October 25, 2020 • 27 mins
Hey hey! It's been a minute but we are back with some great tips that I've been thinking about and we are going to talk about story telling. Telling stories is a big part of socializing and goes back to caveman days, so it's gotta be important right?
Be sure to check out the Charisma on Command channel, so much fantastic content and also The Art of Mingling, some pretty good tips to try out.
Thank you so much to Wax Mustang for the intro and outtro music - Powerball!
...
I always appreciate any support ; D
https://www.patreon.com/TSSLpodcast
paypal.me/TSSLpodcast
Thank you!! - Nathan. : D
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:26):
Maybe running away from the podium thinking much in the
back seat for the Powerball wecould do it on demand.
Put the winning you know hisgames off of she sing along,
man. And just when it couldn'tget better, she talked to me and
saying you got the chin. Ah, yougot the juice, you have the
bison to boost into you tokenand walk in the right way
(00:48):
sundown on a highway, you knowthe feeling baby? What's going
on everybody?
Take the pants off. Welcome backto another episode of the social
skills lab.
I'm your host, Nathan augment.
It's Episode 13. It has been along time since I record an
(01:08):
episode. But I don't know, Ijust wanted to make sure I had
everything together wanted tomake sure it's gonna be a good
episode, I didn't want to rushit. Because I know you're busy.
You don't got time to waste. Solet's, let's just jump into it.
Last week we talked about orLast time, we talked about
customer service skills. And wewent over some tips and stuff
(01:31):
like that.
I knew I said we would talkabout
we talk about status, socialstatus and storytelling.
But I want to talk about sometips as well, because I keep
thinking of some pretty goodtips that I've learned along the
way. And I thought I'd justshare him share some more with
(01:53):
you.
I saw this episode, on YouTube,there's a channel called
charisma on command. It's, it'sa really good episode, or it's a
really good, it's a really goodchannel, I'll put a link in the
description. There was oneepisode where I can't remember
exactly what they were talkingabout. But they were the guy was
saying that it's pretty common,especially if you're in a group
(02:18):
of people, that people willconstantly just kind of talk
over people sometimes. And thebest way to handle that is to
actually finish your sentence,or finish your thought
even as you're being cut off.
Because I mean, I'm not gonnasay you would want to do that
100% of the time, butit just kind of shows that you
(02:38):
are comfortable being cut offand you don't let it bother you.
Just let just finish your trainof thought and then focus on
whatever the other person wassaying. I would say if it starts
happening a lot, sometimesthey'll just say something like,
you know, you keep cutting meoff or something like that I
don't know, just pointed out.
(03:00):
Because me personally, when I'mwith someone, it's usually
someone that I don't know verywell, and they constantly cut me
off for they talk and talk andtalk and they never really let
me get a word in. I usuallydon't continue
socializing with that person forvery long, so that way. So you
should be aware if you're doingthat too much. Make sure you
(03:22):
always let the person talk Trynot to talk over someone. A lot
of times too, if I cut someoneoff, which I do sometimes still,
I'll make a mental note of it. Imight finish my thought and then
I'll just say, Yeah, what wereyou saying? I'm sorry, I cut you
off on there are all dislikementioned? I was like, Oh, you
were and what was that movieyou're talking about? Blah,
blah, blah, I'll bring theconversation back. I'll let them
(03:45):
finish what they're saying.
Another thing that I learnedwas, if you pay close attention
to people talking and stuff likethat, you might notice that when
people laugh,I would say 50% of the time,
they're not actually laughing atsomething that's funny. They are
laughingmost likely to break tension, or
(04:05):
because they're nervous. So Ithink I think when I heard that,
I heard it more in the contextof
don't do that. So if you catchyourself laughing when you're
just kind of like breakingtension or because you're
nervous, try not to do it.
it's best just to laugh whensomething that's funny. And
(04:28):
you'll notice that people dothis quite a bit. So I would try
to catch yourself when you'rejust laughing nervously it's
just better just to be quiet.
Something something that I wouldmention about status, like
when it comes to socializing,status is kind of like always in
the background, like who hashigher status and another
(04:49):
person. Me personally I'velearned kind of like I don't
really give a crap about any ofthat stuff.
Like especially like when you'rein school, like, like in high
school and stuff. That'sThat's for whatever reason, it's
just a huge deal of like, Who'spopular and who's not. As you
get out of out of school and getinto the real world, it's really
not as important. I mean, themost important thing is that you
(05:10):
get your own your own lifetogether, and that you enjoy
life and you have a good time, Iwould say something that I
noticed is, if you're talking toa couple people, let's say
you're talking to two peoplethat are good friends, or two
people that are just like, youknow, they're just friends,
you'll noticemost of the time that one person
has a higher status than theother person, and they are well
(05:34):
aware of it. Even if it'sunspoken, you'll notice that one
person often will defer to theother person, like they'll often
like if you if someone's cracksa joke, one person, you'll see
one person, look to the otherperson and see how they react
before they react. This happensquite a bit. And the only thing
I can kind of relate it to is,like it's a I don't know if
(05:58):
you've ever owned a dog.
But if you have a dog, you'llnotice that as soon as you walk
in the house, they're basicallyjust staring at you.
They're staring at you, and theydon't take their eyes off you.
They're always looking forseeing what you're going to do
next. I would say that that'snot how you want to be, you
don't want to be constantlydeferring to another person, you
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know, trying to see how otherpeople react before you react,
you know, just live your lifeand be your own person.
Something that would be reallyimportant in this general area,
too is I mentioned pretty earlyon in the podcast to camera,
what episode it was.
