March 3, 2021 • 26 mins
We've gone over a lot of information in the last 14 episodes. I thought it might be nice to recap the most important elements of making new friends. If you like the show please leave a review and subscribe. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!! Have a great week!
////
I always appreciate any support ; D
https://www.patreon.com/TSSLpodcast
paypal.me/TSSLpodcast
Thank you!! - Nathan. : D
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:26):
pulling away from the body I'm thinking much in the
back seat for the Powerball wecould do it on demand.
Put the winning you know asgames off of she sing along,
man. And just when it couldn'tget better, she broke my ear
saying you got the chin. Ah, yougot the juice. You have the
bison, deposing you talking andwalking the right way. sundown
(00:48):
on, yo, what's going on?
I'm back with another episode ofthe social skills lab. This is
episode number 15.
I was looking up on theI hosted on buzzsprout. And I
was looking or see here.
(01:14):
If you look on.
Yeah, if you look on, or if Ilook on buzzsprout I was a
little surprised. I was like,holy cow. I haven't done an
episode at all this year. Infact, the last time I did an
episode wasback in December, I guess it was
right before the new year. So itwasn't super long. But it's been
(01:35):
a while. I know that when Ifirst started, I was like I'm
gonna do one every week.
Yeah, obviously that hasn'thappened. But I will keep it
going. Looks likedefinitely getting some
downloads. That's pretty cool. Iwas looking on
iTunes, and somebody,somebody finally put a review
(01:59):
up. So that's pretty cool. Itsays by quacky. This first pod
it says first podcast thatactually had great, easy and
realistic, actionable things,people with social anxiety can
do highly recommend. I wish Iknew who the speaker was.
(02:19):
So thank you so much. I reallyappreciate
that you left a review khakis,and I am Nathan Ahmed. And so
that's who the speaker is.
I don't have a bunch of a socialmedia presence because I try to
stay off it for the most part,also. So yeah, if you are
(02:40):
enjoying the show, remember tosubscribe. And also, if you can
leave a review. I'd reallyappreciate it. So thank you so
much. I was looking also on thestats for the show.
And it says herewhen I pull up locations, it's
cool. People all over the worldare downloading.
(03:05):
We gotManhattan, Manhattan, New York.
Hello Manhattan.
Centennial, Colorado, Columbus,Ohio, Lake Stevens, Washington,
San Jose, California. That'sjust down the road. Atlanta,
Georgia, Toronto, Ontario,Zephyr hills, Florida actually
(03:27):
got a friend named Zephyr sozephyrhills, Florida pretty
cool. Dallas, Texas, Houston,Texas. Houston, Texas.
So hello to everyone out there.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
I've been taking some notes.
Sorry, I didn't mean to clear mythroat right in your ear.
(03:51):
I thinkit's been a while. Right? So,
um, podcast has been up forabout a year or so. We got
about, actually, let me see howlong it's been up.
episodes.
Okay, the first episode went upback in May, last May.
(04:12):
Definitely went over a lot ofinformation. So I thought we'd
just do a quick recap.
recap the basics.
This is a podcast about socialskills. You know, you could
apply that in almost any area.
Mostly I focus on just like,good interpersonal relations
(04:33):
with friends. Like my main ideais just like, I love making new
friends or having really goodfriends. So I think maybe, if
you're here, that might be amain reason why you're looking
up social skills to just youknow, grow your social circle,
or to actuallymaybe lose some of your bad
friends, make some good newfriends. I went online and I
(04:54):
just typed in. Why should youhave have social skills? Or why
should you learn social skills?
And what came up was thiswebsite about why, why you
should teach your kid kidssocial skills. So I just jotted
down a quick couple things. AndI would, I would agree with
(05:15):
these. So first, it says, itallows you to allows you to
enjoy better peer relationships,reduces stress.
I thought that was interesting,because I went to a birthday
party the other night. Andthere was about 20 people there.
And when my friend invited me,because it was his birthday,
(05:37):
I've been to his birthdaydinners before, usually pretty
fun. I usually know a few peoplethere. But there's usually a lot
of people I don't know. Andthere was definitely a lot of
people I didn't know, the othernight, there was probably about
1520 people there.
And I just remember thinking,Man, back in the day, if I was
going to something where Ididn't really know, a lot of
(05:59):
people it was gonna be it was, Iwas stressed out about it.
And the other night, when I wentzero stress, I was not stressing
at all, I was really lookingforward to it. And that just
comes with time. Because I justknew that there was going to be
cool people there, I was gonnaknow some people there, and we
(06:19):
were just gonna, you know, it'sgood to see my friend celebrate
his birthday. And when I gotthere, there was
definitely a couple people Iknew.
