Join me, Dr. Deanna Iverson, on the Special Parent Podcast as we unlock the secrets to effectively balancing therapy and personal time for parents of special needs children. Imagine transforming your home into a fun-centered therapy haven and watching your child make leaps in progress while still maintaining your sanity. In this episode, I share my personal journey of managing a myriad of therapies, from physical and occupational to speech and behavior, and the real impact these have on both child and parent.
Ever wondered how to foster a strong therapeutic relationship between your child and their therapist without stepping on toes? I'll guide you through the intricate dance of setting boundaries, celebrating those hard-earned milestones, and knowing just when to step back to let the magic happen. Using real-life anecdotes, I reveal the challenges and rewards of creating an environment where therapy doesn't feel like a chore but rather an engaging, enjoyable experience for your child.
But that's not all—learn from my missteps and victories as we discuss the critical role of clear communication with therapy providers, the pitfalls of taking breaks from therapy, and the strategies for finding and keeping excellent therapists. Discover practical tips for tracking therapy goals and why patience is your best ally on this journey. Join me for an episode filled with heartfelt insights, designed to empower you as you navigate the complex world of therapy for your special needs child.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This program is made possible by friends and partners
of the Special Parent Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I believe that empowering parents of special
needs children is like givingthem the superpower of
unconditional love andunbreakable determination.
They are not just parents, theyare true champions, shaping a
bright future for theirincredible children.
I'm Dr Deanna Iverson and I'mglad you're here.
Hi there, and welcome to theSpecial Parent Podcast.
(00:32):
This is Dr Deanna Iverson.
Have you ever struggled to finda great therapist?
And then, once you do, youreally want to ensure that you
keep them.
Therapists and providers aresome of the most important
supports that we have as parentsof special needs children.
Therapists are there for ourchild, but they can also be
there for us as a parent and thethings that we need.
(00:55):
So when the therapist comes,they leave and they can give us
tips and tricks to help us getthrough the next couple of days
until the next visit or to helpour child find more success,
because we can work with ourchild at other times, too that
maybe a therapist can't be there.
So therapists and providers arevery important partners in this
(01:16):
village that we're creatingaround our children and our
families.
One of the things therapistscan also help us do is find
social connections.
A lot of times if we're goingto therapies that are outside of
the house or if we're havingmaybe small group therapies even
within neighborhoods sometimesthey do that we can find some
(01:39):
social connections with otherparents who have walked similar
walks to us and haveunderstandings that we have.
So there's lots of differenttypes of therapists that are out
there.
You have your physicaltherapists, you have your
occupational therapists, thenyou have speech and language,
which actually can be related tofeeding therapists.
(01:59):
So when you go for feedingtherapy you're actually working
with a speech language therapist, because it's all the muscles
and the movement of the mouth.
You have behavior therapists,some of them like we've heard of
ABA therapy, but some of themmight be more of the psychology
type of therapy.
So we've got those.
And then we have alternativetherapies out there also.
(02:21):
Alternative therapies out therealso things like I know there's
things called the brain balancecenter and there's different
types of therapies that workdifferent parts of our body and
our brain, trying to geteverything together.
Therapies can also be in home orat office.
So for my son we like to havein-home therapies, especially
(02:43):
when he was a lot younger,because that one-on-one
attention was so important forhis development.
So we liked to have in-officetherapies for him at that time.
As he's gotten a little bitolder, some of the out-of-office
therapies the therapies inother locations have been really
good for him on a social basis.
So we've noticed that as he'sgotten older and we've tried to
(03:06):
encourage more social behaviorsso that he finds his place in
society, more that therapiesoutside of the home have been
more beneficial to us at thattime.
So in-office providesopportunities also for parental
connections.
So while your child is gettingthat social aspect of therapy,
(03:27):
you as the parent can also befinding some connections,
meeting new parents or evenmaybe your siblings of special
needs children meeting othersiblings while everyone's
waiting in the office or maybeeven participating in therapy or
maybe even participating intherapy.
One of the connections that wemade is during one of our
(03:48):
therapy sessions for our son.
We actually met some familiesthat connected with a special
needs little league that we havein the area and so it gave that
family connections, extraconnections outside of therapies
and everything else that theirchild could have fun with.
This boy then joined a sportsleague when they didn't think
(04:10):
that was going to be possiblefor him and those kinds of
things.
So it's really important to getinvolved in therapy both in
home and out of the home, notonly for the well-being of your
child but for you too.
In-home is definitely moreconvenient for a lot of people.
I really liked when we werehaving in-home therapies.
I really felt that my son gotthat one-on-one attention, that
(04:35):
his progress and his advanceswere more.
They were just more easilyobservable and prominent and
seen.
It was really helpful for me towatch and observe the therapist
at the time and then, when shewas not at our house, I would
also know how to help my son.
