In this session, Niecee & Voni discuss beliefs and share their thoughts on how beliefs are formed and how they shape our life experiences, upbringing, and environment. From discussions about childhood influences and personal development to handling conflicts and family dynamics, we dive into our own personal beliefs.
We share personal stories, reflections on addiction recovery, and practical advice on staying true to oneself and evolving. Watch and subscribe for a blend of wisdom, humor, and heartfelt sisterly interaction that encourages growth and self-awareness.
00:00 Welcome to SisterGirl Sessions
00:44 Diving into Beliefs
04:30 Childhood Memories and Beliefs
10:47 Financial Mindsets and Beliefs
15:41 Cultural and Societal Influences
30:34 Food, Health, and Beliefs
38:22 Exploring Breath Work and Personal Growth
39:09 Struggles with Alcoholism
41:12 Developing New Beliefs
47:49 Handling Conflict and Family Dynamics
58:58 Teaching Love and Resolving Conflict
01:02:31 Final Reflections and Legacy
Thank you for listening!
Catch us on YouTube @thesistergirlsessions
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
sistergirl-sessions-7_1_0 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the SisterGirl
(00:02):
Sessions.
My name is Niecee and I'm Voniand we have created this show as
a space for us to come together,like a women's community for us
to share stories, talk aboutthings that are on our mind,
discuss different topics ofinterest.
Just whatever we feel that isappropriate in the day and time
(00:23):
that we do the recording, to behonest with you, but we
appreciate you stopping in ifit's your first time visiting
us.
We appreciate it.
Welcome.
We hope that you will subscribeand, engage with us and keep
coming back because we're onthis sister girl journey.
That's a very exciting.
And so with today's topic, whatdid I have for today?
(00:44):
We were going to be talkingabout beliefs.
Where they come from and howthey affect our life's journey
and we decided to have this showbecause Voni and I where we do
our real life sister girl Weended up in this deep
conversation Yesterday morningis the Saturday morning over
coffee type discussion And wewere talking about different
(01:07):
situations that were occurringin our life And where did it
come from?
How are we manifesting this inour lives?
Why do we have these thoughtprocesses?
And it evolved into a big ole'discussion.
So we was like, let's take it tothe show.
Let's talk about it.
So, we'll dive right into it.
And we appreciate you beinghere.
(01:34):
So to get it started, Let's justtalk about where, when you talk
about beliefs and how theyimpact our lives, the discussion
that we were having yesterdaykind of evolved around what were
we discussing?
It was about how we were showingup in our lives and what the
(01:57):
outcomes were and how theyimpact how we respond to it and
how it impacts us.
So the discussion kind of camealong and I said, Hey, I feel
like our relationship toeverything in the world and how
we show up is related to beliefsand what our core belief is and
(02:18):
how we're going to respond atany given moment.
Are we going to be offended?
Are we going?
Let's say, for instance, Youhurt my feelings and said some
really hurtful things about me.
I really wouldn't care if Ididn't know you.
And it's because I have a beliefthat you are my sister and that
you should treat me a certainway that it will cause me hurt.
(02:39):
But not everybody will hold thatsame thing.
because sometimes people can saythings to you that are hurtful.
And when I hear the word belief,I view it as, Is something
taught to you?
Yes.
Or is something in yourexperience in life that, and it
(03:00):
could be environmental, it couldbe a different thing, but you've
had some experience that hascaused you to think differently.
Exactly.
In a certain way.
So even for some people, yousay, I don't care what other
people think about me.
That's what I took away fromyour last comment.
Some people.
Some people.
Yeah.
That was your schmo.
Yeah.
You were like, I don't care whatyou think.
And everybody don't have thatsame belief.
(03:20):
That's where I was going.
Yes.
That's exactly where I wasgoing.
Now, some people will take thatand own it.
Like, Oh, so I don't even knowthis person, but they said this
about me.
And that is based in somethingusually that individual has
experienced in their life.
That they tend to care aboutwhat, as you gave an example,
either somebody you love or evensome stranger said about you.
(03:44):
Right.
I agree.
I agree.
It's always about to me.
It's about either somethingwe're taught or that we observed
and you kind of internalized itand it developed as a belief.
It can be anything from church.
Religion, culture, culture.
Yes.
Home environment.
I agree.
You know, yes, because that'swhat we were kind of talking
(04:07):
about yesterday is that it goesall the way back to your
upbringing and scientificstudies.
about your formative ages are2-8 and you are evaluating your
environment and deciding howyou're going to fit into it
developing these beliefs whichdo shift and change over time.
(04:30):
But that's where you alot oftimes, develop your core beliefs
and so there's a ripple effectto it because like I told you
what we were talking about is myexperience with this breath work
session that I had, I did abreath work session and look it
up if you don't know about it.
We won't go into it.
(04:50):
We won't go deep into it.
But yes, it was called 9DBreathwork.
I was so impressed when I wentand looked them up and
researched it and all that andbecame an affiliate.
So if you want to check out TheSisterGirls Hub, of course you
know, we're going to have someroots in that too.
Okay.
Just throw that out there.
No pressure, no pressure, butit's there for there for
(05:10):
reference.
So I was doing this breathworksession, and it was talking
about what is hold you back?
What are the beliefs that youhold?
That kind of keep you from beingshowing up as your best self,
bring it forward and explore it.
And so when I had theexperience, I brought it forward
and it brought to me to a timewhen I was a little bitty child
(05:32):
at our grandparents house,grandma, grandpa, and I was
outside at the little berry treethat we used to play at, but we
used to eat them and then rinsethem off for nothing.
We used to eat them off thetree.
Now, mama didn't.
Now, when we started seeing bugsand stuff.
Yeah, we did.
We did.
We started being like, Oh, no,we got to go rinse these off.
But we did eat the blackberrytree.
(05:54):
But I ate a few bugs because Idid used to eat off of that
tree.
Yeah, but go ahead.
I'm sorry.
I didn't get that in there.
That was my point.
But it took me back soviscerally to this particular
point in time.
And when I was at thisblackberry tree, I was at the
berry tree and I was playing andI was eating the berries and I
looked at the house and throughthe window and I saw my mother,
(06:16):
my father, mama, daddy, grandma,grandpa, Uncle Harold, Uncle
Harley, Aunt Marsha, all of myAunts and uncles, mother,
father, our, our family, theywere in there like partying,
kicking it, and we don't knowthe occasion or nothing, but you
know your people were there.
Okay.
Yes.
and so when we all there, or wasit just you in this vision, in
(06:40):
this vision, I didn't have, andusually it'd be a lot of kids.
Right.
Right.
But this vision, it was just mestanding there looking.
And I remember having a feelingthat I felt.
Like that is part of where ithad an impact on me, on how I
approached, entertainment andhaving fun, fun, having a good
(07:02):
time, and how I related to funin my life.
Mm-hmm Of which later on, as Ibecame old enough and became an
adult, that's kind of how I tookthe journey.
I learned how to party.
This is how you party, this ishow you have a good time, is to
drink.
And have fun and socialize witheach other, play cards, play
dominoes, dance, talk about somestuff, that is where I learned
(07:25):
that from.
I think all of us learned thatfrom our parents.
Yeah.
We, I mean, we sisters.
So that's what we did.
We observed that, as children,you know, our parents had us at
a pretty young age.
Mom had me at 18, you at 20.
So if you think about that, theywere still in their very
formative years.
Yeah.
It got married when they werelike 17 and get permission from
(07:46):
their parents to be able to evengo do that.
But they were in their formativeyears and that's what we
observed.
That's what we experienced it intheir formative years.
Like you said, so think aboutit.
If they had us at those ages,they wasn't even 30 yet by the
time you even got to eight yearsold, right?
They wasn't even 30.
Yes.
(08:07):
So, and then you think aboutwhat we took from that and you
develop a belief.
And I will pause and say that alot of times when you observe
your parents doing things likemaybe not at a younger age, but
as you get a little older andyou're developing these beliefs,
you might decide that you wantto do something different.
Yeah.
So everybody might not react thesame and grow up and use that as
(08:29):
the way.
Let's talk a little bit about,but why do you make a choice to
do something different?
Can we dig into that a littlebit?
Because I know what you'resaying.
And I know I have certainelements, but again, kind of to
my earlier point, you make aconscious decision to say, I'm
not going to do what I saw themdo, because usually rooted in
(08:52):
something that you didn't like.
You didn't like, or it waspainful.
It was painful.
Yes.
Yeah, you decided you're notgoing to do it, right?
Right.
Yeah.
So there were certain thingsthat because you remember, I,
some people, we all adults here.
Yes.
People drank before they were 21or different things.
And whatever you were doing, butI was one of those people that I
(09:17):
did not, I wasn't a fan ofalcohol, cigarettes.
Now I drink now.
You're the only one of oursiblings that don't smoke
cigarettes.
I hated them.
They used to ask me to go by.
Asked me to go light em up.
I burn em up.
They, mama be like, you doingPeople don't know how to do that
today.
She said you doing this shit onpurpose.
(09:39):
You over here trying to burn upmy cigarette.
Cause they sent us to the stove.
We had gas stove.
We go there, light it.
And I got tired of going backand forth.
Cause it wasn't quite lit.
Cause she didn't have a lighteror something.
But my point is, you right.
I held beliefs about certainthings about cigarettes,
drinking, et cetera, because ofcertain experiences or feelings
(10:00):
that I had based on, observingand being in certain situations
that didn't make me feel good.
Yes.
And then when you think aboutwhy were our parents that way,
and when we were talking aboutit yesterday, like I said, that.
I feel like, especially in theAfrican American culture, it
(10:21):
goes all the way back toslavery.
I agree.
And so we had to be a certainway.
We had to show up a certain wayin order to, Survive and fit
into society.
Right.
And, we developed that I like todiscuss or even, your thought
(10:44):
processes around money.
Okay.
Okay.
Because I, that's one thing thatI work on within myself because
I grew up in, because we grew upin a poor environment, I've
developed somewhat of a scarcitymindset.
And even when I've been inpositions where I was really
thriving and your daughter,Jacque, and I were talking about
this yesterday too.
(11:05):
Yes.
That even when we're at ourbest, earned really great
incomes, you can still findyourself over here.
Like, Oh my God, I got to makesure that I can do this.
How much am I going to haveleft?
You know, which is not reallybeing in the flow.
And I could be, I could thrivein a lot of things where, as
I've been on this journey ofdiscovering myself and showing
(11:27):
my best self and all that, butthe financial part of it, and
that lack mentality.
It's one of my biggestchallenges.
I'm determined.
I'm going to overcome this onebecause, no, and I had a
breakthrough during thatbreathwork session and, a lot of
the, my core beliefs, that'swhere I was talking about.
(11:48):
It took me back to, myupbringing developed a lot of my
beliefs.
Okay.
And when I, when you think aboutmoney, like you flow with it
differently, you always have thethought of, I'm always gonna
have it and it's gonna show upand it's, I don't know how
always, but it shows up in yourlife in that way it's because I
believe it.
I do.
Yeah, I do.
(12:08):
I don't even have the answersalways as to what it's going to
be, but I do believe because Idecided I was going to believe
that you've been a mastermanifester for a long time,
maybe, and maybe in thatrespect, respect.
Yeah, but yeah, but it was, Iwon't tell you that I didn't get
(12:29):
it all together.
I don't because I don't.
But what I'm saying is, is liketo your other point where you
make decisions about what youdon't want to do and don't want
to be.
That was part of mine.
I didn't want to go, I put itthis way, like be on subsidized
programs.
I made a conscious decision.
(12:49):
I didn't have to.
If you need it, do it.
No harm, no foul.
I believe those things should bethere for people.
I promise you, I think thatthey, we need that.
Okay.
In society we have to go supportour fellow men, but if you don't
need it, leave it for people whoneed it.
And I had tried to make, thatwas one of my things is that
(13:12):
because we did grow up in a verypoor environment and I did feel
sometimes as it related to WhenI wanted to dress a certain way
or have shoes or do good things.
I feel like I walk around withholes in my shoes or different
things that devastated me.
So that's where I decided thatit was like, okay, now I ain't
(13:34):
going, I'm not going to dealwith that.
I'm going to do somethingdifferent.
Even if it's driven by me, I gotthe drive and determination to
go.
Change how I think about it.
Right.
And that's what I did.
But even when I was doing it,I'm not gonna tell you I didn't
get in debt.
I'm not gonna tell you I didn'tmake bad decisions about it.
Exactly.
But what I was able to seethrough that, Verniece, even
(13:55):
when I was doing some of thosethings, Cause we didn't really
get taught financial literacy.
We didn't.
We didn't.
We were trying to teach our kidsa little bit more and do more.
We said we had some moresessions with the kids.
Yes.
But what I did learn and as youknow, I'm a reflector, I go back
and I think about what I did andhow we were navigating.
(14:18):
But what I did see a pattern ofis that I did overcome it.
Yes.
There was always a tomorrow andthat's what helped influence my
belief system.
I don't know how it's going tocome, but it's going to work
out.
And that's the part.
Cause I can get real caught upin what's the plan?
I need to know how I'm going todo this before it happens.
(14:43):
Yeah.
I mean, just let go.
So that's what it is deep and Iagree with you on that.
and even looking at my life now,I do well for myself, I live in
a beautiful home.
I have a really blessed life.
I don't want for anything needfor nothing.
Need for nothing for anything.
(15:04):
And so where does this thoughtprocess I don't know, fit in.
It's an unnecessary belief thatI'm actively working on letting
go.
But it taught, but a lot ofpeople, it was talked to us.
It was taught, and it can getingrained, and that's why I
wanted to just put it out therebecause I'm sure there's other
people out there that kind ofexperience the same thing.
And you have to know that it hasto be brought up.
(15:24):
Mm-hmm Confronted.
Mm-hmm Not that you can, like,you can let it go, but most of
the time you have to.
What I feel is that I have tointegrate it.
Within my system and relax intoit and flow with it.
So I feel like I've had abreakthrough in that space.
I agree.
Can we talk a little bit aboutlike you made a just a little
slight comment about it comingback from Slavery and how we had
(15:47):
to show up or had to behave.
Yes, any of that and I think Inour country in our society as a
whole I think we still carry alot of those Beliefs And how we,
and trauma about how we asAfrican Americans or different
national, I won't even labelthat only to black people.
(16:10):
No, there's a lot of differentcultures here.
You feel like you have to showup a different way.
Some of what our parents taughtus as we went into corporate
America or to behave out when weout in society.
