September 12, 2020 • 27 mins
This week we talk about some quick and easy tips to help you oil the gears of your daily social interactions. We also talk about why it's important to bring your whole game to the table, not to do things half a**ed and how to take a compliment. We also go into dealing with customer service and how to put your skills into action to get your $ back.
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Episode Transcript
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Unknown (00:27):
Baby running away from the party I'm thinking much in
the backseat for the Powerballwe could do it
with the winning your newestgames awesome. She's singing
along man. And just when itcouldn't get better, she talked
to my ear saying you got thechin. You got the juice, you
have the bicep, and you walk inthe right way sundown on a
(00:49):
highway, you know the feelingbaby.
Talking Welcome back to anotherepisode of the social skills
lab. I'm your host, Nathanaugment. This is episode
number 12.
On Oh man.
(01:10):
Last week, we talked abouthaving a good attitude and
talked a little bit aboutplaying the skills I
want to talk about attitudeagain, real quick.
One of the big things was Italked about was not complaining
about stuff. And it happenedagain this week, I had another
(01:32):
supervisor, he may call andasked me to go take this job
that was a couple hours away. Hesaid it was actually another
technician is closer, but he'slike, Man, I'm just sick of that
guy complaining. He's like Nate,you don't ever complain. I was
like, Oh, yeah, thanks.
I haven't even been at this joba long time. And that's the
(01:55):
second time it's come up that Idon't complain. It's a it's,
it's such a it's a big thing formanagement. They, they can tell
when someone doesn't complain, Ithink for the most part, because
I hearthey just try to avoid the guys
that complain, I think somethingelse
(02:15):
about attitude is try not to bepetty.
It's really easy to be pettyabout stuff complain about
little things. Like one of thethings that comes up a lot is
when you're driving on thefreeway, someone cuts you off on
the freeway. It's so easy to getsuper pissed off about that.
But it really only affects you.
So the best thing to do is justto get over it right away. I
(02:40):
just tried to, like imagine thatthe person that cut me off, is
driving like a maniac becausehe's trying to get to the
hospital because his fiance wasin a car accident. That way. I'm
like, Oh, well, yeah, that makessense. And it's totally in my
imagination. But you know, itcould be true.
(03:03):
I kind of just try to rememberthat everyone is doing the best
that they can with what theywere given. Like I was, you
know, I was I wasn't, I waspretty poor growing up. But I
always had a house. And I had acaring mother. So I just tried
(03:23):
to picture that other peoplethat are like, assholes or jerks
or whatever, that they didn'thave. Even those things, so it
makes it more difficult for meto judge them if I really try to
keep that on my mind.
Another thing abouthaving a good attitude I wanted
(03:43):
to mention is I've heard thisbefore, I think it was from
like, Who was it?
Oh, it was from Suze Orman.
She's like afamous financial adviser. She
said to donate money to a goodcause. It's really good for your
psychology to donate money to agood cause. It just makes you
(04:06):
feel more powerful or somethinglike that. It also helps you
have a better attitude. Ifyou're a generous person and,
you know, trying to help peoplethat cannot help you in return.
That's just a really good thingto do. I know that.
Something I would add to that isif you donate money, don't go
(04:28):
around telling everyone Oh hey,I donated 100 bucks to this and
you know trying to get accoladesfor it. Just do it and do it
anonymously. There's somethingto it.
When you donate anonymously.
We also talked about applyingthe skills
about actually going out thereand trying the stuff that you're
(04:49):
learning.
That's really the only wayyou're going to get better. It's
the only way you're going toactually understand why.
Especially a lot of the counterintuitive stuff. It's really the
only way you're gonna understandwhy It works. And you'll be
motivated to do it more, you'llremember it, you'll do it the
next time, I'd say that there'sa expression. That's good to
remember in this in this area.
(05:13):
It's perfect practice makesperfect. So it's not just
practice makes perfect. It'sperfect. Practice makes perfect.
I mean, you want to bringeverything you got. Bring your
whole self give 100% when you'reapplying these skills, don't
just do it like half assed.
Don't just be like, Alright,I'll try it out, and then go,
and then it doesn't work. You'relike, see, you told you didn't
(05:35):
work? I mean, you want to bringit all. If you really want to
get good at this, put all youreffort into when you're actually
applying it. Put all your effortinto it.
I mean, for one, you'll probablyget better results for to
kind of like the expression thatnothing matters, and everything
(05:58):
matters.
So it's like,the way you tie your shoes. I
mean, are you actually tying itreally well? Are you just kind
of like just do it real quick.
Because everything I've noticedthat people that kind of do
certain things crappy, doeverything crappy. I mean,
(06:18):
anytime you do something, notjust social skills, but put more
effort into, into doing thingsreally well. It just translates
all across your life. Every timelike if you brush your teeth, if
you floss, make sure you floss.
Do it very well. Don't just putlike minimum effort into it.
(06:42):
Everything. Every minor thingyou do will matter. Okay? So
just remember that.
Okay, so this week, I want totalk about some interpersonal
skills. And then also start withsome tips. Just some little
things. I remember. I noticedrecently that I was getting a
little anxious because of allthe smoke and the fires and the
(07:04):
pandemic. And I noticed that Iremembered that and I'm like,
Man, I'm really feeling like,physically crappy. And every
time I was doing that, I waslike, Okay, why? Okay, my
breathing is really shallow.
