August 29, 2020 • 27 mins
This week we talk about how to avoid bullying by knowing how to use verbal judo. Mostly by shrinking your ego and just not taking anything personally. We also talk about having fun, using creativity and being adventurous.
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Link to Stephen Mitchell's The Tao Te Ching audiobook
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:24):
Running away from the podium thinking much in the back
seat for the Powerball we coulddo it on demand
put the winning you know asgames off of sheets sing along
man, and just when it couldn'tget better she broke my ear
saying you got the chin. Ah, yougot the juice. You have the
bison you talking and walkingthe right way sundown on a
(00:46):
highway you know the feelingbaby.
Take the pants off a welcomeback to the social skills lab.
Episode Number 10. I'm your hostNathan. It's
(01:07):
been a crazy couple of weeks didit actually
get an episode uploaded lastweek I apologize for that had to
evacuate for the ln newlightning complex fire out here
in California. I do evacuatedfor a couple days. Here the fire
(01:29):
got pretty close. Butwhat Luckily, my house is still
here. So that's good news.
We also got some new music asyou can hear, that was
the song Powerball by waxMustang.
I sent him a message I think onSoundCloud. Because I really
(01:49):
like the song. Just send him amessage asking if I could use it
for my podcast. And he's like,Yeah, go ahead. So thank you
very much wax. Appreciate it.
On the last episode, Iaccidentally uploaded the
unedited version.
So the handful of you may havegotten
(02:13):
a pretty crappy download a lotof a lot of empty silence and
stuff like that. So it wasn'tvery many probably about, I
don't know, just a handfulpeople got it, I noticed it
pretty quickly, I got the actualgood version uploaded. So if you
happen to get a crappy version,and you want an edited version,
(02:33):
you can go back and get it. Sowe're back. And last week, we
were talking about apologizing,and putting out a good vibe.
couple notes on that forapologizing. I said, if you did
a pretty big thing, that you theperson might be kind of pissed
(02:55):
off that you might want to waita day or two, I just want to
make the point that you don'twant to wait too long. Like if
you wait a couple of weeks or acouple months, it's just gonna
get worse and worse. Sosometimes it's best to just pull
that band aid right off, youknow, get it over with, you want
to not make a lot of excuses,make sure it's genuine. If you
(03:17):
if it's not genuine, then don'tdo it. The whole point is being
transparent. You know, it takesa
it takes a lot of high characterto do to apologize. So it's good
to do it. If you feel like youshould do it, just get it out of
the way. And on on the otherend.
You might want to make sure thatyou are a forgiving person as
(03:38):
well. Because I don't know,sometimes you might apologize
and they don't actually youcould tell they're not really
forgiving you or whatever,that's fine, man, that's their
deal. As long as you genuinelyput an effort in to make an
apology, your side of the streetis clear. But you want to make
sure that you are a forgivingperson. Don't be someone that
holds grudges, it's just notreally good for your, your vibe,
(04:01):
just just let stuff go. Most ofthe stuff is actually pretty
petty. Don't Don't, don't, don'tsweat the small stuff. forgiving
is a is a valued asset to have.
It's a it's a good quality to tomaintain. And sometimes when
someone kind of slides me onstuff, and they don't apologize
(04:24):
for it, I'll just forgive themanyways, you know, I'm just
gonna put that out in theuniverse, you know, like,
whatever it is what it is. Ihope he's, I hope he's doing
well. You know, not gonna hold agrudge or have some vengeance on
my mind.
That stuff is kind of a waste oftime. We also talked about
(04:45):
having a good vibe. Andsomething I want to mention
about that is I have beendrinking a lot of pressed juice.
Like it's really good for youlike I don't know like kale and
parsley and celery and stufflike that. Like there's a couple
good juice stores around here.
(05:09):
There's also the,the nugget, the nugget, yeah,
nugget, Whole Foods probably hasthem. I mean, they're like five
bucks,eight bucks, nine bucks, kind of
expensive. But at the same time,if you were actually to buy all
the vegetables,it would almost be the same
price and you don't have toclean it up. And it's just like
really good for you, the betteryou feel, the better vibe you're
(05:32):
going to put off. So I recommendgetting yourself a veggie juice,
especially if you don't likeeating vegetables very much. I
don't really like cookingvegetables, or I do like salads,
but I know that I'm not gettingenough vegetables. So I will,
you know, once or twice a week,sometimes five or six times a
week, I'll get a vegetablejuice. And I think it's just
(05:55):
better for you, you got to getto a lot of those micronutrients
that you'll never get if youcook it, or if you
don't eat it very much. Makesure you make sure you do that.
It'll be good for you, you'llfeel better. Also exercising,
like I said before stretching,make sure you get a lot of
water, all that stuff kind ofwill make you feel better. And
(06:19):
you'll put off a bit a bettervibe. Another thing I would do
before, before I'd go out, I waswatching a lot of stand up, but
I noticed that it would put mein a really good mood. So before
I went out with friends,sometimes I would just be like,
Alright, we're gonna watch like30 minutes of stand up comedy.
And it put a really elevated mymood. I think it put me in kind
(06:41):
of like a funny vibe. It seemedto work really well. So I always
would watch like 20 or 30minutes of some pretty funny
stand up. Before I go out, youcan find a ton of it on on
YouTube, you'll see you'll findsome people you'll like and then
you'll get become a fan oftheirs. And you'll start
watching other stuff they do.
