November 27, 2025 • 28 mins
Hi Shiny Mind 💜
Have you ever caught yourself jumping in with advice… even before the other person is done talking?
Have you ever realized—maybe a little too late—that you weren’t actually listening… you were projecting?
In today’s episode of The Shiny Minds Show, I’m bringing you a powerful awareness moment that can transform your relationships, your communication, and your inner world.
We’re diving into:
• Why we tell people what to do
• The hidden emotional needs underneath advice-giving
• How “fixing” others disconnects you from your truth
• Why your communication goes autopilot without you knowing
• And how to shift from controlling… to connecting
This episode is for you if you ever say:
“I’m just trying to help.”
“How do they not see what’s obvious?”
“Why am I the only one carrying the emotional load?”
My Shiny Mind, most of the time… the person in front of you doesn’t need your solution.
They need your presence.
This is where we stop operating from trance…
and start communicating from transformation.
I invite you to watch this episode ALL the way until the end—because I also share my signature questions you can use to break your patterns, awaken your awareness, and communicate with more love, more integrity, and more emotional intelligence.
-----
Grab your FREE guide to building a six-figure coaching business with Neuro-Shine Technology™
👉🏻 www.shinyunsal.com
🌟 Like • Share • Subscribe • Keep Your Light Shining! 🌟
Thanks for letting my light into your neurons! ;)✨
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
(00:00):
Please stop
telling people what to do.
I'm going to break it down what it means,
what it is costing you,
and how you can avoid it
so that we can all live
free.
If you're ready,
let's begin.
Are you ready to shine?
Come on, it's the shiny one.
You got this.
Welcome to the Shiny Minds Show with Dr. Shiny.
(00:21):
Today, I want to talk to you about
why telling people what to do is not
helping you, is not helping them, is not
helping anyone in the world,
is not serving the world,
and why you should stop it,
how you can stop it,
and what are some tools that
you can stop it so that you can avoid
making the same mistake.
(00:42):
Let me first
Break it down
what telling people what to do means.
We live in a world
where everything becomes so fast-paced that
communication
gets unnoticed.
Whatever that leaves your mouth,
you don't
pause
and think about it.
(01:02):
You don't pause and analyze it.
You don't necessarily
see the appropriateness of your words and
your language
and what it means in terms of its
weight, its context,
and its frequency.
If you don't have the tools to analyze all
that, you know what you are doing,
(01:24):
you're putting yourself at a super high
risk.
This is super risky.
The reason why is because you are
damaging people, you are harming people
without any intention.
I know you don't have that intention.
Nobody does.
Okay, so let's separate the intention from
the behavior from the get-go.
(01:46):
We are all amazing human beings.
We all have the greatest,
the softest,
the most delicious intentions
to help each other, to be efficient,
and to live happily ever after.
I am not arguing that.
That is
honorable.
So we put the beautiful intention, positive
intention in the pocket, and
(02:06):
then we analyze the behavior itself.
The behavior is
when you tell people what to do,
especially after hearing
what they have shared with you,
what they have clearly stated, where they
are, what they want,
what they don't want,
Especially within that context,
(02:27):
if you're still not able to
hear them consciously for what it is that
they are
trying to communicate with you, and
then you are simply deleting it, which is
an automated internal mental mechanic
system.
It's a process.
You delete information if you are not
paying attention to it, if it is not your
(02:48):
priority.
The way that it
works inside your brain is that you value
what you value.
That's the survival instinct of amygdala.
And when you are overpowered by your own
survival, survival of your opinions,
survival of your
ideas and needs and values, whatever that
(03:09):
means to you,
what happens is you are caught up,
you are programmed
by your own agenda,
by your own needs and desires and
whatever you want to see happening.
In the case of
telling somebody what to do, let's
make it super tangible.
Let's say you are having a conversation
(03:30):
with a friend,
okay?
And your friend
is just sharing with you like how
amazing she feels.
She feels like she is living
the best life.
She's living her dreams and that she's
exactly where she needs to be,
who she needs to be with doing her
business. And
(03:51):
she feels fascinated by life and that she
loves who she is. And
then, and she's real, you can feel it, right?
And then
what happens in that
Second is,
if you are not feeling
like you are
living your own
dream life,
you are not very happy with where you are,
(04:11):
you are not surrounded by the people that
you want to be surrounded by.
If you do not have that frequency, you are
not going to be able to match that
frequency.
That's it.
That's how the universe works.
The
language of the universe is frequency, not
English or
German or Japanese.
It's frequency.
And we can all understand that,
(04:32):
all humanity.
A
Chinese person walks in,
you understand the frequency.
A
Turkish person, like me,
walks in, you understand the frequency.
An Australian person comes and sits with
you, understand the frequency.
So it's not the words, it's the frequency
behind it that you need to tune into. And
(04:55):
if you don't, you're going to
get yourself empowered and programmed by
your own
unmet needs, by your own agendas, and by
your own projections,
and you're going to
live there.
That's a stuck place to be there.
That's what we call
the
fixed mindset.
(05:15):
This is not where you want to be.