I would be able to work withhim better.
Sometimes it was nice just tobe able to step away.
(04:57):
The therapist could be in thehome working with my son and I
could go in the other room.
Or I could be cooking in thekitchen or getting some bills
paid the other parts of lifethat may not be so exciting.
Or maybe take five minutes anddo some of that self-care I've
talked about in some of myprevious episodes.
That may be time that you takesome time for yourself with
(05:18):
those self-care moments.
Maybe do some meditation, maybedo some exercise, whatever it
is that really helps renew you.
So having an in-home therapistcan be really convenient and
easy in a lot of ways.
The downside to that, though, is, with in-home therapy, you have
a lot of people coming in andout of your house.
(05:39):
My husband and I felt that itwas sometimes daunting.
I was like, oh, there's justalways somebody in our home.
There's always somebodyobserving us.
It felt like even though theyweren't there to critique us or
anything else like that, it wasjust.
There was never a break.
It felt like, because there wasalways somebody in our house
between the therapies and theproviders, always somebody in
(06:06):
our house between the therapiesand the providers.
So the way that we handled itwas sometimes we would say we
need to skip appointments nextweek and we would take a break.
Or sometimes we would actuallyschedule to have our respite
provider for our son be there atthe same time.
The occupational therapist wasthere, and then that was a time
when everything was taken careof and my husband and I could
just step away for a little bit.
I could go to the grocery storeas long as I knew I'd be back
(06:27):
in time, and those kinds ofthings.
So, yes, it's important towatch, but it's also important
to use that time in a way that'sgoing to be best fitted for you
and your family when your childis in therapy.
A lot of times, especially ifit's a physical type of therapy,
they do suggest parentssomewhat, get involved, throw on
that sweat pant and thoseponytails and really get hands
(06:48):
in.
If it's going to be somethingbeneficial for your child and
for you, that's always reallyhelpful.
One of the hard parts I foundabout therapy was setting those
realistic goals.
We found through a lot of trialand error that not everything
worked for our kid.
It could be the best practiceout there, it could be the thing
that works for the 90%, and itjust didn't seem to be working
(07:12):
for him.
So I had to set realisticexpectations and sometimes, even
though I was really excitedbecause there was going to be
this new therapy or this newtechnique, I was like, oh well,
I got disappointed in theprogress and that can impact the
relationship between you andthe therapist and you don't want
to do that.
You don't want to impact thatrelationship because your
(07:32):
child's not making the progressyou were hoping for.
We want to be a little moreanalytical about that progress
and figure out why that progressisn't taking place.
More analytical about thatprogress and figure out why that
progress isn't taking place.
The therapy team should beadapting to the needs of your
child and their job is to helpyour child adapt to the needs of
a world, a world out there,where it may not be easy for
(07:53):
them to function, whether that'sbehaviorally, physically,
mentally, emotionally.
So the therapist should bereally making a program that is
specific and hitting all theneeds of your child.
And if you don't feel that it'sworking that way, that's where
this relationship with yourtherapist really is important.
(08:15):
So talk to them, create thatrelationship with them, and when
we're hands-on and we're inthere and we're talking to the
therapist every day like whatworked, what didn't work, where
are we at, that's going to helpbuild that relationship.
It helps build the trust onboth ends between the parent,
the therapist, but also betweenthe child and the therapist,
(08:35):
because the therapist knows thatthey can have the ability to
work with your child and thatyou trust the results and
therefore they're going toactually be, in a sense, more
flexible with the way they workwith your child.
So a lot of times theinvolvement with the therapist
you can learn a lot of cuesabout your child, or you can
(08:56):
help the therapist read your ownchild's cues, so in the
beginning.
They might need you there moreoften than they do, say, after
they get established.
It is hard for therapists andchildren with special needs
sometimes to create arelationship.
It could be because there isjust not that natural bond that
your child's going to have withsomeone else.
(09:17):
It could just be simply becausewhat the therapist is asking
your child to do is not alwaysthe most fun and comfortable,
though I will say most therapiesshould be fun-centered and
fun-focused with children.
But it can sometimes getchallenging and that might be
when your child doesn't want topush through with the therapist.
So make sure that you have alsodeveloped and continue to
(09:40):
foster that relationship, andthat will help the therapist and
your child continue and fostertheir own relationship.
Also be aware that yourinvolvement might hinder some
types of progress.
So communication with yourtherapist is key.
As we know, when children arearound other people they behave
(10:02):
differently.
I know so many times with myson that some people will tell
us oh, he's just on his bestbehavior when he's with us and
then he comes home and I'm likewhat happened to that best
behavior?
So that can happen with atherapist too.
Our children performdifferently when they know we're
watching or when they knowwe're listening or when they
(10:26):
know that we're going to beinvolved and be there.
So talk to the therapist, talkto your provider.
