August 31, 2022 • 41 mins
Poopies and Bert had such a fun time recording we had to make it a two-parter! Here is the second installment of their time together.
Produced by Straw Hut Media
This episode is sponsored by Mccarthy Law: Visit mccarthylawyer.com/podcast or call 866-777-0748 and provide promo code: POOPIES for 50% off retainer fees. They'll also fix your credit report errors at no out-of-pocket cost to you.
Produced by Straw Hut Media
This episode is sponsored by Mccarthy Law: Visit mccarthylawyer.com/podcast or call 866-777-0748 and provide promo code: POOPIES for 50% off retainer fees. They'll also fix your credit report errors at no out-of-pocket cost to you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Like when I stuck this freaking Romancandle in my bohole, I had a
lot of haters. Dude, itwas funny. I had my other friend
have another one in his bohole.We had a Roman candle war. It
was like the two hundred fifty shotones. Because I was laid in my
bed. This is how it cameup. I was laying in my bed
and this is it. Hello again, Poopsters, shits, pop tarts,
(00:30):
turds. What do poopies fans wantto be called? Let us know in
the comments. Oh fuck, I'mgonna regret that invitation anyway. Welcome back
to part two with Bert Kreischer.Yes, today you will hear the Roman
Candle in the butthole story again.Sorry for that. Not much need for
an intro here. You already knowwho he is and how this convo was
going. If you haven't seen orlistened to part one, I recommend going
(00:53):
back tuning into that first, ordon't. I don't know if context really
means ship for this show. Takeit away, poops. Look at the
fucking dealer. She's Asian. Stayaway together. You know when someone says,
hey, you can stay here anytime. You know what I mean,
(01:15):
well, I thought I could staythere anytime, the shittiest podcast in the
world. So I get these fireworksfrom Long Beach, all right, we're
driving back, and then I putthem in my room. And I only
have like a small room, youknow, like studio, So I put
him next to my door, youknow, and I'm like laying on my
bed and I'm just like, thingand what I'm gonna do with these fucking
fireworks. And I look at thefirework and there's like this little plastic like
(01:37):
pointing tip that you stick. It'ssupposed to stick in the ground, and
it's a perfect like cone shaped,all like rounded tip. Yeah, and
it's like I looked at it.I go, oh my god, that
is perfect for fuck. You canput that in your fucking butthole. And
I fucking looked down. I goding, and I go yep, I'm
gonna put down my fucking bethole andI'm gonna light this thing on fire and
(02:00):
I'm gonna love it. And thisfucking this isn't far from the origin story
I cut brand spanks when Sarah Blakeleystarted spanks. This is really close.
You said a lot of things thatshe said in her origin story. And
that is when you don't have agreat When you have a great idea,
don't share with too many people becausethey shod on it. You keep it
to yourself. Yes, and thenthose people that do shit on it,
you can't listen to them. Andso but you gotta be careful for the
(02:21):
people that are like I hope heputs it in his butthole and explodes,
because there are people that want Yes, this is a fucking but I know,
great story. I know, thisis a great story about about dreams
and look, yeah we're talking aboutRoman candles in your buttle. But this
goes for everything is you can't youcan't have your idea and you gotta It
was a struggle for a five fiveminute bit. I drove to fucking Long
(02:45):
Beach through the traffic, went togo to this like Nari Narley house,
like this gang house, and thenthe guy met me there and then fucking
got I got footage of it all. It's gonna be on my vlog.
I dropped it hopefully today. Butum oh yeah, so dude, I
got was just recently fourth of July. Yeah, this was on July three.
(03:05):
I did this. This was wow, I'm getting like the scrash.
This is fresh. No, thishasn't even came out. I'm supposed to
supposed to come out with it today, but I want it to be great.
Thanks dude. Yeah, dude,I've been doing what I want now.
Really, it's like, yeah,I'm just I just can't like move
it that much. But dude,I don't really need to move it.
(03:25):
I mean I just need to keepit straight for riding my bike and surfing.
I freaking I Pumped Chicks Missionary whenit was healing. So what goes
like this? Because I was alwayslike this, like try to not and
then it really hurt and then butyeah, it's seeing good. Sometimes it's
I'm excited when he when people whenpeople ask me about my hand, I
(03:46):
like the the doctor probably said,you want to make sure you can get
flexibility and poops hurt you mean PumpChicks Missionary And he's like that's one way
to say it. Yeah for sure. No, that's this. This month
has been crazy, dude. Juneand July. Okay, let me get
to the fireworks. Yeah, thephoto. I want to show him the
video too, dude, did youyou know? Laugh? Okay, here
(04:09):
we go. It's coming sometimes thinkinga parallel universe. This is what I'd
be like had I not gotten,because that's my energy. Yeah, like
party, take a ship in public, shove something on my Oh, here's
here's my Here's north Shore. Liketen years ago when I was on north
Shore, this chick I hung outwith last night, had this picture of
us I hung out with last night. Really yeah, that's like on the
(04:30):
north Shore, like at some billabongparty or some shit. That's like two
thousand. I want to say,two thousand, two thousand, first,
two twenty oh yeah, twenty twenty. Yeah, y two k um okay,
let me get to the firework.Oh that was fucking two thousand and
twenty. Whatever's bug? Why twok oh? Here's the butt shot?
(04:56):
How good is that? That's thescreen grab. That's fucking awesome. How
sick, dude, that's what myvision was. So I did it out
kick its coverage in your vision turnout? So you know what happened is
I just like so I had myfriend Cheesy Chase, like he's known for
doing fucked up shit in my neighborhood. I'm guessing with the name Cheesy Chase,
(05:18):
your parents don't get. Yeah,he's got a Champ. Yeah,
he's got a Champ stamp that sayscheesy Chase with two cubes of cheese fucking
on the side of already, Likehe's a fucking legend. This is the
guy that's like, dude, theydon't check for drugs going into Tijuana and
you're like, good call. Soyeah, So I was like, who
am I gonna do this with?Because I go, fuck, I need
two people. We can do warswithin in our buttholes. Because I was
(05:39):
like, I'll just shoot out ofmy butthole. I was like, no,
I need a war. I likethat. You didn't stop it,
Like, I kept going with it, dude, I can't stop with that.
And then I go, okay,let's make a war. So I
fucking called cheesy Chase and he wasdown, And this is what happened.
If I can find this one,I think it might be right. Oh
shit, fuck off, dude.Do you have Graham Life tattooed on your
(06:02):
your legs? Oh? Yeah,Graham Life right here, Graham Life.
This is my first tattoo with afucking mechanical pencil, guitar string and a
CD fucking player fucking battery. Reallysome prison ship yeah, what is it.
It's a little turd. But thenit got air started hurting. Yeah,
I started hurting. You can seeit. Yeah, so everyone else
(06:25):
it looks like a hurricane. Yeah, but for you it's a turd.
Yeah, I love it like ahurricane. Sick. And then okay,
let me find this clip. I'mso bad. Oh, here we go.
Okay, don't touch it. It'sfrom my merch like that. I
(06:46):
was yelling because it was in mybathole, not because of the sparks.
That's fucking great. Yeah, dude, wait till you see this flog.
I'll send you the link, pleaseplease, It's fucking funny. So like,
and then so I went along beachgot the fireworks, called Cheesy Chase.
I said, hey, Cheesy,you want to do this, like,
let's meet out the train tracks.So we met at the train tracks
and we fucking did yeah pretty much. Hey, hey, he thought we
(07:09):
were gonna do it on the bridge, like where you can't like run away
if the train comes. I thoughtthat looked like it was at a beach.
No, it was on a sand. Like a sand it's next right
next to the beach, you knowthose little cliffs like the dirt cliffs.
Yeah, so it's like a littleit's like a little bike jump area.
But dude, this ship was classic. So Cheesy Chase was was down,
so I met up with him andhis friends. But I was worried about
(07:30):
the camera guys because I didn't reallyhave a camera guy. So I had
my phones iPhones just as good.I put the iPhone down. There's like
little little humps. You didn't havea camera guy for this. I had
one camera guy and my camera,so I gave it my camera some some
friend. I was like, hey, can you film this clip? Just
stay on me, and that camera'sgonna stay on Cheesy. So I kind
(07:54):
of I directed this whole thing.And then like the friends, they don't
know about directing and when the whenwhen you when you do it, you're
supposed to be filming, you knowwhat I mean. So they're all trying
to rush you. I'm like,shut up, like wait, wait till
everyone's freaking ready. So I go, you guys getting your positions all right,
let's do this. So I puton my rest. I had a
speedo and a Mexican wrestling mask,like Nacho Libre mask, so I put
(08:18):
that on, and Cheezy Chase.I gave him the dress that Ponti swear.
It kind of looks like the dressPonti swore for the lights out bit
the La the lamb um so Igave. I bought one in Chinatown.
I used it for my first fireworksstunt where where um um freaking just space
(08:39):
dude. Fuck. Anyways, thisis why the Ted talk is gonna be
great. God damn it, dude, Poppy coush, Dude, I'm so
sorry. Kush Poppy from Chicago.So he's a funny ass fucker that does
Instagram videos and YouTube and stuff.And um, so I had him shoot
me in this dress. So Igave this dress to fucking Cheesy Chase.
(09:01):
I handed it down because I gota new outfit. No, so I
handed it down the dress to Cheesey. I go cheesy thirty five. So
I handed down the dress. Fuckyeah, hell are you nine? I
know I had to ask that though, just furry spect levels. So um,
I handed down the thing that cheesehad. Cheesey, let's do this,
(09:22):
dude, you're my dog. Knowingthere's not anyone else that would do
this in San Diego that I couldcall him be like, hey, you
wants to take a fucking Roman cattlein your house and do this bit.
Fuck. Yeah, he's chugging hisforty let's go Geeze Chase here. I'm
like, yes, you're a legend. So if we meet up and um,
we called, we started calling cheeseballsand he's fucking clossy. He don't
give a fuck. He worked construction. He's to live in his truck.