You know why? When you are overpowered by
your own unmet needs, when you are
listening to your friend,
you're going to start judging yourself.
See?
She's so happy.
She's radiant.
She's living the life of her dreams, and I am not.
I should have done better in my life.
It just reminds you who you are,
(05:36):
just reminds you where you are, just
reminds you how you feel, right?
And no wonder your internal mental
mechanics
is kind of forcing you to resist and
forcing you to
stay inside your head
and fix what is going on
inside of you, within you.
So
when you are not able to manage
(05:59):
all these internal mechanics, this
automated processes,
that shows up
as a mismatch.
That shows up
as control.
That shows up
as telling people what to do.
I'm going to continue from the same example
that I shared with you.
So you have this friend, you heard.
(06:20):
She's super happy.
She just wants to be heard
because she is
fascinated by where she is in her life,
her journey.
And
your response is,
well, I love
hearing your voice and all that.
And, but, not
even and,
but,
you know,
you got to
(06:41):
go back to
where you come from,
but you got to,
you got to understand what is going on with
your roots.
And
you tell her exactly
what you would do
in order for you to live
the life
that you
call happy life
or dream life.
(07:02):
You start telling her, you know what?
I've had this the other day.
I've had that the other day.
And
it feels like
we need to face what we are ignoring.
We need to
look
and see what we haven't seen, what we
haven't looked.
And that's a big assumption.
It is a huge assumption on your end,
(07:24):
telling people what to do
and then
trying to fix people
because you operate from a fixed mindset.
You come from your own agenda
because you are limited in the way that
you see
things around you,
including people
and your friends and what they share with
(07:45):
you, and then you try to put them in
your box.
what's going on in your roots?
What's going on at home,
right?
Go back home.
Like, what do you mean?
If that person is already telling you that
they have
achieved the level of
dream state
and they just want to be heard by that,
(08:06):
like, what part of you
does not
get that.
Like, that is the part
that I am so
frustrated about.
Like, why don't we get each other?
Why don't we just pause
and get the frequency
under
the very clear words? I mean, sometimes the
words are not clear, which happens in
(08:28):
our coaching education programs. When I
teach my
coaching students,
when they are coaching
their
clients, their coachees in front of them.
Sometimes the client experiences a
Neuro-Shine Moment™
That's a very happy moment, but they're not aware.
So and then I tell them, well, that was a
big moment of truth.
You know, let's acknowledge that
(08:50):
and
let's not dismiss that
because
the words are not matching the
frequency.
I get that.
But in this case, if the words are clear
and the frequency is clear,
they're both matching.
There is nothing for you to dismiss.
There is nothing for you to
override whatever that is in front of you
(09:12):
and still bring your own agenda and trying
to fix something that is not broken.
That is the problem that I see in the world.
And it just
pains me.
It
pains me.
And
I must
tell you,
my dear shiny minds,
it's
world is
catching up.
(09:32):
It used to be harder,
but I still see in conversations, I still see
what's going on between people and how some
of them are
dismissed, how some of them are judged, how
some of them are feeling.
absolutely controlled
and put in the box and labeled and even
(09:53):
laughed at.
These are wrong.
Let's stop doing that.
It's enough already. Stop
telling people what to do.
First, your job is to understand them.
Your job is
to
analyze where they are,
why they feel the way they feel.
(10:14):
And especially if you are having
this kind of a
situation
in the example that I gave, where one party
shares,
oh my God, I'm super happy.
This is exactly the life I want to live.
And then this is like my dream.
And then I am so happy.
And then the other one goes,
Well,
I love hearing from you.
That's beautiful.
Like you are already admitting
(10:37):
that
whatever she's sharing is truthful.
You have just confirmed
that
the frequency you get from her
is the truth,
right?
So that's truth here. So
you kind of see it, but, and then
But in a split second,
another unmet part of you, another
(10:58):
controlling part of you jumps in and takes over
in that internal mechanics.
And then it tries to
overpower
that incredible frequency you just
experienced,
which is whole,
which is real, which is raw,
which is authentic,
which is
inspiring,
(11:19):
and this is right in front of you. And
then you still
try to fix,
which is not broken.
You still try to tell
this incredible wholeness
what to do.
This is wrong, my shiny minds.
These are the conversations I am
witnessing.
This is wrong.
Like how this person tells this person,
(11:42):
go home, you know, face whatever.
Like, how do you know what
this person has done or hasn't done? Have
you asked that first?
Have you gathered enough information
to analyze
what is
going on?
Or are you really not seeing what is in
front of you?
Let's talk about that.
(12:02):
So
that's why
You should stop
telling people what to do.
It is costing you.
Because if this person
only wants to be heard
and seen, acknowledged,
or just perhaps
be connected to you,
you just kill the vibe.
Because this person is already feeling,
I'm not understood.
(12:24):
I am misunderstood. And
then these people, they go around and then
they feel
people don't understand me.
I am not understood.
I'm not appreciated.
I'm not valued. I am.
this and I am that.
And then it may
cause problems
of
relationships.
