March 25, 2025 • 24 mins
Have you ever hung on to something you know is not good for you?
A habit, a belief, maybe even a relationship or a job that you know sucks, but you can't seem to let it go?
The thing you say, ‘if only’ this were different, my life would be great, then you don’t change it?
~ If only my husband were kinder, stronger, shorter, taller, etc.
~ If only my job paid me more money
~If only I could lose 20 pounds
The truth is that you stay stuck because it’s comfortable. It’s what you know. Complaining is easier than changing, than the unknown. It’s the devil you know.
Often the only path to real change is tragedy. Something horrible happens that makes us change, that wakes us up. The pain becomes bad enough that we HAVE to do something different.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
Pain and suffering is only one path. There is at least one another - you can wake up through joy and inspiration.
That’s what Stephanie and Maren dive into this week.
Stephanie shares the classic Baal Shem Tov story of the Scrawny Cow which leads right into a great discussion of creating true and lasting change in our lives - WITHOUT the drama and trauma.
We tend to ask, why do I have to change? Why can't THEY change? After today’s podcast you’ll be running towards the privilege of changing and all the gifts it brings your way.
- 00:31 What’s in Your Way?
- 04:11 Story of the Scrawny Cow
- 09:15 It Doesn’t Have to Be Traumatic
- 14:15 The Up-Graded Version of You
- 19:06 Healing Your Scrawny Cow
- 22:37 Be a Part of theMovement
Please share your insights and questions in one of our Soulful Leaders groups:
Get all the latest episodes, news and updates directly to your inbox. Subscribe here. TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.com
Watch the podcasts on our YouTube Channel: @Soulful Leaders
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Stephanie Allen (00:04):
In a world where we have everything and
it's still not enough, we'reoften left wondering, is this
really it?
Maren Oslac (00:10):
Deep inside you know there's more to life.
You're ready to leave behind theold push your way through and
claim the deeper, moremeaningful life that's calling
you.
Stephanie Allen (00:19):
That's what we invite you to explore with us.
We're your hosts, StephanieAllen and Maren Oslac, and this
is The Soulful Leader Podcast.
Yay. Hi. Welcome to The SoulfulLeader Podcast. This is
Stephanie, and I'm here withMaren, and I'm going to start
with a little question. Have youever hung on to something that
(00:44):
you know is not good for you? Ahabit, a belief, maybe even a
relationship or a job that yougo... this sucks, but I can't
seem to let it go.
Maren Oslac (00:57):
Yeah, I know I have.
Stephanie Allen (01:01):
Yeah me too. It might even be physical weight,
like, when you think of weightloss, you know, I always say,
you don't want to lose weight.
You want to, like, not lose it,because you're going to start
looking for it again. So youwant to lighten up. But I find
myself too, I'll hang on toweight because it gives me
permission to feel protected, orfeel safe, or like... it's
really interesting. And why I'msaying that is that, you know,
(01:24):
we tend to look at the physical,the outer world for its answer,
Maren Oslac (01:30):
Like, IF only...
Stephanie Allen (01:31):
If only my husband was, like, kinder, and
if only my job paid me moremoney, and if only I could lose,
like, 20 pounds. And If only, ifonly, if only, right? Well, what
if that was your scrawny cow?
And it wasn't about the outer,it's about the inner. And when I
say scrawny cow, I'm gonna tellyou a little story.
Maren Oslac (01:51):
I know you're gonna need to explain to them what you
mean by, what if that's yourscrawny cow.
Stephanie Allen (01:56):
Scrawny cow, because we all have one. Yes...
Maren Oslac (02:02):
I was gonna say, for me, it's always, it's
usually an idea that I haveabout a belief that I've carried
from my past that is sofundamental to the way that I
live, I don't even... it's likethe air that I'm in, the air
that I breathe, or like a fishwho, you know, it's just the
water that the fish lives in,and it's like, that's why it's
(02:24):
an assumption that I make aboutlife, of like, well, yeah, I...
whatever. You know, for me,oftentimes it's, it is around
money or a job, or how, how,what my own self worth or value?
Like, I'm only worth thisamount, and I think, oh, if I
could only make X amount more,well, I will never be able to do
(02:45):
that until I let go of thebelief that I'm only worth this
amount.
Stephanie Allen (02:50):
Exactly. So it's like, if I want to have
health, and I don't just meanphysical health, but mental
health, emotional health,whatever kind of health. Say I
want to be in really greatshape, I'm going to have to have
some behavioral changes. I can'tjust, like, close my eyes and
visualize it. That does help. Itdoes help, but I have to make an
(03:10):
internal change. Often, wethink, well, Stephanie, go to
the gym, workout, you know, eatdifferently. And those things
all help. But I also have tomake an internal change,
meaning...
Maren Oslac (03:22):
...like, at a belief level.
Stephanie Allen (03:23):
Yes, like, I have to believe I can do it. I
have to believe that there's areason why that motivationally
like that I'm safe and that,that in losing or lightening up,
you know, I'm going to have moreenergy. I have to let go of the
belief that I'm too old orunlovable, like there's so many.
(03:44):
I say it's like a weed. When youpull a weed in the garden and it
has, you know, if you ever takena weed out, and you think it's
just a little one, and you keeppulling it, and it's like going
and going and going, and it hasall these different side roots
to it. And you're like, ohmother, this freaking weed is
like going forever. Well, that'swhat goes on with our internal
too. There's a lot of thingsthat need to be swept out. So I
(04:07):
call those the scrawny cows.
