October 18, 2024 • 38 mins
Join us for an enlightening conversation with Healey Ikerd, a seasoned licensed counselor from Arkansas who brings 17 years of expertise in mental health to our discussion. Healey passionately shares her journey from working with children to focusing on adults in her private practice, and the significance of modeling good mental health practices. Her insights are not just professional but deeply personal, as she draws from her experiences. Discover how believing in one's potential can transform lives, and why teaching children coping skills is more crucial now than ever.
Our chat takes an intriguing turn as we explore the transformative power of therapy through compelling personal stories. You'll hear about how therapy helped an individual overcome a challenging upbringing in group homes and juvenile detention, finding clarity and purpose along the way. Healey highlights how children's books are not just tales but powerful tools for emotional learning and forgiveness. The stories serve as a bridge between personal anecdotes and broader discussions on inclusion and kindness, with a sneak peek into Healey's upcoming children's book inspired by her family's history.
In the realm of anxiety management, we unravel both adult and child-friendly strategies, showcasing the journey of writing books that foster discussions on important topics. Healey's personal experiences with anxiety pave the way for practical insights on transforming fear into a friend rather than a foe. We discuss adventurous activities that stretch comfort zones and promote growth, while Healey shares her new book, "The Anxious Little Goat," which creatively blends education and reassurance. As we wrap up with tales of farm life and healthy living, you'll be inspired to embrace life's adventures and challenges with a fresh perspective.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Welcome to the SJ Child Show, where a little bit
of knowledge can turn fear intounderstanding.
Enjoy the show.
Hi, and thanks for joining theSJ Child Show today.
(00:32):
I'm really excited to have thisconversation.
Well, I'm really excited tostart talking today first off,
and then we'll jump right intothis conversation with Healy.
I don't want to mess up yourlast name, so I'll let you
introduce yourself and tell us alittle bit about yourself and
what brought you here today.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Well, my name is Healy Eichard.
Yeah, that's a hard one topronounce.
Both of those get mispronounceda lot.
But yeah, I am a licensedcounselor in Arkansas and have
been working in mental healthfor about 17 years and enjoy
(01:14):
that very much.
I've written a few books, someto help kids and some to help
adults, so yeah, and whatpopulation do you work with
generally?
In my counseling practice,primarily adults.
I came from where I was workingall with children and when I
opened my own private practice Idid it.
(01:35):
It's all population now.
So, yeah, so that's, I do havesome children, just not as many
as I used to have.
So, yeah, they're fun.
They do have some children,just not as many as I used to
have.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
So yeah, they're, they're fun, they're a great uh
clientele to work with.
When I was just uh, I just lovejust tapping in, my head was
just like, well, what did youlearn from working with children
for so long that helped you?
Maybe some apply some things tothe adults you were working
with.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
That is a very good question.
Yes, I don't know that I havean answer right.
It's a really good because youknow I'm most likely did, but I
did work a lot with when Iworked with children.
I obviously worked with theirparents also.
And you know there's somethingabout children they don't always
know like they come to therapyand they know what I'm there for
(02:34):
, but I try to make it whereit's not like it's a stigma of
you know, something's terribleabout them or whatever.
And I do try to do the samething with adults, you know it's
.
There's something aboutchildren that are just so life
giving and energetic, but it canalso be very frustrating too If
(02:59):
they're, like you know, notapplying what they're learning
or whatever.
So there there are somesimilarities, for sure, but I
love both populations.
They've got their.
You know pros and cons,obviously, too.
The children are fun becauseyou know I do a lot of play with
them.
I'm just a young person atheart, so I love to do the play.
(03:22):
I love the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah, I love everything about play therapy.
I think that I'm so lucky Ihave a stepdaughter that is
older in her twenties, and Ialso have a 12 and a 14 year old
of my own.
And so I have this 12 year gapwhere I was able to learn so
much as a step mom and thenapply what worked, take away
(03:47):
what didn't kind of those thingsand especially with, you know,
our third, which is our baby 12,the baby right, but she, you
know, it was just exciting topour into her all the things
that I had learned throughoutall of the time that I'd been
parenting, and so it's lucky Iguess I feel lucky that I was
(04:11):
able to change a lot of thingsalong the way.
What do you find as far asworking with adults, and maybe
even with the parents of thechildren, do you often find
yourself setting them up withlike well, where's your mindset?
And that's like probably areally great big question that
(04:31):
you start with.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Yes, obviously, honestly.
I tell parents that you knowthey have to practice good
mental health also, because thekids can only go so far if the
parents are not healthy, so it'simportant that they can model a
lot of those, um things thatthe kids need to learn.
(04:55):
So I often, you know, encourageparents, if they've got anxiety
and they're practicing theirskills, to bring their kids in
and and practice it with them,because they need those skills.
And we, you know, we um a fewdecades back, like we didn't
teach kids a lot of copingskills.
(05:16):
It was just like, you know,pull up your boots and go, it's
fine.
That was.
You know, there's a time forthat.
But we're in a different era now, too, and kids really do.
They're a lot more in touchwith their feelings Some maybe
not so much that you have toteach that as well, but
(05:37):
definitely coping skills,because adults need that as well
.
So maybe they're not practicingit as well.
So I always encourage parentswhen they're going through
counseling, like the things thatthey're learning and practicing
and doing like mindset, likebreathing, like any coping skill
they use to help kids learnthat that's what they can do too
(06:00):
, and to let them practice it sothey can see it and they'll use
it more often.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Isn't that the truth too?
We, like I had told you before,we have a son that's profoundly
autistic, and he really taughtus in the beginning, being
non-speaking individual, howmuch more patient we had to be
with number one, taking with usspecifically and individually,
taking away our expectations ofwhat this individual may or may
(06:32):
not be able to do, especiallythe may nots.
I don't like to think that way.
Anyways, I'm a really big fanof strength-based learning and
strength-based kind of beliefsystem.
I believe the more that youbelieve in them, the more
they'll show you and the harderthey'll push themselves outside
of all the limits to get to thenext best thing they can do.
(06:55):
And it's not a mindset that'slike in our schools or, you know
, sometimes in our communities,things like that.
What do you find now workingwith adults?
What are their?
I'm sure there's so manydifferent types of you know
coaching and things but what doyou think is like a really big
(07:18):
flub that people come to, kindof come to, and then they're
like reach out and and say Ireally need help diving through
this well, um, a lot of it is.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
they may not realize how much their thinking um
affects their behaviors and andtheir emotions too, and then how
much they may make decisionsbased on emotion totally or even
partially.
It's not really healthy eitherway.
So, coming to sometimesrecognize that they can change
(07:58):
it if you have symptoms ofanxiety or depression or
whatever, that can be changedand worked on.
It may not be easy, but theycan do something about it, and
that's what I always because Ialways like when people actually
make it into the counselingoffice for the very first time,
(08:18):
because I think, okay, they'vegot some hope that something can
change.
Hopefully, if they don'tinstill that but.
