May 2, 2025 • 60 mins
In this vulnerable and heart-opening episode of the Sober Chapters Podcast, I’m joined by my partner Pete Wright as we reflect on the relationship sobriety has enabled us to build from opposite ends of the world.
From Perth, Australia to the Yukon, Canada our love story is anything but ordinary. But it’s our shared choice to live alcohol-free that brought us together made the depth of this connection possible.
Pete opens up about his own path: from being a high-functioning drinker masking trauma, to discovering that sobriety isn't a weakness it was his superpower. He shares the moment everything shifted for him, sitting in the audience at Lewis Howes’ Summit of Greatness, when he realised alcohol was the last thing standing between him and the life he was truly capable of.
We talk about:
- The emotional gap alcohol creates — especially for men
- Building a relationship rooted in vulnerability, not performance
- Navigating difficult conversations with regulated nervous systems
- How sobriety invites us into deeper connection, purpose, and truth
- Why alcohol-free relationships allow you to be fully seen — and fully loved
Whether you're sober, sober curious, or healing your relationship with alcohol, this episode will give you hope — that love, authenticity and depth are not only possible without alcohol… they’re magnified.
Come feel into what’s available when we remove the numbing and start living from the heart. 🧡
→ Ready to begin your own sober love story? Find free resources, coaching, and community at soberchapters.com
→ Let’s connect on Instagram: @soberchapters
Thank you for being here and for being a part of The Sober Chapters Community.
LINKS/RESOURCES
Follow Didi @ sober_chapters on Instagram
Website for more information on Didi and her services/coaching programs available at www.soberchapters.com
FREE GUIDE: 69 Tips, Tricks & Resources to assist you during your own sober chapter available via the link on sober_chapters and via the sober chapters website.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Sober Chapters podcast.
I am your host, dee Dee Jordan,and I'm so excited to be
sharing with you all of theincredible ways that removing
alcohol for a chapter willreinvent you forever.
You see, removing alcohol isabout so much more than removing
alcohol.
It's about immense personal andspiritual growth.
(00:22):
It's about discovering who youtruly are and about stepping out
of your patterns and into yourpurpose and your power.
Wherever you are on youralcohol-free or sober curious
journey, this podcast is for you, so grab yourself your favorite
cuppa and come join me in asafe space to listen, to share
(00:46):
and to feel I'm so grateful thatyou're here.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Sober Chapters podcast, and
(01:07):
today is a little bit different.
I'm sitting up in the Yukon inCanada and I'm at my boyfriend's
house, pete Wright, and finallysat down to record a podcast
with him, which feels reallysurreal, and I'm squirming a
little bit as well at the momentbecause it's another fear of
mine that I'm facing.
(01:28):
Pete, take over, say hi.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Hi everyone.
Thanks Didi for having me.
It's amazing to be here and Iknow that this is a push for you
and I'm really proud of you forsitting down to do this thank
you.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah, it's really weird.
For context, I seem to bepretty confident now with the
whole podcast thing and publicspeaking, but ever since I've
thought about doing anythingwith Pete, I get like really
squirmy and weird.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
He's the opposite for some reason yeah, um well, I
was a little nervous jumpinginto this with you, though.
Yeah.
Yeah, because I actually haven'tlistened to a lot of your
podcasts and I know like youraudience is probably like oh my
God, what the hell?
But you know, I rememberlistening to before I went down
to Perth and like really got toknow you and come into your life
(02:22):
like full force.
I remember listening to anepisode and I got about three
quarters of the way through andyou're just sharing some like
really powerful, vulnerable,deep stuff and I was like I
don't feel that this is right,like I feel like I want to get
to know her in person and theseare like connection points and
(02:43):
conversations that I feel like Iwanted to have with you.
So I actually backed off ofyour podcast.
Then we were getting set up forthis.
I was like, oh dang, she'sgonna ask me questions now yeah,
I was like I don't know whatthe context of the questions are
.
I hear a lot from you.
You tell me a lot about, like,the people that you connect with
and, um, yeah, you know thebeauty of, of, of a lot of the
(03:06):
messaging that comes across, butI I don't know the context of
the actual conversation as awhole well, I don't really.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
So I thank you for that, because I don't feel as
nervous anymore so I can likeactually ask you questions.
But I guess the conversationwill be what's the sober
chapters podcast?
Sober Chapters podcast, andyou're sober, so I thought it'd
be pretty cool to ask you a bitaround that as well, if that's
(03:33):
cool.
So I guess, yeah, what led youto sobriety, pete?
Speaker 2 (03:40):
What led me to sobriety.
Well, you know, there's thisword.
You know I'd never heard theterm before you brought it up,
but it was that sober curious,yeah.
And you know I was an alcoholicthere for a while, like a
(04:04):
high-functioning alcoholicthrough a lot of my 20s.
There was a lot of pain andtrauma that I was using it to
cover up and ultimately, likeyou know, I was a very good
(04:30):
professional, but that was aboutall I had going in life really.
And then, um, it was in 2018,at the end of the wildfire
season, that I really hit like arock bottom place, and you know
I was very overweight at thetime, actually, and you know I
really took my physical fitnessvery seriously for about a year.
I shed almost, I think like 63pounds or something in the
course of six months, butalcohol was still in the picture
(04:52):
.
And I came around to, you know,about 15 months into December of
2019.
And I realized like I look good,I felt good physically, but
something still wasn't rightinside, and that was when I
actually reached out for thefirst time in my life for like
help I think it was 32 or 33 atthe time back in 2020.
(05:14):
And joined a men's coachingprogram, and that's where, you
know, as you've termed it likethose sober, curious moments
would pop up where I was doingthose 30 or 60 days at a time
and seeing really, reallypositive effects from it almost
(05:40):
three years.
And then I got reintroducedinto my life after you know two
years and and nine months or sothat I was off alcohol at the
time and thought that it couldcome back in kind of the latter
stages of 2023, into 2024, andrealize, like pretty quickly
(06:01):
that the relationship justwasn't there, it wasn't a
relationship that I could manageproperly, properly like it was
being used again as like a, as anumbing, uh, like just
emotional mental numbing.
And then, yeah, in july of lastyear was when I had to blow up,
(06:25):
just a whole bunch of bottledup stuff blew up and it was like
that was kind of the end of itfor me indefinitely,
indefinitely, but I did thinkthat I was going to come back to
it at some point.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Did you?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I did.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
And what's changed.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
What's changed, yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah, well, it was when I met you actually down in
LA and it was right after.
The last speaker at the Summitof Greatness was David Goggins
and I'd gotten so much from allof the speakers there, like
especially Joe Dispenza andLewis Howes.
(07:03):
I just look up to him as likejust the epitome of what, like a
strong, integrated, grounded,masculine dude is masculine man,
like just a really incrediblerole model of what a man should
be and the healing journey thathe's been on.
And you know, david Goggins wasthe last speaker to get up
there and they were talkingabout alcohol and David Goggins,
(07:26):
you know, actually he was oneof the first people that I
followed.
That really woke up a lot ofthat warrior energy in me, like
the can't hurt me.
You know I related a lot to alot of his story and the pain
and the struggles that he wentthrough.
And they were talking abouttheir journeys with alcohol.
David Goggins said that hedoesn't drink at all and Lewis
Howes said that he hardly drinksor has never been drunk.
(07:48):
And then I remember you and Ihad met and we were just walking
out of the auditorium there andyou kind of looked up at me and
you said do you notice how thetwo of them didn't drink and it
was just like all of it.
Just like I saw the messagethere, I was like these guys are
in the top 1% and if I want toget to that level, like there's
(08:12):
that piece that they're talkingabout, there's nothing else,
there's no superpower that theseguys have that I don't have
capabilities of doing Right, doit right, like you know, like
the mindset, the healing, the,the connection, the networking,
the business building, therelationships, all of it.
I'm looking at them and I'mlike there's, there's nothing,
(08:33):
there's no superpower that theseguys have.
That isn't within, like myselfor anybody else in this
auditorium.
But when the, when I heard themtalking about that alcohol piece
, it's like that's the crutchthat kind of just keeps falling
back into those old patterns,bringing out like the darker
side, the demons, like there's ademon and it just kind of wakes
that up.
And then when you just saidthat and in my mind it was like
(08:56):
alcohol was out, but I didn'thave like it wasn't like a one
year thing, it wasn't a threemonth thing, it wasn't a 10 year
thing, I didn't have any settimeline for it, but there was
this like niggling feeling oflike it'll be back, it'll be
reintegrated into my lifesomeday.
And then, when you said that itwas like the nail was like
right there, and then it wasjust like that final tap to put
(09:17):
it in, of like yeah, actually Icould go.
I could go my entire lifewithout it, without it, right,
and that's what will set meapart, and I do believe that
that will put me into that 1%category.
That's amazing, yeah, soinspired by them and driven home
by you, I would say.
(09:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
I'm pretty grateful that youdon't drink, yeah, but then I
don't think we would have met.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
No, no.
I agree with that if either ofus yeah, in that moment in time
yeah yeah yeah, it wasdefinitely some kind of like
divine intervention, wasn't itfor sure?
Speaker 1 (09:59):
and it was just weird because I remember when I met
you guys, you and Jack and therewas a few of us stood around
and I mean, I guess I am prettyopen about Sober Chapters and
proud of it and proud of likethat surprise journey, but
something in that moment likemade me share it with you guys
and you were complete strangersreally, and I think it was like
(10:20):
just being in that open heartspace and that's what I guess
that's what Lewis, at the event,was talking about, wasn't it
just being in that open heartspace and just connecting with
as many people as possible?
And I guess it goes back to melike always thinking that we're
all messengers for each other,especially when we're connected.
And then when I shared aboutSober Chapters, it just felt it
(10:40):
really flowed.
And then just seeing yours andJack's reaction and the fact
that I think both of you havebeen on like the alcohol-free
beers the night before and, yeah, it was pretty cool, and then I
think, you know, obviously westarted off as friends and then,
more recently, we are boyfriendand girlfriend.
Yes, but it was anon-negotiable for me to attract
(11:04):
someone in that didn't drink.
So it's yeah, it's pretty cooland I'm loving that we don't,
and there's just no need for itright in our relationship
whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
no room for it no, we've laughed so many times
about when we would get theopportunity and what it would do
.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Like there's just no opening for it, there's no space
for it yeah yeah, yeah, I thinkit's like enabled us to build
well I think we were alreadybuilding like a really gorgeous
friendship from across the world, which is kind of, I think,
pivotal for me, for us, for thewhole thing.
And then, yeah, and then notdrinking as well.
(11:42):
There's been so many timeswhere I'm like I'm so grateful
that we, that we don't, and likeI've recognized how, like in
the past, old patterns wouldhave resurfaced if I had been
drinking, even just like a cupof drinks, because it just
completely takes you away.
Like I think, when we spokeabout that, when you came to
Perth and obviously you came toPerth we didn't know what was
going to be happening.
We were just friends.
You were coming to do therelationship code event which,
(12:04):
looking back now, is kind ofwild right on valentine's day,
like, yeah, of course we're justfriends, um, but yeah, I
remember when we were talkingand we're like how would this
have gone if we'd have beendrinking?
and I think that if, like, I'dpicked you up from the airport
and then, well, we would havegone, like out for drinks that
night yeah and I think theconversation went something like
(12:28):
I probably would have done myclassic pattern of getting all
cocky and weird and like not myauthentic self and said
something like oh, aren't youlucky coming to see me the other
side.
And then I think you said you'dprobably have just gone into
like avoidance day or somethingas a result of that or put a
(12:48):
mask up.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, you know hidden vulnerabilities, you know, I
think when we were talking aboutit, right, and I can look back
on so many friendships,professional connections,
intimate connections, um, whereyou, you say something.
In one of those moments likethat, you know your ego gets in
(13:14):
the way and you tell a halftruth or just a blatant lie,
mm-hmm.
