August 9, 2020 • 19 mins
Sometimes you just F-up and have to apologize. If you aren't messing up then you aren't pushing yourself hard enough, so it's kind of a two way street. So this week we cover apologizing for when you miss the mark. Just make sure you aren't one of those people who apologize for every little thing. That can be annoying. We also go a little deeper into having a 'Good Vibe' because when you have a good vibe then you conversations go so much better than if you are putting off zero vibe. It's basically having a cool energy about you and it helps when you are in a playful and fun mood!!
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Thank you!! - Nathan. : D
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:18):
Hey, welcome back.
Welcome back. Welcome back toanother episode of the social
skills podcast. I'm your host,Nathan Ament. This is episode
number nine. Looking over at thesummit, the podcast statistics
like we got people tuning infrom all over the world, which
(00:45):
is very cool. So quick shout outto Brampton, Ontario. Langley,
British Columbia, goose Creek,South Carolina, Washington,
Virginia, Auckland, Auckland.
I'm not even sure where that is.
Vienna, Vienna, Brisbane,Queensland, Blackheath, England,
(01:08):
that sounds likea cool place. Blackheath, San
Jose, California, I just stayeda couple nights out there this
week. And Minneapolis,Minnesota. Thank you guys for
tuning in. Appreciate it. Let'ssee here. Last week, we talked a
little bit about what is afriend, and also the social
(01:30):
circle. So quick note on what isa friend, we basically just kind
of defined it in its mostsimplest terms, it's someone
with whom you share with him. SoI keep having no trouble saying
this is someone with whom youregularly share positive
(01:51):
emotions with, I thought it wasjust a good idea to bring that
up. Because I think with socialmedia, like Facebook, and stuff
like that, where you have likemaybe 500, or 1000, friends or
on Facebook, I think thatdefinition of friend kind of got
watered down a little bit. So Ikind of just want to do a quick
(02:12):
definition of what a closefriend was. That way just when
you start talking to morepeople, and then you start
making more connections andmaybe start hanging out with
them, then you actually knowthat if you start hanging out
with someone pretty regularlyyou're having a really good time
with and they actually mightstart actually, that's probably
what a friend really is justsomeone with whom you actually
(02:34):
start hanging out with prettyregularly. Basically, someone
who just you really click with,and you'll know, you'll know, if
you click with them, like do youwant to hang out with them, and
they want to hang out with you,like the dynamic of the
relationship is pretty balanced.
It's not like you putting in allthe effort, if you're the one
that's always calling them, theynever call you ever. It's kind
(02:57):
of a bad dynamic. In my opinion,I usually just move on, meet
some other people and eventuallymeet someone else's pretty
close. Just the people that yourpersonality like really clicks
with. It just takes a while. Sobut you know, just talking to a
bunch of people in itself, to mewas enjoyable. So it's not like,
at first it's kind of difficult,but after a while, it's not like
(03:20):
it's work or anything. It's it'sactually it's it does end up
being kind of fun. But you dohave to. That's why I always say
just make sure you keep talkingto people. I've been putting
pushing conversations more andmore, even when you have a mask
on and stuff and you're justtalking to people at the store,
or out at work on the job sitesor whatever. I always just start
(03:41):
conversations with people and Idon't know, I think life would
be pretty boring. If you didn'ttalk to anyone. All day long.
All week long. It's uh, yeah,just keep trying it out. Keep
doing it. Keep practicingreading books on it and stuff
like that watching videos. We'regoing to just keep tackling it
(04:03):
at different angles, you'll getit eventually it'll start to
click. We also talked about asocial circle. We talked about.
I mean, we talked about like themyth of the social circle, like
the group, the friend group. I'mthinking maybe like, probably,
maybe there was friend groups inlike college and the dorms and
(04:23):
stuff because you lived rightnext to him. But as you get
older, you don't all live in thesame place. Everyone's social
circles unique to them prettymuch like everybody has a
different group of friends thanintertwine. Some people might
have like a lot of friends incommon, but there's no I have
never met anyone that has theexact same same friends as the
(04:46):
next person. It's prettyintertwined. So you could pretty
much just meet people and startto meet their friends and then
their friends of friends andstuff like that. Just don't
force it if you meet some ifyou're hanging out with a group
of people And as one thing I dois I try to talk to everyone in
the group, make sure you getaround everyone, introduce
(05:07):
yourself to everyone. Keep goingback and talking each person.
