December 18, 2023 • 27 mins
This episode we discuss more about self-care and have a guided practice, just for sibs! SLN's Communications Consultant, Patricia Repolda, tells us all about SLN's new sibling self-care toolkit & workbook. Then Kaley Day of Rocky Mountain Sibs guides us through a guided meditation specifically for sibs.
Access the transcript of this episode here.
Acceda a la transcripción en español.
"It empowers you to make choices that align with your values" —Patricia Repolda
Resources in this episode:
- SLN's Sibling Self-Care Toolkit & Workbook
- SLN's Self-care Resources page
- Sibnet Facebook Group
- SLN Facebook Group
- Rocky Mountain Sibs
- Advocacy Denver (Denver County Arc)
- SLN's Adult Sibs Resources page
- Prentis Hemphill
Music Credits:
Hope by Scandinavianz | https://soundcloud.com/scandinavianz
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Free Relaxing Chill Music | ARNOR by Alex-Productions | https://onsound.eu/
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution 3.0 Unported License (CC BY 3.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en_US
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chris Berstler (00:03):
Welcome to the sibling Leadership Network
podcast. The sibling LeadershipNetwork is a national nonprofit
whose mission is to providesiblings of individuals with
disabilities the informationsupport and tools to advocate
with their brothers and sistersand to promote the issue is
important to us and our entirefamilies. Hello, and thank you
for joining us for anotherepisode of the sibling
(00:24):
Leadership Network Podcast.
Today we will be discussing moreon self care. And we will go
through a guided meditationsspecifically for sips I'm joined
today by Kaylee de advocate foradults with the Denver County
Chapter of the ark and from TheSLM Colorado chapter, Rocky
Mountain sibs and SLN zonecommunications consultant,
Patricia Repolda.
Kaley Day (00:45):
Hi, thanks for having us.
Chris Berstler (00:47):
What is self care? And why is it so important
for siblings and specific?
Patricia Repolda (00:52):
Well, self care means taking the time to do
things that help you live welland improve your physical and
mental health and generally yourholistic well being. These are
activities or practices thathelp you manage stress and
increase your your energy andthey don't have to be elaborate
or time consuming. They can besimple things that you do in
(01:13):
your daily life that have animpact on the way you feel, you
know, like taking time tobreathe, or simply being present
in the moment, or even listeningto music. So those are all
different types of self care ina nutshell.
Kaley Day (01:26):
Yeah, I think is like self care has become like more
of a buzzword over the last likedecade or so I feel there was
this early notion that it wasvery extravagant, like, you're
going to have a spa day and ashopping spree and self care
requires money and, you know,luxury and things like that. And
I'm glad that I think there'sbeen a shift in the last couple
of years. And that showing thatself care is not a one size fits
(01:49):
all thing. And it's notsomething that you need to have
any money to do it there. It'sit can be doing things in buying
things. But it is also I think,just taking in practices and
other like non tangible things,you do that that promote your
own wellness.
Chris Berstler (02:06):
Patricia, the SLN just created a sibling's
self care toolkit and workbook.
Please tell us all about it andhow listeners can access it.
Patricia Repolda (02:15):
Sure, well, the SLS website is full of great
resources. And there are anumber of them specifically on
the subject of self care. So wethought why not aggregate all
the wonderful learnings fromthose articles into a toolkit so
that they're easy to refer to.
And so that sibs can create aself care action plan based on
them. So we added workbooksections throughout this this
(02:37):
document that we were workingon. And it transformed into this
sibling self care toolkit andworkbook. So right now it's
available on SLM websites,sibling leadership.org, just
click on the Resources tab onthe top of the page and click on
adult subset. It's underneaththe self care tab.
Chris Berstler (02:58):
What is a self care plan? And how can I
establish one?
Patricia Repolda (03:02):
A self care plan basically outlines what do
you plan to do or integrate intoyour daily life to focus more on
your wellness, it starts withlooking at where you are now,
and seeing what areas you may bein need of support a little bit
more and realize the things thatenergize you, you know, things
that bring you joy, peace orrelaxation. So for example, you
(03:24):
may discover in doing theworkbook that you may be
exercising regularly, so you'retaking care of your physical
health, but you feel like youcould really benefit from having
meaningful conversations andquality time with friends. So in
your self care plan, you maythen include that you will
strive to spend at least oneSaturday afternoon a month
(03:44):
having coffee with someone. Thething with establishing a self
care plan is that it also has tobe realistic. So if once a month
is all that you can commit tofor now, that's perfectly okay.
So let's just said you know,there isn't a one size fits all
strategy. In the workbook, we'veactually outlined seven areas of
self care such as you know,physical, mental, social, etc.
(04:08):
But it's important to rememberthat different types of self
care are usually interconnected.
