, uh,
the relationships are practice,but the emotions and the
patterns are real.
And that's the whole point, isto put yourself in situations
And, and a i, yeah, and, and acommunity of support.
Like, like when you have yourbreaking upwards, we all
(27:05):
celebrate you for what youlearned and, and for your
evolution.
Um, we even celebrate people fortheir mistakes because a mistake
is just a learning opportunity.
Willow (27:15):
How many, um, people generally do you need in a
cohort to, to run it?
Guy (27:23):
I mean, there's no, we we're experimenting with that as
we're evolving and growing thecohort.
You know, the first few cohortshad like 30 or 40 people.
Um, this most recent cohort has60 people, so there's also, um.
Uh, the way we create the datesand the dating stations, there's
some technology that's involvedthere.
(27:44):
So there is like a limit to howmany dates people can actually
have.
How many people can have in theroom.
Um, so I'm actually working toevolve the technology so we can
grow beyond that theoreticallimit.
Willow (27:55):
Mm-hmm.
Maya (27:56):
Yeah.
I just wanna add one thing that,um, what we provide, we provide
a playground with a structureand a safety net.
The rest is truly up to theparticipants, and this is where
your free will and personal selfresponsibility comes in.
(28:17):
And this is actually such aforeign concept for so many
people because right, there'sthat fairytale idea whether
there's a perfect person.
With whom I'm gonna have aperfect relationship, or there's
this coaches who's gonna fix andset up everything for me.
And it's like, no, we offer youa playground, but you still
(28:42):
playing.
Like you in charge of yourmoves, you in charge how you
showing up?
You in charge what youexpressing yourself?
Guy (28:50):
Yeah.
So, so many people are like, canyou, can you match me up with
this person?
And I'm like, no.
Like how, how, is that gonnahelp you?
Like.
I'm not out there with you inthe real world, you know, making
an introduction for
Leah (29:02):
Hey, can you hook me up with Jesse?
Guy (29:05):
but, but pass a you can ask.
But you can ask them Uhhuh ifthey wanna be in a seven day
with you.
Yeah.
Maya (29:11):
Yeah.
And the other thing I wanted tosay, that the program is hybrid.
Yes.
The main Zoom calls are, I mean,the main calls are happening
over Zoom and yes, it is aninternational program and open
to anyone, but people meetthroughout 90 days, a lot.
A lot.
Guy (29:26):
They, they move in together and
Leah (29:28):
Can they have more than, can they have more than one
seven day experience at a time?
Guy (29:33):
So, so they can have multiple mm-hmm.
As we will hold a container foras many Yeah.
We call them free agentrelationships.
We, We, will create, we willoffer a random, we will offer
four random selection processesso that you can have four
relationships.
You can accept or decline anyrelationship.
You can end a relationshipearly.
(29:53):
You can restart a relationship.
You can mutual match arelationship.
There's many different ways thatyou can, uh, play it.
Um.
Leah (30:01):
Can you end a relationship early?
Like if you say like, Ooh, aftertwo days, I'm not into this
person.
Guy (30:06):
Sovereignty.
You play the game the way youwanna play the game.
Um, so, uh, so there's manydifferent relationships that you
can, uh, yeah.
That you can create.
Maya (30:16):
We had poly relationships where one person would be in a
multiple relationships, andthere's very interesting things
that people learn.
Some people, we had a guy
Guy (30:25):
who was like, well, I wanna have a relationship with three
women.
And I said, okay, if this at thesame time, like a, a, a
threesome or.
Quad relationship.
And I said, okay, we'll playthat game for you.
So we put on some game showmusic and I said to all the
women, so all of you women thatare interested in being part of
this three woman relationship,um, leave your video on and if
(30:46):
you're not interested in beingin the relationship, turn your
video off.
Leah (30:50):
Okay.
Guy (30:52):
Uh, and it so happened that three women had their video on.
I was like, well, you've gotthree women right here, you
know, are you a yes to creatinga quad relationship with all
three of them?
And he said, yes.
I said, okay, great.
So you're gonna go and you'regonna do your RCA with each
woman.
That's your, uh, relationshipcontainer agreement.
You're gonna do that with eachwoman and as a group.
And, uh, and, and he got what heasked for.
(31:13):
'cause we, we are there.
Like, this is the container.
Play the game the way you want.
So he had his, uh, hisrelationship with uh, three
women at the same time.
Leah (31:21):
That's so cool.
Um, okay, so do you ask peoplenot to be on dating apps during
this
Guy (31:28):
no, absolutely not.
The experience is actuallydesigned to supplement your
dating.
'cause you're gonna be learningskills.
We want you to go out and usethem in the real world.
Take.
Take your RCA when you meetsomeone and say, Hey, let, hey,
I wanna share with you myintentions for our connection.
Yeah.
You know, or, Hey, do you wannatry a seven day relationship
experiment and see how thatworks?
(31:48):
By all means.
Leah (31:49):
I, I imagine that by being able to date, you know,
different people in the sameseven week period also
eliminates some problems withgender balance.
'cause one of my questions wasgonna be, do you have to keep
Guy (32:01):
pretty equally gender balanced.
Yeah.
We work
Leah (32:03):
do aim for gender balanced.
Guy (32:04):
work hard to gender balance, and the cohort has sold
out every time, so we often havea wait list so that if we have
one or more in the other way, wecan let somebody in off the wait
list in order to gender balanceit.
Yeah, it
Leah (32:16):
many
Guy (32:16):
it easier.
It's not necessary.
Leah (32:18):
how many people are coming into the program from Tantra
speed date?
Guy (32:23):
Um, I'm not sure.
I imagine a, probably a goodamount of them
Willow (32:26):
You're not tracking that.
I'm surprised.
Leah (32:28):
am surprised you don't have an algorithm that's
Willow (32:30):
have
Guy (32:31):
I don't know that, I don't know that off the top of my
head.
I mean, I'm sure a good deal ofthem,
Maya (32:35):
75% probably.
Guy (32:37):
Um,
Willow (32:37):
Oh, that's a lot.
Yeah.
Leah (32:38):
Yeah, that's great.
Willow (32:39):
Let's talk a little bit about Tantra speed date.
For our listeners who don't knowexactly what that means, what is
speed dating, first of all, andwhat is Tantra speed dating?
What is the spin?
Maya, why don't you take itaway?
Doubting.
Maya (32:56):
So if somebody doesn't know what speed dating is, is
um.
Dating with a speed element.
So you have couple minutes toconnect with each person who's
coming for speed dating.
Typical speed dating usuallyhappens at the bar, and you just
literally go from table to tableand you have three minutes to
talk about.
(33:16):
Anything and what people usuallydo, they talk about where you
from, what do you do?
So it's very, uh, fast turnsinto like a interview.
Tantra speed date is a veryunique experience.
Which guy put all his expertisefrom Tantra and screenwriting?
So Tantra speed date has an arc.
We taking you on a journey and,uh.
(33:40):
With Tantra speed, date, all theconnection exercises, they are
guided.
So you don't have to think whatto say and you don't have to
think what to do.
We are taking care of that.
And you practice conscious, uh,relating, and Guy has a great
story why he actually, uh,created, um, this concept.
Guy (34:02):
Well, as you know, from the world of Tantra, uh, I would.
I would be in these Tantra pujaswhere there's a circle of men on
on the outside and a circle ofwomen on the inside, and you
have a intimate experience withsomeone, or a breathing exercise
or a meditation.
And I would feel very connectedto the women that I would be
doing these exercises with.
And I thought to myself, wow,like I just had more intimacy
(34:25):
with this woman.
I don't know than I've had onsomeone I've been dating for a
few weeks.
And, uh, and so I would havethis intimacy with, with these
women, and it felt so good andso juicy that I was like, oh,
like I wanna explore thisconnection more.
Um, but uh, you know, after thewhole, like, you know, namaste
and moving on to the nextstation, like by the time the,
(34:45):
the Tantra puja was over, itfelt kind of weird.
Like, if I asked her for hernumber, that would be creepy
because like, we just sharedthis beautiful moment together
and I was like, well, what if wecreated an event?
We could do a Tantra puja, butit's for the purpose of dating.
Everybody stepping into thatcontainer knows that that's why
they're there.
And then that way men and womencan meet in a uh, way where we
(35:08):
can actually honor each other.
Rather than where we show up asadversaries.
Maya (35:12):
Yeah.
And I think what makes centralspeed did also unique you
learning skills, you learningcommunication skills, you
learning relationship skills,you learning Tantra and you
learning what goes intoconnection, uh, and how you
create connection, which a lotof people don't have those
skills.
They merrily looking forsomebody to get attracted to,
(35:34):
which.
We all know that attractiondoesn't necessarily lead to
successful partnership andthriving relationships.
So, um, think of this experienceas you gaining very valuable
skillset while you dating.
Leah (35:52):
Yeah.
I think also it's worthmentioning that,'cause I think
sometimes people hear Tantra andthey think sex.
So it's not an event whereyou're going to have sex with
people for a couple minuteseach, or you're undressing each
other or you're getting to likeTantric like kiss.
It's.
It's intimate, but it's notsexually intimate.
You're really learningrelationship skills as you go
(36:12):
from one station to the next.
And I understand that SantaBarbara might be a city you're
opening up.
Willow (36:21):
So, yeah, I was recently, um, I went to my very
first, I've been hearing aboutTantra speed date for probably,
I don't know, seven years orsomething.
And I went to my very first onedown in LA recently.
And what I was really taken withwas.
How many people were coming backto Tantra speed Day just simply
(36:42):
for the experience of authenticrelating.
They're like, there's reallynowhere else where we can go and
just be in deep, intimate,authentic moments with a
stranger that you know and, and.
Fi I I, what I love about thatexperience is you, you learn so
much about yourself throughthat.
(37:03):
And I think that's why peoplecome back because they're like,
I, it, if I get a date, great,but if not, I'm here to learn
something about myself throughbeing in, uh, authentic
practice, a Tantric practice.
if Tantra is something that'sinteresting to you and you're
like, I don't know if I wannaspend a whole weekend doing a
deep dive with a bunch of peopleI don't know this is an
(37:26):
opportunity to go and spend justa few hours dipping your toes.
Yeah, just a taste of it.
So I'm really excited to becomea facilitator of Tantra Speed
Day here in Santa Barbara in thenext, in the coming.
Um, it's gonna be a really funjourney and, um, I love leading
(37:46):
Pujas anyway.