It's pretty cool. So I wouldrecommend that as well.
(07:05):
I also I think something thatreally helped
my vibe to is when I was gettinginto Eastern philosophy, I came
across this. This statement fromthere it said everything is
perfect.
And also, everything that hashappened
(07:26):
is exactly the way it wassupposed to happen.
And I think like the everythingis perfect. The way it was
described was like think aboutthis moment. I mean, don't think
about like this week, or thismonth, think about this moment,
right now. Like me right now I'min a I'm in a house. It's
climate controlled. I got somegood sleep last night. I don't
(07:50):
have to worry about food. I'mgonna have some fun today. Like
right now.
Every My health is pretty good.
Everything at this exact momentis perfect. So what, what,
there's not really any reason,if I can just focus on that, for
me to feel like I need anythingso. And also, if you think that
everything that has has happenedis exactly the way it was
(08:14):
supposed to happen. I don'tknow, for some reason, just puts
me in this mental state thatthings are good. You know, I'm
gonna go out there and it'sgonna do my thing. So it's just
something I wanted to mention.
Okay, so this week, we're gonnabe talking about
bullying, bullying, and havingfun. So let's see bullying. I
(08:38):
see them posted online, a lot ofpeople ask questions about like,
getting bullied and stuff likethat.
I was bullied a little bit whenI was younger. I moved around a
lot. So I didn't. I don't know.
Maybe that was the reason Ibecame a target. Not really
wasn't like too bad. But it didhappen enough that it was like
super annoying.
(08:59):
Also, I gotta admit, that alsowhen I was young, I would I also
bullied other kids. Like when Iwas like,
eight or nine, like on theschool bus. There was one kid
that me and my friend would pickon. I don't remember doing it
for very long, but I do rememberdoing it. And it's like, geez,
when I think back also, likewhen I was in high school, me
(09:19):
and this other friend used tojust like, kind of like talk
shit to this one kid, they wouldwalk by our locker for no real
reason other than he was skinny.
I don't know. I didn't do itthat much. But I gotta be
honest, like I did do it. And Idon't know, it was just like,
you feel like a rush of power.
But I feel really bad about it.
Totally not cool to do. It'sbasically it's super mature. I
(09:40):
think the reason why it happensis
especially at school, school isalmost like a prison. You have
no choice but to be there. Andyou're going to be there every
day and see the same peopleevery day. So there's going to
be a natural tendency for thereto be like
Some kind of like, especiallywith guys to be some kind of
(10:02):
like pecking order to beestablished. So people are
always trying to establish theirpecking order, trying to get
some kind of status, becausestatus is kind of everything.
And, you know, you're alwaystrying to move up and status,
even if that means putting otherpeople down to to establish your
status.
(10:23):
And I'm going to tell you that,I think the best way to get more
status is just to have reallygood social skills. Because, you
know, to, to use your brain touse such a high powered piece of
equipment in the most efficientway possible, that, to know how
to use it extremely well. And touse language, which is just
(10:47):
amazingly, you know, we're,we're so used to it, but it's
like, such an amazing thing tobe able to communicate with each
other, to use it effectively,that that can get you like, a
ton of status, if you know howto use it. Well. I think
whenever I see though, liketoday, if I see someone being
(11:10):
like extremely rude to someone,like, you know, people post
videos of people being rude topeople,
or people being mean to otherpeople,
I kind of actually feel kind ofbad for them, like the person
that's actually being anasshole, because
what I've learned is thatthere's no, it's almost
impossible to be mean to anotherperson, if you feel really good
(11:31):
about yourself. Like if you havea lot of self confidence, and
you've got a lot of positiveemotion.
You know, if you're like,You're, you're actually becoming
an integrated, mature adult,it's almost impossible to be
extremely mean to someonebecause you just I don't know,
you just develop a lot ofcompassion.
(11:53):
So I do feel kind of bad forpeople that are like that, that
that don't know, there's abetter way to act. And then
they'll, you know, I justinstantly see like someone who's
like, not very confident.
But I think as far as knowinghow
to avoid instances where you'regetting bullied, I really think
(12:15):
it comes down to understandingthe ego.
Because I noticed that once Ilearned about the ego, and I was
like, really focused ondestroying my ego, vanishing my
ego, just shrinking it down andshrinking it down.
I realized that my verbal Judogot better. Like if someone was
(12:38):
kind of like talking crap to me,I didn't really see it as an
attack because I stopped takingthings so personally, like, when
you have almost no ego, youdon't take anything personally,
I just found it like kind ofamusing or funny, or I just kind
of saw it as like a verbalsparring match. And I was going
to show them my skills, becausethey were trying to like, Come
(13:01):
at me with something. And I justkind of would flip it around.
Like it could have always Icould always like take it either
to a meta level. Or I could justlike think it was funny, and it
would just like bounce off ofme.
Okay, so here's a good example.
I was working on thisconstruction site.
And this was actually a couplemonths ago, and I'm not used to
(13:23):
really working on constructionsites like I did it when I was a
lot younger, but it's been awhile. And some of the guys I
was working with what this oneguy's kind of a prick. He for
one, he just wasn't really agood worker, he acted like he
was.
But and I was kind of slowbecause I was kind of new. But I
didn't really give a shit. Iknew I had the job. I was hired,
(13:45):
I was just kind of taking mypace and stuff like that. I knew
I'd build up to be in a muchbetter speed because I was just,
I was I was used to working inoffices. I wasn't really used to
working outdoors too much. Andthis and I had a an electric
drill that I brought from home.