And then all of a sudden, likeas you get to know that person,
as the connection deepens, youend up you've already made a
choice to walk down a path andyou've got to live up to that.
Yeah, you don't like I've.
I've never come back to likecorrect one of those things.
(13:36):
So now, all of a sudden, you'reknocked off of your center,
you're knocked off yourauthenticity, you're knocked off
your truth.
And the longer thatrelationship goes, regardless of
what relationship it is, thatpath just diverges further and
further, because you've alreadytaken a step of saying something
, being somebody that you're not, and yeah the courageous thing
(13:58):
would be to back up and addressit early, but I've yet to meet
somebody that does thatfrequently with alcohol in the
mix, and I think that was.
I remember walking with you backI think we were walking back
from the zoo or something.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
We were talking about it and you're showing, like
some of these old spots that youused to go to and everything,
and then that was when we weretalking about it and just how it
was just nothing but raw,honest truth and authenticity
and it just felt so right and nogames no games no games no
games, which is huge for me,yeah, yeah, that's a big one for
(14:38):
me and, like I, I think Ishared this with you before but
like a big thing for me was thatI used to hide my insecurities
because I thought insecuritieswere like unattractive and then
you kind of like go intosomething, like it's almost like
you're being a bit of a fraud,I guess essentially and again,
(15:01):
not being authentic hiding stuff, yeah, there's a whole rabbit
hole.
I can go down with that.
But I think, yeah, just beingopen about my insecurities with
you from the start has been anabsolute game changer for me and
like very freeing, very freeing, and I have to thank you for
(15:23):
that Thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Thank you, no same.
Uh, 100 the insecurities bigone to hide.
You know, I've personally beenin like leadership positions
since I was like I mean, if youwant to go back to sports teams,
you know, probably 12 years old, realistically like in kind of
(15:45):
the making money world, likesince I was about 15 and 16 and
always had insecurities always.
Yeah, yeah.
And that's.
That's exactly it, like alcoholwas a place to find that, that
kind of liquid courage besomebody that you're, not, be
somebody that you think otherswant you to be or what society
(16:10):
makes out to be.
I look at the different stagesof manhood, transitioning from a
young boy into a teenager, intoa young adult, into a young man
, and then really trying to findthat connection with that
(16:30):
strong, mature, masculinepresence and how alcohol can.
I mean many things, like anyvice, really anything that's
used out of balance, but alcoholis a big one because it's so
socially acceptable.
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah, and socially promoted, yeah, yeah.
Well, it just like I know forme, like it just well I mean,
this is a big part of what I saylike it fuels our ego, it fuels
those patterns, it fuels allthat conditioning like massively
, yeah, yeah, I mean that's beenhuge.
And I think that there's a lotof people that you know even
(17:09):
just drink socially and theydon't realize that that's
actually happening.
I think that it was only when Istarted to do like a huge
amount of work on myself andyeah, like you, I was taking
like a lot of breaks and then Iwould go back to it and then it
was actually the relationshipcode when I finally realized
that even just like a big onebig night out would send me back
(17:31):
into patterns, particularlywith the opposite sex.
Yeah, and then you know well,you know the story I was like
yeah, I don't want to stay stuckin those patterns anymore.
Um, yeah, yeah, it's great itis.
(17:56):
I was like we're not gonna stop,but I was like no, I'm gonna
stop.
You're amazing thank you you'reamazing.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I can't believe I'm on here right now.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
I know right.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
And I can't believe that you're in the Yukon right
now either.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah, I know I can't believe I'm in the Yukon and
we've got Racky yes, the littlehusky next to us, so I nearly
didn't get to meet.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Yeah, almost lost him for like the fourth time a few
weeks ago.
He's on his last legs.
He's been a big part of my life.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he's been a huge part ofmy life and it's so great that
you got a chance to meet him aswell.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah, it's kind of wild.
So I wasn't meant to be up here.
We were meant to.
So Pete came to Perth inFebruary.
We thought we were just friends, then quickly realized we were
definitely not just friends.
And so p is moving to australiafrom canada in september.
We're going back to the summitof greatness event actually in
(18:54):
la in september and then he'sflying back home with me to
australia.
But we had a couple of othertrips planned, or one of the
trip planned where I was goingto be coming back up to Canada.
It was meant to be end of May,um, and, yeah, literally like
four weeks went by and I waslike this is ridiculous, and so
(19:15):
I ended up coming over here fortwo and a half weeks and then
Pete is coming to England tomeet my parents and my family
and my friends, and then I'mgoing to where pete's from in
new brunswick.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Yeah, frederickson frederick in new brunswick, east
coast his mom and stepdad.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
So we're getting all of that in before we go to the
other side of the world yeahyeah, how are you feeling about
the move?
Amazing yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Amazing.
Yeah, it's been.
You know that's.
You know we've talked a lotsince I left Perth.
You know we've been, you and I.
We've been doing date nightsevery Saturday night and we've
been on the phone almost everyday, usually while we're
(20:06):
puttering around doing our ownthing at whatever time on the
other side of the world.
And you know, I think a reallygreat example came up.
You know they talked about thisin the code and I've been
looking into it with a lot, withlike kind of the 80 20
principle and really diving deepinto like identity work and
trying to shed identity and back.
(20:26):
What was that?
Probably about three weeks ago,I was down in my old fire
region, just a small communitycalled watson lake, um, and it
was where a lot of journeysbegan for me.
That was where the journey oflike hitting that rock bottom
was.
That was where the journey andthe identity of becoming, you
know, a higher level of caliberof leader came from.
(20:49):
That's where, um, that's whereI did my coaching certification.
That's where, um, you know, Ichose to stop drink.
Well, yeah, I chose to stopdrinking, but more so chose to,
you know, start like reach outfor help you know like a
coaching group and and adoptedlike kind of more of a healthier
(21:13):
lifestyle.
And I even look at that like if,um, just like what's come up
since going to the code down inPerth and really seeing like a
lot of these identities leavingand shedding 80% of what was.
(21:35):
Like I'm actively selling allof my stuff right, like I'm
planning to come down to Perthwith like a suitcase and maybe
three or four totes and it'smostly like the best books that
I want to keep.
Um so it's.
It's literally shedding 80% oflike who I was, what I was doing
(21:55):
, like all of like the identityof being a Canadian.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
For 38, 39, coming up , 39 years Right Like I turned
39 here in like what?
Six days, you know, sheddingthe identity of being that
wildland firefighter and thatforester and you know all of the
things.
But like it's, not to say likethe mindset and those skills and
(22:23):
those attributes aren'ttransferable.
But when I was down there goingthrough this whole grieving,
sadness, journey and it was evenin those moments that those are
times that would have been veryeasy to reach for something to
numb out that the thought didn'teven cross my mind.
(22:45):
But looking back on it now inhindsight is like I'm just kind
of in it and going through itand I'm really proud of myself
for that and like trying tocontinue to discover more on an
emotional level for myself, likethat's the big journey for
myself this year, believing that, you know, connecting more with
that will bring more of like aoneness within and connect me
(23:06):
with a higher spiritual kind ofpurpose and calling and state of
being.
But you know, I could see it.
I could see that those grievingmoments.
I think we connected thatevening and kind of talked
through it.
It was date night that evening.
That's what it was.
It was Saturday night datenight.
We had date night from the,from the hotel room, and uh, it
(23:29):
was just like actually seeinglike these pieces of identity
kind of leaving and and alsowhere it's become my comfort
zone to be in this very remote,incredibly rugged patch of the
world.
But like I mean, you got todrive around here and see it
like there's no people andthere's a lot of land and a lot
(23:51):
of trails and a lot of natureand it's always going to be
there for me.
But, you know, just seeing likethat almost that identity of
being like a hermit in a way.
Yeah.
Of just being in my comfort zoneand just recognizing and being
able to look out around theenvironment and be like.
It's served me very well hereand I've gone on a lot of
(24:14):
journeys and you know there's alot that I get to take away from
this and build upon If the newlife with you down in Australia,
wherever life takes us like.
I'm really, really excited tosee how life unfolds for us.
Yay, yay, yeah, me too.
Yeah.
So that's a long way of goingaround of like just some of the
(24:36):
shifts in the past couple, threeweeks that I've witnessed and
I'm really excited to get downthere Like there's been.
Just to touch back on that forone moment, there was this egoic
side.
I remember driving out of thebush that Saturday before you
and I connected.
That was, you know, all thefears started coming in of like,
oh my God, like I, you know,I'm leaving my job, I'm leaving
(24:59):
all this certainty, security and, oh my God, like you know, I'm
leaving my job, I'm leaving allthis certainty, security and
opportunities and things that Ibuilt and irons that I've got in
the fire and all thesedifferent fires around here for
opportunities and some of myfriends and all this.
But there was still like it wasvery easy to actually shake all
of that because there was stillthis like really deep knowing
(25:23):
of the journey ahead, like notonce have I really truly doubted
that move and it's like there'sa, there's a real pull where I
feel like so much of my life hasbeen a push Right and I'm done
pushing, pushing.
I'm tired of pushing.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, yeah yeah, that's gorgeous.
Thank you for sharing all that.
Yeah, the deep knowing bit isinteresting, isn't it?
Because it's like how do youthink it feels different like
going through all of that notdrinking, being more in touch
with, I guess, like your trueself, or your authentic self, or
(26:06):
your feelings?
Speaker 2 (26:07):
I trust it.
You know, it gives me a bettertrust and confidence in myself.
You know, and it was actuallyrecently that I heard a really
great thing around confidenceand recognizing that the
derivative of the wordconfidence is to like confide in
(26:31):
Right, and quite often, youknow, I've got confidence in you
and we often have confidence inother people, but we often lack
confidence in ourselves, right.
And that means, like, do Iconfide in myself?
And I can't help but see, likeall of the times that alcohol or
(26:53):
any substances were at play,that I would break the word to
myself and say that I was goingto do something I wouldn't
follow through, yeah, and then Iwouldn't trust myself.
So, if I don't trust myself andI can't confide in myself, and
so, with the sobriety, with theclarity and with moving through
(27:14):
all of the emotional stuff whichis one of the toughest journeys
that I've had to have, for sureLike, yeah, um, yeah, the
emotional side, it's been a verytough journey, um, but it gives
me that confidence to trust,that knowing yeah that this
isn't just a spark, it's notjust like a wild, crazy,
(27:35):
adventurous idea or somethingyou know.
It's not something that you andyour buddies came up with around
the pool table with a bunch ofwhiskey in you one night, you
know.
But it's like no, I, I really,I really trust and confide in
that knowing and in myself.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
I love that, I love that and I think as well when
you.
I don't know for me anyway.
Like I, my ego is a littlebugger, as you know.
It is for all of us, and Idon't know whether it gets
easier or worse, in some ways ofsobriety, because it gets
louder.
But I think you just become somuch more aware of it.
(28:16):
And that's the key, right,because, like for me in the past
when I drank, I wouldn't havebeen able to distinguish what
was my ego and my false self andthe lies and the like,
fear-based patterns versus mytrue self.
And that's where it all getsmeshed up and then you end up,
just you know not living inalignment or making decisions or
(28:37):
doing weird things.
But now it's like, yeah, likethat trust is huge because I can
just observe my ego.
I know it really well and, asyou know, I know it really well
so many times.
Still they don't go away viceversa, sweetheart but it's like
it, it doesn't.
(28:59):
I don't fall into the lies orthe emotions that it brings,
like sure, it can still besneaky and say things to me,
like you know, about my weightand my appearance and all the
things, but yeah, I know how tomanage it and not to believe it,
which is pretty cool, and Iguess that's what you're saying,
(29:20):
right.