(09:45):
Cheesy Chase, dude. If anyonefucking needs a fucking like a raising life,
fucking cheesy Chase. So I broughthim on my TV show, Cheesy
Chase is working construction. Dude.He just texted me, Hey, did
I leave my belt and hands atyour house? Because I gave him his
cenglasses. Bagh yeah yeah man,Yeah dude, Look you want to cheesy
(10:11):
Chase dude. He grew up inSouth Oceanside, you know, with all
these like motorcycle clubs and like drugsand a lot of gnarlyy riff raff,
you know, a lot of bullshit, and so he's like, Noah,
he's there. But he had anarly accident and he cracked his skull open,
dude, and you could fill hishead. It's indented bro, he's
like a coma and ship. Dude. They didn't think he's gonna make it.
(10:35):
I think it was motorcycle or skateboard. I think skateboard. I think
he fell on a skateboard bombing thehill and crushed his skull. But now
he's like a hypnotic when you seedudes. Yeah, and they we were
talking to each other and all ofa sudden, dudes on long boards all
FaceTime. Cheesy Chase. Yeah,so I'm on a FaceTime right, So
(10:58):
I fucking so like. I wasbeen telling him, like, dude,
because he saw that I was doingstupid cheese like I do stupid shit too.
We finally met and we did yeah, cheesy cheesy Chase is cheezy Chase
on an airplane? Yeah? Ino, no, it's bright. What's
up? My name is Bert?Yeah, I'm Bert is Bert chist on
an airplane? Yeah, I'm acomedian. Are you on an Airplane's legend?
(11:20):
Dude? Oh d this guy's fugginghard work. We got a party.
He saw your fireworks videos, vie, dude, what I don't even
know what it is, but wellyou'll see the clip. What was it?
Whoa whoa burn? Oh? Fuck, that's from the Roman candle on
(11:43):
the Roman candle. Yeah, I'mso proud of you, cheesy. Are
you serious? He's a legend?Fuck? Hey, cheesy? How fun
was that? Yeah? It wasbecause this It wasn't The sparks is because
(12:05):
the pain is stretching. Get Yoursis the hard part. Hey, we
gotta we gotta hang out at berththough. Dude. Hey, he told
me to hit you up. Iwas like, yeah, dude, cheese's
allegic cheese. He's been telling mestories about you. Man. I think
we got a party one night.I'll bring the Roman candles where we could
just have drinks. Yeah, let'sdo that, fucking hey man, uh
(12:30):
group party. Well, I'll gosurfing or something. All right here,
I'll give you back to poop.Hey, Hey, love you dude.
I'm proud of you. Ben.Yeah, I'll call. I'll hit you
up when I'm done. Okay,Yeah, allegic drive safe. Look at
the road, dude, look atthe road. What I like that?
He's so good energy? Man.You can see when dudes have good energy.
(12:54):
So life, life has shut himdown all the time, Like life
shut him down all the time,like chicks girlfriends like apartment. It's like
really, because he'll start drinking andthen he can't handle his liquor and then
funk. I just offered a partywith it. It's okay, though,
If he's in a stable, weshould rob a bank and I'm like,
yeah, you're in the back ofa van putting on fucking dead President Master.
(13:16):
No. Yeah, just like ifwe if he's in a like private
environment, you know, he'll begood. He's funny, he's fucked,
but the public can't handle him.I have friends like that, you know
what I mean. Yeah. Wehad a friend called Cannonball, and he
was can you want to know thisgreat story? Cannonball. I won't say
(13:37):
everything. He knows what I'm talkingabout, can't say his names have grown
up now. So one night helived in Venice. We go down and
uh and you know, in Florida, if you didn't if you said no
to coke, that was kind oflike a like a yeah, yeah yeah.
So we go in. He inhis place and they've got a fucking
punch coke on the table and I'mlike wow. So we all bump a
line and he's like, I wantto introduce you to my friends. And
(13:58):
they're sitting on laptops like nerds,like just they're typing and typing it.
Yeah, they're all blowed out andthey're all fucking doing coke doing And I
go, what you guys doing there? Programmers? And I went, programmers,
this is what. I don't knowwhat your was? The fuck?
I would never do that. Youcan know who Dan Cook is? And
I go yeah, And they're like, I think I said I was a
comedian. They're like, you knowDan Cook is? I go yeah,
and he goes They're like, yeah, we're we're he's really big on our
(14:20):
cook. You don't who Dan Cookis? No, I don't know a
lot of people. Man, No, I feel bad for myself because I
don't fucking know a lot of people. I only have so much to focus
on. Hey, I have somuch to fucking focus on, you know,
and I, yes, you there'sonly so much hard drive up here.
Let me tell you something. There'sa there's a MacArthur grant. You
(14:41):
should get a MacArthur grant. I'mnot even sucking MacArthur grant they give.
It's a it's a an endowment thatgoes to artists, but not artists that
technically you could ever make money offtheir art. It goes to like a
clown, we'll get a MacArthur grant, like a really great So it's basically
if I think it's one or something, no, no, no, there's
(15:01):
something, because it's it's it's thingsthat they go, they give you one
hundred fifty thousand dollars a year andthen they go, just keep being you
don't change. Oh I don't needmoney to do that. Yep, no,
but it wouldn't it be nice toknow that you could you can you
don't have to worry about money.You could just be yourself. That's how
I am, I know, butlike you don't have to worry about like
you could just put a Roman candleup. You're asking, don't have to
write merch? Oh yeah yeah yeah, well that was the marketer's idea.
(15:26):
That wasn't my idea. I actuallyjust wanted that one clip so I could
post, and they come up withthis stupid tim person off shit and I
was like, what the fuck isthis? What merched you? So I
have the Yeah, this is myhand. When I got bit the shark
said it tastes like shit and spitit out and then um, I got
um the grandfather shirt says grandfather,it's pretty sick. And I got one
(15:50):
that says it's like the Gucci umlabel, but it says poopies. And
then I got um the original one, the pool logo. Yeah, and
then I got um the one says, wake up Poopy's chair. Can I
give you a T shirt advice?One T shirt? I think I'd like
to see. Black shirt, Yeah, like that white one white logo,
(16:11):
one white logo, and it's thepoop but upside down so it looks like
a tornado from your Yeah, that'sfrom yeah. The only people that know
no right, so people like yeah, and maybe you put like a hurricane
poopy here because I can be ahurricane, dude, I bet you can.
I fucking fucked some ship up before, Dude, I like it ruins
(16:33):
my rap in my life though,but I fucked some shit up. Yeah,
you seem like you got such agood spirit. Dude. I've I've
been so drunk before and like gaveout, gave away my friend's soft tops.
I've like snuck into my friend,didn't sneak in. I went through
the back gate. Well, youknow when someone says, hey, you
can stay here anytime you know whatI mean. Well, I thought I
(16:55):
could say there anytime. That's amovie that's you know what I mean,
that's you can stay here anytime.Yeah, it's a story about poop just
rolling into dude's house. He's like, you're in my kids room? What
the fuck are you doing? You'relike you said, I can stay here
anytime. Yeah. You know,people in my business strive to be as
(17:18):
real as you are, because whatyou don't, you really don't. You're
not you're the funniest. Like sowhen you're when you're funny as a comic,
you're the funniest when you don't realizeyou're being funny and people are like,
dude, you're funny, and you'relike really yeah, well this is
just real, live shit, yeahmy life. I swear if I had
a cameraman follow my whole life around, dude, it would be like,
(17:42):
like for real, like shit happensin my in my daily life that fucking
should not happen to any human.There's there's there's people watching, there's people
money watching this right now, goingI'll pay for that, Like I'd pay
for that, I'd pay for that. Well, we're all years poopy accepting
donations. I don't think Burt know'sPoopy's demographic. There's ship that happens,
(18:04):
dude, so fucking gnarly, LikeI don't know. It's weird, like
thirty three follows me around, likethe number it was like it's ninety three.
Now it's like a sign, youknow, like you have a number
number eleven and twenty two. Yeah. Oh, I just bet on twenty
two and and and bahamas on aroulette. Yeah. And I fucking struck
(18:26):
five bucks on twenty two black twentytwo. You ready for this? What
I do? This is a goodThis is a good gambling story. So
I do, uh the what's thewhere? Six thirty three? The Virgin
Hotel, The Virgin Hotel. They'llbe back there in this fall. So
I do the show. Uh,get a little cash. Uh. And
(18:48):
I'm not really feeling it. Ilike gambling, but I gotta feel that.
I gotta feel it, right,Yeah, you gotta feel it.
You gotta look at it. Youcan't just walk up and go, oh,
here's my money. Yeah, andyou look at the numbers, look
at the people, look at thefucking dealer. She's Asian, stay away.
Oh no, So I have anAsian dealer on roulette because they do.
(19:11):
You're they like you, though,because everyone else likes you. It's
just so they feel your vibe.No one's there. I take one hundred
dollars and I put it on byyourself. I then take the rest of
my money. I put it onblack, and I just yeah, go
ahead, just me and her.She's got a mask on. She spends
it. She spends it, andI'm just watching her. They watching her.
(19:32):
I'm just watching her, and Isee from her mask, this is
what I she moves. Yeah,HiT's eleven. It's fucking like thirty six
plus. The rest of my moneyis on black. I tip her five
hundred dollars. No way take themoney. I didn't feel. I didn't
feel I didn't feel the gamble.The fun thing about gambling is when you
(19:55):
don't feel it races and you think, you don't think your money, alcohol,
you don't drugs. You want thatmoney, moment, that moment,
that money, that moment that youwon, because you think, if I
lose this, I'm fucked. We'reten places you want when you win.
It's like a it's like a twentytimes. We're ten places you want to
go in the world. Um,I want to go to Tahiti. You've
(20:15):
already been there. I want togo back. Is that where that big
thick wave is. Yes, choepoo, I want to water ski it.
That's how you say I'm gonna getYeah, choe poo. TiO po
po, TiO po poop. Sowhere else do you want to go?