So for example, what's good forthe body is oftentimes good for
the mind and vice versa. So whenyou create your self care plan,
you tailor fit it to yourpreferences and what's going on
in your life. Yeah,
Kaley Day (04:25):
I think like Patricia said, it's something that's both
like proactive, something you'redoing in the present to like
daily, those little habits,those little things that help
you to feel your best self, butthen I think it's also having
that plan for the future where,you know, kind of how to
recognize when you might be likereaching a burnout phase, when
(04:46):
you're starting to get reallyfatigued when you really need
that kind of extra layer of selfcare around you and knowing
like, how to watch out for thatand what to do when you start
reaching that kind of more direpoint, I guess.
Patricia Repolda (04:58):
Yeah. And also just want to quickly Add, it's
also good to be mindful when youare doing those mindfulness or
when you're doing those selfcare practices, because then you
kind of benefit from them alittle bit more, knowing that,
you know, this is something forme, and this is something for me
exclusively. So it's alsonourishing, in a sense to kind
(05:19):
of have that awareness.
Chris Berstler (05:20):
What role does self awareness play in my self
care plan?
Patricia Repolda (05:25):
Well, self awareness is, I think the one of
the most crucial component ofself care is actually the first
step to creating it, because itprovides the foundation for
understanding your needs, youknow, recognizing what what
stresses you out, or what makesyou feel overwhelmed, like Haley
said, and making informedchoices about how to care for
your physical, emotional, mentalwell being. being self aware
(05:48):
also helps in monitoring yourenergy levels, and you know,
recognizing signs of burnout orexhaustion. And it can help you
establish and maintain healthyboundaries in relationships and
other areas of your life. Whenyou know, your limits, you can
assertively communicate andprotect your personal space and
time and respond to stress or,you know, just difficult
(06:09):
circumstances in healthy ways,you know, through like
relaxation techniques, ormindfulness, or, you know,
seeking support from others. Sojust empowers you to make
choices that align with your,with your value. So when when
you're self aware, it's muchmore easy to go about doing
those things.
Kaley Day (06:26):
I think self awareness can come into when
you're practicing self care, andin recognition, knowing whether
or not something's working foryou or not. I know I've been
through a lot of things wheremaybe I had this like this, I
found this plan on the internetfor self care, and I'm gonna do
step by step. And it has to workfor me, and I have to do it this
way to make it work and likegoing through those things. I
(06:49):
had the self awareness to belike, Wait, this is not making
me feel better. This is notdoing what it's supposed to do
for me. So I knew at that pointthat I needed to pivot and find
something that did work for me.
So I think it's keeping thatself awareness. Yeah, from the
start. And that's what like, youknow, engages or self care. And
then throughout to know, is thisreally working for me? Am I
actually getting what I needfrom this
Unknown (07:09):
That was a really good points too, because like Kaley
said, sometimes you come acrossthings that read as a list more
of when you're when you'rethinking about creating a self
care plan. And in theory, theymay sound nice, like, you know,
like, take a bubble bath orspend 30 minutes reading a book
or something. And because youhave access to all of these, you
(07:32):
know, different ideas, you maywant to start integrating them
and then it kind of startsgetting overwhelming because
it's like, okay, I didn't shutthis off the list. And so when
you do start from a selfawareness, place, and then you
continue to, to include that, asyou're going about establishing
(07:52):
a self care plan, it makes itmore manageable. So yeah, she's
absolutely right, integrating itthe whole way through.
Chris Berstler (08:01):
So you mentioned boundaries, what role do
boundaries play in my self careplan?
Patricia Repolda (08:06):
Recognizing and setting boundaries is an
important aspect of maintaininghealthy relationships and your
personal well being so it's acrucial component of your self
care plan. Boundaries is youknow, oftentimes, there are a
combination of your your limitsyour values, expectations in
different areas of your life.
So, for example, if part of yourself care plan is focusing on
(08:27):
your mental health, let's sayspecifically, that you just want
to take care of yourself by notputting too much on your plate
and you want to feel lessoverwhelmed. setting boundaries
with regards to your time andenergy would then be necessary.
So you would have to communicatethose with the people involved
and be clear about what you canor cannot give. clear boundaries
(08:49):
can also lead to healthiersibling and family
relationships. They allow foropen and honest communications
about roles and expectationswithin the family. So that helps
reduce misunderstandings andconflicts as well. So
establishing boundaries can helpwith ultimately making you feel
better about your relationshipsand all and also about yourself
(09:12):
so that you can pursue your ownlife path without feelings of
guilt, for example, aboutdedicating your time and energy
to your own aspirations.