I've noticed that anytime I feelanxious or nervous, the first
(07:24):
thing that happens is, I startbreathing very rapidly and not
very deep. So I'm like, okay,focus on your breathing. And
I'll just focus on breathing inand out very slowly.
I'll take my time. Just chillout. And just like do that just
in and out real slowly forusually about a minute. And next
(07:48):
thing you know, I'm like, oh,okay, I feel okay.
Like, it starts with a thought.
And then the thought makes younervous. And it fit manifests
physically in your in the wayyou breathe. So you can undo it
by focusing on your breathing,getting back to breathing
normally, or even very calmly,and it'll chill you out and make
(08:12):
you physically feel better. Soif you're feeling nervous at
all, like even right now, ifyou're feeling a little anxious,
skin posit, try it out. Justbreathe in and out real slowly,
usually about two and a halfseconds, maybe three seconds for
an in breath. Hold it for liketwo seconds and then let it out
for like two seconds, threeseconds, back and forth.
(08:35):
Okay, some, something Ipicked up along the way is how
to be neutral in a conversation.
Like we talked about peopletalking crap about each other
gossiping and stuff like that.
You'll find yourself in thosesituations where someone is,
like talking bad about someone.
For me, it usually happens atwork.
(08:56):
Someone is talking about aboutsomeone else at work. I've
noticed that.
There's a couple ways I'llhandle that I'll either just, if
I like the person.
I'll sometimes speak up for him.
I'll defend him. Or I'll justbring up I'm like, Oh, yeah. Oh,
that's interesting. Like, Idon't know, every time I work
with him, he seems pretty cool.
(09:16):
I've never had any issues withthem. I'll keep it kind of
short. But I'll make sure to saysomething about that. That way,
the person I don't know, I'lljust stick up for a person if I
if I don't think that thecomplaint is justified. But
another way I'll handle it,sometimes is I'll just be very
neutral. Like if someone issaying something, I'll just go
(09:36):
like, or I'll be like, Huh,you know, just like nod my head
a little bit and just gothat way. The person who's
talking to me, knows I'mlistening to them. I'm
acknowledging what they'resaying. But I'm, what I'm
acknowledging with is a neutrala neutral expression. So
(10:00):
So they feel like they're beingheard, but they cannot pinpoint
if you agree with them or not.
Because you didn't actually say,an acknowledgement of the
statement, you're just going,huh.
And I use that a lot. I'll justdo that when someone's talking
to me sometimes not to deflectan answer. But just as an
acknowledgement.
Something else to that I foundis a good neutral responses
(10:23):
saying that's cool. Like I sawthis, I used to say this
anyways, but then I also saw iton the 70 show.
Like the guy hide, there waslike, I don't know, there was
actually a scene where they weretalking about it, where hide
would never acknowledgeanything, he would just say,
that's cool.
And it works pretty good.
Someone says something, and youdon't want to agree or disagree.
(10:45):
Like sometimes someone's like,Hey, we're going to go camping
next weekend, I'll just be like,Oh, that's cool. Like not
saying, if I want to go or not.
Just because like, I'm like,Well, I need to think about it
if I want to go or not. And thenI'll let them know if I want to
go or not. It's the same. That'scool. Or Oh, that's are cool.
(11:08):
Cool, cool. You just say that,it's a good way to be neutral.
Another tip is, take acompliment. Sometimes someone
will say something nice to you.
And the best way to respond isOh, thank you. That's it. I
noticed a lot of times when I'llsay something nice about
someone, they'll deflect, orthey'll downplay it.
(11:33):
I don't know, sometimes it'sit's good modesty. But most of
the time, it's just like, youknow, just take the compliment,
you don't have to like act likeyou
just show that it just kind oflike it kind of just oozes low
self esteem, when you won't takea compliment. So just take a
compliment. It's nice for themean of the person who's going
out of the way to give you acompliment, you should at least
(11:54):
say thank you. Just you know,you keep it short, you don't
have to, like, make a wholespeech or anything, just say,
Oh, thanks, I appreciate it.
Another thing too, is like whenI'm at work a lot. I used to
work in offices a lot. And Ihelp someone and they're like,
or go to a department seesomeone I know. And they were
like, oh, here you want some,they'll have like a little bowl
(12:14):
of candy or they'll have like,extra food or something like
that. Most of the time, whenthey offer it to me, I'll just
I'll I'll take it. And I'll saythank you. A lot of times, I
wouldn't eat it though, like, Idon't know, just like give it to
someone else or something likethat. I noticed that if someone
offers you something as a gift,socially, a good response is
(12:35):
just to accept the gift. Even ifyou don't want it. It's a I
don't know, it's just somethingI learned that if you offer
someone something, and theydecline it, even if it's very
politely, you get a slight tingeof rejection. So don't, don't
respond with a rejection, justaccept the gift and then give it
(12:57):
to someone, give it to someoneelse if you don't want it or
something like that. Anotherlittle tip is the eyebrow flash,
I got this out of the bodylanguage for dummies book, it's
you just raise your eyebrows.
Like if I'm saying hello tosomeone lift my eyebrows real
quick. It's called the eyebrowflash. And has something to do
(13:19):
with making your eyes lookbigger, like a baby has really
big eyes. They think it hassomething to do with that. That
I think that's a really good wayto
just be more expressive using aneyebrow flash. I noticed that I
do it a lot. Now, after I readthat, and I think it works.
