April 22, 2021 • 29 mins
So this week we talk about some good tips on how to not care so much about what others think of you, which is helpful because as you improve you social skills you are often putting yourself out there to be judged. We also talk about when it can be good to break some of the rules we've been talking about. Know the rules so you can BREAK the rules.
Be sure to check out The Hidden Brain Podcast - especially the recent episodes - 'Hummer Us' & 'The Story of Stories'
Thank you so much to Wax Mustang for the intro and outtro music - "Powerball"
....
I always appreciate any support ; D
https://www.patreon.com/TSSLpodcast
paypal.me/TSSLpodcast
Thank you!! Thank you! - Nathan. : D
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:28):
Baby away from the body I'm thinking much in the back
seat for the Powerball we coulddo it all with the baby.
Put the winning you know, asgains off of sheets sing along,
man. And just when it couldn'tget better, she talked to me and
saying you got the chin? Ah, yougot the juice, you have the
bison, you token and walk in theright way sundown on a highway
(00:51):
know the feeling baby? What'sgoing on out there?
What are you doing over there?
zooming away for a bit, I'llcome back to the social skills
slot.
The social skills lab podcast,I'm your host, Nathan,
(01:15):
Episode 17. Today.
Last episode we were talkingabout taking up more space.
I want to mention too, thatsometimes it's appropriate, most
of the time, it's appropriate totake up a good amount of space,
(01:38):
wherever you're at, just feelcomfortable taking up more
space. Because a lot of peoplewill kind of, you know,
inadvertently, subconsciouslykind of shrink themselves in the
presence of others.
Basically kind of deferring tothem. But
it's good to take up more space,just don't do the prototypical
(02:00):
manspreading like if you're on abus,
you know, where you're just kindof like taking up too much
space. Like, um, you know, like,if your space my space is more
important, I'm just talkingabout in general, I think you
get it.
Let's see here.
I also was going back andlistening to some episodes.
(02:23):
There was like one or two thingswhere it's like, I've actually
kind of changed my mind or seensome things from a different
perspective, I kind of want tomull it over a little bit more,
butany type, anytime you're like a
rule, or an idea. And like, andeven if it appears to be true,
just know thatit actually made, it actually
(02:46):
might not be true in the future,because the truth always seems
to be fluid.
Things change, the world isalways changing. So something
that worked two years ago mightactually for some reason, just
not work anymore. So even thoughI believe that some stuff is
(03:12):
a rule, that doesn't necessarilymean it's always gonna be a
role. It's kind of hard toexplain, but I mean, you'll
still notice stuff in your ownlife that
as you grow as time moves on,you do have to make adjustments
you do have to calibrate and alot of times too.
I've noticed that when you learnthe rules about something, once
(03:36):
you learn all the rules.
Sometimes you learn when it'sactually even better to break
rules. So as you get moreexperiential, you'll pick up on
these things like oh, yeah,actually, I can do the exact
opposite. It'll even be moreeffective. Like
sometimes if someonesometimes someone like
(03:57):
accidentally like just bumps mea little bit I'll just be like,
oh, that hurt.
Like being like super whinyabout it, but I just I'm just
doing it as a joke. And it couldit sometimes it comes off as
like pretty funny. Or ifor if like someone's kind of
like being like hi lording overme. You know, trying to big
(04:18):
league me.
I'll act like super subservientand like deferring to them, like
on purpose. And it I make itpretty obvious so it kind of
just like makes a joke that likepoint a kind of just points out
that the guy was being kind ofan asshole about it. I don't
(04:38):
know. It's It's hard to explain.
But you'll you'll start pickingup when that's actually can be
pretty effective to break arule.
Especially if you make itobvious what you're doing.
Also notice too thata couple episodes ago,
I mentioned that, I think is onthe episode about attitude.
(05:00):
Dude,I talked about having a lot of
gratitude. AndI mentioned that I was going to
really put a lot of effort intobeing more or having more
gratitude, becausethere's a lot of studies out
there that shows that itactually is. One of the best
ways to elevate your mood is tohave a lot of gratitude. So I
(05:23):
was joking.
I was joking with a buddy ofmine. I was I sent him a text
message. It said something like,how's your? How is your
GP? Ah, how has your gratitudesper hour going?
Because I heard this on thisother podcast, Anthony jeselnik
(05:45):
was talking about laughs perminute, as a joke.
He was talking to anothercomedian. He's like, have you
ever measured your LP? LPs,she's like, what's that he's
like, your laughs per minute.
I guess as a way to, like, goover his old standup sets and
see if he's getting more LP RPMssizes is choking my buddy. I'm
(06:08):
like, how's your GPH yourgratitudes per hour.
But it's actuallykind of a good reminder that,
you know, there is a lot to be,have gratitude for. I mean, for
one, like imagine, like being inWorld War Two, that would just
be a shitty time to be alive. Soat least we're in relatively
peaceful times.
