November 6, 2024 • 31 mins
Daniel Durany's journey from job losses to discovering his place on the autism spectrum offers a raw and inspiring narrative. His experiences growing up in a socially reserved family, juxtaposed with his outgoing nature, shed light on the complexities of forming friendships and finding one's identity. As we catch up with Daniel, he shares his insights from navigating the world as a sports referee and the joys and challenges of fatherhood, all while advocating for greater understanding and acceptance within the autism community.
The path for an autistic entrepreneur can be fraught with unique challenges, but Daniel's story is one of resilience and innovation. We discuss the often overlooked career skills essential for success and the strategy of balancing multiple jobs, akin to managing a stock portfolio. Daniel's reflections on the value of diverse experiences highlight the creativity and adaptability that neurodivergent individuals bring to the table, challenging conventional career paths and expectations.
As the conversation unfolds, we explore the power of diverse skill sets and meaningful connections. Daniel's anecdotes underscore the importance of empathy and listening in relationships, whether in marriage or professional settings. Mentorship emerges as a crucial element for neurodivergent individuals, and we eagerly anticipate Daniel's upcoming speaking engagements in Oklahoma and Texas. This episode is a call to action to stay connected through social media and to continue supporting Daniel's endeavors in creating a more inclusive world.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the SJ Child Show, where a little bit
of knowledge can turn fear intounderstanding.
Enjoy the show.
Hi and thanks for joining theSG Child Show.
(00:31):
Today we are having a returnguest.
I'm so excited because we getto number one honor how much and
how far he's come since thelast time we've seen him, heard
from him, come since the lasttime we've seen him, heard from
him and also just catch up,which I love to do, because
Daniel is someone who I admire,who I, my husband, thought was
(00:52):
just like such an incrediblespeaker and really thought that
his story was so beautiful insome of the events.
So I'm really glad that you gotto like impact my own family
like that.
Daniel.
That's pretty me.
You know to say that, to justsay that at all.
So thank you so much and it'sgood to see you again.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
It's nice to see you too.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I'm really happy that we get to catch up like this,
and I think that some excitingthings have happened and you
have some things coming up thatI'm excited to talk about.
But just for those listenerswho are first-time listeners and
may not know, you give us anintroduction and then we'll fast
forward into, well, wherever wewant to go.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I'm Daniel Duraney.
I'm a public speaker andadvocate in the autism field.
I speak all over the country.
While I'm not doing that, I'm areferee in three different
sports volleyball, softball andbasketball.
My main passion is softball.
That's where I've advanced thefurthest and I am married.
(02:02):
I've been married for nineyears and I have a four-year-old
son.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I love that.
Congratulations on that too.
Four is such an exciting age,oh man, and it's going to be
holiday season.
That's going to be so much funto be able to share and explore
and see all the curiosity thatcomes from that time.
Oh, I'm sure you're going tohave so much fun.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yeah, so tell us a little bit about your journey.
Journey, when were youdiagnosed and how did that
information help or help definewhat might happen for you coming
up later?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Here's what's interesting about it.
In September of 2008, I went togo pick up a paycheck on a
Friday afternoon and the bosscalled me into his office.
And when the boss does that,usually something bad is going
to happen.
There's always that uh-ohfeeling.
Well, there was that uh-ohfeeling I'd been let go.
(03:21):
That was the fifth time in thatyear's span that I'd been let
go.
That was the fifth time in thatyear span that I'd been let go.
So I realized something waswrong with me and something
wasn't right, because I was letgo.
And not only was I let go, Iwas let go without reason.
(03:42):
Texas, where I'm from, is a fireat will state, so they don't
have to disclose why you're letgo.
So I realized I couldn't learnfrom this situation because I
didn't know why I was let go.
I needed to get diagnosed andsee if I was on the autism
(04:04):
spectrum.
That's when DARS.
I needed to get diagnosed andsee if I was on the autism
spectrum.
That's when DARS, now known asTexas Workforce Commission, they
provided me a clinicalpsychologist and they got me
tested to see if I'm on thespectrum, and I was later
(04:25):
diagnosed on the spectrum inNovember of 2008.
So that's my journey with thatand I've learned so much about
myself during this journey inthe last 15 years with my
condition.
What makes me tick, what'sworked, what hasn't worked, and
it's helped me become the bestadvocate that I could possibly
be for me but also for otherpeople along the way.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I love that and I can resonate with that in that late
diagnosis and that kind ofdiscovery of yourself.
When you look back at yourchildhood and your maybe let's
talk about like early childhoodyou know elementary age.
(05:10):
What types of challenges orskills did you?
Do you think that you possiblyportrayed that were missed?
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I struggled with developing friendships my own
age.
That was my struggle inelementary school.
I knew I was different when Iwas 11 years old by the people I
was hanging out with.
That's when I started seeingsomething different and odd and
that was my struggle.
Overall, I feel like, knowingthe research I've done and being
(05:53):
around other advocates andlistening in, I think the number
one toughest struggle forpeople on the spectrum is
developing lasting relationshipsIf you really think about it.
Lasting relationships If youreally think about it.
I haven't met one person on theautism spectrum that says I
didn't struggle with developinglasting relationships.
