April 6, 2025 • 41 mins
What happens when you finally break free from a 17-year pattern of daily drinking? Morgaine joins Didi to share her remarkable nine-month sobriety journey that transformed not just her physical appearance—losing nearly 40 pounds—but her entire relationship with herself and her future.
Morgaine's powerful story reveals the subtle ways alcohol can dominate our identity without us fully recognising it. Despite maintaining a successful career and regular exercise routine, she found herself secretly drinking in the mornings during the pandemic, creating elaborate justifications, and feeling increasingly trapped in a cycle she couldn't escape alone. The turning point came when she stopped trying to moderate and instead questioned her fundamental beliefs about alcohol through coaching support.
The conversation explores how our ego's can begin to glamorize and miss drinking despite knowing how destructive it was. Both women share how journaling revealed years of setting the same goals while remaining stuck in patterns, and how sobriety finally unlocked the door to genuine progress and possibility.
Today, Morgaine coaches other women through their own alcohol-free journeys, describing her new life as a daily "pinch me" moment she never imagined possible. Her message radiates hope that anyone feeling that intuitive nudge toward questioning their relationship with alcohol is already on their path to transformation. Ready to discover what might be waiting for you beyond drinking?
You can find Morgaine and details on her coaching on Instagram @startwhereyouare___
Thank you for being here and for being a part of The Sober Chapters Community.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Sober Chapters podcast.
I am your host, dee Dee Jordan,and I'm so excited to be
sharing with you all of theincredible ways that removing
alcohol for a chapter willreinvent you forever.
You see, removing alcohol isabout so much more than removing
alcohol.
It's about immense personal andspiritual growth.
(00:22):
It's about discovering who youtruly are and about stepping out
of your patterns and into yourpurpose and your power.
Wherever you are on youralcohol-free or sober-curious
journey, this podcast is for you.
So grab yourself your favoritecuppa and come join me in a safe
(00:43):
space to listen, to share andto feel.
I'm so grateful that you'rehere.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Sober Chapters podcast.
(01:06):
And today I'm joined by thegorgeous Morgan Abawi, who I
actually met over in Utah when Iwas visiting my lovely client
and we had such a good chat andI knew one day we would
reconnect and I would get her onthe podcast.
So here she is.
Hey, morgan.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Hi Didi, Thank you so much.
I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yeah, I'm so excited to chat.
I just I feel like there's beenloads of time and loads of
things have been happening and Iguess I know we touched a
little bit on kind of your storyand you were doing the
certification with Carolina aswell, so we obviously touched on
that as well.
But I just guess it'd be reallygood to just hear a little bit
about kind of where you're atand what you've been up to and
(01:52):
also you know how this wholealcohol-free journey kind of
came about for you.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, when, when were you in Utah again.
What, what month was that?
It was?
Speaker 1 (02:03):
in like September, yeah, september last year.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Yeah, a lot has happened since then.
At that point in time, I wasjust wrapping up the coaching
certification and I met youthrough my friend Ashley, who
knows you very well.
You were her fantastic sobercoach, and so it was just such a
pleasure to meet you.
You know you've been travelingthis path that I was also on,
(02:30):
and so you were a few stepsahead of me, so it was really
nice to connect with somebodywho like deeply understood what
I was going through on like avery like visceral level.
Yeah, so I guess to start, wecan talk a little bit about my
alcohol journey.
(02:50):
I was actually a pretty heavydrinker.
When I put it into terms forpeople, I drank just about every
single day for about 17 years.
I recently just hit mynine-month truly sober mark.
(03:11):
My sobriety date was June 20thof 2024, which was the summer
solstice, and the reason whythat date is so important is
because for months, I was reallybattling myself on my sobriety,
(03:33):
which I know in terms of myalcoholism I use air quotes
because it's a term that peopleuse in different ways but I
definitely became a very heavydrinker there at the end, often
(03:57):
drinking in the mornings I wasworking from home.
It was just this habitual thingthat I could not get rid of and
it became my entire personality.
It became who I was like deeplyat my core or at least so I
thought and really getting intothose deep root causes of my
(04:29):
beliefs around alcohol and mybeliefs around who I am inside.
And I was still a littlewishy-washy on a few of those
things.
But finally, on the summersolstice I was like this feels
really good.
This feels like the perfecttime for me to actually make
this decision for myself andgive it a real good go.
And so I did.
(04:50):
And man, life has opened up inso many beautiful and wonderful
ways.
I mean, I know I'm preaching tothe choir here, talking to you
about it and how wonderful lifeis without alcohol in it, but,
um, I still have a pinch memoment almost every single day
(05:10):
that I'm.
I'm finally here, I'm finallydoing something that I've been
trying to do for so long and itjust it's.
It's even better than I everimagined it to be.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I love that.
That's.
That's gorgeous, it's soinfectious.
Like you look amazing, yourenergy is amazing and yeah, it's
actually really lovely and it'sreally gorgeous for me to speak
to somebody.
That's kind of, I guess, likeyou know, nine months in, is
amazing and like you're feelingall these incredible benefits.
And I think, like I I don't knowlike sometimes I take for
(05:45):
granted my sobriety.
Now, I think, because, like Ican't, I almost can't remember
like how bad it was for mesometimes, and like you just
speaking like that, I'm likeit's such an amazing reminder
and like this is why I lovegoing back through some of my
old journals and going throughthat like transitional time and
just because there's just it's,it's just such a huge, huge
(06:08):
shift, isn't it?
You know people think thatyou're giving something up and
you know that it's.
It's that kind of like lackmentality around it, but it just
, like you say, it opens up thiswhole incredible like world of
opportunity and it just has sucha an incredible compound effect
.
And, yeah, I, yeah it's.
It just gets me so excited andI'm, I'm so happy for you.
(06:32):
You, just you look amazing.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I have lost close to 40 pounds um in these um few
months.
Honestly, I mean, it's just it'smind boggling the changes that
have been made in my life.
And it's funny that you say,like you forget how bad things
were.
I was just thinking about thisthe other day.
(06:57):
There's something that happensto us where, like we, we do
forget how bad things are andthen we start to glamorize a few
of those things every now andthen.
So, like the other day, I'mlike, oh, I wonder, like you
know, I wonder what it would belike to have a glass of wine.
And then I was like, what am Ithinking?
Like you know exactly what itwould be like to have a glass of
(07:18):
wine, like one is going to leadto six.
And then you know, we're backin it again.
But it's so funny that when weget separated from the trauma I
guess you know the trauma whichis my alcohol consumption for me
, when you get so far away fromit, it is like this Stockholm
(07:41):
syndrome You're like but wait asecond, like something,
something is missing.
But that's what I love aboutthe sober community is when you
really get involved in whetherthat's, you know, finding people
on social media, finding localcommunities or local groups,
just staying really with it.
You know, this podcast has beengreat for me to listen to all
(08:03):
the time all of the Quitletbooks, whatever it may be, just
something to keep it fresh inyour mind of all of the work
that you've put in and that youare working towards something
beautiful and something great.
And this is your past for areason and we love our past for
what it did for us.
(08:24):
Right, it brought us here tothis very moment, but like we
got to leave it in the past,yeah, yeah, it's funny.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
It's like that voice of ego I always say isn't?
it Just trying to like slowlyput us back, and I often talk
about the fact that so likethere's like the Enneagram
numbers that I'm kind of, yeah,and I'm a seven, right, and
that's the enthusiast.
Are you seven?
I'm a six, oh, you're a six.
I thought you said you wereseven.
I was like, oh, my god, um, soI'm an enthusiast, but the
(08:54):
problem with um, with that, isthat like it sounds great, but
then I I always look at thingsthrough rose tinted glasses, so
like I kind of like forget, likeactually you know the pain that
it caused me and you know thisis why I love, like I say,
revisiting old journals, likelooking back at like photos, and
you know it's almost like youcan see like a bit of darkness,
(09:17):
you know what.
I mean, and I didn't evenrealize, like because for me,
like I suppose I was, you know,very much a social drinker, like
I was a party girl, like Iwould like it was always a risk
of a big night out and all ofthose kind of things.
But I look back and it was like, actually there was just so
much stuff that I was masking,you know, that I didn't even
really know, like I had no clue,like I mean, I kind of knew I
(09:39):
had insecurities for sure.