I want to go to Ireland again. I've never been to the places you've
never never been? Yeah, okay, um, do you ever any interest?
(20:37):
I want to go to South Africa? Want from the great White sharks?
Yeah, I want to do thegreat White thing because now I'm not
scared of sharks anymore. You never, You're not gonna get attacked it again?
I know. That's why I wantto go sharking with you, because
I know I'm definitely gonna attack.Yeah, yeah, you won't. Well.
Fuck I fucking went to in thefishing there day and I caught a
(20:59):
shark, are you sure? Yeah? And the captain blamed it on me.
Yeah, you fucking on the boatby you fucking So where else you
want to go? South Africa's SouthAfrica? I want to go freaking I
want to go to Um, what'sthat one? Place the mal Dives.
Yes, um, I want togo to the big city where it's like
(21:21):
a biz not a Beisa. Iwant to go to Bes. Huh,
yeah, I heard. I don'tknow. Maybe it's too much hype on
it, but I want to goto um France. There's not too much
hype on France. Frankly, Iwant to go pretty awesome, like hype
is good. It's like hype isgood, Like people hype it up when
it comes to go there and thenyou're like, oh, this sucks.
That's the hype. You know.Paris is fucking amazing. Yeah, and
(21:42):
then all London. I love UK. I want to go to London.
Like, there's so many UK fansit's crazy. They're so dedicated, die
hard dude. She do a livepodcast in London. I'm trying to do
a London I'm trying to do aUK tour right now. What are you
gonna do, DoD Just stand upand just do my shit to you.
(22:03):
I could listen to you talk.The way you see the world is like
pretty precious. It's like, yeah, man, not a lot of people
know don't know who Dane Cook is? Yeah, who is that? He's
the biggest comic that's ever been see, I'm new to this dude. Steven
put me on. I don't evenknow I was supposed to be a comic.
Yeah, and then he told meI was gonna be Um, I
(22:23):
try tell stories and stuff. Yeah, just tell stories. So I got
this good story that I freaking have. But it's like, so this okay,
So I was coming. I wasabout to say, if you go
what I was punny doing on Fi. No, this was like, oh,
I used to like you heard Steven'spodcast, Yeah, yeah, the
one where I smuggled drugs from Mexico. No, I know, I haven't
(22:45):
heard you on Steve. I thought, yeah, i've heard. Oh yeah,
when I was eighteen. So theserf shop, right, yeah,
that's when I ain't got introduced todrugs at the surf shop. So this
old guy was like, lived inMexico. Uncle Danny is just crazy,
fucking story. Everything's everything connects,dude, Everything's connected. It's fucking weird,
but it all is. So I'mat the surf shop. I'm a
(23:07):
little grum. We're not twenty oneyet. We asked this old guy who's
staying there. We're like, whyis this old guy staying here they go,
don't worry about it. Fucking well, we asked him for Tobias beer,
you know from seven eleven across thestreet, and so we fucking asked
him for beer. That's all.We knew him as like our beer guy,
and we'd always be like a dollarshort, and you'd get so fucking
pissed, dude, because you weregetting fuck dude. I did them since
(23:30):
I was sixteen. I kind ofwent too long doing them. I went
him two. I was twenty seven, twenty five doing beer runs, twenty
five doing beer runs, I wouldsay twenty five, yeah, twenty five,
twenty five I stopped. Yeah,yeah, guys, no dude,
because I was the only one whowould do them, so all my friends
(23:52):
would rely on me to do it, you know what I mean, dude.
I remember doing beer runs, butwe had guys that would fucking chase
the workers that chased us, becauseif the workers chased us, we had
backup, the older guys at StateBeach. So I worked out. I
worked I hung out at State Beachand Carlsbad, and back in the day,
it was kind of like that fuckingpoint break vibe, you know,
(24:12):
like locals only vibe. So That'show it was. But we're the grom
so we had to do all thefucked up ship that day. They want
to like still on food, stillin beer, get them, get them
ship. We're the fucking getters,So I would do I would do beer
runs every day, dude, everyfucking day, at least three times a
day. At one point, Jesusthirty packs here. I remember this one
(24:33):
time we went the Vans and LaCosta. Yeah, and fucking we're at the
von you know, it's all kindof rich. The rich neighborhoods are the
best. Oh yeah, because yeah, they're like, oh my god,
it's gonna kill you. Yeah.Yeah. So we'd go to the Vans
and fucking LaCosta and like we'd comeout two thirty packs, like five deep,
Like we're like eighteen seventeen five deep. So we'd have two four six,
(24:56):
eight hundred thirty ten thirty packs.So and then we'd have the older
guys in the van because we justchuck it in there and go. But
if anyone ran out, the olderguys would come in and like, what,
you're not gonna fucking stop him,you know what I mean? I
would love to see it. Sowe had backup done in an artistic way,
and then we go to the bamboofororts and just chilling the bamboo forts
(25:18):
with our thirty pack. We onlyget one thirty pack though out of all
those really they don't only give usone. It's like Dogtown about in two
thousand, two thousand and three.Really, Yeah, it was fucking I
never had I never had that kindof No. No, I never had
that kind of uh. I mean, I guess in like a fraternity because
I was like, you can choosewhat you want to like, you can
see it like, oh, youdon't want to hang out those kids because
(25:41):
those kids get punked by older guysor something. You know, because you
look at that when you're in highschool or in school growing up, you
look at that. You know you'relike, oh I don't want to be
that guy, or those guys arenice, but it's all like just like
you're kind of like afraid of it, you know what I mean, You're
afraid of it. So if youlike just push that boundary and just like
just do it for one time.So that's when I was like, fuck,
(26:02):
I'm gonna do it one time,see what happens. And it wasn't
that bad. You know, Ihung out with the surfers and I didn't
get beat up at State Beach thatday. So I kept going back and
kept going back, and I nevergot beat up. So that's what I
was like, Dude, you guysare fucking tripping, like it's not that
bad. Yeah. So there's likea people put like a label on something,
you know, and like think it'slike they put it out of proportion.
You know, I fucking it madeit made me be on jackass,
(26:26):
like surfing and going going to thebeach and doing all the fucked up shit,
you know what I mean. There'ssomething very real about your personality.
That is why, Like when Isaw you on Jackets, I got so
excited. So I was like,I was like, oh, I've been
rooting for this guy. Sorry aboutall of the genital itching happening. I'm
not really sure what's going on,but a quick doctor's visit may be in
order, Yeah, dude, toroot for you. Yeah, dude,
(26:48):
Like I'm the underdog, dude,because there's all the cool guys you're not,
but you're not, Like you're notthe loser underdog the like where you
go like I want to see him. Yeah, can the ac off it's
fucking freezing in here. Um yeah, Cheezy chases like fucking legit dude,
(27:11):
Like he came from nothing. SoI like to see the unfortunate fucking become
fortunate because I've seen the rich kids. And I went to Carlsbad High there's
rich kids, you know what Imean, and they just you'll fuck they
don't even you won't even get totalk to him or No. Like my
stepmom like had the money, stepand my Yeah, so my dad married.
(27:33):
Um, my real mom remarried tomy step dad because my dad couldn't
stop partying. So my mom divorcedmy dad. Okay, so my I
was in third grade child. Umno, I had a brother still older
brother, yep, still do Ryanand so, um, your parents divorced
and then so I was born inRedlands. Really, I was born in
(27:56):
Redlands. I went to school atHighland and I got diagnosed with a HD
and um, the reason I gotdiagnosed is they called my mom and said,
you need to come get your son. He's jumping from desk to desk
yelling. So you and Cannonball wouldhave a great time. That's where I'm
like, They're like all right,there's something wrong with this kid. But
there wasn't anything wrong. It's justI didn't want to be inside. Well,
(28:18):
it's we're not We're not meant.Humans weren't meant to sit at death
and read books. No humans somethingnot every human like it did. There
are something that were there. Theywere called priests, and they would write,
they would scribe down the tails yeaof history. And then there were
people that they were like, man, we need to fucking we need to
eat tonight. Yeah, but likeyou're the brain that goes goes out into
the forest, it goes how thefun figure out how to eat. That's
(28:38):
how dumb I am. Though.It's like, dude, learned school,
Like school is good, dumb.Look, school is good, though,
dumb. Right, If you don'thave school, I wouldn't be able to
read right fucking talk, you knowwhat I mean? Like like at that
age though, school is important,you know what I mean, the structure,
the structure of school, of thetiming of getting there. You know
(28:59):
it's two kids, Yeah, youknow it's up. But but I'm telling
you, man, like I didn'twant to be there. I didn't want
to be there though. Yeah,I never wanted to be there, but
recess was my favorite. Of course. Of course, my favorite was lunch
when you sat down, Yeah,tell stories and friends about what happened.
See. Weekend lunch was my worstbecause I had to go to a secret
the not a secret office, butI went to the nurses's office before lunch
(29:22):
to take my riddling. So they'relike, why do you go there for?
And I I was embarrassed to tellthem, like I take pills.
Like what pills? Kids? Youknow? Yeah, I was in third
grade, dude. I was likereally, like, I don't know,
it's just I was really like,but you kind of kind of shelled myself
because I knew what I was,but I didn't want anyone to know.
Like if this is like, well, I'd be accepted or not. You
(29:45):
know what I mean. Well,anytime you're a little different as a kid
from the norm. Remember the firsttime I saw like dicks, like dudes
dicks and realized we don't all havethe same size dick. Yeah, Tennis
camp like, yeah, that's weird, it's weird. Whoa You're like,
I'm keeping my pants on. That'swhen you find out when you're gay or
(30:06):
not. You're the like oh orlike, oh, I don't know,
No, that's my there. Yeah, I definitely went. Oh yeah,
so your parents split up and thenand then your dad who quit partying and
married a rich lady. So mymom and dad met because my mom was
in the army. Really and yeah, she got yeah, she got um
(30:30):
she is in the army. Didshe go to the Great uh Invasion at
all? No, she claimed thatshe um was pregnant or some shit.
