December 13, 2024 • 52 mins
In the latest episode of the Sober Chapters podcast, I’m honored to introduce the first male guest Calvin Fu, who shares his transformational journey of embracing sobriety. After a pivotal conversation with Didi in October 2023, Calvin made the life-changing decision to reclaim his life from the grip of alcohol. His story is a testament to the ever evolving power of living alcohol-free and the profound impact it can have on self-discovery, self-acceptance, growth, and healing.
Together, we explore:
- The power of self-awareness in breaking free from fear-based thinking and societal expectations
- Aligning with true passions and purpose through the concept of ikigai
- The strength found in vulnerability, especially for men, and the importance of sharing our stories to inspire others
- Discovering hidden aspects of identity, including ADHD and neurodivergence, after removing alcohol
Calvin’s decision to live authentically and alcohol-free unlocked new levels of clarity, healing, and alignment with his true self. This conversation underscores that choosing sobriety isn’t just about quitting drinking; it’s about reclaiming your life, embracing who you truly are, and finding the courage to grow and heal.
Whether you're sober-curious, in the early stages of sobriety, or on a journey of self-discovery, Calvin’s story offers profound insights and inspiration. This episode is a powerful reminder that choosing to live alcohol-free is not just about quitting drinking—it's about reclaiming your life, embracing your authentic self, and finding the courage to heal and grow.
Thank you for being here and for being a part of The Sober Chapters Community.
LINKS/RESOURCES
Follow Didi @ sober_chapters on Instagram
Website for more information on Didi and her services/coaching programs available at www.soberchapters.com
FREE GUIDE: 69 Tips, Tricks & Resources to assist you during your own sober chapter available via the link on sober_chapters and via the sober chapters website.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Sober Chapters podcast.
I am your host, dee Dee Jordan,and I'm so excited to be
sharing with you all of theincredible ways that removing
alcohol for a chapter willreinvent you forever.
You see, removing alcohol isabout so much more than removing
alcohol.
It's about immense personal andspiritual growth.
(00:22):
It's about discovering who youtruly are and about stepping out
of your patterns and into yourpurpose and your power.
Wherever you are on youralcohol-free or sober curious
journey, this podcast is for you, so grab yourself your favorite
cuppa and come join me in asafe space to listen, to share
(00:46):
and to feel.
I'm so grateful that you'rehere.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Sober Chapters podcast, and
(01:08):
today I'm joined by a veryspecial friend of mine the first
male on the podcast as well MrCalvin Fu, who started off as a
client of mine and then we justgot really, really connected and
realized that we were on such asimilar path and Calvin
actually removed alcohol fromhis life roughly a year ago I
(01:32):
think, but I'll let him fill youin on all of that and we've
been planning to do this forages, but, as we know,
everything is divine timing, andtoday we've actually sat down
and managed to get together, andI'm excited for what unfolds
because we've been through a lottogether and Calvin's been on
his own huge transformationaljourney as well.
So over to Calvin.
How are you, calvin?
(01:54):
Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Thank you very much for having me on your podcast.
I'm definitely really honoredto be a part of your journey and
, you know, driving change andawareness across the world, and
also for you know, helpinghelping me over the past 12
months as well.
So, yeah, thanks for having meon your podcast.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Oh, my pleasure, my pleasure.
Thank you, calvin, you'vehelped me too.
It's been like I say we've.
We've almost been like a mirrorfor each other.
It's been really fascinating,hasn't it?
Every time we catch up like,are we going through something,
you'll be going throughsomething similar, and yeah,
it's been quite the journey.
And yeah, I'd love for you toshare a little bit about you
know where you're at and kind ofwhat has unfolded for you,
(02:41):
especially with that focus on onbeing alcohol free as well,
just whatever, whatever comes toyour heart I guess my my
journey started 12 months ago, Ithink it was.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
The exact date was actually on october 6th, um, I
remember it was a day when youand I spoke on the phone and you
know I've been sharing with youabout my next, uh, the next
phase of my journey in my lifeand I just left a job in ICT and
(03:14):
I knew I had to do somethingdifferent by going on a journey
where I wanted to find whatmakes me happy and to be able to
do what makes me happy at thesame time.
And I remember getting on thephone with you and you took me
through, you know, some thoughtsand discussions and I've
(03:35):
actually got this sleep here tome.
I still have it with me andthat was the manifestation.
I remember manifestation.
I remember we sat down and theway you put it was just give it
a shot, even if it's for twoweeks or even if it's for a week
.
I remember you mentioned thatand stopping alcohol had been
(03:59):
something I wanted to do forquite some time.
I guess I could.
I knew back then that it wasmore than just savouring taste
or savouring nice champagne.
Champagne was my go-to,anything that's French champagne
was my go-to drink then, andyou know, and then you know,
(04:20):
prior to that I'd already had aninclination that you know this
was definitely way more thanjust a drink.
It was actually controlling myentire life.
And on that day itself Iremember 6th or 7th of October
we sat down.
It was right here, actually, Iwas doing some work, I was
emailing stuff up, and we spokeon the phone and you said, hey,
(04:44):
if you're on this huge journey,have you have, you have you
considered, you know?
And and you also made me feelfeel really comfortable that you
know it might sound like a bigthing, but would you check to
give it a shot?
Yeah, and um, and it I'm notgonna lie, it wasn't, it wasn't
as it wasn't easy, obviously,but with that little
(05:05):
manifestation that we did, and Iprinted out my reasons on why I
wanted to do it.
I also printed out my reasonsbecause that's how you guided me
.
How does it make me feel thenext morning?
How does it really make me feelon the day itself?
And, yeah, that was the startof the journey and yeah, I've
(05:27):
got so much more to share withyou, um, over the next.
You know 40 or 45 minutes ofour podcast yeah, thanks, kelvin
.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Um, yeah, thanks for sharing that.
And I think just what came upfor me was just, you know, I
often talk about how there'snever any coincidences, and I
think you know I was starting togo deep with the coaching
around that time.
And then, you know, you cominginto my life and the journey
we'd been on, and then it justlanding for you at that point as
well, with the transition youwere going through, it, just it
(05:58):
just all felt very much likedivine timing, didn't it?
And then, you know, I didn'tknow where it was going to go
for you, but you've gone onleaps and bounds without it in
your life, which has beenincredible and just you know,
I'm obviously so passionateabout it and it's something that
we always talk about wheneverwe catch up as well, which I,
which I love, um, but I'd loveto know, yeah, more about that,
(06:19):
like how it has unfolded and youmentioned it's not always been
easy, which is, you know,definitely the reality of it, um
, but I think you know, I'd loveto hear more about how you feel
about it now, but I guess, frommy point of view, it's not
always easy, but it's, it'salways worth it, right?
It's a case of choosing,choosing your heart, isn't it in
(06:39):
life?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
yeah, I, you know when, when, what came up for me,
when you, when you, when yousay that was my, you know, if I
take, you know, a couple ofsteps back, my journey actually
started.
Um, I probably can't use theword actually, but my journey
started about 10, 10 years ago,you know somewhere in 2014, 2015
(07:02):
, when a very close friend ofmine who said to me hey, maybe
you should get some help.
I think that was the firstinsight from someone who
actually cares for me that I wasactually undergoing through
depression.
And it wasn't until probably ayear after that, you know really
(07:26):
when, when I get some help fromfrom a psychologist um, god,
rest his soul he's passed away.
He was in his 70s then.
He's dealt a lot of quitesevere struggles of different
people and and back then Iremembered I was, you know,
running a joint venture companycompany for quite a reputable
(07:48):
mining company, working for theboard and one of the board
members, and I thought thingswere going really great really.
But it wasn't until that daythat I realized that hey, maybe
there's way more to it.
And a year after 2014, whenthat friend of mine shared that
with me, 2015 was when I startedgetting help and that was when
(08:12):
I realized I guess that's whenit all started.
As they say, once you see it,you can't unsee it.
And that started a journey overthe past 10 years in the sense
journey over over the past 10years in, you know, in the sense
leaving the entire privatesector and really stopping
smoking.
I was smoking then I was, youknow, having like probably six
(08:35):
coffees.
Back then I was just eatinganything and everything.
That's, that's sweet, if, if Imay say.
And today I realized that I wasactually trying to keep that.
I'm no clinical specialist orpsychologist, but I was trying
to keep those levels of dopamineup high because that was
(08:58):
something that made me happy.
And if I look back then, and ifI look back then, regardless of
whether it's alcohol orcigarettes or food, these
comforting tools or comfortingthings, that actually allows us
(09:19):
to maybe have some relief.
And then the next question iswhat sort of relief is that
actually relieving?
Right, and?
And I guess today, especiallywith the last 12 months and
going through that whole 10 yearjourney, you know, of quitting
so many different forms ofaddictions.
That includes even things likebuying things.
I used to love cars and stuff.
(09:41):
You know the string of BMWs andthings like that and also I
just love buying like differentthings, like watches and things
like that, because all thosethings really, really gave me
that um, that that spurt of uh,can I say happiness or energy,
or dopamine, or whichever youwant to call it.
And and and today, looking backin all those different
behaviors, I now realized thatit was actually something that
(10:02):
was trying to to perhaps um,soothe from, and the more I was
trying to soothe that, the morethat was actually deflecting or
distracting me from addressingthose, uh, perhaps inner
challenges or things that wereactually smothering my inner
spirituality as I see it todayyeah, yeah, wow, yeah, wow.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Thank you, calvin, it's definitely.
Yeah, it's interesting, likehow far it goes back, and it's
again similar to me.
With you know, my journeystarted about eight years ago
when I started doing the innerwork and, as we say, like
peeling back the layers anddiscovering more and more.
And it's great that you'vebrought up all these different
types of addictions as well,because, essentially, as humans
we're, we're addicted to so manythings.
(10:48):
Right, there's the addictioncycle with absolutely almost you
know, anything that providesthat numbing, that high, and
then that provides the come downright, because that's something
that I've been really digginginto lately, which I find really
fascinating is, like, not onlydo we reach for those things to
numb out and suppress ourfeelings and as a form of
(11:09):
escapism, but there's actuallyscience to say that we're more
addicted to the actual come downitself because of the release
of the stress that comes up forus and that, you know, because,
like, we beat ourselves upstraight after and we just
create so much of that stresswithin the thoughts that release
(11:29):
that emotion and that stresswithin our body, and that's what
our cells are actually craving.