(13:40):
I used to work with thissalesperson Her name was Tessie.
And she had landed a very bigaccount. It was like a multi
million dollar account. So I washelping her at the beginning
with the installs at thehospitals. And
and I noticed that when she wastalking to me occasionally, like
(14:00):
let's picture, I'm standingsomewhere, she would be standing
next to me and we're both facingoutwards. I've heard that too,
that sometimes it's good tostand next to a person as to
as opposed to facing them.
Because it's kind of like bothof you are facing the problem
together. I've heard thatsomewhere.
(14:22):
But she would be standing nextto me. And with her right arm,
she would reach up and just takea hold of my left elbow.
Or like right above my elbow,she would decide to take a hold.
It was kinda like a little kidwould do sometimes if they're
just trying to hold on to you.
And I remember the first timeshe did it, I was like holy cow.
This is like very endearing. Soshe would like reach up, take my
(14:46):
elbow and then she would starttelling me something. I guess if
she really wanted you to listento what she was saying she would
do that. And I noticed that shedid this with several people
like the customer. The the guycame
Me handling account or otherpeople, I'd see that she would
do this. And I've never actuallyreally seen it done before. But
I remember it worked really welllike creates a bridge of
(15:09):
communication. You really payattention when someone does it.
So I've never actually done thatspecifically, I don't know if
it.
I don't know if it just worksfor women doing that to men. But
I know that sometimes when I'mtalking to a friend of mine,
I'll put my arm up on ashoulder, my right arm up on his
left shoulder or something likethat, and I'll be talking to
(15:30):
him. And I know, it just worksreally well. It's like bridging
communication. So it's like alittle tip for you.
Another one is, I had thisfriend who, let's say I'd be
talking to him at a at a bar orsomething like that. If a friend
came up, and I would introducethem to another person, he
would, you know, he had like,pretty good body language, and
(15:54):
his chin was up a little bit.
And when he would say what's upto this person, he would just
raise it real quick, like, likea nod.
But just he would go up and backdown with his chin still kind of
up. So it'd be like what's up.
And I noticed that it's workedpretty well, it's like,
instantly kind of respected him.
(16:17):
He would do this when he wouldsay, introduce himself to
people. So I kind of adoptedthat too, I would do that.
Sometimes. It's kind of like,you know, some people, though,
like, when you meet them, theykind of like bow their head a
little bit. He actually this waslike the exact opposite of a
bow, he would like raises Chinup a little bit without like
jetting it out too much. Ithought it worked really well.
(16:39):
Another thing about when I meetsomeone, before the pandemic,
when you would shake someone'shand, occasionally I'd meet
someone or someone we introducedto me.
And I wouldshake their hand. And, you know,
obviously, it's good to have agood handshake, nice and solid,
firm grip, and not like superhard.
(17:01):
And this usually would start outwith like a weak handshake, like
they would just like, give youlike a,
I don't know, or just like aflimsy handshake. And then they
wouldn't keep eye contact, likeI would notice it, if someone
doesn't hold eye contact. Likethey'll like go to shake your
hand. And then those kind oflike, I don't know, it just
feels like dismissive. Ifthey're not gonna like hold eye
(17:21):
contact. So make sure you holdgood eye contact when you shake
someone's hand because thefeeling I get when someone does
that, to me is I can't trustthis guy.
Maybe Maybe that's themaybe that's not the best
discernment of this individual'scharacter. But I don't know,
that's the feeling I get. Somake sure you hold eye contact
(17:43):
with someone, it's good to smiletoo. But if you're not going to
smile, at least hold good eyecontact at the bare minimum. One
last little tip, I make sure tolook at words all the time. So
anytime I hear a word, I'll justgo pick up my iPhone, I'll be
like, hey, Siri, define blah,blah, blah. And
(18:08):
my phone that was my phone. It'sdisplayed on your iPhone.
Alright, thanks, Siri.
But cell to say that and thenI'll look up the word and then
bam, I expand my vocabulary. Soit's good to expand your
vocabulary, it allows you to bemore expressive, I think, I
don't know, it actually is goodfor your emotions, too. Because
(18:29):
the more you're able to definesomething, the more you're able
toexpress certain things. So I'd
say just constantly look upwords, I usually don't look up
words that are like just so outthere that only someone who has
a PhD is going to understand it,I just try to look at words that
I occasionally hear, but I don'tknow what they mean. It's just a
(18:51):
good thing to do. Okay, so let'stalk real quickly, too, about
some interpersonal skills. Ithink it's good to have those
two. So my customer serviceskills. I,
when I was like 22 years old, Iworked in a call center while I
was going to school, and I got alot of really good experience in
(19:14):
customer service.
Working at this call center,we've talked about a couple of
these things before, but let'sgo over it again.
So if I had a customer, firstthing you do is listen, if they
have a complaint, or an issue,you want to listen, make sure
you don't interrupt them. I'veseen this happen just so many
(19:37):
times where a co worker will bedealing with an angry customer,
the customer starts telling themtelling them what what the
problem is. And then the dousually a technician
because technicians are good attechnical technical skills, but
they're not that great withcustomer service skills. And
they would interrupt themusually several times and the
(19:59):
customer would just get moremad. So make sure you just
listen, listen, listen, listen,listen, keep listening.