It was partially to help us withbeing safe, safe.
Yes.
And making sure that we behavedourselves in a certain way so
(16:31):
that we could come home.
People talk about how blackpeople have to say that to their
children, especially boys.
Yeah, that that's something thatwe have to learn how to behave
in society.
And so that type stuff,Verniece, when we talk about,
what we have had to carry overthrough hundreds of years in our
(16:53):
culture as a black person.
It's still here.
It's still here and ingrained inus.
And I believe some of it evenfor those who might offend or
who may carry some of the, uh,power.
I don't know what reference youwant to say.
It's still here.
But if those people who arerunning society, who are police,
(17:14):
whoever, they also carry certainbeliefs about what they're doing
and how they're doing it andfeeling like.
That's what they supposed to do.
Right.
You see what I'm saying?
It's all about what we weretaught and experienced and end
up doing.
So it comes for hundreds ofyears.
It does.
And it makes it to where, whatpart of it are you going to
(17:40):
focus on?
I know.
True.
What part of it are you going tofocus on that?
Like you say, are you going tomake a decision to transition
past that?
Because it is still a lot.
Going on today and today'sclimate and we're not going to
go into politics or anything,but both, political day to day
race, all types of differentrelations.
(18:02):
And it depends on like I make aconscious decision in myself not
to be hyper focused on thosetype of things and to be more
focused on my now in my ownpersonal experience.
It's like I do.
Care about the whole and how itimpacts.
But I think the best way for meto impact the home is to show up
(18:24):
as my best self and the best ofmyself that I can in my day to
day.
I agree.
I mean, I see that in you.
Oh, well, thank you.
Yeah, I do.
I see it's intentional.
It is intentional.
And I pay attention to thepolitics.
I'm very, in tuned, I guess youwould say not day to day.
Cause I, I agree with you.
(18:44):
If you let that feed you toomuch, it becomes obsessive
almost.
And that becomes a belief.
It becomes a belief.
you take on what you feed intoyourself, right?
You know, you've always.
kind of coached about like yoube intentional about what you
watch on tv pay attention towhat you listen to yes all of
(19:04):
those things are influencingyour beliefs yes and but in my
community minded philosophy i dolisten i'm very particular about
who i listen to yes i am veryintentional there but I may not
act, I don't even advocate, makegrand gestures about, people or
(19:27):
politics or any of that.
but I pay attention.
I do.
I do.
Yes.
I'm going to say I'm totallytuned out.
No, no, you don't tune out.
I don't tune out, but I'm notdeeply invested in it.
I did at one time, I did at onetime and it didn't feel good.
So see?
You're the opposite.
You're like, I ain't doing thatagain.
I'm like, man, I'm not doingthat again.
Step back.
(19:47):
I'm going to step back from thatjust so I could have a different
experience because mine is allabout feeling good.
And that's a belief system thatI've been developing because I
had experiences in life where Ihad a belief that I had to be So
strong.
(20:08):
Mm-hmm.
I had to show up.
I had to be certain things tocertain people.
I ain't, I have that.
My, and I did.
I had a belief like that.
I still do just because you, Istill do Verniece.
Yes.
I don't ever, I have never letthat go.
I know, I know on our it, I readsomething, it said, when was the
last time I felt free?
(20:29):
Jump in.
I wanted to ask you that.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I got out.
You were saying how you feellike it just resonated with me
when I talk about it.
But I haven't, I don't know thatI had that experience because I
carry these beliefs that I'm thebig sister.
(20:50):
I'm the mama.
I'm the grandma.
I'm the wife.
I'm all of those.
I'm, I'm a leader, manager.
Yes.
I have this role that I'msupposed to go be, do.
And I get resentful about it.
Now, don't get me wrong.
Cause I get mad about it.
And even she knows, cause I getresentful, but she gets to see
the different Voni.
(21:11):
The rest of the world don'tnecessarily always see in me.
Everybody get an inkling.
you intentional on how you showup in the world.
I am very intentional on how Ishow up in the world, but it
carries with it some things.
So let's dig into this a littlebit because it's a belief I
carry.
Why haven't I let it go?
where, that's why I put thatdown, you knew this.
(21:32):
She knew this.
She set this up.
All right.
All right.
So I really want to understandwhen was the last time you felt
free.
So when I talk about feelingfree, I won't even say it has to
be an extended amount of timewhere you had like a period of
(21:53):
time in your life where you felttotally free because.
And our experience, and we'vebeen kind of on this journey
together as sisters, the way ourlife is, we do hold certain
responsibilities, but I'mtalking about little micro free.
Okay.
I like the micro.
Micro.
Micro.
Can we get an example?
(22:13):
Because I'm trying to, becauseI'm sitting here feeling like, I
ain't never been free.
So mine.
That I lean on and go to whenI'm feeling distressed to help
myself calm down as you rememberwhen I did the Dr.
Joe Dispenza walk for the worldand we went to Loose Park and we
walked and it was times in themeditation, the walking
meditation where you stop, youput your hands on your heart,
(22:35):
you close your eyes.
I remember In that particularmoment, I was there, I was at
Loose Park, the sun was shining,birds was chirping, the trees
was bright.
You know I love the spring andsummer because nature is all
alive and people were walkingthe track around there, the
path, and it was so, it was sucha relaxing environment.
(22:57):
I remember standing there and itwas one of those moments, ooh,
I'm getting chills just thinkingabout it.
It was one of those momentswhere I was standing there and I
was.
I had my eyes closed and I wasjust feeling the sun beaming on
my ear, the birds chirping, butI was listening to the
meditation in my ears, but I washaving this moment of the
environment that was out aroundme.
And in that moment, I felt free.
(23:18):
I remember opening my eyes and Iput my hands up to the sky, just
taking it in.
And so that was like a onemoment.
In time that was quite anexperience by the way, but it
was a moment in time where Ifelt so Free now.
I almost had a hard timedriving.
(23:40):
I had to sit there after thewhole experience.
Okay.
I had to like get myself.
Okay.
Yes.
Like when I went to the floatthat day, you know, you get
those out of body experiences.
Experiences almost where youhave to pledge yourself back
into the world.
I gotta come back.
I gotta come back because Imight hurt somebody out here.
I ain't really here, I can'tdrive right now.
(24:02):
I can't drive.
Okay.
So it was like that.
And so even after that, I can'tsay that I like came home and
for weeks on end I felt allfree.
Mm.
But in that moment, because thisis a challenge for me to go
around and find moments offeeling totally free.
I haven't, I cannot, I can'tthink of it on a rollercoaster.
(24:23):
Oh, dance.
Yeah.
Dance.
Have you ever, can you recall atime?
Yes.
Now that is a time.
Yes.
Now that is.
Okay.
Okay.
You know, she knows me wellenough to know what excites me.
Yes.
Yes.
When I'm dancing.
Did you feel free?
(24:44):
Yes.
and, kind of like you justdescribed, that, that energy,
that excitement, your skin.
And your brain and your, andyou're listening, you're, like
you said, you're listening,you're feeling, and you're
moving and doing totallypresent.
You're just totally present.
And in that, you are not,there's nothing else in the
(25:05):
world happening, but that.
Yes.
I've had this so many times.
And you and my oldest daughter,Amber, her and Amber have that
in common because what's yourdescribing?
Right.
Well, I keep getting chills.
I love this kind of stuff.
When I think about Amber danceand yeah, we told everybody, Oh
my God, it's like, she's theonly person in the world.
I do.
I do.
(25:25):
You're right.
That is one place that I reallyfeel free.
You need to find a way tonurture that.
I know.
You tell me that all the timeand I ain't done it yet and I
gotta go where your excitementis.
Yes.
I know and I, and then so badhave funny moments.
And then what makes it so bad?
Because in social media, andwhen I see it on tv, it brings
(25:47):
out an physical emotion in me.
Your spirit's calling.
My spirit is saying, it makes mecry.
It's not a sad cry.
It's not by any means.
What's that movie that I cryover?.
I don't mean to interrupt you,but No.
Was it save the last?
No.
What?
Live your dream.
It's not as hard as it may seemwhere the black lady and the
(26:08):
white lady and the black guyIt's an old movie Girl, you got
me trying to think.
You know what I'm talking aboutwhen she was, she went to the
audition and she had messed upand then she had to start over
and she danced with the chair.
Somebody tell us what it is.
I'm doing nothing.
I can't even remember.
You know what, it's like, it'snot as hard as it may seem.
(26:30):
Nope.
Okay.
But, so I'm sorry to throw youoff, but it's like, Feel it.
I do.
Cause every time I watch thatdance, that's what made me think
of it.
I cry.
Okay.
Cause I like to dance too.
I'm, I can't just say that it'smy super passion as you and
Amber, but I feel it.
It do.
So I resonate with you when yousay that.
(26:51):
Yes, that is.
Like you feel it in every area.
So she helped me recognize it.
All your cells in your body comealive.
And that's how I felt that day.
Okay, standing there, it waslike I was the most alive that I
have been and then I wanted tostay there.
I think too, and I call it whenyou're dancing, it carries.
(27:13):
If you, once you know how todance, right, or if you are a
natural dancer, if you're anatural dancer, you really know
you have a rhythm, you know,you're listening to the music,
right?
And that's where for meinternally.
It's like I have shut out therest of the world.
Yes.
I know my routine I know what Ifeel and need to do.
(27:37):
you tune.
You go within yourself And therest of the world doesn't even
Just execute and it just flows.
I know and i've had some of mybest performances at talent
shows things Just being that andis that where you feel free it
is I have to say so were you inemotional distress?
Yeah, that's what I need to godo.
(27:58):
I need to go go Even go even ifyou can't dance in that moment
go to that feeling.
You'll be amazed at how it canhelp self regulate you, even if
you tap into that moment, eventhe memory on it, because you
will physically go back thereand it can help shift your state
(28:24):
of being when you're in theheart rate, your anger, anything
to help you feel that.
That's a good call out Niecee.
Yes.
Good call out.
She got me, though, y'all.
I had this.
Why you had to read that?
Because that was my surprisequestion.
She left the paper here, sheprepped it, and then you said
(28:44):
something to trigger me.
I was like, I want to ask herthat.
Yeah.
Because I think a lot of us gothrough life and we don't feel
free.
The way in America, especiallyand it depends on what kind of
life you're living.
We don't know anything else outof America.
I don't know.
I mean, I watch other cultures.
(29:05):
I've traveled.
Yes.
But what I don't know orunderstand is I'll filter
through other media.
And even some people in America,they may feel free, but I've
even seen like I'm watchingwhat's happening in the world
and the exposure we have.
And, social media, the, internetand things like that.
Even the wealthy people aresometimes not feeling free.
(29:27):
You think that you've got allthe money, money don't answer,
but it's not based in money.
And I'm sure there are somepeople that had positioned
themselves to where they'reliving a life of freedom and
they're out there.
But the typical person that.
is moving around day to day inAmerica.
(29:49):
I don't think we're movingaround in freedom and I hope
that we could get to, I believewe will get to a space that
things will shift and change sothat we can move into a space of
nurturing ourselves more.
Yes.
Self care, self, Awareness.
And everybody's looking out, butI feel like all the answers are
(30:11):
within when you nurture theinside and let it flow out
there.
You're so much better.
And that brings those moments offreedom.
I agree.
I agree.
I do.
So let me ask you this.
That was one of the things wekind of talked about.
when you say money, it's not allthe answer, but it's all about
all these beliefs and thingslike that because I brought up,
(30:32):
let me ask you.
What do you think about howpeople relate to food and how
they nourish their bodies as itrelates to beliefs?
And I know that's a reallytouchy subject because you, I'm
not in a space to try to offendanybody on how they eat or their
(30:55):
relationship with food.
But I do believe that some ofthe core beliefs that we've
developed as.
youngsters or where you fit intoa culture kind of has an impact
on that.
It does.
It does.
you could go all the way backagain from slavery to what you
and your culture were taught inpreparation of food.
(31:18):
We eat our share of soul food ifyou want to call it fried
greens.
So, we've all been, sometimesover salting things, doing
different things to our food.
And that's all based on how wewere taught.
Right?
Because if we all we had waschitlins.
Yeah.
(31:38):
I don't eat chitlins, but ifthat's all you had, and that's
what you prepared, and that'swhat you prepared, turkey,
turkey necks, whatever, youknow, little things that
everybody's like, well, you gotthe scrapings and whatever,
yeah, the scrapings of whateverwas left, but it became like a
delicacy, right?
Now, even when we were able tonot Just be limited to those
(32:01):
things.
We still fall back to what weknow.
It is because that's what we wastaught.
That's what we experienced.
And it becomes that.
Just like we kind of started outsaying that's how we work, but I
also believe that again yourenvironment Uh your attitude
about food, How you buy yourfood like yes, maybe where you
(32:22):
taught how to go grocery shop ordifferent things.
So it's still about yourupbringing and what you're
experiencing.
Do you feel like you can affordto get healthy food?
Healthy food.
Because I've heard that from alot of people.
Yeah.
It's like everybody say, well, Ican't afford it.
The healthy stuff is tooexpensive.
It can be.
I'm not begrudging it.
Organic, all these referencesand all that.
So it can be financiallydraining.
(32:44):
I am saying also some of it iswhat is fresh?
What were you talking?
Are you eating canned vegetablesversus going to the, frozen or
to the fresh or do you havetransportation to be able to go
get what you need?
Do you have to go live in a fooddesert store and you don't have
enough stores around you to makeit, you'd be able to go.
(33:05):
So therefore you have topurchase certain things.
So that's why I say yourenvironment, influences your
eating habits and what you havearound you.
How do I say it?
I go to the grocery store.
I can be an emotional eatersometimes, right?
If, and so I think that can betaught and a part of what you're
(33:25):
doing to kind, as a copingmechanism.
Some people use food to go, Be apart of how they go soothe
themselves.
Yes.
I watched our mom do it.
I mean, it was something I did,I had one ice cream.
Ice cream is one of yours that Ihave done.
But again, it's what you observeis what you see.
(33:47):
And then once you, I call itfeel that soothing, even if you
are not really, receiving asoothing thing.
It is about how you feel whenyou're doing it.
Yes.
Yes.
And you feel like you're calmingdown or you feel like you're,
leveling out and it might behorrible for you.
It tricks off things in your, inyour, in your brain, and then
(34:08):
your body starts to crave it andyou want do it again and again
and again.
So I agree.
And then people who buy too muchor buy some of the wrong things.
It's usually based in something.