But they have to have it at somelevel that something can be
different, or they wouldn't comeinto the counseling office
unless they're just there tocomplain.
But I'm not a really goodcounselor for just that I'm more
(08:41):
.
I am very strength based andI'm very forward based.
I don't care if the progress isslow, but we do need to be
moving toward progress and notjust staying in the place of
complaint or nothing's going tochange, or this is how it is.
This is who I am.
Yeah, I'm not a very goodcounselor for that.
(09:02):
There are counselors like thatand I think that's good there's
a place for that but I'm not avery good counselor for that.
There are counselors like thatand I think that's good there's
a place for that but I'm notthat.
I'm more of like if you want tomake changes in your life, I'll
walk alongside you, help youmake them, so that you can do it
on your own next time.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Yeah, now, I love that you said that, because,
number one, there's never a oneplace fits everyone.
One therapist does everything,and I think that it's very
honest of you to say that and tolet other people know there are
different therapists fordifferent purposes, there's
(09:39):
different modalities fordifferent.
You know uses and things, andso I think it's really easy as
just you know, probably someparents even set into this, like
one doctor for one thing andit's really hard to get a bright
and big picture when you onlyare looking through a teeny tiny
(10:02):
you only are looking through ateeny tiny hole, and so I often
love for people to take thataway.
And you know, look for moreresources, look for different
ideas, look for opinions.
You know that you might nothave before.
And something else you said itwas gosh.
It was right there on the tipof my tongue.
Oh, my gosh.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
I have that Tip of my tongue, oh my gosh, I have that
.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Isn't that the way it goes, right?
Oh, it's good listening skills.
I just got wrapped up in whatyou were saying.
I didn't think about what I wasgoing to say anymore.
That's what I was going to say.
I remember.
You know, I'm really lucky thatI this is going to sound so
strange.
So my, my husband, bless hisheart, grew up in group homes,
(10:46):
juvenile detention system.
Uh, he was an undiagnosedautistic.
He was diagnosed ADHD, uh, butuh, asperger's, just very high,
highly intelligent which I thinkwas part of the problem highly
gifted, and that derailed himfrom a lot of things.
So, but to the point that hewent through so much therapy and
(11:10):
so many years and years andyears that, as the you know,
he's come out 20 years later, 30years later, he has the most
insight of number one insidehimself because he's had to face
and go through that for so manytimes in so long, is able to
(11:30):
also help everyone else workthrough all of those things.
And I remember, in thebeginning of our relationship, a
book that reminded me of theconversation we were having,
called who Moved my Cheese andyou are familiar.
I love that.
I love that and it just reallyyou know, like you were saying,
we've always tried to help ourkiddos that can understand.
(11:53):
Do you want to stay in thisvictim mentality?
Do you want to be the hero ofyour day or the victim of your
day?
Like?
Those are your choices and yourconsequences will play out how
you decide.
It's like the video game oflife right, you choose the path
and then the consequences isthere and that's not your choice
(12:17):
.
So, yeah, that's really tricky,but it really helped us to move
past so many things that wereholding us back and we still
mention it every once in a while, 20 years later you know, yeah,
that's good.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Well, you know, just going back to the first one,
there there are all sorts ofdifferent therapists, just like
doctors or whoever like.
When you want to choose to go tosomebody, you do need to find
someone, and I'm glad yourhusband found somebody that fits
well with their personality.
So I'm not going to be and Itell people this the first
(12:54):
session.
I'm not going to be a great fitfor everybody.
But don't give up on counselingjust because the person isn't a
good fit to keep trying,because it takes that right
relationship and that's a lotabout what the therapy is about
is the relationship.
So you have to find someone thatyou connect with, that you're
going to be able to build atrust with, so that you can
(13:18):
allow them to challenge you alittle bit or at least provide
some insight.
So it's really neat that yourhusband did find somebody that
was that for him and that he canstill carry a lot of that with
him those lessons.
So that's really awesome.
So I encourage people don'tgive up just because you've hit
(13:39):
a few bad or ones that didn'tfit.
There are a lot of good onesout there and there are a lot of
therapists out there, so, um,definitely one that will fit all
you know.
Personality tops.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Oh, I love that and you know it goes the same with I
mean just, it goes witheverything.
We, you know, when we hadin-home therapy for our son same
thing some therapists didn'tchallenge him the way he needed
to be challenged and we umneeded to change things.
And it was scary to changethings at first because I think
you go into it and they assignyou someone and you're like,
(14:15):
okay, they know what they'redoing, they're the professional,
I'm just the parent, I, youknow they know exactly what
they're doing.
But I think that when you areum an intent, you're in there
with intent for your child'sbest interest, your own best
interest.
You will need to align yourvalues and your um
comfortability levels with thatperson.
(14:36):
And if they don't align, thenyou, you definitely, you know,
move forward and and changethings up.
Let's talk about your the books.
If we could touch on them andtalk about, kind of what gave
you the idea, kind of what droveyou into making a book.
(14:58):
And then it's so very different.
I've been in both worlds,writing an adult book and
children's books.
So how did that kind of be intoplay?
Where did you decide to changegears and do that?
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Well, I've enjoyed writing since I was a little kid
and I did write some storieswhen I was little.
They weren't great by any means, but, you know, as great as my
little mind could.
And then as I came into thecounseling field, I use books so
much as references for kidsbecause I could introduce
(15:37):
lessons that way or a topic thatway, and they weren't like on
defense about that.
So in stories you can kind ofintroduce topics that are a
little bit easier to understandwhen it's someone else and not
them.
But so, so as I was doingcounseling with the kids, I mean
(15:58):
I really wanted to write achildren's book and I tried
several times and just my ideaswere kind of falling a little
flat, at least I didn't likethem.
And my mom is from she grew upin East Germany and she would
always tell me stories about thewar there and just about
(16:21):
growing up so poverty stricken,you know, under communist rule,
about growing up so povertystricken, you know, under
communist rule.
And she had told me the storyabout receiving a ball from her
grandmother and just what thatmeant to her and her friends.
And once I was driving backfrom her house I'm like that
would be a really goodchildren's story, just, you know
(16:41):
, just to kind of convey hergratitude that she has a child
and still has today because ofthose times that she went
through.
So I attempted to write a storyand through that story I did,
because that's naturally wheremy mind goes I do want it to
have some teaching points, somelessons, so that if I used it in
(17:06):
therapy I could introduce somethings.
So there's a lot of emotions inthe story and it's a concept of
forgiveness in the story.
So as a friend betrays her, shehas to work through forgiveness
of that friend, and so it's agreat way to introduce emotions.
(17:27):
And so I kind of made so, as Iwas, as it was going through the
illustration phase it's a longtime, beautiful illustrations,
by the way.
Oh, thank you, yeah, thank you.
So as it was going through theit seems to take so long I was
creating some lesson plans forteachers or parents, like
(17:49):
homeschool parents, and decided,gosh, I think I just will
create a bunch of activities andended up doing all these
activities into a book.
