Sheridan Ruth: Feeling Triggered in Relationships? The Parasympathetic Shift That Heals Attachment Wounds | #139 - The Sex Reimagined Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Leah (00:05):
Hey friends.
It is the Sex Reimaginedpodcast.
I am Leah Piper, your Tantraexpert.

Willow (00:11):
And I am Dr.
Willow Brown, your Daoistexpert, and we wanna thank you
for all the likes, shares, andsubscribes that are happening
because it's so wonderful to getthis information out to a
greater population.
Today, we had a really, reallyspecial interview with Sheridan
Ruth.

(00:31):
Who is a phenomenal coachhelping people to regulate their
nervous system from losing allof her hair when she was seven
years old, and going through somany sort of dark nights of the
soul, having her ex commitsuicide a couple weeks after
she, uh, left him, you know, sherebuilt her life.

(00:53):
She rebuilt her business, allusing somatic healing and
nervous.
System regulation.
She's got an amazing podcast.
You can learn all about herbook, her podcast, where to find
her, and how to regulate yournervous system so that you're in
a more receptive state no matterwhat you're doing in your

(01:13):
business.

Leah (01:15):
So you guys, you're gonna wanna tune in.
You're definitely gonna getturned on, and we know you're
gonna fall in love with SheridanRuth.

Announcer (01:23):
Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is
shame-free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.

Leah (01:32):
Sheridan Ruth.
Yes.
Welcome to the podcast.

Willow (01:35):
Yeah.
So excited to have you here.
I have listened to some of yourpodcasts and they're so soothing
and so nourishing to the nervoussystem, which is really what you
are all about, is helping peoplefind their way into a, a more
receptive state, likeparasympathetic state, I think.
Tell us more.
Tell us more about your journey,why you're doing this work, how

(01:57):
you got started.

Sheridan (01:59):
I mean, I think that you've summarized it really
well.
I, I want more people to be inthe parasympathetics.
I mean, we could go into athousand different things.
Uh,

Leah (02:10):
Well first, why don't you, for people who don't know what
you're saying, when both of yousay parasympathetic state, what

Willow (02:17):
We will start there.

Leah (02:18):
Yeah.

Willow (02:19):
Sheridan, take it away.
I.

Sheridan (02:23):
The nervous system is kind of, I think of it as like a
highway of communication.
Between your brain and yourbody, and it takes a lot of
information from your senses andyour perception and your body's
understanding of the world,which happens automatically.
You don't have to think aboutit.
It's happening a lot more thanyou realize.

(02:43):
Takes all that information andit sends it up to the brain, and
the brain also sends informationback down to the body.
The nervous system does that.
It has different branches.
It has all of the sides behindit.
But what we care about is thatwhen our body, not our brain,
but our body believes that weare safe and that we can be
present, and that we can, we arewith safe people and we can

(03:06):
connect to people and we can beourselves.
It puts us in parasympatheticstate, which means that our
energy is available in our bodyto rest.
To digest our emotions or ourfood, uh, to connect with other
people.
It's when it's in what we callthe sympathetic state, it thinks

(03:26):
that we're running from a bear.
So our energy goes to ourthinking mechanisms.
It makes our mind really active.
It goes to our limbs so that wecan run away, or it gives us an
urge to, uh, fight something orkind of collapse.
I was speaking with a clientyesterday and we're talking
about, it's that feeling of Ineed to preserve energy or I, I

(03:48):
need to sleep.
I just get to sleep.

Leah (03:50):
Hmm.

Sheridan (03:50):
Can't do anything.
So what we're speaking about ismy work, and I think in kind of
piggybacking a lot of the, yourguys' work is about bringing
people back to that state.
We are in the parasympatheticstate we can relax, we can
experience pleasure, we canexperience fulfilling and deep

(04:12):
relationships because we don'thave to protect ourselves.
We can be open and vulnerable.
Uh, we can, we can get our workout in the world.
That's, I usually help peoplewho are really value space,
really purpose driven and reallycare about making the world a
better place.
And so it's that feeling of Ican do my work, I can enjoy it.
I might have to work hard, it'snot hustle hard, but I will do

(04:35):
hard things I can be reallyproud of the things that I've
done and we can all treat eachother really well while we do
it.

Willow (04:43):
Mm.
I love that.
I always also like to thinkabout the parasympathetic state
as like, you know, the vagusnerve is open and that vagus
nerve, um, runs right along the,the yin meridian, and yin is all
about out receptivity.
So, you know, I always think oflike Yin's greatest superpower
or the Feminines greatestsuperpower is to receive.

(05:05):
And so what you're speaking toSheridan is really like, you
know, if somebody has somemission in life and they're
getting more of an opportunitywhen they're in that
parasympathetic state to receivethe mission through them and
transmit it through them outinto the world rather than
grinding to make somethinghappen and stressing and feeling

(05:28):
tight and constricted in theirmore, um, sympathetic, you know,
nervous system.

Sheridan (05:36):
I really liked the way you said that it's receiving the
mission through them and it'salso receiving support from
others that I like to thinkabout.
If you just have the mission,you tell people that that's what
you're doing'cause you have theconfidence to do so.
People around you will be veryexcited to help you in whatever
way that they can.
And there's like receptivity andyou get like bolstered and you

(05:58):
become magnetic.
And also it is just easier'causeyou have help.

Willow (06:04):
Yeah, exactly.
Receiving support.
Y'all gotta receive the supportthat's all around you.
You know, I taught yoga foryears and for years I would be
like, grab the block that'sright next to your foot and use
it for support.
It's like bringing the earth upto meet your body.
Why do you have support rightnext to you that you're not
using?
And we all do it in so many waysin, so many different, you know,

(06:27):
variations of life, even in thebreath, you know, it's like the
breath is there to support usand it's this incredible tool
that so many people forget touse throughout the day.
So I'm curious how you got intothis, how you got started,
what's been your training?
Let's, let's hear your journey.

Sheridan (06:47):
Yoga is the thing that opened my eyes.
Yeah, I, I, I started in likethe community development
nonprofit space.
I founded a nonprofit, it burntme out, I went to finance and I
discovered toxic workplaces.
Um, at the same time, so I wasin a really difficult place.

(07:08):
Long story short, when I was aseven years old, I lost my hair.
I have an incurable autoimmunedisease.
I have no hair, and it put me ina really dark place where I had
very low self-esteem.
Because of that and a myriad ofdifferent reasons, I ended up in
a, an abusive relationship,financially, sexually,

(07:28):
emotionally, physically, it avery, very dark place.
And one day I found yoga.
Yoga started slowly giving methat sense of support and
confidence in myself.
And that is actually what helpedme leave that relationship.
Unfortunately, it, it was sad,but it's also okay now, so like

(07:51):
nobody, it's okay.
Um, he died through suicide justa couple of weeks after I left.

Leah (07:57):
Wow.

Sheridan (07:57):
there was, yeah, it was really heavy at the time

Leah (08:00):
I bet.

Sheridan (08:02):
I didn't have support around me.
I had people who took advantageof me and the aftermath of that,
I was in a foreign country allby myself.
We lived, uh, in South America.
And even though I was veryconfident in the culture, it was
just really, really bad for me.
And there was a lot of thingsthat I saw, different sides of

(08:23):
different people that you reallydon't need to see in life

Willow (08:26):
Hmm.

Sheridan (08:26):
and.
I'm a whole of a person.
I'm completely traumatized.
I'm very much by myself, andI've lost everything.
Everything.

Willow (08:35):
Hmm.

Sheridan (08:36):
Whole fundamental way of seeing the world is just I, I
thought people were really goodand that I'm confronted with
this tragedy I'm trying to workand solve a mortgage,

Willow (08:47):
Hmm.

