November 15, 2024 • 47 mins
The latest episode of the Sober Chapters Podcast delves deep into the transformative journey of Danielle Maynard who turned her and her partner's life around by embracing sobriety.
Raised in a small Australian mining town where drinking was part of the culture, Danielle witnessed the damaging effects of alcohol firsthand, especially through her father’s battle with alcoholism. Her upbringing set the stage for her own struggles, making her eventual decision to embrace sobriety all the more powerful.
Danielle opens up about navigating her marriage while alcohol was still a factor. She shares raw and relatable moments of how choosing sobriety helped her and her partner rebuild their relationship with renewed strength and trust. This episode dives into the challenges of being in a relationship when only one partner is initially sober and the transformative power of unconditional love and support.
Danielle’s story highlights the resilience needed to overcome cultural conditioning around drinking and the incredible growth that comes with sobriety. Alongside her husband, she now runs Recover Mate, a recovery business for men and couples, offering support and hope for those ready to embrace an alcohol-free life.
🔗 Follow Danielle & Recover Mate:
Instagram, TikTok, Facebook: @recover.mate
This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking for inspiration on how sobriety can reshape not only your life but also the lives of those you love. Tune in now!
Thank you for being here and for being a part of The Sober Chapters Community.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Sober Chapters podcast.
I am your host, dee Dee Jordan,and I'm so excited to be
sharing with you all of theincredible ways that removing
alcohol for a chapter willreinvent you forever.
You see, removing alcohol isabout so much more than removing
alcohol.
It's about immense personal andspiritual growth.
(00:22):
It's about discovering who youtruly are and about stepping out
of your patterns and into yourpurpose and your power.
Wherever you are on youralcohol-free or sober curious
journey, this podcast is for you.
So grab yourself your favoritecuppa and come join me in a safe
(00:43):
space to listen, to share andto feel I'm so grateful that
you're here.
Hello and welcome to anotherepisode of the Sober Chapters
(01:06):
podcast.
And today I'm joined by thelovely Danielle Maynard, who I
connected with, I guess, kind ofwithin the community the
Relationship Code community thatI'm a big part of here in
Australia, and Danielle worksthere and we've been chatting
all things sobriety becauseshe's also alcohol free.
And we caught up for a coffeethe other day and I heard a
(01:29):
little bit more about her storyand I just thought, wow, this is
going to be such a greatmessage for so many people out
there.
So, yeah, I invited her ontothe podcast.
She kindly accepted and I'mjust gonna hand you over to
introduce yourself, so welcome,danielle, to the podcast.
Thanks, deedee, for having me.
I'm just going to hand you overto introduce yourself, so
welcome.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Danielle to the podcast.
Thanks, Deedee, for having me.
I'm so excited to be here andjust share a little bit more
about my journey in sobriety andhow that intertwines in our
relationships and what that sortof looks like.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
And I think I can feel that that's going to be a
really big part of today,because I know there's been some
huge changes for you in bothyour life and your partner's
life and I thought it'd be greatto start, maybe just introduce
yourself and perhaps likewhatever flows in terms of your
story and and how you got to thepoint where you decided to go
alcohol-free, if that's okay,yeah yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Um, a little bit about me is I'm in my late 20s
now.
I've got a couple of kids.
I've got a 10-year-old and analmost 8-year-old, which is, you
know, crazy when you thinkabout it, and I've been with my
partner throughout that wholejourney and it's been, it's been
a ride.
You know, some people say thatbeing alcohol free and living a
(02:48):
life with children and husbandand work and all those things,
you know it's, it's definitelychallenging and I suppose for me
, I've grown up with having aalcoholic father and, as we know
, right, like an alcoholicfather and, as we know, right,
(03:10):
like, as we know, we see acertain model of something and
then we just go with what weknow.
So, inevitably, having analcoholic father, I was going to
attract an alcoholic husbandand you know I didn't know this
in my early years because I wasa teenager it was very common
culturally to just go out, havea good time, drink, party.
You know all the things andyeah, I just didn't realize, I
(03:33):
suppose that you know,conditioning of alcohol through
my upbringing and then also howthat's, you know, folded and
enveloped over into myrelationship with my partner.
But looking back on that timein my life, it was very
interesting to see just how much, like culturally, it has a hold
(03:58):
on young teenagers.
And growing up in a smallcountry town which I'm actually
believe it or not, I'm actuallybelieve it or not I'm actually
back here right now, so it'skind of a full circle moment
today, um, but coming back to asmall country town, and you know
where I've grown up has been,um, you know, in Kalgoorlie.
So I suppose for the listenersit's a small little mining town,
(04:21):
um, just inland of WesternAustralia, and every corner has
a pub.
Like, I'm not even kidding, youdrive down the street and
there's a pub on the corner, or,like the main street has, I
think I don't know, maybeupwards of five or six
nightclubs.
So you know, like it's a verysmall country town, it takes 10
minutes to get from one side tothe other and it's just packed
(04:44):
full of you alcohol.
Um, you know, we get theskimpies, you get, you know we
get all of that here in thissmall country town.
So, as you can imagine, being ateenager growing up and being
conditioned into that sort ofenvironment, naturally alcohol
is going to to play a big partin that, um, you know.
So, most importantly, I got toexperience that nightlife.
(05:06):
I was out night coming by thetime I was 15.
Um, I knew most of the peopleat the bar and, you know, and it
was cool at that time, it wascool to go out and experience
that and, you know, get amongstthat.
But, you know, now looking at itas an adult, it's like whoa.
Like you know, I couldn'timagine my kids doing that, you
know.
So, yeah, um, and then myhusband so he also grew up here
(05:29):
in Kalgoorlie, is born and bredand his whole family are very
similar.
So you know, they've grown up,they've experienced this culture
that's sort of grown here andit's all been based around
alcohol.
You know, it's been about every.
You know barbecue every lunch,every sunday after work.
You know, shift work and miningis such a big industry where
(05:52):
it's like, you know, you mightwork all different hours, you
might work night shift and it'sjust, um, yeah, it's just so
interesting, like you know Idon't really know how else to
sort of say that it's just sointeresting being in a small
country town, growing up aroundthat and yeah, so I sort of had
this underlying issue, I wouldsay, with alcohol, this
(06:15):
relationship with alcohol.
That was, you know borderlinenot good.
And you know, I suppose, likeyou know, when we talk about you
know you know when we talkabout you know you said earlier
we talked about coming to thecode event and you and you start
to look at different areas ofthe light of your life and
you're like, oh, wow, like I cansee how this sort of shaped a
(06:36):
part of who I am and what mybeliefs are and what I valued.
And what I got to realize was,you know, my dad was an
alcoholic.
I didn't know that at the timeI hadn't connected the dots of
going okay, like he would gethome from a long shift and he
wouldn't think twice abouthaving six beers, and that would
be like an everyday, you knowoccurrence.
(06:58):
And I can remember my mom anddad having these arguments all
the time because you know, know,as we sort of go through that
you're working and then you buythe alcohol and then you become
addicted, and then when youbecome addicted, it's like the
money becomes an issue, then youget the hangovers and you don't
go to work and then, like it's,it's a gateway to gambling and
(07:20):
drugs and all sorts of things.
So it opens up a whole othercan of worms and when you're in
a relationship it's very, verychallenging to navigate what
that looks like.
So you know that being mynormality, of course, you know,
as we know, we attract verysimilar things.
So by the time that you know, Iturned 18, my husband and I had
(07:43):
found ourselves in these exactsame patterns, where he was an
alcoholic and he would go outand he would drink, and you know
, instantly it was like I didn'tknow where he was.
I would call, he'd say, yeah,babe, I'll be home in one more
hour, I'll have one beer andI'll be home, and the next thing
it's like 6am and I don't knowwhere he's been.
(08:05):
The stress in my body is risen,I'm angry, I'm in resentment,
I'm not, you know, having thoseconversations and by then it's
just like you don't love me, youdon't care about our family,
you know, and it just unravelsfrom there, right, yeah?
So you know we found ourselvesconstantly like I want to say at
(08:26):
least a week, averaging once aweek in this cycle of alcohol
being a problem.
You would do or say something,or you'd miss work, or you know
my husband had a pattern oflosing jobs.
So you're having a young family.
He would, you know drink a lot,not go to work, and then
there'd be, you know, a callsaying, oh sorry, don't worry
(08:48):
about coming in today.
And you know, for us womenthere's no safety and security
in that.
You know there's no moneycoming in.
You're looking after thechildren and he's lost his job
because of an addiction that he,you know he has.
You know so sort of paintingthat it's.
It's not a good picture and whenthat happens over such a long
(09:11):
period of time, you can findyourself, like me, going it's
done, like we're heading todivorce, I can't do this anymore
.
Um, you know, I found myselfactually, um, having to drink to
connect with him, and I thinkthat's such a big thing that us
women can do because we want toconnect emotionally, right, like
(09:31):
we want to be connected to our,our partners, and there's
nothing worse than him being inthis you know drunken state or
in the state where he's going todrink and you're like, okay,
well, I've got all theseresponsibilities to do, I'll get
all these done, and then maybewe can sit down and have a glass
of wine or a beer together atdinner time and connect that way
(09:52):
.
So that's what I found myselfdoing and it was just.
As a woman, you just know thatyou can have so much more.
And witnessing that in therelationship and witnessing
myself going okay, I have toconnect with my husband over a
(10:13):
glass of wine.
We can't even have a soberconversation, um, and to me it
was just like I didn't sign upfor this, like Like I don't want
to do this.
So naturally, of course, youend up in the trajectory.
It's like all right, well, it'stime that we either get some
help or we call the quits.
(10:34):
And you know we've got twoyoung kids.
We'd moved to Perth by then andyou know my husband had got a
great job and then he'd lostthat job.
So it just caused a lot ofexcess stress and chaos in our
life and I'm just like I can'tkeep repeating this, like
there's something has to give.
But I love this man and I and Ithink that's what I, what I find
(10:56):
when talking with women whohave partners that you know have
this same addiction or thisrelationship with alcohol is
it's so hard because you knowthe man that he is.
Without it, you know what anincredible person, an incredible
human being he is.