Kaley Day (09:22):
I know I said this quote in the last self care
podcast, I'm gonna say it again,because it's such a great quote,
it's from Prentice Hemphill"boundaries are the distance at
which I can love you and mesimultaneously." Oh, yeah, I
think as I know, for myself, andI think so often with sibs, we
can get overextended reallyquickly. We can feel responsible
(09:44):
for a lot of people and thingsoutside of ourselves, and feel
like there's no option otherthan to take on that
responsibility and do whateverwe can and that's how we get
burnout so quickly. And so Ithink being able to sell stuff
Set boundaries around your timearound your energy around, even
Conversations, I'm sure aroundthe holidays right now there's
(10:06):
lots of boundary setting aroundMom, we're not going to talk
about that. When I'm there forChristmas, things like that.
Yeah, I think it just it givesyou that space to be better
towards yourself and bettertowards others. Because when I
start feeling overextended, Istart getting resentful. And I
start just not being the naturalcaregiver that I know I am,
(10:28):
because I'm just burnout. And soboundaries allow me to be my
best self in a better way.
Patricia Repolda (10:34):
And just going back, you know, I think when you
have that self awareness piecefirst, then it's, it's easier to
establish the boundary, becausethen you start recognizing, you
know, okay, these are the thingsor these are the conversations
like Haley said, these are theconversations that make me feel
overwhelmed or burnt out orstressed. And so, you know,
(10:55):
we're not going there right now,or we're not going to talk about
this right now. Or I'm onlygoing to spend five minutes
doing this for now, you know, soI think everything kind of links
together when, when you'reconsidering all of these
different pieces. With regardsto self care,
Chris Berstler (11:12):
tell us a little bit about building a support
network as part of our self careplans.
Patricia Repolda (11:16):
So it's easy to feel alone or isolated,
right? Especially when you'rehandling all of these different
things in different situationsin your life. In the workbooks.
I'll talk specifically withregards to the workbook piece
that we have. So in theworkbook, they have a little
exercise to kind of help youtake stock of who's in your
(11:37):
corner and a guide on thedifferent types of support
available, which, when westarted working on this, I
thought it was reallyinteresting, because, you know,
most of us were often aware of,you know, the emotional support
piece, right. So these areindividuals who provide you
with, like empathy and comfortand reassurance, encouraging
(12:00):
encouragement during challengingtimes. But there are other kinds
of support available out there.
So like informational support.
So these are people who canprovide you with education or
information, or tools to helpyou in in situations or
circumstances that you may needguidance on. There's also
(12:21):
appraisal support. So those arepeople who can provide you with
genuine and honest feedback andperspective on a problem, for
example. So it's easy to thinkthat maybe you just have a few
people in your family or a fewfriends supporting you. But you
might be surprised that thereare other people in your support
network or more people you canpotentially include. So doing
(12:44):
this exercise can help youdetermine how to strengthen your
existing support network. So youknow, for example, you might be
relying on your mom, or a familymember to tell you more about
your siblings disability. But,you know, perhaps you may
consider including, like locallibrarians in your network with
regards to this piece, becausethey can help you do research or
(13:05):
they can potentially point youto, to subject matter experts
locally, who can then give youinformation. So it's, it's
really, it's really important torecognize that there may be
other places where you cangather where you can gather
support. And lastly, I'd like tojust point out that there are
(13:29):
also excellent online groups.
For example, subnet is one ofthem. And the sibling Leadership
Network also has a Facebookgroup exclusively for sibs. And
so those are wonderful pocketson the internet, where you can
connect meaningfully with withsiblings from all around the
world. Basically,
Kaley Day (13:51):
I'll quickly attest to how just connecting with
siblings and being a part of thesibling Leadership Network in
Rocky Mountain sibs alike hasbeen a true piece of my self
care like in the past almost adecade, you know, I didn't
really meet or connect withother siblings till I was in my
mid 20s. And then I went to ameet up we had and I remember
coming home and my boyfriend atthe time saying like you're
(14:14):
glowing like you be there'ssomething about you right now. I
was like, I just got to talk topeople who understand me like,
it was such this like catharticrelease. And then just the
friendships and connections I'vemade and maintained from from
being around and meeting othersibs has just been been a huge
piece of that and a huge pieceof that support. I wanted to
(14:36):
also say for I think a lot forme, a support network is
important. You know, we talkedabout self awareness, and how
important that is and eveninitiating your self care. I'm
sure it's not just me, butsometimes self awareness is
really hard for me. Especiallywhen I have already like reached
that breaking point when I amalready tired and I'm just in
(14:59):
the thick, thick of it. It, itcan be really hard to snap
myself out of it and having asupport network around me who
can also recognize for me, like,Okay, you're you're there girl,
you know, I think back, youknow, I went through my brother
being in hospice about a coupleyears ago, he's much better now
everything turned aroundmiraculously. But that was a
(15:20):
really difficult time. And Ispent about three weeks away
from home with my at my familyhome to help take care of him
and be with my family. And I wasburnout like that whole time for
sure. And it was my partner who,you know, could tell that was
going on who said, hey, youknow, tonight when you're done
with everyone, let's get onFaceTime and watch our cooking
(15:42):
competition show. And justhaving that time to just like
watch our show and talk and justkind of get out of that moment
and not have that stress for aminute was so important and like
helped me get through like therest of that time there and to
not burn out and to be able tobe there and be present with my
family like I wanted to be. Soyeah, I think having having a
(16:03):
support network, having peoplein your corner and having people
who who know you and know whatit looks like when you need
help. And when you need to startusing self care is really
important because sometimes thatcan be hard to do on our own.
