February 7, 2025 • 22 mins
In this episode, Didi explores the challenges and rewards of navigating social situations during a sober chapter. Imagine yourself at a lively gathering, confidently ordering a non-alcoholic drink and feeling completely at ease. We discuss how to build confidence in sobriety, from indulging in mocktails and sweet treats to help with early cravings, to setting firm personal boundaries that protect your well-being.
Didi dives into practical strategies for managing overwhelming emotions in social settings, whether it's taking mindful breaks or reframing situations to make them more enjoyable. Sobriety isn't just about saying no to alcohol; it's about creating deeper, more meaningful connections. Didi shares powerful stories of how approaching social interactions with love and authenticity, rather than fear and judgment, leads to richer relationships.
Didi discusses Sober Chapters 100, a supportive community and transformational program designed to empower you on your alcohol-free journey. This episode is packed with insights to help you embrace a confident, joyful, and fulfilling sober lifestyle.
Thank you for being here and for being a part of The Sober Chapters Community.
LINKS/RESOURCES
Follow Didi @ sober_chapters on Instagram
Website for more information on Didi and her services/coaching programs available at www.soberchapters.com
FREE GUIDE: 69 Tips, Tricks & Resources to assist you during your own sober chapter available via the link on sober_chapters and via the sober chapters website.
If you enjoyed listening please rate, review and subscribe to enable the messages to be spread as far and wide as possible.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Sober Chapters podcast.
I am your host, dee Dee Jordan,and I'm so excited to be
sharing with you all of theincredible ways that removing
alcohol for a chapter willreinvent you forever.
You see, removing alcohol isabout so much more than removing
alcohol.
It's about immense personal andspiritual growth.
(00:22):
It's about discovering who youtruly are and about stepping out
of your patterns and into yourpurpose and your power.
Wherever you are on youralcohol-free or sober curious
journey, this podcast is for you.
So grab yourself your favoritecuppa and come join me in a safe
(00:43):
space to listen, to share andto feel I'm so grateful that
you're here.
Hello and welcome to anotherepisode of the Sober Chapters
(01:06):
podcast.
And today I had planned ondoing a guest interview and
things just didn't work out.
The internet wasn't working andit got me thinking like why did
that happen?
And intuitively, I keptrealizing that I haven't been
doing solo episodes lately.
I've kind of been putting itoff.
I've had quite a few lovelyguests from all over the world
(01:29):
that have been planned and Ikept thinking I actually haven't
been kind of investing the timeto come to you guys with
support and help in variousdifferent topics that I know are
going to be really, reallyuseful for you.
And so with that, I've justleaned into it and decided to do
a solo episode today where I'mgoing to be talking all about
(01:51):
how to navigate socialsituations and to kind of
embrace those or not embracethose, whatever feels right
really when it comes to when itcomes to, I guess, early
sobriety, but as the path goeson as well, because things do
tend to change and shift overtime, so it came up on a call.
Yesterday we did our live callfor the Sober Chapters 100 group
(02:14):
program and one of the girls onthere was talking about how she
had a birthday party that shewas going to be going to and she
was, you know, feeling a littlebit kind of, you know, unsure
as to how to navigate it, wherethere's a lot of people that
were going to be drinking, and Ithink that it can be a little
bit of a strange one when peopleare quite drunk around us and
(02:36):
we're trying to navigate thatand we're trying to communicate
with people, and it's like we'reon a completely different
wavelength right, and that canbe quite challenging in itself.
And so I gave her some adviceon that and it got me thinking
that it would be something totalk in a bit more detail about
on this solo episode.
So, firstly, I guess, when itcomes to navigating social
(02:58):
situations, I think particularlyin early sobriety is just to
take it really really easy andjust to listen to yourself,
listen to what feels right foryou, because you know it might
be overwhelming at the beginning, depending on you know how
comfortable you are going outand socializing alcohol free and
just maybe dip your toe in thewater a little bit to start with
(03:19):
.
And you know, I thinkboundaries are really, really
important in those early daysand I guess everyone is everyone
is different, but I had taken alot of breaks before I did my
sober chapter and so by the timeit came to my sober chapter, I
did throw myself into a lot ofevents, which is also a really
(03:40):
great way to go and a reallygreat way to consistently, I
guess, build that confidence andto expand your comfort zone.
However, understandably, ifyou're completely new to being
alcohol free, then it can bereally really daunting at the
beginning to go out andsocialize, you know, without it.
So let's look at if it isreally really new for you to
(04:03):
start with, and some of my, ofmy biggest tips when it comes to
this is, you know, alwayshaving something that helps you
to feel like you're fitting inwhen it comes to going out and
socializing.
And for me, that was alwayshaving like a really lovely
glass.
So I would always go and ordera glass of sparkling water in a
(04:23):
wine glass with ice and lemon,and that has been my go to drink
throughout my whole soberjourney and it has got me
through weddings and hen do'sand holidays and all of that.
But again, feel into what feelsright for you.