I've done it a bunch and so it'sjust gonna be a thrill and a
half for me to get to lead Pujasonce a month in a new community.
Leah (37:56):
Yeah, I wanna um, a couple things.
One is I wanna know how peoplecan look at the schedule for
Tantra speed date, becauseyou're in like a ton of cities.
And then how do people getmatched up?
Explain how it works at the endof the night where you find out
your matches.
Guy (38:14):
So, uh, if, so, to find out where Tantra speed date is
happening, you want to go to ourwebsite,
www.TantranNYcom/speed-dating,and then you can choose your
city from the dropdown and it'llkind of show you all the, uh,
all the events that arehappening there or in nearby
cities.
So, uh, so that one is prettyeasy.
(38:35):
You go to the website.
As far as a matching process inTantra speed date, we like to
say that the women make thefirst move.
So everybody at Tantra speed,they gets a pouch that they wear
around their neck.
It's a little velvet pouch, andthe women have beads in their
pouches, and after they interactwith a man, uh, the man's eyes
are gonna be closed.
(38:56):
When we're in the transitionritual between person to person,
the man will close his eyes atthe end of the date.
And the woman, if she wants toconnect with him again, will
take one of her beads and put itin his pouch.
And that is how she willindicate, uh, interest.
And then after the event, uh, wewill connect those people, uh,
together and anybody can makethe next move from that point.
(39:19):
So we like to say the women makethe first move, uh, and then you
take it from there.
Leah (39:25):
Okay.
Now, how many relation, likehave there been any long-term
relationships or any marriagesthat have come out of both the
90 day experience and Tantraspeed date?
Guy (39:37):
Yes, so, oh yeah.
Tantra speed date has many,many, many relationships,
marriages, even babies.
People send me photos of theirbabies.
Uh, so tons, tons have come outof it.
It's beautiful.
People, people have sent mephotos of their babies.
They have sent me photos oftheir proposal.
Uh,'cause they met at Tantraspeed date and send me stories,
(39:58):
uh, which is really beautiful toreceive.
Uh, definitely will brightenyour day when you get a message
like that from someone or, orlike, look, look or, or to
follow them from the proposal tothe wedding to the baby.
Maya (40:09):
We were at one of the weddings.
Guy (40:11):
Yeah.
We recently
Leah (40:13):
Oh, neat.
Guy (40:15):
So it's, it's really one, and I tell people, you know, if
you meet on Tantra speed dateand you do have a baby, baby
belongs to us.
Just your first born, not therest of them.
Have more babies.
If you wanna have more.
The first one we take credit forit.
Um, yeah, so that's Tantra speeddate, and then the 90 day.
So the 90 day, the, the purposeof the 90 day is not for you to
(40:36):
come into it and find yourpartner in there, right?
The purpose is to learn theskills to practice, to really be
able to use this reflection andsupportive community to identify
your patterns and blocks, changewho you are so that then when
you go out there, you'reattracting different people.
You're finally attracting peoplethat you are attracted to, and
(40:57):
you've gotten your stuff out ofthe way so that you can actually
create the relationship that youwant.
Right.
The, the predominant thinkingin, in, uh, psychology right now
is that our attraction is thatwe, we attract people that match
our pattern.
Right, which is why we end up inrelationships with people that
we don't wanna be in arelationship with.
So this is the place to be like,oh, those are the signals I'm
(41:17):
putting out.
Thank you for reflecting that tome partner or coach or program
and, oh, it happened again inthis relationship.
Thank you for reflecting it tome.
Now I can start to make changes.
I can clear my patterns so thatnow my attraction is not based
on a past trauma.
It's based on who do I actuallywanna be with to create a
relationship with, which is abreakthrough.
(41:39):
And where else can you getsomething like that.
But with the practice, so thegoal of the program is practice.
I hesitate to say this'cause Idon't want people coming into
the program thinking I'm gonnafind my one and only here.
But in every cohort we've had atleast one couple that wanted to
continue beyond the cohort.
Some of those are stillcontinuing now, 30 days, six
(42:00):
month containers, et cetera,using the tools and the
framework.
Um, but I hesitate to say thatbecause to me that isn't the
goal.
That to me is simply a byproductthat proves that the program
works.
Leah (42:14):
That's a great distinction.
Willow (42:16):
Now you guys prac must practice what you preach, so I'm
so curious if we can get a
Guy (42:22):
Yes.
Willow (42:23):
personal.
How
Guy (42:24):
what I love.
Here's what I love about theprogram, is we're not just
taking you through a series ofthings.
All of us as the coaches, if wemake you do something, we do it
too.
When we teach you a new tool andsay, this is your homework,
guess what?
We do it too.
These skills are gonna help youin every relationship.
When we did the first cohort, Isaid to Maya like, we need to do
(42:46):
an RCA at the sa at the sametime that the students are doing
an RCA.
Now, my original intention was,I wanna do this so that we can
improve the tool by actuallyputting our, like, let's use the
tool and in the using of thetool we'll get data so we can
improve the tool for everybodyelse.
We
Leah (43:03):
Wait, what's RCA?
Guy (43:05):
So the RCA is one of the tools that you use to build your
relationship.
In our process, it's called arelationship container
agreement, and it's actually awritten agreement.
So you meet with your partner,you share intentions, you write
them down in your RCA, right?
So, so at the end of therelationship, a question will
ask you is, go back to your RCAat the now.
You started this RCA seven daysago, the, that was your
(43:28):
intention.
Now you're at the end of therelationship.
How was that intention served?
What did you learn?
Right?
So, so there's a whole processto it, and the RCA is part of
that relationship process.
So I told Maya, let's use theRCA and create a seven day
relationship for ourselvesbecause, uh, you know, I wanna,
I wanna know how this works so Ican improve it.
(43:50):
So, so we did that, but wedidn't expect that the tool
would actually improve our ownrelationship.
Like we didn't expect that wewould gain learning from the
tool.
And we did.
So since that moment we werelike, okay, everybody, if we're
gonna make them so on.
Okay.
So now we're doing a seven dayrelationship.
All the coaches are pairing upwith each other to create
(44:10):
experimental relationships so wecan be in sync with the students
and uh, and you know, walk thewalk and talk the talk.
Willow (44:18):
Brilliant.
How fun.
Now, how many coaches, let's sayyou've got 60 in a cohort, how
many coaches do you need?
Guy (44:24):
We have, uh, well, we have a, we have a group of coaches.
Uh, it can range from four tosix coaches, depending on
participants.
We have five right now, fivecoaches for the 60 people, plus
myself.
So, um, yeah.
Willow (44:36):
Nice.
I love it.
Gosh.
So much fun.
Okay, so, uh, for our listenersout there who are like, I wanna
do it, sign me up.
What do they need to do if, uh,do they need to get on a wait
list, get on your mailing
Guy (44:51):
Yes, so, so there is a wait list.
There is a wait list.
You wanna go to our website tofind information about the
upcoming cohort, like the, theURL for that right now is
www.Tantra NY.com/ninety.
That will usually get you to thewait list where you can read
more information.
Sign up onto the wait list, uh,and then we have a, uh,
(45:12):
conversation to see if thiscould be a good fit for you and
find out what your dating goalsare and share a bit about more
about how the program works.
Willow (45:20):
That's good.
So you guys are kind of vettingas much as they're vetting you,
like you wanna make sure thatyou've got the right
Guy (45:27):
We want the right, like so, so, so you need to have a growth
mindset.
That's one of the things is youwanna be willing to grow, you
need to have a willingness to,uh, engage and confront your
patterns.
You need to, um, and you'regonna have plenty of support for
it.
Like there's, you'll, there's nogreater place to do support, uh,
than this program.
(45:48):
Um, and you're gonna have adedicated coach.
So you have to be coachable.
Right, because you'll getfeedback, you'll get feedback
from your partners.
We also have anonymous feedbackforms.
So you could say, Hey, can youtell me what the last three
women said about me?
Like, what were my strengths?
What were my weaknesses?
Um, how did they rate me on, onthis?
On a scale of one to 10, becausewe, we take very uh, uh, uh, uh,
(46:11):
informative surveys of everybodyof their experience so we can
get a sense of what is every,what, you know, what's this
person's blind spot?
How have they been experiencedin relationship?
And we support you through thatprocess.
Maya (46:22):
Yeah.
I also want to add that a lot ofcoaches of the program, uh,
practiced.
Not only within the program, butpracticed before.
Mm-hmm.
Like those are people who havebeen on the path of conscious
relating Tantra, um, for years,for decades.
Mm-hmm.
So I think among like all of us,we have like probably 50 years
(46:44):
of experience, if not like evenmore.
Yeah.
Uh, and right, like that'simportant because when it comes
to relationships, it's allabout, um, uh, modeling.
So you kind of need to have itwithin yourself in order for
people to trust your leadershipand trust your guidance.
And for myself personally, likeI'm investing right now, like
(47:07):
$20,000 into learning moreskills in this realm because
like I have to keep myself onthe tip toes as well.
If you're in the field ofrelating you constantly.
Educate yourself and youconstantly practice.
And I think what me and Guy areexploring in our relationship is
to have more willingness toadmit when we want to grow,
(47:29):
right?
To admit like, okay, thiscontainer is too tight, it's
time to like break it and seewhat will emerge as and right.
Like I'm listening to myself andI'm like, oh my God, if like
five.
10 years ago, somebody wouldtell me that, that I would be
able to like, let go of certainrelationship, uh, frame and not
(47:50):
knowing what new will be bornand feel fine about that.
I'm like, how is that evenpossible?
Right?
So you grow your capacity toshow up authentically in your
relationship, to be open, to becurious, to be alive, to have
uncomfortable conversations.
Mm-hmm.
Guy (48:05):
And that's how this kind of process got started is that I've
had many relationships where itfelt like the only way to change
the dynamic of the relationshipwas to break up.
And I've had relationships wherewe would break up, get back
together, break up, get backtogether, break up, get back
together.
And I started to realize wedidn't actually want to break
up.
There just wasn't another way tochange the agreements of our
(48:25):
relationship once they were setin stone as the relationship
started.
And of course, if the agree andthe agreements are often
unspoken and they're set inplace in the beginning, but
people's needs change over timeand, and those agreements.
Need to be changed, especiallyif you're somebody with a growth
mindset.
And so I remember that the ideafor the 90 day came around and
these short experimentalrelationships, uh, I call them
(48:48):
relationship by lease.
We sign a lease, it ends.
You have to renew it or notrenew it.