Sheridan (08:48):
And so I found yoga and I started teaching yoga and
then.
We had to take everythingonline.
And I think that's when every inCovid, I think that's when kind
of it became too much.
But at the same time you, I knewthat I had to do it, not because
I was financially stuck, butthere was that, you know, that

(09:10):
feeling you have inside whereyou are like, I have to do this.

Willow (09:13):
Yeah.

Sheridan (09:13):
course I thought I was financially stuck because I was
in a sympathetic nervous system.
I was freaking out.
I had money, but I was like

Willow (09:20):
Right.

Sheridan (09:21):
that I wouldn't have money and.

Willow (09:22):
throw you into a sympathetic dominant

Sheridan (09:24):
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
So I tried building the businessonline.
I was doing it all.
Nothing was working, I hadalready dived a lot into somatic
trauma therapy and thetherapeutic and the trauma, like
the healing aspects of yoga.
And so I'd kind of been usingthat to support myself

(09:44):
personally, and then I was like,oh, I could just use this for
business.
I could just use all these toolsjust for business.
And so I just did that.
And then I built this greatcoaching business with hair loss
coaching, confidence coaching,anxiety coaching and
relationship coaching.
And people were like, did you dothat?

(10:06):
And I was like, oh, I did itlike this, this is what I can
teach you.
And I took on like mentees andthen it.
It just blossomed.
Maybe this is like the yin, verylike receptive state.
It just blossomed and we createda body-based business
methodology.
There's a, a book now, uh, Ijust started doing it and I

(10:29):
started getting paid for it andpaid comfortably and very well,
and so it's been really great.
Yeah.

Leah (10:35):
Fantastic.
That's, that's that.
I mean, talk about, uh, hittinga super, super low point and
rising from the ashes andbeginning to flourish and have
that be a part of your purpose.
It's so interesting when we gothrough something extremely
painful, but that leads us tosome of our greatest gifts.

Willow (10:52):
And this is all very recently.
Just within the last five yearsor so.
Yeah.
Okay.

Sheridan (10:58):
Yeah.
Yeah.

Leah (10:59):
Where, where do you live now?
Are you still in South America?

Sheridan (11:02):
No, I moved to Melbourne in Australia.
I moved

Leah (11:04):
Okay.

Sheridan (11:05):
home to Australia, which is fun.

Willow (11:07):
does that feel?
Does it feel good?

Sheridan (11:10):
It was a really big shock if I'm really honest.
It feels really great.
I'm really happy.
I feel super supported and itwas like just a really big shock
to my system.
And so it is just now that I'mkind of beginning to

Willow (11:21):
Mm-hmm.

Sheridan (11:21):
guys ever had that where something you're like, I
know this is really the bestthing for me and it's a lot for
my body to adjust to.

Willow (11:29):
I'm in the same boat as you.
Yeah.
I just moved back to

Sheridan (11:31):
Oh,

Willow (11:31):
zone as well.
I mean, I've been in Californiaall along, but, um, you know,
just moved closer to the, to theorigin, to the home zone.

Leah (11:41):
Well, more importantly, having to leave a place you
spent 20 years in cultivating abusiness 26 years and good
friends and all those things andrealizing, wow, I think I am
breaking up with this city.
I got to go have a new, find anew love affair.

Willow (11:57):
for a while.
I was like, I think I need tobreak up with Santa Cruz and I,
you know, and people would belike, mm-hmm.
Heard that before, you know, notfrom me, but from others.
And it was, Santa Cruz is one ofthose places where there's
actually a curse put on it.
Um, and native and like, becausethe, the, you know, white men
came and basically built overthe burial grounds of Native
Americans.
So there is a curse on SantaCruz that like if you fall in

(12:19):
love with that place and theland and the community, there's
always gonna be like a, oh,maybe I should go back, or, you
know.
So people do try to leave likehistorically, and then they
always end up going back.
So this

Leah (12:31):
I felt like I was there for too long, but I, it hasn't
pulled me back.

Willow (12:34):
No.
Yeah, it, it won't pull youback.
I don't think it'll pull me backeither.
I think just'cause of the waythat I've left sort of more
gradually.
But for you, south America toAustralia, that is not gradual.
That is like a big, kind of ashocking shift.
I mean, it's always a big shiftin a shock when you move to
somewhere new.
But

Leah (12:52):
That's true.

Willow (12:53):
when you move

Sheridan (12:54):
It is.
Yeah.
And cultures.
And I spent 12 years in Columbiain Medellin.
And it's so interesting becauseit's one of those places, like
every single person is like, I'mjust gonna be here for a few
weeks.
You're like, yeah,

Leah (13:08):
It sucks you in.

Willow (13:09):
sucks you in.
There's

Sheridan (13:10):
I wonder if there's a, lots of curses on, lots of lands
in that area.
I wouldn't be surprised.
'Cause very much the same thing.
They came and they got rid ofeverything.
Like there's no indigenous, um,history.
Like they just, was, it's, it'sawful.

Willow (13:26):
Totally

Sheridan (13:26):
curious.

Leah (13:29):
Yeah.
So tell us a little bit aboutyour work as a relationship
coach and how you're using yoursomatic methods and working with
the nervous system to helppeople show up differently in
partnership with others.

Sheridan (13:41):
You guys wanna talk about attachment theory?

Leah (13:43):
Sure,

Sheridan (13:44):
the end of, yeah.

Leah (13:45):
Let's dive into attachment theory.
We love attachment theory.

Sheridan (13:48):
We do a lot of somatic attachment, so attachment
theory, the way that I think ofit and what I've.
really helpful to speak withclients about is that where we
have all of these differentparts of ourselves, some parts
of ourselves feel really anxiousin relationships and are really
kind of like looking forreassurance and, and that
closeness a lot of the time,other parts of ourselves feel

(14:10):
like we don't wanna get tooclose and move away.
And you can feel that in yourbody and

Leah (14:18):
And then you can see it in your actions.
Sometimes you can see it beforeyou can feel it, or your, your
awareness of feeling it is sosubconscious that you notice
you're just like in thesepatterns of push and pull.

Sheridan (14:32):
I think it's like a bit, I think it's the podcast
episode that you and I kind ofconnected on where it's actually
very, it's actually a moreadvanced practice to be able to
feel that in your body.
So one of the things that Iteach is when are you relating
to people from an insecure andavoidant part?
How would you know that in yourbody?
When are you relating to moneybasically it's, does this person

(14:55):
bring me safety?
Does money bring me safety?
Does my accomplishments and myanger bring me safety?
Because if We're doing that,we're always going to be feeling
like we're pushing and we'rehustling something.
There's always going to be astress response because our
safety

Willow (15:11):
is

Sheridan (15:11):
at

Willow (15:12):
Mm-hmm.

Sheridan (15:14):
Therefore it is at risk.
Therefore, I'm never actuallysafe.

Willow (15:19):
Right.

Sheridan (15:19):
What, what I teach people to do and what I, what I
started teaching and when I wasdoing relationship therapy and
coaching was creating embodiedsafety.
I'm safe no matter what thatperson thinks of me.
Even if I've been with them for26 years.
We get nervous about what thepeople we, we love, what they
think about this new idea ofours.

(15:40):
Or I'm safe even if they havewant something different
sexually, than I do.
If I want something differentsexually to them, I'm safe even
if my bank account goes down, oreven if it goes up and goes
higher than what my parents haveever earned.
And we, we practice thatembodied safety.
And then the way that we relateto people is so much more fun

(16:02):
and real and deep.

Willow (16:04):
So

Sheridan (16:04):
Yeah.

Willow (16:06):
like actionable steps that somebody could take today
if they're listening to thistoday and they're like, I wanna
feel that safety inside ofmyself.
You know, I wanna feel thatsafety around finances.
I wanna feel it aroundpartnership.
Is there some kind of practiceor something that they could,
um, implement themselves rightaway

Sheridan (16:26):
I would say begin with awareness inside of how you are
relating to other people andthese things.
And also contrast that to whenyou feel really safe and where
you are.
And notice if those things, Ithink first of all like identify
if you have embodied safety.