And it was one that I actuallybought not that long ago. But it
was a 12 volt. And apparentlyeveryone on everyone on the
(14:08):
construction site uses 18 volt.
and this guy was just startedtearing into me. He's like, Oh,
hey, Nate, what's up with yourwindows but their drill? Did you
buy the I could see you boughtthe girls version?
I mean, instantly, you know, Ithought it was funny. Like
that's, that's funny.
(14:29):
I was just like, I was like,What do you mean? He's like,
yeah, I could tell you about thegirls version of the drill. And
I realized what he was talkingabout. And I was like, Oh, yeah,
no, I just borrowed this from mymom.
And he's like, but he's like,you really borrow that from your
mom? And I'm like, No, idiot.
(14:50):
I just haven't got another drillyet. Like we're breaking my
balls.
And the guy like, I don't know,sometimes some people will think
that's funny.
This guy didn't because he'skind of a douche. But sometimes,
you know,you'll find, you'll find
sometimes some guys kind ofbreaking your balls about
something. And you just comeback with something funny like
that. Like, you don't reallycare if they're making funny,
(15:11):
and they'll like, Oh, that'swhat this guy's cool. And then
you know, they'll keep talkingshit. You talk shit back and
sometimes that's what.
That's the kind of dynamicalhabit. Some people just be like,
let's have fun talking shit toeach other. You know, guys do it
all the time.
But if you don't have any, anyego at all, you just find stuff
amusing. Don't take itpersonally. Like sometimes, even
(15:33):
if someone comes at me with someshit. My go to if I can't think
of anything is like, I'll belike, Oh, yeah, man, that was
like, that was pretty funny.
That's good. That was a goodone.
Yeah, it was not bad. You know?
You just like or just, you know,like, Oh, yeah. I don't know.
You just, it's hard to explain.
But sometimes if you dislike,accept what they say, and he's
(15:55):
like, yep, yep, that's right.
That's true. That's totallytrue. That's, yeah, that's
pretty accurate.
They'll be like, there's they'relike, because if they see that
there's no chink in your armor,they can't keep poking at it.
Like my I have a friend that'slike an expert at finding the
chink in your armor. And if youfind it, it'll keep poking at it
and poking at it just because helikes to antagonize people.
(16:17):
Sometimes, it's like anit's not, it's not like an amine
spiritual way. It's just kind oflike a, I don't know, it's just
something people will do whenthey're trying to figure out who
you are. So if they can see thatyou have, you're not taking it
personally, it's actually kindof fun. So I think that's a
really good way to avoidbullying.
(16:39):
Or just people talking shit,just realize it's just, it's all
funny. And there's reallynothing they can do if you just
like, think it's funny. But it'snot something that you could
fake. So you really have tofigure out how to how to shrink
your ego. And I think the bestway to do it,
I don't know, read the doubt aChing, get that audio book by
(17:02):
Steven Mitchell. He has twoaudio books. One is called the
doubt a Ching. And one is calledthe second book of the Dow.
I think I'm not sure if I did itbefore, but I'll put a link to
thatin the description again, for
you guys.
The other thing too, is like, ifyou can go meta, that's another
(17:22):
good way to come and do somegood comebacks to people. Like
if someone's talking shit toyou.
You don't acknowledge what theyjust said, you describe what is
happening back to them. And thatis a good way to just not even
play the game they're playing.
If you just like show thatyou're like, Oh, I'm not playing
that game. I'm playing adifferent game.
(17:45):
And I don't even care if I lookcool or not. Because
Yeah, I mean, I'm having a goodtime. I don't give a shit about.
If I look cool to you. I mean, Idon't even know what cool means.
Soyou're basically jumping several
levels above and showing youhalf status automatically by not
caring if you have status. It'skind of a weird thing. But if,
(18:07):
like if someone was like talkingshit,
you'd be like, oh, oh, you'rethe cool guy.
You're like, oh, you're tryingto Oh, you're trying to put me
down. You're the cool guy. Soit's like you're describing the
situation,that you're describing what
they're doing. And you're noteven acknowledging what they
(18:29):
said. And it's, I don't know,it's just, it's, it's one of,
it's a good tactic to usesometimes.
Okay, so let's also talk abouthaving fun. I don't know, just a
topic I thought would be cool totalk about.
For one, I mentioned quitefrequently to not take yourself
(18:50):
so seriously, don't take lifetoo seriously.
Sometimes there are momentswhere you got to focus and be
serious. But in general, I'd say90% of the time. Try not to take
yourself too seriously.
You got to another good way toget on this.
Given this, this mental space ofhaving fun is to is to be
(19:13):
spontaneous, to be creative.
Just sometimes you could just besuper random, like sometimes
I'll be driving, and I'll seethis like, I don't know, I'll
just a lot of times I'll just goa different way home every time.
take a different route to worksometimes. Just you know, try
different routes. Sometimesyou'll find stuff that you never
expected. Don't always likestick to your plans all the
(19:35):
time. You know, you can alwaysveer off try different things.
As far as like being spontaneousand creative. I kind of think of
this one time when me and myfriends were in San Francisco.
And we were we stayed at a hotelwe just like partied all night
in San Francisco. And we were upall night. It was probably like
(19:58):
830 in the morning.
We're like, let's go down to thelet's go down to the stoop.