(06:32):
I was using my drill, I wasdrilling some two by fours, and
the drill bit flew off. And itjust like, I've never had that
happen before it usually thedrill, the drill bit usually
stays in place pretty good. Butit just flew off, flew right at
my face and hit me about an inchfrom my eye. And like, hit me
(06:55):
pretty hard. Like it actuallyleft
a mark and a tiny bruise for acouple days. And I was thinking
I'm like holy cow that just likean inch, it would just went
straight into my eyeball.
And it could have been reallybad. So I have a lot of
gratitude for having both myeyes.
(07:17):
Because I could have easily beenblind in one eye.
And as a thing, and Tim, like,you know, they always recommend
wearing safety glasses when youuse a drill. And nobody does.
Like I never do it. I stilldon't do it. But I'm definitely
more careful about making surethat drill bits in there. But
(07:37):
I have beenconsciously thinking about
things to be grateful for moreoften during the day. And yeah,
I think it's a, I think my moodis, at least it's holding steady
as far as I'm usually in apretty good mood. So I highly
recommend getting up your GPAages. Yeah, just see what it
does for you might start feel alittle better. I'm also like,
(08:01):
really been focusing on tryingto meditate some more. The cool
part about meditating meditatingis as soon as I start, as soon
as I'm like, Okay, I'm going toI got a few, got a few minutes
here, I'm going to just startmeditating.
The first thing I do is justfocus on my breathing. So that's
a good thing, you should alwaysbe
(08:24):
conscious of what how you How isyour breathing, for one. If
you're in a conversation, ifyou're breathing really well, I
noticed too, like if I'm alittle nervous, and I'm talking
to someone, my breathing isshallow. And my whole line of
communication is a little bitoff. So having a good control of
(08:46):
your breathingwill really help you with your
social skills. So when Imeditate, the first thing I'm I
focus on is my breathing, thatit's like nice and steady, slow,
deep breaths, as opposed toquick and shallow and fast.
(09:06):
Which kind of just throws offyour whole,
your whole respiratory slashbody functions and stuff like
that. So meditations been reallyhelpful, been doing it some
more. It's good stuff, Irecommend doing that to
something that's going toimprove your social skills is
(09:29):
caring less about what otherpeople think. Because when
you'reworking on your social skills,
you're trying a lot of newthings. You're really putting
yourself out there. And for me,something that was pushing
against my pushing against thatadvancement in my mind was how I
was being perceived myperception of how other people
(09:53):
were perceiving me.
And that's usually the stuffthat's you know, you're just
making upIn your mind, but it was very
real to me. Sosomething that you're gonna have
to work through is caring, lessand less and less about what
other people think about you,it's kind of a fine line.
Because I mean, you don't wantto be an insane person, right?
(10:16):
You want to be an effectivecommunicator. So in some ways
you do care what people how youare being perceived. But as you
trust in your own integrity, youcan actually not worry about
what how you're being perceived,as long as you have good
(10:38):
character. And it's kind ofweird, it's like you're taking
you you're really not takingyourself so seriously. Not
taking life. So seriously, it'lljust come across a lot better.
If you're not asconcerned about how you're being
perceived, you're basically justbeing super present, right?
You're, you're staying out ofyour head. So my advice for this
(10:59):
for caring less about what otherpeople think about you is, I
mean, you can go big, like youcan go stand in the middle of us
arein the middle of intersection on
the corner, and to start likesinging your favorite song out
loud in front of people. Youknow, that would be a big step,
(11:22):
you could totally do that, like,you know what I did, I actually
wasI went out with my friends and I
started doing karaoke at theselocal bars, I thought that would
be a good way to really kind ofget over how I really get over
how Iworry about what other people
thought about me. Because youknow, when you go up and do
(11:44):
karaoke, you're probably notgoing to be that great.
You're not gonna beprobably not gonna be very good.
You just have to get overlooking stupid in front of
people. And the first time I didit, I mean, I was really nervous
about doing it. Like I said,I'm, I think I'm a naturally
introverted person. So the lastthing I want to do is get up in
(12:06):
front of people on a mic andsing. So
kind of just doing the thingsthat are the opposite of what
you want to do, it's a good wayto
get you to grow a lot faster. SoI did that
a few times. And I got to behonest, it was like, it actually
was pretty fun. Yeah, it was alot of fun doing that. And it
(12:29):
definitely helped. I think, itdefinitely gives you more
confidence and stuff like that.
But you know, you can just takebaby steps. Anytime you are
trying to grow.
As a person, sometimes you gobig, like, doing karaoke, or
sometimes you just take babysteps. But as long as you're
(12:50):
kind of always pushing yourselfto lean outside of your comfort
zone, you will grow. So you wantto keep leaning outside of your
comfort zone.
It'll help you quite a bit. Butone thing I was thinking about
this specifically, is you knowhow sometimes you'll get ready
(13:13):
for like, you got to go run someerrands or whatever. You're
going to get dressed.
You're gonna pick a some nice,you're like your favorite shirt
or whatever to go out. SometimesI'll actually on purpose pick an
ugly shirt, or with my hair's alittle messed up, I'll actually
leave it messed up. Sometimeswear mismatching socks or
(13:34):
something like that.