But I would definitelyrecommend a fancy glass of some
sort that you can hold, so youkind of feel like you fit in in
(04:45):
the group.
Holding that glass definitelytakes away some of that
discomfort.
And also, I think, initially,thinking about it, actually, I
did get really into mocktailsand all of those things,
particularly when I went to likeHindus and places like that,
because it was kind of in theearly stages of my sober chapter
and I was craving a lot ofsugar at the time as well, and
(05:06):
so I really took advantage ofall of the incredible mocktails
that are out there at the moment.
But naturally, like over time,I didn't really like you know,
having all of that extra sugarand as I got more comfortable in
my alcohol free journey, like Ididn't have as many cravings,
um, so it definitely becameeasier just to go back to just
having the sparkling water,which fitted way better into,
(05:29):
like you know, my health andnutrition and all of that stuff.
So, but again, in the earlystages, give yourself grace and
you know, have whatever you want, I think even like Coke and
diet Coke and stuff like that.
That was, you know, a reallygreat treat for me as well in
the early days.
So just just do whatever feelsright in the beginning and then,
(05:50):
you know, when it comes tobeing out and socializing, take
those baby steps.
If it feels overwhelming, youknow, show your face, go and
mingle for, you know, an hour ortwo or whatever feels right.
But if it gets overwhelming,one thing that I used to always
do is, you know, maybe go to thebathroom, like send to myself,
take a few big, deep breaths,feel back into my body, you know
(06:12):
, come back to my heart, comeback to my body and just, you
know, have a little word withmyself and just take a breather
and then go back out into it.
But also don't feel like youhave to be there proving
something.
You know, I think as wellthat's something actually
talking about it.
Now it's bringing it all backand I think, initially, when I
(06:34):
first started my sober chapter,I remember like feeling because
I had done quite a lot of breaksand I remember thinking, right,
I'm going to throw myself intoeverything.
When it came to, you know, theactual sober chapter, and I
remember wanting to like provethat I could still be fun and do
all of the things which weabsolutely can.
But we don't have to do thateverywhere.
(06:54):
You know, we get to pick andchoose what kind of environments
bring that fun out in us.
And I remember still kind ofgoing to the pub and doing
things like that in early, inthe early days and sitting in
the pub all day or whatever itmight be.
And now, quite frankly, like Icouldn't think of anything worse
than sitting in the pub,because for me it just kind of
(07:15):
reminds me of just like I don'tknow like darker days and I
always feel like there's a bitof a dark energy, like when
people have been drinking allday.
And so you know I'll avoidthose places now, but what I
will do is, I'll go to the pubif it's like a special event, so
it's like a birthday, or youknow, it's someone that I still
(07:35):
perhaps I don't see them all thetime and we're on slightly
different paths now but theyinvite me to a birthday or they
invite me to a special occasion,like, of course, or you know, a
loved one or what have you like.
I will go and certainly go andshow my face and spend some
quality time with them for maybelike an hour or two, but as
soon as people get a little bitsloppy or you know what have you
(07:55):
like, I will.
I will put those boundaries inplace and and leave.
And that's the beauty of beingable to drive right and all of
those things.
But it gets to a point where youknow, like I I was throwing
myself into everything at thebeginning and trying to prove I
could do all of this stuff, butthe more and more kind of
embodied you become in youralcohol-free lifestyle and the
more that you find otheractivities and things that light
(08:16):
you up, then you don't reallywant to be spending your time
Like your time becomes really,really valuable and you start to
want to be doing other thingswith that time and making the
most of being alcohol free andusing that time to your
advantage and using that time toreally reinvent your whole life
.
You know, there's so manythings that we can do when we
(08:37):
aren't drinking.
Like our creativity is sparked,our curiosity is sparked and we
, you know, we start to exploreother things that you know are
going to get us ahead in life,rather than just, you know,
perhaps, sitting around in thepub like we used to, and it was
really interesting.
On that note, actually, I waslooking through some old
(08:58):
journals the other day and Ialways, you know I talk about
how how amazing, you know,journals have been and
journaling has been on myjourney, and often I'll get a
prompting to go and open an oldjournal, and I found this piece
of paper in one of my oldjournals.
I actually put it on myInstagram story recently and it
was this realization that I hadand it said you're not going to
create your dream life bysitting in the pub.
(09:21):
And it really was as simple asthat.
You know, like I wasn't, I wasjust wasting all this valuable
time at the weekend.
I was like working all theweeks, all through the week, and
then sitting in the pub at theweekend and you know I felt
trapped and I felt stuck inGroundhog Day and it was was
like that realization that youknow I wasn't going to change my
life by sitting in the pub, andso I went off on a bit of a
(09:43):
tangent there.
But my point to it is that youknow you'll find your feet with
it and you'll.
Some people will want to go and,you know, try and do everything
that they did before at thebeginning and then realize that
actually they want to spendtheir time elsewhere.