It's a belief.
It's a belief.
And some of it, to me, is basedin, and it's an environment, but
a taught thing, and yeah, okay,say you're living in, let's just
(34:29):
say, a life of poverty.
Mm hm.
And this is how you grew up.
Mm hm.
And then you get some food,foods already, you're like, Ooh,
these things are become moreexpensive and things like that.
And so you've had times whereyou were hungry and you had to
eat the same thing.
Over and over for an extendedperiod of time or there just
(34:52):
wasn't what you couldn't just goin and pick what you wanted It
was just not available.
It was cooked.
Yeah Voni doesn't eat potatosoup to this day because of that
and I eat potato soup to thisday because of that Let's tell
why yes, we were poor we wouldhave it often often It had to
last for days.
Yes.
And it was a big part of it.
(35:13):
And you, all we had waspotatoes, maybe some cheese,
bacon.
My bacon.
Bacon or certain things.
And so yeah, I won't eat it toYes.
So if you lived in thatenvironment, then you believe
that, if you have more mm-hmmLike say for instance now all of
(35:33):
a sudden you got some foodstamps.
Mm-hmm And you could go off tothe store and buy whatever you
want.
And then you might tend tooverindulge because yes, you
have this belief that you mightnot have this, get it again
sometime in the future.
So you're gonna splurge and havethis little yes thing.
Yeah, these things happen.
You do.
They do.
And people look at say, I can'tbelieve they spending them on
(35:56):
that.
Well, you don't understand theirexperience.
You don't understand.
You gotta go understand why Iget it.
I don't understand And or theymight go out i've done that
myself Especially when I firstgot in a position where I could
dine out on a regular Then Iwanted to get the biggest thing
on the menu All that shit.
(36:17):
Give it to me, give it to me.
You know, so if you want toreally indulge and experience, I
wasn't looking like what's thehealthiest thing for me here and
what is going to nourish mymind, body, and spirit.
I was not thinking anything likethat when I was looking at the
menu.
Now I'm more mindful.
(36:37):
A lot of times I might indulgestill when I go out, but it's
not as rampant as it was when Ifirst stepped into that space.
Yes.
Now I'm dealing with as I age,now I'm dealing with, okay,
what's going to get meheartburn, what's going to get
me Real talk! You know, that'sreal, that's real.
But it's still being moreconscious about what you're
eating is more intentional.
(36:58):
But it's not due to lack or athought process that I'm going
to overindulge or do anythingfor me at least that.
Yes.
Yeah.
So these things happen.
So I was thinking about thatThere's a lot of
interconnectedness and weavingand not just about from our
parents Like you were sayingVoni.
It's your environment, it's yourculture, it's what's going on in
(37:22):
the world at this time.
So, I'm always thinking aboutwhen I had that experience
during the breath work, I criedreally hard because I was
thinking about what I haddelivered to my children and my
grandchildren.
What have I projected onto themto affect their beliefs?
(37:43):
And they have to accept it orreject it, I always believed
that you have that decision.
However, it still pained myheart.
Yeah.
And I asked them forforgiveness.
Yeah.
And I'm thankful that they allstill love me and care for me
and talk to me.
They accept me for who I am.
(38:04):
And I've been in some reallydark places in my life, but I've
worked to.
Doing the work to transitionpast that, those spaces of my
life.
Mm-hmm.
And live in a space of love andlife.
The growth to be able to helpyou, you really focus on your,
your inner self and personalgrowth.
Absolutely.
That's priority for me.
Yeah.
I stepped back continuouslearning about that.
(38:26):
Yes.
Even following up on this breathwork was a new.
In your journey and I'm deepinto it.
Oh, I love it.
I want to know everything.
I want to know everything.
I will have the practice.
It feels so good.
I did it this morning and it'sjust so good.
It lights up your day.
Now, I did find that I didn'twant to go to sleep last night.
Oh, but it stimulates yousomehow.
(38:49):
Yes.
So, uh, working on yourself.
But that's a belief that I'vebeen developing on my own, but
it's like the accepted orrejected thing.
I didn't want to keep living theway I was.
Yeah.
I knew something had to change.
(39:09):
And I remember when I was deepinto my alcoholism in the last
days.
And I'll share this, I talkabout my alcoholism a lot and I
probably will continue to onthis show because it was a huge
part of my life.
And When I used to drink and Iused to at towards the end,
especially, I used to get mean.
Mm-hmm She was mean.
(39:31):
I was mean.
And, I mean, I'd slap strangers,I could be out somewhere and
somebody say the wrong thing tome.
I come back from down the streetand God, brothers and brothers,
different people I don't evenknow.
They used to tell me, hit me,protect me.
Protect needs to hit me.
(39:51):
We didn't fight like that.
We don't do that.
But she was mean.
She was mad.
So one of the things that I knewabout myself is that Within like
when people you say, we're goingto, we're going to record you
and show you how you be actingnow and you, you need to, you
need to get it together.
And I wanted to get it together.
(40:13):
I didn't want to be there, butnobody knew that on the inside
that I was crying and that I waslike, the real Niecee is in
here.
I'm in here yall.
But I didn't know quite how to.
Transition out of it.
I'm thankful that I did.
So my heart goes out to anybodythat is still in that process,
(40:35):
in the grips of alcoholism, drugaddiction or any type of
addiction, smoking, drinking,food, anything.
It can get you in the grips.
It's a challenge to pullyourself out.
And I remember I used to listento what was that soldier of
love?
Oh, yeah Sade.
That's one of the things I feellike Because on the inside,,
(41:01):
man, I'm not So I'll ride I gotthe will to survive, and then it
just there go them chills again.
And so nobody knew it So whenyou?
When you transition out of itand develop a new belief and
start building from the groundup.
Cause I like tore my life allthe way down.
(41:21):
And so when I started buildingmy life all the way back up, I
had to develop new beliefs inorder to sustain it.
So I feel like I would have kindof moved back.
Into when you were practicingthat this is a question I have
for you that I get it.
I do understand that I explainit Well, you did excellent me
(41:44):
what I would like to help othersUnderstand so when we say I had
a different belief system.
How did you recognize?
That you were active.
You knew you were activelyMaking a different choice.
I get that part.
Do you do any reflection and sayoh i'm changing Oh, okay.
(42:07):
Or did you just go, say I'mgoing to start doing this, this,
this, and this, and you didn'teven really look back or how do
you, because when I was in thegrips of addiction, I was on
autopilot.
Okay.
Almost, like, at differenttimes, my internal system says,
I'm not really giving it muchthought.
(42:28):
Okay.
And so after I had my lastmoment, Of drinking it was a
terrible night.
I ended up sleeping outsidenight sleeping in the hallway
like a real life bum And I saidif I make it past this because I
thought I was gonna die I thinkI had a touch of alcohol.
I know I had alcohol poisoningYes, and so I was like if I
(42:50):
could I was so weak I was sickbecause she said wasn't eating.
Yeah.
I never ate when I drank.
If you were get me to eat at theend, you were lucky.
And I might fall asleep, asleepon the plate.
I wake on food on my face.
So it's like, when I woke up andI was so sick and I was hurting,
'cause I got injured that nightand I was like, if I can make it
(43:11):
out of this, I will never drinkagain.
I will leave the alcohol behind.
And, but had you said that othertimes.
Not with that sincerity andfinality.
Had to try.
Something shifted.
Okay.
I had the, I'm gonna try.
Okay.
Okay.
That's the difference attitude.
Okay.
Okay.
You know how I feel some kind ofway about that.
(43:31):
I'm gonna try because anythingthat I've let go, I used to
smoke wacky.
You use a finality.
I used to drink.
I used to smoke cigarettes.
I still drink coffee, you know?
It's like when I stop that too,I'm gonna try to stop.
Yeah, that's where I'm still inthe trying mode with the coffee.
Yes, I'm trying to cut back, butI've noticed that anytime that
I've said that I'm going to try,I'm not wholeheartedly invested.
(43:57):
And that's a belief that I haveabout myself and others.
I accept that.
Feel that way about it.
If you saying, I hope I'm gonnatry, I'm gonna give it my best
shot.
You're not there yet.
Okay.
Because when you do it, so toanswer your question, once I
came to that finality, I had toslow down.
I took days.
I kind of withdrew fromeverybody.
I'm in a withdrawal phase at themoment in my life, just because
(44:20):
I go through these differentphases where I just step back
and.
transition to my next, I guess.
But I had to step back, bestill, and think about what I
was doing and where I was going.
So it wasn't like, I just like,I got a new belief.
(44:40):
I had to slow down, evaluate,think about some things and
decide that I want to dosomething different.
Yep.
And that's the same thing I saidabout the money piece.
I believed that it was going tohappen.
I believed wholeheartedly.
And so that might be my answer.
There you just said it out loud.
We just, that's why I'm tryingto get you there.
I'm trying to guide you there.
But when you say that, that wasthe exact same thing that I had
(45:04):
to do about money, about money.
What I wanted.
Yes.
No, you just, it's the same.
It's the same thing.
You just got to get there.
Yes.
Have you been saying how you'vebeen saying with your money's
beliefs that I'm going to try tohave a different belief or are
you saying I'm going, you seewhat I believe that I believe
different.
(45:24):
It ain't that I'm going to, it'sgotta be there already.
Exactly.
See, you just said it toyourself.
You just said it out loud.
And just, you did it.
You did it.
I love it.
Okay.
And see how we, yeah.
And this is, but to me, okay.
That's what I do enjoy about ourconversations.
(45:46):
I feel like, we talk about this,we pour into each other when
mom's here or when my othersiblings, or, when we're
interacting, that is somethingthat I appreciate, is that
you're trying to uplift eachother, be your best self, do we
still act a fool or have a.
Fun, crazy time.
(46:07):
Cause that's what can we bemessy?
No, we can.
We can we're not perfect.
We're not a perfect group, butwe love.
We do.
And we want to see our bestselves.
each other, but it feels good.
And that's where I know when webring our family together, even
if when it's a lot of work, thattoo is an energy that yes, feels
(46:31):
good to me because of how wepour into each other through
motivation.
Through, listening, justlistening, being there for each
other, just to be an ear ifsomebody's going through a rough
time, let them talk it out, letthem talk through it, if they
ask for some feedback, want somefeedback, you give it to them,
help them get there, but it'sjust, I agree.
(46:53):
It's how we, respond and nurtureeach other.
So that's what I would say.
When I was having thisSisterGirl Sessions, I'm just
going to say this, I really dowant us to have another girls
night.
I know I do.
And maybe we'll do a littlerecording.
We can't record everything.
There's some things going on.
It's a mess.
And it's time to pour into eachother and we can be messy.
(47:14):
There are many facets to ourpersonality.
Exactly.
But I'd like to show somefootage, account how we get down
and what we do.
But I know.
Yes.
We need to plan that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because last time we had to do,we had to go get an Airbnb.
We have to have, we'll get itdone.
We'll get it done.
We gonna have, we gotta, we wasgonna be a better house than we
had the last time.
(47:34):
Yes.
That was not big enough.
It wasn't.
Yes.
And Mom was there.
The last one we had.
Mm-hmm So it's been a coupleyears since we've done that
time.
Time.
We are going to three.
Yes.
Wow.
Into three years.
Yes.
Wow.
All right.
Now, one thing we didn't talkabout in beliefs that I see on
your notes is around handlingconflict.
(47:55):
Now, that's a taught behaviorsometimes or observation
environment, right?
We talked to y'all a little bitabout how we grew up when we
moved at a certain stage in ourlives to, Parker Square,
different community, very familyoriented.
But it can be rough.
People, tested you, wanted tosee who you were, what you were
(48:16):
about.
And, we were talking and youwere saying, Nicee and I are
very different in how we handleconflict.
I'm more of a verbal person.
Probably if you say certainthings to me, I'm going to
respond back.
Verniece listens.
She don't respond.
You will see the emotion on her.
I do if I know, if I know her,we don't know life without each
(48:36):
other, right?
So, I can always tell whensomething has impacted her.
People who don't really know herare sometimes oblivious to it.
I see it immediately and know.
I'm like, uh oh.
We got a problem because she'snot happy.
but, and her children know it.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
People know, but some of how weaddress conflict was taught to
(48:57):
us.
Yes.
Right.
Yes.
You couldn't be bullied.
You got to stand up foryourself.
You better not come up in thishouse.
And, uh, you better defendyourself and, I'm gonna lock you
up.
I mean, this is literally, It'sliterally half the time.
They said, hey, I'm gonna lockyou out of this house.
You ain't gonna be coming overhere crying all the time.
You're gonna have to learn howto, navigate this environment.
(49:17):
Now, were we violent kids?
No.
Were we out there going andfighting every week?
No, that wasn't it.
Don't look I'm looking aroundlike that.
I have strong feelings aboutthis.
Yeah, but it was It wassomething that was ingrained in
us.
It was taught to us.
(49:38):
It was tough.
So yeah, let's talk about it.
This is how we did it.
And believe that was embeddedinto us that, you have to be
able to defend yourself in thisworld.
And sometimes it will takeviolence.
Yes.
And when we move back, to the,to the neighborhood, to the
jets, to the projects.
(49:59):
And I was five and you wereseven.
And like, we talked about on ourfirst session that we take our
toys outside and, you know, theytreat us real bad.
And a lot of times it was theboys.
And so We run away and went backinto the house and tried to go
(50:20):
tell mom and them, they are.
And so mom and dad, we get a lotof, we, we live here, in the
projects now.
So you have to be ready todefend yourself.
So you're going to have to goback outside and either you're
going to win that fight oryou're going to have to go.
Come back in here and deal withme.
So, you know, we had to go backoutside.
(50:44):
I know it happened to me.
I remember looking at the doorand the screen door was locked.
I'm like, you gotta go out hereand face the people and then you
gotta fight.
And so I was small, so I'mwithin this, and she didn't, you
didn't grow, you didn't, youwere always a small short.
Yes, I was small.
As a kid, you were I was prettysmall.
(51:05):
And she taller than me now.
Yes, but I was kind of petite asa child, and I used to get
picked on a lot, and so I had togo out there and give it my best
shot.
So then, Daddy started taking usin the basement and teaching He
used to box in the Goldengloves.
Yeah.
So he used to go down and teachus how to box, how to defend,
how to fly a hat, no, don't holdit.
(51:25):
Don't, don't do that.
Somebody come and you do this.
So we know how to do it.
We learned officially.
It's like, don't go out there.
You will lose if you do notthink.
Yeah.