And it came around because I wasrenewing the lease for my
apartment.
And as, as, as I was doing that,I was also creating the program.
And I remember they had this boxlike.
I had to check off like, yes, Iwill stay and I will pay this
extra rent.
Right?
There's an amendment of theagreement I have to sign, or no,
(49:11):
I'm not gonna stay and I'm gonnaleave on this date.
And I just, I really love theclarity of that.
I'm like, you know,relationships should be like
this.
Yes, this is serving my needs.
I need to charge more or I needto amend some of the ways that
this relationship is working.
Right.
In the, in the lease thing, it'slike, well, we need to charge
more now because
Willow (49:32):
Of course you would bring a lease agreement into a
dating thing guy, like
Guy (49:37):
Exactly right.
Or, or like, right.
'cause my needs have changed andI need something a little
different.
So I don't wanna break anddestroy the entire relationship.
But can we get together at aregular interval?
Revisit our agreements and do wewe have another tool called the
State of the Union, and it's aseries of things that you use to
evaluate how healthy is thisrelationship?
(49:58):
Do we wanna continue thisrelationship?
What do we need to change inthis relationship?
What has served my intention forthis relationship and what has
not served it?
Like, do I need to change therelationship or do I need to
change my intention?
Was I wrong about my intention?
And people learned through from,from this sort of 360 degree
process, like their needs, therelationship, the agreement, and
(50:20):
all the pieces start to cometogether so that you start to
thrive more in relationship.
Willow (50:25):
You know, one of the things I love the most about
this is it has, um, what wecall, um, like face, like think,
you know, when you, when youtalk about a program or
something, face value, facevalue isn't the word, but it's
like, oh, I can think of aperson for that.
I can think of another personfor that.
I can think of another personfor that.
And as you guys are talking, I'mlike.
Well, I'm thinking of somepeople who are in relationships
(50:48):
already, so I think it'svaluable for both singles and
people who are already inrelationships, even if it's a
monogamous relationship even itseems like both could step into
the cohort and into thecommunity and just really learn
a lot about how to be in a newform of relationship with each
(51:08):
other.
So it seems like a really greatway for people who, who've been
together for a long time, whofeel really stuck and like at
odds and can't get past theirSAM scars and their patterns and
their shit to break out of it.
Leah (51:21):
Yeah.
Well, is that or is thatavailable?
Maya (51:23):
they are open to connect with other people and they can
establish boundaries of that forthemselves.
We had a couple who were part ofthe program, however, they both
were coaches, so they bothstepped in with a lot of kind of
tools that they had at theirbelt and with a clear agreement
that they will go on a seven dayrelationships with different
(51:44):
people.
Mm-hmm.
And it's not an issue andthey're not gonna fight about
that.
Right.
So I would say you need to takecare of your boundaries and
agreements beforehand, but it'sabsolutely incredible experience
to be courageous, to have thatmirror and learn tools and kind
of refresh and, right.
The beautiful thing aboutlong-term partnership is that
(52:06):
you do sometimes need to take abreak and then, right.
You meet other people, youconnect with other people and
you're like, no, I still missthat person.
Mm-hmm.
Like, isn't that beautiful?
Right.
Yeah.
Guy (52:16):
Sometimes people create an RCA with themselves and say, you
know what?
I'm gonna opt out of choosing, Ineed seven days with myself to
really, uh, tune into myself.
Um.
The, the program is for singles,and yes, we have on occasion had
some couples attend.
However, what we tell thesingles, because you're, you're
very right in noticing thatthese skills serve any
(52:37):
relationship.
We tell the singles that like,look, if you are having your
longer relationship and, uh, andyou are put using the tools and
doing what you need to, willteach you some more advanced
couples things.
And, uh, you know, the couplesthat choose to get together.
They get to do other types ofpractices.
So, um, it, it is, it isprimarily for singles and we
(53:00):
offer a lot of support to helpyou take your relationship if
that is working for you, andcontinue to evolve it and create
additional containers, um, andbecome more of a couple, and
then you can learn even deeperpractices that we wouldn't
necessarily do if you didn'tknow someone very well.
Maya (53:17):
Yeah.
And I just wanna add that thebottom line of the program is
that you need to invest time andattention in your relationship.
Because time and attention isthe best healing, right?
It's the best bandaid or thebest like magic tool.
And, um, guy loves to tell thestory that we had a a point in
our relationship where we wereactually thinking breaking up,
(53:40):
right?
And then we put, uh, tools topractice and what it really does
use the
Guy (53:47):
tools,
Maya (53:48):
uh, what it really does, right?
It's you kind of like startseeing the person again because
you are available, right?
You're stepping in into thislike, okay, like seven days,
what is gonna change?
Nothing.
Right?
And then it actually changeseverything.
Mm-hmm.
Guy (54:03):
Yeah, it changed, it definitely changed our
relationship.
We didn't wanna do it, but thekids were doing it, so we're
like, well, we have to do it.
And we're like, fine, we'll sithere and do it.
And it changed everything
Leah (54:14):
That's awesome.
Um, if you haven't listened tolast week's episode, go check it
out.
That is with Maya and we go intosome really cool stuff about
female desire and having ourvoice and being able to speak
our needs and making adjustmentsin our own clarity for our own
needs and desires.
Then how to explore that withother people in our life.
So.
(54:34):
Check that out.
And we've got an episode withGuy.
Guy was one of our early podcastguests, episode 23, and we talk
a lot about Tantra Speed Day andhis experience of reinventing
relationships.
He goes into great detail aboutthose breakups, but just like he
mentioned, he didn't reallywanna break up.
They just needed to changeformat of the relationship and
(54:57):
it kind of explores how some ofthese tools were first given
birth in his own system and howhe has brought that to his work
today.
So, uh, go back to episode 23.
All of these links will be inthe show notes.
And in closing, I understand youguys have a free gift.
Maya, will you tell us aboutthat?
Maya (55:16):
So the free gift is Intro to Tantra.
For people who doesn't knowTantra, they can go and check
that out.
And please, uh, check out alsoour, uh,
www.TantraNY.com/ninety.
Leah (55:30):
Great.
Thank you so much for being heretoday.
I love you both.
Willow (55:33):
It is such a pleasure.
love you guys.
Guy (55:36):
Thank you It's been
Willow (55:37):
much.
Guy (55:38):
pleasure.
Maya (55:39):
We love you so much.
Leah (55:41):
Okay folks, stay tuned because next up is the dish.
We're gonna dish it up, me andWillow.
See you there.
Announcer (55:48):
Now our favorite part, the dish.
Willow (55:52):
That sounds like so much fun.
I wanna
Leah (55:54):
does.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I can imagine just thelovely friendships of, you know,
get established and the practiceof intimacy, just like you know,
which is being vulnerable, beingreal, being trustworthy, being
present.
Willow (56:10):
It's a lot of what I love about, you know, Tantra
camp when we're doing 11 daysof, of deep dive with the source
Tantra community.
It's like, I love the, theconnecting points and the
intimacy and the, the relating.
You know, I love all of that.
Um, what you get to learn aboutyourself through the, the
(56:31):
matchings that happen withinthose, you know, live events.
So, or live in person I shouldsay.
And so this sounds like, youknow, um, sort of a, another
version of that.
Leah (56:43):
Yeah.
Um, and like really thecornerstone to being good at
relationship means being good atcommunicating.
And most of us have shittymodels.
Most of our parents don't knowhow to communicate with each
other.
Willow (56:56):
Raise your hand if your parents are shitty
communicators.
Leah (57:00):
so it's not, some we're expected to do it well, but
we're not taught how to do itwell.
And um, you know, I see a lot ofpeople in and out of
relationships.
I see a lot of people wishingfor a relationship.
And if you want a goodrelationship, you gotta learn
how to be a good partner.
And I think this really sets youup for that.
Willow (57:18):
really does.
Really, really beautiful modeland
Leah (57:21):
I'd love to see them do this just for couples where it's
Willow (57:24):
Why I,
Leah (57:25):
it's really just breaking up with your partner and getting
back together
Willow (57:28):
as well as I was asking that question and as I was, they
were sort of answering thatquestion.
I was, I was thinking that willprobably be born next,
Leah (57:38):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, we love them and we're,uh, really happy for all the
things that they're doing, andit's been fun to watch their
relationship in all of its manyiterations
Willow (57:48):
absolutely.
Leah (57:48):
they are really a couple that have like been through it
and they continue to turntowards each other.
Willow (57:54):
Yeah, they really do.
It's inspiring for sure.
So go check them out and uh, wewill see you all very, very
soon.
Much left.
Leah (58:03):
Love, love, love.
Announcer (58:05):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
positive psychology facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional Medicinedoctor and Taoist Taxology
teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget your comments, likesubscribes and suggestions
matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.
What if the first 90 days of your relationship
determines its entire future?
Today's guests have discovered aTantric blueprint that
transforms dating into aconscious journey, and they're
sharing exactly why most couplesmiss their critical connection
window.
I'm Dr.
Willow Brown.
I'm here with my amazing cohost.
(00:21):
Leah Piper with the SexReimagine Podcast, we're so
grateful for your like, shares,subscribes, and attention.
Keep them coming.
Leah (00:30):
In fact, we've been getting a lot of comments and
likes with episode#126 withLaurie Handlers.
I have to say, I so enjoyed thisepisode, and if you're dating
out there, I really recommendyou check it out because she's
got a series of questions thatare brilliant.
That you wanna ask a partnerbefore you get intimate.
(00:51):
So if you haven't listened tothat, go and check out episode 1
26 after you listen to myfriends Maya and Guy.
This couple are awesome.
They're such dear friends andcolleagues of ours.
We love them.
Uh, we both saw their experiencethrough the Source Tantra,
school as they went throughtheir certification process, and
(01:14):
I know that you're gonna fall inlove with them.
So here's the deal.
You know what to do.
Tune in, turn on, and fall inlove with Guy and Maya.
Announcer (01:22):
Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is
shame-free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.
Leah (01:31):
Welcome to the show y'all.
Willow (01:33):
Yeah, we're so stoked you're here with us today.
Welcome, welcome.
Maya (01:38):
Thank you so much for having us.
Willow (01:41):
Such a pleasure.
So Guy has been in this biz fora long time.
He's the founder of Tantra SpeedDate and the 90 day relationship
experiment.
Maya is a lead facilitator andum, we're just so excited to
really dive into what the 90 dayexperiment is all about.
(02:04):
So why don't we start with, withGuy, like, how did this come
about?