But sometimes you'll encounter aperson that's like, I don't
know, not just not too friendly,or they might just be too shy or
something like that. I'll givethem a couple chances. But
sometimes they just don't. Ireally don't push it. I don't, I
don't try to force a goodconversation on anyone. If
(05:28):
someone's just not interested intalking, I just don't talk to
him to talk to the next person.
Don't force it. Don't believethat there's a myth of a one
group of people that isimpenetrable, like everybody has
everyone that I've met anyway,as always, totally open to
having more friends. Okay, solet's talk about the topic of
this week apologizing. And itrealized when I first started
(05:52):
trying to socialize more thatone thing I was, you know, when
you start to have moreconversations with people,
you'll pretty quickly get boredof some of the mundane
topics that you might havestarted with, like, I don't
know, sometimes, even todayelse, I'll occasionally start
talking about the weather tosomeone. But I'll instantly
(06:16):
realize I'm like, Oh, crap, I'mtalking about the weather, I
need to get off this as soon aspossible. But basically, it will
start to push conversations moreand more and more to the edge of
you know, what is so sociallyacceptable, basically, like, if
you watch like some of the topcomedians, you'll see that
(06:38):
they're, some of the funniestcomedians are pushing the edge
of, I don't know, just socially,just, I don't know, they're just
basically pushing the topics tothe very, very edge to being
extremely offensive. But that'skind of like how it is. When
you, when you're just havingconversations with people, the
(06:58):
more the more you kind of pushit to the outer boundaries of
what's normal. You can easily goa little too far, or be rude or
be like, I don't know. Buteventually, you start having so
many conversations, eventually,eventually you're gonna stumble,
(07:18):
say something wrong or messedup. And you're gonna be like,
Oh, crap, I shouldn't have saidthat. This is not to be confused
with with people who areconstantly apologizing, because
there's definitely a there'sdefinitely a lot of people out
there that will apologize toomuch. Like they'll constantly
apologizing about stuff that'seither, like, very, very minor,
(07:42):
or just like, there's no reasonto apologize at all. I could
kind of use the analogy of like,let's say I ran over your dog.
Okay, that is definitelysomething that you want to
apologize for. That's a majorthing. But you know, if it's
like, just like, I don't know,some people that just apologize
over the like the stupidestminor thing, not that it's
(08:04):
stupid, but you know, it's onething, or you just think, think
to yourself, if you'reapologizing multiple times a
week, you're probablyapologizing too much like, I
mean, unless you're like a superasshole. But I don't know, just
make sure you're not apologizingtoo much. I usually don't
(08:25):
apologize unless it's somethingthat if it's something that's
kind of minor, I'll just belike, Oh, yeah, that's all my
bad. I didn't mean to do that.
Short and sweet. But if it'ssomething like, I don't know,
your offense, you said somethingoffensive, then yeah, you should
be apologizing to it to someonebecause I don't know. I think it
just better for you. It kind ofgets that moment off your
(08:46):
shoulders, you can move on, theycan move on or whatever. One
thing I noticed, though, is likeif I say something, if I did
something that was kind ofmessed up, and I recognize it
right away, you could apologizefor it right then. And maybe
that's the best thing to do. Butsometimes I'll be I'll just be
like, you know what, I couldtell they're pretty pissed off,
(09:07):
I'm gonna actually wait one ortwo days before I bring it up
again, and then apologize forthat, that seemed to actually go
over better. They're like morein a headspace to accept an
apology as opposed toapologizing, like five minutes
after it happened. It's almostlike you might have to even
apologize for it again. So I'lljust wait a couple days. And
this is just my opinion, I mightbe wrong about this. I might be
(09:27):
wrong about a lot of the stuff Italked about. But in my
experience, I'm just giving youthe best perspective I have from
my own personal experience. Sojust take it with a grain of
salt. I mean for something forone situation might be
completely wrong for differentsituation. Like there's
different levels, or thesethings happen at and something
might apply in one situation.