It wasepisode number two, diving into
body language, I mentioned, tolearn as much as you can about
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body language.
And I, I'll say it again,because it's really good to be
able to read people's bodylanguage. So like just for
instance, like one of the topicsthat we could talk about this
week is storytelling. And youcan read books and stuff like
that on on how to be a betterstoryteller. I'm sure there's a
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lot of great stuff out there.
I would, I was watching.
I was watching this,this movie with john candy and
Steve Martin. It's called planeplanes, trains and automobiles.
And at one point, john kennedyis constantly getting on Steve
Martin's nerves, he's he's justlike, won't stop talking. And he
(07:24):
keeps telling the most boringstories. At least they are to
him. And then at one point,Steve Martin just cracks and
starts yelling at him. And he'slike, Look, do you ever Shut up,
he's like, here's it. Here's atip, when you tell a story, make
it have a point. It should beinteresting, funny, entertaining
something.
And that's actually pretty goodadvice. Because I've known
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people that are telling stories.
They don't seem to have a point.
They're not very entertaining.
And the main thing is, I'm justmy mind is just blown. Like, can
you not tell? I am dying ofboredom here, like my eyes are
glazing over. I'm turning mybody away from you. I'm trying
to escape this conversation. Somy point is be able to read
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people's body language, if theylook bored, if they look
uninterested, if they look likethey're trying to get away from
you wrap your story up. I knowpeople that will go on and on
and on. And especially nowadays,because we have such short
attention spans, that you reallyneed to know how to either be
the best storyteller in theworld, or to keep it short.
(08:30):
Like, if I'm talking to someone,and they have
a boring story, if they keep itunder 30 seconds, you know, oh,
I can, I can really appreciatethat. Like, I don't even mind
hearing a boring story, as longas it's short. And we're done
with it. Get it out of the way.
Solet's tell him I was talking to
(08:52):
a friend of mine. And I wasasking him about this. I was
like, do you have any good tipsfor telling stories? He said,
Well, the main thing probably isto keep it in context of what
your conversation is alreadyabout. So anytime you tell a
story, especially in the middleof a conversation, it should be
somewhat related to what you'retalking about already. So keep
that in mind.
(09:13):
Andlike I said, it should be either
entertaining, interesting,funny, have some kind of point.
I got a I got a kind of funnystory related to this. My uncle.
He had gone on vacation to LosAngeles for two, two weeks. And
I've always kind of known thathis stories are really boring.
They go on and on. And they kindof lead into another story and
(09:36):
another story and another story.
There's really no end to them.
And it drives me frickin crazy.
But you know, I haven't seen himin a while and I was like, Oh,
yeah, How was your trip to LA?
And he goes, Yeah, yeah, my tripwas okay. Like I was, uh, you
know, I had to go up in theattic to get the luggage. It was
really hard to find, but I didfind the luggage and
(10:00):
I had to bring the luggage downand I'm like, Oh, crap.
No, this guy is seriously aboutto tell me his vacation story,
starting with luggage. Like hehasn't even gone on the trip
yet. He's gonna tell me how hepacked his luggage. I mean,
that's just, that's no do not,do not torture someone hold
(10:23):
someone hostage with a boringstory. And if you're having
trouble telling stories, well,maybe you should have a more
adventurous life. You know,that's really I think that's
probably why I have a decentamount of good stories is like,
I don't know, I had kind of acrazy, past couple decades, you
know, I went and traveled, did alot of crazy things had a lot of
(10:44):
fun. And there's always somestory that I kind of can kind of
think of in a moment thatrelates to something and it's
kind of entertaining or funny.
So, you know, if you don't haveany stories, go out there and
make some stories. So yeah, makesure you know a lot about body
language, you can tell someone'sboard, or just wrap it up, you
know, there's nothing wrong withjust wrapping up a story and be
like, Yeah, well, that, youknow, long story short, blah,
(11:05):
blah, blah. And another thing ifyou say long story short, make
it short. Okay? It's, it's kindof like a joke that like a lot
of times when people say longstory short, they're going to
talk for another five minutes,just don't be that person.
I'll give you another tip here.
When my buddy told me aboutthis, he said, sometimes when
people are talking to him, andhe's like, totally done, he
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doesn't want he doesn't, hewants to end the conversation,
which will happen once yoursocial skills a lot better,
you'll you'll find yourself insituations where people will
just talk your ear off. But oneof the best ways to get them to
finish is to just have a blanklook on your face and do not
respond. Just act like you'recompletely comatose. When he
(11:54):
told me this, I thought it waspretty funny. But I didn't
notice it actually works likethis one's like yapping,
yapping, if I don't respond, ifI don't give any feedback. Like
in a normal situation, it's goodto give, you know some feedback
when someone's talking to you.
So they know that theconversation is going well. But
if it's not going well just becompletely silent. And
(12:16):
eventually, they'll realizethat's like the biggest hint, if
you're getting zero feedback. Alot of times, I'll just wrap it
up. There are situations whereyou'll be talking to someone, or
someone will start talking toyou and you don't really want to
talk to him. Like let's sayyou're at a party, or if you're
at a bar club or something likethat.
I read this in a book, it waslet me pull it up here. Yeah, I
(12:40):
found this in a book it is byJean Martin net. It's called the
art of mingling, I read this along time ago, it's actually not
that bad. That the art ofmingling fun and proven
techniques. I bet I'll put alink in that too of the
description. But she said inthere, it's called like the
sacrificial lamb or somethinglike that a camera what's
(13:01):
called, but here's the breakdownof it. Let's say you're talking
to someone, you don't reallywant to talk to someone, the
person you're talking to. Andyou're trying to figure out the
best way to get out of there.