(06:15):
Everyone at some capacity oftime struggled with it with it?
Speaker 1 (06:32):
and did you have in your family typical um siblings
or parents that then were like,well, why can't you do this?
I'm not sure I don't understandthat.
In my case, was that that wasthe case, was, and I was an only
child.
So it was like, well, why can'tyou be like these other girls
that hang out in these groups ofgirls?
Why can't you be like that?
And it was.
That was a very confusing umjudgment to be passed on me
(07:02):
Understand, not know, or evenlike you know.
You really put a lot of likehate in yourself.
I have to say, like when youdon't understand that the people
around you are, you know,different and you're feeling
different, but when it comesdown to it, I think it's so so
(07:29):
much better now there's such abetter presence of how many
different you know individualscan be autistic without the idea
that it has to look like onething.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Yeah, I just know that my parents, especially my
mother, was really hard on mesocially.
I come from a background wheremy dad is really shy.
I come from a background wheremy dad is really shy and my mom
is private, very, very privatewith her feelings and stuff and,
(08:14):
yeah, I was actually outgoingso my mother didn't know how to
harness that to my advantage andthat was really hard um for
them.
I realized I talked a lot aboutsports as a kid and if I knew
(08:36):
what I knew today I I teachabout branching out and non
branching out socially fromtheir, from their specific
topics of interest.
Yeah, and that's what I try toteach.
So they use other subjectsbesides their favorite topic and
use other topics involved in it, involved with their favorite
(08:57):
topic, to talk about situationsthat are to their advantage.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
I really like that a lot.
I think it's really importantthat we see people's strengths
in their interests.
We realize that the more we canallow that curiosity in their
interest and, like you said,allow that curiosity in their
interest and, like you said,maybe build kind of strategies
(09:27):
around that, and how much betterfor that person they can have
success and and find their ownlike-minded people Right, and
(09:48):
that's such a nice thing.
That I don't know about you, Ifeel like wasn't until the last
three years of my life I've beenable to like identify oh my
gosh, okay, this is why I am whoI am and how I think like this
and why I've been questioned formy thinking, my entire life, my
(10:10):
thinking, my entire life, andit really gave me, like this
validity and I found within youand the other people that I
connected with this like-mindedin so many ways, right In that
same, having trouble makingrelationships, and then people
would look at me now and thinkTroublemaking relationships, and
then people would look at menow and think that's ridiculous,
like no way.
You do that every day withpeople.
I do, I practice, I practice, Ipractice, I practice, practice,
(10:33):
practice.
And that's what we have to dowhen it doesn't come naturally
to us is that we have to besuper practicers and if it's
important to us, right and wehave to make sure that those
things and kind of like you, Imean, I think I was social, my
mom was really social and my dadwas social in his circles, but
not outside of that.
(10:54):
But my husband and my daughterare so shy and so it's very
unique to have those differencesand be able to see them and
appreciate them for exactly whatthey are and that safety that
it kind of like I feel likebrings to me.
(11:15):
In this balance that I'mprobably the loudest person in
the room, you know, but that'sokay, it's usually laughter,
thank goodness.
You know I tend I want to spendmy loudness in ways that are
worth and valuable and notworthless.
(11:40):
So, yeah, that's interesting.
Well, and so then, what did youknow?
You obviously just are soeducated.
Tell us about your educationjourney.
You know after high school,that transition and what that
all looked like for you college.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I went to a Baptist university my first year of
college and everything wentdownhill.
Just transitioning was poor andI started going through
depression, going through a lotof mental health issues, and I
realized I needed to take a stepback and go back to a community
(12:22):
college and live back at hometo see where I stand for myself.
So I did that and then Igraduated with my bachelor of
science degree in communicationstudies of all topics at Texas
Christian University.
So I got my bachelor of sciencethere, christian University.
(12:44):
So I got my Bachelor of Sciencethere.
Then I went into the work worldand I wanted to go and get a
Master's immediately but Icouldn't.
But I really always wanted toget a Master's because I feel
like sometimes a Bachelor'sreally doesn't done much in this
world, depending on what yourdegree is, depending on what
(13:06):
your degree is.
So I went into the work world.
Transition struggled in that aswell and that's when I needed to
get help and I learned a lotabout myself in the job world.
And then I realized I worked inpublic school system and I
realized how much red tape therewas and I couldn't advocate in
(13:27):
the public school system like Ican as a public speaker doing
this podcast today with you.
So I chose to go back to schoolin accounting and I got my
accounting degree and accountingis nice.
And I got my accounting degreeand accounting is nice.
But then my heart is so intorefereeing and speaking and
(13:50):
where I'm at.
So I got my master's.
I did it while working two jobsand having a mortgage and having
a wife and a son during thatwhole time.
So it shows what I'm capable ofwith what I've got and the
skills that I can possess.
I mean, not many people can dothat with two jobs and a family
(14:15):
while working on a master's.
So I did that and then Irealized accounting.
I struggled in the job world inthat, so I've learned along the
way different things as anadvocate, like like how to
handle losing jobs, whatcolleges don't teach you.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
To get to me, to be where I'm at today, I love that
and that's a good transition,because I, you know, you and I
kind of talked about what's agood topic for us to discuss
today and kind of the you know,at a great midpoint let's talk
about our elephant in the roomOkay, there's not really one,
(14:57):
but job security and loss ofjobs.