(09:51):
And in a similar situation. Youthink it'd be the same thing,
but you actually might need totweak it a little bit. It's kind
of confusing, but I hope youenjoy Get what I'm talking
about. There's this scene fromthe doubt a Ching. When the wind
blows, it blows. When it stops,it stops. And that's I apply
(10:13):
that to like, apologizing. Ijust keep it short and sweet. I
apologize, keep it at that don'tmake a lot of excuses. That can
really watered down your apologyif you start making all these
excuses of why you did it. Sodon't do that. Just keep it to
the point. Alright, let's talkabout vibe, having a positive
(10:33):
vibe. Now, we've talked aboutthis a couple times, I was
thinking about, it's just a realbig topic to me, because it
seems to be where you can reallymake the most impact in your
conversations is by bringing apositive vibe to the
conversation. I remember onetime I went to this club, it was
(10:56):
my friend. He was a promoter.
And he was doing like a Thursdaynight at this club downtown. And
so I went there.
And when I saw him, I was like,Hey, what's up? What's up, Jeff,
how you doing? And he's like,Oh, thank God, I was like, what
he's like the first person tocome and actually smile tonight.
He's like, I think everyone's ina bad mood or something. was
(11:17):
like, Oh, really. I was like,oh, man, that's cool. And I just
remember thinking I'm like, youknow, smiling actually does go a
long way. Sometimes. Having agood positive vibe, when you
just like, start talking tosomeone, it makes people feel
good. And that's a real powerfulthing, if you can make people
feel good. Think about like,when you come home, and your dog
(11:39):
is like happy to see you orsomething like that. Like, I
think that's some of my favoritepeople. The reason like why
they're my favorite people iswhenever I see them, they just
have a big smile on their face.
And they're, like, really happyto see me. And they're like, you
know, it's just like, it feelsgood. So if you can, if you can,
like, become the person thatactually does that to other
people, it's a really goodthing. I kind of just like, I
(12:02):
don't know, when I was thinkingabout, like, what is a positive
vibe, but kind of just picture,you know, you're just like, in a
good mood. When you're talkingto people, I always kind of have
like this smirk on my face.
Like, if I'm having a real goodtime, I kind of just think
everything kind of funny. Like,I remember, one time I was
hanging out my friend. And I wastalking, I was telling him, I
(12:24):
was telling him that I had seenthese guys at a bar. And they
had just randomly I was watchingthem and they just randomly gave
each other a high five. And itwas like super funny to me. And
I was telling him, I was like, Ithink high fives are like really
have this weird impact on peoplebecause like, you know, when
you're like a baby, and you'relike, like a new person comes up
(12:45):
and is like talking to you andlike is like, oh, what's your
name of Apollo? Alright, highfive. And you're like, you're
like shy, but when they put uptheir hands, you just give them
a high five. I think it's like,subconsciously been ingrained
into our, I don't know, it'sbeen put into the back of our
head that like whenever anybodyputs up their hand and says hi
five, you're just automaticallygoing to do it. Because I don't
(13:05):
know, something just tells youdon't leave them hanging. So
let's tell them my friend. I'mlike, I was telling my friend
about this. And he was crackingup. I'm like, look all like
watch on like your give me ahigh five. Like gives me a big
high five. And then we bothstart laughing. And then we both
just start laughing because werealize like, yeah, that's
exactly what it is. It's like,it's just stupid, and like
(13:26):
childish. But that's almost whyit's like funny and hilarious
still.
So I remember, I don't know, Iwould just be in a place and
like, tell someone to give me ahigh five. And they would do it.
And it's just always kind offunny. So that's just kind of
like, it's hard to describe whatlike a really good vibe is. But
doing something like that putsoff a little kind of like a good
(13:48):
vibe. So just have that kind ofmindset. The other thing about
having a good vibe is likeconfidence. And I might want to
talk about this more down theroad. But let me let me tell you
something about confidence thatI learned this guy, Dr. Paul,
dobransky, this guy keepmentioning, he talked about, you
(14:09):
can get confidence by doingthings that take courage. So
picture something small, like,I'm going to jump over this
fence. Like you're like, I thinkI could do it. It's high enough,
or it's low enough. So you runand do it. I mean, you could
totally wipe out and eat it. Butif you land it, or even if you
(14:33):
don't land it, just the factthat you tried it. You Alyssa
say you get like two points ofcourage. Now let's say you have
to give a toast at a wedding.