Maren Oslac (04:09):
Tell us why.
Stephanie Allen (04:11):
So there's a story, such a story, of the Baal
Shem Tov, who was a Jewishrabbi. And one day the Baal
ShemTov was withhis students,and they were passing through a
small village, and they knockedon the door of a farmer and his
wife, and the farmer and thewife had just barely enough,
(04:32):
like they had a good life. Theywere happy. It's good life. They
had everything they needed, notover in abundance and not too
little, just right kind of,like,
Maren Oslac (04:42):
just enough,
Stephanie Allen (04:43):
just enough.
Maren Oslac (04:46):
And I can, I can relate to that, like I get, I
know, that feeling of like, oh,I have just enough. I'm good.
Stephanie Allen (04:53):
Yeah, just enough love, just enough time,
just enough energy, just enoughhealth, just enough freedom.
Like, just enough.Whatever itis. So the Baal Shem Tov knocks
on the door, and the farmeranswers the door, and he knows
right away who the Baal Shem Tovis. It would like the Dalai Lama
showing up at your door,knocking the door and saying,
hey, do you mind if I come inand have something to eat? I
(05:13):
mean, that's what it would belike. So the Baal Shem Tov
knocks on the door, the farmeropens the door, he's like, holy,
holy, holy cow... there's theBaal Shev. The Baal Shem Tov
said, look myself and mystudents, we've been
travelingfor a while. We'rehungry. Would you be so kind to
make us a meal so thatwe can,you know, be satisfied, like,
(05:34):
have something to eat? And ofcourse, the farmer says,
absolutely, absolutely noproblem. Goes back to his wife
and says, Oh my gosh, the BaalShem Tov is here. We don't have
anything to give him. What arewe going to give him? And
without even thinking thoroughlythrough anything, they decide to
sell their scrawny cow. That'sall they have, is a scrawny cow.
(05:57):
So he takes it quickly tomarket, sells the cow, comes
back with a whole bunch ofvegetables and things to cook,
and his wife makes the mostamazing meal from all the food.
And the Baal Shem Tov sits downand he eats and he eats and he
eats and he eats. And like, notjust one plateful, but two
(06:17):
platefuls, like, he just keepseating until there's not a
morsel left. Essentially, heeats them out of house and home.
I thinkthat's where that sayingcomes from. He ate them out of
house and home, and as soon asthe last little piece was was
done, he looked to his studentsand he said, Okay, we are done
here. Thank you so much for yourhospitality. You've been so kind
and so generous. We'll be on ourway. Baal Shem Tov leaves and
(06:41):
the farmer literally breaksdown. He's like, we have
nothing. We basically sold ourvery food. We sold the scrawny
cow. We have nothing. I don'teven know what we're gonna do.
We're destitute. And so he goesoutside into into his back
woods, behind his house, and hegets on his hands and knees, and
(07:02):
he starts to pray. His heart isbroken. He is in surrender mode.
He is vulnerable. And he's justsaying to God, like, please,
what do I do? I need guidance.
He starts to pray for all thethings that he never, has ever
asked for. And he starts topray, not only for himself, but
he starts to pray for his wife,for all the things that she
(07:23):
never asked for, and how hewished he could have have given
it to her. And as his heart isbreaking, he hears over on the
side a little rustle in thetrees, and he looks up and
there's a man staggering in thewoods, and he's clutching, he's
clutching his his heart so tosay he's staggering. And the
farmer goes over to him, and hesays, Oh my gosh, you're sick.
(07:44):
You're ill. Please come back.
We'll, we'll look after you. Allyou need is like, you know, a
nice place to lie down and rest,and we'll care for your needs.
And the man says, no, no, no,I've come out here to die. You
know, I've made a lot of moneyin my life, and my family really
doesn't care about me. Mychildren just are waiting for me
(08:07):
to die so they can have mymoney. They're ungrateful.
They're horrible. He said, so Itricked them, and I buried it,
and I have the map here in mypocket. And he said, but you
have been so kind, so generous,I want to give this to you. And
as he reaches in his pocket, hegivesthe farmer the map, then he
dies in the farmer's arms. Sosome time passes, and the Baal
(08:31):
Shem Tov is coming through thesmall village again, and as he
and his students are walking onthe roadside, the stately
carriage goes by and the farmerand their wife are waving away
at the Baal Shem Tov saying...
Hi, how are you? They're sohappy. And the students say to
the Baal Shem Tov ...isn't thatthe farmer and his wife that we
ate out of a house and home? Andthe Baal Shem Tov says yes, for
(08:56):
God's sake, I had to eat themout of house and home so they
would let go of that scrawnycow, because Spirit wanted to
give them so much more. Godwanted to give them so much more
than what they were able to sayyes to. So he
Maren Oslac (09:14):
They had just enough.
Stephanie Allen (09:15):
Yeah, just enough. But I had to break his
heart so that he would go outand pray from the depth of his
soul for what he truly, trulywas wanting and longing for. And
I think that's the real, truemessage is, like so often we
have to wait until somethinghorrible happens that wakes us
up, of pain and suffering,right, instead of that joy and
(09:38):
inspiration of like, what is it?
And it's not about that you'renot enough unless you keep going
and doing and reaching that highlevel achiever. It's not that.
It's more of like asking adifferent question, of like,
what does the universe want forme?
Maren Oslac (09:58):
So it's interesting when you say that. Because for
myself, I have, I have more thanenough. I have, like, an
abundance in my life, and yet Istill identify with the that
that farmer and his scrawny cow,because there is this... it
feels like I'm only ever justenough. It's just enough. I need
(10:22):
to do more. I have to have more.