Losing jobs Tell us what thatwas like, and maybe did any of
the employers give you any ideasso that you kind of knew what
to work on moving forward?
Or was it just a guessing gameand like throwing darts in the
(15:19):
dark or something, or something?
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I've lost it in so many ways.
It's like taking a team, afootball team, and they lose
games in so many different ways.
So it's really hard to pinpointone thing.
But I've been able to pinpointtwo things that I've learned
(15:49):
with losing jobs.
Before I was diagnosed, I wouldsay I was losing jobs socially.
I said things out of turn, outof characteristic and everything
I realized.
I learned from that and saidI'm going to be reserved.
I'm going to keep myconversations work-related and
chit-chat when the opportunitypresents itself by doing some
small talk.
(16:09):
But I've learned now,especially after getting my
accounting degree, that thesecompanies are for profit, so
they want to see if they canmake a buck out of you.
They want to see if they canmake a buck out of you.
They want to see if they canprofit with you working for them
(16:30):
, and I haven't been able to dowell in that aspect.
Accounting and accounting ismuch more than just math that
people realize.
There's a lot of parts to it,like knowing what goes to where
and where it goes goes intocertain pieces, and if you're
doing bookkeeping the numbershave to be right and if anything
(16:52):
is skewed off on a bankstatement, the whole thing is
off in being able to reconcileaccounts.
So I'm learning that they'relooking to profit.
So I think if we could gain twothings if I was talking to
people on the spectrum whatemployers are looking at?
(17:13):
They're looking at the socialside and they're looking to see
if they can profit or if you canbring value to the organization
at the same time.
So that's what I've learnedalong the way.
I've also learned with thesejobs that I've lost, that
(17:34):
colleges don't teach you how tohandle these situations.
And there's two other thingsthey don't teach you.
They don't teach you how tocounter offer and they don't
teach you how to ask for a raise.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Those are some good programs that you could put into
place.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
So I've learned a lot about myself along the process
and I've learned that maybe interms of keeping a job and
losing these jobs, I'm betteroff with multiple ones at the
same time and treat it likestocks and traded like stocks,
(18:27):
and if one stock fails, youstill have others to go along
with it, instead of beingdisappointed.
Where you find one, lose onehave to start all over again.
Yeah, when you're on thespectrum, you have to think
outside the box, you have tothink differently than the
average person well, and I thinkyou do just by default.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
So I think it's that's what the people don't
understand often, is that?
How can you be thinking likethis?
It's so strange.
But yeah, this is what it lookslike.
It looks like me coming up withideas that you haven't heard
before, and they might soundoutlandish or crazy, but in in
due time they they make sense,and then society usually catches
(19:09):
up eventually.
That's what I found to be thecase for my careers throughout
my existence, and it's sointeresting that you said that,
because I had told you beforethat I'm like a serial
entrepreneur and you know Ialways my parents were, my mom
(19:30):
was a nurse and my dad was inthe military.
He commanded a base and all youknow, very stable, very like
secure kind of things, and theynever could understand this wild
being that I was, that wantedto do, you know, seven different
(19:51):
things at once, or you know,like you, just two or three jobs
at a time and um.
But I think that it also gaveme the opportunity, when I look
back, to see, oh my gosh, thankgoodness I, you know, worked as
a preschool teacher.
What amazing child careexperience that gave me for
(20:15):
being a great mom someday andhaving ideas of teaching
children.
Oh, it's so nice that I workedin real estate so that I could
understand the market in timesof any time of need, when I
needed to understand things likethat, you know.
Or I was a massage therapistfor a sports team for a while
(20:38):
and now I have that knowledge,you know, to kind of guide me,
and I'll tell you what, Daniel,I think you'll appreciate this.
When I it was 2002, when Idecided I wanted to go into
massage therapy and my parentswere like, oh, do you know what
(20:59):
they do?
It's like no, no, no, no, no,no, no.
You guys have no idea what islike no.
And it was like literally thebeginning of the entire huge
blow up that massage therapybecame.
And you know, now there'schains of massage therapy places
(21:22):
all over the place and and Ikind of felt like I, oftentimes,
in my parents eyes, was, youknow, pioneered all these ideas
of things that they were justlike Sarah, how could you think
that?
And I was like no, it's great,it's great, I'm gonna like work
with these players and it'sgonna be fantastic.
They just thought I was thiscrazy, crazy person.
(21:44):
But I made it all happen, youknow.
So I, without all of thosepieces, though, like I would
feel so incomplete, Like I feellike I've lived a hundred lives
as as the being that I am and Iwouldn't want it any other way.
And now I can understand whowho I am.
You know, the ADHD that I amevery day, the autism that I
(22:08):
present once in a while.
So fascinating.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
I'll tell you this you learn more through this
process, with these jobsituations.
Then if you had held a job forfive to 10 years with the
company, I think you learn moreskills and talents along the way
.
That's what people don'trealize.
Oh, you didn't gain any skills.
(22:34):
That's wrong.