She got out, okay, becauseshe was over it. She's like,
I don't should not be here.Yeah, so she's she is sixty five.
Yeah, she has health problems sinceshe got like next surgery. So
the doctors, you know what doctorsare they going, Oh yeah, just
(30:52):
oh there's something we can't figure itout. You gotta go to this doctor.
We can't figure out. You gottago that doctor. That's what they
did to her. They did that. And now she's gotta fucking fucked up
nack dude, a huge hole init because she doesn't she's so gullible.
She listens to the health systems.Fucked up. It's fucked up because they
don't listen to women about their problems. Is real. Yeah, and also
(31:12):
and all my Mom's a fucking walkingtestimony of that. I'll tell you a
quick story about Mom's Pete knows Pecemy assistant. I have a problem with
my one of my teeth. SoI go into a dot a dentist and
he says, UM, all right, we're gonna have to take out both
those molars. We're gonna take outuh for three other molars you don't need
(31:32):
them, and then we're gonna breakyour jaw. We're gonna have to take
out shut all your teeth and thenat your jaw. Yeah, you're you're
like, what and I and Iyou, I mean, how how about
I walked into the car boa theywant the money? By they want the
money, So you go to anotherdoctor. You go, oh, all
you gotta do is to get acavity fucking thing, and BOMs by,
I know, bob uh. Igo to the I go to I end
(31:53):
up blowing this off and then justsaying, I literally, I go,
what will happen? First? MaybeI'll die before this happens, so I
don't have to worry about this atall. Yeah, I said, the
worse whole life to look like this, and now you want to change what
I look like they're putting fucked upthoughts in your head, so then you
(32:13):
believe them. Then your body believesthem. Yeah, and then you're like,
what the fuck. And then yougo, dude, I know you're
talking about That's why i'ming to mymom the whole time. Yeah, and
and and and women are it's worsewith women. I have a good friend
who's going through the health problems.Doctors just got. They don't listen to
them, and they just go,you're fine, there's what you need.
And then and you're it's gullibles don'tnot the right word only because not gullible,
(32:36):
but it's all you should trust them. You should trust them. I
wouldn't say gullible, but now that'swhat I think, though. I don't
trust those fuckers anymore. I mean, we need to wrap this up.
But I'm having a good time talkingto Yeah, me too. But yeah,
so my mom she kept listening andlike, and my stepdad would tell
her, you know, like mystepdad's a legend. Dude. He like,
if I if my stepdad wasn't there, like I'd have to be there
(32:59):
for my mom. Um. Yeah, he works out the dude, he's
been working at this one job fortwenty fucking years by the Dino factory in
Cartha's, Missouri. He lives inMissouri. Yeah, yeah, so that's
where my mom. So when Iso Redlands, right, yeah, lived
in Redlands, went to Highland School. My mom divorced and met my awesome
(33:19):
stepdads. Scott Ellis, that's reallycool that you have respect for your stepdad
like that. Well I didn't,and then I realized, dude, he
was fucking teaching me. I wasgetting spankings with the narliest paddle ever.
So just acting up. And that'swhat I learned. Dude, you don't
act up, you respect you knowwhat I mean? Did I get a
fucking paddle to my ass? Dude, that fucking hurt. That's when I
(33:40):
got my pain tolerance because I waslike all wild and she I didn't give
a fuck. You know, paddlesall day ba ba, but the top
of the woman on the fucking couchjumping couch to couch to couch. Yeah,
and he's like, I'm Scott.He's like yeah, yeah, dude,
(34:02):
like motherfucker. Yeah. Um no, my brother's not like like so
when I was Ryan, Yeah,Ryan McInerney, you Sean Patrick McInerney I'm
an Irish bloke. Mate, Yeah, you are fucking give me some may
fucking taking my chuck on the beach. Fucking so so so then so go
(34:25):
back to I'm curious about your yourso so um so we went to Missouri
right ten minutes. Okay, I'mgonna wrap this one up. I want
to hear your story. Though,we're gonna do this on your podcast.
We'll do We'll do a podcast withme and just do the same fucking thing.
By the way, this has beena shared interview because I'm because I'm
curious about you. I'm curious aboutyou though I knew you. I've never
(34:45):
been in with frat ever. Dude, Like I was going, I was
ditching school. You're like stoked togo to school. No, no,
no, I was stoked to butschool. You were stoked to be at
school. I didn't want to goto school. I like, but ye
at school. Yeah, because welike it to and we want to be
that guy. But we never were. And somehow we didn't stop and we
wanted to be that person that wealways wanted to be. And that's we
(35:07):
We fucking made it. And it'sit's from hard work, patience and not
saying no to shit, dude.Let's go to Hawaii for let's I'll I'll
pay for the tickets. You know, Hawaii, stay at turtle Bed,
Let's go and surf for a week. Let's go, We'll go fuck with
Jamie will prank Jamie, Jamie.I bet Jamie will. I bet Jamie
(35:29):
can. He'll pick us up inthe airport and and and he can come
out with us one day. ButI really want to learn how to surf.
Im and Pete's gonna come to Ireally want to really want to learn.
I want to teach you too,because there's gonna be people, Oh
I want to teach you, wantto teach you. No, I want
to teach you, though, Iwant to get it to the point like
did you hear that? Though?Yes, there's gonna be people when you
(35:50):
go there. They gonna be like, oh, I want to teach you,
to teach you, Yeah, butI'm I'm gonna teach you. How
Someone hit up Jamie O'Brien, No, don't hit him up. I'll hit
him up. No, No,you I meant you like that like someone
eight guys call the dogs off,call dogs of poopies, gonna hit him?
I love that I hit him.Yeah, d would be a great
(36:12):
poopies dude. I take a shipin the street and no one thought it
was cool. And then I wentto the to the school next week and
they go, no, that's notcool. You know what's cool as you
shit your pants, that's cool.So then it was oh, no,
he shit his pants. They turnedit around on me. Oh for real,
Yeah, because they didn't think jackHouse was cool, like was just
first coming out, but I thoughtit was fucking cool. I should on
a pizza box, should and wonan election. Yeah, dude, like
(36:37):
for real, but that's college.I'm like, I got like these fucking
calls bad high school kids that nevereven know about college then know it's like
what's fun? They think fun islike drama. They're like, oh,
you're with him, oh poopies,or like, oh you're Charlie, You're
like dumb high school shiit. Sean, Oh wow, you are so fucking
(36:58):
irish Sean Patrick mac can ernie,Oh my god, you were born with
sin. Well I'm so I'm likean angel though Catholic. I've saved bombs
from fucking suicide. Yeah that's prettycool. What does that mean? Are
you Catholic. No, dude,do you want to fucking my religion?
It's fucked up. Let's put apin in that too. We'll talk about
(37:20):
this on my podcast for real,beau jit guys, not really, what
the fuck does that even mean?You are? You are everything I was
hoping you'd be for everything. I'mmeaning serious, man, I've been a
fan of yours for a long time. I've been a fan of yours for
a long time. And when yougot on Jackass, we were all there
(37:40):
together. Remember I said, Iknow that, fucking dude, I know
that. I didn't I didn't knowthe he came out from the Remember they
took you to the airport in theback of a truck one time. No,
it's successful from Hawaii and Hollywood onlya Koala Alexander and fucking a couple
of other people. That's about it. Yeah, and so uh it's uh
yeah, dude, that's so.I'm glad we got to do this,
(38:00):
man. We gotta do what yougotta do. My podcastle's we talk about
the shark bite more too. Youknow what we should do we should do?
Uh uh, something's burning with poopies. I have a have a cooking
show. I do where I bringinto my o, I can make a
meal, and make a meal.I seen that. I've seen that,
dude. It looks so so youdo it with another person? Who would
(38:22):
you want to do it with CheesyChase? Oh and then Cheesy Chase knows
where I live? Yeah, No, he's Chase one morning goes anything.
No, no, he won't rememberwhere you live. We blindfold Cheesy Chase.
No, he got that big dentin his head. That's right,
that's right. Yeah, you canfine, just distract him on the ride
(38:44):
there. Yeah, let's see thatburn again. He's like, oh yeah,
just shoot him with the Roman candle. Let him run off. Well,
I appreciate you guys watching the show. Yeah, this has been a
fucking black Oh my god, I'mhosting it. Yeah, hosting it like
it's my fucking podcast. Than thisis a great episode. Can I you
have anything to plug? Can Ido the out? Yeah? Yeah?
(39:05):
Oh yeah, see me on tour? Yes, dude? How is that?
Though? Okay, I have onequestion. How is that when you're
in there fucking huge arena and everyone'scoming up to you giving selfies and ship
and it's not You're not even ontour yet it's pretty ad. You just
went to set it out, fiveit out. Yeah yeah, well yeah,
we do a blessing. We doa blessing. Yeah, we do
a You gotta bless everything, everybig thing that you buy her and invest
(39:28):
into. Dude, bless it,bro, we do uh for we smudge
everything. My daughter smudge with poop. No with the smudge with with smudge
like sounds like poop stage. It'sI fucking can I kind of secretly hope
my daughter Eila falls in love witha guy like Poopies. Can I get
to have him? I'm a gentlemanlife. She's too young. She's like,
(39:49):
no, well, hey I couldbe that guy, but I won't
even talk to your daughter. I'llbe your friend. I just hope there's
a fifteen year old Poopies floating downright now. If my daughter links up
with and he just comes, Ican find him. He's in Carlsbad somewhere's
gonna be. I know exactly wherethat kid is, Tamarack Beach and Carl's
Bad for real. Now. Yeah, hey, thank you for coming on.
(40:09):
That was fucking huge of you,dude, Like, dude, I
can't believe he's in my past rightHey, you're Can we consider each other
friends? We're friends? Fuck yeah? Pises together now? No? Yeah?
Thanks for coming on, Bert,and thanks for tuning in everyone.
(40:30):
These episodes are getting pretty cathartic.Did you guys learn anything today? I
did. I don't really know what, but I did for sure learned something.