I don't wear mismatching socksto work. But sometimes I'll just
wear it out just to remindmyself that it really doesn't
matter. Or I'll wear an uglyshirt just to remind myself that
it doesn't really matter. No onereally gives a shit. Sometimes,
like I said, leave my hair alittle disheveled go out to
(13:56):
remind myselfto stop caring what other people
think about me. It's kind oflike it's I think it's a good
exercise to do something likethat. So you know, all these
little things. They slowly getyou moving in the right
direction of the mainoverarching goal, which is to be
more present, be more authentic.
(14:20):
stop caring so much about whatother people think about you.
And the irony is when you dothat people actually start to
or if not everyone, which is Whocares? It just seems to people
just seem to respect you more.
They can just sense when youaren't so concerned about making
everyone happy. Something else Iwas thinking about. I might have
(14:42):
mentioned this before.
I've noticed when I go back tolisten to some of the podcasts,
there's some things thatI'll say I'll repeat over. I've
mentioned before,you know, if you hear twice,
maybe it's importantBut I was thinking,
(15:02):
a pretty good tip I heard a longtime ago is if you want to
improve your social skills, geta job, where you're forced to
use social skills, like maybeeven get a part time job, or
volunteer or something likethat. Because if you're at a job
or you're in a cubicle, you'reon a computer all day, you don't
(15:24):
really interact with people,other than email, or text
message, you're kind ofyou don't, you're not really
getting a lot of experience, oropportunities to use your social
skills. So maybe you just get ajob or you're forced to, like,
let's say, customer service jobor a greeter, or
(15:46):
I don't know, like, like, I hada job. One of the first jobs I
hadwas I worked at a call center in
St. Louis. And we would takecalls from like different
companies like Purina and Smith,Barney. And HBC was the other
one, I think, was likeMitsubishi, it was just like, we
(16:08):
just contracted throughdifferent companies that
basically be on the phone allday. And that's probably the
first time I've, I was forced totalk to people, new people quite
a bit. And so it's pretty goodexperience. I think I learned a
lot from working there. So yeah,that'd be
(16:29):
something to try if you reallydon't feel like you're getting
enough experience, using earn fopportunities using you're
working on your social skillsand whatnot.
Over the last couple of years,I've been doing a lot of job
hopping.
I've been going to a lot of jobinterviews, I've probably had,
(16:49):
I don't know somewhere between10 and 20 job interviews in the
last two years, which is morejob interviews than I've had in
my entire life.
And at first, it was like, I waspretty nervous about it. I was
actually, I think I was actuallyoverdressing.
Because I remember hearing thatyou should always wear suit. But
(17:12):
in my industry as a technician,it's almost like your
overdressing. And I think thatI don't know, I just I learned a
little bit here and there aboutjob interview skills, you know,
went online and watch somevideos and stuff like that. But
I thought it was a really goodexperience going to job
(17:33):
interviews, especially with theinternet, it's so easy because
they have all these like jobrecruiting sites like zip
recruiter and Glassdoor and itmakes it really convenient, you
could just upload your resumeone time, and then submit it to
like 40 different companies. SoI would like you know, put my
(17:57):
resume up. And then apply tolike, you know, three or four
jobs every couple days. And Iusually get about, I think if I
submitted to maybe to 100 jobs,I got about 25 calls,
or emails or whatever. And thenI ended up going to
(18:19):
certain I was definitely goingto a lot of interviews. And
there would be jobs. And I'mlike, Well, I'm not even really
interested in that job anymore.
I don't really think it'd be agood fit. But I would still go
to the interview just to get theexperience.
And, you know, some places whenyou submit for submit your
application, they actually wantyou to fill out another
(18:41):
application, which is kind ofdumb. But if the job seemed
pretty interesting, I would, Iwould go ahead and do it. But
I noticed that the moreinterviews I went to, the more
at ease I was like, I think justthe fact that I was getting so
many calls kind of made me feellike it's not even a big deal if
I get the job or not, whichactually came across in
(19:02):
interviewing.
But I was just like real casual,real friendly. My main thing
wasn't really to highlight mytechnical skills it was to
highlight my Pete myinterpersonal skills, because a
lot of these jobs are lookingfor people who are good with
customers. So yeah, I got a lotof job offers. It was pretty
(19:23):
cool. Like this one. The lasttime I got
the job I currently have Iactually got like three job
offers in two days. That'spretty cool. So
yeah, go on a lot of jobinterviews. It's a really good
skill to have, it's actuallygoing to be
one of the ways you'll make moremoney very quickly is by being a
(19:43):
good interviewee. You can makeyou can land a job that you that
you actually like, and that willpay you more.
Money's good. I like moneythe last couple days.
I drive a lot for work. So I'vebeen listening to some more
podcasts and listening to thispodcast called hidden brain by
(20:07):
Shanker vedantam. Shanker, andI'm not sure if I'm saying that,
right. But it's a podcast onlike psycho. It's like a, it's
about psychology and stuff, I'vebeen listening to it for a
while, there was a couplereally, really good podcasts he
put out lately, one was onhumor, and the science behind
humor. And the other one was on,it was called the story of
(20:30):
stories, or, yeah, the story ofstories, they were both, both of
those episodes are really good,because we talked about
storytelling before. And we alsotalked about how to be funny.
