June 6, 2023 • 32 mins
“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.”― Lao Tzu
That’s not us. We rush about from here to there, setting goals and making things happen in our lives. And then we find ourselves exhausted, crabby, hurting (mentally, physically and emotionally) and needing a break. And that’s the best case scenario. If we don’t make something happen in the time we planned - we beat ourselves up, assume we’ve done something wrong, cram MORE into our lives and live with an inner critic telling us all the reasons we’re not good enough.
What if we took a page out of nature’s book and started to pay attention to our personal timing? If you’re in the right place, doing all the right things, at the wrong time - it’s like pushing a boulder uphill, it either flattens you or wipes you out. It’s not you - you’re just out of sync with life’s timing for you because no one taught you there was such a thing.
So how do you know/find your timing? How do you get into flow with what (and when) life wants to happen for you?
That’s exactly what Maren & Stephanie discuss in today’s podcast. They will have you thinking differently about your life, your goals and especially about manifestation. They share several great stories as well as how they personally get in sync with life’s timing so they’re in flow, instead of fighting life.
There’s a lot of great wisdom packed into this short thirty minutes.
- 00:41 Planting at the wrong time doesn’t get you a head start
- 05:14 Procrastination, or right timing, telling the truth, claiming excuses
- 07:47 How do you know? Intuition vs Inner Knowing
- 12:03 $2000 experiment: let go of the concrete past, allow the possibility of the future
- 17:18 You’re not doing anything wrong, you’re timing is off
- 23:39 Projecting and FOMO
LINKS
The Magic of Tiny Business by Sharon Rowe
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Maren Oslac (00:04):
In a world where achievements and accolades
motivate us to do more and bemore, we're often left
wondering, is this really it?
Stephanie Allen (00:12):
deep inside, you know, there is more to life,
you're ready to leave behind theold push your way through and
claim the deeper life that'scalling you.
Maren Oslac (00:20):
That's where we excel. We're your host,
Stephanie Allen and Maren Oslac.
Stephanie Allen (00:26):
And this is the soulful leader podcast.
Maren Oslac (00:29):
Sit back and relax as we share the shortcuts we've
uncovered to help you make shifthappen.
Welcome back to the soulfulleader podcast. This is Maren
and I'm here with Stephanie. Andwe were talking today about
(00:50):
timing. And there's a sayingthat comes to mind whenever I
think of timing. And it's thateverything in nature happens as
it's needed, whenever, withoutany rushing, or it's like,
everything happens and itdoesn't rush, it doesn't do
anything, it doesn't go out ofits way. It just everything,
(01:13):
everything happens in righttime. And for me, I've been
really thinking about that.
Because with with spring here,and I'm feeling the energy of,
of blooming things and excitinglike, oh, boy, I have so much
energy and I want to geteverything done. And I thought,
Ah, why didn't I feel like thisthree months ago, like, all this
(01:35):
stuff that I want to get done.
Now I could have gotten a headstart on it, I could have
could-a, would-a, should-a. AndI realized that it wasn't right
time. It wasn't right time.
Stephanie Allen (01:50):
It's so frustrating at times, though, in
our inner world, right? Because,you know, when you have goals
and dreams and ideals, and wejust want to get them out there,
we want to get them planted. Youknow, and I it's so interesting,
because I was talking to youjust last week going, hey, you
know, because anyone who'slistening, Maren really changed
my whole life around seeds andgardening, organically. Many,
(02:15):
many years ago, this is actuallyhow we met. And so I am really,
totally, literally a beginner.
When it comes to gardening, Iknow nothing. And so I get all
excited. And I go, Okay, I'mgoing to plant all kinds of
things this year. And I get Iget stressed shopping and I buy
way too many things, and halfthe stuff doesn't even grow in
my zone. So I was asking, I wasasking Maren for advice. And she
(02:37):
was saying, well, actually, youcould plant those whatever,
though, you know, those plantslike last week, you're good to
go. What about these plants? No,no, you gotta wait for like, you
know, into May. And I'm like, Ihave no idea. And yet, I just
want to plant everything all atonce. And how often are we like
that in our lives, like, I justwant to have everything done and
(02:58):
everything over and we pushourselves. And we try to push
nature. To make it you know,we're trying to blossom
something inside and then youknow, or in a season that it's
not meant to blossom.
Maren Oslac (03:13):
What's interesting is that it doesn't. So one of
the things that you can do islike peas, you can plant peas,
as soon as the ground isworkable in the spring. And I
most often do that. And the thisyear and last year, I actually
didn't get to it. So I'm goingto use last year as in my
(03:34):
example. Last year, I didn't getto it. So I bought somebody
else's peas that they hadstarted. So I got little little
pea plants. And I planted theirplants and I planted a late row
of peas because the other thingyou can do with peas is
succession planting, you can dothat with many of your crops. So
that you'll, you know, likethese peas will grow and give
(03:56):
you peas and two weeks later,you'll get peas from the other
one. Well, what ended uphappening was the ones that I
bought from the store andtransplanted and the ones that I
planted late both bloomed andgave me peas at exactly the same
time. So the the head start,that you're like when we think
(04:16):
that we'll beat you know, we'llbeat nature in this instance, or
like I should be doing somethingin January for myself or talking
to my inner self now. Right?
Like, well, I should be doingthat. I don't feel like doing
that. And I really am notgetting any indication from the
world, from life that I that Ishould be doing it but that my
(04:37):
itty bitty shitty committee istelling me yes, you should
measure and you should be doingsomething
Stephanie Allen (04:44):
right so that you can be ahead of everybody
and get out there and getstarted. And then I'm like what
is the rush?
Maren Oslac (04:50):
And it doesn't get Yeah, you know, it's like I
didn't get the you know, Ididn't get the extra bonus early
peas. Anyway, I got my latepeas, which was fine. I love my
peas. And both sets were great.
So I'm glad that I bought them.
I just found that it was a veryinteresting experiment and that
it really does. It works in mylife, too. It was like it's a
(05:13):
metaphor, right? It's a metaphorfor our lives. Well,
Stephanie Allen (05:16):
I think of the, the feeling of procrastination,
I think we're really hard onourselves, when you say I'm
procrastinating about something.
And perhaps it just isn't theright time. And we're labeling
it as procrastination instead ofsaying, you know, is it maybe
it's not the right time? Ormaybe I haven't quite been ready
internally yet. To really ownsomething. So so let's think of
(05:40):
an example. You know, I see thisa lot with my clients, and
they'll say, oh, that Stephanie,that's a great program, I really
want to do that. And I'm like,Well, how about now? Now, I, and
they'll give me a whole list ofexcuses. And I will say,
excuses, you know, I don't haveenough money, you don't have
enough time. You know, my kidsneed this, my partner needs
that. Or they have all kinds ofthings. And that's okay. But I
(06:01):
always say, Just tell the truth,right? And it's easier to say,
Hey, that's a great idea. Butright now, I have other values,
that are these priorities thatneed to be looked after first.