Lucky you. We have another episodenext week and another great gust.
Be sure to subscribe so you can'tmiss it. Stay Shitty the Shittiest Podcast
is produced by the World's Worst People, Tyler Nielsen, Ryan Tillotson, Frank
(40:50):
Triscoll and narrated by Me the Narrator. Special thanks to the Straw Team. E
Like when I stuck this freaking Romancandle in my bohole, I had a
lot of haters. Dude, itwas funny. I had my other friend
have another one in his bohole.We had a Roman candle war. It
was like the two hundred fifty shotones. Because I was laid in my
bed. This is how it cameup. I was laying in my bed
and this is it. Hello again, Poopsters, shits, pop tarts,
(00:30):
turds. What do poopies fans wantto be called? Let us know in
the comments. Oh fuck, I'mgonna regret that invitation anyway. Welcome back
to part two with Bert Kreischer.Yes, today you will hear the Roman
Candle in the butthole story again.Sorry for that. Not much need for
an intro here. You already knowwho he is and how this convo was
going. If you haven't seen orlistened to part one, I recommend going
(00:53):
back tuning into that first, ordon't. I don't know if context really
means ship for this show. Takeit away, poops. Look at the
fucking dealer. She's Asian. Stayaway together. You know when someone says,
hey, you can stay here anytime. You know what I mean,
(01:15):
well, I thought I could staythere anytime, the shittiest podcast in the
world. So I get these fireworksfrom Long Beach, all right, we're
driving back, and then I putthem in my room. And I only
have like a small room, youknow, like studio, So I put
him next to my door, youknow, and I'm like laying on my
bed and I'm just like, thingand what I'm gonna do with these fucking
fireworks. And I look at thefirework and there's like this little plastic like
(01:37):
pointing tip that you stick. It'ssupposed to stick in the ground, and
it's a perfect like cone shaped,all like rounded tip. Yeah, and
it's like I looked at it.I go, oh my god, that
is perfect for fuck. You canput that in your fucking butthole. And
I fucking looked down. I goding, and I go yep, I'm
gonna put down my fucking bethole andI'm gonna light this thing on fire and
(02:00):
I'm gonna love it. And thisfucking this isn't far from the origin story
I cut brand spanks when Sarah Blakeleystarted spanks. This is really close.
You said a lot of things thatshe said in her origin story. And
that is when you don't have agreat When you have a great idea,
don't share with too many people becausethey shod on it. You keep it
to yourself. Yes, and thenthose people that do shit on it,
you can't listen to them. Andso but you gotta be careful for the
(02:21):
people that are like I hope heputs it in his butthole and explodes,
because there are people that want Yes, this is a fucking but I know,
great story. I know, thisis a great story about about dreams
and look, yeah we're talking aboutRoman candles in your buttle. But this
goes for everything is you can't youcan't have your idea and you gotta It
was a struggle for a five fiveminute bit. I drove to fucking Long
(02:45):
Beach through the traffic, went togo to this like Nari Narley house,
like this gang house, and thenthe guy met me there and then fucking
got I got footage of it all. It's gonna be on my vlog.
I dropped it hopefully today. Butum oh yeah, so dude, I
got was just recently fourth of July. Yeah, this was on July three.
(03:05):
I did this. This was wow, I'm getting like the scrash.
This is fresh. No, thishasn't even came out. I'm supposed to
supposed to come out with it today, but I want it to be great.
Thanks dude. Yeah, dude,I've been doing what I want now.
Really, it's like, yeah,I'm just I just can't like move
it that much. But dude,I don't really need to move it.
(03:25):
I mean I just need to keepit straight for riding my bike and surfing.
I freaking I Pumped Chicks Missionary whenit was healing. So what goes
like this? Because I was alwayslike this, like try to not and
then it really hurt and then butyeah, it's seeing good. Sometimes it's
I'm excited when he when people whenpeople ask me about my hand, I
(03:46):
like the the doctor probably said,you want to make sure you can get
flexibility and poops hurt you mean PumpChicks Missionary And he's like that's one way
to say it. Yeah for sure. No, that's this. This month
has been crazy, dude. Juneand July. Okay, let me get
to the fireworks. Yeah, thephoto. I want to show him the
video too, dude, did youyou know? Laugh? Okay, here
(04:09):
we go. It's coming sometimes thinkinga parallel universe. This is what I'd
be like had I not gotten,because that's my energy. Yeah, like
party, take a ship in public, shove something on my Oh, here's
here's my Here's north Shore. Liketen years ago when I was on north
Shore, this chick I hung outwith last night, had this picture of
us I hung out with last night. Really yeah, that's like on the
(04:30):
north Shore, like at some billabongparty or some shit. That's like two
thousand. I want to say,two thousand, two thousand, first,
two twenty oh yeah, twenty twenty. Yeah, y two k um okay,
let me get to the firework.Oh that was fucking two thousand and
twenty. Whatever's bug? Why twok oh? Here's the butt shot?
(04:56):
How good is that? That's thescreen grab. That's fucking awesome. How
sick, dude, that's what myvision was. So I did it out
kick its coverage in your vision turnout? So you know what happened is
I just like so I had myfriend Cheesy Chase, like he's known for
doing fucked up shit in my neighborhood. I'm guessing with the name Cheesy Chase,
(05:18):
your parents don't get. Yeah,he's got a Champ. Yeah,
he's got a Champ stamp that sayscheesy Chase with two cubes of cheese fucking
on the side of already, Likehe's a fucking legend. This is the
guy that's like, dude, theydon't check for drugs going into Tijuana and
you're like, good call. Soyeah, So I was like, who
am I gonna do this with?Because I go, fuck, I need
two people. We can do warswithin in our buttholes. Because I was
(05:39):
like, I'll just shoot out ofmy butthole. I was like, no,
I need a war. I likethat. You didn't stop it,
Like, I kept going with it, dude, I can't stop with that.
And then I go, okay,let's make a war. So I
fucking called cheesy Chase and he wasdown, And this is what happened.
If I can find this one,I think it might be right. Oh
shit, fuck off, dude.Do you have Graham Life tattooed on your
(06:02):
your legs? Oh? Yeah,Graham Life right here, Graham Life.
This is my first tattoo with afucking mechanical pencil, guitar string and a
CD fucking player fucking battery. Reallysome prison ship yeah, what is it.
It's a little turd. But thenit got air started hurting. Yeah,
I started hurting. You can seeit. Yeah, so everyone else
(06:25):
it looks like a hurricane. Yeah, but for you it's a turd.
Yeah, I love it like ahurricane. Sick. And then okay,
let me find this clip. I'mso bad. Oh, here we go.
Okay, don't touch it. It'sfrom my merch like that. I
(06:46):
was yelling because it was in mybathole, not because of the sparks.
That's fucking great. Yeah, dude, wait till you see this flog.
I'll send you the link, pleaseplease, It's fucking funny. So like,
and then so I went along beachgot the fireworks, called Cheesy Chase.
I said, hey, Cheesy,you want to do this, like,
let's meet out the train tracks.So we met at the train tracks
and we fucking did yeah pretty much. Hey, hey, he thought we
(07:09):
were gonna do it on the bridge, like where you can't like run away
if the train comes. I thoughtthat looked like it was at a beach.
No, it was on a sand. Like a sand it's next right
next to the beach, you knowthose little cliffs like the dirt cliffs.
Yeah, so it's like a littleit's like a little bike jump area.
But dude, this ship was classic. So Cheesy Chase was was down,
so I met up with him andhis friends. But I was worried about
(07:30):
the camera guys because I didn't reallyhave a camera guy. So I had
my phones iPhones just as good.I put the iPhone down. There's like
little little humps. You didn't havea camera guy for this. I had
one camera guy and my camera,so I gave it my camera some some
friend. I was like, hey, can you film this clip? Just
stay on me, and that camera'sgonna stay on Cheesy. So I kind
(07:54):
of I directed this whole thing.And then like the friends, they don't
know about directing and when the whenwhen you when you do it, you're
supposed to be filming, you knowwhat I mean. So they're all trying
to rush you. I'm like,shut up, like wait, wait till
everyone's freaking ready. So I go, you guys getting your positions all right,
let's do this. So I puton my rest. I had a
speedo and a Mexican wrestling mask,like Nacho Libre mask, so I put
(08:18):
that on, and Cheezy Chase.I gave him the dress that Ponti swear.
It kind of looks like the dressPonti swore for the lights out bit
the La the lamb um so Igave. I bought one in Chinatown.
I used it for my first fireworksstunt where where um um freaking just space
(08:39):
dude. Fuck. Anyways, thisis why the Ted talk is gonna be
great. God damn it, dude, Poppy coush, Dude, I'm so
sorry. Kush Poppy from Chicago.So he's a funny ass fucker that does
Instagram videos and YouTube and stuff.And um, so I had him shoot
me in this dress. So Igave this dress to fucking Cheesy Chase.
(09:01):
I handed it down because I gota new outfit. No, so I
handed it down the dress to Cheesey. I go cheesy thirty five. So
I handed down the dress. Fuckyeah, hell are you nine? I
know I had to ask that though, just furry spect levels. So um,
I handed down the thing that cheesehad. Cheesey, let's do this,
(09:22):
dude, you're my dog. Knowingthere's not anyone else that would do
this in San Diego that I couldcall him be like, hey, you
wants to take a fucking Roman cattlein your house and do this bit.
Fuck. Yeah, he's chugging hisforty let's go Geeze Chase here. I'm
like, yes, you're a legend. So if we meet up and um,
we called, we started calling cheeseballsand he's fucking clossy. He don't
give a fuck. He worked construction. He's to live in his truck.