But this really just goes into adeep, deep dive into the science
behind both the structure,what makes it work, what makes
(20:52):
it not work. So those are reallygood podcasts that I recommend
you should check out. It's justa good podcast in general, the
more you can learn aboutpsychology, it's obviously going
to help you with your socialskills, understanding how people
work, understanding how your ownmind works, your mind works in
ways. I mean, it's just it's soseamless with reality, you don't
(21:12):
really understand how it works.
But I remember I took a class onpsychology. And one of the
things that I remember from theclass was this woman and she had
a brain injury, apparently,that's how they figure out the
different parts of the brain alot of times is when someone
(21:33):
gets a brain injury, and thatpart just stops working. So this
is one lady she had a braininjury might have been like a
tumor or something like that.
But she was she lost the abilityto leave, she lost the ability
to recognize faces, whichapparently is not tied to just
general vision, or notincorporated in general vision.
(21:55):
So like her vision was 2020. Butwhen they showed her a picture
of her mom, she didn't recognizewho it was, or even when they
showed her a picture of herself,she didn't realize it was a
picture of herself. So there'sactually a part of your brain
specifically for recognizingpeople's faces real quickly.
(22:18):
And I would have never guessedthat. I just thought people I
didn't know you, I just didn'tthink that there was a part of
your brain for that. So it'sjust interesting when you learn
stuff about your how your brainworks, and can be pretty
surprising. So it's always goodstuff. Check it out, hidden
brain podcast.
(22:38):
Yeah, one was called humorous,and one was called the story of
stories, I'll put a,I'll put a couple links in the
of those for you in the showdescription. I'll do that for
you. Because,you know, I'll make it easier
for you to find those. I'll dothe work for you, you're lazy
bastards.
(23:00):
I think just one last tip I havefor you. It's not kind of on a
body language. Tip. I'venoticed, if you're talking to
like a group of people, or ifthere's a group of people
talking to each other, there'llbe in sometimes we'll be in a
circle. And then sometimessomeone will, a new person will
(23:22):
come up to the circle. Andsometimes the people just open
the circle naturally, to allowthat person in.
Sometimes if that person is kindof like weird, they'll keep the
circle closed. But I've noticedeven
even in the most normal setting,sometimes people don't open the
circle, just because they're notaware of good body language or
(23:46):
just good group dynamic. But Ialways make it a point to kind
of turn my body out, just tomake an opening for the next
person to come into the circle,like all kind of turn, take a
small step back to make thecircle bigger.
So yeah, just be aware of that.
That's a good little tip. toalways be welcoming, welcoming
(24:07):
to new people into the group.
And then sometimesyou'll go up to a group and
start talking to them, and thenthey'll open the circle for you.
So just notice how that happens.
And thenbe aware, to make sure to do it
for other people too, becauseit's just good social manners to
(24:30):
you know, welcome people intoyour group, open the circle,
expand the circle, becausethat's what you're trying to do,
right, expand your social circlein small ways and in big ways.
I've also remember hearing thisother tip called
Remember to water your plants.
So it's like, if you have let'ssay you have like three or four
really good friendsor maybe you have like six or
(24:52):
seven really good friends. Youwant to like kind of keep an if
you want to you know keepHave a good relationship with
everyone, you do have tooccasionally hit him up, talk to
him hang out with themevery couple weeks, every couple
months,you know, every couple of days
just depends on the, the, howclose you are with them, but you
(25:17):
have to at least, you know, talkto him or call him up on the
phone or actually hang out withhim every few weeks or months at
the at the minimum, because ifit's yours, that kind of just
gonna fade away. So that'scalled watering the plants, you
got to make sure youkilled the water of your
attention and time to yourrelationships. Just did make
(25:41):
sure that they stay alive, justlike just like little plants.
I think that's gonna be it thisweek. If you are enjoying the
show, I'd appreciate if you guyscould leave a review. Actually,
I don't care if you want to gofor it. If you don't, whatever,
it's really not a big deal.
(26:01):
But yeah, if you like it, leavea review, or subscribe if you
don't want to. Yeah, whatever.
It's all good.
But I'll talk to you guys.
Probably in another couple weeksor so. Some stuff is just kind
of flying in my head. I've beentaking pretty good notes. So if
I think it's good, I'll let youknow. Oh, you know, I forgot to
check the email. Because I leftan email. I'll do it again.
(26:23):
What's the email?
Yeah, I forgot to check theemail. I checked it earlier this
week if there wasn't any, no oneemailed any questions. But if
you have any questions you wantto send email something you want
to I might address it on theshow or I might just shoot you
back a message you can email meat
(26:44):
t SSL podcast@gmail.com so thesocial skills lab t SSL
podcast@gmail.com I hope youguys have an awesome week.
Remember go out there talk topeople don't take yourself too
seriously and try to have alittle fun later
(27:08):
be feeling the effects of a pastlife from a past life took the
right path on the wrong NikeJapan phones taking this right
what a bizarre life a pull up acar ride it's a Mustang with the
beats Where have you seen whatit looked like? Oh, women
granteda lot and again an issue for the
moon in the stars numerousbronze beautiful
(27:35):
beetle people with the luckyyoung linen and the nice to see
to press down so now I'mthinking that life is better
with buddy you bet on thebrother You win in the tank tops
with the eight ball. Oh man, ifit wasn't for you
(27:57):
if it wasn't for you.
