July 1, 2025 • 23 mins
Resilience is hot! The word is being used in every context from problems, to theories, to solutions - as well as to push people to do even more.
So what is it really and why does that matter to you, your team, and your business?
Today, Stephanie and Maren dive into this maelstrom and talk candidly about what it is, why it's important to you and how to build true resilience within yourself, your team members and your business.
- 🧐 What if instead bouncing back, resilience meant taking a step forward?
- 🧐 What if instead of more willfulness, head-down-butt up-go-go-go, resilience meant ease and softening?
- 🧐 What if instead of fortifying the external, resilience meant working on the inner?
Most people are unwilling to look inside until something drastic happens and they’re broken open. That’s one option.
This week, Maren and Stephanie offer a different way.
- ➡️ An option that yes, takes effort, and it’s both more powerful AND gentler.
- ➡️ An option that builds true, inner resilience with vulnerability, courage, and self-awareness.
- ➡️ An option that opens up a more empowered future.
🎧 Listen to the other four Inner Mastery Podcasts:
Ep 183 Changing Outer Mayhem with Inner Mastery
Ep 184 Emotions Aren’t the Enemy: Turn Your Chaos Into Clarity
Ep 185 You’re Not Lost - You’re Being Called
Ep 186 When Doing More Still Isn’t Enough
💪 Want to go deeper?
Check out the Inner Mastery Series, our July deep dive to help you stop chasing and shift your paradigm.
🌐 Learn more at www.TSLP.life
📲 Subscribe & connect with us on YouTube, LinkedIn, and Facebook
Please share your insights and questions in one of our Soulful Leaders groups:
Get all the latest episodes, news and updates directly to your inbox. Subscribe here. TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.com
Watch the podcasts on our YouTube Channel: @Soulful Leaders
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Stephanie Allen (00:04):
In a world where we have everything and
it's still not enough, we'reoften left wondering, is this
really it?
Maren Oslac (00:10):
Deep inside, you know, there's more to life.
You're ready to leave behind theold push your way through and
claim the deeper, moremeaningful life that's calling
you.
Stephanie Allen (00:19):
That's what we invite you to explore with us.
We're your hosts, StephanieAllen and
Maren Oslac (00:25):
Maren Oslac, and this is The Soulful Leader
Podcast.
Stephanie Allen (00:30):
Yay, Hi.
Welcome to The Soulful Leaders.
This is Stephanie and I'm herewith Maren, and we're continuing
on this journey of InnerMastery, and another component
of what inner mastery evenmeans. And looking at another
level of calling resiliency, youknow. And I think a lot of us
(00:51):
think of being resilient, youknow, I come from a background
of the stiff upper lip kind of,kind of individuals in my
family, of like, when someone'spassing, when someone's dying,
you know... don't you cry.
You've got to be strong. Or weget kind of awarded for being
able to walk through the fireand not feel a thing. And I'm
(01:14):
going to tell you, that's notresiliency, that's just
willfulness, and it's alsodisassociating from what we're
really feeling. So I kind ofwant to start with what
resilience isn't and it isn'tjust about head down, butt up,
go through it. There's anotherhigher version of it. For me, at
(01:40):
least what I'm saying like, Iknow Brene Brown has talked a
lot about vulnerability and hastotally recoined our inner
narrative of what that means.
And I think that is so awesome,because to be vulnerable, to be
real, to be honest, to feel,takes tremendous amount of
courage, so we tend to thinkthat that is weakness, when
(02:06):
actually it's strength. And tome, that's resiliency. It's like
to be able to be self awareenough to go, ooh, this is
really hard. I'm hurting, and Iknow I still need to take an
action, I still need to show upand do things, and I want to
bring the best of myselfforward. And I'm also a real
(02:30):
human being too. So it's, it'shaving that inner space to be
present to both.
Maren Oslac (02:37):
So, I love that you're bringing up the emotional
side of us when we talk aboutresilience. Because I do think
that we... there's this historythat true strength is not
(02:59):
dealing with any of that, right?
It's, it's saying, I'm, I'mbigger than that, and that
does... you use the word human,like our true humanity when we
don't look at it or address itor become friends with it or get
to know how to work with ouremotions, the energy in motion
running through us. It literallydenies a part of ourselves, an
(03:24):
essential part of ourselves,yeah?
Stephanie Allen (03:30):
We reject those parts in some ways, yeah...
Maren Oslac (03:33):
We do...and there is a, there is a trans-human
movement that is a humanmovement trying to get humans to
be more like computers with youknow, and saying that one of the
faults, one of the flaws ofhumans, is our emotions. And I'm
(03:55):
in a different... I'm of adifferent opinion than that. I
think it's one of our greatestassets, and it is what separates
us from computers and what makesus able to have compassion and
empathy, and like all thesemagnificent things, I think it's
one of our biggest strengths,and it becomes a liability only
(04:19):
when we don't start to look atit or value it.