Chris Berstler (16:15):
Thank you both very much. Now, Kaylee will
guide us through a guidedmeditation specifically made for
sibs, please sit back and enjoy.
Kaley Day (16:25):
I do have to preface this with that I am in no way a
therapist, a counselor, atrained teacher around
meditation or mindfulness. I amjust a sibling and a student of
these practices that have havetaken these tools and use them
to my benefit and put somethings together that I hope will
be of benefit to you as well. SoI call this a brief meditation
(16:48):
for siblings and three parts.
First, we're going to settleinto our bodies and our breath,
then we're going to check inwith our feelings. And then
we're going to give ourselveswhat we need in that moment.
So I want to invite you at thistime to bring your awareness and
take everything around you allthat buzzing, chaotic energy of
(17:10):
the world of life of trafficoutside your door and just make
your space smaller, bringyourself inward, settle into
some comfortable stillness,whatever that looks like for you
start relaxing your body,straighten your back if you need
to adjust in whatever way iscomfortable for you.
(17:39):
Try to find some grounding asyou find that stillness within
yourself and starting from thetop of your head. start feeling
as we move down our bodiesrelaxing, releasing tension from
your forehead, your jaw downthrough your neck. start
(18:05):
releasing your shoulders. By netrelaxation and your arms and
your fingers. Feel the groundingweight in your hips and your
back down through your thighs.
Relax your knees and your legsdown to your feet and your toes
(18:31):
and just spend a moment feelingthat stillness in that comfort
(18:57):
start bringing your awareness toyour breath. Sitting with your
breath for a while again inwhatever way that's comfortable
for you. For me, I like takingfor long seconds of breath in
and for long seconds of breathout
(19:22):
just sit for a while with yourbreath.
(20:09):
And now as you're in that spaceof comfort and awareness with
your body and your breath, startto allow yourself to see what
sort of feelings are coming upfor you right now. Feelings
around being the sibling aroundtaking care of yourself or maybe
not taking care of yourselfenough. And don't judge or
(20:30):
assign any sort of good or badto those feelings, just
acknowledge themyou can say, you know, I feel
anxious right now. I feel tiredright now. I feel goofy right
now.
(20:53):
Whatever it is, just share somespace with that feeling. And
just let it be beat you with it.
And if you start feeling likeyou're leaning into that feeling
a little too much, go back toyour breath, bring it back to
your breath, if the feelingstart getting too too heavy, but
(21:14):
just know what's there and justsit with that feeling for a
little while.
(22:12):
Now that we've shared space withour feeling, and shared space
with our breath, we're going togive that feeling in ourselves
what you need in this moment.
So if you're worried, you aregoing to tell yourself I'm doing
(22:33):
what I can with what I have.
Maybe if you're tired, you'regoing to tell yourself I deserve
rest. I can ask for restmaybe if you're isolated as
(22:54):
siblings can often feel remindyourself I am not alone in this
maybe you feel gratitude and youcan say I'm grateful for this
(23:15):
unique journey and experiencetake whatever resonates with
you. And just repeat that repeatthat affirmation to yourself.
You can tell yourself that Iacknowledged the challenges that
(23:40):
my sibling and myself face and Isee the strength within that we
have to get through themI celebrate the differences that
make our family extraordinary.
(24:03):
Find space in yourself forwhatever you need. Right now
whether it's celebration,gratitude, whether grades
comfort, whether it gets thosereminders that we aren't alone,
that we deserve rest and thatwe're doing the best we can take
(24:29):
whatever resonates with you andjust give yourself that gift in
this moment.
(25:00):
When you feel like you can walkaway and keep that feeling with
you, then I invite you to startbringing your awareness back
shaking your toes, shaking yourfingers and shaking things out
(25:28):
and allow yourself to bring thataffirmation in that comfort that
you found in that quiet spacewithin and bring it out and
carry it with you throughoutyour day, throughout your week,
throughout the holiday season.
And always come back to thatwhen you need it. As things get
(25:51):
hectic during the holidays aschallenges arise, come back to
that space and come back to thatplace where you know that you
can give yourself some comfortin the moment and just share
space with your feelings andknow that feelings are not good
or bad. But they're just thingsthat we live with and learn to
(26:12):
deal with. thank yourself forgiving yourself the space and
giving yourself what you need.