When he doesn't drink, yeah,yet he drinks, and then it just
(11:17):
derails everything.
And it's just like, you know, Iget it.
I, I get what that feels like.
It's like I love this man, Iwant to be with this man, I'm
committed to him for the rest ofmy life.
We've got kids together, weshare a whole life together, but
this just isn't working, youknow.
So I completely understand whatthat.
You know what that feels andlooks like.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Yeah well, thank you, danielle, for sharing all of
that with us and with thelisteners, and I'm sure there's
people resonating and I know we.
We discussed quite a bit abouteverything when we went for
coffee the other week and I justthought it was so powerful what
you then did in the steps thatyou took and I think, with all
of what you've, just what waskind of like a turning point,
(12:04):
because how long have you beenalcohol-free now and what did
that decision look like?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
So the bit where everything changed for you yeah,
yeah, so I've been just overtwo and a half, two and a bit
years sober now.
So, yeah, I'm pretty excitedand you know, I say that to
people and they're like what,you're in your 20s, like you've
thrown away your 20s, and I'mjust like no, like I got my life
back.
You know, and I, yeah, it'sjust so interesting when I say
(12:33):
that, but yeah, it definitelygot to a point like I decided to
, you know, obviously, step intothe relationship code.
That was massively lifechanging for me, looking at my
part in the relationship andwhat I've been attracting, what
I've been making, okay, so Ifeel like that's been a big part
of my journey and thetrajectory of me actually
deciding to go sober.
(12:54):
Yeah, um, also, another bigreason was my kids.
Like I just knew that I couldsee this pattern happening and
I'm just, I just don't want mykids to have this.
I don't want my kids to be inthe places putting themselves in
questionable situations that Ihad done when I was younger,
being around very questionableindividuals, you know all of
(13:15):
those things and I wanted to beable to open up that line of
communication, have that safetyfor my children to be like if
they want to do that, then youknow know, we can openly talk
about it.
So and I just, I could just seeit, I could see how, you know,
my daughter would go to thefridge and go and get dad's
happy beer, because he wouldsuddenly feel alive when he, you
(13:36):
know, when he got a beer, and Icould just see that slow
conditioning happening, the samethat I had felt when I was
younger and I just realized Ihad to do something, something
had to change.
Yeah, and it ended up beingthat I just started a new career
in real estate, and anyone whosort of works in real estate
(13:58):
knows a little bit about it.
You know it is culturally heavy.
It's a corporate related,workrelated work industry, you
know.
So, as you know, deedee, likeit's the alcohol flows.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
I was just grinning then,because recruitment, yeah,
totally, totally is in it yeah,yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Absolutely, absolutely.
So you know you don't thinktwice about having a quick beer
after work or going out with theguys you know on a stressful
day or stressful clients, ortrying to get that deal over the
line or whatever that lookslike.
And, um, culturally you're justconnecting through alcohol,
right, and none of it's real.
But you know, for thatworkplace it's just like,
(14:39):
culturally, what everyone does.
And in my workplace we actuallyhad a fridge and it was stocked
full of all different types ofalcohol beverages that we could
just go and drink almost at anytime once we'd clocked up, you
know.
So, yeah, so I'd found myselfworking in this career and it
was kind of like a.
I felt almost like, oh, it's abit of like payback or it's a
(15:02):
bit of revenge, like my husbandwas you, you know picking up the
kids from school, because theywere in school full-time by then
and I would finish late and Iwould go out and have a good
time.
Because I'm like it was kind ofbit of a you know excuse my
French, but a bit of a like fuckyou sort of thing like you've
done disappeared all this timeand, and you know, gone on
benders for days long and leftme at home with the kids, and
(15:23):
now I'm in this career that Ilove, with people that I'm, you
know, loving, connecting with,and you know we're going out and
we're celebrating, you know.
So I'd framed it up this way.
That almost made it okay andmade him feel guilty about it.
And so when you step outside ofthat and you look at that,
you're like, okay, that's notokay.
(15:43):
And you know this is a veryslippery slope in a relationship
, right?
So yeah, and then it ended upgetting to the point where I was
drinking so much that, you know, obviously the natural
consequences of that is that wedon't have a connection in the
relationship.
We're fighting more, you know,painting that picture.
But I also just started to feelnot okay.
(16:04):
Um, I realized that thedrinking had exceeded far more
than just having a good timeinto suppressing stuff.
Um, I started having a lot ofpanic attacks, like you know, I
could just feel my overallhealth and decline was not doing
well, like I could just feel mecompletely derailing, and so I
(16:25):
was like, okay, I need to lookinto like a fitness journey,
because to me, you know, alcoholwasn't even really on the radar
at this point.
It was just so culturally andconditioned into my you know
makeup that I just didn't evenconsider.
It really, wow, okay yeah, yeah.
So I just I yeah, yeah, couldn'teven connect the dots yeah,
(16:48):
yeah, it's amazing, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (16:50):
when we're in it, like how you just don't.
Yeah, it's when you step backand look and it's like, wow,
yeah, the chaos that it didpresent, especially looking back
at our childhoods and thingslike that for sure, yeah, so
what?
What changed for you?
When did it kind of land foryou that something needed to
change in that part?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
yeah, well, I ended up deciding I was going to do a
fitness challenge, because I waslike, well, I know, if I do
this specific fitness challenge,it meant it means that I can't
drink alcohol.
So it kind of just and I didn'tconsciously make that like, I
was very subconscious it waslike, okay, I'll just remove all
the bad things from my life andjust see if I start to feel
better.
And so I did a a very popularUS challenge I think it's called
(17:32):
75 hard, completely masculinetype of challenge.
But I was like you know what,I'm gonna throw myself into it,
I'm gonna keep myselfaccountable, I'm just gonna see
what changes happen in me.
And uh, yeah.
So I ended up doing that anddid the whole 75 days and then
continued on to do 100 dayssober.
That was my first, you know,sober chapter, right, like 100
(17:55):
days, and I felt the best I'dever felt I was alive.
I was, you know, moving my body.
I'd ever felt I was alive.
I was, you know, moving my body.
I'd connected with anincredible team of people that I
was working with who were also,just like you know, keeping me
emotionally accountable as well,because we can completely
abandon ourselves emotionallyduring this journey and yeah, so
(18:15):
I just decided that you know,like, fuck it, I'm just going to
give it a go and and see how itgoes, and anyway.
So I got through 75 hard andthen I thought you know what,
I'm just going to push on and dothe live hard year.
So I'm going to do an entireyear and see what that looks
like.
And in that year there arebreaks, of times where you can
drink alcohol.
(18:36):
So after about four months in, Ihad my first break before I
moved into the next phase.
About four months in, I had myfirst break before I moved into
the next phase and I went to mychildren's event and I was on
the school board, at the at theschool and we, you know, put
together different events forfundraising and stuff like that,
and I went down and they hadlike a paint and sip night and
(18:58):
it was the first time I drank inknow four months or whatever it
was at the time, and Icompletely wrote myself off.
So it got to the point where Ihad one and I felt alive and my
party girl hat went on and I washaving a fabulous time chatting
to all the mums.
You know, I think I was even onthe roll of serving the drinks.
(19:19):
I didn't even know if I wastaking the money, like I have no
idea.
It just got way past the pointwhere, you know, I was okay to
be doing that and like, I justremember feeling so sick, like,
and I'm standing there and Imean it happened with the sugar
in the drinks as well, and apart of that challenge was
you're not allowed to have sugarfor, you know, for that time
(19:40):
period.
So I had all the sugar in thedrinks and I'm like, oh my gosh,
like what did I just do?
And I actually had to get myhusband to come pick me up and I
drove this.
We had to leave the car there.
He had to come and pick me up,drag kids out of bed.
It was a whole thing and I wasjust like I'm here for my kids
and this is the example that I'msetting.
Like this behavior is just notokay, like, and I don't want to
(20:02):
be known as that type of mom atmy kid's school and you know.
So it was just a really thatwas a really big uh-huh moment.
Like you know, I've had allthese things sort of leading up
the panic attacks, therelationship, just me not
feeling good, and I was like Ihave to, I have to stop.
So I went and did my next phaseand then my ego sort of crept
(20:24):
in, as it does, and was likeyou'll be fine, like you know,
you just know you can't drinkthis much, just have a little
bit more.
And you know, I had another bignight and I just thought I just
remember waking up the next dayand I was like why, why did I
do that?
And it actually makes me stilla little bit emotional, because
(20:46):
I'm, like I pride myself onbeing a really good example, you
know, being a teenage mom andturning my life around and
hopefully trying to help inspireand encourage other people to
make changes in their lives, youknow, and I just found myself
like just stuck in thisblackness that I just couldn't
move past.
And, you know, I was like I hadthat whole imposter syndrome
(21:08):
going on, like who am I to dosomething like this, you know,
and then stepping into the teamwith the relationship code and
helping other people inrelationships, I'm just like,
you know, I can't even get myown shit together, you know.
So I just I really just wasfeeling all of that and yeah.
So then it ended up getting tothe point where it was my
birthday.
(21:28):
I think it was my 25th birthday.
So I was saying, like you know,I'm a quarter of a century
young and you know it was awhole big thing.
We had a big party and whateverelse, and I ordered quite a few
cocktails.
I had a few cocktails boughtfor me Everyone knows that I,
(21:50):
you know I love my cocktails andthe next day I was so violently
ill, like my body was havinglike screaming at me.
At this point it was just likeyou need to stop, like you just
need to give it up.
And I remember toying with it.
I was like, well, if I give itup, you know whatying with it?
I was like, well, if I give itup, you know, what does it mean
for my relationship with mypartner?
Because he's an alcoholic, youknow, um, and you know I'm going
(22:12):
to his background a littlelater.
But I was just like I, how dohow do we have a relationship?
What does it look like if I'mnot drinking?
And there was a period of time Iwas really frightened of what
that would you know what thatwould look like and I remember
sitting down with him and sayinglook, babe, like I know that
(22:33):
this has been a big part of ourlives, but I have to do this and
I have to see what changes forme in my life.
But I just want to let you knowI love you and I'm going to be
here for you during this journeyand I hope that you can support
me.