Stephanie Allen (04:25):
And, yeah, I think when we reject it, like we
push it away, is when it comesback with its rear of ugly head,
and it, you know, it's like, andthen it becomes really messy,
rather than being able toacknowledge it and go, you know,
there's a part of me that'sreally having a hard time or and
I need some help. To me that'sresiliency. It's like to be able
(04:47):
to have that space to look at itall and also welcome, like to be
inclusive, to be inclusive toall the parts within yourself,
yeah, that are going on.
Maren Oslac (04:56):
And it's like you can create a downward spiral of
I won't look at it, I won'taddress it, so it gets worse,
and then I don't like itanymore, and I like it even
less. And so it gets worse, andthen it just, oooo, right? Or we
can create an upward spiral, andthat upward spiral is
(05:16):
resilience, because I'm willingto look at it, and then it
doesn't hurt so much, and then Iunderstand a little bit better
about myself and somebody elseand the inclusiveness within
ourselves. Then it bubbles overto inclusiveness of other people
and situations, and it's like,oh, there's this...it's
(05:38):
dealing... it's working with theworld completely, I almost said
dealing with and it's notdealing with because that's at
this transactional level. It'sjust, I have to deal with this,
and I don't want to deal withit. I want to, like, revel in it
and play with it. And all ofthis, this juiciness and
(06:00):
goodness that is our right ashumans, which computers don't
have. And so how do we do that?
We have to actually go throughit. And that's what I think I'm
hearing you say, is like, let'sgo through it and find the the
treasure in it. We just talkedabout that in the last podcast,
like we're sitting on freakingburied treasure and we don't
(06:23):
even know it.
Stephanie Allen (06:26):
Yeah, we're walking around begging and
hungry for all this stuff, andit's right beneath our feet.
It's right inside our hearts,actually. And I even look at
that resilience of... I keepseeing silence in that word,
like, it's just like,re-silence. And it's like, do we
make space to just listen? It'slike, you know, I have friends
(06:49):
of mine who go out and hike, andthey go like, yeah, that's my
meditation. I go out into natureand I garden, or I go for a wet
hike in the woods and like, anddo you make space for just
silence with that time? Justbeing that is a practice, and to
me, that's what creates likethat silence then allows that
(07:11):
space for things to start tocome up and then to dissipate,
to move.
Maren Oslac (07:16):
Yeah, I know I am one of those people who gardens.
I also walk in the woods, and Ihave a couple of different
processes with that. SometimesI'll use that time to listen to
podcasts and reflect and thattype of thing. And more often,
I'm just with the plants. I'mwith the soil, I'm with, I'm in
(07:40):
the silence and listening to thelittle bugs crawling on my feet
and, yeah, I mean, the stuffthat's out there and the joy of
it. So that is a practice that Ido, and it's done intentionally,
not just to get a plant in theground. It's more than that.
(08:00):
It's time for me. It's thatsilent time for me. I also have
my own meditation practices,and, you know, spiritual
practices that I do everymorning and every night. So
that's in addition to and itdoes take practice. So looking
at, what are the where are theplaces in your lives where you
(08:23):
make space for silence, tolisten and not judge? That's the
biggest thing.
Stephanie Allen (08:29):
So I think what we're saying is that Inner
Mastery is like, what is yourprocess or your practice that
allows you that space, thatsilence, to look within and to
give something space and evenwhat that means to you, so that
you can you can transform, youcan grow. You can learn from it.
You can let go of who you thinkyou are, so you can become who
(08:50):
you're meant to become. I alwayssay that one. It's like we get
really rigid. When we when we'rerigid, we don't bounce back. We
actually crack open, we break.
And so that whole idea ofresiliency is also about
bouncing back. And I don'tnecessarily think about bouncing
back is is a good thing. It'slike, sometimes we just feel
like a bouncing ball and we'reall over the place. But it's
(09:13):
like, you want to have a littlebit of softness, that softness
that you don't break, but thatyou can absorb, but also
transform it. Because we want toobserve it, not necessarily take
it all in. We can observe it andthen utilize it. Like even
everybody's garbage, like Ialways think of this time of
year, of springtime, people arespring cleaning, and they're
(09:35):
throwing things out. And we usedto, we used to have this, this
spring cleanup, and they'vesince stopped it. And I'm kind
of sad about it, because it wasso much fun, because everyone
would put all of their quote,unquote 'garbage' out to the
curbside, and then about dusk,people would like creep around
and look at everybody else'sgarbage. And it was so funny,
(09:57):
because there'd be, like, peoplekind of creeping around, and
then they'd, like, jump out,grab that thing, put it in the
car, don't let them see us,because we'd be stealing each
other's garbage. And why I saythat as a resiliency thing is,
like, sometimes what we think iscoming up is our own garbage,
but it's actually treasure tosomeone else. Someone else sees
(10:20):
a totally different possibilitywith it. They, you know, strip
it down. They repurpose it.