(16:46):
I asked a client this yesterday.
I was like, when do you feelmost safe?
She said, with my ex, with mydog, and in my apartment.
And so now our work is to noticethe sensations that she has in
her body when she's in thoseplaces, and then start
cultivating them inside andlooking for them inside.

(17:07):
I.

Leah (17:08):
Tracking them.
Where do you feel it?
What does it feel like?
Um, can you expand it?
Can you get in touch with it?
When you're in touch with it,can you move it and feel it
even, even deeper, even more?
Where else can you feel thatsensation?
And then I imagine you start tohave them practice feeling and
finding that feeling whenthey're outside of those places,

(17:29):
like when they're not with theirdog and they're not in their
home and they're not with theex.
Um, how can you start to conjurethose sensations out in life?
Yeah.
How long,

Sheridan (17:43):
Go

Leah (17:43):
go ahead.

Sheridan (17:44):
I'm just, I'm curious.
It's a topic that's reallyinteresting.
How do you support other people?
What methods have you guys foundthat's been really helpful to
other people create that safetyinside?
Apart from that, I do that alot.

Leah (17:56):
Well, I think, I think it begins with where you began,
which is an awareness.
It's actually putting yourattention on the sensations and
building a relationship to thosesensations, and then working on
bringing your awareness to feelthose sensations more often.
And so then that means how doyou find touch points?
So that you can bring moreawareness to that sensation when

(18:17):
you're usually unconscious, youknow?
So for instance, like when youwake up and you're making your
favorite hot morning beverage,you know, can you settle into
that feeling?
Can you start to build a ritualway of creating a cornerstone
that helps you come back tothat, come back to that, so that
your awareness increases to thesensation?

(18:38):
I think the tricky element isthen when you're triggered.
What do you need?
What's a transition betweenfeeling when your energy is
escalating and your arousal goeshigh because you are finding
yourself in upset, like there isusually a transition space of
being able to go from thatsensation to that more peaceful

(18:59):
sensation.
And I think that's where peoplereally, really struggle.
It's how do you create thatpattern interrupt so that it can
become faster and faster.
Um, it's like, how can you comeout of pattern as quickly as
possible?
When you find yourself graspingfor safety and you're now using
habits and strategies that youhad as a kid, that might have
worked as a kid, but now they'reno longer working, and that just

(19:22):
takes a time.
And that's been my experience.
It's been my experience in myown body and it's my been my
experience coaching otherpeople.
Is giving them also theforgiveness.
For when you fuck it up and youcan't reach it and you're
starting to go through thatinner critical spiral of, you
know, I'm always, I'm alwaysgonna be a fuck up.

(19:42):
You know, then that's a wholenother pattern that has to be
shifted.
What's been working for you and,and Willow certainly, uh,
anything that you would add tothat.

Willow (19:51):
Yeah, I mean, I think that there's, um, a level of
safety inside that so many of usdon't ever, get a chance to
experience.
And so, you know, there's thesedifferent parts of ourselves
piggybacking on what Leah'stalking about, these patterns

(20:11):
that we develop as we're,develop a, a of protecting
ourselves before we learnlanguage while, while others of
us learn a new, a differentstyle.
Because we do, when we do havelanguage.
So we're gonna react indifferent ways to, depending on,
um, you

Leah (20:30):
Or habits.

Willow (20:30):
we.
When we experienced our firsttrauma or you know, when we
experienced unsafety, like notfeeling safe when we had that,
those first experiences in ourlife.
And so love to do, um, somatoemotional release where it's,
it's kind of like a parts work,you know, somewhat kind of
similar to IFS system.

(20:52):
But it's where we would find theplace inside and feel into the
soma.
Like where, okay, I'm notfeeling safe around finances.
Where do I feel that in my gut?
Okay.
In my power center, my solarplexus.
Just below that, into my gut.
So what does it feel like?
It feels like a tension.
It feels like a holding.
What does it look like?

(21:12):
It looks like two fists grippingand like turning in on each
other.
You know, what is, what is theemotion that's there?
Stress, worry, anxiety, youknow?
So we just get closer and closerand closer to the place inside
that we feel the, um, unsafetyand then start to unravel it

(21:32):
from there.
You know, once we've gottenreally, a lot of times these
places in our bodies that feelunsafe, they just need attention
and acknowledgement to juststart to open up and unfurl a
little bit.
And from there we can ask otherparts of ourselves like, is
there another part of you thatcan support you in feeling more
at ease with your money?

(21:53):
Oh yeah.
Well, my brain, because if Ibudget better and I take care of
my finances and I look at mymoney, then you know, then I'm
gonna feel more at ease in mygut.
So I think that, you know, alongthe same lines of what you both
are talking about is having thatdeep sense of awareness of where

(22:15):
it stuck in your tissues.

Sheridan (22:18):
Yeah.
Can I piggy back one more thing?

Leah (22:21):
Of course.

Sheridan (22:23):
I find it really helpful to do belief work around
this as

Leah (22:26):
Mm.

Sheridan (22:26):
which is essentially that what is the belief that I
picked up at some point in mylife, uh, that is making me feel
unsafe?

Leah (22:36):
Mm-hmm.

Sheridan (22:37):
subtle.
Yesterday we were doing aworkshop and this woman goes,
she goes, oh, I actually reallythought that like.
All of my success depended onhow this next work, she's
presenting another workshop, myworkshop goes on in March.
And I was like, she's like, I'mjust realizing that I, I really,
I really believed that to betrue.
And now that she just had theawareness, my success doesn't

(23:01):
depend, my future doesn't dependon this one thing.
It depends on lots of smallactions and pattern interrupts
over time.
In relationship.
I think that's the same.
Sometimes we, if we like someoneor something goes wrong, parts
of us can think, they can kindof look, put a lot of pressure
on that one interaction andthink, oh, I don't know how to

(23:23):
repair that.
I won't be able to come backfrom it.
And we get really hypercriticalto ourselves.
But maybe there's a belief therethat was created during
childhood around relationshipsdon't repair and recover.
Conflict creates collapse orsomething, and we can kind of

(23:44):
teach those other, if wecontinue with parts, we can
teach the parts of ourselves tohave a more expanded view of
reality.
And that more expanded view ofreality is a lot more safe.
Money helps a lot, but you, you,you're gonna be okay if the
budget doesn't look a certainway this month or this year, or
you don't have as much as youthought you would when you're

(24:05):
45.
You know?

Leah (24:08):
Yeah, the meaning that we make, um, really ends up driving
our behavior and our actions.
So then when we realize that weactually have the power to
shift, the meaning that we'remaking, um, can help us feel
tremendously more hopeful andtremendously more relaxed and
more forgiving, and morespacious for sure.

Willow (24:30):
So let's, uh, circle back to some of, some of the
like attachment work that youwork with people.
Let's say someone comes to youand they're like, okay, I've
been in this relationship forseven years, it started off
really great.
Now I'm just anxious all thetime because I just can't trust
that it's not gonna go away andI'm starting to act needy.

(24:50):
And I don't know, I'm making upsomething up here, but, um,
what, like, what's your sort of,you know, path to evolution for
that person?

Sheridan (25:02):
Uh, at first I would be really curious if something
changed and if, or if it wasalways like that.
I think we would all be reallycurious about that.

Willow (25:10):
Yeah.

Sheridan (25:10):
And

Willow (25:11):
like when we're in relationship with one person
versus another, we could have amore anxious style versus a more
secure style.
I.

Sheridan (25:19):
what do you mean by that?

Willow (25:21):
Like I think, you know, if, if I, let's say if I'm in a
relationship in my late twentiesand I'm very confident in that
relationship, then I might havea more secure attachment in that
relationship.
And then if I'm a little laterin life and I'm in something
where I'm like, wow, thatperson's so big, maybe I have
them on a pedestal a little bit.
I can be in a more anxious, likeneedy kind of attachment way.