Shame it's a damn shame.
Baby away from the body I'm thinking much in the back
seat for the Powerball we coulddo it all with the baby.
Put the winning you know, asgains off of sheets sing along,
man. And just when it couldn'tget better, she talked to me and
saying you got the chin? Ah, yougot the juice, you have the
bison, you token and walk in theright way sundown on a highway
(00:51):
know the feeling baby? What'sgoing on out there?
What are you doing over there?
zooming away for a bit, I'llcome back to the social skills
slot.
The social skills lab podcast,I'm your host, Nathan,
(01:15):
Episode 17. Today.
Last episode we were talkingabout taking up more space.
I want to mention too, thatsometimes it's appropriate, most
of the time, it's appropriate totake up a good amount of space,
(01:38):
wherever you're at, just feelcomfortable taking up more
space. Because a lot of peoplewill kind of, you know,
inadvertently, subconsciouslykind of shrink themselves in the
presence of others.
Basically kind of deferring tothem. But
it's good to take up more space,just don't do the prototypical
(02:00):
manspreading like if you're on abus,
you know, where you're just kindof like taking up too much
space. Like, um, you know, like,if your space my space is more
important, I'm just talkingabout in general, I think you
get it.
Let's see here.
I also was going back andlistening to some episodes.
(02:23):
There was like one or two thingswhere it's like, I've actually
kind of changed my mind or seensome things from a different
perspective, I kind of want tomull it over a little bit more,
butany type, anytime you're like a
rule, or an idea. And like, andeven if it appears to be true,
just know thatit actually made, it actually
(02:46):
might not be true in the future,because the truth always seems
to be fluid.
Things change, the world isalways changing. So something
that worked two years ago mightactually for some reason, just
not work anymore. So even thoughI believe that some stuff is
(03:12):
a rule, that doesn't necessarilymean it's always gonna be a
role. It's kind of hard toexplain, but I mean, you'll
still notice stuff in your ownlife that
as you grow as time moves on,you do have to make adjustments
you do have to calibrate and alot of times too.
I've noticed that when you learnthe rules about something, once
(03:36):
you learn all the rules.
Sometimes you learn when it'sactually even better to break
rules. So as you get moreexperiential, you'll pick up on
these things like oh, yeah,actually, I can do the exact
opposite. It'll even be moreeffective. Like
sometimes if someonesometimes someone like
(03:57):
accidentally like just bumps mea little bit I'll just be like,
oh, that hurt.
Like being like super whinyabout it, but I just I'm just
doing it as a joke. And it couldit sometimes it comes off as
like pretty funny. Or ifor if like someone's kind of
like being like hi lording overme. You know, trying to big
(04:18):
league me.
I'll act like super subservientand like deferring to them, like
on purpose. And it I make itpretty obvious so it kind of
just like makes a joke that likepoint a kind of just points out
that the guy was being kind ofan asshole about it. I don't
(04:38):
know. It's It's hard to explain.
But you'll you'll start pickingup when that's actually can be
pretty effective to break arule.
Especially if you make itobvious what you're doing.
Also notice too thata couple episodes ago,
I mentioned that, I think is onthe episode about attitude.
(05:00):
Dude,I talked about having a lot of
gratitude. AndI mentioned that I was going to
really put a lot of effort intobeing more or having more
gratitude, becausethere's a lot of studies out
there that shows that itactually is. One of the best
ways to elevate your mood is tohave a lot of gratitude. So I
(05:23):
was joking.
I was joking with a buddy ofmine. I was I sent him a text
message. It said something like,how's your? How is your
GP? Ah, how has your gratitudesper hour going?
Because I heard this on thisother podcast, Anthony jeselnik
(05:45):
was talking about laughs perminute, as a joke.
He was talking to anothercomedian. He's like, have you
ever measured your LP? LPs,she's like, what's that he's
like, your laughs per minute.
I guess as a way to, like, goover his old standup sets and
see if he's getting more LP RPMssizes is choking my buddy. I'm
(06:08):
like, how's your GPH yourgratitudes per hour.
But it's actuallykind of a good reminder that,
you know, there is a lot to be,have gratitude for. I mean, for
one, like imagine, like being inWorld War Two, that would just
be a shitty time to be alive. Soat least we're in relatively
peaceful times.
(06:32):
I was using my drill, I wasdrilling some two by fours, and
the drill bit flew off. And itjust like, I've never had that
happen before it usually thedrill, the drill bit usually
stays in place pretty good. Butit just flew off, flew right at
my face and hit me about an inchfrom my eye. And like, hit me
(06:55):
pretty hard. Like it actuallyleft
a mark and a tiny bruise for acouple days. And I was thinking
I'm like holy cow that just likean inch, it would just went
straight into my eyeball.
And it could have been reallybad. So I have a lot of
gratitude for having both myeyes.