They, you know, change a couplethings on it, and all of a
sudden it becomes gold. And Ithink we throw out ourselves a
lot, yeah, and that's that blackand white thinking, or that
rigidity thinking that does notmake us resilient, that head
(10:43):
down, keep going make it happen,like what if we could have a
little space where we can say,okay, let's air this out. Let's
bring the garbage out to thecurb, and allow ourselves to
maybe look at it from adifferent perspective.
Maren Oslac (10:57):
I think that most of the time, because we take our
gifts for granted...so the thingthat you do most naturally is
often times the thing that youleast value. And you assume that
everybody else can do it,there's no value in it, because
it comes so naturally to youthat you're like, you can't, I
(11:19):
can't make money doing that...
everybody... like we have thisassumption that if it comes that
easily to us, it comes thateasily to everybody else. So
your metaphor of like puttingour trash out, I think so often
the trash that we put out is ourgolden gifts, and to have
somebody else look at that fromthis place, of like, that's
(11:43):
amazing. That's like, that alonewould be just, I wish we could
do that exercise, your garbageexercise. But everybody
actually, instead of creepingaround, don't, don't let anyone
see me stealing this trash,right? Of like, hey, that's
that's really cool, what isthat, you know. So that we get
(12:06):
to actually hear that somebodyelse values and go, oh, that's
an opportunity to look at thatdifferently. Because you had
mentioned that having some ofthat softness keeps us from, you
know, breaking open. If youdon't have softness, you break
open. And there are many roadsto Rome, to waking up, to the
(12:29):
next level, one of which is thatyou get broken open.
Stephanie Allen (12:36):
Yeah, it happens.
Maren Oslac (12:37):
I mean, that that's where most people go. It's like,
we don't... we're unwilling tolook inside until we get smashed
apart and then we go, oh, that'sall I can do, is look inside. So
it's not a bad thing. Ithappens. We're just saying that
(12:58):
there are also other options.
Stephanie Allen (13:02):
Yeah, and even when you get smashed open or
broken open, yeah, wouldn't itbe nice to know there was a way
to do it with love and kindnessand gentleness too, that you can
stay
Maren Oslac (13:14):
Because it's going to happen again...(laughter)....
Stephanie Allen (13:16):
Yeah, but you could say, wow, okay, this is an
interesting experience. My heartis broken, and to have somebody
to be with you to say, let'sfind the gifts together. Like
that is totally positive. Youdon't have to go through it
alone. You know,we tend tothink, oh, we're better off all
on our own. I mean, I can hearthat one in myself a lot of
(13:39):
times. And, you know, I recentlybroke my arm, and I realized
there's a lot of things I can'tdo on my own with just one hand.
I need to ask for help, andperhaps this breaks open a new
way of looking and being...
there's that trash, right? I'mthinking it's all great and
wonderful that I can doeverything self sufficiently
until I can't, and instead ofallowing my body to break, what
(14:02):
if I can let my ego to break?
And I really think resiliency issoftening the ego, because it's
the ego that we get soidentified with. And I use the
acronym of ego as Edging GoodOut. You know, it was like I got
this all figured out. I don'tneed anybody else. It's all
(14:22):
good. You know, I don't needhelp... until we do right, until
we do, and that's theresiliency, like you will...
things will come better. And Ithink, you know, having that
paradigm too, it's like we tendto think, why is this happening
to me instead of why, maybe it'shappening FOR you. Maybe it's a
(14:42):
clean break, that you'reallowing yourself to have a
whole new way of being, thatit's opening up for something
that you wouldn't have otherwisebeen ready for.
Maren Oslac (14:54):
I love that shift of question. You know, whenever
I do that, that's a regularpractice of mine, whenever I get
into my own drama, is okay, Ijust stop and go, Okay. How is
this, how is this happening forme?
Stephanie Allen (15:09):
Yeah.
Maren Oslac (15:10):
Such a shift of mindset, of like, everything.
And, you know, I think thatconcept 'shifting your mindset'
has become so common that wedon't appreciate what it
actually does. When we shift ourmindset, entirely different
possibilities show up for us. Sojust recently, I was planning to
(15:36):
take a trip, and I had a bunchof stuff to get done before I
went. And so I was pushingthrough. Oh, we're all, we've
all been there, right? Andagain, this time I got it,
that's all the stuff, right? AndI literally gave myself a
migraine, and it made me sick tomyself, sick to my stomach. And
(15:57):
while I'm in this migraine andsick to my stomach, I just need
to get this stuff done so Icould leave at five o'clock in
the morning. And I stopped. Istopped, and I was like, there's
a higher way, because I feellike crap, and I know I did it
to myself. I at least had thatmuch self awareness of like I
did this to myself. And so Iwent to the highest possible...