And he's like, and if somebodylooks like they're going to hit
you, you might as well hit us.
And we're not trying to promoteviolence, not at, this is just
(51:46):
our experience and what we hadto happen.
So one of the things that Iknow, like you said, I'm not a
arguer, so people I might saidwe didn't fight every week.
I felt like I fought a lot.
Okay.
I did have to fight a lot whenwe were, whereas I was growing
up, but a lot of it was becauseI didn't say a lot.
Mm-hmm And so defender, argue,argue with, had a fight with
(52:08):
somebody argue, and it wasperceived that I won.
Then somebody was always up thechain that's looking at you
like, yeah, I'm a test her.
I could do it.
And then they'd start in on me.
And a lot of times I would notsay anything to you.
If you arguing or talking aboutme or something, I'd just be
looking at you.
And I go home and I'minternalizing it and I go home
(52:31):
and I start thinking about whatI could do to you.
I'm developing a plan.
So I'm developing a plan on howI'm going to execute, put on my
skills.
And so if you keep it up andthen you come across my path or
I might just.
Get fed up and come after youand I might be ready, but most
(52:52):
of the time people thought maybeI was a bully, but I never
pursued anybody that hadn'talready messed with me a whole
lot of times.
Now, when I got to that pointand I'm not going to argue with
you, I ain't never been thatperson.
So by the time I come for you,it's too late.
I might come in your house.
(53:12):
I did two girls that way.
You know, I'm coming, and nowhere we are, and everybody's
like, Verniece is a bully.
No, Verniece ain't no bully.
Verniece was a product of herenvironment.
Now, you had one period of yourlife where you was, after we saw
Roots for the first time, youremember that?
Oh, yeah.
(53:34):
And we were in it, but we gonnatalk about that.
We'll talk about that in anotherepisode, but she did do that one
time.
I do remember that.
Momma took her back home.
She got, she got in trouble withthe stool.
Well, we didn't get in troublewith the stool.
I know, I know.
We couldn't get in trouble withthe stool.
That was one of the few times.
Yeah, twice that year.
I was off the chain that year.
Twice that year, I got one.
That time I put that girl headin the toilet stool.
(53:54):
Oh, see.
And, and then the Roots thing.
But yeah.
But no, you didn't.
And the only time I would havecon, I'm gonna say the only
time, most of the time when Ihad conflict or ever had to
fight was usually defending her.
Where some older had to jump insomebody else, somebody older.
We had to protect each other.
'cause if I came home and itwas, this is something, this is
(54:14):
even taught to us, so let'sthink about this member time
daddy you had got into it withsomebody so many times.
I was like, daddy, I am tired.
Of fighting and going and he litinto me saying you, if you come
in this house and I found outyou was not there to help
support and defend your sister.
(54:35):
Again, you gonna have to dealwith me.
Mm-hmm Now internally, I waslike, this girl fighting too
much I don't even wanna go outhere and fight like this.
I take Yeah.
But I was, I had gotten fed upwith the fighting, you know?
Yes, yes.
But then I then hear yourparents turn on you and like.
You better, you better, or areyou going to get jumped on?
And I was there and you didn'tdo nothing about it.
(54:58):
Oh, it was on.
And I was fearful.
I have my parents in thatrespect.
Yes.
So I, it's not like you want tocondone violence or anything
like that, but these were thingsthat were taught to us based on
our environment that you, wedefended each other.
We supported each other.
And, it was just because it waskind of somewhat of a
(55:21):
responsibility that you felt youwere supposed to do.
It's like I mentioned to you, mydaughter Sheena said to me that,
I had to recognize that she isso right.
I was not, I'm not naturally afighter.
Okay.
I'm not a violent person.
I'm really a calm person, youknow?
(55:42):
And so if, because of theenvironment I had that I was in
and the expectations surroundingit.
I had to do what I had to do tosurvive within that environment.
And that's just kind of how itplayed out.
She's like, mom, you, that's noteven who you are.
(56:04):
You just were a product of yourenvironment and you had to do
what you had to do in order tomake it through that experience.
And that is so true.
And I think there are a lot ofpeople that experience life in
that way.
Girl, I thought of another one.
What?
Where mom taught us this one, isthat, and we have a lot of girls
in our family.
(56:25):
And momma, remember mommatelling us that we, that as
girls, we don't date the sameguys.
We, if one of your cousins orsisters or somebody dated that
guy, or something like that.
Or they even liked him.
Even liked him.
If they liked him, but theydidn't like them back.
That's a good one.
You couldn't do it.
I still hold that.
I see.
(56:45):
And that's why I think we taughtour girls.
Yes.
We in it.
If somebody violated, Oh my God,they get together.
She's like, we don't do thatbecause we taught them that our
parents taught us, they taughtthem.
That just came to my head.
That's a good one.
That's a good one.
But that was a belief our momtaught us.
(57:06):
And mine extends outside of my,Family extends to my friends,
even if it's a guy who likes youtry to turn.
Yes, because you're not going tobe able to make, it's going to
be difficult to maintain thatfriend.
Yes.
If you want to end with yourfamily, can't mess it up.
That was the philosophy aboutthe why.
Yes, you got to maintain, butthat was a good one.
(57:29):
That was a good one.
You accept it or reject it.
Yeah, I carry that one.
I did too.
But there are so many littlethings that you kind of started
out that you learned from yourparents that you carried over.
You either took some of them andyou did it.
Mm hmm.
And you did the same thing.
Because when we were in our 20s,we were partying, card playing,
(57:50):
doing all that same stuff.
Kicked it.
Kicked it.
Me and Niecee used to throw thebest parties.
I did.
I used to have some lit parties.
Yup.
Yup.
We used to have good parties.
Everybody wanted to come.
But, at the same time, that waswhat we were taught.
Now, when we got to a certainphase in life, I know I did,
especially, I was like, okay,I'm done with that.
(58:11):
That's not going good.
I wanted to be a better examplefor my daughter.
She's starting to see mama docertain things.
So I was like, uh, one of my oldbosses says, she's starting to
judge you, Voni.
She's going to pay attention towhat you're doing.
And I paid attention to that.
Yeah.
I was a late bloomer.
I paid attention to it.
It took me a minute to get tomyself, but my, by the time I
(58:32):
did, TaTa, BeBe,.
Libertie were already born, itwas Justice.
Yeah.
That you got your way.
Oh man.
But my daughter said somethingto me, yesterday that made me
aware of a belief.
That it was just through actionthat I taught her.
And, her watching me.
So one of the things you nevertalked about it with her or
(58:54):
anything.
We talked about it, in that, Ican't tell what it is.
Okay.
Is that you teach your childrenhow to love by your actions, by
how you engage with otheradults, how you are each other,
your spouse, your siblings.
I believe that in how you argue,all of those things resolve
conflict.
You're teaching.
(59:16):
Young people how to loveespecially when they love you,
right?
These are the people that theylove so they don't want to see
you hurt So they you know, uh, Isay all that to say one of the
things that Jacque said to me isthat mom?
I never saw my parents argue Iknew that I did and I was pretty
(59:36):
intentional about it And I knowit was based again Voni being
somewhat rebellious And watchingmy parents argue.
Okay, so I did not want toinflict that on her.
At least that's what myintention was.
You see where I'm going?
Now, I remember my husband and Iat that time in our lives, he
worked nights, I worked days.
(59:59):
So it worked out that where shewas usually at school or
somewhere else where she reallynever saw us resolve a conflict.
Now she might see it sometimeswhere we were together her
entire life, right?
lived together, been together.
So she saw us constantly.
She would see periods when wewere not speaking to each other
(01:00:21):
because you know how it goes.
But what she did not see is howwe resolved the conflict.
And I didn't realize she hadchallenges.
And now she says, I havechallenges with that.
I don't know what to do.
I haven't seen it demonstrated.
Yes.
So that's where you say that washer to share that with me and it
(01:00:41):
took me.
I had to take it in, you know,to say, yeah, I did.
I did.
And I apologize.
I didn't show her.
She said, cause I can go fromand she's strong willed just
like her mom, but she also, cango shoot up to 10 very fast.
and so she says she knows she'snot necessarily handling it.
Right.
But she didn't know how.
Yeah.
She either shut down or go wayup.
(01:01:03):
Go way too far.
Yeah.
And get messy.
Mm-hmm So it's a growth thing.
And I know as parents, and herewe are Gen Xers and we raising
the millennials and what's thename?
Gen Z.
Gen Z.
And here comes the alpha andcome that, oh, is that the name?
Okay.
Yeah.
I think that's where Mauriairis.
Is.
Okay.
So we got all these babies thatwe are trying to influence.
(01:01:25):
But here we are.
In a positive way.
We're still learning andgrowing.
Yes.
And that's the thing is that,the accepted or reject it or
developing your own beliefs.
Sometimes you can take bits andpieces.
But you have to come to whatworks best for you.
Mm-hmm And, and helping you livea nice, healthy life.
Yes.
Because we can't help whatenvironment we were put into.
(01:01:48):
And then your kids have to learnthat you are very flawed.
Yeah.
And you're human.
Human learning and growing alongyour way.
You didn't, you weren't perfect.
And it took me a while to learnthat my parents weren't, it was
stuff that I took from'em.
Like you said, I accepted orrejected certain things, but at
a certain point I was an adult.
I just stopped and said, dang.
(01:02:10):
Mm-hmm Mm-hmm They were flawtoo.
'cause it was bad when I startedrecognizing I was making
mistakes and doing things.
Mm-hmm And I had to stop andsay, well, when I was sitting
there getting mad at Mama andthem thought I'd do everything
doing the same thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So.
What you thinking about?
What you thinking?
I saw your eyes rolling up.
(01:02:31):
I'm just thinking about myfuture generations coming in and
how I really strongly desire tobe.
Uh, to show up as my best selfin the, what I leave as my
legacy, whenever it's time forme to transition is that they'll
have a positive reflection of mewhen they go by, even with my
(01:02:54):
flaws and things like that.
When you said that, it just gavemy spirit a good, a good smile
cause mama did the same thing.
She did.
And she left us all smiling.
Yeah.
And so now, we know our mommasare now our mommas, girl, momma
was, she was an alcoholic too,right?
She was, she could tell you shehad her time and she went
(01:03:16):
through the whole transitionwishing, wanting to be better
and all of that.
Now there's a generation of ourkids never knew momma drank.
Never knew her that way, neverseen her that way.
And I, when you said that itgave my spirit, I was like, Oh,
I bet you that's how my motherdid.
Felt too.
Felt too.
Yes.
Wanted to be just better andbetter.
(01:03:38):
I do, I get it too.
To be a positive influence onyour children and your family.
Yes.
And not only that, influence, Idon't know that, uh, that's the
word for me.
Okay.
I say not necessarily ainfluence, but a representation,
a positive representation, apositive role model, somebody
(01:03:59):
that you can say.
It does influence, but it's notlike I'm sitting out to get you
to do something.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
That's I just want to be aliving example of someone who
says, Hey, I want the journey oflife is to grow.
Learn, evolve, once you stopgrowing, loving, evolving, then
(01:04:24):
you might as well hang up yourcoat and say lay down on the bed
and go to bed.
My journey's not over, I plan tobe here for a long, long time,
so it is.
Not that influence is bad, butthat's just not.
My verbiage that says, okay,sits right in my spirit no, you
said it right.
You're not trying to changethem.
No.
I want them to walk their path.
(01:04:46):
yes, I get it.
No, that was good counter there.
I totally understand.
Okay, I do you get me?
I do.
Thank goodness because sometimesI feel like people do like what
this girl talking about.
That's okay.
That's all right We're not allmeant to be understood by
everybody.
No, we are not.
That is okay.
Not everybody's cup of tea.
But those that get me, get me.
(01:05:07):
And love you, love you.
Yes.
And I feel the same about myjourney.
Yes.
I get you.
I kind of get like, I don't careif you don't like me.
I don't know.
I get you.
I mean, I'm going to try to benice to you.
I'll treat me good.
I'll be a good partner.
Engage with you.
But I'm okay.
I'm okay though.
Yes.
I'm okay with me.
(01:05:28):
Yes.
You too.
Oh, when you come to that pointin your life, that feels good.
Yeah.
Now that's come with age.
It does.
It's come with age that I had tolearn to like myself.
I think our younger generationsthat are trying to find
themselves and who they're goingto be, because once you
transition.
From childhood to adulthood andtrying to plant your feet and
(01:05:51):
how you're going to do lifeYeah, stay encouraged if you
somebody young out there thenyou will find your path You are
a lot stronger than you mightever believe it.
So hang in there Step into itwith confidence make the
mistakes Keep pushing forwardlearn from the mistakes and then
keep showing up.
What was that pattern?
(01:06:11):
You just said, bro You And usingthat same thought process.
What was it?
Grow?
What was the other time yousaid?
I don't know.
Evolve.
You said grow our darn thing.
We done forgot the name.
but I speak from the spirit, so.
You did.
She done forgot what she said.
But what I guess what I'msaying.
Grow, learn, evolve.
Yes.
Grow, learn, evolve.
Learn, evolve.
(01:06:32):
That is where you were tellingthe young people too.
Yeah, that's all you're doing inlife.
Grow, learn, evolve.
Okay, I had to come back.
Grow, learn, evolve.
You got it.
So that's what we have to leavefor our babies or for the young
people.
Be patient.
A lot of people who know me saythis.
(01:06:53):
Have grace with yourself.
Have grace, love yourself andhave grace with yourself to know
you will make mistakes.
As long as you grow it, learnit, and evolve it.
You gonna be Okay.
That's it.
Now you see we are about at anhour.
Oh yes.
And our recording.
So we're gonna wrap this up.
This has been fun.
(01:07:13):
It's, we always have a goodtime.
Keep going on this, yes, wecould.
But we learn so much we do abouteach other.
Even when we do this, we alwayssurprise each other after the
sessions go out.
We like Voni, I didn't know thator Niecee.
Niecee.
Tell me that all the time.
I ain't heard about you.
Yes, yes.
And, but I still learn thingsabout you too as we kind of talk
and have our debates here.
(01:07:34):
And so, and if nothing, now thisis something that we'll leave
behind for our babies.
That they'll say, what did theythink about things like that?
You know, you know, withtechnology being back then.
Oh, no, it's out there.
It's out there.
They come across it and find itor let one of the kids hold it
or something.
(01:07:54):
I don't know.
But.
I believe that it'll help if ithelps one person.
I know it.
That's a good thing.