There should be times thatyou're probably stepping away
and giving them an opportunityto work without your presence
there.
The value in a therapeuticrelationship is so important
(10:47):
that we as parents have torespect that boundary too.
The therapist is going to workdifferently with our child.
They're not their friend, butthey are to be somewhat a
companion on this walk with ourchild and a good therapist will
establish that boundary.
And then you as the parent canhelp maintain that boundary,
especially with your child, whomay not understand what a
(11:09):
therapist's role is in your home.
They know what a familymember's role is a mom, a dad, a
sibling, grandma, grandpa,aunts, uncles, cousins.
They know what friends' rolesare.
Friends come over and they seeinteractions.
But they may not understand howa therapist plays into this
because the therapist is goingto be an adult that does a lot
(11:29):
of interactions but yet not afriend, and so that that can be
an interesting boundary and agood therapist will create that
relationship and you and theparent can also help your child
feel comfortable with that, thenew exploration of a new
relationship.
This will show confidence inyour child's ability to if
(11:51):
there's times that you leaveyour child alone with the
therapist and go in the otherroom.
That also shows confidence intwo people the therapist and
your child and that can helpyour child build some skills of
independence.
So it was sometimes hard for meto walk away, not because I
didn't trust the therapist Ifthat's a problem, then you need
to be looking at possibly asecond opinion of a therapist.
(12:14):
But sometimes it was hard towalk away because I enjoyed
watching the progress.
It was one of the wins I couldcelebrate in my child's life.
Other times I really wanted tobe involved.
They were having fun and I waslike, hey, I want to have fun
with my kid in this way too.
So I had to remind myself it'shealthy to walk away for me, for
(12:35):
my child and for the therapistand their relationship too.
Celebrate some progress withyour child.
Let your child know that yousee them developing and changing
their skills.
That positive reinforcement andencouragement is so helpful.
Our kids key a lot off of ouremotional state and if they see
that we're happy the therapistis there and we're happy with
(12:57):
the progress, then our kids aremore likely to kind of buy into
the process and the progress.
So how do you know when you'redone with therapy?
That's one of the questionsthat was hard for me to answer
because, like I said, my husbandand I felt that there were just
always people coming throughour house.
We had two different timeperiods in our life where it was
(13:18):
just a lot of people, and oneday was this and the next day
was a different person, and thentwo days later was that person
again and there was a point whenwe were changing therapists.
So we were on our fourth scaryenough, as that number is fourth
ABA therapist and it had beentwo years.
That didn't mean they'd alllasted six months, but you get
(13:42):
the idea Fourth ABA therapistand we thought, okay, here we go
again.
We have to wait for someone toreestablish the therapeutic
relationship.
We have to work with them andestablish the relationship as a
parent.
We don't really get tointerview or choose who comes.
We get who's available becausethey rotate through so much as
(14:04):
it is and we just decided weneeded a break.
And we just decided we needed abreak.
So upside I called the companyand said we just need a break,
we just need some time.
I said we you know we were onour fourth therapist.
I'm not blaming anybody here,but I don't want to re-go, I
don't want to go through thatprocess again.
(14:26):
I just we need a little break.
And they said, no problem, callus back when you're ready.
The downside when I called backand I was ready, my son had had
some behaviors peak up again.
I was like, okay, let's restartthis ABA.
They were like, oh well, sinceyou took a break, we have to
restart the whole process.
(14:46):
And so we went from being ableto just be on a waiting list
that may be a couple of weeksfor a therapist, to no one
telling us, hey, when you stepaway you might not be able to
get back right away To now onlike a six month waiting list
just for the initial.
It wasn't really an interview,but the initial startup process
(15:07):
again.
And that was super frustratingfor me as a mom.
I was like why didn't you tellme that when I took my break,
that my break wasn't going to bea break, it was going to be a?
I chose to stop services.
I didn't realize we wereputting through paperwork that
says mom says we're done.
So it was.
It was super frustrating for meand I was a little upset.
And if you've learned a littlebit about me right now, you've
(15:31):
probably guessed I told them Iwas a little upset.
So key thing if you need a breakfrom therapy, find out what
that means first.
That was my big mistake.
I didn't find out what it meant.
What was that going to mean formy child and future therapies
and restarting therapy?
What did that look like?
Was there a timeline or adeadline?
So these are all the thingsthat I learned the hard way.
(15:54):
So if you decide you need abreak from therapy, that's okay.
Sometimes it's because yourchild's reached some milestones
and you're feeling good.
Sometimes it's just the familyneeds a break from the constant
cycle of people coming through,and that's absolutely okay and
understandable.
Or sometimes the therapist youhave just isn't a good fit.
Whatever the reason is forneeding that break, make sure
(16:14):
you find out the parameters ifyou need to go back and get
therapy again.