Sheridan (25:45):
Yeah, because in that, it's almost as if, I think
there's two things happening.
If the individual is doing that.
One we're, we've probablyexperienced heartbreak, so
there's probably a racing that'shappening.
Around wanting to make sure thatwe don't experience more
heartbreak.
So it's like maybe I get anxiousbecause I think there's a part

(26:09):
of me that is now fearful.
So I think particularly,particularly around
relationships where thingschange, I'm always curious,
where are you coming from?
Fear relationships are love.
No matter what, what we'redoing, what we want to
experience is love.
A lot of us don't actually endup experience that true quality
of feeling of love with anotherperson because we haven't found

(26:33):
it consistently enough inside.
But a lot of the, what whatwe're doing is am I coming from
fear?
And so I think at the crux ofall of it is I would.
Really help that client withwhatever tools we use, we can
use somatic parts work.
We can use dance therapy.
We can use art therapy.
But identify two things.

(26:54):
When I relate to people, when amI coming from fear?
When am I trying to controlthem?
When am I trying to make surethat they never leave me?
When am I trying to make surethat they like me?
When am I trying to make surethat I look good?
When am I trying to do all ofthese things?
Because at the end of that,whatever I'm trying to control
some type of outcome, I, I hopethat all relationships stay

(27:14):
together forever.
I have a massive abandon wound,abandonment wound, so I get that
and also.
Know, because it's coming fromfear.
Fear that if that person leaves,I won't be okay.
What you want to relate to islove.
So if we can identify what doesfear look like in the body and

(27:36):
get really close to it and loveon it.
I'm not trying to push away, notsay it's bad, but just really
love on it.

Leah (27:44):
Mm-hmm.

Sheridan (27:44):
Really get to know it, really become actual friends
with it, which sounds absurd,and get to see what strengths
that fear gives us and whatqualities.
Maybe I'm really anxious, butI'm a great planner,

Leah (27:55):
Mm-hmm.

Sheridan (27:57):
I don't know.
Yeah.
And then find love.
And we have to go on a reallybig journey to to learn what
love and pleasure and safety isin the body.
And we find it in differentways.
And then learn love.
And then of acting in therelationship from fear, you
just, before you act, next time,just find love first and then

(28:18):
respond to the text message,then ask them a thing, and then
think about what you might wannado or what you wanna say, but
get familiar with love and thenkind of infuse that in the
relationship and two things willhappen.
One, you won't feel that youhave those tendencies acting
out.
And two, the actual relationshipwill transform, both of you will

(28:43):
be so much happier, so much morehappier.
You have all of those otherthings that are making you
anxious that they're doing'causeit's not just all in your head.
There's also things that arehappening they will most likely
dissipate and the other personwill start showing up in the way
that you really want them to'cause now we're in a feedback
of love.

Leah (29:02):
Yeah, that's a brilliant answer.
I love that.

Willow (29:05):
Beautifully put.
I like that a lot.
Mm-hmm.

Leah (29:09):
So tell me a little bit about, um, you had a, an
interesting question.
Lemme just How to buildconfidence in your inner voice.
How do you help people unblocktheir throat and access...
it's like I, you see it so much.
There's some people who justhave a natural gift of being

(29:29):
able to articulate what they'refeeling, what they're thinking,
what they see, what theybelieve.
Like they can, they can let it,they let it flow out.
They can communicate it prettyeffortlessly to others.
And then you've got other peoplewho get that so stuck in their
throat.
They have such a hard timearticulating.
What it is that they need tosay, they want to say, they

(29:51):
crave to say, to put that out sothey can experience it so they
can hear it for themselves.
And also share it in a way wherethey're like feeling like what
they're experiencing is gettingacross to somebody else.
Um, I, I imagine that you comeacross that quite a bit and I'm
wondering how you support peoplefreeing up their throat.

Sheridan (30:12):
Yeah, I'm, I'm curious if you, if you feel that it's
throat, because I, I've noticedthere are two things, and maybe
you've seen them too.
There's kind of the inner, Idon't know, for me, it kind of
sits in my belly that, thatfeeling of actually, oh,
actually I, having the courageto identify to myself what I
want

Leah (30:32):
Mm-hmm.

Sheridan (30:33):
what I wanna say and what I need and what I desire.
Then there's it kind of, youhave to travel up your body and
then it's okay.
Well, maybe it's, I could almostsay it.
It's on the tip of my tongue andthen we have to get it

Leah (30:45):
Mm-hmm.

Sheridan (30:47):
do you feel this, do you, do you notice the same
thing?
There's two layers.

Leah (30:50):
think it could come from any chakra, you know?
Uh, my husband would say thatit's, there's so much up here.
He's so cerebral, there's somuch up here.
And when the pressure's on, heso wants to get what's clear up
here out his mouth, but it getsblocked somewhere.
And the transmission, otherpeople, like it depends on the
topic.

(31:10):
It could be their sexual, whatthey need to communicate
sexually, you know, and notbeing able to articulate their
true desires.
Not being able to share, youknow what their needs are.
You know, so I sometimes it getsstuck in our heart because it's
so vulnerable, right?
It's so tender that it justfeels like it gets all crunchy
by the time we try to expressit.

(31:31):
So I think that the desire toexpress it well, is a common
desire and then what needs to beexpressed could be coming from
any other part of the soma, youknow, where we are most
challenged.
Typically because it's, it'sfraught with vulnerability.
So, um.
And then, and then for a lot ofpeople, it's like a whole life

(31:52):
worth of stuff that they'reexperiencing in their body that
all seems to get on lockdownwhen it gets to their throat.
So I think what it comes down tois just pure expression.
And, and so, you know, and Ithink this is where creativity
can really be harnessed becausewe think it has to come out the
throat, but a lot of timesthere's a lot of other ways to
express it in a more creativeway.

Sheridan (32:14):
And that's, and you kind of touched on where I like
to go, which is, it's the simplequestion and it applies to
everything.
How comfortable are you withvulnerability?

Leah (32:24):
Mm-hmm.

Sheridan (32:24):
it's actually really vulnerable to claim in a world
that is going to, that isinherently just unsafe in so
many ways, it's, it's vulnerableto actually make that decision
and say, I'm gonna be safe.
I'm actually deciding that I'msafe enough right now to be
relaxed, and I can feel thatreinforced in my body in these
ways.

(32:44):
It's very vulnerable to look atyour finances when you don't
want to, and it's vulnerable tochoose love.
I mean, all of the parts of youare screaming, you have to do
this other thing, and you'relike, oh, no, no, no, we're
gonna choose this, ambiguous,airy fairy lovey dovey thing and
just you have the confidencethat we'll be okay.

(33:07):
So I, don't find that I actuallyaddress it very directly a lot.

Leah (33:12):
Hmm.

Sheridan (33:12):
It always comes as a byproduct because we work so
much on one's capacity to bevulnerable.

Leah (33:19):
So how do you work with someone when you're wanting to
support them be getting into arelaxed state when they're not
relaxed?

Sheridan (33:26):
We have three things that we do.
We have a method body-basedbusiness.
So the first thing regulate.
I have a cheat sheet and first,identify what your nervous
system tends to do.
Then find the tools that you canuse, that you will actually use
without privacy, without space,without lots of time, like going
to yoga class.

(33:47):
I love that all for that.
You're not gonna use it in themiddle of the day,

Leah (33:51):
Mm-hmm.

Sheridan (33:51):
the office.
So instead, maybe what you do isyou get really good at knowing
how, how to use cold water, andyou kind of use that on your
hands or your neck or your faceor breath or, um, peripheral
vision orienting axis likepractices.
So we build that in and we makeit a part of your day so that
you're doing it automatically.

(34:12):
It's just built in.
Uh, then we do the traumahealing.