Sometimes it'll be giving you alot of information, like if I'm
in, it's different if you're onthe phone with a customer, but a
lot of times I'd be in persontalking to a customer, and I
always carried a clipboard withme to write information down. So
(20:19):
if they're given me a lot ofinformation, I would just start
writing it down on theclipboard, but usually, I would
just stand there with my arms tothe side, I would not cross my
arms, I'd hold very good eyecontact with the person. So they
know I'm really listening towhat they're saying. And then I
would give them feedback like,Oh, yeah, okay, what else is
going on, you know, anythingelse you're having problems with
(20:41):
or whatever. Just make sureyou're given a lot of feedback,
make sure they know that you'regiving them 100% of your of your
attention. That's the mainthing. Usually, if they're
complaining, they'll talkthemselves out after about a
minute or two, doesn't reallytake that long to convey a lot
of information. So it onlyusually takes like maybe one to
(21:02):
three minutes for them to sayeverything they're going to say.
Occasionally, you'll havesomeone that will talk probably
for like 15 minutes if you letthem.
But I've noticed, you can kindof tell those people because
they'll start repeating the sameinformation over and over again.
And I really don't have time forthat. So I in those rare
(21:22):
situations, I will cut them offmore like I'll guide the
conversation into immediatelyaddressing their specific
issues, I'll tell them what I'mgoing to do about each thing.
I'll be like, Oh, you know, I'mgoing to do this, this or this,
or I'm going to have to callsomeone to talk to my manager,
figure out what we're going todo. Or you know, just give them
(21:46):
some feedback of what how you'regoing to start addressing their
issue. They're usually prettycool. A lot of times they'll be
thanking me by the time I'mdone, even though I haven't
actually done anything. So it'sa good sign that it's working.
Another good tip on that is usereflective listening. So when
they start telling me right offthe bat with pissing them off so
(22:08):
much, pretty quickly to say,huh, that sounds Yeah, that
sounds like that'd be veryfrustrating.
And they'll say, yeah, it isvery frustrating. And then
they'll be like, Oh, this guyactually was listening to me.
works really well. I use that alot. Our flecked that I'll try
to pinpoint the emotion thatthey are experiencing because of
(22:33):
the situation. And I'll say thatto them. I'm like, oh, wow, that
sounds like that'd be superannoying to have to deal with
that. It seems to work reallywell. So reflect content,
reflect emotion, and then givethem your plan of action.
And if they're still prettypissed off, I'll usually just
(22:54):
like call my supervisor or mymanager afterwards and be like,
hey, just giving you a heads up.
I had this customer that wasreally pissed off. I told him,
he told me this. I told himthat. And yeah, he was pretty
mad about this. So that justgives your, usually, at least
some places where I've worked,it's good to give your
management a heads up just incase I get a call about it,
(23:17):
they'll know all about it makesyou look good, too. Since I
worked in a call center, I got apretty good idea of what all
call call centers are like. Soanytime that I'm trying to
resolve an issue, or the, youknow, I'll talk to the customer
service person.
And I could kind of get a feelpretty quickly if they're going
(23:38):
to be able to help me or not.
And if they're not, I'll justask for a supervisor.
And they're usually pretty goodabout making that happen pretty
quickly.
And the reason why I do that isbecause it's usually the
supervisor who has more accesscodes, more pass codes to get
into deeper into your account,and they're actually able to
(24:01):
refund money. So I'll just, Idon't like wasting my time on
the phone. So I'll just ask fora supervisor pretty quick.
There's been times where eventhe supervisor can't help me and
I'll ask for their supervisor.
Like I went to IKEA to get alamp. And then when I got the
lamp home, it was like very dim,it wasn't very bright. And so I
(24:22):
went back to IKEA to return itand they're like, oh, sorry, we
don't take any lighting back isjust like some weird policy
about no lights can come back.
You will not get your moneyback. And so I made
so I asked for a supervisor.
When I was talking to asupervisor. I said, Look,
(24:43):
I liked the lamp. And on theshow room. It looked like it was
a good lamp. But when I got ithome, it's like a terrible lamp.
It's like super dim, it'scompletely useless. And there's
no way to tell that on the showfloor because it's around 10
other lamps. SoLooks like it's nice and bright.
And after talking to him for aminute, he gave me my money
back. So I'd say got about a 50%success rate of getting my money
(25:07):
backin different situations, but
sometimes, almost all the time,you're gonna have to talk to a
supervisor. And so that's just agood tip. I use it a lot. I talk
to supervisors quite a bit, butI always try to be nice to the
person.
The first person, I'm just, Idon't really get mad at them,
(25:28):
they're just doing their job.
For the most part, sometimes ifthey're really bad, like, if
they keep cutting me off, thatmakes me a little annoyed, but
for the most part, it's not toobad.
So I think that's gonna be itfor this week. Next week, we're
gonna be talking aboutstorytelling. And we'll talk a
little bit about status. So hopeyou guys have an awesome week.