So here are some more tips andtricks for working with
therapists.
Communication is key.
I think you've kind of heardthat almost like a theme through
this chat.
What you need as a parent is soimportant when the therapist
(16:36):
comes into the house, they're alot of times very focused on
your child.
Well, good, that's their job,right?
Sometimes, though, you need toknow, as a parent, what do you
want from me.
You need to know, as a parent,what do you want from me.
So communication needs to behow do you want to work with my
child?
What are the stages and phasesthat I should expect to see?
(17:00):
How do you want to communicatewith me?
How are you going to let meknow if you want me in a session
or don't want me in a session?
Should I be in some sessions?
How should that look?
Should I not be in somesessions and how does that look?
So that communication those areall questions I didn't realize
I needed to ask at the time.
So when I did ask them, I wasreally glad because the
(17:22):
therapist knew the answer andthey had it all figured out.
We just since I hadn't askedthe question, they didn't
realize they needed to tell me.
So make sure you're working asa team.
Ask questions, ask them whatthey need from you, ask them the
progress.
I remember one time someone fromthe company called and said hey
, we just wanted to check on thegoal progress, how do you feel
(17:44):
your child's doing?
And I felt really bad becausemy question was what are the
goals?
And I realized, oh geez, Ihadn't been keeping track.
So I started doing a better jobof keeping track of what were
the goals.
You know we had feeding therapy, we had occupational therapy.
I needed to know the goals ofall that.
And then I realized there weregoals for having my habilitation
(18:04):
provider.
So ask what do you need from me?
What do you need me to be awareof and track?
What are the goals you'reworking on?
Talk about your progress, evenif it's just a quick out the
door little five second, fiveminutes summary somewhere in
there.
Hey, what were the wins today?
That's always a great thing tostart with because that makes
everyone feel on the positive upand up.
(18:26):
What were the wins today?
And then, what were the thingsthat didn't go so well that you
know maybe I can help with nexttime, or I can talk to my child
about, or prepare them for, orexpose them to three more times
before you come back to see ifwe have more success.
And that also helps withboundaries and ensuring there's
good.
Just that communication andthat connection.
(18:48):
Patience is key.
Patience is key with mostthings, with raising special
needs kids.
I think we all know that.
It's also key to understandthat you're going to be tracking
goals and some goals are goingto move at different rates than
others.
Sometimes you're going to feellike your child's not
progressing at all and that canfeel like a little bit of a gut
(19:10):
punch, like what's going on?
Why is this happening?
But patience is key.
Sometimes it's just because thebrain or the body is so focused
on developing in one area andit's not ready to develop or pay
attention to the other one yet.
And that's okay.
Don't be afraid to trysomething.
This is, I think, as parents, wea lot of times feel judged.
(19:34):
Hey, I'm going to go try thisnew therapy over here.
Oh, why are you going to trythat therapy?
Oh, I heard this hokey thingabout that therapy.
Oh, you know, and whenever youtell people I'm going to try
something, a lot of times whatyou hear from other people are
all the negative sides of it.
You know what Mama go try it.
What you hear from other peopleare all the negative sides of
it.
You know what Mama go try it,go for it.
(19:58):
I encourage you to try all thetherapies that you think will
benefit your child, and theminute you find out they're not
worth their money, they're notworth their time, then you can
walk away from them, but you'llnever know if they worked for
your kid, if you didn't givethem a shot.
So go for it.
I encourage you, and I applaudyou, a couple of things to walk
out for.
Watch out for excuse me, ifthat therapy is claiming it's a
(20:19):
cure probably a good sign towalk away and not even spend
your time or money.
That's the key thing, really,just if they claim it's a cure.
The other thing, though, isthat if you're trying multiple
therapies and someone says, well, what do you think really is
working, there's no harm insaying all of it, because if I
(20:42):
wasn't doing all of it, thenmaybe none of it would catch on
the way it is.
So it might be the combinationof the different therapies
that's actually having theprogress, not just the one
therapy alone.
So it's okay to try, as long asyou're not exhausting yourself
or your child trying thingsAgain.
Go for it.
(21:04):
Final thoughts thoserelationships are so key.
Foster relationships, keep thatpositive outlook, celebrate all
the wins.
That's the one thing I alwaystry to do is when I talk to a
therapist or anyone that I workwith with my son, tell me
something good that happenedtoday.
Celebrate those wins, becauseanyone and everyone who comes
(21:25):
through your house is there towork with you, your family, your
child.
So spoil them.
They're working hard and themore you spoil them, the more
they're going to spoil your kid.
So I say, just spoil them.
Show them how much youappreciate them and they'll show
that appreciation by workingreally hard for your family and
(21:46):
your kid.
So thank you so much forjoining me today.
I hope that helped a little bit.