I have to like, there's thismore more, more thing that
happens. And I think that whenyou were saying, like, we can
shift that paradigm from a placeof drama and trauma, of
something happens and everythinggoes away. You know, you hear
about the people who lost theirjob and lost their husband and
(10:43):
lost their you know, whatever,their spouse, their kid, like
something horrific happens, andthat does, it like, puts us into
a complete surrender, like, Ican't do this alone, wow. Or we
can take the lessons of thesethings like this, like the story
of the Baal Shem Tov where thatis a story, so that I can step
(11:04):
out of my own way and recognizethat there is so much more for
me and it comes from a differentperspective. If I keep the same
perspective I have my scrawnycow, I've just just enough, and
I'm very happy, and that's alltrue. And there's this other
(11:25):
perspective that's like, there'sso much more waiting for me,
yes, calling me, and I can stepinto it from a place of joy and
inspiration,
Stephanie Allen (11:38):
And what the essence of that story is, is
that - what opens your heart?
What? Because it's, it'slearning how to open your heart
bigger, because that's actuallywhat is meant to be evolving, is
our heart space, our capacity toboth give and receive, is
actually meant. So if we'rebasing it just on the capacity
(12:01):
of giving, it's like, I'm notgiving enough, I'm not doing
enough, but maybe you're notopening your heart enough to
also receive enough. And so wecan kind of get caught in that,
that struggle of lack andscarcity, instead of like, in
that can be our ego, of like,identifying that I've got to do
(12:21):
more. I'm not doing enough, or,oh, I need more. I can't... I
don't have enough support in mylife. But really, that story is
about what opens your heart,because it's actually all right
here, right now. Brene Brownoften speaks of the art of
vulnerability. It's like we'vebeen told that being vulnerable
(12:45):
is weak and it takesextraordinary amount of courage
to be vulnerable, trustingyourself, trusting the unknown,
trusting the person you'retalking to, it takes so much
strength, so it's, it's amisnomer to say that it's a
weakness. Hell no, it's astrength, and it's the same as
surrender. We say, oh, well,surrender must mean you're
(13:06):
giving up. You know, hesurrendered. The farmer
surrendered to the unknown, andwent out and got on his hands
and knees and asked, I needhelp. I'm willing. And help
showed up in the staggering manthat was buried in his fortune.
It was right there all along,but he wouldn't have heard it if
(13:28):
his heart was not open. If hisheart was closed, he wouldn't
have been in the backwoods inthe first place. But even if he
was in the backwoods and hisheart was closed, he wouldn't
have heard the call to help thatit was right there.
Maren Oslac (13:44):
I think this is so often why, why we hear about,
you know, like people who aresuper successful and yet feel
completely empty and they likewake up one day and they're
like, in a prison of their ownmaking, right?
Stephanie Allen (14:00):
Like I've decorated a beautiful prison...
Maren Oslac (14:03):
But it's like... I created the success...
Stephanie Allen (14:06):
...Like Al Capone in Alcatraz. You know,
he did a lot of work in hisprison, he still had, he still
had a lot of perks. It's likeall of us can have a prison of
our mind, a prison of our heartthat stops us from really going
for a dream. And not that it'smeant to have more money or have
more time or anything, but it'swhat you're being called to
(14:27):
become.
Maren Oslac (14:28):
Yeah, and that call, it's so interesting,
because when I work with some ofmy clients, it's like they want
to try and figure itout fromtheir head. And that call comes
from beyond our thinking brain.
So one of the things thatscience is finding is... has
found... is that the neuronsthat make up our brain, we have
(14:51):
some of those very same neuronsin our heart. So we have a
second brain in our heart thatcommunicates to our brain. And
one of the interesting things Ialways found this interesting...
the ancient cultures thatembalmed people that, like made
mummies. The only part of thebody that they threw away was
(15:14):
the brain, because they believedthat they were coming back and
that they needed everythingexcept for the brain, because
they were going to get theup-leveled version.
Stephanie Allen (15:27):
Yeah our brain is essentially is our computer.
Like, why would you be, like,walking around with an old
computer from the 1950s when youupgraded faster? It's like
internet the same sort of thing.
Is like, we're always gettingfaster and faster and now this
whole pull towards AI, which isneither right or wrong or good
or bad, but it's like, where isour place as a human being on
(15:47):
this planet? And that is thedifference between AI and a
human being is the heart andsoul.
Maren Oslac (15:56):
Yeah. And so, yeah,
Stephanie Allen (15:58):
we're here for a reason.
Maren Oslac (15:59):
We tend to defer to, we've idealized, and we've
deferred to this like higherform of thought. We think of
what our brain does is a higherform of thought, and really in
what they're finding and this iswhat the mystics have told us
for years, and science is nowproving that the higher form of
(16:19):
thought actually comes from ourheart and that longing that I
was talking about that wherelike people get to that, the
that very high level of success,and then they feel empty. It's
because they've been only usingtheir brain up here, instead of
dropping 12 inches into theirhearts and connecting into their
(16:40):
hearts. So when I hear thatstory about the Baal Shem Tov,
and like he had to take away thethe scrawny cow, so that the
farmer could drop into his realknowing, which was in his heart.
And that's so critical for us.
And like you said, that longingthat we have, the thing that's
calling us, of where, what am Ihere to do, that comes from our
(17:01):
heart, and it's not going tocome through our CPU, right? The
computer brain, right? It's thesoftware behind it. It's not the
hardware. So, yeah, I absolutelylove that story, and I've heard
it a couple times this week, andI'm so glad that you shared it
with us.