(09:45):
Cheesy Chase, dude. If anyonefucking needs a fucking like a raising life,
fucking cheesy Chase. So I broughthim on my TV show, Cheesy
Chase is working construction. Dude.He just texted me, Hey, did
I leave my belt and hands atyour house? Because I gave him his
cenglasses. Bagh yeah yeah man,Yeah dude, Look you want to cheesy
(10:11):
Chase dude. He grew up inSouth Oceanside, you know, with all
these like motorcycle clubs and like drugsand a lot of gnarlyy riff raff,
you know, a lot of bullshit, and so he's like, Noah,
he's there. But he had anarly accident and he cracked his skull open,
dude, and you could fill hishead. It's indented bro, he's
like a coma and ship. Dude. They didn't think he's gonna make it.
(10:35):
I think it was motorcycle or skateboard. I think skateboard. I think
he fell on a skateboard bombing thehill and crushed his skull. But now
he's like a hypnotic when you seedudes. Yeah, and they we were
talking to each other and all ofa sudden, dudes on long boards all
FaceTime. Cheesy Chase. Yeah,so I'm on a FaceTime right, So
(10:58):
I fucking so like. I wasbeen telling him, like, dude,
because he saw that I was doingstupid cheese like I do stupid shit too.
We finally met and we did yeah, cheesy cheesy Chase is cheezy Chase
on an airplane? Yeah? Ino, no, it's bright. What's
up? My name is Bert?Yeah, I'm Bert is Bert chist on
an airplane? Yeah, I'm acomedian. Are you on an Airplane's legend?
(11:20):
Dude? Oh d this guy's fugginghard work. We got a party.
He saw your fireworks videos, vie, dude, what I don't even
know what it is, but wellyou'll see the clip. What was it?
Whoa whoa burn? Oh? Fuck, that's from the Roman candle on
(11:43):
the Roman candle. Yeah, I'mso proud of you, cheesy. Are
you serious? He's a legend?Fuck? Hey, cheesy? How fun
was that? Yeah? It wasbecause this It wasn't The sparks is because
(12:05):
the pain is stretching. Get Yoursis the hard part. Hey, we
gotta we gotta hang out at berththough. Dude. Hey, he told
me to hit you up. Iwas like, yeah, dude, cheese's
allegic cheese. He's been telling mestories about you. Man. I think
we got a party one night.I'll bring the Roman candles where we could
just have drinks. Yeah, let'sdo that, fucking hey man, uh
(12:30):
group party. Well, I'll gosurfing or something. All right here,
I'll give you back to poop.Hey, Hey, love you dude.
I'm proud of you. Ben.Yeah, I'll call. I'll hit you
up when I'm done. Okay,Yeah, allegic drive safe. Look at
the road, dude, look atthe road. What I like that?
He's so good energy? Man.You can see when dudes have good energy.
(12:54):
So life, life has shut himdown all the time, Like life
shut him down all the time,like chicks girlfriends like apartment. It's like
really, because he'll start drinking andthen he can't handle his liquor and then
funk. I just offered a partywith it. It's okay, though,
If he's in a stable, weshould rob a bank and I'm like,
yeah, you're in the back ofa van putting on fucking dead President Master.
(13:16):
No. Yeah, just like ifwe if he's in a like private
environment, you know, he'll begood. He's funny, he's fucked,
but the public can't handle him.I have friends like that, you know
what I mean. Yeah. Wehad a friend called Cannonball, and he
was can you want to know thisgreat story? Cannonball. I won't say
(13:37):
everything. He knows what I'm talkingabout, can't say his names have grown
up now. So one night helived in Venice. We go down and
uh and you know, in Florida, if you didn't if you said no
to coke, that was kind oflike a like a yeah, yeah yeah.
So we go in. He inhis place and they've got a fucking
punch coke on the table and I'mlike wow. So we all bump a
line and he's like, I wantto introduce you to my friends. And
(13:58):
they're sitting on laptops like nerds,like just they're typing and typing it.
Yeah, they're all blowed out andthey're all fucking doing coke doing And I
go, what you guys doing there? Programmers? And I went, programmers,
this is what. I don't knowwhat your was? The fuck?
I would never do that. Youcan know who Dan Cook is? And
I go yeah, And they're like, I think I said I was a
comedian. They're like, you knowDan Cook is? I go yeah,
and he goes They're like, yeah, we're we're he's really big on our
(14:20):
cook. You don't who Dan Cookis? No, I don't know a
lot of people. Man, No, I feel bad for myself because I
don't fucking know a lot of people. I only have so much to focus
on. Hey, I have somuch to fucking focus on, you know,
and I, yes, you there'sonly so much hard drive up here.
Let me tell you something. There'sa there's a MacArthur grant. You
(14:41):
should get a MacArthur grant. I'mnot even sucking MacArthur grant they give.
It's a it's a an endowment thatgoes to artists, but not artists that
technically you could ever make money offtheir art. It goes to like a
clown, we'll get a MacArthur grant, like a really great So it's basically
if I think it's one or something, no, no, no, there's
(15:01):
something, because it's it's it's thingsthat they go, they give you one
hundred fifty thousand dollars a year andthen they go, just keep being you
don't change. Oh I don't needmoney to do that. Yep, no,
but it wouldn't it be nice toknow that you could you can you
don't have to worry about money.You could just be yourself. That's how
I am, I know, butlike you don't have to worry about like
you could just put a Roman candleup. You're asking, don't have to
write merch? Oh yeah yeah yeah, well that was the marketer's idea.
(15:26):
That wasn't my idea. I actuallyjust wanted that one clip so I could
post, and they come up withthis stupid tim person off shit and I
was like, what the fuck isthis? What merched you? So I
have the Yeah, this is myhand. When I got bit the shark
said it tastes like shit and spitit out and then um, I got
um the grandfather shirt says grandfather,it's pretty sick. And I got one
(15:50):
that says it's like the Gucci umlabel, but it says poopies. And
then I got um the original one, the pool logo. Yeah, and
then I got um the one says, wake up Poopy's chair. Can I
give you a T shirt advice?One T shirt? I think I'd like
to see. Black shirt, Yeah, like that white one white logo,
(16:11):
one white logo, and it's thepoop but upside down so it looks like
a tornado from your Yeah, that'sfrom yeah. The only people that know
no right, so people like yeah, and maybe you put like a hurricane
poopy here because I can be ahurricane, dude, I bet you can.
I fucking fucked some ship up before, Dude, I like it ruins
(16:33):
my rap in my life though,but I fucked some shit up. Yeah,
you seem like you got such agood spirit. Dude. I've I've
been so drunk before and like gaveout, gave away my friend's soft tops.
I've like snuck into my friend,didn't sneak in. I went through
the back gate. Well, youknow when someone says, hey, you
can stay here anytime you know whatI mean. Well, I thought I
(16:55):
could say there anytime. That's amovie that's you know what I mean,
that's you can stay here anytime.Yeah, it's a story about poop just
rolling into dude's house. He's like, you're in my kids room? What
the fuck are you doing? You'relike you said, I can stay here
anytime. Yeah. You know,people in my business strive to be as
(17:18):
real as you are, because whatyou don't, you really don't. You're
not you're the funniest. Like sowhen you're when you're funny as a comic,
you're the funniest when you don't realizeyou're being funny and people are like,
dude, you're funny, and you'relike really yeah, well this is
just real, live shit, yeahmy life. I swear if I had
a cameraman follow my whole life around, dude, it would be like,
(17:42):
like for real, like shit happensin my in my daily life that fucking
should not happen to any human.There's there's there's people watching, there's people
money watching this right now, goingI'll pay for that, Like I'd pay
for that, I'd pay for that. Well, we're all years poopy accepting
donations. I don't think Burt know'sPoopy's demographic. There's ship that happens,
(18:04):
dude, so fucking gnarly, LikeI don't know. It's weird, like
thirty three follows me around, likethe number it was like it's ninety three.
Now it's like a sign, youknow, like you have a number
number eleven and twenty two. Yeah. Oh, I just bet on twenty
two and and and bahamas on aroulette. Yeah. And I fucking struck
(18:26):
five bucks on twenty two black twentytwo. You ready for this? What
I do? This is a goodThis is a good gambling story. So
I do, uh the what's thewhere? Six thirty three? The Virgin
Hotel, The Virgin Hotel. They'llbe back there in this fall. So
I do the show. Uh,get a little cash. Uh. And
(18:48):
I'm not really feeling it. Ilike gambling, but I gotta feel that.
I gotta feel it, right,Yeah, you gotta feel it.
You gotta look at it. Youcan't just walk up and go, oh,
here's my money. Yeah, andyou look at the numbers, look
at the people, look at thefucking dealer. She's Asian, stay away.
Oh no, So I have anAsian dealer on roulette because they do.
(19:11):
You're they like you, though,because everyone else likes you. It's
just so they feel your vibe.No one's there. I take one hundred
dollars and I put it on byyourself. I then take the rest of
my money. I put it onblack, and I just yeah, go
ahead, just me and her.She's got a mask on. She spends
it. She spends it, andI'm just watching her. They watching her.
(19:32):
I'm just watching her, and Isee from her mask, this is
what I she moves. Yeah,HiT's eleven. It's fucking like thirty six
plus. The rest of my moneyis on black. I tip her five
hundred dollars. No way take themoney. I didn't feel. I didn't
feel I didn't feel the gamble.The fun thing about gambling is when you
(19:55):
don't feel it races and you think, you don't think your money, alcohol,
you don't drugs. You want thatmoney, moment, that moment,
that money, that moment that youwon, because you think, if I
lose this, I'm fucked. We'reten places you want when you win.
It's like a it's like a twentytimes. We're ten places you want to
go in the world. Um,I want to go to Tahiti. You've
(20:15):
already been there. I want togo back. Is that where that big
thick wave is. Yes, choepoo, I want to water ski it.
That's how you say I'm gonna getYeah, choe poo. TiO po
po, TiO po poop. Sowhere else do you want to go?
I want to go to Ireland again. I've never been to the places you've
never never been? Yeah, okay, um, do you ever any interest?
(20:37):
I want to go to South Africa? Want from the great White sharks?
Yeah, I want to do thegreat White thing because now I'm not
scared of sharks anymore. You never, You're not gonna get attacked it again?