So we went down there, we stillhad a couple beers. So we're
just kicking it on the stoop.
And it's like kind of very, likeSan Francisco has like very
steep streets that go up anddown, up and down, kind of like
Lombard Street or whatever.
And we're out there just hangingout. And there was like this
(20:22):
pizza box just sitting there.
And I think there was like, likea pet, someone had a pen. So I
was like, Hey, give me a pen orsomething that pen you had. So I
took the top of the pizza box. Iripped it off. So it's just a
square. And I wrote on it. Iwrote on it slowed down
in it, because I kept seeingpeople
(20:45):
were just walking super fast, upand down. Like they're like,
like, Oh, I'm in a hurry. But itwas like fucking Sunday morning.
So I thought it'd be funny.
I see soon as I saw someone likewalking down or walking down or
sidewalk. And they looked likeall serious and focused and like
all like, Oh, I'm gonna getthere real quick.
(21:05):
Put the sign up. I'm like, Hey,hey, slow down, slow down. And
my friends thought it was reallyfunny. Because every time I
every time I did it, the personlooking super serious would see
the sign. And they would juststart laughing.
And then they're like, they'relike, Oh, Okay, thanks. And he
was like, walk slower.
(21:27):
I mean, what's it did, it tookprobably about 40 people. And
then like in like an hour. Somepeople just ignored it. But I'd
say like, at least half of thepeople. At least half the people
started laughing when they sawit. Like, hey, you slow down,
slow down.
It was just, I don't know, we'rejust being goofy. But it was a
lot of fun.
(21:48):
I don't know, it was just likespontaneous. I thought it was
kind of something that I didcreatively. And you never knew
what you're gonna get. So it waskind of it was somewhat
adventurous because you know,someone could punch you.
Probably not San Francisco is apretty friendly city. Another
thing I wanted to talk aboutthis too is or tell you was one
(22:09):
time I was working in thisoffice. And this girl at the
reception desk, I kind of knewher. I had been working. I
worked there a couple times. Andshe was on the computer. And she
was looking at this club in SanFrancisco. And I was like
working on her printer. So Icould, I was like, pretty much
like in her cubicle and I couldsee what she was doing.
(22:31):
And she was talking to herfriend on the phone. And she's
like, I think I think we'll goto this club. It's called the
park.
That's this place in Sacramentoand and then I know her and her
friend were talking about it fora while on the phone. And then
she hung up and she was lookingat it. I was like, Oh, you're
going to the park. Tonight.
She's like, She's like, yeah,have you ever been there? I was
(22:53):
like, Yeah, I've been there acouple times. It's pretty nice.
And she's like, you think it'dbe fun place to go out and meet
my friends. I mean, my friendsare having a girls night out.
Like she'd never been there. AndI was like, yeah, the place is
pretty cool. You guys will havefun. And I was like,
you guys going somewhere else?
You're gonna go to a bar orsomething before that. And she
(23:13):
was like,No, I wasn't planning on it. I
was like, Oh, well, usually, ifyou're going to go to a club,
you know, it doesn't really getgoing till about 11 1130 at
night. So me and my friends, ifwe're going to a club or
something, we'll go to like abar that's close to it, maybe a
second bar, and then go to theclub. It's kind of fun to do
(23:36):
some venue hopping. This venuehappens. It's kind of fun. It's
just like, Oh, I didn't eventhink about that. I was like,
yeah,there's actually a couple really
good bars that are pretty closeto it. So I told her the names
of them. And I was telling herlike, sometimes you just, you'll
go to the bar, and you'll have agood time. And then you'll end
(23:56):
up having such a good time. Youdon't even want to leave. So you
got to be flexible with yourplans. Don't really stick to
anything but you know, you havea general plan. We'll go here,
we'll go there. And then we'llgo to the club. I think it's
just a good way to go out. Ifyou're going to go out with some
friends go to a couple places. Imean, you're already getting all
dressed up. You're leaving thehouse, you might as well go to a
couple places.
(24:21):
I thought I would just mentionthat because it's just a fun
thing to do when you go out withyour friends. hit a couple
places. You know also to afterafter the club sometimes when it
closes at one o'clock you gethungry we'll go to like a
someplace to eat afterwardsbefore we go home. It's like not
good for your health to like eata big meal. But hey, sometimes
you're just you had enough todrink you want to put some like
(24:43):
a hamburger right on top of allthat alcohol. Something else to
do before you go home.
If you do that though, make sureyou take a cab or take an Uber
take a lift. No.
It's not good to be drivingdrunk. It's extremely dangerous.
I think that's gonna be it forthis week. Next week, I'm not
(25:04):
sure where we're going to talkabout yet. Maybe you have some
open format style. I'll look upsome look some stuff up on this
social skills subreddit to somequestions I have there.
So I hope you guys have a reallygood week. Make sure you go out
and talk to a few people andpush those conversations a
little further than you used to.
And then also try not to takeyourself seriously have fun
(25:26):
guys.
feeling the effects of a pastlife from a past life took the
right path from the wrong NikeJapan chicken dance right? What
a bizarre like a pull up a carride. It's a Mustang with the
beats Where have you seen himwhat it looked like? Oh, women
(25:48):
and take for granteda lot and again an issue for the
moon in the sauce. Numerousbroads beautiful
beautiful people with the pink,Lucky young linen net. Nice to
see the breast out. So now I'mthinking that life is better
with buddy you bet on thebrother You win. In the tank
(26:08):
tops with the eight ball.
jackpot. Oh man, if it wasn'tfor you if it wasn't for you
Running away from the podium thinking much in the back
seat for the Powerball we coulddo it on demand
put the winning you know asgames off of sheets sing along
man, and just when it couldn'tget better she broke my ear
saying you got the chin. Ah, yougot the juice. You have the
bison you talking and walkingthe right way sundown on a
(00:46):
highway you know the feelingbaby.
