Letting Go of Perfection: Embrace Your Flaws, Find Freedom & Self-Acceptance | Sister Girl Session 4
January 14, 2025 • 50 mins
In this transparent episode of the Sister Girl Sessions podcast, hosts Niecee and Voni dive into the inescapable challenges of perfectionism and how it shapes our lives. From sharing personal stories rooted in childhood influences and societal expectations to exploring the journey toward self-acceptance, this heartfelt conversation offers practical advice and relatable insights.
Key topics include:
Childhood influences on perfectionism (03:06)
Balancing perfection with self-acceptance (14:18)
Vulnerability in relationships (27:37)
Overcoming physical insecurities and teasing (35:09)
Creating safe spaces for personal growth and connection (42:24)
If you’re ready to embrace your flaws, release unrealistic expectations, and find joy in being your authentic self, this episode is for you. Let’s grow together, one step at a time.
Subscribe to The Sister Girl Sessions for more empowering conversations, and don’t forget to share your thoughts in the comments!
📌 Timestamps for Quick Navigation:
00:00 Welcome to Sister Girl Sessions
00:24 Letting Go of Perfectionism
03:06 Childhood Influences
14:18 Balancing Perfection and Acceptance
27:37 Vulnerability in Relationships
42:24 Creating Safe Spaces for Vulnerability
49:17 Closing Remarks
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If you're interested in collaborating or working with us, we can be reached at TheSisterGirlSessions@gmail.com
#thesistergirlsessions #sistergirlcommunity #LettingGoOfPerfection #SelfAcceptance #SisterGirlSessions #EmbraceYourFlaws #PersonalGrowth #Vulnerability #AuthenticLiving #MentalHealthAwareness #Perfectionism #PodcastForWomen #SelfConfidence #PersonalDevelopment
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
niecee---voni_2_01-12-202 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Sister Girl
Sessions podcast.
My name is Niecee and I'm Voniand we have created this podcast
as a space for us to cometogether and share life
experiences, lessons learned,just to talk about different
topics in general, all with theGen X vibe and with a few
laughs, we hope.
(00:21):
So we appreciate you being heretoday.
On today we're going to betalking about Letting Go of
Perfections and Embracing OurFlaws.
So with that, I am going to turnit over to Voni.
She knows I always turn it overto her.
Let's kick it off.
(00:47):
Let's do it! That Pressure, thatpressure.
Well, when I think about thatquestion or pose it to myself, I
always, Okay, I'm going to startwith the astrology kind of thing
that people have as aphilosophy.
I'm a Virgo.
Yes.
Right?
And so what I've always heard,or people tell you that like
(01:11):
Virgos are perfectionists.
Yes.
And you kind of have this reallyhigh expectation about yourself
and then of other people too.
So at first, uh, throughout mylife, especially early in my
life, I carried that aroundquite a bit.
Uh, even in my twenties and evenas a kid, I would carry that
around.
And I resonated with it whenpeople would say that to me,
(01:32):
because I do have highexpectations of myself and
others, because you candisappoint me.
And it was related to being aVirgo?
I did! Mom used to, or maybemama did, I don't know what the
relationship Mom had thesuperstitions and astrology.
Yeah, and then it was like, as Igrew up, it kind of got
validated.
Because people kept saying it.
And so like, I felt justifiedfor being that way.
(01:53):
Like, yeah, I'm supposed to, I'ma Virgo.
That's what I do.
And so, but then with it comes alot of, of stress.
And burden.
Now, I won't tell you, that whenI, when you, when just the
concept itself, I think you gothrough phases in life of
understanding your levels ofperfection and flaws.
(02:15):
Yes.
Cause it takes you a while to beable to understand your own
flaws or even sometimes somepeople have to do it.
Tell you a little bit aboutyourself too.
I agree.
Yeah, you learn by, people, yourrelationships, your friendships
and different things.
So, um, I've learned to,understand why I think that way
(02:37):
about perfectionism even inmyself or other people.
Mm hmm.
And Also, but with my age I'velearned to kind of find a
balance yes So I can't wait toget into a little deeper, but
that's what stands out to meYeah, and I why did I ever think
I had to be perfect or it kindof, those are things that
(03:00):
resonate with me when I hearthat.
And I know I carry around someexpectations of myself.
I think, we've talked aboutbefore, people's opinions of
you.
Yes.
And people make statements aboutyou.
And even one time, even as akid, a kid, I call myself a kid.
Now it was, I was a teenager atthe time.
(03:20):
You'll remember this one timedaddy was fussing at me about
something, you didn't call me adummy.
Yes.
That carried something with meprobably still do to this very
day.
But it's like who says certainthings to you that you can also
have this level of expectationabout yourself.
(03:41):
So in that example, I tell you,I carry even some of my thoughts
about perfectionism, attitudesabout myself and where, where I
was going to prove him wrong.
I'm not dumb.
I know.
And so I kind of elevated mythought process and things that
I wanted to achieve to proveother people wrong.
But at the same time, I wascreating all this extra burden
(04:03):
on myself.
Yes.
Oh boy.
That's deep.
Very, very well said too.
I get it.
I understand.
What does it say?
And I've learned a lot.
I'd have to say I learned a lotabout you and your thought
processes.
Through this whole thing?
For real?
We known each other our wholelives, y'all.
We don't know life without eachother.
(04:25):
Tell me more.
I love that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We still discovering thingsabout each other.
Thinking, somebody, but youreally don't know until they
tell you certain things.
And for me, when I think about,the burdens that I put on myself
with perfection, we talked abouthaving this podcast and having
(04:47):
this as a topic.
And I was kind of asking myselfsome perspective.
Some questions like, where doyou struggle with that at?
Where did it stem from?
And mine goes back to being alittle child, and being in a, an
environment where.
of poverty, but people strivingto be their best selves and pull
(05:12):
themselves up out of thesituation.
And I will say that what Ilearned in growing up is that a
lot of people, even in thepoverty strickened areas are
proud or proud people.
Yes.
And so they want to stand up andput their best foot forward and
being, having the expectationfrom my parents that I carried
(05:35):
myself a certain way.
I'll tell y'all when I was alittle child, I was a big
tomboy.
No.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was just, I just wanted to runaround.
I wanted to explore the world,try everything in the world.
And I didn't, I just wanted togo outside.
I didn't care what I look like,what my clothes match, none of
that.
You wouldn't know that now, youdidn't know that now.
(05:56):
Now she got a level ofperfectionism about her attire
now that we gonna talk about.
We gonna talk about that.
Sooner or later.
Yeah, yeah, we gonna talk aboutthat.
But it started from there.
Uh huh.
I used to get chastised aboutthat.
Yeah, a lot.
I'd be looking at myself like,what's wrong, where is this?
You know?
And then you go outside and Igot teased a lot.
Yeah, I got teased a lot becauseI didn't have a lot of the
(06:18):
fashionable clothes or expensiveclothes to wear to school and in
the neighborhood and things likethat.
And so, I used to feel like Ineeded to be a certain way in
order to be accepted.
And that's where you see anacceptance was kind of one of
the roots of your, is that whatyou're saying?
Yes, acceptance and fitting in.
Okay.
(06:39):
Or just the feeling of beingtreated differently because you
didn't have certain things.
Didn't really feel good to me onthe inside.
So I didn't like that.
I had some there myself.
It shows up in ways that we cantalk about it.
We can talk about it becauseYes.
When you were growing up andit's like, man, just because I
(07:02):
don't have all the name bandthings or we like we've talked
about before, our hair wasreally thick and really long,
but it was, coarse it was.
It wasn't like super matted atif anybody African
american
Hair.
Yeah, African American hair.
It was, it was thick and it washealthy and yeah.
(07:23):
And my mom, she didn't reallyknow how to comb hair all that
great.
And we were stern.
She tender headed.
I was super tender headed.
I'm still headed to this day.
I can, I barely have hair and Icould be like, ow.
So, yep.
Yeah.
You know, and we used to getteased about our hair.
Yeah.
they used to say we had dookiebraids, because our ponytails
were real thick.
(07:44):
And, but you come to later, findout a lot of those people that
teased us were jealous they werejealous of us.
Yeah, we didn't receive it thatway.
It was hard.
It was humiliating.
It was.
We cried we did all that Iremember it together.
Yeah, we even had some cousinsand People who came helped us.
Yes Yeah, they took care of meYeah, they helped us along our
(08:10):
way especially when we got Intothe, uh, the projects.
Yes, we were saying, well, andthem kids down there were
ruthless, so we, we thank God wehad big cousins.
Yes, thank y'all.
If anybody watches this, thanky'all for looking out for us.
Y'all helped us along our way.
I love them, my big cousins,love them.
(08:32):
Thankful to have family here inKansas City.
So that's where my stem from islike trying to, understand why
what's expected?
What should I be doing?
And as I watched and looked andthat's I used to watch and see
well what was different from methe others and I don't know if
that's where I got my desire forfashion I love to I love
(08:52):
fashion.
I love clothes if I could shoptill I drop I probably would
because I just enjoy it andputting different looks together
because I as a child great thingPride in that.
See, I just buy stuff.
Verniece be like, you know, yougotta have, you gotta have this
flow.
This is our flow, But as alittle child, I started to watch
people and how they were and putit together.
(09:13):
And people that I like that theway, well, if I did have it, I'd
probably get something like thisor, different things like that.
But where, where would youdescribe the, would you describe
that as a, a, aboutperfectionism though?
In your day to day though, soyou do you carry some of that
pain hurt?
(09:34):
Some of the, observations andlack that you kind of just
described that caused you.
So do you carry it around as away of trying to be, validate
and validate yourself?
Yes.
And it's kind of a form of,Perfectionist.
I'm, you know, it's one of myflaws that I'm still working on.
(09:54):
Okay.
I am making progress becausewhen, at some point when I
finally got financially stableenough, because I had
experienced so much lack andthings like that, when I was
able, then I wanted to go outand buy all the name brand
stuff.
I needed the Nike.
I needed the Puma.
Now it's like, I really don'tcare about all that.
(10:16):
and I understand that I, they, alot of times some of the label
things do have more quality andI respect that.
I will respect the brand, but atthe same time, trying to put
something on just to say, Hey, Igot to have this label on the
cross of my chest to say I gotsomething.
Yeah, I'm way past that.
So I'm healing.
(10:36):
But at the same time, I do feelthat I carry some of that with
me because of what I experiencedgrowing up and desiring to fit
in and, and be, I guess,accepted or validating that,
yes, I am just like everybodyelse.
I'm no different because I usedto feel different as a child.
(10:58):
A lot of things that I dealwith, stem from childhood, most
of our stuff, most of the thingswe deal with in life, I believe
are usually stem fromexperiences or traumas or,
really memorable moments in yourlife and parents and parents,
your parents.
Yes, too.
I do.
My parents used to get on meabout, keeping yourself
(11:19):
together, keeping your hairtogether.
Daddy used to say, your hair isyour crown.
Crown and glory.
Why don't you be out herelooking no kind of way with your
hair undone.