It, which is pretty cool, and Iguess that's what you're saying
right.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
like you're able to like if you did have any doubts
or anything about coming toaustralia and then you know that
it's, it's not the truth well,and the other big thing too, dd,
is, like you know, obviouslythere's probably a bit of a
different podcast, because I'vebeen with you and dating you and
everything but your ability tocommunicate it as well, right,
like, and that's where so muchlike just speaking from my
(29:47):
perspective, like when thosemoments come up, like you've
been able to communicate it soclearly and identify it and
share it, and that makes metrust you as well, right, and it
gives us connection points.
And then there's just a wholeplethora of conversations and
getting lost in convo till onein the morning yeah, that we
(30:11):
have around that yeah, rightyeah versus if.
If those uncomfortable momentscame up with us, you know like
the joke has come.
Obviously we would never go acton this.
But it's like, well, what's theoption?
It's like, well, we can grab abottle of wine and, you know,
not talk about this.
And then see where that goes,right.
(30:31):
Like it's like looking down thetwo different paths, right.
It's like there's thisuncomfortable thing in between
us and let's talk about thatbetween us and let's let's talk
about that versus let's just gohave a glass of wine, let's not
talk about this thing, let'ssweep it under the rug, yeah,
and we'll keep doing that, yeah,until the rug blows up, yeah
yeah yeah, totally, yeah, yeah,well, it links back to you know,
(30:57):
the.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
It makes you more able to be vulnerable, right,
and yeah, I'm, I've learned howto share my insecurities and
I've learned that being secureabout your insecurities is
actually really attractive and areally great quality as well,
and so I think, yeah, notdrinking allows me to have those
like difficult conversationsfrom the heart, um, but you,
(31:19):
like you know, you've done ahuge amount of work on yourself
too, right, like I feel we'revery lucky from that point of
view.
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Another non-negotiable for me.
That was yeah, so thanks.
So for yeah and for everyonelistening.
I had a few non-negotiables andanother I had like how many
time out?
Speaker 2 (31:38):
a few, a few I had a whole list.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
I had a whole list, which, weirdly, I found the list
.
So I found this list from thestart of my sober chapter.
I do a lot of journaling.
I talk about that a lot.
I think it's been huge in likemy journey.
I think it's a really powerfultool when you are sober as well,
because you're obviously like,have so much more clarity.
And yeah, yeah, yeah, that's awhole other topic, but I had
(32:03):
written this list in 2022, atthe beginning of my sober
chapter, and, as you know, forpeople that are listening that
have followed me, they know abig part of the reason why I
gave up alcohol was because Iwanted to attract in love,
healthy love and um.
Yeah, I wrote down a list oflike quite a few things.
They were quite specific and Idefinitely had some
(32:24):
non-negotiables.
And then the night before Petearrived, he was flying through
the skies and I found likesomething I was upset clearing
out.
I think I was just cleaning thehouse frantically, trying to
get ready for him, and then thisorange journal just caught my
eye in the office and I haveloads of journals and I know now
to trust it when something likethat happens.
So I like picked the journalout, went and sat downstairs and
(32:46):
I opened it.
And I kid you not, it opened onthe page of that list and I
think I even shared it with youwhen you were flying, didn't?
I, I was like and it was wildbecause it had in there things
like um you didn't share all ofit did I not no, you took like
snapshots and then you shared itall.
When I got down there, okay.
So I had like really randomthings in there and I'd
(33:10):
forgotten that I'd written it,and one of them was this wasn't
non-negotiable, but this wasjust interesting.
It said that I wanted somebodythat was open-minded and into
quantum physics, and we met at ajoepenza like event, which is
kind of wild, and then it wassomebody that's like into DIY
and building and stuff like this, and you'd asked me if I had
(33:31):
like to create a list of thingsfor you to do when you got to
Perth.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Some blue jobs.
So you've been living thissingle bachelorette life.
I figure you come down andthere's got to be some blue jabs
around the house for it.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
And then it was really wild.
He was coming to do theRelationship Code event, which
is the community that I'minvolved in here in Perth, and
it said somebody that will comeand do the code with me.
I'm like this is crazy.
But going back to thenon-negotiables, which I
fine-tuned, I think, over 2023and 2024, I got really strict
with them and that was, um, Ithink, like a non-drinker,
(34:11):
someone doing the work and likeprepared to continue doing the
inner work with me, indefinitely, essentially spiritual, open,
like obviously I've found thisconnection to God I'm still
understanding what that allmeans but somebody that's
open-minded and I believe thatyou are very open with all of
(34:31):
that and I actually think you'rea lot more connected
spiritually than you evenbelieve, especially meet your
mum the other day and she'sextremely connected.
So I think the other day andshe's extremely connected, so I
think, yeah, I can see where youget that from um.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
What was the?
Speaker 1 (34:50):
other one that I had six foot six two.
Oh, this has come up, but Ididn't expect it to.
No sex before marriage yeah.
I mean, what were the chances?
It's really quite funny.
So a lot of my friends weresaying to me they were like, oh
yeah, six foot, really quitefunny.
So a lot of my friends weresaying to me they were like, oh
yeah, six foot, two over sixfoot.
But a lot of my friends weresaying because I've been single
for eight years and I didn'tactually even date somebody in
(35:11):
2024.
Like yeah, wild, like kiss ordate anyone.
A lot of my friends werestarting to say I think you're
being too fussy and you mightneed to.
You know, get a bit like whatwas it compromise on some of
your non-negotiables and thingslike this?
And I was just like no,absolutely not.
(35:32):
Like I, yeah, I just trust andhad this.
There's that whole other storywith the guidance that I had, I
guess.
But it's been really funnysince I met you because so many
of my friends are like youliterally found the unicorn that
you were waiting for and he'sover in the Yukon.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
18,000 kilometers away.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
Wild, like literally wild.
And yeah, I mean I guess I'llbring it up.
But I had guidance, didn't I?
To be in LA for two and a halfyears and I kept following it,
even though everyone thought Iwas a little bit crazy.
But it was just this deep,knowing that there was something
there.
And yeah, I mean I guess we canget into our story another time
(36:13):
, but yeah, it's kind of cool,hey.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Yeah, it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
What have been your thoughts on all the spiritual
stuff with me?
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Well, it's amazing.
What have been your thoughts onall the spiritual stuff with me
?
Well, you know there was a dayso yeah, you know where I stand
but like I've had a reallydifficult time with kind of
religion and God specifically.
Like you know, I was a criticalthinker from when I was very
(36:42):
young.
I mean church, like grew upCatholic, it was quite boring,
I'm not going to lie.
Like church I didn't enjoySundays at all growing up.
And you know, when I think itwas in high school, when I
(37:03):
really started to scrutinizelike all through history, the,
just all of the wars, it wasaround the time of 9-11 as well.
And like I always look at thesethings and again it's just like
the weird wiring on my brainbut I always look at what, what
happens in the world and thenwhy did that happen?
Why did that happen?
Why did that happen?
Just keep tracing it back andso much of like the, the chaos
(37:27):
and turmoil and like the MiddleEast was from Catholicism, right
.
And you know, in in the recentdecade, decade and a half, and
(37:52):
you know, in the recent decade,decade and a half, there's been
a lot here in Canada with truthand reconciliation around First
Nation communities and childrenand I've worked with some that
were put into residentialschools that were designed to
kind of whitewash thetraditional culture out of them,
and there was a lot of abuseand those were led by churches
and everything.
So I've had this real challengewith god and religion being
bundled into one, and so I, I,and just I I'm still I don't
(38:17):
know, I'm still exploring thisfor myself, like, but when you
and I were talking, I rememberwalking down Venice Beach and
you were talking about yourconnection to faith and to God
and finding God, but you weren'tpushing a religion at me and
there was this little aha momentfor me in there of actually
(38:38):
being able, for one of the firsttimes, to be able to separate
the two.
Well.
I separated it right, right ithelped to separate the two and
you know I, I see, like I I dofeel spiritual connection.
I'm a forester, like you know I, I just you know I've got scars
on my hands from, like woodchopping when I was like six
years old.
You know, like I just loved itand so you know I was always
(39:00):
involved in, like you know, cubsand beavers and scouts, and you
know, boy, I just loved it andso you know I was always
involved in, like you know, cubsand beavers and scouts and you
know boy scouts and everything.
Like I didn't tell you thatyeah did I hi did you do
brownies?
Speaker 1 (39:11):
brownie, yeah, okay yeah cool that's one of the
videos my mom will probably showyou yes, yeah, I can't wait to
see that yeah okay, cool I'm mylittle english, oh my god yeah I
cannot wait to go back.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Anyways.
Back on topic.
Um, yeah, so I always thinkthat, like I've had some sort of
a connection with nature.
Even I know that probablysounds wild, as like a forester
who was responsible for layingout and harvesting trees, right,
but you think of like somebodyconnected with nature.
(39:46):
They're going to be likesinging Kumbaya, you know,
chaining themselves up.
But I see, yeah, I found a lotof peace in in nature and it was
a real honor to be responsibleand a steward of the forest, to
go out and actually be able toprotect the areas that needed
protecting and to do the rightthing for the wildlife and to
(40:09):
sustainably and responsiblyextract a resource that I
believe is truly the onlysustainable resource on this
planet.
Resource on this planet.
All that aside, um, you know Ithink, recently starting to
(40:29):
connect with something higher.
Um, you know, I I don't want tosay like it was some sort of
like crazy profound spiritualawakening or something, but
something happened back in 2020when I was moving through that
men's coaching program Right,one of the things that I was
doing, a very basic tool thatone of the coaches gave me.
It was, like, you know, justask yourself a series of
(40:50):
questions.
So every morning, every morning, six o'clock, I was getting up,
I was taking the dogs out for awalk around the airport, down
on my fire base, and I wasasking myself the same questions
.
You know, basically, where am Imentally, emotionally and
physically like just givingthose a score of one to ten?
And it was like, for thelongest time it took me, it took
(41:13):
me forever, like I'm talking,six months to be able to
separate mental and emotionalwell-being, like I didn't, I
couldn't, I didn't even know howto separate those two.
I didn't even know how toreally identify them.
And then you know, like, what'ssomething that you can do to
increase one or all of thosescores, what's something you're
(41:33):
excited about today, what'ssomething you're grateful for,
type thing?
And for six months I was doingthat.
I'm going and continuing like,but every morning I was doing
that same practice.
And there was just this onemorning in August which is fall
up here this far north.
It was about mid-August, so thefire season had wound down,
(41:53):
firefighters were starting to gohome.
It was a really quiet year.
That year anyways Didn't fightany fires, I don't think and the
lake was just like glass, likeit was just super still and the
sunrise was just like superbeautiful on the lake.
And then, for whatever reason,like I can remember the exact
spot and it was like here I amprobably looking like I'm having
(42:16):
a seizure, trying to figure outmy mental and emotional health,
and then it just likedownloaded to me like just, I am
so small and insignificant, Iam so tiny and insignificant and
out here like struggling tryingto figure out how to separate
mental and emotional health,like none of this shit matters
at the end of the day, like noneof it matters.
(42:38):
Like I'm so tiny in this littleblip in time, on this rock, in
this like wild, crazy, chaoticuniverse.
Like why am I so?
Why am I so focused down onmyself all the time?
And this whole like darkness,bullshit, like none of it
matters.
None of it matters.
(42:59):
And yeah, just like, looked atthe vastness of this universe
and how small and insignificantI was, and just all of a sudden
then it's like I can dosomething bigger than that
little insignificant self.
And, like I said, it was justlike it just happened in like a
(43:21):
heartbeat or two.
You know, I want to tell youlike the skies opened up and
there was like some sort of likewild thing, but it was just
like in that heartbeat.
But it changed all of myperspective, because it was only
a month later that I enrolledto become a coach.
(43:42):
It was only a month after thatthat I began coaching with the
program that I was a student of.
Yeah.
And then, coming into the nextfire season, I just saw how much
like, how much of a greaterleader I was, how much of a
bigger impact was, and then itwas a sign to me like I can do
(44:04):
something even bigger than thisand I'm going to.
So, in terms of, yeah, universe, nature, God, I was sharing
with you recently like it'ssomething that I'm exploring
more.