How did this idea seed inside ofyou and what was the, you know,
flourishing of it?
Guy (02:15):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, that's a great question.
Well, I mean, it all startedwith Tantra speed date.
Which, which you are allfamiliar with, uh, but is a
dating event that enables peopleto connect, uh, not just with
dialogue, but by d withdifferent exercises that enable
you to gauge chemistry andcompatibility in a much deeper
and more authentic way than sortof rote conversation.
(02:39):
And in Tantra speed date, uh,you'll go on multiple two to
three minute date experienceswith different people, that's a
two to three minute dateexperience.
And people will often come, toTantra speed date, and they'll
have a really great time in thatcontainer and they'll say, uh,
okay, I wanna, I wanna have moreof this.
How do I carry this feeling andthis intention, and this way of
(03:03):
meeting someone in a datingcontext in a really healthy,
positive loving way?
How do I carry that into mysecond date and my third date?
And, and, and into therelationship because often
they'll, they can have anexperience in the room, but if
you can't create those samecircumstances outside, you're
not gonna have that same levelof connection, uh, and loving
(03:24):
intimacy.
So I thought, well, what ifinstead of a two to three minute
date.
We randomly paired people upinto an entire seven day
relationship, or 14 dayrelationship, or 21 day
relationship.
And then in that process alsotaught them skills.
Uh, so they have more time tolearn skills that we only touch
(03:45):
on in Tantra speed date.
Um, and they can learn theseskills, have an actual partner
to practice them, right?
Like.
Just like a tango dance.
You can't learn the tango unlessyou're leaning your body weight
into another person and they'releaning into you.
And it's, it's, it's, you needtwo people to do it.
so I was like, well, let'screate this environment where
(04:05):
people can learn these skills,do those in a practice,
experimental relationship, andthen support that with tools and
structures, and then also giveeach person a dedicated dating
coach.
To help them through thatprocess so that we can really
strengthen and practice thismuscle of relationship
Willow (04:25):
Uh.
Guy (04:26):
and that's how that was born.
Leah (04:28):
Okay, so I got lots of questions
Willow (04:29):
I know.
Leah (04:30):
Are you biting at the bit too Willow?
Willow (04:32):
Yeah.
Guy (04:33):
Great.
Leah (04:33):
Okay.
So I'm assuming that thisprogram is open to people all
over the country, just in NewYork City, all over the world.
How, how do people date?
Do they have to live in the samecity or are they, is this all
virtual?
Guy (04:48):
So the, so what we do is we teach a process for creating
relationship.
We give you different agreementsand different templates, and
each relationship has sort of athree stages to it.
Um, the first stage is thecreation stage, so you'll
actually meet with your partnerthat who, who you haven't met
before, like you discover whothe person is and you check in
(05:09):
with each other and you share,okay, what are your intentions
for this relationship?
For instance.
Maybe you know that you're apeople pleaser and you wanna
recover from that.
You can say, well, my intentionis I've always been a people
pleaser, and in thisrelationship, what I wanna
practice is not being a peoplepleaser.
And the other person will sharelike what their intention is,
right?
Because remember, we're givingyou lessons and tools throughout
(05:31):
the process.
So by the time you get to theplace where you're ready for
your first relationship.
You've gotten some tools andsupport and understanding of
yourself, you're a little bitclearer on what you want.
You've learned somecommunication skills, so you set
an intention with your partner.
You make other agreements andyou choose different times that
you're gonna meet for dates.
(05:51):
Uh, those dates could bevirtual.
Those dates could be in person,totally up to you.
We actually have a datingactivities list with a lot of
fun things that you can do.
Some are in person, some arevirtual.
So that's for you to decide withyour partner and then at the end
of that seven day or whatever,however the length of the
container is that we're allgoing on together.
Um, you will have a breakup withyour partner, uh, which is our
(06:13):
breaking upwards process, andthat basically takes the
completion of a relationship andchanges it from something
heartbreaking and shattering tosomething that's celebratory.
That's uplifting.
That is a celebrating of theother person for participating
in this experience with you, acodifying of what we learned in
this experience and a sort oflike using it as a leveling up
(06:36):
so that you're ready for what Icall your right next person.
Whoever is the right next personfor you to take the next step in
your relational growth andpractice and relational fitness
so that you can ultimately takeso many steps that you are ready
for and attract your ultimatepartner, and then you even have
the skills to create thatmagical relationship because of
(06:56):
all these practicerelationships.
Leah (06:59):
Breaking upward, is that what you said?
That
Willow (07:02):
gonna highlight that too.
Yeah, breaking upward.
I actually cr I actually createda program once breaking your
heart wide open, because I feellike people get so stuck in
heartbreak and they take thatsort of jaded perspective and
view right into the nextrelationship without really, um,
(07:23):
diving deeper into what theylearned through the heartbreak.
What they, you know, whatthey've discovered about
themselves, what, what works forthem and doesn't work for them
into the next relationship.
And so I think this, thisconcept of breaking upwards.
So now I'm really curious.
Have you had anyone, you know,the, everyone going into this is
like, there's an imminentending.
(07:44):
This is going to end, right?
There is going to be a breakup.
First of all, have you hadanyone who's like, we're not
breaking up, we're stayingtogether.
And second of all, have you hadanyone who's like, I'm really
fucking heartbroken over thisbreakup.
Like I'm really feeling it
Guy (07:59):
yes.
So, so here's what, here's thething.
Um, we really work hard toreframe this whole idea of a
breakup and, uh, I'm gonna seeif I can explain this
succinctly.
So, your seven day relationshipis gonna start and it's gonna
end.
You're gonna have a setintention for that seven day
container.
It's gonna end whether you wantit to or not.
(08:19):
The integrity is, we're startinghere, we're ending here.
However, that doesn't preventyou when it ends and you're
ready for your next relationshipto create another seven day
relationship container with thesame person, perhaps changing
your intention because you mostlikely have a lot, a lot of
people learn what I said Iwanted and needed isn't actually
(08:40):
what I wanted and needed.
And so it's a constant refiningof what you want, and it is this
idea of.
No longer thinking about arelationship as a, once we start
the relationship, it goes onforever.
Otherwise, it's a failure.
And instead thinking about arelationship, like a seven day
lease.
We're gonna be in relationshipfor this seven days.
(09:01):
At the end of the seven days,we're gonna close this container
and together decide do we wannacontinue for another seven days?
Do we wanna continue for anotherseven days beyond that when we
get to that point,'cause wedon't know that now until we get
to that point.
Do we wanna have a 30 daycontainer?
Do people graduate the programand say, Hey, I'm in a six month
container with my partner, or weare in our third six month
(09:23):
container.
But this idea of realizing therelationship is not a one and
done or a set and forget, butit's something that needs
constant amendments, constantrenewing and constantly rebuying
into the relationship.
And I believe that if we startto look at relationship as this
more temporary compartmentalizedthing, instead of a till death
(09:46):
do us part thing, that's gonnamake things more healthier for
us.
That's gonna enable us tounderstand and leave a
relationship, uh, at the righttime.
If it's not healthy for us,'cause to leave, it would simply
be not renewing it.
Is easier than saying, Hey, thisthing that's supposed to go on
for forever, I wanna give, put astop to it.
Right?
It's easier to just not renewand say, this isn't working.
(10:08):
So this, this way of thinking ofrelationship in these short
little bites, um, helps usbecause, uh, because in reality,
like your relationship.
Only really exists now anyway,uh, because we only can ever
live in the, now.
We can't live seven days.
I don't know if I'm gonna wannarenew in seven days.
(10:29):
I might think I do, but I won'tknow until we get to that now.
Um, and so I think it reallykind of takes relationship from
a place of our imaginings andour living in the future and
brings it into how it really isin life.
Because in life, everyrelationship is permanent.
I mean, every, everyrelationship is temporary, like
(10:49):
life is temporary.
And it could end at any minute.
I could have plans for the nextthousand years of my life, but
they could end tomorrow.
They could end in 20, who knows.
So taking this idea of like,okay, how can we just commit to
this short period see what welearn is, is one of the keys to,
um.
(11:09):
You know, really go getting to aplace where you can iterate and
evolve and, and study and amendyour relationship agreements and
make sure that it's constantlysupporting you in your area of
growth, and as your needs changeover time.
Leah (11:23):
I think the thing that's unique and interesting about it
too is because you have thistimeframe, when the end draws
near and it's time toreevaluate, it gives everyone a
chance to reflect.
And it, it gives you a chance tomake adjustments for the next
round, um, which is reallythoughtful.
It's really bringing a level ofconsciousness that I think a lot
(11:44):
of people who are just datingdon't think to consider.
Um, we're just kind of goingthrough the motions, we're
having our reactions, and we're.
We're oftentimes veryunconscious in how we're
responding and reacting andbehaving.
Maya, I have a question for you,which is, how do people find
their partner?
Are you like drawing names outof a hat and say, okay, Jim and
(12:06):
Jerry, Sarah and Martha herehave at it, and also, is it same
sex availability too, or justheterosexual relationship?
Maya (12:15):
Um, so people coming into a program with a very strong
desire for heterosexualrelationships, they, there is an
opportunity to have a leadershipbrotherhood and sisterhood in a
program, and you have it kind oflike as your supportive element.
However, uh, what makes thisprogram so unique and excited is
that we don't do anymatchmaking.
(12:37):
We don't pair anybody.
We don't sit and feel like, oh,like those two people need to be
together,'cause what do we know?
And, uh, I truly believe thatthe program has its own
intelligence in it.
And we've seen mind blowingexperiences.
So the selection process israndom.
(12:58):
And we actually inviting peoplefor the seven day relationships,
trust the card.
Men get cards, women get cards,and magic happens.
We've seen people healing theirbreakups as a result of this
random pairing.
We've seen people fall in love.
Leah (13:17):
People hearing their healing, their breakups with
other people or healing witheach other.
Maya (13:23):
We had this incredible couple who, it was their first
seven day relationships.
They got on camera, they lookedat each other and in five
minutes they triggered eachother till the point where they
like, we cannot be in the samebreakout room.
And for both of them, they reachout to the coaches privately.
(13:43):
They triggered their unprocessedpast breakups.
They reminded to each other oftheir ex's and it's like you
cannot plan it like they weremedicine for each other.
And then as a result, they wereable to like face this emotions
process and then move forward.
Um, so that's what I'm talkingabout, that the program has its
(14:05):
own intelligence field that um,gives you exactly what you need.