You got to keep it together.
I grew up with these things andthen when I looked out and when
I wasn't.
up to par.
I felt it.
Yeah.
felt the wrath of it.
Little self conscious, littleself conscious.
(11:39):
Well, I think, and okay, it'sgonna be some kind of
controversial, but it kind of isin the same realm.
And it, and I think it's thedifference, in our generation.
That today people were a lotmore laxed.
Yes.
So like when we were growing upand now, our mothers and our
parents were baby boomers.
So when they would get up to goout, they would dress.
(12:01):
Not my, I wouldn't say mamawould always get dressed up, but
she would get dressed.
Yes.
So you wasn't going outside inno bonnets.
You are not going outside.
With no rollers in your head orany of those things.
And so we grew up very much sonot being able to wrinkle
wrinkle while your clothes arewrinkled, you ain't gonna put an
iron on that.
And I'm not an ironer.
We're from the Stay Flogeneration.
(12:25):
And so we don't, we, you know,we grew up, mama's like, uh,
you're not going down nowherewith me looking like that.
So now when we see other peoplein other generations who don't
have those experiences or evenexpectations.
Yes.
See the difference?
Yes.
What I mean?
That's a difference.
They don't even consider that.
It ain't even a thing.
It's not a thing.
(12:45):
And here I am and I'm knowingI'm judging.
I am.
I'm having to admit.
I'm like girl, you shouldn'thave done that.
I don't even have people come towork.
Or be at work wearing stuff likethat.
Now that's because I'm, I'm aGen Xer.
Yes.
I have, I have expectations,perspectives.
I do.
And I'm a, I'm a, I just say aleader in the company.
(13:06):
I have expectations.
Yes.
Of how people show up forinterviews about how.
People choose to show up thatday.
It's a representation ofyourself, but it's not, I'm not
saying it's a perfectionism.
I just, it's that balance oftrying to say, show up the way
you want the world to see you,see you.
(13:27):
Yeah.
But is that a, Is that kind ofme throwing my stuff on other
people?
I'm just asking.
I think it might be, yeah, Ican't say that.
That's one of my flaws.
I know.
That's why I'm recognizing.
I'm just saying.
What are you doing?
I'm judging.
I'm judging.
My grandkids, they come aroundwith some little chipped polish,
(13:47):
you know, I'm like, what are wedoing over here?
Get some polish remover quickAnkles.
Rusty.
You need some lotion.
But I feel like I'mparticipating in it too.
(14:08):
Now that we're having thisconversation, Wow.
So, but it's all of thosethings.
That's what you said.
It comes from your childhood.
What was the expectations ofyou?
I think as I, entered thebusiness world, I had that too.
One of my, I still carrysometimes.
Is it like if I have a report ora presentation or something that
(14:29):
I have due?
I will work that thing and keepworking it and keep working it
until rewording, rewordingthings over because I need some
more graphics.
I mean, I, I have a hard timeletting it go and I think it has
a lot to do.
With with say, is it enough?
And dealing with the fact thatit is enough and it doesn't have
(14:53):
to be perfect so because if yougo into it and you usually do it
because you want to impresspeople or It's a really
important message you want toget across Yes that you don't
want anybody to be confused ormisunderstanding what you're
trying to achieve So you putyour heart and soul in it.
I just have a hard time lettingit go and be you Yes.
And do it.
I've gotten better with it.
(15:14):
Yes.
But for years in my professionalcareer, it was very, very
difficult for me to let go ofprojects or documents or reports
and different things.
I can understand that.
I'm the same way.
Well, like if I'm doing aPowerPoint, I would be on it
forever trying to make sureeverything's lined up.
Lines.
like.
Is it, uh.
Paragraphs.
Paragraphs.
Paragraphs.
(15:34):
Faces, right?
Yeah, this one's a little higherthan this.
Coloring's off, it can't looksloppy.
Yeah.
So I definitely get that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So we're still in the midst ofit.
We have growth left to do, butit kind of takes me to my, one
of my, saying is that I'd liketo say is that I'm perfectly
imperfect.
(15:55):
Yes.
And I could never get it Wrong.
Really?
No, it's no, it is.
There is no wrong.
I can never get it wrong and Ican never get it done because
it's a journey.
It is.
It's a journey, not adestination.
And I think, uh, me and myyoungest daughter, Shena, were
having, you know, Shena.
No, I know Shena is, I have tosay who she is.
(16:16):
It was know.
I know who Shena is, yeah.
Shena and I were talking theother day.
Mm-hmm.
And she was telling me that, Iwas her person and she was
talking to me about how as achild I was the one person, she
feels safe talking to me becauseI was the one person in the
world that didn't force her tobe somebody that she wasn't She
(16:39):
could be genuinely her, herexpress herself, and.
Dressed like she wanted to, shewent through the phase where she
wanted to dress, she wanted weara cap to the back and wear
little jerseys.
Yeah.
She looked around thugging orwhatever, you know, like, okay,
what her right, this what goingthrough?
And then, she wanted the tattoosat a young age, piercings and
(17:03):
different things like that.
And I allowed her mm-hmm To beexpress herself that way.
She was always recognized thatshe's not, like, uh.
Like me, but I could say, partsof it is me.
You didn't get to express yours.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I, at times I feel like I amkind of living vicariously
(17:25):
through her and she gets to do alot of the things and express
herself fully where I missed itand kind of got a little
programmed in a differentdirection at a young age to
where she feels free enough toexpress these parts of herself.
And I'd be like, go baby.
I don't know.
I have to leave.
(17:45):
She stands proudly in it andpeople turn around, the
different looks.
She does with herself and peopleturn around and look and they'd
be intrigued.
Like, wow.
And she's standing there sostrong.
But she told me that was partlybecause of how I raised her.
And that, that felt really goodto me.
Like even If I felt as though Ihad to be a fit within some
(18:07):
societal norms that I was ableto give my kids a space to be
themselves, because I have onechild that won't play like when
she was a young child, shedidn't play.
She said, Sit there, like shewas a little prim proper.
Yes.
Like what?
She don't want to play.
She may have a doll two but shewasn't doing no tomboy stuff.
(18:28):
You better not, you better notmess up her clothes.
Yeah, but she would not know.
She was not running away.
Yeah, she'll go outside and sitdown.
I'm outside.
Allowing the children to be whothey are.
I think that's, that'simportant.
It's very important.
You kind of get where I'm goingwith that as far as allowing
(18:50):
them to be who they want to bein life.
Now, the other thing that Iwould say about myself and my
flaws is that I know I have a, atendency, I can be messy.
I have, when I say messy, notin, I call it like, starting
drama messy.
I mean, like my nightstand, ifyou catch me, I'll have a water
(19:13):
bottle, I'll have a collectionof things on my nightstand at
night that have been therethroughout the evening.
And I, but the good thing is, isthat my husband, he's not, he's
more OCD and he don't like me.
He's more of an organizedperson.
He's an organized person.
He's, yeah.
And I make baby mess.
Yeah, he does.
He does.
But when he sees other people'smesses, he's like, no, no.
(19:36):
He's like, no, you can't dothat.
So he likes to go get thingsorganized.
Sometimes you got to come behindand you can't find nothing.
But I have learned though, thathe'll just stand there and look
at my mess.
Like this, this is ridiculous.
This is not good, and you dofeel judged, but at the same
time, it helps me be better atcleaning up, And see, you see
(19:58):
the difference where I havelike, almost adopted like those
expectations or things that Isee myself do.
I know I shouldn't be doingthem.
I know I should go clean upafter myself.
And then here comes somebody whowill come behind me and say, Uh,
look at that Voni.
Look at your, look at your sideof the bed, and then I'm like,
Oh yeah, I'm gonna get my stuff.
You don't want to be talkingabout me.
(20:19):
You know, that's, that's, that'skind of how, you know, it's
trying to find a healthybalance.
It's not even that.
Some of it I look at it saying,I'm
letting still others influence
niecee---voni_2_01-12-2025 (20:29):
what I'm doing, but at the same time
when I'm doing it.
I don't, I don't even reallycare.
It's, I'm not getting up rightnow.
I'm gonna put this right here.
When I get ready, I'll go clearit off and I'll get it cleaned
up.
Now I ain't no nasty person.
I don't want to set thatexpectation, but I've noticed
though, that when I see himlooking at it, It makes me
(20:52):
respond.
So I'm like, okay.
So that's the part I'm talkingabout.
And I think as a society andeverybody has their own
perspective and how they'regoing to live.
Some people might say, Hey, Idon't care what nobody say.
(21:12):
I'm just gonna, but to livehealthily in a society, I think
there's a bit of give and take.
So I think at some point it's,it kind of helps bring to light,
like shines a light on maybesome things that we might need
to work on.
And it might not be related.
We can let go of perfection andbe accepting of ourself.
(21:33):
You're like, damn, this is apart of me I need to work on.
and it's okay that I'm imperfectin that way.
But if it's something that'struly impactful, I think we do
have to Kind of remain a littleagile and be able to flex and
bend and receive feedback.
Because one of my flaws is, isthat sometimes as, when dealing
(21:57):
with relationships inparticular, my relationships
with my children, and they willtell me, Straight out, mom, I
don't need you to be a mom rightnow.
I just want you to listen and bemy friend.
And that's one of my flaws whereI will always like jump into
active mode.
What are we going to do?
Here's what I got.
(22:19):
Okay.
Well, we can look this up.
We can go on this website andthis is where we can go.
We could call these people, nomama.
Mama pause, stop.
Stop.
You know?
Now I just needed a friend tohear me out on where I'm, I
don't need you to fix it all thetime.
And so, and, and it's a littlehumbling.
Mm-hmm You're like, well, I'mjust trying to mm-hmm Help you
(22:39):
fix this.
Mm-hmm It's a little humbling.
And, but I have to receive it.
Yeah.
And, and it, it helps me growand develop and evolve.
And then when I find myselfdoing it, I've been trying to
pack practice the pause, or if Ifind myself jumping into that
sometimes, I might be like, Oh,okay.
I know I'm going there.
(23:00):
I know y'all have told mesomething.
I'll acknowledge that y'all toldme all the time, I got my mama
bear hat on.
They probably just want me tolisten.
I'm a zip it and listen.
Okay.
Some things I've just had thatexperience today with my
daughter, Jacque.
where she was just calling tovent.
Yes.
But she was taking an actionthat I could not be mama.
(23:22):
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I could not be mom.
I was like, okay, now I'll letyou get that out, that out.
Now I'm putting my mama head on.
This is why I believe you haveto take a bigger, take a bigger
look at this.
I'm gonna give you a differentperspective.
That's why I called you mama,because I needed you to tell me.
Yes.
And sometimes, you know, andsometime before I went too far,
(23:43):
I was like, thank you.
I'm glad you trust my judgmentin that respect.
But yeah.
Mm-hmm That's, that's thebalance.
Yes, there is the balance.
Sometimes you gotta let'em sayit and do or whatever, but then
when you hear'em, see'em goingwrong sometimes that's the part
of the mama.