Now that it's like you know,you're gonna be in front of 100
people. It's gonna be a littlenerve wracking, maybe very, very
nerve wracking. So, let's sayyou go up there and you give
your speech. Something like thatmight give you 50 points of
(14:56):
confidence. So you kind of lookit in those terms, like you
could almost like measure howmuch confidence you'll get after
doing something that takescourage. And the and the
beautiful thing about this is,even if you fail, you will still
get the confidence, like, maybeit's a little bit less, but you
(15:19):
still gain some confidence. Andit goes into like this
confidence bank, where you justkeep accumulating and
accumulating confidence. Soanytime you do something that
takes courage, you will get moreconfidence. And I think that's,
you know, I actually might havementioned this on the podcast
before, I don't remember. But soone of the coolest parts about
(15:39):
this is, when you practicingyour social skills, it takes a
lot of confidence to do, ittakes a lot of courage to do
that. Because you're alwaysputting yourself out there. So
every time you do it, you'regetting a little bit more and
more confidence, even even whenyou mess up something, just the
fact that you went for it,you're going to get more
(16:00):
confidence. So it's kind ofyou're going in this upward
spiral of you'll, you'll getmore confidence, you'll
actually, you know, performbetter, you'll do you'll get
better responses, and I'll giveyou even more courage to do
more, go out and talk to morepeople, you'll get more
confidence, you'll get morecourage, and you'll get in this
upward spiral. It's a it'spretty cool thing. And I
(16:22):
remember after he mentioned it,I can't I would, you know,
regularly push myself to dothings that take courage. Any
little thing that you can do toget more to that will take
courage will give youconfidence. And that will
translate into having a reallygood vibe, because having a good
(16:43):
vibe. It's just like, it's acombination of positive emotion
and confidence. That's gonna beit for this week. Next week or
next week we'll be talking aboutbullying and how to avoid it.
And also talk about having funand staying positive. So I hope
you guys have an awesome Sundayand I will talk to you guys next
(17:09):
week. Take care
Hey, welcome back.
Welcome back. Welcome back toanother episode of the social
skills podcast. I'm your host,Nathan Ament. This is episode
number nine. Looking over at thesummit, the podcast statistics
like we got people tuning infrom all over the world, which
(00:45):
is very cool. So quick shout outto Brampton, Ontario. Langley,
British Columbia, goose Creek,South Carolina, Washington,
Virginia, Auckland, Auckland.
I'm not even sure where that is.
Vienna, Vienna, Brisbane,Queensland, Blackheath, England,
(01:08):
that sounds likea cool place. Blackheath, San
Jose, California, I just stayeda couple nights out there this
week. And Minneapolis,Minnesota. Thank you guys for
tuning in. Appreciate it. Let'ssee here. Last week, we talked a
little bit about what is afriend, and also the social
(01:30):
circle. So quick note on what isa friend, we basically just kind
of defined it in its mostsimplest terms, it's someone
with whom you share with him. SoI keep having no trouble saying
this is someone with whom youregularly share positive
(01:51):
emotions with, I thought it wasjust a good idea to bring that
up. Because I think with socialmedia, like Facebook, and stuff
like that, where you have likemaybe 500, or 1000, friends or
on Facebook, I think thatdefinition of friend kind of got
watered down a little bit. So Ikind of just want to do a quick
(02:12):
definition of what a closefriend was. That way just when
you start talking to morepeople, and then you start
making more connections andmaybe start hanging out with
them, then you actually knowthat if you start hanging out
with someone pretty regularlyyou're having a really good time
with and they actually mightstart actually, that's probably
what a friend really is justsomeone with whom you actually
(02:34):
start hanging out with prettyregularly. Basically, someone
who just you really click with,and you'll know, you'll know, if
you click with them, like do youwant to hang out with them, and
they want to hang out with you,like the dynamic of the
relationship is pretty balanced.