And it might not be uni unicornand you know, pink bows all the
time.
It can be confronting somethingdeeply uncomfortable within
yourself.
Willow (14:22):
So the pairings are happening through tarot cards as
we've done in source Tantra, orwhen you say cards, let's
clarify what that
Leah (14:32):
talking about a,
Guy (14:32):
The men, we take the men into a men's room.
They choose cards.
The women go into a women's roomand choose cards, and then our
system matches the differentcards together.
Willow (14:41):
Playing cards or tarot cards.
Guy (14:42):
of
Leah (14:42):
kind of cards?
Willow (14:43):
I'm curious.
Guy (14:45):
They change different, they change every time you, you have
to be in the program to go thecards that we use, because
they're very
Willow (14:51):
Okay, you.
Leah (14:51):
Okay.
Okay.
It's mystery.
It's a
Willow (14:54):
play.
Guy (14:55):
But what I can tell you is that people end up with exactly
the right person.
They need to learn the lesson,they need to learn so they can
break patterns and startattracting different people.
And that's the key.
Like if you wanna meet somebodyout there, you're gonna keep
attracting people that are gonnavibe with where you're at.
So unless you do your work andyou change what your vibe is.
You're just gonna keep gettingthe same people.
(15:16):
And most people don't want thepeople that they've been dating
or they say, I'm attracted tothis, these people, but they're
never attracted to me.
Or the people that are attractedto me, I'm not attracted to
them.
It's like, well, you gotta dosome, some looking in and, and
some work with yourself and, uh,work on all those patterns,
break'em apart, and then, uh,truly find a sense of freedom in
(15:36):
what you wanna create foryourself in a relationship.
Willow (15:38):
It sounds like fun.
I wanna do it
Guy (15:40):
Oh, it's super fun.
It's super fun.
It's super fun.
Leah (15:44):
Right.
You've got coaches, which Ithink is really helpful for a
lot of people who, like yousaid, I call it the disease to
please have a hard time beinghonest about what's not working
for them.
So they have a tendency to putlike all this blame on
themselves in order to avoid aconfrontation to go, it's not
you, it's me.
therefore it feels like there'sa level of transparency that's
(16:04):
being really encouraged.
So that people are brave withhow they're communicating, and
then I imagine they're alsogetting coaching on how to
communicate well.
Willow (16:13):
let's say I enter into the 90 day relationship
experiment, and I am basicallygonna be paired with somebody
for seven days, is that correct?
And then I'm gonna be pairedwith somebody else potentially,
or potentially the same personfor another seven
Guy (16:29):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah,
Willow (16:30):
And then, so is that sort of the interval, like every
seven days you're, you'reentering into a new container?
Guy (16:37):
So the way it works is the 90 days are split into three
sections of 30 days.
The first 30 days is our gettingto know you phase.
You are gonna learn lessonsabout what generates attraction,
what creates chemistry, whatmakes a good match.
You're gonna be exploring whatdo I want in a partner?
What's important to me?
What kind of life do I wannahave?
You.
(16:57):
You're gonna be learning toolsand you're also gonna have 12
experimental dates with yourcohort mates.
So you start to get to, like, ifyou're, so if you're joining the
program, you'd get to have 12experimental dates with 12 men,
uh, on the call.
So you can start to get to knowwho are these men in my cohort?
Right.
Um, that's also a reallywonderful way for us to continue
(17:17):
to build the intimacy and thedepth, uh, and the freedom of
the container as everybody isstarting to get to know each
other.
So it's the getting to know you
Leah (17:24):
ask you a question about that?
Okay.
So on these dates, is this onZoom, like you're doing breakout
rooms or did they
Guy (17:34):
These are short, like three.
No, these are short.
Three, four minute experiences.
You meet you.
So we
Willow (17:40):
is like Tantra speed date
Guy (17:41):
let me like a Tantra speed.
They a little bit deeper becausewe'll teach an exercise or a
tool.
We'll demo that tool, and thenyou end up in a random breakout
room with a man and you're gonnado that practice.
Then you're gonna come back.
Tell us what you've learned.
Then we're gonna teach youanother tool.
We're gonna demo that tool.
You're gonna go in a breakoutroom, have a date with a
(18:01):
different man, practice thattool.
Like, oh, you know what?
This exercise was reallyinteresting.
I really, I really like how thisman held space for me and how
that made me feel as a woman, sothat we can start to generate
polarity and live in thatpolarity and understand what
that is.
Right?
And polarity is a source ofattraction.
So, um, so the first 30 days arethese dates coupled with lessons
(18:23):
on attraction, on desire, ongetting clear on what you want,
practicing communication skills,um, and a variety of different,
uh, different lesson plans thatwe teach.
Second 30 days.
Leah (18:34):
what one of the tools are?
Like, could you teach ouraudience a tool that kind of
comes from these 12 differentdates?
Guy (18:41):
Can we teach Well, I mean, so one of them is a, is a
holding space tool.
We teach them, like how do youhold space for your partner to
express, which is different thanyou trying to hear what their
problem is and fix it.
Like how do you just givesomebody some time?
Willow (18:56):
Why are you giggling Maya?
Maya (18:59):
Oh, because we conditioned to fix, right?
We, we, we not, um, trained inactive listening and holding
space exercise.
It's first and foremost activelistening.
Uh, can I listen with my wholebody and not with my brain?
Because most time when we wantemote, we actually wouldn't want
fixing.
(19:20):
We want somebody to meet us orwitness our pain because the
moment that witnessed itsuddenly, oh, I'm regulated.
Like my nervous system regulateditself.
But that right, like the personon the other side who witnessed
you and the quality of theirattention will impact how you
feel.
(19:40):
And that's a beautiful exercisein the practicing.
Attention and practicing beinggrounded and practicing putting
your attention on the otherperson.
Guy (19:50):
Mm-hmm.
Leah (19:51):
Yeah, I can.
What I sense is one of theresults of that kind of
connecting communication, deeplistening, is you feel closer to
someone by the end of it'causethey're not trying to fix your
problem.
Both people feel like theirhearts are more open to each
other versus being analytical.
It's like, I get you.
And when someone gets you fromhere like heart to heart, it's a
(20:13):
very different experience whenthey're getting, they're trying
to get you from another place inthe body, let's say the head.
It feels like something getsdropped or missed.
I love that.
That's a great tool to,
Guy (20:25):
So, so that's a great tool.
And then later on we will referto that tool when they're having
their relationships like, well,yeah, have you tried holding
space?
Leah (20:33):
Hmm.
Guy (20:34):
and and we'll do, generally we'll do that.
Usually it's the, usually it'sthe men that need to learn the
holding space as they do more ofthe holding space, depending on
the dynamic, it tends to bemostly men.
So then we have brotherhood andsisterhood gatherings where
myself and the male facilitatorsgo into the room with the men
and the, uh, Maya and the femalefacilitators go into a room with
(20:55):
the women and we coach eachother.
So, so, so that's, that'susually where we'll say, well
have, have you tried holdingspace for your partner?
Have you tried this?
Or, or that's a place where,where we can say to somebody,
well, you know, I hear yousaying that you're having this
experience with the women.
Let me tell you what the womenare saying about you.
Right?
Like, where, where can you getsuch valuable feedback in the
(21:17):
dating world?
so that we can understand ourimpact, not just for another
person, but for a group.
Willow (21:23):
I love, I love the community of it all.
You know, like, let's, let'sbecome better at relating, not
just within a, a di dyad, youknow, like let's become better
at relating in a, in a communityforum.
It's really brilliant.
Um, Okay, so here's my questionis how do you have people track
(21:45):
this?
We recently did an interviewwith a, um, a business woman who
was like, I am using analyticsto get people to do 60 dates to
find the love of their life.
And she had like spreadsheetsand she had all stuff.
You know, I'm curious like how,how are you having an individual
go through the holding spacepractice or a different practice
(22:07):
or whatever, and sort of trackwhat it, what that particular
modality or methodology orpractice is and does for them?
Is there a workbook?
Are you using spreadsheets?
I know you have an analyticalmind guy, so I know
Guy (22:21):
Through, thanks.
Willow (22:22):
here.
Guy (22:22):
Yes, we do.
We love data.
I mean, first of all, they willshare with us in the room and
you can actually feel the impactwhen somebody says what they
experience holding space forsomeone or what the person
experienced having space heldfor them.
So there is group sharing.
Yes, we do also have surveys.
We have surveys for therelationships.
We have surveys for the course,and we have a lot of data on how
(22:46):
people have benefited from thecourse, the different ways that
they have grown and changed, andthe tools that were most
impactful for them.
And, you know, different peopleare gonna need.
Different tools are gonna needto strengthen different areas.
Maya (22:58):
And, And, we also have a mini coaching groups where a
coach, uh, kind of supports aperson throughout the whole
experience.
So we, as a coaches, we actuallysee how people evolve and grow
and who is coachable and who isnot.
And very often we see thatpeople who are.
Um, more, um, fixed mindset typeof people.
(23:21):
They usually feel extremelyuncomfortable in a program cause
you're getting that mirror,right?
That it's not that you cannotbend one person, you cannot bend
the whole container, the wholeprogram.
And it's either they have abreakthrough or they like, it
doesn't work for me, you know?
Leah (23:39):
Yeah.
That leads me to a question Iwanted to ask actually, Maya is,
um, I've met a number of yourstudents.
We share a number of studentsand many of them repeat the
program, like they get so muchout of it.
They have such a good experiencethat they do it again and again
and again.
And so how many people kind ofgo back and then like, how many
(24:02):
people drop out because they arenot coachable, like you said.
Guy (24:07):
Mm-hmm.
Well, I mean, the, we had morepeople drop out in the beginning
when we first started theprogram because we were learning
how to run it.
Um, now we're at nine seasons,so actually the drop off rate is
surprisingly low.
Yeah.
Um, for, for a course like this.
Um, so I think part of that isjust us learning how to hold
space for people in this kind ofcontainer.
(24:29):
And, uh, the people that aredrawn to this thing tend to be
more open-minded.
Like, if you wanna grow, this isthe course for you.
Leah (24:36):
Right.
That's like the prerequisite.
Guy (24:38):
we, we, You
Willow (24:39):
You have to be evolved.
Guy (24:41):
you have, well, yeah.
Or, or, or you're out there andyou're like, you know what?
These dating apps are notworking for me.
What am I doing wrong?
And it's like, great step intothis container, because like
Maya said, like we have thebird's eye view because.
You, you, you will meet withyour coach.