I sat at the end of the table. Ididn't know I only knew one
person there. But I quicklyintroduced myself to everyone
there and just was startedchatting up people. And we
(06:40):
basically just had a good time.
So you'll learn that after awhile
that those situations are easilymanaged. And they're actually
pretty fun.
Also.
So they also wrote that theseskills can be learned and
strengthened with effort inpractice. And I will agree with
(07:03):
that that'sI definitely was able to learn
it and got much better witheffort and practice. And you
said also says need needsongoing refinement as you get
older. Okay, linked to greatersuccess and better
relationships. I'd agree withthat. Friendships also give kids
the opportunity to practice moreadvanced social skills, like
(07:28):
problem solving and conflictresolution. I thought that was
pretty interesting.
The part that says, able topractice more advanced social
skills. Andyeah, so you kind of learn the
basics. And then once you getinto like, growing your social
circle, there's definitelyadvanced social skills to learn.
(07:50):
So that was pretty cool. Soyeah, that was I found that on a
website. And I thought it wouldjust mention that stuff. So just
to recap basic social skills, Iwould.
And I've said this severaltimes, but if you haven't, pick
up some book, pick up a book onbody language, pick up How to
(08:13):
Win Friends and Influence Peopleby Dale Carnegie, because it's
just like 300 pages of greattips. So there's no reason not
to get that. And then alsopeople skills by Robert Bolton,
that's a really good book, makesure you get that one as well.
And then also,in my personal journey, I came
across some audio books bySteven Mitchell,
(08:38):
the doubt a Ching in the secondbook of the Dow, just basically
Eastern philosophy that I foundto be extremely useful in social
skills. So that's part of myrecap to make sure you get those
and go over those with a finetooth comb.
And new industry, remember tothat your progress is not going
(09:00):
to be linear, it's going to goup and down, up and down, up and
down. You'll feel like you'remaking progress and then you'll
feel like you're not making anyprogress. But if you stick with
it, though, the general trend ofyour skills will be going up
if you're really putting a lotof effort, and making serious
(09:21):
effort at it, so you might feellike you might feel like you've
gone six months and not made anyprogress but if you've actually
put a lot of work in, you'd besurprised that you actually are
making some progress, you mightnot notice it.
Also, too, I noticed thatI think after about five years
(09:43):
I was like holy cow I'veread so much self help. Watch so
much help self help videos. Justbeen absorbed so much that I was
like I'm just gonna take a fewmonths off. I ended up taking a
year or two off becauseIt just like got to be too much.
I just was like, let me justexperience, I mean, just go out
(10:03):
and do it. I just couldn't takeanymore. But it was good to take
a break. So I think you couldactually get too far into it. So
if you get to that point, it'sokay to take a little time off.
And then eventually, I did startgoing back into it. And I
actually found that, when I gotback into it, what I was getting
(10:24):
back into is some of the earlystuff, some of the basic stuff,
I wanted to go back and makesure I understood the
fundamentals.
Okay, so when I say, let'srecap, let's just talk about the
basics real quick.
Let's say, hey, I want to learnhow to make more friends.
(10:48):
I've obviously talked quite abit about that on the podcast,
but I'd like to just recap someof the basics. So number one,
just start talking to morepeople start pushing the
conversations further. Don'treally focus on making friends
just focus on trying to be moresocial person.
(11:08):
And there's, there's a lot ofopportunities out there. So
there's no real reason to,there's no excuse to not work on
social skills, there's plenty ofopportunities that will come
your way every week, unlessyou're in a cabin in the woods
in the middle of nowhere.
Like just even if you're justlike going shopping, just you
(11:28):
know, a lot of times peopledon't really say much to the
cashier, but a lot of times,I'll just be like, hey, how's
your day going? Or, Hey, how youdoing today? Or, you know, or
I'll just be like, I was like,are you guys pretty busy today?
You know, just something to pushthe conversation a little
further.
If you just say hi, how are you?
That's not really a conversationstarter. That's just a
(11:54):
social politeness. It's notreally you're not really going
to get much. But if you're like,hey, so like, hey, how's your
day gone? That's kind of, if youshow actually you're interested,
that will actually kind of startthings going. Another thing too,
is, if you're an anxious person,start meditating. Do it every
day, 10 minutes, 30 minutes?
(12:17):
I'm no, I'm not a professional.
So I guess I can't say that.
That's definitely gonna help.
But it helped me quite a bit tomeditate and be more present.