It's not like you putting in allthe effort, if you're the one
that's always calling them, theynever call you ever. It's kind
(02:57):
of a bad dynamic. In my opinion,I usually just move on, meet
some other people and eventuallymeet someone else's pretty
close. Just the people that yourpersonality like really clicks
with. It just takes a while. Sobut you know, just talking to a
bunch of people in itself, to mewas enjoyable. So it's not like,
at first it's kind of difficult,but after a while, it's not like
(03:20):
it's work or anything. It's it'sactually it's it does end up
being kind of fun. But you dohave to. That's why I always say
just make sure you keep talkingto people. I've been putting
pushing conversations more andmore, even when you have a mask
on and stuff and you're justtalking to people at the store,
or out at work on the job sitesor whatever. I always just start
(03:41):
conversations with people and Idon't know, I think life would
be pretty boring. If you didn'ttalk to anyone. All day long.
All week long. It's uh, yeah,just keep trying it out. Keep
doing it. Keep practicingreading books on it and stuff
like that watching videos. We'regoing to just keep tackling it
(04:03):
at different angles, you'll getit eventually it'll start to
click. We also talked about asocial circle. We talked about.
I mean, we talked about like themyth of the social circle, like
the group, the friend group. I'mthinking maybe like, probably,
maybe there was friend groups inlike college and the dorms and
(04:23):
stuff because you lived rightnext to him. But as you get
older, you don't all live in thesame place. Everyone's social
circles unique to them prettymuch like everybody has a
different group of friends thanintertwine. Some people might
have like a lot of friends incommon, but there's no I have
never met anyone that has theexact same same friends as the
(04:46):
next person. It's prettyintertwined. So you could pretty
much just meet people and startto meet their friends and then
their friends of friends andstuff like that. Just don't
force it if you meet some ifyou're hanging out with a group
of people And as one thing I dois I try to talk to everyone in
the group, make sure you getaround everyone, introduce
(05:07):
yourself to everyone. Keep goingback and talking each person.
But sometimes you'll encounter aperson that's like, I don't
know, not just not too friendly,or they might just be too shy or
something like that. I'll givethem a couple chances. But
sometimes they just don't. Ireally don't push it. I don't, I
don't try to force a goodconversation on anyone. If
(05:28):
someone's just not interested intalking, I just don't talk to
him to talk to the next person.
Don't force it. Don't believethat there's a myth of a one
group of people that isimpenetrable, like everybody has
everyone that I've met anyway,as always, totally open to
having more friends. Okay, solet's talk about the topic of
this week apologizing. And itrealized when I first started
(05:52):
trying to socialize more thatone thing I was, you know, when
you start to have moreconversations with people,
you'll pretty quickly get boredof some of the mundane
topics that you might havestarted with, like, I don't
know, sometimes, even todayelse, I'll occasionally start
talking about the weather tosomeone. But I'll instantly
(06:16):
realize I'm like, Oh, crap, I'mtalking about the weather, I
need to get off this as soon aspossible. But basically, it will
start to push conversations moreand more and more to the edge of
you know, what is so sociallyacceptable, basically, like, if
you watch like some of the topcomedians, you'll see that
(06:38):
they're, some of the funniestcomedians are pushing the edge
of, I don't know, just socially,just, I don't know, they're just
basically pushing the topics tothe very, very edge to being
extremely offensive. But that'skind of like how it is. When
you, when you're just havingconversations with people, the
(06:58):
more the more you kind of pushit to the outer boundaries of
what's normal. You can easily goa little too far, or be rude or
be like, I don't know. Buteventually, you start having so
many conversations, eventually,eventually you're gonna stumble,
(07:18):
say something wrong or messedup. And you're gonna be like,
Oh, crap, I shouldn't have saidthat. This is not to be confused
with with people who areconstantly apologizing, because
there's definitely a there'sdefinitely a lot of people out
there that will apologize toomuch. Like they'll constantly
apologizing about stuff that'seither, like, very, very minor,
(07:42):
or just like, there's no reasonto apologize at all. I could
kind of use the analogy of like,let's say I ran over your dog.