Instead, I think it's reallyeasy to say I don't have money,
I don't have time, or I don'thave energy. And that might be
(06:23):
true, that may be true. But Ifind a more beautiful loving way
to yourself to say, wait aminute, this is an opportunity
for me to look within and saywhat is most important right
now?
Maren Oslac (06:38):
There's so many levels to that. Because it not
only in telling the truth inlooking inside of us for that
truth. A couple of things is,first of all, when I use the
excuses, I claim those in mylife, I don't have enough time.
I don't have enough money. Idon't have enough. So now I'm
telling the universe. Oh, Idon't have enough.
Stephanie Allen (07:01):
So the universe slows down, right?
Maren Oslac (07:03):
i Oh, that's why, that's what we're gonna, so
okay, she's doesn't have enoughfor all of this. And the
interesting thing is that, if I,if it were right time, and I
like knew that it was for me, Iwould find the time, the energy,
the, the money, the whatever.
And I know that about myself. Soit's interesting, too, so today,
(07:24):
Stephanie asked me about joiningher in doing, you know, a
program that she found. And Ijust said that, you know, I
don't think that's right for me.
And yet, three months ago, sheasked me to join her doing a
program that she found, and itwas like, yep, Sign me up. And
Stephanie Allen (07:47):
so what was the difference? How did you know?
How did you know, Maren, what tosay yes and what to say no to?
What was the timing insideyourself? Like, how did you know
that?
Maren Oslac (07:57):
There is one of the things that you and I have been
working on both together, andseparately, for many years is
this knowing inside ofourselves, and some people call
it intuition. Our coach tends toseparate intuition as something
that, like if I've worked atsomething for many years, it
(08:19):
becomes subconscious to me, andmy subconscious is faster than
my conscious mind. So it stepsin and gives me the answer. And
that's one definition ofintuition. And that's the way
that we tend to talk about it.
Beyond intuition, is this innerknowing. And one of the studies
that they've done with that typeof intuition or you know, is
(08:42):
that they took people outside oftheir realm of knowledge, say,
for me, dance, dance is my realmof knowledge. So if they took me
outside of my realm of knowledgeinto say, for example,
investing, and they asked me touse my intuition that, that,
that level that I was justtalking about, where it's
knowledge based, and it'ssubconscious. It's no better
(09:04):
than flipping a coin. It wasguessing. The people were
outside inside their area ofexpertise, dead on 90%, like,
like 90 to 99%, like alwaysaccurate, outside of their area
of expertise. It was 50/50. Soit's essentially a guess. So
(09:27):
there is a deeper level ofknowing that outside of area,
expertise doesn't matter. It'syour ground of being it's
connecting into life itself. Andknowing what's right for you.
And it takes practice to, thereare a couple of things, we've
talked about these in the past.
(09:47):
It takes emptying out the junkfrom the junk drawer so that you
have space to actually hear andthen practicing that
conversation. So that's a longanswer to your short question,
of I've gotten to the pointwhere I now know. And when I
feel that, I, it's interestingbecause I look for the excuses.
(10:09):
So today when you and I weretalking, you asked me if I
wanted to do that. It was like,huh, it doesn't feel right,
there isn't that knowing like,Yes, I need to do this. And so
can I articulate a reason whythat's not an excuse.
Stephanie Allen (10:30):
I think also what is transforming is because
you've been practicing beingpresent to that question. And so
you are sitting with it, andgetting familiar with what it
feels like what it sounds like,what it looks like, you know,
and so you're starting topresent the signs and the
wonders, not just one, I'msaying it's plural here. It's
(10:53):
like signs and wonders. So it'snot a reaction. It's not a knee
jerk reaction, like yes or no,out of fear, or out of passion.
It's it's an absolute visceralexperience internally, that is
that transcends our rationalmind, is what I'm hearing.
Maren Oslac (11:14):
Yeah. And it's interesting that you say that,
because I almost think of itlike, I'm tracking life. Right.
And when you think about, like atracker in the woods, who's
tracking a deer or tracking, youknow, some sort of wildlife,
they are looking for, not justone sign, like, oh, look, a deer
(11:36):
was here, I can do that. I don'tneed a tracker for that. Right?
The tracker is looking formultiple signs over time. And
developing that presence to whatwants to happen, what did happen
here? Where is that that animalgoing based on what I see that,
(11:56):
where the animal has been atcetera, et cetera. So that's
what I've been practicing in mylife.
Stephanie Allen (12:03):
And how this is relating to our lives as leaders
right now is that we're trackingourselves from the future. So
we're actually just presencingof like, I, I'm intentionally
wanting to evolve into a betterhuman being. That's not saying
that I'm not good enough. Now,I'm saying my evolution is I
(12:24):
want to continue to grow throughlove and beauty, and joy. And so
I want to track that Stephaniefrom the future. And so I need
to have a practice in order tobe present to the daily signs
and wonders every day. I can'tjust, oh, look, it's magical
thinking because that's oftenwhat we that's what we do. And
it's so interesting, because ourpaths can be so rigid. And I
(12:49):
have such a great example. I wasleading a little workshop last
week. And a woman drew thoselittle cards, you know, how you
pull the little heart cards orwhatever. And it had, had had a
saying saying, you know, myabundance is constantly
increasing, My income isconstantly increasing. I am
always abundant or something,something to that that way. And
(13:13):
she instantaneously said, Oh,that's ridiculous. That can't
happen because I'm on a fixedsalary or fixed income, and
there's no way it's going tohappen. So it's funny, because
just yesterday, I was with thiswith the same the same
participant and she goes, you'renot going to believe what
happened. She said, I have totell you, because when she said,
(13:34):
Oh, that that's impossible, I'mon a fixed income, that won't
happen. I said, What if you holdthe possibility that that card
you just pulled is coming fromyour future, not from your
conditioned past? Which youthink you already have a
rigidity in knowing, And I said,What if you just were open to
the possibility? Like what theheck, right? Don't be looking
(13:56):
for it anxiously, which is oftenwhat we do. Let's just be open
and playful. So she, she metwith me yesterday. She's like,
you're not gonna leave whathappened. She said, I got home
after pulling that card. And shesaid, I got an email. And you
know how you get those emailsfrom the bank saying, You got X
amount of dollars, you have tocontact this thing, Well, she
thought it was completely spam.
And it was crazy. Anyway, so shecalled her bank and they're
(14:18):
like, yes, we made a terrible,terrible mistake. And we owe you
$2,000
Maren Oslac (14:24):
Oh, my God.
Stephanie Allen (14:25):
That's right.
And she's like, unbelievable.
And I said, I wonder how manytimes in our lives we have gone
from our, our, our past self ofexperience, which we're talking
about as intuition and patterns,right, living from our past that
has literally concretizethinking that this is the way it
(14:50):
is and it's the only way it'sgoing to be on that's what
Maren Oslac (14:51):
this is who I am.