So it came out with a companionactivity book so that you can
kind of reinforce some of thelessons about forgiveness and
(18:09):
about emotions and how to handlethose, and specifically about
anger, because that's one of thebig emotions in the book.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
So yeah, and what age group would that be like the
best for?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
There is a lot of tech, so I think I gauged it
like six to nine.
I think that's the now.
Somebody did just approach meof like could you write a
younger version of this?
Yeah, and I was trying to thinkhow to do that.
I don't know Cause I thought Imight.
(18:44):
I could just create somethingfor her, cause she um does read
stories to kids, but, um, butyou know, when I read to younger
kids, I'll just paraphrase.
So I don't even think anythingof that, regardless of what book
I'm in, if it's younger, I just, you know make up from the
story or whatever.
So, yeah, you know makeup fromthe story or whatever.
(19:09):
So, yeah, so that's about theage group it is and, yes, I've
gotten some good feedback fromit.
So, yeah, it's been a, it'sbeen a fun little journey.
Children's books are.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I have seven children's books also and I know
they they take so much time andillustrating and everything.
And, oh my goodness, I have acouple more I'm working on that
I'm excited about.
Mine are all about differentspecial needs.
So, yeah, maybe I'll need tosend them to you so that you can
have those discussions Right.
(19:38):
And that's the exact reason whyI wrote them was to start
discussions in my children'sclasses, or maybe classes that
they will be in in the future,or classes from, you know,
children.
They all need to learn how tohave these discussions and how
to create inclusion and kindnessfor those around them, and I
(20:04):
really think that there's somuch knowledge that can be
learned from putting childreninto these situations and then
allowing them sometimes to comeup with the ideas oh, how should
this page work out next kind ofthing, and really putting it in
(20:26):
their hands to do so.
You see that magic in thosesparks.
You know I love that.
I'm sure you think that incounseling a lot too, sorry,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Oh, I was just going to say there's something really
neat about stories that juststick with kids so they can
remember, Like we remember,stories that we read as children
and you know the concepts inthose.
So yeah, there's something verythat you can introduce almost
any topic to a classroom througha story and kids can always
(20:56):
relate, as well as adults canalways relate to it at some
level or understand, you know,at some level, um, those
concepts.
So it's really neat.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I love that.
What about?
Um?
So, when you started the adultbook, let's talk about that and
what that looks like.
And um, it's geared towards,obviously, older groups.
And then, what types of topicsdid you indulge in in that?
Speaker 1 (21:25):
So the the so the workbook I created is
specifically for anxiety andworry.
It's got some stuff in thereabout identity and panic as well
, and so that is just to helppeople learn to walk.
I kind of set it up like I docounseling, like kind of I go a
(21:47):
certain way through topics andcounseling, so some
psychoeducational and thenapplication, and so we set goals
of the first.
So that's kind of how the bookis set up is try to help people
like walk through and actuallyapply the principles.
I am like this I read a lot ofbooks and you know the knowledge
(22:11):
is helpful but unless Iactually apply the knowledge
it's not really beneficial.
So that's why I created aworkbook rather than just a book
, so that people could actuallylike work on it.
Because if you really want towork on anxiety and worry, there
are some practical steps thatyou can do to manage it well.
(22:35):
Now we're not going to get ridof anxiety completely, because
it's for our good that we havesome.
We're.
We need to manage emotions welland so hopefully my book can
help people do that.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I love that you said that, because I am uh, was a
divorce?
Well, I wasn't divorced, waswas go back anyways.
I was a child of divorcedparents, only child, and I had
super bad anxiety growing up.
I wrote a book about it.
One of my children's books isabout anxiety as well.
(23:11):
I have overcome that anxiety.
But you're exactly right, Am Ifree from anxiety?
Absolutely not.
Am I free from anxiety?
Absolutely not.
In fact, I think I've developednew anxieties over some of the
other ones that had bigger.
(23:33):
They were just bigger parts ofmy life that I hadn't faced or
looked at or been able to workthrough, and so when I was able
to do that, those didn't affectme anymore.
But yes.
I like the fear of going throughtunnels.
Oh, my goodness, I got throughit and I couldn't believe it,
(23:53):
couldn't believe that I would beable to do that.
But I mean, I think that facingsome of our fears, sometimes to
work through anxieties, ismagical and can really grow us
in places we had never, everanticipated.
So what are some practices thatyou have in the book, workbook
(24:14):
or that you give adults to helpthem maybe identify their
anxiety, because I think that'sprobably a good place to start
is identifying that.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Well, first I try to help people see, like, what's
actually going on in the brainwhen we experience anxiety and
to learn that anxiety can be andif we let it be it can be a
good thing in our life.
I mean, we need it.
They're like like fear, like itcan be in.
(24:51):
In one children's book I read alot.
It's called fear can be afriend or fear can be a foe.
It's a friend when it keeps usfrom danger.
So if we're, you know, walkingacross a busy intersection, like
we need to have a little bit offear in that so that we'll look
both ways, that we'll runquickly or you know whatever.
But if we're like tunnels, forexample, like that would be,
(25:17):
then we're triggering.
Our brain is triggering whenit's not supposed to because,
well, unless we had a traumaticincident that might be like we
might be a little cautious, butknowing that it is a safe
situation, our brain is justtriggering at the wrong time.
So we have to teach it to nottrigger that this is actually
(25:39):
safe.
And that's what anxiety isdoing.
It's telling you a situation isunsafe and so we have to use
our cognitive minds to go isthat unsafe, or can it be safe,
or is that or is just my fear?
Because sometimes if we don'taddress it a tunnel and then
you're afraid of any, you knowinside space, and then you might
(26:11):
be so afraid you don't evenleave the house Like that's,
like it keeps going down toplaces that may have nothing to
do with how it originallystarted.
So it's really important forpeople to work on their fears so
that it doesn't spread and getworse, because you'll see, like
anxious children will, they'llcreate more and more and it'll
(26:36):
they'll be scared of everything.
So it is really important toteach our brain what's safe and
what's not, and so it isn't safeto cross a busy intersection,
but it is safe to jump into apool if you know how to swim,
but it's unsafe to jump into apool if you don't know how to
(26:56):
swim.
So that's where our cognitiveabilities, our executive
function, needs to be workingwell, so that we can actually
make good decisions for ourselfand not let the anxiety make the
decisions for us, Becauseanxiety says run, get out of
here, Don't do that activity.
When it might really be a safeactivity, yeah, or it can be
(27:20):
safe.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
It's tricky, isn't it ?
I think that you're right about, like our executive functioning
, being able to kick in and withsome of us that have, you know,
kiddos that can't manage that,it is scary and you have to be
extra aware, even extraattentive, to teach them, maybe,
(27:45):
extra skills around thosethings and things.
I always have the inputs aboutmy neurodiverse community that
you know.
It's just so, it's so important.