Stephanie Allen (17:22):
Yeah, I just I've been so contemplating that
myself, because we get used to,we get conditioned to,
Maren Oslac (17:31):
...habituated...
Stephanie Allen (17:31):
We get programmed. We program ourselves
that this is the only way it'sgoing to be, and we might have a
dream or a longing or a desire,and it's, it's what stands
between that dream, longing anddesire, and where you are now is
the scrawny cows. There'sprobably a few of them. You know
(17:53):
cows, and you know my, mysuggestion would be, is like,
even if you were open to lookingat one of the scrawny cows, I am
pretty sure it'll be attached tomany, which means you can just
look at one scrawny cow, and asyou start to work with that
scrawny cow to be able to let itgo, you're going to actually
have to become a differentperson in order to let that go.
(18:14):
That's what happens. And I thinkthat can be scary sometimes,
because we're like... well, whydo I have to change? WHY do I
have to change? Why can't THEYchange?
Maren Oslac (18:26):
The ironic thing, I love it when you say that,
because the ironic thing is,when I change, they do change.
Stephanie Allen (18:32):
Right? How often have we lived like you
meet somebody and you're like,wow, I don't even live in the
same reality as you do, whereare you coming from? What are
you listening to? What are youpaying attention to, you know,
and if we get into that kind ofmishmash, and that's what it is,
(18:53):
it's exhausting. First islooking at, well, what kind of
world or what kind of life do Iwant to live into? And that's
going to require me to change. Ineed to take responsibility.
Maren Oslac (19:06):
So I think this is so key, because we both
Stephanie Allen (19:06):
And I think, you know, in order to even know
that you have a scrawny cow,it's helpful to then look at
what is beautiful to me. What isthat, that I want to live into
my life? Because if you haven'tgot something that is outside of
mentioned earlier that it's likesomebody can come along and rip
your comfort zone right now,because that's, you know, like
(19:30):
somebody will come to me andsay, you know, I got the
diagnosis of cancer and, andI'll say what is your dream?
What is your hope? What is yourwish? It's like, well, I just
don't want to have canceranymore. Like, they are still
focusing, which to me, cancer isa scrawny cow, by the way. You
that scrawny cow away from us,and it will be dramatic and
(19:54):
know, I don't, I just don't wantto have 'that'. And I said,
well, if the cancer was gone,who would you be? Well I'd be
the same person. No, youwouldn't. I can guarantee you,
you wouldn't be the same person.
And it's like you'll be somebodytraumatic, and could potentially
lead to a lot of really greatwho doesn't have cancer. That's
a different person. So why I'msaying cancer is a scrawny cow?
(20:19):
It could be anything. It couldbe the heartbreak of losing a
loved one. It could be...orlosing a job, or losing money,
or losing your health in someother way. You know, a function
of a body part. You know you'rethings, like it did for the
farmer. The other option is fornot as young as you used to be,
(20:39):
and it's like, well, what areyou believing? What is it that
you really want? What wouldhealth, and I don't just mean
physical health, look like orfeellike or be like? It's going
to require a mental health. It'sgoing to require an emotional
(20:59):
health and a spiritual health,us to be proactive and look at
it from a higher place. Andbecause otherwise, if you just
do the surface aspect of thephysical health, it doesn't have
any roots, it doesn't have anylongevity. This is why things
come back. It's like if you gointo deeper into the unknown,
(21:19):
into that internal world ofyourself, and you start looking
at the mental health and thethat's really how, if you want
to wake up through joy andemotional health and the
spiritual health. Now you'redrawing roots down there so that
when the hurricanes come or thestorms of your life come, it's
not going to knock you over orbreak you in half. You've got
(21:44):
roots. And by the way, thoseroots, this is true in nature.
Root system actually wind intoinspiration, instead of having
somebody else come along and ripother root systems. There's a
whole community in a networkunder the ground that we don't
even see. And so that's whatwe're as Soulful Leaders,
looking at doing is goingbeneath the ground, beneath the
(22:07):
surface, creating those rootsystems and connecting in with
other roots as well, otherthe scrawny cow away, that's the
path. So looking inside andtrees, other humans, and it's
like coming together, becausethat way we stand strong. And
when I let go of my scrawny cow,I give permission for you,
Maren, to let go of your scrawnycow. It empowers us. It's like,
(22:32):
wow, she can do it. So can I.
Maren Oslac (22:37):
It does. And that's one of the reasons that we even
have the Soulful Leader movementand the podcast and the project
saying, what are my scrawnycows? You know, like, I would
and all the things that we'redoing, is because community is
so important, like that, and thepeople that you surround
yourself with, they can upliftyou, or they can bring you down.
(22:57):
And so if you don't have acommunity that is uplifting you
come join us, you know, andbring great people along with
love to just become aware of oneof them in a kind and loving
you, and struggling people alongwith you, right? Because...
We are. We're aboutwhat is that highest uplift that
we can all step into to empowereach other, especially today! Oh
(23:18):
my gosh, we really need that sosee, yeah, we would love to hear
from you about your scrawny cow.
And you can find us online onthe at The Soulful Leader on
both Facebook and LinkedIn, andway, so that I can start to work
with that.
Stephanie Allen (23:30):
Let's create a movement!
you can also email us anytimevisit - we've got two websites,
TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.comwhere you can listen to all the
podcasts and The Soulful LeaderProject at www.tslp.life where
you can join our our movement,and bring your own momentum and
join our movement.