(07:17):
Because I could have easily beenblind in one eye.
And as a thing, and Tim, like,you know, they always recommend
wearing safety glasses when youuse a drill. And nobody does.
Like I never do it. I stilldon't do it. But I'm definitely
more careful about making surethat drill bits in there. But
(07:37):
I have beenconsciously thinking about
things to be grateful for moreoften during the day. And yeah,
I think it's a, I think my moodis, at least it's holding steady
as far as I'm usually in apretty good mood. So I highly
recommend getting up your GPAages. Yeah, just see what it
does for you might start feel alittle better. I'm also like,
(08:01):
really been focusing on tryingto meditate some more. The cool
part about meditating meditatingis as soon as I start, as soon
as I'm like, Okay, I'm going toI got a few, got a few minutes
here, I'm going to just startmeditating.
The first thing I do is justfocus on my breathing. So that's
a good thing, you should alwaysbe
(08:24):
conscious of what how you How isyour breathing, for one. If
you're in a conversation, ifyou're breathing really well, I
noticed too, like if I'm alittle nervous, and I'm talking
to someone, my breathing isshallow. And my whole line of
communication is a little bitoff. So having a good control of
(08:46):
your breathingwill really help you with your
social skills. So when Imeditate, the first thing I'm I
focus on is my breathing, thatit's like nice and steady, slow,
deep breaths, as opposed toquick and shallow and fast.
(09:06):
Which kind of just throws offyour whole,
your whole respiratory slashbody functions and stuff like
that. So meditations been reallyhelpful, been doing it some
more. It's good stuff, Irecommend doing that to
something that's going toimprove your social skills is
(09:29):
caring less about what otherpeople think. Because when
you'reworking on your social skills,
you're trying a lot of newthings. You're really putting
yourself out there. And for me,something that was pushing
against my pushing against thatadvancement in my mind was how I
was being perceived myperception of how other people
(09:53):
were perceiving me.
And that's usually the stuffthat's you know, you're just
making upIn your mind, but it was very
real to me. Sosomething that you're gonna have
to work through is caring, lessand less and less about what
other people think about you,it's kind of a fine line.
Because I mean, you don't wantto be an insane person, right?
(10:16):
You want to be an effectivecommunicator. So in some ways
you do care what people how youare being perceived. But as you
trust in your own integrity, youcan actually not worry about
what how you're being perceived,as long as you have good
(10:38):
character. And it's kind ofweird, it's like you're taking
you you're really not takingyourself so seriously. Not
taking life. So seriously, it'lljust come across a lot better.
If you're not asconcerned about how you're being
perceived, you're basically justbeing super present, right?
You're, you're staying out ofyour head. So my advice for this
(10:59):
for caring less about what otherpeople think about you is, I
mean, you can go big, like youcan go stand in the middle of us
arein the middle of intersection on
the corner, and to start likesinging your favorite song out
loud in front of people. Youknow, that would be a big step,
(11:22):
you could totally do that, like,you know what I did, I actually
wasI went out with my friends and I
started doing karaoke at theselocal bars, I thought that would
be a good way to really kind ofget over how I really get over
how Iworry about what other people
thought about me. Because youknow, when you go up and do
(11:44):
karaoke, you're probably notgoing to be that great.
You're not gonna beprobably not gonna be very good.
You just have to get overlooking stupid in front of
people. And the first time I didit, I mean, I was really nervous
about doing it. Like I said,I'm, I think I'm a naturally
introverted person. So the lastthing I want to do is get up in
(12:06):
front of people on a mic andsing. So
kind of just doing the thingsthat are the opposite of what
you want to do, it's a good wayto
get you to grow a lot faster. SoI did that
a few times. And I got to behonest, it was like, it actually
was pretty fun. Yeah, it was alot of fun doing that. And it
(12:29):
definitely helped. I think, itdefinitely gives you more
confidence and stuff like that.
But you know, you can just takebaby steps. Anytime you are
trying to grow.
As a person, sometimes you gobig, like, doing karaoke, or
sometimes you just take babysteps. But as long as you're
(12:50):
kind of always pushing yourselfto lean outside of your comfort
zone, you will grow. So you wantto keep leaning outside of your
comfort zone.
It'll help you quite a bit. Butone thing I was thinking about
this specifically, is you knowhow sometimes you'll get ready
(13:13):
for like, you got to go run someerrands or whatever. You're
going to get dressed.
You're gonna pick a some nice,you're like your favorite shirt
or whatever to go out. SometimesI'll actually on purpose pick an
ugly shirt, or with my hair's alittle messed up, I'll actually
leave it messed up. Sometimeswear mismatching socks or
(13:34):
something like that.
I don't wear mismatching socksto work. But sometimes I'll just
wear it out just to remindmyself that it really doesn't
matter. Or I'll wear an uglyshirt just to remind myself that
it doesn't really matter. No onereally gives a shit. Sometimes,
like I said, leave my hair alittle disheveled go out to
(13:56):
remind myselfto stop caring what other people
think about me. It's kind oflike it's I think it's a good
exercise to do something likethat. So you know, all these
little things. They slowly getyou moving in the right
direction of the mainoverarching goal, which is to be
more present, be more authentic.