I know. That's why I wantto go sharking with you, because
I know I'm definitely gonna attack.Yeah, yeah, you won't. Well.
Fuck I fucking went to in thefishing there day and I caught a
(20:59):
shark, are you sure? Yeah? And the captain blamed it on me.
Yeah, you fucking on the boatby you fucking So where else you
want to go? South Africa's SouthAfrica? I want to go freaking I
want to go to Um, what'sthat one? Place the mal Dives.
Yes, um, I want togo to the big city where it's like
(21:21):
a biz not a Beisa. Iwant to go to Bes. Huh,
yeah, I heard. I don'tknow. Maybe it's too much hype on
it, but I want to goto um France. There's not too much
hype on France. Frankly, Iwant to go pretty awesome, like hype
is good. It's like hype isgood, Like people hype it up when
it comes to go there and thenyou're like, oh, this sucks.
That's the hype. You know.Paris is fucking amazing. Yeah, and
(21:42):
then all London. I love UK. I want to go to London.
Like, there's so many UK fansit's crazy. They're so dedicated, die
hard dude. She do a livepodcast in London. I'm trying to do
a London I'm trying to do aUK tour right now. What are you
gonna do, DoD Just stand upand just do my shit to you.
(22:03):
I could listen to you talk.The way you see the world is like
pretty precious. It's like, yeah, man, not a lot of people
know don't know who Dane Cook is? Yeah, who is that? He's
the biggest comic that's ever been see, I'm new to this dude. Steven
put me on. I don't evenknow I was supposed to be a comic.
Yeah, and then he told meI was gonna be Um, I
(22:23):
try tell stories and stuff. Yeah, just tell stories. So I got
this good story that I freaking have. But it's like, so this okay,
So I was coming. I wasabout to say, if you go
what I was punny doing on Fi. No, this was like, oh,
I used to like you heard Steven'spodcast, Yeah, yeah, the
one where I smuggled drugs from Mexico. No, I know, I haven't
(22:45):
heard you on Steve. I thought, yeah, i've heard. Oh yeah,
when I was eighteen. So theserf shop, right, yeah,
that's when I ain't got introduced todrugs at the surf shop. So this
old guy was like, lived inMexico. Uncle Danny is just crazy,
fucking story. Everything's everything connects,dude, Everything's connected. It's fucking weird,
but it all is. So I'mat the surf shop. I'm a
(23:07):
little grum. We're not twenty oneyet. We asked this old guy who's
staying there. We're like, whyis this old guy staying here they go,
don't worry about it. Fucking well, we asked him for Tobias beer,
you know from seven eleven across thestreet, and so we fucking asked
him for beer. That's all.We knew him as like our beer guy,
and we'd always be like a dollarshort, and you'd get so fucking
pissed, dude, because you weregetting fuck dude. I did them since
(23:30):
I was sixteen. I kind ofwent too long doing them. I went
him two. I was twenty seven, twenty five doing beer runs, twenty
five doing beer runs, I wouldsay twenty five, yeah, twenty five,
twenty five I stopped. Yeah,yeah, guys, no dude,
because I was the only one whowould do them, so all my friends
(23:52):
would rely on me to do it, you know what I mean, dude.
I remember doing beer runs, butwe had guys that would fucking chase
the workers that chased us, becauseif the workers chased us, we had
backup, the older guys at StateBeach. So I worked out. I
worked I hung out at State Beachand Carlsbad, and back in the day,
it was kind of like that fuckingpoint break vibe, you know,
(24:12):
like locals only vibe. So That'show it was. But we're the grom
so we had to do all thefucked up ship that day. They want
to like still on food, stillin beer, get them, get them
ship. We're the fucking getters,So I would do I would do beer
runs every day, dude, everyfucking day, at least three times a
day. At one point, Jesusthirty packs here. I remember this one
(24:33):
time we went the Vans and LaCosta. Yeah, and fucking we're at the
von you know, it's all kindof rich. The rich neighborhoods are the
best. Oh yeah, because yeah, they're like, oh my god,
it's gonna kill you. Yeah.Yeah. So we'd go to the Vans
and fucking LaCosta and like we'd comeout two thirty packs, like five deep,
Like we're like eighteen seventeen five deep. So we'd have two four six,
(24:56):
eight hundred thirty ten thirty packs.So and then we'd have the older
guys in the van because we justchuck it in there and go. But
if anyone ran out, the olderguys would come in and like, what,
you're not gonna fucking stop him,you know what I mean? I
would love to see it. Sowe had backup done in an artistic way,
and then we go to the bamboofororts and just chilling the bamboo forts
(25:18):
with our thirty pack. We onlyget one thirty pack though out of all
those really they don't only give usone. It's like Dogtown about in two
thousand, two thousand and three.Really, Yeah, it was fucking I
never had I never had that kindof No. No, I never had
that kind of uh. I mean, I guess in like a fraternity because
I was like, you can choosewhat you want to like, you can
see it like, oh, youdon't want to hang out those kids because
(25:41):
those kids get punked by older guysor something. You know, because you
look at that when you're in highschool or in school growing up, you
look at that. You know you'relike, oh I don't want to be
that guy, or those guys arenice, but it's all like just like
you're kind of like afraid of it, you know what I mean, You're
afraid of it. So if youlike just push that boundary and just like
just do it for one time.So that's when I was like, fuck,
(26:02):
I'm gonna do it one time,see what happens. And it wasn't
that bad. You know, Ihung out with the surfers and I didn't
get beat up at State Beach thatday. So I kept going back and
kept going back, and I nevergot beat up. So that's what I
was like, Dude, you guysare fucking tripping, like it's not that
bad. Yeah. So there's likea people put like a label on something,
you know, and like think it'slike they put it out of proportion.
You know, I fucking it madeit made me be on jackass,
(26:26):
like surfing and going going to thebeach and doing all the fucked up shit,
you know what I mean. There'ssomething very real about your personality.
That is why, Like when Isaw you on Jackets, I got so
excited. So I was like,I was like, oh, I've been
rooting for this guy. Sorry aboutall of the genital itching happening. I'm
not really sure what's going on,but a quick doctor's visit may be in
order, Yeah, dude, toroot for you. Yeah, dude,
(26:48):
Like I'm the underdog, dude,because there's all the cool guys you're not,
but you're not, Like you're notthe loser underdog the like where you
go like I want to see him. Yeah, can the ac off it's
fucking freezing in here. Um yeah, Cheezy chases like fucking legit dude,
(27:11):
Like he came from nothing. SoI like to see the unfortunate fucking become
fortunate because I've seen the rich kids. And I went to Carlsbad High there's
rich kids, you know what Imean, and they just you'll fuck they
don't even you won't even get totalk to him or No. Like my
stepmom like had the money, stepand my Yeah, so my dad married.
(27:33):
Um, my real mom remarried tomy step dad because my dad couldn't
stop partying. So my mom divorcedmy dad. Okay, so my I
was in third grade child. Umno, I had a brother still older
brother, yep, still do Ryanand so, um, your parents divorced
and then so I was born inRedlands. Really, I was born in
(27:56):
Redlands. I went to school atHighland and I got diagnosed with a HD
and um, the reason I gotdiagnosed is they called my mom and said,
you need to come get your son. He's jumping from desk to desk
yelling. So you and Cannonball wouldhave a great time. That's where I'm
like, They're like all right,there's something wrong with this kid. But
there wasn't anything wrong. It's justI didn't want to be inside. Well,
(28:18):
it's we're not We're not meant.Humans weren't meant to sit at death
and read books. No humans somethingnot every human like it did. There
are something that were there. Theywere called priests, and they would write,
they would scribe down the tails yeaof history. And then there were
people that they were like, man, we need to fucking we need to
eat tonight. Yeah, but likeyou're the brain that goes goes out into
the forest, it goes how thefun figure out how to eat. That's
(28:38):
how dumb I am. Though.It's like, dude, learned school,
Like school is good, dumb.Look, school is good, though,
dumb. Right, If you don'thave school, I wouldn't be able to
read right fucking talk, you knowwhat I mean? Like like at that
age though, school is important,you know what I mean, the structure,
the structure of school, of thetiming of getting there. You know
(28:59):
it's two kids, Yeah, youknow it's up. But but I'm telling
you, man, like I didn'twant to be there. I didn't want
to be there though. Yeah,I never wanted to be there, but
recess was my favorite. Of course. Of course, my favorite was lunch
when you sat down, Yeah,tell stories and friends about what happened.
See. Weekend lunch was my worstbecause I had to go to a secret
the not a secret office, butI went to the nurses's office before lunch
(29:22):
to take my riddling. So they'relike, why do you go there for?
And I I was embarrassed to tellthem, like I take pills.
Like what pills? Kids? Youknow? Yeah, I was in third
grade, dude. I was likereally, like, I don't know,
it's just I was really like,but you kind of kind of shelled myself
because I knew what I was,but I didn't want anyone to know.
Like if this is like, well, I'd be accepted or not. You
(29:45):
know what I mean. Well,anytime you're a little different as a kid
from the norm. Remember the firsttime I saw like dicks, like dudes
dicks and realized we don't all havethe same size dick. Yeah, Tennis
camp like, yeah, that's weird, it's weird. Whoa You're like,
I'm keeping my pants on. That'swhen you find out when you're gay or
(30:06):
not. You're the like oh orlike, oh, I don't know,
No, that's my there. Yeah, I definitely went. Oh yeah,
so your parents split up and thenand then your dad who quit partying and
married a rich lady. So mymom and dad met because my mom was
in the army. Really and yeah, she got yeah, she got um
(30:30):
she is in the army. Didshe go to the Great uh Invasion at
all? No, she claimed thatshe um was pregnant or some shit.
She got out, okay, becauseshe was over it. She's like,
I don't should not be here.Yeah, so she's she is sixty five.
Yeah, she has health problems sinceshe got like next surgery. So
the doctors, you know what doctorsare they going, Oh yeah, just
(30:52):
oh there's something we can't figure itout. You gotta go to this doctor.