Listening to rob bell I wasreally inspired by aaron rogers
(44:28):
and the enigma documentary watchit binge worthy absolutely yeah
, aaron rogers yeah whenever yousay, I always think you're
saying aaron but like that'syour accent so it's like aaron
me.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
Aaron.
Aaron Rogers.
Yeah, it was good you got metowards that.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
I really enjoyed it and I just I really resonated
with like a lot of what he saidof like wanting to explore
spirituality but trying to breakout of the mold of religion
yeah and now he was growing upand I was like, okay, cool, and
so I started looking towards whohis mentor was for that yeah
(45:06):
and so it's an ongoing journey.
But, um, but I I love that we'vebeen able to be so open and
honest about where we are, oneverything, too, and leaning
into one another with that yeah,yeah, yeah, it's cool.
Speaker 1 (45:22):
I'm curious to know more about all of it.
Like, I still haven't figuredout at all, but I do know that
we've definitely been broughttogether for a higher reason I
know that, just the craziness ofhow it's all happened and just
how like easy yeah and weirdlylike.
Yeah, just like weirdcoincidences or not coincidences
(45:45):
and like all of it, yeah yeahit is wild it is yeah, yeah,
it's gonna be mad to see, like,yeah, what unfolds incredible
alignment yeah yeah definitely.
Yes, I know it's ridiculous.
So we're both tauruses.
Um, we can often be pretty muchthe same person, same person,
(46:10):
yeah.
So, um, when pete came to stayin australia, I I like to call
myself organized chaos, I, Isuppose, but I definitely just
don't sweat the small stuff whenit comes to, like, I'm not
horrendously messy, but I'mslapdash and leave cupboards
open and do weird things, and Iknow, just look at the kitchen
(46:33):
now it's like all the cupboardsare open and Pete does exactly
the same thing.
Basically, which means that wedon't get annoyed with each
other at the things that, likeeveryone else, would get annoyed
with us about yeah which isreally cool I've people have
been annoyed at me my entirelife.
Speaker 2 (46:51):
I think kitchen cupboards open, yeah yeah, so
that's pretty good.
Speaker 1 (46:57):
and, um, yeah, and we just like all the same things.
Like, we definitely like allthe same things pretty much,
don't we?
It makes life very easy, veryeasy.
It's crazy to think we'veactually only been officially
together for two months.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
I know.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
Like what the hell?
Speaker 2 (47:12):
I know.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (47:14):
I know.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So who knows, who knows?
But yeah, I'm glad that youcame on the podcast and Gass,
yeah, like, are there anyquestions you want to ask me?
Speaker 2 (47:31):
Ooh, ooh, you're really putting me on the spot.
Am I?
Yeah, I said.
I didn't come in here too hotwith any questions.
To tell you the truth, that'sfine.
Okay, this might be a littlebit surface level, but because
you're up here in the Yukon.
Yeah, what's been your favoritepart of coming to the Yukon so
far?
Speaker 1 (47:49):
because this is a place that not a lot of people
get to come so I guess, like thelike yeah, being pretty much in
the middle of the forest, inthe middle of nowhere, um, it's
stunning, like the mountains,the snow.
As you know, it's connected memassively with my childhood.
(48:12):
So yeah, for context, I grew upin England on a farm I guess
there was woods and trees and alot of all of that, a lot of log
fires and things like this, andI haven't had.
I now live in Australia and Ihaven't had an English winter or
a proper winter in like sixyears, which is a long time for
(48:32):
me, and I really like my seasonsand I like, yeah, I, yeah, I
loved winter and I love like thecrisp, kind of like Christmassy
snow and things like that.
So, coming up here and likecatching the end of what, is it
the end of winter, I guess, orlike spring?
for you guys.
So spring here, but it's stillup until this last week there
(48:52):
was a lot of snow still wasn'tthere.
Like seeing the snow being inlike winter clothes all rugged
up, and it's really gorgeouslike um, air, like dry, I mean
not great for the skin, but kindof great at the same time, like
it's really fresh.
So just experiencing all ofthat and then like actually,
(49:13):
yeah, it's interesting that youasked me that because I kind of
like mentioned it on myInstagram a bit.
But, like, another big part oflike my message with sobriety is
that alcohol really brings youback.
It's like who you truly are andmaybe who you truly were before
you started drinking as well.
And you know, I love going intolike that inner child work, both
for myself, my clients, likeall the things, and I really
(49:33):
felt that I've connectedmassively with my inner child up
here, which has brought up alot of like tears and I don't
know, seeing you popping woodand doing the fire and like kind
of like in a weird kind of wayreminds me of my dad and like
all of that stuff.
And um, yeah, it's beenemotional, so I don't know.
That was kind of a long-windedway of answering that, but it's,
(49:55):
it's stunning up here and yeah,I guess just it's just so, so
different to anywhere I've everbeen before, which it would be,
I suppose, wouldn't it?
Is it different to like therest of Canada?
Speaker 2 (50:07):
Very much.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a very unique place.
Some pretty harsh climates.
We literally suffered throughnine months of winter for three
months of summer, yeah, and gothrough massive, you know, go
from four hours of daylight inthe winter months, yeah, to like
(50:30):
22 hours of daylight, 24 hoursof daylight during the summers
yeah yeah, yeah, seeing you withlike frozen eyebrows and
eyelashes and pitches, yeah,yeah yeah minus 42, minus 47
celsius, although the very yeah,it was a very mild winter
(50:53):
overall.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
Yeah, it was very mild winter overall, but yeah
it's gorgeous, um, and then Iguess, with you and being a guy
and not drinking, how do youfind that in terms of like I
don't know, I guess there'sstill quite a stigma around it
(51:15):
or still like quite a culturearound drinking with men 100%
yeah drinking with men.
Speaker 2 (51:20):
A hundred percent, yeah.
Yeah, look like you think ofwhat society makes out.
I do men's coaching, like you.
Yeah, so I do, I do men'scoaching and there's a lot that
(51:43):
society kind of makes anappearance of what men should be
right and what the definitionof success is right.
It's fast cars, it's nicewatches, it's like the expensive
booze, it's the boats, theyachts, the parties, the drugs,
the condo, the penthouse,whatever it might be.
(52:05):
And again, like with the socialacceptance of alcohol,
especially in alignment withthat appearance of success,
usually a lot of it is aroundbusiness deals and everything as
well, and there's a lot ofalcohol involved there.
(52:28):
I mean, like I was at forestry,we weren't making business
deals but a huge part of likeforest culture, forestry culture
for sure.
And you know I was sharing abouttrying to separate mental and
emotional health, like this isactually a big thing that I'm
trying to educate guys on andand working on working with
(52:51):
another guy on launching apodcast around that, and it's
like one of my big messages ispull that apart because, um, as
guys like in, speaking from myown experience you know I don't
think I really matured from theage of like eight, maybe 12,
maybe 12 at best, emotionallyRight, like it all just got shut
(53:13):
down and um, and then you bringalcohol into the picture, you
know at like age 18 or beyondand everything, and that stifles
that whole emotional growth.
But it's so easy to do becausewe as men, we need something
(53:40):
tangible, like I want objectivethings, I want clear goals, I
want objectives, I want to goout and be able to push on those
and I want to be able to seethe result.
And I want to see the result inreal time.
These are very, very masculinetraits like cause and effect, I
(54:01):
do X, I get Y, and digging intolike an emotional side, there's
no.
That's like one of the bigstruggles for me how do I
tangibly measure this Right?
And I've had to surrender thatthere is no tangible outcome.
That's hard to not have thatgoal.
Right.
(54:21):
It's a habit-based goal, throughpractices and so on and so
forth.
But when that's such a struggleto identify and to be able to
feel vulnerable, not having goodmale role models in our lives,
many of us don't, many of usdon't right, and you just think
and not faulting any of ourancestors, but you just think of
(54:43):
the men who they needed to be.
They've seen hard times.
They've seen hard, hard times.
We are in very, very,incredibly good times, which
creates weak men, incrediblygood times.
Which creates weak men.
(55:10):
And touching in on thatemotional stuff can be really,
really difficult Because wedon't want to, we don't want to
feel it.
You know it kind of fucks withyou, kind of like messes with
your messes with like the wholeprocess that you want to the
logical side, that, that, thatkiller instinct to to progress
forward.
So it's a huge again.
(55:34):
Like just to bring it back toyour question of the of the
alcohol and the stigma around it, like it's used in times of
celebration and it's used intimes of great sadness, right,
like I'm trying to think of ananalogy, of something else that
(55:55):
is so accepted to be usedwhether somebody just died and
you're depressed, or whetheryou're celebrating one of the
greatest victories andaccomplishments of your life,
and alcohol is the one that canbe on either extreme and
anywhere in between yeah yeah, Iwas gonna say what shifted your
(56:20):
mindset around it, but I thinkeven what you said about like
the lew Lewis Howes thing andlike those guys not drinking,
and it's like, um, yeah, I gotto a point where I just saw it
as like a bit of a superpower.
Speaker 1 (56:33):
You know, it's a gift , it's a massive gift and I
think when you can change yourmindset around that, like you
become because yeah, because mypoint was going to be around
like how, how you feel beinglike a guy that doesn't drink,
great, that's the thing.
I guess you feel really proudof it now, right, but I think
that doesn't always happenovernight.
Does it for people?
Um, yeah, and I think, once youget to that point, like it's
(56:57):
awesome because, yeah, you feelreally empowered by it, and then
that creates I think that'swhen it creates a ripple effect,
because people see, well, Ithink that's what happened with
you and me a little bit isn't itlike?
Speaker 2 (57:08):
you saw how proud I was of being apple free yeah
yeah and I think with that too,dd is like don't give up, right,
if you, if you take, if you saythat you're going to commit to
30 days and you only make it to15 yeah hell yeah cool yeah,
don't yeah and and if you end upgoing on like big bender and
(57:31):
who who you were again for forthe next six months or whatever.
But then it calls to you againlike okay, I'm gonna try 30 days
again yeah like yeah go for it,try that 30 days, right, like
and just, and then it it takestime, like I mean, I, I, I think
there's very few people,there's very few people that are
going to say like this is it,and then that's like, completely
(57:53):
it might take a few attemptsand then all of a sudden, um,
all of a sudden, like it, it'llgrab hold and then eventually,
with time, that identity willshake and shift off.
Speaker 1 (58:06):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that's a really good point
to make.
Thank you, because it took meyears.
Like it took me years.
I took loads of breaks Like Iwas sober, curious, for years,
and I think back, like fordifferent reasons, probably the
wrong reasons to start with,like vanity reasons and things
(58:27):
like that, and like I knew Iwasn't as productive at work and
I hated hangovers but yeah, Ibloody defended it like I kept
going back a bit.
But I think that you know it is, the path to sobriety looks
different for everyone, but Ithink the common thing is that
once you get a taste for it andit's kind of like in your psyche
I guess you keep going back toit and, yeah, like it doesn't
matter if you go back todrinking.
And then I think you you cannever like unsee or unfeel like
(58:50):
how sobriety does feel when youtake those breaks, and then I
think it's just a matter of timepersonally, yeah, yeah yeah,
yeah yeah amazing thank youthank you first of many I know
right for sure.
Yeah, we're gonna set up alittle podcast studio.
(59:12):
I guess it's kind of ready, theoffice that I was meant to
blank canvas blank canvas.
So I'm gonna rely on pete forhis technical skills, because
I'm not very good at it, and wewill do more.
I didn't really have a plan forthis one, but that's it.
That's my boyfriend right there.
Speaker 2 (59:28):
That's my girlfriend, thank you.
Speaker 1 (59:35):
Thank you for listening to today's episode of
the Sober Chapters podcast.
I hope you enjoyed it and gotlots of good information from it
.
I'm really keen to share thesemessages as far and wide as
possible, and I know howimportant it is to receive
reviews to do so.