And then
you are clueless
because you had the best intention
(12:45):
because that's how you would do it,
right?
Like,
go home,
look at your roots.
like
sometimes we are not facing what we're
supposed to be facing.
And
what are you yourself not facing?
What is it about you that
wants to control the other person?
What part of you gets very uncomfortable
(13:05):
when
witnessing people who are happy, joyful,
and
really
one with themselves?
What part of you is not okay with it?
Why can you not celebrate other people
having done the work
and
just just wanting to celebrate
and connect with you.
What is it about you?
I really want
(13:27):
us
to
make it a priority
and to really, really
analyze this.
Not only with the brain though,
because the brain
gets caught up with the matrix,
right, the programming.
So if you're unable to meet
your physical needs,
then you won't be able to rise up to your
spiritual needs.
(13:48):
And that's where
my
practical solutions are going to be super
helpful.
So here is my first practical tip.
I'm going to bring my
formula again.
Change equals
awareness.
Awareness multiplied by willingness.
Awareness is first.
You have to be aware.
(14:08):
You've got to bring awareness.
If you're not
aware,
which in this case,
you were not aware, you had the best
intention,
but you still
couldn't match this
friend of yours
who just wanted to be heard,
who just wanted to
share.
And when you are not able to do this,
and still not aware,
(14:30):
that's dangerous.
That's exactly what we experience out in
the world, right?
That's
exactly what's going on.
Intentions are good, but
behaviors suck.
I've done so many of these, okay?
In my corporate life, especially back in
the year
(14:50):
between 2000 and 2009,
I was clueless.
I didn't know what I was doing.
And I was unaware because there was nobody
around me
giving me a shiny mind show,
you know, tips and tricks and best
practices.
I didn't have that
awareness and it cost me.
I didn't feel belong.
(15:12):
I didn't feel that I was part of that
environment.
I had
relationship issues, I had
anxiety, I had, I literally even had panic
attacks a few times, and that was not a
good place to be.
I was stuck in my loop,
and then I was stuck in my patterns.
I was repeating the same old pattern.
So I was...
(15:33):
Hopping from one advertising agency to the
other one,
one from the other, one from the other,
thinking that, okay, why do I not feel
blond? Like, what is going on? What is
wrong with me?
And I literally felt something was off, but
I was not aware,
right?
And I even discovered
the world of coaching back then, because
(15:55):
obviously
there was something wrong. And
then I remember
hiring a coach for the first time in my
life, I think that was 2000...
Seven or eight.
I didn't even know
there was such a thing.
Then I brought this agenda,
like there is something wrong with me.
I was like, look at all my
friends and everybody's happy
at their work.
(16:16):
And they have been working for
so many years, but within that timeframe,
I, I changed at least five jobs,
five agencies, five places, like, what is
wrong with me?
There's something wrong, you know,
everybody's happy
and then everybody's just doing their thing
and I am not.
wrong.
And that
was the step to become aware
(16:37):
of
what
I was
doing wrong.
There was nothing wrong with me.
My
expressions
could have been
very different.
My
approach could have been very different.
My
language that came out of my mouth
could have been different.
(16:59):
Because I felt
I was not safe,
I was not seen, I was not heard or
appreciated in those places.
And that's why
it triggered me.
It triggered me to a point
that
I started triggering others.
That's exactly the pattern.
That's exactly the loop, the spiral,
(17:20):
okay?
I was feeling triggered, and then I was
triggering others.
I was feeling unheard, and then I was not
hearing others.
I was not feeling safe and I was creating
an environment.
It was not safe to be with me.
So this is the pattern that I have
experienced
in my corporate life.
And if you literally go check my LinkedIn
profile,
(17:41):
Dr.
Shainu Install,
you will see in my very first years in my
career, starting from 2000
until
I
changed everything in 2008,
and then I started
working in my last
corporate position,
I was repeating my pattern.
(18:02):
It was a loop
almost every year.
So
one has to stop and ask, right? So that was
my revelation and that's how I used my
awareness.
I'm still talking about my awareness, okay?
I'm still talking about the first
tip
that I am sharing with you,
become aware.
If you are not aware,
(18:22):
then you're not gonna understand
what
to change.
If you don't see
what
others are seeing,
you're blind to it.
That's why we call it the blind spot.
That's where we need to begin
because it's costing us, like
not knowing
what kind of behaviors that
you need to
(18:43):
fine tune.
Being yourself is costing you.
It's costing you promotions, it's costing
you relationships, it's costing you
money, health, wealth, everything.
So that's why
the solution, the first solution is
awareness.
And
once you become aware,
I'll bring the second solution, which is
(19:04):
willingness.
It's not rocket
science.
It's just literally partnering up with your
life and facing whatever you are not facing
Meaning in the example that I shared with you,
if people are happy around you, and
if you're not happy that
they're happy, but you're not happy,
that's your problem,
(19:24):
okay?
You
gotta
face your own reality.
You gotta face
your own situation
and
see what is going on with you. And
then ask yourself,
what part of me needs to heal?
so that I can meet people where they are.