Okay, so if you're talking tomore people, and you're being a
little more social, the nextstep is to start getting
people's phone numbers orcontact information. I think
(12:40):
some people nowadays will justbe like, Hey, what's your Are
you on Snapchat or somethinglike that? Or if you're on
Facebook, something like that?
I don't know. Tick tock, doesthat work? For you dislike you
got a tick tock.
But anyway, you can do just makesure you exchange contact
information. If theconversations going well, if,
(13:01):
if your seemed like you'revibing a little bit, it's really
good to make sure you get thatcontact information.
And it doesn't always pan out.
So. But just getting into thehabit of getting that
information is the importantpart.
And then once you have thatinformation, the next day A few
(13:22):
days later, hit them up, seeingif they want to grab a beer,
seeing if they want to go grabsome coffee, hey, do you want to
catch a movie, if movie theatersare open?
That's basically how you startto develop a friendship.
also really important, make sureyou take care of yourself, make
sure you take care of yourhealth, it will improve your
(13:45):
vibe if you have a lot ofenergy. So if you feel like
you're really low energy,you need to address it, you need
to eat better, get someexercise, because it will help
Believe it or not, it will helpyour social skills.
And another thing too, that'sreally important for social
(14:05):
skills isyou need to work on your
listening skills.
It's so rare to meet people thatactually have really good
listening skills.
A good sign of someone whodoesn't have good listening
skills is someone who will cutyou off consistently doesn't
really pay attention, you cantell they're not really
listening. So listening skillsare critical to really good
(14:30):
social skills. I learned a lotabout that. And in that john
bolton book, people skills,there's a couple chapters on
there. So really opened my eyesto what good listening skills
are.
And then alsolearning to be a good
storyteller. Like are youworking on your vocal tonality?
(14:51):
Are you doing any vocalexercises, make sure you're
doing those tons of them onYouTube.
Also good storytelling is goodhand gestures, lots of good
stuff on YouTube about that.
Learning to be funny orinteresting, being authentic,
being vulnerable, being curious,asking questions, all that
(15:16):
stuff, you got to learn how tobe. It takes time. But you know,
if you're talking to someone,really the only point to talk to
someone is to because it's funor interesting. So learning more
stuff, learning more about alltypes of different topics,
history, science, pop culture,art, music, current events,
(15:38):
history, you know, learn moreabout everything. It'll come up
in conversations all the time.
I've that's why I found thatI think that's why my
conversations actually go prettywell is because I keep under
super hungry for moreinformation, like, the more the
more I learned, the more I wantto learn. So I think that's why
(16:00):
conversations seem to go prettywell, because I always have
something to say about somethingthat someone's talking about. So
I can not, there's not that I'mgonna try to, like, run the
conversation. But I'll, I'll belistening, when someone is
talking about something thatthat they're, that they know
about. And I'll be able to askgood questions, because I know a
(16:21):
little bit about it. So.
So yeah, that's really good tolearn about. Also, we talked
about the personal boundary, theability to say, No, the ability
to hear no,that's really important when
developing friendships, becauseyou have to have a good personal
(16:42):
boundary.
It helps you to, if you have areally good personal boundary,
you'll meet other you'll makefriends with other people that
have good personal boundaries.
And that's when you'll have agood friendship, a good quality
friendship. So like, forexample,
went to this birthday party. Andthen afterwards, we went to the
(17:06):
someone's house, like somebodyset up DJ table and started
DJing. And we were, I don'tknow, I wasn't,
I wasn't really planning ongoing to that part. But I was
like, yeah, I'll just come hangout for a little bit. But I left
early. So I was saying no, tohanging out for a long time. And
(17:27):
I was comfortable, like a I'llcome by for a little bit. But
you know, a probably does have abeer and then bounced, because I
got a lot of stuff I got to dotomorrow. So and then also to a
friend of mine waswas gonna go with me to this,
who live pretty close to me. SoI hit him up, in my case, don't
want to go. And he's like, Yeah,I don't think I'm gonna make it.
(17:49):
So I was like, Okay, so that isthe ability to hear now it I
wasn't getting all butthurtabout it. And I was okay with
saying no, to sticking aroundlate at night. And I was, I was
okay with hearing now. So that'sa good strong personal boundary,
it's mature. Also, a big thingis learning to smile more, and
really puts off a good vibe.
(18:14):
Having a fake smile, doesn'twork really well. How do you
smile more, I don't know, behealthy, do things that are
important to you.
You know, I don't know, justsmiling more seems to work a
lot. Also, growing your socialcircle. Let's see, trying lots
(18:34):
new things.