You get a dedicated datingcoach.
You meet with them once a weekand they support you when you're
in a relationship, when you'renot in a relationship throughout
(25:04):
the whole program.
So that coach and, and us, wealso coach as a team.
So we meet to talk about thestudents and, and be like, okay,
what is, what is this personlearning?
What do they need?
How can we best support?
Like we put a tremendous amountof attention on care in each
person.
And so when you are in theprogram, um, so let's say you
(25:25):
were in the program and you arehaving a relationship with
someone.
We know you, we know yourpatterns, we know them, we know
their patterns.
We have the bird's eye view.
So we can say, okay, how can wecoach this person so they can
start to become more aware ofthis pattern that they have and,
and, and what is the best wayfor us to, to do that so they
can realize this?
(25:46):
And then take a few steps togrow.
Willow (25:48):
And you're teaching them about their patterns as, as you
go along so that they have a, amore objective perspective on
themselves and when they gettriggered and, and what safety
strategies they go into as well.
Guy (26:02):
Yeah, they're discovering that through the tools because
you know, you're, you're inrelationship.
Things are gonna happen in anyrelationship that are gonna
trigger you.
And just because these arepractice, experimental
relationship doesn't mean.
That, uh, things aren't gonnatrigger you.
I mean, that's why we call themexperimental.
Like we wear lab coats.
When we, when we're inrelationship weeks to remind
(26:24):
ourselves that things might blowup in our face, people might get
triggered.
A lot of the relationshipsactually work out great, but,
um, sometimes you need to puttwo com chemicals together and
have a volatile explosion inorder to actually see something,
in order to have an event to infront of you to say, okay, look
at this thing that happened andhow I reacted.
(26:44):
How can we improve this for nexttime?
So for that reason, we like totell people that the, the, uh,
the relationships are practice,but the emotions and the
patterns are real.
And that's the whole point, isto put yourself in situations
And, and a i, yeah, and, and acommunity of support.
Like, like when you have yourbreaking upwards, we all
(27:05):
celebrate you for what youlearned and, and for your
evolution.
Um, we even celebrate people fortheir mistakes because a mistake
is just a learning opportunity.
Willow (27:15):
How many, um, people generally do you need in a
cohort to, to run it?
Guy (27:23):
I mean, there's no, we we're experimenting with that as
we're evolving and growing thecohort.
You know, the first few cohortshad like 30 or 40 people.
Um, this most recent cohort has60 people, so there's also, um.
Uh, the way we create the datesand the dating stations, there's
some technology that's involvedthere.
(27:44):
So there is like a limit to howmany dates people can actually
have.
How many people can have in theroom.
Um, so I'm actually working toevolve the technology so we can
grow beyond that theoreticallimit.
Willow (27:55):
Mm-hmm.
Maya (27:56):
Yeah.
I just wanna add one thing that,um, what we provide, we provide
a playground with a structureand a safety net.
The rest is truly up to theparticipants, and this is where
your free will and personal selfresponsibility comes in.
(28:17):
And this is actually such aforeign concept for so many
people because right, there'sthat fairytale idea whether
there's a perfect person.
With whom I'm gonna have aperfect relationship, or there's
this coaches who's gonna fix andset up everything for me.
And it's like, no, we offer youa playground, but you still
(28:42):
playing.
Like you in charge of yourmoves, you in charge how you
showing up?
You in charge what youexpressing yourself?
Guy (28:50):
Yeah.
So, so many people are like, canyou, can you match me up with
this person?
And I'm like, no.
Like how, how, is that gonnahelp you?
Like.
I'm not out there with you inthe real world, you know, making
an introduction for
Leah (29:02):
Hey, can you hook me up with Jesse?
Guy (29:05):
but, but pass a you can ask.
But you can ask them Uhhuh ifthey wanna be in a seven day
with you.
Yeah.
Maya (29:11):
Yeah.
And the other thing I wanted tosay, that the program is hybrid.
Yes.
The main Zoom calls are, I mean,the main calls are happening
over Zoom and yes, it is aninternational program and open
to anyone, but people meetthroughout 90 days, a lot.
A lot.
Guy (29:26):
They, they move in together and
Leah (29:28):
Can they have more than, can they have more than one
seven day experience at a time?
Guy (29:33):
So, so they can have multiple mm-hmm.
As we will hold a container foras many Yeah.
We call them free agentrelationships.
We, We, will create, we willoffer a random, we will offer
four random selection processesso that you can have four
relationships.
You can accept or decline anyrelationship.
You can end a relationshipearly.
(29:53):
You can restart a relationship.
You can mutual match arelationship.
There's many different ways thatyou can, uh, play it.
Um.
Leah (30:01):
Can you end a relationship early?
Like if you say like, Ooh, aftertwo days, I'm not into this
person.
Guy (30:06):
Sovereignty.
You play the game the way youwanna play the game.
Um, so, uh, so there's manydifferent relationships that you
can, uh, yeah.
That you can create.
Maya (30:16):
We had poly relationships where one person would be in a
multiple relationships, andthere's very interesting things
that people learn.
Some people, we had a guy
Guy (30:25):
who was like, well, I wanna have a relationship with three
women.
And I said, okay, if this at thesame time, like a, a, a
threesome or.
Quad relationship.
And I said, okay, we'll playthat game for you.
So we put on some game showmusic and I said to all the
women, so all of you women thatare interested in being part of
this three woman relationship,um, leave your video on and if
(30:46):
you're not interested in beingin the relationship, turn your
video off.
Leah (30:50):
Okay.
Guy (30:52):
Uh, and it so happened that three women had their video on.
I was like, well, you've gotthree women right here, you
know, are you a yes to creatinga quad relationship with all
three of them?
And he said, yes.
I said, okay, great.
So you're gonna go and you'regonna do your RCA with each
woman.
That's your, uh, relationshipcontainer agreement.
You're gonna do that with eachwoman and as a group.
And, uh, and, and he got what heasked for.
(31:13):
'cause we, we are there.
Like, this is the container.
Play the game the way you want.
So he had his, uh, hisrelationship with uh, three
women at the same time.
Leah (31:21):
That's so cool.
Um, okay, so do you ask peoplenot to be on dating apps during
this
Guy (31:28):
no, absolutely not.
The experience is actuallydesigned to supplement your
dating.
'cause you're gonna be learningskills.
We want you to go out and usethem in the real world.
Take.
Take your RCA when you meetsomeone and say, Hey, let, hey,
I wanna share with you myintentions for our connection.
Yeah.
You know, or, Hey, do you wannatry a seven day relationship
experiment and see how thatworks?
(31:48):
By all means.
Leah (31:49):
I, I imagine that by being able to date, you know,
different people in the sameseven week period also
eliminates some problems withgender balance.
'cause one of my questions wasgonna be, do you have to keep
Guy (32:01):
pretty equally gender balanced.
Yeah.
We work
Leah (32:03):
do aim for gender balanced.
Guy (32:04):
work hard to gender balance, and the cohort has sold
out every time, so we often havea wait list so that if we have
one or more in the other way, wecan let somebody in off the wait
list in order to gender balanceit.
Yeah, it
Leah (32:16):
many
Guy (32:16):
it easier.
It's not necessary.
Leah (32:18):
how many people are coming into the program from Tantra
speed date?
Guy (32:23):
Um, I'm not sure.
I imagine a, probably a goodamount of them
Willow (32:26):
You're not tracking that.
I'm surprised.
Leah (32:28):
am surprised you don't have an algorithm that's
Willow (32:30):
have
Guy (32:31):
I don't know that, I don't know that off the top of my
head.
I mean, I'm sure a good deal ofthem,
Maya (32:35):
75% probably.
Guy (32:37):
Um,
Willow (32:37):
Oh, that's a lot.
Yeah.
Leah (32:38):
Yeah, that's great.
Willow (32:39):
Let's talk a little bit about Tantra speed date.
For our listeners who don't knowexactly what that means, what is
speed dating, first of all, andwhat is Tantra speed dating?
What is the spin?
Maya, why don't you take itaway?
Doubting.
Maya (32:56):
So if somebody doesn't know what speed dating is, is
um.
Dating with a speed element.
So you have couple minutes toconnect with each person who's
coming for speed dating.
Typical speed dating usuallyhappens at the bar, and you just
literally go from table to tableand you have three minutes to
talk about.
(33:16):
Anything and what people usuallydo, they talk about where you
from, what do you do?
So it's very, uh, fast turnsinto like a interview.
Tantra speed date is a veryunique experience.
Which guy put all his expertisefrom Tantra and screenwriting?
So Tantra speed date has an arc.
We taking you on a journey and,uh.
(33:40):
With Tantra speed, date, all theconnection exercises, they are
guided.
So you don't have to think whatto say and you don't have to
think what to do.
We are taking care of that.
And you practice conscious, uh,relating, and Guy has a great
story why he actually, uh,created, um, this concept.
Guy (34:02):
Well, as you know, from the world of Tantra, uh, I would.
I would be in these Tantra pujaswhere there's a circle of men on
on the outside and a circle ofwomen on the inside, and you
have a intimate experience withsomeone, or a breathing exercise
or a meditation.
And I would feel very connectedto the women that I would be
doing these exercises with.
And I thought to myself, wow,like I just had more intimacy
(34:25):
with this woman.
I don't know than I've had onsomeone I've been dating for a
few weeks.
And, uh, and so I would havethis intimacy with, with these
women, and it felt so good andso juicy that I was like, oh,
like I wanna explore thisconnection more.
Um, but uh, you know, after thewhole, like, you know, namaste
and moving on to the nextstation, like by the time the,
(34:45):
the Tantra puja was over, itfelt kind of weird.
Like, if I asked her for hernumber, that would be creepy
because like, we just sharedthis beautiful moment together
and I was like, well, what if wecreated an event?
We could do a Tantra puja, butit's for the purpose of dating.
Everybody stepping into thatcontainer knows that that's why
they're there.
And then that way men and womencan meet in a uh, way where we
(35:08):
can actually honor each other.
Rather than where we show up asadversaries.
Maya (35:12):
Yeah.
And I think what makes centralspeed did also unique you
learning skills, you learningcommunication skills, you
learning relationship skills,you learning Tantra and you
learning what goes intoconnection, uh, and how you
create connection, which a lotof people don't have those
skills.
They merrily looking forsomebody to get attracted to,
(35:34):
which.
We all know that attractiondoesn't necessarily lead to
successful partnership andthriving relationships.