You know at the beginning andthen realize that actually they
want to spend their timeelsewhere.
You know you want to learn newthings and grow and throw
(10:05):
yourself into, I know, likecourses and webinars, and you
know invest your money intoother things as as well, like I
say, to get ahead.
And you know, just never, neverfeel bad, like, at the end of
the day, the people that thepeople that are meant to be in
your life, will support you.
The loved ones that are therefor you will support you on this
journey.
And you know it might be that,you know some people do fall
(10:26):
away and that's a part of growthand transformation anyway,
right, and you know it justmakes space for more aligned
people to come into your life aswell.
And that's something that I wantto say as well, because it was
another topic that came up onthe call yesterday that you know
people worry, like you might beworried that at the beginning
(10:46):
you know you're not going tohave as many friends or have as
many people to go and do thingswith because everyone's on a
different path to you.
But I can absolutely promiseyou that you will attract in
people on this alcohol-freejourney and you will.
You will just end up with suchbeautiful, authentic connections
and they are like, they are sodeep the conversations that you
(11:11):
end up having and just someaningful and so genuine and
it's just yeah, you know you,eventually, eventually it just
compounds and more and morepeople and there's so many
beautiful synchronicities thatopen up so many aligned
opportunities.
You know you're vibratinghigher and you're just
attracting in a whole differentcaliber of people come into your
(11:35):
life And's really, reallybeautiful.
So trust me when I say that,because I'm two and a half years
in now and you know the amountof people that I have in my life
that I didn't know before mysober chapter, that I've met
through, you know, sober events,through through Instagram,
through becoming a coach,through sober, sober traveling,
(11:57):
you know, and even if you'rejust in your local neighborhood
at home, you'll be surprised,like, because you're so much
more connected, because you'reso much more present, like a
more open, you will end up justhaving these beautiful, open,
synchronistic conversations withpeople just that you never
would have really been kind ofopen to before.
(12:18):
And you know, I I often jokeabout how I even seem to attract
alcohol-free Uber drivers, like, literally, quite often, the
Uber drivers that come and pickme up will be alcohol-free and
it's like there's just nocoincidence in it, it's, it's
kind of wild.
So trust me when I say you, youwill, if you're feeling alone
and you're feeling like it's,you know, kind of going.
So trust me when I say you, youwill, if you're feeling alone
and you're feeling like it's,you know, kind of going to cut
(12:40):
you off from having thoseconnections, I absolutely
promise you it might feel a bitmessy in the middle and a bit
icky and it might feel thatyou're losing people to start
with, but I absolutely promiseyou that that new people will
come into your life and reallyaligned, beautiful soul aligned
aligned, lifelong connectionswill come into your life.
So take my word for it on that.
(13:03):
And going back to how tonavigate those social situations
and how to navigate beingaround people that are drinking
and, you know, havingconversations with people that
are drinking that may feel likethey're on a slightly different
level, like, one of the thingsthat we discussed and I often
(13:24):
talk about is that we get tochoose what we focus on right.
So if we're going to a party oran event and we're kind of
worried about, you know, beingaround certain people that are
drinking and how thoseconversations are going to go,
because you know they don't feelauthentic and you don't feel
like you're on the samewavelength, you know, if you go
(13:46):
in with that outlook and thatfocus, then it's quite likely
that you're going to receivemore of that right.
You're going to receive more ofthose feelings, of that feeling
that people aren't on yourwavelength and you know what we
focus on grows.
And another way, like a reallygreat reframe, is to kind of go
(14:06):
into that party and visualizeone how you want to show up,
showing up as your you know thebest version of you, showing up
in your heart space, showing upfrom a place of love.
So going in from that heartspace with the intention of
having beautiful conversationswith these people, these people
from the heart, and focusing ontheir heart and focusing on that
(14:30):
beautiful part of them, ratherthan focusing on the fact that
they are drinking and you knowthey're going to annoy you and
you know all of those things,because you really will set
yourself up for a much more likebeautiful, intentional time if
you get yourself back into thatheart space first and to you
(14:50):
know to just view the wholething through the lens of love
rather than going in withthrough the lens of fear.
Because, like I say, whicheverone you choose to focus on is
going to grow and it's also anenergy that comes with that.
Like, if you go in there in yourheart space, you know open,
sending love, and you know youhave a conversation with
somebody who is perhaps you know, much more in their head and
(15:14):
you know drinking and just youknow things are, I don't know,
like a slightly different vibefrom them.
If you're there, sending themlove from your heart and
focusing on their heart, theywill feel that, even on a
subconscious or a soul level,they will feel that and that has
the power to turn that wholesituation around and it also
(15:34):
prevents.
It prevents what can oftenhappen, which is when people
feel uncomfortable.
People that are drinking canfeel uncomfortable when we say
we're not drinking right, andit's usually because we're a
mirror and it's usually becausewe're reflecting back something
to them and they're concernedabout their own drinking or it's
activating them in some way.