Chris Berstler (26:55):
Patricia and Kaylee, thank you so much for
being with us today and sharingall about self care.
Patricia Repolda (27:02):
Thank you for having us.
Chris Berstler (27:04):
Any resources that Patricia and Kaylee have
mentioned you can find in thedescription below. Thank you for
joining best wishes on your selfcare journey. Find resources,
tools and information about thesibling experience on sibling
leadership dot for the siblingLeadership Network is a
nonprofit and we rely on supportfrom our audience. Find the
(27:26):
donation button on our homepageand contribute to the ever
growing sibling movement.
Welcome to the sibling Leadership Network
podcast. The sibling LeadershipNetwork is a national nonprofit
whose mission is to providesiblings of individuals with
disabilities the informationsupport and tools to advocate
with their brothers and sistersand to promote the issue is
important to us and our entirefamilies. Hello, and thank you
for joining us for anotherepisode of the sibling
(00:24):
Leadership Network Podcast.
Today we will be discussing moreon self care. And we will go
through a guided meditationsspecifically for sips I'm joined
today by Kaylee de advocate foradults with the Denver County
Chapter of the ark and from TheSLM Colorado chapter, Rocky
Mountain sibs and SLN zonecommunications consultant,
Patricia Repolda.
Kaley Day (00:45):
Hi, thanks for having us.
Chris Berstler (00:47):
What is self care? And why is it so important
for siblings and specific?
Patricia Repolda (00:52):
Well, self care means taking the time to do
things that help you live welland improve your physical and
mental health and generally yourholistic well being. These are
activities or practices thathelp you manage stress and
increase your your energy andthey don't have to be elaborate
or time consuming. They can besimple things that you do in
(01:13):
your daily life that have animpact on the way you feel, you
know, like taking time tobreathe, or simply being present
in the moment, or even listeningto music. So those are all
different types of self care ina nutshell.
Kaley Day (01:26):
Yeah, I think is like self care has become like more
of a buzzword over the last likedecade or so I feel there was
this early notion that it wasvery extravagant, like, you're
going to have a spa day and ashopping spree and self care
requires money and, you know,luxury and things like that. And
I'm glad that I think there'sbeen a shift in the last couple
of years. And that showing thatself care is not a one size fits
(01:49):
all thing. And it's notsomething that you need to have
any money to do it there. It'sit can be doing things in buying
things. But it is also I think,just taking in practices and
other like non tangible things,you do that that promote your
own wellness.
Chris Berstler (02:06):
Patricia, the SLN just created a sibling's
self care toolkit and workbook.
Please tell us all about it andhow listeners can access it.
Patricia Repolda (02:15):
Sure, well, the SLS website is full of great
resources. And there are anumber of them specifically on
the subject of self care. So wethought why not aggregate all
the wonderful learnings fromthose articles into a toolkit so
that they're easy to refer to.
And so that sibs can create aself care action plan based on
them. So we added workbooksections throughout this this
(02:37):
document that we were workingon. And it transformed into this
sibling self care toolkit andworkbook. So right now it's
available on SLM websites,sibling leadership.org, just
click on the Resources tab onthe top of the page and click on
adult subset. It's underneaththe self care tab.
Chris Berstler (02:58):
What is a self care plan? And how can I
establish one?
Patricia Repolda (03:02):
A self care plan basically outlines what do
you plan to do or integrate intoyour daily life to focus more on
your wellness, it starts withlooking at where you are now,
and seeing what areas you may bein need of support a little bit
more and realize the things thatenergize you, you know, things
that bring you joy, peace orrelaxation. So for example, you
(03:24):
may discover in doing theworkbook that you may be
exercising regularly, so you'retaking care of your physical
health, but you feel like youcould really benefit from having
meaningful conversations andquality time with friends. So in
your self care plan, you maythen include that you will
strive to spend at least oneSaturday afternoon a month
(03:44):
having coffee with someone. Thething with establishing a self
care plan is that it also has tobe realistic. So if once a month
is all that you can commit tofor now, that's perfectly okay.
So let's just said you know,there isn't a one size fits all
strategy. In the workbook, we'veactually outlined seven areas of
self care such as you know,physical, mental, social, etc.
(04:08):
But it's important to rememberthat different types of self
care are usually interconnected.
So for example, what's good forthe body is oftentimes good for
the mind and vice versa. So whenyou create your self care plan,
you tailor fit it to yourpreferences and what's going on
in your life. Yeah,
Kaley Day (04:25):
I think like Patricia said, it's something that's both
like proactive, something you'redoing in the present to like
daily, those little habits,those little things that help
you to feel your best self, butthen I think it's also having
that plan for the future where,you know, kind of how to
recognize when you might be likereaching a burnout phase, when
(04:46):
you're starting to get reallyfatigued when you really need
that kind of extra layer of selfcare around you and knowing
like, how to watch out for thatand what to do when you start
reaching that kind of more direpoint, I guess.