This is what my life looks like,and it's not going to change.
Stephanie Allen (14:55):
That's right.
That's right. And again, when wecome back to timing, and we come
back to that whole Plantingseeds, it's like, you plant a
seed because you want, you were,you don't plant an apple seed
expecting an orange tree. Likeyou're, you get what you plant.
So it's like if you can holdopen the possibilities, you can
be very surprised and delightedabout what might happen. And,
(15:17):
you know, this is also bringingup another conversation that you
and I were talking about Marenaround the old paradigm of the
fear of missing out theemotional addictions that we get
around timing around, trying tomake something happen. Like the
high rational achievermanifestation thing, like, I
(15:38):
want to manifest a relationship,I want to manifest health, I
want to manifest money. And sowe set out with a plan of
action. And then we're reallyupset because it's not turning
out. But it may not be the righttime. Which people go crazy
about because you're like, well,
Maren Oslac (15:55):
but it happened because Susie, right? Susie had
it, and she did it. So it musthave it must be time for me. No,
not necessarily.
Stephanie Allen (16:03):
And you know, one of our teachers talks about
like, when you're downloading,say you're streaming a video
from the internet, likesometimes, when you go to
download it, you don't get thebeginning first of that movie,
you get the middle, and maybethe end comes in next. And then
the first part and then thefourth part and like it all
comes in chunks in differenttiming. It doesn't. It doesn't
(16:25):
land synchronistically like it.
I mean, it doesn't land. What doyou call it? chronologically.
Here's what I'm trying to say,
Maren Oslac (16:31):
so when, what Stephanie's talking about is
you know,like the buffer, you know, when
we're watching a video, like onYouTube or something like that,
you see where the play is, youknow, and then just ahead of
that there's this little grayarea that's called the buffer.
And when the bits of informationare coming into that buffer,
(16:51):
they're actually coming inasynchronously. Meaning that
exactly what Stephanie says,they're not coming in in order.
And that's why it takes a whileto buffer like when your play
actually catches up to thatbuffer. And then you get that
little spinning wheel of like,wait for this. What is waiting
for is the next chunk, it mighthave four chunks later, but it
(17:11):
doesn't have the next chunk. Soit's reorganizing itself in that
buffer.
Stephanie Allen (17:19):
And that's what we're doing consciously, you
know, I, I can get veryfrustrated. I'm saying, hey, you
know, I have an intention thatI've held for, like 30 years,
and it's never manifested. Sothe high rational achiever part
of myself that says, I must bedoing something wrong. I'm not,
you know, I'm not in the rightplace. I'm not at the right
(17:40):
time. I've got to work harder. Igotta work faster.
Maren Oslac (17:43):
I must have done something. Oh, sadly,
Stephanie Allen (17:46):
you know, and it torments me. And it's very,
very uncompassionate. Like,totally mean,
Maren Oslac (17:52):
I think we can all relate to that.
Stephanie Allen (17:54):
Yeah. And, and so think of the buffer. It's
like, how do I know that therearen't chunks of what it is I
want in the manifestation realmthat's coming in, in different
timing. And can I trust theprocess? Oh, that's so hard.
Because we are so conditioned ofthat fear of missing out. It's
(18:14):
like, Oh, my God, I'm gonna missout I'm gonna live like, never
reached my potential, I'm notgoing to know who I am or why
I'm here. I don't have the moneyor the relationship with the
health. We get off on thesetracks, and it's so miserable.
Maren Oslac (18:27):
I'm gonna go back to the apple tree that you were
talking about earlier, andyou're planting an apple tree
and not expecting an orangetree. The other piece of that is
planting an apple tree and thenstanding over it going like, is
it growing yet? Is it growingyet? Is it growing? Can I pick
my apples? Can I pick my apples?
Right? Because like, we wouldn'tdo that. And yet we do that to
ourselves, you know, we're toldthat we're supposed to set a
(18:50):
goal and then do these chunks,chunk it down into, you know,
this is what's gonna happen thisyear. And from that, this is
what's gonna happen the nextyear and then in each of the
quarters, and then this iswhat's going to happen this week
and then measure our success.
And it's like, wait a minute,who's timeline, who's timeline
is that right? And what, like,if I am planting say, for
(19:15):
example, bamboo, right, youplant bamboo and you see nothing
for seven years. Nothing. Youplant a Fern and you're like,
there it is, right. So we don't,we make so many assumptions. You
know, like I may be the bambooand you're the fern and I'm
(19:36):
going to compare myself to youbecause my my bamboo does not
look like your Fern. and its notup yet
Stephanie Allen (19:42):
and again,we're looking above ground. We're
looking outwardly, for results.
We have no idea what's going onunder the surface, how much
change has been happening. And Imean, I can give a good example
that there's that internal likeSometimes, you know, and this
just happened to be recently oflike, going through a really
(20:02):
hard time emotionally. And I'mlooking outward going, oh my
god, I'm a hot mess. I'm a hotmess. And then people coming in
and see me and like, wow, like,you are so different Stephanie,
you've really changed, you'requieter, you've slowed down,
you're more, your heart's moreopen. And I'm like, I feel like
a bag, bag of crap. Like, I feellike I'm like, everywhere and
(20:26):
all at once, like that movie.
And it's like, what people see,and what you feel and be
completely incongruent. Right?
And yet, it's like, we're soconditioned to look at the
outer, that if I don't haveresults, now, I must be doing
something wrong. If if I, youknow, because I did this, cause
(20:50):
and cause and cause and effect,right? I did something and it
didn't get the the effect that Iwanted. Linear, very linear. And
it's, again, I keep coming back,we to be kinder with ourselves
is not something that we aretaught, or modeled how to do.
Maren Oslac (21:15):
And as leaders, when we can do this with
ourselves, we can then do itwith our teams. And with our
business plans, and with ourright, we can allow things to
meander, I'm gonna read a quotethat there's this wonderful book
(21:36):
that I just won. Actually,speaking of magic happening, I
won this book, and there was adefinite reason for it. One of
the things one of the truths isthat life will always give us
what we need before we need it.
And I was doing a talk apresentation at a local WESOS
meeting, WESOS is women'sentrepreneurs secrets of
(22:01):
success. And as I was preparingfor it, I went to a different
WESOS meeting. And this was agiveaway there and I walked in,
I was like, Oh, my gosh, I needthat book, speaking of knowing
you need something. And Ithought I need to order that
from the internet because I needthat book. Well, here's one of
those things, my concretizedlike, I never win anything. And
(22:23):
I actually won, I not only wononce, but I won twice. And the
leader there said you don't gettwo different prizes. But you
should should go play thelottery today. So anyway, the
book was, as I was reading it, Iwent, Oh, my gosh, I need this
paragraph. And so I used it inmy talk. And as we're talking,
(22:44):
it just came up again. So sothis is from The Magic of Tiny
Business by Sharon Rowe. And itsays "entrepreneurship doesn't
need to be a competitive race tothe peak as popular myths and
media wants you to believe itcan be a pleasurable,
educational meandering hike,from point A to point B, step by
(23:08):
step to the summit, where youarrive in healthier financial
and personal shape then when youbegan." It's such a different
paradigm. And what if ourbusinesses all had that as a
(23:29):
floor instead of, as you'd liketo say, Stephanie, head down,
but up, go, go, go?