Well, one way I've noticed isyou could just say what you're
going to do next, like I'll justbe in the middle of
conversation. I'm like, yeah,I'm going to go to the bathroom,
or I'm going to go get a drink.
Or I'm going to go outside for asecond. Just verbally tell them
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what you're about to do. Andthey'll usually be like, okay,
and you can walk off, butsometimes
in a better. And sometimes.
Another way you can do it islet's say you're talking to
someone, and a third personwalks up and you'll be like, Oh,
hey, Mike, I want you to meetBrian. Like, Oh, yeah. Alright
guys, I'll be back. In just walkoff. You basically just use the
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third person who walked into thesituation as you're out. Because
it's almost like, Hey, I'm goingto leave you but I'm leaving you
with someone to talk to you.
I did this. One time, I was at aat a club. And I was talking to
this girl. And this guy who Ikind of knew he came up into
(14:03):
sort of talking to me and Ididn't really want to talk to
him. I wanted to talk to thisgirl. And my other friend was
talking to me or he was standingby me. And I was like, Oh, hey,
have you met my buddy Joey? Andhe's like, No, no, I'm like, and
I basically just pawn them off.
So I could keep talking to thisgirl. And later on that night,
my friend Joe is like, I totallysaw what you did there.
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I was like, Oh, yeah, I actuallylearned actually learn how to do
that somewhere. But it's calledlike the sacrifice or something
like that. It's pretty funny.
Another tip is I don't know if Imentioned this before. But like
I mentioned before, Apple Appprobation and praise like it's
really good to be show gratitudeto people when they do something
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nice for you. But don't Gosh,for example, I had a friend we
would go into like the gasstation, buy like a soda and my
friend would be like thank youlike this, he would be saying
this to the cashierLike, thanks. Thanks, man, I
really appreciate it. I reallyappreciate it. Like, the Flexi
(15:06):
he just bought a soda from him.
And I mean, I don't know, I justfeel like there's a certain
level of temperance you need tohave when giving appreciation
like if someone like helped youmove, yeah, gosh, gosh awake
because that's a big thing.
But don't gush for like mediumstuff, just, you know, just show
some gratitude, but kind of Itfeels weird when you take it too
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far. And it reminds me of thething from the that some kind of
Zen phrase, it's called like, itfeels like fish spittle. Like,
like when apparently some fishwhether like in a creek that's
drying up, fish will like spiton each other to keep each other
wet. I just thought that was agood, a good reference for, you
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know, fake gushing on people. Sodon't it feels like fish battle.
Another thing too, is, make sureyou give people appropriate
space, that's a really goodthing about body language. Just
pay attention to people'spersonal space. If you don't
know them at all, probably givethem a five feet of space to
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four feet of space. As you know,more and more probably moving a
little closer. Two feet, onefeet three feet. But just make
sure if it's someone you don'tknow, and you're going to talk
to them. When you give themenough space, you automatically
build trust in just doing that.
Soand also I read somewhere that
like it's different. Differentcultures have different levels
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of space. And like little kids,like say, if you're at a
supermarket and little kid islike standing next to you and
like, you know, the kid mightget like within a foot. But
that's different, becausethere's like a little kid, but
as an adult or anolder person, make sure you give
appropriate amount of space topeople.
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Another tip here is silences areokay. So sometimes you'll be in
a conversation, and all suddenthe conversation dies down. And
it'll be silence a lot of timesit'll make people kind of
uncomfortable. But I've learnedover time that, you know, once
it when that happens, I kind ofplay Russian Roulette with it.
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Like I'm like, Oh, it's silent.
Let's see how long it can besilent before they speak out of
nervousness.
Because I used to be that personwhere I'd be like, Oh, no, it's
silent. You have to saysomething, like, just enjoy the
moment for a moment. So justknow that silences are okay.
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Just you know, enjoy the moment,something will come to your
head. You know, sometimes thatmight be the end of the
conversation, who knows. Buteither way, welcome silence,
don't be so afraid of it.
Another thing here, missing themoment. So let's say you're
having your you know, you'rehaving a good conversation with
someone cracking jokes orwhatever. And then someone says
something and you think of like,a really good joke to say about
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that. That moment is fleeting,so you probably have about three
to six seconds, maybe more. It'shard to tell sometimes. But to
tell that joke, I could tell yousomething. If it's 20 seconds
later, it's way too late. Sodon't go try to like, capture
that moment again, because it'sgoing to be fleeting. So if you
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think is something funny, youprobably have to say it
relatively quickly, becausethere's a lot of timing involved
in making people laugh. So youkind of crack a joke a little
later, a little later. But it's,I'm telling you right now, just
let it go. A lot of times,there's so many times where I've
like thought of something funny,but it's been a little bit too
late. And I'm like, huh, yeah, Imissed out. I missed that one.
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So just stay in the moment,you'll think of something else
later. Don't, don't fret overit. Because if you fret over it,
you're going to be taken out ofthe moment, you're going to like
lose your presence in theconversation. And it won't go as
well. And trust me, so alwaysunderstand timing of jokes and
timing of situations. I learnedsomething a while back about
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empathy versus sympathy, and howit's good to be empathetic, but
it's not as good to fall deepinto sympathy. So like empathy
is kind of like understandingsomeone's state of mind or
someone's situation or whatnot.