(16:23):
like, okay, I know that theouter world plan is to leave at
5am so that I miss the traffic,so I do this and all of the
things. And if I break that,like, this whole chain of domino
stuff is going to fall apart.
And so I went to... but what'sthe intention behind the trip?
And it's so that I get to see mymom, I get to spend some time
(16:47):
with her, and then also like,okay, so what is my intention in
my life in general? I want tomake sure I have time for my
life, mission, work. I want tomake sure that I have time for
the all the plants that I'vebeen growing, and I want to also
surrender my ego, that's one ofthe things that I've been
(17:07):
working on, and be in flow withall of it. And when I let go of
all of the "It needs to looklike this".
Stephanie Allen (17:17):
Yeah, like all your attachments.
Maren Oslac (17:18):
Yeah all my attachments. I was very attached
to how they were it was supposedto work. This other plan
suddenly became available to me,and I was like... oh my God, I
would... Okay, we'll do it thatway. And that's where, when you
have... when you can shift yourmindset, something else
(17:41):
completely opens. And the otherbenefit of it like, instantly my
headache was gone, and I didn'tfeel sick to my stomach, and I
had space to do all of thisstuff. And the trip is still
happening. It's just, it's like,it was amazing what a shift of
mindset can do.
Stephanie Allen (17:57):
So I think that's what we're saying, is so
resiliency isn't about whatyou're doing. It's about
shifting your mindset in oneways, but also being open to a
whole new possibility, soletting go of the ego,
completely surrendering to whatalso wants to happen for you by
paying attention. It's not like,oh, I'm just going to shift. And
(18:19):
you know what? If it's meant tobe, it's meant to be, it'll just
happen. No, it's like actuallybeing open to that awareness to
say, okay, what wants to happenthen? If my ego is creating
suffering right now and breakingme, and my ego's being broken,
then there's another way.
There's another way to bepresent to what wants to happen.
(18:39):
Do you have a practice to dothat? Do you have like and I'm
asking that to myself, toothers, it's like, you know, is
there a process that you canreally work with that, or
individuals that you can talk toto say, hey, I'm looking for...
I'm looking for another way tolook at this. Can you help me? I
(18:59):
often will say, when you thinkabout something or when you're
trying to get a goal in yourlife done, and it's not coming
through. I said, what do you,what are you believing? Because
that word, what you believe, iswhat you will be living. It's
the same. So the inner is theouter, what I am believing is
(19:20):
going to create my behavior. Soif I say what I'm believing
does, does it empower me? DoI... do I feel safe and at peace
with that belief? Or am Iirritated? And if I'm irritated,
it's going to create aninflammation cycle. It's going
to create reaction. I will notbe resilient. I can tell you
that. I will fight, fight,fight, fight, or I'll just give
(19:44):
up. But if it empowers me, youknow, I was listening to someone
the other day, and they weretalking about...you know, you
kind of get that victim attitudeof, like, Oh, it doesn't matter.
Everything I do doesn't turn outanyway. Like, I'm just a hot
mess. It doesn't matter. Like,What the... what's the plan? I'm
(20:05):
like, so when you believe that,I said this to this person, I
said, when you believe that,what happens to your breathing
and your body, and the personsaid, well, I tighten up and I
stopped breathing, and I'm like,that's not very resilient. Does
that empower you? She goes, hellno. It keeps me up at night. It
(20:26):
makes chronic pain in my body.
Exactly I said. So I'm notsaying that you're gonna, you
know, find a belief systemthat's not true. I want you to
find one that is true but alsoempowers you. So what would that
be? It's like, well, maybethere's something that's that's
(20:46):
better coming for me, like thatmaybe there's another option
that I haven't thought aboutyet. And I said, okay, so how
does that one sit in your body?
She goes, well, I automaticallytake a deep breath, and I sigh
and I relax. I go so is thatmore empowering? Yeah, so then
practice THAT belief, and thatwill shift your perspective,
(21:06):
that will shift your innermindset, but it also changes
your resiliency. You're going tobe far more in flow. You'll be
able to glide and move andchange direction much easier
than if you're tight and rigidor helpless.
Maren Oslac (21:25):
Yeah, I love that as a practice. And I think if we
can just start with littlepieces like that, it makes all
the difference in the world. Sothe idea of a practice is
something that you do on aregular basis. So when we start
doing that, little bits at atime, everything starts to
(21:46):
change. So we do have an InnerMastery Series, both the free
version here on the podcast. Sotune into that. The last few
podcasts have been a part of it.