As you know, I'm going on, andI said this to a client the
(22:53):
other day.
You know, it's like when you goon a diet or you try a new diet
and your husband in the housestill has cookies or still wants
to eat all the foods that youlove, right, and when they're
not on board and doing it withyou, there is that extra
hardness that happens.
So it's like you almost need tohave a conversation just about
I need to do this like, and Ineed to do this for me, and I
(23:17):
hope that you can support me.
And I just realized, like, evenhow I framed the conversation,
a huge part of me was giving upalcohol for him, because it was
like, if I can do it, if I can,you know, give it up, then maybe
I can inspire him to give it up.
And it didn't work Like it justit didn't work.
(23:38):
It got to the point where theresentment was building.
He would still go out and drinkand catch up with his mates.
You know he's a three-timedrink-driving offender, so you
know he would definitely stillat that time have a little bit
more than he should have andthen drive home and you know so
like there was this whole thingthat was still going on.
(23:59):
I'm just like I've given it up.
It's not that hard.
Why won't you give it up?
And I and I just remember theresentment was there.
You know he would walk in thedoor and he'd be carrying his
carton of beer and making roomin the fridge to put it in.
And I just remember my bloodwas just boiling, like it was
just like you.
(24:19):
How can you still want to dothis?
And you know and I really madeit mean something about me, like
you don't love me, how come youstill want to do this.
And you know and I really madeit mean something about me, like
you don't love me, how come youcan't choose me.
You know all of those things.
And a miraculous day happened.
I had a really good call with areally good friend of mine and
I was just telling her about,you know, my journey and
(24:40):
everything that has sort of ledup to the point of deciding not
to drink alcohol.
And at the time I'd only said Iwas going to drink, not drink,
for 12 months, so I'd put atimeframe on it.
And, um, yeah, and I just saidto her, like I'm struggling,
like I'm really struggling toconnect with my husband, I'm
really struggling to, um, youknow, just find a new normal
(25:00):
without alcohol.
Like I just I don't know whatthat feels like, I don't know
what that looks like.
And she said, just don'twithdraw your love.
And I thought, wow, like easiersaid than done, right, like you
know, when he's a drunken mess,how can you not withdraw the
love?
You know, like you know, nowyou have to stay up with the
(25:21):
kids and he's now unreliable andyou know just all of those
things.
Um, but I said you know what?
I'll give it a go, I'm open toanything, so I'll give it a go.
And you know we would have ourlunch dates.
So our kids are in schoolfull-time, so we go out for our
lunch dates, and it was likeevery fortnight at that point
(25:41):
and we went down to the localpub, one of our favorites.
I ordered my meal and I got myglass of soda water with the
lime, because that's what I like, and he was sitting on the
opposite side of the table to meand he went and ordered a beer
and I remember, like leaning inon the table and I just remember
looking at him and I wassmiling and you know, I just
opened my heart completely andjust let the love pour in and as
(26:04):
he was drinking the beer, I wasvisualizing him drinking water.
So I didn't get that feeling ofresentment that he was drinking
and what I felt in him was thatwe could have something deeper.
You know, it was just in thatmoment.
He was like, oh wow, like she'snot withdrawing, she's not
(26:24):
judging me, she's not making mefeel guilty about still drinking
.
It was like I got to a pointwhere it's like I love you and
I've made a commitment to bewith you for the rest of my life
.
And if that means I have tolive with an alcoholic for the
rest of my life, I'm just goingto learn more skills, I'm just
going to keep getting better inwhat I need to do to be able to
(26:46):
live a life with you, because Iwant to live a big life with you
, and you know.
So we had this beautiful littlemoment and since, like since
that moment, every time we wentout it was, yep, he's drinking a
glass of water.
Every time he got home fromwork, he was drinking a glass of
water.
Time he got home from work, hewas drinking a glass of water.
And gradually, over that periodof time, you know, we had a few
(27:07):
big events.
We had Christmas and New Yearand our wedding anniversary and
he had his 30th birthday.
So you know they were all bigmilestone events and he drank at
all of them and I didn't.
But I didn't withdraw my love,I just kept it there and I kept
loving him and supporting him asmuch as possible and I let go
of the outcome that he wouldever go.
So and, um, yeah, somethingcrazy happened.
(27:31):
He went away to um, a five-dayevent and with men, and then he
came back and we had aconversation and he was just
like I'm to give up alcohol for12 months and I remember the
feeling in my body.
It was like I don't believe you, like it's been a really big
(27:55):
problem.
I think it's wonderful thatyou're going to do that, but
I've had, you know, struggleswith it.
It's been a really hard journeyfor me for the last six months.
So for someone who actually hasan addiction to alcohol where
they can't go a day without it,where they're drinking a whole
bottle of scotch before goingand playing a game of gridiron
(28:17):
or football or you know, goingaround those cultural, you know
environments like football clubsand you know all sporting clubs
essentially, and being atradesman, you know in the
workshop having beers on aFriday, like he's indoctrinated
into that, and I just thought Ijust don't believe you.
(28:37):
But I'm going to support you,right, because that's what I can
do.
And you know he surprised me.
He went the first month and Iwatched the first month be a
struggle and I thought, you knowI'm on this journey too.
So at this point we're bothhaving the same diets, right,
and it's really awesome when youboth are on the same diets and
(28:58):
like we're both eating the samefoods and we've both been doing
our exercising and our routinesand we both just started to have
deeper conversations and youknow it moved on gradually and
he got to the six-month mark andI'm like, okay, like you know
he's halfway there, like awesome.
And by the time it got to 12months, I was a bit uncertain
(29:22):
because he said I was only goingto drink, you know, for the 12
months.
And so did I, and by that timeI'd been, by the time he hit 12
months, I'd been 18 months sober.
So, um, you know, I was justlike, oh, I don't know what
that's gonna look like.
Is he gonna drink again or ishe just gonna like kind of
casually drink, or you know?
(29:43):
So we ended up having a reallybeautiful conversation and he
was just like, actually I don'tthink there's much support for
men to go sober, you know,particularly because men connect
through oh, let's catch up andhave a beer, or let's go down to
the pub and put some bets on,or you know, and the stigma men
(30:06):
face is more there's somethingwrong with you if you don't
drink or you can't handle yourpiss or you know all of that
type of stuff, and there's morelabels that come with you when
you decide not to drink.
And at this point he'd been 12months and for the people in our
life who knew Ricky knew thatalcohol was a really big problem
, so it was massive for him toget to 12 months and then he
(30:29):
just did a complete curveballand he ended up going to a
Kerwin Ray event bless him.
And he lined up.
We sat there and we spoke toKerwin Ray and he just came out
with I want to open up arecovery alcohol addiction
(30:50):
program for men.
And he was talking to Kerwinaround and Kerwin got emotional,
like he started getting teary,he hugged Rick, he goes.
You know it's so special and soimportant.
Like you know, I'm also arecovering addict and you know
it's so special and so important.
Like you know, I'm also arecovering addict and you know I
wish that something like thathad been around in my earlier
years.
(31:10):
And you know so Ricky prettymuch just let it flow in all the
ideas that he had and he's justlike you know what, just go for
it, just have, start having theconversations.
Let's just start talking aboutit.
And, um, yeah, so he, you knowhe started doing that.
And then all of a sudden we hadanother big conversation and he
was just like you know what noone in the space is talking
(31:34):
about how hard it is in arelationship when you both are
having, you know, issues withalcohol.
You've both got, you knowissues with alcohol.
You've both got separate.
You know beliefs around it andthen also how to navigate what
that looks like in arelationship.
You know and I suppose being inthe you know in the workspace
that I work in, I can see whenaddictions are bubbling under
(31:57):
the surface.
You know, sometimes we don'teven know what we're resentful
about until we realise that,okay, they're drinking too much,
or you know they're doing drugson the weekend, or you know
just all of that gateway stuffthat happens when you start to
drink.
And he was like so it's timethat we come together and we
(32:17):
just start having theconversations just about what
that looks like and you know,and keep evolving that way,
because it is true, it's a hardjourney and I always say you
know, we get to choose our hard.
So for me it was I'm going tolive the rest of my life with an
alcoholic and battling my ownshit and doing what we've always
(32:40):
done, and hopefully we'll getto our deathbed and we've lived
a great life.
Like you know, that was oneoption.
Well, the other option is let'sjust give it a go, let's just
see what happens.
You know, 12 months on, thegrand scheme of things, is not a
lot of time, you know.
So let's just go all in seewhat that looks like.
And you know, for me, it wasjust, you know, constantly
(33:01):
encouraging and supporting andbeing open and loving him
regardless.
You know, I wasn't going toleave the man because he was an
alcoholic, even though, you know, a million people told me to.
But I was like I love this man.
He's a beautiful human beingwhen he's sober and I know, I
just know that, you know it'shis own journey to walk, but
he'll, you know he'll find hisway eventually.
(33:21):
And you know, six months later,I blew my mind, did not expect
that, all that manifestation andall of that love pouring.
I think just, you know,expository to that journey, yeah
, um, yeah, I'm just like youknow, magic happens and yeah
yeah, you are living proof ofthat, danielle.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
I just want to say to my listeners can you see why I
got her on for all of you?
Because just so many specialthings to celebrate, acknowledge
and go through there like thankyou, you actually massively
reduced me to tears.
I could just feel everythingthat you were saying.
And, yeah, just just such abeautiful, powerful, incredible
(34:04):
story, that is gonna not onlywell.
I want to say congratulationsto you, I want to say
congratulations to Ricky as well.
Both of you and for all of thisthat is coming out of it and
the people that you're gonnayou're gonna help as well moving
forward.
It's like I know whatincredible difference you're
gonna make.
I mean, the reason I wanted sobadly to get you on the podcast
was because so many of myclients, the females in
(34:27):
particular they stop drinkingalcohol and their partners don't
.
And you know I'm not in arelationship I do do the work
with relationship code and Ihave an understanding.
But to hear your story, whereyou can just share what you just
shared so powerfully, I knowhow much that's going to
resonate with people.
So beautiful, you know, just tolove, just love him, not
withdraw the love, and just lovehim anyway and like that's what
(34:50):
it's all about, right, andthat's that's I mean.