Seems to help growing yoursocial circle, you'll meet
people in different stuff, doingdifferent things. I also
mentioned moving to a city ifyou live in the middle of
nowhere. That's reallyimportant. It's a big step. But
I did it and it worked reallywell. character, develop your
(18:55):
character stop judging people.
Something I learned about that Istill,
I still get a little road rage alittle bit, just a little bit.
And I remember hearing this Zensaying something about like, if
you're on a lake, and all suddena boat hits your boat.
(19:19):
You won't get mad if there's noone in it. But if there's some
if someone runs in your boat,and there's someone in there,
you're gonna get mad. But if aboat runs into your boat, and
you look in, there's no one inthere, you won't get mad.
And that's basically sayingthat there's you can still
(19:40):
react the same way as if therewas no one in it as if there was
someone in it. So let's say forexample,
traffic, someone cuts me off. Iget all mad. But let's just say
for instance, there was no onein the car. I wouldn't get mad.
So it's kind of weird, but inThat same sense, that's the way
an extremely mature person wouldreact, they would react if
(20:04):
there's no one in the car. Sojust basically, you act as if
it's an empty boat. And Ithought that was interesting.
I still, I still get a littleannoyed. So not quite there.
Yep.
And with all these,and with all these points that
I'm getting at,I have a long way to go on all
(20:26):
these things. So I'm not by anexpert, by any means, but I'm
definitely getting a lot better.
And a lot of these areas, and Ikind of thought, that's why I
might make a podcast becausesometimes if I'm hearing advice
from an expert on social skills,sometimes I don't feel like I'm
getting all the information Ineed, because they're so far
(20:50):
down the road, that they can'tquite relate to someone that's
kind of starting out. So Ithought this would be a bit good
podcast, because I'm kind oflike, in the middle, and I can
still kind of relate to some ofthe stuff a new person is going
through.
And also, so another thing too,is learn to have gratitude,
(21:13):
that's really going to help youwith your social skills. It just
puts off a better vibe. So like,every day, every day, I really
tried to like take a moment andhave gratitude.
Gratitude that, you know, justeven the basics, I have shelter,
I have, I got shoes.
(21:35):
Both my legs work, I'm prettyhealthy. You know, the air is
clean, the sun came up today,you know, just
everything's going pretty well.
So have gratitude. The moregratitude you have, the better
attitude you're gonna have.
I wrote this down too, thatsometimes, it's easy to think
(21:56):
that.
You know, like, oh, man, I wishI had this person as a friend or
that person as a friend. But thereality kinda Is it the other
person is lucky to have you as afriend. Your friendship is a
gift. So the other night when Iwas I was thinking, I'm like,
man, I had such a good time. Soyou might someone my friends,
(22:17):
again, it's been a long time.
I'm really grateful for theirfriendship.
But the truth is, they'reprobably just as grateful for my
friendship, too. So it's areally, it's a two way street.
So the more you work on yoursocial skills, and the more you
can be a good friend, you'rereally giving people a gift. So
(22:39):
it's a, it's a noble quest, Ithink. So also,
on that note, also, don't judgedon't judge people's music.
Don't judge people's politics,which is extremely easy for me.
Because when you judge when youhold contempt for someone, or a
(22:59):
president or a former president,when you hold contempt, that's a
poison pill that you're taking.
And it's very easy to choose tonot take that. So be forgiving,
be a forgiving person. Someextremely important stuff. So
all also another quick tip.
(23:22):
Another quick tip isI have like, kind of a deadpan
sense of humor. I can saysomething with a straight face.
And there's times where I'mlike, like an hour later, I'm
like, Oh, I never even said Iwas joking. They probably think
I was like a crazy person or anasshole because they didn't
really know me. So if you'regonna do deadpan humor
(23:47):
it kind of works really wellwith your friends because it get
your type of humor, but itdoesn't really work with someone
who's, who doesn't really knowyou. So you kind of have to
accentuateor exaggerate your expressions
for them to get that so just atip I wrote down that I kind of
forgot to mention I think so. Idon't know.
(24:09):
But I think that's gonna be it.
Because that's all I wrote down.
So if you're enjoying the show,be sure to subscribe if you want
to leave a review I'd reallyappreciate it.
And I guess that's about it.
I'll talk to you guys soon. Havea good one.
(24:32):
Feeling effects of a past lifefrom a past life took the right
path on the wrong night to Japantaking this right. What a
bizarre life a pull up a carride. It's a Mustang with the
beats Where have you seen himwhat it look like? Oh, women
granted upper Milan and again inissue for the moon in the stars
(24:53):
numerous broth beautiful beingthe co founder kita chin below
people with the peg felt likejohn lennon and the nice show
see the breakdown. So now I'mthinking that life was better
with buddy you bet on thebrother You win in the tank tops
with the eight ball andif it was a vu we could be
(25:20):
if it wasn't for you, we couldbe shame it's a damn shame
pulling away from the body I'm thinking much in the
back seat for the Powerball wecould do it on demand.