Stephanie Allen (23:39):
Yeah. I mean, even I'm thinking of parents
that have children who are youngadults who they have ideals for
them, like come on, it's time toget a job, it's time to go out
and get, you know, go touniversity or get married or
have kids or grandkids orwhatever. And it's like, we
project on what we want forsomeone else, because we're
(24:02):
uncomfortable with our own innertiming. And, and that projection
out onto someone else alsoaffects them, if that person
doesn't have an inner practiceto be present to what they
believe is true for them. So letme see what like what I mean by
(24:23):
that. So when someone, someonefeels controlled and manipulated
and irritated and differentthings, you have to ask
yourself, Why Why am I feelingthat way? Is it really the
person that's making me feelthis way? Or is it my thoughts
and beliefs about that? So Ijust had a recently a really
interesting experience. I have anew addition that's on my house
(24:46):
that needs to get painted. Now,my family owned a paint store
like we were like, three, fourgenerations of builders, so
we've got lots of paint. Youthink it's like you know, the
shoemaker shoe, the shoe makers,kids go with our shoes? Yeah,
well, that's kind of my family.
So I've got this part. And I hada contractor come by just
recently, and said, Hey, what'sgoing on with that? Like, why
(25:07):
haven't you painted that? Orwhatever. And I'm like, I'll get
around to it or whatever. Andhere's what's interesting. You
get what you need before youneed it. Just the week prior, I
had a wonderful client, whosaid, hey, look, I've got a four
day weekend, I paint a littlebit on the side, any chance, you
know, I could use a little extracash, any chance that you want
this addition painted? I'd behappy to do it for you. Well,
(25:32):
that was easy. Sure. So here'swhat's interesting. I had
already said yes to this person,like my client that that offered
his services to me. And it wasthe right time and the right
thing, whatever. So when thiscontractor came, he was kind of
this contractor of an oldparadigm, like the fear of
(25:53):
missing out like, well, if youdon't get it painted, you know,
it's going to be rotten. Andit's going to be this and it's
going to be that and, you know,how much longer are you going to
wait for it? And I'm like, isn'tthat interesting? I already have
somebody who's going to do thatfor me. I just said yes.
Maren Oslac (26:08):
Oh, and that person didn't do it from a hey, you
know, you're gonna miss out.
They did it from a place ofgenuine Hey, you know, I, and
honesty, we were talking abouthonesty before.
Stephanie Allen (26:20):
And I could feel that pressure of the fear
of missing out. Now, like Isaid, thank goodness, I'd
already said yes to the otherperson. But I still felt the
emotional intoxication withinmyself of fear and doubt. Like,
oh, my God is, are my shakes, ormy cedar shakes rotten? Are they
this? Are they bad? Or this? Oh,my gosh, am I doing something
(26:42):
wrong? And I didn't like that.
Yeah. Because like, I don't wantto make choices anymore from the
fear of missing out. Or for fromthat emotional intoxication, I
want to make it because it's theright time. And that it's that
I'm not seeing because some ofyou might say, well, you know,
if it's easy, and it's meant tobe or if it's, you know, if it's
meant to be, it'll be it'll justhappen naturally. That's not
(27:04):
true, either. Huh. Here's thebuffer again, like, you know,
the, my, by the way, my backaddition that I that came on is
because a tree fell behind, inin the fall from the hurricane,
it was actually in my 10 yearplan, I had in 10 years, I was
gonna put the new addition on,but when the tree fell down,
(27:26):
like I guess the time is now.
It's like that's there's there'sthe dance between setting a goal
and also surrendering how that'sgoing to unfold, and staying
present to it to what wants tohappen in its right time.
Maren Oslac (27:44):
I think of that as my conversation with life. And
I'll set my intention, I'll setmy goal. And then listen,
because Spirit will usually havea weigh in on that. So it'll be
hey, here's what I want. Andspirit will say, Well, how about
this kind of like, you're like,I want this in 10 years and
(28:06):
spirit says, well, How aboutNow?
Stephanie Allen (28:08):
now it might be a good time. the trees like
hanging out on it and justcrushed half of it. So it might
be a good time.
Maren Oslac (28:13):
Right? Or you know, knowing that you're like, like
life Spirit knew that you neededthat your back, you know, the
new edition painted and offeredyou an, two different options on
a silver platter. Here you go.
One is emotional entanglementand one isn't.
Stephanie Allen (28:32):
And I think there were even alluding to
something even deeper, whenwe're talking about goal setting
and intentions and achievingsomething, there is the
conscious goal setting, hey, Iwant to new back porch, you
know, I want to lose 20 pounds,and I want to run a marathon or
all these different things thatwe say our goals, right? So we
(28:52):
have this conscious, which isonly 5% By the way, 95% of us is
unconscious. And then there's adeep self that says something
else. That's the spirit partthat says Hmm, what about this?
Or how about now? Or what aboutthat? Have you thought about
this? And so why I'm bringingthat up is that when timing
isn't happening for you,whatever that means to you, in
(29:15):
your way of manifestingsomething old, just like I said
to that client hold possibilitythat something great is going to
happen instead. Right? That maybe the buffer that there is a
deeper knowing or a deeperintention that is meant to come
in, that you're not even awareof because it's in the
(29:36):
unconscious. But know that yoursoul has already has a
predestined plan. So don't fightit. If we can practice
surrendering if we can practiceallowing, what is then there's
we can stay I call it holdingtension of that we can stay in
conflict without without denyingourselves or another We can say,
(30:00):
okay, fascinating creation,there's a little tension here,
there must be something reallycrazy meant to birth. And this
is where we're missing it asleaders, as lovers, as learners,
all these different things, whenwe get uncomfortable, we think
there's something wrong. Youknow, instead of, I say it's
(30:23):
like meeting theuncomfortability, not pushing
through it, not forcing it notmanipulate, but meeting it with
love and curiosity.
Maren Oslac (30:32):
I think of it like you told your clear client of
like, what if, instead of'there's something wrong', what
if 'there's something right',and I just need to hold that
possibility? Because, yeah,tension is what, think about
this people, tension is whatcreates diamonds. Pressure,
right? That's tension. And so byavoiding it, we avoid the dive,
(30:55):
like allowing that to evolve inourselves. So being present to
it, and not either, like I haveto fix it, or I have to run from
it. Yeah. So those are the wetend to be in this binary,
either this or that. And whenyou can sit in instead of this
(31:16):
or that, what if I sit in themiddle of those two?