For anyone listening, therelationship code is where we go
and do all the work around.
You know being in our feminineand how powerful it is to
influence from that place, andthat's the epitome of that.
You know staying in your heartand sending him love, and what I
always say is love them so theycan change not change them, not
(35:15):
change them so that you canlove them.
Is that the right expression?
Yes, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's so gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
And one thing I love like you know, that really sat
with me as well is the two ismore powerful than one, and when
we get it right, like when weget it right, it is magical.
You know, everything in lifejust gets so much easier.
It becomes you against whateverelse is going on out there, and
(35:46):
you know, and it's justbeautiful when you can come
together and do that.
And um, one more thing I'd loveto share is I was talking to a
good friend of mine.
She's decided she's going to gosober for 12 months and I just
thought that was freakingawesome.
And she did the same thing.
She was a bit anxious aboutwhat would happen with her
partner and I just said to her Iwas just like you know, we have
(36:07):
to make a decision to do it forourselves first, like we can't
do it to try and influence him.
We can't get him to try, andyou know we could do it so he
can change.
You know, like you were saying,but two is more powerful than
one and when you get that rightand you get that dynamic right
and you learn those skills andtools to be able to do that, you
(36:29):
can literally handle anything.
And I always say like I've gotmy own journey in life and Ricky
has his own journey in his life, but we choose to share a life
together and you know, when wetry and get too much in one
person's journey and too much inone person's lane, you know
it's not received very well andI think in relationships we can,
(36:52):
you know, we can see if we wereto look back on the listeners
who are in relationships, whenwe get too far in our, in our
partner's lane or in theirjourney.
Um, it's sort of like, you know, we get a lot of resistance, we
get a lot of resentment, we geta lot of oh, you know, get out
of my lane.
You know, I know what I'm doing, yeah, but when we're so
focused on our individualjourney, you know so for me,
(37:13):
just deciding to go sober so Ican change, you know my patting
and my conditioning and mybeliefs around alcohol that come
from my family, that was farmore powerful and had far more
of an impact than me trying toinfluence him and you know,
indirectly, send him sobervideos or you know all of those
things because you know what wesee is so much more beautiful
(37:37):
than whatever we could say, andI can see that with my kids.
You know they can see two soberparents and now I can see that
they can create a life for themwithout alcohol and be able to
go and have fun and do all thosethings Like my husband.
We were in Kaggle at the momentfor the wedding, so he went to a
Bucks day yesterday and youknow anyone who knows what a
(37:57):
Calgary Bucks day is, you knowit's a pretty big Bucks event
and he's just completely sober.
And he got to the end of thenight and a guy had come up to
him and it said um, you know sohow are you going, are you sort
of getting there?
And Rick's like, yeah, yeah,I'm, I'm good mate, I'm good.
He goes.
Oh know, are you getting there?
And then he sort of picked upwhat he was saying he goes oh no
(38:18):
, I haven't drank all day, likeI don't drink.
And he goes, oh my gosh, like Iwould have never have known.
You know so, and you know theywere doing shots on the bus and
went all the way out to thething playing some game I don't
know.
And good time, because he'sgotten to that point in his life
where you don't you need toremove yourself, you know, from
everything to still have a greattime.
(38:40):
Um, you know, enjoy thosethings sober and like.
I've been night clubbing again.
Um, you know, I went out for mysister's hen's party earlier in
the year.
We went to Perth City, we wentout night clubbing and, yeah,
most of the people didn't knowthat I drank.
I didn't drink the whole time,you know, I was just having my
glass of soda water and I justlet myself have a good time.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
And when we give ourselves permission to do that
in that journey, you justrealize just how much you just
don't need to have that in yourlife totally thank you for
raising all of that because,yeah, again, incredible for
people to hear about how it doesget to the point where it's
actually really easy and it'sactually way better to go to
(39:19):
these things, like I'm notsaying you'd want to go to a
bucks party.
I'm sure Ricky doesn't want todo that every weekend, but he'll
have got to a year where he canthrow himself in and really
enjoy it.
Because you've continued to,you've given yourself all that
time and I love, I love the, theway you guys have done those
chapters, because that's such abig part of my message is that
when you have that long-termbreak and you give yourself
(39:40):
enough of a chance to embracelife alcohol-free and keep
stepping outside your comfortzone, you get to a point where
you realize you actually lovenot having it in your life and
you can do all of the thingsthat you choose to do without it
and not have any of thenegative consequences the next
day.
And that is what I always say.
That is freedom, like that iscomplete freedom, and I think
(40:03):
that's what we spoke about theother week.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
It's so true, it's so true.
It's like all right, one, two,three.
What do you feel being sober?
And it's like freedom, likethat's.
You know, that's, that's theword that comes to mind.
It's like I can handle anything, and I think there is nothing
better than planning a night andnot waking up and hang over the
next day and being able todrive.
And you know, waking up clear,you know there's so many perks
(40:29):
your skin gets better, you startglowing more, you feel more
connected spiritually and youcan just have deeper connections
like you really can.
And I mean, I wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
I wouldn't change a single thing, I would not change
a single thing yeah, oh, just,there's been so many things I've
actually written down a fewthings as you've been going,
because there's so much we couldtalk about, um, and I'm sure
that I'll definitely have you onanother time as well but I
think it's just so such a greatmessage that you and Ricky have
(41:03):
and amazing what you're going tobe doing Him helping men so, so
important, so important, andyou know, that's why I actually,
you know, there's a lot of helpfor women out there in the
sober space and that's why, forme, like sober, sober chapters,
I want it to be for men too,even though my Instagram looks
very feminine and all of thethings, like my first client was
actually a guy and like he justhe struggled so much to find
(41:25):
the community and I think,therefore, what he's doing, like
, as we know, it's so needed andthere is so much stigma around
it for men, you know, they get alot of grief, whereas at least
us as women, you know we cankind of like get our friends to
support us easier.
But I do think it's changingand with the help of people like
Ricky and you know, there areobviously a lot of like great
(41:45):
sober accounts for men too.
But I really do think thatstigma is changing, along along
with the stigma of mental healthin general for men, and it's a
huge shift which is amazing tosee.
And then also, I just think youyou and Ricky helping couples
to navigate this change is goingto be so powerful.
I'm so excited for you withthat like it's it's.
(42:08):
It's going to be huge becauseyou're just such, you're living
it right, you're living andbreathing everything that you're
helping people with.
And I love that you've used theword magical a few times,
because that really is the placethat it gets to.
And I can only dream.
You know, as everyone knows,I'm still single at the moment,
but I cannot wait to have thatbeautiful, authentic connection
(42:29):
with someone on such a deeplevel, which I know I have never
really had.
You know it's.
I've always met guys when I'vebeen out drinking or there's
always been drink involved inthe relationship.
And I think if you can stripall of that back and build
something really beautiful fromthe heart, like that deep, deep
connection, wow, I mean, that'swhere you can just do anything,
(42:50):
which is what you're showing,and the whole two is more
powerful than one thing is justyeah, just the truth, completely
so yeah, yeah, yeah, thank youyeah oh I love hearing that
because sometimes you just don'tknow you
Speaker 2 (43:05):
know you're like, oh, you know you are living and
breathing it, but it's like, youknow, am I really, you know, am
I really gonna make adifference?
And you know so it's.
I always love chatting with youbecause you know you, just you
go yep, just do it, girlfriend,just get out there, just say it,
just.
And you know, so I always lovechatting with you because you
know you just go yep, just do it, girlfriend, just get out there
, just say it.
And you know what?
And it's true, when you'reliving it, there's just truth in
it.
Nothing is more real, authenticthan when you've lived it and
experienced it.
(43:27):
A hundred percent A hundredpercent and what magic to create
, particularly for men.
You know, I just keep thinkingabout you know, both my kids and
, like my son, like I, just I'mlike he'll get to experience
something different.
Yeah, and I'm excited for whatthat looks like.
You know, just to be able to,to break that, create something
(43:48):
different, um, or a differentmodel for him to see that you
know you don't need to, youdon't need alcohol in your life
and, um, no doubt he'll probablyhit teenage years and we'll
have a different very differentconversation then, but you know
but you'll navigate it from agreat place right, because
you'll be growing up with ricky,so that's right.
That's right.
(44:08):
And you know what?
Just keep plugging away anddoing the work and doing the
self check-ins and yeah, I meanit keep coming back to it.
But it, that's really what itis.
It's just magical, it's reallymagical yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
Well, thank you so much for sharing everything, and
I do feel like I literallycould chat to you for hours
about everything, so I have todo a part two.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Danielle, yes, definitely I'll have to bring
Ricky on.
I'm sure he'll have um.
You know he has quite a lot ofinteresting stories that are
yeah, that's a really reallygood point.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
Thank you, I would love to have Ricky on at some
point and I'm sure that, yeah,awesome no, he would, he would
love to do it, but you know what?
Speaker 2 (44:50):
um, yeah, it's, it's just a journey.
So you know, we just keepstaying plugged in and connected
and keep sharing the messagesthat are raw and real and you
know that hopefully the rightpeople will find it.
And you know, for those thatneed it, we're here yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
So where can people find you?
Where can they find out abouteverything that ricky's doing
and that you know you're goingto be doing too with him?
Speaker 2 (45:13):
yeah, yeah.
So, um, we are all on all thesocials, so instagram, facebook
and tiktok now, I believe, andit's at recovermate, so if you
just type that in anywhere it'llpop up.
So green and black rm can'tmiss it yeah, amazing.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
I'll pop everything in the show notes as well, and
thank you.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Thank you, beautiful it was so great speaking to you.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
Thank you for coming on it's such short notice as
well and sharing everything, andwe'll speak again soon.
Thank you for listening totoday's episode of the Sober
Chats podcast.
I hope you enjoyed it and gotlots of good information from it
.
I'm really keen to share thesemessages as far and wide as
possible, and I know howimportant it is to receive
(46:02):
reviews to do so.
If you're feeling called, Iwould love you to leave a review
from whatever platform it isthat you're listening on, and if
you send me a screenshot ofthat review to dd at
soberchapterscom, I will put youinto the mix of winning a free
one-on-one coaching session withme.