We'll have one more of those,and then also we're doing one
that goes deeper and gives youpractices and provides a
community. So if you'reinterested in that, you can
(22:08):
visit our website,
http (22:11):
//tslp.life/ or contact us either on Facebook or at The
Soulful Leaders, or on LinkedIn,we're at The Soulful Leaders,
and now we're on YouTube at TheSoulful Leaders. Imagine that.!
So we hope to see you eitherhere again next week or on our
Inner Mastery with us in July,we'll see you all on the next
(22:34):
Soulful Leader Podcast.
Stephanie Allen (22:35):
And that wraps up another episode of the
soulful leader Podcast with yourhosts, Stephanie Allen
Maren Oslac (22:50):
and Maren Oslac.
Thank you for listening. Ifyou'd like to dive deeper, head
over to our website, atwww.thesoulfulleaderpodcast.com
Stephanie Allen (23:01):
Until next time...
In a world where we have everything and
it's still not enough, we'reoften left wondering, is this
really it?
Maren Oslac (00:10):
Deep inside, you know, there's more to life.
You're ready to leave behind theold push your way through and
claim the deeper, moremeaningful life that's calling
you.
Stephanie Allen (00:19):
That's what we invite you to explore with us.
We're your hosts, StephanieAllen and
Maren Oslac (00:25):
Maren Oslac, and this is The Soulful Leader
Podcast.
Stephanie Allen (00:30):
Yay, Hi.
Welcome to The Soulful Leaders.
This is Stephanie and I'm herewith Maren, and we're continuing
on this journey of InnerMastery, and another component
of what inner mastery evenmeans. And looking at another
level of calling resiliency, youknow. And I think a lot of us
(00:51):
think of being resilient, youknow, I come from a background
of the stiff upper lip kind of,kind of individuals in my
family, of like, when someone'spassing, when someone's dying,
you know... don't you cry.
You've got to be strong. Or weget kind of awarded for being
able to walk through the fireand not feel a thing. And I'm
(01:14):
going to tell you, that's notresiliency, that's just
willfulness, and it's alsodisassociating from what we're
really feeling. So I kind ofwant to start with what
resilience isn't and it isn'tjust about head down, butt up,
go through it. There's anotherhigher version of it. For me, at
(01:40):
least what I'm saying like, Iknow Brene Brown has talked a
lot about vulnerability and hastotally recoined our inner
narrative of what that means.
And I think that is so awesome,because to be vulnerable, to be
real, to be honest, to feel,takes tremendous amount of
courage, so we tend to thinkthat that is weakness, when
(02:06):
actually it's strength. And tome, that's resiliency. It's like
to be able to be self awareenough to go, ooh, this is
really hard. I'm hurting, and Iknow I still need to take an
action, I still need to show upand do things, and I want to
bring the best of myselfforward. And I'm also a real
(02:30):
human being too. So it's, it'shaving that inner space to be
present to both.
Maren Oslac (02:37):
So, I love that you're bringing up the emotional
side of us when we talk aboutresilience. Because I do think
that we... there's this historythat true strength is not
(02:59):
dealing with any of that, right?
It's, it's saying, I'm, I'mbigger than that, and that
does... you use the word human,like our true humanity when we
don't look at it or address itor become friends with it or get
to know how to work with ouremotions, the energy in motion
running through us. It literallydenies a part of ourselves, an
(03:24):
essential part of ourselves,yeah?
Stephanie Allen (03:30):
We reject those parts in some ways, yeah...
Maren Oslac (03:33):
We do...and there is a, there is a trans-human
movement that is a humanmovement trying to get humans to
be more like computers with youknow, and saying that one of the
faults, one of the flaws ofhumans, is our emotions. And I'm
(03:55):
in a different... I'm of adifferent opinion than that. I
think it's one of our greatestassets, and it is what separates
us from computers and what makesus able to have compassion and
empathy, and like all thesemagnificent things, I think it's
one of our biggest strengths,and it becomes a liability only
(04:19):
when we don't start to look atit or value it.
Stephanie Allen (04:25):
And, yeah, I think when we reject it, like we
push it away, is when it comesback with its rear of ugly head,
and it, you know, it's like, andthen it becomes really messy,
rather than being able toacknowledge it and go, you know,
there's a part of me that'sreally having a hard time or and
I need some help. To me that'sresiliency. It's like to be able
(04:47):
to have that space to look at itall and also welcome, like to be
inclusive, to be inclusive toall the parts within yourself,
yeah, that are going on.