I think you gain more skillsand talents along the way than
you did if you held a job forfive to 10 years at a time.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yeah, agreed, couldn't agree more.
Now I think that, um, it's beenso helpful to have so many
skills along the way.
You know, kind of in the midstof massage school, I was a
paralegal for a while.
Those skills helped me be agreat writer and write
(23:07):
children's books later on.
I mean these like building ofskills on top of one another and
I, you know like, go to highschool reunion and the person's
like, wow, I've worked at thisfurniture store for 30 years.
You're like oh my gosh, that'sthe saddest thing I've ever
heard, not to be just, you knowany.
(23:31):
I'm sure that they're happy,but for myself, like I couldn't
imagine.
I couldn't imagine that.
So kudos on us for likebuilding the skill ladder Right.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Absolutely so I can't say what it's like actually for
those.
You know groups of people thatare able to have easy flowing
relationships with one another.
But now as an adult it's myfavorite thing to do in life is
make friends and be friends and,you know, make connections with
(24:22):
people.
It's like a super skill now.
So what did you do for yourselfto practice?
Because you got a wife.
So you must have done somethingright in you know being able to
, to manage that.
So tell us about kind of thatjourney and what that was like.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
I think what's helped me, especially with my wife, is
being a good listener, lettingher say what she needs to say,
letting her get her point across, letting her whether it be to
vent, if she needs to vent tojust get her point across.
I think I've tried to be thebest listener that I can
(25:05):
possibly be and to be the bestempathetical person as I can
possibly be along the way andthat's what's helped a lot with
with the relationship side ofthings, especially with my wife.
I've I've learned how to be aprofessional in my conversation
(25:28):
in the work world, whether it beas a referee, working with my
partners or working with coachesor players.
I've learned to keepconversations work-related.
I've learned to build goodrapport within the game with
those coaches and players andco-officials, to be able to work
(25:50):
with them and and that means alot to me and I've grown a lot
of confidence along the waydoing that, doing that type of
stuff, and they get to know youand they get to know your
tendencies.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
so it helps a lot when you're doing a good job on
the, on the court or on thefield and they know you, they
could trust you to do your job,to do their and they could do
their thing I love that and youknow what I have to harry james
(26:23):
o'kelly, she, just she inspiredmy brain to inspire you to tell
you you should start theNeuroDivergent Referee Coaching
Program online so that peoplehave to come and you give little
classes on how to do thingsbetter that you've learned.
(26:46):
I mean just just Harry told meto say it.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I guess she, she mused my brain right here in
this moment, so a lot of littlethings from uh co-officials
along the way how to handle acoach, how to handle situations,
constructive feedback, beingable to give constructive
(27:13):
feedback to other co-officials,how to talk to them while
listening to what they have tosay as well.
How to handle egos in thatprofession as well.
Some people are not intofeedback, so I don't get
feedback.
So those are things I'velearned that I can help as a
(27:41):
neurodivergent referee to dothat.
I've had a mentor in everysport that I officiate.
That's helped a lot along theway, and being able to have a
mentor, I think, is huge.
I think, for every person onthe spectrum.
They need to have a mentor inthe job world.
(28:03):
I have a lot of.
I have several people that Ican go to in the job world.
I have several people that Ican go to in the job situation,
mentor-wise and how to handlesituations.
So that's helped a lot alongthe way.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
I love that Absolutely.
Well, what do we have coming up?
What do you have in thepipeline, where can we see you
speaking, and what kind ofthings do you have coming up
next?
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Tomorrow I've got a speaking gig in Oklahoma, edmond
Oklahoma.
I speak at Edmond Oklahoma atthe Oklahoma Autism Conference,
at the Oklahoma AutismConference and then in April I
speak at one of the servicecenters in Texas.
(28:56):
I do a virtual.
I'm trying to follow up withother ones along the way.
I always feel like I've got acouple that are upcoming and
then there's like another fiveor six that are pending, or they
want me to follow up with themin a later time, or I catch them
too late and they've alreadygot their speakers.
So I'm always trying to stay intouch with that aspect with um
(29:21):
getting more speaking gigs alongthe way I love that well.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
You know you always have an open invitation to my
events.
Daniel and we just like are sohappy to have made this
connection and relationship withyou.
So I can't wait till I get tovisit Texas one day and just do
my SJ Child show tour in Texasand see all the friends I've
(29:46):
made.
And if I ever have an in-personevent in here in Utah,
hopefully you'll come and visitus here and see how that goes
too.
I've had a few people say theymight be interested in that.
So keeping my thinking caps on.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
I love it.
It's so great to catch up withyou.
Is there a place social media,things like that email address
that you would recommend topeople to get in touch with you
if they have opportunities,ideas, questions, all the good
stuff?
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Absolutely.
They can follow me on Facebook.
They can follow me on Facebook.
They can follow me on Twitter.
I'm at ddsportsology, soddsports o-l-o-g-y.
Or you can follow me on myemail dsderaney, so deraney is
spelled d-u-r-a-n-y at yahoocom.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Trying to see.
Did I type oh look, my glassesare in my head.
Didi Sportsology.
Did I spell everything right?
It looks right, but you know,you never know until you get a
second opinion.