If they are happy,
(19:45):
I can raise my frequency.
If they're unhappy,
then I can choose if I want to get involved
with it or not, right?
So we all want
high frequency
and perhaps
you are in a low frequency and that's
totally fine.
You can certainly
be there
and give yourself the acceptance
(20:07):
and the time that it needs
the depth that it needs to go
so that you
are
alchemizing it.
Like you're
coming out of it as
phoenix is rising from its ashes.
you know what I'm talking about.
It's not about dismissing it or ignoring it.
If there are situations in your life that
(20:29):
you're ignoring, that's exactly where you
need to begin.
If you think that
your way is the only way,
that's exactly where you need to begin.
So in this situation where these two people
are having this conversation, and as I was
witnessing it,
I
was in awe.
I literally was in awe.
(20:49):
And
I
ask myself, what is it? What is it about us that
we are
not okay with each other?
Because we are judging
ourselves.
That's this
judgment.
That's this part of us.
That's this voice inside
who keeps
reminding us,
you can be happy too.
(21:11):
You have that power in you too.
You have that light.
that shines through you too.
You are a shiny mind too.
You are a shiny heart too.
What is it about you
that diminishes
your divine power?
Divinity
is super important
in your language.
(21:31):
Why?
Because that's the truth.
And divinity is not about religion.
Religion is
very personal.
People choose that path or not.
Divinity is something above and beyond that.
Divinity is
kind of scientific,
cosmic part of you,
that you are
(21:52):
a part of
this universe.
And actually the universe is
a part of you, inside of you.
That's the divine
light that we're talking about,
that we are dismissing.
If you are dismissing
people who are happy, people who are
shining,
then you're dismissing your own
power within.
(22:13):
And
that's why the willingness becomes the
second tool,
because it reminds
you, have
that power.
You just need to face your truth.
You just need to remember where you are
coming from,
how
divine and cosmic you are.
Once you make that shift,
once you have that
(22:33):
realization,
something is going to align within
and something is going to
awaken
within.
And you are going to wake up one day
feeling like, wow,
this is the life
that I chose.
I can do whatever I want with it.
This is my playground. A
love is how I win.
And I am going to win every single day by
(22:54):
loving myself.
Only if I love myself,
then
I can love on others.
So if you are looking for
a third
practice,
a third
tip
for you to stop telling people what to do
is
unconditional love.
When
you tell people what to do,
(23:16):
What is the mechanics behind it? Let's look at it.
You should do this in order for me to
understand you.
If you're not doing this, then I will not
understand you,
right? You are creating the conditions
around it.
And then that is becoming.
unconditional, that is becoming
transactional,
and that is damaging our humanity,
that is
(23:36):
damaging our divinity.
We are unconditional beings.
We are unconditional light in a human form.
I want us
to remember this, and I want us to match
our behaviors with this truth.
The intention is the human intention,
but the behavior in this 3D reality,
it's got to match
(23:58):
the truth,
the truth that
there is unconditional love.
So use unconditional love as another tip
to fine tune
your behaviors and then ask yourself,
is my language
conditional or unconditional?
Is
what I am saying to others
is how I'm responding to others
(24:20):
a demonstration of unconditional love for
myself and for them,
or are there conditions?
Can I smell any conditions around it?
That's a
huge practice
that you can take away and apply.
So
I hope
this was a very
helpful conversation
(24:40):
that you listened.
that I had with myself.
It was literally a conversation that I had
with myself, I feel like.
I know you
are listening
and
I know that there is a part of you that
feels resonating with it.
And if you are resonating with it,
I invite you to
(25:01):
pause
and dig deep inside.
Pause without doing anything.
Just ask yourself,
what is my truth? What is
my unconditional love for myself and for
others? How can I deepen it?
What are the tools I need?
And if your answer is, hey, I need to start
(25:22):
by understanding
more about my mindset,
I I want to study neuroscience
and I want to study myself.
I need self-discovery.
I need
to
hone my communication skills.
I need to show up as a leader.
And as I do that, I want to
experience deep transformation
(25:43):
and I want to connect to people
that are absolutely amazing.
Then
I invite you
to
look at
my world.
You can go to shinyunsal.com.
and grab that PDF
and see
if
taking the
next step is the right step for you.
(26:04):
And
I would love to work with you and I would
love to give you resources.
There are
digital courses that
you can start.
studying your mind.
You can start the mechanics that I was
telling you about, all the blocks, all
these mental blocks that are keeping you stuck
in your thinking, and then you are not even
aware that you are
(26:25):
controlling somebody, you are telling them
what to do, and then you are trying to fix them,
where they didn't even ask for
you to fix their problem, they're totally
capable.
of fixing their own problem. So you
might be annoying and frustrating people,
and I don't want that for you all.
I want freedom mindset for all of us to
experience.
(26:46):
I want resourcefulness for all of us to
experience.
And that's what I
teach.
That's what I share
with you.
And if you feel the resonance
By all means, go to my website,
shinyunsal.com
and check out how
I might be able to serve you.