Put the winning you know asgames off of she sing along,
man. And just when it couldn'tget better, she broke my ear
saying you got the chin. Ah, yougot the juice. You have the
bison, deposing you talking andwalking the right way. sundown
(00:48):
on, yo, what's going on?
I'm back with another episode ofthe social skills lab. This is
episode number 15.
I was looking up on theI hosted on buzzsprout. And I
was looking or see here.
(01:14):
If you look on.
Yeah, if you look on, or if Ilook on buzzsprout I was a
little surprised. I was like,holy cow. I haven't done an
episode at all this year. Infact, the last time I did an
episode wasback in December, I guess it was
right before the new year. So itwasn't super long. But it's been
(01:35):
a while. I know that when Ifirst started, I was like I'm
gonna do one every week.
Yeah, obviously that hasn'thappened. But I will keep it
going. Looks likedefinitely getting some
downloads. That's pretty cool. Iwas looking on
iTunes, and somebody,somebody finally put a review
(01:59):
up. So that's pretty cool. Itsays by quacky. This first pod
it says first podcast thatactually had great, easy and
realistic, actionable things,people with social anxiety can
do highly recommend. I wish Iknew who the speaker was.
(02:19):
So thank you so much. I reallyappreciate
that you left a review khakis,and I am Nathan Ahmed. And so
that's who the speaker is.
I don't have a bunch of a socialmedia presence because I try to
stay off it for the most part,also. So yeah, if you are
(02:40):
enjoying the show, remember tosubscribe. And also, if you can
leave a review. I'd reallyappreciate it. So thank you so
much. I was looking also on thestats for the show.
And it says herewhen I pull up locations, it's
cool. People all over the worldare downloading.
(03:05):
We gotManhattan, Manhattan, New York.
Hello Manhattan.
Centennial, Colorado, Columbus,Ohio, Lake Stevens, Washington,
San Jose, California. That'sjust down the road. Atlanta,
Georgia, Toronto, Ontario,Zephyr hills, Florida actually
(03:27):
got a friend named Zephyr sozephyrhills, Florida pretty
cool. Dallas, Texas, Houston,Texas. Houston, Texas.
So hello to everyone out there.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
I've been taking some notes.
Sorry, I didn't mean to clear mythroat right in your ear.
(03:51):
I thinkit's been a while. Right? So,
um, podcast has been up forabout a year or so. We got
about, actually, let me see howlong it's been up.
episodes.
Okay, the first episode went upback in May, last May.
(04:12):
Definitely went over a lot ofinformation. So I thought we'd
just do a quick recap.
recap the basics.
This is a podcast about socialskills. You know, you could
apply that in almost any area.
Mostly I focus on just like,good interpersonal relations
(04:33):
with friends. Like my main ideais just like, I love making new
friends or having really goodfriends. So I think maybe, if
you're here, that might be amain reason why you're looking
up social skills to just youknow, grow your social circle,
or to actuallymaybe lose some of your bad
friends, make some good newfriends. I went online and I
(04:54):
just typed in. Why should youhave have social skills? Or why
should you learn social skills?
And what came up was thiswebsite about why, why you
should teach your kid kidssocial skills. So I just jotted
down a quick couple things. AndI would, I would agree with
(05:15):
these. So first, it says, itallows you to allows you to
enjoy better peer relationships,reduces stress.
I thought that was interesting,because I went to a birthday
party the other night. Andthere was about 20 people there.
And when my friend invited me,because it was his birthday,
(05:37):
I've been to his birthdaydinners before, usually pretty
fun. I usually know a few peoplethere. But there's usually a lot
of people I don't know. Andthere was definitely a lot of
people I didn't know, the othernight, there was probably about
1520 people there.
And I just remember thinking,Man, back in the day, if I was
going to something where Ididn't really know, a lot of
(05:59):
people it was gonna be it was, Iwas stressed out about it.
And the other night, when I wentzero stress, I was not stressing
at all, I was really lookingforward to it. And that just
comes with time. Because I justknew that there was going to be
cool people there, I was gonnaknow some people there, and we
(06:19):
were just gonna, you know, it'sgood to see my friend celebrate
his birthday. And when I gotthere, there was
definitely a couple people Iknew.
I sat at the end of the table. Ididn't know I only knew one
person there. But I quicklyintroduced myself to everyone
there and just was startedchatting up people. And we
(06:40):
basically just had a good time.