(15:54):
But if we can go in there withthat intention in our heart
space and communicate with themthrough that lens of love, like
they will feel so much morerelaxed around us.
You know, there is that tendencywhen we become newly
alcohol-free in particular,where we're kind of like you
know we're on a high and youknow we want to share this like
(16:15):
amazing way of living witheverybody, which is absolutely
beautiful and we absolutelyshould do that.
But I think there's always thatfine line of like kind of
getting on our high horse aboutit and people feeling that too,
and so it's just reallyimportant never to kind of focus
on, like the judgment side ofthings and just to do everything
from that place of love, and itwill be received so much better
(16:37):
when, when we're in that space,like trust me, and you know, at
the end of the day, you'redoing it for you, right?
You're on your own uniquejourney with it and you should
be singing from the rooftopsabout how amazing it feels, but
just from an inspirational pointof view, like you will
naturally, you will naturallyhave an impact.
You know the ripple effect ishuge.
(16:58):
But when you are doing it fromthat love basedbased state
rather than from like ajudgmental state of what other
people are doing and theirchoices, it will just be so much
it will be received, so so muchbetter, and so I hope that kind
of helps people that areperhaps navigating drink, not
drinking around, people that aredrinking as well.
(17:21):
And you know, just focus onbeing in your heart and focus on
their heart and it really willmake such a huge difference and
make things a lot easier.
When you're in those situations,I think particularly you know
when it's sometimes aroundfamilies or around you know
people where it's a challenge orif you've got a partner that
drinks still as well, it's justremembering that you're on your
(17:43):
own unique journey and you knowpeople will follow if they want
to follow.
But you have to practiceacceptance and letting go of the
outcome and just doingeverything from a place of love.
So I went off on a few littledifferent tangents there, as
always, as I like to do, andhopefully there's some helpful
(18:05):
content in there for you to beable to navigate some things
that you're going through,whatever stage of sobriety that
you're in.
But I think the biggest thingis just trust yourself.
Trust yourself, come back toyourself and do whatever feels
right for you.
You know this is an incrediblepath that you've chosen for you.
(18:26):
You're making amazing choicesfor you and just know what your
limitations are.
You know just baby steps If itfeels really daunting at the
beginning.
Just baby steps, plenty ofboundaries, and just always be
true to what feels right for you, intuitively and over time.
(18:47):
If it's something that you wantto do more and more and more of
, you will get more and moreconfident.
I can absolutely promise you ofthat.
That is how we do expand ournervous sorry, our comfort zone
and how we heal our nervoussystem is by taking those baby
steps, by consistently likepushing against that resistance,
but in a really soft, loving,compassionate way with ourselves
(19:10):
, and before you know it, youknow you'll be able to take on
anything, alcohol free, and feeltruly embodied and
authentically confident, andit's just such a freeing way to
live Because when you do get tothat place where you can go and
enjoy all the things that youwant to enjoy, that you used to
enjoy before, and you will enjoythem more.
(19:31):
And I know I always talk aboutit, but it's such an important
thing for me to reference.
But, you know, going to Ibiza,like I did with my best friends
not all of them were alcoholfree, only one of them was
alcohol free and I went to thenightclubs and I had the most
beautiful experience, full ofnatural highs.
And if someone had said to methat I'd be able to go and do
(19:53):
that, if someone had said to my25 year old self, the party girl
that was going there wasted.
If someone had said I could gothere at 40 and dance my little
socks off and feel thatnaturally high that connected,
that proud of myself and thatthat, with that spring in my
step, knowing that the next daythere weren't going to be any
(20:13):
repercussions and I was justgoing to just love all of it, I
would never have believed it andI'm pretty confident.
If I had known that that waspossible, I would have given up
alcohol years ago, years ago,because I now know that
everything I ever wanted to do,that I want to do, that I love,
I can do and I can enjoy so muchmore now because there are no
(20:37):
there are no horrible aftermaths.
I have built so much moreconfidence, true confidence
within myself to go and throwmyself into those things.
But it is a journey and youwill get there and just be
really patient and compassionatewith yourself and, like I say,
do definitely, definitely, goand do the socializing, but do
(20:59):
it at a pace that feels rightfor you and, as always, if you
want any more support, justreach out to me.
And we're also well underwaynow with the first cohort of the
Sober Chapters 100 program,where we have a group of
beautiful souls from all overthe world.
We have America, australia,europe, and we get together once
(21:21):
a week and we're building abeautiful community.
So keep your eyes out.
There will be other othercohorts running and there's also
a wait list on the website ifyou wanted to sign up and join
for that as well.
Thank you for listening totoday's episode of the Sober
Chapters podcast.
I hope you enjoyed it and gotlots of good information from it
(21:43):
.
I'm really keen to share thesemessages as far and wide as
possible, and I know howimportant it is to receive
reviews to do so.
If you're feeling called, Iwould love you to leave a review
from whatever platform it isthat you're listening on, and if
you send me a screenshot ofthat review to dd at
soberchapterscom, I will put youinto the mix of winning a free
(22:06):
one-on-one coaching session withme.