And you can also go to
(27:06):
neuroshinetechnology.com
and you will see that I have a
faculty of amazing souls who are also
teaching my Neuro-Shine Technology™
And you can also look at
those options if you are
resonating with those options.
This is also a beautiful path for you to take.
(27:28):
So whatever you choose,
make sure you choose something that shines
the cosmic light within you.
So if you like this episode,
please put a like, share, and subscribe
for more videos, more content
just like this, where we sit down and talk about
the truth of humanity and how we can become
(27:48):
more conscious beings.
And thank you for allowing my light into
your neurons.
And until next time,
keep shining your cosmic light.
Go galactic.
Go galactic.
Then you're in the right place.
Let's go, let's go.
(00:00):
Please stop
telling people what to do.
I'm going to break it down what it means,
what it is costing you,
and how you can avoid it
so that we can all live
free.
If you're ready,
let's begin.
Are you ready to shine?
Come on, it's the shiny one.
You got this.
Welcome to the Shiny Minds Show with Dr. Shiny.
(00:21):
Today, I want to talk to you about
why telling people what to do is not
helping you, is not helping them, is not
helping anyone in the world,
is not serving the world,
and why you should stop it,
how you can stop it,
and what are some tools that
you can stop it so that you can avoid
making the same mistake.
(00:42):
Let me first
Break it down
what telling people what to do means.
We live in a world
where everything becomes so fast-paced that
communication
gets unnoticed.
Whatever that leaves your mouth,
you don't
pause
and think about it.
(01:02):
You don't pause and analyze it.
You don't necessarily
see the appropriateness of your words and
your language
and what it means in terms of its
weight, its context,
and its frequency.
If you don't have the tools to analyze all
that, you know what you are doing,
(01:24):
you're putting yourself at a super high
risk.
This is super risky.
The reason why is because you are
damaging people, you are harming people
without any intention.
I know you don't have that intention.
Nobody does.
Okay, so let's separate the intention from
the behavior from the get-go.
(01:46):
We are all amazing human beings.
We all have the greatest,
the softest,
the most delicious intentions
to help each other, to be efficient,
and to live happily ever after.
I am not arguing that.
That is
honorable.
So we put the beautiful intention, positive
intention in the pocket, and
(02:06):
then we analyze the behavior itself.
The behavior is
when you tell people what to do,
especially after hearing
what they have shared with you,
what they have clearly stated, where they
are, what they want,
what they don't want,
Especially within that context,
(02:27):
if you're still not able to
hear them consciously for what it is that
they are
trying to communicate with you, and
then you are simply deleting it, which is
an automated internal mental mechanic
system.
It's a process.
You delete information if you are not
paying attention to it, if it is not your
(02:48):
priority.
The way that it
works inside your brain is that you value
what you value.
That's the survival instinct of amygdala.
And when you are overpowered by your own
survival, survival of your opinions,
survival of your
ideas and needs and values, whatever that
(03:09):
means to you,
what happens is you are caught up,
you are programmed
by your own agenda,
by your own needs and desires and
whatever you want to see happening.
In the case of
telling somebody what to do, let's
make it super tangible.
Let's say you are having a conversation
(03:30):
with a friend,
okay?
And your friend
is just sharing with you like how
amazing she feels.
She feels like she is living
the best life.
She's living her dreams and that she's
exactly where she needs to be,
who she needs to be with doing her
business. And
(03:51):
she feels fascinated by life and that she
loves who she is. And
then, and she's real, you can feel it, right?
And then
what happens in that
Second is,
if you are not feeling
like you are
living your own
dream life,
you are not very happy with where you are,
(04:11):
you are not surrounded by the people that
you want to be surrounded by.
If you do not have that frequency, you are
not going to be able to match that
frequency.
That's it.
That's how the universe works.
The
language of the universe is frequency, not
English or
German or Japanese.
It's frequency.
And we can all understand that,
(04:32):
all humanity.
A
Chinese person walks in,
you understand the frequency.
A
Turkish person, like me,
walks in, you understand the frequency.
An Australian person comes and sits with
you, understand the frequency.
So it's not the words, it's the frequency
behind it that you need to tune into. And
(04:55):
if you don't, you're going to
get yourself empowered and programmed by
your own
unmet needs, by your own agendas, and by
your own projections,
and you're going to
live there.
That's a stuck place to be there.
That's what we call
the
fixed mindset.
(05:15):
This is not where you want to be.
You know why? When you are overpowered by
your own unmet needs, when you are
listening to your friend,
you're going to start judging yourself.
See?
She's so happy.
She's radiant.
She's living the life of her dreams, and I am not.
I should have done better in my life.
It just reminds you who you are,
(05:36):
just reminds you where you are, just
reminds you how you feel, right?
And no wonder your internal mental
mechanics
is kind of forcing you to resist and
forcing you to
stay inside your head
and fix what is going on
inside of you, within you.
So
when you are not able to manage
(05:59):
all these internal mechanics, this
automated processes,
that shows up
as a mismatch.
That shows up
as control.
That shows up
as telling people what to do.