I think that I was thinking theother day how tricky it is that
I want to, you know, startthese programs and do these
(28:08):
things with my son, but will hebe able to blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
So, when we set out for thosetypes of adventures, what are
some steps you might give to Ican measure and tangibly take
for myself to walk myselfthrough getting into a situation
(28:29):
I might be fearful or, you knowof, of anxiety filled?
Speaker 1 (28:35):
What have you done in the past to get through those
things?
Speaker 2 (28:40):
That's a great question.
Um, I guess you know I love myhusband, my husband's my, and he
he's my best um mental partnerever.
And he always tells me, youknow, your anxiety is only the
time between when it doesn'thappen and it happens and the
you're not knowing what's, youknow the unknowing, and he's
(29:01):
like that's just wasteful energy, don't waste your time there.
And so I mean he's, we're ableto, he's, he's very logical and
I'm able to see the logic.
I might not be the logical one,I'm, I'm the emotional one, but
I can see the logic at least.
And so I'm able to to kind ofmaybe take some steps and calm
(29:23):
myself down.
I'm able to to kind of maybetake some steps and calm myself
down, sometimes, just eventaking risks, I think is for me,
is is healthy.
And I find myself like, well,of course I love to take these
walks.
What was I thinking?
Why haven't I done this in solong, kind of a thing.
Um, yeah, we, we get into ourroutines and to our.
You know in our head sometimesthat we get into our routines,
(29:46):
into our you know in our headsometimes that, um, but yeah, we
have to take, I guess, justtake a step back and, like you
said, find out what has workedbefore.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
That's one of the biggest things is find out what
have we done before and wedefinitely want to keep using
that but thinking about what isgoing on in our body when we're
feeling anxious about something.
So it's not just our thoughtsbut our body's reacting also.
So first we have to get ourbody to a calmer state so that
(30:13):
we can actually think logically.
So deep breathing helps withthat.
Grounding techniques help withthat.
Some good.
I always encourage people tohave some good, healthy
statements around fear or aroundsomething that makes you
anxious, so that you can usesome of those, Like I've done
this before.
It's safe, it's good for me tobe uncomfortable and it is good
(30:38):
for us.
And the more that you do theuncomfortable things, the more
your brain learns I can do thesethings and they are safe
activities or can be made safe.
So, yeah, so those are somethings.
And then teaching our childrenthose things too, of like what's
(30:59):
happening in our body, what'shappening in our thoughts, and
then we're going to do it anyway, regardless of how we feel.
But we definitely want to calmour bodies down first before we
do it.
We don't want to go in a full,because that might be teaching
the brain something else.
If we're going all super, youknow, hopped up, then our
(31:23):
brain's not funny, it's just insurvival mode.
So we have to calm our bodiesdown first and then do whatever
that we're afraid of.
I'm a big adventure seeker.
I'm very afraid of heights andI know why I'm afraid of heights
because heights can be I mean,they can.
(31:43):
It can be dangerous to be up ona side of a mountain or
something like that could bevery dangerous.
But I evaluate some activitiesto say, can I do that in a safe
way?
So I've jumped out of anairplane, I've jumped out of a
helicopter, Like I've donethings that are and my family
(32:06):
thinks I'm crazy, Cause I dolike to do stuff as long as it
can be made safe.
So I will ride a roller coasterall day long as long as I've
got the seatbelt on.
Now I'm not going to go ridingit without a, without the
harness.
I mean that would be nuts andwould teach my brain that roller
coasters are dangerous.
(32:28):
I can teach my brain that rollercoasters are safe I mean as
safe as they can be but you know, as long as you've got the
seatbelt on and you know, oryou're jumping out of a plane,
you've got the parachuteconnected to you.
Like those are things like arelogically good and I like
stepping outside my comfort,like I'd like to be
(32:49):
uncomfortable, because I feellike I'm growing when I do that
and that I'm teaching myself Ican do things even though I'm
afraid of them.
Now sometimes, if you see mehigh up on something, like I'm
clinging to the side, like I'msome kind of crazy person, but
I'm still doing it.
I have.
Yeah, I, I.
(33:09):
When my son was about sixmonths old, I was I'm, I was in
the army and got stationed inNaples, italy, and one of the
first things that we did on atour was climb Mount Vesuvio so
it's a volcano in Naples.
So my son was six months old,so I strapped him to my back and
(33:33):
we climbed up the mountain.
And now I was scared, becauseit's not just me, I have my
little son.
So, like this side was here andI was right up against it.
So I'm not going to dosomething crazy, but I am going
to step outside and and dothings that bring me joy but
(33:54):
also help me grow as a person.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
I love that and I'm sure that your kiddo looks up to
you so much and and probablygave the same wonderful traits
to them through your goodexamples and things like that.
I love that.
No thanks.
What are you working on next?
Is there anything else you'regoing to be doing or where can
people find you?
(34:16):
Give us all the good stuff.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Well, I am currently working on a book called the
Anxious Little Goat.
I'm in Arkansas, so I have asmall farm here and we have
goats and I love them.
They are so therapeutic,they're fun, they're annoying,
(34:39):
hard to control sometimes, butthey bring me a lot of joy, and
so I really wanted to write astory about goats.
But of course, I ponder onthings forever because I'm like
I don't know what's a good story.
But I ended up doing a storyabout a mom and her baby that
(35:00):
was just born and he's justscared of like everything that
he's not going to learn.
He doesn't know how he's, thathe's going to grow up and be a
goat like how to do all the goatthings, and so mom basically
reassures him throughout thebook and teaches him the things
about goats.
And my goal was to also helpkids learn about goats.
(35:22):
Um, so if they get a goat thatthey can learn all the things
that they need to know.
Um, yeah, so I love animals.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Who does donkey like she works with donkeys and
she'll bring them to and shedoes like, um, uh, talk about
how donkeys are.
So their relationships are sointeresting that they'll
sometimes they'll let people in,they'll bully and kick people
(35:52):
out.
They're just very like intensethat way and so fascinating.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Animals are great.
You just pick one animal andlearn all about it.
It's quite fascinating to allfor all the things.
So, yeah, that's that's whatI've been working on.
I hope that we're almost donewith illustrations and my layout
designer whatever is working onthe cover.
So I'm hoping by the beginningof the year it'll yeah, yeah,
(36:23):
yeah.
Thank, yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Excited about that for you yeah, do you have a
website we can go to and learnmore about you, connect with you
?
Speaker 1 (36:35):
all that good stuff my website is written by healy
and my name is spelledh-e-a-L-E-Y and dot com and I
have on there like more stuffthan you'd probably want to know
about me or anything else, butI do have a, a page where you
(36:59):
can actually create an accountand have access to all sorts of
mental health resources, so that, yeah, so people can have
access to.
I have, and I'm adding stuffall the time, like I love
creating resources for people,just simple things that they can
use to, you know, makeimprovements in their life.
(37:21):
I want people to live healthylives.
There's so much more joy inliving healthy, although healthy
is hard.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Right, oh, I love that, is that right?
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Being healthy is uh, yes, that is correct, perfect,
very much.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Oh, I love this conversation.