I'm like, that's my role.
Mm-hmm.
I, mm-hmm.
I got, and then I find thatsometimes, I feel like that's
one of my flaws.
Oh, over time.
(24:03):
Okay.
They might come back years laterand tell me, mom, I heard you,
you know, it was right.
I hate it when you write.
I'm like, I'm not right all thetime.
I'm a seriously flawedindividual.
But don't we all have that withour parents where they gave us
guidance and we didn't receiveit well.
Cause you wasn't in the spacewhere you were ready to hear it.
(24:24):
But later you're like, man, shewas so right.
And I couldn't hear at thattime.
Yeah.
So sometimes it goes well,sometimes it doesn't, but like
you said, trying to find ahealthy balance, but I do have
to respect them as adultsbecause you guys, your kids get
grown.
No, it's a differentrelationship, you know?
So that's one of my bigimperfections.
(24:46):
Well, let me ask you this.
I'm going to shift for a moment.
I had a note here.
Let's see.
Um, okay.
Can you tell me about a momentwhere you, being vulnerable
strengthened your relationshipwith someone vulnerable and
(25:10):
opening up and divulging maybe,I do it a lot.
I do it a lot.
I do it at work because to me asa, as a leader, manager,
whatever title you want to givesomeone is very difficult for
people because I mean, you canhave a title, something And
people have this perception,your name or title can influence
(25:30):
people about you or haveperceptions about what you are,
even how you should carryyourself.
Right.
And, oftentimes as a leader,though, you know, you don't know
everything and the people thatyou work with.
Really have more insight aboutit, and that's where oftentimes,
especially at work, I don'tunderstand.
(25:51):
I don't know what is the bestthing to do here, and I need
your help, and I just kind ofput it out there, and I think
it's dependent on the audienceor how it's received.
Most times I get great.
response feedback, because Ifeel like you have to be
vulnerable in a situation likethat.
(26:12):
at the workplace.
another example I would give iseven in my marriage been
married, what it'll be 35 yearsthis year.
We have to have, I call itmoments where sometimes we
life'n and doing differentthings.
And then, Sometimes, kind of toyour point, you just made about
(26:32):
things that have happened maybea while ago that you have to
have sometimes a moment whereyou can have that opportunity to
say how something made you feel,how you received or saw a
situation.
It could have happened weeks agoor months ago, but it was just
the right moment for you to beable to articulate it because
(26:52):
you got the courage or you had,it.
Something relatable that youcould go speak to.
So I find myself doing it in mymarriage, that way.
but I have to have the righttiming on that.
and it's, it's the same forwork, but uh, Those are those
are two things that stand outfor me.
Yes about how I try to look atI'm, okay being vulnerable or
(27:18):
people now and I think it's comewith age for me though I used to
function in life.
I had to carry a certain Personaor something.
And, and it felt fake.
I just have to say it justwasn't genuinely me.
And once I let that go, I feellike I can be genuine.
I can relate to people better.
(27:39):
My team or people I work withare more responsive to me.
My family is more responsive tome.
I just kind of, and I feel likea lot of it came with my age.
Yes.
That, that my own maturity aboutwhat I didn't care as much about
what people thought it wasreally more about what we hope
to achieve.
That is, that is a good pointthere because a lot of younger
(28:03):
people, struggle with that and,and trying to live up to certain
expectations or feeling likepeople think of them in a
certain way, not recognizingbecause when I was younger, uh,
with age, it does naturallychange.
It does change, you don't havethose, you don't have those
weights there.
Right.
You, you remove those barriers.
(28:24):
So if anybody's out therelistening, looking, watching
anything, you know that.
That you will not always feelthat way.
Take confidence within yourselfand know that your feelings are
valid and that you should beable to speak to it.
Now, I will even say at my age,my big old age, I still
(28:44):
experience a little apprehensionsometimes when it comes to, I
will speak to it, but I doexperience a little apprehension
sometimes when it comes tohaving to have, speak about my
true feelings and I will hold itsometimes.
And in every scenario I won't.
Some scenarios you might not geta response out of me.
I might just disappear on you.
(29:05):
I'll just shut down.
Yeah.
So, it depends on how close I amto you as to if I will speak on
it, but I do experience aninternal, agnst If that's the
right word, I know it.
I recognize it because I've beenthe whole life.
Right?
Yeah, I see it.
If you don't speak it, I can seeit.
(29:26):
But no, I've seen you do otherpeople that way and you and I
have talked about how I'm morevocal and I want to say
something You don't do thatalways.
You like, I ain't got to talk toyou about this.
This will happen.
This is what you did.
I can show you better than I cantell you.
And I was like, and I'm here totell you what you did.
So, but that's, that's.
(29:46):
That's you.
It's me.
It's a different personality.
It's just a different approach.
And so when I do have to, Imean, it, it's a conscious thing
for me to come forward and speakto certain things.
I will give it a lot of thought,just like most things I will
give a lot of thought.
And before I come forward andsay anything like a vulnerable
(30:06):
moment.
before that I've, it's just alittle small thing, but one of
my good friends, Kem, she'salways checking on me and
always, like, friend, I know youdon't, and I'd say, friend, I
just have to say, I appreciateyou keeping me accountable.
And I'm not always the greatestfriend.
I'm not always like, yes, I getcaught up in my own life and I
(30:31):
don't stay connected, but pleaseknow that my heart.
It's always there.
I love you.
I got a couple of friends likethat.
I have to talk to them about itbecause I know that's one of my
flaws and I need to work on.
Yeah, me too.
Being connected and it's soimportant, and she received,
she's like, girl, I don't beworried about it.
We all grown.
We all livin, you know, how Kemis so, I know.
(30:52):
I appreciate that.
But she, but that strengthens.
Yeah.
our bond in our relationship.
Mm-hmm To where she understandsme and receives Yeah.
And accepts that bit of a flaw,because I can relate to that
too.
'cause.
My friends.
Now, when we get together,there's no, it doesn't stop.
Right.
We pick up just where we leftoff.
(31:13):
But I don't feel like that to meis one of my flaws too.
That I don't feel like I stayconnected.
As I should.
And you have a desire to.
I do.
I do.
I think about them and I don'tact.
I don't set up anything, but Ilove them.
I think about them.
I do.
I'll be.
Yeah, I had to have thatdiscussion with Eboni yesterday,
I had talked to her in a minuteand I missed her call on
(31:35):
Christmas as our stepsister, asour stepsister, I love her and I
can be done said it a few times.
And I'm like, what the heck?
You know?
So we had to talk about that.
And we received it.
well, but just those kind ofthings and being vulnerable.
But when somebody receives it,well and understand you it means
(31:57):
the world it does cause a deeperconnection with that person.
You feel heard.
You feel heard.
You feel accepted.
Even though you know you're notperfect in this area.
So you're like, well, andaccepted that they understand
that piece of me.
Yes.
Yes.
That means a lot to me.
That's beautiful.
Yes.
Beautiful.
That's beautiful.
So.
(32:18):
Well, this has been reallyinsightful and a good dialogue,
but it's still a work inprogress is what I take away
from this whole conversation.
Exactly.
We are all still learning howto, navigate life,
relationships, and how we chooseto, respond and what formats we
choose to respond to people.
(32:39):
I get, from our conversationhere that, it's no, I call it no
right or wrong way to approachit, it just really isn't, it's
what you've been trained,learned, and then what you
choose to do based on thoseinfluences, right?
Yes, it's about choices, andbeing purposeful about how
(33:01):
you're going to show up and howyou're going to be.
Yeah.
Accepting yourself for that.
Now, one thing that I do,because I know I deal with flaws
and imperfections.
I mean, even when I had a lot ofaccidents, accident prone, I got
scars all over my body, it'slike.
Man, I, you know, when I wear mylittle short sleeves and stuff,
(33:23):
you'd be like, well, people belooking at my scars, can you
tell I have scars on them?
Now, one thing I do, I will tellyou that I do sometimes, there's
something where you're talkingabout, self acceptance.
Sometimes I talk to myself inthe mirror.
You do?
Yes.
To motivate or to do what?
Just to love on myself.
Yes.
That's beautiful.
And I find that looking deeplyin the mirror.
(33:44):
You're like.
I'm looking eye to eye withyourself like I'm looking eye to
eye with you right now.
It's really healing.
It is.
And you know that song, withMary J.
Blige did Good Morning Gorgeous?
Yes.
I love that song.
You sing that to me?
That is one of those songs that,I can look at myself in the
mirror, even if I We haveimperfections about any part of
myself.
Yes.
That's the one song I can lookat myself and just sing that to
(34:07):
myself to motivate.
Yes.
And love on ourselves.
Love on yourself.
Love it on ourselves.
You gotta love you before youcan love anybody else.
Yes.
I agree.
I've been learning that.
Me too.
Me too.
It's more recent.
It's always a work in progressbecause you have those moments
where you're like, you ain'tloving on yourself and you just
pull yourself together to make achoice.
(34:28):
Be purposeful in it.
Uh, yeah.
But you know, my mind is, uh, Ohyes.
Uh, brand new, uh, uh, it's byBill Withers, uh, Lovely Day.
Lovely Day by Bill Withers.
Yes.
And it's, I think that's the, inthe song, he may be singing to
somebody else or he might besinging to himself, but I will
sing to myself.
(34:48):
I'd be like, when I look at you.
And the world's all right withme.
I love to sing that on a sunnyday.
You already know.
Yes.
So loving on yourself.
Yes.
That's a huge part of it.
(35:09):
Anything about like yourpersonal, do you have, do you
care to share with anybodythings like about your, some
people say like, I have flawswith my person, like my nose, my
ears, my.
Anything like that, that youfeel like is a flaw as we talk
about flaws or different things.
I just want us to be open andsay, what would you say?
(35:29):
Niecee like, why are you goingthere?
Why?
Y'all started blinking at me.
Why'd you ask me?
You're lying.
You know.
Well, my scars is one of mythings that I really, have a
thing with, you know, like Ihave, like I had an oven door
closed on me one time when Iwas, uh, taking some garlic
(35:52):
bread out the oven was reallyhot and I got really burned up.
I should have gone to thehospital, but I didn't.
That's one of a couple of miniscars.
Um, then I would say, just,being fit, you know, I like, I
want to be fit.
I got some work to do, but myboobies, I feel like I need a, a
mommy lift.
(36:15):
So I'm single, but if I gettogether with somebody, I'm not
feeling the most confident.
If I broke out was like, I likeyour younger years.
So, as far as physicality, withmy, person, but I go back and
forth with my hair.
(36:36):
Okay.
One minute I love my hair shortand then the next minute I want
some braids, but I wanna dosomething different.
I want to be able to trysomething different.
It's not like, I feel likethat's an imperfection.
It's just things like that Ilike to change, but overall now,
right as a woman, we can go backand forth.
Right.
Now, when I was a child.
(36:57):
Okay.
I used to have big issues, likewith my hair and my nose, like,
and, and my eyes.
People used to, I can't even, Idon't even know, I can't say
what they used to call it.