But it's like now that I'vestepped away, I've ripped all of
that off and I've workedtowards like shining a light on
all of those insecurities, likeI can just see like how much
actually stuff was being stuffeddown from like childhood and
you know, by removing alcoholit's all been exposed.
I've worked through it and it'sjust I feel like I've got
lighter and brighter, withouteven realizing.
(10:01):
Until I look back at thosepictures as well, like it's,
it's, it's wild, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Yeah, I actually just posted um, like a side-by-side
on my Instagram earlier thisweek and the the difference is
insane, like it's unbelievable.
And I look at my husband, I'mlike, how did you let me get to
this point?
And he's like I didn't evenlike, I didn't see it.
(10:28):
You know, I love you so much, Idon't see those things, but I
also didn't see it in myself.
You know, and like, you lookback and you can compare and
you're like what happened?
And you can just see thesadness in my eyes and like, and
yeah, in my eyes and yeah, Iwouldn't trade all of the work
(10:53):
that I've put in to get to thispoint for anything.
And it was challenging.
It was really difficult for mebecause, again, I drank just
about every day for 17 years.
It was a lot of work.
It was a complete shift in myentire being and my entire
identity and the things that Ithought about myself.
I had to change all of that,but I wouldn't give any of that
(11:19):
up to be where I'm at right now.
And you know, the sayinghindsight is 2020 is like so
cliche, but it is so true, and Italk to women all the time who
are in that in between spaceright, like that liminal space
where they're like I know mydrinking is a problem and I know
(11:39):
I want to get to a point where,like, I can feel really good
and feel good about my body andfeel good in my brain and feel
good about myself and you knowall of these things, they want
all of those things so badly,but they're still stuck in this
in between, which I know all toowell, and I look at them and
I'm like you're gonna get therebecause you're here right now.
(12:01):
You're, you're trying right nowand I know you can't see it,
you can't see it yet, becauseyou're here right now, you're,
you're trying right now and Iknow you can't see it.
You can't see it yet, becauseyou're not there yet, but you're
going to get there, I promiseyou you're going to get there.
And when they do, it'sbeautiful, right, because then I
can have conversations likethis with them and they look
back and it's the same story,it's the same.
I cannot believe this is mylife.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
This is so incredible and it's I mean, it's beautiful
to see yeah, it's gorgeous andI think you touching on that
there, with them getting there,I think, like anyone that has
any level of curiosity aroundgiving it up, I think then it is
just a path, isn't it?
And everyone's on their ownunique path.
And from like I look back now,I think I was probably, I think
(12:43):
I got so be curious in my 20s.
Really, you know what I mean.
I just like kind of wentbackwards and forwards and, you
know, always justified that itwasn't bad enough.
But it was like when I did havehangovers and like it was
horrific and I think for me likea lot, of, a lot of my kind of
issues, I suppose with it wasthat like because I was single
for so long, there was just likeno accountability and always a
(13:07):
risk of a big night which alwayscame with like that guilt and
shame and like loathing the nextday, like it had a huge impact
on insecurities around myappearance, like fear of aging,
fear of like being singleforever, like all of that stuff,
like all like meshed inessentially.
But it was like it took me along time to like take breaks
(13:27):
and go backwards and forwardsbut eventually, like I got there
.
I mean I had to do the chapterfirst.
Right, I was always, my ego wasa bugger, it was always
defending alcohol, like I had tonegotiate that first.
But I'm, you know, like we'reall on a different path with it,
aren't we?
But we, but I think, yeah, likeonce you have that curiosity,
that niggle, that intuitivenudge, like you know you're
(13:49):
being guided there like for sure, for sure.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, yeah, I mean anyone who has that nudge.
I know that at some point intime they're going to get to
this point and it's.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
I mean, we know right .
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Like you and I know we can look at them and we like
give them a little wink, likeyeah, you're going.
Very similar story where Ididn't realize how bad it was
and I would justify it in myhead Like well, I'm still able
(14:24):
to.
Like you know, this was prepandemic, when I was um, working
in an office during the week, Iwould tell myself that I didn't
have a problem because I couldstill get up and go to work.
I would get up at 5am, go to aworkout class, go to my
corporate job, work in theoffice all day, come home, drink
a bottle or two of wine with mythen husband and cook dinner
(14:51):
and then get up and do it allover again, and then, on the
weekends, of course, drinkingall day.
Mimosas would start at 9amwhenever we would wake up.
You know what I mean.
Like it never ended.
But in my mind I didn't think itwas a problem, I thought I was
normal and I had those intuitivetugs of like, does this ever
(15:15):
end?
Like, is there?
Is there a point where we growout of this?
And I kept thinking that Iwould, but instead of growing
out of it, it actually just likesnowballed, because when the
pandemic hit and I startedworking from home.
Um, you know, I would walk pastthe bar cart in the afternoon
(15:36):
when I was working from home andit it's like, well, I can have
a little drink right now, who'sgoing to know.
And then it snowballed intofeeling like I needed a drink
all the time to be able to bemyself.
And that's when I was like okay, sister, we have a serious
problem.
So it got really out of hand.
(15:59):
But I went through that likequestioning phase for probably
close to 10 years.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Um.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
I mean, it lasted a really long time.
So you know my, my purpose andmy goal in life and I know for
you as well is to help womendecide sooner, because time is
our most valuable asset here andwhen we're drinking all the
(16:28):
time we forget that we'rewasting time.
Right and now.
I'm sure you can agree that now, being sober, you have so much
more respect and value for yourtime and you can look back and
say oh man, I wasted a lot oftime drinking, telling the same
(16:48):
stories over and over and overagain with the same people, over
and over and over again, overand over and over again hung
over every weekend, I mean justthat time.
So getting to this point soberis like okay, like we respect
our time now oh, yeah, like andjust like.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
What a lid on our potential as well, you know, and
I sometimes I do look back andthink, gosh, like what I could
have achieved in this timewithout it.
But then you know, as wetouched on you can't have any
regrets, right?
Because this is our own uniquetimeline and we wouldn't be here
to share these stories and helpwho we're meant to help if it
(17:32):
had been any other way.
Um, but, yeah, like gosh, likewe.
There's so much, so much that Icould have done without it
before and you know time'sreally.
I'm really grateful that youbrought that up because you know
, one of one of my biggest like,my biggest why, I suppose, and
(17:52):
I'd love to know yours tooafterwards is like I knew it was
keeping me stuck in patternsand it was particularly keeping
me stuck in patterns with theopposite sex as well.
And you know, when I startedgetting those really horrible
hangovers and like going out andhaving big nights and feeling
all that shame and all of thatwas when I was like fairly newly
(18:12):
single around, like 32 and likeI had all this fear of like
being alone and like you know,all those classic fears.
I think that women in their 30s,like those pressures, those
boxes that you think that you'remeant to have ticked.
And I, just when I did give itup for a chapter, I just knew
that I was going to attract in,like it was going to help me
attract in, like love, and, youknow, seeing 40 on the horizon
(18:35):
was really scary and all of thethings.
But I knew one day that it wouldlead to that and I knew then
that I would be able to helpthose women in their early 30s
or or at whatever age, to behonest, that are stuck in
patterns, you know, makingdecisions that you know aren't
aligned with what they trulywant and like really to give
them hope of like what happenswhen you do remove booze and go
(18:55):
all in on coming back to who youtruly are and attracting in
what you truly want for yourlife, right, and so, yeah, I
want to save people the time ofbeing stuck in those cycles for
too long, and I think that'swhat we're.
We're all anyone in the sobercommunity that's sharing their
message.
I think it's getting out therebig time now, isn't it?
And I think that the world iswaking up, like we're seeing a
(19:17):
huge increase, and you know it'sjust.
I think it's a really good timefor people to start removing it
.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's becoming popular and now
and I don't, I don't know if,like, I'm just seeing more of it
, because now I'm in this space,but you know, you hear the news
stories of the Gen Zers arelike saying no to alcohol
completely, which is wonderful.
But like our generation where,like, drinking was such a big
(19:48):
part of our life and and what wedid and how we grew up and how
we formed relationships, it'sgoing to be challenging for a
lot of people who are stuck inthose patterns to find a way out
.