Thank you so much for your timetoday.
It's been great.
Definitely go towrittenbyhealycom.
That's H-E-A-L-E-Y, so you getthat correct spelling in there.
It's just been such a pleasureto get to know you and I want to
(38:01):
stay in touch so that we can,you know, find out what's going
on and hear more about the goats, and I can introduce you to my
farm animals who are going tojump up on the table.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Oh my goodness, I guess he really does want an
introduction.
This is Jack, pretty, look atthose eyes, how pretty.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Oh, thanks, oh, my goodness, you silly goose.
Well, thank you so, so much foryour time today, and I really
look forward to staying in touch.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Great, I do too, Sarah.
Thanks so much for having me onyour show.
I appreciate that Absolutely.
Welcome to the SJ Child Show, where a little bit
of knowledge can turn fear intounderstanding.
Enjoy the show.
Hi, and thanks for joining theSJ Child Show today.
(00:32):
I'm really excited to have thisconversation.
Well, I'm really excited tostart talking today first off,
and then we'll jump right intothis conversation with Healy.
I don't want to mess up yourlast name, so I'll let you
introduce yourself and tell us alittle bit about yourself and
what brought you here today.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Well, my name is Healy Eichard.
Yeah, that's a hard one topronounce.
Both of those get mispronounceda lot.
But yeah, I am a licensedcounselor in Arkansas and have
been working in mental healthfor about 17 years and enjoy
(01:14):
that very much.
I've written a few books, someto help kids and some to help
adults, so yeah, and whatpopulation do you work with
generally?
In my counseling practice,primarily adults.
I came from where I was workingall with children and when I
opened my own private practice Idid it.
(01:35):
It's all population now.
So, yeah, so that's, I do havesome children, just not as many
as I used to have.
So, yeah, they're fun.
They do have some children,just not as many as I used to
have.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
So yeah, they're, they're fun, they're a great uh
clientele to work with.
When I was just uh, I just lovejust tapping in, my head was
just like, well, what did youlearn from working with children
for so long that helped you?
Maybe some apply some things tothe adults you were working
with.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
That is a very good question.
Yes, I don't know that I havean answer right.
It's a really good because youknow I'm most likely did, but I
did work a lot with when Iworked with children.
I obviously worked with theirparents also.
And you know there's somethingabout children they don't always
know like they come to therapyand they know what I'm there for
(02:34):
, but I try to make it whereit's not like it's a stigma of
you know, something's terribleabout them or whatever.
And I do try to do the samething with adults, you know it's
.
There's something aboutchildren that are just so life
giving and energetic, but it canalso be very frustrating too If
(02:59):
they're, like you know, notapplying what they're learning
or whatever.
So there there are somesimilarities, for sure, but I
love both populations.
They've got their.
You know pros and cons,obviously, too.
The children are fun becauseyou know I do a lot of play with
them.
I'm just a young person atheart, so I love to do the play.
(03:22):
I love the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah, I love everything about play therapy.
I think that I'm so lucky Ihave a stepdaughter that is
older in her twenties, and Ialso have a 12 and a 14 year old
of my own.
And so I have this 12 year gapwhere I was able to learn so
much as a step mom and thenapply what worked, take away
(03:47):
what didn't kind of those thingsand especially with, you know,
our third, which is our baby 12,the baby right, but she, you
know, it was just exciting topour into her all the things
that I had learned throughoutall of the time that I'd been
parenting, and so it's lucky Iguess I feel lucky that I was
(04:11):
able to change a lot of thingsalong the way.
What do you find as far asworking with adults, and maybe
even with the parents of thechildren, do you often find
yourself setting them up withlike well, where's your mindset?
And that's like probably areally great big question that
(04:31):
you start with.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Yes, obviously, honestly.
I tell parents that you knowthey have to practice good
mental health also, because thekids can only go so far if the
parents are not healthy, so it'simportant that they can model a
lot of those, um things thatthe kids need to learn.
(04:55):
So I often, you know, encourageparents, if they've got anxiety
and they're practicing theirskills, to bring their kids in
and and practice it with them,because they need those skills.
And we, you know, we um a fewdecades back, like we didn't
teach kids a lot of copingskills.
(05:16):
It was just like, you know,pull up your boots and go, it's
fine.
That was.
You know, there's a time forthat.
But we're in a different era now, too, and kids really do.
They're a lot more in touchwith their feelings Some maybe
not so much that you have toteach that as well, but
(05:37):
definitely coping skills,because adults need that as well
.
So maybe they're not practicingit as well.
So I always encourage parentswhen they're going through
counseling, like the things thatthey're learning and practicing
and doing like mindset, likebreathing, like any coping skill
they use to help kids learnthat that's what they can do too
(06:00):
, and to let them practice it sothey can see it and they'll use
it more often.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Isn't that the truth too?
We, like I had told you before,we have a son that's profoundly
autistic, and he really taughtus in the beginning, being
non-speaking individual, howmuch more patient we had to be
with number one, taking with usspecifically and individually,
taking away our expectations ofwhat this individual may or may
(06:32):
not be able to do, especiallythe may nots.
I don't like to think that way.
Anyways, I'm a really big fanof strength-based learning and
strength-based kind of beliefsystem.
I believe the more that youbelieve in them, the more
they'll show you and the harderthey'll push themselves outside
of all the limits to get to thenext best thing they can do.
(06:55):
And it's not a mindset that'slike in our schools or, you know
, sometimes in our communities,things like that.
What do you find now workingwith adults?
What are their?
I'm sure there's so manydifferent types of you know
coaching and things but what doyou think is like a really big
(07:18):
flub that people come to, kindof come to, and then they're
like reach out and and say Ireally need help diving through
this well, um, a lot of it is.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
they may not realize how much their thinking um
affects their behaviors and andtheir emotions too, and then how
much they may make decisionsbased on emotion totally or even
partially.
It's not really healthy eitherway.
So, coming to sometimesrecognize that they can change
(07:58):
it if you have symptoms ofanxiety or depression or
whatever, that can be changedand worked on.
It may not be easy, but theycan do something about it, and
that's what I always because Ialways like when people actually
make it into the counselingoffice for the very first time,
(08:18):
because I think, okay, they'vegot some hope that something can
change.
Hopefully, if they don'tinstill that but.
But they have to have it at somelevel that something can be
different, or they wouldn't comeinto the counseling office
unless they're just there tocomplain.
But I'm not a really goodcounselor for just that I'm more
(08:41):
.
I am very strength based andI'm very forward based.
I don't care if the progress isslow, but we do need to be
moving toward progress and notjust staying in the place of
complaint or nothing's going tochange, or this is how it is.
This is who I am.
Yeah, I'm not a very goodcounselor for that.
(09:02):
There are counselors like thatand I think that's good there's
a place for that but I'm not avery good counselor for that.
There are counselors like thatand I think that's good there's
a place for that but I'm notthat.
I'm more of like if you want tomake changes in your life, I'll
walk alongside you, help youmake them, so that you can do it
on your own next time.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Yeah, now, I love that you said that, because,
number one, there's never a oneplace fits everyone.