So, um, think of this experienceas you gaining very valuable
skillset while you dating.
Leah (35:52):
Yeah.
I think also it's worthmentioning that,'cause I think
sometimes people hear Tantra andthey think sex.
So it's not an event whereyou're going to have sex with
people for a couple minuteseach, or you're undressing each
other or you're getting to likeTantric like kiss.
It's.
It's intimate, but it's notsexually intimate.
You're really learningrelationship skills as you go
(36:12):
from one station to the next.
And I understand that SantaBarbara might be a city you're
opening up.
Willow (36:21):
So, yeah, I was recently, um, I went to my very
first, I've been hearing aboutTantra speed date for probably,
I don't know, seven years orsomething.
And I went to my very first onedown in LA recently.
And what I was really taken withwas.
How many people were coming backto Tantra speed Day just simply
(36:42):
for the experience of authenticrelating.
They're like, there's reallynowhere else where we can go and
just be in deep, intimate,authentic moments with a
stranger that you know and, and.
Fi I I, what I love about thatexperience is you, you learn so
much about yourself throughthat.
(37:03):
And I think that's why peoplecome back because they're like,
I, it, if I get a date, great,but if not, I'm here to learn
something about myself throughbeing in, uh, authentic
practice, a Tantric practice.
if Tantra is something that'sinteresting to you and you're
like, I don't know if I wannaspend a whole weekend doing a
deep dive with a bunch of peopleI don't know this is an
(37:26):
opportunity to go and spend justa few hours dipping your toes.
Yeah, just a taste of it.
So I'm really excited to becomea facilitator of Tantra Speed
Day here in Santa Barbara in thenext, in the coming.
Um, it's gonna be a really funjourney and, um, I love leading
(37:46):
Pujas anyway.
I've done it a bunch and so it'sjust gonna be a thrill and a
half for me to get to lead Pujasonce a month in a new community.
Leah (37:56):
Yeah, I wanna um, a couple things.
One is I wanna know how peoplecan look at the schedule for
Tantra speed date, becauseyou're in like a ton of cities.
And then how do people getmatched up?
Explain how it works at the endof the night where you find out
your matches.
Guy (38:14):
So, uh, if, so, to find out where Tantra speed date is
happening, you want to go to ourwebsite,
www.TantranNYcom/speed-dating,and then you can choose your
city from the dropdown and it'llkind of show you all the, uh,
all the events that arehappening there or in nearby
cities.
So, uh, so that one is prettyeasy.
(38:35):
You go to the website.
As far as a matching process inTantra speed date, we like to
say that the women make thefirst move.
So everybody at Tantra speed,they gets a pouch that they wear
around their neck.
It's a little velvet pouch, andthe women have beads in their
pouches, and after they interactwith a man, uh, the man's eyes
are gonna be closed.
(38:56):
When we're in the transitionritual between person to person,
the man will close his eyes atthe end of the date.
And the woman, if she wants toconnect with him again, will
take one of her beads and put itin his pouch.
And that is how she willindicate, uh, interest.
And then after the event, uh, wewill connect those people, uh,
together and anybody can makethe next move from that point.
(39:19):
So we like to say the women makethe first move, uh, and then you
take it from there.
Leah (39:25):
Okay.
Now, how many relation, likehave there been any long-term
relationships or any marriagesthat have come out of both the
90 day experience and Tantraspeed date?
Guy (39:37):
Yes, so, oh yeah.
Tantra speed date has many,many, many relationships,
marriages, even babies.
People send me photos of theirbabies.
Uh, so tons, tons have come outof it.
It's beautiful.
People, people have sent mephotos of their babies.
They have sent me photos oftheir proposal.
Uh,'cause they met at Tantraspeed date and send me stories,
(39:58):
uh, which is really beautiful toreceive.
Uh, definitely will brightenyour day when you get a message
like that from someone or, orlike, look, look or, or to
follow them from the proposal tothe wedding to the baby.
Maya (40:09):
We were at one of the weddings.
Guy (40:11):
Yeah.
We recently
Leah (40:13):
Oh, neat.
Guy (40:15):
So it's, it's really one, and I tell people, you know, if
you meet on Tantra speed dateand you do have a baby, baby
belongs to us.
Just your first born, not therest of them.
Have more babies.
If you wanna have more.
The first one we take credit forit.
Um, yeah, so that's Tantra speeddate, and then the 90 day.
So the 90 day, the, the purposeof the 90 day is not for you to
(40:36):
come into it and find yourpartner in there, right?
The purpose is to learn theskills to practice, to really be
able to use this reflection andsupportive community to identify
your patterns and blocks, changewho you are so that then when
you go out there, you'reattracting different people.
You're finally attracting peoplethat you are attracted to, and
(40:57):
you've gotten your stuff out ofthe way so that you can actually
create the relationship that youwant.
Right.
The, the predominant thinkingin, in, uh, psychology right now
is that our attraction is thatwe, we attract people that match
our pattern.
Right, which is why we end up inrelationships with people that
we don't wanna be in arelationship with.
So this is the place to be like,oh, those are the signals I'm
(41:17):
putting out.
Thank you for reflecting that tome partner or coach or program
and, oh, it happened again inthis relationship.
Thank you for reflecting it tome.
Now I can start to make changes.
I can clear my patterns so thatnow my attraction is not based
on a past trauma.
It's based on who do I actuallywanna be with to create a
relationship with, which is abreakthrough.
(41:39):
And where else can you getsomething like that.
But with the practice, so thegoal of the program is practice.
I hesitate to say this'cause Idon't want people coming into
the program thinking I'm gonnafind my one and only here.
But in every cohort we've had atleast one couple that wanted to
continue beyond the cohort.
Some of those are stillcontinuing now, 30 days, six
(42:00):
month containers, et cetera,using the tools and the
framework.
Um, but I hesitate to say thatbecause to me that isn't the
goal.
That to me is simply a byproductthat proves that the program
works.
Leah (42:14):
That's a great distinction.
Willow (42:16):
Now you guys prac must practice what you preach, so I'm
so curious if we can get a
Guy (42:22):
Yes.
Willow (42:23):
personal.
How
Guy (42:24):
what I love.
Here's what I love about theprogram, is we're not just
taking you through a series ofthings.
All of us as the coaches, if wemake you do something, we do it
too.
When we teach you a new tool andsay, this is your homework,
guess what?
We do it too.
These skills are gonna help youin every relationship.
When we did the first cohort, Isaid to Maya like, we need to do
(42:46):
an RCA at the sa at the sametime that the students are doing
an RCA.
Now, my original intention was,I wanna do this so that we can
improve the tool by actuallyputting our, like, let's use the
tool and in the using of thetool we'll get data so we can
improve the tool for everybodyelse.
We
Leah (43:03):
Wait, what's RCA?
Guy (43:05):
So the RCA is one of the tools that you use to build your
relationship.
In our process, it's called arelationship container
agreement, and it's actually awritten agreement.
So you meet with your partner,you share intentions, you write
them down in your RCA, right?
So, so at the end of therelationship, a question will
ask you is, go back to your RCAat the now.
You started this RCA seven daysago, the, that was your
(43:28):
intention.
Now you're at the end of therelationship.
How was that intention served?
What did you learn?
Right?
So, so there's a whole processto it, and the RCA is part of
that relationship process.
So I told Maya, let's use theRCA and create a seven day
relationship for ourselvesbecause, uh, you know, I wanna,
I wanna know how this works so Ican improve it.
(43:50):
So, so we did that, but wedidn't expect that the tool
would actually improve our ownrelationship.
Like we didn't expect that wewould gain learning from the
tool.
And we did.
So since that moment we werelike, okay, everybody, if we're
gonna make them so on.
Okay.
So now we're doing a seven dayrelationship.
All the coaches are pairing upwith each other to create
(44:10):
experimental relationships so wecan be in sync with the students
and uh, and you know, walk thewalk and talk the talk.
Willow (44:18):
Brilliant.
How fun.
Now, how many coaches, let's sayyou've got 60 in a cohort, how
many coaches do you need?
Guy (44:24):
We have, uh, well, we have a, we have a group of coaches.
Uh, it can range from four tosix coaches, depending on
participants.
We have five right now, fivecoaches for the 60 people, plus
myself.
So, um, yeah.
Willow (44:36):
Nice.
I love it.
Gosh.
So much fun.
Okay, so, uh, for our listenersout there who are like, I wanna
do it, sign me up.
What do they need to do if, uh,do they need to get on a wait
list, get on your mailing
Guy (44:51):
Yes, so, so there is a wait list.
There is a wait list.
You wanna go to our website tofind information about the
upcoming cohort, like the, theURL for that right now is
www.Tantra NY.com/ninety.
That will usually get you to thewait list where you can read
more information.
Sign up onto the wait list, uh,and then we have a, uh,
(45:12):
conversation to see if thiscould be a good fit for you and
find out what your dating goalsare and share a bit about more
about how the program works.
Willow (45:20):
That's good.
So you guys are kind of vettingas much as they're vetting you,
like you wanna make sure thatyou've got the right
Guy (45:27):
We want the right, like so, so, so you need to have a growth
mindset.
That's one of the things is youwanna be willing to grow, you
need to have a willingness to,uh, engage and confront your
patterns.
You need to, um, and you'regonna have plenty of support for
it.
Like there's, you'll, there's nogreater place to do support, uh,
than this program.
(45:48):
Um, and you're gonna have adedicated coach.
So you have to be coachable.
Right, because you'll getfeedback, you'll get feedback
from your partners.
We also have anonymous feedbackforms.
So you could say, Hey, can youtell me what the last three
women said about me?
Like, what were my strengths?
What were my weaknesses?
Um, how did they rate me on, onthis?
On a scale of one to 10, becausewe, we take very uh, uh, uh, uh,
(46:11):
informative surveys of everybodyof their experience so we can
get a sense of what is every,what, you know, what's this
person's blind spot?
How have they been experiencedin relationship?
And we support you through thatprocess.
Maya (46:22):
Yeah.
I also want to add that a lot ofcoaches of the program, uh,
practiced.
Not only within the program, butpracticed before.
Mm-hmm.
Like those are people who havebeen on the path of conscious
relating Tantra, um, for years,for decades.
Mm-hmm.
So I think among like all of us,we have like probably 50 years
(46:44):
of experience, if not like evenmore.
Yeah.
Uh, and right, like that'simportant because when it comes
to relationships, it's allabout, um, uh, modeling.