That's what our cells areactually addicted to because of
the chaos that precededeverything from when we were
younger and I can see yousmiling because this is the kind
of stuff that we go into, right, but it's.
It's like, yeah, we're addictedto the come down like ourselves
when we start to feel good andwe, the antidote to stress is
(11:53):
oxytocin, and we fill ourselvesup on that and we do all of
these great things to feelawesome, instead like suddenly
it's almost like that form ofself-sabotage or the upper limit
level, or whatever you call it.
Our cells are like, hang on aminute, or our body's like no,
this isn't what we're supposedto be doing.
We need to bring you right backdown to where you belong in
that state of stress.
(12:14):
So is that something that youcan relate to?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
yeah, definitely, one of the the most recent piece
that I've been working on iscomplex trauma and, you know, I
suppose one of the things thatcame up for me most recently in
one of my workshops, you know,when someone shared that with me
(12:37):
was that we actually, you know,the thing that brought two
couples together usually wouldbe the thing that splits them up
.
And what I've learned a lot isthat, for example, in my
relationship, my partneractually filled a lot of gaps of
(12:59):
my parents.
But, however, in unfolding allthese things, I then
subsequently realized what thesewere the things that I actually
didn't want anymore, because,you know, being, being, you know
, having emigrated to australiaand having my parents somewhere
else, um, you know, I was, I was, I was needing that gap to be
(13:20):
filled and, as they said, right,the attraction was actually the
coming down from those, perhapsthose complex I want to call it
complex memories, if I may, andthat was the thing that was
keeping me alive, which Irealize today.
And it's exactly what he justsaid, that just came up for me.
(13:42):
And the strange thing is thatwe, we won't know it until we
see it, and once we see it, wecannot unsee it.
Right, and yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, it's like having that awareness is huge.
It's power completely, isn't it?
And I think that's where Ithink that alcohol has its like.
Removing the alcohol has itsown unique thing when it comes,
because you can put all thoseaddictions into a basket
together, right, but I wasactually speaking to another
(14:17):
lady on my podcast yesterdayabout this.
The difference with alcohol isalcohol has the extra like thing
of it like actually completelychanges your state and perhaps
actions and has like a real longcome down which can have like
effects as well, right.
So you like you drink, and thenyou might do something that you
(14:37):
don't want to do, or saysomething you don't want to say,
or you're not actuallynecessarily in control of your
actions, so and then it has likeeven more consequences the next
day.
So I feel like it's, you know,it has that extra element to it.
But I think that what came upfor me as well is that you know
our nervous system will choose afamiliar hell over an
(14:59):
unfamiliar heaven as well, andlike that's been really
interesting.
And so having having theawareness around our patterns
which, when we take away alcoholbecause we've got that clarity,
we can just really be able toit gives us that power to
observe just so much more.
And it's like I know mypatterns really well.
(15:20):
Now I talk about this, but youknow, you know, for example, if
I'm having an off day, if I'mfeeling dysregulated and I'm
more in that fear-based state,more in my head, etc.
Less in my heart, less in myflow, then there's certain
things that will happen thatgive me that indication that
that's what's happening.
So, for example, I will cravebad food, I will be really
(15:42):
critical of myself in the mirrorand they're all these things
that go to me.
Right, okay, you're in a stateof dysregulation that you're
having, like you know, yourego's in the driver's seat, but
because I know it and I'm not,you know, drinking or what have
you, which kind of clouds all ofthat, I have that awareness and
I'm able to sort of bringmyself back to my heart and back
(16:04):
to a state, and sometimes wehave to ride it out.
But I can, kind of like,observe those emotions, observe
those patterns and not fall intoit and I think, yeah, like you
say, you can't and see it right,you just have this knowledge
and it's it's, it's so powerfulbecause it just helps you step
out of those patterns.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
So much more.
Yeah, and you know, inhindsight now, like there's not
one day where I don't stop andthink, you know, in the sense,
um, I think to myself, why did Iever put all that into my body?
You know, it wasn't so much, asyou say, it wasn't so much of
(16:46):
chasing a short relief, it wasactually trying to change the
entire mental state.
You know, it's in hindsight,looking back now.
It's, you know, the, it waslike two bottles of champagne in
the night, you know, and thenit might be the next night and
and I see that you know, inhindsight today I knew I was
(17:07):
struggling with something.
It's not, it's not like I wasunsuccessful.
I was really good at what I did.
You know, I had a lot offriends, a lot of contacts.
Um, perhaps, in seeing now thatwas was a superficial Calvin
back then.
But, as I said, once you see it, you kind of see it right.
Back then I didn't see it thatway.
And today I look at it and I go.
(17:29):
I must have really hated myselfto actually have put really the
word is poison, it is alcohol,to put poison into my body and
to allow my body to consumethose levels of alcohol and yet
still go.
You know, actually, no, it'snot good, but you know what?
It's actually gonna help mefeel a little bit better and
(17:49):
it's okay.
You know what?
Uh, you know, I used to havethis thinking my nan is in 100.
You know, maybe I'll live tillI'm 90.
That's okay, you know, becauselongevity runs in my blood right
.
So I actually have, I mean,it's that kind of a really sick
thoughts, thinking that it'sokay and and, then and and not,
rather than addressing the,perhaps the inner pain or the
(18:13):
inner reasons as to why was Idoing that why was?
I dependent on, on on on alcohol, right, so not.
Obviously it wasn't justchampagne I was drinking.
I was drinking single malt andwine and stuff like that, and
for me it was.
You know why was I needing that?
(18:34):
Why was I wanting to put that?
You know allowing that myselfto put that in my body, rather
than you know addressing theunderlying root causes of why
was why I was doing that yeah,yeah, it's so interesting, isn't
it?
Speaker 1 (18:48):
when you step away and you look back like I, I
can't even believe the way thatI used to treat my body.
And you know I was a party girl, a social drinker, you know I
wasn wasn't really.
I was trying to be healthy.
I didn't really drink in theweek but yeah, I would drink
quite a lot on a big night out.
And then, like, going back tomy teens and 20s, I like I
(19:10):
always say about this it'sridiculous, but I kind of fun at
the time.
But I got awarded an award atuniversity for the most nights
out in a row, which was 18nights out of, just like
constant drinking.
And now I'm just like, oh myGod, my poor body.
But yeah, I think it does comedown to well, a lack of
awareness around it and like theconditioning for sure, because
(19:33):
it was kind of like air quotes,normal or it seemed normal back
then because of the people Ihung around with and, like you
know, I came from quite a boozyfamily and stuff like that.
But now I look back and I'mlike, wow, gosh, that was wild
and it wasn't normal.
And you know I didn't have anycare for myself and I always say
this I think you know, removingalcohol or like whatever other
(19:55):
addictions, it's, it's, you know, it's, it's well, it's like
discipline, right, anddiscipline is the greatest act
of self-love ever.
And that really does seep intoevery single area of our life,
like once you take thataccountability and you start
making those intentional changes, like it just makes you like.
You mentioned your false selftoo, which was interesting,
(20:16):
because that's a whole notherthing right, isn't it?
But it's like you're comingback to your true self and
you're not fueling that falseself, you're not fueling that
ego anymore, and that'sbeautiful.
And then that's how you reallyconnect.
And it's it's just seeps intoevery single area of your life,
which I think it'd be great tohear, like the benefits that
(20:37):
you've experienced and how thatrelationship with yourself has
evolved on this journey as wellI what the first thing that came
out to mind is.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
I I remember so clearly when, you know, in
october, when I stopped drinking, I think, and then it was
probably somewhere in november,you know so I was still, I was
still heading to differentNovember, you know.
So I was still heading todifferent pubs because, you know
, as you can imagine, then I wasstill trying to adjust to a new
life of not drinking.
Today I just don't go to anypubs.
(21:11):
I actually prefer to catch upwith, like yourself or different
close friends for a walk in thepark, or we might catch up with
a coffee, and I've actuallyhave way, way better
conversations and I can actuallybe of service to the other
person in terms of, perhaps, thechats or the topics that we
want to talk about.
You know, it's so much moremeaningful.
(21:31):
And last year, when I was, youknow, still meeting up with you
know, trying to get used to itwith friends in the pub,
obviously I was having like aCoke, no sugar or something like
, or you know that was my go-todrink, just to get some taste,
or sparkling water, and slowly Istarted realizing that I didn't
.
The sounds in the pub, the, youknow, the continuous chatter
(21:55):
was actually unbearable for me,and and that was, you know,
after a few times in in, instill catching our mates in the
pub, that started becomingreally, really salient and I
started thinking and and andjust wondering why is it?
I just, I just want to get outof this place.
It's just so noisy, it's doingmy head in it's.
(22:18):
I can hear every single sound.
And that was when I started torealize that alcohol had
actually been perhaps numbingthose sensitivities as they say,
it's a depression and I startedrealizing that.
(22:41):
That's why when I'm in a pub, Ithen have an added tendency to
drink even more, Because themore I'm drinking, the more it's
suppressing those.
You know those sensations insensory sensitivities and yeah,
and that was leading to that and, funny enough, that then led me
on a journey of understandingmore about perhaps this might be
going a little bit off topic inyour podcast understanding that
(23:03):
I've actually perhaps I gotadhd.
It was such a big thing for mebecause I I've always wondered,
you know the the different waysor that that I work as compared
to others.
I'm really heavily driven, um,you know how I love getting
stimulated with fixing orbuilding things.
(23:25):
I think that's how I built mycareer around, really and I
always wondered and felt strangeas to why I felt different and
I think and obviously alcoholwas actually giving me relief of
all those bad things.
I used the word neurodivergencethat I was going through and
(23:45):
that then allowed me tosubsequently somewhere perhaps a
story for another sessionsomewhere in May or July, when a
really close mate's fatherpassed away, was then when I
realized that perhaps I've gotautism.
Like I said, I'm not going todive too deeply, but I think
(24:06):
it's beneficial to share whatcame up for me and it was
through stopping alcohol, thatmade me realize the sensory
sensitivities.
And then that's when I realizedI had ADHD.
And then, adding that to my10-year journey and unfolding
myself, that was when I realizedthat actually it doesn't stop
at ADHD.