One therapist does everything,and I think that it's very
honest of you to say that and tolet other people know there are
different therapists fordifferent purposes, there's
(09:39):
different modalities fordifferent.
You know uses and things, andso I think it's really easy as
just you know, probably someparents even set into this, like
one doctor for one thing andit's really hard to get a bright
and big picture when you onlyare looking through a teeny tiny
(10:02):
you only are looking through ateeny tiny hole, and so I often
love for people to take thataway.
And you know, look for moreresources, look for different
ideas, look for opinions.
You know that you might nothave before.
And something else you said itwas gosh.
It was right there on the tipof my tongue.
Oh, my gosh.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
I have that Tip of my tongue, oh my gosh, I have that
.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Isn't that the way it goes, right?
Oh, it's good listening skills.
I just got wrapped up in whatyou were saying.
I didn't think about what I wasgoing to say anymore.
That's what I was going to say.
I remember.
You know, I'm really lucky thatI this is going to sound so
strange.
So my, my husband, bless hisheart, grew up in group homes,
(10:46):
juvenile detention system.
Uh, he was an undiagnosedautistic.
He was diagnosed ADHD, uh, butuh, asperger's, just very high,
highly intelligent which I thinkwas part of the problem highly
gifted, and that derailed himfrom a lot of things.
So, but to the point that hewent through so much therapy and
(11:10):
so many years and years andyears that, as the you know,
he's come out 20 years later, 30years later, he has the most
insight of number one insidehimself because he's had to face
and go through that for so manytimes in so long, is able to
(11:30):
also help everyone else workthrough all of those things.
And I remember, in thebeginning of our relationship, a
book that reminded me of theconversation we were having,
called who Moved my Cheese andyou are familiar.
I love that.
I love that and it just reallyyou know, like you were saying,
we've always tried to help ourkiddos that can understand.
(11:53):
Do you want to stay in thisvictim mentality?
Do you want to be the hero ofyour day or the victim of your
day?
Like?
Those are your choices and yourconsequences will play out how
you decide.
It's like the video game oflife right, you choose the path
and then the consequences isthere and that's not your choice
(12:17):
.
So, yeah, that's really tricky,but it really helped us to move
past so many things that wereholding us back and we still
mention it every once in a while, 20 years later you know, yeah,
that's good.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Well, you know, just going back to the first one,
there there are all sorts ofdifferent therapists, just like
doctors or whoever like.
When you want to choose to go tosomebody, you do need to find
someone, and I'm glad yourhusband found somebody that fits
well with their personality.
So I'm not going to be and Itell people this the first
(12:54):
session.
I'm not going to be a great fitfor everybody.
But don't give up on counselingjust because the person isn't a
good fit to keep trying,because it takes that right
relationship and that's a lotabout what the therapy is about
is the relationship.
So you have to find someone thatyou connect with, that you're
going to be able to build atrust with, so that you can
(13:18):
allow them to challenge you alittle bit or at least provide
some insight.
So it's really neat that yourhusband did find somebody that
was that for him and that he canstill carry a lot of that with
him those lessons.
So that's really awesome.
So I encourage people don'tgive up just because you've hit
(13:39):
a few bad or ones that didn'tfit.
There are a lot of good onesout there and there are a lot of
therapists out there, so, um,definitely one that will fit all
you know.
Personality tops.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Oh, I love that and you know it goes the same with I
mean just, it goes witheverything.
We, you know, when we hadin-home therapy for our son same
thing some therapists didn'tchallenge him the way he needed
to be challenged and we umneeded to change things.
And it was scary to changethings at first because I think
you go into it and they assignyou someone and you're like,
(14:15):
okay, they know what they'redoing, they're the professional,
I'm just the parent, I, youknow they know exactly what
they're doing.
But I think that when you areum an intent, you're in there
with intent for your child'sbest interest, your own best
interest.
You will need to align yourvalues and your um
comfortability levels with thatperson.
(14:36):
And if they don't align, thenyou, you definitely, you know,
move forward and and changethings up.
Let's talk about your the books.
If we could touch on them andtalk about, kind of what gave
you the idea, kind of what droveyou into making a book.
(14:58):
And then it's so very different.
I've been in both worlds,writing an adult book and
children's books.
So how did that kind of be intoplay?
Where did you decide to changegears and do that?
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Well, I've enjoyed writing since I was a little kid
and I did write some storieswhen I was little.
They weren't great by any means, but, you know, as great as my
little mind could.
And then as I came into thecounseling field, I use books so
much as references for kidsbecause I could introduce
(15:37):
lessons that way or a topic thatway, and they weren't like on
defense about that.
So in stories you can kind ofintroduce topics that are a
little bit easier to understandwhen it's someone else and not
them.
But so, so as I was doingcounseling with the kids, I mean
(15:58):
I really wanted to write achildren's book and I tried
several times and just my ideaswere kind of falling a little
flat, at least I didn't likethem.
And my mom is from she grew upin East Germany and she would
always tell me stories about thewar there and just about
(16:21):
growing up so poverty stricken,you know, under communist rule,
about growing up so povertystricken, you know, under
communist rule.
And she had told me the storyabout receiving a ball from her
grandmother and just what thatmeant to her and her friends.
And once I was driving backfrom her house I'm like that
would be a really goodchildren's story, just, you know
(16:41):
, just to kind of convey hergratitude that she has a child
and still has today because ofthose times that she went
through.
So I attempted to write a storyand through that story I did,
because that's naturally wheremy mind goes I do want it to
have some teaching points, somelessons, so that if I used it in
(17:06):
therapy I could introduce somethings.
So there's a lot of emotions inthe story and it's a concept of
forgiveness in the story.
So as a friend betrays her, shehas to work through forgiveness
of that friend, and so it's agreat way to introduce emotions.
(17:27):
And so I kind of made so, as Iwas, as it was going through the
illustration phase it's a longtime, beautiful illustrations,
by the way.
Oh, thank you, yeah, thank you.
So as it was going through theit seems to take so long I was
creating some lesson plans forteachers or parents, like
(17:49):
homeschool parents, and decided,gosh, I think I just will
create a bunch of activities andended up doing all these
activities into a book.
So it came out with a companionactivity book so that you can
kind of reinforce some of thelessons about forgiveness and
(18:09):
about emotions and how to handlethose, and specifically about
anger, because that's one of thebig emotions in the book.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
So yeah, and what age group would that be like the
best for?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
There is a lot of tech, so I think I gauged it
like six to nine.
I think that's the now.
Somebody did just approach meof like could you write a
younger version of this?
Yeah, and I was trying to thinkhow to do that.
I don't know Cause I thought Imight.
(18:44):
I could just create somethingfor her, cause she um does read
stories to kids, but, um, butyou know, when I read to younger
kids, I'll just paraphrase.
So I don't even think anythingof that, regardless of what book
I'm in, if it's younger, I just, you know make up from the
story or whatever.