They used to say I had, like,Chinese eyes.
It was a, it was a saying that Idon't think you can really say
anymore.
It's not politically correct.
(37:17):
But they used to say that.
Call me that.
And then they used to call memiss piggy from the Muppets.
Yeah.
Because I have a pug nose.
That was one of mine.
I've grown to accept mine too.
I have to, cause my nose was oneof my physical, things, that I
didn't like.
And I think it grew from beingteased about it.
Yes.
That came from, and then theother one was my skin
(37:40):
complexion.
My skin complexion, because I'ma darker skin, Person.
and if anybody saw, if we showyou guys a whole picture of our
family, myself, my dad, maybe mybrother, he's in the darker
complexion, but mom, Niecee,Eva, they're all lighter
complexion.
And when me and Niecee weregrowing up, I used to get a lot
(38:01):
of ridicule.
And they used to say because shewas lighter.
We looked a lot alike.
Y'all see, we do look a lot.
We look a lot.
People ask us for, are we twins?
We're twins all the time.
Yes, but, and then mama used todress us like twins.
We wore the same outfits, colorclothes, maybe not the exact
same outfit, but we hadsomething similar in style that
we would wear if she had onBurgundy.
I had on some other burgundy,whatever the color was, yes, But
(38:22):
people would tease me and saythings like, she's the pretty
one, or, and it was always aboutmy skin tone.
Skin complexion.
Skin complexion.
But.
Over time.
Now, you couldn't really saythat to me.
I don't really trip about it.
And I've always, I've alwaysloved dark skin.
You always liked it, but it'sthat, balance.
But, when I But that was a thingin our neighborhood.
It was.
They used to talk about darkerpeople.
(38:43):
Darker complexion people.
It was like the lighter youwere, the more beautiful you
were.
The more acceptable you wereconsidered and mom used to work.
She worked and worked, workedwith me on how beautiful I was,
my beautiful chocolate baby,whatever she had to do to go
lift me up to make me feelbetter.
It didn't always work, but shewould just kind of keep saying
it and saying and saying, andthen eventually I believe, and I
(39:05):
grew it.
Yes.
She went through the same thing.
And I had to do the same withmy, my kids.
Too.
I mean, we were all darkskinned, darker skin.
Don't let nobody tell you'causeyou dark and you are not
beautiful.
You are right.
Gorgeous costume.
My chocolate baby doll.
It's not a a flaw.
No.
But it was something that Icarried with a perception.
An imperfection of animperfection or flaw that I
(39:27):
thought I had.
But it's not that.
But now you've embraced it.
Now I've embraced.
I love it.
I love my skin.
I wouldn't have no other way.
Good morning gorgeous.
Yes.
And I feel as though I'm notreally like, uh, um, I probably
could be, it depends on beauty'sin the eye of the beholder.
(39:48):
I was going to say, I'm not likea runway model type, but maybe I
could run down the runway.
There might be women out therethat are considered in society
(40:10):
to be more beautiful than I am,but I'm not going to count
myself out.
I feel like I'm the bomb, I wassaying, how am I single?
Because I should be swooped uphere.
I got a lot to offer you.
Amen.
Amen.
So I just wondered aboutpersonal, physical, flaws, they
not really flaws.
(40:30):
These are just who we are.
And you're like, that's aperception in society where
people tease or do differentthings.
That was just why I wanted toask that.
But that was a good question.
I had me over here blinking me,I was like, where are we going
with this?
How honest should I be?
Put it out there.
This is our purpose.
You got to put it out there.
I was honest.
(40:50):
Yes.
Yes.
And so.
Celebrate.
That's the last thing I did wantto talk about.
Celebrating who we are and wherewe're at in the present and be
confident and moving forwardboldly because anything that
happened in the past, it'salready done, dotta, done, done.
(41:13):
It's done, done.
You might as well accept it.
You could look back there andsay, oh wow, that was kind of
jacked up.
Mm-hmm We might have choose todo a different forward.
Yes.
That's about all you could moveforward in confidence and like,
okay, I'm perfectly imperfect.
Mm-hmm And, you know, show up asour best selves, as much as we
can to enjoy our lives and findthe happiness that we other.
(41:36):
Whereas if you close yourselfoff.
In that when you're feelingsuper uncomfortable and not
confident about yourself and whoyou are, it shows in how you
show up, how it shows in you'redimmin your light.
You're dimmin your light showit.
Yes.
Cause it's your emotion, yourattitude, your thought
processes.
It shows up externally.
Yes.
(41:56):
And your, and your energy exudesout of your body with the funk.
Yes.
And everybody feeling, and thelack of confidence that you're
in and all those ways.
Yes.
It really will.
Yes, it will.
'cause when I'm in a, when I'min a funk, yeah.
Everybody feel it?
Mm-hmm Yeah.
One time you came to talk to melike you're impacting the whole
house.
(42:17):
Yeah, I know.
What's wrong with you?
I'm feeling you.
What's going on?
What's going on?
You gotta talk to me.
Talk to me.
Let's get past this.
We can't have this kind ofenergy up in the house and it's
a real thing, that we have to beable to.
And we have to be intentional, Ialways say too, about that, uh,
not, not that you got to put ona false.
(42:39):
Facade when you haven't afeeling because you need to be
able to release and communicateit.
But at the same time, get it outthere, express it how you need
to, because it's, not foreverybody to hear and be a part
of that clarity or whateveryou're, you need to express.
But what I don't like to seepeople do, or I don't like to do
(43:02):
for myself is, Lay in it andwaddle in it and just make it a
part of you.
Like I can't do it that way.
That's the part I refuse to do.
I cannot do it.
I, know I probably have someopportunity to be more emotional
about some of the things that Ido and deal with in life.
But at the same time, there's apart of me that says, But I like
(43:27):
to carry forward.
I get the experience I had thereand it was not a good or
positive one, but I just choosenot to live there.
I, yes.
I choose not to.
It's a conscious choice there.
Yes.
In that misery, in that sadness.
Mm-hmm.
In that anger even.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I don't wanna be there.
Yes.
Because I, that I have learnedthat when I used to have
(43:48):
attitudes or hold grudgesagainst people or things that
had happened to me.
I was the one miserable thatstatement is so true and what
you do or feel or try to carryor put against somebody else in
energy as you said it ends upreally being a reflection on you
because you're the one feelingall this stuff and it's that
(44:09):
that you you carrying around allthat sadness anger frustration
because you live and then if youcarry it too long it turns into
your personality and I wanteverybody's experience with you.
So I might not do a deal with itlong enough, but I certainly
don't want to give myself oneday.
(44:30):
Maybe a day and a half is themax.
But then pick yourself up andstart on the chart.
I don't mind not being a hundredpercent coming out.
Yes.
Total agreement with that.
Yes.
But Niecee we might have to wrapup here in a little bit.
We don't need to wrap up.
This has been great though.
I enjoy talking to you.
(44:50):
I learn new things every time Italk to you.
You're forcing me to say and beme.
Yes, let it out.
Let it out.
Yes.
You want to do a recap for us?
You're good at recaps.
Recap.
Oh man, the recap.
Uh, well we talked about atstart, where do our flaws and
ideas about, perfectionism comefrom?
(45:12):
Everybody needs to askthemselves that.
Yeah.
Where do we receive those ideasto begin with?
What were the foundation ofthem?
then we know that, we carry someof those, through our childhood
experiences and things that wewanted to achieve or see around
us that we kind of madesomething that we decided we
(45:33):
were going to.
Have or be or do or whatever,for me, clothes or, different
things, attitudes.
Um, also that as we interactwith people professionally or,
in relationships, how we makeourselves vulnerable or, display
(45:54):
or communicate in a way not todisplay weakness, but to just
show that you don't, you're notperfect is okay.
And it's really healthy.
and it really can be motivatingto people around you to know
that you're not perfect incertain settings.
it just is, it's messed that up.
I'll be the first one to say,especially at work.
(46:16):
I do too.
I'll be like, uh, y'all I didtoo.
I told y'all this.
Recap.
I'm gonna have to backpedal onthat.
This is what it really is.
And I messed up.
I own it.
It's mine.
You know, that's they and theyrespect that.
They do.
People respect that.
That accountability is soimportant.
And then, and as I think about,thoughts about ourselves and our
(46:38):
personal, physical flaws.
Where did those come from?
Usually people teasing you,doing different things to you.
I used to hate my name, believeit or not.
You couldn't tell me now that Ididn't like my name, Vonzelle.
You know, but you remember therewas a time I wanted my name
changed?
Did I know at the time that myname was the same as my mama's
middle name?
No.
Did you know I did not knowthat?
(46:59):
When I was telling my mama, Iknow I hurt my mama's feelings.
And now that I look at it, I'mlike, oh no.
I'm sitting there thinking,Voni, you told mama you didn't
like your name.
That was her name.
That was her name.
That was her name.
Yeah.
And I wanted that name changed.
Now you couldn't.
I'm like, what?
No, that's my name.
I love my name.
Right.
But it's just all those thingsthat I just call myself.
(47:21):
Verniece.
Denise.
But it comes from thoseexperiences.
Yes.
And that's where we just haveyou learn with age.
But at the same time you and Ireally appreciated your feedback
around allowing people toexpress themselves.
And them having the, opportunityand the opportunity to just be
(47:45):
them without those judgments andthings that you're the safe
place.
I really appreciate you sharingthat about Shena that you have
to provide those venues wherepeople can just be themselves.
And be feel safe and feel safeand feel heard or seen and not
judged.
Yeah.
And not judged.
I think we got a niece here.
Your grand, I got a niece, yourgrandchild that's here with us
(48:08):
right now.
She's going through a tough timeand come hang out with us.
We feel so special when thathappens, but now she ready to
take a nap.
She's tired.
She's been tired, couldn'tsleep.
And now she's in her safe space.
So she's rested.
She's sleeping.
Yes.
And that,, create a good sleep.
safe space for people to bethemselves and to feel safe.
Yes.
(48:29):
It goes a long way.
It does.
It does.
And so we as people, we'rehuman.
And that's, I feel like that'sour role in life, to be that for
people.
I do that.
I do.
I feel like, yes.
Yeah.
It's part of my purpose.
I know.
Part of my purpose.
Yes.
I agree.
I agree.
Yeah, we're gonna do anotherwe're gonna do a video on that.
(48:50):
That is something we have topurpose out on purpose What is
our purpose?
What is our purpose?
We're gonna that's gonna be ournext video All right, we're
gonna do that one next just godown go on out.
That's those teaser Yeah, let'stalk about let's talk about
purpose in life.
All right identify Understandstanding in your purpose, what
(49:11):
is your purpose?
Align with the purpose?
Do you believe you can seek itout?
What does that mean?
Alright, we'll do it.
Yes, let's do it.
Yes.
All right.
Niecee, close us out.
Alright, well thank you all for,we get very professional here,
Yes.
Yes.
I appreciate everybody listeningin, watching how you're tuning
into us today.
(49:32):
The Sister Girl Sessions, we areworking to create a community.