And then, adding that to my10-year journey and unfolding
myself, that was when I realizedthat actually it doesn't stop
at ADHD.
(24:26):
And in continuing that,somewhere in May, when a really
close mate's father passed awayand I was having those death
conversations with him and thensubsequently I was with him when
he passed was when I realizedthat perhaps maybe I've got
autism and that led me to doinga lot of research for autism.
(24:47):
And somewhere in August,following lots of research, was
when I then had a diagnosis of apre-full assessment.
Diagnosis that includes, aswell as checking back with
things as a child and thingslike that, that I've actually
I've got autism and what youcall autism level one, and and,
(25:10):
uh, and and what has been taughtto me also as a borderline ADHD
.
However, the borderline ADHD islike 96 or 97%, which means
really I've got ADHD.
97, which means really I've gotadhd, and and through that and
I stand, it all made sense as tothe way I think and obviously
the way I think because you knowthe best way to describe is my,
(25:30):
my brain, my mind burns hot andthat's why I'm so attracted to
building and fixing things.
And because it burns hot, thenobviously there becomes a
yearning to look for things tokind of slow it down as well.
And if it's not burning, thenthere's an empty spot and so I
want to look for things to closethe gap of empty spot.
(25:52):
And when I did more research,then I started understanding
that the addiction is alsoclosely related to being
neurodivergent, which then madeall this sense on why I used to
love smoking.
I love all the addictionpersonality.
I even had an issue withgambling as well when I used to
(26:12):
live in Melbourne and obviouslyfor me it's been a process.
I didn't just gather thecourage or the reasons or the
sensibility to stop drinking,but stopping alcohol has been
(26:33):
part of the journey and inhindsight I don't think I'd have
been able to unfold myneurodivergence if I didn't stop
alcohol.
And that then allowed me tounderstand neurodivergence,
which then allowed me to nowreally appreciate and love
myself more and to understandwhy I do those things that I
(26:56):
used to do when I was a child,do the things that I did as an
adult and that also led tosubsequent a lot more powerful
unfoldings.
You know after that as well.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Oh, it's made me a little bit emotional hearing
that.
Calvin, I'm so happy for youbecause I just think what was
coming up for me was, you know,I always say there's a higher
reason for removing alcohol andyou know, know, that is the gift
that it's given you is thisincredible journey of
self-discovery and thisdiscovery of your understanding
(27:31):
of how you work and like leadingyou to, I can only imagine,
like a place of real acceptancewith everything that you've been
through and you know all the,you know the way, the way that
you tick, like I just, I betthat just feels like such a huge
, I don't know, like a relief, Iguess, in in lots of ways and
it's I, I think the same.
(27:52):
Like I think if you hadn'tremoved alcohol, then maybe you
wouldn't have gone on thatdiscovery in such the same way
and you would have, like youknow, unknowingly done the
things that you did or beenmasking, like you say, the
noises in the pub or whatever itmight be, and I just think, wow
, like it's just uncovered somuch for you and you know, I've
(28:13):
personally been a witness to,like just the incredible things
that have unfolded for you onthis path and like I just feel
so grateful for you and you knowwe always just support each
other in such great ways, but Ijust, yeah, just hearing it here
like this on the podcast, it's,it's really, really special and
um, yeah, thank you for sharingall of that, because I think
(28:34):
there's a lot of people thatwill will resonate or perhaps
know they maybe need to go andhave a look at, like the deeper,
the deeper workings ofthemselves yeah, it's because we
are.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
I mean, there's so much more information today on,
as compared to, you know, 40years ago, right, where, no, no,
nobody talks aboutneurodivergence.
Everyone just says, oh, you'redepressed or you're anxious.
However, depression, anxiety,is an outcome of something.
What is the cause?
Whether it's a body of ours,that isn't.
(29:14):
We are unique, right?
Our bodies are different to oneanother.
So is our mind, so is our heart.
All these are different to oneanother.
So is our mind, so is ourhearts, and perhaps, just like
most people who will be watchingyour podcast or listening to
your podcast, I grew up in anenvironment where alcohol was
(29:36):
normal.
I grew up in an environmentwhere having a joint or having a
drink is a common thing.
With my parents, I knew,nonetheless.
There's nothing wrong aboutthat, it's not right or wrong,
but that's how we grew up.
(29:57):
As they say, our brain startsdeveloping from our third
trimester in our mother'stummies, and that's what we know
as is, and it isn't until yearslater or as the world evolves.
Then people start to learnabout the effects, and we are in
(30:20):
that era now where we've got somuch information.
For example, with autism, itused to be called Asperger's
right now.
Now Asperger's is kind of moreknown as level one autism in
that sense, and whereas waybefore I've been reading
articles that autism 30, 40years ago, it's related with
(30:41):
things like schizophrenia.
So what I'm trying to say isthat there's so much more
information today about aboutour bodies, our mind, our hearts
and our bodies and things likeaddictions, things that you know
, like complex trauma, which issuch a big thing.
For for me, I've been unfoldingso much of that and also, you
(31:03):
know, I've also been unfoldingthings like head trauma, because
you know, I've also gotstruggles with head trauma as
well.
For example, as a child, I fellface down into a sandpit or a
playground a sandpit andactually blacked out.
And also when I was a baby youknow I actually was, you know I
(31:25):
had to be revived as a baby andalso because of autism, there
were certain stymie behaviorsthat you know that sort of
relates to my head and that Ibelieve had also contributed to
head trauma and and head traumadoes you know, if, if we do
(31:49):
deeper research um, when you docat scans and brain scans
actually can I haven't done anyof this yet, but I've been doing
more research that that doctorscan actually, you know, can
actually identify this headtrauma that you've been through.
And head trauma could causethings like different spurts of
anger or feelings of anger aswell, and these are some things
(32:09):
that have also recently startedto unfold.
So not just the effects ofcomplex trauma and how it
affects me, whether it'sfeelings of abandonment or
feelings where I feel like I'malways in fight or flight mode
and I'm generalizing what I'vejust explained or spurts of
anger feelings.
And I guess if I didn't, inthat sense, see or got to
(32:39):
stopping alcohol again, I don'tsee how I would have unfolded
all these, because for me,hanging on to alcohol would have
allowed me to continue in thatstate that I was and allow me to
soothe that, those pain of orareas that I I didn't want to
(33:00):
see.
Basically, it would enable meto continue deflecting that.
And if I were to continuedeflecting that, then I'm
actually going to just keep oncarrying all these if I may use
the word, inner spiritualimbalances, and that is only
going to continue evolving.
Right, because our life is aconjecture.
(33:22):
You know we kind of see or wekind of learn what we picked up.
You know, every moment, and thelonger we hold this out, the
more it's growing.
And you know there are so manytimes when I do reflections I go
wow, if I didn't see this, youknow, if I didn't start my
journey 10 years ago I didn'tquit.
(33:43):
You know, stop drinking a yearago Maybe I would be dealing
with this in in you know, 10years later or 20 years later?
And that would have compoundedanother 10 or you know 10 or 20
years more.
And how would I have?
How would I then have dealtwith it?
That sounds scary.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
When, when, when I think about that, yeah, yeah,
look, I mean, I think it's.
It's a gift, right, isn't it?
It's an absolute gift becauseyou know it's, it's.
You've uncovered all of thisnow, at the age you are too,
which means that everythingyou've got in front of you now
is going to have such adifferent like, feel and spin to
(34:26):
it, right with the awarenessthat you have, which is that's
the really exciting part and Ithink that's.
You know we're all on our ownunique path when it comes to the
healing, the spiritual growth,the everything.
But I do believe that removingalcohol is a huge, huge part of
that.
I think there's no coincidence.
People are waking up.
(34:47):
It's all part of almost likethat spiritual awakening is
removing alcohol to go deeperand to really get to understand,
like, why we operate the way wedo, why we do the things we do,
why we're stuck in the patternsthat we are, and just having
that self-awareness and it sucha huge gift.
And I think leaning into thatand, you know, listening to that
(35:08):
and doing that at the age thatwe are, is again such a gift for
the rest of our lives, right,and and for what else we're
going to uncover, and it's Iknow you mentioned at the
beginning, it's not always easy,but I I know for sure, for me
and for everyone really that Ispeak to about it.
It is it's short term pain,long term gain, and it's another
(35:30):
form of choose your heart.
Life's hard, but removingalcohol is hard, but never
uncovering who you truly are andwhy you do the things that you
do that's hard.
You do the things that you do.
That's hard and it is.
You know, we have a choice andyou know I just want to.
My biggest thing is to inspirepeople to do this because it's
so beautiful, it's suchbeautiful work and it just makes
(35:52):
such a huge difference toeveryone's lives and you don't
have to be a big drinker for itto be stopping you from
understanding yourself, becausethere's a reason why I just feel
like there's a missedopportunity every time we have a
drink.
Like, for example, I stilluncover triggers and things
about myself that before, say,I'd gone into a pub, I would
(36:15):
have drank and not looked at it,whereas now it's like something
difficult comes up oh gosh, I'mgonna look at this again.
You know so.
You're constantly uncoveringand unfolding, but it's like
something difficult comes up ohgosh, I'm gonna look at this
again, you know.
So you're constantly uncoveringand unfolding, but it's, it is
just so, so worth it.
And you know, I had no idea howour chat was going to go today,
but you've just brought up somany valuable, informative like.
(36:35):
Just I know it's going to havehelped a lot of people, um, to
gain a better understanding.
And what would you say toanyone that's maybe resonating,
that believes they may have someform of, I guess, like maybe
ADHD or something deeper?
What would you suggest thatthey do if they are starting to
query that?
Speaker 2 (36:57):
I think that, if what you said in terms of the
querying part has come up, Ifeel that once you see it, you
can't unsee it, and that meansthat they can feel or sense that
it's something that isdifferent.
We are all different.
(37:18):
I think the key thing is we areall different.
We are on the spectrum.
It's just whether you're withinthat range that says you are
that, that's the labeling part,right, but there's no one brain
that's the same.
And we are so influenced bysociety that says, oh, this is
an ideal human being, soeveryone's got to be like this.
And then, after a long time,everyone goes, yeah, yeah,
(37:40):
there's a human being and that'show everyone is.
However, what we don't see isthat it isn't just like that,
isn't a a discrete, definedshape.