And I know that because Iwalked that path right Like I
didn't want to be doing this,but I had created such a habit
(20:10):
of it I didn't know how to getout of it.
So for me, my biggest why wasreally?
I was just seeing myself in apattern of staying stagnant,
year over year over year.
I was setting the same goals.
I wasn't seeing any progress.
Time was just flying by and I'mlike, how am I already in my
(20:34):
mid-30s and nothing has changed?
I was going back in my journalentries from, like, my late
twenties and it's like I wasstill wanting the same things
and I'm like, okay, so what?
What's wrong here that I'mstuck.
I'm really really stuck.
And for people who don'tjournal frequently, like I think
(20:54):
it may be harder to see thosepatterns because I was really
only seeing when I went back tomy journal entries and I'm like,
oh my God, it's been four yearsand I'm still wanting the same
things and I'm not getting there.
And so, yeah, just that pattern.
Whatever pattern someone may bein, it's likely because of their
alcohol consumption and like,what are they running from?
(21:17):
What are they numbing?
What are they trying to hidebehind this layer of alcohol and
whatever that is like that's,that's your key, that's what's
going to move you forward inlife.
So I mean, everyone's going tohave a different why and a
different reason, but it is soimportant to discover that.
(21:38):
And once you release it, youstart to see like, oh, I now
recognize why I was drinking somuch and how much time I
actually wasted, and like whatI'm truly capable of doing now?
And that's the beauty of thewhole process.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yeah, yeah, and I love that you brought up
journaling.
Journaling is huge, it's so,it's it's.
I would say a couple of things.
Biggest game changers for mylife were we did a walking
challenge at work and I startedwalking and listening to
podcasts.
That was huge and journaling.
And journaling is just like Ithought like for exactly that,
(22:22):
for journaling it out at thetime, but also to be able to go
back and just see like thoseanswers are in there, like it's
so clear.
Um, I find mine and it's gotlike, um, I was giving myself
rules on how many drinks I couldhave a week.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Yep, you know, like like for years, like literally
for years, yeah, and at the timeI don't know if you're familiar
with Rachel Hollis I thinkshe's kind of been canceled in
the past few years but I waslistening to a lot of Rachel
Hollis's podcast and she wouldhave you go through and write
like 10 dreams every single day,and one of the dreams was I
(23:02):
have control over alcohol, andthis was years.
I wrote this same dream down,which is crazy that that was a
dream.
Like you would get a space for10 dreams and that was one of
the things that I would writedown every single day in that
space.
And it's insane to me thatalcohol took up a section for
(23:24):
one of my dreams you know what Imean, and it took it up for so
long.
But being able to go back andsee that and see, like, the date
of like 2017 and seeing thatthat was one of my dreams way
back then, is eye-opening,because had I not had that
documentation, I would have no Imean, we forget I would have no
(23:47):
idea how long I've actuallybeen stuck in this cycle.
So it was really valuable forme to have that data to bring
into my sober journey.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Yeah, yeah, it's just wild, just wild, isn't it like
how much we defend it, like wejust defend it, it's, it's you
know, everyone does.
I think everyone defends alcohol.
It's actually kind of crazy andI think I think a big thing too
is that a lot of people don'trealize that it ever gets to a
point where, like it reallyactually is incredible without
(24:20):
it.
And I think that is, you know,there is obviously that kind of
like it's hard at the beginning,messy in the middle, like
beautiful at the end, kind ofthing right, but it it is.
And everyone, I think everyonegets there in different ways.
But I think where am I?
I'm at, like actually probablycoming up to three years in July
, right, but and I can'tremember when it shifted but
(24:43):
like there is nothing anyonecould do to to like get me to
drink alcohol now, from thepoint of view that everything
that I enjoyed doing before,that like is still aligned with
me, like I love it more thanever.
You know, like the, the dancingin the right environment, all of
that like yes, it's, you knowit's kind of like you have to go
through that, like facingaffairs and like stepping
(25:03):
outside your comfort zone, butit's huge growth, isn't it?
But like, when you do actuallyget to the point where it's
gorgeous without it, like it'sbetter because you're so fully
present, you're so connected.
Obviously you know what I'mlike with all the spiritual
stuff and it's just been like ahuge game changer.
But yeah, I think it's just,you know, letting people know
that it does get.
(25:23):
It gets to that point where,like there's like just nothing
that would make you want to goback and and I think that gives
the hope, too right, to peoplethat it's worth it, like it's
worth going right through it toget to that, because what a
bloody gift for the rest of yourlife to never have to worry,
especially as women, as we getolder, you know.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Totally, and I have to say so right now, as of us
recording this, where I am, itis Friday, almost Friday evening
.
The version of me who is stilldrinking on a Friday evening.
I would have so much anxietyright now because I would know
I'm going into a weekend whereI'm going to be drinking a lot.
(26:08):
I probably will have alreadybeen drinking during the day
right, it's Friday, drinkingduring the day leading into a
weekend, knowing that I stillhave some work to do, there are
still things I want to get done.
I would love to be able to,like, go on a walk with the dogs
, with my husband, and I wouldlove to be able to clean the
house and I would love to beable to, um, do some work.
(26:30):
You know what I mean.
Like all of these things, go tosome yoga classes, like I would
have these big dreams.
But I would also recognize thatI'm probably going to drink too
much and spend the weekendhungover and drinking and stuck
in that cycle for the entireweekend and then coming into
Monday with raging anxiety and,you know, a massive hangover and
(26:52):
just really, you know, notsetting myself up for any sort
of success.
The version of myself now beingsober.
I can never reiterate howamazing it feels going into a
weekend knowing that I am notgoing to be hungover, I'm not
(27:13):
going to be wasting my time, I'mgoing to be able to accomplish
every single thing that I chooseto this weekend, and if I want
to sit down and rot on the couchand read a book with my dogs, I
can do that.
But it is my choice and I'm incontrol.
When the version of my old selfwas so not in control, and that
(27:34):
peace of mind is invaluable.
Not in control, and that peaceof mind is invaluable, um, and I
don't think anyone who's stillstuck in that cycle has any
comprehension because I suredidn't, um of how amazing it it
feels to have that control overyour life and over yourself
again yeah, and what it does tothat relationship with yourself,
(27:56):
right, like the trust, thetrust, the certainty within,
like boosting your ownself-esteem, like everything.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
And that's where you glow on the outside because of
that shift on the inside right,and you can just see it, like
your aura is just like beautiful, glowing.
Thank you Glowing.
I think there is a thing youcan kind of like see the light
on in people when they removebooze, can't you?
(28:24):
There's a light, there's aknowing, there's like, yeah,
something in the eyes, somethingin the energy, like it's, it's,
it's pretty gorgeous.
I'm actually missing beingaround a lot of people that are
alcohol free, like I've stopped.
Obviously, you know I haven'tgot the the community, like I'm
building it with Sober Chaptersand we've got a program going on
at the moment, but I miss.
(28:44):
I miss like when I was in thatcohort and there was like 30 of
us all together like every week.
Oh yeah, really powerful,definitely.
Um.
So, yeah, we're all gonna haveto have some kind of reunion at
some point, for sure, definitely, yeah.
So, but, like for anyonelistening as well, um, what
(29:06):
would you say, like helped youthe most, like when you kind of
got to that decision, like howdid you go about?
You know giving it upessentially for anyone that you
know is kind of stuck in thatcycle right now.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Yeah, I mean, clearly I was stuck in that cycle for a
really long time.
Um, I tried to do it alone foryears.
Um, I tried to seek therapy fora long time, but I couldn't
find a therapist that reallyunderstood where I was at with
my alcoholism Again alcoholism,use that as you will and I
(29:48):
couldn't find anyone who I feltlike really understood me and
would challenge me and mybeliefs the right way, and I
couldn't do it alone.
Clearly, I had been trying todo it alone for a long time, and
so that's where I was facedwith one of two choices.
I was thinking I was going tohave to go into rehab and at
that point in time I was soconcerned about what would my
(30:13):
husband think?
Because he didn't know how badmy drinking was.
I mean, I was a very closetedheavy drinker and I hid it from
everybody in my life, and so Iwas so worried about being found
out and people understandingthat I had this deep problem
(30:34):
that I couldn't handle myself,and I was worried about my
career.