If you're feeling called, Iwould love you to leave a review
from whatever platform it isthat you're listening on, and if
(59:57):
you send me a screenshot ofthat review to dd at
soberchapterscom, I will put youinto the mix of winning a free
one-on-one coaching session withme.
If you would like to learn moreabout sober chapters and to
follow along on instagram it'ssober underscore chapters you'll
find lots of differentresources on there and a free
(01:00:19):
guide, 69 tips, tricks andresources for anyone that is
embarking on a sober chapter.
If you'd like to learn moreabout my one-on-one coaching,
group coaching programs andmasterminds, then please go to
wwwsoberchapterscom.
I'd also love to hear from you.
(01:00:39):
If you have any feedback or youneed any guidance or you have
anything at all you'd like toreach out to me about, then
please do email me at dd atsober chapterscom.
I would love to hear from youand support you in any way that
I can.
Hello and welcome to the Sober Chapters podcast.
I am your host, dee Dee Jordan,and I'm so excited to be
sharing with you all of theincredible ways that removing
alcohol for a chapter willreinvent you forever.
You see, removing alcohol isabout so much more than removing
alcohol.
It's about immense personal andspiritual growth.
(00:22):
It's about discovering who youtruly are and about stepping out
of your patterns and into yourpurpose and your power.
Wherever you are on youralcohol-free or sober curious
journey, this podcast is for you, so grab yourself your favorite
cuppa and come join me in asafe space to listen, to share
(00:46):
and to feel I'm so grateful thatyou're here.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Sober Chapters podcast, and
(01:07):
today is a little bit different.
I'm sitting up in the Yukon inCanada and I'm at my boyfriend's
house, pete Wright, and finallysat down to record a podcast
with him, which feels reallysurreal, and I'm squirming a
little bit as well at the momentbecause it's another fear of
mine that I'm facing.
(01:28):
Pete, take over, say hi.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Hi everyone.
Thanks Didi for having me.
It's amazing to be here and Iknow that this is a push for you
and I'm really proud of you forsitting down to do this thank
you.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah, it's really weird.
For context, I seem to bepretty confident now with the
whole podcast thing and publicspeaking, but ever since I've
thought about doing anythingwith Pete, I get like really
squirmy and weird.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
He's the opposite for some reason yeah, um well, I
was a little nervous jumpinginto this with you, though.
Yeah.
Yeah, because I actually haven'tlistened to a lot of your
podcasts and I know like youraudience is probably like oh my
God, what the hell?
But you know, I rememberlistening to before I went down
to Perth and like really got toknow you and come into your life
(02:22):
like full force.
I remember listening to anepisode and I got about three
quarters of the way through andyou're just sharing some like
really powerful, vulnerable,deep stuff and I was like I
don't feel that this is right,like I feel like I want to get
to know her in person and theseare like connection points and
(02:43):
conversations that I feel like Iwanted to have with you.
So I actually backed off ofyour podcast.
Then we were getting set up forthis.
I was like, oh dang, she'sgonna ask me questions now yeah,
I was like I don't know whatthe context of the questions are
.
I hear a lot from you.
You tell me a lot about, like,the people that you connect with
and, um, yeah, you know thebeauty of, of, of a lot of the
(03:06):
messaging that comes across, butI I don't know the context of
the actual conversation as awhole well, I don't really.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
So I thank you for that, because I don't feel as
nervous anymore so I can likeactually ask you questions.
But I guess the conversationwill be what's the sober
chapters podcast?
Sober Chapters podcast, andyou're sober, so I thought it'd
be pretty cool to ask you a bitaround that as well, if that's
(03:33):
cool.
So I guess, yeah, what led youto sobriety, pete?
Speaker 2 (03:40):
What led me to sobriety.
Well, you know, there's thisword.
You know I'd never heard theterm before you brought it up,
but it was that sober curious,yeah.
And you know I was an alcoholicthere for a while, like a
(04:04):
high-functioning alcoholicthrough a lot of my 20s.
There was a lot of pain andtrauma that I was using it to
cover up and ultimately, likeyou know, I was a very good
(04:30):
professional, but that was aboutall I had going in life really.
And then, um, it was in 2018,at the end of the wildfire
season, that I really hit like arock bottom place, and you know
I was very overweight at thetime, actually, and you know I
really took my physical fitnessvery seriously for about a year.
I shed almost, I think like 63pounds or something in the
course of six months, butalcohol was still in the picture
(04:52):
.
And I came around to, you know,about 15 months into December of
2019.
And I realized like I look good,I felt good physically, but
something still wasn't rightinside, and that was when I
actually reached out for thefirst time in my life for like
help I think it was 32 or 33 atthe time back in 2020.
(05:14):
And joined a men's coachingprogram, and that's where, you
know, as you've termed it likethose sober, curious moments
would pop up where I was doingthose 30 or 60 days at a time
and seeing really, reallypositive effects from it almost
(05:40):
three years.
And then I got reintroducedinto my life after you know two
years and and nine months or sothat I was off alcohol at the
time and thought that it couldcome back in kind of the latter
stages of 2023, into 2024, andrealize, like pretty quickly
(06:01):
that the relationship justwasn't there, it wasn't a
relationship that I could manageproperly, properly like it was
being used again as like a, as anumbing, uh, like just
emotional mental numbing.
And then, yeah, in july of lastyear was when I had to blow up,
(06:25):
just a whole bunch of bottledup stuff blew up and it was like
that was kind of the end of itfor me indefinitely,
indefinitely, but I did thinkthat I was going to come back to
it at some point.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Did you?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I did.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
And what's changed.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
What's changed, yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah, well, it was when I met you actually down in
LA and it was right after.
The last speaker at the Summitof Greatness was David Goggins
and I'd gotten so much from allof the speakers there, like
especially Joe Dispenza andLewis Howes.
(07:03):
I just look up to him as likejust the epitome of what, like a
strong, integrated, grounded,masculine dude is masculine man,
like just a really incrediblerole model of what a man should
be and the healing journey thathe's been on.
And you know, david Goggins wasthe last speaker to get up
there and they were talkingabout alcohol and David Goggins,
(07:26):
you know, actually he was oneof the first people that I
followed.
That really woke up a lot ofthat warrior energy in me, like
the can't hurt me.
You know I related a lot to alot of his story and the pain
and the struggles that he wentthrough.
And they were talking abouttheir journeys with alcohol.
David Goggins said that hedoesn't drink at all and Lewis
Howes said that he hardly drinksor has never been drunk.
(07:48):
And then I remember you and Ihad met and we were just walking
out of the auditorium there andyou kind of looked up at me and
you said do you notice how thetwo of them didn't drink and it
was just like all of it.
Just like I saw the messagethere, I was like these guys are
in the top 1% and if I want toget to that level, like there's
(08:12):
that piece that they're talkingabout, there's nothing else,
there's no superpower that theseguys have that I don't have
capabilities of doing Right, doit right, like you know, like
the mindset, the healing, the,the connection, the networking,
the business building, therelationships, all of it.
I'm looking at them and I'mlike there's, there's nothing,
(08:33):
there's no superpower that theseguys have.
That isn't within, like myselfor anybody else in this
auditorium.
But when the, when I heard themtalking about that alcohol piece
, it's like that's the crutchthat kind of just keeps falling
back into those old patterns,bringing out like the darker
side, the demons, like there's ademon and it just kind of wakes
that up.
And then when you just saidthat and in my mind it was like
(08:56):
alcohol was out, but I didn'thave like it wasn't like a one
year thing, it wasn't a threemonth thing, it wasn't a 10 year
thing, I didn't have any settimeline for it, but there was
this like niggling feeling oflike it'll be back, it'll be
reintegrated into my lifesomeday.
And then, when you said that itwas like the nail was like
right there, and then it wasjust like that final tap to put
(09:17):
it in, of like yeah, actually Icould go.
I could go my entire lifewithout it, without it, right,
and that's what will set meapart, and I do believe that
that will put me into that 1%category.
That's amazing, yeah, soinspired by them and driven home
by you, I would say.
(09:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
I'm pretty grateful that youdon't drink, yeah, but then I
don't think we would have met.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
No, no.
I agree with that if either ofus yeah, in that moment in time
yeah yeah yeah, it wasdefinitely some kind of like
divine intervention, wasn't itfor sure?
Speaker 1 (09:59):
and it was just weird because I remember when I met
you guys, you and Jack and therewas a few of us stood around
and I mean, I guess I am prettyopen about Sober Chapters and
proud of it and proud of likethat surprise journey, but
something in that moment likemade me share it with you guys
and you were complete strangersreally, and I think it was like
(10:20):
just being in that open heartspace and that's what I guess
that's what Lewis, at the event,was talking about, wasn't it
just being in that open heartspace and just connecting with
as many people as possible?
And I guess it goes back to melike always thinking that we're
all messengers for each other,especially when we're connected.
And then when I shared aboutSober Chapters, it just felt it
(10:40):
really flowed.
And then just seeing yours andJack's reaction and the fact
that I think both of you havebeen on like the alcohol-free
beers the night before and, yeah, it was pretty cool, and then I
think, you know, obviously westarted off as friends and then,
more recently, we are boyfriendand girlfriend.
Yes, but it was anon-negotiable for me to attract
(11:04):
someone in that didn't drink.
So it's yeah, it's pretty cooland I'm loving that we don't,
and there's just no need for itright in our relationship
whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
no room for it no, we've laughed so many times
about when we would get theopportunity and what it would do
.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Like there's just no opening for it, there's no space
for it yeah yeah, yeah, I thinkit's like enabled us to build
well I think we were alreadybuilding like a really gorgeous
friendship from across the world, which is kind of, I think,
pivotal for me, for us, for thewhole thing.
And then, yeah, and then notdrinking as well.
(11:42):
There's been so many timeswhere I'm like I'm so grateful
that we, that we don't, and likeI've recognized how, like in
the past, old patterns wouldhave resurfaced if I had been
drinking, even just like a cupof drinks, because it just
completely takes you away.
Like I think, when we spokeabout that, when you came to
Perth and obviously you came toPerth we didn't know what was
going to be happening.
We were just friends.
You were coming to do therelationship code event which,
(12:04):
looking back now, is kind ofwild right on valentine's day,
like, yeah, of course we're justfriends, um, but yeah, I
remember when we were talkingand we're like how would this
have gone if we'd have beendrinking?
and I think that if, like, I'dpicked you up from the airport
and then, well, we would havegone, like out for drinks that
night yeah and I think theconversation went something like
(12:28):
I probably would have done myclassic pattern of getting all
cocky and weird and like not myauthentic self and said
something like oh, aren't youlucky coming to see me the other
side.
And then I think you said you'dprobably have just gone into
like avoidance day or somethingas a result of that or put a
(12:48):
mask up.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, you know hidden vulnerabilities, you know, I
think when we were talking aboutit, right, and I can look back
on so many friendships,professional connections,
intimate connections, um, whereyou, you say something.
In one of those moments likethat, you know your ego gets in
(13:14):
the way and you tell a halftruth or just a blatant lie,
mm-hmm.
And then all of a sudden, likeas you get to know that person,
as the connection deepens, youend up you've already made a
choice to walk down a path andyou've got to live up to that.
Yeah, you don't like I've.
I've never come back to likecorrect one of those things.
(13:36):
So now, all of a sudden, you'reknocked off of your center,
you're knocked off yourauthenticity, you're knocked off
your truth.
And the longer thatrelationship goes, regardless of
what relationship it is, thatpath just diverges further and
further, because you've alreadytaken a step of saying something
, being somebody that you're not, and yeah the courageous thing
(13:58):
would be to back up and addressit early, but I've yet to meet
somebody that does thatfrequently with alcohol in the
mix, and I think that was.