Do you wanthelp finding your scrawny cow?
(23:52):
Because sometimes that's hardtoo. We have lots of wonderful
things coming up, so join inwith us so that we can let you
know what's coming up to reallyhelp you and really serve.
Maren Oslac (24:01):
And we never spam you. So join our email list.
You'll get a cool free download,and then you'll get to hear from
us once in a while. Excellent.
Thank you so much, and we willsee you all in a couple weeks on
The Soulful Leader Podcast.
Stephanie Allen (24:23):
And that wraps up another episode of The
Soulful Leader Podcast with yourhosts, Stephanie Allen and Maren
Oslac.
Maren Oslac (24:31):
Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive
deeper, head over to ourwebsite, at
TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.com
Stephanie Allen (24:40):
Until next time.
In a world where we have everything and
it's still not enough, we'reoften left wondering, is this
really it?
Maren Oslac (00:10):
Deep inside you know there's more to life.
You're ready to leave behind theold push your way through and
claim the deeper, moremeaningful life that's calling
you.
Stephanie Allen (00:19):
That's what we invite you to explore with us.
We're your hosts, StephanieAllen and Maren Oslac, and this
is The Soulful Leader Podcast.
Yay. Hi. Welcome to The SoulfulLeader Podcast. This is
Stephanie, and I'm here withMaren, and I'm going to start
with a little question. Have youever hung on to something that
(00:44):
you know is not good for you? Ahabit, a belief, maybe even a
relationship or a job that yougo... this sucks, but I can't
seem to let it go.
Maren Oslac (00:57):
Yeah, I know I have.
Stephanie Allen (01:01):
Yeah me too. It might even be physical weight,
like, when you think of weightloss, you know, I always say,
you don't want to lose weight.
You want to, like, not lose it,because you're going to start
looking for it again. So youwant to lighten up. But I find
myself too, I'll hang on toweight because it gives me
permission to feel protected, orfeel safe, or like... it's
really interesting. And why I'msaying that is that, you know,
(01:24):
we tend to look at the physical,the outer world for its answer,
Maren Oslac (01:30):
Like, IF only...
Stephanie Allen (01:31):
If only my husband was, like, kinder, and
if only my job paid me moremoney, and if only I could lose,
like, 20 pounds. And If only, ifonly, if only, right? Well, what
if that was your scrawny cow?
And it wasn't about the outer,it's about the inner. And when I
say scrawny cow, I'm gonna tellyou a little story.
Maren Oslac (01:51):
I know you're gonna need to explain to them what you
mean by, what if that's yourscrawny cow.
Stephanie Allen (01:56):
Scrawny cow, because we all have one. Yes...
Maren Oslac (02:02):
I was gonna say, for me, it's always, it's
usually an idea that I haveabout a belief that I've carried
from my past that is sofundamental to the way that I
live, I don't even... it's likethe air that I'm in, the air
that I breathe, or like a fishwho, you know, it's just the
water that the fish lives in,and it's like, that's why it's
(02:24):
an assumption that I make aboutlife, of like, well, yeah, I...
whatever. You know, for me,oftentimes it's, it is around
money or a job, or how, how,what my own self worth or value?
Like, I'm only worth thisamount, and I think, oh, if I
could only make X amount more,well, I will never be able to do
(02:45):
that until I let go of thebelief that I'm only worth this
amount.
Stephanie Allen (02:50):
Exactly. So it's like, if I want to have
health, and I don't just meanphysical health, but mental
health, emotional health,whatever kind of health. Say I
want to be in really greatshape, I'm going to have to have
some behavioral changes. I can'tjust, like, close my eyes and
visualize it. That does help. Itdoes help, but I have to make an
(03:10):
internal change. Often, wethink, well, Stephanie, go to
the gym, workout, you know, eatdifferently. And those things
all help. But I also have tomake an internal change,
meaning...
Maren Oslac (03:22):
...like, at a belief level.
Stephanie Allen (03:23):
Yes, like, I have to believe I can do it. I
have to believe that there's areason why that motivationally
like that I'm safe and that,that in losing or lightening up,
you know, I'm going to have moreenergy. I have to let go of the
belief that I'm too old orunlovable, like there's so many.
(03:44):
I say it's like a weed. When youpull a weed in the garden and it
has, you know, if you ever takena weed out, and you think it's
just a little one, and you keeppulling it, and it's like going
and going and going, and it hasall these different side roots
to it. And you're like, ohmother, this freaking weed is
like going forever. Well, that'swhat goes on with our internal
too. There's a lot of thingsthat need to be swept out. So I
(04:07):
call those the scrawny cows.
Maren Oslac (04:09):
Tell us why.
Stephanie Allen (04:11):
So there's a story, such a story, of the Baal
Shem Tov, who was a Jewishrabbi. And one day the Baal
ShemTov was withhis students,and they were passing through a
small village, and they knockedon the door of a farmer and his
wife, and the farmer and thewife had just barely enough,
(04:32):
like they had a good life. Theywere happy. It's good life. They
had everything they needed, notover in abundance and not too
little, just right kind of,like,
Maren Oslac (04:42):
just enough,
Stephanie Allen (04:43):
just enough.
Maren Oslac (04:46):
And I can, I can relate to that, like I get, I
know, that feeling of like, oh,I have just enough. I'm good.
Stephanie Allen (04:53):
Yeah, just enough love, just enough time,
just enough energy, just enoughhealth, just enough freedom.