Everyone is different.
And here's the thing, right,there's there's so much
information out there and I I'mI mean there is no one best
element that's going to maybetip us over to finding out more
(38:04):
information, because there couldbe things like complex trauma
that's stopping us.
There could be influence ofalcohol as we're coming down
that's stopping us fromunfolding more as well.
You know there could be, youknow there could be current
situational struggles right andI think, you know, I think if we
(38:26):
can be aware that, first of all, that no one human being is the
same and it's actually okay and, yes, we may feel odd- or
different.
However, there are strengths andweaknesses, just like everyone,
and I think there's so muchinformation out there today that
(38:47):
all we need to do is to get onit, just find information.
You don't have to go and findus like I don't.
I don't think personally youneed to straight away see a
psychologist, or or straight orget a label.
I think there's more thaninformation to do enough
research to start to understand,and, and once you feel
comfortable or you learn a bitmore about yourself, then for me
(39:09):
, I personally suggest thisprocess Then go and see a
psychologist In Australia.
There are mental health careplans there that allows you to
get subsidies.
It's absolutely okay.
Don't be afraid, because if youdon't love yourself and if you
(39:31):
don't take those steps tounfolding a better life for
yourself, obviously whatever youdon't do today will come back
to you later on anyway.
And if you don't say, hey, I'mgoing to love myself, then no
one's going to do it for you,and then you know what I mean.
So it's really up to us to say,oh, I'm going to love myself,
then no one's gonna, no one'sgonna do it for you, you.
And then you know what I mean.
So it's it's really up to us tosay, you know, for example, ask
(39:54):
myself, why am I not lovingmyself, um, like how others do?
And why am I putting all thisalcohol in my body?
Why am I not going out to lookfor, you know, to just jump onto
youtube to understand moreabout neurodivergence.
You know what I mean.
So I think the very small stepis to sit down, have a bit of
reflection and go.
(40:14):
You know what?
I lose nothing even if I jumponto YouTube to start to
understand ADHD.
I lose nothing as a matter offact, all the treatment
strategies and how to managewhether it's meditation changing
your diet and how to managewhether it's meditation changing
your diet, being more cognizantin terms of your cognitive
(40:36):
behaviors.
These are good things, whetheror not you've got
neurodivergence or whetheryou've got independency on any
kind of substance.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
You know what I mean.
I mean I'm obviously painting.
Everyone's different.
Some people might feel that I'ma bit more extreme in terms of
my situation, but some peoplemight probably also go hey,
kelvin's situation is not asextreme as what I'm going
through.
You know what I mean.
So I think we're all different.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Yeah, yeah, it's interesting because, as you were
sharing that, then, like whatwas coming to me was because I
mean, I asked you the questionquestion, but then I was
thinking, actually, as well,it's about connecting deeply to
yourself and being open andbeing curious and following
those nudges.
Right, you know, because that'show we learn and evolve and,
(41:19):
you know, find the things thatare meant to help and support us
, like we attract that in, don'twe?
By by being grounded andknowing, knowing when something
like, for example, there couldbe there's no coincidences.
Again, I mentioned so someonemay be listening now and it's
like resonating with them.
Well, that that's an intuitivenudge to maybe go and explore
(41:41):
because it's something islanding for them.
And that's what we need to beopen to, and being connected to
ourself and and being open andcurious and following those
nudges as well, because it is anexploratory path, isn't it?
And I suppose there isn't oneright way to do it as a right
way for your own uniqueness.
Um, and the other thing thatcame up for me when you were
(42:03):
saying that was why fit in whenwe were born, to stand out like
we need to embrace ouruniqueness and that's another
big thing with the alcohol, why?
why would we fit in with themold?
Let's go against the grain, andand only good things come from
that as well.
Um, oh yeah, thank you, calvin,and I was always also to say as
(42:26):
well, just, you know, from theheart, I guess, just whatever
you feel called to share, butwhen it comes to the gifts that
this whole journey and goingalcohol free and everything has
given you, like, what would you,what would you say on that?
Speaker 2 (42:40):
to sort of summarize as well uh well, it's where I'm
at today is, um, it's I don'tknow if I may without bringing
myself to tears um, it couldhave.
It could have been death, or itcould have been where I'm at
today and I, you know, I, I lookback and I can see how much
(43:07):
I've, you know.
The best way I can describe ishow much I would have.
I hated myself.
I could not even look at myselfin the mirror.
Maybe I'm a more extreme kind ofa you know situation and you
know, and and I look back in Iused, I used, to think that fear
means, you know, beingoutrightly assertive, you know,
going out there.
(43:27):
Fear means, you know, beingoutrightly assertive, you know,
going out there.
But actually, fear is actuallysomeone who doesn't dare to be
vulnerable.
I look at things so differentlyright today, and if you can't
be vulnerable, then you can'tlove.
As you know, I've learned, andyou can't learn because
(43:48):
vulnerability means you'reopening your heart and and you
know, I can see how, if I canbest narrow it down, I think
it's been, it's been a wholedecade of lessons on
vulnerability, really relearninghow to be vulnerable,
(44:10):
relearning how to to be aware ofmy fears, re-learning how to
manage my fears and it's.
It's yeah, I know it's a longprocess, yeah, um, and, and
hopefully, and hopefully, whatI've shared might help help
someone reduce, you know, thatprocess, but and and not but and
, and that probably has led to,you know, um, where I met today
(44:33):
and where I'm at today.
I can see all those things.
Or the person I was wasbasically the person who was a
fearful person.
Yeah, I may have been asassertive really assertive back
then, successful back then, butactually there was, there was
actually a very fearful person,you know, um, that always had to
(44:53):
act out and prove that.
No, actually I know that's afearful person that isn't a
fearless person in that sense,and and today I can see that
that person that I was isn't whoI wanted to be.
It was someone else that thisenvironment, society, whatever
that has built that I basicallyrealized that, hey, my life is
(45:26):
in my hands and it's up to me todo something about it, and I
can do something about it, and Iknow it's hard to do something
about it, but who else is goingto do something about it?
So we have a choice, and I knowit's not easy.
It's not just like waking upand flicking a switch and
suddenly there's all thiscourage.
I get it.
I know it's not because I'vebeen through that, but we've
(45:47):
just got to start somewhere, assmall as possible.
And where I'm at today is thatI'm on a new beginning and, yeah
, the old me will probably goshit.
There's so much unknown.
How am I going to handle that?
And, oh my God, what if I stopdoing this type of job that I
(46:08):
used to be doing?
What I going to handle that,you know?
And, oh my God, what if Istopped doing this type of job
that I used to be doing?
What's going to happen to me?
Does it mean that I ammeaningless or purposeless?
Or will everyone around me lookat me as, oh, he's not capable
anymore?
That's not, no, it's not true.
What's happening when?
What I'm slowly learning is that, you know, I'm starting to.
(46:29):
If, if we can use ikigai as the, you know, as the, as the
example, then I'm starting tobuild the life that I want.
I want to be able to love whatI do and do what I love.
And obviously there's a finalquadrant part of ikigai that
says and be paid for it, becausefor me, money is energy, right,
and the energy is the energythat I need to then achieve my
(46:51):
own purpose, my own life goals.
And and where am I today?
I can see so clearly that theseare the things that are not me.
That's not what I want to do.
However, I can also recognizethat, wow, I've built all this
knowledge I know through allthese challenges in life, but
I've built all this knowledgethat I can that is useful.
And there are also things thatI like, like, like you know,
(47:14):
like doing so, yeah, I would saythat you know.
It's not just about the, it'snot just about the alcohol.
You know it's, it's you know,it's as they say it's a.
It's a legal drug.
It's a legal drug out there.
If not, why don't we go tomedicine and have some controls
(47:35):
there?
It's a legal drug.
There's no controls.
So for me it's not just aboutalcohol and I think if we take
two steps back and then we startto unfold and then we start to
connect with ourselves on ourlife purposes, on who we are,
(47:55):
and I think that it becomes likea summer part, if I can best
explain that- Just beautiful.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
Thank you, calvin, for sharing all of that.
That it's a true journey backhome to love.
That is what I'm hearing andit's the truth, right, and it is
so much more than just removingalcohol.
It's so much more than that,but it's making the most of that
opportunity of not having it togo really deep and uncover all
(48:28):
of this beautiful stuff.
And thank you for being sovulnerable and for being the
first guy that I've had on thepodcast, because that's what
it's all about, particularly formen.
You know, I'm so passionateabout bringing more men on like
you to help other men, becauseit's so important and it's
important for all of us.
(48:48):
But I think you know there isthat that bit more of a stigma
for men to open up when actuallyit's the most courageous,
beautiful, manly thing that youcould ever do.
And I adore you, I love you,I'm so grateful for you, I'm so
proud of you and the journeythat you've been on and just
love the way that we connect andhelp each other as well,
(49:09):
because you've helped me morethan you could ever know.
So thank you.
And and there was a few littlenuggets then that you said I was
like, wow, I could just go offon a complete tangent now, but I
know we both put a deadline ofit of of around now, so perhaps
we'll bring you back on, becauseyou're just a fountain of
knowledge and wisdom and, yeah,super grateful for you.
Speaker 2 (49:31):
Thank you, calvin I want to say thanks as well,
claudia, for having me.
You know, on on on your channeland your podcast.
I I I really do hope to be ableto help others.
You know, I always wish thatsomeone was there as well, and
(49:52):
you know, we are in 2024, as Ishared earlier, and this is the
tool of today.
Right, we can't unwind time.
The past doesn't exist anymore,as they say, neither does the
future.
It's all about now, right, andwhat we have now is what we got
here, and I really hope to beable to help you, um on on this
(50:13):
journey where you find your bestuse to it.
It's like a like a profit.
You're helping others to helpthem find the purpose, and also
on a pathway to a much betterlife, and that that intention of
yours connects with me.
So I want to say thank you verymuch for allowing me to to
share my you know my innerspirituality with with everyone.
Speaker 1 (50:36):
Thank you thank you, calvin.
All right, well, I will speakto you soon, no doubt down the
coffee shop, and let's connectsoon, and thank you again.
Thanks everyone.
Thank you for listening totoday's episode of the sober
chapters podcast.
(50:56):
I hope you enjoyed it and gotlots of good information from it
.