Leah (34:17):
Can you give an example of that real quick?
What some of those, you know, acouple quick ones that people
could maybe try on.

Sheridan (34:25):
Well, let's just all do, uh, one that's really simple
and I think it's, it's kind of acombination of like the
butterfly hug, which is thatsomatic hug where you cross your
arms over your, your body andyou hug yourself

Leah (34:36):
Mm-hmm.

Sheridan (34:37):
and, um, the line exercises where we just we're
using our hands to activate bothsides of the brain by crossing
them over to the other side ofthe body.
And we're just gonna kind oflike, you can hug yourself.
You can tap yourself.
But give, I'm not gonna dotapping.
I'm gonna do hugging.
'cause tapping is loud.
Give yourself some contact.
With your right hand on the leftside of your body and your left

(35:00):
hand on the right side of yourbody, and do it all the way down
so you can get down to like yourthighs and your feet.
You can kind of rub your handsup and down, but you want'em to
be on both sides, and we're justgonna do that.
See if you can breathe a littlebit deeper.
And then notice and bringawareness to the sensations that
feel either neutral or okay, orkind of nice inside.

(35:25):
And it can be nice to even likelook at something.
My, my, my gaze moved'cause mybody is used to looking for
something pleasurable and I cansee will, as yours is moving as
well.
So it, the invitation is to moveyour gaze.
By closing your eyes andfocusing on something that feels
good, or move your gaze tosomething that looks nice.
There's a really nice plant overthere that's pretty pleasurable

(35:45):
to look at.
And just find something thatfeels nice and kind of give
yourself this, and that'sprobably enough.
And then, I don't know, do youguys feel like maybe 3% more
present?
Yeah.

Leah (35:57):
Yeah, yeah.
No, absolutely.
It's lovely.
There's some, uh, research donewith, um, the Havening
technique.
Have you heard of the Haveningtechnique?
Yeah.
Say same, same.
You're crossing over, you're,you're activating those delta
waves and then you're justcaressing down and it's just
that soothing feeling.
And if, if you don't want peopleto see how you're touching the

(36:17):
tops of your shoulders and yourarms, you can do it underneath
the desk with just the hands andyou're just caressing the hands
and it's so soothing and it's sobeautiful when someone else can
do it to you.
When they come across andthey're petting.
Of the face from the foreheadswiping across the cheeks, down
to the chin.

(36:38):
Um, it's a lovely little partnerpractice when you wanna bring
some soothing to your partner.
I love it.

Sheridan (36:46):
So we do a lot of those and we,

Leah (36:48):
Love it.

Sheridan (36:48):
to do that more.
And then we do the traumahealing,

Leah (36:52):
Yeah.
So say, say more about that.
Yeah.

Sheridan (36:55):
Everyone has core fears.
Everyone has awful things thathave happened.
And on the other side of that isa lot of wisdom and resilience.
We have to integrate it.
And so, I use somatic therapy.
So it's a lot of feeling in yourbody.
Finding safety, expressingsafety, kind of closing that
chapter.

(37:16):
Some people need to have reallybig, cathartic releases.
Some people it's more aboutintegrating, understanding, not
going into that so much, nottalking about it.
don't go a lot into the story.
Uh, and sometimes it's moremindset around, okay, well
what's the belief?
Can I feel the emotion?
Now it's looking at a differentbelief.
In the book that I wrote,there's quite a number of

(37:37):
practices that we can do, butit's all..
What is my body, what's thetrauma my body experienced?
And sometimes it doesn't comefrom us.
It comes from up poor and myancestors being poor for a
really long time.
So now my body has a specificrelationship with money or with
the government.
And so we are doing a lot ofkind of getting to know what the

(38:01):
body's story is reorienting itto safety and connection and
pleasure in different ways todifferent people's desires and
capacity.
And so we do a lot of that.
And when we do that traumahealing spontaneously, you don't
need to regulate so much.

Willow (38:22):
Right, you know, what you're speaking to really is
epigenetic healing.
Like healing through the DNAlevel.
Um, healing all the way backthrough the, through the
bloodlines, through theancestral timelines, and into
the future as well.
Because, you know, those of uswho.
to bring children into theworld.

(38:43):
You know, we, we are thencarrying different DNA code into
that, that new life.
And it's, um, really beautifulto see a whole generation, I
mean, in my circle anyway.
Around me, generation of youngchildren who are coming in so
much more healed and so muchmore regulated.

(39:04):
Of course, there's the totalopposite happening in the world
as well, but you know, we callthem these star seed children
and it's just um, so hopeful to,to see that.
You know, as, as people learn todo these practices and to really
just kind of for them to becomesecond nature in day-to-day

(39:25):
life.
You know, it just really changesnot only your nervous system,
but everyone around you.
I've sort of always been verynaturally pretty chill, like
pretty mellow, pretty laid back.
And so my, um, you know, even ina, in a stressed response state,
I kind of just naturally havealways gone to these practices.

(39:48):
And um, you know, I think peoplehave always felt very like, safe
around me because of that.
Because of that sort of steepedin nervous system.
And it's so beautiful to witnesspeople who, who haven't had that
naturally, like literallytransformed themselves through
it and become somebody who is adelight and safe to be around

(40:12):
and that they feel, you know,like they can just really be
themselves with.

Sheridan (40:18):
Yeah.

Willow (40:19):
So the work you're doing is changing the world.
Thank you Sheridan.

Sheridan (40:22):
I mean, you guys too and everyone listening to this,
it's really true.
You know, I was witnessing tosomebody, and I know that they
grew up with a lot of violencein their home, and the way that
they're parenting their kids isso soft and so much emotional
validation, and it's just, it's,you're, you're seeing it too.
It's the most beautiful thing.
And it, it will change theworld.

Leah (40:44):
Tell us a little bit about your work with pleasure and how
the focus on pleasure ischanging people's relationship
to their work and to othersectors of their life.

Sheridan (40:55):
I was really hoping that you would ask this
question.
Um, I think there's two things,right?
So when we, we link a lot of ourwork to productivity, I.
We get kind of sometimes Mm,

Leah (41:17):
Bogged down?

Sheridan (41:19):
Yeah.

Leah (41:19):
stressed

Willow (41:19):
out?
Overwhelmed?

Leah (41:20):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Sheridan (41:21):
Yeah.

Leah (41:22):
Critical

Sheridan (41:23):
Procrastinating, worried.
Yeah.
But then we go the other way.
I don't know if, yeah.
guys seen this?
Where we focus too much onpleasure just doing what feels
good in the moment, and then welook back and we're like, why
does my bank account look likethat?
Like what?
And it's funny'cause thepersonal development industry

(41:45):
kind of tells you like, do whatyou love and you'll abundantly
be supported.
And I, I do believe that istrue.
But what I'm more, what I teach,is to get more curious about how
you can bring pleasure in.
So it's two things.
It's one, how can you link yourproductivity with how much

(42:07):
presence and pleasure you havedoing the things that need to be
done, to do your work in theworld.
And sometimes that means, andthis is like opening up a whole
different conversation, but somethings are really boring and you
actually hate to do them.
And some things are really scaryto do them.
But your brain and your nervoussystem have a, um.

(42:30):
Have a kind of a gateway and youcan influence how it perceives
sensation in your body.
BDSM, kink, all of that.
It's that gateway.
What's the biggest thing?
The perception of the sensationin your body.
So there are some things thatyou need to do in your life to
be productive or to have abusiness, or to make money, or

(42:53):
to have a good relationship thatare boring or scary.

Leah (42:57):
Hmm, Willow, you gotta kink out on tech, honey.
You've just gotta do it.

Willow (43:01):
Well, it's so funny as Sheridan's talking, I'm thinking
back to, I just rewrote the, thelanding page for our Greece
retreat and I loved every secondof it.
I mean, I was just in so muchpleasure because I was getting
to write again.
You know, I was

Sheridan (43:16):
Yeah.