If you would like to learn moreabout sober chapters and to
(46:24):
follow along on instagram it'ssober underscore chapters you'll
find lots of differentresources on there and a free
guide, 69 tips, tricks andresources for anyone that is
embarking on a sober chapter.
If you'd like to learn moreabout my one-on-one coaching,
group coaching programs andmasterminds, then please go to
(46:45):
wwwsoberchapterscom.
I'd also love to hear from you.
If you have any feedback or youneed any guidance or you have
anything at all you'd like toreach out to me about, then
please do email me at dd atsoberchapterscom.
I would love to hear from youand support you in any way that
(47:07):
I can.
Hello and welcome to the Sober Chapters podcast.
I am your host, dee Dee Jordan,and I'm so excited to be
sharing with you all of theincredible ways that removing
alcohol for a chapter willreinvent you forever.
You see, removing alcohol isabout so much more than removing
alcohol.
It's about immense personal andspiritual growth.
(00:22):
It's about discovering who youtruly are and about stepping out
of your patterns and into yourpurpose and your power.
Wherever you are on youralcohol-free or sober curious
journey, this podcast is for you.
So grab yourself your favoritecuppa and come join me in a safe
(00:43):
space to listen, to share andto feel I'm so grateful that
you're here.
Hello and welcome to anotherepisode of the Sober Chapters
(01:06):
podcast.
And today I'm joined by thelovely Danielle Maynard, who I
connected with, I guess, kind ofwithin the community the
Relationship Code community thatI'm a big part of here in
Australia, and Danielle worksthere and we've been chatting
all things sobriety becauseshe's also alcohol free.
And we caught up for a coffeethe other day and I heard a
(01:29):
little bit more about her storyand I just thought, wow, this is
going to be such a greatmessage for so many people out
there.
So, yeah, I invited her ontothe podcast.
She kindly accepted and I'mjust gonna hand you over to
introduce yourself, so welcome,danielle, to the podcast.
Thanks, deedee, for having me.
I'm just going to hand you overto introduce yourself, so
welcome.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Danielle to the podcast.
Thanks, Deedee, for having me.
I'm so excited to be here andjust share a little bit more
about my journey in sobriety andhow that intertwines in our
relationships and what that sortof looks like.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
And I think I can feel that that's going to be a
really big part of today,because I know there's been some
huge changes for you in bothyour life and your partner's
life and I thought it'd be greatto start, maybe just introduce
yourself and perhaps likewhatever flows in terms of your
story and and how you got to thepoint where you decided to go
alcohol-free, if that's okay,yeah yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Um, a little bit about me is I'm in my late 20s
now.
I've got a couple of kids.
I've got a 10-year-old and analmost 8-year-old, which is, you
know, crazy when you thinkabout it, and I've been with my
partner throughout that wholejourney and it's been, it's been
a ride.
You know, some people say thatbeing alcohol free and living a
(02:48):
life with children and husbandand work and all those things,
you know it's, it's definitelychallenging and I suppose for me
, I've grown up with having aalcoholic father and, as we know
, right, like an alcoholicfather and, as we know, right,
(03:10):
like, as we know, we see acertain model of something and
then we just go with what weknow.
So, inevitably, having analcoholic father, I was going to
attract an alcoholic husbandand you know I didn't know this
in my early years because I wasa teenager it was very common
culturally to just go out, havea good time, drink, party.
You know all the things andyeah, I just didn't realize, I
(03:33):
suppose that you know,conditioning of alcohol through
my upbringing and then also howthat's, you know, folded and
enveloped over into myrelationship with my partner.
But looking back on that timein my life, it was very
interesting to see just how much, like culturally, it has a hold
(03:58):
on young teenagers.
And growing up in a smallcountry town which I'm actually
believe it or not, I'm actuallybelieve it or not I'm actually
back here right now, so it'skind of a full circle moment
today, um, but coming back to asmall country town, and you know
where I've grown up has been,um, you know, in Kalgoorlie.
So I suppose for the listenersit's a small little mining town,
(04:21):
um, just inland of WesternAustralia, and every corner has
a pub.
Like, I'm not even kidding, youdrive down the street and
there's a pub on the corner, or,like the main street has, I
think I don't know, maybeupwards of five or six
nightclubs.
So you know, like it's a verysmall country town, it takes 10
minutes to get from one side tothe other and it's just packed
(04:44):
full of you alcohol.
Um, you know, we get theskimpies, you get, you know we
get all of that here in thissmall country town.
So, as you can imagine, being ateenager growing up and being
conditioned into that sort ofenvironment, naturally alcohol
is going to to play a big partin that, um, you know.
So, most importantly, I got toexperience that nightlife.
(05:06):
I was out night coming by thetime I was 15.
Um, I knew most of the peopleat the bar and, you know, and it
was cool at that time, it wascool to go out and experience
that and, you know, get amongstthat.
But, you know, now looking at itas an adult, it's like whoa.
Like you know, I couldn'timagine my kids doing that, you
know.
So, yeah, um, and then myhusband so he also grew up here
(05:29):
in Kalgoorlie, is born and bredand his whole family are very
similar.
So you know, they've grown up,they've experienced this culture
that's sort of grown here andit's all been based around
alcohol.
You know, it's been about every.
You know barbecue every lunch,every sunday after work.
You know, shift work and miningis such a big industry where
(05:52):
it's like, you know, you mightwork all different hours, you
might work night shift and it'sjust, um, yeah, it's just so
interesting, like you know Idon't really know how else to
sort of say that it's just sointeresting being in a small
country town, growing up aroundthat and yeah, so I sort of had
this underlying issue, I wouldsay, with alcohol, this
(06:15):
relationship with alcohol.
That was, you know borderlinenot good.
And you know, I suppose, likeyou know, when we talk about you
know you know when we talkabout you know you said earlier
we talked about coming to thecode event and you and you start
to look at different areas ofthe light of your life and
you're like, oh, wow, like I cansee how this sort of shaped a
(06:36):
part of who I am and what mybeliefs are and what I valued.
And what I got to realize was,you know, my dad was an
alcoholic.
I didn't know that at the timeI hadn't connected the dots of
going okay, like he would gethome from a long shift and he
wouldn't think twice abouthaving six beers, and that would
be like an everyday, you knowoccurrence.
(06:58):
And I can remember my mom anddad having these arguments all
the time because you know, know,as we sort of go through that
you're working and then you buythe alcohol and then you become
addicted, and then when youbecome addicted, it's like the
money becomes an issue, then youget the hangovers and you don't
go to work and then, like it's,it's a gateway to gambling and
(07:20):
drugs and all sorts of things.
So it opens up a whole othercan of worms and when you're in
a relationship it's very, verychallenging to navigate what
that looks like.
So you know that being mynormality, of course, you know,
as we know, we attract verysimilar things.
So by the time that you know, Iturned 18, my husband and I had
(07:43):
found ourselves in these exactsame patterns, where he was an
alcoholic and he would go outand he would drink, and you know
, instantly it was like I didn'tknow where he was.
I would call, he'd say, yeah,babe, I'll be home in one more
hour, I'll have one beer andI'll be home, and the next thing
it's like 6am and I don't knowwhere he's been.
(08:05):
The stress in my body is risen,I'm angry, I'm in resentment,
I'm not, you know, having thoseconversations and by then it's
just like you don't love me, youdon't care about our family,
you know, and it just unravelsfrom there, right, yeah?
So you know we found ourselvesconstantly like I want to say at
(08:26):
least a week, averaging once aweek in this cycle of alcohol
being a problem.
You would do or say something,or you'd miss work, or you know
my husband had a pattern oflosing jobs.
So you're having a young family.
He would, you know drink a lot,not go to work, and then
there'd be, you know, a callsaying, oh sorry, don't worry
(08:48):
about coming in today.
And you know, for us womenthere's no safety and security
in that.
You know there's no moneycoming in.
You're looking after thechildren and he's lost his job
because of an addiction that he,you know he has.
You know so sort of paintingthat it's.
It's not a good picture and whenthat happens over such a long
(09:11):
period of time, you can findyourself, like me, going it's
done, like we're heading todivorce, I can't do this anymore
.
Um, you know, I found myselfactually, um, having to drink to
connect with him, and I thinkthat's such a big thing that us
women can do because we want toconnect emotionally, right, like
(09:31):
we want to be connected to our,our partners, and there's
nothing worse than him being inthis you know drunken state or
in the state where he's going todrink and you're like, okay,
well, I've got all theseresponsibilities to do, I'll get
all these done, and then maybewe can sit down and have a glass
of wine or a beer together atdinner time and connect that way
(09:52):
.
So that's what I found myselfdoing and it was just.
As a woman, you just know thatyou can have so much more.
And witnessing that in therelationship and witnessing
myself going okay, I have toconnect with my husband over a
(10:13):
glass of wine.
We can't even have a soberconversation, um, and to me it
was just like I didn't sign upfor this, like Like I don't want
to do this.
So naturally, of course, youend up in the trajectory.
It's like all right, well, it'stime that we either get some
help or we call the quits.
(10:34):
And you know we've got twoyoung kids.
We'd moved to Perth by then andyou know my husband had got a
great job and then he'd lostthat job.
So it just caused a lot ofexcess stress and chaos in our
life and I'm just like I can'tkeep repeating this, like
there's something has to give.
But I love this man and I and Ithink that's what I, what I find
(10:56):
when talking with women whohave partners that you know have
this same addiction or thisrelationship with alcohol is
it's so hard because you knowthe man that he is.
Without it, you know what anincredible person, an incredible
human being he is.
When he doesn't drink, yeah,yet he drinks, and then it just
(11:17):
derails everything.
And it's just like, you know, Iget it.
I, I get what that feels like.
It's like I love this man, Iwant to be with this man, I'm
committed to him for the rest ofmy life.
We've got kids together, weshare a whole life together, but
this just isn't working, youknow.
So I completely understand whatthat.
You know what that feels andlooks like.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Yeah well, thank you, danielle, for sharing all of
that with us and with thelisteners, and I'm sure there's
people resonating and I know we.