Take the pants off a welcomeback to the social skills lab.
Episode Number 10. I'm your hostNathan. It's
(01:07):
been a crazy couple of weeks didit actually
get an episode uploaded lastweek I apologize for that had to
evacuate for the ln newlightning complex fire out here
in California. I do evacuatedfor a couple days. Here the fire
(01:29):
got pretty close. Butwhat Luckily, my house is still
here. So that's good news.
We also got some new music asyou can hear, that was
the song Powerball by waxMustang.
I sent him a message I think onSoundCloud. Because I really
(01:49):
like the song. Just send him amessage asking if I could use it
for my podcast. And he's like,Yeah, go ahead. So thank you
very much wax. Appreciate it.
On the last episode, Iaccidentally uploaded the
unedited version.
So the handful of you may havegotten
(02:13):
a pretty crappy download a lotof a lot of empty silence and
stuff like that. So it wasn'tvery many probably about, I
don't know, just a handfulpeople got it, I noticed it
pretty quickly, I got the actualgood version uploaded. So if you
happen to get a crappy version,and you want an edited version,
(02:33):
you can go back and get it. Sowe're back. And last week, we
were talking about apologizing,and putting out a good vibe.
couple notes on that forapologizing. I said, if you did
a pretty big thing, that you theperson might be kind of pissed
(02:55):
off that you might want to waita day or two, I just want to
make the point that you don'twant to wait too long. Like if
you wait a couple of weeks or acouple months, it's just gonna
get worse and worse. Sosometimes it's best to just pull
that band aid right off, youknow, get it over with, you want
to not make a lot of excuses,make sure it's genuine. If you
(03:17):
if it's not genuine, then don'tdo it. The whole point is being
transparent. You know, it takesa
it takes a lot of high characterto do to apologize. So it's good
to do it. If you feel like youshould do it, just get it out of
the way. And on on the otherend.
You might want to make sure thatyou are a forgiving person as
(03:38):
well. Because I don't know,sometimes you might apologize
and they don't actually youcould tell they're not really
forgiving you or whatever,that's fine, man, that's their
deal. As long as you genuinelyput an effort in to make an
apology, your side of the streetis clear. But you want to make
sure that you are a forgivingperson. Don't be someone that
holds grudges, it's just notreally good for your, your vibe,
(04:01):
just just let stuff go. Most ofthe stuff is actually pretty
petty. Don't Don't, don't, don'tsweat the small stuff. forgiving
is a is a valued asset to have.
It's a it's a good quality to tomaintain. And sometimes when
someone kind of slides me onstuff, and they don't apologize
(04:24):
for it, I'll just forgive themanyways, you know, I'm just
gonna put that out in theuniverse, you know, like,
whatever it is what it is. Ihope he's, I hope he's doing
well. You know, not gonna hold agrudge or have some vengeance on
my mind.
That stuff is kind of a waste oftime. We also talked about
(04:45):
having a good vibe. Andsomething I want to mention
about that is I have beendrinking a lot of pressed juice.
Like it's really good for youlike I don't know like kale and
parsley and celery and stufflike that. Like there's a couple
good juice stores around here.
(05:09):
There's also the,the nugget, the nugget, yeah,
nugget, Whole Foods probably hasthem. I mean, they're like five
bucks,eight bucks, nine bucks, kind of
expensive. But at the same time,if you were actually to buy all
the vegetables,it would almost be the same
price and you don't have toclean it up. And it's just like
really good for you, the betteryou feel, the better vibe you're
(05:32):
going to put off. So I recommendgetting yourself a veggie juice,
especially if you don't likeeating vegetables very much. I
don't really like cookingvegetables, or I do like salads,
but I know that I'm not gettingenough vegetables. So I will,
you know, once or twice a week,sometimes five or six times a
week, I'll get a vegetablejuice. And I think it's just
(05:55):
better for you, you got to getto a lot of those micronutrients
that you'll never get if youcook it, or if you
don't eat it very much. Makesure you make sure you do that.
It'll be good for you, you'llfeel better. Also exercising,
like I said before stretching,make sure you get a lot of
water, all that stuff kind ofwill make you feel better. And
(06:19):
you'll put off a bit a bettervibe. Another thing I would do
before, before I'd go out, I waswatching a lot of stand up, but
I noticed that it would put mein a really good mood. So before
I went out with friends,sometimes I would just be like,
Alright, we're gonna watch like30 minutes of stand up comedy.
And it put a really elevated mymood. I think it put me in kind
(06:41):
of like a funny vibe. It seemedto work really well. So I always
would watch like 20 or 30minutes of some pretty funny
stand up. Before I go out, youcan find a ton of it on on
YouTube, you'll see you'll findsome people you'll like and then
you'll get become a fan oftheirs. And you'll start
watching other stuff they do.
It's pretty cool. So I wouldrecommend that as well.
(07:05):
I also I think something thatreally helped
my vibe to is when I was gettinginto Eastern philosophy, I came
across this. This statement fromthere it said everything is
perfect.