I was the breadwin myself, um,and I was worried about, you
know, the my career.
I was the breadwinner of myhousehold and I've always been
very successful and people havealways looked up to me, and so I
was really worried aboutdamaging my reputation, which
now is looking back at.
So stupid, right.
So so novel of me.
(30:54):
But um, um, so it was eitherpotentially going to rehab
because I couldn't stop, but Ifound coaching and I was like,
well, I'm going to give this atry and if this doesn't work,
then you know I can officiallysay that I've tried everything.
You know all the resources andand we'll we'll try whatever is
(31:15):
next.
So I tried the coaching routeand what I learned was, through
a coach, my fundamental beliefsabout alcohol were challenged
and questioned, and throughthose challenges and questioning
(31:35):
from my coach I should saycoaches I was able to quit
drinking easily, and for someonewho had such, I don't even know
if I would call it a dependency.
I think it was like a mentaldependency.
I thought I needed alcohol inorder to be who I was.
(31:57):
Having someone challenge all ofthat was not something that I
could do alone, and through thehelp with all of these coaches
in the cohort, questioning andchallenging those beliefs, I was
actually able to thinklogically about my relationship
(32:17):
with alcohol and start focusingon what was important to me and
focusing on how I actually wantto feel and give myself enough
time and space away from alcohol, with love and support and
non-judgment from the coaches,and actually find some success.
And once you get that ballrolling you know I would, I
(32:40):
would have, you know my timebetween drinking would grow
bigger and bigger and then Iwould like drink again.
I would say like, ooh, yeah,that actually really didn't feel
very good, and then I wouldgrow my time longer and then I
would drink again.
I'm like Ooh, yeah, ooh, thatactually really doesn't feel
good anymore.
Like I don't yeah.
(33:00):
And and then I got to the pointwhere I was like, yeah, okay,
I'm like, yeah, okay, I'm readyto officially kick the bucket
and take my own sober chapterand I am forever, forever
grateful for that process andthe learning and I had through
(33:20):
it and the skills that I learnedI am able to apply to every
other area of my life, which isso, so beautiful, and I don't
think people understand that.
You know, going through thisone challenge will carry on with
you for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Yeah, amazing, right, okay.
So you, you got a taste for itand then you'd go back and then
it was like, yeah, it makes somuch sense because it is.
It's like you can't un-feelthat feeling of sobriety, can
you?
Like that actually ends upbecoming addictive in itself?
It does, yeah, yeah, yeah,that's amazing.
(33:56):
That's amazing and it's greatto hear that coaching really
helped you, because you knowthere are a lot of us and
yourself now as well they'rehelping others in this space,
because we've been right throughit, right, and I think that
there's there's someone outthere for everyone, because you
know you'll attract people thatneed your specific support,
(34:19):
because you know you'll they'llprobably have a very similar
experience.
You know, often our clients arelike mirrors, like all of the
things, and I think that, inline with people waking up, like
it is great that so many peopleare helping people in this
space to to guide people through, because, yeah, I mean it's
funny because I had um, I didn'tknow I had like a sober coach
(34:40):
as such, but she was like myspiritual coach and still is.
She's amazing.
And so I had coaching and I wasvery into coaching but like I
would always take, like I would,I would get somewhere, and then
I would like go backwards andit was always the alcohol that
like sent me backwards.
Like I would suddenly begetting like ahead with what I
wanted and getting clarity andlike making progress, and then a
(35:01):
big night would just derail meand I'd go to my head and I'd
get all the things again.
You know, um, and she was theone that just called it out in
the end, like I knew it, likeI'd taken breaks, but it was
like she was like when's justenough, like she was like you're
just so different, like whenyou've, so I would, I would have
a big weekend, and then I wouldjust feel flat low, like you
(35:23):
know just all the infinitepossibilities that I felt that I
had when I was sober, like theyjust went and I had like no, no
life in me, essentially.
And that got worse and worse asI got older and she was just
like she just spelled it out tome pretty clearly and then I
ended up staying with her and soit did become almost like an
accountability thing.
It was like I'd made thatdecision and it was great to
(35:46):
have someone that I could likeshare all the wins with and all
of that.
So I think, yeah, it's huge tohave that one-on-one support
like it's.
It's massive.
So, yeah, and what?
What is it you're doing now?
Then share with us what haveyou been up to.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
I am.
I, you know, through this wholeprocess I never in a million
years thought that I would beable to start my own business.
You know, I would see otherpeople doing these things and I
was always so jealous, Like, oh,that looks so nice.
I was born to be a corporategirlier so I thought, you know,
(36:23):
I had worked so hard in mycareer to climb the corporate
ladder and to get to where I wasand it just it didn't feel like
I was truly serving my deeperpurpose.
But I didn't know it at thetime, Right Cause I was too busy
drinking.
And so when I was finallyfinding myself in sobriety, it's
(36:44):
like you see the light andyou're like I am capable of so
much more.
And now that I've walked thispath and I hold the key right,
Like I know how to get somebodyto this point as well, because
I've done it myself and I knowwhat works and what doesn't work
(37:05):
.
Done it myself, I know whatworks and what doesn't work.
I'm now coaching women also tobe alcohol free and to find
their true heart and soulthrough this process as well,
and it has just been sowonderful.
And I just I mean looking backand thinking you know who I was
(37:28):
five, 10 years ago.
I never would have dreamed thatI would be here at this point.
And I'm, I wake up every dayand it's just like this pinch me
moment every morning and Ican't I know I keep saying this,
but like I genuinely cannotbelieve that this is my life and
the connections that I've madethrough sobriety and, um, it's
(37:50):
and you know, connections withsomebody like you is just so
incredible and and I'm forevergrateful and I want everybody to
be able to experience this aswell.
It is possible for anybody, um,and I want, I want that, I want
this for everyone.
And, yeah, I just I can't talkenough about it because it just
(38:15):
it fuels a fire inside of me.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
So yeah, yeah, and it's infectious.
It's infectious and it'samazing.
And you know, thank you forsharing everything so openly
because I'm sure it's going toland with a lot of people
listening.
And you know, thank you forsharing everything so openly
because I'm sure it's gonna landwith a lot of people listening.
And, you know, really showpeople that you know there is.
There is definitely light atthe end of the tunnel.
Like it can be a little bitdark going through the tunnel
for sure, but it is so, so worthit.
(38:39):
And you know, we just come outso much brighter and lighter and
just everything.
Everything is possible withoutit in our lives, because you
know, even the hard things wehave, we find that extra courage
to keep facing those fears andto keep, you know, knowing what
our deepest insecurities are andbeing able to shine a light on
them and work through them andjust keep, keep going towards
(39:02):
our biggest goals and dreams.
And it's like you know, we'reall capable of so much without
it.
So thank you so much forsharing everything.
It's been gorgeous.
I love chatting to you andwhere can people find you as
well?
Lovely.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
Yeah, they can find me at on Instagram, at start,
where you are, or my website, atstart withmorgancom.
My name is spelled funny so I'msure you'll put it in the show
notes so people can look it up,but my DMs are always open, so I
want anyone to know that if youare struggling, my purpose in
(39:39):
life is not to make money.
My purpose in life is to helpother women through this.
So if you are needing community, I'm always here.
Please reach out to me.
I am a real person at the otherend of all of it, just like you
, didi.
I'm sure you love when peoplereach out to you as well.
So, yeah, it's a wonderfulcommunity and if you don't have
(40:01):
a community near you, findsomething online, because it
really helps me and I know I'msure it helped you as well and,
um, you know there are optionsavailable.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
So yeah, gorgeous.
Thank you, lovely, and we'llcatch up soon thank you so much
thank you for listening totoday's episode of the Sober
Chapters podcast.
I hope you enjoyed it and gotlots of good information from it
.
(40:35):
I'm really keen to share thesemessages as far and wide as
possible, and I know howimportant it is to receive
reviews to do so.
If you're feeling called, Iwould love you to leave a review
from whatever platform it isthat you're listening on, to
leave a review from whateverplatform it is that you're
listening on, and if you send mea screenshot of that review to
dd at soberchapterscom, I willput you into the mix of winning
a free one-on-one coachingsession with me.