If you would like to learn moreabout Sober Chapters and to
follow along on Instagram it'ssober underscore chapters You'll
find lots of differentresources on there and a free
guide 69 tips, tricks andresources for anyone that is
embarking on a sober chapter.
If you'd like to learn moreabout my one-on-one coaching,
(22:30):
group coaching programs andmasterminds, then please go to
wwwsoberchapterscom.
I'd also love to hear from you.
If you have any feedback or youneed any guidance or you have
anything at all that you'd liketo reach out to me about, then
please do email me atddsoberchapterscom.
(22:52):
No-transcript.
Hello and welcome to the Sober Chapters podcast.
I am your host, dee Dee Jordan,and I'm so excited to be
sharing with you all of theincredible ways that removing
alcohol for a chapter willreinvent you forever.
You see, removing alcohol isabout so much more than removing
alcohol.
It's about immense personal andspiritual growth.
(00:22):
It's about discovering who youtruly are and about stepping out
of your patterns and into yourpurpose and your power.
Wherever you are on youralcohol-free or sober curious
journey, this podcast is for you.
So grab yourself your favoritecuppa and come join me in a safe
(00:43):
space to listen, to share andto feel I'm so grateful that
you're here.
Hello and welcome to anotherepisode of the Sober Chapters
(01:06):
podcast.
And today I had planned ondoing a guest interview and
things just didn't work out.
The internet wasn't working andit got me thinking like why did
that happen?
And intuitively, I keptrealizing that I haven't been
doing solo episodes lately.
I've kind of been putting itoff.
I've had quite a few lovelyguests from all over the world
(01:29):
that have been planned and Ikept thinking I actually haven't
been kind of investing the timeto come to you guys with
support and help in variousdifferent topics that I know are
going to be really, reallyuseful for you.
And so with that, I've justleaned into it and decided to do
a solo episode today where I'mgoing to be talking all about
(01:51):
how to navigate socialsituations and to kind of
embrace those or not embracethose, whatever feels right
really when it comes to when itcomes to, I guess, early
sobriety, but as the path goeson as well, because things do
tend to change and shift overtime, so it came up on a call.
Yesterday we did our live callfor the Sober Chapters 100 group
(02:14):
program and one of the girls onthere was talking about how she
had a birthday party that shewas going to be going to and she
was, you know, feeling a littlebit kind of, you know, unsure
as to how to navigate it, wherethere's a lot of people that
were going to be drinking, and Ithink that it can be a little
bit of a strange one when peopleare quite drunk around us and
(02:36):
we're trying to navigate thatand we're trying to communicate
with people, and it's like we'reon a completely different
wavelength right, and that canbe quite challenging in itself.
And so I gave her some adviceon that and it got me thinking
that it would be something totalk in a bit more detail about
on this solo episode.
So, firstly, I guess, when itcomes to navigating social
(02:58):
situations, I think particularlyin early sobriety is just to
take it really really easy andjust to listen to yourself,
listen to what feels right foryou, because you know it might
be overwhelming at the beginning, depending on you know how
comfortable you are going outand socializing alcohol free and
just maybe dip your toe in thewater a little bit to start with
(03:19):
.
And you know, I thinkboundaries are really, really
important in those early daysand I guess everyone is everyone
is different, but I had taken alot of breaks before I did my
sober chapter and so by the timeit came to my sober chapter, I
did throw myself into a lot ofevents, which is also a really
(03:40):
great way to go and a reallygreat way to consistently, I
guess, build that confidence andto expand your comfort zone.
However, understandably, ifyou're completely new to being
alcohol free, then it can bereally really daunting at the
beginning to go out andsocialize, you know, without it.
So let's look at if it isreally really new for you to
(04:03):
start with, and some of my, ofmy biggest tips when it comes to
this is, you know, alwayshaving something that helps you
to feel like you're fitting inwhen it comes to going out and
socializing.
And for me, that was alwayshaving like a really lovely
glass.
So I would always go and ordera glass of sparkling water in a
(04:23):
wine glass with ice and lemon,and that has been my go to drink
throughout my whole soberjourney and it has got me
through weddings and hen do'sand holidays and all of that.
But again, feel into what feelsright for you.
But I would definitelyrecommend a fancy glass of some
sort that you can hold, so youkind of feel like you fit in in
(04:45):
the group.
Holding that glass definitelytakes away some of that
discomfort.
And also, I think, initially,thinking about it, actually, I
did get really into mocktailsand all of those things,
particularly when I went to likeHindus and places like that,
because it was kind of in theearly stages of my sober chapter
and I was craving a lot ofsugar at the time as well, and
(05:06):
so I really took advantage ofall of the incredible mocktails
that are out there at the moment.