So we encourage you to leave acomment, share with us some of
your flaws, share with us someof your experiences.
What are your stories?
How do you deal with letting goof the perception of needing to
be perfect?
How are you standing in yourimperfect life?
(49:53):
You know, everybody has someopportunities for improvement.
So share with us if thisresonates with you.
Share with the friends send thison out.
Let's get the sister girlcommunity going You can listen
to us on all your streamingplatforms, and we're also on
youtube and if you all Wouldlike and subscribe.
(50:17):
I would love that.
Yes.
Somebody like spit it out.
Niecee.
I know Subscribe to our channel.
Yes And until next time We askthat you go ahead and stand in
your truth, be true to yourself,love on yourself, look yourself
in the eyes in the mirror,smile, sing a song to yourself.
Let's do it, girls.
Let's do it, sisters.
(50:37):
Let's do it.
So until next time, you all stayblessed and be peaceful.
Hello and welcome to the Sister Girl
Sessions podcast.
My name is Niecee and I'm Voniand we have created this podcast
as a space for us to cometogether and share life
experiences, lessons learned,just to talk about different
topics in general, all with theGen X vibe and with a few
laughs, we hope.
(00:21):
So we appreciate you being heretoday.
On today we're going to betalking about Letting Go of
Perfections and Embracing OurFlaws.
So with that, I am going to turnit over to Voni.
She knows I always turn it overto her.
Let's kick it off.
(00:47):
Let's do it! That Pressure, thatpressure.
Well, when I think about thatquestion or pose it to myself, I
always, Okay, I'm going to startwith the astrology kind of thing
that people have as aphilosophy.
I'm a Virgo.
Yes.
Right?
And so what I've always heard,or people tell you that like
(01:11):
Virgos are perfectionists.
Yes.
And you kind of have this reallyhigh expectation about yourself
and then of other people too.
So at first, uh, throughout mylife, especially early in my
life, I carried that aroundquite a bit.
Uh, even in my twenties and evenas a kid, I would carry that
around.
And I resonated with it whenpeople would say that to me,
(01:32):
because I do have highexpectations of myself and
others, because you candisappoint me.
And it was related to being aVirgo?
I did! Mom used to, or maybemama did, I don't know what the
relationship Mom had thesuperstitions and astrology.
Yeah, and then it was like, as Igrew up, it kind of got
validated.
Because people kept saying it.
And so like, I felt justifiedfor being that way.
(01:53):
Like, yeah, I'm supposed to, I'ma Virgo.
That's what I do.
And so, but then with it comes alot of, of stress.
And burden.
Now, I won't tell you, that whenI, when you, when just the
concept itself, I think you gothrough phases in life of
understanding your levels ofperfection and flaws.
(02:15):
Yes.
Cause it takes you a while to beable to understand your own
flaws or even sometimes somepeople have to do it.
Tell you a little bit aboutyourself too.
I agree.
Yeah, you learn by, people, yourrelationships, your friendships
and different things.
So, um, I've learned to,understand why I think that way
(02:37):
about perfectionism even inmyself or other people.
Mm hmm.
And Also, but with my age I'velearned to kind of find a
balance yes So I can't wait toget into a little deeper, but
that's what stands out to meYeah, and I why did I ever think
I had to be perfect or it kindof, those are things that
(03:00):
resonate with me when I hearthat.
And I know I carry around someexpectations of myself.
I think, we've talked aboutbefore, people's opinions of
you.
Yes.
And people make statements aboutyou.
And even one time, even as akid, a kid, I call myself a kid.
Now it was, I was a teenager atthe time.
(03:20):
You'll remember this one timedaddy was fussing at me about
something, you didn't call me adummy.
Yes.
That carried something with meprobably still do to this very
day.
But it's like who says certainthings to you that you can also
have this level of expectationabout yourself.
(03:41):
So in that example, I tell you,I carry even some of my thoughts
about perfectionism, attitudesabout myself and where, where I
was going to prove him wrong.
I'm not dumb.
I know.
And so I kind of elevated mythought process and things that
I wanted to achieve to proveother people wrong.
But at the same time, I wascreating all this extra burden
(04:03):
on myself.
Yes.
Oh boy.
That's deep.
Very, very well said too.
I get it.
I understand.
What does it say?
And I've learned a lot.
I'd have to say I learned a lotabout you and your thought
processes.
Through this whole thing?
For real?
We known each other our wholelives, y'all.
We don't know life without eachother.
(04:25):
Tell me more.
I love that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We still discovering thingsabout each other.
Thinking, somebody, but youreally don't know until they
tell you certain things.
And for me, when I think about,the burdens that I put on myself
with perfection, we talked abouthaving this podcast and having
(04:47):
this as a topic.
And I was kind of asking myselfsome perspective.
Some questions like, where doyou struggle with that at?
Where did it stem from?
And mine goes back to being alittle child, and being in a, an
environment where.
of poverty, but people strivingto be their best selves and pull
(05:12):
themselves up out of thesituation.
And I will say that what Ilearned in growing up is that a
lot of people, even in thepoverty strickened areas are
proud or proud people.
Yes.
And so they want to stand up andput their best foot forward and
being, having the expectationfrom my parents that I carried
(05:35):
myself a certain way.
I'll tell y'all when I was alittle child, I was a big
tomboy.
No.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was just, I just wanted to runaround.
I wanted to explore the world,try everything in the world.
And I didn't, I just wanted togo outside.
I didn't care what I look like,what my clothes match, none of
that.
You wouldn't know that now, youdidn't know that now.
(05:56):
Now she got a level ofperfectionism about her attire
now that we gonna talk about.
We gonna talk about that.
Sooner or later.
Yeah, yeah, we gonna talk aboutthat.
But it started from there.
Uh huh.
I used to get chastised aboutthat.
Yeah, a lot.
I'd be looking at myself like,what's wrong, where is this?
You know?
And then you go outside and Igot teased a lot.
Yeah, I got teased a lot becauseI didn't have a lot of the
(06:18):
fashionable clothes or expensiveclothes to wear to school and in
the neighborhood and things likethat.
And so, I used to feel like Ineeded to be a certain way in
order to be accepted.
And that's where you see anacceptance was kind of one of
the roots of your, is that whatyou're saying?
Yes, acceptance and fitting in.
Okay.
(06:39):
Or just the feeling of beingtreated differently because you
didn't have certain things.
Didn't really feel good to me onthe inside.
So I didn't like that.
I had some there myself.
It shows up in ways that we cantalk about it.
We can talk about it becauseYes.
When you were growing up andit's like, man, just because I
(07:02):
don't have all the name bandthings or we like we've talked
about before, our hair wasreally thick and really long,
but it was, coarse it was.
It wasn't like super matted atif anybody African
american
Hair.
Yeah, African American hair.
It was, it was thick and it washealthy and yeah.
(07:23):
And my mom, she didn't reallyknow how to comb hair all that
great.
And we were stern.
She tender headed.
I was super tender headed.
I'm still headed to this day.
I can, I barely have hair and Icould be like, ow.
So, yep.
Yeah.
You know, and we used to getteased about our hair.
Yeah.
they used to say we had dookiebraids, because our ponytails
were real thick.
(07:44):
And, but you come to later, findout a lot of those people that
teased us were jealous they werejealous of us.
Yeah, we didn't receive it thatway.
It was hard.
It was humiliating.
It was.
We cried we did all that Iremember it together.
Yeah, we even had some cousinsand People who came helped us.
Yes Yeah, they took care of meYeah, they helped us along our
(08:10):
way especially when we got Intothe, uh, the projects.
Yes, we were saying, well, andthem kids down there were
ruthless, so we, we thank God wehad big cousins.
Yes, thank y'all.
If anybody watches this, thanky'all for looking out for us.
Y'all helped us along our way.
I love them, my big cousins,love them.
(08:32):
Thankful to have family here inKansas City.
So that's where my stem from islike trying to, understand why
what's expected?
What should I be doing?
And as I watched and looked andthat's I used to watch and see
well what was different from methe others and I don't know if
that's where I got my desire forfashion I love to I love
(08:52):
fashion.
I love clothes if I could shoptill I drop I probably would
because I just enjoy it andputting different looks together
because I as a child great thingPride in that.
See, I just buy stuff.
Verniece be like, you know, yougotta have, you gotta have this
flow.
This is our flow, But as alittle child, I started to watch
people and how they were and putit together.
(09:13):
And people that I like that theway, well, if I did have it, I'd
probably get something like thisor, different things like that.
But where, where would youdescribe the, would you describe
that as a, a, aboutperfectionism though?
In your day to day though, soyou do you carry some of that
pain hurt?
(09:34):
Some of the, observations andlack that you kind of just
described that caused you.
So do you carry it around as away of trying to be, validate
and validate yourself?
Yes.
And it's kind of a form of,Perfectionist.
I'm, you know, it's one of myflaws that I'm still working on.
(09:54):
Okay.
I am making progress becausewhen, at some point when I
finally got financially stableenough, because I had
experienced so much lack andthings like that, when I was
able, then I wanted to go outand buy all the name brand
stuff.
I needed the Nike.
I needed the Puma.
Now it's like, I really don'tcare about all that.
(10:16):
and I understand that I, they, alot of times some of the label
things do have more quality andI respect that.
I will respect the brand, but atthe same time, trying to put
something on just to say, Hey, Igot to have this label on the
cross of my chest to say I gotsomething.
Yeah, I'm way past that.
So I'm healing.
(10:36):
But at the same time, I do feelthat I carry some of that with
me because of what I experiencedgrowing up and desiring to fit
in and, and be, I guess,accepted or validating that,
yes, I am just like everybodyelse.
I'm no different because I usedto feel different as a child.
(10:58):
A lot of things that I dealwith, stem from childhood, most
of our stuff, most of the thingswe deal with in life, I believe
are usually stem fromexperiences or traumas or,
really memorable moments in yourlife and parents and parents,
your parents.
Yes, too.
I do.
My parents used to get on meabout, keeping yourself
(11:19):
together, keeping your hairtogether.
Daddy used to say, your hair isyour crown.
Crown and glory.
Why don't you be out herelooking no kind of way with your
hair undone.
You got to keep it together.
I grew up with these things andthen when I looked out and when
I wasn't.
up to par.
I felt it.
Yeah.
felt the wrath of it.
Little self conscious, littleself conscious.
(11:39):
Well, I think, and okay, it'sgonna be some kind of
controversial, but it kind of isin the same realm.
And it, and I think it's thedifference, in our generation.
That today people were a lotmore laxed.
Yes.
So like when we were growing upand now, our mothers and our
parents were baby boomers.
So when they would get up to goout, they would dress.
(12:01):
Not my, I wouldn't say mamawould always get dressed up, but
she would get dressed.
Yes.
So you wasn't going outside inno bonnets.
You are not going outside.
With no rollers in your head orany of those things.
And so we grew up very much sonot being able to wrinkle
wrinkle while your clothes arewrinkled, you ain't gonna put an
iron on that.
And I'm not an ironer.