Willow (43:17):
in my creativity again.
And I was like, I was like,maybe I should just quit
everything and just write salespages for a living, which you
would never hear me say that inthe

Leah (43:25):
No.
I'm kind of shocked to hear itcome outta your mouth right now,
but you're good at it.

Sheridan (43:32):
Yeah.

Leah (43:33):
Yeah.

Sheridan (43:34):
But do you, do you, are there parts of it that you
don't enjoy, like the, thetechie things?

Willow (43:38):
Sure.
But I'm learning a new method tothe madness and it's really fun,
you know, and, and then it'sjust like getting me, so I think
'cause like.
It's a, it's a, it's a retreatin Greece where we're gonna lead
women.
We're gonna go on a pilgrimage.
We're gonna, you know, like prayat the gates of the divine
feminine and really open up thegoddess within and do all this,

(44:01):
um, ritual and, and sex magicpractice, Tantric and Taoist
stuff.
And, um, I, as I'm writing the,the sales page for it, I'm just
getting really inspired andexcited about what we're gonna
do with the retreat, so...

Leah (44:16):
that keeps you juicy.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Sheridan (44:21):
But there's this thing where it's like we have to
accept that that's what we'redoing.
We have to consent toexperiencing the sensations, and
then the juiciness comes out.
So if you just accept, okay, I,I am writing the sales page.
I am sending the emails.
If you accept it, you startgetting curious, where can I
feel pleasure here?

(44:41):
Sometimes that constriction ofanxiety in our chest, if we just
breathe into it enough, itbecomes really electric, and
really fun, and reallypleasurable sometimes.
That thing that we are avoiding,that we're really worried about,
if we breathe into it enough, ifwe consent to it, if we just
focus on the sensation, not thestory that we have about it, we

(45:04):
just for three minutes focus onthe sensation and consent and
say, yes, I'm gonna feel thissensation.
All of a sudden, either thesensation is no longer there and

Leah (45:14):
Mm.

Sheridan (45:14):
over it, whether it's heaviness or activation, or
we're like, Hmm, this is kindof, it's like a heaviness
that's, it's very mellow.
Hmm.
And I like light a candle andreally mellow out and do this.
Or it's an activation that'slike, oh, this is cool and I'm,
I'm really excited and oh mygosh.

(45:36):
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
But it's all sensation.
We are very powerful beings.
We can change the way that weexperience sensation.

Leah (45:46):
Yeah, I think that's, I think that's interesting.
I think we're so addicted todopamine.
In our culture to the pointwhere it's like we're we wanna
distract ourselves from anyamount of discomfort.
We will reach for social media,we will reach for food, we will
reach for complaints, we willreach, we will just reach for
anything that will change ourstate because our intolerance

(46:08):
towards discomfort has justgotten greater and greater and
greater as technology makes lifeeasier, easier, easier, easier.
Our intolerance for doing hardthings is, is growing.
And there's something reallyimportant about pursuing hard
things, that increases our lifesatisfaction.

(46:29):
Like we actually need to do hardthings and allow ourselves to be
in boredom.
And to be present withdiscomfort so that we're not
addicted to the reach ofdopamine.
So this is kind of aninteresting thing because we're
looking for the pleasure in thediscomfort.
You know, by kind of in lookingat this model.

(46:51):
So it's very interesting.
We're at a very interestingplace in our, um, very evolved
world.
You know, like we're at thebrink of destruction, you know,
because of all the crazyconveniences.

Willow (47:05):
Yeah.

Leah (47:06):
Yeah.
That we are now very accustomedto.
None of us really want theinconvenience, the conveniences
to go away.
But we are gonna be paying aplanetary cost.
So this is like really kind ofcoming back on like the micro
level.
Of doing two things, whichactually ends up giving us some
pleasure in the long run.

(47:26):
It, it actually creates sussustained pleasure, sustained
satisfaction by sitting in thesensation that we normally want
to quickly dissolve.
And shift out of.
And so what I love what you'resaying is when we can get really
present, increase our awarenessto what's happening in our
system, be in it, instead ofrunning away from it, then we

(47:51):
will often discover veryinteresting things.
One is the sensation can quicklydissolve.
It can., It can change.
When we just sit with it and notrun from it.
We can gain wisdom and insightdue to that desire for
curiosity.
if it doesn't just dissolve,something else of value appears,

(48:13):
we can then gain insight.
Um, and then there is sort ofthe existential kink part of it,
which is discovering a wholenother layer of get off on going
through that eye of the needle.
Which is actually being in thediscomfort and finding something
very rewarding at the end of it.

(48:35):
Um, I notice that sometimes withlike deadlines, I notice that
sometimes I like have this storyof like, oh, I procrastinate, or
I wait until there's very littletime left.
And what I notice is to trustthat now.
Like, I'm actually pretty goodunder pressure, you know what I
mean?
Like, I actually do kind of likeas uncomfortable and as

(48:55):
annoying, and as anxious thebuildup is then when I have to
sit down and like, there'ssomething really yummy about
getting to the finish line rightunder the wire.
And bitch, I made that my bitch,you know?
And it feels really good to golike, fuck I, I can trust that I

(49:16):
will get the job done.
And like that ends up being athing that I can rest in.
So when the next deadline comesup and I'm not getting it done
early, I'm noticing that it'sstill coming down to the wire.
I've learned to trust that I'llget it done, which allows a
little bit more relaxation thisyear than I had five years ago

(49:38):
regarding the same habit.
And um, and that's actually avery delicious thing to remind
yourself of, that actually feelskind of sexy.

Willow (49:48):
Yeah, I mean this is really, you're bringing up such
an interesting point.
'cause we all do these littlethings like, you know,
procrastinating.
Some people do that, some peopleyou know, always.
I don't know what people do, Ican't think of examples, but the
things that we do, you know,it's like, why if we keep doing
these things on repeat, theremust be something inside of us
that enjoys

Leah (50:07):
Yeah.

Willow (50:08):
can we find that thing?

Leah (50:10):
Mm-hmm.

Willow (50:11):
play with it and have a little bit of fun with it.
Have some lightness around it.
Figure out where's ourresistance with it.
Let go of some of thatresistance.
Get closer to it.
This is the same thing we'retalking about when we're talking
about doing the Somato emotionalrelease work, right?
It's like instead of like, oh,it's this pit in my stomach, it
won't go away.
Like, okay, well let's go intoit then.
Let's look at

Leah (50:32):
Yeah, like why do I love being broke?
You know, because obviously youknow if when that's your habit
of like always, you know,finding your checking account
has 10 bucks left in it, likethere's some get off in that.
And when we kinda shift wherewe're putting our attention,
then things start to shift andI'm sure.

Willow (50:56):
to or read Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliot, check
that book out because it goesdeep into this topic and we're
gonna have her on our podcast.
I'm excited.

Sheridan (51:07):
Yeah.

Leah (51:08):
um, yeah, Sheridan.
Thoughts on, on what we justshared there?

Sheridan (51:12):
Everything, everything.
I, I would just reiterate all ofit.
It's really cool.
And even I just say thatsometimes the, the thing that we
get off on is the fact that it'sfamiliar and that makes us feel
confident.

Leah (51:23):
Yeah, it's familiar.
Uh, yeah, that's such a goodpoint.
And like what does familiar,what's familiar like?
How does that feel?
You know, like what, why, what'sthe meaning we make out of
familiar?
Why does that help settle us?
How do we find safety andfamiliar?
You know, it's very, very true.

Sheridan (51:43):
Yeah.

Willow (51:43):
Or if it's not safe, but it is familiar, like how do you
wanna go about shifting it?
Which is, sounds a little bitlike what you went through
Sheridan with your sort of bigtransformation, you know, from
going from an abusiverelationship, foreign country,
all of that to where you're atnow.