I remember walking with you backI think we were walking back
from the zoo or something.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
We were talking about it and you're showing, like
some of these old spots that youused to go to and everything,
and then that was when we weretalking about it and just how it
was just nothing but raw,honest truth and authenticity
and it just felt so right and nogames no games no games no
games, which is huge for me,yeah, yeah, that's a big one for
(14:38):
me and, like I, I think Ishared this with you before but
like a big thing for me was thatI used to hide my insecurities
because I thought insecuritieswere like unattractive and then
you kind of like go intosomething, like it's almost like
you're being a bit of a fraud,I guess essentially and again,
(15:01):
not being authentic hiding stuff, yeah, there's a whole rabbit
hole.
I can go down with that.
But I think, yeah, just beingopen about my insecurities with
you from the start has been anabsolute game changer for me and
like very freeing, very freeing, and I have to thank you for
(15:23):
that Thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Thank you, no same.
Uh, 100 the insecurities bigone to hide.
You know, I've personally beenin like leadership positions
since I was like I mean, if youwant to go back to sports teams,
you know, probably 12 years old, realistically like in kind of
(15:45):
the making money world, likesince I was about 15 and 16 and
always had insecurities always.
Yeah, yeah.
And that's.
That's exactly it, like alcoholwas a place to find that, that
kind of liquid courage besomebody that you're, not, be
somebody that you think otherswant you to be or what society
(16:10):
makes out to be.
I look at the different stagesof manhood, transitioning from a
young boy into a teenager, intoa young adult, into a young man
, and then really trying to findthat connection with that
(16:30):
strong, mature, masculinepresence and how alcohol can.
I mean many things, like anyvice, really anything that's
used out of balance, but alcoholis a big one because it's so
socially acceptable.
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah, and socially promoted, yeah, yeah.
Well, it just like I know forme, like it just well I mean,
this is a big part of what I saylike it fuels our ego, it fuels
those patterns, it fuels allthat conditioning like massively
, yeah, yeah, I mean that's beenhuge.
And I think that there's a lotof people that you know even
(17:09):
just drink socially and theydon't realize that that's
actually happening.
I think that it was only when Istarted to do like a huge
amount of work on myself andyeah, like you, I was taking
like a lot of breaks and then Iwould go back to it and then it
was actually the relationshipcode when I finally realized
that even just like a big onebig night out would send me back
(17:31):
into patterns, particularlywith the opposite sex.
Yeah, and then you know well,you know the story I was like
yeah, I don't want to stay stuckin those patterns anymore.
Um, yeah, yeah, it's great itis.
(17:56):
I was like we're not gonna stop,but I was like no, I'm gonna
stop.
You're amazing thank you you'reamazing.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I can't believe I'm on here right now.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
I know right.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
And I can't believe that you're in the Yukon right
now either.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah, I know I can't believe I'm in the Yukon and
we've got Racky yes, the littlehusky next to us, so I nearly
didn't get to meet.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Yeah, almost lost him for like the fourth time a few
weeks ago.
He's on his last legs.
He's been a big part of my life.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he's been a huge part ofmy life and it's so great that
you got a chance to meet him aswell.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah, it's kind of wild.
So I wasn't meant to be up here.
We were meant to.
So Pete came to Perth inFebruary.
We thought we were just friends, then quickly realized we were
definitely not just friends.
And so p is moving to australiafrom canada in september.
We're going back to the summitof greatness event actually in
(18:54):
la in september and then he'sflying back home with me to
australia.
But we had a couple of othertrips planned, or one of the
trip planned where I was goingto be coming back up to Canada.
It was meant to be end of May,um, and, yeah, literally like
four weeks went by and I waslike this is ridiculous, and so
(19:15):
I ended up coming over here fortwo and a half weeks and then
Pete is coming to England tomeet my parents and my family
and my friends, and then I'mgoing to where pete's from in
new brunswick.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Yeah, frederickson frederick in new brunswick, east
coast his mom and stepdad.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
So we're getting all of that in before we go to the
other side of the world yeahyeah, how are you feeling about
the move?
Amazing yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Amazing.
Yeah, it's been.
You know that's.
You know we've talked a lotsince I left Perth.
You know we've been, you and I.
We've been doing date nightsevery Saturday night and we've
been on the phone almost everyday, usually while we're
(20:06):
puttering around doing our ownthing at whatever time on the
other side of the world.
And you know, I think a reallygreat example came up.
You know they talked about thisin the code and I've been
looking into it with a lot, withlike kind of the 80 20
principle and really diving deepinto like identity work and
trying to shed identity and back.
(20:26):
What was that?
Probably about three weeks ago,I was down in my old fire
region, just a small communitycalled watson lake, um, and it
was where a lot of journeysbegan for me.
That was where the journey oflike hitting that rock bottom
was.
That was where the journey andthe identity of becoming, you
know, a higher level of caliberof leader came from.
(20:49):
That's where, um, that's whereI did my coaching certification.
That's where, um, you know, Ichose to stop drink.
Well, yeah, I chose to stopdrinking, but more so chose to,
you know, start like reach outfor help you know like a
coaching group and and adoptedlike kind of more of a healthier
(21:13):
lifestyle.
And I even look at that like if,um, just like what's come up
since going to the code down inPerth and really seeing like a
lot of these identities leavingand shedding 80% of what was.
(21:35):
Like I'm actively selling allof my stuff right, like I'm
planning to come down to Perthwith like a suitcase and maybe
three or four totes and it'smostly like the best books that
I want to keep.
Um so it's.
It's literally shedding 80% oflike who I was, what I was doing
(21:55):
, like all of like the identityof being a Canadian.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
For 38, 39, coming up , 39 years Right Like I turned
39 here in like what?
Six days, you know, sheddingthe identity of being that
wildland firefighter and thatforester and you know all of the
things.
But like it's, not to say likethe mindset and those skills and
(22:23):
those attributes aren'ttransferable.
But when I was down there goingthrough this whole grieving,
sadness, journey and it was evenin those moments that those are
times that would have been veryeasy to reach for something to
numb out that the thought didn'teven cross my mind.
(22:45):
But looking back on it now inhindsight is like I'm just kind
of in it and going through itand I'm really proud of myself
for that and like trying tocontinue to discover more on an
emotional level for myself, likethat's the big journey for
myself this year, believing that, you know, connecting more with
that will bring more of like aoneness within and connect me
(23:06):
with a higher spiritual kind ofpurpose and calling and state of
being.
But you know, I could see it.
I could see that those grievingmoments.
I think we connected thatevening and kind of talked
through it.
It was date night that evening.
That's what it was.
It was Saturday night datenight.
We had date night from the,from the hotel room, and uh, it
(23:29):
was just like actually seeinglike these pieces of identity
kind of leaving and and alsowhere it's become my comfort
zone to be in this very remote,incredibly rugged patch of the
world.
But like I mean, you got todrive around here and see it
like there's no people andthere's a lot of land and a lot
(23:51):
of trails and a lot of natureand it's always going to be
there for me.
But, you know, just seeing likethat almost that identity of
being like a hermit in a way.
Yeah.
Of just being in my comfort zoneand just recognizing and being
able to look out around theenvironment and be like.
It's served me very well hereand I've gone on a lot of
(24:14):
journeys and you know there's alot that I get to take away from
this and build upon If the newlife with you down in Australia,
wherever life takes us like.
I'm really, really excited tosee how life unfolds for us.
Yay, yay, yeah, me too.
Yeah.
So that's a long way of goingaround of like just some of the
(24:36):
shifts in the past couple, threeweeks that I've witnessed and
I'm really excited to get downthere Like there's been.
Just to touch back on that forone moment, there was this egoic
side.
I remember driving out of thebush that Saturday before you
and I connected.
That was, you know, all thefears started coming in of like,
oh my God, like I, you know,I'm leaving my job, I'm leaving
(24:59):
all this certainty, security and, oh my God, like you know, I'm
leaving my job, I'm leaving allthis certainty, security and
opportunities and things that Ibuilt and irons that I've got in
the fire and all thesedifferent fires around here for
opportunities and some of myfriends and all this.
But there was still like it wasvery easy to actually shake all
of that because there was stillthis like really deep knowing
(25:23):
of the journey ahead, like notonce have I really truly doubted
that move and it's like there'sa, there's a real pull where I
feel like so much of my life hasbeen a push Right and I'm done
pushing, pushing.
I'm tired of pushing.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, yeah yeah, that's gorgeous.
Thank you for sharing all that.
Yeah, the deep knowing bit isinteresting, isn't it?
Because it's like how do youthink it feels different like
going through all of that notdrinking, being more in touch
with, I guess, like your trueself, or your authentic self, or
(26:06):
your feelings?
Speaker 2 (26:07):
I trust it.
You know, it gives me a bettertrust and confidence in myself.
You know, and it was actuallyrecently that I heard a really
great thing around confidenceand recognizing that the
derivative of the wordconfidence is to like confide in
(26:31):
Right, and quite often, youknow, I've got confidence in you
and we often have confidence inother people, but we often lack
confidence in ourselves, right.
And that means, like, do Iconfide in myself?
And I can't help but see, likeall of the times that alcohol or
(26:53):
any substances were at play,that I would break the word to
myself and say that I was goingto do something I wouldn't
follow through, yeah, and then Iwouldn't trust myself.
So, if I don't trust myself andI can't confide in myself, and
so, with the sobriety, with theclarity and with moving through
(27:14):
all of the emotional stuff whichis one of the toughest journeys
that I've had to have, for sureLike, yeah, um, yeah, the
emotional side, it's been a verytough journey, um, but it gives
me that confidence to trust,that knowing yeah that this
isn't just a spark, it's notjust like a wild, crazy,
(27:35):
adventurous idea or somethingyou know.
It's not something that you andyour buddies came up with around
the pool table with a bunch ofwhiskey in you one night, you
know.
But it's like no, I, I really,I really trust and confide in
that knowing and in myself.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
I love that, I love that and I think as well when
you.
I don't know for me anyway.
Like I, my ego is a littlebugger, as you know.
It is for all of us, and Idon't know whether it gets
easier or worse, in some ways ofsobriety, because it gets
louder.
But I think you just become somuch more aware of it.
(28:16):
And that's the key, right,because, like for me in the past
when I drank, I wouldn't havebeen able to distinguish what
was my ego and my false self andthe lies and the like,
fear-based patterns versus mytrue self.
And that's where it all getsmeshed up and then you end up,
just you know not living inalignment or making decisions or
(28:37):
doing weird things.
But now it's like, yeah, likethat trust is huge because I can
just observe my ego.
I know it really well and, asyou know, I know it really well
so many times.
Still they don't go away viceversa, sweetheart but it's like
it, it doesn't.
(28:59):
I don't fall into the lies orthe emotions that it brings,
like sure, it can still besneaky and say things to me,
like you know, about my weightand my appearance and all the
things, but yeah, I know how tomanage it and not to believe it,
which is pretty cool, and Iguess that's what you're saying,
(29:20):
right.
It, which is pretty cool, and Iguess that's what you're saying
right.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
like you're able to like if you did have any doubts
or anything about coming toaustralia and then you know that
it's, it's not the truth well,and the other big thing too, dd,
is, like you know, obviouslythere's probably a bit of a
different podcast, because I'vebeen with you and dating you and
everything but your ability tocommunicate it as well, right,
like, and that's where so muchlike just speaking from my
(29:47):
perspective, like when thosemoments come up, like you've
been able to communicate it soclearly and identify it and
share it, and that makes metrust you as well, right, and it
gives us connection points.
And then there's just a wholeplethora of conversations and
getting lost in convo till onein the morning yeah, that we
(30:11):
have around that yeah, rightyeah versus if.
If those uncomfortable momentscame up with us, you know like
the joke has come.
Obviously we would never go acton this.
But it's like, well, what's theoption?
It's like, well, we can grab abottle of wine and, you know,
not talk about this.
And then see where that goes,right.
(30:31):
Like it's like looking down thetwo different paths, right.