So you kind of need to have itwithin yourself in order for
people to trust your leadershipand trust your guidance.
And for myself personally, likeI'm investing right now, like
(47:07):
$20,000 into learning moreskills in this realm because
like I have to keep myself onthe tip toes as well.
If you're in the field ofrelating you constantly.
Educate yourself and youconstantly practice.
And I think what me and Guy areexploring in our relationship is
to have more willingness toadmit when we want to grow,
(47:29):
right?
To admit like, okay, thiscontainer is too tight, it's
time to like break it and seewhat will emerge as and right.
Like I'm listening to myself andI'm like, oh my God, if like
five.
10 years ago, somebody wouldtell me that, that I would be
able to like, let go of certainrelationship, uh, frame and not
(47:50):
knowing what new will be bornand feel fine about that.
I'm like, how is that evenpossible?
Right?
So you grow your capacity toshow up authentically in your
relationship, to be open, to becurious, to be alive, to have
uncomfortable conversations.
Mm-hmm.
Guy (48:05):
And that's how this kind of process got started is that I've
had many relationships where itfelt like the only way to change
the dynamic of the relationshipwas to break up.
And I've had relationships wherewe would break up, get back
together, break up, get backtogether, break up, get back
together.
And I started to realize wedidn't actually want to break
up.
There just wasn't another way tochange the agreements of our
(48:25):
relationship once they were setin stone as the relationship
started.
And of course, if the agree andthe agreements are often
unspoken and they're set inplace in the beginning, but
people's needs change over timeand, and those agreements.
Need to be changed, especiallyif you're somebody with a growth
mindset.
And so I remember that the ideafor the 90 day came around and
these short experimentalrelationships, uh, I call them
(48:48):
relationship by lease.
We sign a lease, it ends.
You have to renew it or notrenew it.
And it came around because I wasrenewing the lease for my
apartment.
And as, as, as I was doing that,I was also creating the program.
And I remember they had this boxlike.
I had to check off like, yes, Iwill stay and I will pay this
extra rent.
Right?
There's an amendment of theagreement I have to sign, or no,
(49:11):
I'm not gonna stay and I'm gonnaleave on this date.
And I just, I really love theclarity of that.
I'm like, you know,relationships should be like
this.
Yes, this is serving my needs.
I need to charge more or I needto amend some of the ways that
this relationship is working.
Right.
In the, in the lease thing, it'slike, well, we need to charge
more now because
Willow (49:32):
Of course you would bring a lease agreement into a
dating thing guy, like
Guy (49:37):
Exactly right.
Or, or like, right.
'cause my needs have changed andI need something a little
different.
So I don't wanna break anddestroy the entire relationship.
But can we get together at aregular interval?
Revisit our agreements and do wewe have another tool called the
State of the Union, and it's aseries of things that you use to
evaluate how healthy is thisrelationship?
(49:58):
Do we wanna continue thisrelationship?
What do we need to change inthis relationship?
What has served my intention forthis relationship and what has
not served it?
Like, do I need to change therelationship or do I need to
change my intention?
Was I wrong about my intention?
And people learned through from,from this sort of 360 degree
process, like their needs, therelationship, the agreement, and
(50:20):
all the pieces start to cometogether so that you start to
thrive more in relationship.
Willow (50:25):
You know, one of the things I love the most about
this is it has, um, what wecall, um, like face, like think,
you know, when you, when youtalk about a program or
something, face value, facevalue isn't the word, but it's
like, oh, I can think of aperson for that.
I can think of another personfor that.
I can think of another personfor that.
And as you guys are talking, I'mlike.
Well, I'm thinking of somepeople who are in relationships
(50:48):
already, so I think it'svaluable for both singles and
people who are already inrelationships, even if it's a
monogamous relationship even itseems like both could step into
the cohort and into thecommunity and just really learn
a lot about how to be in a newform of relationship with each
(51:08):
other.
So it seems like a really greatway for people who, who've been
together for a long time, whofeel really stuck and like at
odds and can't get past theirSAM scars and their patterns and
their shit to break out of it.
Leah (51:21):
Yeah.
Well, is that or is thatavailable?
Maya (51:23):
they are open to connect with other people and they can
establish boundaries of that forthemselves.
We had a couple who were part ofthe program, however, they both
were coaches, so they bothstepped in with a lot of kind of
tools that they had at theirbelt and with a clear agreement
that they will go on a seven dayrelationships with different
(51:44):
people.
Mm-hmm.
And it's not an issue andthey're not gonna fight about
that.
Right.
So I would say you need to takecare of your boundaries and
agreements beforehand, but it'sabsolutely incredible experience
to be courageous, to have thatmirror and learn tools and kind
of refresh and, right.
The beautiful thing aboutlong-term partnership is that
(52:06):
you do sometimes need to take abreak and then, right.
You meet other people, youconnect with other people and
you're like, no, I still missthat person.
Mm-hmm.
Like, isn't that beautiful?
Right.
Yeah.
Guy (52:16):
Sometimes people create an RCA with themselves and say, you
know what?
I'm gonna opt out of choosing, Ineed seven days with myself to
really, uh, tune into myself.
Um.
The, the program is for singles,and yes, we have on occasion had
some couples attend.
However, what we tell thesingles, because you're, you're
very right in noticing thatthese skills serve any
(52:37):
relationship.
We tell the singles that like,look, if you are having your
longer relationship and, uh, andyou are put using the tools and
doing what you need to, willteach you some more advanced
couples things.
And, uh, you know, the couplesthat choose to get together.
They get to do other types ofpractices.
So, um, it, it is, it isprimarily for singles and we
(53:00):
offer a lot of support to helpyou take your relationship if
that is working for you, andcontinue to evolve it and create
additional containers, um, andbecome more of a couple, and
then you can learn even deeperpractices that we wouldn't
necessarily do if you didn'tknow someone very well.
Maya (53:17):
Yeah.
And I just wanna add that thebottom line of the program is
that you need to invest time andattention in your relationship.
Because time and attention isthe best healing, right?
It's the best bandaid or thebest like magic tool.
And, um, guy loves to tell thestory that we had a a point in
our relationship where we wereactually thinking breaking up,
(53:40):
right?
And then we put, uh, tools topractice and what it really does
use the
Guy (53:47):
tools,
Maya (53:48):
uh, what it really does, right?
It's you kind of like startseeing the person again because
you are available, right?
You're stepping in into thislike, okay, like seven days,
what is gonna change?
Nothing.
Right?
And then it actually changeseverything.
Mm-hmm.
Guy (54:03):
Yeah, it changed, it definitely changed our
relationship.
We didn't wanna do it, but thekids were doing it, so we're
like, well, we have to do it.
And we're like, fine, we'll sithere and do it.
And it changed everything
Leah (54:14):
That's awesome.
Um, if you haven't listened tolast week's episode, go check it
out.
That is with Maya and we go intosome really cool stuff about
female desire and having ourvoice and being able to speak
our needs and making adjustmentsin our own clarity for our own
needs and desires.
Then how to explore that withother people in our life.
So.
(54:34):
Check that out.
And we've got an episode withGuy.
Guy was one of our early podcastguests, episode 23, and we talk
a lot about Tantra Speed Day andhis experience of reinventing
relationships.
He goes into great detail aboutthose breakups, but just like he
mentioned, he didn't reallywanna break up.
They just needed to changeformat of the relationship and
(54:57):
it kind of explores how some ofthese tools were first given
birth in his own system and howhe has brought that to his work
today.
So, uh, go back to episode 23.
All of these links will be inthe show notes.
And in closing, I understand youguys have a free gift.
Maya, will you tell us aboutthat?
Maya (55:16):
So the free gift is Intro to Tantra.
For people who doesn't knowTantra, they can go and check
that out.
And please, uh, check out alsoour, uh,
www.TantraNY.com/ninety.
Leah (55:30):
Great.
Thank you so much for being heretoday.
I love you both.
Willow (55:33):
It is such a pleasure.
love you guys.
Guy (55:36):
Thank you It's been
Willow (55:37):
much.
Guy (55:38):
pleasure.
Maya (55:39):
We love you so much.
Leah (55:41):
Okay folks, stay tuned because next up is the dish.
We're gonna dish it up, me andWillow.
See you there.
Announcer (55:48):
Now our favorite part, the dish.
Willow (55:52):
That sounds like so much fun.
I wanna
Leah (55:54):
does.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I can imagine just thelovely friendships of, you know,
get established and the practiceof intimacy, just like you know,
which is being vulnerable, beingreal, being trustworthy, being
present.
Willow (56:10):
It's a lot of what I love about, you know, Tantra
camp when we're doing 11 daysof, of deep dive with the source
Tantra community.
It's like, I love the, theconnecting points and the
intimacy and the, the relating.
You know, I love all of that.
Um, what you get to learn aboutyourself through the, the
(56:31):
matchings that happen withinthose, you know, live events.
So, or live in person I shouldsay.
And so this sounds like, youknow, um, sort of a, another
version of that.
Leah (56:43):
Yeah.
Um, and like really thecornerstone to being good at
relationship means being good atcommunicating.
And most of us have shittymodels.
Most of our parents don't knowhow to communicate with each
other.
Willow (56:56):
Raise your hand if your parents are shitty
communicators.
Leah (57:00):
so it's not, some we're expected to do it well, but
we're not taught how to do itwell.
And um, you know, I see a lot ofpeople in and out of
relationships.
I see a lot of people wishingfor a relationship.
And if you want a goodrelationship, you gotta learn
how to be a good partner.
And I think this really sets youup for that.
Willow (57:18):
really does.
Really, really beautiful modeland
Leah (57:21):
I'd love to see them do this just for couples where it's
Willow (57:24):
Why I,
Leah (57:25):
it's really just breaking up with your partner and getting
back together
Willow (57:28):
as well as I was asking that question and as I was, they
were sort of answering thatquestion.
I was, I was thinking that willprobably be born next,
Leah (57:38):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, we love them and we're,uh, really happy for all the
things that they're doing, andit's been fun to watch their
relationship in all of its manyiterations
Willow (57:48):
absolutely.
Leah (57:48):
they are really a couple that have like been through it
and they continue to turntowards each other.
Willow (57:54):
Yeah, they really do.
It's inspiring for sure.
So go check them out and uh, wewill see you all very, very
soon.
Much left.
Leah (58:03):
Love, love, love.
Announcer (58:05):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
positive psychology facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional Medicinedoctor and Taoist Taxology
teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget your comments, likesubscribes and suggestions
matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com