So, yeah, you know makeup fromthe story or whatever.
(19:09):
So, yeah, so that's about theage group it is and, yes, I've
gotten some good feedback fromit.
So, yeah, it's been a, it'sbeen a fun little journey.
Children's books are.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I have seven children's books also and I know
they they take so much time andillustrating and everything.
And, oh my goodness, I have acouple more I'm working on that
I'm excited about.
Mine are all about differentspecial needs.
So, yeah, maybe I'll need tosend them to you so that you can
have those discussions Right.
(19:38):
And that's the exact reason whyI wrote them was to start
discussions in my children'sclasses, or maybe classes that
they will be in in the future,or classes from, you know,
children.
They all need to learn how tohave these discussions and how
to create inclusion and kindnessfor those around them, and I
(20:04):
really think that there's somuch knowledge that can be
learned from putting childreninto these situations and then
allowing them sometimes to comeup with the ideas oh, how should
this page work out next kind ofthing, and really putting it in
(20:26):
their hands to do so.
You see that magic in thosesparks.
You know I love that.
I'm sure you think that incounseling a lot too, sorry,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Oh, I was just going to say there's something really
neat about stories that juststick with kids so they can
remember, Like we remember,stories that we read as children
and you know the concepts inthose.
So yeah, there's something verythat you can introduce almost
any topic to a classroom througha story and kids can always
(20:56):
relate, as well as adults canalways relate to it at some
level or understand, you know,at some level, um, those
concepts.
So it's really neat.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I love that.
What about?
Um?
So, when you started the adultbook, let's talk about that and
what that looks like.
And um, it's geared towards,obviously, older groups.
And then, what types of topicsdid you indulge in in that?
Speaker 1 (21:25):
So the the so the workbook I created is
specifically for anxiety andworry.
It's got some stuff in thereabout identity and panic as well
, and so that is just to helppeople learn to walk.
I kind of set it up like I docounseling, like kind of I go a
(21:47):
certain way through topics andcounseling, so some
psychoeducational and thenapplication, and so we set goals
of the first.
So that's kind of how the bookis set up is try to help people
like walk through and actuallyapply the principles.
I am like this I read a lot ofbooks and you know the knowledge
(22:11):
is helpful but unless Iactually apply the knowledge
it's not really beneficial.
So that's why I created aworkbook rather than just a book
, so that people could actuallylike work on it.
Because if you really want towork on anxiety and worry, there
are some practical steps thatyou can do to manage it well.
(22:35):
Now we're not going to get ridof anxiety completely, because
it's for our good that we havesome.
We're.
We need to manage emotions welland so hopefully my book can
help people do that.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I love that you said that, because I am uh, was a
divorce?
Well, I wasn't divorced, waswas go back anyways.
I was a child of divorcedparents, only child, and I had
super bad anxiety growing up.
I wrote a book about it.
One of my children's books isabout anxiety as well.
(23:11):
I have overcome that anxiety.
But you're exactly right, Am Ifree from anxiety?
Absolutely not.
Am I free from anxiety?
Absolutely not.
In fact, I think I've developednew anxieties over some of the
other ones that had bigger.
(23:33):
They were just bigger parts ofmy life that I hadn't faced or
looked at or been able to workthrough, and so when I was able
to do that, those didn't affectme anymore.
But yes.
I like the fear of going throughtunnels.
Oh, my goodness, I got throughit and I couldn't believe it,
(23:53):
couldn't believe that I would beable to do that.
But I mean, I think that facingsome of our fears, sometimes to
work through anxieties, ismagical and can really grow us
in places we had never, everanticipated.
So what are some practices thatyou have in the book, workbook
(24:14):
or that you give adults to helpthem maybe identify their
anxiety, because I think that'sprobably a good place to start
is identifying that.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Well, first I try to help people see, like, what's
actually going on in the brainwhen we experience anxiety and
to learn that anxiety can be andif we let it be it can be a
good thing in our life.
I mean, we need it.
They're like like fear, like itcan be in.
(24:51):
In one children's book I read alot.
It's called fear can be afriend or fear can be a foe.
It's a friend when it keeps usfrom danger.
So if we're, you know, walkingacross a busy intersection, like
we need to have a little bit offear in that so that we'll look
both ways, that we'll runquickly or you know whatever.
But if we're like tunnels, forexample, like that would be,
(25:17):
then we're triggering.
Our brain is triggering whenit's not supposed to because,
well, unless we had a traumaticincident that might be like we
might be a little cautious, butknowing that it is a safe
situation, our brain is justtriggering at the wrong time.
So we have to teach it to nottrigger that this is actually
(25:39):
safe.
And that's what anxiety isdoing.
It's telling you a situation isunsafe and so we have to use
our cognitive minds to go isthat unsafe, or can it be safe,
or is that or is just my fear?
Because sometimes if we don'taddress it a tunnel and then
you're afraid of any, you knowinside space, and then you might
(26:11):
be so afraid you don't evenleave the house Like that's,
like it keeps going down toplaces that may have nothing to
do with how it originallystarted.
So it's really important forpeople to work on their fears so
that it doesn't spread and getworse, because you'll see, like
anxious children will, they'llcreate more and more and it'll
(26:36):
they'll be scared of everything.
So it is really important toteach our brain what's safe and
what's not, and so it isn't safeto cross a busy intersection,
but it is safe to jump into apool if you know how to swim,
but it's unsafe to jump into apool if you don't know how to
(26:56):
swim.
So that's where our cognitiveabilities, our executive
function, needs to be workingwell, so that we can actually
make good decisions for ourselfand not let the anxiety make the
decisions for us, Becauseanxiety says run, get out of
here, Don't do that activity.
When it might really be a safeactivity, yeah, or it can be
(27:20):
safe.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
It's tricky, isn't it ?
I think that you're right about, like our executive functioning
, being able to kick in and withsome of us that have, you know,
kiddos that can't manage that,it is scary and you have to be
extra aware, even extraattentive, to teach them, maybe,
(27:45):
extra skills around thosethings and things.
I always have the inputs aboutmy neurodiverse community that
you know.
It's just so, it's so important.
I think that I was thinking theother day how tricky it is that
I want to, you know, startthese programs and do these
(28:08):
things with my son, but will hebe able to blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
So, when we set out for thosetypes of adventures, what are
some steps you might give to Ican measure and tangibly take
for myself to walk myselfthrough getting into a situation
(28:29):
I might be fearful or, you knowof, of anxiety filled?
Speaker 1 (28:35):
What have you done in the past to get through those
things?
Speaker 2 (28:40):
That's a great question.
Um, I guess you know I love myhusband, my husband's my, and he
he's my best um mental partnerever.
And he always tells me, youknow, your anxiety is only the
time between when it doesn'thappen and it happens and the
you're not knowing what's, youknow the unknowing, and he's
(29:01):
like that's just wasteful energy, don't waste your time there.
And so I mean he's, we're ableto, he's, he's very logical and
I'm able to see the logic.