(14:20):
stop caring so much about whatother people think about you.
And the irony is when you dothat people actually start to
or if not everyone, which is Whocares? It just seems to people
just seem to respect you more.
They can just sense when youaren't so concerned about making
everyone happy. Something else Iwas thinking about. I might have
(14:42):
mentioned this before.
I've noticed when I go back tolisten to some of the podcasts,
there's some things thatI'll say I'll repeat over. I've
mentioned before,you know, if you hear twice,
maybe it's importantBut I was thinking,
(15:02):
a pretty good tip I heard a longtime ago is if you want to
improve your social skills, geta job, where you're forced to
use social skills, like maybeeven get a part time job, or
volunteer or something likethat. Because if you're at a job
or you're in a cubicle, you'reon a computer all day, you don't
(15:24):
really interact with people,other than email, or text
message, you're kind ofyou don't, you're not really
getting a lot of experience, oropportunities to use your social
skills. So maybe you just get ajob or you're forced to, like,
let's say, customer service jobor a greeter, or
(15:46):
I don't know, like, like, I hada job. One of the first jobs I
hadwas I worked at a call center in
St. Louis. And we would takecalls from like different
companies like Purina and Smith,Barney. And HBC was the other
one, I think, was likeMitsubishi, it was just like, we
(16:08):
just contracted throughdifferent companies that
basically be on the phone allday. And that's probably the
first time I've, I was forced totalk to people, new people quite
a bit. And so it's pretty goodexperience. I think I learned a
lot from working there. So yeah,that'd be
(16:29):
something to try if you reallydon't feel like you're getting
enough experience, using earn fopportunities using you're
working on your social skillsand whatnot.
Over the last couple of years,I've been doing a lot of job
hopping.
I've been going to a lot of jobinterviews, I've probably had,
(16:49):
I don't know somewhere between10 and 20 job interviews in the
last two years, which is morejob interviews than I've had in
my entire life.
And at first, it was like, I waspretty nervous about it. I was
actually, I think I was actuallyoverdressing.
Because I remember hearing thatyou should always wear suit. But
(17:12):
in my industry as a technician,it's almost like your
overdressing. And I think thatI don't know, I just I learned a
little bit here and there aboutjob interview skills, you know,
went online and watch somevideos and stuff like that. But
I thought it was a really goodexperience going to job
(17:33):
interviews, especially with theinternet, it's so easy because
they have all these like jobrecruiting sites like zip
recruiter and Glassdoor and itmakes it really convenient, you
could just upload your resumeone time, and then submit it to
like 40 different companies. SoI would like you know, put my
(17:57):
resume up. And then apply tolike, you know, three or four
jobs every couple days. And Iusually get about, I think if I
submitted to maybe to 100 jobs,I got about 25 calls,
or emails or whatever. And thenI ended up going to
(18:19):
certain I was definitely goingto a lot of interviews. And
there would be jobs. And I'mlike, Well, I'm not even really
interested in that job anymore.
I don't really think it'd be agood fit. But I would still go
to the interview just to get theexperience.
And, you know, some places whenyou submit for submit your
application, they actually wantyou to fill out another
(18:41):
application, which is kind ofdumb. But if the job seemed
pretty interesting, I would, Iwould go ahead and do it. But
I noticed that the moreinterviews I went to, the more
at ease I was like, I think justthe fact that I was getting so
many calls kind of made me feellike it's not even a big deal if
I get the job or not, whichactually came across in
(19:02):
interviewing.
But I was just like real casual,real friendly. My main thing
wasn't really to highlight mytechnical skills it was to
highlight my Pete myinterpersonal skills, because a
lot of these jobs are lookingfor people who are good with
customers. So yeah, I got a lotof job offers. It was pretty
(19:23):
cool. Like this one. The lasttime I got
the job I currently have Iactually got like three job
offers in two days. That'spretty cool. So
yeah, go on a lot of jobinterviews. It's a really good
skill to have, it's actuallygoing to be
one of the ways you'll make moremoney very quickly is by being a
(19:43):
good interviewee. You can makeyou can land a job that you that
you actually like, and that willpay you more.
Money's good. I like moneythe last couple days.
I drive a lot for work. So I'vebeen listening to some more
podcasts and listening to thispodcast called hidden brain by
(20:07):
Shanker vedantam. Shanker, andI'm not sure if I'm saying that,
right. But it's a podcast onlike psycho. It's like a, it's
about psychology and stuff, I'vebeen listening to it for a
while, there was a couplereally, really good podcasts he
put out lately, one was onhumor, and the science behind
humor. And the other one was on,it was called the story of
(20:30):
stories, or, yeah, the story ofstories, they were both, both of
those episodes are really good,because we talked about
storytelling before. And we alsotalked about how to be funny.
But this really just goes into adeep, deep dive into the science
behind both the structure,what makes it work, what makes
(20:52):
it not work. So those are reallygood podcasts that I recommend
you should check out. It's justa good podcast in general, the
more you can learn aboutpsychology, it's obviously going
to help you with your socialskills, understanding how people
work, understanding how your ownmind works, your mind works in
ways. I mean, it's just it's soseamless with reality, you don't
(21:12):
really understand how it works.