And also, everything that hashappened
(07:26):
is exactly the way it wassupposed to happen.
And I think like the everythingis perfect. The way it was
described was like think aboutthis moment. I mean, don't think
about like this week, or thismonth, think about this moment,
right now. Like me right now I'min a I'm in a house. It's
climate controlled. I got somegood sleep last night. I don't
(07:50):
have to worry about food. I'mgonna have some fun today. Like
right now.
Every My health is pretty good.
Everything at this exact momentis perfect. So what, what,
there's not really any reason,if I can just focus on that, for
me to feel like I need anythingso. And also, if you think that
everything that has has happenedis exactly the way it was
(08:14):
supposed to happen. I don'tknow, for some reason, just puts
me in this mental state thatthings are good. You know, I'm
gonna go out there and it'sgonna do my thing. So it's just
something I wanted to mention.
Okay, so this week, we're gonnabe talking about
bullying, bullying, and havingfun. So let's see bullying. I
(08:38):
see them posted online, a lot ofpeople ask questions about like,
getting bullied and stuff likethat.
I was bullied a little bit whenI was younger. I moved around a
lot. So I didn't. I don't know.
Maybe that was the reason Ibecame a target. Not really
wasn't like too bad. But it didhappen enough that it was like
super annoying.
(08:59):
Also, I gotta admit, that alsowhen I was young, I would I also
bullied other kids. Like when Iwas like,
eight or nine, like on theschool bus. There was one kid
that me and my friend would pickon. I don't remember doing it
for very long, but I do rememberdoing it. And it's like, geez,
when I think back also, likewhen I was in high school, me
(09:19):
and this other friend used tojust like, kind of like talk
shit to this one kid, they wouldwalk by our locker for no real
reason other than he was skinny.
I don't know. I didn't do itthat much. But I gotta be
honest, like I did do it. And Idon't know, it was just like,
you feel like a rush of power.
But I feel really bad about it.
Totally not cool to do. It'sbasically it's super mature. I
(09:40):
think the reason why it happensis
especially at school, school isalmost like a prison. You have
no choice but to be there. Andyou're going to be there every
day and see the same peopleevery day. So there's going to
be a natural tendency for thereto be like
Some kind of like, especiallywith guys to be some kind of
(10:02):
like pecking order to beestablished. So people are
always trying to establish theirpecking order, trying to get
some kind of status, becausestatus is kind of everything.
And, you know, you're alwaystrying to move up and status,
even if that means putting otherpeople down to to establish your
status.
(10:23):
And I'm going to tell you that,I think the best way to get more
status is just to have reallygood social skills. Because, you
know, to, to use your brain touse such a high powered piece of
equipment in the most efficientway possible, that, to know how
to use it extremely well. And touse language, which is just
(10:47):
amazingly, you know, we're,we're so used to it, but it's
like, such an amazing thing tobe able to communicate with each
other, to use it effectively,that that can get you like, a
ton of status, if you know howto use it. Well. I think
whenever I see though, liketoday, if I see someone being
(11:10):
like extremely rude to someone,like, you know, people post
videos of people being rude topeople,
or people being mean to otherpeople,
I kind of actually feel kind ofbad for them, like the person
that's actually being anasshole, because
what I've learned is thatthere's no, it's almost
impossible to be mean to anotherperson, if you feel really good
(11:31):
about yourself. Like if you havea lot of self confidence, and
you've got a lot of positiveemotion.
You know, if you're like,You're, you're actually becoming
an integrated, mature adult,it's almost impossible to be
extremely mean to someonebecause you just I don't know,
you just develop a lot ofcompassion.
(11:53):
So I do feel kind of bad forpeople that are like that, that
that don't know, there's abetter way to act. And then
they'll, you know, I justinstantly see like someone who's
like, not very confident.
But I think as far as knowinghow
to avoid instances where you'regetting bullied, I really think
(12:15):
it comes down to understandingthe ego.
Because I noticed that once Ilearned about the ego, and I was
like, really focused ondestroying my ego, vanishing my
ego, just shrinking it down andshrinking it down.
I realized that my verbal Judogot better. Like if someone was
(12:38):
kind of like talking crap to me,I didn't really see it as an
attack because I stopped takingthings so personally, like, when
you have almost no ego, youdon't take anything personally,
I just found it like kind ofamusing or funny, or I just kind
of saw it as like a verbalsparring match. And I was going
to show them my skills, becausethey were trying to like, Come
(13:01):
at me with something. And I justkind of would flip it around.
Like it could have always Icould always like take it either
to a meta level. Or I could justlike think it was funny, and it
would just like bounce off ofme.
Okay, so here's a good example.
I was working on thisconstruction site.
And this was actually a couplemonths ago, and I'm not used to
(13:23):
really working on constructionsites like I did it when I was a
lot younger, but it's been awhile. And some of the guys I
was working with what this oneguy's kind of a prick. He for
one, he just wasn't really agood worker, he acted like he
was.
But and I was kind of slowbecause I was kind of new. But I
didn't really give a shit. Iknew I had the job. I was hired,
(13:45):
I was just kind of taking mypace and stuff like that. I knew
I'd build up to be in a muchbetter speed because I was just,
I was I was used to working inoffices. I wasn't really used to
working outdoors too much. Andthis and I had a an electric
drill that I brought from home.