We can't figure out. You gottago that doctor. That's what they
did to her. They did that. And now she's gotta fucking fucked up
nack dude, a huge hole init because she doesn't she's so gullible.
She listens to the health systems.Fucked up. It's fucked up because they
don't listen to women about their problems. Is real. Yeah, and also
(31:12):
and all my Mom's a fucking walkingtestimony of that. I'll tell you a
quick story about Mom's Pete knows Pecemy assistant. I have a problem with
my one of my teeth. SoI go into a dot a dentist and
he says, UM, all right, we're gonna have to take out both
those molars. We're gonna take outuh for three other molars you don't need
(31:32):
them, and then we're gonna breakyour jaw. We're gonna have to take
out shut all your teeth and thenat your jaw. Yeah, you're you're
like, what and I and Iyou, I mean, how how about
I walked into the car boa theywant the money? By they want the
money, So you go to anotherdoctor. You go, oh, all
you gotta do is to get acavity fucking thing, and BOMs by,
I know, bob uh. Igo to the I go to I end
(31:53):
up blowing this off and then justsaying, I literally, I go,
what will happen? First? MaybeI'll die before this happens, so I
don't have to worry about this atall. Yeah, I said, the
worse whole life to look like this, and now you want to change what
I look like they're putting fucked upthoughts in your head, so then you
(32:13):
believe them. Then your body believesthem. Yeah, and then you're like,
what the fuck. And then yougo, dude, I know you're
talking about That's why i'ming to mymom the whole time. Yeah, and
and and and women are it's worsewith women. I have a good friend
who's going through the health problems.Doctors just got. They don't listen to
them, and they just go,you're fine, there's what you need.
And then and you're it's gullibles don'tnot the right word only because not gullible,
(32:36):
but it's all you should trust them. You should trust them. I
wouldn't say gullible, but now that'swhat I think, though. I don't
trust those fuckers anymore. I mean, we need to wrap this up.
But I'm having a good time talkingto Yeah, me too. But yeah,
so my mom she kept listening andlike, and my stepdad would tell
her, you know, like mystepdad's a legend. Dude. He like,
if I if my stepdad wasn't there, like I'd have to be there
(32:59):
for my mom. Um. Yeah, he works out the dude, he's
been working at this one job fortwenty fucking years by the Dino factory in
Cartha's, Missouri. He lives inMissouri. Yeah, yeah, so that's
where my mom. So when Iso Redlands, right, yeah, lived
in Redlands, went to Highland School. My mom divorced and met my awesome
(33:19):
stepdads. Scott Ellis, that's reallycool that you have respect for your stepdad
like that. Well I didn't,and then I realized, dude, he
was fucking teaching me. I wasgetting spankings with the narliest paddle ever.
So just acting up. And that'swhat I learned. Dude, you don't
act up, you respect you knowwhat I mean? Did I get a
fucking paddle to my ass? Dude, that fucking hurt. That's when I
(33:40):
got my pain tolerance because I waslike all wild and she I didn't give
a fuck. You know, paddlesall day ba ba, but the top
of the woman on the fucking couchjumping couch to couch to couch. Yeah,
and he's like, I'm Scott.He's like yeah, yeah, dude,
(34:02):
like motherfucker. Yeah. Um no, my brother's not like like so
when I was Ryan, Yeah,Ryan McInerney, you Sean Patrick McInerney I'm
an Irish bloke. Mate, Yeah, you are fucking give me some may
fucking taking my chuck on the beach. Fucking so so so then so go
(34:25):
back to I'm curious about your yourso so um so we went to Missouri
right ten minutes. Okay, I'mgonna wrap this one up. I want
to hear your story. Though,we're gonna do this on your podcast.
We'll do We'll do a podcast withme and just do the same fucking thing.
By the way, this has beena shared interview because I'm because I'm
curious about you. I'm curious aboutyou though I knew you. I've never
(34:45):
been in with frat ever. Dude, Like I was going, I was
ditching school. You're like stoked togo to school. No, no,
no, I was stoked to butschool. You were stoked to be at
school. I didn't want to goto school. I like, but ye
at school. Yeah, because welike it to and we want to be
that guy. But we never were. And somehow we didn't stop and we
wanted to be that person that wealways wanted to be. And that's we
(35:07):
We fucking made it. And it'sit's from hard work, patience and not
saying no to shit, dude.Let's go to Hawaii for let's I'll I'll
pay for the tickets. You know, Hawaii, stay at turtle Bed,
Let's go and surf for a week. Let's go, We'll go fuck with
Jamie will prank Jamie, Jamie.I bet Jamie will. I bet Jamie
(35:29):
can. He'll pick us up inthe airport and and and he can come
out with us one day. ButI really want to learn how to surf.
Im and Pete's gonna come to Ireally want to really want to learn.
I want to teach you too,because there's gonna be people, Oh
I want to teach you, wantto teach you. No, I want
to teach you, though, Iwant to get it to the point like
did you hear that? Though?Yes, there's gonna be people when you
(35:50):
go there. They gonna be like, oh, I want to teach you,
to teach you, Yeah, butI'm I'm gonna teach you. How
Someone hit up Jamie O'Brien, No, don't hit him up. I'll hit
him up. No, No,you I meant you like that like someone
eight guys call the dogs off,call dogs of poopies, gonna hit him?
I love that I hit him.Yeah, d would be a great
(36:12):
poopies dude. I take a shipin the street and no one thought it
was cool. And then I wentto the to the school next week and
they go, no, that's notcool. You know what's cool as you
shit your pants, that's cool.So then it was oh, no,
he shit his pants. They turnedit around on me. Oh for real,
Yeah, because they didn't think jackHouse was cool, like was just
first coming out, but I thoughtit was fucking cool. I should on
a pizza box, should and wonan election. Yeah, dude, like
(36:37):
for real, but that's college.I'm like, I got like these fucking
calls bad high school kids that nevereven know about college then know it's like
what's fun? They think fun islike drama. They're like, oh,
you're with him, oh poopies,or like, oh you're Charlie, You're
like dumb high school shiit. Sean, Oh wow, you are so fucking
(36:58):
irish Sean Patrick mac can ernie,Oh my god, you were born with
sin. Well I'm so I'm likean angel though Catholic. I've saved bombs
from fucking suicide. Yeah that's prettycool. What does that mean? Are
you Catholic. No, dude,do you want to fucking my religion?
It's fucked up. Let's put apin in that too. We'll talk about
(37:20):
this on my podcast for real,beau jit guys, not really, what
the fuck does that even mean?You are? You are everything I was
hoping you'd be for everything. I'mmeaning serious, man, I've been a
fan of yours for a long time. I've been a fan of yours for
a long time. And when yougot on Jackass, we were all there
(37:40):
together. Remember I said, Iknow that, fucking dude, I know
that. I didn't I didn't knowthe he came out from the Remember they
took you to the airport in theback of a truck one time. No,
it's successful from Hawaii and Hollywood onlya Koala Alexander and fucking a couple
of other people. That's about it. Yeah, and so uh it's uh
yeah, dude, that's so.I'm glad we got to do this,
(38:00):
man. We gotta do what yougotta do. My podcastle's we talk about
the shark bite more too. Youknow what we should do we should do?
Uh uh, something's burning with poopies. I have a have a cooking
show. I do where I bringinto my o, I can make a
meal, and make a meal.I seen that. I've seen that,
dude. It looks so so youdo it with another person? Who would
(38:22):
you want to do it with CheesyChase? Oh and then Cheesy Chase knows
where I live? Yeah, No, he's Chase one morning goes anything.
No, no, he won't rememberwhere you live. We blindfold Cheesy Chase.
No, he got that big dentin his head. That's right,
that's right. Yeah, you canfine, just distract him on the ride
(38:44):
there. Yeah, let's see thatburn again. He's like, oh yeah,
just shoot him with the Roman candle. Let him run off. Well,
I appreciate you guys watching the show. Yeah, this has been a
fucking black Oh my god, I'mhosting it. Yeah, hosting it like
it's my fucking podcast. Than thisis a great episode. Can I you
have anything to plug? Can Ido the out? Yeah? Yeah?
(39:05):
Oh yeah, see me on tour? Yes, dude? How is that?
Though? Okay, I have onequestion. How is that when you're
in there fucking huge arena and everyone'scoming up to you giving selfies and ship
and it's not You're not even ontour yet it's pretty ad. You just
went to set it out, fiveit out. Yeah yeah, well yeah,
we do a blessing. We doa blessing. Yeah, we do
a You gotta bless everything, everybig thing that you buy her and invest
(39:28):
into. Dude, bless it,bro, we do uh for we smudge
everything. My daughter smudge with poop. No with the smudge with with smudge
like sounds like poop stage. It'sI fucking can I kind of secretly hope
my daughter Eila falls in love witha guy like Poopies. Can I get
to have him? I'm a gentlemanlife. She's too young. She's like,
(39:49):
no, well, hey I couldbe that guy, but I won't
even talk to your daughter. I'llbe your friend. I just hope there's
a fifteen year old Poopies floating downright now. If my daughter links up
with and he just comes, Ican find him. He's in Carlsbad somewhere's
gonna be. I know exactly wherethat kid is, Tamarack Beach and Carl's
Bad for real. Now. Yeah, hey, thank you for coming on.
(40:09):
That was fucking huge of you,dude, Like, dude, I
can't believe he's in my past rightHey, you're Can we consider each other
friends? We're friends? Fuck yeah? Pises together now? No? Yeah?
Thanks for coming on, Bert,and thanks for tuning in everyone.
(40:30):
These episodes are getting pretty cathartic.Did you guys learn anything today? I
did. I don't really know what, but I did for sure learned something.
Lucky you. We have another episodenext week and another great gust.
Be sure to subscribe so you can'tmiss it. Stay Shitty the Shittiest Podcast
is produced by the World's Worst People, Tyler Nielsen, Ryan Tillotson, Frank
(40:50):
Triscoll and narrated by Me the Narrator. Special thanks to the Straw Team. E
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