I love it So thank you all forjoining us today and hanging in
here with us if you're stillhere This has been a great
session.
If you have some thoughts onyour beliefs How they're
(01:08:15):
developed, where you're at inyour journey, and you want to
share, leave us a comment.
Always hit that smash that likebutton, subscribe, click on the
notification button so thatyou'll be notified when we
upload new sessions and shareit.
Yes.
Thank you, Voni.
I forgot that.
Share with somebody you thinkthis session might help or that
(01:08:37):
might resonate with them andwhere they are on their journey.
And we will be back again anduntil next time, peace.
Hello and welcome to the SisterGirl
(00:02):
Sessions.
My name is Niecee and I'm Voniand we have created this show as
a space for us to come together,like a women's community for us
to share stories, talk aboutthings that are on our mind,
discuss different topics ofinterest.
Just whatever we feel that isappropriate in the day and time
(00:23):
that we do the recording, to behonest with you, but we
appreciate you stopping in ifit's your first time visiting
us.
We appreciate it.
Welcome.
We hope that you will subscribeand, engage with us and keep
coming back because we're onthis sister girl journey.
That's a very exciting.
And so with today's topic, whatdid I have for today?
(00:44):
We were going to be talkingabout beliefs.
Where they come from and howthey affect our life's journey
and we decided to have this showbecause Voni and I where we do
our real life sister girl Weended up in this deep
conversation Yesterday morningis the Saturday morning over
coffee type discussion And wewere talking about different
(01:07):
situations that were occurringin our life And where did it
come from?
How are we manifesting this inour lives?
Why do we have these thoughtprocesses?
And it evolved into a big ole'discussion.
So we was like, let's take it tothe show.
Let's talk about it.
So, we'll dive right into it.
And we appreciate you beinghere.
(01:34):
So to get it started, Let's justtalk about where, when you talk
about beliefs and how theyimpact our lives, the discussion
that we were having yesterdaykind of evolved around what were
we discussing?
It was about how we were showingup in our lives and what the
(01:57):
outcomes were and how theyimpact how we respond to it and
how it impacts us.
So the discussion kind of camealong and I said, Hey, I feel
like our relationship toeverything in the world and how
we show up is related to beliefsand what our core belief is and
(02:18):
how we're going to respond atany given moment.
Are we going to be offended?
Are we going?
Let's say, for instance, Youhurt my feelings and said some
really hurtful things about me.
I really wouldn't care if Ididn't know you.
And it's because I have a beliefthat you are my sister and that
you should treat me a certainway that it will cause me hurt.
(02:39):
But not everybody will hold thatsame thing.
because sometimes people can saythings to you that are hurtful.
And when I hear the word belief,I view it as, Is something
taught to you?
Yes.
Or is something in yourexperience in life that, and it
(03:00):
could be environmental, it couldbe a different thing, but you've
had some experience that hascaused you to think differently.
Exactly.
In a certain way.
So even for some people, yousay, I don't care what other
people think about me.
That's what I took away fromyour last comment.
Some people.
Some people.
Yeah.
That was your schmo.
Yeah.
You were like, I don't care whatyou think.
And everybody don't have thatsame belief.
(03:20):
That's where I was going.
Yes.
That's exactly where I wasgoing.
Now, some people will take thatand own it.
Like, Oh, so I don't even knowthis person, but they said this
about me.
And that is based in somethingusually that individual has
experienced in their life.
That they tend to care aboutwhat, as you gave an example,
either somebody you love or evensome stranger said about you.
(03:44):
Right.
I agree.
I agree.
It's always about to me.
It's about either somethingwe're taught or that we observed
and you kind of internalized itand it developed as a belief.
It can be anything from church.
Religion, culture, culture.
Yes.
Home environment.
I agree.
You know, yes, because that'swhat we were kind of talking
(04:07):
about yesterday is that it goesall the way back to your
upbringing and scientificstudies.
about your formative ages are2-8 and you are evaluating your
environment and deciding howyou're going to fit into it
developing these beliefs whichdo shift and change over time.
(04:30):
But that's where you alot oftimes, develop your core beliefs
and so there's a ripple effectto it because like I told you
what we were talking about is myexperience with this breath work
session that I had, I did abreath work session and look it
up if you don't know about it.
We won't go into it.
(04:50):
We won't go deep into it.
But yes, it was called 9DBreathwork.
I was so impressed when I wentand looked them up and
researched it and all that andbecame an affiliate.
So if you want to check out TheSisterGirls Hub, of course you
know, we're going to have someroots in that too.
Okay.
Just throw that out there.
No pressure, no pressure, butit's there for there for
(05:10):
reference.
So I was doing this breathworksession, and it was talking
about what is hold you back?
What are the beliefs that youhold?
That kind of keep you from beingshowing up as your best self,
bring it forward and explore it.
And so when I had theexperience, I brought it forward
and it brought to me to a timewhen I was a little bitty child
(05:32):
at our grandparents house,grandma, grandpa, and I was
outside at the little berry treethat we used to play at, but we
used to eat them and then rinsethem off for nothing.
We used to eat them off thetree.
Now, mama didn't.
Now, when we started seeing bugsand stuff.
Yeah, we did.
We did.
We started being like, Oh, no,we got to go rinse these off.
But we did eat the blackberrytree.
(05:54):
But I ate a few bugs because Idid used to eat off of that
tree.
Yeah, but go ahead.
I'm sorry.
I didn't get that in there.
That was my point.
But it took me back soviscerally to this particular
point in time.
And when I was at thisblackberry tree, I was at the
berry tree and I was playing andI was eating the berries and I
looked at the house and throughthe window and I saw my mother,
(06:16):
my father, mama, daddy, grandma,grandpa, Uncle Harold, Uncle
Harley, Aunt Marsha, all of myAunts and uncles, mother,
father, our, our family, theywere in there like partying,
kicking it, and we don't knowthe occasion or nothing, but you
know your people were there.
Okay.
Yes.
and so when we all there, or wasit just you in this vision, in
(06:40):
this vision, I didn't have, andusually it'd be a lot of kids.
Right.
Right.
But this vision, it was just mestanding there looking.
And I remember having a feelingthat I felt.
Like that is part of where ithad an impact on me, on how I
approached, entertainment andhaving fun, fun, having a good
(07:02):
time, and how I related to funin my life.
Mm-hmm Of which later on, as Ibecame old enough and became an
adult, that's kind of how I tookthe journey.
I learned how to party.
This is how you party, this ishow you have a good time, is to
drink.
And have fun and socialize witheach other, play cards, play
dominoes, dance, talk about somestuff, that is where I learned
(07:25):
that from.
I think all of us learned thatfrom our parents.
Yeah.
We, I mean, we sisters.
So that's what we did.
We observed that, as children,you know, our parents had us at
a pretty young age.
Mom had me at 18, you at 20.
So if you think about that, theywere still in their very
formative years.
Yeah.
It got married when they werelike 17 and get permission from
(07:46):
their parents to be able to evengo do that.
But they were in their formativeyears and that's what we
observed.
That's what we experienced it intheir formative years.
Like you said, so think aboutit.
If they had us at those ages,they wasn't even 30 yet by the
time you even got to eight yearsold, right?
They wasn't even 30.
Yes.
(08:07):
So, and then you think aboutwhat we took from that and you
develop a belief.
And I will pause and say that alot of times when you observe
your parents doing things likemaybe not at a younger age, but
as you get a little older andyou're developing these beliefs,
you might decide that you wantto do something different.
Yeah.
So everybody might not react thesame and grow up and use that as
(08:29):
the way.
Let's talk a little bit about,but why do you make a choice to
do something different?
Can we dig into that a littlebit?
Because I know what you'resaying.
And I know I have certainelements, but again, kind of to
my earlier point, you make aconscious decision to say, I'm
not going to do what I saw themdo, because usually rooted in
(08:52):
something that you didn't like.
You didn't like, or it waspainful.
It was painful.
Yes.
Yeah, you decided you're notgoing to do it, right?
Right.
Yeah.
So there were certain thingsthat because you remember, I,
some people, we all adults here.
Yes.
People drank before they were 21or different things.
And whatever you were doing, butI was one of those people that I
(09:17):
did not, I wasn't a fan ofalcohol, cigarettes.
Now I drink now.
You're the only one of oursiblings that don't smoke
cigarettes.
I hated them.
They used to ask me to go by.
Asked me to go light em up.
I burn em up.
They, mama be like, you doingPeople don't know how to do that
today.
She said you doing this shit onpurpose.
(09:39):
You over here trying to burn upmy cigarette.
Cause they sent us to the stove.
We had gas stove.
We go there, light it.
And I got tired of going backand forth.
Cause it wasn't quite lit.
Cause she didn't have a lighteror something.
But my point is, you right.
I held beliefs about certainthings about cigarettes,
drinking, et cetera, because ofcertain experiences or feelings
(10:00):
that I had based on, observingand being in certain situations
that didn't make me feel good.
Yes.
And then when you think aboutwhy were our parents that way,
and when we were talking aboutit yesterday, like I said, that.
I feel like, especially in theAfrican American culture, it
(10:21):
goes all the way back toslavery.
I agree.
And so we had to be a certainway.
We had to show up a certain wayin order to, Survive and fit
into society.
Right.
And, we developed that I like todiscuss or even, your thought
(10:44):
processes around money.
Okay.
Okay.
Because I, that's one thing thatI work on within myself because
I grew up in, because we grew upin a poor environment, I've
developed somewhat of a scarcitymindset.
And even when I've been inpositions where I was really
thriving and your daughter,Jacque, and I were talking about
this yesterday too.
(11:05):
Yes.
That even when we're at ourbest, earned really great
incomes, you can still findyourself over here.
Like, Oh my God, I got to makesure that I can do this.
How much am I going to haveleft?
You know, which is not reallybeing in the flow.
And I could be, I could thrivein a lot of things where, as
I've been on this journey ofdiscovering myself and showing
(11:27):
my best self and all that, butthe financial part of it, and
that lack mentality.
It's one of my biggestchallenges.
I'm determined.
I'm going to overcome this onebecause, no, and I had a
breakthrough during thatbreathwork session and, a lot of
the, my core beliefs, that'swhere I was talking about.
(11:48):
It took me back to, myupbringing developed a lot of my
beliefs.
Okay.
And when I, when you think aboutmoney, like you flow with it
differently, you always have thethought of, I'm always gonna
have it and it's gonna show upand it's, I don't know how
always, but it shows up in yourlife in that way it's because I
believe it.
I do.
Yeah, I do.
(12:08):
I don't even have the answersalways as to what it's going to
be, but I do believe because Idecided I was going to believe
that you've been a mastermanifester for a long time,
maybe, and maybe in thatrespect, respect.
Yeah, but yeah, but it was, Iwon't tell you that I didn't get
(12:29):
it all together.
I don't because I don't.
But what I'm saying is, is liketo your other point where you
make decisions about what youdon't want to do and don't want
to be.
That was part of mine.
I didn't want to go, I put itthis way, like be on subsidized
programs.
I made a conscious decision.
(12:49):
I didn't have to.
If you need it, do it.
No harm, no foul.
I believe those things should bethere for people.
I promise you, I think thatthey, we need that.
Okay.
In society we have to go supportour fellow men, but if you don't
need it, leave it for people whoneed it.
And I had tried to make, thatwas one of my things is that
(13:12):
because we did grow up in a verypoor environment and I did feel
sometimes as it related to WhenI wanted to dress a certain way
or have shoes or do good things.
I feel like I walk around withholes in my shoes or different
things that devastated me.
So that's where I decided thatit was like, okay, now I ain't
(13:34):
going, I'm not going to dealwith that.
I'm going to do somethingdifferent.
Even if it's driven by me, I gotthe drive and determination to
go.
Change how I think about it.
Right.
And that's what I did.
But even when I was doing it,I'm not gonna tell you I didn't
get in debt.
I'm not gonna tell you I didn'tmake bad decisions about it.
Exactly.
But what I was able to seethrough that, Verniece, even
(13:55):
when I was doing some of thosethings, Cause we didn't really
get taught financial literacy.
We didn't.
We didn't.
We were trying to teach our kidsa little bit more and do more.
We said we had some moresessions with the kids.
Yes.
But what I did learn and as youknow, I'm a reflector, I go back
and I think about what I did andhow we were navigating.
(14:18):
But what I did see a pattern ofis that I did overcome it.
Yes.
There was always a tomorrow andthat's what helped influence my
belief system.
I don't know how it's going tocome, but it's going to work
out.
And that's the part.
Cause I can get real caught upin what's the plan?
I need to know how I'm going todo this before it happens.
(14:43):
Yeah.
I mean, just let go.
So that's what it is deep and Iagree with you on that.
and even looking at my life now,I do well for myself, I live in
a beautiful home.
I have a really blessed life.
I don't want for anything needfor nothing.
Need for nothing for anything.
(15:04):
And so where does this thoughtprocess I don't know, fit in.
It's an unnecessary belief thatI'm actively working on letting
go.
But it taught, but a lot ofpeople, it was talked to us.
It was taught, and it can getingrained, and that's why I
wanted to just put it out therebecause I'm sure there's other
people out there that kind ofexperience the same thing.
And you have to know that it hasto be brought up.
(15:24):
Mm-hmm Confronted.
Mm-hmm Not that you can, like,you can let it go, but most of
the time you have to.
What I feel is that I have tointegrate it.
Within my system and relax intoit and flow with it.
So I feel like I've had abreakthrough in that space.
I agree.
Can we talk a little bit aboutlike you made a just a little
slight comment about it comingback from Slavery and how we had
(15:47):
to show up or had to behave.
Yes, any of that and I think Inour country in our society as a
whole I think we still carry alot of those Beliefs And how we,
and trauma about how we asAfrican Americans or different
national, I won't even labelthat only to black people.
(16:10):
No, there's a lot of differentcultures here.
You feel like you have to showup a different way.
Some of what our parents taughtus as we went into corporate
America or to behave out when weout in society.
It was partially to help us withbeing safe, safe.
Yes.
And making sure that we behavedourselves in a certain way so
(16:31):
that we could come home.
People talk about how blackpeople have to say that to their
children, especially boys.
Yeah, that that's something thatwe have to learn how to behave
in society.
And so that type stuff,Verniece, when we talk about,
what we have had to carry overthrough hundreds of years in our
(16:53):
culture as a black person.
It's still here.
It's still here and ingrained inus.
And I believe some of it evenfor those who might offend or
who may carry some of the, uh,power.