It's like there's thisuncomfortable thing in between
us and let's talk about thatbetween us and let's let's talk
about that versus let's just gohave a glass of wine, let's not
talk about this thing, let'ssweep it under the rug, yeah,
and we'll keep doing that, yeah,until the rug blows up, yeah
yeah yeah, totally, yeah, yeah,well, it links back to you know,
(30:57):
the.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
It makes you more able to be vulnerable, right,
and yeah, I'm, I've learned howto share my insecurities and
I've learned that being secureabout your insecurities is
actually really attractive and areally great quality as well,
and so I think, yeah, notdrinking allows me to have those
like difficult conversationsfrom the heart, um, but you,
(31:19):
like you know, you've done ahuge amount of work on yourself
too, right, like I feel we'revery lucky from that point of
view.
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Another non-negotiable for me.
That was yeah, so thanks.
So for yeah and for everyonelistening.
I had a few non-negotiables andanother I had like how many
time out?
Speaker 2 (31:38):
a few, a few I had a whole list.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
I had a whole list, which, weirdly, I found the list
.
So I found this list from thestart of my sober chapter.
I do a lot of journaling.
I talk about that a lot.
I think it's been huge in likemy journey.
I think it's a really powerfultool when you are sober as well,
because you're obviously like,have so much more clarity.
And yeah, yeah, yeah, that's awhole other topic, but I had
(32:03):
written this list in 2022, atthe beginning of my sober
chapter, and, as you know, forpeople that are listening that
have followed me, they know abig part of the reason why I
gave up alcohol was because Iwanted to attract in love,
healthy love and um.
Yeah, I wrote down a list oflike quite a few things.
They were quite specific and Idefinitely had some
(32:24):
non-negotiables.
And then the night before Petearrived, he was flying through
the skies and I found likesomething I was upset clearing
out.
I think I was just cleaning thehouse frantically, trying to
get ready for him, and then thisorange journal just caught my
eye in the office and I haveloads of journals and I know now
to trust it when something likethat happens.
So I like picked the journalout, went and sat downstairs and
(32:46):
I opened it.
And I kid you not, it opened onthe page of that list and I
think I even shared it with youwhen you were flying, didn't?
I, I was like and it was wildbecause it had in there things
like um you didn't share all ofit did I not no, you took like
snapshots and then you shared itall.
When I got down there, okay.
So I had like really randomthings in there and I'd
(33:10):
forgotten that I'd written it,and one of them was this wasn't
non-negotiable, but this wasjust interesting.
It said that I wanted somebodythat was open-minded and into
quantum physics, and we met at ajoepenza like event, which is
kind of wild, and then it wassomebody that's like into DIY
and building and stuff like this, and you'd asked me if I had
(33:31):
like to create a list of thingsfor you to do when you got to
Perth.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Some blue jobs.
So you've been living thissingle bachelorette life.
I figure you come down andthere's got to be some blue jabs
around the house for it.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
And then it was really wild.
He was coming to do theRelationship Code event, which
is the community that I'minvolved in here in Perth, and
it said somebody that will comeand do the code with me.
I'm like this is crazy.
But going back to thenon-negotiables, which I
fine-tuned, I think, over 2023and 2024, I got really strict
with them and that was, um, Ithink, like a non-drinker,
(34:11):
someone doing the work and likeprepared to continue doing the
inner work with me, indefinitely, essentially spiritual, open,
like obviously I've found thisconnection to God I'm still
understanding what that allmeans but somebody that's
open-minded and I believe thatyou are very open with all of
(34:31):
that and I actually think you'rea lot more connected
spiritually than you evenbelieve, especially meet your
mum the other day and she'sextremely connected.
So I think the other day andshe's extremely connected, so I
think, yeah, I can see where youget that from um.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
What was the?
Speaker 1 (34:50):
other one that I had six foot six two.
Oh, this has come up, but Ididn't expect it to.
No sex before marriage yeah.
I mean, what were the chances?
It's really quite funny.
So a lot of my friends weresaying to me they were like, oh
yeah, six foot, really quitefunny.
So a lot of my friends weresaying to me they were like, oh
yeah, six foot, two over sixfoot.
But a lot of my friends weresaying because I've been single
for eight years and I didn'tactually even date somebody in
(35:11):
2024.
Like yeah, wild, like kiss ordate anyone.
A lot of my friends werestarting to say I think you're
being too fussy and you mightneed to.
You know, get a bit like whatwas it compromise on some of
your non-negotiables and thingslike this?
And I was just like no,absolutely not.
(35:32):
Like I, yeah, I just trust andhad this.
There's that whole other storywith the guidance that I had, I
guess.
But it's been really funnysince I met you because so many
of my friends are like youliterally found the unicorn that
you were waiting for and he'sover in the Yukon.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
18,000 kilometers away.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
Wild, like literally wild.
And yeah, I mean I guess I'llbring it up.
But I had guidance, didn't I?
To be in LA for two and a halfyears and I kept following it,
even though everyone thought Iwas a little bit crazy.
But it was just this deep,knowing that there was something
there.
And yeah, I mean I guess we canget into our story another time
(36:13):
, but yeah, it's kind of cool,hey.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Yeah, it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
What have been your thoughts on all the spiritual
stuff with me?
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Well, it's amazing.
What have been your thoughts onall the spiritual stuff with me
?
Well, you know there was a dayso yeah, you know where I stand
but like I've had a reallydifficult time with kind of
religion and God specifically.
Like you know, I was a criticalthinker from when I was very
(36:42):
young.
I mean church, like grew upCatholic, it was quite boring,
I'm not going to lie.
Like church I didn't enjoySundays at all growing up.
And you know, when I think itwas in high school, when I
(37:03):
really started to scrutinizelike all through history, the,
just all of the wars, it wasaround the time of 9-11 as well.
And like I always look at thesethings and again it's just like
the weird wiring on my brainbut I always look at what, what
happens in the world and thenwhy did that happen?
Why did that happen?
Why did that happen?
Just keep tracing it back andso much of like the, the chaos
(37:27):
and turmoil and like the MiddleEast was from Catholicism, right
.
And you know, in in the recentdecade, decade and a half, and
(37:52):
you know, in the recent decade,decade and a half, there's been
a lot here in Canada with truthand reconciliation around First
Nation communities and childrenand I've worked with some that
were put into residentialschools that were designed to
kind of whitewash thetraditional culture out of them,
and there was a lot of abuseand those were led by churches
and everything.
So I've had this real challengewith god and religion being
bundled into one, and so I, I,and just I I'm still I don't
(38:17):
know, I'm still exploring thisfor myself, like, but when you
and I were talking, I rememberwalking down Venice Beach and
you were talking about yourconnection to faith and to God
and finding God, but you weren'tpushing a religion at me and
there was this little aha momentfor me in there of actually
(38:38):
being able, for one of the firsttimes, to be able to separate
the two.
Well.
I separated it right, right ithelped to separate the two and
you know I, I see, like I I dofeel spiritual connection.
I'm a forester, like you know I, I just you know I've got scars
on my hands from, like woodchopping when I was like six
years old.
You know, like I just loved itand so you know I was always
(39:00):
involved in, like you know, cubsand beavers and scouts, and you
know, boy, I just loved it andso you know I was always
involved in, like you know, cubsand beavers and scouts and you
know boy scouts and everything.
Like I didn't tell you thatyeah did I hi did you do
brownies?
Speaker 1 (39:11):
brownie, yeah, okay yeah cool that's one of the
videos my mom will probably showyou yes, yeah, I can't wait to
see that yeah okay, cool I'm mylittle english, oh my god yeah I
cannot wait to go back.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Anyways.
Back on topic.
Um, yeah, so I always thinkthat, like I've had some sort of
a connection with nature.
Even I know that probablysounds wild, as like a forester
who was responsible for layingout and harvesting trees, right,
but you think of like somebodyconnected with nature.
(39:46):
They're going to be likesinging Kumbaya, you know,
chaining themselves up.
But I see, yeah, I found a lotof peace in in nature and it was
a real honor to be responsibleand a steward of the forest, to
go out and actually be able toprotect the areas that needed
protecting and to do the rightthing for the wildlife and to
(40:09):
sustainably and responsiblyextract a resource that I
believe is truly the onlysustainable resource on this
planet.
Resource on this planet.
All that aside, um, you know Ithink, recently starting to
(40:29):
connect with something higher.
Um, you know, I I don't want tosay like it was some sort of
like crazy profound spiritualawakening or something, but
something happened back in 2020when I was moving through that
men's coaching program Right,one of the things that I was
doing, a very basic tool thatone of the coaches gave me.
It was, like, you know, justask yourself a series of
(40:50):
questions.
So every morning, every morning, six o'clock, I was getting up,
I was taking the dogs out for awalk around the airport, down
on my fire base, and I wasasking myself the same questions
.
You know, basically, where am Imentally, emotionally and
physically like just givingthose a score of one to ten?
And it was like, for thelongest time it took me, it took
(41:13):
me forever, like I'm talking,six months to be able to
separate mental and emotionalwell-being, like I didn't, I
couldn't, I didn't even know howto separate those two.
I didn't even know how toreally identify them.
And then you know, like, what'ssomething that you can do to
increase one or all of thosescores, what's something you're
(41:33):
excited about today, what'ssomething you're grateful for,
type thing?
And for six months I was doingthat.
I'm going and continuing like,but every morning I was doing
that same practice.
And there was just this onemorning in August which is fall
up here this far north.
It was about mid-August, so thefire season had wound down,
(41:53):
firefighters were starting to gohome.
It was a really quiet year.
That year anyways Didn't fightany fires, I don't think and the
lake was just like glass, likeit was just super still and the
sunrise was just like superbeautiful on the lake.
And then, for whatever reason,like I can remember the exact
spot and it was like here I amprobably looking like I'm having
(42:16):
a seizure, trying to figure outmy mental and emotional health,
and then it just likedownloaded to me like just, I am
so small and insignificant, Iam so tiny and insignificant and
out here like struggling tryingto figure out how to separate
mental and emotional health,like none of this shit matters
at the end of the day, like noneof it matters.
(42:38):
Like I'm so tiny in this littleblip in time, on this rock, in
this like wild, crazy, chaoticuniverse.
Like why am I so?
Why am I so focused down onmyself all the time?
And this whole like darkness,bullshit, like none of it
matters.
None of it matters.
(42:59):
And yeah, just like, looked atthe vastness of this universe
and how small and insignificantI was, and just all of a sudden
then it's like I can dosomething bigger than that
little insignificant self.
And, like I said, it was justlike it just happened in like a
(43:21):
heartbeat or two.
You know, I want to tell youlike the skies opened up and
there was like some sort of likewild thing, but it was just
like in that heartbeat.
But it changed all of myperspective, because it was only
a month later that I enrolledto become a coach.
(43:42):
It was only a month after thatthat I began coaching with the
program that I was a student of.
Yeah.
And then, coming into the nextfire season, I just saw how much
like, how much of a greaterleader I was, how much of a
bigger impact was, and then itwas a sign to me like I can do
(44:04):
something even bigger than thisand I'm going to.
So, in terms of, yeah, universe, nature, God, I was sharing
with you recently like it'ssomething that I'm exploring
more.
Listening to rob bell I wasreally inspired by aaron rogers
(44:28):
and the enigma documentary watchit binge worthy absolutely yeah
, aaron rogers yeah whenever yousay, I always think you're
saying aaron but like that'syour accent so it's like aaron
me.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
Aaron.
Aaron Rogers.
Yeah, it was good you got metowards that.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
I really enjoyed it and I just I really resonated
with like a lot of what he saidof like wanting to explore
spirituality but trying to breakout of the mold of religion
yeah and now he was growing upand I was like, okay, cool, and
so I started looking towards whohis mentor was for that yeah
(45:06):
and so it's an ongoing journey.
But, um, but I I love that we'vebeen able to be so open and
honest about where we are, oneverything, too, and leaning
into one another with that yeah,yeah, yeah, it's cool.