I might not be the logical one,I'm, I'm the emotional one, but
I can see the logic at least.
And so I'm able to to kind ofmaybe take some steps and calm
(29:23):
myself down.
I'm able to to kind of maybetake some steps and calm myself
down, sometimes, just eventaking risks, I think is for me,
is is healthy.
And I find myself like, well,of course I love to take these
walks.
What was I thinking?
Why haven't I done this in solong, kind of a thing.
Um, yeah, we, we get into ourroutines and to our.
You know in our head sometimesthat we get into our routines,
(29:46):
into our you know in our headsometimes that, um, but yeah, we
have to take, I guess, justtake a step back and, like you
said, find out what has workedbefore.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
That's one of the biggest things is find out what
have we done before and wedefinitely want to keep using
that but thinking about what isgoing on in our body when we're
feeling anxious about something.
So it's not just our thoughtsbut our body's reacting also.
So first we have to get ourbody to a calmer state so that
(30:13):
we can actually think logically.
So deep breathing helps withthat.
Grounding techniques help withthat.
Some good.
I always encourage people tohave some good, healthy
statements around fear or aroundsomething that makes you
anxious, so that you can usesome of those, Like I've done
this before.
It's safe, it's good for me tobe uncomfortable and it is good
(30:38):
for us.
And the more that you do theuncomfortable things, the more
your brain learns I can do thesethings and they are safe
activities or can be made safe.
So, yeah, so those are somethings.
And then teaching our childrenthose things too, of like what's
(30:59):
happening in our body, what'shappening in our thoughts, and
then we're going to do it anyway, regardless of how we feel.
But we definitely want to calmour bodies down first before we
do it.
We don't want to go in a full,because that might be teaching
the brain something else.
If we're going all super, youknow, hopped up, then our
(31:23):
brain's not funny, it's just insurvival mode.
So we have to calm our bodiesdown first and then do whatever
that we're afraid of.
I'm a big adventure seeker.
I'm very afraid of heights andI know why I'm afraid of heights
because heights can be I mean,they can.
(31:43):
It can be dangerous to be up ona side of a mountain or
something like that could bevery dangerous.
But I evaluate some activitiesto say, can I do that in a safe
way?
So I've jumped out of anairplane, I've jumped out of a
helicopter, Like I've donethings that are and my family
(32:06):
thinks I'm crazy, Cause I dolike to do stuff as long as it
can be made safe.
So I will ride a roller coasterall day long as long as I've
got the seatbelt on.
Now I'm not going to go ridingit without a, without the
harness.
I mean that would be nuts andwould teach my brain that roller
coasters are dangerous.
(32:28):
I can teach my brain that rollercoasters are safe I mean as
safe as they can be but you know, as long as you've got the
seatbelt on and you know, oryou're jumping out of a plane,
you've got the parachuteconnected to you.
Like those are things like arelogically good and I like
stepping outside my comfort,like I'd like to be
(32:49):
uncomfortable, because I feellike I'm growing when I do that
and that I'm teaching myself Ican do things even though I'm
afraid of them.
Now sometimes, if you see mehigh up on something, like I'm
clinging to the side, like I'msome kind of crazy person, but
I'm still doing it.
I have.
Yeah, I, I.
(33:09):
When my son was about sixmonths old, I was I'm, I was in
the army and got stationed inNaples, italy, and one of the
first things that we did on atour was climb Mount Vesuvio so
it's a volcano in Naples.
So my son was six months old,so I strapped him to my back and
(33:33):
we climbed up the mountain.
And now I was scared, becauseit's not just me, I have my
little son.
So, like this side was here andI was right up against it.
So I'm not going to dosomething crazy, but I am going
to step outside and and dothings that bring me joy but
(33:54):
also help me grow as a person.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
I love that and I'm sure that your kiddo looks up to
you so much and and probablygave the same wonderful traits
to them through your goodexamples and things like that.
I love that.
No thanks.
What are you working on next?
Is there anything else you'regoing to be doing or where can
people find you?
(34:16):
Give us all the good stuff.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Well, I am currently working on a book called the
Anxious Little Goat.
I'm in Arkansas, so I have asmall farm here and we have
goats and I love them.
They are so therapeutic,they're fun, they're annoying,
(34:39):
hard to control sometimes, butthey bring me a lot of joy, and
so I really wanted to write astory about goats.
But of course, I ponder onthings forever because I'm like
I don't know what's a good story.
But I ended up doing a storyabout a mom and her baby that
(35:00):
was just born and he's justscared of like everything that
he's not going to learn.
He doesn't know how he's, thathe's going to grow up and be a
goat like how to do all the goatthings, and so mom basically
reassures him throughout thebook and teaches him the things
about goats.
And my goal was to also helpkids learn about goats.
(35:22):
Um, so if they get a goat thatthey can learn all the things
that they need to know.
Um, yeah, so I love animals.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Who does donkey like she works with donkeys and
she'll bring them to and shedoes like, um, uh, talk about
how donkeys are.
So their relationships are sointeresting that they'll
sometimes they'll let people in,they'll bully and kick people
(35:52):
out.
They're just very like intensethat way and so fascinating.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Animals are great.
You just pick one animal andlearn all about it.
It's quite fascinating to allfor all the things.
So, yeah, that's that's whatI've been working on.
I hope that we're almost donewith illustrations and my layout
designer whatever is working onthe cover.
So I'm hoping by the beginningof the year it'll yeah, yeah,
(36:23):
yeah.
Thank, yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Excited about that for you yeah, do you have a
website we can go to and learnmore about you, connect with you
?
Speaker 1 (36:35):
all that good stuff my website is written by healy
and my name is spelledh-e-a-L-E-Y and dot com and I
have on there like more stuffthan you'd probably want to know
about me or anything else, butI do have a, a page where you
(36:59):
can actually create an accountand have access to all sorts of
mental health resources, so that, yeah, so people can have
access to.
I have, and I'm adding stuffall the time, like I love
creating resources for people,just simple things that they can
use to, you know, makeimprovements in their life.
(37:21):
I want people to live healthylives.
There's so much more joy inliving healthy, although healthy
is hard.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Right, oh, I love that, is that right?
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Being healthy is uh, yes, that is correct, perfect,
very much.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Oh, I love this conversation.
Thank you so much for your timetoday.
It's been great.
Definitely go towrittenbyhealycom.
That's H-E-A-L-E-Y, so you getthat correct spelling in there.
It's just been such a pleasureto get to know you and I want to
(38:01):
stay in touch so that we can,you know, find out what's going
on and hear more about the goats, and I can introduce you to my
farm animals who are going tojump up on the table.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Oh my goodness, I guess he really does want an
introduction.
This is Jack, pretty, look atthose eyes, how pretty.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Oh, thanks, oh, my goodness, you silly goose.
Well, thank you so, so much foryour time today, and I really
look forward to staying in touch.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Great, I do too, Sarah.
Thanks so much for having me onyour show.
I appreciate that Absolutely.
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