I don't know what reference youwant to say.
It's still here.
But if those people who arerunning society, who are police,
(17:14):
whoever, they also carry certainbeliefs about what they're doing
and how they're doing it andfeeling like.
That's what they supposed to do.
Right.
You see what I'm saying?
It's all about what we weretaught and experienced and end
up doing.
So it comes for hundreds ofyears.
It does.
And it makes it to where, whatpart of it are you going to
(17:40):
focus on?
I know.
True.
What part of it are you going tofocus on that?
Like you say, are you going tomake a decision to transition
past that?
Because it is still a lot.
Going on today and today'sclimate and we're not going to
go into politics or anything,but both, political day to day
race, all types of differentrelations.
(18:02):
And it depends on like I make aconscious decision in myself not
to be hyper focused on thosetype of things and to be more
focused on my now in my ownpersonal experience.
It's like I do.
Care about the whole and how itimpacts.
But I think the best way for meto impact the home is to show up
(18:24):
as my best self and the best ofmyself that I can in my day to
day.
I agree.
I mean, I see that in you.
Oh, well, thank you.
Yeah, I do.
I see it's intentional.
It is intentional.
And I pay attention to thepolitics.
I'm very, in tuned, I guess youwould say not day to day.
Cause I, I agree with you.
(18:44):
If you let that feed you toomuch, it becomes obsessive
almost.
And that becomes a belief.
It becomes a belief.
you take on what you feed intoyourself, right?
You know, you've always.
kind of coached about like yoube intentional about what you
watch on tv pay attention towhat you listen to yes all of
(19:04):
those things are influencingyour beliefs yes and but in my
community minded philosophy i dolisten i'm very particular about
who i listen to yes i am veryintentional there but I may not
act, I don't even advocate, makegrand gestures about, people or
(19:27):
politics or any of that.
but I pay attention.
I do.
I do.
Yes.
I'm going to say I'm totallytuned out.
No, no, you don't tune out.
I don't tune out, but I'm notdeeply invested in it.
I did at one time, I did at onetime and it didn't feel good.
So see?
You're the opposite.
You're like, I ain't doing thatagain.
I'm like, man, I'm not doingthat again.
Step back.
(19:47):
I'm going to step back from thatjust so I could have a different
experience because mine is allabout feeling good.
And that's a belief system thatI've been developing because I
had experiences in life where Ihad a belief that I had to be So
strong.
(20:08):
Mm-hmm.
I had to show up.
I had to be certain things tocertain people.
I ain't, I have that.
My, and I did.
I had a belief like that.
I still do just because you, Istill do Verniece.
Yes.
I don't ever, I have never letthat go.
I know, I know on our it, I readsomething, it said, when was the
last time I felt free?
(20:29):
Jump in.
I wanted to ask you that.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I got out.
You were saying how you feellike it just resonated with me
when I talk about it.
But I haven't, I don't know thatI had that experience because I
carry these beliefs that I'm thebig sister.
(20:50):
I'm the mama.
I'm the grandma.
I'm the wife.
I'm all of those.
I'm, I'm a leader, manager.
Yes.
I have this role that I'msupposed to go be, do.
And I get resentful about it.
Now, don't get me wrong.
Cause I get mad about it.
And even she knows, cause I getresentful, but she gets to see
the different Voni.
(21:11):
The rest of the world don'tnecessarily always see in me.
Everybody get an inkling.
you intentional on how you showup in the world.
I am very intentional on how Ishow up in the world, but it
carries with it some things.
So let's dig into this a littlebit because it's a belief I
carry.
Why haven't I let it go?
where, that's why I put thatdown, you knew this.
(21:32):
She knew this.
She set this up.
All right.
All right.
So I really want to understandwhen was the last time you felt
free.
So when I talk about feelingfree, I won't even say it has to
be an extended amount of timewhere you had like a period of
(21:53):
time in your life where you felttotally free because.
And our experience, and we'vebeen kind of on this journey
together as sisters, the way ourlife is, we do hold certain
responsibilities, but I'mtalking about little micro free.
Okay.
I like the micro.
Micro.
Micro.
Can we get an example?
(22:13):
Because I'm trying to, becauseI'm sitting here feeling like, I
ain't never been free.
So mine.
That I lean on and go to whenI'm feeling distressed to help
myself calm down as you rememberwhen I did the Dr.
Joe Dispenza walk for the worldand we went to Loose Park and we
walked and it was times in themeditation, the walking
meditation where you stop, youput your hands on your heart,
(22:35):
you close your eyes.
I remember In that particularmoment, I was there, I was at
Loose Park, the sun was shining,birds was chirping, the trees
was bright.
You know I love the spring andsummer because nature is all
alive and people were walkingthe track around there, the
path, and it was so, it was sucha relaxing environment.
(22:57):
I remember standing there and itwas one of those moments, ooh,
I'm getting chills just thinkingabout it.
It was one of those momentswhere I was standing there and I
was.
I had my eyes closed and I wasjust feeling the sun beaming on
my ear, the birds chirping, butI was listening to the
meditation in my ears, but I washaving this moment of the
environment that was out aroundme.
And in that moment, I felt free.
(23:18):
I remember opening my eyes and Iput my hands up to the sky, just
taking it in.
And so that was like a onemoment.
In time that was quite anexperience by the way, but it
was a moment in time where Ifelt so Free now.
I almost had a hard timedriving.
(23:40):
I had to sit there after thewhole experience.
Okay.
I had to like get myself.
Okay.
Yes.
Like when I went to the floatthat day, you know, you get
those out of body experiences.
Experiences almost where youhave to pledge yourself back
into the world.
I gotta come back.
I gotta come back because Imight hurt somebody out here.
I ain't really here, I can'tdrive right now.
(24:02):
I can't drive.
Okay.
So it was like that.
And so even after that, I can'tsay that I like came home and
for weeks on end I felt allfree.
Mm.
But in that moment, because thisis a challenge for me to go
around and find moments offeeling totally free.
I haven't, I cannot, I can'tthink of it on a rollercoaster.
(24:23):
Oh, dance.
Yeah.
Dance.
Have you ever, can you recall atime?
Yes.
Now that is a time.
Yes.
Now that is.
Okay.
Okay.
You know, she knows me wellenough to know what excites me.
Yes.
Yes.
When I'm dancing.
Did you feel free?
(24:44):
Yes.
and, kind of like you justdescribed, that, that energy,
that excitement, your skin.
And your brain and your, andyou're listening, you're, like
you said, you're listening,you're feeling, and you're
moving and doing totallypresent.
You're just totally present.
And in that, you are not,there's nothing else in the
(25:05):
world happening, but that.
Yes.
I've had this so many times.
And you and my oldest daughter,Amber, her and Amber have that
in common because what's yourdescribing?
Right.
Well, I keep getting chills.
I love this kind of stuff.
When I think about Amber danceand yeah, we told everybody, Oh
my God, it's like, she's theonly person in the world.
I do.
I do.
(25:25):
You're right.
That is one place that I reallyfeel free.
You need to find a way tonurture that.
I know.
You tell me that all the timeand I ain't done it yet and I
gotta go where your excitementis.
Yes.
I know and I, and then so badhave funny moments.
And then what makes it so bad?
Because in social media, andwhen I see it on tv, it brings
(25:47):
out an physical emotion in me.
Your spirit's calling.
My spirit is saying, it makes mecry.
It's not a sad cry.
It's not by any means.
What's that movie that I cryover?.
I don't mean to interrupt you,but No.
Was it save the last?
No.
What?
Live your dream.
It's not as hard as it may seemwhere the black lady and the
(26:08):
white lady and the black guyIt's an old movie Girl, you got
me trying to think.
You know what I'm talking aboutwhen she was, she went to the
audition and she had messed upand then she had to start over
and she danced with the chair.
Somebody tell us what it is.
I'm doing nothing.
I can't even remember.
You know what, it's like, it'snot as hard as it may seem.
(26:30):
Nope.
Okay.
But, so I'm sorry to throw youoff, but it's like, Feel it.
I do.
Cause every time I watch thatdance, that's what made me think
of it.
I cry.
Okay.
Cause I like to dance too.
I'm, I can't just say that it'smy super passion as you and
Amber, but I feel it.
It do.
So I resonate with you when yousay that.
(26:51):
Yes, that is.
Like you feel it in every area.
So she helped me recognize it.
All your cells in your body comealive.
And that's how I felt that day.
Okay, standing there, it waslike I was the most alive that I
have been and then I wanted tostay there.
I think too, and I call it whenyou're dancing, it carries.
(27:13):
If you, once you know how todance, right, or if you are a
natural dancer, if you're anatural dancer, you really know
you have a rhythm, you know,you're listening to the music,
right?
And that's where for meinternally.
It's like I have shut out therest of the world.
Yes.
I know my routine I know what Ifeel and need to do.
(27:37):
you tune.
You go within yourself And therest of the world doesn't even
Just execute and it just flows.
I know and i've had some of mybest performances at talent
shows things Just being that andis that where you feel free it
is I have to say so were you inemotional distress?
Yeah, that's what I need to godo.
(27:58):
I need to go go Even go even ifyou can't dance in that moment
go to that feeling.
You'll be amazed at how it canhelp self regulate you, even if
you tap into that moment, eventhe memory on it, because you
will physically go back thereand it can help shift your state
(28:24):
of being when you're in theheart rate, your anger, anything
to help you feel that.
That's a good call out Niecee.
Yes.
Good call out.
She got me, though, y'all.
I had this.
Why you had to read that?
Because that was my surprisequestion.
She left the paper here, sheprepped it, and then you said
(28:44):
something to trigger me.
I was like, I want to ask herthat.
Yeah.
Because I think a lot of us gothrough life and we don't feel
free.
The way in America, especiallyand it depends on what kind of
life you're living.
We don't know anything else outof America.
I don't know.
I mean, I watch other cultures.
(29:05):
I've traveled.
Yes.
But what I don't know orunderstand is I'll filter
through other media.
And even some people in America,they may feel free, but I've
even seen like I'm watchingwhat's happening in the world
and the exposure we have.
And, social media, the, internetand things like that.
Even the wealthy people aresometimes not feeling free.
(29:27):
You think that you've got allthe money, money don't answer,
but it's not based in money.
And I'm sure there are somepeople that had positioned
themselves to where they'reliving a life of freedom and
they're out there.
But the typical person that.
is moving around day to day inAmerica.
(29:49):
I don't think we're movingaround in freedom and I hope
that we could get to, I believewe will get to a space that
things will shift and change sothat we can move into a space of
nurturing ourselves more.
Yes.
Self care, self, Awareness.
And everybody's looking out, butI feel like all the answers are
(30:11):
within when you nurture theinside and let it flow out
there.
You're so much better.
And that brings those moments offreedom.
I agree.
I agree.
I do.
So let me ask you this.
That was one of the things wekind of talked about.
when you say money, it's not allthe answer, but it's all about
all these beliefs and thingslike that because I brought up,
(30:32):
let me ask you.
What do you think about howpeople relate to food and how
they nourish their bodies as itrelates to beliefs?
And I know that's a reallytouchy subject because you, I'm
not in a space to try to offendanybody on how they eat or their
(30:55):
relationship with food.
But I do believe that some ofthe core beliefs that we've
developed as.
youngsters or where you fit intoa culture kind of has an impact
on that.
It does.
It does.
you could go all the way backagain from slavery to what you
and your culture were taught inpreparation of food.
(31:18):
We eat our share of soul food ifyou want to call it fried
greens.
So, we've all been, sometimesover salting things, doing
different things to our food.
And that's all based on how wewere taught.
Right?
Because if we all we had waschitlins.
Yeah.
(31:38):
I don't eat chitlins, but ifthat's all you had, and that's
what you prepared, and that'swhat you prepared, turkey,
turkey necks, whatever, youknow, little things that
everybody's like, well, you gotthe scrapings and whatever,
yeah, the scrapings of whateverwas left, but it became like a
delicacy, right?
Now, even when we were able tonot Just be limited to those
(32:01):
things.
We still fall back to what weknow.
It is because that's what we wastaught.
That's what we experienced.
And it becomes that.
Just like we kind of started outsaying that's how we work, but I
also believe that again yourenvironment Uh your attitude
about food, How you buy yourfood like yes, maybe where you
(32:22):
taught how to go grocery shop ordifferent things.
So it's still about yourupbringing and what you're
experiencing.
Do you feel like you can affordto get healthy food?
Healthy food.
Because I've heard that from alot of people.
Yeah.
It's like everybody say, well, Ican't afford it.
The healthy stuff is tooexpensive.
It can be.
I'm not begrudging it.
Organic, all these referencesand all that.
So it can be financiallydraining.
(32:44):
I am saying also some of it iswhat is fresh?
What were you talking?
Are you eating canned vegetablesversus going to the, frozen or
to the fresh or do you havetransportation to be able to go
get what you need?
Do you have to go live in a fooddesert store and you don't have
enough stores around you to makeit, you'd be able to go.
(33:05):
So therefore you have topurchase certain things.
So that's why I say yourenvironment, influences your
eating habits and what you havearound you.
How do I say it?
I go to the grocery store.
I can be an emotional eatersometimes, right?
If, and so I think that can betaught and a part of what you're
(33:25):
doing to kind, as a copingmechanism.
Some people use food to go, Be apart of how they go soothe
themselves.
Yes.
I watched our mom do it.
I mean, it was something I did,I had one ice cream.
Ice cream is one of yours that Ihave done.
But again, it's what you observeis what you see.
(33:47):
And then once you, I call itfeel that soothing, even if you
are not really, receiving asoothing thing.
It is about how you feel whenyou're doing it.
Yes.
Yes.
And you feel like you're calmingdown or you feel like you're,
leveling out and it might behorrible for you.
It tricks off things in your, inyour, in your brain, and then
(34:08):
your body starts to crave it andyou want do it again and again
and again.
So I agree.
And then people who buy too muchor buy some of the wrong things.
It's usually based in something.
It's a belief.
It's a belief.
And some of it, to me, is basedin, and it's an environment, but
a taught thing, and yeah, okay,say you're living in, let's just
(34:29):
say, a life of poverty.
Mm hm.
And this is how you grew up.
Mm hm.
And then you get some food,foods already, you're like, Ooh,
these things are become moreexpensive and things like that.
And so you've had times whereyou were hungry and you had to
eat the same thing.
Over and over for an extendedperiod of time or there just
(34:52):
wasn't what you couldn't just goin and pick what you wanted It
was just not available.