When talking about therapistsand therapies and providers that
come through the home, I know Ifocused a lot more on in the
home versus out of the home,just because that's where we
have most of my experience.
But if you have any otherquestions, thoughts or comments,
please don't hesitate.
(22:08):
Feel free to just jump onto mywebsite there and send me a
message.
I make it a point to get backto anyone and everyone who sends
me a message or drops a line.
So it's so good to talk to youtoday.
Good luck working withtherapists from Briders.
Good luck finding the good ones.
They're not always easy, butwhen they do.
Hold onto them and hold ontight.
Have a great day.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
This program is made possible by friends and partners
of the Special Parent Podcast.
For more information and tojoin our mailing list, visit
specialparentorg.
This program is made possible by friends and partners
of the Special Parent Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I believe that empowering parents of special
needs children is like givingthem the superpower of
unconditional love andunbreakable determination.
They are not just parents, theyare true champions, shaping a
bright future for theirincredible children.
I'm Dr Deanna Iverson and I'mglad you're here.
Hi there, and welcome to theSpecial Parent Podcast.
(00:32):
This is Dr Deanna Iverson.
Have you ever struggled to finda great therapist?
And then, once you do, youreally want to ensure that you
keep them.
Therapists and providers aresome of the most important
supports that we have as parentsof special needs children.
Therapists are there for ourchild, but they can also be
there for us as a parent and thethings that we need.
(00:55):
So when the therapist comes,they leave and they can give us
tips and tricks to help us getthrough the next couple of days
until the next visit or to helpour child find more success,
because we can work with ourchild at other times, too that
maybe a therapist can't be there.
So therapists and providers arevery important partners in this
(01:16):
village that we're creatingaround our children and our
families.
One of the things therapistscan also help us do is find
social connections.
A lot of times if we're goingto therapies that are outside of
the house or if we're havingmaybe small group therapies even
within neighborhoods sometimesthey do that we can find some
(01:39):
social connections with otherparents who have walked similar
walks to us and haveunderstandings that we have.
So there's lots of differenttypes of therapists that are out
there.
You have your physicaltherapists, you have your
occupational therapists, thenyou have speech and language,
which actually can be related tofeeding therapists.
(01:59):
So when you go for feedingtherapy you're actually working
with a speech language therapist, because it's all the muscles
and the movement of the mouth.
You have behavior therapists,some of them like we've heard of
ABA therapy, but some of themmight be more of the psychology
type of therapy.
So we've got those.
And then we have alternativetherapies out there also.
(02:21):
Alternative therapies out therealso things like I know there's
things called the brain balancecenter and there's different
types of therapies that workdifferent parts of our body and
our brain, trying to geteverything together.
Therapies can also be in home orat office.
So for my son we like to havein-home therapies, especially
(02:43):
when he was a lot younger,because that one-on-one
attention was so important forhis development.
So we liked to have in-officetherapies for him at that time.
As he's gotten a little bitolder, some of the out-of-office
therapies the therapies inother locations have been really
good for him on a social basis.
So we've noticed that as he'sgotten older and we've tried to
(03:06):
encourage more social behaviorsso that he finds his place in
society, more that therapiesoutside of the home have been
more beneficial to us at thattime.
So in-office providesopportunities also for parental
connections.
So while your child is gettingthat social aspect of therapy,
(03:27):
you as the parent can also befinding some connections,
meeting new parents or evenmaybe your siblings of special
needs children meeting othersiblings while everyone's
waiting in the office or maybeeven participating in therapy or
maybe even participating intherapy.
One of the connections that wemade is during one of our
(03:48):
therapy sessions for our son.
We actually met some familiesthat connected with a special
needs little league that we havein the area and so it gave that
family connections, extraconnections outside of therapies
and everything else that theirchild could have fun with.
This boy then joined a sportsleague when they didn't think
(04:10):
that was going to be possiblefor him and those kinds of
things.
So it's really important to getinvolved in therapy both in
home and out of the home, notonly for the well-being of your
child but for you too.
In-home is definitely moreconvenient for a lot of people.
I really liked when we werehaving in-home therapies.
I really felt that my son gotthat one-on-one attention, that
(04:35):
his progress and his advanceswere more.
They were just more easilyobservable and prominent and
seen.
It was really helpful for me towatch and observe the therapist
at the time and then, when shewas not at our house, I would
also know how to help my son.
I would be able to work withhim better.
Sometimes it was nice just tobe able to step away.
(04:57):
The therapist could be in thehome working with my son and I
could go in the other room.
Or I could be cooking in thekitchen or getting some bills
paid the other parts of lifethat may not be so exciting.
Or maybe take five minutes anddo some of that self-care I've
talked about in some of myprevious episodes.
That may be time that you takesome time for yourself with
(05:18):
those self-care moments.
Maybe do some meditation, maybedo some exercise, whatever it
is that really helps renew you.