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Sympathy is kind of like goingthere with them. So if someone's
like depressed, or real sad,it's not necessarily great to
like, be super sympathetic andfeel because eventually you'll
start feeling very sad as well.
And that doesn't necessarilyhelp the other person.
I noticed that sometimes whensomeone is close to me, and
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they're like, really bummed out,I won't really change my state.
I'll kind of pause and likeLike, let me let me give you an
example, my buddy had a heartattack. And I was in the
hospital room with him. And man,he was in a lot of pain, like a
lot of pain.
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And, you know, maybe it'sbecause I don't have that great
of bedside manner, but I wasmostly on my phone.
Because there really is nothingI could help him with, other
than just being there with him.
So I was just kind of like,trying to, like, you know, be
calm, and,you know, if he needed
something, help him out. But forthe most part, I wasn't gonna
just sit like, if if it was likemy child, it would be really
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hard to not experience that painwith him. But, you know, he, he
went through it, and he got alot better. And, you know, it
was horrible for him. But Ithink the best thing I can do is
just not panic, not let him feellike, you know, I was gonna be
like, I don't know, I actuallythink it makes it worse
(20:59):
sometimes when you go there withthem in those moments. So I
guess I was just being strongfor the both of us. So
remember that that's a reallygood thing that I learned.
Empathy versus sympathy. Youwant to learn to be empathetic,
that's a really good thing. Butgoing deep into someone else's
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negative state is not good. Eventhough you're trying to help, it
doesn't help them. And it's notgood for either one of you.
Okay, so let's talk brieflyabout Chuck Norris. So
I remember, someone telling meone time that Chuck Norris
became a black belt, in oneyear, it took him one year to be
(21:41):
a black belt, it usually takesabout two to three years. So
what that tells me is he workedextremely hard on it, he
probably spent hours every day,hours every week, to get to that
point. And I want you to thinkabout that. If you feel like
you're never going to learnsocial skills.
(22:03):
Because whatI remember thinking, and when I
heard that was, look, if I wantto be really good at something,
I need to put the time in.
I can't there's no faking beinga black belt, you're either
going to put the work in, you'regoing to work, learn the
techniques, you're going to,you're going to
physically put the work in,you're going to practice,
(22:27):
practice, practice, right. Soyou can probably learn to be an
excellent socializer in oneyear. I mean, are you gonna do
it, most people won't, but I'mnot saying that you need you
have to what I'm saying is, ifyou want to get better, you're
gonna have to put in a certainamount of work. I remember, I
went to an art gallery once andI saw this beautiful piece of
glass art. And I rememberthinking, when I was looking at
(22:51):
it, like, my mind was blown how,how amazing. The piece of art
was, and I was thinking, Man,whoever made this, obviously put
years of time into his craft.
And at the time, I was trying tobe a DJ. And I remember just
thinking, like, you know, I'monly DJing, like, two to two
(23:13):
hours at most a week, I'm nevergoing to be a professional DJ,
if I am only putting in twohours a week, never, it's just
never gonna happen. And I wasthinking I'm like, Well, I don't
think I'm gonna put in six toeight hours a day on it. So I
need toreset my expectations. Because
if I'm not going to put thatmuch time in, I'm probably not
(23:36):
going to be professional. So Ineed to find something else that
I really enjoy. And then I thatand that I am willing to put
that much time into if I want tobe really good at something. I
mean, it was just a realitycheck for me. And I think it was
a good thing like, yeah, I stilllike DJing sometimes, but not
enough to put that much timeinto it. And I really think of
social skills, especially whenyou when you start seeing that
(24:00):
there's a lot of books and stuffon it. It's somewhat of a
Pandora's box, in my opinion.
Because once you realize, oh,other people are learning this
stuff, other people are gettingreally good at it. There is a
way to do it. So now there's noexcuse. If I don't like being
(24:20):
lonely, alone, have badfriendships or something like
that, then now I know that youcan get better, so rich, really
much more of the responsibilityis put onto you. So that's why I
think of it as somewhat of aPandora's box. Like once you
learn that other people aredoing it. In fact, a lot of
(24:40):
people are doing it, and there'sso many resources to learn to
get better. You really have noexcuse to not do it. I guess
that's kind of a wake up call tosome people. I really hope that
you guys can put put a lot ofeffort into it and in fact,
enjoy doing it because it'sactually a really good thing to
learn.
I've had so many greatexperiences because of it. And
(25:03):
so one thing I would say is, Ireally try to put a lot of
information. Khurram has a tonof information on his podcast so
I'd highly recommend if youhaven't heard every single
episode, go back and listen toall the episodes. And even if
you have learned even if youhave listened to every episode,
go back into listen to everyoneevery episode again. And then
(25:25):
like in a year, go on back andlisten to it for a third time
because there's so muchinformation that you might learn
something down the road orsomething might make a lot more
sense as you get better. Yeah, Iguess that's gonna be about it
for this week. I guess I'll keepit kind of short. I'll try to do
aAh, actually I'm not gonna make
any promisesI guess we'll just gonna we're
just gonna end on that so I hopeyou guys have an awesome week
(25:48):
and I will talk to you guysagain very soon.
feeling the effects of a pastlife from a past life took the
right path from the wrong NikeJapan taking this right what a
bizarre life a pull up a carride it's a Mustang with the
(26:12):
beats Where have you seen himwhat it looked like? Oh women
and take for granteda lot and a cannon issue for the
moon in the stars numerousbronze beautiful being the
Godfather key to be to peoplewith the lucky young linen and
the nice show see to press down.