(40:55):
If you would like to learn moreabout sober chapters and to
follow along on instagram it'ssober underscore chapters you'll
find lots of differentresources on there and a free
guide 69 tips, tricks andresources for anyone that is
embarking on a sober chapter.
If you'd like to learn moreabout my one-on-one coaching,
(41:17):
group coaching programs andmasterminds, then please go to
wwwsoberchapterscom.
I'd also love to hear from you.
If you have any feedback or youneed any guidance or you have
anything at all you'd like toreach out to me about, then
please do email me at dd atsoberchapterscom.
(41:39):
I would love to hear from youand support you in any way that
I can.
Hello and welcome to the Sober Chapters podcast.
I am your host, dee Dee Jordan,and I'm so excited to be
sharing with you all of theincredible ways that removing
alcohol for a chapter willreinvent you forever.
You see, removing alcohol isabout so much more than removing
alcohol.
It's about immense personal andspiritual growth.
(00:22):
It's about discovering who youtruly are and about stepping out
of your patterns and into yourpurpose and your power.
Wherever you are on youralcohol-free or sober-curious
journey, this podcast is for you.
So grab yourself your favoritecuppa and come join me in a safe
(00:43):
space to listen, to share andto feel.
I'm so grateful that you'rehere.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Sober Chapters podcast.
(01:06):
And today I'm joined by thegorgeous Morgan Abawi, who I
actually met over in Utah when Iwas visiting my lovely client
and we had such a good chat andI knew one day we would
reconnect and I would get her onthe podcast.
So here she is.
Hey, morgan.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Hi Didi, Thank you so much.
I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yeah, I'm so excited to chat.
I just I feel like there's beenloads of time and loads of
things have been happening and Iguess I know we touched a
little bit on kind of your storyand you were doing the
certification with Carolina aswell, so we obviously touched on
that as well.
But I just guess it'd be reallygood to just hear a little bit
about kind of where you're atand what you've been up to and
(01:52):
also you know how this wholealcohol-free journey kind of
came about for you.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, when, when were you in Utah again.
What, what month was that?
It was?
Speaker 1 (02:03):
in like September, yeah, september last year.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Yeah, a lot has happened since then.
At that point in time, I wasjust wrapping up the coaching
certification and I met youthrough my friend Ashley, who
knows you very well.
You were her fantastic sobercoach, and so it was just such a
pleasure to meet you.
You know you've been travelingthis path that I was also on,
(02:30):
and so you were a few stepsahead of me, so it was really
nice to connect with somebodywho like deeply understood what
I was going through on like avery like visceral level.
Yeah, so I guess to start, wecan talk a little bit about my
alcohol journey.
(02:50):
I was actually a pretty heavydrinker.
When I put it into terms forpeople, I drank just about every
single day for about 17 years.
I recently just hit mynine-month truly sober mark.
(03:11):
My sobriety date was June 20thof 2024, which was the summer
solstice, and the reason whythat date is so important is
because for months, I was reallybattling myself on my sobriety,
(03:33):
which I know in terms of myalcoholism I use air quotes
because it's a term that peopleuse in different ways but I
definitely became a very heavydrinker there at the end, often
(03:57):
drinking in the mornings I wasworking from home.
It was just this habitual thingthat I could not get rid of and
it became my entire personality.
It became who I was like deeplyat my core or at least so I
thought and really getting intothose deep root causes of my
(04:29):
beliefs around alcohol and mybeliefs around who I am inside.
And I was still a littlewishy-washy on a few of those
things.
But finally, on the summersolstice I was like this feels
really good.
This feels like the perfecttime for me to actually make
this decision for myself andgive it a real good go.
And so I did.
(04:50):
And man, life has opened up inso many beautiful and wonderful
ways.
I mean, I know I'm preaching tothe choir here, talking to you
about it and how wonderful lifeis without alcohol in it, but,
um, I still have a pinch memoment almost every single day
(05:10):
that I'm.
I'm finally here, I'm finallydoing something that I've been
trying to do for so long and itjust it's.
It's even better than I everimagined it to be.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I love that.
That's.
That's gorgeous, it's soinfectious.
Like you look amazing, yourenergy is amazing and yeah, it's
actually really lovely and it'sreally gorgeous for me to speak
to somebody.
That's kind of, I guess, likeyou know, nine months in, is
amazing and like you're feelingall these incredible benefits.
And I think, like I I don't knowlike sometimes I take for
(05:45):
granted my sobriety.
Now, I think, because, like Ican't, I almost can't remember
like how bad it was for mesometimes, and like you just
speaking like that, I'm likeit's such an amazing reminder
and like this is why I lovegoing back through some of my
old journals and going throughthat like transitional time and
just because there's just it's,it's just such a huge, huge
(06:08):
shift, isn't it?
You know people think thatyou're giving something up and
you know that it's.
It's that kind of like lackmentality around it, but it just
, like you say, it opens up thiswhole incredible like world of
opportunity and it just has sucha an incredible compound effect
.
And, yeah, I, yeah it's.
It just gets me so excited andI'm, I'm so happy for you.
(06:32):
You, just you look amazing.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I have lost close to 40 pounds um in these um few
months.
Honestly, I mean, it's just it'smind boggling the changes that
have been made in my life.
And it's funny that you say,like you forget how bad things
were.
I was just thinking about thisthe other day.
(06:57):
There's something that happensto us where, like we, we do
forget how bad things are andthen we start to glamorize a few
of those things every now andthen.
So, like the other day, I'mlike, oh, I wonder, like you
know, I wonder what it would belike to have a glass of wine.
And then I was like, what am Ithinking?
Like you know exactly what itwould be like to have a glass of
(07:18):
wine, like one is going to leadto six.
And then you know, we're backin it again.
But it's so funny that when weget separated from the trauma I
guess you know the trauma whichis my alcohol consumption for me
, when you get so far away fromit, it is like this Stockholm
(07:41):
syndrome You're like but wait asecond, like something,
something is missing.
But that's what I love aboutthe sober community is when you
really get involved in whetherthat's, you know, finding people
on social media, finding localcommunities or local groups,
just staying really with it.
You know, this podcast has beengreat for me to listen to all
(08:03):
the time all of the Quitletbooks, whatever it may be, just
something to keep it fresh inyour mind of all of the work
that you've put in and that youare working towards something
beautiful and something great.
And this is your past for areason and we love our past for
what it did for us.
(08:24):
Right, it brought us here tothis very moment, but like we
got to leave it in the past,yeah, yeah, it's funny.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
It's like that voice of ego I always say isn't?
it Just trying to like slowlyput us back, and I often talk
about the fact that so likethere's like the Enneagram
numbers that I'm kind of, yeah,and I'm a seven, right, and
that's the enthusiast.
Are you seven?
I'm a six, oh, you're a six.
I thought you said you wereseven.
I was like, oh, my god, um, soI'm an enthusiast, but the
(08:54):
problem with um, with that, isthat like it sounds great, but
then I I always look at thingsthrough rose tinted glasses, so
like I kind of like forget, likeactually you know the pain that
it caused me and you know thisis why I love, like I say,
revisiting old journals, likelooking back at like photos, and
you know it's almost like youcan see like a bit of darkness,
(09:17):
you know what.
I mean, and I didn't evenrealize, like because for me,
like I suppose I was, you know,very much a social drinker, like
I was a party girl, like Iwould like it was always a risk
of a big night out and all ofthose kind of things.
But I look back and it was like, actually there was just so
much stuff that I was masking,you know, that I didn't even
really know, like I had no clue,like I mean, I kind of knew I
(09:39):
had insecurities for sure.
But it's like now that I'vestepped away, I've ripped all of
that off and I've workedtowards like shining a light on
all of those insecurities, likeI can just see like how much
actually stuff was being stuffeddown from like childhood and
you know, by removing alcoholit's all been exposed.
I've worked through it and it'sjust I feel like I've got
lighter and brighter, withouteven realizing.
(10:01):
Until I look back at thosepictures as well, like it's,
it's, it's wild, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Yeah, I actually just posted um, like a side-by-side
on my Instagram earlier thisweek and the the difference is
insane, like it's unbelievable.
And I look at my husband, I'mlike, how did you let me get to
this point?