So having an in-home therapistcan be really convenient and
easy in a lot of ways.
The downside to that, though, is, with in-home therapy, you have
a lot of people coming in andout of your house.
(05:39):
My husband and I felt that itwas sometimes daunting.
I was like, oh, there's justalways somebody in our home.
There's always somebodyobserving us.
It felt like even though theyweren't there to critique us or
anything else like that, it wasjust.
There was never a break.
It felt like, because there wasalways somebody in our house
between the therapies and theproviders, always somebody in
(06:06):
our house between the therapiesand the providers.
So the way that we handled itwas sometimes we would say we
need to skip appointments nextweek and we would take a break.
Or sometimes we would actuallyschedule to have our respite
provider for our son be there atthe same time.
The occupational therapist wasthere, and then that was a time
when everything was taken careof and my husband and I could
just step away for a little bit.
I could go to the grocery storeas long as I knew I'd be back
(06:27):
in time, and those kinds ofthings.
So, yes, it's important towatch, but it's also important
to use that time in a way that'sgoing to be best fitted for you
and your family when your childis in therapy.
A lot of times, especially ifit's a physical type of therapy,
they do suggest parentssomewhat, get involved, throw on
that sweat pant and thoseponytails and really get hands
(06:48):
in.
If it's going to be somethingbeneficial for your child and
for you, that's always reallyhelpful.
One of the hard parts I foundabout therapy was setting those
realistic goals.
We found through a lot of trialand error that not everything
worked for our kid.
It could be the best practiceout there, it could be the thing
that works for the 90%, and itjust didn't seem to be working
(07:12):
for him.
So I had to set realisticexpectations and sometimes, even
though I was really excitedbecause there was going to be
this new therapy or this newtechnique, I was like, oh well,
I got disappointed in theprogress and that can impact the
relationship between you andthe therapist and you don't want
to do that.
You don't want to impact thatrelationship because your
(07:32):
child's not making the progressyou were hoping for.
We want to be a little moreanalytical about that progress
and figure out why that progressisn't taking place.
More analytical about thatprogress and figure out why that
progress isn't taking place.
The therapy team should beadapting to the needs of your
child and their job is to helpyour child adapt to the needs of
a world, a world out there,where it may not be easy for
(07:53):
them to function, whether that'sbehaviorally, physically,
mentally, emotionally.
So the therapist should bereally making a program that is
specific and hitting all theneeds of your child.
And if you don't feel that it'sworking that way, that's where
this relationship with yourtherapist really is important.
(08:15):
So talk to them, create thatrelationship with them, and when
we're hands-on and we're inthere and we're talking to the
therapist every day like whatworked, what didn't work, where
are we at, that's going to helpbuild that relationship.
It helps build the trust onboth ends between the parent,
the therapist, but also betweenthe child and the therapist,
(08:35):
because the therapist knows thatthey can have the ability to
work with your child and thatyou trust the results and
therefore they're going toactually be, in a sense, more
flexible with the way they workwith your child.
So a lot of times theinvolvement with the therapist
you can learn a lot of cuesabout your child, or you can
(08:56):
help the therapist read your ownchild's cues, so in the
beginning.
They might need you there moreoften than they do, say, after
they get established.
It is hard for therapists andchildren with special needs
sometimes to create arelationship.
It could be because there isjust not that natural bond that
your child's going to have withsomeone else.
(09:17):
It could just be simply becausewhat the therapist is asking
your child to do is not alwaysthe most fun and comfortable,
though I will say most therapiesshould be fun-centered and
fun-focused with children.
But it can sometimes getchallenging and that might be
when your child doesn't want topush through with the therapist.
So make sure that you have alsodeveloped and continue to
(09:40):
foster that relationship, andthat will help the therapist and
your child continue and fostertheir own relationship.
Also be aware that yourinvolvement might hinder some
types of progress.
So communication with yourtherapist is key.
As we know, when children arearound other people they behave
(10:02):
differently.
I know so many times with myson that some people will tell
us oh, he's just on his bestbehavior when he's with us and
then he comes home and I'm likewhat happened to that best
behavior?
So that can happen with atherapist too.
Our children performdifferently when they know we're
watching or when they knowwe're listening or when they
(10:26):
know that we're going to beinvolved and be there.
So talk to the therapist, talkto your provider.
There should be times thatyou're probably stepping away
and giving them an opportunityto work without your presence
there.
The value in a therapeuticrelationship is so important
(10:47):
that we as parents have torespect that boundary too.
The therapist is going to workdifferently with our child.
They're not their friend, butthey are to be somewhat a
companion on this walk with ourchild and a good therapist will
establish that boundary.
And then you as the parent canhelp maintain that boundary,
especially with your child, whomay not understand what a
(11:09):
therapist's role is in your home.