Maren Oslac (04:56):
And it's like you can create a downward spiral of
I won't look at it, I won'taddress it, so it gets worse,
and then I don't like itanymore, and I like it even
less. And so it gets worse, andthen it just, oooo, right? Or we
can create an upward spiral, andthat upward spiral is
(05:16):
resilience, because I'm willingto look at it, and then it
doesn't hurt so much, and then Iunderstand a little bit better
about myself and somebody elseand the inclusiveness within
ourselves. Then it bubbles overto inclusiveness of other people
and situations, and it's like,oh, there's this...it's
(05:38):
dealing... it's working with theworld completely, I almost said
dealing with and it's notdealing with because that's at
this transactional level. It'sjust, I have to deal with this,
and I don't want to deal withit. I want to, like, revel in it
and play with it. And all ofthis, this juiciness and
(06:00):
goodness that is our right ashumans, which computers don't
have. And so how do we do that?
We have to actually go throughit. And that's what I think I'm
hearing you say, is like, let'sgo through it and find the the
treasure in it. We just talkedabout that in the last podcast,
like we're sitting on freakingburied treasure and we don't
(06:23):
even know it.
Stephanie Allen (06:26):
Yeah, we're walking around begging and
hungry for all this stuff, andit's right beneath our feet.
It's right inside our hearts,actually. And I even look at
that resilience of... I keepseeing silence in that word,
like, it's just like,re-silence. And it's like, do we
make space to just listen? It'slike, you know, I have friends
(06:49):
of mine who go out and hike, andthey go like, yeah, that's my
meditation. I go out into natureand I garden, or I go for a wet
hike in the woods and like, anddo you make space for just
silence with that time? Justbeing that is a practice, and to
me, that's what creates likethat silence then allows that
(07:11):
space for things to start tocome up and then to dissipate,
to move.
Maren Oslac (07:16):
Yeah, I know I am one of those people who gardens.
I also walk in the woods, and Ihave a couple of different
processes with that. SometimesI'll use that time to listen to
podcasts and reflect and thattype of thing. And more often,
I'm just with the plants. I'mwith the soil, I'm with, I'm in
(07:40):
the silence and listening to thelittle bugs crawling on my feet
and, yeah, I mean, the stuffthat's out there and the joy of
it. So that is a practice that Ido, and it's done intentionally,
not just to get a plant in theground. It's more than that.
(08:00):
It's time for me. It's thatsilent time for me. I also have
my own meditation practices,and, you know, spiritual
practices that I do everymorning and every night. So
that's in addition to and itdoes take practice. So looking
at, what are the where are theplaces in your lives where you
(08:23):
make space for silence, tolisten and not judge? That's the
biggest thing.
Stephanie Allen (08:29):
So I think what we're saying is that Inner
Mastery is like, what is yourprocess or your practice that
allows you that space, thatsilence, to look within and to
give something space and evenwhat that means to you, so that
you can you can transform, youcan grow. You can learn from it.
You can let go of who you thinkyou are, so you can become who
(08:50):
you're meant to become. I alwayssay that one. It's like we get
really rigid. When we when we'rerigid, we don't bounce back. We
actually crack open, we break.
And so that whole idea ofresiliency is also about
bouncing back. And I don'tnecessarily think about bouncing
back is is a good thing. It'slike, sometimes we just feel
like a bouncing ball and we'reall over the place. But it's
(09:13):
like, you want to have a littlebit of softness, that softness
that you don't break, but thatyou can absorb, but also
transform it. Because we want toobserve it, not necessarily take
it all in. We can observe it andthen utilize it. Like even
everybody's garbage, like Ialways think of this time of
year, of springtime, people arespring cleaning, and they're
(09:35):
throwing things out. And we usedto, we used to have this, this
spring cleanup, and they'vesince stopped it. And I'm kind
of sad about it, because it wasso much fun, because everyone
would put all of their quote,unquote 'garbage' out to the
curbside, and then about dusk,people would like creep around
and look at everybody else'sgarbage. And it was so funny,
(09:57):
because there'd be, like, peoplekind of creeping around, and
then they'd, like, jump out,grab that thing, put it in the
car, don't let them see us,because we'd be stealing each
other's garbage. And why I saythat as a resiliency thing is,
like, sometimes what we think iscoming up is our own garbage,
but it's actually treasure tosomeone else. Someone else sees
(10:20):
a totally different possibilitywith it. They, you know, strip
it down. They repurpose it.
They, you know, change a couplethings on it, and all of a
sudden it becomes gold. And Ithink we throw out ourselves a
lot, yeah, and that's that blackand white thinking, or that
rigidity thinking that does notmake us resilient, that head
(10:43):
down, keep going make it happen,like what if we could have a
little space where we can say,okay, let's air this out. Let's
bring the garbage out to thecurb, and allow ourselves to
maybe look at it from adifferent perspective.