Sheridan (52:02):
And it's like, how can I practice finding safety in
things that are not familiar?

Leah (52:05):
Mm-hmm.

Sheridan (52:06):
can I be like, okay, my body thinks that familiar is
safe, we are gonna find safetyover here and.

Willow (52:13):
Yeah.

Sheridan (52:14):
It's just this big curious exploration, but I
definitely think thatexistential kink is a must read.
You have to be careful with itbecause when you're, if you're
very much in that, um, and, andall of this kind of pleasure
practice you're in that, I'mvery, very tender and, and she
speaks about this in the book.
I'm very, very tender andsensitive and like I'm very,

(52:35):
very activated by this.
Okay.
We need to build the safetyfirst.
We need to build the curiosityfirst, and then we

Leah (52:42):
Find out what the options are.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There isn't, it's not a quickfix.
It's hard to just make a giantleap from something that gives
you a tremendous amount ofconfusion and pain and then
thinking that you can just like,so just kink find The kink
portal isn't necessarily a fastfix.
It's uh, you really have toallow yourself to explore your

(53:05):
subconscious.

Willow (53:07):
properly, like if you've got someone who's very skilled
at holding space for this andguiding you through that.
It could be quick.
It could, let's not

Sheridan (53:15):
Yeah, and depending on your experience with your own
mind and your own body, it couldbe really, really quick and
depending on what it was, howyou know, so many things, but.

Willow (53:24):
it also

Leah (53:25):
And how much practice you have on personal growth and not
being in denial and your abilityat self-reflection.
I mean, there's, there's acertain, uh, when you have a
higher skill level, it can bevery fast.
And if you don't have a higherskill level, having support
where someone can teach you, howwill uplevel at all to a more,
um, efficient pace.

(53:45):
So, uh, Sheridan, how can peopleget ahold of you?
How can they find you?

Sheridan (53:50):
Yeah, well I have a website.
I have a book.
I would probably say just@_SheridanRuth_ on Instagram or
the website.
But if you go onto Amazon when

Leah (53:59):
www.SheridanRuth.com or just a Google search?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm

Sheridan (54:03):
And if you search Sheridan Ruth in Amazon my book
will come up and that will haveeverything.
And the book is on success andactually feeling pleasure and
flow in work, feeling that moreparasympathetic state in work,
in relationships, in work, andin the work that you put out in
the world.

Leah (54:19):
And you, you have a free gift for our audience, nervous
system regulation cheat sheet.
So if you go towww.SheridanRuth.com/regulate,
you've got a fun download.
Anything you wanna say aboutthat?

Sheridan (54:33):
This is literally the big place to begin, like.
Leah, when you asked earlierhow, like what's the first thing
you do to get yourself out ofthat pattern?
This is your holy grail.
This is one of those cheatsheets where I put it up and I
was like, Hey guys, I have thisthing that I made and that was,
you know, six years ago now.
And it's the, it's just everyonereally likes it because it's so

(54:55):
tangible.
Download it to your phone.
The next moment that you'rehaving a moment and you can't, I
don't know, you forget to usethe havening.
You don't touch your, you're ina different place.
Just like literally open it andbe like, okay, I feel like this.
I need, I use my options.
Okay, I'm gonna go do them.
It's everything and it willchange all of your patterns.
Yeah.

Leah (55:12):
Awesome.
Great.
I'm gonna download that too.
Uh.

Willow (55:16):
And you have a podcast.
Tell us where to find thepodcast.

Sheridan (55:19):
Yes, it's called Sustainable Success.
So if you search sustainablesuccess, uh, on Apple podcast,
anything else, you'll find it.
We do really quick episodes, um,mostly run money sales work, uh,
productivity, feminineleadership.
No.

Willow (55:37):
Hmm.
That's

Sheridan (55:39):
I know

Leah (55:40):
Yes,

Sheridan (55:40):
yoga.
I, I have yoga videos

Leah (55:42):
all,

Sheridan (55:42):
back when I was doing yoga, but there

Leah (55:44):
All the other podcast channels are very accessible.
Well, thanks so much for beingon the show, Sheridan.
Yeah,

Willow (55:52):
we

Leah (55:53):
enjoyed it!

Sheridan (55:53):
Thanks so much for having me.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you.
I.

Leah (55:57):
Alright folks, tune in because next we've got the dish
with Leah and Dr.
Willow.

Announcer (56:05):
Now our favorite part, the dish.

Leah (56:09):
Dish, she dishy, dish, she

Willow (56:12):
Well...
I always love talking about thenervous system because I'm a
total dork when it comes tothese nuanced parts of our
health, which actually are not,can be very nuanced, but they're
really foundational.
So that was good candy for me.

Leah (56:28):
Yeah, I love that kind of inquiry.
She's a really classic coach'smindset kind of educator, which
is really lovely.
I watch love watching people whoare really, have such a strong
coach's mindset, help peoplezoom out and gain awareness and
see big picture.
And, you know, notice themeaning that they're making out
of things so they can kind ofpull that apart and make

(56:51):
different choices fromthemselves.
You ask really great coachingquestions.
I, I, that always

Willow (56:55):
Yeah.
Did you notice how she keptturning your, our questions back
to us?

Leah (56:59):
Oh, totally, So, I'm like, she's interviewing us on our
podcast.
Yeah.

Willow (57:05):
which was great.
Yeah.

Leah (57:06):
is great.

Willow (57:07):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, she is a sweetheart.
I loved her podcast.
I was listening to it for alittle while, for a little while
back there.
And, um, it was, you know, justreally bite sized, really, um,
digestible little nibbles.
And I'll probably go back to itnow that we've, now that she's
come back into my sphere again.

Leah (57:26):
Yeah.
You love shorter form content.
Yeah.
Stuff you can gobble up.
I like longer form.
I'm like, I wanna deep dive, Iwanna go down all the little
wormholes.

Willow (57:35):
You know, one of the things that I did love about
her, her thing is she would havelike a series.
You know, she would do like fiveor six on one topic, so they
would be those little bites.
But then, you know, I mean,little bites, they're half an
hour, 20 minutes, half an hour.
So they weren't tiny.

Leah (57:50):
Yeah, right.
Like I can't stand the ones thatare like, you know, three
minutes or less.
I'm like,

Willow (57:55):
Yeah.

Leah (57:56):
I might as well be on social media.
Why the fuck am I listening to apodcast episode?
Yeah, exactly.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
But I liked her, um, her inquiryregarding attachments.
Loved that she has this, youknow, this idea of finding
safety quickly.
You know, noticing like, whatcan you do when you don't have a

(58:17):
minute to go into like this fullmeditation.
But you can do something to, youknow, look at something that
gives you pleasure, like changeyour state so that you can
calibrate and actually be in amore re real.
Way of reality.
Because when we're triggered,we're, we're not really in
what's real.
We are in the story of, uh, thisfilter and this lens that's

(58:40):
coloring everything that we aremaking decisions on because
we're triggered.
You know.

Willow (58:47):
Oh,

Leah (58:47):
and I, and I loved, I loved the, I loved the piece she
had to say regarding.
You know, in response to yourquestion, like when you feel
safe at a previous relationshipand now you're in a different
relationship and you're having aharder time feeling safe and
like how to really address thatand to catch when you are trying

(59:07):
to control others

Willow (59:09):
Right,

Leah (59:10):
out because you feel afraid, you're not really in a
state of love and sometimesgetting into that state of love,
which is also choosing yourself.
You know, like if you findyourself not being able to be
yourself because your admirationfor the object of your desire is
so high that you're abandoningyourself like over and over and
over again, and then you wannacontrol them.

(59:33):
You know, we've got a friendright now that I think is, might
be struggling in a little bit ofthis, just feeling threatened
when their partner is, you know,enjoying the attention of other
women.

Willow (59:43):
Mm-hmm.