They know what a familymember's role is a mom, a dad, a
sibling, grandma, grandpa,aunts, uncles, cousins.
They know what friends' rolesare.
Friends come over and they seeinteractions.
But they may not understand howa therapist plays into this
because the therapist is goingto be an adult that does a lot
(11:29):
of interactions but yet not afriend, and so that that can be
an interesting boundary and agood therapist will create that
relationship and you and theparent can also help your child
feel comfortable with that, thenew exploration of a new
relationship.
This will show confidence inyour child's ability to if
(11:51):
there's times that you leaveyour child alone with the
therapist and go in the otherroom.
That also shows confidence intwo people the therapist and
your child and that can helpyour child build some skills of
independence.
So it was sometimes hard for meto walk away, not because I
didn't trust the therapist Ifthat's a problem, then you need
to be looking at possibly asecond opinion of a therapist.
(12:14):
But sometimes it was hard towalk away because I enjoyed
watching the progress.
It was one of the wins I couldcelebrate in my child's life.
Other times I really wanted tobe involved.
They were having fun and I waslike, hey, I want to have fun
with my kid in this way too.
So I had to remind myself it'shealthy to walk away for me, for
(12:35):
my child and for the therapistand their relationship too.
Celebrate some progress withyour child.
Let your child know that yousee them developing and changing
their skills.
That positive reinforcement andencouragement is so helpful.
Our kids key a lot off of ouremotional state and if they see
that we're happy the therapistis there and we're happy with
(12:57):
the progress, then our kids aremore likely to kind of buy into
the process and the progress.
So how do you know when you'redone with therapy?
That's one of the questionsthat was hard for me to answer
because, like I said, my husbandand I felt that there were just
always people coming throughour house.
We had two different timeperiods in our life where it was
(13:18):
just a lot of people, and oneday was this and the next day
was a different person, and thentwo days later was that person
again and there was a point whenwe were changing therapists.
So we were on our fourth scaryenough, as that number is fourth
ABA therapist and it had beentwo years.
That didn't mean they'd alllasted six months, but you get
(13:42):
the idea Fourth ABA therapistand we thought, okay, here we go
again.
We have to wait for someone toreestablish the therapeutic
relationship.
We have to work with them andestablish the relationship as a
parent.
We don't really get tointerview or choose who comes.
We get who's available becausethey rotate through so much as
(14:04):
it is and we just decided weneeded a break.
And we just decided we needed abreak.
So upside I called the companyand said we just need a break,
we just need some time.
I said we you know we were onour fourth therapist.
I'm not blaming anybody here,but I don't want to re-go, I
don't want to go through thatprocess again.
(14:26):
I just we need a little break.
And they said, no problem, callus back when you're ready.
The downside when I called backand I was ready, my son had had
some behaviors peak up again.
I was like, okay, let's restartthis ABA.
They were like, oh well, sinceyou took a break, we have to
restart the whole process.
(14:46):
And so we went from being ableto just be on a waiting list
that may be a couple of weeksfor a therapist, to no one
telling us, hey, when you stepaway you might not be able to
get back right away To now onlike a six month waiting list
just for the initial.
It wasn't really an interview,but the initial startup process
(15:07):
again.
And that was super frustratingfor me as a mom.
I was like why didn't you tellme that when I took my break,
that my break wasn't going to bea break, it was going to be a?
I chose to stop services.
I didn't realize we wereputting through paperwork that
says mom says we're done.
So it was.
It was super frustrating for meand I was a little upset.
And if you've learned a littlebit about me right now, you've
(15:31):
probably guessed I told them Iwas a little upset.
So key thing if you need a breakfrom therapy, find out what
that means first.
That was my big mistake.
I didn't find out what it meant.
What was that going to mean formy child and future therapies
and restarting therapy?
What did that look like?
Was there a timeline or adeadline?
So these are all the thingsthat I learned the hard way.
(15:54):
So if you decide you need abreak from therapy, that's okay.
Sometimes it's because yourchild's reached some milestones
and you're feeling good.
Sometimes it's just the familyneeds a break from the constant
cycle of people coming through,and that's absolutely okay and
understandable.
Or sometimes the therapist youhave just isn't a good fit.
Whatever the reason is forneeding that break, make sure
(16:14):
you find out the parameters ifyou need to go back and get
therapy again.
So here are some more tips andtricks for working with
therapists.
Communication is key.
I think you've kind of heardthat almost like a theme through
this chat.
What you need as a parent is soimportant when the therapist
(16:36):
comes into the house, they're alot of times very focused on
your child.
Well, good, that's their job,right?
Sometimes, though, you need toknow, as a parent, what do you
want from me.
You need to know, as a parent,what do you want from me.
So communication needs to behow do you want to work with my
child?
What are the stages and phasesthat I should expect to see?
(17:00):
How do you want to communicatewith me?