And it was one that I actuallybought not that long ago. But it
was a 12 volt. And apparentlyeveryone on everyone on the
(14:08):
construction site uses 18 volt.
and this guy was just startedtearing into me. He's like, Oh,
hey, Nate, what's up with yourwindows but their drill? Did you
buy the I could see you boughtthe girls version?
I mean, instantly, you know, Ithought it was funny. Like
that's, that's funny.
(14:29):
I was just like, I was like,What do you mean? He's like,
yeah, I could tell you about thegirls version of the drill. And
I realized what he was talkingabout. And I was like, Oh, yeah,
no, I just borrowed this from mymom.
And he's like, but he's like,you really borrow that from your
mom? And I'm like, No, idiot.
(14:50):
I just haven't got another drillyet. Like we're breaking my
balls.
And the guy like, I don't know,sometimes some people will think
that's funny.
This guy didn't because he'skind of a douche. But sometimes,
you know,you'll find, you'll find
sometimes some guys kind ofbreaking your balls about
something. And you just comeback with something funny like
that. Like, you don't reallycare if they're making funny,
(15:11):
and they'll like, Oh, that'swhat this guy's cool. And then
you know, they'll keep talkingshit. You talk shit back and
sometimes that's what.
That's the kind of dynamicalhabit. Some people just be like,
let's have fun talking shit toeach other. You know, guys do it
all the time.
But if you don't have any, anyego at all, you just find stuff
amusing. Don't take itpersonally. Like sometimes, even
(15:33):
if someone comes at me with someshit. My go to if I can't think
of anything is like, I'll belike, Oh, yeah, man, that was
like, that was pretty funny.
That's good. That was a goodone.
Yeah, it was not bad. You know?
You just like or just, you know,like, Oh, yeah. I don't know.
You just, it's hard to explain.
But sometimes if you dislike,accept what they say, and he's
(15:55):
like, yep, yep, that's right.
That's true. That's totallytrue. That's, yeah, that's
pretty accurate.
They'll be like, there's they'relike, because if they see that
there's no chink in your armor,they can't keep poking at it.
Like my I have a friend that'slike an expert at finding the
chink in your armor. And if youfind it, it'll keep poking at it
and poking at it just because helikes to antagonize people.
(16:17):
Sometimes, it's like anit's not, it's not like an amine
spiritual way. It's just kind oflike a, I don't know, it's just
something people will do whenthey're trying to figure out who
you are. So if they can see thatyou have, you're not taking it
personally, it's actually kindof fun. So I think that's a
really good way to avoidbullying.
(16:39):
Or just people talking shit,just realize it's just, it's all
funny. And there's reallynothing they can do if you just
like, think it's funny. But it'snot something that you could
fake. So you really have tofigure out how to how to shrink
your ego. And I think the bestway to do it,
I don't know, read the doubt aChing, get that audio book by
(17:02):
Steven Mitchell. He has twoaudio books. One is called the
doubt a Ching. And one is calledthe second book of the Dow.
I think I'm not sure if I did itbefore, but I'll put a link to
thatin the description again, for
you guys.
The other thing too, is like, ifyou can go meta, that's another
(17:22):
good way to come and do somegood comebacks to people. Like
if someone's talking shit toyou.
You don't acknowledge what theyjust said, you describe what is
happening back to them. And thatis a good way to just not even
play the game they're playing.
If you just like show thatyou're like, Oh, I'm not playing
that game. I'm playing adifferent game.
(17:45):
And I don't even care if I lookcool or not. Because
Yeah, I mean, I'm having a goodtime. I don't give a shit about.
If I look cool to you. I mean, Idon't even know what cool means.
Soyou're basically jumping several
levels above and showing youhalf status automatically by not
caring if you have status. It'skind of a weird thing. But if,
(18:07):
like if someone was like talkingshit,
you'd be like, oh, oh, you'rethe cool guy.
You're like, oh, you're tryingto Oh, you're trying to put me
down. You're the cool guy. Soit's like you're describing the
situation,that you're describing what
they're doing. And you're noteven acknowledging what they
(18:29):
said. And it's, I don't know,it's just, it's, it's one of,
it's a good tactic to usesometimes.
Okay, so let's also talk abouthaving fun. I don't know, just a
topic I thought would be cool totalk about.
For one, I mentioned quitefrequently to not take yourself
(18:50):
so seriously, don't take lifetoo seriously.
Sometimes there are momentswhere you got to focus and be
serious. But in general, I'd say90% of the time. Try not to take
yourself too seriously.
You got to another good way toget on this.
Given this, this mental space ofhaving fun is to is to be
(19:13):
spontaneous, to be creative.
Just sometimes you could just besuper random, like sometimes
I'll be driving, and I'll seethis like, I don't know, I'll
just a lot of times I'll just goa different way home every time.
take a different route to worksometimes. Just you know, try
different routes. Sometimesyou'll find stuff that you never
expected. Don't always likestick to your plans all the
(19:35):
time. You know, you can alwaysveer off try different things.
As far as like being spontaneousand creative. I kind of think of
this one time when me and myfriends were in San Francisco.
And we were we stayed at a hotelwe just like partied all night
in San Francisco. And we were upall night. It was probably like
(19:58):
830 in the morning.
We're like, let's go down to thelet's go down to the stoop.
So we went down there, we stillhad a couple beers. So we're
just kicking it on the stoop.