Now I'm thinking that life isbetter with buddy you bet on the
(26:34):
brother You win in a tank topswith the eight ball and
if it wasn't for you, we couldbe
if it wasn't for you. We couldbe shame it's a damn shame.
Maybe running away from the podium thinking much in the
back seat for the Powerball wecould do it on demand.
Put the winning you know hisgames off of she sing along,
man. And just when it couldn'tget better, she talked to me and
saying you got the chin. Ah, yougot the juice, you have the
bison to boost into you tokenand walk in the right way
(00:48):
sundown on a highway, you knowthe feeling baby? What's going
on everybody?
Take the pants off. Welcome backto another episode of the social
skills lab.
I'm your host, Nathan augment.
It's Episode 13. It has been along time since I record an
(01:08):
episode. But I don't know, Ijust wanted to make sure I had
everything together wanted tomake sure it's gonna be a good
episode, I didn't want to rushit. Because I know you're busy.
You don't got time to waste. Solet's, let's just jump into it.
Last week we talked about orLast time, we talked about
customer service skills. And wewent over some tips and stuff
(01:31):
like that.
I knew I said we would talkabout
we talk about status, socialstatus and storytelling.
But I want to talk about sometips as well, because I keep
thinking of some pretty goodtips that I've learned along the
way. And I thought I'd justshare him share some more with
(01:53):
you.
I saw this episode, on YouTube,there's a channel called
charisma on command. It's, it'sa really good episode, or it's a
really good, it's a really goodchannel, I'll put a link in the
description. There was oneepisode where I can't remember
exactly what they were talkingabout. But they were the guy was
saying that it's pretty common,especially if you're in a group
(02:18):
of people, that people willconstantly just kind of talk
over people sometimes. And thebest way to handle that is to
actually finish your sentence,or finish your thought
even as you're being cut off.
Because I mean, I'm not gonnasay you would want to do that
100% of the time, butit just kind of shows that you
(02:38):
are comfortable being cut offand you don't let it bother you.
Just let just finish your trainof thought and then focus on
whatever the other person wassaying. I would say if it starts
happening a lot, sometimesthey'll just say something like,
you know, you keep cutting meoff or something like that I
don't know, just pointed out.
(03:00):
Because me personally, when I'mwith someone, it's usually
someone that I don't know verywell, and they constantly cut me
off for they talk and talk andtalk and they never really let
me get a word in. I usuallydon't continue
socializing with that person forvery long, so that way. So you
should be aware if you're doingthat too much. Make sure you
(03:22):
always let the person talk Trynot to talk over someone. A lot
of times too, if I cut someoneoff, which I do sometimes still,
I'll make a mental note of it. Imight finish my thought and then
I'll just say, Yeah, what wereyou saying? I'm sorry, I cut you
off on there are all dislikementioned? I was like, Oh, you
were and what was that movieyou're talking about? Blah,
blah, blah, I'll bring theconversation back. I'll let them
(03:45):
finish what they're saying.
Another thing that I learnedwas, if you pay close attention
to people talking and stuff likethat, you might notice that when
people laugh,I would say 50% of the time,
they're not actually laughing atsomething that's funny. They are
laughingmost likely to break tension, or
(04:05):
because they're nervous. So Ithink I think when I heard that,
I heard it more in the contextof
don't do that. So if you catchyourself laughing when you're
just kind of like breakingtension or because you're
nervous, try not to do it.
it's best just to laugh whensomething that's funny. And
(04:28):
you'll notice that people dothis quite a bit. So I would try
to catch yourself when you'rejust laughing nervously it's
just better just to be quiet.
Something something that I wouldmention about status, like
when it comes to socializing,status is kind of like always in
the background, like who hashigher status and another
(04:49):
person. Me personally I'velearned kind of like I don't
really give a crap about any ofthat stuff.
Like especially like when you'rein school, like, like in high
school and stuff. That'sThat's for whatever reason, it's
just a huge deal of like, Who'spopular and who's not. As you
get out of out of school and getinto the real world, it's really
not as important. I mean, themost important thing is that you
(05:10):
get your own your own lifetogether, and that you enjoy
life and you have a good time, Iwould say something that I
noticed is, if you're talking toa couple people, let's say
you're talking to two peoplethat are good friends, or two
people that are just like, youknow, they're just friends,
you'll noticemost of the time that one person
has a higher status than theother person, and they are well
(05:34):
aware of it. Even if it'sunspoken, you'll notice that one
person often will defer to theother person, like they'll often
like if you if someone's cracksa joke, one person, you'll see
one person, look to the otherperson and see how they react
before they react. This happensquite a bit. And the only thing
I can kind of relate it to is,like it's a I don't know if
(05:58):
you've ever owned a dog.
But if you have a dog, you'llnotice that as soon as you walk
in the house, they're basicallyjust staring at you.
They're staring at you, and theydon't take their eyes off you.
They're always looking forseeing what you're going to do
next. I would say that that'snot how you want to be, you
don't want to be constantlydeferring to another person, you
(06:19):
know, trying to see how otherpeople react before you react,
you know, just live your lifeand be your own person.
Something that would be reallyimportant in this general area,
too is I mentioned pretty earlyon in the podcast to camera,
what episode it was.
It wasepisode number two, diving into
body language, I mentioned, tolearn as much as you can about
(06:43):
body language.
And I, I'll say it again,because it's really good to be
able to read people's bodylanguage. So like just for
instance, like one of the topicsthat we could talk about this
week is storytelling. And youcan read books and stuff like
that on on how to be a betterstoryteller. I'm sure there's a
(07:04):
lot of great stuff out there.
I would, I was watching.