Maybe that's right.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
That's right, that's correct, excellent.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Well, please, listeners, if you are interested
in reaching out and going andfollowing Daniel, and, of course
, for those of you who arereturning and have got to catch
up and find out more like if youwant to reach out to Daniel
about his refereeing, find outmore like if you want to reach
out to daniel about hisrefereeing.
Um, I think that you have somuch potential and so much
exciting things coming up foryou and we are excited to catch
(31:35):
up with you.
Again, and thanks so much forcoming on you're welcome yay,
well, I look forward to stayingin touch and we will be talking
to you soon, daniel talk to yousoon.
Welcome to the SJ Child Show, where a little bit
of knowledge can turn fear intounderstanding.
Enjoy the show.
Hi and thanks for joining theSG Child Show.
(00:31):
Today we are having a returnguest.
I'm so excited because we getto number one honor how much and
how far he's come since thelast time we've seen him, heard
from him, come since the lasttime we've seen him, heard from
him and also just catch up,which I love to do, because
Daniel is someone who I admire,who I, my husband, thought was
(00:52):
just like such an incrediblespeaker and really thought that
his story was so beautiful insome of the events.
So I'm really glad that you gotto like impact my own family
like that.
Daniel.
That's pretty me.
You know to say that, to justsay that at all.
So thank you so much and it'sgood to see you again.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
It's nice to see you too.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I'm really happy that we get to catch up like this,
and I think that some excitingthings have happened and you
have some things coming up thatI'm excited to talk about.
But just for those listenerswho are first-time listeners and
may not know, you give us anintroduction and then we'll fast
forward into, well, wherever wewant to go.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I'm Daniel Duraney.
I'm a public speaker andadvocate in the autism field.
I speak all over the country.
While I'm not doing that, I'm areferee in three different
sports volleyball, softball andbasketball.
My main passion is softball.
That's where I've advanced thefurthest and I am married.
(02:02):
I've been married for nineyears and I have a four-year-old
son.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I love that.
Congratulations on that too.
Four is such an exciting age,oh man, and it's going to be
holiday season.
That's going to be so much funto be able to share and explore
and see all the curiosity thatcomes from that time.
Oh, I'm sure you're going tohave so much fun.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yeah, so tell us a little bit about your journey.
Journey, when were youdiagnosed and how did that
information help or help definewhat might happen for you coming
up later?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Here's what's interesting about it.
In September of 2008, I went togo pick up a paycheck on a
Friday afternoon and the bosscalled me into his office.
And when the boss does that,usually something bad is going
to happen.
There's always that uh-ohfeeling.
Well, there was that uh-ohfeeling I'd been let go.
(03:21):
That was the fifth time in thatyear's span that I'd been let
go.
That was the fifth time in thatyear span that I'd been let go.
So I realized something waswrong with me and something
wasn't right, because I was letgo.
And not only was I let go, Iwas let go without reason.
(03:42):
Texas, where I'm from, is a fireat will state, so they don't
have to disclose why you're letgo.
So I realized I couldn't learnfrom this situation because I
didn't know why I was let go.
I needed to get diagnosed andsee if I was on the autism
(04:04):
spectrum.
That's when DARS.
I needed to get diagnosed andsee if I was on the autism
spectrum.
That's when DARS, now known asTexas Workforce Commission, they
provided me a clinicalpsychologist and they got me
tested to see if I'm on thespectrum, and I was later
(04:25):
diagnosed on the spectrum inNovember of 2008.
So that's my journey with thatand I've learned so much about
myself during this journey inthe last 15 years with my
condition.
What makes me tick, what'sworked, what hasn't worked, and
it's helped me become the bestadvocate that I could possibly
be for me but also for otherpeople along the way.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I love that and I can resonate with that in that late
diagnosis and that kind ofdiscovery of yourself.
When you look back at yourchildhood and your maybe let's
talk about like early childhoodyou know elementary age.
(05:10):
What types of challenges orskills did you?
Do you think that you possiblyportrayed that were missed?
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I struggled with developing friendships my own
age.
That was my struggle inelementary school.
I knew I was different when Iwas 11 years old by the people I
was hanging out with.
That's when I started seeingsomething different and odd and
that was my struggle.
Overall, I feel like, knowingthe research I've done and being
(05:53):
around other advocates andlistening in, I think the number
one toughest struggle forpeople on the spectrum is
developing lasting relationshipsIf you really think about it.
Lasting relationships If youreally think about it.
I haven't met one person on theautism spectrum that says I
didn't struggle with developinglasting relationships.
(06:15):
Everyone at some capacity oftime struggled with it with it?
Speaker 1 (06:32):
and did you have in your family typical um siblings
or parents that then were like,well, why can't you do this?
I'm not sure I don't understandthat.
In my case, was that that wasthe case, was, and I was an only
child.
So it was like, well, why can'tyou be like these other girls
that hang out in these groups ofgirls?
Why can't you be like that?
And it was.
That was a very confusing umjudgment to be passed on me
(07:02):
Understand, not know, or evenlike you know.
You really put a lot of likehate in yourself.