Okay, that is definitelysomething that you want to
apologize for. That's a majorthing. But you know, if it's
like, just like, I don't know,some people that just apologize
over the like the stupidestminor thing, not that it's
(08:04):
stupid, but you know, it's onething, or you just think, think
to yourself, if you'reapologizing multiple times a
week, you're probablyapologizing too much like, I
mean, unless you're like a superasshole. But I don't know, just
make sure you're not apologizingtoo much. I usually don't
(08:25):
apologize unless it's somethingthat if it's something that's
kind of minor, I'll just belike, Oh, yeah, that's all my
bad. I didn't mean to do that.
Short and sweet. But if it'ssomething like, I don't know,
your offense, you said somethingoffensive, then yeah, you should
be apologizing to it to someonebecause I don't know. I think it
just better for you. It kind ofgets that moment off your
(08:46):
shoulders, you can move on, theycan move on or whatever. One
thing I noticed, though, is likeif I say something, if I did
something that was kind ofmessed up, and I recognize it
right away, you could apologizefor it right then. And maybe
that's the best thing to do. Butsometimes I'll be I'll just be
like, you know what, I couldtell they're pretty pissed off,
(09:07):
I'm gonna actually wait one ortwo days before I bring it up
again, and then apologize forthat, that seemed to actually go
over better. They're like morein a headspace to accept an
apology as opposed toapologizing, like five minutes
after it happened. It's almostlike you might have to even
apologize for it again. So I'lljust wait a couple days. And
this is just my opinion, I mightbe wrong about this. I might be
(09:27):
wrong about a lot of the stuff Italked about. But in my
experience, I'm just giving youthe best perspective I have from
my own personal experience. Sojust take it with a grain of
salt. I mean for something forone situation might be
completely wrong for differentsituation. Like there's
different levels, or thesethings happen at and something
might apply in one situation.
(09:51):
And in a similar situation. Youthink it'd be the same thing,
but you actually might need totweak it a little bit. It's kind
of confusing, but I hope youenjoy Get what I'm talking
about. There's this scene fromthe doubt a Ching. When the wind
blows, it blows. When it stops,it stops. And that's I apply
(10:13):
that to like, apologizing. Ijust keep it short and sweet. I
apologize, keep it at that don'tmake a lot of excuses. That can
really watered down your apologyif you start making all these
excuses of why you did it. Sodon't do that. Just keep it to
the point. Alright, let's talkabout vibe, having a positive
(10:33):
vibe. Now, we've talked aboutthis a couple times, I was
thinking about, it's just a realbig topic to me, because it
seems to be where you can reallymake the most impact in your
conversations is by bringing apositive vibe to the
conversation. I remember onetime I went to this club, it was
(10:56):
my friend. He was a promoter.
And he was doing like a Thursdaynight at this club downtown. And
so I went there.
And when I saw him, I was like,Hey, what's up? What's up, Jeff,
how you doing? And he's like,Oh, thank God, I was like, what
he's like the first person tocome and actually smile tonight.
He's like, I think everyone's ina bad mood or something. was
(11:17):
like, Oh, really. I was like,oh, man, that's cool. And I just
remember thinking I'm like, youknow, smiling actually does go a
long way. Sometimes. Having agood positive vibe, when you
just like, start talking tosomeone, it makes people feel
good. And that's a real powerfulthing, if you can make people
feel good. Think about like,when you come home, and your dog
(11:39):
is like happy to see you orsomething like that. Like, I
think that's some of my favoritepeople. The reason like why
they're my favorite people iswhenever I see them, they just
have a big smile on their face.
And they're, like, really happyto see me. And they're like, you
know, it's just like, it feelsgood. So if you can, if you can,
like, become the person thatactually does that to other
people, it's a really goodthing. I kind of just like, I
(12:02):
don't know, when I was thinkingabout, like, what is a positive
vibe, but kind of just picture,you know, you're just like, in a
good mood. When you're talkingto people, I always kind of have
like this smirk on my face.