Stephanie Allen (31:19):
Exactly. And instead of fear being your
emotional intoxication to make adecision. It's possibility,
wonder, curiosity.
Maren Oslac (31:35):
Well, I love that this has been an a very
enriching conversation for me.
Thank you, Stephanie. And don'tforget that you can find all of
our stuff on Facebook andLinkedIn and now on YouTube. And
we look forward to talking toyou next week on the soulful
leader podcast.
Stephanie Allen (32:02):
And that wraps up another episode of the
soulful leader podcast with yourhost, Stephanie Allen,
Maren Oslac (32:08):
and Maren Oslac.
Thank you for listening. Ifyou'd like to dive deeper, head
over to our website at thesoulful leader podcast.com.
Stephanie Allen (32:18):
Until next time,
In a world where achievements and accolades
motivate us to do more and bemore, we're often left
wondering, is this really it?
Stephanie Allen (00:12):
deep inside, you know, there is more to life,
you're ready to leave behind theold push your way through and
claim the deeper life that'scalling you.
Maren Oslac (00:20):
That's where we excel. We're your host,
Stephanie Allen and Maren Oslac.
Stephanie Allen (00:26):
And this is the soulful leader podcast.
Maren Oslac (00:29):
Sit back and relax as we share the shortcuts we've
uncovered to help you make shifthappen.
Welcome back to the soulfulleader podcast. This is Maren
and I'm here with Stephanie. Andwe were talking today about
(00:50):
timing. And there's a sayingthat comes to mind whenever I
think of timing. And it's thateverything in nature happens as
it's needed, whenever, withoutany rushing, or it's like,
everything happens and itdoesn't rush, it doesn't do
anything, it doesn't go out ofits way. It just everything,
(01:13):
everything happens in righttime. And for me, I've been
really thinking about that.
Because with with spring here,and I'm feeling the energy of,
of blooming things and excitinglike, oh, boy, I have so much
energy and I want to geteverything done. And I thought,
Ah, why didn't I feel like thisthree months ago, like, all this
(01:35):
stuff that I want to get done.
Now I could have gotten a headstart on it, I could have
could-a, would-a, should-a. AndI realized that it wasn't right
time. It wasn't right time.
Stephanie Allen (01:50):
It's so frustrating at times, though, in
our inner world, right? Because,you know, when you have goals
and dreams and ideals, and wejust want to get them out there,
we want to get them planted. Youknow, and I it's so interesting,
because I was talking to youjust last week going, hey, you
know, because anyone who'slistening, Maren really changed
my whole life around seeds andgardening, organically. Many,
(02:15):
many years ago, this is actuallyhow we met. And so I am really,
totally, literally a beginner.
When it comes to gardening, Iknow nothing. And so I get all
excited. And I go, Okay, I'mgoing to plant all kinds of
things this year. And I get Iget stressed shopping and I buy
way too many things, and halfthe stuff doesn't even grow in
my zone. So I was asking, I wasasking Maren for advice. And she
(02:37):
was saying, well, actually, youcould plant those whatever,
though, you know, those plantslike last week, you're good to
go. What about these plants? No,no, you gotta wait for like, you
know, into May. And I'm like, Ihave no idea. And yet, I just
want to plant everything all atonce. And how often are we like
that in our lives, like, I justwant to have everything done and
(02:58):
everything over and we pushourselves. And we try to push
nature. To make it you know,we're trying to blossom
something inside and then youknow, or in a season that it's
not meant to blossom.
Maren Oslac (03:13):
What's interesting is that it doesn't. So one of
the things that you can do islike peas, you can plant peas,
as soon as the ground isworkable in the spring. And I
most often do that. And the thisyear and last year, I actually
didn't get to it. So I'm goingto use last year as in my
(03:34):
example. Last year, I didn't getto it. So I bought somebody
else's peas that they hadstarted. So I got little little
pea plants. And I planted theirplants and I planted a late row
of peas because the other thingyou can do with peas is
succession planting, you can dothat with many of your crops. So
that you'll, you know, likethese peas will grow and give
(03:56):
you peas and two weeks later,you'll get peas from the other
one. Well, what ended uphappening was the ones that I
bought from the store andtransplanted and the ones that I
planted late both bloomed andgave me peas at exactly the same
time. So the the head start,that you're like when we think
(04:16):
that we'll beat you know, we'llbeat nature in this instance, or
like I should be doing somethingin January for myself or talking
to my inner self now. Right?
Like, well, I should be doingthat. I don't feel like doing
that. And I really am notgetting any indication from the
world, from life that I that Ishould be doing it but that my
(04:37):
itty bitty shitty committee istelling me yes, you should
measure and you should be doingsomething
Stephanie Allen (04:44):
right so that you can be ahead of everybody
and get out there and getstarted. And then I'm like what
is the rush?
Maren Oslac (04:50):
And it doesn't get Yeah, you know, it's like I
didn't get the you know, Ididn't get the extra bonus early
peas. Anyway, I got my latepeas, which was fine. I love my
peas. And both sets were great.
So I'm glad that I bought them.
I just found that it was a veryinteresting experiment and that
it really does. It works in mylife, too. It was like it's a
(05:13):
metaphor, right? It's a metaphorfor our lives. Well,
Stephanie Allen (05:16):
I think of the, the feeling of procrastination,
I think we're really hard onourselves, when you say I'm
procrastinating about something.
And perhaps it just isn't theright time. And we're labeling
it as procrastination instead ofsaying, you know, is it maybe
it's not the right time? Ormaybe I haven't quite been ready
internally yet. To really ownsomething. So so let's think of
(05:40):
an example. You know, I see thisa lot with my clients, and
they'll say, oh, that Stephanie,that's a great program, I really
want to do that. And I'm like,Well, how about now? Now, I, and
they'll give me a whole list ofexcuses. And I will say,
excuses, you know, I don't haveenough money, you don't have
enough time. You know, my kidsneed this, my partner needs
that. Or they have all kinds ofthings. And that's okay. But I
(06:01):
always say, Just tell the truth,right? And it's easier to say,
Hey, that's a great idea. Butright now, I have other values,
that are these priorities thatneed to be looked after first.
Instead, I think it's reallyeasy to say I don't have money,
I don't have time, or I don'thave energy. And that might be
(06:23):
true, that may be true. But Ifind a more beautiful loving way
to yourself to say, wait aminute, this is an opportunity
for me to look within and saywhat is most important right
now?
Maren Oslac (06:38):
There's so many levels to that. Because it not
only in telling the truth inlooking inside of us for that
truth. A couple of things is,first of all, when I use the
excuses, I claim those in mylife, I don't have enough time.
I don't have enough money. Idon't have enough. So now I'm
telling the universe. Oh, Idon't have enough.
Stephanie Allen (07:01):
So the universe slows down, right?