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possible, and I know howimportant it is to receive
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If you're feeling called, Iwould love you to leave a review
from whatever platform it isthat you're listening on, and if
you send me a screenshot ofthat review to
(51:18):
ddsoberchapterscom, I will putyou into the mix of winning a
free one-on-one coaching sessionwith me.
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find lots of differentresources on there and a free
guide 69 tips, tricks andresources for anyone that is
(51:41):
embarking on a sober chapter.
If you'd like to learn moreabout my one-on-one coaching
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I'd also love to hear from youif you have any feedback or you
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(52:02):
to reach out to me about then?
Please do email me at dd, atsober chapterscom.
I would love to hear from youand support you in any way that
I can.
Hello and welcome to the Sober Chapters podcast.
I am your host, dee Dee Jordan,and I'm so excited to be
sharing with you all of theincredible ways that removing
alcohol for a chapter willreinvent you forever.
You see, removing alcohol isabout so much more than removing
alcohol.
It's about immense personal andspiritual growth.
(00:22):
It's about discovering who youtruly are and about stepping out
of your patterns and into yourpurpose and your power.
Wherever you are on youralcohol-free or sober curious
journey, this podcast is for you, so grab yourself your favorite
cuppa and come join me in asafe space to listen, to share
(00:46):
and to feel.
I'm so grateful that you'rehere.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Sober Chapters podcast, and
(01:08):
today I'm joined by a veryspecial friend of mine the first
male on the podcast as well MrCalvin Fu, who started off as a
client of mine and then we justgot really, really connected and
realized that we were on such asimilar path and Calvin
actually removed alcohol fromhis life roughly a year ago I
(01:32):
think, but I'll let him fill youin on all of that and we've
been planning to do this forages, but, as we know,
everything is divine timing, andtoday we've actually sat down
and managed to get together, andI'm excited for what unfolds
because we've been through a lottogether and Calvin's been on
his own huge transformationaljourney as well.
So over to Calvin.
How are you, calvin?
(01:54):
Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Thank you very much for having me on your podcast.
I'm definitely really honoredto be a part of your journey and
, you know, driving change andawareness across the world, and
also for you know, helpinghelping me over the past 12
months as well.
So, yeah, thanks for having meon your podcast.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Oh, my pleasure, my pleasure.
Thank you, calvin, you'vehelped me too.
It's been like I say we've.
We've almost been like a mirrorfor each other.
It's been really fascinating,hasn't it?
Every time we catch up like,are we going through something,
you'll be going throughsomething similar, and yeah,
it's been quite the journey.
And yeah, I'd love for you toshare a little bit about you
know where you're at and kind ofwhat has unfolded for you,
(02:41):
especially with that focus on onbeing alcohol free as well,
just whatever, whatever comes toyour heart I guess my my
journey started 12 months ago, Ithink it was.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
The exact date was actually on october 6th, um, I
remember it was a day when youand I spoke on the phone and you
know I've been sharing with youabout my next, uh, the next
phase of my journey in my lifeand I just left a job in ICT and
(03:14):
I knew I had to do somethingdifferent by going on a journey
where I wanted to find whatmakes me happy and to be able to
do what makes me happy at thesame time.
And I remember getting on thephone with you and you took me
through, you know, some thoughtsand discussions and I've
(03:35):
actually got this sleep here tome.
I still have it with me andthat was the manifestation.
I remember manifestation.
I remember we sat down and theway you put it was just give it
a shot, even if it's for twoweeks or even if it's for a week
.
I remember you mentioned thatand stopping alcohol had been
(03:59):
something I wanted to do forquite some time.
I guess I could.
I knew back then that it wasmore than just savouring taste
or savouring nice champagne.
Champagne was my go-to,anything that's French champagne
was my go-to drink then, andyou know, and then you know,
(04:20):
prior to that I'd already had aninclination that you know this
was definitely way more thanjust a drink.
It was actually controlling myentire life.
And on that day itself Iremember 6th or 7th of October
we sat down.
It was right here, actually, Iwas doing some work, I was
emailing stuff up, and we spokeon the phone and you said, hey,
(04:44):
if you're on this huge journey,have you have, you have you
considered, you know?
And and you also made me feelfeel really comfortable that you
know it might sound like a bigthing, but would you check to
give it a shot?
Yeah, and um, and it I'm notgonna lie, it wasn't, it wasn't
as it wasn't easy, obviously,but with that little
(05:05):
manifestation that we did, and Iprinted out my reasons on why I
wanted to do it.
I also printed out my reasonsbecause that's how you guided me
.
How does it make me feel thenext morning?
How does it really make me feelon the day itself?
And, yeah, that was the startof the journey and yeah, I've
(05:27):
got so much more to share withyou, um, over the next.
You know 40 or 45 minutes ofour podcast yeah, thanks, kelvin
.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Um, yeah, thanks for sharing that.
And I think just what came upfor me was just, you know, I
often talk about how there'snever any coincidences, and I
think you know I was starting togo deep with the coaching
around that time.
And then, you know, you cominginto my life and the journey
we'd been on, and then it justlanding for you at that point as
well, with the transition youwere going through, it, just it
(05:58):
just all felt very much likedivine timing, didn't it?
And then, you know, I didn'tknow where it was going to go
for you, but you've gone onleaps and bounds without it in
your life, which has beenincredible and just you know,
I'm obviously so passionateabout it and it's something that
we always talk about wheneverwe catch up as well, which I,
which I love, um, but I'd loveto know, yeah, more about that,
(06:19):
like how it has unfolded and youmentioned it's not always been
easy, which is, you know,definitely the reality of it, um
, but I think you know, I'd loveto hear more about how you feel
about it now, but I guess, frommy point of view, it's not
always easy, but it's, it'salways worth it, right?
It's a case of choosing,choosing your heart, isn't it in
(06:39):
life?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
yeah, I, you know when, when, what came up for me,
when you, when you, when yousay that was my, you know, if I
take, you know, a couple ofsteps back, my journey actually
started.
Um, I probably can't use theword actually, but my journey
started about 10, 10 years ago,you know somewhere in 2014, 2015
(07:02):
, when a very close friend ofmine who said to me hey, maybe
you should get some help.
I think that was the firstinsight from someone who
actually cares for me that I wasactually undergoing through
depression.
And it wasn't until probably ayear after that, you know really
(07:26):
when, when I get some help fromfrom a psychologist um, god,
rest his soul he's passed away.
He was in his 70s then.
He's dealt a lot of quitesevere struggles of different
people and and back then Iremembered I was, you know,
running a joint venture companycompany for quite a reputable
(07:48):
mining company, working for theboard and one of the board
members, and I thought thingswere going really great really.
But it wasn't until that daythat I realized that hey, maybe
there's way more to it.
And a year after 2014, whenthat friend of mine shared that
with me, 2015 was when I startedgetting help and that was when
(08:12):
I realized I guess that's whenit all started.
As they say, once you see it,you can't unsee it.
And that started a journey overthe past 10 years in the sense
journey over over the past 10years in, you know, in the sense
leaving the entire privatesector and really stopping
smoking.
I was smoking then I was, youknow, having like probably six
(08:35):
coffees.
Back then I was just eatinganything and everything.
That's, that's sweet, if, if Imay say.
And today I realized that I wasactually trying to keep that.
I'm no clinical specialist orpsychologist, but I was trying
to keep those levels of dopamineup high because that was
(08:58):
something that made me happy.
And if I look back then, and ifI look back then, regardless of
whether it's alcohol orcigarettes or food, these
comforting tools or comfortingthings, that actually allows us
(09:19):
to maybe have some relief.
And then the next question iswhat sort of relief is that
actually relieving?
Right, and?
And I guess today, especiallywith the last 12 months and
going through that whole 10 yearjourney, you know, of quitting
so many different forms ofaddictions.
That includes even things likebuying things.
I used to love cars and stuff.
(09:41):
You know the string of BMWs andthings like that and also I
just love buying like differentthings, like watches and things
like that, because all thosethings really, really gave me
that um, that that spurt of uh,can I say happiness or energy,
or dopamine, or whichever youwant to call it.
And and and today, looking backin all those different
behaviors, I now realized thatit was actually something that
(10:02):
was trying to to perhaps um,soothe from, and the more I was
trying to soothe that, the morethat was actually deflecting or
distracting me from addressingthose, uh, perhaps inner
challenges or things that wereactually smothering my inner
spirituality as I see it todayyeah, yeah, wow, yeah, wow.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Thank you, calvin, it's definitely.
Yeah, it's interesting, likehow far it goes back, and it's
again similar to me.
With you know, my journeystarted about eight years ago
when I started doing the innerwork and, as we say, like
peeling back the layers anddiscovering more and more.
And it's great that you'vebrought up all these different
types of addictions as well,because, essentially, as humans
we're, we're addicted to so manythings.
(10:48):
Right, there's the addictioncycle with absolutely almost you
know, anything that providesthat numbing, that high, and
then that provides the come downright, because that's something
that I've been really digginginto lately, which I find really
fascinating is, like, not onlydo we reach for those things to
numb out and suppress ourfeelings and as a form of
(11:09):
escapism, but there's actuallyscience to say that we're more
addicted to the actual come downitself because of the release
of the stress that comes up forus and that, you know, because,
like, we beat ourselves upstraight after and we just
create so much of that stresswithin the thoughts that release
(11:29):
that emotion and that stresswithin our body, and that's what
our cells are actually craving.
That's what our cells areactually addicted to because of
the chaos that precededeverything from when we were
younger and I can see yousmiling because this is the kind
of stuff that we go into, right, but it's.
It's like, yeah, we're addictedto the come down like ourselves
when we start to feel good andwe, the antidote to stress is
(11:53):
oxytocin, and we fill ourselvesup on that and we do all of
these great things to feelawesome, instead like suddenly
it's almost like that form ofself-sabotage or the upper limit
level, or whatever you call it.
Our cells are like, hang on aminute, or our body's like no,
this isn't what we're supposedto be doing.
We need to bring you right backdown to where you belong in
that state of stress.
(12:14):
So is that something that youcan relate to?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
yeah, definitely, one of the the most recent piece
that I've been working on iscomplex trauma and, you know, I
suppose one of the things thatcame up for me most recently in
one of my workshops, you know,when someone shared that with me
(12:37):
was that we actually, you know,the thing that brought two
couples together usually wouldbe the thing that splits them up
.