So you'll learn that after awhile
that those situations are easilymanaged. And they're actually
pretty fun.
Also.
So they also wrote that theseskills can be learned and
strengthened with effort inpractice. And I will agree with
(07:03):
that that'sI definitely was able to learn
it and got much better witheffort and practice. And you
said also says need needsongoing refinement as you get
older. Okay, linked to greatersuccess and better
relationships. I'd agree withthat. Friendships also give kids
the opportunity to practice moreadvanced social skills, like
(07:28):
problem solving and conflictresolution. I thought that was
pretty interesting.
The part that says, able topractice more advanced social
skills. Andyeah, so you kind of learn the
basics. And then once you getinto like, growing your social
circle, there's definitelyadvanced social skills to learn.
(07:50):
So that was pretty cool. Soyeah, that was I found that on a
website. And I thought it wouldjust mention that stuff. So just
to recap basic social skills, Iwould.
And I've said this severaltimes, but if you haven't, pick
up some book, pick up a book onbody language, pick up How to
(08:13):
Win Friends and Influence Peopleby Dale Carnegie, because it's
just like 300 pages of greattips. So there's no reason not
to get that. And then alsopeople skills by Robert Bolton,
that's a really good book, makesure you get that one as well.
And then also,in my personal journey, I came
across some audio books bySteven Mitchell,
(08:38):
the doubt a Ching in the secondbook of the Dow, just basically
Eastern philosophy that I foundto be extremely useful in social
skills. So that's part of myrecap to make sure you get those
and go over those with a finetooth comb.
And new industry, remember tothat your progress is not going
(09:00):
to be linear, it's going to goup and down, up and down, up and
down. You'll feel like you'remaking progress and then you'll
feel like you're not making anyprogress. But if you stick with
it, though, the general trend ofyour skills will be going up
if you're really putting a lotof effort, and making serious
(09:21):
effort at it, so you might feellike you might feel like you've
gone six months and not made anyprogress but if you've actually
put a lot of work in, you'd besurprised that you actually are
making some progress, you mightnot notice it.
Also, too, I noticed thatI think after about five years
(09:43):
I was like holy cow I'veread so much self help. Watch so
much help self help videos. Justbeen absorbed so much that I was
like I'm just gonna take a fewmonths off. I ended up taking a
year or two off becauseIt just like got to be too much.
I just was like, let me justexperience, I mean, just go out
(10:03):
and do it. I just couldn't takeanymore. But it was good to take
a break. So I think you couldactually get too far into it. So
if you get to that point, it'sokay to take a little time off.
And then eventually, I did startgoing back into it. And I
actually found that, when I gotback into it, what I was getting
(10:24):
back into is some of the earlystuff, some of the basic stuff,
I wanted to go back and makesure I understood the
fundamentals.
Okay, so when I say, let'srecap, let's just talk about the
basics real quick.
Let's say, hey, I want to learnhow to make more friends.
(10:48):
I've obviously talked quite abit about that on the podcast,
but I'd like to just recap someof the basics. So number one,
just start talking to morepeople start pushing the
conversations further. Don'treally focus on making friends
just focus on trying to be moresocial person.
(11:08):
And there's, there's a lot ofopportunities out there. So
there's no real reason to,there's no excuse to not work on
social skills, there's plenty ofopportunities that will come
your way every week, unlessyou're in a cabin in the woods
in the middle of nowhere.
Like just even if you're justlike going shopping, just you
(11:28):
know, a lot of times peopledon't really say much to the
cashier, but a lot of times,I'll just be like, hey, how's
your day going? Or, Hey, how youdoing today? Or, you know, or
I'll just be like, I was like,are you guys pretty busy today?
You know, just something to pushthe conversation a little
further.
If you just say hi, how are you?
That's not really a conversationstarter. That's just a
(11:54):
social politeness. It's notreally you're not really going
to get much. But if you're like,hey, so like, hey, how's your
day gone? That's kind of, if youshow actually you're interested,
that will actually kind of startthings going. Another thing too,
is, if you're an anxious person,start meditating. Do it every
day, 10 minutes, 30 minutes?
(12:17):
I'm no, I'm not a professional.
So I guess I can't say that.
That's definitely gonna help.
But it helped me quite a bit tomeditate and be more present.
Okay, so if you're talking tomore people, and you're being a
little more social, the nextstep is to start getting
people's phone numbers orcontact information. I think
(12:40):
some people nowadays will justbe like, Hey, what's your Are
you on Snapchat or somethinglike that? Or if you're on
Facebook, something like that?