And he's like I didn't evenlike, I didn't see it.
(10:28):
You know, I love you so much, Idon't see those things, but I
also didn't see it in myself.
You know, and like, you lookback and you can compare and
you're like what happened?
And you can just see thesadness in my eyes and like, and
yeah, in my eyes and yeah, Iwouldn't trade all of the work
(10:53):
that I've put in to get to thispoint for anything.
And it was challenging.
It was really difficult for mebecause, again, I drank just
about every day for 17 years.
It was a lot of work.
It was a complete shift in myentire being and my entire
identity and the things that Ithought about myself.
I had to change all of that,but I wouldn't give any of that
(11:19):
up to be where I'm at right now.
And you know, the sayinghindsight is 2020 is like so
cliche, but it is so true, and Italk to women all the time who
are in that in between spaceright, like that liminal space
where they're like I know mydrinking is a problem and I know
(11:39):
I want to get to a point where,like, I can feel really good
and feel good about my body andfeel good in my brain and feel
good about myself and you knowall of these things, they want
all of those things so badly,but they're still stuck in this
in between, which I know all toowell, and I look at them and
I'm like you're gonna get therebecause you're here right now.
(12:01):
You're, you're trying right nowand I know you can't see it,
you can't see it yet, becauseyou're here right now, you're,
you're trying right now and Iknow you can't see it.
You can't see it yet, becauseyou're not there yet, but you're
going to get there, I promiseyou you're going to get there.
And when they do, it'sbeautiful, right, because then I
can have conversations likethis with them and they look
back and it's the same story,it's the same.
I cannot believe this is mylife.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
This is so incredible and it's I mean, it's beautiful
to see yeah, it's gorgeous andI think you touching on that
there, with them getting there,I think, like anyone that has
any level of curiosity aroundgiving it up, I think then it is
just a path, isn't it?
And everyone's on their ownunique path.
And from like I look back now,I think I was probably, I think
(12:43):
I got so be curious in my 20s.
Really, you know what I mean.
I just like kind of wentbackwards and forwards and, you
know, always justified that itwasn't bad enough.
But it was like when I did havehangovers and like it was
horrific and I think for me likea lot, of, a lot of my kind of
issues, I suppose with it wasthat like because I was single
for so long, there was just likeno accountability and always a
(13:07):
risk of a big night which alwayscame with like that guilt and
shame and like loathing the nextday, like it had a huge impact
on insecurities around myappearance, like fear of aging,
fear of like being singleforever, like all of that stuff,
like all like meshed inessentially.
But it was like it took me along time to like take breaks
(13:27):
and go backwards and forwardsbut eventually, like I got there
.
I mean I had to do the chapterfirst.
Right, I was always, my ego wasa bugger, it was always
defending alcohol, like I had tonegotiate that first.
But I'm, you know, like we'reall on a different path with it,
aren't we?
But we, but I think, yeah, likeonce you have that curiosity,
that niggle, that intuitivenudge, like you know you're
(13:49):
being guided there like for sure, for sure.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, yeah, I mean anyone who has that nudge.
I know that at some point intime they're going to get to
this point and it's.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
I mean, we know right .
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Like you and I know we can look at them and we like
give them a little wink, likeyeah, you're going.
Very similar story where Ididn't realize how bad it was
and I would justify it in myhead Like well, I'm still able
(14:24):
to.
Like you know, this was prepandemic, when I was um, working
in an office during the week, Iwould tell myself that I didn't
have a problem because I couldstill get up and go to work.
I would get up at 5am, go to aworkout class, go to my
corporate job, work in theoffice all day, come home, drink
a bottle or two of wine with mythen husband and cook dinner
(14:51):
and then get up and do it allover again, and then, on the
weekends, of course, drinkingall day.
Mimosas would start at 9amwhenever we would wake up.
You know what I mean.
Like it never ended.
But in my mind I didn't think itwas a problem, I thought I was
normal and I had those intuitivetugs of like, does this ever
(15:15):
end?
Like, is there?
Is there a point where we growout of this?
And I kept thinking that Iwould, but instead of growing
out of it, it actually just likesnowballed, because when the
pandemic hit and I startedworking from home.
Um, you know, I would walk pastthe bar cart in the afternoon
(15:36):
when I was working from home andit it's like, well, I can have
a little drink right now, who'sgoing to know.
And then it snowballed intofeeling like I needed a drink
all the time to be able to bemyself.
And that's when I was like okay, sister, we have a serious
problem.
So it got really out of hand.
(15:59):
But I went through that likequestioning phase for probably
close to 10 years.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Um.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
I mean, it lasted a really long time.
So you know my, my purpose andmy goal in life and I know for
you as well is to help womendecide sooner, because time is
our most valuable asset here andwhen we're drinking all the
(16:28):
time we forget that we'rewasting time.
Right and now.
I'm sure you can agree that now, being sober, you have so much
more respect and value for yourtime and you can look back and
say oh man, I wasted a lot oftime drinking, telling the same
(16:48):
stories over and over and overagain with the same people, over
and over and over again, overand over and over again hung
over every weekend, I mean justthat time.
So getting to this point soberis like okay, like we respect
our time now oh, yeah, like andjust like.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
What a lid on our potential as well, you know, and
I sometimes I do look back andthink, gosh, like what I could
have achieved in this timewithout it.
But then you know, as wetouched on you can't have any
regrets, right?
Because this is our own uniquetimeline and we wouldn't be here
to share these stories and helpwho we're meant to help if it
(17:32):
had been any other way.
Um, but, yeah, like gosh, likewe.
There's so much, so much that Icould have done without it
before and you know time'sreally.
I'm really grateful that youbrought that up because you know
, one of one of my biggest like,my biggest why, I suppose, and
(17:52):
I'd love to know yours tooafterwards is like I knew it was
keeping me stuck in patternsand it was particularly keeping
me stuck in patterns with theopposite sex as well.
And you know, when I startedgetting those really horrible
hangovers and like going out andhaving big nights and feeling
all that shame and all of thatwas when I was like fairly newly
(18:12):
single around, like 32 and likeI had all this fear of like
being alone and like you know,all those classic fears.
I think that women in their 30s,like those pressures, those
boxes that you think that you'remeant to have ticked.
And I, just when I did give itup for a chapter, I just knew
that I was going to attract in,like it was going to help me
attract in, like love, and, youknow, seeing 40 on the horizon
(18:35):
was really scary and all of thethings.
But I knew one day that it wouldlead to that and I knew then
that I would be able to helpthose women in their early 30s
or or at whatever age, to behonest, that are stuck in
patterns, you know, makingdecisions that you know aren't
aligned with what they trulywant and like really to give
them hope of like what happenswhen you do remove booze and go
(18:55):
all in on coming back to who youtruly are and attracting in
what you truly want for yourlife, right, and so, yeah, I
want to save people the time ofbeing stuck in those cycles for
too long, and I think that'swhat we're.
We're all anyone in the sobercommunity that's sharing their
message.
I think it's getting out therebig time now, isn't it?
And I think that the world iswaking up, like we're seeing a
(19:17):
huge increase, and you know it'sjust.
I think it's a really good timefor people to start removing it
.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's becoming popular and now
and I don't, I don't know if,like, I'm just seeing more of it
, because now I'm in this space,but you know, you hear the news
stories of the Gen Zers arelike saying no to alcohol
completely, which is wonderful.
But like our generation where,like, drinking was such a big
(19:48):
part of our life and and what wedid and how we grew up and how
we formed relationships, it'sgoing to be challenging for a
lot of people who are stuck inthose patterns to find a way out
.
And I know that because Iwalked that path right Like I
didn't want to be doing this,but I had created such a habit
(20:10):
of it I didn't know how to getout of it.
So for me, my biggest why wasreally?
I was just seeing myself in apattern of staying stagnant,
year over year over year.
I was setting the same goals.
I wasn't seeing any progress.
Time was just flying by and I'mlike, how am I already in my
(20:34):
mid-30s and nothing has changed?
I was going back in my journalentries from, like, my late
twenties and it's like I wasstill wanting the same things
and I'm like, okay, so what?
What's wrong here that I'mstuck.
I'm really really stuck.