And what I've learned a lot isthat, for example, in my
relationship, my partneractually filled a lot of gaps of
(12:59):
my parents.
But, however, in unfolding allthese things, I then
subsequently realized what thesewere the things that I actually
didn't want anymore, because,you know, being, being, you know
, having emigrated to australiaand having my parents somewhere
else, um, you know, I was, I was, I was needing that gap to be
(13:20):
filled and, as they said, right,the attraction was actually the
coming down from those, perhapsthose complex I want to call it
complex memories, if I may, andthat was the thing that was
keeping me alive, which Irealize today.
And it's exactly what he justsaid, that just came up for me.
(13:42):
And the strange thing is thatwe, we won't know it until we
see it, and once we see it, wecannot unsee it.
Right, and yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, it's like having that awareness is huge.
It's power completely, isn't it?
And I think that's where Ithink that alcohol has its like.
Removing the alcohol has itsown unique thing when it comes,
because you can put all thoseaddictions into a basket
together, right, but I wasactually speaking to another
(14:17):
lady on my podcast yesterdayabout this.
The difference with alcohol isalcohol has the extra like thing
of it like actually completelychanges your state and perhaps
actions and has like a real longcome down which can have like
effects as well, right.
So you like you drink, and thenyou might do something that you
(14:37):
don't want to do, or saysomething you don't want to say,
or you're not actuallynecessarily in control of your
actions, so and then it has likeeven more consequences the next
day.
So I feel like it's, you know,it has that extra element to it.
But I think that what came upfor me as well is that you know
our nervous system will choose afamiliar hell over an
(14:59):
unfamiliar heaven as well, andlike that's been really
interesting.
And so having having theawareness around our patterns
which, when we take away alcoholbecause we've got that clarity,
we can just really be able toit gives us that power to
observe just so much more.
And it's like I know mypatterns really well.
(15:20):
Now I talk about this, but youknow, you know, for example, if
I'm having an off day, if I'mfeeling dysregulated and I'm
more in that fear-based state,more in my head, etc.
Less in my heart, less in myflow, then there's certain
things that will happen thatgive me that indication that
that's what's happening.
So, for example, I will cravebad food, I will be really
(15:42):
critical of myself in the mirrorand they're all these things
that go to me.
Right, okay, you're in a stateof dysregulation that you're
having, like you know, yourego's in the driver's seat, but
because I know it and I'm not,you know, drinking or what have
you, which kind of clouds all ofthat, I have that awareness and
I'm able to sort of bringmyself back to my heart and back
(16:04):
to a state, and sometimes wehave to ride it out.
But I can, kind of like,observe those emotions, observe
those patterns and not fall intoit and I think, yeah, like you
say, you can't and see it right,you just have this knowledge
and it's it's, it's so powerfulbecause it just helps you step
out of those patterns.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
So much more.
Yeah, and you know, inhindsight now, like there's not
one day where I don't stop andthink, you know, in the sense,
um, I think to myself, why did Iever put all that into my body?
You know, it wasn't so much, asyou say, it wasn't so much of
(16:46):
chasing a short relief, it wasactually trying to change the
entire mental state.
You know, it's in hindsight,looking back now.
It's, you know, the, it waslike two bottles of champagne in
the night, you know, and thenit might be the next night and
and I see that you know, inhindsight today I knew I was
(17:07):
struggling with something.
It's not, it's not like I wasunsuccessful.
I was really good at what I did.
You know, I had a lot offriends, a lot of contacts.
Um, perhaps, in seeing now thatwas was a superficial Calvin
back then.
But, as I said, once you see it, you kind of see it right.
Back then I didn't see it thatway.
And today I look at it and I go.
(17:29):
I must have really hated myselfto actually have put really the
word is poison, it is alcohol,to put poison into my body and
to allow my body to consumethose levels of alcohol and yet
still go.
You know, actually, no, it'snot good, but you know what?
It's actually gonna help mefeel a little bit better and
(17:49):
it's okay.
You know what?
Uh, you know, I used to havethis thinking my nan is in 100.
You know, maybe I'll live tillI'm 90.
That's okay, you know, becauselongevity runs in my blood right
.
So I actually have, I mean,it's that kind of a really sick
thoughts, thinking that it'sokay and and, then and and not,
rather than addressing the,perhaps the inner pain or the
(18:13):
inner reasons as to why was Idoing that why was?
I dependent on, on on on alcohol, right, so not.
Obviously it wasn't justchampagne I was drinking.
I was drinking single malt andwine and stuff like that, and
for me it was.
You know why was I needing that?
(18:34):
Why was I wanting to put that?
You know allowing that myselfto put that in my body, rather
than you know addressing theunderlying root causes of why
was why I was doing that yeah,yeah, it's so interesting, isn't
it?
Speaker 1 (18:48):
when you step away and you look back like I, I
can't even believe the way thatI used to treat my body.
And you know I was a party girl, a social drinker, you know I
wasn wasn't really.
I was trying to be healthy.
I didn't really drink in theweek but yeah, I would drink
quite a lot on a big night out.
And then, like, going back tomy teens and 20s, I like I
(19:10):
always say about this it'sridiculous, but I kind of fun at
the time.
But I got awarded an award atuniversity for the most nights
out in a row, which was 18nights out of, just like
constant drinking.
And now I'm just like, oh myGod, my poor body.
But yeah, I think it does comedown to well, a lack of
awareness around it and like theconditioning for sure, because
(19:33):
it was kind of like air quotes,normal or it seemed normal back
then because of the people Ihung around with and, like you
know, I came from quite a boozyfamily and stuff like that.
But now I look back and I'mlike, wow, gosh, that was wild
and it wasn't normal.
And you know I didn't have anycare for myself and I always say
this I think you know, removingalcohol or like whatever other
(19:55):
addictions, it's, it's, you know, it's, it's well, it's like
discipline, right, anddiscipline is the greatest act
of self-love ever.
And that really does seep intoevery single area of our life,
like once you take thataccountability and you start
making those intentional changes, like it just makes you like.
You mentioned your false selftoo, which was interesting,
(20:16):
because that's a whole notherthing right, isn't it?
But it's like you're comingback to your true self and
you're not fueling that falseself, you're not fueling that
ego anymore, and that'sbeautiful.
And then that's how you reallyconnect.
And it's it's just seeps intoevery single area of your life,
which I think it'd be great tohear, like the benefits that
(20:37):
you've experienced and how thatrelationship with yourself has
evolved on this journey as wellI what the first thing that came
out to mind is.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
I I remember so clearly when, you know, in
october, when I stopped drinking, I think, and then it was
probably somewhere in november,you know so I was still, I was
still heading to differentNovember, you know.
So I was still heading todifferent pubs because, you know
, as you can imagine, then I wasstill trying to adjust to a new
life of not drinking.
Today I just don't go to anypubs.
(21:11):
I actually prefer to catch upwith, like yourself or different
close friends for a walk in thepark, or we might catch up with
a coffee, and I've actuallyhave way, way better
conversations and I can actuallybe of service to the other
person in terms of, perhaps, thechats or the topics that we
want to talk about.
You know, it's so much moremeaningful.
(21:31):
And last year, when I was, youknow, still meeting up with you
know, trying to get used to itwith friends in the pub,
obviously I was having like aCoke, no sugar or something like
, or you know that was my go-todrink, just to get some taste,
or sparkling water, and slowly Istarted realizing that I didn't
.
The sounds in the pub, the, youknow, the continuous chatter
(21:55):
was actually unbearable for me,and and that was, you know,
after a few times in in, instill catching our mates in the
pub, that started becomingreally, really salient and I
started thinking and and andjust wondering why is it?
I just, I just want to get outof this place.
It's just so noisy, it's doingmy head in it's.
(22:18):
I can hear every single sound.
And that was when I started torealize that alcohol had
actually been perhaps numbingthose sensitivities as they say,
it's a depression and I startedrealizing that.
(22:41):
That's why when I'm in a pub, Ithen have an added tendency to
drink even more, Because themore I'm drinking, the more it's
suppressing those.
You know those sensations insensory sensitivities and yeah,
and that was leading to that and, funny enough, that then led me
on a journey of understandingmore about perhaps this might be
going a little bit off topic inyour podcast understanding that
(23:03):
I've actually perhaps I gotadhd.
It was such a big thing for mebecause I I've always wondered,
you know the the different waysor that that I work as compared
to others.
I'm really heavily driven, um,you know how I love getting
stimulated with fixing orbuilding things.
(23:25):
I think that's how I built mycareer around, really and I
always wondered and felt strangeas to why I felt different and
I think and obviously alcoholwas actually giving me relief of
all those bad things.
I used the word neurodivergencethat I was going through and
(23:45):
that then allowed me tosubsequently somewhere perhaps a
story for another sessionsomewhere in May or July, when a
really close mate's fatherpassed away, was then when I
realized that perhaps I've gotautism.
Like I said, I'm not going todive too deeply, but I think
(24:06):
it's beneficial to share whatcame up for me and it was
through stopping alcohol, thatmade me realize the sensory
sensitivities.
And then that's when I realizedI had ADHD.
And then, adding that to my10-year journey and unfolding
myself, that was when I realizedthat actually it doesn't stop
at ADHD.
And then, adding that to my10-year journey and unfolding
myself, that was when I realizedthat actually it doesn't stop
at ADHD.
(24:26):
And in continuing that,somewhere in May, when a really
close mate's father passed awayand I was having those death
conversations with him and thensubsequently I was with him when
he passed was when I realizedthat perhaps maybe I've got
autism and that led me to doinga lot of research for autism.
(24:47):
And somewhere in August,following lots of research, was
when I then had a diagnosis of apre-full assessment.
Diagnosis that includes, aswell as checking back with
things as a child and thingslike that, that I've actually
I've got autism and what youcall autism level one, and and,
(25:10):
uh, and and what has been taughtto me also as a borderline ADHD
.
However, the borderline ADHD islike 96 or 97%, which means
really I've got ADHD.
97, which means really I've gotadhd, and and through that and
I stand, it all made sense as tothe way I think and obviously
the way I think because you knowthe best way to describe is my,
(25:30):
my brain, my mind burns hot andthat's why I'm so attracted to
building and fixing things.