But naturally, like over time,I didn't really like you know,
having all of that extra sugarand as I got more comfortable in
my alcohol free journey, like Ididn't have as many cravings,
um, so it definitely becameeasier just to go back to just
having the sparkling water,which fitted way better into,
(05:29):
like you know, my health andnutrition and all of that stuff.
So, but again, in the earlystages, give yourself grace and
you know, have whatever you want, I think even like Coke and
diet Coke and stuff like that.
That was, you know, a reallygreat treat for me as well in
the early days.
So just just do whatever feelsright in the beginning and then,
(05:50):
you know, when it comes tobeing out and socializing, take
those baby steps.
If it feels overwhelming, youknow, show your face, go and
mingle for, you know, an hour ortwo or whatever feels right.
But if it gets overwhelming,one thing that I used to always
do is, you know, maybe go to thebathroom, like send to myself,
take a few big, deep breaths,feel back into my body, you know
(06:12):
, come back to my heart, comeback to my body and just, you
know, have a little word withmyself and just take a breather
and then go back out into it.
But also don't feel like youhave to be there proving
something.
You know, I think as wellthat's something actually
talking about it.
Now it's bringing it all backand I think, initially, when I
(06:34):
first started my sober chapter,I remember like feeling because
I had done quite a lot of breaksand I remember thinking, right,
I'm going to throw myself intoeverything.
When it came to, you know, theactual sober chapter, and I
remember wanting to like provethat I could still be fun and do
all of the things which weabsolutely can.
But we don't have to do thateverywhere.
(06:54):
You know, we get to pick andchoose what kind of environments
bring that fun out in us.
And I remember still kind ofgoing to the pub and doing
things like that in early, inthe early days and sitting in
the pub all day or whatever itmight be.
And now, quite frankly, like Icouldn't think of anything worse
than sitting in the pub,because for me it just kind of
(07:15):
reminds me of just like I don'tknow like darker days and I
always feel like there's a bitof a dark energy, like when
people have been drinking allday.
And so you know I'll avoidthose places now, but what I
will do is, I'll go to the pubif it's like a special event, so
it's like a birthday, or youknow, it's someone that I still
(07:35):
perhaps I don't see them all thetime and we're on slightly
different paths now but theyinvite me to a birthday or they
invite me to a special occasion,like, of course, or you know, a
loved one or what have you like.
I will go and certainly go andshow my face and spend some
quality time with them for maybelike an hour or two, but as
soon as people get a little bitsloppy or you know what have you
(07:55):
like, I will.
I will put those boundaries inplace and and leave.
And that's the beauty of beingable to drive right and all of
those things.
But it gets to a point where youknow, like I I was throwing
myself into everything at thebeginning and trying to prove I
could do all of this stuff, butthe more and more kind of
embodied you become in youralcohol-free lifestyle and the
more that you find otheractivities and things that light
(08:16):
you up, then you don't reallywant to be spending your time
Like your time becomes really,really valuable and you start to
want to be doing other thingswith that time and making the
most of being alcohol free andusing that time to your
advantage and using that time toreally reinvent your whole life
.
You know, there's so manythings that we can do when we
(08:37):
aren't drinking.
Like our creativity is sparked,our curiosity is sparked and we
, you know, we start to exploreother things that you know are
going to get us ahead in life,rather than just, you know,
perhaps, sitting around in thepub like we used to, and it was
really interesting.
On that note, actually, I waslooking through some old
(08:58):
journals the other day and Ialways, you know I talk about
how how amazing, you know,journals have been and
journaling has been on myjourney, and often I'll get a
prompting to go and open an oldjournal, and I found this piece
of paper in one of my oldjournals.
I actually put it on myInstagram story recently and it
was this realization that I hadand it said you're not going to
create your dream life bysitting in the pub.
(09:21):
And it really was as simple asthat.
You know, like I wasn't, I wasjust wasting all this valuable
time at the weekend.
I was like working all theweeks, all through the week, and
then sitting in the pub at theweekend and you know I felt
trapped and I felt stuck inGroundhog Day and it was was
like that realization that youknow I wasn't going to change my
life by sitting in the pub, andso I went off on a bit of a
(09:43):
tangent there.
But my point to it is that youknow you'll find your feet with
it and you'll.
Some people will want to go and,you know, try and do everything
that they did before at thebeginning and then realize that
actually they want to spendtheir time elsewhere.
You know at the beginning andthen realize that actually they
want to spend their timeelsewhere.
You know you want to learn newthings and grow and throw
(10:05):
yourself into, I know, likecourses and webinars, and you
know invest your money intoother things as as well, like I
say, to get ahead.
And you know, just never, neverfeel bad, like, at the end of
the day, the people that thepeople that are meant to be in
your life, will support you.
The loved ones that are therefor you will support you on this
journey.
And you know it might be that,you know some people do fall
(10:26):
away and that's a part of growthand transformation anyway,
right, and you know it justmakes space for more aligned
people to come into your life aswell.