I'm going to continue from the same example
that I shared with you.
So you have this friend, you heard.
(06:20):
She's super happy.
She just wants to be heard
because she is
fascinated by where she is in her life,
her journey.
And
your response is,
well, I love
hearing your voice and all that.
And, but, not
even and,
but,
you know,
you got to
(06:41):
go back to
where you come from,
but you got to,
you got to understand what is going on with
your roots.
And
you tell her exactly
what you would do
in order for you to live
the life
that you
call happy life
or dream life.
(07:02):
You start telling her, you know what?
I've had this the other day.
I've had that the other day.
And
it feels like
we need to face what we are ignoring.
We need to
look
and see what we haven't seen, what we
haven't looked.
And that's a big assumption.
It is a huge assumption on your end,
(07:24):
telling people what to do
and then
trying to fix people
because you operate from a fixed mindset.
You come from your own agenda
because you are limited in the way that
you see
things around you,
including people
and your friends and what they share with
(07:45):
you, and then you try to put them in
your box.
what's going on in your roots?
What's going on at home,
right?
Go back home.
Like, what do you mean?
If that person is already telling you that
they have
achieved the level of
dream state
and they just want to be heard by that,
(08:06):
like, what part of you
does not
get that.
Like, that is the part
that I am so
frustrated about.
Like, why don't we get each other?
Why don't we just pause
and get the frequency
under
the very clear words? I mean, sometimes the
words are not clear, which happens in
(08:28):
our coaching education programs. When I
teach my
coaching students,
when they are coaching
their
clients, their coachees in front of them.
Sometimes the client experiences a
Neuro-Shine Moment™
That's a very happy moment, but they're not aware.
So and then I tell them, well, that was a
big moment of truth.
You know, let's acknowledge that
(08:50):
and
let's not dismiss that
because
the words are not matching the
frequency.
I get that.
But in this case, if the words are clear
and the frequency is clear,
they're both matching.
There is nothing for you to dismiss.
There is nothing for you to
override whatever that is in front of you
(09:12):
and still bring your own agenda and trying
to fix something that is not broken.
That is the problem that I see in the world.
And it just
pains me.
It
pains me.
And
I must
tell you,
my dear shiny minds,
it's
world is
catching up.
(09:32):
It used to be harder,
but I still see in conversations, I still see
what's going on between people and how some
of them are
dismissed, how some of them are judged, how
some of them are feeling.
absolutely controlled
and put in the box and labeled and even
(09:53):
laughed at.
These are wrong.
Let's stop doing that.
It's enough already. Stop
telling people what to do.
First, your job is to understand them.
Your job is
to
analyze where they are,
why they feel the way they feel.
(10:14):
And especially if you are having
this kind of a
situation
in the example that I gave, where one party
shares,
oh my God, I'm super happy.
This is exactly the life I want to live.
And then this is like my dream.
And then I am so happy.
And then the other one goes,
Well,
I love hearing from you.
That's beautiful.
Like you are already admitting
(10:37):
that
whatever she's sharing is truthful.
You have just confirmed
that
the frequency you get from her
is the truth,
right?
So that's truth here. So
you kind of see it, but, and then
But in a split second,
another unmet part of you, another
(10:58):
controlling part of you jumps in and takes over
in that internal mechanics.
And then it tries to
overpower
that incredible frequency you just
experienced,
which is whole,
which is real, which is raw,
which is authentic,
which is
inspiring,
(11:19):
and this is right in front of you. And
then you still
try to fix,
which is not broken.
You still try to tell
this incredible wholeness
what to do.
This is wrong, my shiny minds.
These are the conversations I am
witnessing.
This is wrong.
Like how this person tells this person,
(11:42):
go home, you know, face whatever.
Like, how do you know what
this person has done or hasn't done? Have
you asked that first?
Have you gathered enough information
to analyze
what is
going on?
Or are you really not seeing what is in
front of you?
Let's talk about that.
(12:02):
So
that's why
You should stop
telling people what to do.
It is costing you.
Because if this person
only wants to be heard
and seen, acknowledged,
or just perhaps
be connected to you,
you just kill the vibe.
Because this person is already feeling,
I'm not understood.
(12:24):
I am misunderstood. And
then these people, they go around and then
they feel
people don't understand me.
I am not understood.
I'm not appreciated.
I'm not valued. I am.
this and I am that.
And then it may
cause problems
of
relationships.
And then
you are clueless
because you had the best intention
(12:45):
because that's how you would do it,
right?
Like,
go home,
look at your roots.
like
sometimes we are not facing what we're
supposed to be facing.
And
what are you yourself not facing?
What is it about you that
wants to control the other person?
What part of you gets very uncomfortable
(13:05):
when
witnessing people who are happy, joyful,
and
really
one with themselves?
What part of you is not okay with it?
Why can you not celebrate other people
having done the work
and
just just wanting to celebrate
and connect with you.
What is it about you?
I really want
(13:27):
us
to
make it a priority
and to really, really
analyze this.
Not only with the brain though,
because the brain
gets caught up with the matrix,
right, the programming.