Maren Oslac (07:03):
i Oh, that's why, that's what we're gonna, so
okay, she's doesn't have enoughfor all of this. And the
interesting thing is that, if I,if it were right time, and I
like knew that it was for me, Iwould find the time, the energy,
the, the money, the whatever.
And I know that about myself. Soit's interesting, too, so today,
(07:24):
Stephanie asked me about joiningher in doing, you know, a
program that she found. And Ijust said that, you know, I
don't think that's right for me.
And yet, three months ago, sheasked me to join her doing a
program that she found, and itwas like, yep, Sign me up. And
Stephanie Allen (07:47):
so what was the difference? How did you know?
How did you know, Maren, what tosay yes and what to say no to?
What was the timing insideyourself? Like, how did you know
that?
Maren Oslac (07:57):
There is one of the things that you and I have been
working on both together, andseparately, for many years is
this knowing inside ofourselves, and some people call
it intuition. Our coach tends toseparate intuition as something
that, like if I've worked atsomething for many years, it
(08:19):
becomes subconscious to me, andmy subconscious is faster than
my conscious mind. So it stepsin and gives me the answer. And
that's one definition ofintuition. And that's the way
that we tend to talk about it.
Beyond intuition, is this innerknowing. And one of the studies
that they've done with that typeof intuition or you know, is
(08:42):
that they took people outside oftheir realm of knowledge, say,
for me, dance, dance is my realmof knowledge. So if they took me
outside of my realm of knowledgeinto say, for example,
investing, and they asked me touse my intuition that, that,
that level that I was justtalking about, where it's
knowledge based, and it'ssubconscious. It's no better
(09:04):
than flipping a coin. It wasguessing. The people were
outside inside their area ofexpertise, dead on 90%, like,
like 90 to 99%, like alwaysaccurate, outside of their area
of expertise. It was 50/50. Soit's essentially a guess. So
(09:27):
there is a deeper level ofknowing that outside of area,
expertise doesn't matter. It'syour ground of being it's
connecting into life itself. Andknowing what's right for you.
And it takes practice to, thereare a couple of things, we've
talked about these in the past.
(09:47):
It takes emptying out the junkfrom the junk drawer so that you
have space to actually hear andthen practicing that
conversation. So that's a longanswer to your short question,
of I've gotten to the pointwhere I now know. And when I
feel that, I, it's interestingbecause I look for the excuses.
(10:09):
So today when you and I weretalking, you asked me if I
wanted to do that. It was like,huh, it doesn't feel right,
there isn't that knowing like,Yes, I need to do this. And so
can I articulate a reason whythat's not an excuse.
Stephanie Allen (10:30):
I think also what is transforming is because
you've been practicing beingpresent to that question. And so
you are sitting with it, andgetting familiar with what it
feels like what it sounds like,what it looks like, you know,
and so you're starting topresent the signs and the
wonders, not just one, I'msaying it's plural here. It's
(10:53):
like signs and wonders. So it'snot a reaction. It's not a knee
jerk reaction, like yes or no,out of fear, or out of passion.
It's it's an absolute visceralexperience internally, that is
that transcends our rationalmind, is what I'm hearing.
Maren Oslac (11:14):
Yeah. And it's interesting that you say that,
because I almost think of itlike, I'm tracking life. Right.
And when you think about, like atracker in the woods, who's
tracking a deer or tracking, youknow, some sort of wildlife,
they are looking for, not justone sign, like, oh, look, a deer
(11:36):
was here, I can do that. I don'tneed a tracker for that. Right?
The tracker is looking formultiple signs over time. And
developing that presence to whatwants to happen, what did happen
here? Where is that that animalgoing based on what I see that,
(11:56):
where the animal has been atcetera, et cetera. So that's
what I've been practicing in mylife.
Stephanie Allen (12:03):
And how this is relating to our lives as leaders
right now is that we're trackingourselves from the future. So
we're actually just presencingof like, I, I'm intentionally
wanting to evolve into a betterhuman being. That's not saying
that I'm not good enough. Now,I'm saying my evolution is I
(12:24):
want to continue to grow throughlove and beauty, and joy. And so
I want to track that Stephaniefrom the future. And so I need
to have a practice in order tobe present to the daily signs
and wonders every day. I can'tjust, oh, look, it's magical
thinking because that's oftenwhat we that's what we do. And
it's so interesting, because ourpaths can be so rigid. And I
(12:49):
have such a great example. I wasleading a little workshop last
week. And a woman drew thoselittle cards, you know, how you
pull the little heart cards orwhatever. And it had, had had a
saying saying, you know, myabundance is constantly
increasing, My income isconstantly increasing. I am
always abundant or something,something to that that way. And
(13:13):
she instantaneously said, Oh,that's ridiculous. That can't
happen because I'm on a fixedsalary or fixed income, and
there's no way it's going tohappen. So it's funny, because
just yesterday, I was with thiswith the same the same
participant and she goes, you'renot going to believe what
happened. She said, I have totell you, because when she said,
(13:34):
Oh, that that's impossible, I'mon a fixed income, that won't
happen. I said, What if you holdthe possibility that that card
you just pulled is coming fromyour future, not from your
conditioned past? Which youthink you already have a
rigidity in knowing, And I said,What if you just were open to
the possibility? Like what theheck, right? Don't be looking
(13:56):
for it anxiously, which is oftenwhat we do. Let's just be open
and playful. So she, she metwith me yesterday. She's like,
you're not gonna leave whathappened. She said, I got home
after pulling that card. And shesaid, I got an email. And you
know how you get those emailsfrom the bank saying, You got X
amount of dollars, you have tocontact this thing, Well, she
thought it was completely spam.
And it was crazy. Anyway, so shecalled her bank and they're
(14:18):
like, yes, we made a terrible,terrible mistake. And we owe you
$2,000
Maren Oslac (14:24):
Oh, my God.
Stephanie Allen (14:25):
That's right.
And she's like, unbelievable.
And I said, I wonder how manytimes in our lives we have gone
from our, our, our past self ofexperience, which we're talking
about as intuition and patterns,right, living from our past that
has literally concretizethinking that this is the way it
(14:50):
is and it's the only way it'sgoing to be on that's what
Maren Oslac (14:51):
this is who I am.
This is what my life looks like,and it's not going to change.
Stephanie Allen (14:55):
That's right.
That's right. And again, when wecome back to timing, and we come
back to that whole Plantingseeds, it's like, you plant a
seed because you want, you were,you don't plant an apple seed
expecting an orange tree. Likeyou're, you get what you plant.
So it's like if you can holdopen the possibilities, you can
be very surprised and delightedabout what might happen. And,
(15:17):
you know, this is also bringingup another conversation that you
and I were talking about Marenaround the old paradigm of the
fear of missing out theemotional addictions that we get
around timing around, trying tomake something happen. Like the
high rational achievermanifestation thing, like, I
(15:38):
want to manifest a relationship,I want to manifest health, I
want to manifest money. And sowe set out with a plan of
action. And then we're reallyupset because it's not turning
out. But it may not be the righttime. Which people go crazy
about because you're like, well,
Maren Oslac (15:55):
but it happened because Susie, right? Susie had
it, and she did it. So it musthave it must be time for me. No,
not necessarily.