Like, if I'm having a real goodtime, I kind of just think
everything kind of funny. Like,I remember, one time I was
hanging out my friend. And I wastalking, I was telling him, I
(12:24):
was telling him that I had seenthese guys at a bar. And they
had just randomly I was watchingthem and they just randomly gave
each other a high five. And itwas like super funny to me. And
I was telling him, I was like, Ithink high fives are like really
have this weird impact on peoplebecause like, you know, when
you're like a baby, and you'relike, like a new person comes up
(12:45):
and is like talking to you andlike is like, oh, what's your
name of Apollo? Alright, highfive. And you're like, you're
like shy, but when they put uptheir hands, you just give them
a high five. I think it's like,subconsciously been ingrained
into our, I don't know, it'sbeen put into the back of our
head that like whenever anybodyputs up their hand and says hi
five, you're just automaticallygoing to do it. Because I don't
(13:05):
know, something just tells youdon't leave them hanging. So
let's tell them my friend. I'mlike, I was telling my friend
about this. And he was crackingup. I'm like, look all like
watch on like your give me ahigh five. Like gives me a big
high five. And then we bothstart laughing. And then we both
just start laughing because werealize like, yeah, that's
exactly what it is. It's like,it's just stupid, and like
(13:26):
childish. But that's almost whyit's like funny and hilarious
still.
So I remember, I don't know, Iwould just be in a place and
like, tell someone to give me ahigh five. And they would do it.
And it's just always kind offunny. So that's just kind of
like, it's hard to describe whatlike a really good vibe is. But
doing something like that putsoff a little kind of like a good
(13:48):
vibe. So just have that kind ofmindset. The other thing about
having a good vibe is likeconfidence. And I might want to
talk about this more down theroad. But let me let me tell you
something about confidence thatI learned this guy, Dr. Paul,
dobransky, this guy keepmentioning, he talked about, you
(14:09):
can get confidence by doingthings that take courage. So
picture something small, like,I'm going to jump over this
fence. Like you're like, I thinkI could do it. It's high enough,
or it's low enough. So you runand do it. I mean, you could
totally wipe out and eat it. Butif you land it, or even if you
(14:33):
don't land it, just the factthat you tried it. You Alyssa
say you get like two points ofcourage. Now let's say you have
to give a toast at a wedding.
Now that it's like you know,you're gonna be in front of 100
people. It's gonna be a littlenerve wracking, maybe very, very
nerve wracking. So, let's sayyou go up there and you give
your speech. Something like thatmight give you 50 points of
(14:56):
confidence. So you kind of lookit in those terms, like you
could almost like measure howmuch confidence you'll get after
doing something that takescourage. And the and the
beautiful thing about this is,even if you fail, you will still
get the confidence, like, maybeit's a little bit less, but you
(15:19):
still gain some confidence. Andit goes into like this
confidence bank, where you justkeep accumulating and
accumulating confidence. Soanytime you do something that
takes courage, you will get moreconfidence. And I think that's,
you know, I actually might havementioned this on the podcast
before, I don't remember. But soone of the coolest parts about
(15:39):
this is, when you practicingyour social skills, it takes a
lot of confidence to do, ittakes a lot of courage to do
that. Because you're alwaysputting yourself out there. So
every time you do it, you'regetting a little bit more and
more confidence, even even whenyou mess up something, just the
fact that you went for it,you're going to get more
(16:00):
confidence. So it's kind ofyou're going in this upward
spiral of you'll, you'll getmore confidence, you'll
actually, you know, performbetter, you'll do you'll get
better responses, and I'll giveyou even more courage to do
more, go out and talk to morepeople, you'll get more
confidence, you'll get morecourage, and you'll get in this
upward spiral. It's a it'spretty cool thing. And I
(16:22):
remember after he mentioned it,I can't I would, you know,
regularly push myself to dothings that take courage. Any
little thing that you can do toget more to that will take
courage will give youconfidence. And that will
translate into having a reallygood vibe, because having a good
(16:43):
vibe. It's just like, it's acombination of positive emotion
and confidence. That's gonna beit for this week. Next week or
next week we'll be talking aboutbullying and how to avoid it.
And also talk about having funand staying positive. So I hope
you guys have an awesome Sundayand I will talk to you guys next
(17:09):
week. Take care
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