And because it burns hot, thenobviously there becomes a
yearning to look for things tokind of slow it down as well.
And if it's not burning, thenthere's an empty spot and so I
want to look for things to closethe gap of empty spot.
(25:52):
And when I did more research,then I started understanding
that the addiction is alsoclosely related to being
neurodivergent, which then madeall this sense on why I used to
love smoking.
I love all the addictionpersonality.
I even had an issue withgambling as well when I used to
(26:12):
live in Melbourne and obviouslyfor me it's been a process.
I didn't just gather thecourage or the reasons or the
sensibility to stop drinking,but stopping alcohol has been
(26:33):
part of the journey and inhindsight I don't think I'd have
been able to unfold myneurodivergence if I didn't stop
alcohol.
And that then allowed me tounderstand neurodivergence,
which then allowed me to nowreally appreciate and love
myself more and to understandwhy I do those things that I
(26:56):
used to do when I was a child,do the things that I did as an
adult and that also led tosubsequent a lot more powerful
unfoldings.
You know after that as well.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Oh, it's made me a little bit emotional hearing
that.
Calvin, I'm so happy for youbecause I just think what was
coming up for me was, you know,I always say there's a higher
reason for removing alcohol andyou know, know, that is the gift
that it's given you is thisincredible journey of
self-discovery and thisdiscovery of your understanding
(27:31):
of how you work and like leadingyou to, I can only imagine,
like a place of real acceptancewith everything that you've been
through and you know all the,you know the way, the way that
you tick, like I just, I betthat just feels like such a huge
, I don't know, like a relief, Iguess, in in lots of ways and
it's I, I think the same.
(27:52):
Like I think if you hadn'tremoved alcohol, then maybe you
wouldn't have gone on thatdiscovery in such the same way
and you would have, like youknow, unknowingly done the
things that you did or beenmasking, like you say, the
noises in the pub or whatever itmight be, and I just think, wow
, like it's just uncovered somuch for you and you know, I've
(28:13):
personally been a witness to,like just the incredible things
that have unfolded for you onthis path and like I just feel
so grateful for you and you knowwe always just support each
other in such great ways, but Ijust, yeah, just hearing it here
like this on the podcast, it's,it's really, really special and
um, yeah, thank you for sharingall of that, because I think
(28:34):
there's a lot of people thatwill will resonate or perhaps
know they maybe need to go andhave a look at, like the deeper,
the deeper workings ofthemselves yeah, it's because we
are.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
I mean, there's so much more information today on,
as compared to, you know, 40years ago, right, where, no, no,
nobody talks aboutneurodivergence.
Everyone just says, oh, you'redepressed or you're anxious.
However, depression, anxiety,is an outcome of something.
What is the cause?
Whether it's a body of ours,that isn't.
(29:14):
We are unique, right?
Our bodies are different to oneanother.
So is our mind, so is our heart.
All these are different to oneanother.
So is our mind, so is ourhearts, and perhaps, just like
most people who will be watchingyour podcast or listening to
your podcast, I grew up in anenvironment where alcohol was
(29:36):
normal.
I grew up in an environmentwhere having a joint or having a
drink is a common thing.
With my parents, I knew,nonetheless.
There's nothing wrong aboutthat, it's not right or wrong,
but that's how we grew up.
(29:57):
As they say, our brain startsdeveloping from our third
trimester in our mother'stummies, and that's what we know
as is, and it isn't until yearslater or as the world evolves.
Then people start to learnabout the effects, and we are in
(30:20):
that era now where we've got somuch information.
For example, with autism, itused to be called Asperger's
right now.
Now Asperger's is kind of moreknown as level one autism in
that sense, and whereas waybefore I've been reading
articles that autism 30, 40years ago, it's related with
(30:41):
things like schizophrenia.
So what I'm trying to say isthat there's so much more
information today about aboutour bodies, our mind, our hearts
and our bodies and things likeaddictions, things that you know
, like complex trauma, which issuch a big thing.
For for me, I've been unfoldingso much of that and also, you
(31:03):
know, I've also been unfoldingthings like head trauma, because
you know, I've also gotstruggles with head trauma as
well.
For example, as a child, I fellface down into a sandpit or a
playground a sandpit andactually blacked out.
And also when I was a baby youknow I actually was, you know I
(31:25):
had to be revived as a baby andalso because of autism, there
were certain stymie behaviorsthat you know that sort of
relates to my head and that Ibelieve had also contributed to
head trauma and and head traumadoes you know, if, if we do
(31:49):
deeper research um, when you docat scans and brain scans
actually can I haven't done anyof this yet, but I've been doing
more research that that doctorscan actually, you know, can
actually identify this headtrauma that you've been through.
And head trauma could causethings like different spurts of
anger or feelings of anger aswell, and these are some things
(32:09):
that have also recently startedto unfold.
So not just the effects ofcomplex trauma and how it
affects me, whether it'sfeelings of abandonment or
feelings where I feel like I'malways in fight or flight mode
and I'm generalizing what I'vejust explained or spurts of
anger feelings.
And I guess if I didn't, inthat sense, see or got to
(32:39):
stopping alcohol again, I don'tsee how I would have unfolded
all these, because for me,hanging on to alcohol would have
allowed me to continue in thatstate that I was and allow me to
soothe that, those pain of orareas that I I didn't want to
(33:00):
see.
Basically, it would enable meto continue deflecting that.
And if I were to continuedeflecting that, then I'm
actually going to just keep oncarrying all these if I may use
the word, inner spiritualimbalances, and that is only
going to continue evolving.
Right, because our life is aconjecture.
(33:22):
You know we kind of see or wekind of learn what we picked up.
You know, every moment, and thelonger we hold this out, the
more it's growing.
And you know there are so manytimes when I do reflections I go
wow, if I didn't see this, youknow, if I didn't start my
journey 10 years ago I didn'tquit.
(33:43):
You know, stop drinking a yearago Maybe I would be dealing
with this in in you know, 10years later or 20 years later?
And that would have compoundedanother 10 or you know 10 or 20
years more.
And how would I have?
How would I then have dealtwith it?
That sounds scary.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
When, when, when I think about that, yeah, yeah,
look, I mean, I think it's.
It's a gift, right, isn't it?
It's an absolute gift becauseyou know it's, it's.
You've uncovered all of thisnow, at the age you are too,
which means that everythingyou've got in front of you now
is going to have such adifferent like, feel and spin to
(34:26):
it, right with the awarenessthat you have, which is that's
the really exciting part and Ithink that's.
You know we're all on our ownunique path when it comes to the
healing, the spiritual growth,the everything.
But I do believe that removingalcohol is a huge, huge part of
that.
I think there's no coincidence.
People are waking up.
(34:47):
It's all part of almost likethat spiritual awakening is
removing alcohol to go deeperand to really get to understand,
like, why we operate the way wedo, why we do the things we do,
why we're stuck in the patternsthat we are, and just having
that self-awareness and it sucha huge gift.
And I think leaning into thatand, you know, listening to that
(35:08):
and doing that at the age thatwe are, is again such a gift for
the rest of our lives, right,and and for what else we're
going to uncover, and it's Iknow you mentioned at the
beginning, it's not always easy,but I I know for sure, for me
and for everyone really that Ispeak to about it.
It is it's short term pain,long term gain, and it's another
(35:30):
form of choose your heart.
Life's hard, but removingalcohol is hard, but never
uncovering who you truly are andwhy you do the things that you
do that's hard.
You do the things that you do.
That's hard and it is.
You know, we have a choice andyou know I just want to.
My biggest thing is to inspirepeople to do this because it's
so beautiful, it's suchbeautiful work and it just makes
(35:52):
such a huge difference toeveryone's lives and you don't
have to be a big drinker for itto be stopping you from
understanding yourself, becausethere's a reason why I just feel
like there's a missedopportunity every time we have a
drink.
Like, for example, I stilluncover triggers and things
about myself that before, say,I'd gone into a pub, I would
(36:15):
have drank and not looked at it,whereas now it's like something
difficult comes up oh gosh, I'mgonna look at this again.
You know so.
You're constantly uncoveringand unfolding, but it's like
something difficult comes up ohgosh, I'm gonna look at this
again, you know.
So you're constantly uncoveringand unfolding, but it's, it is
just so, so worth it.
And you know, I had no idea howour chat was going to go today,
but you've just brought up somany valuable, informative like.
(36:35):
Just I know it's going to havehelped a lot of people, um, to
gain a better understanding.
And what would you say toanyone that's maybe resonating,
that believes they may have someform of, I guess, like maybe
ADHD or something deeper?
What would you suggest thatthey do if they are starting to
query that?
Speaker 2 (36:57):
I think that, if what you said in terms of the
querying part has come up, Ifeel that once you see it, you
can't unsee it, and that meansthat they can feel or sense that
it's something that isdifferent.
We are all different.
(37:18):
I think the key thing is we areall different.
We are on the spectrum.
It's just whether you're withinthat range that says you are
that, that's the labeling part,right, but there's no one brain
that's the same.
And we are so influenced bysociety that says, oh, this is
an ideal human being, soeveryone's got to be like this.
And then, after a long time,everyone goes, yeah, yeah,
(37:40):
there's a human being and that'show everyone is.
However, what we don't see isthat it isn't just like that,
isn't a a discrete, definedshape.
Everyone is different.
And here's the thing, right,there's there's so much
information out there and I I'mI mean there is no one best
element that's going to maybetip us over to finding out more
(38:04):
information, because there couldbe things like complex trauma
that's stopping us.
There could be influence ofalcohol as we're coming down
that's stopping us fromunfolding more as well.
You know there could be, youknow there could be current
situational struggles right andI think, you know, I think if we
(38:26):
can be aware that, first of all, that no one human being is the
same and it's actually okay and, yes, we may feel odd- or
different.
However, there are strengths andweaknesses, just like everyone,
and I think there's so muchinformation out there today that
(38:47):
all we need to do is to get onit, just find information.
You don't have to go and findus like I don't.
I don't think personally youneed to straight away see a
psychologist, or or straight orget a label.
I think there's more thaninformation to do enough
research to start to understand,and, and once you feel
comfortable or you learn a bitmore about yourself, then for me
(39:09):
, I personally suggest thisprocess Then go and see a
psychologist In Australia.