But I remember I took a class onpsychology. And one of the
things that I remember from theclass was this woman and she had
a brain injury, apparently,that's how they figure out the
different parts of the brain alot of times is when someone
(21:33):
gets a brain injury, and thatpart just stops working. So this
is one lady she had a braininjury might have been like a
tumor or something like that.
But she was she lost the abilityto leave, she lost the ability
to recognize faces, whichapparently is not tied to just
general vision, or notincorporated in general vision.
(21:55):
So like her vision was 2020. Butwhen they showed her a picture
of her mom, she didn't recognizewho it was, or even when they
showed her a picture of herself,she didn't realize it was a
picture of herself. So there'sactually a part of your brain
specifically for recognizingpeople's faces real quickly.
(22:18):
And I would have never guessedthat. I just thought people I
didn't know you, I just didn'tthink that there was a part of
your brain for that. So it'sjust interesting when you learn
stuff about your how your brainworks, and can be pretty
surprising. So it's always goodstuff. Check it out, hidden
brain podcast.
(22:38):
Yeah, one was called humorous,and one was called the story of
stories, I'll put a,I'll put a couple links in the
of those for you in the showdescription. I'll do that for
you. Because,you know, I'll make it easier
for you to find those. I'll dothe work for you, you're lazy
bastards.
(23:00):
I think just one last tip I havefor you. It's not kind of on a
body language. Tip. I'venoticed, if you're talking to
like a group of people, or ifthere's a group of people
talking to each other, there'llbe in sometimes we'll be in a
circle. And then sometimessomeone will, a new person will
(23:22):
come up to the circle. Andsometimes the people just open
the circle naturally, to allowthat person in.
Sometimes if that person is kindof like weird, they'll keep the
circle closed. But I've noticedeven
even in the most normal setting,sometimes people don't open the
circle, just because they're notaware of good body language or
(23:46):
just good group dynamic. But Ialways make it a point to kind
of turn my body out, just tomake an opening for the next
person to come into the circle,like all kind of turn, take a
small step back to make thecircle bigger.
So yeah, just be aware of that.
That's a good little tip. toalways be welcoming, welcoming
(24:07):
to new people into the group.
And then sometimesyou'll go up to a group and
start talking to them, and thenthey'll open the circle for you.
So just notice how that happens.
And thenbe aware, to make sure to do it
for other people too, becauseit's just good social manners to
(24:30):
you know, welcome people intoyour group, open the circle,
expand the circle, becausethat's what you're trying to do,
right, expand your social circlein small ways and in big ways.
I've also remember hearing thisother tip called
Remember to water your plants.
So it's like, if you have let'ssay you have like three or four
really good friendsor maybe you have like six or
(24:52):
seven really good friends. Youwant to like kind of keep an if
you want to you know keepHave a good relationship with
everyone, you do have tooccasionally hit him up, talk to
him hang out with themevery couple weeks, every couple
months,you know, every couple of days
just depends on the, the, howclose you are with them, but you
(25:17):
have to at least, you know, talkto him or call him up on the
phone or actually hang out withhim every few weeks or months at
the at the minimum, because ifit's yours, that kind of just
gonna fade away. So that'scalled watering the plants, you
got to make sure youkilled the water of your
attention and time to yourrelationships. Just did make
(25:41):
sure that they stay alive, justlike just like little plants.
I think that's gonna be it thisweek. If you are enjoying the
show, I'd appreciate if you guyscould leave a review. Actually,
I don't care if you want to gofor it. If you don't, whatever,
it's really not a big deal.
(26:01):
But yeah, if you like it, leavea review, or subscribe if you
don't want to. Yeah, whatever.
It's all good.
But I'll talk to you guys.
Probably in another couple weeksor so. Some stuff is just kind
of flying in my head. I've beentaking pretty good notes. So if
I think it's good, I'll let youknow. Oh, you know, I forgot to
check the email. Because I leftan email. I'll do it again.
(26:23):
What's the email?
Yeah, I forgot to check theemail. I checked it earlier this
week if there wasn't any, no oneemailed any questions. But if
you have any questions you wantto send email something you want
to I might address it on theshow or I might just shoot you
back a message you can email meat
(26:44):
t SSL podcast@gmail.com so thesocial skills lab t SSL
podcast@gmail.com I hope youguys have an awesome week.
Remember go out there talk topeople don't take yourself too
seriously and try to have alittle fun later
(27:08):
be feeling the effects of a pastlife from a past life took the
right path on the wrong NikeJapan phones taking this right
what a bizarre life a pull up acar ride it's a Mustang with the
beats Where have you seen whatit looked like? Oh, women
granteda lot and again an issue for the
moon in the stars numerousbronze beautiful
(27:35):
beetle people with the luckyyoung linen and the nice to see
to press down so now I'mthinking that life is better
with buddy you bet on thebrother You win in the tank tops
with the eight ball. Oh man, ifit wasn't for you
(27:57):
if it wasn't for you.
Shame it's a damn shame.
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