(25:49):
Get out there and have some funand don't take yourself too
seriously. Take care.
from a past life took the rightpath from the wrong night to
Japan taking this right what abizarre life a pull up a car
ride. It's a Mustang with thebeats Where have you seen him
what it look like? Oh, womentake for granted. Upper Milan
(26:12):
and a kitten issue for the moonin the stars numerous broth
beautiful being the key tobe two people with the lucky
young linen and the nice to seethe breast out. So now I'm
thinking that life is betterwith buddy you bet on the
brother You win blacksmiths in atank tops with the eight ball
and if it was a vu, we could beif it was a vu we could be
Baby running away from the party I'm thinking much in
the backseat for the Powerballwe could do it
with the winning your newestgames awesome. She's singing
along man. And just when itcouldn't get better, she talked
to my ear saying you got thechin. You got the juice, you
have the bicep, and you walk inthe right way sundown on a
(00:49):
highway, you know the feelingbaby.
Talking Welcome back to anotherepisode of the social skills
lab. I'm your host, Nathanaugment. This is episode
number 12.
On Oh man.
(01:10):
Last week, we talked abouthaving a good attitude and
talked a little bit aboutplaying the skills I
want to talk about attitudeagain, real quick.
One of the big things was Italked about was not complaining
about stuff. And it happenedagain this week, I had another
(01:32):
supervisor, he may call andasked me to go take this job
that was a couple hours away. Hesaid it was actually another
technician is closer, but he'slike, Man, I'm just sick of that
guy complaining. He's like Nate,you don't ever complain. I was
like, Oh, yeah, thanks.
I haven't even been at this joba long time. And that's the
(01:55):
second time it's come up that Idon't complain. It's a it's,
it's such a it's a big thing formanagement. They, they can tell
when someone doesn't complain, Ithink for the most part, because
I hearthey just try to avoid the guys
that complain, I think somethingelse
(02:15):
about attitude is try not to bepetty.
It's really easy to be pettyabout stuff complain about
little things. Like one of thethings that comes up a lot is
when you're driving on thefreeway, someone cuts you off on
the freeway. It's so easy to getsuper pissed off about that.
But it really only affects you.
So the best thing to do is justto get over it right away. I
(02:40):
just tried to, like imagine thatthe person that cut me off, is
driving like a maniac becausehe's trying to get to the
hospital because his fiance wasin a car accident. That way. I'm
like, Oh, well, yeah, that makessense. And it's totally in my
imagination. But you know, itcould be true.
(03:03):
I kind of just try to rememberthat everyone is doing the best
that they can with what theywere given. Like I was, you
know, I was I wasn't, I waspretty poor growing up. But I
always had a house. And I had acaring mother. So I just tried
(03:23):
to picture that other peoplethat are like, assholes or jerks
or whatever, that they didn'thave. Even those things, so it
makes it more difficult for meto judge them if I really try to
keep that on my mind.
Another thing abouthaving a good attitude I wanted
(03:43):
to mention is I've heard thisbefore, I think it was from
like, Who was it?
Oh, it was from Suze Orman.
She's like afamous financial adviser. She
said to donate money to a goodcause. It's really good for your
psychology to donate money to agood cause. It just makes you
(04:06):
feel more powerful or somethinglike that. It also helps you
have a better attitude. Ifyou're a generous person and,
you know, trying to help peoplethat cannot help you in return.
That's just a really good thingto do. I know that.
Something I would add to that isif you donate money, don't go
(04:28):
around telling everyone Oh hey,I donated 100 bucks to this and
you know trying to get accoladesfor it. Just do it and do it
anonymously. There's somethingto it.
When you donate anonymously.
We also talked about applyingthe skills
about actually going out thereand trying the stuff that you're
(04:49):
learning.
That's really the only wayyou're going to get better. It's
the only way you're going toactually understand why.
Especially a lot of the counterintuitive stuff. It's really the
only way you're gonna understandwhy It works. And you'll be
motivated to do it more, you'llremember it, you'll do it the
next time, I'd say that there'sa expression. That's good to
remember in this in this area.
(05:13):
It's perfect practice makesperfect. So it's not just
practice makes perfect. It'sperfect. Practice makes perfect.
I mean, you want to bringeverything you got. Bring your
whole self give 100% when you'reapplying these skills, don't
just do it like half assed.
Don't just be like, Alright,I'll try it out, and then go,
and then it doesn't work. You'relike, see, you told you didn't
(05:35):
work? I mean, you want to bringit all. If you really want to
get good at this, put all youreffort into when you're actually
applying it. Put all your effortinto it.
I mean, for one, you'll probablyget better results for to
kind of like the expression thatnothing matters, and everything
(05:58):
matters.
So it's like,the way you tie your shoes. I
mean, are you actually tying itreally well? Are you just kind
of like just do it real quick.
Because everything I've noticedthat people that kind of do
certain things crappy, doeverything crappy. I mean,
(06:18):
anytime you do something, notjust social skills, but put more
effort into, into doing thingsreally well. It just translates
all across your life. Every timelike if you brush your teeth, if
you floss, make sure you floss.
Do it very well. Don't just putlike minimum effort into it.
(06:42):
Everything. Every minor thingyou do will matter. Okay? So
just remember that.
Okay, so this week, I want totalk about some interpersonal
skills. And then also start withsome tips. Just some little
things. I remember. I noticedrecently that I was getting a
little anxious because of allthe smoke and the fires and the
(07:04):
pandemic. And I noticed that Iremembered that and I'm like,
Man, I'm really feeling like,physically crappy. And every
time I was doing that, I waslike, Okay, why? Okay, my
breathing is really shallow.
I've noticed that anytime I feelanxious or nervous, the first
(07:24):
thing that happens is, I startbreathing very rapidly and not
very deep. So I'm like, okay,focus on your breathing. And
I'll just focus on breathing inand out very slowly.