Like, just enough.Whatever itis. So the Baal Shem Tov knocks
on the door, and the farmeranswers the door, and he knows
right away who the Baal Shem Tovis. It would like the Dalai Lama
showing up at your door,knocking the door and saying,
hey, do you mind if I come inand have something to eat? I
(05:13):
mean, that's what it would belike. So the Baal Shem Tov
knocks on the door, the farmeropens the door, he's like, holy,
holy, holy cow... there's theBaal Shev. The Baal Shem Tov
said, look myself and mystudents, we've been
travelingfor a while. We'rehungry. Would you be so kind to
make us a meal so thatwe can,you know, be satisfied, like,
(05:34):
have something to eat? And ofcourse, the farmer says,
absolutely, absolutely noproblem. Goes back to his wife
and says, Oh my gosh, the BaalShem Tov is here. We don't have
anything to give him. What arewe going to give him? And
without even thinking thoroughlythrough anything, they decide to
sell their scrawny cow. That'sall they have, is a scrawny cow.
(05:57):
So he takes it quickly tomarket, sells the cow, comes
back with a whole bunch ofvegetables and things to cook,
and his wife makes the mostamazing meal from all the food.
And the Baal Shem Tov sits downand he eats and he eats and he
eats and he eats. And like, notjust one plateful, but two
(06:17):
platefuls, like, he just keepseating until there's not a
morsel left. Essentially, heeats them out of house and home.
I thinkthat's where that sayingcomes from. He ate them out of
house and home, and as soon asthe last little piece was was
done, he looked to his studentsand he said, Okay, we are done
here. Thank you so much for yourhospitality. You've been so kind
and so generous. We'll be on ourway. Baal Shem Tov leaves and
(06:41):
the farmer literally breaksdown. He's like, we have
nothing. We basically sold ourvery food. We sold the scrawny
cow. We have nothing. I don'teven know what we're gonna do.
We're destitute. And so he goesoutside into into his back
woods, behind his house, and hegets on his hands and knees, and
(07:02):
he starts to pray. His heart isbroken. He is in surrender mode.
He is vulnerable. And he's justsaying to God, like, please,
what do I do? I need guidance.
He starts to pray for all thethings that he never, has ever
asked for. And he starts topray, not only for himself, but
he starts to pray for his wife,for all the things that she
(07:23):
never asked for, and how hewished he could have have given
it to her. And as his heart isbreaking, he hears over on the
side a little rustle in thetrees, and he looks up and
there's a man staggering in thewoods, and he's clutching, he's
clutching his his heart so tosay he's staggering. And the
farmer goes over to him, and hesays, Oh my gosh, you're sick.
(07:44):
You're ill. Please come back.
We'll, we'll look after you. Allyou need is like, you know, a
nice place to lie down and rest,and we'll care for your needs.
And the man says, no, no, no,I've come out here to die. You
know, I've made a lot of moneyin my life, and my family really
doesn't care about me. Mychildren just are waiting for me
(08:07):
to die so they can have mymoney. They're ungrateful.
They're horrible. He said, so Itricked them, and I buried it,
and I have the map here in mypocket. And he said, but you
have been so kind, so generous,I want to give this to you. And
as he reaches in his pocket, hegivesthe farmer the map, then he
dies in the farmer's arms. Sosome time passes, and the Baal
(08:31):
Shem Tov is coming through thesmall village again, and as he
and his students are walking onthe roadside, the stately
carriage goes by and the farmerand their wife are waving away
at the Baal Shem Tov saying...
Hi, how are you? They're sohappy. And the students say to
the Baal Shem Tov ...isn't thatthe farmer and his wife that we
ate out of a house and home? Andthe Baal Shem Tov says yes, for
(08:56):
God's sake, I had to eat themout of house and home so they
would let go of that scrawnycow, because Spirit wanted to
give them so much more. Godwanted to give them so much more
than what they were able to sayyes to. So he
Maren Oslac (09:14):
They had just enough.
Stephanie Allen (09:15):
Yeah, just enough. But I had to break his
heart so that he would go outand pray from the depth of his
soul for what he truly, trulywas wanting and longing for. And
I think that's the real, truemessage is, like so often we
have to wait until somethinghorrible happens that wakes us
up, of pain and suffering,right, instead of that joy and
(09:38):
inspiration of like, what is it?
And it's not about that you'renot enough unless you keep going
and doing and reaching that highlevel achiever. It's not that.
It's more of like asking adifferent question, of like,
what does the universe want forme?
Maren Oslac (09:58):
So it's interesting when you say that. Because for
myself, I have, I have more thanenough. I have, like, an
abundance in my life, and yet Istill identify with the that
that farmer and his scrawny cow,because there is this... it
feels like I'm only ever justenough. It's just enough. I need
(10:22):
to do more. I have to have more.
I have to like, there's thismore more, more thing that
happens. And I think that whenyou were saying, like, we can
shift that paradigm from a placeof drama and trauma, of
something happens and everythinggoes away. You know, you hear
about the people who lost theirjob and lost their husband and
(10:43):
lost their you know, whatever,their spouse, their kid, like
something horrific happens, andthat does, it like, puts us into
a complete surrender, like, Ican't do this alone, wow. Or we
can take the lessons of thesethings like this, like the story
of the Baal Shem Tov where thatis a story, so that I can step
(11:04):
out of my own way and recognizethat there is so much more for
me and it comes from a differentperspective. If I keep the same
perspective I have my scrawnycow, I've just just enough, and
I'm very happy, and that's alltrue. And there's this other
(11:25):
perspective that's like, there'sso much more waiting for me,
yes, calling me, and I can stepinto it from a place of joy and
inspiration,
Stephanie Allen (11:38):
And what the essence of that story is, is
that - what opens your heart?