So if you're unable to meet
your physical needs,
then you won't be able to rise up to your
spiritual needs.
(13:48):
And that's where
my
practical solutions are going to be super
helpful.
So here is my first practical tip.
I'm going to bring my
formula again.
Change equals
awareness.
Awareness multiplied by willingness.
Awareness is first.
You have to be aware.
(14:08):
You've got to bring awareness.
If you're not
aware,
which in this case,
you were not aware, you had the best
intention,
but you still
couldn't match this
friend of yours
who just wanted to be heard,
who just wanted to
share.
And when you are not able to do this,
and still not aware,
(14:30):
that's dangerous.
That's exactly what we experience out in
the world, right?
That's
exactly what's going on.
Intentions are good, but
behaviors suck.
I've done so many of these, okay?
In my corporate life, especially back in
the year
(14:50):
between 2000 and 2009,
I was clueless.
I didn't know what I was doing.
And I was unaware because there was nobody
around me
giving me a shiny mind show,
you know, tips and tricks and best
practices.
I didn't have that
awareness and it cost me.
I didn't feel belong.
(15:12):
I didn't feel that I was part of that
environment.
I had
relationship issues, I had
anxiety, I had, I literally even had panic
attacks a few times, and that was not a
good place to be.
I was stuck in my loop,
and then I was stuck in my patterns.
I was repeating the same old pattern.
So I was...
(15:33):
Hopping from one advertising agency to the
other one,
one from the other, one from the other,
thinking that, okay, why do I not feel
blond? Like, what is going on? What is
wrong with me?
And I literally felt something was off, but
I was not aware,
right?
And I even discovered
the world of coaching back then, because
(15:55):
obviously
there was something wrong. And
then I remember
hiring a coach for the first time in my
life, I think that was 2000...
Seven or eight.
I didn't even know
there was such a thing.
Then I brought this agenda,
like there is something wrong with me.
I was like, look at all my
friends and everybody's happy
at their work.
(16:16):
And they have been working for
so many years, but within that timeframe,
I, I changed at least five jobs,
five agencies, five places, like, what is
wrong with me?
There's something wrong, you know,
everybody's happy
and then everybody's just doing their thing
and I am not.
wrong.
And that
was the step to become aware
(16:37):
of
what
I was
doing wrong.
There was nothing wrong with me.
My
expressions
could have been
very different.
My
approach could have been very different.
My
language that came out of my mouth
could have been different.
(16:59):
Because I felt
I was not safe,
I was not seen, I was not heard or
appreciated in those places.
And that's why
it triggered me.
It triggered me to a point
that
I started triggering others.
That's exactly the pattern.
That's exactly the loop, the spiral,
(17:20):
okay?
I was feeling triggered, and then I was
triggering others.
I was feeling unheard, and then I was not
hearing others.
I was not feeling safe and I was creating
an environment.
It was not safe to be with me.
So this is the pattern that I have
experienced
in my corporate life.
And if you literally go check my LinkedIn
profile,
(17:41):
Dr.
Shainu Install,
you will see in my very first years in my
career, starting from 2000
until
I
changed everything in 2008,
and then I started
working in my last
corporate position,
I was repeating my pattern.
(18:02):
It was a loop
almost every year.
So
one has to stop and ask, right? So that was
my revelation and that's how I used my
awareness.
I'm still talking about my awareness, okay?
I'm still talking about the first
tip
that I am sharing with you,
become aware.
If you are not aware,
(18:22):
then you're not gonna understand
what
to change.
If you don't see
what
others are seeing,
you're blind to it.
That's why we call it the blind spot.
That's where we need to begin
because it's costing us, like
not knowing
what kind of behaviors that
you need to
(18:43):
fine tune.
Being yourself is costing you.
It's costing you promotions, it's costing
you relationships, it's costing you
money, health, wealth, everything.
So that's why
the solution, the first solution is
awareness.
And
once you become aware,
I'll bring the second solution, which is
(19:04):
willingness.
It's not rocket
science.
It's just literally partnering up with your
life and facing whatever you are not facing
Meaning in the example that I shared with you,
if people are happy around you, and
if you're not happy that
they're happy, but you're not happy,
that's your problem,
(19:24):
okay?
You
gotta
face your own reality.
You gotta face
your own situation
and
see what is going on with you. And
then ask yourself,
what part of me needs to heal?
so that I can meet people where they are.
If they are happy,
(19:45):
I can raise my frequency.
If they're unhappy,
then I can choose if I want to get involved
with it or not, right?
So we all want
high frequency
and perhaps
you are in a low frequency and that's
totally fine.
You can certainly
be there
and give yourself the acceptance
(20:07):
and the time that it needs
the depth that it needs to go
so that you
are
alchemizing it.
Like you're
coming out of it as
phoenix is rising from its ashes.
you know what I'm talking about.
It's not about dismissing it or ignoring it.
If there are situations in your life that
(20:29):
you're ignoring, that's exactly where you
need to begin.
If you think that
your way is the only way,
that's exactly where you need to begin.