I have to say, like when youdon't understand that the people
around you are, you know,different and you're feeling
different, but when it comesdown to it, I think it's so so
(07:29):
much better now there's such abetter presence of how many
different you know individualscan be autistic without the idea
that it has to look like onething.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Yeah, I just know that my parents, especially my
mother, was really hard on mesocially.
I come from a background wheremy dad is really shy.
I come from a background wheremy dad is really shy and my mom
is private, very, very privatewith her feelings and stuff and,
(08:14):
yeah, I was actually outgoingso my mother didn't know how to
harness that to my advantage andthat was really hard um for
them.
I realized I talked a lot aboutsports as a kid and if I knew
(08:36):
what I knew today I I teachabout branching out and non
branching out socially fromtheir, from their specific
topics of interest.
Yeah, and that's what I try toteach.
So they use other subjectsbesides their favorite topic and
use other topics involved in it, involved with their favorite
(08:57):
topic, to talk about situationsthat are to their advantage.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
I really like that a lot.
I think it's really importantthat we see people's strengths
in their interests.
We realize that the more we canallow that curiosity in their
interest and, like you said,allow that curiosity in their
interest and, like you said,maybe build kind of strategies
(09:27):
around that, and how much betterfor that person they can have
success and and find their ownlike-minded people Right, and
(09:48):
that's such a nice thing.
That I don't know about you, Ifeel like wasn't until the last
three years of my life I've beenable to like identify oh my
gosh, okay, this is why I am whoI am and how I think like this
and why I've been questioned formy thinking, my entire life, my
(10:10):
thinking, my entire life, andit really gave me, like this
validity and I found within youand the other people that I
connected with this like-mindedin so many ways, right In that
same, having trouble makingrelationships, and then people
would look at me now and thinkTroublemaking relationships, and
then people would look at menow and think that's ridiculous,
like no way.
You do that every day withpeople.
I do, I practice, I practice, Ipractice, I practice, practice,
(10:33):
practice.
And that's what we have to dowhen it doesn't come naturally
to us is that we have to besuper practicers and if it's
important to us, right and wehave to make sure that those
things and kind of like you, Imean, I think I was social, my
mom was really social and my dadwas social in his circles, but
not outside of that.
(10:54):
But my husband and my daughterare so shy and so it's very
unique to have those differencesand be able to see them and
appreciate them for exactly whatthey are and that safety that
it kind of like I feel likebrings to me.
(11:15):
In this balance that I'mprobably the loudest person in
the room, you know, but that'sokay, it's usually laughter,
thank goodness.
You know I tend I want to spendmy loudness in ways that are
worth and valuable and notworthless.
(11:40):
So, yeah, that's interesting.
Well, and so then, what did youknow?
You obviously just are soeducated.
Tell us about your educationjourney.
You know after high school,that transition and what that
all looked like for you college.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I went to a Baptist university my first year of
college and everything wentdownhill.
Just transitioning was poor andI started going through
depression, going through a lotof mental health issues, and I
realized I needed to take a stepback and go back to a community
(12:22):
college and live back at hometo see where I stand for myself.
So I did that and then Igraduated with my bachelor of
science degree in communicationstudies of all topics at Texas
Christian University.
So I got my bachelor of sciencethere, christian University.
(12:44):
So I got my Bachelor of Sciencethere.
Then I went into the work worldand I wanted to go and get a
Master's immediately but Icouldn't.
But I really always wanted toget a Master's because I feel
like sometimes a Bachelor'sreally doesn't done much in this
world, depending on what yourdegree is, depending on what
(13:06):
your degree is.
So I went into the work world.
Transition struggled in that aswell and that's when I needed to
get help and I learned a lotabout myself in the job world.
And then I realized I worked inpublic school system and I
realized how much red tape therewas and I couldn't advocate in
(13:27):
the public school system like Ican as a public speaker doing
this podcast today with you.
So I chose to go back to schoolin accounting and I got my
accounting degree and accountingis nice.
And I got my accounting degreeand accounting is nice.
But then my heart is so intorefereeing and speaking and
(13:50):
where I'm at.
So I got my master's.
I did it while working two jobsand having a mortgage and having
a wife and a son during thatwhole time.
So it shows what I'm capable ofwith what I've got and the
skills that I can possess.
I mean, not many people can dothat with two jobs and a family
(14:15):
while working on a master's.
So I did that and then Irealized accounting.
I struggled in the job world inthat, so I've learned along the
way different things as anadvocate, like like how to
handle losing jobs, whatcolleges don't teach you.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
To get to me, to be where I'm at today, I love that
and that's a good transition,because I, you know, you and I
kind of talked about what's agood topic for us to discuss
today and kind of the you know,at a great midpoint let's talk
about our elephant in the roomOkay, there's not really one,
(14:57):
but job security and loss ofjobs.
Losing jobs Tell us what thatwas like, and maybe did any of
the employers give you any ideasso that you kind of knew what
to work on moving forward?
Or was it just a guessing gameand like throwing darts in the
(15:19):
dark or something, or something?
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I've lost it in so many ways.
It's like taking a team, afootball team, and they lose
games in so many different ways.
So it's really hard to pinpointone thing.
But I've been able to pinpointtwo things that I've learned
(15:49):
with losing jobs.