We discussed quite a bit abouteverything when we went for
coffee the other week and I justthought it was so powerful what
you then did in the steps thatyou took and I think, with all
of what you've, just what waskind of like a turning point,
(12:04):
because how long have you beenalcohol-free now and what did
that decision look like?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
So the bit where everything changed for you yeah,
yeah, so I've been just overtwo and a half, two and a bit
years sober now.
So, yeah, I'm pretty excitedand you know, I say that to
people and they're like what,you're in your 20s, like you've
thrown away your 20s, and I'mjust like no, like I got my life
back.
You know, and I, yeah, it'sjust so interesting when I say
(12:33):
that, but yeah, it definitelygot to a point like I decided to
, you know, obviously, step intothe relationship code.
That was massively lifechanging for me, looking at my
part in the relationship andwhat I've been attracting, what
I've been making, okay, so Ifeel like that's been a big part
of my journey and thetrajectory of me actually
deciding to go sober.
(12:54):
Yeah, um, also, another bigreason was my kids.
Like I just knew that I couldsee this pattern happening and
I'm just, I just don't want mykids to have this.
I don't want my kids to be inthe places putting themselves in
questionable situations that Ihad done when I was younger,
being around very questionableindividuals, you know all of
(13:15):
those things and I wanted to beable to open up that line of
communication, have that safetyfor my children to be like if
they want to do that, then youknow know, we can openly talk
about it.
So and I just, I could just seeit, I could see how, you know,
my daughter would go to thefridge and go and get dad's
happy beer, because he wouldsuddenly feel alive when he, you
(13:36):
know, when he got a beer, and Icould just see that slow
conditioning happening, the samethat I had felt when I was
younger and I just realized Ihad to do something, something
had to change.
Yeah, and it ended up beingthat I just started a new career
in real estate, and anyone whosort of works in real estate
(13:58):
knows a little bit about it.
You know it is culturally heavy.
It's a corporate related,workrelated work industry, you
know.
So, as you know, deedee, likeit's the alcohol flows.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
I was just grinning then,because recruitment, yeah,
totally, totally is in it yeah,yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Absolutely, absolutely.
So you know you don't thinktwice about having a quick beer
after work or going out with theguys you know on a stressful
day or stressful clients, ortrying to get that deal over the
line or whatever that lookslike.
And, um, culturally you're justconnecting through alcohol,
right, and none of it's real.
But you know, for thatworkplace it's just like,
(14:39):
culturally, what everyone does.
And in my workplace we actuallyhad a fridge and it was stocked
full of all different types ofalcohol beverages that we could
just go and drink almost at anytime once we'd clocked up, you
know.
So, yeah, so I'd found myselfworking in this career and it
was kind of like a.
I felt almost like, oh, it's abit of like payback or it's a
(15:02):
bit of revenge, like my husbandwas you, you know picking up the
kids from school, because theywere in school full-time by then
and I would finish late and Iwould go out and have a good
time.
Because I'm like it was kind ofbit of a you know excuse my
French, but a bit of a like fuckyou sort of thing like you've
done disappeared all this timeand, and you know, gone on
benders for days long and leftme at home with the kids, and
(15:23):
now I'm in this career that Ilove, with people that I'm, you
know, loving, connecting with,and you know we're going out and
we're celebrating, you know.
So I'd framed it up this way.
That almost made it okay andmade him feel guilty about it.
And so when you step outside ofthat and you look at that,
you're like, okay, that's notokay.
(15:43):
And you know this is a veryslippery slope in a relationship
, right?
So yeah, and then it ended upgetting to the point where I was
drinking so much that, you know, obviously the natural
consequences of that is that wedon't have a connection in the
relationship.
We're fighting more, you know,painting that picture.
But I also just started to feelnot okay.
(16:04):
Um, I realized that thedrinking had exceeded far more
than just having a good timeinto suppressing stuff.
Um, I started having a lot ofpanic attacks, like you know, I
could just feel my overallhealth and decline was not doing
well, like I could just feel mecompletely derailing, and so I
(16:25):
was like, okay, I need to lookinto like a fitness journey,
because to me, you know, alcoholwasn't even really on the radar
at this point.
It was just so culturally andconditioned into my you know
makeup that I just didn't evenconsider.
It really, wow, okay yeah, yeah.
So I just I yeah, yeah, couldn'teven connect the dots yeah,
(16:48):
yeah, it's amazing, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (16:50):
when we're in it, like how you just don't.
Yeah, it's when you step backand look and it's like, wow,
yeah, the chaos that it didpresent, especially looking back
at our childhoods and thingslike that for sure, yeah, so
what?
What changed for you?
When did it kind of land foryou that something needed to
change in that part?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
yeah, well, I ended up deciding I was going to do a
fitness challenge, because I waslike, well, I know, if I do
this specific fitness challenge,it meant it means that I can't
drink alcohol.
So it kind of just and I didn'tconsciously make that like, I
was very subconscious it waslike, okay, I'll just remove all
the bad things from my life andjust see if I start to feel
better.
And so I did a a very popularUS challenge I think it's called
(17:32):
75 hard, completely masculinetype of challenge.
But I was like you know what,I'm gonna throw myself into it,
I'm gonna keep myselfaccountable, I'm just gonna see
what changes happen in me.
And uh, yeah.
So I ended up doing that anddid the whole 75 days and then
continued on to do 100 dayssober.
That was my first, you know,sober chapter, right, like 100
(17:55):
days, and I felt the best I'dever felt I was alive.
I was, you know, moving my body.
I'd ever felt I was alive.
I was, you know, moving my body.
I'd connected with anincredible team of people that I
was working with who were also,just like you know, keeping me
emotionally accountable as well,because we can completely
abandon ourselves emotionallyduring this journey and yeah, so
(18:15):
I just decided that you know,like, fuck it, I'm just going to
give it a go and and see how itgoes, and anyway.
So I got through 75 hard andthen I thought you know what,
I'm just going to push on and dothe live hard year.
So I'm going to do an entireyear and see what that looks
like.
And in that year there arebreaks, of times where you can
drink alcohol.
(18:36):
So after about four months in, Ihad my first break before I
moved into the next phase.
About four months in, I had myfirst break before I moved into
the next phase and I went to mychildren's event and I was on
the school board, at the at theschool and we, you know, put
together different events forfundraising and stuff like that,
and I went down and they hadlike a paint and sip night and
(18:58):
it was the first time I drank inknow four months or whatever it
was at the time, and Icompletely wrote myself off.
So it got to the point where Ihad one and I felt alive and my
party girl hat went on and I washaving a fabulous time chatting
to all the mums.
You know, I think I was even onthe roll of serving the drinks.
(19:19):
I didn't even know if I wastaking the money, like I have no
idea.
It just got way past the pointwhere, you know, I was okay to
be doing that and like, I justremember feeling so sick, like,
and I'm standing there and Imean it happened with the sugar
in the drinks as well, and apart of that challenge was
you're not allowed to have sugarfor, you know, for that time
(19:40):
period.
So I had all the sugar in thedrinks and I'm like, oh my gosh,
like what did I just do?
And I actually had to get myhusband to come pick me up and I
drove this.
We had to leave the car there.
He had to come and pick me up,drag kids out of bed.
It was a whole thing and I wasjust like I'm here for my kids
and this is the example that I'msetting.
Like this behavior is just notokay, like, and I don't want to
(20:02):
be known as that type of mom atmy kid's school and you know.
So it was just a really thatwas a really big uh-huh moment.
Like you know, I've had allthese things sort of leading up
the panic attacks, therelationship, just me not
feeling good, and I was like Ihave to, I have to stop.
So I went and did my next phaseand then my ego sort of crept
(20:24):
in, as it does, and was likeyou'll be fine, like you know,
you just know you can't drinkthis much, just have a little
bit more.
And you know, I had another bignight and I just thought I just
remember waking up the next dayand I was like why, why did I
do that?
And it actually makes me stilla little bit emotional, because
(20:46):
I'm, like I pride myself onbeing a really good example, you
know, being a teenage mom andturning my life around and
hopefully trying to help inspireand encourage other people to
make changes in their lives, youknow, and I just found myself
like just stuck in thisblackness that I just couldn't
move past.
And, you know, I was like I hadthat whole imposter syndrome
(21:08):
going on, like who am I to dosomething like this, you know,
and then stepping into the teamwith the relationship code and
helping other people inrelationships, I'm just like,
you know, I can't even get myown shit together, you know.
So I just I really just wasfeeling all of that and yeah.
So then it ended up getting tothe point where it was my
birthday.
(21:28):
I think it was my 25th birthday.
So I was saying, like you know,I'm a quarter of a century
young and you know it was awhole big thing.
We had a big party and whateverelse, and I ordered quite a few
cocktails.
I had a few cocktails boughtfor me Everyone knows that I,
(21:50):
you know I love my cocktails andthe next day I was so violently
ill, like my body was havinglike screaming at me.
At this point it was just likeyou need to stop, like you just
need to give it up.
And I remember toying with it.
I was like, well, if I give itup, you know whatying with it?
I was like, well, if I give itup, you know, what does it mean
for my relationship with mypartner?
Because he's an alcoholic, youknow, um, and you know I'm going
(22:12):
to his background a littlelater.
But I was just like I, how dohow do we have a relationship?
What does it look like if I'mnot drinking?
And there was a period of time Iwas really frightened of what
that would you know what thatwould look like and I remember
sitting down with him and sayinglook, babe, like I know that
(22:33):
this has been a big part of ourlives, but I have to do this and
I have to see what changes forme in my life.
But I just want to let you knowI love you and I'm going to be
here for you during this journeyand I hope that you can support
me.
As you know, I'm going on, andI said this to a client the
(22:53):
other day.
You know, it's like when you goon a diet or you try a new diet
and your husband in the housestill has cookies or still wants
to eat all the foods that youlove, right, and when they're
not on board and doing it withyou, there is that extra
hardness that happens.
So it's like you almost need tohave a conversation just about
I need to do this like, and Ineed to do this for me, and I
(23:17):
hope that you can support me.
And I just realized, like, evenhow I framed the conversation,
a huge part of me was giving upalcohol for him, because it was
like, if I can do it, if I can,you know, give it up, then maybe
I can inspire him to give it up.
And it didn't work Like it justit didn't work.