And it's like kind of very, likeSan Francisco has like very
steep streets that go up anddown, up and down, kind of like
Lombard Street or whatever.
And we're out there just hangingout. And there was like this
(20:22):
pizza box just sitting there.
And I think there was like, likea pet, someone had a pen. So I
was like, Hey, give me a pen orsomething that pen you had. So I
took the top of the pizza box. Iripped it off. So it's just a
square. And I wrote on it. Iwrote on it slowed down
in it, because I kept seeingpeople
(20:45):
were just walking super fast, upand down. Like they're like,
like, Oh, I'm in a hurry. But itwas like fucking Sunday morning.
So I thought it'd be funny.
I see soon as I saw someone likewalking down or walking down or
sidewalk. And they looked likeall serious and focused and like
all like, Oh, I'm gonna getthere real quick.
(21:05):
Put the sign up. I'm like, Hey,hey, slow down, slow down. And
my friends thought it was reallyfunny. Because every time I
every time I did it, the personlooking super serious would see
the sign. And they would juststart laughing.
And then they're like, they'relike, Oh, Okay, thanks. And he
was like, walk slower.
(21:27):
I mean, what's it did, it tookprobably about 40 people. And
then like in like an hour. Somepeople just ignored it. But I'd
say like, at least half of thepeople. At least half the people
started laughing when they sawit. Like, hey, you slow down,
slow down.
It was just, I don't know, we'rejust being goofy. But it was a
lot of fun.
(21:48):
I don't know, it was just likespontaneous. I thought it was
kind of something that I didcreatively. And you never knew
what you're gonna get. So it waskind of it was somewhat
adventurous because you know,someone could punch you.
Probably not San Francisco is apretty friendly city. Another
thing I wanted to talk aboutthis too is or tell you was one
(22:09):
time I was working in thisoffice. And this girl at the
reception desk, I kind of knewher. I had been working. I
worked there a couple times. Andshe was on the computer. And she
was looking at this club in SanFrancisco. And I was like
working on her printer. So Icould, I was like, pretty much
like in her cubicle and I couldsee what she was doing.
(22:31):
And she was talking to herfriend on the phone. And she's
like, I think I think we'll goto this club. It's called the
park.
That's this place in Sacramentoand and then I know her and her
friend were talking about it fora while on the phone. And then
she hung up and she was lookingat it. I was like, Oh, you're
going to the park. Tonight.
She's like, She's like, yeah,have you ever been there? I was
(22:53):
like, Yeah, I've been there acouple times. It's pretty nice.
And she's like, you think it'dbe fun place to go out and meet
my friends. I mean, my friendsare having a girls night out.
Like she'd never been there. AndI was like, yeah, the place is
pretty cool. You guys will havefun. And I was like,
you guys going somewhere else?
You're gonna go to a bar orsomething before that. And she
(23:13):
was like,No, I wasn't planning on it. I
was like, Oh, well, usually, ifyou're going to go to a club,
you know, it doesn't really getgoing till about 11 1130 at
night. So me and my friends, ifwe're going to a club or
something, we'll go to like abar that's close to it, maybe a
second bar, and then go to theclub. It's kind of fun to do
(23:36):
some venue hopping. This venuehappens. It's kind of fun. It's
just like, Oh, I didn't eventhink about that. I was like,
yeah,there's actually a couple really
good bars that are pretty closeto it. So I told her the names
of them. And I was telling herlike, sometimes you just, you'll
go to the bar, and you'll have agood time. And then you'll end
(23:56):
up having such a good time. Youdon't even want to leave. So you
got to be flexible with yourplans. Don't really stick to
anything but you know, you havea general plan. We'll go here,
we'll go there. And then we'llgo to the club. I think it's
just a good way to go out. Ifyou're going to go out with some
friends go to a couple places. Imean, you're already getting all
dressed up. You're leaving thehouse, you might as well go to a
couple places.
(24:21):
I thought I would just mentionthat because it's just a fun
thing to do when you go out withyour friends. hit a couple
places. You know also to afterafter the club sometimes when it
closes at one o'clock you gethungry we'll go to like a
someplace to eat afterwardsbefore we go home. It's like not
good for your health to like eata big meal. But hey, sometimes
you're just you had enough todrink you want to put some like
(24:43):
a hamburger right on top of allthat alcohol. Something else to
do before you go home.
If you do that though, make sureyou take a cab or take an Uber
take a lift. No.
It's not good to be drivingdrunk. It's extremely dangerous.
I think that's gonna be it forthis week. Next week, I'm not
(25:04):
sure where we're going to talkabout yet. Maybe you have some
open format style. I'll look upsome look some stuff up on this
social skills subreddit to somequestions I have there.
So I hope you guys have a reallygood week. Make sure you go out
and talk to a few people andpush those conversations a
little further than you used to.
And then also try not to takeyourself seriously have fun
(25:26):
guys.
feeling the effects of a pastlife from a past life took the
right path from the wrong NikeJapan chicken dance right? What
a bizarre like a pull up a carride. It's a Mustang with the
beats Where have you seen himwhat it looked like? Oh, women
(25:48):
and take for granteda lot and again an issue for the
moon in the sauce. Numerousbroads beautiful
beautiful people with the pink,Lucky young linen net. Nice to
see the breast out. So now I'mthinking that life is better
with buddy you bet on thebrother You win. In the tank
(26:08):
tops with the eight ball.
jackpot. Oh man, if it wasn'tfor you if it wasn't for you
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