What? Because it's, it'slearning how to open your heart
bigger, because that's actuallywhat is meant to be evolving, is
our heart space, our capacity toboth give and receive, is
actually meant. So if we'rebasing it just on the capacity
(12:01):
of giving, it's like, I'm notgiving enough, I'm not doing
enough, but maybe you're notopening your heart enough to
also receive enough. And so wecan kind of get caught in that,
that struggle of lack andscarcity, instead of like, in
that can be our ego, of like,identifying that I've got to do
(12:21):
more. I'm not doing enough, or,oh, I need more. I can't... I
don't have enough support in mylife. But really, that story is
about what opens your heart,because it's actually all right
here, right now. Brene Brownoften speaks of the art of
vulnerability. It's like we'vebeen told that being vulnerable
(12:45):
is weak and it takesextraordinary amount of courage
to be vulnerable, trustingyourself, trusting the unknown,
trusting the person you'retalking to, it takes so much
strength, so it's, it's amisnomer to say that it's a
weakness. Hell no, it's astrength, and it's the same as
surrender. We say, oh, well,surrender must mean you're
(13:06):
giving up. You know, hesurrendered. The farmer
surrendered to the unknown, andwent out and got on his hands
and knees and asked, I needhelp. I'm willing. And help
showed up in the staggering manthat was buried in his fortune.
It was right there all along,but he wouldn't have heard it if
(13:28):
his heart was not open. If hisheart was closed, he wouldn't
have been in the backwoods inthe first place. But even if he
was in the backwoods and hisheart was closed, he wouldn't
have heard the call to help thatit was right there.
Maren Oslac (13:44):
I think this is so often why, why we hear about,
you know, like people who aresuper successful and yet feel
completely empty and they likewake up one day and they're
like, in a prison of their ownmaking, right?
Stephanie Allen (14:00):
Like I've decorated a beautiful prison...
Maren Oslac (14:03):
But it's like... I created the success...
Stephanie Allen (14:06):
...Like Al Capone in Alcatraz. You know,
he did a lot of work in hisprison, he still had, he still
had a lot of perks. It's likeall of us can have a prison of
our mind, a prison of our heartthat stops us from really going
for a dream. And not that it'smeant to have more money or have
more time or anything, but it'swhat you're being called to
(14:27):
become.
Maren Oslac (14:28):
Yeah, and that call, it's so interesting,
because when I work with some ofmy clients, it's like they want
to try and figure itout fromtheir head. And that call comes
from beyond our thinking brain.
So one of the things thatscience is finding is... has
found... is that the neuronsthat make up our brain, we have
(14:51):
some of those very same neuronsin our heart. So we have a
second brain in our heart thatcommunicates to our brain. And
one of the interesting things Ialways found this interesting...
the ancient cultures thatembalmed people that, like made
mummies. The only part of thebody that they threw away was
(15:14):
the brain, because they believedthat they were coming back and
that they needed everythingexcept for the brain, because
they were going to get theup-leveled version.
Stephanie Allen (15:27):
Yeah our brain is essentially is our computer.
Like, why would you be, like,walking around with an old
computer from the 1950s when youupgraded faster? It's like
internet the same sort of thing.
Is like, we're always gettingfaster and faster and now this
whole pull towards AI, which isneither right or wrong or good
or bad, but it's like, where isour place as a human being on
(15:47):
this planet? And that is thedifference between AI and a
human being is the heart andsoul.
Maren Oslac (15:56):
Yeah. And so, yeah,
Stephanie Allen (15:58):
we're here for a reason.
Maren Oslac (15:59):
We tend to defer to, we've idealized, and we've
deferred to this like higherform of thought. We think of
what our brain does is a higherform of thought, and really in
what they're finding and this iswhat the mystics have told us
for years, and science is nowproving that the higher form of
(16:19):
thought actually comes from ourheart and that longing that I
was talking about that wherelike people get to that, the
that very high level of success,and then they feel empty. It's
because they've been only usingtheir brain up here, instead of
dropping 12 inches into theirhearts and connecting into their
(16:40):
hearts. So when I hear thatstory about the Baal Shem Tov,
and like he had to take away thethe scrawny cow, so that the
farmer could drop into his realknowing, which was in his heart.
And that's so critical for us.
And like you said, that longingthat we have, the thing that's
calling us, of where, what am Ihere to do, that comes from our
(17:01):
heart, and it's not going tocome through our CPU, right? The
computer brain, right? It's thesoftware behind it. It's not the
hardware. So, yeah, I absolutelylove that story, and I've heard
it a couple times this week, andI'm so glad that you shared it
with us.
Stephanie Allen (17:22):
Yeah, I just I've been so contemplating that
myself, because we get used to,we get conditioned to,
Maren Oslac (17:31):
...habituated...
Stephanie Allen (17:31):
We get programmed. We program ourselves
that this is the only way it'sgoing to be, and we might have a
dream or a longing or a desire,and it's, it's what stands
between that dream, longing anddesire, and where you are now is
the scrawny cows. There'sprobably a few of them. You know
(17:53):
cows, and you know my, mysuggestion would be, is like,
even if you were open to lookingat one of the scrawny cows, I am
pretty sure it'll be attached tomany, which means you can just
look at one scrawny cow, and asyou start to work with that
scrawny cow to be able to let itgo, you're going to actually
have to become a differentperson in order to let that go.