Stephanie Allen (16:03):
And you know, one of our teachers talks about
like, when you're downloading,say you're streaming a video
from the internet, likesometimes, when you go to
download it, you don't get thebeginning first of that movie,
you get the middle, and maybethe end comes in next. And then
the first part and then thefourth part and like it all
comes in chunks in differenttiming. It doesn't. It doesn't
(16:25):
land synchronistically like it.
I mean, it doesn't land. What doyou call it? chronologically.
Here's what I'm trying to say,
Maren Oslac (16:31):
so when, what Stephanie's talking about is
you know,like the buffer, you know, when
we're watching a video, like onYouTube or something like that,
you see where the play is, youknow, and then just ahead of
that there's this little grayarea that's called the buffer.
And when the bits of informationare coming into that buffer,
(16:51):
they're actually coming inasynchronously. Meaning that
exactly what Stephanie says,they're not coming in in order.
And that's why it takes a whileto buffer like when your play
actually catches up to thatbuffer. And then you get that
little spinning wheel of like,wait for this. What is waiting
for is the next chunk, it mighthave four chunks later, but it
(17:11):
doesn't have the next chunk. Soit's reorganizing itself in that
buffer.
Stephanie Allen (17:19):
And that's what we're doing consciously, you
know, I, I can get veryfrustrated. I'm saying, hey, you
know, I have an intention thatI've held for, like 30 years,
and it's never manifested. Sothe high rational achiever part
of myself that says, I must bedoing something wrong. I'm not,
you know, I'm not in the rightplace. I'm not at the right
(17:40):
time. I've got to work harder. Igotta work faster.
Maren Oslac (17:43):
I must have done something. Oh, sadly,
Stephanie Allen (17:46):
you know, and it torments me. And it's very,
very uncompassionate. Like,totally mean,
Maren Oslac (17:52):
I think we can all relate to that.
Stephanie Allen (17:54):
Yeah. And, and so think of the buffer. It's
like, how do I know that therearen't chunks of what it is I
want in the manifestation realmthat's coming in, in different
timing. And can I trust theprocess? Oh, that's so hard.
Because we are so conditioned ofthat fear of missing out. It's
(18:14):
like, Oh, my God, I'm gonna missout I'm gonna live like, never
reached my potential, I'm notgoing to know who I am or why
I'm here. I don't have the moneyor the relationship with the
health. We get off on thesetracks, and it's so miserable.
Maren Oslac (18:27):
I'm gonna go back to the apple tree that you were
talking about earlier, andyou're planting an apple tree
and not expecting an orangetree. The other piece of that is
planting an apple tree and thenstanding over it going like, is
it growing yet? Is it growingyet? Is it growing? Can I pick
my apples? Can I pick my apples?
Right? Because like, we wouldn'tdo that. And yet we do that to
ourselves, you know, we're toldthat we're supposed to set a
(18:50):
goal and then do these chunks,chunk it down into, you know,
this is what's gonna happen thisyear. And from that, this is
what's gonna happen the nextyear and then in each of the
quarters, and then this iswhat's going to happen this week
and then measure our success.
And it's like, wait a minute,who's timeline, who's timeline
is that right? And what, like,if I am planting say, for
(19:15):
example, bamboo, right, youplant bamboo and you see nothing
for seven years. Nothing. Youplant a Fern and you're like,
there it is, right. So we don't,we make so many assumptions. You
know, like I may be the bambooand you're the fern and I'm
(19:36):
going to compare myself to youbecause my my bamboo does not
look like your Fern. and its notup yet
Stephanie Allen (19:42):
and again,we're looking above ground. We're
looking outwardly, for results.
We have no idea what's going onunder the surface, how much
change has been happening. And Imean, I can give a good example
that there's that internal likeSometimes, you know, and this
just happened to be recently oflike, going through a really
(20:02):
hard time emotionally. And I'mlooking outward going, oh my
god, I'm a hot mess. I'm a hotmess. And then people coming in
and see me and like, wow, like,you are so different Stephanie,
you've really changed, you'requieter, you've slowed down,
you're more, your heart's moreopen. And I'm like, I feel like
a bag, bag of crap. Like, I feellike I'm like, everywhere and
(20:26):
all at once, like that movie.
And it's like, what people see,and what you feel and be
completely incongruent. Right?
And yet, it's like, we're soconditioned to look at the
outer, that if I don't haveresults, now, I must be doing
something wrong. If if I, youknow, because I did this, cause
(20:50):
and cause and cause and effect,right? I did something and it
didn't get the the effect that Iwanted. Linear, very linear. And
it's, again, I keep coming back,we to be kinder with ourselves
is not something that we aretaught, or modeled how to do.
Maren Oslac (21:15):
And as leaders, when we can do this with
ourselves, we can then do itwith our teams. And with our
business plans, and with ourright, we can allow things to
meander, I'm gonna read a quotethat there's this wonderful book
(21:36):
that I just won. Actually,speaking of magic happening, I
won this book, and there was adefinite reason for it. One of
the things one of the truths isthat life will always give us
what we need before we need it.
And I was doing a talk apresentation at a local WESOS
meeting, WESOS is women'sentrepreneurs secrets of
(22:01):
success. And as I was preparingfor it, I went to a different
WESOS meeting. And this was agiveaway there and I walked in,
I was like, Oh, my gosh, I needthat book, speaking of knowing
you need something. And Ithought I need to order that
from the internet because I needthat book. Well, here's one of
those things, my concretizedlike, I never win anything. And
(22:23):
I actually won, I not only wononce, but I won twice. And the
leader there said you don't gettwo different prizes. But you
should should go play thelottery today. So anyway, the
book was, as I was reading it, Iwent, Oh, my gosh, I need this
paragraph. And so I used it inmy talk. And as we're talking,
(22:44):
it just came up again. So sothis is from The Magic of Tiny
Business by Sharon Rowe. And itsays "entrepreneurship doesn't
need to be a competitive race tothe peak as popular myths and
media wants you to believe itcan be a pleasurable,
educational meandering hike,from point A to point B, step by
(23:08):
step to the summit, where youarrive in healthier financial
and personal shape then when youbegan." It's such a different
paradigm. And what if ourbusinesses all had that as a
(23:29):
floor instead of, as you'd liketo say, Stephanie, head down,
but up, go, go, go?