I was watching this,this movie with john candy and
Steve Martin. It's called planeplanes, trains and automobiles.
And at one point, john kennedyis constantly getting on Steve
Martin's nerves, he's he's justlike, won't stop talking. And he
(07:24):
keeps telling the most boringstories. At least they are to
him. And then at one point,Steve Martin just cracks and
starts yelling at him. And he'slike, Look, do you ever Shut up,
he's like, here's it. Here's atip, when you tell a story, make
it have a point. It should beinteresting, funny, entertaining
something.
And that's actually pretty goodadvice. Because I've known
(07:46):
people that are telling stories.
They don't seem to have a point.
They're not very entertaining.
And the main thing is, I'm justmy mind is just blown. Like, can
you not tell? I am dying ofboredom here, like my eyes are
glazing over. I'm turning mybody away from you. I'm trying
to escape this conversation. Somy point is be able to read
(08:08):
people's body language, if theylook bored, if they look
uninterested, if they look likethey're trying to get away from
you wrap your story up. I knowpeople that will go on and on
and on. And especially nowadays,because we have such short
attention spans, that you reallyneed to know how to either be
the best storyteller in theworld, or to keep it short.
(08:30):
Like, if I'm talking to someone,and they have
a boring story, if they keep itunder 30 seconds, you know, oh,
I can, I can really appreciatethat. Like, I don't even mind
hearing a boring story, as longas it's short. And we're done
with it. Get it out of the way.
Solet's tell him I was talking to
(08:52):
a friend of mine. And I wasasking him about this. I was
like, do you have any good tipsfor telling stories? He said,
Well, the main thing probably isto keep it in context of what
your conversation is alreadyabout. So anytime you tell a
story, especially in the middleof a conversation, it should be
somewhat related to what you'retalking about already. So keep
that in mind.
(09:13):
Andlike I said, it should be either
entertaining, interesting,funny, have some kind of point.
I got a I got a kind of funnystory related to this. My uncle.
He had gone on vacation to LosAngeles for two, two weeks. And
I've always kind of known thathis stories are really boring.
They go on and on. And they kindof lead into another story and
(09:36):
another story and another story.
There's really no end to them.
And it drives me frickin crazy.
But you know, I haven't seen himin a while and I was like, Oh,
yeah, How was your trip to LA?
And he goes, Yeah, yeah, my tripwas okay. Like I was, uh, you
know, I had to go up in theattic to get the luggage. It was
really hard to find, but I didfind the luggage and
(10:00):
I had to bring the luggage downand I'm like, Oh, crap.
No, this guy is seriously aboutto tell me his vacation story,
starting with luggage. Like hehasn't even gone on the trip
yet. He's gonna tell me how hepacked his luggage. I mean,
that's just, that's no do not,do not torture someone hold
(10:23):
someone hostage with a boringstory. And if you're having
trouble telling stories, well,maybe you should have a more
adventurous life. You know,that's really I think that's
probably why I have a decentamount of good stories is like,
I don't know, I had kind of acrazy, past couple decades, you
know, I went and traveled, did alot of crazy things had a lot of
(10:44):
fun. And there's always somestory that I kind of can kind of
think of in a moment thatrelates to something and it's
kind of entertaining or funny.
So, you know, if you don't haveany stories, go out there and
make some stories. So yeah, makesure you know a lot about body
language, you can tell someone'sboard, or just wrap it up, you
know, there's nothing wrong withjust wrapping up a story and be
like, Yeah, well, that, youknow, long story short, blah,
(11:05):
blah, blah. And another thing ifyou say long story short, make
it short. Okay? It's, it's kindof like a joke that like a lot
of times when people say longstory short, they're going to
talk for another five minutes,just don't be that person.
I'll give you another tip here.
When my buddy told me aboutthis, he said, sometimes when
people are talking to him, andhe's like, totally done, he
(11:30):
doesn't want he doesn't, hewants to end the conversation,
which will happen once yoursocial skills a lot better,
you'll you'll find yourself insituations where people will
just talk your ear off. But oneof the best ways to get them to
finish is to just have a blanklook on your face and do not
respond. Just act like you'recompletely comatose. When he
(11:54):
told me this, I thought it waspretty funny. But I didn't
notice it actually works likethis one's like yapping,
yapping, if I don't respond, ifI don't give any feedback. Like
in a normal situation, it's goodto give, you know some feedback
when someone's talking to you.
So they know that theconversation is going well. But
if it's not going well just becompletely silent. And
(12:16):
eventually, they'll realizethat's like the biggest hint, if
you're getting zero feedback. Alot of times, I'll just wrap it
up. There are situations whereyou'll be talking to someone, or
someone will start talking toyou and you don't really want to
talk to him. Like let's sayyou're at a party, or if you're
at a bar club or something likethat.
I read this in a book, it waslet me pull it up here. Yeah, I
(12:40):
found this in a book it is byJean Martin net. It's called the
art of mingling, I read this along time ago, it's actually not
that bad. That the art ofmingling fun and proven
techniques. I bet I'll put alink in that too of the
description. But she said inthere, it's called like the
sacrificial lamb or somethinglike that a camera what's
(13:01):
called, but here's the breakdownof it. Let's say you're talking
to someone, you don't reallywant to talk to someone, the
person you're talking to. Andyou're trying to figure out the
best way to get out of there.
Well, one way I've noticed isyou could just say what you're
going to do next, like I'll justbe in the middle of
conversation. I'm like, yeah,I'm going to go to the bathroom,
or I'm going to go get a drink.