Leah (59:44):
And it's on, you know, and that there's, there's our
personal insecurities.
There's, there's the fact thathe's struggled with infidelity
in his past.
All those things kind of createthis hyperawareness of threat
and how can you dissolve that?

Willow (59:58):
And then control to come in

Leah (01:00:00):
Yeah,

Willow (01:00:00):
the fear wants to come in rather than choosing love.
I mean, to

Leah (01:00:04):
yeah.

Willow (01:00:04):
choose love over fear is a never ending practice

Leah (01:00:08):
Yeah.

Willow (01:00:08):
that you get to the opportunity usually to practice
every single day.
Right?

Leah (01:00:13):
And it's interesting when you are successful with that,
how a lot of changes are handledfor you.
You know, like sometimes, yeah,well, flow state's different.
Flow state is actuallyscientifically what the flow
state is, is you are in anexperience that is both
challenging and harnesses yournatural skills.

(01:00:37):
Then that puts you into flowstate.
We can't be in flow state allthe time.
Flow state is a very, veryinteresting state of
consciousness.
But when we're in relationship,I think it's um, and we're
choosing love.
Oftentimes things just resolvethemselves.
You may discover that choosinglove means kind of choosing
yourself and you're not in theright relationship.

(01:00:59):
And you find that it will handleitself, you finding something
else.
Or the harmony that getsproduced because you're
choosing.
Love allows that person to movetowards you instead of away from
you, because subconsciously theyhave their own issues with being
controlled, which causes them toact out in ways that neither of
you want.
But you can't choose love in thehopes that that's gonna control

(01:01:21):
someone, which I think is likethe danger, right?
Well, if I can just choose loveenough, that means they'll
change.
And that may or may not be thecase.
You again, there's like thathidden agenda, which actually
isn't love.
So really, really justinteresting more sorts of things
to chew on.

Willow (01:01:41):
Yeah, definitely.
Definitely some good fodder forevolutionary thought.

Leah (01:01:49):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And what a beautiful woman sheis.
I mean, no hair don't care,like, just like

Willow (01:01:58):
Well,

Leah (01:01:58):
Stunning.
Oh, the eyebrows.
I was just like, what a face,you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, I can only imagine what thatwas like for her at seven years
old.

Willow (01:02:10):
Oh my God.

Leah (01:02:12):
I mean, especially being just like a girl and all the
things, the way that we identifyourselves with our hair, like
really interesting.

Willow (01:02:20):
My hair has been a huge part of my identity my entire
life.

Leah (01:02:23):
Yeah, I bet it has.
You've got epic hair.

Willow (01:02:27):
and blonde and natural

Leah (01:02:29):
Mm.

Willow (01:02:30):
I mean, people when I was a kid, they were like, if
you ever cut your hair, I wantit

Leah (01:02:34):
Mm-hmm.

Willow (01:02:35):
all the time when I was a kid.
So yeah, I can

Leah (01:02:38):
Have you ever had short hair?

Willow (01:02:39):
yeah, I shaved, I shaved my head

Leah (01:02:41):
Oh, you did?
Cool.
Yeah, I shaved my head too.
I was so glad I did it.
It was such a cool feeling.

Willow (01:02:45):
Cool experience.

Leah (01:02:46):
Yeah.

Willow (01:02:48):
Yep.

Leah (01:02:48):
Cool.

Willow (01:02:48):
And then if grew back curly.
Go figure.

Leah (01:02:51):
Oh, how old were you?

Willow (01:02:53):
I shaved it when I was 20, let's see, 20.
20.
Yeah.

Leah (01:02:58):
I was too, I had dreadlocks and I had to, I had
to shave them'cause I got lice.
Yeah.
It was a thing.

Willow (01:03:03):
Funny.
I was in a major ani DiFranco

Leah (01:03:06):
Uh,

Willow (01:03:06):
stage in my life and it was post rape and all of that,
and I

Leah (01:03:10):
yeah.

Willow (01:03:11):
I thought about it for like a year, you know,

Leah (01:03:13):
Wow.

Willow (01:03:14):
finally did it.
We went out, I had this superwitchy friend and we, and I was
kind of just getting my toes wetin the witchy world, and we like
made all these amazing, um,incense potions and stuff.
And we hiked out to the lostcoast up in Northern California,
which is a hard hike'causeyou're hiking in the sand with
your big fucking heavy backpack.

(01:03:34):
And we found this beautiful, um,like, it was like a, a waterfall
coming down the mountain intolike a river that like opened up
into the ocean

Leah (01:03:45):
Beautiful.

Willow (01:03:46):
And so I lay it on the rock first, we like braided my
hair and we braided all the goodthings that I loved about my
hair and we chopped that out,braid off, and we gave it to
wigs for kids.

Leah (01:03:56):
Wow.

Willow (01:03:57):
Then, um, I laid on the, the rock in the, in the middle
of the river and she cut all thescraggly pieces of hair off and
I said all the things that Iwanted to let go of and release.

Leah (01:04:08):
Beautiful.

Willow (01:04:08):
We used our little witchy incense and it was a
really beautiful ceremony.
So I got back to Arcada with nohair and then she just bick it
and I was bawled for a

Leah (01:04:18):
That's amazing.
You know what?
I also shaved my hair in Arcata.
I was living there at the time.
I know, isn't that wild?
And I got on stage with AniDeFranco and I danced with her.
So there's that connection, butI had a different experience of
mine.
I was absolutely devastated thatI had to lose my dreads.
And um, I drank like an entirefifth of Jim Beam to my head.

(01:04:41):
I was so shit faced, sick,wasted.
Um, and we cut it all off and itwas crazy looking.
And then the next day I went tothe barber and have him shaved
it clean.
And, and I was so grateful I wascute because I had a little
itty-bitty head and, um, Ididn't have any weird bumps or

(01:05:02):
any strange things, and so..

Willow (01:05:04):
I was not cute.
I

Leah (01:05:06):
oh

Willow (01:05:07):
no, it was a hard time.
I went in deep into the ugly,the ugly duckling stage.
I

Leah (01:05:14):
wow.

Willow (01:05:15):
Accutane at the time, so my

Leah (01:05:17):
Ah.

Willow (01:05:17):
face was like dry and pink and you know,

Leah (01:05:20):
Oh,

Willow (01:05:21):
that shit not on market anymore'cause

Leah (01:05:22):
I know it so damages your psyche.

Willow (01:05:26):
But yeah, it was intense, so

Leah (01:05:28):
Yeah.
A lot of people commit suicideon that drug.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's fun looking at old picturesand seeing like just when my
hair started to like get alittle bit more on my scalp.
Oh, really?

Willow (01:05:39):
Yeah.

Leah (01:05:41):
Uh, I remember like, I remember the ecstasy of taking
off a shirt and putting a shirton and I was like, wow, I had no
idea my scalp could feel likethis.
And it was the most amazingsensation.
And I wonder why guys don't evertalk about that, like.

Willow (01:06:00):
Well, if they do it all the time, they don't have the
sensation anymore.

Leah (01:06:02):
I can still, I can think about it right now and
viscerally feel it again.
It was that.
It was that impactful.
Alright, well fun.
All right, thanks Sheridan.
All right, catch y'all on theflip side, please tell us your
story of Go Bald.
And, um, and tell us how youhave managed your own nervous

(01:06:24):
system.
What are some of the tips andtricks that you deploy to bring
yourself into greater safety andintegrate self trust?
We're very curious.
Love, love, love!

Announcer (01:06:34):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
positive psychology facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional Medicinedoctor and Taoist Sexology
teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget your comments, likesubscribes and suggestions
matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.

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Sheridan Ruth: Feeling Triggered in Relationships? The Parasympathetic Shift That Heals Attachment Wounds | #139

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Sheridan Ruth: Feeling Triggered in Relationships? The Parasympathetic Shift That Heals Attachment Wounds | #139