So in this situation where these two people
are having this conversation, and as I was
witnessing it,
I
was in awe.
I literally was in awe.
(20:49):
And
I
ask myself, what is it? What is it about us that
we are
not okay with each other?
Because we are judging
ourselves.
That's this
judgment.
That's this part of us.
That's this voice inside
who keeps
reminding us,
you can be happy too.
(21:11):
You have that power in you too.
You have that light.
that shines through you too.
You are a shiny mind too.
You are a shiny heart too.
What is it about you
that diminishes
your divine power?
Divinity
is super important
in your language.
(21:31):
Why?
Because that's the truth.
And divinity is not about religion.
Religion is
very personal.
People choose that path or not.
Divinity is something above and beyond that.
Divinity is
kind of scientific,
cosmic part of you,
that you are
(21:52):
a part of
this universe.
And actually the universe is
a part of you, inside of you.
That's the divine
light that we're talking about,
that we are dismissing.
If you are dismissing
people who are happy, people who are
shining,
then you're dismissing your own
power within.
(22:13):
And
that's why the willingness becomes the
second tool,
because it reminds
you, have
that power.
You just need to face your truth.
You just need to remember where you are
coming from,
how
divine and cosmic you are.
Once you make that shift,
once you have that
(22:33):
realization,
something is going to align within
and something is going to
awaken
within.
And you are going to wake up one day
feeling like, wow,
this is the life
that I chose.
I can do whatever I want with it.
This is my playground. A
love is how I win.
And I am going to win every single day by
(22:54):
loving myself.
Only if I love myself,
then
I can love on others.
So if you are looking for
a third
practice,
a third
tip
for you to stop telling people what to do
is
unconditional love.
When
you tell people what to do,
(23:16):
What is the mechanics behind it? Let's look at it.
You should do this in order for me to
understand you.
If you're not doing this, then I will not
understand you,
right? You are creating the conditions
around it.
And then that is becoming.
unconditional, that is becoming
transactional,
and that is damaging our humanity,
that is
(23:36):
damaging our divinity.
We are unconditional beings.
We are unconditional light in a human form.
I want us
to remember this, and I want us to match
our behaviors with this truth.
The intention is the human intention,
but the behavior in this 3D reality,
it's got to match
(23:58):
the truth,
the truth that
there is unconditional love.
So use unconditional love as another tip
to fine tune
your behaviors and then ask yourself,
is my language
conditional or unconditional?
Is
what I am saying to others
is how I'm responding to others
(24:20):
a demonstration of unconditional love for
myself and for them,
or are there conditions?
Can I smell any conditions around it?
That's a
huge practice
that you can take away and apply.
So
I hope
this was a very
helpful conversation
(24:40):
that you listened.
that I had with myself.
It was literally a conversation that I had
with myself, I feel like.
I know you
are listening
and
I know that there is a part of you that
feels resonating with it.
And if you are resonating with it,
I invite you to
(25:01):
pause
and dig deep inside.
Pause without doing anything.
Just ask yourself,
what is my truth? What is
my unconditional love for myself and for
others? How can I deepen it?
What are the tools I need?
And if your answer is, hey, I need to start
(25:22):
by understanding
more about my mindset,
I I want to study neuroscience
and I want to study myself.
I need self-discovery.
I need
to
hone my communication skills.
I need to show up as a leader.
And as I do that, I want to
experience deep transformation
(25:43):
and I want to connect to people
that are absolutely amazing.
Then
I invite you
to
look at
my world.
You can go to shinyunsal.com.
and grab that PDF
and see
if
taking the
next step is the right step for you.
(26:04):
And
I would love to work with you and I would
love to give you resources.
There are
digital courses that
you can start.
studying your mind.
You can start the mechanics that I was
telling you about, all the blocks, all
these mental blocks that are keeping you stuck
in your thinking, and then you are not even
aware that you are
(26:25):
controlling somebody, you are telling them
what to do, and then you are trying to fix them,
where they didn't even ask for
you to fix their problem, they're totally
capable.
of fixing their own problem. So you
might be annoying and frustrating people,
and I don't want that for you all.
I want freedom mindset for all of us to
experience.
(26:46):
I want resourcefulness for all of us to
experience.
And that's what I
teach.
That's what I share
with you.
And if you feel the resonance
By all means, go to my website,
shinyunsal.com
and check out how
I might be able to serve you.
And you can also go to
(27:06):
neuroshinetechnology.com
and you will see that I have a
faculty of amazing souls who are also
teaching my Neuro-Shine Technology™
And you can also look at
those options if you are
resonating with those options.
This is also a beautiful path for you to take.
(27:28):
So whatever you choose,
make sure you choose something that shines
the cosmic light within you.
So if you like this episode,
please put a like, share, and subscribe
for more videos, more content
just like this, where we sit down and talk about
the truth of humanity and how we can become
(27:48):
more conscious beings.
And thank you for allowing my light into
your neurons.
And until next time,
keep shining your cosmic light.
Go galactic.
Go galactic.
Then you're in the right place.
Let's go, let's go.
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