And that's something that I wantto say as well, because it was
another topic that came up onthe call yesterday that you know
people worry, like you might beworried that at the beginning
(10:46):
you know you're not going tohave as many friends or have as
many people to go and do thingswith because everyone's on a
different path to you.
But I can absolutely promiseyou that you will attract in
people on this alcohol-freejourney and you will.
You will just end up with suchbeautiful, authentic connections
and they are like, they are sodeep the conversations that you
(11:11):
end up having and just someaningful and so genuine and
it's just yeah, you know you,eventually, eventually it just
compounds and more and morepeople and there's so many
beautiful synchronicities thatopen up so many aligned
opportunities.
You know you're vibratinghigher and you're just
attracting in a whole differentcaliber of people come into your
(11:35):
life And's really, reallybeautiful.
So trust me when I say that,because I'm two and a half years
in now and you know the amountof people that I have in my life
that I didn't know before mysober chapter, that I've met
through, you know, sober events,through through Instagram,
through becoming a coach,through sober, sober traveling,
(11:57):
you know, and even if you'rejust in your local neighborhood
at home, you'll be surprised,like, because you're so much
more connected, because you'reso much more present, like a
more open, you will end up justhaving these beautiful, open,
synchronistic conversations withpeople just that you never
would have really been kind ofopen to before.
(12:18):
And you know, I I often jokeabout how I even seem to attract
alcohol-free Uber drivers, like, literally, quite often, the
Uber drivers that come and pickme up will be alcohol-free and
it's like there's just nocoincidence in it, it's, it's
kind of wild.
So trust me when I say you, youwill, if you're feeling alone
and you're feeling like it's,you know, kind of going.
So trust me when I say you, youwill, if you're feeling alone
and you're feeling like it's,you know, kind of going to cut
(12:40):
you off from having thoseconnections, I absolutely
promise you it might feel a bitmessy in the middle and a bit
icky and it might feel thatyou're losing people to start
with, but I absolutely promiseyou that that new people will
come into your life and reallyaligned, beautiful soul aligned
aligned, lifelong connectionswill come into your life.
So take my word for it on that.
(13:03):
And going back to how tonavigate those social situations
and how to navigate beingaround people that are drinking
and, you know, havingconversations with people that
are drinking that may feel likethey're on a slightly different
level, like, one of the thingsthat we discussed and I often
(13:24):
talk about is that we get tochoose what we focus on right.
So if we're going to a party oran event and we're kind of
worried about, you know, beingaround certain people that are
drinking and how thoseconversations are going to go,
because you know they don't feelauthentic and you don't feel
like you're on the samewavelength, you know, if you go
(13:46):
in with that outlook and thatfocus, then it's quite likely
that you're going to receivemore of that right.
You're going to receive more ofthose feelings, of that feeling
that people aren't on yourwavelength and you know what we
focus on grows.
And another way, like a reallygreat reframe, is to kind of go
(14:06):
into that party and visualizeone how you want to show up,
showing up as your you know thebest version of you, showing up
in your heart space, showing upfrom a place of love.
So going in from that heartspace with the intention of
having beautiful conversationswith these people, these people
from the heart, and focusing ontheir heart and focusing on that
(14:30):
beautiful part of them, ratherthan focusing on the fact that
they are drinking and you knowthey're going to annoy you and
you know all of those things,because you really will set
yourself up for a much more likebeautiful, intentional time if
you get yourself back into thatheart space first and to you
(14:50):
know to just view the wholething through the lens of love
rather than going in withthrough the lens of fear.
Because, like I say, whicheverone you choose to focus on is
going to grow and it's also anenergy that comes with that.
Like, if you go in there in yourheart space, you know open,
sending love, and you know youhave a conversation with
somebody who is perhaps you know, much more in their head and
(15:14):
you know drinking and just youknow things are, I don't know,
like a slightly different vibefrom them.
If you're there, sending themlove from your heart and
focusing on their heart, theywill feel that, even on a
subconscious or a soul level,they will feel that and that has
the power to turn that wholesituation around and it also
(15:34):
prevents.
It prevents what can oftenhappen, which is when people
feel uncomfortable.
People that are drinking canfeel uncomfortable when we say
we're not drinking right, andit's usually because we're a
mirror and it's usually becausewe're reflecting back something
to them and they're concernedabout their own drinking or it's
activating them in some way.
(15:54):
But if we can go in there withthat intention in our heart
space and communicate with themthrough that lens of love, like
they will feel so much morerelaxed around us.
You know, there is that tendencywhen we become newly
alcohol-free in particular,where we're kind of like you
know we're on a high and youknow we want to share this like
(16:15):
amazing way of living witheverybody, which is absolutely
beautiful and we absolutelyshould do that.
But I think there's always thatfine line of like kind of
getting on our high horse aboutit and people feeling that too,
and so it's just reallyimportant never to kind of focus
on, like the judgment side ofthings and just to do everything
from that place of love, and itwill be received so much better
(16:37):
when, when we're in that space,like trust me, and you know, at
the end of the day, you'redoing it for you, right?