Or I'm going to go outside for asecond. Just verbally tell them
(13:23):
what you're about to do. Andthey'll usually be like, okay,
and you can walk off, butsometimes
in a better. And sometimes.
Another way you can do it islet's say you're talking to
someone, and a third personwalks up and you'll be like, Oh,
hey, Mike, I want you to meetBrian. Like, Oh, yeah. Alright
guys, I'll be back. In just walkoff. You basically just use the
(13:43):
third person who walked into thesituation as you're out. Because
it's almost like, Hey, I'm goingto leave you but I'm leaving you
with someone to talk to you.
I did this. One time, I was at aat a club. And I was talking to
this girl. And this guy who Ikind of knew he came up into
(14:03):
sort of talking to me and Ididn't really want to talk to
him. I wanted to talk to thisgirl. And my other friend was
talking to me or he was standingby me. And I was like, Oh, hey,
have you met my buddy Joey? Andhe's like, No, no, I'm like, and
I basically just pawn them off.
So I could keep talking to thisgirl. And later on that night,
my friend Joe is like, I totallysaw what you did there.
(14:26):
I was like, Oh, yeah, I actuallylearned actually learn how to do
that somewhere. But it's calledlike the sacrifice or something
like that. It's pretty funny.
Another tip is I don't know if Imentioned this before. But like
I mentioned before, Apple Appprobation and praise like it's
really good to be show gratitudeto people when they do something
(14:46):
nice for you. But don't Gosh,for example, I had a friend we
would go into like the gasstation, buy like a soda and my
friend would be like thank youlike this, he would be saying
this to the cashierLike, thanks. Thanks, man, I
really appreciate it. I reallyappreciate it. Like, the Flexi
(15:06):
he just bought a soda from him.
And I mean, I don't know, I justfeel like there's a certain
level of temperance you need tohave when giving appreciation
like if someone like helped youmove, yeah, gosh, gosh awake
because that's a big thing.
But don't gush for like mediumstuff, just, you know, just show
some gratitude, but kind of Itfeels weird when you take it too
(15:30):
far. And it reminds me of thething from the that some kind of
Zen phrase, it's called like, itfeels like fish spittle. Like,
like when apparently some fishwhether like in a creek that's
drying up, fish will like spiton each other to keep each other
wet. I just thought that was agood, a good reference for, you
(15:54):
know, fake gushing on people. Sodon't it feels like fish battle.
Another thing too, is, make sureyou give people appropriate
space, that's a really goodthing about body language. Just
pay attention to people'spersonal space. If you don't
know them at all, probably givethem a five feet of space to
(16:15):
four feet of space. As you know,more and more probably moving a
little closer. Two feet, onefeet three feet. But just make
sure if it's someone you don'tknow, and you're going to talk
to them. When you give themenough space, you automatically
build trust in just doing that.
Soand also I read somewhere that
like it's different. Differentcultures have different levels
(16:36):
of space. And like little kids,like say, if you're at a
supermarket and little kid islike standing next to you and
like, you know, the kid mightget like within a foot. But
that's different, becausethere's like a little kid, but
as an adult or anolder person, make sure you give
appropriate amount of space topeople.
(16:57):
Another tip here is silences areokay. So sometimes you'll be in
a conversation, and all suddenthe conversation dies down. And
it'll be silence a lot of timesit'll make people kind of
uncomfortable. But I've learnedover time that, you know, once
it when that happens, I kind ofplay Russian Roulette with it.
(17:17):
Like I'm like, Oh, it's silent.
Let's see how long it can besilent before they speak out of
nervousness.
Because I used to be that personwhere I'd be like, Oh, no, it's
silent. You have to saysomething, like, just enjoy the
moment for a moment. So justknow that silences are okay.
(17:38):
Just you know, enjoy the moment,something will come to your
head. You know, sometimes thatmight be the end of the
conversation, who knows. Buteither way, welcome silence,
don't be so afraid of it.
Another thing here, missing themoment. So let's say you're
having your you know, you'rehaving a good conversation with
someone cracking jokes orwhatever. And then someone says
something and you think of like,a really good joke to say about
(17:59):
that. That moment is fleeting,so you probably have about three
to six seconds, maybe more. It'shard to tell sometimes. But to
tell that joke, I could tell yousomething. If it's 20 seconds
later, it's way too late. Sodon't go try to like, capture
that moment again, because it'sgoing to be fleeting. So if you
(18:20):
think is something funny, youprobably have to say it
relatively quickly, becausethere's a lot of timing involved
in making people laugh. So youkind of crack a joke a little
later, a little later. But it's,I'm telling you right now, just
let it go. A lot of times,there's so many times where I've
like thought of something funny,but it's been a little bit too
late. And I'm like, huh, yeah, Imissed out. I missed that one.
(18:43):
So just stay in the moment,you'll think of something else
later. Don't, don't fret overit. Because if you fret over it,
you're going to be taken out ofthe moment, you're going to like
lose your presence in theconversation. And it won't go as
well. And trust me, so alwaysunderstand timing of jokes and
timing of situations. I learnedsomething a while back about
(19:07):
empathy versus sympathy, and howit's good to be empathetic, but
it's not as good to fall deepinto sympathy. So like empathy
is kind of like understandingsomeone's state of mind or
someone's situation or whatnot.
(19:29):
Sympathy is kind of like goingthere with them. So if someone's
like depressed, or real sad,it's not necessarily great to
like, be super sympathetic andfeel because eventually you'll
start feeling very sad as well.
And that doesn't necessarilyhelp the other person.