I'll take my time. Just chillout. And just like do that just
in and out real slowly forusually about a minute. And next
(07:48):
thing you know, I'm like, oh,okay, I feel okay.
Like, it starts with a thought.
And then the thought makes younervous. And it fit manifests
physically in your in the wayyou breathe. So you can undo it
by focusing on your breathing,getting back to breathing
normally, or even very calmly,and it'll chill you out and make
(08:12):
you physically feel better. Soif you're feeling nervous at
all, like even right now, ifyou're feeling a little anxious,
skin posit, try it out. Justbreathe in and out real slowly,
usually about two and a halfseconds, maybe three seconds for
an in breath. Hold it for liketwo seconds and then let it out
for like two seconds, threeseconds, back and forth.
(08:35):
Okay, some, something Ipicked up along the way is how
to be neutral in a conversation.
Like we talked about peopletalking crap about each other
gossiping and stuff like that.
You'll find yourself in thosesituations where someone is,
like talking bad about someone.
For me, it usually happens atwork.
(08:56):
Someone is talking about aboutsomeone else at work. I've
noticed that.
There's a couple ways I'llhandle that I'll either just, if
I like the person.
I'll sometimes speak up for him.
I'll defend him. Or I'll justbring up I'm like, Oh, yeah. Oh,
that's interesting. Like, Idon't know, every time I work
with him, he seems pretty cool.
(09:16):
I've never had any issues withthem. I'll keep it kind of
short. But I'll make sure to saysomething about that. That way,
the person I don't know, I'lljust stick up for a person if I
if I don't think that thecomplaint is justified. But
another way I'll handle it,sometimes is I'll just be very
neutral. Like if someone issaying something, I'll just go
(09:36):
like, or I'll be like, Huh,you know, just like nod my head
a little bit and just gothat way. The person who's
talking to me, knows I'mlistening to them. I'm
acknowledging what they'resaying. But I'm, what I'm
acknowledging with is a neutrala neutral expression. So
(10:00):
So they feel like they're beingheard, but they cannot pinpoint
if you agree with them or not.
Because you didn't actually say,an acknowledgement of the
statement, you're just going,huh.
And I use that a lot. I'll justdo that when someone's talking
to me sometimes not to deflectan answer. But just as an
acknowledgement.
Something else to that I foundis a good neutral responses
(10:23):
saying that's cool. Like I sawthis, I used to say this
anyways, but then I also saw iton the 70 show.
Like the guy hide, there waslike, I don't know, there was
actually a scene where they weretalking about it, where hide
would never acknowledgeanything, he would just say,
that's cool.
And it works pretty good.
Someone says something, and youdon't want to agree or disagree.
(10:45):
Like sometimes someone's like,Hey, we're going to go camping
next weekend, I'll just be like,Oh, that's cool. Like not
saying, if I want to go or not.
Just because like, I'm like,Well, I need to think about it
if I want to go or not. And thenI'll let them know if I want to
go or not. It's the same. That'scool. Or Oh, that's are cool.
(11:08):
Cool, cool. You just say that,it's a good way to be neutral.
Another tip is, take acompliment. Sometimes someone
will say something nice to you.
And the best way to respond isOh, thank you. That's it. I
noticed a lot of times when I'llsay something nice about
someone, they'll deflect, orthey'll downplay it.
(11:33):
I don't know, sometimes it'sit's good modesty. But most of
the time, it's just like, youknow, just take the compliment,
you don't have to like act likeyou
just show that it just kind oflike it kind of just oozes low
self esteem, when you won't takea compliment. So just take a
compliment. It's nice for themean of the person who's going
out of the way to give you acompliment, you should at least
(11:54):
say thank you. Just you know,you keep it short, you don't
have to, like, make a wholespeech or anything, just say,
Oh, thanks, I appreciate it.
Another thing too, is like whenI'm at work a lot. I used to
work in offices a lot. And Ihelp someone and they're like,
or go to a department seesomeone I know. And they were
like, oh, here you want some,they'll have like a little bowl
(12:14):
of candy or they'll have like,extra food or something like
that. Most of the time, whenthey offer it to me, I'll just
I'll I'll take it. And I'll saythank you. A lot of times, I
wouldn't eat it though, like, Idon't know, just like give it to
someone else or something likethat. I noticed that if someone
offers you something as a gift,socially, a good response is
(12:35):
just to accept the gift. Even ifyou don't want it. It's a I
don't know, it's just somethingI learned that if you offer
someone something, and theydecline it, even if it's very
politely, you get a slight tingeof rejection. So don't, don't
respond with a rejection, justaccept the gift and then give it
(12:57):
to someone, give it to someoneelse if you don't want it or
something like that. Anotherlittle tip is the eyebrow flash,
I got this out of the bodylanguage for dummies book, it's
you just raise your eyebrows.
Like if I'm saying hello tosomeone lift my eyebrows real
quick. It's called the eyebrowflash. And has something to do
(13:19):
with making your eyes lookbigger, like a baby has really
big eyes. They think it hassomething to do with that. That
I think that's a really good wayto
just be more expressive using aneyebrow flash. I noticed that I
do it a lot. Now, after I readthat, and I think it works.
(13:40):
I used to work with thissalesperson Her name was Tessie.