Maren Oslac (10:57):
I think that most of the time, because we take our
gifts for granted...so the thingthat you do most naturally is
often times the thing that youleast value. And you assume that
everybody else can do it,there's no value in it, because
it comes so naturally to youthat you're like, you can't, I
(11:19):
can't make money doing that...
everybody... like we have thisassumption that if it comes that
easily to us, it comes thateasily to everybody else. So
your metaphor of like puttingour trash out, I think so often
the trash that we put out is ourgolden gifts, and to have
somebody else look at that fromthis place, of like, that's
(11:43):
amazing. That's like, that alonewould be just, I wish we could
do that exercise, your garbageexercise. But everybody
actually, instead of creepingaround, don't, don't let anyone
see me stealing this trash,right? Of like, hey, that's
that's really cool, what isthat, you know. So that we get
(12:06):
to actually hear that somebodyelse values and go, oh, that's
an opportunity to look at thatdifferently. Because you had
mentioned that having some ofthat softness keeps us from, you
know, breaking open. If youdon't have softness, you break
open. And there are many roadsto Rome, to waking up, to the
(12:29):
next level, one of which is thatyou get broken open.
Stephanie Allen (12:36):
Yeah, it happens.
Maren Oslac (12:37):
I mean, that that's where most people go. It's like,
we don't... we're unwilling tolook inside until we get smashed
apart and then we go, oh, that'sall I can do, is look inside. So
it's not a bad thing. Ithappens. We're just saying that
(12:58):
there are also other options.
Stephanie Allen (13:02):
Yeah, and even when you get smashed open or
broken open, yeah, wouldn't itbe nice to know there was a way
to do it with love and kindnessand gentleness too, that you can
stay
Maren Oslac (13:14):
Because it's going to happen again...(laughter)....
Stephanie Allen (13:16):
Yeah, but you could say, wow, okay, this is an
interesting experience. My heartis broken, and to have somebody
to be with you to say, let'sfind the gifts together. Like
that is totally positive. Youdon't have to go through it
alone. You know,we tend tothink, oh, we're better off all
on our own. I mean, I can hearthat one in myself a lot of
(13:39):
times. And, you know, I recentlybroke my arm, and I realized
there's a lot of things I can'tdo on my own with just one hand.
I need to ask for help, andperhaps this breaks open a new
way of looking and being...
there's that trash, right? I'mthinking it's all great and
wonderful that I can doeverything self sufficiently
until I can't, and instead ofallowing my body to break, what
(14:02):
if I can let my ego to break?
And I really think resiliency issoftening the ego, because it's
the ego that we get soidentified with. And I use the
acronym of ego as Edging GoodOut. You know, it was like I got
this all figured out. I don'tneed anybody else. It's all
(14:22):
good. You know, I don't needhelp... until we do right, until
we do, and that's theresiliency, like you will...
things will come better. And Ithink, you know, having that
paradigm too, it's like we tendto think, why is this happening
to me instead of why, maybe it'shappening FOR you. Maybe it's a
(14:42):
clean break, that you'reallowing yourself to have a
whole new way of being, thatit's opening up for something
that you wouldn't have otherwisebeen ready for.
Maren Oslac (14:54):
I love that shift of question. You know, whenever
I do that, that's a regularpractice of mine, whenever I get
into my own drama, is okay, Ijust stop and go, Okay. How is
this, how is this happening forme?
Stephanie Allen (15:09):
Yeah.
Maren Oslac (15:10):
Such a shift of mindset, of like, everything.
And, you know, I think thatconcept 'shifting your mindset'
has become so common that wedon't appreciate what it
actually does. When we shift ourmindset, entirely different
possibilities show up for us. Sojust recently, I was planning to
(15:36):
take a trip, and I had a bunchof stuff to get done before I
went. And so I was pushingthrough. Oh, we're all, we've
all been there, right? Andagain, this time I got it,
that's all the stuff, right? AndI literally gave myself a
migraine, and it made me sick tomyself, sick to my stomach. And
(15:57):
while I'm in this migraine andsick to my stomach, I just need
to get this stuff done so Icould leave at five o'clock in
the morning. And I stopped. Istopped, and I was like, there's
a higher way, because I feellike crap, and I know I did it
to myself. I at least had thatmuch self awareness of like I
did this to myself. And so Iwent to the highest possible...
(16:23):
like, okay, I know that theouter world plan is to leave at
5am so that I miss the traffic,so I do this and all of the
things. And if I break that,like, this whole chain of domino
stuff is going to fall apart.
And so I went to... but what'sthe intention behind the trip?
And it's so that I get to see mymom, I get to spend some time
(16:47):
with her, and then also like,okay, so what is my intention in
my life in general? I want tomake sure I have time for my
life, mission, work. I want tomake sure that I have time for
the all the plants that I'vebeen growing, and I want to also
surrender my ego, that's one ofthe things that I've been
(17:07):
working on, and be in flow withall of it. And when I let go of
all of the "It needs to looklike this".