You're on your own uniquejourney with it and you should
be singing from the rooftopsabout how amazing it feels, but
just from an inspirational pointof view, like you will
naturally, you will naturallyhave an impact.
You know the ripple effect ishuge.
(16:58):
But when you are doing it fromthat love basedbased state
rather than from like ajudgmental state of what other
people are doing and theirchoices, it will just be so much
it will be received, so so muchbetter, and so I hope that kind
of helps people that areperhaps navigating drink, not
drinking around, people that aredrinking as well.
(17:21):
And you know, just focus onbeing in your heart and focus on
their heart and it really willmake such a huge difference and
make things a lot easier.
When you're in those situations,I think particularly you know
when it's sometimes aroundfamilies or around you know
people where it's a challenge orif you've got a partner that
drinks still as well, it's justremembering that you're on your
(17:43):
own unique journey and you knowpeople will follow if they want
to follow.
But you have to practiceacceptance and letting go of the
outcome and just doingeverything from a place of love.
So I went off on a few littledifferent tangents there, as
always, as I like to do, andhopefully there's some helpful
(18:05):
content in there for you to beable to navigate some things
that you're going through,whatever stage of sobriety that
you're in.
But I think the biggest thingis just trust yourself.
Trust yourself, come back toyourself and do whatever feels
right for you.
You know this is an incrediblepath that you've chosen for you.
(18:26):
You're making amazing choicesfor you and just know what your
limitations are.
You know just baby steps If itfeels really daunting at the
beginning.
Just baby steps, plenty ofboundaries, and just always be
true to what feels right for you, intuitively and over time.
(18:47):
If it's something that you wantto do more and more and more of
, you will get more and moreconfident.
I can absolutely promise you ofthat.
That is how we do expand ournervous sorry, our comfort zone
and how we heal our nervoussystem is by taking those baby
steps, by consistently likepushing against that resistance,
but in a really soft, loving,compassionate way with ourselves
(19:10):
, and before you know it, youknow you'll be able to take on
anything, alcohol free, and feeltruly embodied and
authentically confident, andit's just such a freeing way to
live Because when you do get tothat place where you can go and
enjoy all the things that youwant to enjoy, that you used to
enjoy before, and you will enjoythem more.
(19:31):
And I know I always talk aboutit, but it's such an important
thing for me to reference.
But, you know, going to Ibiza,like I did with my best friends
not all of them were alcoholfree, only one of them was
alcohol free and I went to thenightclubs and I had the most
beautiful experience, full ofnatural highs.
And if someone had said to methat I'd be able to go and do
(19:53):
that, if someone had said to my25 year old self, the party girl
that was going there wasted.
If someone had said I could gothere at 40 and dance my little
socks off and feel thatnaturally high that connected,
that proud of myself and thatthat, with that spring in my
step, knowing that the next daythere weren't going to be any
(20:13):
repercussions and I was justgoing to just love all of it, I
would never have believed it andI'm pretty confident.
If I had known that that waspossible, I would have given up
alcohol years ago, years ago,because I now know that
everything I ever wanted to do,that I want to do, that I love,
I can do and I can enjoy so muchmore now because there are no
(20:37):
there are no horrible aftermaths.
I have built so much moreconfidence, true confidence
within myself to go and throwmyself into those things.
But it is a journey and youwill get there and just be
really patient and compassionatewith yourself and, like I say,
do definitely, definitely, goand do the socializing, but do
(20:59):
it at a pace that feels rightfor you and, as always, if you
want any more support, justreach out to me.
And we're also well underwaynow with the first cohort of the
Sober Chapters 100 program,where we have a group of
beautiful souls from all overthe world.
We have America, australia,europe, and we get together once
(21:21):
a week and we're building abeautiful community.
So keep your eyes out.
There will be other othercohorts running and there's also
a wait list on the website ifyou wanted to sign up and join
for that as well.
Thank you for listening totoday's episode of the Sober
Chapters podcast.
I hope you enjoyed it and gotlots of good information from it
(21:43):
.
I'm really keen to share thesemessages as far and wide as
possible, and I know howimportant it is to receive
reviews to do so.
If you're feeling called, Iwould love you to leave a review
from whatever platform it isthat you're listening on, and if
you send me a screenshot ofthat review to dd at
soberchapterscom, I will put youinto the mix of winning a free
(22:06):
one-on-one coaching session withme.
If you would like to learn moreabout Sober Chapters and to
follow along on Instagram it'ssober underscore chapters You'll
find lots of differentresources on there and a free
guide 69 tips, tricks andresources for anyone that is
embarking on a sober chapter.
If you'd like to learn moreabout my one-on-one coaching,
(22:30):
group coaching programs andmasterminds, then please go to
wwwsoberchapterscom.
I'd also love to hear from you.
If you have any feedback or youneed any guidance or you have
anything at all that you'd liketo reach out to me about, then
please do email me atddsoberchapterscom.
(22:52):
No-transcript.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com