I don't know. Tick tock, doesthat work? For you dislike you
got a tick tock.
But anyway, you can do just makesure you exchange contact
information. If theconversations going well, if,
(13:01):
if your seemed like you'revibing a little bit, it's really
good to make sure you get thatcontact information.
And it doesn't always pan out.
So. But just getting into thehabit of getting that
information is the importantpart.
And then once you have thatinformation, the next day A few
(13:22):
days later, hit them up, seeingif they want to grab a beer,
seeing if they want to go grabsome coffee, hey, do you want to
catch a movie, if movie theatersare open?
That's basically how you startto develop a friendship.
also really important, make sureyou take care of yourself, make
sure you take care of yourhealth, it will improve your
(13:45):
vibe if you have a lot ofenergy. So if you feel like
you're really low energy,you need to address it, you need
to eat better, get someexercise, because it will help
Believe it or not, it will helpyour social skills.
And another thing too, that'sreally important for social
(14:05):
skills isyou need to work on your
listening skills.
It's so rare to meet people thatactually have really good
listening skills.
A good sign of someone whodoesn't have good listening
skills is someone who will cutyou off consistently doesn't
really pay attention, you cantell they're not really
listening. So listening skillsare critical to really good
(14:30):
social skills. I learned a lotabout that. And in that john
bolton book, people skills,there's a couple chapters on
there. So really opened my eyesto what good listening skills
are.
And then alsolearning to be a good
storyteller. Like are youworking on your vocal tonality?
(14:51):
Are you doing any vocalexercises, make sure you're
doing those tons of them onYouTube.
Also good storytelling is goodhand gestures, lots of good
stuff on YouTube about that.
Learning to be funny orinteresting, being authentic,
being vulnerable, being curious,asking questions, all that
(15:16):
stuff, you got to learn how tobe. It takes time. But you know,
if you're talking to someone,really the only point to talk to
someone is to because it's funor interesting. So learning more
stuff, learning more about alltypes of different topics,
history, science, pop culture,art, music, current events,
(15:38):
history, you know, learn moreabout everything. It'll come up
in conversations all the time.
I've that's why I found thatI think that's why my
conversations actually go prettywell is because I keep under
super hungry for moreinformation, like, the more the
more I learned, the more I wantto learn. So I think that's why
(16:00):
conversations seem to go prettywell, because I always have
something to say about somethingthat someone's talking about. So
I can not, there's not that I'mgonna try to, like, run the
conversation. But I'll, I'll belistening, when someone is
talking about something thatthat they're, that they know
about. And I'll be able to askgood questions, because I know a
(16:21):
little bit about it. So.
So yeah, that's really good tolearn about. Also, we talked
about the personal boundary, theability to say, No, the ability
to hear no,that's really important when
developing friendships, becauseyou have to have a good personal
(16:42):
boundary.
It helps you to, if you have areally good personal boundary,
you'll meet other you'll makefriends with other people that
have good personal boundaries.
And that's when you'll have agood friendship, a good quality
friendship. So like, forexample,
went to this birthday party. Andthen afterwards, we went to the
(17:06):
someone's house, like somebodyset up DJ table and started
DJing. And we were, I don'tknow, I wasn't,
I wasn't really planning ongoing to that part. But I was
like, yeah, I'll just come hangout for a little bit. But I left
early. So I was saying no, tohanging out for a long time. And
(17:27):
I was comfortable, like a I'llcome by for a little bit. But
you know, a probably does have abeer and then bounced, because I
got a lot of stuff I got to dotomorrow. So and then also to a
friend of mine waswas gonna go with me to this,
who live pretty close to me. SoI hit him up, in my case, don't
want to go. And he's like, Yeah,I don't think I'm gonna make it.
(17:49):
So I was like, Okay, so that isthe ability to hear now it I
wasn't getting all butthurtabout it. And I was okay with
saying no, to sticking aroundlate at night. And I was, I was
okay with hearing now. So that'sa good strong personal boundary,
it's mature. Also, a big thingis learning to smile more, and
really puts off a good vibe.
(18:14):
Having a fake smile, doesn'twork really well. How do you
smile more, I don't know, behealthy, do things that are
important to you.
You know, I don't know, justsmiling more seems to work a
lot. Also, growing your socialcircle. Let's see, trying lots
(18:34):
new things.
Seems to help growing yoursocial circle, you'll meet
people in different stuff, doingdifferent things. I also
mentioned moving to a city ifyou live in the middle of
nowhere. That's reallyimportant. It's a big step. But
I did it and it worked reallywell. character, develop your
(18:55):
character stop judging people.