Before I was diagnosed, I wouldsay I was losing jobs socially.
I said things out of turn, outof characteristic and everything
I realized.
I learned from that and saidI'm going to be reserved.
I'm going to keep myconversations work-related and
chit-chat when the opportunitypresents itself by doing some
small talk.
(16:09):
But I've learned now,especially after getting my
accounting degree, that thesecompanies are for profit, so
they want to see if they canmake a buck out of you.
They want to see if they canmake a buck out of you.
They want to see if they canprofit with you working for them
(16:30):
, and I haven't been able to dowell in that aspect.
Accounting and accounting ismuch more than just math that
people realize.
There's a lot of parts to it,like knowing what goes to where
and where it goes goes intocertain pieces, and if you're
doing bookkeeping the numbershave to be right and if anything
(16:52):
is skewed off on a bankstatement, the whole thing is
off in being able to reconcileaccounts.
So I'm learning that they'relooking to profit.
So I think if we could gain twothings if I was talking to
people on the spectrum whatemployers are looking at?
(17:13):
They're looking at the socialside and they're looking to see
if they can profit or if you canbring value to the organization
at the same time.
So that's what I've learnedalong the way.
I've also learned with thesejobs that I've lost, that
(17:34):
colleges don't teach you how tohandle these situations.
And there's two other thingsthey don't teach you.
They don't teach you how tocounter offer and they don't
teach you how to ask for a raise.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Those are some good programs that you could put into
place.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
So I've learned a lot about myself along the process
and I've learned that maybe interms of keeping a job and
losing these jobs, I'm betteroff with multiple ones at the
same time and treat it likestocks and traded like stocks,
(18:27):
and if one stock fails, youstill have others to go along
with it, instead of beingdisappointed.
Where you find one, lose onehave to start all over again.
Yeah, when you're on thespectrum, you have to think
outside the box, you have tothink differently than the
average person well, and I thinkyou do just by default.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
So I think it's that's what the people don't
understand often, is that?
How can you be thinking likethis?
It's so strange.
But yeah, this is what it lookslike.
It looks like me coming up withideas that you haven't heard
before, and they might soundoutlandish or crazy, but in in
due time they they make sense,and then society usually catches
(19:09):
up eventually.
That's what I found to be thecase for my careers throughout
my existence, and it's sointeresting that you said that,
because I had told you beforethat I'm like a serial
entrepreneur and you know Ialways my parents were, my mom
(19:30):
was a nurse and my dad was inthe military.
He commanded a base and all youknow, very stable, very like
secure kind of things, and theynever could understand this wild
being that I was, that wantedto do, you know, seven different
(19:51):
things at once, or you know,like you, just two or three jobs
at a time and um.
But I think that it also gaveme the opportunity, when I look
back, to see, oh my gosh, thankgoodness I, you know, worked as
a preschool teacher.
What amazing child careexperience that gave me for
(20:15):
being a great mom someday andhaving ideas of teaching
children.
Oh, it's so nice that I workedin real estate so that I could
understand the market in timesof any time of need, when I
needed to understand things likethat, you know.
Or I was a massage therapistfor a sports team for a while
(20:38):
and now I have that knowledge,you know, to kind of guide me,
and I'll tell you what, Daniel,I think you'll appreciate this.
When I it was 2002, when Idecided I wanted to go into
massage therapy and my parentswere like, oh, do you know what
(20:59):
they do?
It's like no, no, no, no, no,no, no.
You guys have no idea what islike no.
And it was like literally thebeginning of the entire huge
blow up that massage therapybecame.
And you know, now there'schains of massage therapy places
(21:22):
all over the place and and Ikind of felt like I, oftentimes,
in my parents eyes, was, youknow, pioneered all these ideas
of things that they were justlike Sarah, how could you think
that?
And I was like no, it's great,it's great, I'm gonna like work
with these players and it'sgonna be fantastic.
They just thought I was thiscrazy, crazy person.
(21:44):
But I made it all happen, youknow.
So I, without all of thosepieces, though, like I would
feel so incomplete, Like I feellike I've lived a hundred lives
as as the being that I am and Iwouldn't want it any other way.
And now I can understand whowho I am.
You know, the ADHD that I amevery day, the autism that I
(22:08):
present once in a while.
So fascinating.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
I'll tell you this you learn more through this
process, with these jobsituations.
Then if you had held a job forfive to 10 years with the
company, I think you learn moreskills and talents along the way
.
That's what people don'trealize.
Oh, you didn't gain any skills.
(22:34):
That's wrong.
I think you gain more skillsand talents along the way than
you did if you held a job forfive to 10 years at a time.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yeah, agreed, couldn't agree more.
Now I think that, um, it's beenso helpful to have so many
skills along the way.
You know, kind of in the midstof massage school, I was a
paralegal for a while.
Those skills helped me be agreat writer and write
(23:07):
children's books later on.
I mean these like building ofskills on top of one another and
I, you know like, go to highschool reunion and the person's
like, wow, I've worked at thisfurniture store for 30 years.
You're like oh my gosh, that'sthe saddest thing I've ever
heard, not to be just, you knowany.