Patricia Repolda (04:58):
Yeah. And also just want to quickly Add, it's
also good to be mindful when youare doing those mindfulness or
when you're doing those selfcare practices, because then you
kind of benefit from them alittle bit more, knowing that,
you know, this is something forme, and this is something for me
exclusively. So it's alsonourishing, in a sense to kind
(05:19):
of have that awareness.
Chris Berstler (05:20):
What role does self awareness play in my self
care plan?
Patricia Repolda (05:25):
Well, self awareness is, I think the one of
the most crucial component ofself care is actually the first
step to creating it, because itprovides the foundation for
understanding your needs, youknow, recognizing what what
stresses you out, or what makesyou feel overwhelmed, like Haley
said, and making informedchoices about how to care for
your physical, emotional, mentalwell being. being self aware
(05:48):
also helps in monitoring yourenergy levels, and you know,
recognizing signs of burnout orexhaustion. And it can help you
establish and maintain healthyboundaries in relationships and
other areas of your life. Whenyou know, your limits, you can
assertively communicate andprotect your personal space and
time and respond to stress or,you know, just difficult
(06:09):
circumstances in healthy ways,you know, through like
relaxation techniques, ormindfulness, or, you know,
seeking support from others. Sojust empowers you to make
choices that align with your,with your value. So when when
you're self aware, it's muchmore easy to go about doing
those things.
Kaley Day (06:26):
I think self awareness can come into when
you're practicing self care, andin recognition, knowing whether
or not something's working foryou or not. I know I've been
through a lot of things wheremaybe I had this like this, I
found this plan on the internetfor self care, and I'm gonna do
step by step. And it has to workfor me, and I have to do it this
way to make it work and likegoing through those things. I
(06:49):
had the self awareness to belike, Wait, this is not making
me feel better. This is notdoing what it's supposed to do
for me. So I knew at that pointthat I needed to pivot and find
something that did work for me.
So I think it's keeping thatself awareness. Yeah, from the
start. And that's what like, youknow, engages or self care. And
then throughout to know, is thisreally working for me? Am I
actually getting what I needfrom this
Unknown (07:09):
That was a really good points too, because like Kaley
said, sometimes you come acrossthings that read as a list more
of when you're when you'rethinking about creating a self
care plan. And in theory, theymay sound nice, like, you know,
like, take a bubble bath orspend 30 minutes reading a book
or something. And because youhave access to all of these, you
(07:32):
know, different ideas, you maywant to start integrating them
and then it kind of startsgetting overwhelming because
it's like, okay, I didn't shutthis off the list. And so when
you do start from a selfawareness, place, and then you
continue to, to include that, asyou're going about establishing
(07:52):
a self care plan, it makes itmore manageable. So yeah, she's
absolutely right, integrating itthe whole way through.
Chris Berstler (08:01):
So you mentioned boundaries, what role do
boundaries play in my self careplan?
Patricia Repolda (08:06):
Recognizing and setting boundaries is an
important aspect of maintaininghealthy relationships and your
personal well being so it's acrucial component of your self
care plan. Boundaries is youknow, oftentimes, there are a
combination of your your limitsyour values, expectations in
different areas of your life.
So, for example, if part of yourself care plan is focusing on
(08:27):
your mental health, let's sayspecifically, that you just want
to take care of yourself by notputting too much on your plate
and you want to feel lessoverwhelmed. setting boundaries
with regards to your time andenergy would then be necessary.
So you would have to communicatethose with the people involved
and be clear about what you canor cannot give. clear boundaries
(08:49):
can also lead to healthiersibling and family
relationships. They allow foropen and honest communications
about roles and expectationswithin the family. So that helps
reduce misunderstandings andconflicts as well. So
establishing boundaries can helpwith ultimately making you feel
better about your relationshipsand all and also about yourself
(09:12):
so that you can pursue your ownlife path without feelings of
guilt, for example, aboutdedicating your time and energy
to your own aspirations.
Kaley Day (09:22):
I know I said this quote in the last self care
podcast, I'm gonna say it again,because it's such a great quote,
it's from Prentice Hemphill"boundaries are the distance at
which I can love you and mesimultaneously." Oh, yeah, I
think as I know, for myself, andI think so often with sibs, we
can get overextended reallyquickly. We can feel responsible
(09:44):
for a lot of people and thingsoutside of ourselves, and feel
like there's no option otherthan to take on that
responsibility and do whateverwe can and that's how we get
burnout so quickly. And so Ithink being able to sell stuff
Set boundaries around your timearound your energy around, even
Conversations, I'm sure aroundthe holidays right now there's
(10:06):
lots of boundary setting aroundMom, we're not going to talk
about that. When I'm there forChristmas, things like that.