There are mental health careplans there that allows you to
get subsidies.
It's absolutely okay.
Don't be afraid, because if youdon't love yourself and if you
(39:31):
don't take those steps tounfolding a better life for
yourself, obviously whatever youdon't do today will come back
to you later on anyway.
And if you don't say, hey, I'mgoing to love myself, then no
one's going to do it for you,and then you know what I mean.
So it's really up to us to say,oh, I'm going to love myself,
then no one's gonna, no one'sgonna do it for you, you.
And then you know what I mean.
So it's it's really up to us tosay, you know, for example, ask
(39:54):
myself, why am I not lovingmyself, um, like how others do?
And why am I putting all thisalcohol in my body?
Why am I not going out to lookfor, you know, to just jump onto
youtube to understand moreabout neurodivergence.
You know what I mean.
So I think the very small stepis to sit down, have a bit of
reflection and go.
(40:14):
You know what?
I lose nothing even if I jumponto YouTube to start to
understand ADHD.
I lose nothing as a matter offact, all the treatment
strategies and how to managewhether it's meditation changing
your diet and how to managewhether it's meditation changing
your diet, being more cognizantin terms of your cognitive
(40:36):
behaviors.
These are good things, whetheror not you've got
neurodivergence or whetheryou've got independency on any
kind of substance.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
You know what I mean.
I mean I'm obviously painting.
Everyone's different.
Some people might feel that I'ma bit more extreme in terms of
my situation, but some peoplemight probably also go hey,
kelvin's situation is not asextreme as what I'm going
through.
You know what I mean.
So I think we're all different.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Yeah, yeah, it's interesting because, as you were
sharing that, then, like whatwas coming to me was because I
mean, I asked you the questionquestion, but then I was
thinking, actually, as well,it's about connecting deeply to
yourself and being open andbeing curious and following
those nudges.
Right, you know, because that'show we learn and evolve and,
(41:19):
you know, find the things thatare meant to help and support us
, like we attract that in, don'twe?
By by being grounded andknowing, knowing when something
like, for example, there couldbe there's no coincidences.
Again, I mentioned so someonemay be listening now and it's
like resonating with them.
Well, that that's an intuitivenudge to maybe go and explore
(41:41):
because it's something islanding for them.
And that's what we need to beopen to, and being connected to
ourself and and being open andcurious and following those
nudges as well, because it is anexploratory path, isn't it?
And I suppose there isn't oneright way to do it as a right
way for your own uniqueness.
Um, and the other thing thatcame up for me when you were
(42:03):
saying that was why fit in whenwe were born, to stand out like
we need to embrace ouruniqueness and that's another
big thing with the alcohol, why?
why would we fit in with themold?
Let's go against the grain, andand only good things come from
that as well.
Um, oh yeah, thank you, calvin,and I was always also to say as
(42:26):
well, just, you know, from theheart, I guess, just whatever
you feel called to share, butwhen it comes to the gifts that
this whole journey and goingalcohol free and everything has
given you, like, what would you,what would you say on that?
Speaker 2 (42:40):
to sort of summarize as well uh well, it's where I'm
at today is, um, it's I don'tknow if I may without bringing
myself to tears um, it couldhave.
It could have been death, or itcould have been where I'm at
today and I, you know, I, I lookback and I can see how much
(43:07):
I've, you know.
The best way I can describe ishow much I would have.
I hated myself.
I could not even look at myselfin the mirror.
Maybe I'm a more extreme kind ofa you know situation and you
know, and and I look back in Iused, I used, to think that fear
means, you know, beingoutrightly assertive, you know,
going out there.
(43:27):
Fear means, you know, beingoutrightly assertive, you know,
going out there.
But actually, fear is actuallysomeone who doesn't dare to be
vulnerable.
I look at things so differentlyright today, and if you can't
be vulnerable, then you can'tlove.
As you know, I've learned, andyou can't learn because
(43:48):
vulnerability means you'reopening your heart and and you
know, I can see how, if I canbest narrow it down, I think
it's been, it's been a wholedecade of lessons on
vulnerability, really relearninghow to be vulnerable,
(44:10):
relearning how to to be aware ofmy fears, re-learning how to
manage my fears and it's.
It's yeah, I know it's a longprocess, yeah, um, and, and
hopefully, and hopefully, whatI've shared might help help
someone reduce, you know, thatprocess, but and and not but and
, and that probably has led to,you know, um, where I met today
(44:33):
and where I'm at today.
I can see all those things.
Or the person I was wasbasically the person who was a
fearful person.
Yeah, I may have been asassertive really assertive back
then, successful back then, butactually there was, there was
actually a very fearful person,you know, um, that always had to
(44:53):
act out and prove that.
No, actually I know that's afearful person that isn't a
fearless person in that sense,and and today I can see that
that person that I was isn't whoI wanted to be.
It was someone else that thisenvironment, society, whatever
that has built that I basicallyrealized that, hey, my life is
(45:26):
in my hands and it's up to me todo something about it, and I
can do something about it, and Iknow it's hard to do something
about it, but who else is goingto do something about it?
So we have a choice, and I knowit's not easy.
It's not just like waking upand flicking a switch and
suddenly there's all thiscourage.
I get it.
I know it's not because I'vebeen through that, but we've
(45:47):
just got to start somewhere, assmall as possible.
And where I'm at today is thatI'm on a new beginning and, yeah
, the old me will probably goshit.
There's so much unknown.
How am I going to handle that?
And, oh my God, what if I stopdoing this type of job that I
(46:08):
used to be doing?
What I going to handle that,you know?
And, oh my God, what if Istopped doing this type of job
that I used to be doing?
What's going to happen to me?
Does it mean that I ammeaningless or purposeless?
Or will everyone around me lookat me as, oh, he's not capable
anymore?
That's not, no, it's not true.
What's happening when?
What I'm slowly learning is that, you know, I'm starting to.
(46:29):
If, if we can use ikigai as the, you know, as the, as the
example, then I'm starting tobuild the life that I want.
I want to be able to love whatI do and do what I love.
And obviously there's a finalquadrant part of ikigai that
says and be paid for it, becausefor me, money is energy, right,
and the energy is the energythat I need to then achieve my
(46:51):
own purpose, my own life goals.
And and where am I today?
I can see so clearly that theseare the things that are not me.
That's not what I want to do.
However, I can also recognizethat, wow, I've built all this
knowledge I know through allthese challenges in life, but
I've built all this knowledgethat I can that is useful.
And there are also things thatI like, like, like you know,
(47:14):
like doing so, yeah, I would saythat you know.
It's not just about the, it'snot just about the alcohol.
You know it's, it's you know,it's as they say it's a.
It's a legal drug.
It's a legal drug out there.
If not, why don't we go tomedicine and have some controls
(47:35):
there?
It's a legal drug.
There's no controls.
So for me it's not just aboutalcohol and I think if we take
two steps back and then we startto unfold and then we start to
connect with ourselves on ourlife purposes, on who we are,
(47:55):
and I think that it becomes likea summer part, if I can best
explain that- Just beautiful.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
Thank you, calvin, for sharing all of that.
That it's a true journey backhome to love.
That is what I'm hearing andit's the truth, right, and it is
so much more than just removingalcohol.
It's so much more than that,but it's making the most of that
opportunity of not having it togo really deep and uncover all
(48:28):
of this beautiful stuff.
And thank you for being sovulnerable and for being the
first guy that I've had on thepodcast, because that's what
it's all about, particularly formen.
You know, I'm so passionateabout bringing more men on like
you to help other men, becauseit's so important and it's
important for all of us.
(48:48):
But I think you know there isthat that bit more of a stigma
for men to open up when actuallyit's the most courageous,
beautiful, manly thing that youcould ever do.
And I adore you, I love you,I'm so grateful for you, I'm so
proud of you and the journeythat you've been on and just
love the way that we connect andhelp each other as well,
(49:09):
because you've helped me morethan you could ever know.
So thank you.
And and there was a few littlenuggets then that you said I was
like, wow, I could just go offon a complete tangent now, but I
know we both put a deadline ofit of of around now, so perhaps
we'll bring you back on, becauseyou're just a fountain of
knowledge and wisdom and, yeah,super grateful for you.
Speaker 2 (49:31):
Thank you, calvin I want to say thanks as well,
claudia, for having me.
You know, on on on your channeland your podcast.
I I I really do hope to be ableto help others.
You know, I always wish thatsomeone was there as well, and
(49:52):
you know, we are in 2024, as Ishared earlier, and this is the
tool of today.
Right, we can't unwind time.
The past doesn't exist anymore,as they say, neither does the
future.
It's all about now, right, andwhat we have now is what we got
here, and I really hope to beable to help you, um on on this
(50:13):
journey where you find your bestuse to it.
It's like a like a profit.
You're helping others to helpthem find the purpose, and also
on a pathway to a much betterlife, and that that intention of
yours connects with me.
So I want to say thank you verymuch for allowing me to to
share my you know my innerspirituality with with everyone.
Speaker 1 (50:36):
Thank you thank you, calvin.
All right, well, I will speakto you soon, no doubt down the
coffee shop, and let's connectsoon, and thank you again.
Thanks everyone.
Thank you for listening totoday's episode of the sober
chapters podcast.
(50:56):
I hope you enjoyed it and gotlots of good information from it
.
I'm really keen to share thesemessages as far and wide as
possible, and I know howimportant it is to receive
reviews to do so.
If you're feeling called, Iwould love you to leave a review
from whatever platform it isthat you're listening on, and if
you send me a screenshot ofthat review to
(51:18):
ddsoberchapterscom, I will putyou into the mix of winning a
free one-on-one coaching sessionwith me.
If you would like to learn moreabout sober chapters and to
follow along on Instagram it'ssober underscore chapters You'll
find lots of differentresources on there and a free
guide 69 tips, tricks andresources for anyone that is
(51:41):
embarking on a sober chapter.
If you'd like to learn moreabout my one-on-one coaching
group, coaching programs andmasterminds, then please go to
wwwsoberchapterscom.
I'd also love to hear from youif you have any feedback or you
need any guidance or you haveanything at all that you'd like
(52:02):
to reach out to me about then?
Please do email me at dd, atsober chapterscom.
I would love to hear from youand support you in any way that
I can.
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