Stephanie Allen (17:17):
Yeah, like all your attachments.
Maren Oslac (17:18):
Yeah all my attachments. I was very attached
to how they were it was supposedto work. This other plan
suddenly became available to me,and I was like... oh my God, I
would... Okay, we'll do it thatway. And that's where, when you
have... when you can shift yourmindset, something else
(17:41):
completely opens. And the otherbenefit of it like, instantly my
headache was gone, and I didn'tfeel sick to my stomach, and I
had space to do all of thisstuff. And the trip is still
happening. It's just, it's like,it was amazing what a shift of
mindset can do.
Stephanie Allen (17:57):
So I think that's what we're saying, is so
resiliency isn't about whatyou're doing. It's about
shifting your mindset in oneways, but also being open to a
whole new possibility, soletting go of the ego,
completely surrendering to whatalso wants to happen for you by
paying attention. It's not like,oh, I'm just going to shift. And
(18:19):
you know what? If it's meant tobe, it's meant to be, it'll just
happen. No, it's like actuallybeing open to that awareness to
say, okay, what wants to happenthen? If my ego is creating
suffering right now and breakingme, and my ego's being broken,
then there's another way.
There's another way to bepresent to what wants to happen.
(18:39):
Do you have a practice to dothat? Do you have like and I'm
asking that to myself, toothers, it's like, you know, is
there a process that you canreally work with that, or
individuals that you can talk toto say, hey, I'm looking for...
I'm looking for another way tolook at this. Can you help me? I
(18:59):
often will say, when you thinkabout something or when you're
trying to get a goal in yourlife done, and it's not coming
through. I said, what do you,what are you believing? Because
that word, what you believe, iswhat you will be living. It's
the same. So the inner is theouter, what I am believing is
(19:20):
going to create my behavior. Soif I say what I'm believing
does, does it empower me? DoI... do I feel safe and at peace
with that belief? Or am Iirritated? And if I'm irritated,
it's going to create aninflammation cycle. It's going
to create reaction. I will notbe resilient. I can tell you
that. I will fight, fight,fight, fight, or I'll just give
(19:44):
up. But if it empowers me, youknow, I was listening to someone
the other day, and they weretalking about...you know, you
kind of get that victim attitudeof, like, Oh, it doesn't matter.
Everything I do doesn't turn outanyway. Like, I'm just a hot
mess. It doesn't matter. Like,What the... what's the plan? I'm
(20:05):
like, so when you believe that,I said this to this person, I
said, when you believe that,what happens to your breathing
and your body, and the personsaid, well, I tighten up and I
stopped breathing, and I'm like,that's not very resilient. Does
that empower you? She goes, hellno. It keeps me up at night. It
(20:26):
makes chronic pain in my body.
Exactly I said. So I'm notsaying that you're gonna, you
know, find a belief systemthat's not true. I want you to
find one that is true but alsoempowers you. So what would that
be? It's like, well, maybethere's something that's that's
(20:46):
better coming for me, like thatmaybe there's another option
that I haven't thought aboutyet. And I said, okay, so how
does that one sit in your body?
She goes, well, I automaticallytake a deep breath, and I sigh
and I relax. I go so is thatmore empowering? Yeah, so then
practice THAT belief, and thatwill shift your perspective,
(21:06):
that will shift your innermindset, but it also changes
your resiliency. You're going tobe far more in flow. You'll be
able to glide and move andchange direction much easier
than if you're tight and rigidor helpless.
Maren Oslac (21:25):
Yeah, I love that as a practice. And I think if we
can just start with littlepieces like that, it makes all
the difference in the world. Sothe idea of a practice is
something that you do on aregular basis. So when we start
doing that, little bits at atime, everything starts to
(21:46):
change. So we do have an InnerMastery Series, both the free
version here on the podcast. Sotune into that. The last few
podcasts have been a part of it.
We'll have one more of those,and then also we're doing one
that goes deeper and gives youpractices and provides a
community. So if you'reinterested in that, you can
(22:08):
visit our website,
http (22:11):
//tslp.life/ or contact us either on Facebook or at The
Soulful Leaders, or on LinkedIn,we're at The Soulful Leaders,
and now we're on YouTube at TheSoulful Leaders. Imagine that.!
So we hope to see you eitherhere again next week or on our
Inner Mastery with us in July,we'll see you all on the next
(22:34):
Soulful Leader Podcast.
Stephanie Allen (22:35):
And that wraps up another episode of the
soulful leader Podcast with yourhosts, Stephanie Allen
Maren Oslac (22:50):
and Maren Oslac.
Thank you for listening. Ifyou'd like to dive deeper, head
over to our website, atwww.thesoulfulleaderpodcast.com
Stephanie Allen (23:01):
Until next time...
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