And she had landed a very bigaccount. It was like a multi
million dollar account. So I washelping her at the beginning
with the installs at thehospitals. And
and I noticed that when she wastalking to me occasionally, like
(14:00):
let's picture, I'm standingsomewhere, she would be standing
next to me and we're both facingoutwards. I've heard that too,
that sometimes it's good tostand next to a person as to
as opposed to facing them.
Because it's kind of like bothof you are facing the problem
together. I've heard thatsomewhere.
(14:22):
But she would be standing nextto me. And with her right arm,
she would reach up and just takea hold of my left elbow.
Or like right above my elbow,she would decide to take a hold.
It was kinda like a little kidwould do sometimes if they're
just trying to hold on to you.
And I remember the first timeshe did it, I was like holy cow.
This is like very endearing. Soshe would like reach up, take my
(14:46):
elbow and then she would starttelling me something. I guess if
she really wanted you to listento what she was saying she would
do that. And I noticed that shedid this with several people
like the customer. The the guycame
Me handling account or otherpeople, I'd see that she would
do this. And I've never actuallyreally seen it done before. But
I remember it worked really welllike creates a bridge of
(15:09):
communication. You really payattention when someone does it.
So I've never actually done thatspecifically, I don't know if
it.
I don't know if it just worksfor women doing that to men. But
I know that sometimes when I'mtalking to a friend of mine,
I'll put my arm up on ashoulder, my right arm up on his
left shoulder or something likethat, and I'll be talking to
(15:30):
him. And I know, it just worksreally well. It's like bridging
communication. So it's like alittle tip for you.
Another one is, I had thisfriend who, let's say I'd be
talking to him at a at a bar orsomething like that. If a friend
came up, and I would introducethem to another person, he
would, you know, he had like,pretty good body language, and
(15:54):
his chin was up a little bit.
And when he would say what's upto this person, he would just
raise it real quick, like, likea nod.
But just he would go up and backdown with his chin still kind of
up. So it'd be like what's up.
And I noticed that it's workedpretty well, it's like,
instantly kind of respected him.
(16:17):
He would do this when he wouldsay, introduce himself to
people. So I kind of adoptedthat too, I would do that.
Sometimes. It's kind of like,you know, some people, though,
like, when you meet them, theykind of like bow their head a
little bit. He actually this waslike the exact opposite of a
bow, he would like raises Chinup a little bit without like
jetting it out too much. Ithought it worked really well.
(16:39):
Another thing about when I meetsomeone, before the pandemic,
when you would shake someone'shand, occasionally I'd meet
someone or someone we introducedto me.
And I wouldshake their hand. And, you know,
obviously, it's good to have agood handshake, nice and solid,
firm grip, and not like superhard.
(17:01):
And this usually would start outwith like a weak handshake, like
they would just like, give youlike a,
I don't know, or just like aflimsy handshake. And then they
wouldn't keep eye contact, likeI would notice it, if someone
doesn't hold eye contact. Likethey'll like go to shake your
hand. And then those kind oflike, I don't know, it just
feels like dismissive. Ifthey're not gonna like hold eye
(17:21):
contact. So make sure you holdgood eye contact when you shake
someone's hand because thefeeling I get when someone does
that, to me is I can't trustthis guy.
Maybe Maybe that's themaybe that's not the best
discernment of this individual'scharacter. But I don't know,
that's the feeling I get. Somake sure you hold eye contact
(17:43):
with someone, it's good to smiletoo. But if you're not going to
smile, at least hold good eyecontact at the bare minimum. One
last little tip, I make sure tolook at words all the time. So
anytime I hear a word, I'll justgo pick up my iPhone, I'll be
like, hey, Siri, define blah,blah, blah. And
(18:08):
my phone that was my phone. It'sdisplayed on your iPhone.
Alright, thanks, Siri.
But cell to say that and thenI'll look up the word and then
bam, I expand my vocabulary. Soit's good to expand your
vocabulary, it allows you to bemore expressive, I think, I
don't know, it actually is goodfor your emotions, too. Because
(18:29):
the more you're able to definesomething, the more you're able
toexpress certain things. So I'd
say just constantly look upwords, I usually don't look up
words that are like just so outthere that only someone who has
a PhD is going to understand it,I just try to look at words that
I occasionally hear, but I don'tknow what they mean. It's just a
(18:51):
good thing to do. Okay, so let'stalk real quickly, too, about
some interpersonal skills. Ithink it's good to have those
two. So my customer serviceskills. I,
when I was like 22 years old, Iworked in a call center while I
was going to school, and I got alot of really good experience in
(19:14):
customer service.
Working at this call center,we've talked about a couple of
these things before, but let'sgo over it again.
So if I had a customer, firstthing you do is listen, if they
have a complaint, or an issue,you want to listen, make sure
you don't interrupt them. I'veseen this happen just so many
(19:37):
times where a co worker will bedealing with an angry customer,
the customer starts telling themtelling them what what the
problem is. And then the dousually a technician
because technicians are good attechnical technical skills, but
they're not that great withcustomer service skills. And
they would interrupt themusually several times and the
(19:59):
customer would just get moremad. So make sure you just
listen, listen, listen, listen,listen, keep listening.