Yeah, I think it just it givesyou that space to be better
towards yourself and bettertowards others. Because when I
start feeling overextended, Istart getting resentful. And I
start just not being the naturalcaregiver that I know I am,
(10:28):
because I'm just burnout. And soboundaries allow me to be my
best self in a better way.
Patricia Repolda (10:34):
And just going back, you know, I think when you
have that self awareness piecefirst, then it's, it's easier to
establish the boundary, becausethen you start recognizing, you
know, okay, these are the thingsor these are the conversations
like Haley said, these are theconversations that make me feel
overwhelmed or burnt out orstressed. And so, you know,
(10:55):
we're not going there right now,or we're not going to talk about
this right now. Or I'm onlygoing to spend five minutes
doing this for now, you know, soI think everything kind of links
together when, when you'reconsidering all of these
different pieces. With regardsto self care,
Chris Berstler (11:12):
tell us a little bit about building a support
network as part of our self careplans.
Patricia Repolda (11:16):
So it's easy to feel alone or isolated,
right? Especially when you'rehandling all of these different
things in different situationsin your life. In the workbooks.
I'll talk specifically withregards to the workbook piece
that we have. So in theworkbook, they have a little
exercise to kind of help youtake stock of who's in your
(11:37):
corner and a guide on thedifferent types of support
available, which, when westarted working on this, I
thought it was reallyinteresting, because, you know,
most of us were often aware of,you know, the emotional support
piece, right. So these areindividuals who provide you
with, like empathy and comfortand reassurance, encouraging
(12:00):
encouragement during challengingtimes. But there are other kinds
of support available out there.
So like informational support.
So these are people who canprovide you with education or
information, or tools to helpyou in in situations or
circumstances that you may needguidance on. There's also
(12:21):
appraisal support. So those arepeople who can provide you with
genuine and honest feedback andperspective on a problem, for
example. So it's easy to thinkthat maybe you just have a few
people in your family or a fewfriends supporting you. But you
might be surprised that thereare other people in your support
network or more people you canpotentially include. So doing
(12:44):
this exercise can help youdetermine how to strengthen your
existing support network. So youknow, for example, you might be
relying on your mom, or a familymember to tell you more about
your siblings disability. But,you know, perhaps you may
consider including, like locallibrarians in your network with
regards to this piece, becausethey can help you do research or
(13:05):
they can potentially point youto, to subject matter experts
locally, who can then give youinformation. So it's, it's
really, it's really important torecognize that there may be
other places where you cangather where you can gather
support. And lastly, I'd like tojust point out that there are
(13:29):
also excellent online groups.
For example, subnet is one ofthem. And the sibling Leadership
Network also has a Facebookgroup exclusively for sibs. And
so those are wonderful pocketson the internet, where you can
connect meaningfully with withsiblings from all around the
world. Basically,
Kaley Day (13:51):
I'll quickly attest to how just connecting with
siblings and being a part of thesibling Leadership Network in
Rocky Mountain sibs alike hasbeen a true piece of my self
care like in the past almost adecade, you know, I didn't
really meet or connect withother siblings till I was in my
mid 20s. And then I went to ameet up we had and I remember
coming home and my boyfriend atthe time saying like you're
(14:14):
glowing like you be there'ssomething about you right now. I
was like, I just got to talk topeople who understand me like,
it was such this like catharticrelease. And then just the
friendships and connections I'vemade and maintained from from
being around and meeting othersibs has just been been a huge
piece of that and a huge pieceof that support. I wanted to
(14:36):
also say for I think a lot forme, a support network is
important. You know, we talkedabout self awareness, and how
important that is and eveninitiating your self care. I'm
sure it's not just me, butsometimes self awareness is
really hard for me. Especiallywhen I have already like reached
that breaking point when I amalready tired and I'm just in
(14:59):
the thick, thick of it. It, itcan be really hard to snap
myself out of it and having asupport network around me who
can also recognize for me, like,Okay, you're you're there girl,
you know, I think back, youknow, I went through my brother
being in hospice about a coupleyears ago, he's much better now
everything turned aroundmiraculously. But that was a
(15:20):
really difficult time. And Ispent about three weeks away
from home with my at my familyhome to help take care of him
and be with my family. And I wasburnout like that whole time for
sure. And it was my partner who,you know, could tell that was
going on who said, hey, youknow, tonight when you're done
with everyone, let's get onFaceTime and watch our cooking
(15:42):
competition show. And justhaving that time to just like
watch our show and talk and justkind of get out of that moment
and not have that stress for aminute was so important and like
helped me get through like therest of that time there and to
not burn out and to be able tobe there and be present with my
family like I wanted to be. Soyeah, I think having having a
(16:03):
support network, having peoplein your corner and having people
who who know you and know whatit looks like when you need
help. And when you need to startusing self care is really
important because sometimes thatcan be hard to do on our own.