And for people who don'tjournal frequently, like I think
(20:54):
it may be harder to see thosepatterns because I was really
only seeing when I went back tomy journal entries and I'm like,
oh my God, it's been four yearsand I'm still wanting the same
things and I'm not getting there.
And so, yeah, just that pattern.
Whatever pattern someone may bein, it's likely because of their
alcohol consumption and like,what are they running from?
(21:17):
What are they numbing?
What are they trying to hidebehind this layer of alcohol and
whatever that is like that's,that's your key, that's what's
going to move you forward inlife.
So I mean, everyone's going tohave a different why and a
different reason, but it is soimportant to discover that.
(21:38):
And once you release it, youstart to see like, oh, I now
recognize why I was drinking somuch and how much time I
actually wasted, and like whatI'm truly capable of doing now?
And that's the beauty of thewhole process.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yeah, yeah, and I love that you brought up
journaling.
Journaling is huge, it's so,it's it's.
I would say a couple of things.
Biggest game changers for mylife were we did a walking
challenge at work and I startedwalking and listening to
podcasts.
That was huge and journaling.
And journaling is just like Ithought like for exactly that,
(22:22):
for journaling it out at thetime, but also to be able to go
back and just see like thoseanswers are in there, like it's
so clear.
Um, I find mine and it's gotlike, um, I was giving myself
rules on how many drinks I couldhave a week.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Yep, you know, like like for years, like literally
for years, yeah, and at the timeI don't know if you're familiar
with Rachel Hollis I thinkshe's kind of been canceled in
the past few years but I waslistening to a lot of Rachel
Hollis's podcast and she wouldhave you go through and write
like 10 dreams every single day,and one of the dreams was I
(23:02):
have control over alcohol, andthis was years.
I wrote this same dream down,which is crazy that that was a
dream.
Like you would get a space for10 dreams and that was one of
the things that I would writedown every single day in that
space.
And it's insane to me thatalcohol took up a section for
(23:24):
one of my dreams you know what Imean, and it took it up for so
long.
But being able to go back andsee that and see, like, the date
of like 2017 and seeing thatthat was one of my dreams way
back then, is eye-opening,because had I not had that
documentation, I would have no Imean, we forget I would have no
(23:47):
idea how long I've actuallybeen stuck in this cycle.
So it was really valuable forme to have that data to bring
into my sober journey.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Yeah, yeah, it's just wild, just wild, isn't it like
how much we defend it, like wejust defend it, it's, it's you
know, everyone does.
I think everyone defends alcohol.
It's actually kind of crazy andI think I think a big thing too
is that a lot of people don'trealize that it ever gets to a
point where, like it reallyactually is incredible without
(24:20):
it.
And I think that is, you know,there is obviously that kind of
like it's hard at the beginning,messy in the middle, like
beautiful at the end, kind ofthing right, but it it is.
And everyone, I think everyonegets there in different ways.
But I think where am I?
I'm at, like actually probablycoming up to three years in July
, right, but and I can'tremember when it shifted but
(24:43):
like there is nothing anyonecould do to to like get me to
drink alcohol now, from thepoint of view that everything
that I enjoyed doing before,that like is still aligned with
me, like I love it more thanever.
You know, like the, the dancingin the right environment, all of
that like yes, it's, you knowit's kind of like you have to go
through that, like facingaffairs and like stepping
(25:03):
outside your comfort zone, butit's huge growth, isn't it?
But like, when you do actuallyget to the point where it's
gorgeous without it, like it'sbetter because you're so fully
present, you're so connected.
Obviously you know what I'mlike with all the spiritual
stuff and it's just been like ahuge game changer.
But yeah, I think it's just,you know, letting people know
that it does get.
(25:23):
It gets to that point where,like there's like just nothing
that would make you want to goback and and I think that gives
the hope, too right, to peoplethat it's worth it, like it's
worth going right through it toget to that, because what a
bloody gift for the rest of yourlife to never have to worry,
especially as women, as we getolder, you know.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Totally, and I have to say so right now, as of us
recording this, where I am, itis Friday, almost Friday evening
.
The version of me who is stilldrinking on a Friday evening.
I would have so much anxietyright now because I would know
I'm going into a weekend whereI'm going to be drinking a lot.
(26:08):
I probably will have alreadybeen drinking during the day
right, it's Friday, drinkingduring the day leading into a
weekend, knowing that I stillhave some work to do, there are
still things I want to get done.
I would love to be able to,like, go on a walk with the dogs
, with my husband, and I wouldlove to be able to clean the
house and I would love to beable to, um, do some work.
(26:30):
You know what I mean.
Like all of these things, go tosome yoga classes, like I would
have these big dreams.
But I would also recognize thatI'm probably going to drink too
much and spend the weekendhungover and drinking and stuck
in that cycle for the entireweekend and then coming into
Monday with raging anxiety and,you know, a massive hangover and
(26:52):
just really, you know, notsetting myself up for any sort
of success.
The version of myself now beingsober.
I can never reiterate howamazing it feels going into a
weekend knowing that I am notgoing to be hungover, I'm not
(27:13):
going to be wasting my time, I'mgoing to be able to accomplish
every single thing that I chooseto this weekend, and if I want
to sit down and rot on the couchand read a book with my dogs, I
can do that.
But it is my choice and I'm incontrol.
When the version of my old selfwas so not in control, and that
(27:34):
peace of mind is invaluable.
Not in control, and that peaceof mind is invaluable, um, and I
don't think anyone who's stillstuck in that cycle has any
comprehension because I suredidn't, um of how amazing it it
feels to have that control overyour life and over yourself
again yeah, and what it does tothat relationship with yourself,
(27:56):
right, like the trust, thetrust, the certainty within,
like boosting your ownself-esteem, like everything.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
And that's where you glow on the outside because of
that shift on the inside right,and you can just see it, like
your aura is just like beautiful, glowing.
Thank you Glowing.
I think there is a thing youcan kind of like see the light
on in people when they removebooze, can't you?
(28:24):
There's a light, there's aknowing, there's like, yeah,
something in the eyes, somethingin the energy, like it's, it's,
it's pretty gorgeous.
I'm actually missing beingaround a lot of people that are
alcohol free, like I've stopped.
Obviously, you know I haven'tgot the the community, like I'm
building it with Sober Chaptersand we've got a program going on
at the moment, but I miss.
(28:44):
I miss like when I was in thatcohort and there was like 30 of
us all together like every week.
Oh yeah, really powerful,definitely.
Um.
So, yeah, we're all gonna haveto have some kind of reunion at
some point, for sure, definitely, yeah.
So, but, like for anyonelistening as well, um, what
(29:06):
would you say, like helped youthe most, like when you kind of
got to that decision, like howdid you go about?
You know giving it upessentially for anyone that you
know is kind of stuck in thatcycle right now.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Yeah, I mean, clearly I was stuck in that cycle for a
really long time.
Um, I tried to do it alone foryears.
Um, I tried to seek therapy fora long time, but I couldn't
find a therapist that reallyunderstood where I was at with
my alcoholism Again alcoholism,use that as you will and I
(29:48):
couldn't find anyone who I feltlike really understood me and
would challenge me and mybeliefs the right way, and I
couldn't do it alone.
Clearly, I had been trying todo it alone for a long time, and
so that's where I was facedwith one of two choices.
I was thinking I was going tohave to go into rehab and at
that point in time I was soconcerned about what would my
(30:13):
husband think?
Because he didn't know how badmy drinking was.
I mean, I was a very closetedheavy drinker and I hid it from
everybody in my life, and so Iwas so worried about being found
out and people understandingthat I had this deep problem
(30:34):
that I couldn't handle myself,and I was worried about my
career.
I was the breadwin myself, um,and I was worried about, you
know, the my career.
I was the breadwinner of myhousehold and I've always been
very successful and people havealways looked up to me, and so I
was really worried aboutdamaging my reputation, which
now is looking back at.
So stupid, right.
So so novel of me.
(30:54):
But um, um, so it was eitherpotentially going to rehab
because I couldn't stop, but Ifound coaching and I was like,
well, I'm going to give this atry and if this doesn't work,
then you know I can officiallysay that I've tried everything.
You know all the resources andand we'll we'll try whatever is
(31:15):
next.