How are you going to let meknow if you want me in a session
or don't want me in a session?
Should I be in some sessions?
How should that look?
Should I not be in somesessions and how does that look?
So that communication those areall questions I didn't realize
I needed to ask at the time.
So when I did ask them, I wasreally glad because the
(17:22):
therapist knew the answer andthey had it all figured out.
We just since I hadn't askedthe question, they didn't
realize they needed to tell me.
So make sure you're working asa team.
Ask questions, ask them whatthey need from you, ask them the
progress.
I remember one time someone fromthe company called and said hey
, we just wanted to check on thegoal progress, how do you feel
(17:44):
your child's doing?
And I felt really bad becausemy question was what are the
goals?
And I realized, oh geez, Ihadn't been keeping track.
So I started doing a better jobof keeping track of what were
the goals.
You know we had feeding therapy, we had occupational therapy.
I needed to know the goals ofall that.
And then I realized there weregoals for having my habilitation
(18:04):
provider.
So ask what do you need from me?
What do you need me to be awareof and track?
What are the goals you'reworking on?
Talk about your progress, evenif it's just a quick out the
door little five second, fiveminutes summary somewhere in
there.
Hey, what were the wins today?
That's always a great thing tostart with because that makes
everyone feel on the positive upand up.
(18:26):
What were the wins today?
And then, what were the thingsthat didn't go so well that you
know maybe I can help with nexttime, or I can talk to my child
about, or prepare them for, orexpose them to three more times
before you come back to see ifwe have more success.
And that also helps withboundaries and ensuring there's
good.
Just that communication andthat connection.
(18:48):
Patience is key.
Patience is key with mostthings, with raising special
needs kids.
I think we all know that.
It's also key to understandthat you're going to be tracking
goals and some goals are goingto move at different rates than
others.
Sometimes you're going to feellike your child's not
progressing at all and that canfeel like a little bit of a gut
(19:10):
punch, like what's going on?
Why is this happening?
But patience is key.
Sometimes it's just because thebrain or the body is so focused
on developing in one area andit's not ready to develop or pay
attention to the other one yet.
And that's okay.
Don't be afraid to trysomething.
This is, I think, as parents, wea lot of times feel judged.
(19:34):
Hey, I'm going to go try thisnew therapy over here.
Oh, why are you going to trythat therapy?
Oh, I heard this hokey thingabout that therapy.
Oh, you know, and whenever youtell people I'm going to try
something, a lot of times whatyou hear from other people are
all the negative sides of it.
You know what Mama go try it.
What you hear from other peopleare all the negative sides of
it.
You know what Mama go try it,go for it.
(19:58):
I encourage you to try all thetherapies that you think will
benefit your child, and theminute you find out they're not
worth their money, they're notworth their time, then you can
walk away from them, but you'llnever know if they worked for
your kid, if you didn't givethem a shot.
So go for it.
I encourage you, and I applaudyou, a couple of things to walk
out for.
Watch out for excuse me, ifthat therapy is claiming it's a
(20:19):
cure probably a good sign towalk away and not even spend
your time or money.
That's the key thing, really,just if they claim it's a cure.
The other thing, though, isthat if you're trying multiple
therapies and someone says, well, what do you think really is
working, there's no harm insaying all of it, because if I
(20:42):
wasn't doing all of it, thenmaybe none of it would catch on
the way it is.
So it might be the combinationof the different therapies
that's actually having theprogress, not just the one
therapy alone.
So it's okay to try, as long asyou're not exhausting yourself
or your child trying thingsAgain.
Go for it.
(21:04):
Final thoughts thoserelationships are so key.
Foster relationships, keep thatpositive outlook, celebrate all
the wins.
That's the one thing I alwaystry to do is when I talk to a
therapist or anyone that I workwith with my son, tell me
something good that happenedtoday.
Celebrate those wins, becauseanyone and everyone who comes
(21:25):
through your house is there towork with you, your family, your
child.
So spoil them.
They're working hard and themore you spoil them, the more
they're going to spoil your kid.
So I say, just spoil them.
Show them how much youappreciate them and they'll show
that appreciation by workingreally hard for your family and
(21:46):
your kid.
So thank you so much forjoining me today.
I hope that helped a little bit.
When talking about therapistsand therapies and providers that
come through the home, I know Ifocused a lot more on in the
home versus out of the home,just because that's where we
have most of my experience.
But if you have any otherquestions, thoughts or comments,
please don't hesitate.
(22:08):
Feel free to just jump onto mywebsite there and send me a
message.
I make it a point to get backto anyone and everyone who sends
me a message or drops a line.
So it's so good to talk to youtoday.
Good luck working withtherapists from Briders.
Good luck finding the good ones.
They're not always easy, butwhen they do.
Hold onto them and hold ontight.
Have a great day.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
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