I noticed that sometimes whensomeone is close to me, and
(19:52):
they're like, really bummed out,I won't really change my state.
I'll kind of pause and likeLike, let me let me give you an
example, my buddy had a heartattack. And I was in the
hospital room with him. And man,he was in a lot of pain, like a
lot of pain.
(20:12):
And, you know, maybe it'sbecause I don't have that great
of bedside manner, but I wasmostly on my phone.
Because there really is nothingI could help him with, other
than just being there with him.
So I was just kind of like,trying to, like, you know, be
calm, and,you know, if he needed
something, help him out. But forthe most part, I wasn't gonna
just sit like, if if it was likemy child, it would be really
(20:34):
hard to not experience that painwith him. But, you know, he, he
went through it, and he got alot better. And, you know, it
was horrible for him. But Ithink the best thing I can do is
just not panic, not let him feellike, you know, I was gonna be
like, I don't know, I actuallythink it makes it worse
(20:59):
sometimes when you go there withthem in those moments. So I
guess I was just being strongfor the both of us. So
remember that that's a reallygood thing that I learned.
Empathy versus sympathy. Youwant to learn to be empathetic,
that's a really good thing. Butgoing deep into someone else's
(21:20):
negative state is not good. Eventhough you're trying to help, it
doesn't help them. And it's notgood for either one of you.
Okay, so let's talk brieflyabout Chuck Norris. So
I remember, someone telling meone time that Chuck Norris
became a black belt, in oneyear, it took him one year to be
(21:41):
a black belt, it usually takesabout two to three years. So
what that tells me is he workedextremely hard on it, he
probably spent hours every day,hours every week, to get to that
point. And I want you to thinkabout that. If you feel like
you're never going to learnsocial skills.
(22:03):
Because whatI remember thinking, and when I
heard that was, look, if I wantto be really good at something,
I need to put the time in.
I can't there's no faking beinga black belt, you're either
going to put the work in, you'regoing to work, learn the
techniques, you're going to,you're going to
physically put the work in,you're going to practice,
(22:27):
practice, practice, right. Soyou can probably learn to be an
excellent socializer in oneyear. I mean, are you gonna do
it, most people won't, but I'mnot saying that you need you
have to what I'm saying is, ifyou want to get better, you're
gonna have to put in a certainamount of work. I remember, I
went to an art gallery once andI saw this beautiful piece of
glass art. And I rememberthinking, when I was looking at
(22:51):
it, like, my mind was blown how,how amazing. The piece of art
was, and I was thinking, Man,whoever made this, obviously put
years of time into his craft.
And at the time, I was trying tobe a DJ. And I remember just
thinking, like, you know, I'monly DJing, like, two to two
(23:13):
hours at most a week, I'm nevergoing to be a professional DJ,
if I am only putting in twohours a week, never, it's just
never gonna happen. And I wasthinking I'm like, Well, I don't
think I'm gonna put in six toeight hours a day on it. So I
need toreset my expectations. Because
if I'm not going to put thatmuch time in, I'm probably not
(23:36):
going to be professional. So Ineed to find something else that
I really enjoy. And then I thatand that I am willing to put
that much time into if I want tobe really good at something. I
mean, it was just a realitycheck for me. And I think it was
a good thing like, yeah, I stilllike DJing sometimes, but not
enough to put that much timeinto it. And I really think of
social skills, especially whenyou when you start seeing that
(24:00):
there's a lot of books and stuffon it. It's somewhat of a
Pandora's box, in my opinion.
Because once you realize, oh,other people are learning this
stuff, other people are gettingreally good at it. There is a
way to do it. So now there's noexcuse. If I don't like being
(24:20):
lonely, alone, have badfriendships or something like
that, then now I know that youcan get better, so rich, really
much more of the responsibilityis put onto you. So that's why I
think of it as somewhat of aPandora's box. Like once you
learn that other people aredoing it. In fact, a lot of
(24:40):
people are doing it, and there'sso many resources to learn to
get better. You really have noexcuse to not do it. I guess
that's kind of a wake up call tosome people. I really hope that
you guys can put put a lot ofeffort into it and in fact,
enjoy doing it because it'sactually a really good thing to
learn.
I've had so many greatexperiences because of it. And
(25:03):
so one thing I would say is, Ireally try to put a lot of
information. Khurram has a tonof information on his podcast so
I'd highly recommend if youhaven't heard every single
episode, go back and listen toall the episodes. And even if
you have learned even if youhave listened to every episode,
go back into listen to everyoneevery episode again. And then
(25:25):
like in a year, go on back andlisten to it for a third time
because there's so muchinformation that you might learn
something down the road orsomething might make a lot more
sense as you get better. Yeah, Iguess that's gonna be about it
for this week. I guess I'll keepit kind of short. I'll try to do
aAh, actually I'm not gonna make
any promisesI guess we'll just gonna we're
just gonna end on that so I hopeyou guys have an awesome week
(25:48):
and I will talk to you guysagain very soon.
feeling the effects of a pastlife from a past life took the
right path from the wrong NikeJapan taking this right what a
bizarre life a pull up a carride it's a Mustang with the
(26:12):
beats Where have you seen himwhat it looked like? Oh women
and take for granteda lot and a cannon issue for the
moon in the stars numerousbronze beautiful being the
Godfather key to be to peoplewith the lucky young linen and
the nice show see to press down.
Now I'm thinking that life isbetter with buddy you bet on the
(26:34):
brother You win in a tank topswith the eight ball and
if it wasn't for you, we couldbe
if it wasn't for you. We couldbe shame it's a damn shame.
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