We're from the Stay Flogeneration.
(12:25):
And so we don't, we, you know,we grew up, mama's like, uh,
you're not going down nowherewith me looking like that.
So now when we see other peoplein other generations who don't
have those experiences or evenexpectations.
Yes.
See the difference?
Yes.
What I mean?
That's a difference.
They don't even consider that.
It ain't even a thing.
It's not a thing.
(12:45):
And here I am and I'm knowingI'm judging.
I am.
I'm having to admit.
I'm like girl, you shouldn'thave done that.
I don't even have people come towork.
Or be at work wearing stuff likethat.
Now that's because I'm, I'm aGen Xer.
Yes.
I have, I have expectations,perspectives.
I do.
And I'm a, I'm a, I just say aleader in the company.
(13:06):
I have expectations.
Yes.
Of how people show up forinterviews about how.
People choose to show up thatday.
It's a representation ofyourself, but it's not, I'm not
saying it's a perfectionism.
I just, it's that balance oftrying to say, show up the way
you want the world to see you,see you.
(13:27):
Yeah.
But is that a, Is that kind ofme throwing my stuff on other
people?
I'm just asking.
I think it might be, yeah, Ican't say that.
That's one of my flaws.
I know.
That's why I'm recognizing.
I'm just saying.
What are you doing?
I'm judging.
I'm judging.
My grandkids, they come aroundwith some little chipped polish,
(13:47):
you know, I'm like, what are wedoing over here?
Get some polish remover quickAnkles.
Rusty.
You need some lotion.
But I feel like I'mparticipating in it too.
(14:08):
Now that we're having thisconversation, Wow.
So, but it's all of thosethings.
That's what you said.
It comes from your childhood.
What was the expectations ofyou?
I think as I, entered thebusiness world, I had that too.
One of my, I still carrysometimes.
Is it like if I have a report ora presentation or something that
(14:29):
I have due?
I will work that thing and keepworking it and keep working it
until rewording, rewordingthings over because I need some
more graphics.
I mean, I, I have a hard timeletting it go and I think it has
a lot to do.
With with say, is it enough?
And dealing with the fact thatit is enough and it doesn't have
(14:53):
to be perfect so because if yougo into it and you usually do it
because you want to impresspeople or It's a really
important message you want toget across Yes that you don't
want anybody to be confused ormisunderstanding what you're
trying to achieve So you putyour heart and soul in it.
I just have a hard time lettingit go and be you Yes.
And do it.
I've gotten better with it.
(15:14):
Yes.
But for years in my professionalcareer, it was very, very
difficult for me to let go ofprojects or documents or reports
and different things.
I can understand that.
I'm the same way.
Well, like if I'm doing aPowerPoint, I would be on it
forever trying to make sureeverything's lined up.
Lines.
like.
Is it, uh.
Paragraphs.
Paragraphs.
Paragraphs.
(15:34):
Faces, right?
Yeah, this one's a little higherthan this.
Coloring's off, it can't looksloppy.
Yeah.
So I definitely get that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So we're still in the midst ofit.
We have growth left to do, butit kind of takes me to my, one
of my, saying is that I'd liketo say is that I'm perfectly
imperfect.
(15:55):
Yes.
And I could never get it Wrong.
Really?
No, it's no, it is.
There is no wrong.
I can never get it wrong and Ican never get it done because
it's a journey.
It is.
It's a journey, not adestination.
And I think, uh, me and myyoungest daughter, Shena, were
having, you know, Shena.
No, I know Shena is, I have tosay who she is.
(16:16):
It was know.
I know who Shena is, yeah.
Shena and I were talking theother day.
Mm-hmm.
And she was telling me that, Iwas her person and she was
talking to me about how as achild I was the one person, she
feels safe talking to me becauseI was the one person in the
world that didn't force her tobe somebody that she wasn't She
(16:39):
could be genuinely her, herexpress herself, and.
Dressed like she wanted to, shewent through the phase where she
wanted to dress, she wanted weara cap to the back and wear
little jerseys.
Yeah.
She looked around thugging orwhatever, you know, like, okay,
what her right, this what goingthrough?
And then, she wanted the tattoosat a young age, piercings and
(17:03):
different things like that.
And I allowed her mm-hmm To beexpress herself that way.
She was always recognized thatshe's not, like, uh.
Like me, but I could say, partsof it is me.
You didn't get to express yours.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I, at times I feel like I amkind of living vicariously
(17:25):
through her and she gets to do alot of the things and express
herself fully where I missed itand kind of got a little
programmed in a differentdirection at a young age to
where she feels free enough toexpress these parts of herself.
And I'd be like, go baby.
I don't know.
I have to leave.
(17:45):
She stands proudly in it andpeople turn around, the
different looks.
She does with herself and peopleturn around and look and they'd
be intrigued.
Like, wow.
And she's standing there sostrong.
But she told me that was partlybecause of how I raised her.
And that, that felt really goodto me.
Like even If I felt as though Ihad to be a fit within some
(18:07):
societal norms that I was ableto give my kids a space to be
themselves, because I have onechild that won't play like when
she was a young child, shedidn't play.
She said, Sit there, like shewas a little prim proper.
Yes.
Like what?
She don't want to play.
She may have a doll two but shewasn't doing no tomboy stuff.
(18:28):
You better not, you better notmess up her clothes.
Yeah, but she would not know.
She was not running away.
Yeah, she'll go outside and sitdown.
I'm outside.
Allowing the children to be whothey are.
I think that's, that'simportant.
It's very important.
You kind of get where I'm goingwith that as far as allowing
(18:50):
them to be who they want to bein life.
Now, the other thing that Iwould say about myself and my
flaws is that I know I have a, atendency, I can be messy.
I have, when I say messy, notin, I call it like, starting
drama messy.
I mean, like my nightstand, ifyou catch me, I'll have a water
(19:13):
bottle, I'll have a collectionof things on my nightstand at
night that have been therethroughout the evening.
And I, but the good thing is, isthat my husband, he's not, he's
more OCD and he don't like me.
He's more of an organizedperson.
He's an organized person.
He's, yeah.
And I make baby mess.
Yeah, he does.
He does.
But when he sees other people'smesses, he's like, no, no.
(19:36):
He's like, no, you can't dothat.
So he likes to go get thingsorganized.
Sometimes you got to come behindand you can't find nothing.
But I have learned though, thathe'll just stand there and look
at my mess.
Like this, this is ridiculous.
This is not good, and you dofeel judged, but at the same
time, it helps me be better atcleaning up, And see, you see
(19:58):
the difference where I havelike, almost adopted like those
expectations or things that Isee myself do.
I know I shouldn't be doingthem.
I know I should go clean upafter myself.
And then here comes somebody whowill come behind me and say, Uh,
look at that Voni.
Look at your, look at your sideof the bed, and then I'm like,
Oh yeah, I'm gonna get my stuff.
You don't want to be talkingabout me.
(20:19):
You know, that's, that's, that'skind of how, you know, it's
trying to find a healthybalance.
It's not even that.
Some of it I look at it saying,I'm
letting still others influence
niecee---voni_2_01-12-2025 (20:29):
what I'm doing, but at the same time
when I'm doing it.
I don't, I don't even reallycare.
It's, I'm not getting up rightnow.
I'm gonna put this right here.
When I get ready, I'll go clearit off and I'll get it cleaned
up.
Now I ain't no nasty person.
I don't want to set thatexpectation, but I've noticed
though, that when I see himlooking at it, It makes me
(20:52):
respond.
So I'm like, okay.
So that's the part I'm talkingabout.
And I think as a society andeverybody has their own
perspective and how they'regoing to live.
Some people might say, Hey, Idon't care what nobody say.
(21:12):
I'm just gonna, but to livehealthily in a society, I think
there's a bit of give and take.
So I think at some point it's,it kind of helps bring to light,
like shines a light on maybesome things that we might need
to work on.
And it might not be related.
We can let go of perfection andbe accepting of ourself.
(21:33):
You're like, damn, this is apart of me I need to work on.
and it's okay that I'm imperfectin that way.
But if it's something that'struly impactful, I think we do
have to Kind of remain a littleagile and be able to flex and
bend and receive feedback.
Because one of my flaws is, isthat sometimes as, when dealing
(21:57):
with relationships inparticular, my relationships
with my children, and they willtell me, Straight out, mom, I
don't need you to be a mom rightnow.
I just want you to listen and bemy friend.
And that's one of my flaws whereI will always like jump into
active mode.
What are we going to do?
Here's what I got.
(22:19):
Okay.
Well, we can look this up.
We can go on this website andthis is where we can go.
We could call these people, nomama.
Mama pause, stop.
Stop.
You know?
Now I just needed a friend tohear me out on where I'm, I
don't need you to fix it all thetime.
And so, and, and it's a littlehumbling.
Mm-hmm You're like, well, I'mjust trying to mm-hmm Help you
(22:39):
fix this.
Mm-hmm It's a little humbling.
And, but I have to receive it.
Yeah.
And, and it, it helps me growand develop and evolve.
And then when I find myselfdoing it, I've been trying to
pack practice the pause, or if Ifind myself jumping into that
sometimes, I might be like, Oh,okay.
I know I'm going there.
(23:00):
I know y'all have told mesomething.
I'll acknowledge that y'all toldme all the time, I got my mama
bear hat on.
They probably just want me tolisten.
I'm a zip it and listen.
Okay.
Some things I've just had thatexperience today with my
daughter, Jacque.
where she was just calling tovent.
Yes.
But she was taking an actionthat I could not be mama.
(23:22):
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I could not be mom.
I was like, okay, now I'll letyou get that out, that out.
Now I'm putting my mama head on.
This is why I believe you haveto take a bigger, take a bigger
look at this.
I'm gonna give you a differentperspective.
That's why I called you mama,because I needed you to tell me.
Yes.
And sometimes, you know, andsometime before I went too far,
(23:43):
I was like, thank you.
I'm glad you trust my judgmentin that respect.
But yeah.
Mm-hmm That's, that's thebalance.
Yes, there is the balance.
Sometimes you gotta let'em sayit and do or whatever, but then
when you hear'em, see'em goingwrong sometimes that's the part
of the mama.
I'm like, that's my role.
Mm-hmm.
I, mm-hmm.
I got, and then I find thatsometimes, I feel like that's
one of my flaws.
Oh, over time.
(24:03):
Okay.
They might come back years laterand tell me, mom, I heard you,
you know, it was right.
I hate it when you write.
I'm like, I'm not right all thetime.
I'm a seriously flawedindividual.
But don't we all have that withour parents where they gave us
guidance and we didn't receiveit well.
Cause you wasn't in the spacewhere you were ready to hear it.
(24:24):
But later you're like, man, shewas so right.
And I couldn't hear at thattime.
Yeah.
So sometimes it goes well,sometimes it doesn't, but like
you said, trying to find ahealthy balance, but I do have
to respect them as adultsbecause you guys, your kids get
grown.
No, it's a differentrelationship, you know?
So that's one of my bigimperfections.
(24:46):
Well, let me ask you this.