Chris Berstler (16:15):
Thank you both very much. Now, Kaylee will
guide us through a guidedmeditation specifically made for
sibs, please sit back and enjoy.
Kaley Day (16:25):
I do have to preface this with that I am in no way a
therapist, a counselor, atrained teacher around
meditation or mindfulness. I amjust a sibling and a student of
these practices that have havetaken these tools and use them
to my benefit and put somethings together that I hope will
be of benefit to you as well. SoI call this a brief meditation
(16:48):
for siblings and three parts.
First, we're going to settleinto our bodies and our breath,
then we're going to check inwith our feelings. And then
we're going to give ourselveswhat we need in that moment.
So I want to invite you at thistime to bring your awareness and
take everything around you allthat buzzing, chaotic energy of
(17:10):
the world of life of trafficoutside your door and just make
your space smaller, bringyourself inward, settle into
some comfortable stillness,whatever that looks like for you
start relaxing your body,straighten your back if you need
to adjust in whatever way iscomfortable for you.
(17:39):
Try to find some grounding asyou find that stillness within
yourself and starting from thetop of your head. start feeling
as we move down our bodiesrelaxing, releasing tension from
your forehead, your jaw downthrough your neck. start
(18:05):
releasing your shoulders. By netrelaxation and your arms and
your fingers. Feel the groundingweight in your hips and your
back down through your thighs.
Relax your knees and your legsdown to your feet and your toes
(18:31):
and just spend a moment feelingthat stillness in that comfort
(18:57):
start bringing your awareness toyour breath. Sitting with your
breath for a while again inwhatever way that's comfortable
for you. For me, I like takingfor long seconds of breath in
and for long seconds of breathout
(19:22):
just sit for a while with yourbreath.
(20:09):
And now as you're in that spaceof comfort and awareness with
your body and your breath, startto allow yourself to see what
sort of feelings are coming upfor you right now. Feelings
around being the sibling aroundtaking care of yourself or maybe
not taking care of yourselfenough. And don't judge or
(20:30):
assign any sort of good or badto those feelings, just
acknowledge themyou can say, you know, I feel
anxious right now. I feel tiredright now. I feel goofy right
now.
(20:53):
Whatever it is, just share somespace with that feeling. And
just let it be beat you with it.
And if you start feeling likeyou're leaning into that feeling
a little too much, go back toyour breath, bring it back to
your breath, if the feelingstart getting too too heavy, but
(21:14):
just know what's there and justsit with that feeling for a
little while.
(22:12):
Now that we've shared space withour feeling, and shared space
with our breath, we're going togive that feeling in ourselves
what you need in this moment.
So if you're worried, you aregoing to tell yourself I'm doing
(22:33):
what I can with what I have.
Maybe if you're tired, you'regoing to tell yourself I deserve
rest. I can ask for restmaybe if you're isolated as
(22:54):
siblings can often feel remindyourself I am not alone in this
maybe you feel gratitude and youcan say I'm grateful for this
(23:15):
unique journey and experiencetake whatever resonates with
you. And just repeat that repeatthat affirmation to yourself.
You can tell yourself that Iacknowledged the challenges that
(23:40):
my sibling and myself face and Isee the strength within that we
have to get through themI celebrate the differences that
make our family extraordinary.
(24:03):
Find space in yourself forwhatever you need. Right now
whether it's celebration,gratitude, whether grades
comfort, whether it gets thosereminders that we aren't alone,
that we deserve rest and thatwe're doing the best we can take
(24:29):
whatever resonates with you andjust give yourself that gift in
this moment.
(25:00):
When you feel like you can walkaway and keep that feeling with
you, then I invite you to startbringing your awareness back
shaking your toes, shaking yourfingers and shaking things out
(25:28):
and allow yourself to bring thataffirmation in that comfort that
you found in that quiet spacewithin and bring it out and
carry it with you throughoutyour day, throughout your week,
throughout the holiday season.
And always come back to thatwhen you need it. As things get
(25:51):
hectic during the holidays aschallenges arise, come back to
that space and come back to thatplace where you know that you
can give yourself some comfortin the moment and just share
space with your feelings andknow that feelings are not good
or bad. But they're just thingsthat we live with and learn to
(26:12):
deal with. thank yourself forgiving yourself the space and
giving yourself what you need.
Chris Berstler (26:55):
Patricia and Kaylee, thank you so much for
being with us today and sharingall about self care.
Patricia Repolda (27:02):
Thank you for having us.
Chris Berstler (27:04):
Any resources that Patricia and Kaylee have
mentioned you can find in thedescription below. Thank you for
joining best wishes on your selfcare journey. Find resources,
tools and information about thesibling experience on sibling
leadership dot for the siblingLeadership Network is a
nonprofit and we rely on supportfrom our audience. Find the
(27:26):
donation button on our homepageand contribute to the ever
growing sibling movement.
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