So I tried the coaching routeand what I learned was, through
a coach, my fundamental beliefsabout alcohol were challenged
and questioned, and throughthose challenges and questioning
(31:35):
from my coach I should saycoaches I was able to quit
drinking easily, and for someonewho had such, I don't even know
if I would call it a dependency.
I think it was like a mentaldependency.
I thought I needed alcohol inorder to be who I was.
(31:57):
Having someone challenge all ofthat was not something that I
could do alone, and through thehelp with all of these coaches
in the cohort, questioning andchallenging those beliefs, I was
actually able to thinklogically about my relationship
(32:17):
with alcohol and start focusingon what was important to me and
focusing on how I actually wantto feel and give myself enough
time and space away from alcohol, with love and support and
non-judgment from the coaches,and actually find some success.
And once you get that ballrolling you know I would, I
(32:40):
would have, you know my timebetween drinking would grow
bigger and bigger and then Iwould like drink again.
I would say like, ooh, yeah,that actually really didn't feel
very good, and then I wouldgrow my time longer and then I
would drink again.
I'm like Ooh, yeah, ooh, thatactually really doesn't feel
good anymore.
Like I don't yeah.
(33:00):
And and then I got to the pointwhere I was like, yeah, okay,
I'm like, yeah, okay, I'm readyto officially kick the bucket
and take my own sober chapterand I am forever, forever
grateful for that process andthe learning and I had through
(33:20):
it and the skills that I learnedI am able to apply to every
other area of my life, which isso, so beautiful, and I don't
think people understand that.
You know, going through thisone challenge will carry on with
you for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Yeah, amazing, right, okay.
So you, you got a taste for itand then you'd go back and then
it was like, yeah, it makes somuch sense because it is.
It's like you can't un-feelthat feeling of sobriety, can
you?
Like that actually ends upbecoming addictive in itself?
It does, yeah, yeah, yeah,that's amazing.
(33:56):
That's amazing and it's greatto hear that coaching really
helped you, because you knowthere are a lot of us and
yourself now as well they'rehelping others in this space,
because we've been right throughit, right, and I think that
there's there's someone outthere for everyone, because you
know you'll attract people thatneed your specific support,
(34:19):
because you know you'll they'llprobably have a very similar
experience.
You know, often our clients arelike mirrors, like all of the
things, and I think that, inline with people waking up, like
it is great that so many peopleare helping people in this
space to to guide people through, because, yeah, I mean it's
funny because I had um, I didn'tknow I had like a sober coach
(34:40):
as such, but she was like myspiritual coach and still is.
She's amazing.
And so I had coaching and I wasvery into coaching but like I
would always take, like I would,I would get somewhere, and then
I would like go backwards andit was always the alcohol that
like sent me backwards.
Like I would suddenly begetting like ahead with what I
wanted and getting clarity andlike making progress, and then a
(35:01):
big night would just derail meand I'd go to my head and I'd
get all the things again.
You know, um, and she was theone that just called it out in
the end, like I knew it, likeI'd taken breaks, but it was
like she was like when's justenough, like she was like you're
just so different, like whenyou've, so I would, I would have
a big weekend, and then I wouldjust feel flat low, like you
(35:23):
know just all the infinitepossibilities that I felt that I
had when I was sober, like theyjust went and I had like no, no
life in me, essentially.
And that got worse and worse asI got older and she was just
like she just spelled it out tome pretty clearly and then I
ended up staying with her and soit did become almost like an
accountability thing.
It was like I'd made thatdecision and it was great to
(35:46):
have someone that I could likeshare all the wins with and all
of that.
So I think, yeah, it's huge tohave that one-on-one support
like it's.
It's massive.
So, yeah, and what?
What is it you're doing now?
Then share with us what haveyou been up to.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
I am.
I, you know, through this wholeprocess I never in a million
years thought that I would beable to start my own business.
You know, I would see otherpeople doing these things and I
was always so jealous, Like, oh,that looks so nice.
I was born to be a corporategirlier so I thought, you know,
(36:23):
I had worked so hard in mycareer to climb the corporate
ladder and to get to where I wasand it just it didn't feel like
I was truly serving my deeperpurpose.
But I didn't know it at thetime, Right Cause I was too busy
drinking.
And so when I was finallyfinding myself in sobriety, it's
(36:44):
like you see the light andyou're like I am capable of so
much more.
And now that I've walked thispath and I hold the key right,
Like I know how to get somebodyto this point as well, because
I've done it myself and I knowwhat works and what doesn't work
(37:05):
.
Done it myself, I know whatworks and what doesn't work.
I'm now coaching women also tobe alcohol free and to find
their true heart and soulthrough this process as well,
and it has just been sowonderful.
And I just I mean looking backand thinking you know who I was
(37:28):
five, 10 years ago.
I never would have dreamed thatI would be here at this point.
And I'm, I wake up every dayand it's just like this pinch me
moment every morning and Ican't I know I keep saying this,
but like I genuinely cannotbelieve that this is my life and
the connections that I've madethrough sobriety and, um, it's
(37:50):
and you know, connections withsomebody like you is just so
incredible and and I'm forevergrateful and I want everybody to
be able to experience this aswell.
It is possible for anybody, um,and I want, I want that, I want
this for everyone.
And, yeah, I just I can't talkenough about it because it just
(38:15):
it fuels a fire inside of me.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
So yeah, yeah, and it's infectious.
It's infectious and it'samazing.
And you know, thank you forsharing everything so openly
because I'm sure it's going toland with a lot of people
listening.
And you know, thank you forsharing everything so openly
because I'm sure it's gonna landwith a lot of people listening.
And, you know, really showpeople that you know there is.
There is definitely light atthe end of the tunnel.
Like it can be a little bitdark going through the tunnel
for sure, but it is so, so worthit.
(38:39):
And you know, we just come outso much brighter and lighter and
just everything.
Everything is possible withoutit in our lives, because you
know, even the hard things wehave, we find that extra courage
to keep facing those fears andto keep, you know, knowing what
our deepest insecurities are andbeing able to shine a light on
them and work through them andjust keep, keep going towards
(39:02):
our biggest goals and dreams.
And it's like you know, we'reall capable of so much without
it.
So thank you so much forsharing everything.
It's been gorgeous.
I love chatting to you andwhere can people find you as
well?
Lovely.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
Yeah, they can find me at on Instagram, at start,
where you are, or my website, atstart withmorgancom.
My name is spelled funny so I'msure you'll put it in the show
notes so people can look it up,but my DMs are always open, so I
want anyone to know that if youare struggling, my purpose in
(39:39):
life is not to make money.
My purpose in life is to helpother women through this.
So if you are needing community, I'm always here.
Please reach out to me.
I am a real person at the otherend of all of it, just like you
, didi.
I'm sure you love when peoplereach out to you as well.
So, yeah, it's a wonderfulcommunity and if you don't have
(40:01):
a community near you, findsomething online, because it
really helps me and I know I'msure it helped you as well and,
um, you know there are optionsavailable.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
So yeah, gorgeous.
Thank you, lovely, and we'llcatch up soon thank you so much
thank you for listening totoday's episode of the Sober
Chapters podcast.
I hope you enjoyed it and gotlots of good information from it
.
(40:35):
I'm really keen to share thesemessages as far and wide as
possible, and I know howimportant it is to receive
reviews to do so.
If you're feeling called, Iwould love you to leave a review
from whatever platform it isthat you're listening on, to
leave a review from whateverplatform it is that you're
listening on, and if you send mea screenshot of that review to
dd at soberchapterscom, I willput you into the mix of winning
a free one-on-one coachingsession with me.
(40:55):
If you would like to learn moreabout sober chapters and to
follow along on instagram it'ssober underscore chapters you'll
find lots of differentresources on there and a free
guide 69 tips, tricks andresources for anyone that is
embarking on a sober chapter.
If you'd like to learn moreabout my one-on-one coaching,
(41:17):
group coaching programs andmasterminds, then please go to
wwwsoberchapterscom.
I'd also love to hear from you.
If you have any feedback or youneed any guidance or you have
anything at all you'd like toreach out to me about, then
please do email me at dd atsoberchapterscom.
(41:39):
I would love to hear from youand support you in any way that
I can.
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