I'm going to shift for a moment.
I had a note here.
Let's see.
Um, okay.
Can you tell me about a momentwhere you, being vulnerable
strengthened your relationshipwith someone vulnerable and
(25:10):
opening up and divulging maybe,I do it a lot.
I do it a lot.
I do it at work because to me asa, as a leader, manager,
whatever title you want to givesomeone is very difficult for
people because I mean, you canhave a title, something And
people have this perception,your name or title can influence
(25:30):
people about you or haveperceptions about what you are,
even how you should carryyourself.
Right.
And, oftentimes as a leader,though, you know, you don't know
everything and the people thatyou work with.
Really have more insight aboutit, and that's where oftentimes,
especially at work, I don'tunderstand.
(25:51):
I don't know what is the bestthing to do here, and I need
your help, and I just kind ofput it out there, and I think
it's dependent on the audienceor how it's received.
Most times I get great.
response feedback, because Ifeel like you have to be
vulnerable in a situation likethat.
(26:12):
at the workplace.
another example I would give iseven in my marriage been
married, what it'll be 35 yearsthis year.
We have to have, I call itmoments where sometimes we
life'n and doing differentthings.
And then, Sometimes, kind of toyour point, you just made about
(26:32):
things that have happened maybea while ago that you have to
have sometimes a moment whereyou can have that opportunity to
say how something made you feel,how you received or saw a
situation.
It could have happened weeks agoor months ago, but it was just
the right moment for you to beable to articulate it because
(26:52):
you got the courage or you had,it.
Something relatable that youcould go speak to.
So I find myself doing it in mymarriage, that way.
but I have to have the righttiming on that.
and it's, it's the same forwork, but uh, Those are those
are two things that stand outfor me.
Yes about how I try to look atI'm, okay being vulnerable or
(27:18):
people now and I think it's comewith age for me though I used to
function in life.
I had to carry a certain Personaor something.
And, and it felt fake.
I just have to say it justwasn't genuinely me.
And once I let that go, I feellike I can be genuine.
I can relate to people better.
(27:39):
My team or people I work withare more responsive to me.
My family is more responsive tome.
I just kind of, and I feel likea lot of it came with my age.
Yes.
That, that my own maturity aboutwhat I didn't care as much about
what people thought it wasreally more about what we hope
to achieve.
That is, that is a good pointthere because a lot of younger
(28:03):
people, struggle with that and,and trying to live up to certain
expectations or feeling likepeople think of them in a
certain way, not recognizingbecause when I was younger, uh,
with age, it does naturallychange.
It does change, you don't havethose, you don't have those
weights there.
Right.
You, you remove those barriers.
(28:24):
So if anybody's out therelistening, looking, watching
anything, you know that.
That you will not always feelthat way.
Take confidence within yourselfand know that your feelings are
valid and that you should beable to speak to it.
Now, I will even say at my age,my big old age, I still
(28:44):
experience a little apprehensionsometimes when it comes to, I
will speak to it, but I doexperience a little apprehension
sometimes when it comes tohaving to have, speak about my
true feelings and I will hold itsometimes.
And in every scenario I won't.
Some scenarios you might not geta response out of me.
I might just disappear on you.
(29:05):
I'll just shut down.
Yeah.
So, it depends on how close I amto you as to if I will speak on
it, but I do experience aninternal, agnst If that's the
right word, I know it.
I recognize it because I've beenthe whole life.
Right?
Yeah, I see it.
If you don't speak it, I can seeit.
(29:26):
But no, I've seen you do otherpeople that way and you and I
have talked about how I'm morevocal and I want to say
something You don't do thatalways.
You like, I ain't got to talk toyou about this.
This will happen.
This is what you did.
I can show you better than I cantell you.
And I was like, and I'm here totell you what you did.
So, but that's, that's.
(29:46):
That's you.
It's me.
It's a different personality.
It's just a different approach.
And so when I do have to, Imean, it, it's a conscious thing
for me to come forward and speakto certain things.
I will give it a lot of thought,just like most things I will
give a lot of thought.
And before I come forward andsay anything like a vulnerable
(30:06):
moment.
before that I've, it's just alittle small thing, but one of
my good friends, Kem, she'salways checking on me and
always, like, friend, I know youdon't, and I'd say, friend, I
just have to say, I appreciateyou keeping me accountable.
And I'm not always the greatestfriend.
I'm not always like, yes, I getcaught up in my own life and I
(30:31):
don't stay connected, but pleaseknow that my heart.
It's always there.
I love you.
I got a couple of friends likethat.
I have to talk to them about itbecause I know that's one of my
flaws and I need to work on.
Yeah, me too.
Being connected and it's soimportant, and she received,
she's like, girl, I don't beworried about it.
We all grown.
We all livin, you know, how Kemis so, I know.
(30:52):
I appreciate that.
But she, but that strengthens.
Yeah.
our bond in our relationship.
Mm-hmm To where she understandsme and receives Yeah.
And accepts that bit of a flaw,because I can relate to that
too.
'cause.
My friends.
Now, when we get together,there's no, it doesn't stop.
Right.
We pick up just where we leftoff.
(31:13):
But I don't feel like that to meis one of my flaws too.
That I don't feel like I stayconnected.
As I should.
And you have a desire to.
I do.
I do.
I think about them and I don'tact.
I don't set up anything, but Ilove them.
I think about them.
I do.
I'll be.
Yeah, I had to have thatdiscussion with Eboni yesterday,
I had talked to her in a minuteand I missed her call on
(31:35):
Christmas as our stepsister, asour stepsister, I love her and I
can be done said it a few times.
And I'm like, what the heck?
You know?
So we had to talk about that.
And we received it.
well, but just those kind ofthings and being vulnerable.
But when somebody receives it,well and understand you it means
(31:57):
the world it does cause a deeperconnection with that person.
You feel heard.
You feel heard.
You feel accepted.
Even though you know you're notperfect in this area.
So you're like, well, andaccepted that they understand
that piece of me.
Yes.
Yes.
That means a lot to me.
That's beautiful.
Yes.
Beautiful.
That's beautiful.
So.
(32:18):
Well, this has been reallyinsightful and a good dialogue,
but it's still a work inprogress is what I take away
from this whole conversation.
Exactly.
We are all still learning howto, navigate life,
relationships, and how we chooseto, respond and what formats we
choose to respond to people.
(32:39):
I get, from our conversationhere that, it's no, I call it no
right or wrong way to approachit, it just really isn't, it's
what you've been trained,learned, and then what you
choose to do based on thoseinfluences, right?
Yes, it's about choices, andbeing purposeful about how
(33:01):
you're going to show up and howyou're going to be.
Yeah.
Accepting yourself for that.
Now, one thing that I do,because I know I deal with flaws
and imperfections.
I mean, even when I had a lot ofaccidents, accident prone, I got
scars all over my body, it'slike.
Man, I, you know, when I wear mylittle short sleeves and stuff,
(33:23):
you'd be like, well, people belooking at my scars, can you
tell I have scars on them?
Now, one thing I do, I will tellyou that I do sometimes, there's
something where you're talkingabout, self acceptance.
Sometimes I talk to myself inthe mirror.
You do?
Yes.
To motivate or to do what?
Just to love on myself.
Yes.
That's beautiful.
And I find that looking deeplyin the mirror.
(33:44):
You're like.
I'm looking eye to eye withyourself like I'm looking eye to
eye with you right now.
It's really healing.
It is.
And you know that song, withMary J.
Blige did Good Morning Gorgeous?
Yes.
I love that song.
You sing that to me?
That is one of those songs that,I can look at myself in the
mirror, even if I We haveimperfections about any part of
myself.
Yes.
That's the one song I can lookat myself and just sing that to
(34:07):
myself to motivate.
Yes.
And love on ourselves.
Love on yourself.
Love it on ourselves.
You gotta love you before youcan love anybody else.
Yes.
I agree.
I've been learning that.
Me too.
Me too.
It's more recent.
It's always a work in progressbecause you have those moments
where you're like, you ain'tloving on yourself and you just
pull yourself together to make achoice.
(34:28):
Be purposeful in it.
Uh, yeah.
But you know, my mind is, uh, Ohyes.
Uh, brand new, uh, uh, it's byBill Withers, uh, Lovely Day.
Lovely Day by Bill Withers.
Yes.
And it's, I think that's the, inthe song, he may be singing to
somebody else or he might besinging to himself, but I will
sing to myself.
(34:48):
I'd be like, when I look at you.
And the world's all right withme.
I love to sing that on a sunnyday.
You already know.
Yes.
So loving on yourself.
Yes.
That's a huge part of it.
(35:09):
Anything about like yourpersonal, do you have, do you
care to share with anybodythings like about your, some
people say like, I have flawswith my person, like my nose, my
ears, my.
Anything like that, that youfeel like is a flaw as we talk
about flaws or different things.
I just want us to be open andsay, what would you say?
(35:29):
Niecee like, why are you goingthere?
Why?
Y'all started blinking at me.
Why'd you ask me?
You're lying.
You know.
Well, my scars is one of mythings that I really, have a
thing with, you know, like Ihave, like I had an oven door
closed on me one time when Iwas, uh, taking some garlic
(35:52):
bread out the oven was reallyhot and I got really burned up.
I should have gone to thehospital, but I didn't.
That's one of a couple of miniscars.
Um, then I would say, just,being fit, you know, I like, I
want to be fit.
I got some work to do, but myboobies, I feel like I need a, a
mommy lift.
(36:15):
So I'm single, but if I gettogether with somebody, I'm not
feeling the most confident.
If I broke out was like, I likeyour younger years.
So, as far as physicality, withmy, person, but I go back and
forth with my hair.
(36:36):
Okay.
One minute I love my hair shortand then the next minute I want
some braids, but I wanna dosomething different.
I want to be able to trysomething different.
It's not like, I feel likethat's an imperfection.
It's just things like that Ilike to change, but overall now,
right as a woman, we can go backand forth.
Right.
Now, when I was a child.
(36:57):
Okay.
I used to have big issues, likewith my hair and my nose, like,
and, and my eyes.
People used to, I can't even, Idon't even know, I can't say
what they used to call it.
They used to say I had, like,Chinese eyes.
It was a, it was a saying that Idon't think you can really say
anymore.
It's not politically correct.
(37:17):
But they used to say that.
Call me that.
And then they used to call memiss piggy from the Muppets.
Yeah.
Because I have a pug nose.
That was one of mine.
I've grown to accept mine too.
I have to, cause my nose was oneof my physical, things, that I
didn't like.
And I think it grew from beingteased about it.
Yes.
That came from, and then theother one was my skin
(37:40):
complexion.
My skin complexion, because I'ma darker skin, Person.
and if anybody saw, if we showyou guys a whole picture of our
family, myself, my dad, maybe mybrother, he's in the darker
complexion, but mom, Niecee,Eva, they're all lighter
complexion.
And when me and Niecee weregrowing up, I used to get a lot
(38:01):
of ridicule.
And they used to say because shewas lighter.
We looked a lot alike.