Sometimes it'll be giving you alot of information, like if I'm
in, it's different if you're onthe phone with a customer, but a
lot of times I'd be in persontalking to a customer, and I
always carried a clipboard withme to write information down. So
(20:19):
if they're given me a lot ofinformation, I would just start
writing it down on theclipboard, but usually, I would
just stand there with my arms tothe side, I would not cross my
arms, I'd hold very good eyecontact with the person. So they
know I'm really listening towhat they're saying. And then I
would give them feedback like,Oh, yeah, okay, what else is
going on, you know, anythingelse you're having problems with
(20:41):
or whatever. Just make sureyou're given a lot of feedback,
make sure they know that you'regiving them 100% of your of your
attention. That's the mainthing. Usually, if they're
complaining, they'll talkthemselves out after about a
minute or two, doesn't reallytake that long to convey a lot
of information. So it onlyusually takes like maybe one to
(21:02):
three minutes for them to sayeverything they're going to say.
Occasionally, you'll havesomeone that will talk probably
for like 15 minutes if you letthem.
But I've noticed, you can kindof tell those people because
they'll start repeating the sameinformation over and over again.
And I really don't have time forthat. So I in those rare
(21:22):
situations, I will cut them offmore like I'll guide the
conversation into immediatelyaddressing their specific
issues, I'll tell them what I'mgoing to do about each thing.
I'll be like, Oh, you know, I'mgoing to do this, this or this,
or I'm going to have to callsomeone to talk to my manager,
figure out what we're going todo. Or you know, just give them
(21:46):
some feedback of what how you'regoing to start addressing their
issue. They're usually prettycool. A lot of times they'll be
thanking me by the time I'mdone, even though I haven't
actually done anything. So it'sa good sign that it's working.
Another good tip on that is usereflective listening. So when
they start telling me right offthe bat with pissing them off so
(22:08):
much, pretty quickly to say,huh, that sounds Yeah, that
sounds like that'd be veryfrustrating.
And they'll say, yeah, it isvery frustrating. And then
they'll be like, Oh, this guyactually was listening to me.
works really well. I use that alot. Our flecked that I'll try
to pinpoint the emotion thatthey are experiencing because of
(22:33):
the situation. And I'll say thatto them. I'm like, oh, wow, that
sounds like that'd be superannoying to have to deal with
that. It seems to work reallywell. So reflect content,
reflect emotion, and then givethem your plan of action.
And if they're still prettypissed off, I'll usually just
(22:54):
like call my supervisor or mymanager afterwards and be like,
hey, just giving you a heads up.
I had this customer that wasreally pissed off. I told him,
he told me this. I told himthat. And yeah, he was pretty
mad about this. So that justgives your, usually, at least
some places where I've worked,it's good to give your
management a heads up just incase I get a call about it,
(23:17):
they'll know all about it makesyou look good, too. Since I
worked in a call center, I got apretty good idea of what all
call call centers are like. Soanytime that I'm trying to
resolve an issue, or the, youknow, I'll talk to the customer
service person.
And I could kind of get a feelpretty quickly if they're going
(23:38):
to be able to help me or not.
And if they're not, I'll justask for a supervisor.
And they're usually pretty goodabout making that happen pretty
quickly.
And the reason why I do that isbecause it's usually the
supervisor who has more accesscodes, more pass codes to get
into deeper into your account,and they're actually able to
(24:01):
refund money. So I'll just, Idon't like wasting my time on
the phone. So I'll just ask fora supervisor pretty quick.
There's been times where eventhe supervisor can't help me and
I'll ask for their supervisor.
Like I went to IKEA to get alamp. And then when I got the
lamp home, it was like very dim,it wasn't very bright. And so I
(24:22):
went back to IKEA to return itand they're like, oh, sorry, we
don't take any lighting back isjust like some weird policy
about no lights can come back.
You will not get your moneyback. And so I made
so I asked for a supervisor.
When I was talking to asupervisor. I said, Look,
(24:43):
I liked the lamp. And on theshow room. It looked like it was
a good lamp. But when I got ithome, it's like a terrible lamp.
It's like super dim, it'scompletely useless. And there's
no way to tell that on the showfloor because it's around 10
other lamps. SoLooks like it's nice and bright.
And after talking to him for aminute, he gave me my money
back. So I'd say got about a 50%success rate of getting my money
(25:07):
backin different situations, but
sometimes, almost all the time,you're gonna have to talk to a
supervisor. And so that's just agood tip. I use it a lot. I talk
to supervisors quite a bit, butI always try to be nice to the
person.
The first person, I'm just, Idon't really get mad at them,
(25:28):
they're just doing their job.
For the most part, sometimes ifthey're really bad, like, if
they keep cutting me off, thatmakes me a little annoyed, but
for the most part, it's not toobad.
So I think that's gonna be itfor this week. Next week, we're
gonna be talking aboutstorytelling. And we'll talk a
little bit about status. So hopeyou guys have an awesome week.
(25:49):
Get out there and have some funand don't take yourself too
seriously. Take care.
from a past life took the rightpath from the wrong night to
Japan taking this right what abizarre life a pull up a car
ride. It's a Mustang with thebeats Where have you seen him
what it look like? Oh, womentake for granted. Upper Milan
(26:12):
and a kitten issue for the moonin the stars numerous broth
beautiful being the key tobe two people with the lucky
young linen and the nice to seethe breast out. So now I'm
thinking that life is betterwith buddy you bet on the
brother You win blacksmiths in atank tops with the eight ball
and if it was a vu, we could beif it was a vu we could be
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