Speaker 1 (45:22):
I'm curious to know more about all of it.
Like, I still haven't figuredout at all, but I do know that
we've definitely been broughttogether for a higher reason I
know that, just the craziness ofhow it's all happened and just
how like easy yeah and weirdlylike.
Yeah, just like weirdcoincidences or not coincidences
(45:45):
and like all of it, yeah yeahit is wild it is yeah, yeah,
it's gonna be mad to see, like,yeah, what unfolds incredible
alignment yeah yeah definitely.
Yes, I know it's ridiculous.
So we're both tauruses.
Um, we can often be pretty muchthe same person, same person,
(46:10):
yeah.
So, um, when pete came to stayin australia, I I like to call
myself organized chaos, I, Isuppose, but I definitely just
don't sweat the small stuff whenit comes to, like, I'm not
horrendously messy, but I'mslapdash and leave cupboards
open and do weird things, and Iknow, just look at the kitchen
(46:33):
now it's like all the cupboardsare open and Pete does exactly
the same thing.
Basically, which means that wedon't get annoyed with each
other at the things that, likeeveryone else, would get annoyed
with us about yeah which isreally cool I've people have
been annoyed at me my entirelife.
Speaker 2 (46:51):
I think kitchen cupboards open, yeah yeah, so
that's pretty good.
Speaker 1 (46:57):
and, um, yeah, and we just like all the same things.
Like, we definitely like allthe same things pretty much,
don't we?
It makes life very easy, veryeasy.
It's crazy to think we'veactually only been officially
together for two months.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
I know.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
Like what the hell?
Speaker 2 (47:12):
I know.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (47:14):
I know.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So who knows, who knows?
But yeah, I'm glad that youcame on the podcast and Gass,
yeah, like, are there anyquestions you want to ask me?
Speaker 2 (47:31):
Ooh, ooh, you're really putting me on the spot.
Am I?
Yeah, I said.
I didn't come in here too hotwith any questions.
To tell you the truth, that'sfine.
Okay, this might be a littlebit surface level, but because
you're up here in the Yukon.
Yeah, what's been your favoritepart of coming to the Yukon so
far?
Speaker 1 (47:49):
because this is a place that not a lot of people
get to come so I guess, like thelike yeah, being pretty much in
the middle of the forest, inthe middle of nowhere, um, it's
stunning, like the mountains,the snow.
As you know, it's connected memassively with my childhood.
(48:12):
So yeah, for context, I grew upin England on a farm I guess
there was woods and trees and alot of all of that, a lot of log
fires and things like this, andI haven't had.
I now live in Australia and Ihaven't had an English winter or
a proper winter in like sixyears, which is a long time for
(48:32):
me, and I really like my seasonsand I like, yeah, I, yeah, I
loved winter and I love like thecrisp, kind of like Christmassy
snow and things like that.
So, coming up here and likecatching the end of what, is it
the end of winter, I guess, orlike spring?
for you guys.
So spring here, but it's stillup until this last week there
(48:52):
was a lot of snow still wasn'tthere.
Like seeing the snow being inlike winter clothes all rugged
up, and it's really gorgeouslike um, air, like dry, I mean
not great for the skin, but kindof great at the same time, like
it's really fresh.
So just experiencing all ofthat and then like actually,
(49:13):
yeah, it's interesting that youasked me that because I kind of
like mentioned it on myInstagram a bit.
But, like, another big part oflike my message with sobriety is
that alcohol really brings youback.
It's like who you truly are andmaybe who you truly were before
you started drinking as well.
And you know, I love going intolike that inner child work, both
for myself, my clients, likeall the things, and I really
(49:33):
felt that I've connectedmassively with my inner child up
here, which has brought up alot of like tears and I don't
know, seeing you popping woodand doing the fire and like kind
of like in a weird kind of wayreminds me of my dad and like
all of that stuff.
And um, yeah, it's beenemotional, so I don't know.
That was kind of a long-windedway of answering that, but it's,
(49:55):
it's stunning up here and yeah,I guess just it's just so, so
different to anywhere I've everbeen before, which it would be,
I suppose, wouldn't it?
Is it different to like therest of Canada?
Speaker 2 (50:07):
Very much.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a very unique place.
Some pretty harsh climates.
We literally suffered throughnine months of winter for three
months of summer, yeah, and gothrough massive, you know, go
from four hours of daylight inthe winter months, yeah, to like
(50:30):
22 hours of daylight, 24 hoursof daylight during the summers
yeah yeah, yeah, seeing you withlike frozen eyebrows and
eyelashes and pitches, yeah,yeah yeah minus 42, minus 47
celsius, although the very yeah,it was a very mild winter
(50:53):
overall.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
Yeah, it was very mild winter overall, but yeah
it's gorgeous, um, and then Iguess, with you and being a guy
and not drinking, how do youfind that in terms of like I
don't know, I guess there'sstill quite a stigma around it
(51:15):
or still like quite a culturearound drinking with men 100%
yeah drinking with men.
Speaker 2 (51:20):
A hundred percent, yeah.
Yeah, look like you think ofwhat society makes out.
I do men's coaching, like you.
Yeah, so I do, I do men'scoaching and there's a lot that
(51:43):
society kind of makes anappearance of what men should be
right and what the definitionof success is right.
It's fast cars, it's nicewatches, it's like the expensive
booze, it's the boats, theyachts, the parties, the drugs,
the condo, the penthouse,whatever it might be.
(52:05):
And again, like with the socialacceptance of alcohol,
especially in alignment withthat appearance of success,
usually a lot of it is aroundbusiness deals and everything as
well, and there's a lot ofalcohol involved there.
(52:28):
I mean, like I was at forestry,we weren't making business
deals but a huge part of likeforest culture, forestry culture
for sure.
And you know I was sharing abouttrying to separate mental and
emotional health, like this isactually a big thing that I'm
trying to educate guys on andand working on working with
(52:51):
another guy on launching apodcast around that, and it's
like one of my big messages ispull that apart because, um, as
guys like in, speaking from myown experience you know I don't
think I really matured from theage of like eight, maybe 12,
maybe 12 at best, emotionallyRight, like it all just got shut
(53:13):
down and um, and then you bringalcohol into the picture, you
know at like age 18 or beyondand everything, and that stifles
that whole emotional growth.
But it's so easy to do becausewe as men, we need something
(53:40):
tangible, like I want objectivethings, I want clear goals, I
want objectives, I want to goout and be able to push on those
and I want to be able to seethe result.
And I want to see the result inreal time.
These are very, very masculinetraits like cause and effect, I
(54:01):
do X, I get Y, and digging intolike an emotional side, there's
no.
That's like one of the bigstruggles for me how do I
tangibly measure this Right?
And I've had to surrender thatthere is no tangible outcome.
That's hard to not have thatgoal.
Right.
(54:21):
It's a habit-based goal, throughpractices and so on and so
forth.
But when that's such a struggleto identify and to be able to
feel vulnerable, not having goodmale role models in our lives,
many of us don't, many of usdon't right, and you just think
and not faulting any of ourancestors, but you just think of
(54:43):
the men who they needed to be.
They've seen hard times.
They've seen hard, hard times.
We are in very, very,incredibly good times, which
creates weak men, incrediblygood times.
Which creates weak men.
(55:10):
And touching in on thatemotional stuff can be really,
really difficult Because wedon't want to, we don't want to
feel it.
You know it kind of fucks withyou, kind of like messes with
your messes with like the wholeprocess that you want to the
logical side, that, that, thatkiller instinct to to progress
forward.
So it's a huge again.
(55:34):
Like just to bring it back toyour question of the of the
alcohol and the stigma around it, like it's used in times of
celebration and it's used intimes of great sadness, right,
like I'm trying to think of ananalogy, of something else that
(55:55):
is so accepted to be usedwhether somebody just died and
you're depressed, or whetheryou're celebrating one of the
greatest victories andaccomplishments of your life,
and alcohol is the one that canbe on either extreme and
anywhere in between yeah yeah, Iwas gonna say what shifted your
(56:20):
mindset around it, but I thinkeven what you said about like
the lew Lewis Howes thing andlike those guys not drinking,
and it's like, um, yeah, I gotto a point where I just saw it
as like a bit of a superpower.
Speaker 1 (56:33):
You know, it's a gift , it's a massive gift and I
think when you can change yourmindset around that, like you
become because yeah, because mypoint was going to be around
like how, how you feel beinglike a guy that doesn't drink,
great, that's the thing.
I guess you feel really proudof it now, right, but I think
that doesn't always happenovernight.
Does it for people?
Um, yeah, and I think, once youget to that point, like it's
(56:57):
awesome because, yeah, you feelreally empowered by it, and then
that creates I think that'swhen it creates a ripple effect,
because people see, well, Ithink that's what happened with
you and me a little bit isn't itlike?
Speaker 2 (57:08):
you saw how proud I was of being apple free yeah
yeah and I think with that too,dd is like don't give up, right,
if you, if you take, if you saythat you're going to commit to
30 days and you only make it to15 yeah hell yeah cool yeah,
don't yeah and and if you end upgoing on like big bender and
(57:31):
who who you were again for forthe next six months or whatever.
But then it calls to you againlike okay, I'm gonna try 30 days
again yeah like yeah go for it,try that 30 days, right, like
and just, and then it it takestime, like I mean, I, I, I think
there's very few people,there's very few people that are
going to say like this is it,and then that's like, completely
(57:53):
it might take a few attemptsand then all of a sudden, um,
all of a sudden, like it, it'llgrab hold and then eventually,
with time, that identity willshake and shift off.
Speaker 1 (58:06):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that's a really good point
to make.
Thank you, because it took meyears.
Like it took me years.
I took loads of breaks Like Iwas sober, curious, for years,
and I think back, like fordifferent reasons, probably the
wrong reasons to start with,like vanity reasons and things
(58:27):
like that, and like I knew Iwasn't as productive at work and
I hated hangovers but yeah, Ibloody defended it like I kept
going back a bit.
But I think that you know it is, the path to sobriety looks
different for everyone, but Ithink the common thing is that
once you get a taste for it andit's kind of like in your psyche
I guess you keep going back toit and, yeah, like it doesn't
matter if you go back todrinking.
And then I think you you cannever like unsee or unfeel like
(58:50):
how sobriety does feel when youtake those breaks, and then I
think it's just a matter of timepersonally, yeah, yeah yeah,
yeah yeah amazing thank youthank you first of many I know
right for sure.
Yeah, we're gonna set up alittle podcast studio.
(59:12):
I guess it's kind of ready, theoffice that I was meant to
blank canvas blank canvas.
So I'm gonna rely on pete forhis technical skills, because
I'm not very good at it, and wewill do more.
I didn't really have a plan forthis one, but that's it.
That's my boyfriend right there.
Speaker 2 (59:28):
That's my girlfriend, thank you.
Speaker 1 (59:35):
Thank you for listening to today's episode of
the Sober Chapters podcast.
I hope you enjoyed it and gotlots of good information from it
.
I'm really keen to share thesemessages as far and wide as
possible, and I know howimportant it is to receive
reviews to do so.
If you're feeling called, Iwould love you to leave a review
from whatever platform it isthat you're listening on, and if
(59:57):
you send me a screenshot ofthat review to dd at
soberchapterscom, I will put youinto the mix of winning a free
one-on-one coaching session withme.
If you would like to learn moreabout sober chapters and to
follow along on instagram it'ssober underscore chapters you'll
find lots of differentresources on there and a free
(01:00:19):
guide, 69 tips, tricks andresources for anyone that is
embarking on a sober chapter.
If you'd like to learn moreabout my one-on-one coaching,
group coaching programs andmasterminds, then please go to
wwwsoberchapterscom.
I'd also love to hear from you.
(01:00:39):
If you have any feedback or youneed any guidance or you have
anything at all you'd like toreach out to me about, then
please do email me at dd atsober chapterscom.
I would love to hear from youand support you in any way that
I can.
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