(18:14):
That's what happens. And I thinkthat can be scary sometimes,
because we're like... well, whydo I have to change? WHY do I
have to change? Why can't THEYchange?
Maren Oslac (18:26):
The ironic thing, I love it when you say that,
because the ironic thing is,when I change, they do change.
Stephanie Allen (18:32):
Right? How often have we lived like you
meet somebody and you're like,wow, I don't even live in the
same reality as you do, whereare you coming from? What are
you listening to? What are youpaying attention to, you know,
and if we get into that kind ofmishmash, and that's what it is,
(18:53):
it's exhausting. First islooking at, well, what kind of
world or what kind of life do Iwant to live into? And that's
going to require me to change. Ineed to take responsibility.
Maren Oslac (19:06):
So I think this is so key, because we both
Stephanie Allen (19:06):
And I think, you know, in order to even know
that you have a scrawny cow,it's helpful to then look at
what is beautiful to me. What isthat, that I want to live into
my life? Because if you haven'tgot something that is outside of
mentioned earlier that it's likesomebody can come along and rip
your comfort zone right now,because that's, you know, like
(19:30):
somebody will come to me andsay, you know, I got the
diagnosis of cancer and, andI'll say what is your dream?
What is your hope? What is yourwish? It's like, well, I just
don't want to have canceranymore. Like, they are still
focusing, which to me, cancer isa scrawny cow, by the way. You
that scrawny cow away from us,and it will be dramatic and
(19:54):
know, I don't, I just don't wantto have 'that'. And I said,
well, if the cancer was gone,who would you be? Well I'd be
the same person. No, youwouldn't. I can guarantee you,
you wouldn't be the same person.
And it's like you'll be somebodytraumatic, and could potentially
lead to a lot of really greatwho doesn't have cancer. That's
a different person. So why I'msaying cancer is a scrawny cow?
(20:19):
It could be anything. It couldbe the heartbreak of losing a
loved one. It could be...orlosing a job, or losing money,
or losing your health in someother way. You know, a function
of a body part. You know you'rethings, like it did for the
farmer. The other option is fornot as young as you used to be,
(20:39):
and it's like, well, what areyou believing? What is it that
you really want? What wouldhealth, and I don't just mean
physical health, look like orfeellike or be like? It's going
to require a mental health. It'sgoing to require an emotional
(20:59):
health and a spiritual health,us to be proactive and look at
it from a higher place. Andbecause otherwise, if you just
do the surface aspect of thephysical health, it doesn't have
any roots, it doesn't have anylongevity. This is why things
come back. It's like if you gointo deeper into the unknown,
(21:19):
into that internal world ofyourself, and you start looking
at the mental health and thethat's really how, if you want
to wake up through joy andemotional health and the
spiritual health. Now you'redrawing roots down there so that
when the hurricanes come or thestorms of your life come, it's
not going to knock you over orbreak you in half. You've got
(21:44):
roots. And by the way, thoseroots, this is true in nature.
Root system actually wind intoinspiration, instead of having
somebody else come along and ripother root systems. There's a
whole community in a networkunder the ground that we don't
even see. And so that's whatwe're as Soulful Leaders,
looking at doing is goingbeneath the ground, beneath the
(22:07):
surface, creating those rootsystems and connecting in with
other roots as well, otherthe scrawny cow away, that's the
path. So looking inside andtrees, other humans, and it's
like coming together, becausethat way we stand strong. And
when I let go of my scrawny cow,I give permission for you,
Maren, to let go of your scrawnycow. It empowers us. It's like,
(22:32):
wow, she can do it. So can I.
Maren Oslac (22:37):
It does. And that's one of the reasons that we even
have the Soulful Leader movementand the podcast and the project
saying, what are my scrawnycows? You know, like, I would
and all the things that we'redoing, is because community is
so important, like that, and thepeople that you surround
yourself with, they can upliftyou, or they can bring you down.
(22:57):
And so if you don't have acommunity that is uplifting you
come join us, you know, andbring great people along with
love to just become aware of oneof them in a kind and loving
you, and struggling people alongwith you, right? Because...
We are. We're aboutwhat is that highest uplift that
we can all step into to empowereach other, especially today! Oh
(23:18):
my gosh, we really need that sosee, yeah, we would love to hear
from you about your scrawny cow.
And you can find us online onthe at The Soulful Leader on
both Facebook and LinkedIn, andway, so that I can start to work
with that.
Stephanie Allen (23:30):
Let's create a movement!
you can also email us anytimevisit - we've got two websites,
TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.comwhere you can listen to all the
podcasts and The Soulful LeaderProject at www.tslp.life where
you can join our our movement,and bring your own momentum and
join our movement.
Do you wanthelp finding your scrawny cow?
(23:52):
Because sometimes that's hardtoo. We have lots of wonderful
things coming up, so join inwith us so that we can let you
know what's coming up to reallyhelp you and really serve.
Maren Oslac (24:01):
And we never spam you. So join our email list.
You'll get a cool free download,and then you'll get to hear from
us once in a while. Excellent.
Thank you so much, and we willsee you all in a couple weeks on
The Soulful Leader Podcast.
Stephanie Allen (24:23):
And that wraps up another episode of The
Soulful Leader Podcast with yourhosts, Stephanie Allen and Maren
Oslac.
Maren Oslac (24:31):
Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive
deeper, head over to ourwebsite, at
TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.com
Stephanie Allen (24:40):
Until next time.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!