It was cooked.
Yeah Voni doesn't eat potatosoup to this day because of that
and I eat potato soup to thisday because of that Let's tell
why yes, we were poor we wouldhave it often often It had to
last for days.
Yes.
And it was a big part of it.
(35:13):
And you, all we had waspotatoes, maybe some cheese,
bacon.
My bacon.
Bacon or certain things.
And so yeah, I won't eat it toYes.
So if you lived in thatenvironment, then you believe
that, if you have more mm-hmmLike say for instance now all of
(35:33):
a sudden you got some foodstamps.
Mm-hmm And you could go off tothe store and buy whatever you
want.
And then you might tend tooverindulge because yes, you
have this belief that you mightnot have this, get it again
sometime in the future.
So you're gonna splurge and havethis little yes thing.
Yeah, these things happen.
You do.
They do.
And people look at say, I can'tbelieve they spending them on
(35:56):
that.
Well, you don't understand theirexperience.
You don't understand.
You gotta go understand why Iget it.
I don't understand And or theymight go out i've done that
myself Especially when I firstgot in a position where I could
dine out on a regular Then Iwanted to get the biggest thing
on the menu All that shit.
(36:17):
Give it to me, give it to me.
You know, so if you want toreally indulge and experience, I
wasn't looking like what's thehealthiest thing for me here and
what is going to nourish mymind, body, and spirit.
I was not thinking anything likethat when I was looking at the
menu.
Now I'm more mindful.
(36:37):
A lot of times I might indulgestill when I go out, but it's
not as rampant as it was when Ifirst stepped into that space.
Yes.
Now I'm dealing with as I age,now I'm dealing with, okay,
what's going to get meheartburn, what's going to get
me Real talk! You know, that'sreal, that's real.
But it's still being moreconscious about what you're
eating is more intentional.
(36:58):
But it's not due to lack or athought process that I'm going
to overindulge or do anythingfor me at least that.
Yes.
Yeah.
So these things happen.
So I was thinking about thatThere's a lot of
interconnectedness and weavingand not just about from our
parents Like you were sayingVoni.
It's your environment, it's yourculture, it's what's going on in
(37:22):
the world at this time.
So, I'm always thinking aboutwhen I had that experience
during the breath work, I criedreally hard because I was
thinking about what I haddelivered to my children and my
grandchildren.
What have I projected onto themto affect their beliefs?
(37:43):
And they have to accept it orreject it, I always believed
that you have that decision.
However, it still pained myheart.
Yeah.
And I asked them forforgiveness.
Yeah.
And I'm thankful that they allstill love me and care for me
and talk to me.
They accept me for who I am.
(38:04):
And I've been in some reallydark places in my life, but I've
worked to.
Doing the work to transitionpast that, those spaces of my
life.
Mm-hmm.
And live in a space of love andlife.
The growth to be able to helpyou, you really focus on your,
your inner self and personalgrowth.
Absolutely.
That's priority for me.
Yeah.
I stepped back continuouslearning about that.
(38:26):
Yes.
Even following up on this breathwork was a new.
In your journey and I'm deepinto it.
Oh, I love it.
I want to know everything.
I want to know everything.
I will have the practice.
It feels so good.
I did it this morning and it'sjust so good.
It lights up your day.
Now, I did find that I didn'twant to go to sleep last night.
Oh, but it stimulates yousomehow.
(38:49):
Yes.
So, uh, working on yourself.
But that's a belief that I'vebeen developing on my own, but
it's like the accepted orrejected thing.
I didn't want to keep living theway I was.
Yeah.
I knew something had to change.
(39:09):
And I remember when I was deepinto my alcoholism in the last
days.
And I'll share this, I talkabout my alcoholism a lot and I
probably will continue to onthis show because it was a huge
part of my life.
And When I used to drink and Iused to at towards the end,
especially, I used to get mean.
Mm-hmm She was mean.
(39:31):
I was mean.
And, I mean, I'd slap strangers,I could be out somewhere and
somebody say the wrong thing tome.
I come back from down the streetand God, brothers and brothers,
different people I don't evenknow.
They used to tell me, hit me,protect me.
Protect needs to hit me.
(39:51):
We didn't fight like that.
We don't do that.
But she was mean.
She was mad.
So one of the things that I knewabout myself is that Within like
when people you say, we're goingto, we're going to record you
and show you how you be actingnow and you, you need to, you
need to get it together.
And I wanted to get it together.
(40:13):
I didn't want to be there, butnobody knew that on the inside
that I was crying and that I waslike, the real Niecee is in
here.
I'm in here yall.
But I didn't know quite how to.
Transition out of it.
I'm thankful that I did.
So my heart goes out to anybodythat is still in that process,
(40:35):
in the grips of alcoholism, drugaddiction or any type of
addiction, smoking, drinking,food, anything.
It can get you in the grips.
It's a challenge to pullyourself out.
And I remember I used to listento what was that soldier of
love?
Oh, yeah Sade.
That's one of the things I feellike Because on the inside,,
(41:01):
man, I'm not So I'll ride I gotthe will to survive, and then it
just there go them chills again.
And so nobody knew it So whenyou?
When you transition out of itand develop a new belief and
start building from the groundup.
Cause I like tore my life allthe way down.
(41:21):
And so when I started buildingmy life all the way back up, I
had to develop new beliefs inorder to sustain it.
So I feel like I would have kindof moved back.
Into when you were practicingthat this is a question I have
for you that I get it.
I do understand that I explainit Well, you did excellent me
(41:44):
what I would like to help othersUnderstand so when we say I had
a different belief system.
How did you recognize?
That you were active.
You knew you were activelyMaking a different choice.
I get that part.
Do you do any reflection and sayoh i'm changing Oh, okay.
(42:07):
Or did you just go, say I'mgoing to start doing this, this,
this, and this, and you didn'teven really look back or how do
you, because when I was in thegrips of addiction, I was on
autopilot.
Okay.
Almost, like, at differenttimes, my internal system says,
I'm not really giving it muchthought.
(42:28):
Okay.
And so after I had my lastmoment, Of drinking it was a
terrible night.
I ended up sleeping outsidenight sleeping in the hallway
like a real life bum And I saidif I make it past this because I
thought I was gonna die I thinkI had a touch of alcohol.
I know I had alcohol poisoningYes, and so I was like if I
(42:50):
could I was so weak I was sickbecause she said wasn't eating.
Yeah.
I never ate when I drank.
If you were get me to eat at theend, you were lucky.
And I might fall asleep, asleepon the plate.
I wake on food on my face.
So it's like, when I woke up andI was so sick and I was hurting,
'cause I got injured that nightand I was like, if I can make it
(43:11):
out of this, I will never drinkagain.
I will leave the alcohol behind.
And, but had you said that othertimes.
Not with that sincerity andfinality.
Had to try.
Something shifted.
Okay.
I had the, I'm gonna try.
Okay.
Okay.
That's the difference attitude.
Okay.
Okay.
You know how I feel some kind ofway about that.
(43:31):
I'm gonna try because anythingthat I've let go, I used to
smoke wacky.
You use a finality.
I used to drink.
I used to smoke cigarettes.
I still drink coffee, you know?
It's like when I stop that too,I'm gonna try to stop.
Yeah, that's where I'm still inthe trying mode with the coffee.
Yes, I'm trying to cut back, butI've noticed that anytime that
I've said that I'm going to try,I'm not wholeheartedly invested.
(43:57):
And that's a belief that I haveabout myself and others.
I accept that.
Feel that way about it.
If you saying, I hope I'm gonnatry, I'm gonna give it my best
shot.
You're not there yet.
Okay.
Because when you do it, so toanswer your question, once I
came to that finality, I had toslow down.
I took days.
I kind of withdrew fromeverybody.
I'm in a withdrawal phase at themoment in my life, just because
(44:20):
I go through these differentphases where I just step back
and.
transition to my next, I guess.
But I had to step back, bestill, and think about what I
was doing and where I was going.
So it wasn't like, I just like,I got a new belief.
(44:40):
I had to slow down, evaluate,think about some things and
decide that I want to dosomething different.
Yep.
And that's the same thing I saidabout the money piece.
I believed that it was going tohappen.
I believed wholeheartedly.
And so that might be my answer.
There you just said it out loud.
We just, that's why I'm tryingto get you there.
I'm trying to guide you there.
But when you say that, that wasthe exact same thing that I had
(45:04):
to do about money, about money.
What I wanted.
Yes.
No, you just, it's the same.
It's the same thing.
You just got to get there.
Yes.
Have you been saying how you'vebeen saying with your money's
beliefs that I'm going to try tohave a different belief or are
you saying I'm going, you seewhat I believe that I believe
different.
(45:24):
It ain't that I'm going to, it'sgotta be there already.
Exactly.
See, you just said it toyourself.
You just said it out loud.
And just, you did it.
You did it.
I love it.
Okay.
And see how we, yeah.
And this is, but to me, okay.
That's what I do enjoy about ourconversations.
(45:46):
I feel like, we talk about this,we pour into each other when
mom's here or when my othersiblings, or, when we're
interacting, that is somethingthat I appreciate, is that
you're trying to uplift eachother, be your best self, do we
still act a fool or have a.
Fun, crazy time.
(46:07):
Cause that's what can we bemessy?
No, we can.
We can we're not perfect.
We're not a perfect group, butwe love.
We do.
And we want to see our bestselves.
each other, but it feels good.
And that's where I know when webring our family together, even
if when it's a lot of work, thattoo is an energy that yes, feels
(46:31):
good to me because of how wepour into each other through
motivation.
Through, listening, justlistening, being there for each
other, just to be an ear ifsomebody's going through a rough
time, let them talk it out, letthem talk through it, if they
ask for some feedback, want somefeedback, you give it to them,
help them get there, but it'sjust, I agree.
(46:53):
It's how we, respond and nurtureeach other.
So that's what I would say.
When I was having thisSisterGirl Sessions, I'm just
going to say this, I really dowant us to have another girls
night.
I know I do.
And maybe we'll do a littlerecording.
We can't record everything.
There's some things going on.
It's a mess.
And it's time to pour into eachother and we can be messy.
(47:14):
There are many facets to ourpersonality.
Exactly.
But I'd like to show somefootage, account how we get down
and what we do.
But I know.
Yes.
We need to plan that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because last time we had to do,we had to go get an Airbnb.
We have to have, we'll get itdone.
We'll get it done.
We gonna have, we gotta, we wasgonna be a better house than we
had the last time.
(47:34):
Yes.
That was not big enough.
It wasn't.
Yes.
And Mom was there.
The last one we had.
Mm-hmm So it's been a coupleyears since we've done that
time.
Time.
We are going to three.
Yes.
Wow.
Into three years.
Yes.
Wow.
All right.
Now, one thing we didn't talkabout in beliefs that I see on
your notes is around handlingconflict.
(47:55):
Now, that's a taught behaviorsometimes or observation
environment, right?
We talked to y'all a little bitabout how we grew up when we
moved at a certain stage in ourlives to, Parker Square,
different community, very familyoriented.
But it can be rough.
People, tested you, wanted tosee who you were, what you were
(48:16):
about.
And, we were talking and youwere saying, Nicee and I are
very different in how we handleconflict.
I'm more of a verbal person.
Probably if you say certainthings to me, I'm going to
respond back.
Verniece listens.
She don't respond.
You will see the emotion on her.
I do if I know, if I know her,we don't know life without each
(48:36):
other, right?
So, I can always tell whensomething has impacted her.
People who don't really know herare sometimes oblivious to it.
I see it immediately and know.
I'm like, uh oh.
We got a problem because she'snot happy.
but, and her children know it.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
People know, but some of how weaddress conflict was taught to
(48:57):
us.
Yes.
Right.
Yes.
You couldn't be bullied.
You got to stand up foryourself.
You better not come up in thishouse.
And, uh, you better defendyourself and, I'm gonna lock you
up.
I mean, this is literally, It'sliterally half the time.
They said, hey, I'm gonna lockyou out of this house.
You ain't gonna be coming overhere crying all the time.
You're gonna have to learn howto, navigate this environment.
(49:17):
Now, were we violent kids?
No.
Were we out there going andfighting every week?
No, that wasn't it.
Don't look I'm looking aroundlike that.
I have strong feelings aboutthis.
Yeah, but it was It wassomething that was ingrained in
us.
It was taught to us.
(49:38):
It was tough.
So yeah, let's talk about it.
This is how we did it.
And believe that was embeddedinto us that, you have to be
able to defend yourself in thisworld.
And sometimes it will takeviolence.
Yes.
And when we move back, to the,to the neighborhood, to the
jets, to the projects.
(49:59):
And I was five and you wereseven.
And like, we talked about on ourfirst session that we take our
toys outside and, you know, theytreat us real bad.
And a lot of times it was theboys.
And so We run away and went backinto the house and tried to go
(50:20):
tell mom and them, they are.
And so mom and dad, we get a lotof, we, we live here, in the
projects now.
So you have to be ready todefend yourself.
So you're going to have to goback outside and either you're
going to win that fight oryou're going to have to go.
Come back in here and deal withme.
So, you know, we had to go backoutside.
(50:44):
I know it happened to me.
I remember looking at the doorand the screen door was locked.
I'm like, you gotta go out hereand face the people and then you
gotta fight.
And so I was small, so I'mwithin this, and she didn't, you
didn't grow, you didn't, youwere always a small short.
Yes, I was small.
As a kid, you were I was prettysmall.
(51:05):
And she taller than me now.
Yes, but I was kind of petite asa child, and I used to get
picked on a lot, and so I had togo out there and give it my best
shot.
So then, Daddy started taking usin the basement and teaching He
used to box in the Goldengloves.
Yeah.
So he used to go down and teachus how to box, how to defend,
how to fly a hat, no, don't holdit.
(51:25):
Don't, don't do that.
Somebody come and you do this.
So we know how to do it.
We learned officially.
It's like, don't go out there.
You will lose if you do notthink.
Yeah.
And he's like, and if somebodylooks like they're going to hit
you, you might as well hit us.
And we're not trying to promoteviolence, not at, this is just
(51:46):
our experience and what we hadto happen.
So one of the things that Iknow, like you said, I'm not a
arguer, so people I might saidwe didn't fight every week.
I felt like I fought a lot.
Okay.
I did have to fight a lot whenwe were, whereas I was growing
up, but a lot of it was becauseI didn't say a lot.
Mm-hmm And so defender, argue,argue with, had a fight with
(52:08):
somebody argue, and it wasperceived that I won.