Something I learned about that Istill,
I still get a little road rage alittle bit, just a little bit.
And I remember hearing this Zensaying something about like, if
you're on a lake, and all suddena boat hits your boat.
(19:19):
You won't get mad if there's noone in it. But if there's some
if someone runs in your boat,and there's someone in there,
you're gonna get mad. But if aboat runs into your boat, and
you look in, there's no one inthere, you won't get mad.
And that's basically sayingthat there's you can still
(19:40):
react the same way as if therewas no one in it as if there was
someone in it. So let's say forexample,
traffic, someone cuts me off. Iget all mad. But let's just say
for instance, there was no onein the car. I wouldn't get mad.
So it's kind of weird, but inThat same sense, that's the way
an extremely mature person wouldreact, they would react if
(20:04):
there's no one in the car. Sojust basically, you act as if
it's an empty boat. And Ithought that was interesting.
I still, I still get a littleannoyed. So not quite there.
Yep.
And with all these,and with all these points that
I'm getting at,I have a long way to go on all
(20:26):
these things. So I'm not by anexpert, by any means, but I'm
definitely getting a lot better.
And a lot of these areas, and Ikind of thought, that's why I
might make a podcast becausesometimes if I'm hearing advice
from an expert on social skills,sometimes I don't feel like I'm
getting all the information Ineed, because they're so far
(20:50):
down the road, that they can'tquite relate to someone that's
kind of starting out. So Ithought this would be a bit good
podcast, because I'm kind oflike, in the middle, and I can
still kind of relate to some ofthe stuff a new person is going
through.
And also, so another thing too,is learn to have gratitude,
(21:13):
that's really going to help youwith your social skills. It just
puts off a better vibe. So like,every day, every day, I really
tried to like take a moment andhave gratitude.
Gratitude that, you know, justeven the basics, I have shelter,
I have, I got shoes.
(21:35):
Both my legs work, I'm prettyhealthy. You know, the air is
clean, the sun came up today,you know, just
everything's going pretty well.
So have gratitude. The moregratitude you have, the better
attitude you're gonna have.
I wrote this down too, thatsometimes, it's easy to think
(21:56):
that.
You know, like, oh, man, I wishI had this person as a friend or
that person as a friend. But thereality kinda Is it the other
person is lucky to have you as afriend. Your friendship is a
gift. So the other night when Iwas I was thinking, I'm like,
man, I had such a good time. Soyou might someone my friends,
(22:17):
again, it's been a long time.
I'm really grateful for theirfriendship.
But the truth is, they'reprobably just as grateful for my
friendship, too. So it's areally, it's a two way street.
So the more you work on yoursocial skills, and the more you
can be a good friend, you'rereally giving people a gift. So
(22:39):
it's a, it's a noble quest, Ithink. So also,
on that note, also, don't judgedon't judge people's music.
Don't judge people's politics,which is extremely easy for me.
Because when you judge when youhold contempt for someone, or a
(22:59):
president or a former president,when you hold contempt, that's a
poison pill that you're taking.
And it's very easy to choose tonot take that. So be forgiving,
be a forgiving person. Someextremely important stuff. So
all also another quick tip.
(23:22):
Another quick tip isI have like, kind of a deadpan
sense of humor. I can saysomething with a straight face.
And there's times where I'mlike, like an hour later, I'm
like, Oh, I never even said Iwas joking. They probably think
I was like a crazy person or anasshole because they didn't
really know me. So if you'regonna do deadpan humor
(23:47):
it kind of works really wellwith your friends because it get
your type of humor, but itdoesn't really work with someone
who's, who doesn't really knowyou. So you kind of have to
accentuateor exaggerate your expressions
for them to get that so just atip I wrote down that I kind of
forgot to mention I think so. Idon't know.
(24:09):
But I think that's gonna be it.
Because that's all I wrote down.
So if you're enjoying the show,be sure to subscribe if you want
to leave a review I'd reallyappreciate it.
And I guess that's about it.
I'll talk to you guys soon. Havea good one.
(24:32):
Feeling effects of a past lifefrom a past life took the right
path on the wrong night to Japantaking this right. What a
bizarre life a pull up a carride. It's a Mustang with the
beats Where have you seen himwhat it look like? Oh, women
granted upper Milan and again inissue for the moon in the stars
(24:53):
numerous broth beautiful beingthe co founder kita chin below
people with the peg felt likejohn lennon and the nice show
see the breakdown. So now I'mthinking that life was better
with buddy you bet on thebrother You win in the tank tops
with the eight ball andif it was a vu we could be
(25:20):
if it wasn't for you, we couldbe shame it's a damn shame
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