Stephanie Allen (23:39):
Yeah. I mean, even I'm thinking of parents
that have children who are youngadults who they have ideals for
them, like come on, it's time toget a job, it's time to go out
and get, you know, go touniversity or get married or
have kids or grandkids orwhatever. And it's like, we
project on what we want forsomeone else, because we're
(24:02):
uncomfortable with our own innertiming. And, and that projection
out onto someone else alsoaffects them, if that person
doesn't have an inner practiceto be present to what they
believe is true for them. So letme see what like what I mean by
(24:23):
that. So when someone, someonefeels controlled and manipulated
and irritated and differentthings, you have to ask
yourself, Why Why am I feelingthat way? Is it really the
person that's making me feelthis way? Or is it my thoughts
and beliefs about that? So Ijust had a recently a really
interesting experience. I have anew addition that's on my house
(24:46):
that needs to get painted. Now,my family owned a paint store
like we were like, three, fourgenerations of builders, so
we've got lots of paint. Youthink it's like you know, the
shoemaker shoe, the shoe makers,kids go with our shoes? Yeah,
well, that's kind of my family.
So I've got this part. And I hada contractor come by just
recently, and said, Hey, what'sgoing on with that? Like, why
(25:07):
haven't you painted that? Orwhatever. And I'm like, I'll get
around to it or whatever. Andhere's what's interesting. You
get what you need before youneed it. Just the week prior, I
had a wonderful client, whosaid, hey, look, I've got a four
day weekend, I paint a littlebit on the side, any chance, you
know, I could use a little extracash, any chance that you want
this addition painted? I'd behappy to do it for you. Well,
(25:32):
that was easy. Sure. So here'swhat's interesting. I had
already said yes to this person,like my client that that offered
his services to me. And it wasthe right time and the right
thing, whatever. So when thiscontractor came, he was kind of
this contractor of an oldparadigm, like the fear of
(25:53):
missing out like, well, if youdon't get it painted, you know,
it's going to be rotten. Andit's going to be this and it's
going to be that and, you know,how much longer are you going to
wait for it? And I'm like, isn'tthat interesting? I already have
somebody who's going to do thatfor me. I just said yes.
Maren Oslac (26:08):
Oh, and that person didn't do it from a hey, you
know, you're gonna miss out.
They did it from a place ofgenuine Hey, you know, I, and
honesty, we were talking abouthonesty before.
Stephanie Allen (26:20):
And I could feel that pressure of the fear
of missing out. Now, like Isaid, thank goodness, I'd
already said yes to the otherperson. But I still felt the
emotional intoxication withinmyself of fear and doubt. Like,
oh, my God is, are my shakes, ormy cedar shakes rotten? Are they
this? Are they bad? Or this? Oh,my gosh, am I doing something
(26:42):
wrong? And I didn't like that.
Yeah. Because like, I don't wantto make choices anymore from the
fear of missing out. Or for fromthat emotional intoxication, I
want to make it because it's theright time. And that it's that
I'm not seeing because some ofyou might say, well, you know,
if it's easy, and it's meant tobe or if it's, you know, if it's
meant to be, it'll be it'll justhappen naturally. That's not
(27:04):
true, either. Huh. Here's thebuffer again, like, you know,
the, my, by the way, my backaddition that I that came on is
because a tree fell behind, inin the fall from the hurricane,
it was actually in my 10 yearplan, I had in 10 years, I was
gonna put the new addition on,but when the tree fell down,
(27:26):
like I guess the time is now.
It's like that's there's there'sthe dance between setting a goal
and also surrendering how that'sgoing to unfold, and staying
present to it to what wants tohappen in its right time.
Maren Oslac (27:44):
I think of that as my conversation with life. And
I'll set my intention, I'll setmy goal. And then listen,
because Spirit will usually havea weigh in on that. So it'll be
hey, here's what I want. Andspirit will say, Well, how about
this kind of like, you're like,I want this in 10 years and
(28:06):
spirit says, well, How aboutNow?
Stephanie Allen (28:08):
now it might be a good time. the trees like
hanging out on it and justcrushed half of it. So it might
be a good time.
Maren Oslac (28:13):
Right? Or you know, knowing that you're like, like
life Spirit knew that you neededthat your back, you know, the
new edition painted and offeredyou an, two different options on
a silver platter. Here you go.
One is emotional entanglementand one isn't.
Stephanie Allen (28:32):
And I think there were even alluding to
something even deeper, whenwe're talking about goal setting
and intentions and achievingsomething, there is the
conscious goal setting, hey, Iwant to new back porch, you
know, I want to lose 20 pounds,and I want to run a marathon or
all these different things thatwe say our goals, right? So we
(28:52):
have this conscious, which isonly 5% By the way, 95% of us is
unconscious. And then there's adeep self that says something
else. That's the spirit partthat says Hmm, what about this?
Or how about now? Or what aboutthat? Have you thought about
this? And so why I'm bringingthat up is that when timing
isn't happening for you,whatever that means to you, in
(29:15):
your way of manifestingsomething old, just like I said
to that client hold possibilitythat something great is going to
happen instead. Right? That maybe the buffer that there is a
deeper knowing or a deeperintention that is meant to come
in, that you're not even awareof because it's in the
(29:36):
unconscious. But know that yoursoul has already has a
predestined plan. So don't fightit. If we can practice
surrendering if we can practiceallowing, what is then there's
we can stay I call it holdingtension of that we can stay in
conflict without without denyingourselves or another We can say,
(30:00):
okay, fascinating creation,there's a little tension here,
there must be something reallycrazy meant to birth. And this
is where we're missing it asleaders, as lovers, as learners,
all these different things, whenwe get uncomfortable, we think
there's something wrong. Youknow, instead of, I say it's
(30:23):
like meeting theuncomfortability, not pushing
through it, not forcing it notmanipulate, but meeting it with
love and curiosity.
Maren Oslac (30:32):
I think of it like you told your clear client of
like, what if, instead of'there's something wrong', what
if 'there's something right',and I just need to hold that
possibility? Because, yeah,tension is what, think about
this people, tension is whatcreates diamonds. Pressure,
right? That's tension. And so byavoiding it, we avoid the dive,
(30:55):
like allowing that to evolve inourselves. So being present to
it, and not either, like I haveto fix it, or I have to run from
it. Yeah. So those are the wetend to be in this binary,
either this or that. And whenyou can sit in instead of this
(31:16):
or that, what if I sit in themiddle of those two?
Stephanie Allen (31:19):
Exactly. And instead of fear being your
emotional intoxication to make adecision. It's possibility,
wonder, curiosity.
Maren Oslac (31:35):
Well, I love that this has been an a very
enriching conversation for me.
Thank you, Stephanie. And don'tforget that you can find all of
our stuff on Facebook andLinkedIn and now on YouTube. And
we look forward to talking toyou next week on the soulful
leader podcast.
Stephanie Allen (32:02):
And that wraps up another episode of the
soulful leader podcast with yourhost, Stephanie Allen,
Maren Oslac (32:08):
and Maren Oslac.
Thank you for listening. Ifyou'd like to dive deeper, head
over to our website at thesoulful leader podcast.com.
Stephanie Allen (32:18):
Until next time,
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