Then somebody was always up thechain that's looking at you
like, yeah, I'm a test her.
I could do it.
And then they'd start in on me.
And a lot of times I would notsay anything to you.
If you arguing or talking aboutme or something, I'd just be
looking at you.
And I go home and I'minternalizing it and I go home
(52:31):
and I start thinking about whatI could do to you.
I'm developing a plan.
So I'm developing a plan on howI'm going to execute, put on my
skills.
And so if you keep it up andthen you come across my path or
I might just.
Get fed up and come after youand I might be ready, but most
(52:52):
of the time people thought maybeI was a bully, but I never
pursued anybody that hadn'talready messed with me a whole
lot of times.
Now, when I got to that pointand I'm not going to argue with
you, I ain't never been thatperson.
So by the time I come for you,it's too late.
I might come in your house.
(53:12):
I did two girls that way.
You know, I'm coming, and nowhere we are, and everybody's
like, Verniece is a bully.
No, Verniece ain't no bully.
Verniece was a product of herenvironment.
Now, you had one period of yourlife where you was, after we saw
Roots for the first time, youremember that?
Oh, yeah.
(53:34):
And we were in it, but we gonnatalk about that.
We'll talk about that in anotherepisode, but she did do that one
time.
I do remember that.
Momma took her back home.
She got, she got in trouble withthe stool.
Well, we didn't get in troublewith the stool.
I know, I know.
We couldn't get in trouble withthe stool.
That was one of the few times.
Yeah, twice that year.
I was off the chain that year.
Twice that year, I got one.
That time I put that girl headin the toilet stool.
(53:54):
Oh, see.
And, and then the Roots thing.
But yeah.
But no, you didn't.
And the only time I would havecon, I'm gonna say the only
time, most of the time when Ihad conflict or ever had to
fight was usually defending her.
Where some older had to jump insomebody else, somebody older.
We had to protect each other.
'cause if I came home and itwas, this is something, this is
(54:14):
even taught to us, so let'sthink about this member time
daddy you had got into it withsomebody so many times.
I was like, daddy, I am tired.
Of fighting and going and he litinto me saying you, if you come
in this house and I found outyou was not there to help
support and defend your sister.
(54:35):
Again, you gonna have to dealwith me.
Mm-hmm Now internally, I waslike, this girl fighting too
much I don't even wanna go outhere and fight like this.
I take Yeah.
But I was, I had gotten fed upwith the fighting, you know?
Yes, yes.
But then I then hear yourparents turn on you and like.
You better, you better, or areyou going to get jumped on?
And I was there and you didn'tdo nothing about it.
(54:58):
Oh, it was on.
And I was fearful.
I have my parents in thatrespect.
Yes.
So I, it's not like you want tocondone violence or anything
like that, but these were thingsthat were taught to us based on
our environment that you, wedefended each other.
We supported each other.
And, it was just because it waskind of somewhat of a
(55:21):
responsibility that you felt youwere supposed to do.
It's like I mentioned to you, mydaughter Sheena said to me that,
I had to recognize that she isso right.
I was not, I'm not naturally afighter.
Okay.
I'm not a violent person.
I'm really a calm person, youknow?
(55:42):
And so if, because of theenvironment I had that I was in
and the expectations surroundingit.
I had to do what I had to do tosurvive within that environment.
And that's just kind of how itplayed out.
She's like, mom, you, that's noteven who you are.
(56:04):
You just were a product of yourenvironment and you had to do
what you had to do in order tomake it through that experience.
And that is so true.
And I think there are a lot ofpeople that experience life in
that way.
Girl, I thought of another one.
What?
Where mom taught us this one, isthat, and we have a lot of girls
in our family.
(56:25):
And momma, remember mommatelling us that we, that as
girls, we don't date the sameguys.
We, if one of your cousins orsisters or somebody dated that
guy, or something like that.
Or they even liked him.
Even liked him.
If they liked him, but theydidn't like them back.
That's a good one.
You couldn't do it.
I still hold that.
I see.
(56:45):
And that's why I think we taughtour girls.
Yes.
We in it.
If somebody violated, Oh my God,they get together.
She's like, we don't do thatbecause we taught them that our
parents taught us, they taughtthem.
That just came to my head.
That's a good one.
That's a good one.
But that was a belief our momtaught us.
(57:06):
And mine extends outside of my,Family extends to my friends,
even if it's a guy who likes youtry to turn.
Yes, because you're not going tobe able to make, it's going to
be difficult to maintain thatfriend.
Yes.
If you want to end with yourfamily, can't mess it up.
That was the philosophy aboutthe why.
Yes, you got to maintain, butthat was a good one.
(57:29):
That was a good one.
You accept it or reject it.
Yeah, I carry that one.
I did too.
But there are so many littlethings that you kind of started
out that you learned from yourparents that you carried over.
You either took some of them andyou did it.
Mm hmm.
And you did the same thing.
Because when we were in our 20s,we were partying, card playing,
(57:50):
doing all that same stuff.
Kicked it.
Kicked it.
Me and Niecee used to throw thebest parties.
I did.
I used to have some lit parties.
Yup.
Yup.
We used to have good parties.
Everybody wanted to come.
But, at the same time, that waswhat we were taught.
Now, when we got to a certainphase in life, I know I did,
especially, I was like, okay,I'm done with that.
(58:11):
That's not going good.
I wanted to be a better examplefor my daughter.
She's starting to see mama docertain things.
So I was like, uh, one of my oldbosses says, she's starting to
judge you, Voni.
She's going to pay attention towhat you're doing.
And I paid attention to that.
Yeah.
I was a late bloomer.
I paid attention to it.
It took me a minute to get tomyself, but my, by the time I
(58:32):
did, TaTa, BeBe,.
Libertie were already born, itwas Justice.
Yeah.
That you got your way.
Oh man.
But my daughter said somethingto me, yesterday that made me
aware of a belief.
That it was just through actionthat I taught her.
And, her watching me.
So one of the things you nevertalked about it with her or
(58:54):
anything.
We talked about it, in that, Ican't tell what it is.
Okay.
Is that you teach your childrenhow to love by your actions, by
how you engage with otheradults, how you are each other,
your spouse, your siblings.
I believe that in how you argue,all of those things resolve
conflict.
You're teaching.
(59:16):
Young people how to loveespecially when they love you,
right?
These are the people that theylove so they don't want to see
you hurt So they you know, uh, Isay all that to say one of the
things that Jacque said to me isthat mom?
I never saw my parents argue Iknew that I did and I was pretty
(59:36):
intentional about it And I knowit was based again Voni being
somewhat rebellious And watchingmy parents argue.
Okay, so I did not want toinflict that on her.
At least that's what myintention was.
You see where I'm going?
Now, I remember my husband and Iat that time in our lives, he
worked nights, I worked days.
(59:59):
So it worked out that where shewas usually at school or
somewhere else where she reallynever saw us resolve a conflict.
Now she might see it sometimeswhere we were together her
entire life, right?
lived together, been together.
So she saw us constantly.
She would see periods when wewere not speaking to each other
(01:00:21):
because you know how it goes.
But what she did not see is howwe resolved the conflict.
And I didn't realize she hadchallenges.
And now she says, I havechallenges with that.
I don't know what to do.
I haven't seen it demonstrated.
Yes.
So that's where you say that washer to share that with me and it
(01:00:41):
took me.
I had to take it in, you know,to say, yeah, I did.
I did.
And I apologize.
I didn't show her.
She said, cause I can go fromand she's strong willed just
like her mom, but she also, cango shoot up to 10 very fast.
and so she says she knows she'snot necessarily handling it.
Right.
But she didn't know how.
Yeah.
She either shut down or go wayup.
(01:01:03):
Go way too far.
Yeah.
And get messy.
Mm-hmm So it's a growth thing.
And I know as parents, and herewe are Gen Xers and we raising
the millennials and what's thename?
Gen Z.
Gen Z.
And here comes the alpha andcome that, oh, is that the name?
Okay.
Yeah.
I think that's where Mauriairis.
Is.
Okay.
So we got all these babies thatwe are trying to influence.
(01:01:25):
But here we are.
In a positive way.
We're still learning andgrowing.
Yes.
And that's the thing is that,the accepted or reject it or
developing your own beliefs.
Sometimes you can take bits andpieces.
But you have to come to whatworks best for you.
Mm-hmm And, and helping you livea nice, healthy life.
Yes.
Because we can't help whatenvironment we were put into.
(01:01:48):
And then your kids have to learnthat you are very flawed.
Yeah.
And you're human.
Human learning and growing alongyour way.
You didn't, you weren't perfect.
And it took me a while to learnthat my parents weren't, it was
stuff that I took from'em.
Like you said, I accepted orrejected certain things, but at
a certain point I was an adult.
I just stopped and said, dang.
(01:02:10):
Mm-hmm Mm-hmm They were flawtoo.
'cause it was bad when I startedrecognizing I was making
mistakes and doing things.
Mm-hmm And I had to stop andsay, well, when I was sitting
there getting mad at Mama andthem thought I'd do everything
doing the same thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So.
What you thinking about?
What you thinking?
I saw your eyes rolling up.
(01:02:31):
I'm just thinking about myfuture generations coming in and
how I really strongly desire tobe.
Uh, to show up as my best selfin the, what I leave as my
legacy, whenever it's time forme to transition is that they'll
have a positive reflection of mewhen they go by, even with my
(01:02:54):
flaws and things like that.
When you said that, it just gavemy spirit a good, a good smile
cause mama did the same thing.
She did.
And she left us all smiling.
Yeah.
And so now, we know our mommasare now our mommas, girl, momma
was, she was an alcoholic too,right?
She was, she could tell you shehad her time and she went
(01:03:16):
through the whole transitionwishing, wanting to be better
and all of that.
Now there's a generation of ourkids never knew momma drank.
Never knew her that way, neverseen her that way.
And I, when you said that itgave my spirit, I was like, Oh,
I bet you that's how my motherdid.
Felt too.
Felt too.
Yes.
Wanted to be just better andbetter.
(01:03:38):
I do, I get it too.
To be a positive influence onyour children and your family.
Yes.
And not only that, influence, Idon't know that, uh, that's the
word for me.
Okay.
I say not necessarily ainfluence, but a representation,
a positive representation, apositive role model, somebody
(01:03:59):
that you can say.
It does influence, but it's notlike I'm sitting out to get you
to do something.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
That's I just want to be aliving example of someone who
says, Hey, I want the journey oflife is to grow.
Learn, evolve, once you stopgrowing, loving, evolving, then
(01:04:24):
you might as well hang up yourcoat and say lay down on the bed
and go to bed.
My journey's not over, I plan tobe here for a long, long time,
so it is.
Not that influence is bad, butthat's just not.
My verbiage that says, okay,sits right in my spirit no, you
said it right.
You're not trying to changethem.
No.
I want them to walk their path.
(01:04:46):
yes, I get it.
No, that was good counter there.
I totally understand.
Okay, I do you get me?
I do.
Thank goodness because sometimesI feel like people do like what
this girl talking about.
That's okay.
That's all right We're not allmeant to be understood by
everybody.
No, we are not.
That is okay.
Not everybody's cup of tea.
But those that get me, get me.
(01:05:07):
And love you, love you.
Yes.
And I feel the same about myjourney.
Yes.
I get you.
I kind of get like, I don't careif you don't like me.
I don't know.
I get you.
I mean, I'm going to try to benice to you.
I'll treat me good.
I'll be a good partner.
Engage with you.
But I'm okay.
I'm okay though.
Yes.
I'm okay with me.
(01:05:28):
Yes.
You too.
Oh, when you come to that pointin your life, that feels good.
Yeah.
Now that's come with age.
It does.
It's come with age that I had tolearn to like myself.
I think our younger generationsthat are trying to find
themselves and who they're goingto be, because once you
transition.
From childhood to adulthood andtrying to plant your feet and
(01:05:51):
how you're going to do lifeYeah, stay encouraged if you
somebody young out there thenyou will find your path You are
a lot stronger than you mightever believe it.
So hang in there Step into itwith confidence make the
mistakes Keep pushing forwardlearn from the mistakes and then
keep showing up.
What was that pattern?
(01:06:11):
You just said, bro You And usingthat same thought process.
What was it?
Grow?
What was the other time yousaid?
I don't know.
Evolve.
You said grow our darn thing.
We done forgot the name.
but I speak from the spirit, so.
You did.
She done forgot what she said.
But what I guess what I'msaying.
Grow, learn, evolve.
Yes.
Grow, learn, evolve.
Learn, evolve.
(01:06:32):
That is where you were tellingthe young people too.
Yeah, that's all you're doing inlife.
Grow, learn, evolve.
Okay, I had to come back.
Grow, learn, evolve.
You got it.
So that's what we have to leavefor our babies or for the young
people.
Be patient.
A lot of people who know me saythis.
(01:06:53):
Have grace with yourself.
Have grace, love yourself andhave grace with yourself to know
you will make mistakes.
As long as you grow it, learnit, and evolve it.
You gonna be Okay.
That's it.
Now you see we are about at anhour.
Oh yes.
And our recording.
So we're gonna wrap this up.
This has been fun.
(01:07:13):
It's, we always have a goodtime.
Keep going on this, yes, wecould.
But we learn so much we do abouteach other.
Even when we do this, we alwayssurprise each other after the
sessions go out.
We like Voni, I didn't know thator Niecee.
Niecee.
Tell me that all the time.
I ain't heard about you.
Yes, yes.
And, but I still learn thingsabout you too as we kind of talk
and have our debates here.
(01:07:34):
And so, and if nothing, now thisis something that we'll leave
behind for our babies.
That they'll say, what did theythink about things like that?
You know, you know, withtechnology being back then.
Oh, no, it's out there.
It's out there.
They come across it and find itor let one of the kids hold it
or something.
(01:07:54):
I don't know.
But.
I believe that it'll help if ithelps one person.
I know it.
That's a good thing.
I love it So thank you all forjoining us today and hanging in
here with us if you're stillhere This has been a great
session.
If you have some thoughts onyour beliefs How they're
(01:08:15):
developed, where you're at inyour journey, and you want to
share, leave us a comment.
Always hit that smash that likebutton, subscribe, click on the
notification button so thatyou'll be notified when we
upload new sessions and shareit.
Yes.
Thank you, Voni.
I forgot that.
Share with somebody you thinkthis session might help or that
(01:08:37):
might resonate with them andwhere they are on their journey.
And we will be back again anduntil next time, peace.
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