(23:31):
I'm sure that they're happy,but for myself, like I couldn't
imagine.
I couldn't imagine that.
So kudos on us for likebuilding the skill ladder Right.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Absolutely so I can't say what it's like actually for
those.
You know groups of people thatare able to have easy flowing
relationships with one another.
But now as an adult it's myfavorite thing to do in life is
make friends and be friends and,you know, make connections with
(24:22):
people.
It's like a super skill now.
So what did you do for yourselfto practice?
Because you got a wife.
So you must have done somethingright in you know being able to
, to manage that.
So tell us about kind of thatjourney and what that was like.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
I think what's helped me, especially with my wife, is
being a good listener, lettingher say what she needs to say,
letting her get her point across, letting her whether it be to
vent, if she needs to vent tojust get her point across.
I think I've tried to be thebest listener that I can
(25:05):
possibly be and to be the bestempathetical person as I can
possibly be along the way andthat's what's helped a lot with
with the relationship side ofthings, especially with my wife.
I've I've learned how to be aprofessional in my conversation
(25:28):
in the work world, whether it beas a referee, working with my
partners or working with coachesor players.
I've learned to keepconversations work-related.
I've learned to build goodrapport within the game with
those coaches and players andco-officials, to be able to work
(25:50):
with them and and that means alot to me and I've grown a lot
of confidence along the waydoing that, doing that type of
stuff, and they get to know youand they get to know your
tendencies.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
so it helps a lot when you're doing a good job on
the, on the court or on thefield and they know you, they
could trust you to do your job,to do their and they could do
their thing I love that and youknow what I have to harry james
(26:23):
o'kelly, she, just she inspiredmy brain to inspire you to tell
you you should start theNeuroDivergent Referee Coaching
Program online so that peoplehave to come and you give little
classes on how to do thingsbetter that you've learned.
(26:46):
I mean just just Harry told meto say it.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I guess she, she mused my brain right here in
this moment, so a lot of littlethings from uh co-officials
along the way how to handle acoach, how to handle situations,
constructive feedback, beingable to give constructive
(27:13):
feedback to other co-officials,how to talk to them while
listening to what they have tosay as well.
How to handle egos in thatprofession as well.
Some people are not intofeedback, so I don't get
feedback.
So those are things I'velearned that I can help as a
(27:41):
neurodivergent referee to dothat.
I've had a mentor in everysport that I officiate.
That's helped a lot along theway, and being able to have a
mentor, I think, is huge.
I think, for every person onthe spectrum.
They need to have a mentor inthe job world.
(28:03):
I have a lot of.
I have several people that Ican go to in the job world.
I have several people that Ican go to in the job situation,
mentor-wise and how to handlesituations.
So that's helped a lot alongthe way.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
I love that Absolutely.
Well, what do we have coming up?
What do you have in thepipeline, where can we see you
speaking, and what kind ofthings do you have coming up
next?
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Tomorrow I've got a speaking gig in Oklahoma, edmond
Oklahoma.
I speak at Edmond Oklahoma atthe Oklahoma Autism Conference,
at the Oklahoma AutismConference and then in April I
speak at one of the servicecenters in Texas.
(28:56):
I do a virtual.
I'm trying to follow up withother ones along the way.
I always feel like I've got acouple that are upcoming and
then there's like another fiveor six that are pending, or they
want me to follow up with themin a later time, or I catch them
too late and they've alreadygot their speakers.
So I'm always trying to stay intouch with that aspect with um
(29:21):
getting more speaking gigs alongthe way I love that well.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
You know you always have an open invitation to my
events.
Daniel and we just like are sohappy to have made this
connection and relationship withyou.
So I can't wait till I get tovisit Texas one day and just do
my SJ Child show tour in Texasand see all the friends I've
(29:46):
made.
And if I ever have an in-personevent in here in Utah,
hopefully you'll come and visitus here and see how that goes
too.
I've had a few people say theymight be interested in that.
So keeping my thinking caps on.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
I love it.
It's so great to catch up withyou.
Is there a place social media,things like that email address
that you would recommend topeople to get in touch with you
if they have opportunities,ideas, questions, all the good
stuff?
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Absolutely.
They can follow me on Facebook.
They can follow me on Facebook.
They can follow me on Twitter.
I'm at ddsportsology, soddsports o-l-o-g-y.
Or you can follow me on myemail dsderaney, so deraney is
spelled d-u-r-a-n-y at yahoocom.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Trying to see.
Did I type oh look, my glassesare in my head.
Didi Sportsology.
Did I spell everything right?
It looks right, but you know,you never know until you get a
second opinion.
Maybe that's right.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
That's right, that's correct, excellent.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Well, please, listeners, if you are interested
in reaching out and going andfollowing Daniel, and, of course
, for those of you who arereturning and have got to catch
up and find out more like if youwant to reach out to Daniel
about his refereeing, find outmore like if you want to reach
out to daniel about hisrefereeing.
Um, I think that you have somuch potential and so much
exciting things coming up foryou and we are excited to catch
(31:35):
up with you.
Again, and thanks so much forcoming on you're welcome yay,
well, I look forward to stayingin touch and we will be talking
to you soon, daniel talk to yousoon.
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