(23:38):
It got to the point where theresentment was building.
He would still go out and drinkand catch up with his mates.
You know he's a three-timedrink-driving offender, so you
know he would definitely stillat that time have a little bit
more than he should have andthen drive home and you know so
like there was this whole thingthat was still going on.
(23:59):
I'm just like I've given it up.
It's not that hard.
Why won't you give it up?
And I and I just remember theresentment was there.
You know he would walk in thedoor and he'd be carrying his
carton of beer and making roomin the fridge to put it in.
And I just remember my bloodwas just boiling, like it was
just like you.
(24:19):
How can you still want to dothis?
And you know and I really madeit mean something about me, like
you don't love me, how come youstill want to do this.
And you know and I really madeit mean something about me, like
you don't love me, how come youcan't choose me.
You know all of those things.
And a miraculous day happened.
I had a really good call with areally good friend of mine and
I was just telling her about,you know, my journey and
(24:40):
everything that has sort of ledup to the point of deciding not
to drink alcohol.
And at the time I'd only said Iwas going to drink, not drink,
for 12 months, so I'd put atimeframe on it.
And, um, yeah, and I just saidto her, like I'm struggling,
like I'm really struggling toconnect with my husband, I'm
really struggling to, um, youknow, just find a new normal
(25:00):
without alcohol.
Like I just I don't know whatthat feels like, I don't know
what that looks like.
And she said, just don'twithdraw your love.
And I thought, wow, like easiersaid than done, right, like you
know, when he's a drunken mess,how can you not withdraw the
love?
You know, like you know, nowyou have to stay up with the
(25:21):
kids and he's now unreliable andyou know just all of those
things.
Um, but I said you know what?
I'll give it a go, I'm open toanything, so I'll give it a go.
And you know we would have ourlunch dates.
So our kids are in schoolfull-time, so we go out for our
lunch dates, and it was likeevery fortnight at that point
(25:41):
and we went down to the localpub, one of our favorites.
I ordered my meal and I got myglass of soda water with the
lime, because that's what I like, and he was sitting on the
opposite side of the table to meand he went and ordered a beer
and I remember, like leaning inon the table and I just remember
looking at him and I wassmiling and you know, I just
opened my heart completely andjust let the love pour in and as
(26:04):
he was drinking the beer, I wasvisualizing him drinking water.
So I didn't get that feeling ofresentment that he was drinking
and what I felt in him was thatwe could have something deeper.
You know, it was just in thatmoment.
He was like, oh wow, like she'snot withdrawing, she's not
(26:24):
judging me, she's not making mefeel guilty about still drinking
.
It was like I got to a pointwhere it's like I love you and
I've made a commitment to bewith you for the rest of my life
.
And if that means I have tolive with an alcoholic for the
rest of my life, I'm just goingto learn more skills, I'm just
going to keep getting better inwhat I need to do to be able to
(26:46):
live a life with you, because Iwant to live a big life with you
, and you know.
So we had this beautiful littlemoment and since, like since
that moment, every time we wentout it was, yep, he's drinking a
glass of water.
Every time he got home fromwork, he was drinking a glass of
water.
Time he got home from work, hewas drinking a glass of water.
And gradually, over that periodof time, you know, we had a few
(27:07):
big events.
We had Christmas and New Yearand our wedding anniversary and
he had his 30th birthday.
So you know they were all bigmilestone events and he drank at
all of them and I didn't.
But I didn't withdraw my love,I just kept it there and I kept
loving him and supporting him asmuch as possible and I let go
of the outcome that he wouldever go.
So and, um, yeah, somethingcrazy happened.
(27:31):
He went away to um, a five-dayevent and with men, and then he
came back and we had aconversation and he was just
like I'm to give up alcohol for12 months and I remember the
feeling in my body.
It was like I don't believe you, like it's been a really big
(27:55):
problem.
I think it's wonderful thatyou're going to do that, but
I've had, you know, struggleswith it.
It's been a really hard journeyfor me for the last six months.
So for someone who actually hasan addiction to alcohol where
they can't go a day without it,where they're drinking a whole
bottle of scotch before goingand playing a game of gridiron
(28:17):
or football or you know, goingaround those cultural, you know
environments like football clubsand you know all sporting clubs
essentially, and being atradesman, you know in the
workshop having beers on aFriday, like he's indoctrinated
into that, and I just thought Ijust don't believe you.
(28:37):
But I'm going to support you,right, because that's what I can
do.
And you know he surprised me.
He went the first month and Iwatched the first month be a
struggle and I thought, you knowI'm on this journey too.
So at this point we're bothhaving the same diets, right,
and it's really awesome when youboth are on the same diets and
(28:58):
like we're both eating the samefoods and we've both been doing
our exercising and our routinesand we both just started to have
deeper conversations and youknow it moved on gradually and
he got to the six-month mark andI'm like, okay, like you know
he's halfway there, like awesome.
And by the time it got to 12months, I was a bit uncertain
(29:22):
because he said I was only goingto drink, you know, for the 12
months.
And so did I, and by that timeI'd been, by the time he hit 12
months, I'd been 18 months sober.
So, um, you know, I was justlike, oh, I don't know what
that's gonna look like.
Is he gonna drink again or ishe just gonna like kind of
casually drink, or you know?
(29:43):
So we ended up having a reallybeautiful conversation and he
was just like, actually I don'tthink there's much support for
men to go sober, you know,particularly because men connect
through oh, let's catch up andhave a beer, or let's go down to
the pub and put some bets on,or you know, and the stigma men
(30:06):
face is more there's somethingwrong with you if you don't
drink or you can't handle yourpiss or you know all of that
type of stuff, and there's morelabels that come with you when
you decide not to drink.
And at this point he'd been 12months and for the people in our
life who knew Ricky knew thatalcohol was a really big problem
, so it was massive for him toget to 12 months and then he
(30:29):
just did a complete curveballand he ended up going to a
Kerwin Ray event bless him.
And he lined up.
We sat there and we spoke toKerwin Ray and he just came out
with I want to open up arecovery alcohol addiction
(30:50):
program for men.
And he was talking to Kerwinaround and Kerwin got emotional,
like he started getting teary,he hugged Rick, he goes.
You know it's so special and soimportant.
Like you know, I'm also arecovering addict and you know
it's so special and so important.
Like you know, I'm also arecovering addict and you know I
wish that something like thathad been around in my earlier
years.
(31:10):
And you know so Ricky prettymuch just let it flow in all the
ideas that he had and he's justlike you know what, just go for
it, just have, start having theconversations.
Let's just start talking aboutit.
And, um, yeah, so he, you knowhe started doing that.
And then all of a sudden we hadanother big conversation and he
was just like you know what noone in the space is talking
(31:34):
about how hard it is in arelationship when you both are
having, you know, issues withalcohol.
You've both got, you knowissues with alcohol.
You've both got separate.
You know beliefs around it andthen also how to navigate what
that looks like in arelationship.
You know and I suppose being inthe you know in the workspace
that I work in, I can see whenaddictions are bubbling under
(31:57):
the surface.
You know, sometimes we don'teven know what we're resentful
about until we realise that,okay, they're drinking too much,
or you know they're doing drugson the weekend, or you know
just all of that gateway stuffthat happens when you start to
drink.
And he was like so it's timethat we come together and we
(32:17):
just start having theconversations just about what
that looks like and you know,and keep evolving that way,
because it is true, it's a hardjourney and I always say you
know, we get to choose our hard.
So for me it was I'm going tolive the rest of my life with an
alcoholic and battling my ownshit and doing what we've always
(32:40):
done, and hopefully we'll getto our deathbed and we've lived
a great life.
Like you know, that was oneoption.
Well, the other option is let'sjust give it a go, let's just
see what happens.
You know, 12 months on, thegrand scheme of things, is not a
lot of time, you know.
So let's just go all in seewhat that looks like.
And you know, for me, it wasjust, you know, constantly
(33:01):
encouraging and supporting andbeing open and loving him
regardless.
You know, I wasn't going toleave the man because he was an
alcoholic, even though, you know, a million people told me to.
But I was like I love this man.
He's a beautiful human beingwhen he's sober and I know, I
just know that, you know it'shis own journey to walk, but
he'll, you know he'll find hisway eventually.
(33:21):
And you know, six months later,I blew my mind, did not expect
that, all that manifestation andall of that love pouring.
I think just, you know,expository to that journey, yeah
, um, yeah, I'm just like youknow, magic happens and yeah
yeah, you are living proof ofthat, danielle.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
I just want to say to my listeners can you see why I
got her on for all of you?
Because just so many specialthings to celebrate, acknowledge
and go through there like thankyou, you actually massively
reduced me to tears.
I could just feel everythingthat you were saying.
And, yeah, just just such abeautiful, powerful, incredible
(34:04):
story, that is gonna not onlywell.
I want to say congratulationsto you, I want to say
congratulations to Ricky as well.
Both of you and for all of thisthat is coming out of it and
the people that you're gonnayou're gonna help as well moving
forward.
It's like I know whatincredible difference you're
gonna make.
I mean, the reason I wanted sobadly to get you on the podcast
was because so many of myclients, the females in
(34:27):
particular they stop drinkingalcohol and their partners don't
.
And you know I'm not in arelationship I do do the work
with relationship code and Ihave an understanding.
But to hear your story, whereyou can just share what you just
shared so powerfully, I knowhow much that's going to
resonate with people.
So beautiful, you know, just tolove, just love him, not
withdraw the love, and just lovehim anyway and like that's what
(34:50):
it's all about, right, andthat's that's I mean.
For anyone listening, therelationship code is where we go
and do all the work around.
You know being in our feminineand how powerful it is to
influence from that place, andthat's the epitome of that.
You know staying in your heartand sending him love, and what I
always say is love them so theycan change not change them, not
(35:15):
change them so that you canlove them.
Is that the right expression?
Yes, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's so gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
And one thing I love like you know, that really sat
with me as well is the two ismore powerful than one, and when
we get it right, like when weget it right, it is magical.
You know, everything in lifejust gets so much easier.
It becomes you against whateverelse is going on out there, and
(35:46):
you know, and it's justbeautiful when you can come
together and do that.