Y'all see, we do look a lot.
We look a lot.
People ask us for, are we twins?
We're twins all the time.
Yes, but, and then mama used todress us like twins.
We wore the same outfits, colorclothes, maybe not the exact
same outfit, but we hadsomething similar in style that
we would wear if she had onBurgundy.
I had on some other burgundy,whatever the color was, yes, But
(38:22):
people would tease me and saythings like, she's the pretty
one, or, and it was always aboutmy skin tone.
Skin complexion.
Skin complexion.
But.
Over time.
Now, you couldn't really saythat to me.
I don't really trip about it.
And I've always, I've alwaysloved dark skin.
You always liked it, but it'sthat, balance.
But, when I But that was a thingin our neighborhood.
It was.
They used to talk about darkerpeople.
(38:43):
Darker complexion people.
It was like the lighter youwere, the more beautiful you
were.
The more acceptable you wereconsidered and mom used to work.
She worked and worked, workedwith me on how beautiful I was,
my beautiful chocolate baby,whatever she had to do to go
lift me up to make me feelbetter.
It didn't always work, but shewould just kind of keep saying
it and saying and saying, andthen eventually I believe, and I
(39:05):
grew it.
Yes.
She went through the same thing.
And I had to do the same withmy, my kids.
Too.
I mean, we were all darkskinned, darker skin.
Don't let nobody tell you'causeyou dark and you are not
beautiful.
You are right.
Gorgeous costume.
My chocolate baby doll.
It's not a a flaw.
No.
But it was something that Icarried with a perception.
An imperfection of animperfection or flaw that I
(39:27):
thought I had.
But it's not that.
But now you've embraced it.
Now I've embraced.
I love it.
I love my skin.
I wouldn't have no other way.
Good morning gorgeous.
Yes.
And I feel as though I'm notreally like, uh, um, I probably
could be, it depends on beauty'sin the eye of the beholder.
(39:48):
I was going to say, I'm not likea runway model type, but maybe I
could run down the runway.
There might be women out therethat are considered in society
(40:10):
to be more beautiful than I am,but I'm not going to count
myself out.
I feel like I'm the bomb, I wassaying, how am I single?
Because I should be swooped uphere.
I got a lot to offer you.
Amen.
Amen.
So I just wondered aboutpersonal, physical, flaws, they
not really flaws.
(40:30):
These are just who we are.
And you're like, that's aperception in society where
people tease or do differentthings.
That was just why I wanted toask that.
But that was a good question.
I had me over here blinking me,I was like, where are we going
with this?
How honest should I be?
Put it out there.
This is our purpose.
You got to put it out there.
I was honest.
(40:50):
Yes.
Yes.
And so.
Celebrate.
That's the last thing I did wantto talk about.
Celebrating who we are and wherewe're at in the present and be
confident and moving forwardboldly because anything that
happened in the past, it'salready done, dotta, done, done.
(41:13):
It's done, done.
You might as well accept it.
You could look back there andsay, oh wow, that was kind of
jacked up.
Mm-hmm We might have choose todo a different forward.
Yes.
That's about all you could moveforward in confidence and like,
okay, I'm perfectly imperfect.
Mm-hmm And, you know, show up asour best selves, as much as we
can to enjoy our lives and findthe happiness that we other.
(41:36):
Whereas if you close yourselfoff.
In that when you're feelingsuper uncomfortable and not
confident about yourself and whoyou are, it shows in how you
show up, how it shows in you'redimmin your light.
You're dimmin your light showit.
Yes.
Cause it's your emotion, yourattitude, your thought
processes.
It shows up externally.
Yes.
(41:56):
And your, and your energy exudesout of your body with the funk.
Yes.
And everybody feeling, and thelack of confidence that you're
in and all those ways.
Yes.
It really will.
Yes, it will.
'cause when I'm in a, when I'min a funk, yeah.
Everybody feel it?
Mm-hmm Yeah.
One time you came to talk to melike you're impacting the whole
house.
(42:17):
Yeah, I know.
What's wrong with you?
I'm feeling you.
What's going on?
What's going on?
You gotta talk to me.
Talk to me.
Let's get past this.
We can't have this kind ofenergy up in the house and it's
a real thing, that we have to beable to.
And we have to be intentional, Ialways say too, about that, uh,
not, not that you got to put ona false.
(42:39):
Facade when you haven't afeeling because you need to be
able to release and communicateit.
But at the same time, get it outthere, express it how you need
to, because it's, not foreverybody to hear and be a part
of that clarity or whateveryou're, you need to express.
But what I don't like to seepeople do, or I don't like to do
(43:02):
for myself is, Lay in it andwaddle in it and just make it a
part of you.
Like I can't do it that way.
That's the part I refuse to do.
I cannot do it.
I, know I probably have someopportunity to be more emotional
about some of the things that Ido and deal with in life.
But at the same time, there's apart of me that says, But I like
(43:27):
to carry forward.
I get the experience I had thereand it was not a good or
positive one, but I just choosenot to live there.
I, yes.
I choose not to.
It's a conscious choice there.
Yes.
In that misery, in that sadness.
Mm-hmm.
In that anger even.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I don't wanna be there.
Yes.
Because I, that I have learnedthat when I used to have
(43:48):
attitudes or hold grudgesagainst people or things that
had happened to me.
I was the one miserable thatstatement is so true and what
you do or feel or try to carryor put against somebody else in
energy as you said it ends upreally being a reflection on you
because you're the one feelingall this stuff and it's that
(44:09):
that you you carrying around allthat sadness anger frustration
because you live and then if youcarry it too long it turns into
your personality and I wanteverybody's experience with you.
So I might not do a deal with itlong enough, but I certainly
don't want to give myself oneday.
(44:30):
Maybe a day and a half is themax.
But then pick yourself up andstart on the chart.
I don't mind not being a hundredpercent coming out.
Yes.
Total agreement with that.
Yes.
But Niecee we might have to wrapup here in a little bit.
We don't need to wrap up.
This has been great though.
I enjoy talking to you.
(44:50):
I learn new things every time Italk to you.
You're forcing me to say and beme.
Yes, let it out.
Let it out.
Yes.
You want to do a recap for us?
You're good at recaps.
Recap.
Oh man, the recap.
Uh, well we talked about atstart, where do our flaws and
ideas about, perfectionism comefrom?
(45:12):
Everybody needs to askthemselves that.
Yeah.
Where do we receive those ideasto begin with?
What were the foundation ofthem?
then we know that, we carry someof those, through our childhood
experiences and things that wewanted to achieve or see around
us that we kind of madesomething that we decided we
(45:33):
were going to.
Have or be or do or whatever,for me, clothes or, different
things, attitudes.
Um, also that as we interactwith people professionally or,
in relationships, how we makeourselves vulnerable or, display
(45:54):
or communicate in a way not todisplay weakness, but to just
show that you don't, you're notperfect is okay.
And it's really healthy.
and it really can be motivatingto people around you to know
that you're not perfect incertain settings.
it just is, it's messed that up.
I'll be the first one to say,especially at work.
(46:16):
I do too.
I'll be like, uh, y'all I didtoo.
I told y'all this.
Recap.
I'm gonna have to backpedal onthat.
This is what it really is.
And I messed up.
I own it.
It's mine.
You know, that's they and theyrespect that.
They do.
People respect that.
That accountability is soimportant.
And then, and as I think about,thoughts about ourselves and our
(46:38):
personal, physical flaws.
Where did those come from?
Usually people teasing you,doing different things to you.
I used to hate my name, believeit or not.
You couldn't tell me now that Ididn't like my name, Vonzelle.
You know, but you remember therewas a time I wanted my name
changed?
Did I know at the time that myname was the same as my mama's
middle name?
No.
Did you know I did not knowthat?
(46:59):
When I was telling my mama, Iknow I hurt my mama's feelings.
And now that I look at it, I'mlike, oh no.
I'm sitting there thinking,Voni, you told mama you didn't
like your name.
That was her name.
That was her name.
That was her name.
Yeah.
And I wanted that name changed.
Now you couldn't.
I'm like, what?
No, that's my name.
I love my name.
Right.
But it's just all those thingsthat I just call myself.
(47:21):
Verniece.
Denise.
But it comes from thoseexperiences.
Yes.
And that's where we just haveyou learn with age.
But at the same time you and Ireally appreciated your feedback
around allowing people toexpress themselves.
And them having the, opportunityand the opportunity to just be
(47:45):
them without those judgments andthings that you're the safe
place.
I really appreciate you sharingthat about Shena that you have
to provide those venues wherepeople can just be themselves.
And be feel safe and feel safeand feel heard or seen and not
judged.
Yeah.
And not judged.
I think we got a niece here.
Your grand, I got a niece, yourgrandchild that's here with us
(48:08):
right now.
She's going through a tough timeand come hang out with us.
We feel so special when thathappens, but now she ready to
take a nap.
She's tired.
She's been tired, couldn'tsleep.
And now she's in her safe space.
So she's rested.
She's sleeping.
Yes.
And that,, create a good sleep.
safe space for people to bethemselves and to feel safe.
Yes.
(48:29):
It goes a long way.
It does.
It does.
And so we as people, we'rehuman.
And that's, I feel like that'sour role in life, to be that for
people.
I do that.
I do.
I feel like, yes.
Yeah.
It's part of my purpose.
I know.
Part of my purpose.
Yes.
I agree.
I agree.
Yeah, we're gonna do anotherwe're gonna do a video on that.
(48:50):
That is something we have topurpose out on purpose What is
our purpose?
What is our purpose?
We're gonna that's gonna be ournext video All right, we're
gonna do that one next just godown go on out.
That's those teaser Yeah, let'stalk about let's talk about
purpose in life.
All right identify Understandstanding in your purpose, what
(49:11):
is your purpose?
Align with the purpose?
Do you believe you can seek itout?
What does that mean?
Alright, we'll do it.
Yes, let's do it.
Yes.
All right.
Niecee, close us out.
Alright, well thank you all for,we get very professional here,
Yes.
Yes.
I appreciate everybody listeningin, watching how you're tuning
into us today.
(49:32):
The Sister Girl Sessions, we areworking to create a community.
So we encourage you to leave acomment, share with us some of
your flaws, share with us someof your experiences.
What are your stories?
How do you deal with letting goof the perception of needing to
be perfect?
How are you standing in yourimperfect life?
(49:53):
You know, everybody has someopportunities for improvement.
So share with us if thisresonates with you.
Share with the friends send thison out.
Let's get the sister girlcommunity going You can listen
to us on all your streamingplatforms, and we're also on
youtube and if you all Wouldlike and subscribe.
(50:17):
I would love that.
Yes.
Somebody like spit it out.
Niecee.
I know Subscribe to our channel.
Yes And until next time We askthat you go ahead and stand in
your truth, be true to yourself,love on yourself, look yourself
in the eyes in the mirror,smile, sing a song to yourself.
Let's do it, girls.
Let's do it, sisters.
(50:37):
Let's do it.
So until next time, you all stayblessed and be peaceful.
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