And um, one more thing I'd loveto share is I was talking to a
good friend of mine.
She's decided she's going to gosober for 12 months and I just
thought that was freakingawesome.
And she did the same thing.
She was a bit anxious aboutwhat would happen with her
partner and I just said to her Iwas just like you know, we have
(36:07):
to make a decision to do it forourselves first, like we can't
do it to try and influence him.
We can't get him to try, andyou know we could do it so he
can change.
You know, like you were saying,but two is more powerful than
one and when you get that rightand you get that dynamic right
and you learn those skills andtools to be able to do that, you
(36:29):
can literally handle anything.
And I always say like I've gotmy own journey in life and Ricky
has his own journey in his life, but we choose to share a life
together and you know, when wetry and get too much in one
person's journey and too much inone person's lane, you know
it's not received very well andI think in relationships we can,
(36:52):
you know, we can see if we wereto look back on the listeners
who are in relationships, whenwe get too far in our, in our
partner's lane or in theirjourney.
Um, it's sort of like, you know, we get a lot of resistance, we
get a lot of resentment, we geta lot of oh, you know, get out
of my lane.
You know, I know what I'm doing, yeah, but when we're so
focused on our individualjourney, you know so for me,
(37:13):
just deciding to go sober so Ican change, you know my patting
and my conditioning and mybeliefs around alcohol that come
from my family, that was farmore powerful and had far more
of an impact than me trying toinfluence him and you know,
indirectly, send him sobervideos or you know all of those
things because you know what wesee is so much more beautiful
(37:37):
than whatever we could say, andI can see that with my kids.
You know they can see two soberparents and now I can see that
they can create a life for themwithout alcohol and be able to
go and have fun and do all thosethings Like my husband.
We were in Kaggle at the momentfor the wedding, so he went to a
Bucks day yesterday and youknow anyone who knows what a
(37:57):
Calgary Bucks day is, you knowit's a pretty big Bucks event
and he's just completely sober.
And he got to the end of thenight and a guy had come up to
him and it said um, you know sohow are you going, are you sort
of getting there?
And Rick's like, yeah, yeah,I'm, I'm good mate, I'm good.
He goes.
Oh know, are you getting there?
And then he sort of picked upwhat he was saying he goes oh no
(38:18):
, I haven't drank all day, likeI don't drink.
And he goes, oh my gosh, like Iwould have never have known.
You know so, and you know theywere doing shots on the bus and
went all the way out to thething playing some game I don't
know.
And good time, because he'sgotten to that point in his life
where you don't you need toremove yourself, you know, from
everything to still have a greattime.
(38:40):
Um, you know, enjoy thosethings sober and like.
I've been night clubbing again.
Um, you know, I went out for mysister's hen's party earlier in
the year.
We went to Perth City, we wentout night clubbing and, yeah,
most of the people didn't knowthat I drank.
I didn't drink the whole time,you know, I was just having my
glass of soda water and I justlet myself have a good time.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
And when we give ourselves permission to do that
in that journey, you justrealize just how much you just
don't need to have that in yourlife totally thank you for
raising all of that because,yeah, again, incredible for
people to hear about how it doesget to the point where it's
actually really easy and it'sactually way better to go to
(39:19):
these things, like I'm notsaying you'd want to go to a
bucks party.
I'm sure Ricky doesn't want todo that every weekend, but he'll
have got to a year where he canthrow himself in and really
enjoy it.
Because you've continued to,you've given yourself all that
time and I love, I love the, theway you guys have done those
chapters, because that's such abig part of my message is that
when you have that long-termbreak and you give yourself
(39:40):
enough of a chance to embracelife alcohol-free and keep
stepping outside your comfortzone, you get to a point where
you realize you actually lovenot having it in your life and
you can do all of the thingsthat you choose to do without it
and not have any of thenegative consequences the next
day.
And that is what I always say.
That is freedom, like that iscomplete freedom, and I think
(40:03):
that's what we spoke about theother week.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
It's so true, it's so true.
It's like all right, one, two,three.
What do you feel being sober?
And it's like freedom, likethat's.
You know, that's, that's theword that comes to mind.
It's like I can handle anything, and I think there is nothing
better than planning a night andnot waking up and hang over the
next day and being able todrive.
And you know, waking up clear,you know there's so many perks
(40:29):
your skin gets better, you startglowing more, you feel more
connected spiritually and youcan just have deeper connections
like you really can.
And I mean, I wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
I wouldn't change a single thing, I would not change
a single thing yeah, oh, just,there's been so many things I've
actually written down a fewthings as you've been going,
because there's so much we couldtalk about, um, and I'm sure
that I'll definitely have you onanother time as well but I
think it's just so such a greatmessage that you and Ricky have
(41:03):
and amazing what you're going tobe doing Him helping men so, so
important, so important, andyou know, that's why I actually,
you know, there's a lot of helpfor women out there in the
sober space and that's why, forme, like sober, sober chapters,
I want it to be for men too,even though my Instagram looks
very feminine and all of thethings, like my first client was
actually a guy and like he justhe struggled so much to find
(41:25):
the community and I think,therefore, what he's doing, like
, as we know, it's so needed andthere is so much stigma around
it for men, you know, they get alot of grief, whereas at least
us as women, you know we cankind of like get our friends to
support us easier.
But I do think it's changingand with the help of people like
Ricky and you know, there areobviously a lot of like great
(41:45):
sober accounts for men too.
But I really do think thatstigma is changing, along along
with the stigma of mental healthin general for men, and it's a
huge shift which is amazing tosee.
And then also, I just think youyou and Ricky helping couples
to navigate this change is goingto be so powerful.
I'm so excited for you withthat like it's it's.
(42:08):
It's going to be huge becauseyou're just such, you're living
it right, you're living andbreathing everything that you're
helping people with.
And I love that you've used theword magical a few times,
because that really is the placethat it gets to.
And I can only dream.
You know, as everyone knows,I'm still single at the moment,
but I cannot wait to have thatbeautiful, authentic connection
(42:29):
with someone on such a deeplevel, which I know I have never
really had.
You know it's.
I've always met guys when I'vebeen out drinking or there's
always been drink involved inthe relationship.
And I think if you can stripall of that back and build
something really beautiful fromthe heart, like that deep, deep
connection, wow, I mean, that'swhere you can just do anything,
(42:50):
which is what you're showing,and the whole two is more
powerful than one thing is justyeah, just the truth, completely
so yeah, yeah, yeah, thank youyeah oh I love hearing that
because sometimes you just don'tknow you
Speaker 2 (43:05):
know you're like, oh, you know you are living and
breathing it, but it's like, youknow, am I really, you know, am
I really gonna make adifference?
And you know so it's.
I always love chatting with youbecause you know you, just you
go yep, just do it, girlfriend,just get out there, just say it,
just.
And you know, so I always lovechatting with you because you
know you just go yep, just do it, girlfriend, just get out there
, just say it.
And you know what?
And it's true, when you'reliving it, there's just truth in
it.
Nothing is more real, authenticthan when you've lived it and
experienced it.
(43:27):
A hundred percent A hundredpercent and what magic to create
, particularly for men.
You know, I just keep thinkingabout you know, both my kids and
, like my son, like I, just I'mlike he'll get to experience
something different.
Yeah, and I'm excited for whatthat looks like.
You know, just to be able to,to break that, create something
(43:48):
different, um, or a differentmodel for him to see that you
know you don't need to, youdon't need alcohol in your life
and, um, no doubt he'll probablyhit teenage years and we'll
have a different very differentconversation then, but you know
but you'll navigate it from agreat place right, because
you'll be growing up with ricky,so that's right.
That's right.
(44:08):
And you know what?
Just keep plugging away anddoing the work and doing the
self check-ins and yeah, I meanit keep coming back to it.
But it, that's really what itis.
It's just magical, it's reallymagical yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
Well, thank you so much for sharing everything, and
I do feel like I literallycould chat to you for hours
about everything, so I have todo a part two.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Danielle, yes, definitely I'll have to bring
Ricky on.
I'm sure he'll have um.
You know he has quite a lot ofinteresting stories that are
yeah, that's a really reallygood point.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
Thank you, I would love to have Ricky on at some
point and I'm sure that, yeah,awesome no, he would, he would
love to do it, but you know what?
Speaker 2 (44:50):
um, yeah, it's, it's just a journey.
So you know, we just keepstaying plugged in and connected
and keep sharing the messagesthat are raw and real and you
know that hopefully the rightpeople will find it.
And you know, for those thatneed it, we're here yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
So where can people find you?
Where can they find out abouteverything that ricky's doing
and that you know you're goingto be doing too with him?
Speaker 2 (45:13):
yeah, yeah.
So, um, we are all on all thesocials, so instagram, facebook
and tiktok now, I believe, andit's at recovermate, so if you
just type that in anywhere it'llpop up.
So green and black rm can'tmiss it yeah, amazing.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
I'll pop everything in the show notes as well, and
thank you.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Thank you, beautiful it was so great speaking to you.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
Thank you for coming on it's such short notice as
well and sharing everything, andwe'll speak again soon.
Thank you for listening totoday's episode of the Sober
Chats podcast.
I hope you enjoyed it and gotlots of good information from it
.
I'm really keen to share thesemessages as far and wide as
possible, and I know howimportant it is to receive
(46:02):
reviews to do so.
If you're feeling called, Iwould love you to leave a review
from whatever platform it isthat you're listening on, and if
you send me a screenshot ofthat review to dd at
soberchapterscom, I will put youinto the mix of winning a free
one-on-one coaching session withme.
If you would like to learn moreabout sober chapters and to
(46:24):
follow along on instagram it'ssober underscore chapters you'll
find lots of differentresources on there and a free
guide, 69 tips, tricks andresources for anyone that is
embarking on a sober chapter.
If you'd like to learn moreabout my one-on-one coaching,
group coaching programs andmasterminds, then please go to
(46:45):
wwwsoberchapterscom.
I'd also love to hear from you.
If you have any feedback or youneed any guidance or you have
anything at all you'd like toreach out to me about, then
please do email me at dd atsoberchapterscom.
I would love to hear from youand support you in any way that
(47:07):
I can.
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